This Is Important - Ep 96: Rear Nekkid Grandma

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Today, this is what's important: Kyle is missing, diarrhea, MMA fighter Puna Soriano calling out Adam, Iowa, childhood fights, being a horny youth, football, Alaska, best collabs, and more! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Inner Cosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Last season, millions tuned into the Betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception. I'm Andrea Gunning, and now we're sharing an all-new story of betrayal. Ashley Lytton was helping her husband set up a business Venmo account when she discovered

a terrible secret. I saw it in a folder, and I opened it. What the hell did I just see? Listen to season two of Betrayal on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Between April 1971 and September 1972, six young black girls were snatched off the streets in Washington, D.C. This child was laying on the side of the road. The person said, I murdered your daughter. The killer believed that he may have been seen. I will admit the others when you catch me if you can. Signed Freeway Phantom. Listen to Freeway Phantom on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeart Radio, the show where we only talk about

what's obviously most crucially integral to the fabric of our very nature. Today we talk about the first time I got a blowjob, the girl jumped out of a window immediately afterwards. He walked right up to me and kicked me straight in the testicles. I gotta kick these freaks off so they don't get caught up in some pubic hair. Freaks, I see ya. Here we go. Start your engines. Man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man-man. Yeah, baby. I got nothing. I got nothing. I got nothing. Dioria!

Becky Grammall! Oh boy. We're getting into it already. Dioria! Dioria! Ready? Ready? Ready? Ready? Now, Blake, are you trying to tell us you have Dioria? Dioria! Dioria! I It's definitely on on the cusp for sure. Did you have some beers? Is that what's happening? Yeah, you you're currently on the cusp of it I didn't shit right for like this is you know TMI at the gate, but here we go coming on fire, baby like two straight weeks because of I think my borderline alcoholism borderline drinking so much that all my shits were We're super liquid dude very gross style

And then I was like it can't just be the booze that can't be it and then I haven't drank it like two weeks because I'm trying to clean my act up and you know Snap this chin fat back in shape and right My shits are so solid now dude. It turns out It is the booze. You got some real healthy logs happening. Yeah, oh my god I wish we had the you know like you screen a movie to see if it tests well or not like wish we had those Do we could see the results of this conversation? Just dialing up and dialing nose diving right now I don't know. I think our fans are here for a hot hot diarrhea talk dude

I what if we're gonna if we're talking diarrhea out the gate I'm gonna let you guys know How I was feeling because it wasn't I wasn't feeling good there for a while You know some people call up. They're like I'm not really into scatological humor As this is that people people who are above like shit dookie jokes they go like Look, I guess I've never talked to them. So yeah, fuck them. Yeah, it's a little too Scatological for oh, yeah, you're talking to I forget you like have fancy friends. Yeah, you're hybrids like scatological

Yes, Mike my I'm friends with candles. That's how fancy I am. You're very high brown dude with the candelabras And that's another episode of did you guys see the the UFC fan that called me out. Yeah, I thought I was getting called out for a fight about that Yeah, well shit like a fighter. He just had won a fight, huh? Yeah, he just won the fight. His name is Puna and then Serena Serena Puna very cool. Yeah So you're a huge fan but you're yeah, dude I don't know. I don't know anything

And and he they said on the video they were like well for people that didn't see it he was like Do you want to call anyone out? And he's like, yeah, I want to call out Adam Devine Yeah, the actor from workaholics and I was like wait, is he getting is he calling me out for like a fight? Because Gary, what are we? What are we talking about? Yeah, I got let's break it down Purse wise. Have you guys heard about that new show cold and Blake? I'm gonna need you to help me out on this one It's called a rear Is a bagel. No, you're supposed to hit me with a naked grandma. It's oh wait do it again It's it's actually called the rear

And it is a pretty deadly the rear naked Real that sounds real so what's up with this guy? He's just he's just a fan No, I think he was just like a big fan someone's like a few of his friends were like DMing me saying like wish him Good luck, but I don't really you know, I don't know the guy And yeah, so right. Yeah, so I didn't do it and you know I did not respond to any of these DMs and then he calls me out in like a press conference What the hell right now he's getting the shout out. Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, what's up Puna? I guess he's a big fan of the podcast. He listens every week my main man Puna who knew we had a UFC a

