This Is Important - Ep 53: Brozarks Recap: Jäger Fountains, Jet Skis, and Dude Dick

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Today, this is what's important:Recapping the Brozarks Bachelor Party weekend in detail. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture. You get hilarious satirical takes on entertainment, politics, sports, and more from Jon and the team of correspondents and contributors. The podcast also has content you can't get anywhere else, like extended interviews and a roundup of the weekly headlines. Listen to The Daily Show, ears edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Ed Zitron, host of the Better Offline podcast. I've been both a tech writer and a tech executive for 15 years, and I've seen this industry grow from a bunch of dorks building things in their garage

into a multi-trillion dollar behemoth that has monetized every corner of our lives. Better Offline is a podcast where I'll lead you through the good, the bad, and the stupid of the tech industry and tell you exactly how venture capitalists and technocrat billionaires intend to influence your digital lives. Listen to Better Off Lone on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts. Hello, this is Christina Hutchinson. And Corinne Fisher. We are co-hosts of Guys We F***, the anti-f***-shaming podcast.

We have a lot of really exciting guests coming up on Guys We F***, including comedians Shane Gillis, Nikki Glaser, Michael Rapaport, and Shea Durena about sex, dating, and relationships. You can even email us for advice about your own romantic life. Listen to the Luminary original podcast Guys We F*** on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yo, what's up? It's your boy the Kid Mero, the human durag your podcasts. Yo, what's up? It's your boy, the Kid Mero, the human durag flap, you know what I mean? The plantain supernova, you feel me? The God himself, your favorite Dominican uncle.

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Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This Is Important. And then I just jumped off the dock in front of everybody and spread my butt cheeks. You know what? I feel like a man. Diarrhea for 40 minutes straight. I do need your mom to do it and send it, please. And here we go.

Ow! Woohoo! And we're back! Good morning. Good morning, guys. Good morning, Anders. Limping into the week post. Brozarks.

Yes! Good morning, Adam. And Adam, how are you feeling? Friendship. I'm feeling pretty good. Before we do that, let's shout out. Good mornings. Let's shout out good mornings and friendship.

And also, I'd like to shout out Hot Pockets for coming through in the clutch. We got a surprise gift by Hot Pockets. Hot, hot, hot, hot. They sent us like 30 boxes of Hot Pockets. I've got a lot of t-shirts for you guys. Ooh, get ready for those. Them've got a lot of t-shirts for you guys. Get ready for those. Heather Gray's Hot Pocket t-shirts. For real? You got some tees?

I do have some tees. Should this be our first giveaway? Hot Pocket tees. Send them to me. Give them to me. I'll give one to each of you. That's the giveaway. Should we clautograph those or what? Clautograph. That would be sick. And then Oakley sunglasses.

I mean, Stan Halen must have called in and said, yo, bro, hook up them boys. Oakley's rep. He's an Oakley's rep, and we all had pretty sick wraparound Oakley's for the weekend, which was really tight. Adam, I don't even know

if you remember uh doing the brozarks episode but we for sure shouted both those products out last episode did we yeah yeah we talked about them pretty good like what's happening right now but we're gonna go ahead and roll it into this app and re-shout them out yeah before we start the epi let's re-shout out shit that we shouted out last week it was very like yeah we have to do this again they showed up during the mid pod they showed up during mid pod the hot pockets did oh yeah no i remember the news the headline is the t-shirts though i mean that is a fucking headline baby hey dude i remember that is okay we were also we were also wearing the we were wearing the sunglasses the whole time

yeah dude i remember i remember i did okay good good just checking yeah well to be fair last week's episode is very foggy in my brain it did it wasn't exactly scheduled the way i expected i believe we even talked about that on the pod but but we did it. Scheduled? What do you mean? That's a strong word. I didn't expect the Brozarks episode to start at 10 a.m. record. I think it was supposed to start at 11. It was at 11. Even I know

that time. It was 11 because we kicked it. No, no, no. Blake, what happened was it was supposed to start at 11. At 11. Yep. Isaac woke us up at like 10 30 being like hey uh just so you know this is our manager isaac uh just so you know he was at the bachelor party that's how close we are to isaac he saw his penis let's give him his flowers i saw isaac's butthole 50 year old man's very white pink butthole and uh he woke us up at like 10 30 and was like yo the podcast starts in like 30 minutes

and we were all were like no it doesn't and then at noon we finally got it going and boy were we firing last week yeah were we i barely remember it and thanks for all those dms uh just kidding i remember the whole thing you guile you ate an egg with your bare hands. That's how fiery we were. Yeah, that's true. I was so fucking hungry, bro. Speaking of scheduling, nobody scheduled breakfast for a bunch of hungry-ass dudes. Wow. Aye, aye, aye.

We talked about that, too. That one's on Dennis Devine. Yeah. Yeah, we did. So, are we just recapping or what? We do need to recap because in all the days we were out there, we ate very few meals. I did not eat much. Well, because it was Dennis Devine was like, don't worry.

Here's the breakdown. Sandwiches this day. We're going to have bratwurst this day. We're going to have burgers, and we're going to have- The bags of spaghetti in the refrigerator. Next time we get in on a trip, man, I'd love to be a part of the food committee. I don't have much to like. I think we need to put the sober people in charge of the food committee just so they can keep us on some kind of schedule.

Because we were all over. I was just eating like scalding hot bratwurst and cold spaghetti with my hands. Right. Just trying to get nutrients to survive. I was drinking my calories you know and then we had the one dinner oh i ate here i ate one dinner yeah come on man the one dinner okay joe biden so here come on man wait who was joe biden who's just come on man oh so here's the breakdown everyone got in thursday night we got very, very drunk, passed out.

Woke up the next morning, did the podcast. It was pretty uneventful, that podcast, because we hadn't done most of the Baxter Party activities. We just got really drunk the one night. And then we're hung over for it, and we're like, someone pissed the bed. And that was the main event. Talked about that, too.

Hey, we're lucky that happened. Hot way to come out. And you had barfed already. I had pre-barfed the main event. We talked about that, too. Hey, we're lucky that happened. Hot way to come out. And you had barfed already. Right. I had pre-barfed the night before you guys even got in because me and my two best men, Zach and Kyle, got in the day before and aggressively chugged beers. I puked the day before. So, yeah, we limped into that podcast.

But then the real festivities began. We jet skied all day. Then we took the boat out. I thought we were just getting gas. No one had a credit card. I'm the only person with a credit card on them. So we go on the boat, and then suddenly it's like, hey, let's go to the bar. And I'm like, okay.

And then we go to the bar. There's like 15 of us, and I'm the only one with the credit card so I bought us all drinks you're welcome flowers for me this is the way is that why I had to taxi these dudes across the lake yeah we were on jet skis yeah Blake and I and then we couldn't you're not allowed to like tie up a jet ski there at least so we were told so we had to go back and kick it but Kyle which you totally can you totally can yeah I did learn how to tie up a jet ski after about the third taxi ride i figured out how to do it and i'm like oh okay this is tight dude i'm

like a boating dude now but i also don't think we had ties you came with ties correct the ties are in the seat that sounds real that's not true the ties are in the guys and now we know so we go to this other we go to this pool bar and that's when shit starts to get out of hand. The city of Chompton, right? It was the city of Chompton? City of Chompton next door. Yeah, yeah. Shady Gator.

City of Chompton. Yeah, Shady Gators. Got them out. And so we got just pretty fucking wasted over there. And then by the time we stumbled out of there, that bachelorette party was like, Here, take our pizza. They're giving us pizza. It was our pizza they're taking our they're giving us pizza we're taking we're taking the pizza we're leaving they chase us down to the dock

making us feel like rock stars i think we showed us them their butts i think maybe one nipple came out i i don't quite remember you're skipping over allegedly well yeah so much yeah they i mean you can hit the gas on this we're seven minutes deep in the pod you want to draw this stuff out man thank you what was weird for me is that we were like not really interacting with them so much and then as we were leaving they like chased and we're like we have pizza we're like all right we'll take some pizza and then they were like well where are we all going on out on the docks and we were like we're going and then as we drove away for no reason they just started hiking up their bathing suits and slapping their butt cheeks at us

unsolicited i know it's not for no reason it's because we were the coolest party crew in the zarks baby i mean based on the oakle we're rocking yes oh yeah the outfits were great based on 15 guys rocking wraparound oakley's no shoes no shirts well i would like to shout out those girls because when they showed when they started that trend we immediately went back to our dock and then started like man jockeying the whole entire lake they got us horned out oh so it like it got into your psyche and then the whole way back you're bumping and then you get on the dock

and you're like, you know what? I feel like I'm angina-ing. On the way back, Blake's like, I'm just going to jump off the front of the boat and we're like,

what? We will drive over you. Yeah, you'll kill yourself. Yeah, I did that a couple times and that was the only time where I saw Adam's dad be like, hey, Blake,

you're going to die if you do that. I'm going to swim back. Don't do that. You swam around the back towards the prop while it was going like a complete fucking idiot. No, I knew what I was doing. Bullshit, bro. I did.

