This Is Important - Ep 8: Beautiful Men With Bad D!@ks

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

Today, this is what’s important:The Emmys, Chris Elliott, Jared Leto, The Razzies, Robert DeNiro, Bo Jackson, Anders fighting the neighbors, believing in yourself, coffee, Adam's sleep habits, their drink of choice, Kombucha, and more! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about... It's a fucking nightmare for me to go to sleep. Coors Light funded Nazis? I was passed out on the couch probably in like a puddle of my own piss. I'm gonna find them, I'm gonna just beat his ass. Here we go.

Did you guys watch the Emmys? Did anybody? Of course I watched the Emmys. You jumping right into that? Of course I watched. Yeah. Well, I'm saying I didn't. I didn't watch it.

I had no idea that they even happened. Me neither. I had zero clue. My show was nominated for eight Emmys. I know. How does it feel to be an eight-time loser, Kyle? Goose eggs. Dude, it hurts.

Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap, zap. I'll kiss now. It's frustrating, you know? You got the nod. I got the nod and that was cool and it felt really good to like see, you know, the show in the running. But dang, man, I didn't know how much I really wanted to win until it started and then until I lost.

And how do you feel now? Now you're pissed now. That's it. That's exactly. I was really pissed. I made a video that had no jokes in it, pure rage that I sent to people just to like, to get it out of my system. And then the next day I kind of.

I didn't get one of them videos. No, no, it was a story. I was afraid that you would post it. Like, then I did the story the next day. I slept on it and then I worked it out through the story. Yeah, the story wasn't super rage filled. Yeah, that one seemed like there was a hint of comedy underneath your fiery passion. Yeah.

Explain the story for our many listeners. Yeah. It was just me pretending like I didn't even watch the Emmys and that I fell asleep right after the red carpet and then that I woke up and saw that Schitt's Creek won every Emmy. People love that show, though. My fiance won't shut up about it. And I'm like, there's other comedies out there.

Have you seen every episode of Workaholics? And she was like, yeah, no, I have. She hasn't. Right. Haven't you guys seen it personally, Schitt's Creek? I have not. I watched six episodes. What's the deal?

What's your vibe, Jersey? I stopped watching it, but I got to tell you, you know who's good and it is my main man, Chris. Chris, Chris Elliott? Elliott. Chris Elliott. Oh, Chris Elliott. Oh, yeah.

He's in that show. I saw him in the clip. He's funny as fuck. He is solid gold every fucking word. Do you remember a show that I completely forgot about? And then when I was doing some research on a coming up project that we got cooking, but we're not going to release that news here and now and also there's no news to give. Under wraps.

OK. It's under wraps. I don't even know what he's talking about. But I looked at Eagleheart. Yeah. Yeah. His greatest work. God damn that show rules.

It's so good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It is. What's the meatloaf line? Oh, yeah. I didn't know whether to eat it or roll it at the seven pin. Yeah, that's probably one of my favorite shows.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that's a fantastic show. Blake, how can the viewers tune into some Eagleheart? Well, I believe that would be an adult swim program. So you might be able to go on HBO Max and check it out. Oh, wow. Since Adult Swim has most of their shows on it. Yeah, baby.

I'll say, out of all the streamers right now, I've been fucking with some Max, baby. Yeah. Oh, me too, man. Me too. I've been in the Max. You guys checking out the Vow? I haven't checked out the Vow yet.

No, not the Vow. What's that now? What? Anybody? The Vow? Anybody? The Nexium sex cult documentary? Oh, no.

But I want to. That's cool. OK. And how do you pronounce it? Because I'm like, no. Nexium. Nexium. And this is the one where they all got the same tattoos,

those same tattoos. It's a brand. Oh, it's a brand. It's a brand. So it's like Yellowstone. It's crazy. The leader looks just like Jared Leto. Like if he's fucking sexy.

Now I'm watching. Oh, righty then. So that means you like Jared Leto. I do like Jared Leto. Yes, I do. I think he's a. What's your favorite version of Leto? I don't mind.

I liked him just after Dallas Buyer's club when he got his award and he had the long hair, kind of like I look like right now with like the ombre. Kind of look exactly like you, yeah. No, no. I got the number one look. Maybe Blake has the same thought here. Panic room with the cornrows.

Give me, give me. Oh, god damn. Give me, give me, give me. I have it on good authority that Jared Leto, bad dick. He's got the bad dick. Oh, hey, wait, I got one for that. I am so glad that I'm able to control my penis now. Wait, what is this rumor, bad dick?

He's got it. He doesn't. It's not a small dick. It's not a big dick. It's just he gives bad dick. Who cares? Oh. So I know a girl that slept with Jared Leto.

Oh, allegedly, allegedly. There we go. Allegedly. And she told me bad dick. She's got the bad dick. That is subjective as fuck. Yeah, hold on, what if it was a bad night out or it was this multiple encounters?

Right. Give the guy a break. Well, for sure. One person, come on. And that makes me believe that my dick has been called a bad dick as well. I'm sure we've all had bad audience. I'm sure we've all had our bouts of bad dick.

Numerous times. Oh, yeah. I'm willing to put it on record. I like to believe that he can't have everything. Every showing from Jared Leto is just a. Poor showing. A hot whimper. He's a selfish lover.

I'm not going to give that to you, buddy. You think he just lays there? Not giving it to you. Obviously, the woman was not the right woman. Yeah. He's not throwing it down. Obviously, the woman was not the right woman, Adam. Wow.

So you're blaming the woman. Strong. So you're blaming the woman, Kyle? I'm just putting it out there. I'm not blaming any. OK, strong. I'm just putting it out there. It takes two to fuck.

You're on time out. This reminds me of John Stamos, how he's like flawless, but then he has like a crazy belly button, I guess. What? OK. John Stamos has like a. He has like a weird, like Narl crumpled up belly button. You got it, dude.

Wow. And thank God he does. Yeah, exactly. Because he's too sexy. You got to have one thing. I bet Brad Pitt just nasty breath. He's got to have something. He's too sexy.

No, I actually Brad Pitt doesn't have a butthole. He doesn't. Oh, yeah, it's just. He shits out of his dick hole. I've heard that. He doesn't shit. I've heard that allegedly. That would be so bad.

I like this. I like that we've gone to Emmy and gossip talk. Yeah. Hey, we're Hollywood, baby. This is important, baby. This is important, baby. We're Hollywood. Oh, yeah.

We're Hwood dog. If there's one thing I know about us. But I mean, back to back to the Emmys, it really hurt my feelings. And, you know, but then I realized I'm pissed now. But then I realized, come on. It's Eugene Levy and Catherine O'Hara, two fucking legends in the improv game.

And I was like, I'm all right now. I'm cool. I would say even in the comedy game. Charles Barkley was a legend. He didn't get a damn ring. OK, come on, man. You need the killer instinct. You need the killer instinct.

Come on. Wait, what are you saying? What does that mean, Blake? I'm saying I don't want him given any, not even an inch to these comedy legends. We want all the awards. We want all the smoke. You're saying that Barkley didn't get one

because he didn't have the killer instincts. You're saying Kyle doesn't have a killer instinct because he didn't win. Ooh, that is kind of what you're saying. Uh-oh, uh-oh, it's a smoke sesh. Kyle, back time, man. Yeah, what's up? Talk to me, Blake.

There's a lot of smoke in here. I just want you to be. I'm pissed now. And go and get it next year, buddy. Well, yeah. I want you to be. I'm pissed now. Oh, yeah, dude.