I know the length of my legs. I heard about it and I got nervous. I heard about it and I got nervous. Blake is definitely the kind of guy to die during a bachelor party. He's the type of guy that is like, dude, I can make that jump. And we're like, you don't have to. You don't even have to jump. And then he will leap for it.

You know the rest. Yeah, he'll leap for it and then die. Right. You are that guy, pal. You are that guy. I am that guy. We come back over. We get to our dock.

And then for whatever reason, I think those girls shaking their butt cheeks inspired us just to get butt naked on our dock and then we were just ass out for and boats are driving past like boats are people are skiing and they're coming for some more action they're circling back by the way this is 5 30 p.m yeah full sun this sun. This isn't late at night. This is full. The sun is up. People are out and about Friday on the lake.

This is goofy. Goofy. That's what my mom said when she heard about it. Some goofy boys. I really love this new addition to the soundboard, but I do need your mom to do it and send it, please. It's just a little weird. Where is that from? Because I feel like my mom is copying that.

No, that's you. Because it's a new... No, that's you doing your mother. That's your voice. Yeah. Oh, that is me doing... Okay, I was like, I could have sworn,

because she started going like, goofy and silly and like a sing-songy just in the last like two years. I'm like, this has to be a commercial or something. That's you doing an impression of your mother. Toasty the pop and you're doing toasty it's toast it must be toasty yeah you're doing goofy oh my gosh yeah hangover still happening right so we get back

over i saw i've never seen my best friends or any man like in person i've never seen their actual butthole but i've seen dirr's very nice looking butthole Durr's. You got a very, it's a clean, it's very clean back there. There's no hair. I don't know what you're talking about. Speak on it, buddy. We took like a like a lineup of butts or whatever and PS, I have the sickest

speedo tan right now. It is proper. And then I just jumped off the dock in front of everybody and spread my butt cheeks. That's a good move. Let's go. Oh, the Ramones. I was like, how do we up Annie here, man?

Yeah, the form on it was exquisite. I'm like, if the rest of us tried that, we wouldn't have been able to get our hands back there. Get the full spread. It was like a diver level move. And I was very proud yeah i was were you doing like the the squirrel the flying squirrel where you grab your ankles and your butt cheeks at the same time uh kind of yeah it was a greg loose anus uh and that joke works there it does that joke specifically works there i'm sorry mom by the

way i saw gregouganis a few years ago at the Rose Bowl Aquatic Center, and he was looking fucking good. He knows how to dress. He's got this silver hair now. He's working it. Oh, hell yeah. Why was he dressed? He was coaching

an NBC diving reality show that Louis Anderson was on. He was like, Louis Anderson, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. No, but God,

I hope that's where your career goes. I hope that's the turn that you make where you're just hosting cool diving shows and shit. Oh, wait, was that Help I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here or something? No,

it was like called Splash or something. And they had all these famous people diving, including the alabama quarterback's girlfriend remember that one they like went to the stands and like tv stopped for a second and the announcers were like and that's his girlfriend and she had just like what you remember this specific ass memory oh i kind of i kind of remember this and then they they just held the camera on her for too long. And the announcer was like, wow, he's a lucky man. He is a top recruit. And she is too, if I don't mind saying.

You heard like a zipper drop? That's weird when that happens. When they go to the girlfriends in the crowd. That's happened a few times where announcers are just too horned up. And they're like, yo, chill, dude. This is this guy's girl. They're like, that's what being a professional athlete gets you right there. My God.

Can you imagine? Can you imagine? That's a workout right there in itself. Chill out, partner. If you can imagine number 12 just bashing his body against that. Make it. I'm trying to think of the worst sport. I'd like to touch that down there.

I'd like to dribble on her. He's going to go deep. Inappropriate. He's not throwing well today at this game, but tonight I bet he's throwing pretty deep. Time's up. Time's up. Time's up.

But we're being these male pigs, these announcers that have to be stopped. What else? What else can I say? They're pigs. I would tackle her down. Icky. Icky, icky. This is the icky, icky, icky moment of the pod.

It's icky, icky, icky. It's icky, icky. Meanwhile, we're talking about each other's literal buttholes. Yeah, the first one was so good. Can you imagine number 12 who begging his body he's lost in thought he's he's lost the first and last name he's just going by numbers at this point no it was so good and then you just hear then you just hear right yeah he starts doing a bad like chevy chase like uh you're like what we're down at the nipple-off 50-yard line. Shit, damn it.

It's getting real twatting here. Hot. It's hot in the booth, I tell you. I just came. Yes, sir. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show, ears edition podcast.

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I can't actually get answers to my questions anymore. Well, Robert, this is something I've talked about on my weekly tech podcast, Better Offline, and I call it the raw economy. Google isn't incentivized to give you good search results anymore. What they are incentivized to do is to have more search results and have sponsored content that makes them money and search engine optimized content that makes other people money so that Google can make more money. It's all part of a growth all cost system that is destroying the tech industry. Better Offline is a podcast where I'll lead you through the good, the bad and the stupid of the tech industry and tell you exactly how venture capitalists and technocrat billionaires intend to influence your digital lives. Listen to Better Off Line on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts.

Hello, this is Christina Hutchinson. And Corinne Fisher. We are stand-up comedians and co-hosts of the legendary Guys We F***ed, the anti-slut shaming podcast. This podcast is the template for every sex, dating and relationship show you have heard. We have the uncomfortable conversations that you don't want

to have or you've never had or you're going to want to be a fly on the wall for. So why aren't you checking it out? And we have a lot of really exciting guests coming up on Guys We F***ed, including comedians Shane Gillis, Nikki Glaser, Michael Rapaport, and Che Durena about sex, dating, and relationships. You can even email us for advice about your own romantic life. Do it. I dare you.

Listen to the Luminary original podcast Guys We F***ed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The greatest blog of all time, Victory Light, is now the greatest podcast of all time. And I got some friends with me. Victory Light is a fountain, so get your cup ready, because it's about to run over. You can listen to Victory Light on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts at. So then we make it back to the, we're back the dock we're butt naked it's dinner time buttholes are out i was showering by the way and by the way let's just let's let's paint the picture for your dock here let's talk about your dock your dock is sick it's not just a dock it's got a bar yeah

it's got a party pad it's a floating ponderosa my. It's got a whole area. It's got a couple slips. Is that what we're calling them? Slips? It's got places to park, park jet skis, two slips, boats that are on lifts so they can stay out of the water so they don't get beat up. Got the pontoon. Got a bass boat. My parents have a pretty sick setup down here.

And a coverage from my son. That's why they love it so much. Absolutely. That's why they don't want to ever come visit me anymore like i'll be like hey come to charleston come visit me while i'm shooting and they're like we're good i'm like hey hi come come out to orange county come to the beach house like we're good though by the way the water in the lake was like 83 degrees it was hot the water was warm so nice yeah admittedly it's so nice.

I'll admit it. I had a thing about lakes before this weekend because I didn't really dig them because when I was a kid, I remember seeing some snakes swimming around and like, oh boy. And I was like, fuck this. Kyle, great call, though. What? I didn't even consider snakes in the water. Were there?

But listen. No, I didn't see any. No, I've never seen them here. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's the matter hang on hang on durges raising his hand i went directly to a family reunion after this helicovert test and i told everyone i was in the lake of the ozarks and they go did you see snakes no shit and i was like no and they're like oh there's snakes all over that lake oh fuck me

that would have changed everything for me. Oh, fuck me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I would have ruined it. Well, by the way, I've never seen them. My parents haven't seen them yet. I'm sure there are, but it's not like they're all over.