Watch me. 2021, 2022, we about to sweep. All right, I can't wait to see the project. All right. Yes, Shits Creek is going off the air. So they're paving the way for you, baby. Yeah. You're welcome.

Right. One of those years will be the last season and they'll give us the Emmys. All right. You better kiss the fucking ring of Dan Levy, boy. He's letting y'all win. Oh, boy. His speeches were like, they were maddening to me

when he's like, he basically was like, why are you watching? Yeah, why the fuck did you watch that shit? Because, dude, I was like, I wanted to know if we won. What do you mean? I'm on the shadows text thread, so I'm participating with all the producers and writers and all that. Yo, haven't you ever driven past a nightclub and seen the line and been like, I definitely

never want to go to that fucking nightclub? This is the same shit. Like, what are you trying to win? It's not that great in there. There we go, hot take. No, I know, but I watched it. It's like whatever. I was nominated, so it's like, OK, cool.

Let's see what's up. Kyle, I'll admit, if I was ever nominated, I would also watch it. I'm with you, bud. I think it's important that you watched. Yeah, but then Dan Levy wins it, and he's like, oh, I've never done anything before. This was the first thing I've ever done in my whole life.

Wow. Did I do that? Wow. Yeah, exactly, man. He's Steve Urkel, the award speech. Hey, but it is. Hey, you know a lot of Emmy voters are listening to this, Kyle, and they don't like a sore loser, OK?

That's true. A lot of Emmy voters. If I know our podcast, the very important podcast that we're dropping on the people, Emmy voters across the land are tuning in. Yes, I apologize. I apologize. I'd like to retract my statement about Dan Levy.

I would love to give you the floor, Kyle. I would love for you to have a chance to give your Emmy Award speech right now. If I could get through the tears. Let's hear it. OK, and the winner for Scuzziest Looking Director goes to... What the fuck? The Best Director in a...

Kyle Neuchak! The award for most food in Beard. Come on, give me a real award. Come on. Well, what were you nominated for? I don't even know. Yeah, what were you personally nominated for? Well, the show was nominated for Best Comedic Show.

I got a speech for that. The one that you would have been invited to the stage to accept the award for. Best Comedy. No, there was none of those. I was not. I got snubbed in the director category. Oh, we got a lot of shit.

OK, all right. But you would have gotten an award for Best Comedy, correct? For Best Comedy Series, outstanding comedy. And you would have gotten to go on the stage if that was the case. If it was pre-COVID, because they had... Pre-COVID. Regular times.

Pre-COVID. And if I got the mic, I would have said. And the winner for Best Comedy Series goes to... Workaholics, Blake Anderson! Ow! Ow! Oh, man.

All right, Blake, go ahead. Now, what we do in the shadows. Kyle Neuchak. I would say thank you so much for having me as a part of this team. Tyka, if you could answer my emails about what suggestions you have for me to direct the show, that'd be fantastic. Also, he's right next to you.

You could just ask him later. You don't need to waste this time. All right, mate, I've got you. Tyka, if you could get back to me on what I should do, that would be fantastic. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, pal. I am so glad that I'm able to control my penis now. Oh, boy.

Admittedly, Kyle, I think Dan Levy's speech fucking blew yours out the water, man. Yeah, Jesus. Dang. All right, well, that's good. Well, then this is all actually very good. I'm back into it, ready to win Scustious Director Award of 2021.

A razzie. Shoot for the razzies, baby. The award for most different eyes. I bet I might win a razzie before my career is done. A razzie. Yeah, that's what I'm most excited to win. I'm trying to get razzied. That would be so sick.

I mean, it's crazy to me that people are super offended by razzies. Like, it wasn't good, right? Like, isn't that the deal? Yeah. Well, you start off with every project thinking, I'm going to make this good. Sure.

And then sometimes, you don't do it. Right. And you've got to be like, yeah, you're right. And then you get that razzie and put it up on the shelf. Sandler has the most razzies, right? He has a lot of razzies. I think he's got a handful of razzies. The Rock got a razzie for Baywatch.

Pretty bad movie. Yeah. I think what's really hurtful for a razzie and in order to win a razzie is when you go into a project and you try really hard. That's usually when you get the razzie because your really hard try was really bad. Yeah.

Well, I feel you try on every project. You're not going into a project going like, I'm going to make this one shitty. Yeah, this is going to be a piece of shit. I guarantee you. There are people who show up. They're like, dude, I'm just here to get this check. And then I'm back to like Jared Leto and his Joker.

Like, remember all the stories you heard? How? All right. Mailed poop to people, jizzing people, like envelopes. What was he doing? He was mailing jizz to people. I heard he gave someone bad dick. He mailed poop to somebody.

Yeah. And he gave another woman allegedly bad dick as like a whole prank. It was a whole joke. Oh, that was part of his Joker. Yeah, he was in character. Yeah, he's character-acted. But then you get to the actual cut of Suicide Squad and you're like, whoa, this dude.

And they all got the tattoos. And then you get the razzie because you went too far in. Right. You went too deep. But if you're going for it, you got to go, you know? It's true. Yeah. You got to swing.

Yeah. But that's how you get the razzie. Because I mean, either you swing and you miss big or you hit a grand fucking slam, you know? There's no in between. You're not just trying to get on base. I love baseball analogies. I want somebody who wins the razzie to go in and like act

like their game and accept the award and then explain that they had like the worst year of their life while filming it. Like shit was just hitting the fan at home. Like a kid died. And they're like, so that's the reason I wasn't exactly focused and maybe didn't give the best performance in my life. So I'm glad to be here. Shout out to my dead kid and the house that burned down.

Thank you for the razzie. Because yeah, they, right. Is this a specific performance? Because I need to watch this movie. I'm just saying. I want somebody to just go, I wanted a second home. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah, it's a money grab. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really wanted a second house. So I knew it wasn't going to be good. I read the script initially. I didn't like it from the beginning. But they beep, beep, beep, back the money truck up on me. And now I have a cabin.

There was a week I thought it could be good. Then I realized there's no possible way it's going to be good. But sick cabin in Montana. None of you are invited. And I'll be there. I'm going to put this. This will go right on the mantle. I own horses now.

I initially entered the project extremely excited. About halfway through the shoot, I realized it fucking sucked. And there was no saving it. And I just came to work with a smile and we got through it. Thank you. They use my favorite caterer. Food was great every day other than that. Lunch was insane.

And that's the most important thing. You're having fun while you're doing it. I fist fought the DP. He was. We were both raging alcoholics. He drank my booze one day and we fist fought. We traded blows. And we have since bonded.

Oh, my God. So real. The movie looks great. Well, yeah, yeah. That's the one thing that didn't get razied. It won an Academy Award. But turns out he was right. The cinematography won all the awards.

But my acting, I was lit. Well, I looked great. You're the best I've ever looked in anything. And I was well lit, mate, because I was hammered. You could see through my performance. There was no truth. Oh, man. Isn't it crazy, though, when you do see like an amazing actor

have like a bad scene, you're like, there weren't any other takes. Or like, you just automatically you're like, the camera guy fucked up five takes. And this was the one that made sense that they had to use. Yeah, the choice was wrong in the edit where they're like, it's because of like a bump or something. They couldn't fix it.

And it's like, yeah. I was stoked on some of the shit. I never watched it. I should check it out. But I guess like an, was it Irishman? Irishman? The Irishman? The Irishman.

The Irishman. It's called The Irishman. Is it Marvel movie? Oh, my God. The Irishman with De Niro, right? Yeah. Okay. All right.

The Scorsese movie. Didn't they like leave some like takes where like, motherfuckers didn't know they were rolling and shit. And you can like tell like Pacino is like, all right. He's like, I want a Twizzler. Wait, that's true or it seemed like that. No, I think it's true. Like you can tell that like kind of like Pacino,

you can like read that he thinks they sort of cut, but he's like still staying in. That's cool. Yeah, but it works. Pesci though. Pesci fucking killed in that movie. Oh, I guarantee it. That dude's a legend.

That movie was dope. I love that movie. I liked that movie. People shit on that movie, but I, it was like, yeah, it was long as hell. And I took like three bathroom breaks, but loved it. I watched the entire thing. I never got bored.

But wasn't the last Avengers movie like the exact same length or close to it? Like who the fuck is counting minutes? If it's good, rock with it. If it's not good, it feels long as fuck anyway. I know. And it's on Netflix. Right.

It's built on a medium where you can pause. So really, who gives a fuck? Right. Like he built it for that. I remember being like, damn, they did a good job making these guys look young until like, DeNiro had to rush down to the corner store to beat that dude's ass.

And it's like, he's not moving fast. Like, oh, I, did I tell you guys that I ran into DeNiro at backstage at the critics choice awards this past, past year pre COVID. Yeah. Oh, were you nominated? I was presenting. Oh, bummer.

Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. But it was like, DeNiro comes backstage and I know him from the intern and I like had a meeting with him and we talked for like two hours in his office one time and he comes backstage and I go, how are you doing, Bob? And he just looks at me with no recollection

and I didn't even, I should have just gave him the olive branch of going like, it's me, Adam from the intern, but I didn't. I just like held my crown and we stared at each other for like, he could have like quickly been like, oh, hey, how are you doing and kept it moving. But he stared at me for 10 seconds waiting for me to go, it's Adam from the movie, the intern and I didn't.

And I just sort of, we just locked eyes and for like 10 seconds and Chloe's just grabbing my arm harder and harder being like, what the fuck is going on? And then he just goes, huh, and then walked away. Okay, can I ask you a question about that? Why didn't you say it? Was that like, what was going on where you're like, I could have, I could say who I am

and remind this older gentleman who I am. Yeah. Why didn't you? Because we were just so locked in the moment. And I kind of wanted to see if he would remember without any help. Okay. He does like six movies a year though and he's 70, whatever. I know, and I know.

And in hindsight, I wish I would have just gone, hey, Bob, I'm Adam. It's Adam, Anders friend from intern. Anders friend from the intern. Right. And he goes, oh, Drable. Zach Perlman. Zach Perlman's acting partner. Jason Orley's scene partner.

Perlman's stunt double. Anders, yeah, it looks like Perlman in the flick. Almost exact same look. Adam, to be fair, I plan for that running. I carry around the glasses I wore in the intern. Wherever I go, just to put them on. And then I go, Bobby D, mucho de nero. Alrighty then.

I was waiting for like a glimmer of like, oh, oh, okay, yeah, yeah, none of it. And actually, I mean, like, I almost felt like he respected that I didn't tell him. He was just like, okay. Well, yeah, he had no idea who you were. So it was just a weird running with a guy. He was like, huh, that's cool.

All he was thinking there was, I'm glad he didn't ask for a picture. Yeah. All right, yeah. Cool, cool interaction. All right. This prick called me Bob and then just stood there. Okay.

Bob. No picture though. We're good to go. I love his videos where he's like, I'm gonna talk about Trump. He's like, I'm gonna punch him in the fucking face. Punch him, I'm gonna find him. I'm gonna just beat his ass.

Well, they're like the same age. So I would put my money on De Niro. I don't know. I don't know, but Trump's heavy. Trump's a bigger dude. He's a big man. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, I don't know.

Trump's like six two, right? And he's fucking wide bootied. That's how I'm gonna look. I'm just gonna balloon from the back. The low center. I'm just gonna have to walk all hunch forward because my ass is too heavy. It's a counterbalance.

Pulling me backwards. When am I gonna leak those nudes, baby? The skin sack of Trump nudes. Oh, somebody's gotta have those nudes up there. Just some like, you know, just big titted hooker that he hooked up with in Russia. Allegedly. Did I do that?

Took photos of his nut sack when he was sleeping. I'm trying to see those. Well, there's the piss tape. Supposedly that's a thing. So I mean, whoever came up with that, if it doesn't exist is a fucking genius because it's hilarious. It's perfect.

I know. It's so funny. Yeah. But the lawyer, Cohen or whatever, like confirmed, he was like, it wasn't a piss tape that he was peeing on hookers that Cohen was talking about. He was talking about how they allegedly

went to a strip club somewhere. And at the strip club, there was a piss show. It's encouraged. And they all watched it. That's what he just said on real time, right? Right, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was interesting.

Yeah, super fascinating stuff. Good news. Really, really paints a great picture of our commander in chief. You got it, dude. Yeah, that is nice. How many sounds you got now, Blake? What's the total over there?

I think we're rocking with seven. Seven sounds. That's dope. And you know where all the sounds are. So it could be quick to the touch. Yeah, I kind of fall asleep at the wheel. It's hard. You guys, I like listening to you, you know?

Well, feel free to chime in whenever you'd like to. You don't just need to. Yeah, baby. OK. That is a skill that hopefully you will develop further as we move on. Guys, once again, I mean, who knows what number podcast this is?

69. But as you know, the podcast doesn't get good until around 25 or 30 or 69. Well, if we are 69, we should be good right now. Come on, man. Well, we're getting better. Yeah, baby. Are we?

Yeah, baby. Did someone say we were getting better? I like Adams is as good if not better. Yeah, baby. All righty. All righty then. Derz has a good Ventura. This one is fire, though.

I'm pissed now. Yes, that is great. Yeah, I feel like Kyle could do that. What is that from? I feel like a fucking idiot. Yeah, that's Lex Luger, man. It's a wrestling. When he grabs a fucking shirt and he's like, your t-shirt.

He grabs a shirt to rip it. He can't rip it. He says to Billy off screen, your t-shirts are too tight, Billy, and then he fucking sits on business. That's the best when you are angry and you try to break something and do something and you can't. Like when baseball player tried to break a bat on his knee just because of hurting himself.

Oh, my God, it's got to hurt so bad. I did, I did, I did. The coolest is when you see him and they just can do it calmly, like how Bo Jackson would just do it and it looked so easy. Right. You ever tried to break a baseball bat on your knee? It's hard as fuck. No.

Constantly trying. But you know what's funny, I feel like for Bo Jackson, the bat broke before it even hit the leg. It was like, we're not, we're going to break that leg. It just saw the leg coming. He probably did it with already cracked bats. Oh, yeah, for sure. He knew the sound of a cracked bat and then he's like,

look at like a skateboarder when they're like, I just cracked the deck. Now I'm going to stomp on this thing and it's going to be dope. Right. We're talking about Bo Jackson, the pound for pound strongest person in the history of the planet, right? Is he? And Kyle's talking about Tony Hawk, the strongest skater of all time.

He ran so hard that when someone grabbed onto his leg and he kept going in stride, it pulled his femur out of the hip socket. And when he said, he told the doctors that. Because he was too strong. Yeah. So he tried to keep going, but there was a full grown man holding on to it. And he told the doctors like, yeah, when he grabbed on, the hip came out of the socket and the doctors were like,

well, that's impossible. That doesn't happen. But like, let's get you to the sidelines and get you fixed up. Then they took him to the hospital and inspected it. And they were like, yeah, you pulled your hip out of your socket. And that dude still has the record for the 40. Back when dudes were running in like ruse and shit, like. Running in what?