Like anacondas? How big are these fucking snakes? Yeah. What kind of? They're all anacondas. Like from the nuclear power plant style. No. Dude, yeah.

They're all anacondas. We're talking swallow, ice cube, hole. They're all Amazon level snakes. This is so weird. Well, wait, but what are they? Are they like water moccasins? I think there can be. Yeah.

But that's any lake or river. Yeah, I saw some crazy water moccasins when I was a kid and I was like, I don't like lakes anymore. But then when I was at the Ozarks, I'm like, this feels so good. I'm having a blast. Do you like the ocean? I do dig the ocean ocean but i did get a little spooked out have you ever seen the there's these larger there's these bigger snake things called sharks no i know snakes when i went dude i kind of stopped going in the water because this dude we call them shark man would always take pictures of sharks and then show me like right before i was about to get into the water and he'd

be like here's a shark and then like lower the thing i'm like that's right there so did you kind of become a bitch a little bit yeah a little bit a little bit of a water bit that's not well i belong there a little bit of a water bitch yeah well i just respect it more i used to think i was unstoppable if i had to guess maybe we should give kyle his flowers a little bit i think every am jet ski ride he did before we hit the water was just chopping up snakes so you probably took him out with the with the old ski oh yeah yeah you you chopped up all them snakes that's right thank you since kyle wasn't drinking he was up always at the crack of dawn on that ski putting in like i was always like how are we out of gas again on the jet skis right i'm like how are we always out of gas is because you and kyle walsh were just going on like three hour jet ski rides every day yeah i got air and awesome

and good for you i was so sore i was sore for i was legit sore for like a day and a half two days it was not uh easy on my body i'm gonna tell you that yeah worth worth doing it yeah people like shit on jet skis why though i don't know i think they think it's like white trash or something to be jet skiing i don't i don't get it i love jet skis the only problem i had with it was like what am i putting into the water right now when i hit the throttle your soul you're putting your soul and is that cleanable or is that fucking it up you know what i mean like that's the only thing no you're not fucking it up yeah i didn't like that part fuck it here's what people don't

like about jet skis they're super loud uh that's the whole thing i hate noise complaints forget that i'm still gonna send it that's what it is people who are like the lake's crazy yeah but on this lake the boats are super loud there's like there's cigarette boats that are racing each other all the time that one dude had that fucking boat that was like at the gas station i was like dude this guy's dick is tiny uh i will say like upon taking the jet skis out like i had several times in being on the water i was like there is nothing more fun than being on a jet ski i do believe like that is the pinnacle hey right my back you'll have a better time okay i'd like to see what's up with that it was truly andersholm the human jet ski it was life-changing for me i mean i'm thinking about getting something i can figuring out where i can go drop them in the water around

here yeah every time i ride a jet ski i mean i live on the on like i have a dock at my house i should own two jet skis but admittedly riding jet skis in the ocean is not as fun as on a lake. On a lake, it's nice and calm. I don't know. I saw some fucking shit where people were riding the waves and going up over them and getting air and stuff. And I'm kind of into that. Different. When I was out in the Ozarks, I would find the boats that had the biggest wave and just kind of follow them and fucking jump around in there.

Right. And you were talking about how sore you were the next day. Yes. Yes. Anders. Yes. So sore. But it was very much worth it.

But then you could also not do that. You know what I mean? Like on a lake, you have an option to not do that. Right. You have an option. In the ocean, it's constant. You have to keep jumping and there's no reprieve from it. Kyle, when you hit that point when the

mountain dew wears off and you're like what do i do now and the waves are still coming i go crack another dude what do you mean i go crack is that a trick question wait were you chugging morning dues was that your drug of choice for this weekend kyle the mountain dues they were in the fridge man they were in the fridge so i fucking said were in the fridge. So I fucking said, click clack, give me a Diet Mountain Dew. Click clack. A Diet Mountain Dew? I stocked them for you, baby. I'm still going to send it.

Yeah, they're diets. It was great. It was perfect. Less sugar. I dug it. That's what Penny D throws down. Instead of like a cup of coffee, she'll like just crack open Mountain Dew. And she's like, I'm like, ugh, in the morning.

She's like, well, what does it matter? You might have a bro mom. Oh, got him. You might have. Bro mom. Penny D, the bro morning? She's like, well, what does it matter? You might have a bro mom. Oh, got him. You might have. Bro mom. Benny D, the bro mom. That's cool. I love that. That's badass. So then we have this party bus that's taking us to the event.

Driven by? Driven by the MVP of the weekend, my Uncle Matt. Straight up. Wow. Shout out, Uncle Matt. Big shout out. Maker of wrestlers. Uncle Matt. Mizzou!. Uncle Matt. Shout out. Big shout out. Maker of wrestlers. Yep. Uncle Matt. Mizzou.

Yes. Builder of men. Knowledge of baseball. That's right. Builder of Harley Davidsons. Builder of Harleys. Getter of breakfast burritos when it's crucial. Yeah, absolutely.

When it was crucial. And by the way, we find out he killed 40 snakes that weekend that we never saw. Just the same one. He's just snatching them out of the water behind their backs and breaking killed 40 snakes that weekend that we never saw. Just the same ones. He's just snatching them out of the water behind their backs and breaking their necks. He kept snatching them, stuffing them in his pocket. All right, go ahead and dive in there. Get your dicks out. Go ahead now.

Hold on one second. So he's driving. And I don't want to call out names because I don't know if people get sensitive about stuff. But our one friend, he was the DJ. And admittedly, he was drinking a lot. He kept chugging shotgunning beers as we're driving and just pounding the bottle of Jager. I'm a man! Lots of Jager.

And he keeps playing music and only playing 20 seconds of a song where we would all get into the song. I'll fly away. And then he would just change it. Henley Furtado. Yeah, this was the most trippiest part of the of the weekend when you like have a moment it's like everybody's singing along to fucking weezer and then it's like right before say it

click yeah my name is what wait what say it ain't oh okay and then he puts on another good song but like right you got this phenomenal you gotta just realign yourself a drag welcome to my world he was he was he was blasting off yeah and and it makes sense for later for the as the night progressed we understand how where it started and where it shall end absolutely so so they uh we go to the restaurant michael's steak ch Chalet here at Lake of the Ozarks. Let's shout him out. Love this place. Thank you, Michael.

I still love you. Man, what an awesome restaurant to go to. Oh, dude, I had salmon. I fucking had salmon, bro. Stop the presses. Dude. Stop the fucking presses. Wait, shut up.

Shut up. Everybody shut the fuck up. Kyle, you have the floor. What did you just say, dude? I ordered and ate salmon. Let's go. Oh, my God. This is huge.

It's like the first time I've had any kind of a meeting, like four and change, you know? Maybe five. Oh, okay. Now I'm understanding the reference. that's why i stopped the presses it was like a big moment for me okay so aruguloids feel free to slide into kyle's dms and uh bail on him let him know how you feel if you feel fully fully betrayed or you still know who's fucking who's pescatarian out there if you dig the pescatarian lifestyle or what, because I'm highly considering it, because that salmon was bomb as shit.

Yeah, salmon's good. Yeah, you should, dude. Delicious. Yeah, you should. You should be pescatarian and then slide into cheeseburgers. I know. Yeah. Then get back into red meat.

Land cows. Chicken. It's a slippery slope. Yeah. Then get some of them land cows, man. It was really yummy. I'm going to say this salmon there was fucking fantastic. slope. Yeah. Then get some of them land cows, man. It was really yummy. I'm going to say this. The salmon there was fucking fantastic.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And so we go and they have like what they call the wine house, which is like a separate bar restaurant just off to the side that is specifically for private parties. So we had the run of the place. There was no one around and we just got to throw down and we came in hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. We threw down.

I'm so freaking. Can we came in hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. We threw down. Absolutely. Can we talk about what our manager did? He was the first one in the building. And he goes right up to the waiter and waitress, who were fantastic. And he goes, look here, guys. It's about to get wild. Just roll with it.