He's a he's a freaking nature kangaroos. What? Ruse kangaroos. The fuck are kangaroos? It's a shoe. Oh, OK. It's a shoe brand. Like before they had like legit spikes in football,

they had like the rubber pattern bottoms like Walter Payton used to rock them. Huh. Tight. Oh, sweetness. The ruse. Sweet. The ruse, baby. All right, man, some ruse.

This is important. Bo Jackson's strongest man alive. I do kind of remember those. Yeah, you don't remember Bo Jackson was a fucking freak, dude. No, I do. I just remember him from baseball. He's like ran through the wall in the outfield, which is so cool. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that was sick. I remember when he played baseball and I knew he was like very strong. I did have a pet turtle when I was a child and I named him after Bo Jackson because the turtle was resilient and kept trying to get up out of the water. It was stuck one day. And it just kept working and working. And it was tenacious and it got up and out of the water. And I was like, oh, you're Bo Jackson, man.

Well, can I say that I think that's a stupid fucking name for that turtle? Why? Because he wasn't known for his tenacity. Well, you see how much my knowledge of Bo Jackson is. I was obviously just glomming on to pop culture. You should have named that turtle like Cal Ripken, Jr. or something. Or just or Bo Bo staff for Donatello, because it's a turtle. Yeah, Donatello.

Well, the other turtle was named Donatello. My brother named. Yeah, baby. The turtle Donatello, and I couldn't. I couldn't do that. So. Donatello. Yeah, you could.

You're the older brother. Jacket's name would be like my turtle's name is Donatello. I know. I probably shouldn't have named the turtle Bo. I probably shouldn't have. You should have named that turtle better Donatello. That would have been so sick. Such a boss ass older brother move.

Older brother just flex. Oh, you're naming your turtle Donatello. Cool. Mine, I think I was going to name mine better Donatello. Remember when we were going to start a band called Better Than Aerosmith? Oh, yeah. That's still a solid name for.

And do all no doubt covers. Oh, my God. Nothing but hits. That would be amazing. That's a great concept for a band. Better Than Aerosmith, and we just open with Spiderwebs. Spiderwebs. With a message and I call you back.

That would be fantastic. Did you have a horn section? We were going to. And I play the trumpet. We're going to have so many cool things. You have no idea. Yeah, Adam and I dared to dream. Yeah, we would smoke a lot of weed out of our fire pit,

which is essentially a trash can that we just had a bunch of shit on fire in our backyard. That's right. Dangerously close to the side of the house. And we would just get really high sitting on furniture that we stole from. Not stole, but it was trash furniture that was on the side of the road that we put back there.

That definitely there was rats and other varmin vermin living inside of it. Varmits. Varmits vermin. And we would get high and come with some master plans of starting bands. Dare to dream. Yeah, baby.

Yeah. I want to say I have a recording of Adam and myself brainstorming from like 2002. That's fucking epic. I think it's still on my phone unless it got lost in the transfers. I need to hear that. It's an audio. Yeah, like a voice memo.

What are some of these brainstorms? What did we cook up? Knowing us, we'll dust it off and pitch it. I can't remember. I think it was Dorms. It was Dorms with a Z. I don't know if Dorms had a Z. I think it had an S.

That should be a cartoon, honestly. It did. It had an S. I think it had an S. I remember having a conversation where Dorms was a pilot that Ders and I wrote when we first met each other in 2004, three or four, something like that. And I remember having a real conversation

and being like, are we going Z or are we going to go Classic S? I think we went Classic S just to be like, no, we're not. We're not Z boys. We're not going Z boys. Strong move. This is when Adam was sneaking out of the house to write with somebody. And it's like, where were you?

I was writing with who? Just a friend of mine that you guys don't know that you're not friends with, so I'm only friends with him. Well, we were going to do this improv video, but I guess you're a writer now. No, I can double dip. I can do both. So I'm also friends with you guys.

I think it's kind of commitment to the improv or commitment to the writing. Yes, and I will be the star of your video. No, I do remember being a little bit like what's going on here. I'll piss now. Thank you. Are you OK with it now? Of course.

I remember the first night that I brought Ders around. He got in a fight with our upstairs neighbors. Shouting match. Shouting match. A shouting match, not a fist fight. I haven't heard that term in a while. I got to bring that back. We were upstairs and for whatever reason,

Ders was saying something and they were like, what the fuck are you doing here? Who are you? Get out of here. But like you guys lived in a duplex. So you guys were. Triplex. Triplex.

Hello. Yeah, baby. You could try and plex me. So you guys lived downstairs. Other people lived upstairs. It was like a co-party. I was upstairs and then everyone I knew went downstairs. And then they just turned to me and they're like,

who the fuck are you? And I was like, I'm friends with the guys downstairs. And then some dudes were like, get the fuck out of here. And I was like, whoa, hey man. They're flexing on you. They try plexed on me. You were too big for the party. That's what happens.

That only happens to big guys. They never do that to me. People are like, you could stay a little rascal. I did say they were like, get the fuck out of here. And I was like, OK, carry me out. You drew a line with the neighbors. It didn't go over well. And then he said, you want me to carry you?

Huh? Because I will. Oh, carry you. And then I was like, OK, I'll go. And then they went to get Kyle. And I was getting my DVDs back from Adam that he had borrowed. Well, I was laying on.

I was passed out on the couch probably in a puddle of my own piss because I used to piss the futon all the time. Did I do that? No, you had just fought Adam. Yes, Kyle had just fought me. That doesn't mean I wasn't in a puddle of my own piss. Sure, that is true.

I'm pissed now. He might have pissed himself when he kept showing me his hands. I pissed. Kept showing me his hands saying, oh, you're so look at and connect with these big check hands. Right. We talked about that story and this connects directly with this story because then I remember waking up in a haze

and hearing a shouting match going on in my living room to which I took the side of my neighbors because I knew them. I had no idea who the fuck you were at that point. No idea. That's not very jean. And then I was getting my DVDs and it looked like I was stealing from you and you were like, who are you?

I'm like, yeah, you were taking the arrested development DVD in the Jamie Foxx DVD and I said, you can't fucking take those. And I said, these are mine. Those are Adam's friends DVDs. I said, I think I'm Adam's friend because these are my DVDs. I said, Adam is your friend? And by the way, me and Kyle have just gotten in a fight 40 minutes before this.

And I love that Kyle standing up for my friend's DVDs. Well, we got in a fight over some BS with a girl. I can get past that easily. You know what I mean? It's bros. Yes, for sure. You know what I mean? Kyle was just looking to fight somebody that night, I think.

Yeah, he had demons. Yeah, he was trying to fight. Well, this is, you know, it didn't stop. I stopped drinking six years ago because when I got drunk, I was looking for it, you know? And I said, Kyle, why don't you carry me out? That's this dude's catch line. Why don't you carry me out?

Adam, how did that end? Did you get in the middle of it? Well, I remember coming into the room, like hearing you being like, those are Adam's friends DVDs. And then there's being like, I think I'm Adam's friend. And then you're like, I don't know you. And then I come in and I'm like, that's my friend, Kyle. I write with him.