Don't worry about it. It's going to get crazy. Roll with it. And I was like, what? Is it about to be a huge gay porno right what kind of was it we'll get there we'll get there but like even before that me and austin rolled in because we took a little his car over there right and we talked to them and they were like we were gonna set up this like jaeger fountain but we didn't want to go overboard we didn't want you to think we were crazy and we were like we looked at each other we're like are you fucking kidding me set that bitch up set that bitch set it up the jaeger

fountain was pretty sick although it smelled god awful everybody was just licking it yeah so like a full jaeger fountain that just kept pouring jaeger. So you would just stick your cup in. Yeah, it was just like a wedding where you would have like chocolate pouring out or something. Kind of like fondue. But it was straight up. It was Jaeger, baby. Yeah. And you just stick your cup in.

So we took so many shots. Yeah! Not even shots. We were drinking cups of Jaeger, my son. Yeah. So that's where it started. And then we all, you know, we're all sitting down we're uh ordering and then i don't i forget who started i think it was isaac i think he took his shirt off

like right after he ordered he took his shirt off i remember looking at him and being like dude what are you doing i'm not sure who started it but if it's isaac big big props to isaac yeah some shit's gonna run down yeah well he just told the wait staff that it's going to get crazy. He was the only one with the shirt off. And then I think it got interpreted as you taking your shirt off after you ordered. I don't know because he didn't order that early, though. Yes. Well, then maybe we were justifying it with the person next to his ordering.

The order started over there. I want to say it was Zach. Maybe. I don't remember who started no zach was all the way over zach's probably justified it because he was on another one with absurdities that night and it was fucking fantastic i'm sure zach came up with the take your shirt off so she knows you've ordered which is essentially the pattern that we all fell into it was the best yeah so everyone around the table the full like what 17 or maybe 18 guys total men

that man full grown men adult men or that are too old to be doing this very much uh when you ordered your food you took your shirt off afterwards and then it took that the the the waitress so long to realize what we were doing until finally she was like oh my god you guys are taking your shirts off so i know that you ordered that's so sweet and we're like and she might have been fucking with us but i mean we were all too fucked up to even know if she was fucking with us or not and so we all had our shirts off at this point and then they had the like napkins but wait but we had it's a long table so as people were taking their shirt off on one side other people on the other side didn't

know what was going on and we were shouting very loudly you once you order you have to take your shirt off so she knows so she knows so it's already too it's already chaotic this is a restaurant like let's try and get some order here if you've ordered take your shirt off she's definitely going around the table taking orders like normal and wouldn't skip any. It wasn't hard. It wasn't like we were like just mingling amongst the bar. We're sitting in a table. So you just go down the line.

Except for two lone souls that I'm sure we'll circle back to. Oh, yeah. And so you can see the restaurant from out the window. Like we're in our private little area, this private building just off there. And then there's a courtyard between the restaurant, a courtyard, and then the little building that we're in our private little area this private building just off there and then there's a courtyard between the restaurant a courtyard and then the little building that we're in nice restaurant very nice and by the way that that courtyard was also getting the feed to our half songs yeah to our music right right so we didn't carry that torch the the guy who's djing on the fucking party bus also took the ox at the restaurant oh yeah he took it from the bar

ball hogging and was playing 20 second songs still driving us crazy almost people were not thrilled no no no no well driving you crazy i enjoy people were getting offended yes your boy i'll say his name starts with a j was not thrilled i think he was getting fucking po'd j oh yeah tater salad oh yeah jeff jeff was he was screaming oh jeff he's about to fight yeah that's that's his thing you know he wants to get he wants to get pissed off about something right yeah physical guy he's a big he's a big physical man and so anyway so you can, uh, the restaurant through and we're by this point, we're all shirtless with our napkins tied around our necks, tied around our heads. That's right.

Like bandits. Yeah. Like bandits. That was just also because, oh no, the napkins around the neck was after it had been a little bit of time and it was just to show that we were hungry. I think that's, you wish to show you had received your food. Yeah. No, it was just to show that we were hungry. I think that's – it was to show you had received your food. Yeah. No, it was just to show that we were getting hungry.

Right. And so then there's a little bit of – there's like a 20-minute wait to get all of our food. So we're – and then we're like, uh-oh, let's start drinking in earnest. Yeah. And we are just chugging drinks, hitting – like we have our own private bar with our own bartender. That guy was awesome. He's pouring us drinks. We have our own private bar with our own bartender. That guy was awesome. He's pouring us drinks. He's pouring us shots. Then they bring out bottles of champagne

with a gun attached to the end of it. Oh, that was the best part. Party time! She's squirting from across the room. The whole room was sticky by the time we left. Mouth open, getting hosed. It looked like I pissed myself because it ran down and then just like pulled on my dick area.

So every photo. Let me get, spray me. I didn't piss myself. That was the best part about the whole experience is like, yeah, we came in. Isaac came in. He's like, yo, just so you know, this shit's going to get crazy. But like they were the ones who set up the jaeger fountain they were the ones who brought out the champagne gun this is true so it was for me it

was like it's green light it's green light anything goes take your shirts off it was a safe space yeah we were all in the same room it was fucking awesome it was green light yeah so i don't want anybody to think we were being like uh disrespectful to the establishment i feel like we were all having fun big michael steak chalet fans if lake of the ozarks if you come here go to michael's yeah check them out we were being served by the the son of the restaurant and the and his wife and his wife or girlfriend yeah that's right oh i missed that little bit of history what yeah i didn't know that yeah oh you didn't talk to the staff is that we is that how you live wow no i was starving down your your snout at that i was starving i could not oh i'm busy with

my salmon i don't care about you i have salmon i can't be interrupted they got my salmon yeah no not interested but now i am right now i am currently so that's cool uh yeah i talked with the the uh bartender guy for a little bit and he was telling me that it used to be like a mafia hangout oh yes that was the back in the day that's that's the backstory of michael's wow forget about it god i'm so glad we didn't hear that earlier or else we would all been just shouting like mafia people to think about what went down can i take a quick pivot because last night i watched uh episode one of ozarks and i'm so glad i didn't watch that before i actually went

to the ozarks because i feel like i would have been like oh shit shit's going down dude you've never seen it yeah no i've never watched it oh i had to visit before i would turn it on that's cool right yeah that's how you are about everything right absolutely yeah visit the location right you went to albuquerque yeah he can't go to rome until he watched uh hbo's mid-2000s um series bro absolutely you refuse adam's like shows name places shows name places i actually like that show in the show ozarks they say the thing that i heard Shows name places, shows name places. I actually like that show.

In the show Ozarks, they say the thing that I heard about a hundred times while we were at the Ozarks, where they're like, it's the coastline, the lake is as long as the California coastline. They say that shit every fucking 30 minutes in that show, and that show's very long. That is a pretty interesting tidbit of info. Yeah, it is a weird fact. Yeah. What fucking dork realized that? shows very long that is a pretty interesting tidbit of info yeah it is a weird fact yeah what fucking dork realized that what honey look at this no you can ride on a boat forever there like to get to my uh aunt and uncle's house it's a 15 10 15 minute drive it's over an hour and a half by boat it's just how the

lake works i don't get that yeah yeah it's pretty crazy it snakes around so you're able to just drive over here and it snakes around so you got to go all the way up and all the way down around to get to their house but you could just drive right over there yeah so there are snakes it's snakes around there's snakes right if the lake's like this and then they're living here and here by boat you have to go all the way down here everything you're doing right now kyle yeah not helping what do you mean and then they're living here and here by boat you have to go all the way down here everything you're doing right now kyle yeah not helping what do you mean and then there's other places like you can't get to shady gators from my parents house by car it would take like an hour that's what i'm

saying that's what i would expect it would be but by boat it's it's like a three minute correct it goes both ways by jet ski it's like 10 minutes. Jet ski, it's real quick. Hey, just look at a map, homie. I can't. My parents wouldn't let me. I still hold fast to that. Yeah. Motherfucker can't read maps. I can't read maps.

I can't read maps. I can't tell time. There's a lot of things. Will you hold my penis when I pee pee? Absolutely. I love it. Anyhoo. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show,

which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late-night legend John Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more. Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Ed, why can't I get good results from Google anymore? Like, it's just a bunch of junk now, like nonsense, AI gibberish, and, like, ads. I can't actually get answers to my questions anymore. Well, Robert, this is something I've talked about on my weekly tech podcast, Better Offline, and I call it the rot economy. to my questions anymore. makes other people money so that Google can make more money. It's all part of a growth all cost system that is destroying the tech industry.

Better Offline is a podcast where I'll lead you through the good, the bad and the stupid of the tech industry and tell you exactly how venture capitalists and technocrat billionaires intend to influence your digital lives. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your podcasts. Hello, this is Christina Hutchinson. And Corinne Fisher. or wherever else you get your podcasts. have heard. We have the uncomfortable conversations that you don't want to have or you've never had or you're going to want to be a fly on the wall for. So why

aren't you checking it out? And we have a lot of really exciting guests coming up on Guys With F*** including comedians Shane Gillis, Nikki Glaser, Michael Rappaport, and Che Durena about sex, dating, and relationships. You can even email us for advice about your own romantic life.

Do it. I dare you. Listen to the Luminary original podcast, Guys We F***, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yo, what's up? It's your boy, the Kid Mero, the human durag, flapping, you know what I mean? The plantain supernova, you feel me? The God himself. Your favorite Dominican uncle. And I'm back. The greatest blog of all time.

Victory Light is now the greatest podcast of all time. And I got some friends with me. Victory Light is a fountain. So get your cup ready. Because it's about to run over. You can listen to Victory Light on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast i went to flathead lake right after that's a big fucking lake too but you're just a lake boy

i mean i was back on the jet skis the day after i left you guys on one from like 1990 it was so tight i know i love that they're life-changing dope yeah well you you called it early Friday night because you had to uh you had a big family day the next day and a big travel day so I totally understand that I didn't want to show up super destroyed to the family reunion and you would have right like my hangover was so severe it was a legit I've never i've barely had a two-day hangover in my life right i maybe had like one or two of those ever uh this was like a legit three-day hangover and this is too much information the third day my my body was so extended like i

had just this belly that wouldn't go down and Distended. Your body was both extended and distended. You were taller and your belly stuck out. I was bloated for sure. And I legit this is gross, diarrhea for 40 minutes straight. Oh, hold up.

I haven't had diarrhea drops in a minute. That's the one. There it is. That's the one. Diarrhea. Diarrhea. There it is. The cause of diarrhea. Do you mind if I talk to you about diarrhea?

You've got five. This dude has a hell of a diarrhea drop. Dude, 40 minutes. Didn't stop. And are you sure that's from the alcohol or did you eat something that day? Yeah, did you swallow a lake snake? No, I did. I like, food sounded disgusting to me. I didn't eat anything. Well, Yeah, did you swallow a lake snake? No, I did. Food sounded disgusting to me.

I didn't eat anything. Well, it dehydrates you, right? When you dehydrate, you spray diarrhea. That's how it works. It's weird, but that's how it works. The cause of diarrhea. Yeah. So it was like a legit three-day banger for me,

which I've never experienced. I was looking up, do I have alcohol poisoning? You did. Yes. You definitely did. Am I dying? That's what it is I have alcohol poisoning? You did. Yes. You definitely did. Am I dying? That's what it is. The whole thing.

You did. I do like how they're like, I had alcohol poisoning. It's like, well, you drank poison. I bet everybody did. Oh, for sure. Yeah, I'm sure. The plane ride home was living in a nightmare. Do you think you have like a-

I'm living in a nightmare. Oh, it's weird because the three days that we were there, right? That's all it was, was like three days felt like a week. Oh week oh yeah like the second day felt like a fucking like three or four days well because every day had chapters we had dinner and then after dinner it was like fucking a so it makes sense that you're gonna have a hangover for three days because you drank like for a week and a half in three days but also we were being woken up at the crack of dawn to do podcasts that is true that did ruin everything what the fuck no you woke up at like noon and then the next day you woke up at like noon or one or something like that i think the appropriate time to wake up after extreme

partying is two o'clock extreme o'clock by the way i think i took a picture of Blake sleeping because this dude, we know Blake will just sleep in the most insane positions you've ever seen. Like he'll just find a corner or like he'll find like a piece of paper and put it over his face to sleep. Oh, yeah, totally. I saw that. He's like, oh, here's a dripping faucet. Maybe I'll just crawl underneath it and sleep here. Oh, this is behind the toilet. Sure, this is a good place just to nap for a while.

Yeah. Like, it's never like a comfortable, like, oh, this is a comfy rug. And here's a blanket and here's a little pillow. I'll just crash here. He slept next to a bed. On the floor. Yeah. Sometimes that's a long crawl up top. Wait, you did this time around? You slept next to a bed on the floor yeah sometimes that's a long crawl up top wait you did this time around

you slept next to a bed look how this motherfucker sleeps oh that's not good for the knees right there the sun was coming straight in through the window come on i know but like your legs you're not even on like a side position you don't i woke up in my my feet there was no blood in my i was gonna say you're cutting off circulation like that's that's your cutting off circulation hold up look at this dude's socks the socks are like half on my feet my my heels started you pulled your socks halfway off he sleeps heels out my heels started to get hot hot heels hot hot hot hot hot it Hot, hot, hot, hot. It was incredible. What day was that? So I guess when you're sleeping like that, any time is going to be too early

because you're getting fucking garbage-ass sleep. Oh, yeah. No, I don't think I slept at all. By the way, the radiation of your phone on your nuts, dude. Oh, my testicles are dead. Fried. Is that just so you can get a vroom, vroom, vroom? What's that about?

Will you text me? What's weird is I never blacked out i didn't like truly black out that is weird let me think like i i think it's i think it's because when we were moving around we were doing so many different things there's so much stimuli that i was able to remember yeah it's usually like you get too drunk at a bar and then you just get put in a car and you go home do you remember us trying to lift you and when we were watching men in black on the last night and you were like i do i do remember that and you were like keeping your weight down and i didn't

want to go drink more but i was i was made to bro it was one of the tightest things like ako was like so mad that he couldn't get you up he was there's like four guys like he was just like i'm like he can't it's physically impossible it's gonna take eight men to lift him up he's like no get over here lift him up we gotta go to the dock there's funny photos of you guys like aggressively trying to lift me up yeah wait a second well we didn't get into what happened after dinner that night oh dinner no we're still marching through we're still marching through we're still marching chronologically i'm piecing it yeah it's a lot for a sober guy to piece together this is a fractured fairy tale so we wrap up dinner meanwhile atiba picked up the whole

check for the dinner did you guys know that he? Well, he was blackout. That was incredible. Thank you on Teba. He didn't know that. I think he left both his credit card and driver's license there. I also think he did. Yep. Goofy. So big thanks to him. So anyways, so we are wrapped up at dinner, paid for it.

We're out. We're trying to see what we're going to do next. We're going to go to some bars on the strip area and uh durr's set the two brothers in into a car to go home they were done for the night they were finished they were done they were toast they were toasted cooked and we were like we still got a little i mean also we were all sauced up they had extra sauce they were done for they were done yeah they were like smothered in sauce and they were passing out while sitting there they were smothered and covered lathered they were jaeger fountain drunk and so you did you uber them so i go all right let's because it was like for whatever reason we had to wait for them to go home so we could go so we were like all right

i'll get them an uber what's the address no man left behind a theme and someone goes like one one two three four whatever um whatever the street is right the address our street yeah shady gator lane and i go all right type and get in and we're like it fills in the address popped up and i go yeah hit it and then i read it back to people your dad said yeah oh yeah for sure for sure my dad just said yeah oh yeah that's it later he kept saying his own address back to us and we're like oh dad that's not your address and he's like what i say and then he would say it and then we're like well you got it right that time but the first time you got the numbers wrong yeah right and he's like oh shit he also got the

what it was a way or a court wrong right right he got that part wrong and later on when i was like court he's like court i'm like no that's that's a real thing it's on the other side of the lake 40 minutes away so we put them in an uber they peace out we go hit the strip. And I remember being on the bus and getting the like that they had already arrived within, I think, 15 minutes or 17 minutes. And it's like a full 30, 40 minute drive back to our place. I was like, oh, well, maybe this local dude knew like a route shortcut. That's what I thought. I was like, OK, maybe we didn't even take a fucking half hour to get here. Right.