Oh, this is who you've been sneaking off to to write, huh? That's what it was about, the jealousy. This is why you won't improv with me. Oh, but our guitar hero was all improv. Why do you think you need to write? Dude, so real. So that's why you missed Wee Bowling last week, right? OK, I thought we were in a league, bro.

So that's why you missed Wee Bowling practice. Ders, you just, you took off. I don't know, did you walk back to your place? You were wasted. I walked home to West Hollywood. Jesus, how is that? Which we were Mid City LA, which that's a hell of a walk. This is Miles and I'm wearing Clark's wallabies.

Yeah, you are. Let's just say it wasn't a great walk. No, no shade to wallabies. No shade to wallabies. We're looking for a sponsor. I just don't walk four miles in them. Yeah, they're more for pimping. And then the next day, Adam's like, you want to go see a movie?

And I'm like, what movies? Like Kung Fu Hustle. And I'm like, yeah, I'll go see that. And then when we get there, who else is there? Guess who's there? Anders is there. Yeah, baby. He arranged this whole thing.

He arranged it so we could squash the beef. Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. Learn how to improv, learn how to write. And we love that movie, didn't we, Anders? It's so good. And do you remember what I said yesterday? Carry me to my seat. Oh, god damn, Blake.

I was trying to get my little joke on. And you're just like, sorry, brother. No finesse, no finesse. Did I do that? All right, Blake's heating up. You going to this movie? Would you mind carrying me in? I remember the first time I asked Anders

if we wanted to write together, or if we should write together, hang out, or whatever. I remember my car had broken down, and our ex roommate, Christine, was there to pick me up. And she was like. From Second City, where we were doing improv together. Yeah, I was getting, we had just done improv class, and we're coming out of class, and Derz was so funny.

And I remember standing on the corner, like I'm asking a dude out, and was like, yeah, so you're really funny, dude. Oh, yeah, you too, man, you're really funny. Do you want to get together and write, or figure something out? And Derz was like, oh, hell yeah, yeah, you know? You stand up, that's fucking crazy, man, you got some balls on you, dude.

Yeah, okay, cool, thank you. I do have balls, and then Christine was like honking at me, and she goes, Adam, what the fuck are you doing? And I get in the car, and she was like, what was that about? And I'm like, I'm fucking him. I think I'm going to fuck this guy. I think I'll be fucking him.

Yeah, baby, yeah, baby. And that happened twice. So then after that, we made that pilot, right? Is that the first thing that we made together? Like it had the incarnation of crossbows and mustaches in it? Yeah. Is that the first thing we ever did together? I mean, I don't know if that was the first thing,

but that was, yeah, I think we just fucking bit it off. Yeah, I think that was the first thing. Yeah, and it holds up, it's still perfect. That's when Blake came up. Well, I remember, and this is like what's so great about just being young and a little naive, and just kind of going for it, is I did stand up and some low level casting assistant from MTV was like,

wow, I've never seen you before. I really like your stuff. If you have any stuff, send it over. And they gave me their card, and I'm like, guys, I'm plugged into MTV. We've got a direct connection now. We've got to do this. We've made it, oh.

What was MTV making at that time? Human Giant had just come out. Oh, shit. So we were like, probably the Lonely Island had just gone over to SNL or close to that. And Human Giant was Paul Shear, Rob Hubel, and Aziz Ansari's sketch comedy show that was really fucking funny.

And Bobby, Bobby, was it a little kid's name? Bobby Lee. No, the little black dude? No, that's Mad TV. Bobby J, Bobby J. The little kid, you mean the man that's 10 years older than you? Right, sorry about that.

He is kind of shaped like a toddler, a little bit. What's up with Bobby J? Because he has to be like 22 years old, right? Yeah, that's a great question, damn. Bobby J was on fire. He had like the- I know, but keep it real. He was like the best improvising eight-year-old

you've ever seen in your entire life, right? But then when you're like 20, a lot of people are pretty good at improv and you don't stand out as much, you know? I'm sure he'll have his- Sure, that's true. Surgeons, but he was like a fucking genius. He was so good.

Dude, and he would just scream and do Michael Jackson impressions. Dude, back to Adam saying how he got the card for MTV. I used to be, because I was editing that thing and treating it like a job, like editing 14 hours a day and not working anywhere else. Yeah, you're like quitting work. But having massive, massive fights with my parents.

I'll piss now! About how I am going to make it. I'm going to make it. This is the ticket, this is it. I have no other choice but to make this. And you were right. And you were right. You had to think that way.

We all thought that way. We were all like fucking lying to our parents saying we were closer than we were. Yeah, I mean, we believed we were closer than we were. Every time, you got to be passionate about it. We were just as passionate as everybody who gets the razzies, you know? Well, that's what I'm saying.

You have to be delusional in thinking that you are close enough or else you never will be. Totally. You are just fully, you understand where you're at and you're not striving for more and you're not going for it, then you're not going to make it. That's why whenever you meet a huge star, they're crazy. They're the ones who believed it the most

that like the world revolved around them and you're like, oh wow, we just had a conversation and you weren't there. Yeah, there's a reason, you know, Tom Cruise is a fucking loony take is because he's... But there's also those loony tunes you can also tell like you're kind of like, you know, you're not going to make it

even though you have that weird ass attitude where it's like, yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Well, for sure, you have to be talented but the mixture of talent and being able to follow through and go after your dreams, there has to be a good mix there as opposed to just like a full blown lunatic who's like, I'm going to be the president.

Well, that works too. There's like the work ethic. If you're crazy and willing to show up and work hard, you'll win. If you're crazy, but you think you're gifted and that like everybody else is lucky to be around you, you're probably fucked. And we know a few people like that

that we saw like in the sketch game where you're like, wow, that guy's funny. I heard his sketch group hasn't seen him in six weeks though. Because no matter how talented you are, you have to put that time in because everybody's so dismissive where they're like, there's so many talented people here and in the same game as you,

you have to be able to work harder than them. That's what's going to set you apart because you're essentially replaceable by the harder worker. And if you don't work hard and you spend all your parents' money, your dad's going to say, I'll piss now. Nice. That was so flawless. So smooth.

So smooth. You guys are improv troupe. Did I do that? Soundboard, man, I'm telling you, bro. I will say, I may be a little slow on the delivery because I quit drinking coffee two weeks ago. What? Why, dude? This is important.

Yeah, now this is important. Kyle, I kind of got inspired by you, you know, cutting things out of your life. I quit drinking coffee and it's... How were your headaches, man? That's what I noticed with the coffee. It fucking gets you. I didn't so much have headaches

as I literally could never woke up throughout the entire day. Like for about four days straight, I felt like I needed to go right back to bed. Right. But how's the Red Bull going? Yeah, you're just doing cocaine now? Well, that's the other thing. I have a 10 a.m. Red Bull.

I have a noon line of cocaine and a slice of orange. So two weeks, man, that's good, dude. Yeah, and I specifically did it for two weeks just to talk about it right here and now I think I'm going to go do it again tomorrow. I was just going to say, Blake, I don't give a fuck, but do you, I don't care.

Well, I want to do some coffee talk on this pot, all right? Hey, that's going to be Blake's segment of the podcast. Welcome to Coffee Talk with Blake Anderson. Let's have a shouting match about Joe, a cup of Joe. I'm into it, man, I'm into it. I love me some coffee. I do like to cut it out every once in a while. But what is the reason for quitting coffee?

Yeah, why stop? Okay, I'm glad you guys asked that because I don't, I feel like, I don't know if other people have this, but I feel like every seventh, not in a day, but every seventh cup of coffee I have, it goes in increments of seven. Oh my God, you're my smartest friend.