Maybe you took the lake. We go out. We're doing our thing. If there's stories that want to happen now, we can circle back to what happened later or just plow through this part. I mean, I feel like that bar, we went to the bar Marty Bird's, which is a Lake of the Ozarks bar based off the character Marty Bird in the show The Ozarks. And I get that now because I watched

the pilot. But it isn't. It's spelled differently. They changed it just enough so they wouldn't get sued, but essentially it is. Wow, I get the reference now. That's awesome. And then we were just throwing down there.

A lot of dancing. That was a dance party. It was a dance party. I was a lot of dancing. That was a dance party. It was a dance party. It was a dance party. I was a wallflower just like I was in middle school. But you guys are dancing your faces off. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And then stay there for like an hour or so. And then. That's also where we weirdly linked back up with the bachelorette party that we met at City of Chompton, Shady Gator. Did you? They were there i feel like the bachelor and bachelorette parties are all doing the exact same stuff that that we were doing right so that's why we saw like the five groups everywhere we went is because everyone's just

doing the same thing wrong yeah and we weren't like we weren't dropping location on on like instagram or anything so it was just kind of a random occurrence yeah coincidentally we should have did that we should have did that yeah we should have been like follow the party train i think that that bar was also the only one that was open that late uh no there was a there was a couple that were open but they were all empty i was kind of surprised that that was the most poppin bar on this party birds man it's it's a It's a novelty. Marty Bird's. Oh, it's Ozark's. They were like bigger, dare I say, nicer looking places that you would think would be packed, and they weren't.

We want that dirty, dirty dude. The dirty murdy. The ripping and the tearing. Hey, they had free water, and I appreciated it. They did. Yeah, they did have free water. Big shout out to Marty Bird's. So then, yeah, what? We left. Durs, we left early in Austin's car. We jetted. We bounced. We went back because i

had to get up and drive three hours at like 9 a.m the next morning that's right yeah and i saw an opportunity to get an extra like four hours so i was in also a reminder you don't know how much sleep is what based on our last podcast oh yeah but i saw an opportunity to get a little extra so i was all in that's yeah i grabbed it so we get back to the house and atiba and aka are not there yes they are missing the the boys we sent home in or der sent home in an uber all on me through uh dennis d's beautiful uh direction as well you two were the mvps of that night i'll take i'll take it all i'll take it all it was i felt horrible so i was like oh fuck yeah that was a weird moment when you were texting the address and we're like is that the address to this house is that this house's address it's like no then he hits up us the party crew on

the bus and we were like we've got to go find ako and atiba we weren't on the bus at that point we were making some night moves night moves night. Night moves. What does that mean? Yeah, we went to some strip club. What? It was a super cutty one. It was like the real strip club closed. And then we got there and we're like, oh, it's closed. And then there's literally like a shed next door.

Exactly next door. Exactly next door. Yes, points! Exactly or just next door? You are so dumb. It's exactly next door. I still hung over we're like we stood in line there and also it's everyone from the bar so we already kind of knew everyone that was there we get in paid the covers or whatever we get we go in we're there for like 20 minutes and and and

then ako and atibo we find out that they're lost and then we're like, we gotta go find them. So we bail from there. We go to the neighborhood that we think that they're at. Right. That we got dropped off at. We met you guys there because we took the, me and Goons took the 30 minute drive back over there and then it was you guys in the party bus rolling up. And their phones are turned

off. Done. Oh, they're dead. You're like, oh did their phones die because they were DJing all fucking night? Exactly. They drained the battery with half song that's all i kept thinking i was like god damn it if he wasn't djing all the reason he died death by spotify if you just wouldn't let a song play it wouldn't have happened dude it was all hands on deck it was like weirdly emotional it started to thunderstorm it was like dude we thought that these guys were murder well because they were hammered they were hammered yeah thankfully you hadn't seen ozarks at this point bro boy oh yeah you would have been fucking

so we're we're walking through this neighborhood while i'm sleeping like a baby go ahead yeah by the way yours is of no help he is not present i told kyle walsh and kyle i go yo uh i'll let me get my clothes back because i was already in bed i was like you know let me let me get my shit together and they're like no no we got it like you gotta wake up and i go good night i did i did couldn't sleep but i was just had to say it just had to say it and so we're walking through screaming these guys their names so loudly that i was hoarse the next day like i couldn't talk the next day because i'm like screaming their name pounding my chest like where are you our managers like going up to the address that we thought they

got dropped off at and like checking the doors that was me i did that shit because i was there earlier than you guys and i had already pulled the doors just in case like and i'm like what am i doing this is the dumbest thing but i can't believe we didn't get shot what is it it's like two or three a.m yeah at that point it's like three yeah for sure yeah because we hit the pillow at like fucking 4 30 or something that day yeah four ish i feel like we wanted the drama a little bit well adam willed it adam willed it you fucking willed it you did it and so like we were all like oh yeah he said in the podcast he said something that is true wait yeah adam said for it to be a true bachelor party someone needs to barf someone needs to get arrested and someone

needs to go missing check check check we have two people go missing that counts for the arrested yeah there's no arrest luckily yet so then we're like, we are like, we have to go home. We've checked everything. We checked multiple hotels. We called the police department. The hospitals. We called the hospital to see if they're there. And we're like, we don't know what to do.

And my dad keeps going, no man left behind. I remember that. And we're like, we know, dad, we don't know like what to do or where to go at the end of our trail yeah and then he goes he goes you guys can go just leave me and we're like what no that's the opposite of what you've been saying he's like just leave me here i'll check all night and we're like well what no we're all gonna leave meanwhile i don't think he's gotten off the bus at this point yeah i think he's still sitting on the bus. In the way back seat.

Yeah. I remember you and your dad, he was doing that. And you're sitting here like, shut up, you drunk old man. Yeah, you were starting to get mad at your dad. Like, dad, shut up. This isn't a war movie. Like, we're going home. Yeah.

It's not a war movie, man. And so we end up, we go home. We make it home around 4 a.m we're all exhausted we're wet we're drunk yeah there's there's nowhere to be found there's there they are nowhere to be found we have multiple houses my parents house a house that a neighbor let us use and then an airbnb we checked all three homes they're not here on my parents little peninsula and so we're like we have no idea hopefully they made a friend and they're sleeping at someone's house right that was kind of the that was the hope otherwise dead yeah and we're like i have no idea or maybe they got a hotel and we kept being like they're smart enough to just get a

hotel they're smart enough to get a hotel right they're adults and so which is true they are we go to bed thinking that they're dead we wake up to a text of being like holy shit bros slept in a barn last night last night was crazy 7 a.m sorry about that photos of them sleeping in a barn holding each other shivering like on a tractor which by the way was a block or two away from your house from the house that they were staying in my house in the house i was staying at and it was like they were two blocks away from that house yeah and they came in at eight o'clock in the morning with fucking blankets wrapped around them like shivering into my room and i'm like my room's not a common space or anything

like that but they bust open the door now oh bro you're still here you're in here and i'm like my room's not a common space or anything like that but they bust open the door and they're oh bro you're still here you're in here and i'm like you're alive this is awesome but like it's fucking 7 30 i went to bed three hours ago you're big and you guys are in here now and i'm happy you're alive but also like now i got kids i'm not gonna go back to sleep i'm not hung over so i was a little salty but like you know it was all it was also like so fucking happy that they were there it was a mixture so happy I was like I'm gonna wake up and either it's gonna be the best news ever and this bachelor party was a huge success and something that we'll talk about forever and it's super fun and I love having these stories or it's the saddest bachelor party in existence. The wedding has a moment of silence.

Two friends murdered. The wedding has to have a moment of silence, and we all have to light. We only play songs for 20 seconds at your wedding. We all light candles in their honor. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. Join late night legend John Stewart and the best news team for today's biggest headlines, exclusive extended interviews, and more.

Now this is a second term we can all get behind. Listen to The Daily Show Ears Edition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, Ed, why can't I get good results from Google anymore? Like, it's just a bunch of junk now, like nonsense, AI gibberish, and like ads. I can't actually get answers to my questions anymore. Well, Robert, this is something I've talked about on my weekly tech podcast, Better Offline, and I call it the raw economy. Google isn't incentivized to give you good search results anymore. What they are incentivized to do is to have more search results and have sponsored content

that makes them money and search engine optimized content that makes other people money so that Google can make more money. It's all part of a growth all cost system that is destroying the tech industry. Better Offline is a podcast where I'll lead you through the good, the bad and the stupid of the tech industry and tell you exactly how venture capitalists and technocrat billionaires intend to influence your digital lives. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever else you get your podcasts. Hello, this is Christina Hutch hutchinson and corinne fisher we are stand-up comedians and co-hosts of the legendary guys we f**k the anti-slut-shaming podcast this podcast is the template for every sex dating and relationship show you have heard we have the uncomfortable conversations that you don't want to have or you've never had or you're going to want to be a fly on the wall for. So why aren't you checking it out?

And we have a lot of really exciting guests coming up on Guys We F***ed, including comedians Shane Gillis, Nikki Glaser, Michael Rapaport, and Che Durena about sex, dating, and relationships. You can even email us for advice about your own romantic life. Do it. I dare you. your own romantic life. Do it. I dare you to listen to the luminary original podcast guys. We on the I heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Yo, what's up? It's your buddy. Kid Merritt, a human do rag flap. You know what I mean? The plantain supernova. You feel me?

The God himself, your favorite Dominican uncle. And I'm back. The greatest blog of all time. Victory Light is now the greatest podcast of all time. And I got some friends with me. Victory Light is a family. So get your cup ready because it's about to run over. You can listen to Victory Light on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts at. So what happened was the Uber driver took them to the place where I had sent them the wrong address. They knew it wasn't right. Good for them. And then they like, by the way, they turned their phones off because I guess atiba was mad at his phone did you hear that ako was ako was like i was yeah he was like i was in a mood where i was

just kind of like fuck my phone so they turned their phones off fuck you like so fuck that and then they but they took like a photo because he's a photographer they did like a photo journal of their journey back i think they like bought the guy a case of beer they're like outside the liquor store like this is when god budweiser meanwhile you guys are like once i was back in right mind i'm like dude this is a the jefferson brothers they've been through fucking everything i like how i was like hey i'm not gonna blow up anybody's fonts i'm not gonna call their names out they don't care care. They know. It was epic. We can bleep it out. We can bleep it out now.

We don't need to. They don't care. They're alive. They partied super hard. We're not bleeping now. So the dude drives them all the way back to the peninsula, and they get out, and they're like, fuck, I don't know which house it is. And they looped around,

and I think the Uber driver was finally like, yo, we can't drive you guys around. Like at this point, they've been driving around for hours. Oh, they did? Yeah, they were like, we're looping around. At least one hour, maybe two for sure. Wow. Yeah.

And so the guy's like, I have to drop you guys off. Thank you for buying me beers. And I think maybe he was drinking beers in the car with these guys. Allegedly. It's the ozarks by the way i called him and left a voicemail with him and never heard back nothing never that seems like that would have been the most helpful person to be like oh i just dropped your bros off yeah yeah so they turned off their phones and then bought beer and was like we're gonna do this off books

for beer i don't know i don't know is that what they did i don't know i just saw the pictures that told like their their journey and i was like you can't be taking pictures if your phone was dead yeah and it's them it's them walking through my parents neighborhood by the way three blocks from the house that they could have slept in from multiple homes that they could have slept in yes a lot of beds a lot of empty beds yeah blake wasn't using his. Yeah, it was available. Goofy! They just walked around until they were like, also, it's pouring rain, it's lightning out. They're like, we can't do this.

We gotta find shelter. And they found a shed. Like a machine shed that they slept in and curled up into a tractor. And they took shifts. They told me that when they were wrapped in blankets. Dude, I did the first shift. And then I was like, let him sleep.

What does that mean? So that like if someone. In case the dude who owns the barn came in and was like. Here's another idea. Let's not do shifts. Let's turn our phones on and call our friends. Bro, I don't even get that. At that point, they must have been dead, right?

At that point, they must have been. But they're taking photos. Well, to be fair, the very next night, Akko took my phone. He thought my phone was his phone. And then remember, I was like, where's my phone? Where's my phone?

And everybody's calling my phone. Everybody knows we're on high alert. Where's Blake's phone? Akko had it in his damn pocket. And it was... Well, the rally for those two was truly incredible because the next day, the next day, right?

It's, we have a whole more, one whole other day. Oh, and that day was epic. So this was like the blowout. Friday was the blowout day where we, you know, blasted it to the ceiling and we were like, okay, we got to do it again. We did blast it to the ceiling. I'm still going to send it. Yeah.

That classic phrase. Look out ceililings we're blasting it to you well that's also yo that's why i fucking woke up so damn early and hit the jet ski so hard because i was trying to get some goddamn z's and we jet skied and then went to multiple lake bars where we just you know we're in the those covet infested pools oh yeah then we fought like covet final boss dude it was crazy it was truly scary like what pool bar is it jake like angry jakes blackwater jacks blackwater yes where everybody like their point of pride was like hey we were on like cnn because we were the pool that like opened first during covet and no that was shady gators was

shady gators was the one that was on yeah well they were claiming it too they were claiming that shit too i did not do those pools the pool i remember seeing that video was bigger than shady gators oh yeah it was massive oh okay yeah maybe it was a wide lens yeah maybe it was a wide lens kyle that's a good call dude it was the most super spreader ass thing I've ever been at in my life. And guess what, guys? We're all COVID free. All negatives. All nags.

All nags. That's true. Whatever you guys hear out there about COVID, definitely not true. You can't catch it. Guys, it's a scam, dammit. Scam, dammit. When I landed in Montana and my phone received all the pictures and stuff, I was like, oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

No, it was truly frightening. I was convinced I was getting the vid. Well, on the third day of my hangover, I was like, no, I'm not going to get COVID. And then by the third day, I started to look up COVID symptoms. And by the way, it's just every symptoms you get when you're super hungover. You're like, oh, yeah you diarrhea fatigue headaches uh fever yeah maybe a runny nose or something i couldn't taste or smell you know that classic hangover yeah full body sore which was from the jet skis that was my thing i was running through the checklist and being like oh this is the reason though this is the reason though it's from the jet skis. That was my thing. I was running through the checklist and being like, oh, this is the reason though. This is the reason though.

It's from the jet skis. And I'm like, or is it the COVID? And you know, I just said that it was a scandemic, but maybe it's a testament to the vaccines really work. Everybody go out,

get your vaccine. We were in the COVID final boss and we came out negative because Johnson and Johnson and I'll get my booster very soon. All right. Johnson and Johnson doesn't have the booster my booster very soon. Mm hmm. All right. Johnson and Johnson doesn't have the booster. It's just a Pfizer right now.

Well, they will. J&J is about to drop one. I heard. Yeah. Yeah. I'm about to do that. Get you some boy. Treat yourself.

And I'll be back to the Sarks. I'm just glad we could bring the news to the people out there. Whatever kind of COVID vax news you need. We got it. That shit's important. That shit's shit's important god so happy we're all alive yeah me too big shout out to uh to dennis divine uh for for keeping it all together for keeping blake alive yep uh we were when we were coming back from the second pool bar yep superer. And we were all pretty shit face at this time. We were passing around a jug of vodka and we had a keg on the boat that we were pouring into each other's mouths and just chugging out of the vodka

handle. We also met some really cool St. Lunatics at the pool who were really cool. Oh yeah. They were maniacs. Yeah. Uh, yeah.

They kept sitting on my head. That was, I thought I was going to break my neck. Who's a Murphys. Yeah. Yeah. They kept sitting on my head. That was I thought I was going to break my neck. Who's Murphy Lee? Yeah. Yes. Yes. Murphy Lee was there.

These these BB dubs were were dancing and they were like, who's bachelor party is it? I'm like mine. I'm just sort of like leaning up against something. And all of a sudden I just feel like don't don't don't don't like on top of my head. Twerking on my on my head. And then a waitress or someone had or the manager had to come over and be like, hey, you head, twerking on my head. And then a waitress or someone had to, or the manager had to come over and be like, hey, no twerking, there's children here.