Go ahead. Yeah. I drink the coffee and I get fucking furious. What? Whoa. Yeah, like I get coffee anger. Coffee rage? Hey, well, don't have seven cups in a day. Not in a day, that's what I'm, no,

that's what I'm saying. I'm saying not in a day. It's like, it seems like every seventh cup I have in a week or a set of time, I'm furious. Well, that for sure definitely seems like a thing that you're making up in your head. Whether it happens is for sure, you know, true if you say it's true,

but that's not like a... Okay. If you have seven in a day and you're riding that caffeine high, maybe that seventh cup is what takes you over the, but if it's a through a week, that's... It started to get closer and closer to each other and it seemed like every cup I drank,

I was just extremely furious and sweaty almost immediately after. The sweats are a real thing with coffee. If you're ingesting caffeine all the time or have too much, I do notice that like my sweats is like fucking crazy. Well, I don't mind sweating. Well, it's hot coffee, it's warm. No, I only drink ice.

I never drink hot coffee. I refuse to drink hot coffee. It's the caffeine. It's not the heat of the actual beverage. It's the caffeine itself. Yeah, I don't know if I could ever stop caffeine. I fucking love it too much. Let's get into Adam's caffeine ingestion.

Well, that's a sad story. That's a tragic one. Yes. By the way, I don't drink coffee, but I'll fuck with a five hour energy drink if I like have a long day and I need to get into something and it gets me where I need to go. You have no idea.

I like that about you. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. That's why I'm asking questions. Right. Okay, good. All right. I remember I was, we were with Derz when he had his first ever can of monster energy

and the guy was like a fucking crackhead. Oh, damn. It was a road trip back from Northern California. I freestyle wrapped for six hours. Yeah, he wouldn't stop freestyle wrap supreming. That's right. I forgot, it was bizarre and your rhymes were weird.

I'm sure they were great. Yeah, and it was just like mom snaps, like your mama jokes. No, it'd be like your wallet is like... No, it was this. It was your mom's face looks like Samuel Wall Jackson's wallet. And you would just crack up and like we're all trying to like sleep or...

It was bad like your mom's titties look like crocodile skin or some shit. Nothing was making sense. That's a classic. Still funny. That is pretty good. Yeah, I would say I'm a true addict when it comes to coffee and caffeine.

I feel like I have it more under control now than I have in the past, but I'm not afraid to let it fly, baby. What's the latest you'll drink coffee in a normal day? Okay, I like that. 7 p.m. Whoa. Really?

See, that's crazy. But that's only if I'm gonna work. I will stop drinking coffee earlier if I'm not gonna work out. You use it as a pre-workout. I use it as a pre-workout. And then I also use pre-workout as well. Okay.

Yo, you're out of your mind. So wait, hold on a second. Let me get a real macro perspective. How many cups do you have on average a day? Or like, and what are they? I have ice cup this big, the size of my head. And how many shots? That's three shots of coffee.

That's three stops of espresso. No, I use the Starbucks iced coffee that you just buy at the store that you could just pour in. Okay. And then so it's iced coffee and I just fill it up and I probably have... What is that, 16 ounces right there?

Looks like a 20. Guys at home, it's like a pint glass. Yeah, it's a little bigger than a pint glass. Yeah. About 20, okay. And then I probably five or six of these a day. Okay. Are you serious?

Yeah. Yo. Five or six of these, that's 100 or 120 ounces of coffee. My guy's a big golfer. Let's just say that's, let's say Starbucks is, okay, that's like three cups of coffee at Starbucks. That could easily be the equivalent of three shots of espresso times five.

That's 15 shots, 15 to 20 shots of espresso every day. You got it, dude. You're out of your mind. Yeah, dude, but how often do you see me sleepy? All the time. Yeah, like constantly. Every morning. Yeah.

Yeah, morning, dude. That's when you're supposed to be shaking off them webs. So on like a normal day, working outside like, cause if I have a thing, right? If I drink a five hour, I need to drink after two 30 in the afternoon. It's a fucking nightmare for me to go to sleep later and I'm up till three, like whatever.

See, well, what you got to do then is you have to then have your night night juice. No, no, no, I don't fuck with that, dude. That's how you end up Heath Ledger. What's your night night juice? Yes, Adam is on a highway to hell right now. Yeah, exactly. You put a little splishy splash with Zquill

over some ice and some soda water. You're joking, right? No, I do this every night. You do? I do it every night. Every night? I do. God, this podcast is going to be used as evidence.

You have Zquill over soda water every night? Over soda water every night before bed. Alrighty then. And then Zquill. Zquill, the grape flavor. Every night. The grape flavor, delicious. Wow, man.

I hope we're gaining a sponsor. My boy. Hey, don't talk shit cause I'm trying to get a sponsor. Okay, I like this. My boy's drinking lean. Okay, yeah, fair enough. No, I'm not gonna not talk shit because of a sponsor.

I'm gonna talk shit because I'm worried about you. Adam, this has been going on for years. No, dude, dude, it says right on, it says right on the bottle, non-habit forming. Yo, humans are habit forming. Humans are habit forming. If you just do something every day you get in your routine, that's the habit.

They might not be addictive. Damn. I'm all in, I like the purple drink. It's good, dude. And it's good too. It's real good if you had a shot of vodka but I don't do that every night because that's alcoholism, guys.

And I'm not about that, okay? But you've done it. I only drink on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Thank you. Oh my God. Is that for real? You don't drink on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday? Unless Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday,

something fun's happening. Unless my boys are playing a Monday night football game that I'm gonna be charged up. Yeah, then I gotta get the one back, guys. I'm so worried for you. Yeah, I mean, I'm not really, I'm just realizing how opposite I have. Your routine is fire, I'm hyped.

My routine's fire, dude. I ride 20 miles a bike on the day. I work out every day, you know? You have to, because you're hopped up. Yeah. And you have to. That's right, I need to get rid of this, all this pent-up N for G.

Our lives are so different. I wanna live interview Adam's heart because he's a frickin' savage. He's gon' doom-doom, doom-doom, doom-doom, doom-doom, start me up, shh. For real. What do you think would happen if you didn't drink coffee for three days?

Can we record that documentary? Can that just be? I'll tell you right now, you're gonna get real tired. Yeah, it's gonna be shitty. What do you mean? It's just gonna be me with a headache, being a little bummed. Do you remember when I had to go to the doctor?

No, it's gonna be much more than that. You're gonna freak the fuck out. You're gonna lose your mind. I'll piss now! You're not gonna be a little bummed. You're gonna be, like, detoxing. You're gonna go insane. If you had to go for one week or two weeks,

two weeks, if that was a documentary, and you're like, I'm gonna do this, you would fucking go nuts. Oh, yeah, this is me going nuts. Oops, I guess I don't have it. I'll continue living my life as a- Really, Adam? Because you do it every day.

Yeah. No, I quit coffee. I did it. Yeah, Blake just quit coffee. You have three bad days. Blake. And then you just did it. He just did it.

Dude, this dude is drinking lean to sleep. It's a dead animal. That's my boy right there. DJ, screw, baby. Let's go. Oh, show me. What do you wake, wait, hang on. So is this, is that stuff kind of like ambient?

Like if there was an earthquake in the middle of the night and you had to like scramble, would you be like a zombie behind the wheel? No, Zquill's, it's not even that hard. It's like, Nyquil is like medicine. Zquill is just a light sleephead. So why are you taking it? It's like a melatonin.