And we're like, wait, there's children here? And then you look over to the right, there's like a kid's pool. Yeah, that was the weirdest part of the Ozarks. What? There was always a kid's pool at these weird pool parties, dude. That was disturbing. I didn't like that.

The Ozarks. Twerking was where they drew. That's where they drew the line. Yeah. No twerking. That's where they drew the line. Oh my gosh they drew the line oh my gosh so no i mean it was fun but it wasn't there was nothing really that eventful happening it was like a recovery day yeah kind of well we were chugging alcohol it wasn't that much in that sense we did try to start doing chicken fights and they said that was also against oh okay that makes sense yeah i don't know if you're twerking on each

other and and so we're coming back on the boat we're cruising we're going like we're not like flying but we're going 25 30 miles an hour on in the uh the pontoon the tri-tune my dad gets offended when you call it a pontoon because there's an extra tune yep it's a tri-tune up and so we're we're driving back and then blake just uh goes i'm jumping out my dad's like trying to grab him like blake don't don't and don't. And then he jumps off the side, almost gets sucked underneath the side of the boat. Dumbass. And then he's swimming.

We have to pull him in. And then. It was a piss break. And then we get back to the dock. And then he jumps out again. And my dad's like, son of a Blake, get back at the boat. Slippery sucker. I'm sorry, mama. Wait, did you jump out while it was moving or during a piss break?

Yeah, while we were moving. We're both. No piss break. We were moving. No, there was a piss break that was happening, and then I'm like, I'm going to jump out for the piss break. Well, that's a little less dumbass. I truly remember you jumping out as we were cruising. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I wouldn't just jump out full speed. No, no, no, no. I do believe you. But that's funnier to pretend you're walking, no. I wouldn't just jump out full speed. That's even that weird. I do believe you. But that's funnier to pretend you're walking. Okay. I don't know. You jumped off of a roof. Yeah, I don't know.

You broke your back by jumping off a roof because teenagers dared you. Yeah. I can even walk that back. I was jumping onto a table, which I thought would break my fall, and it was thinner. I think things through, okay? You thought you would just land on the table like a cat i thought it would break my fall i watch a lot of hardcore wrestling yes no yeah i get it but it was dumb thank you any take backs apologies or giveaways compliments i got a hot

pockets t-shirt oh you know what i know we got the hot pocket stuff and last week i was trying to remember what i was i was like like, doesn't Hot Pockets have some handle? I might have a Hot Pockets for lunch, guys. There's a Twitter handle or an Instagram handle for Pete Zerol. Woo! Okay.

Pete Zerol. Wow. Yes, points! Pete Zerol. Compliments to Hot Pocket. Points to Hot Pocket. And that's the Tot totinos but they ain't saying shit so you know hit us up big shout out to hot pocket oakley's and uh thank you guys for making the trip out to the bachelor party i'd like to thank all of you guys everyone that was on the batch and that brings us to my take back i do want to compliment because it was hang on okay because it is a very long travel day.

It's like a very long travel day to get to the Ozarks. It's usually a connecting flight. And then once you land, it's a legitimate three-hour drive to get here. Fucking things suck. Hard to believe. So thank you guys for coming. I know it was a pain in the ass, but I really appreciated it. Dennis Devine really appreciated it.

Yeah. And thank you guys very much. Yeah, of course. True broges for life. It was fun. Yes. I want to compliment the group of broges that were out there for coming together in that hour and searching for the other lost bros. Yeah. That was, it was, we did it.

We did it, guys. Yeah. Came together. No man left behind. I heard you guys did it and uh i appreciate it yep tried to fix anders's mistake yeah but also a shout out to durst for being the catalyst of that whole thing you know yeah thank you thank you durst for for spinning that spinning that top and uh being the puppet master the puppet master to the whole thing uh yeah let's see i guess you know what kyle i want to

apologize for um when i was driving you to the ozarks uh passing that car making almost shit your face oh my fuck and you doubled there was another car coming at us and i just fucking floored it and we were in a tahoe that i mean it would have had two cylinders it was so slow and i floored it and it just didn't go and i was like well we're gonna crawl past this car and narrowly get past this truck it was definitely fucking scary thank you i appreciate that i wanted to get there though i know no all of it was just a perfect storm of of horrific uh life ending events that could have happened and you got us through it and that's the first story of the batch party yep absolutely the one regret is that we didn't do fireworks.

Oh, yeah. Fireworks are legal in Missouri. They had awesome fireworks stands. Akko was really pushing them. We could have stopped by one and, like, full-on, like, warehouses full of fireworks that we could have gotten, like, a cool spread and shot off fireworks. But that didn't happen. And, you know, with bachelor parties, you gotta let them flow.

You know, you gotta let them flow. And if Atiba and Akko had those, they could have shot flares. And I guess my final compliment would be to the whole entire Divine family. They let us go up in their house, and I know I wrestled in the kitchen with Uncle Matt and maybe dented

the refrigerator. There is a dent. Yeah, you fucked it up. And that's my bad. There is a dent in the kitchen with uncle matt and maybe dented the refrigerator there is a dent yeah you fucked it up bad there is a dent in the refrigerator and uh mama divine is pretty upset about that you better send him some twin sub z's man yeah i gotta figure that out so that's a compliment to penny i know you got that woke cash i see that hat hello and there's a chair my mom is she's in the kitchen right now i'm still in the ozarks wild motioning to me that uh someone also broke a chair on the dock and i don't know if that's blake or not but i'm assuming i don't think that was okay that was me i never sat down on the dock yeah but you uh you rock and rolled

on the dock you punk rocked on the dock so that's true you tell her that's the cost of doing business all right which chair was it which was it one of the loungers or what no one of the uh stools one of the metal stools oh i saw that dude no i fucking saw that on sunday i was like yo this shit's clipped yeah they busted off the foot the foot rest that's okay r.i.p that stool very dangerous almost cut my foot on it very very dangerous it was very very cool for your parents to allow us to just uh turn it into a frat house for a hot three days. It was very, very fun. Big shout out to Penny and Dennis Devine for letting us do it. Big shout out.

Love them. Yeah. Big thanks. And good job, Adam. You fucking, you know, the bachelor party kind of follows the bachelor and you were on it. Yeah, you brought the fury. Good job. I was impressed.

And it takes a lot to impress me. And I was impressed. Chloe came takes a lot to impress me. And I was impressed. Chloe came in the day that you guys left. She came in Sunday. And then she just watched me be the most hungover person she's ever seen in three days. And a big shout out to Chloe for not shaming me. For holding me like a child and nursing me back to health. So big shout out to Chloe Bridges, soon to be Chloe Divine.

There we go. You know what? I think I'm going to keep her. That's a keeper. Yay! Is she going to change her name? Should we get into that now? Is she going to change her name? Or are you going to change yours? I would. Adam Bridges? I like that. You could say you're Jeff Bridges' brother.

That's cool. Guys, and that was another episode of This is Important Time. See you next week. Last thing said. Jon Stewart is back in the host chair at The Daily Show, which means he's also back in our ears on The Daily Show Ears Edition podcast. The Daily Show podcast has everything you need to stay on top of today's news and pop culture.

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I've been both a tech writer and a tech executive for 15 years, and I've seen this industry grow from a bunch of dorks building things in their garage into a multi-trillion dollar behemoth that has monetized every corner of our lives. Better Offline is a podcast where I'll lead you through the good, the bad, and the stupid of the tech industry and tell you exactly how venture capitalists and technocrat billionaires intend to influence your digital lives. Listen to Better Offline on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever else you get your podcasts. high-f***ing podcast. We have a lot of really exciting guests coming up on Guys We F***ed, including comedians Shane Gillis, Nikki Glaser, Michael Rappaport, and Shea Durena about

sex, dating, and relationships. You can even email us for advice about your own romantic life. Listen to the Luminary original podcast Guys We F***ed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yo, what's up? It's your boy the Kid Mero, the human durag

flat, you know what I mean? The plantain supernova, you feel me? The god himself. Your favorite Dominican uncle. And I'm back. The greatest blog of all time, Victory Light, is now the greatest podcast of all time. And I got some friends with me. Victory Light is a fat one, so get your cup ready because it's about to run over. You can listen to Victory Light on the iHeartRadio app, Apple

Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts at.