Why don't you take melatonin? I would trust melatonin more than Zquill. Yeah, it's what's in your skin, bro. It's melatonin, too. My smartest friend. My, sometimes my heartbeat is too loud to go to sleep. Yeah, baby. So I need to slow that down with a little Zquill.

Yo, I'm not a doctor. Do you ever think about slowing down at all? Like, you know, just kind of not even during the pandemic. Not yet, baby. All gas, no breaks, baby. Let's go. All right, all right. Yeah, baby.

Alrighty then. What's your drink of choice these days, boys? Alcoholic drink or any kind of drink? Shit, if you got a regular ass drink, what is it? But I'm talking about the booze. Oh, well, y'all know I'm not partake of it. Well, I think me and Blake are team Ashlyn Hart-Seltzer. Oh, yeah, you know we get down with that.

Sponsor, sponsor, sponsor. I've never had it. Nobody sent me any. I've never had it. I've never had it. I've never had it. I've never had it. I've never had it.

I've never had it. Nobody sent me any. Aw. Actually, it's very hard to get a hold of. It is. I know, so man, when you guys gonna send me just like a little junior pallet. I got in a text confrontation with like the dude who runs it

cause I'm like, he's like, yo, why don't you post? And I'm like, because literally no one can get this shit. And then when I post it, my DMs are just, hey, where is it? Right. I think that's the reason to post out. So full disclosure, Blake and I are investors in this company, Ashland Hard Seltzer.

Yeah, baby. Hey, I'm gonna say, yeah, baby. It's the best hard seltzer on the market, baby. Yeah. And it is, it's fucking good. It really is. It truly is really good. It's yummy.

It's truly? You just said it's truly? It truly is. I can't say that. Like it's as good as truly. Yeah. It's truly good. There's no white claws about it.

We're beating truly in San Diego and in Orange County. Nice. We're the number two hard seltzer after the fucking claw. If it was 1994, that would be huge. It would be so huge. Spider webs. Walking in a cider web.

So okay, so your favorite drink is what you invest, you're an investor in? Yeah, that's been my drink of the summer, honestly. It's just because it's good to drink during the summer months. But I've been drinking that little weed drink. The can, C-A-A-N. That is like 2%, which I'm not,

I don't have any skin in the game other than liking it. But I like, it's a 2% THC and then I think 4% CBD or however they. Yeah, it's low dosage. Yeah, super low dosage. But it's nice. But I get pretty fucked up off those. If I have like three of those

and then I put them over diet seven up. Ooh. And then I'll also choose some gummy weeds and also smoke weed and also drink Ashland's. Drink your fucking coffee. Yeah, can you steer your boat? No, honestly, I'm really good. I get in the zone.

I get to Catalina like that. Do you think you're on the boat? Chloe, anchor. We're on the porch. No, no, never while driving the boat, okay? Of course not, allegedly. Let's be smart about it. Let's be smart about it, guys.

You got it, dude. Anders, what's your favorite drink nowadays? That's a good question. I actually haven't had any liquid mugs. Wow. He's drained it. It's just bread and uncooked macaroni. That's awesome.

That's an easy Mack swag. I do, I just do margaritas, man. That's my boy. That's a summer, Bevy, you know? Damn, these are my shooters right here. I just do like a big, giant Phil Holm. That's my dad. God damn.

The isolated mug of margarita, you know? And like walk around the neighborhood. Halloween's gonna be sick. Oh no, I like to walk over to neighbor's houses with just a giant mug of booze and be like, hey, just checking in, how are ya? Nice, dude. This is my thing I'm doing today.

Yeah, I'm just moseying around. I know, I like that the pandemic has just immediately made all of us just like old men. Oh yeah, yeah, like we flip into retired mode. Oh, immediately. You just like go on neighborhood walks. Like I'll just go, like I live by the beach. So I'll just like walk over to the beach

and just like put my feet in the water. Yep. And then turn around and walk back. And like there was no point to doing that other than like kill some time. Yeah, and you just get to feet in the water and you go, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Durs, are you pretty hyped on your neighbors?

Who, me? Yeah. Yeah, my neighbors rock, dude. That's cool, my neighbors are kind of weak. I got the best neighbors. No, my fucking neighbors are real. My neighbors are tight too. Yeah, right.

How close are your neighbors? Kyle, you're out there in the fucking sprawling, like rolling hills. Honestly, I didn't really know who they were before 2020 and now I've gotten to know them and they're all, they're all pretty dope. Like, yeah, I'm, I can't really see their houses, but I can walk to the fence and then say what up.

Property line? Is this where the, is this where the property line is? Or are you encroaching? Exactly, dude. There's somebody trying to build out here and I feel so bad because everybody's just like swarming on his plans and they're like, you can't do that. And the poor guy bought the land five years ago

and like, he's been working at it and now he's getting blocked. And he's just like, I'm just trying to put my water park here. And everyone's like, no, you can't. Which would be fire. Kyle, is there an encroachment? He has an easement on the neighbors, on the neighbors line. So he's kind of encro,

but not an encroachment. This is important after all. Well, his septic tank is kind of encroaching on my property and I'm a little bit upset with that because. This is important. I don't want his leech field on my property. I don't want him to be leeching on my property. Get his septic tank on his.

Wow. I feel like Blake's coffee corner is rivaling Kyle's property management. Oh yeah, land stuff, baby. Let's go. Land ownership. I do enjoy it. I do enjoy talking about the land.

What's your favorite drink of the pandemic, Blakey? Yeah. Ooh, I mean, inside a pandemic, outside a pandemic, I do love a good margarita, I will say that. I'm always a Bud Light boy. I've been a Coors Light guy lately. Coors Light. I don't know what happened, but they go down real smooth.

You know, I loved Coors Light for a long time and then my father trash talked it and told me if I drank it, he'd disowned me. So I had to switch. Oh, Jesus. They like funded Nazis or something. Yeah. What?

Yeah, they do have a bad past. Yeah. Coors Light funded Nazis? Well, the guy's name is Adolf. Something like that. So you know what, though? That's a pretty strong name. It's a good name.

Well, that's what I'm going to name my son. It's just a solid name. Dolph, what do you think Dolph Lundgren's name is? Mm-hmm. I think it's just Dolphin. You think it's Dolphin? I don't think it's Dolphin. Dolphin Lundgren?

I don't think so. The other day I did have the thought that I want to make the point that I need to make a return to Takate. Sure. Oh, you know what? I've been fucking up on the boat. What's nice is you wake up

and you've been drinking the night before. Okay? Pretty heavily. Yeah, baby. And you got to take the edge off in order to drive the boat back home from the island, from Catalina, right? So you, it's an hour and a half drive.

You know, it's out there. You're going to be in the middle of the ocean. So you got to take the edge off, right? What I do. Yep. Sure. Yeah, baby. So you just get drunk.

I have two beers. Six morning beers. It's called Riding the Wave. No, I have two beers in the morning. I don't know. A Coors Light on mixed with spicy. Tomato. Tomato juice.

Yeah. Bloody Mary mix. Bloody Mary mix. You got it, dude. Adam, this is you saying you're getting drunk before driving your boat. You just said you don't do it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Hang on, Kyle. Buzzed boat driving is not drunk driving. Allegedly. That's not driving. That's not drunk driving. You got to have two to level yourself out, Kyle. It's been a while since you've been in the game. I think you forgot there's levels to this show, okay?

Our smartest friend. It would be more dangerous for Adam to drive the boat before he consumed more alcohol. Blake, as my smartest friend, thank you for saying that because it would be more dangerous for me to not have two morning beers before taking that 2,000 pound vessel and soaring it home going as fast as I can.

Alrighty then. Wait, so when you're driving for an hour and a half, is that, is it super fucking loud? The boat? The boat? Yeah, the boat's pretty loud. I mean, but there's music and stuff. So do you have like headphones?

I know, but the music's blasting, right? Is it, it's just like screaming at each other to talk. Do they have like boating headphones with microphones where you and Chloe can be rocking it and like talk to each other like normally? When you're moving, the sound is escaping behind you. So you can still hold conversations. You just have to talk basically

as loud as we're talking right now. You can't be, you have to project a little bit, but you're not like having to scream. That's not too bad. Yeah. Yeah, okay. All right, hey. Kyle, are you a kombucha guy?

Yeah. I am, I like kombucha, yeah. What is it? Yeah, what is it? Kombucha, that's a great question, man. It's ooze water, man. It does have like, they do say it's like 1% of something. It definitely has alcohol in it.

Wait a second. Let me just write this down. What was the thing you just said, Kyle? It's 1% of something? Alcohol, yeah. Ooh, with shame in his voice, with shame in his voice. Come on back, baby. Bad boys, bad boys.

It's been six years. You know it's been six years since I've been hung over. That sucks. That doesn't mean anything. No, that just means you've been hung over for six years, dude. No, it's crazy. I'm listening to you guys talk about this and I'm like, man, I mean, it's just so far removed from my life.

Did you have bad hangovers? I'm only now starting to have. I had horrible hangovers. My hangovers, I remember wanting to like drill the side of my head to let air out. On some domership. That's not how it works, my smartest friend. No, I know, but that's what I wanted to do.

I remember it was just like the pressure was so intense for me. There's an old Norwegian saying where he says, there's a carpenter banging a hammer inside of my head. Right, that's exactly what it was. What a fun Norwegian saying. Well, as your most Norwegian friend, I thought I would share it. Love that about you.

But I kind of just keep the fridge stocked with LaCroix, you know? Like I really am just a LaCroix boy. They're a good price over at the Ralph's down here. They are great. And that's a plug. Yeah, put some different. I prefer talking rain.

I don't know if you've had talking rains. Yummy, too. I'm into it. I'm a talking rain boy. Polar. Y'all fuck with Polar. I don't fuck with Polar. That sounds hoity-toity, though.

You know, you know, I think it's I mean, it's whatever when I go to Oregon, that's what they have in the fridge. Or if I'm on production in some places, they usually have. What was that weird like, Ders, you were getting it, too. Like we were getting like weird ass glass bottles of water delivered to our house.

Oh, I got that, too. Dude. Icelandic. Icelandic. So good. I love it. My stepdad was flipping over it. He loved it.

Yes, that's what my dad drinks. It's the bomb. Yeah. Yes. I mean, it's OK. I was like, I don't want it. Don't send it to me. It's a waste of bottles.

They're sending, there's so much glass. It's just too much. Hang on before you think you know what you're talking about. Plastic is bad. Glass is fine. Glass is reusable. Plastic goes and floats in the fucking ocean. That's right.

Thank you, Anders. For sure. And also, I don't get plastic bottles either. I just drink the water out from my fountain. You're fountain. Yeah, what do you mean? My bubbler. I drink it from the bubbler.

My, you know, my giant ceramic fountain. My marble fountain. Listen to this shit. I just moved to the suburbs. You just throw your garbage and recycling away together and then they sort it later. That's true. But do that, though?

I don't fucking know. Yeah, they do. My little brother had that job. But like, it's the weirdest thing. I'm like holding the can and I'm like, do I just throw it in there with the hot dog or what the fuck ever? It's a game changer.

I love that. You live in a suburb with great infrastructure and they're using their tax dollars properly. I like that. If it's help and save the earth and the environment, then I'm all for it. Then it's important. It is important.

It's important to save the earth. Does anyone have any takebacks or apologies or compliments? Or compliments. That's right, of course. Man, I don't know. Yeah, I would like to take back and apologize to Kyle for saying that naming his turtle Bo and not knowing anything about Bo Jackson

was pretty fucking stupid. And, you know, he was a kid. He didn't know. He just saw Bo Jackson. He liked baseball. Like five years old. He's five years old. You know, he's not being a total fucking idiot.

He was just being a kid. And even though he didn't know anything about Bo Jackson and probably could have named his turtle something better or cooler, he didn't. And I would like to take back my slam. And I would like to apologize to Kyle for that. I'm pissed now. May I apologize?

I actually will go ahead and pile on because I wanted to compliment Blake on that particular button. Good button. I'm pissed now. The Lex Luger. Yes, I could listen to it all day. It always brings a smile to my face because I can visualize Lex Luger's frustration in that clip

and frustrated comedy is one of my favorite things. And a lot of times you are pissed now, you know? Did I do that? Because it's one of my favorite things. So I believe that I actually take a lot comedically from that button and Blake, you, Blake, you thank you for. And thanks for pressing it, man. You got it, dude.

Yeah, I'll press it more. It's very good. And I also like to add a take back real quick. I think that the kombucha is 0.1 or 0.01% alcohol, not 1%. 1% would be insane. So I just want to correct that. Yes, true, thank you.

1% would be, you would get drunk if you had enough of those. Yes, I think it's a 0.0 kind of thing. All right, yeah. And you know, I would just like to compliment, well, I feel like this whole section is just a kind of pad Kyle and talk him off the edge. But you know, I'd like to compliment Kyle on just being a part of a show that was nominated for the Emmys.

Don't take it too hard, brother. Like, these award shows, you know, they mean as much as you make them mean. And you know what? You're an award winner in my heart. And your work speaks for itself, whether you have a really cool gold trophy in your house or not. Well, thank you.

I already have a people's choice, so I just wanted another one. That's also meaningless. It's all my trophy. And it's awesome. I want to compliment Blake on just slamming Kyle right there. That was beautiful. And what do I want to take back? My judgmental tone that I took with Adam about what

is the most insane caffeine, caffeine intake I've ever heard of. And I just want to say, I want you to live longer. I don't want you to have heart problems. And I just, the Heath Ledger situation, I know another guy who used to speed it up and slow it down. He's gone. And if you died from that, the jokes would never stop from me.

And I just want you to know that. Even though Adam has clearly frozen. Yeah, I don't think he's with us anymore. I thought every time Adam freezes, I feel like it's just him making that face for a very long time. That was really like, I kind of, and that's amazing that he missed that. That's the most sincere I've ever heard you.

And you guys know that for me, if I'm joking about it, I care about it. That's true. And Blake, compliments on the on the soundboard. I'm hearing a lot of TGIF. If we could get some Cody, step by step. OK, can I ask you, Durs, is anybody going to set up the soundboard?

Because there's stuff that I've heard you mention that I would love to input. I would do it. Do we get our own or you want me to? I'll just send you the, I'll send them the ideas. OK, because I can take control of the board because I do need a, oh my god. Oh, that's true.

That's true. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to get them. We're going to get them. Is that, oh, was that, I found my father. That's correct. Oh, man, hell yeah.

OK, well, do we wrap it up without Adam? I think that's fine. I guess we could. He's gone. Adam passed. This is what it would be like if he did, unfortunately, go. So might as well get used to it.

Should we do the thing he does where he goes? And that was this is important. Thanks for listening, guys and gals. We out. I'll piss now.