Lot of the UFC athletes are into us at least one. Yeah, that's more than I kind of thought I feel like that checks out I feel like they would like to listen to us because they're like I think those guys are fun and I could beat them all up Maybe Or maybe we're like they've been hidden the head so many times that like we're the only we're the we're the level of comedy that They're they feel comfortable with stick Good low brow. Yeah, they don't say the word scat a lot. Yeah, they love the scat a lot I like that they're scat a logical for the most part. I'm really pissed that none of us ever MMA like trained

I'm really pissed. Yeah fucking furious. Yeah, I've never seen you this mad dude. You're so charged Yeah, I don't really see that I don't know I feel like if any of us would do it I would see it would be Blake to be honest Yeah, there was a moment when I was gonna start walking down that path cuz yeah Well, I know we were kind of what is it called rubbing shoulders bumping elbows? What is it? Both? Both are phrases. We're waiting for you to yes. I don't know. What is it? You know, we would pull up to like those spike TV parties docking are you talking about docking was docking this MMA fighter? Yeah, are you are you soaking? Is this when you got it? Yeah, I was soaking. Did you put him in a rear?

No, we were like we were like at parties like spike TV parties and like MMA dudes would be there and shit You have C fighters and I remember becoming friends. I can't remember his name anymore, but my god What a fan and and what a story this guy was ready to turn pro So wait, so you met a guy one time No, I met him at several events like he would be like my drinking buddy Like when you guys weren't there and then when were we not there? We were always there at every every event weren't there for me I don't know the way he said we went to spike TV parties

I was like maybe twice, but it sounds like you might have been just going every year. You were just showing up They're like, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry. I love me back I was talking spike TV or spike ball dude. I was just in the audience for guys choice awards. I was so hyped Right like as an usher. You were like a seat filler. Yeah, y'all got these four right here player You sit there. Yeah, you're just a featured extra At the guys choice. I was just a seat filler of like four years in a row because I just wanted to be close to the action To my guy cons. I could see that for you. Yeah, I got it I wanted to see who took home the buckhorns, baby, but I do feel like Blake

Blake's got wrestling in his jeans. Okay. Yes, right? At least one time. I saw him wrestling something in his jeans Blake says he has wrestling in his jeans. I do also my whole family wrestle. Yeah. Well, we're and they're also from Iowa I know he's gonna mention being from Iowa Yeah, it's Iowa's the wrestling capital of America, right? That's that's fair to say, huh? I think yeah, at least at one point. I don't know if it still is but it for sure was when I was growing up Yeah, it was it was big shit in Iowa, which Blake did not grow up in Iowa. He likes that I'm the first born California Adam what is with the heat from Adam as if this isn't something you guys might have connected on when you first like

Oh, I waterloo and he's like, yeah, no, we never did. He always tried to out Iowa. Dude. It was actually kind of weird I Dude, I don't know why you acted that well, but okay ready pop quiz Iowa the the name of the mascot for Iowa's University of Iowa is a Hawkeye. Okay, and the mascot for Iowa State University. I collect clone. Oh Shit, it's a dead tie Corn Yeah, you got it field of yeah Is this heaven no, it's Iowa Iowa

Like we both stutter steps on that one a little bit. We're both like, okay ready spell. I'll spell Iowa. I would have you a No, what did your boys? Adam blaze dude, I always yeah, man. I'm literally from Iowa Yeah, but there till I was 10 years old and then we moved to Nebraska. I'm a very oh, so you left it. Hey, yeah You claim the brass guy. I still read Iowa even though I Never live there. You'd never live wait and how many times have you been there blaze to Iowa? Let's cover Alaska and then we'll circle back to Iowa. I think like five times maybe five times. Okay. Yeah worth claiming then Adam woke up

Hundreds of times in Iowa as a young boy. I was there as several hundred times I know but I feel like if you go to Nebraska, you have to they draw a line in the sand They got beef Iowa in Nebraska. So you kind of went to the other side Nebraska is known for the beef dude. They have beef like any border like any border state has beef They're like, oh fuck these idiots don't know how to drive who gives a shit. They don't really care But that's like the first time. No, that's for sure a thing in Wisconsin. They call Illinois people fibs fucking Illinois bastards Yeah, I know there's beef, but it's not like a real beef. It's not like I'm not talking almost it's not like if you're And then someone from Iowa comes to our barbecue in Omaha, Nebraska

We're like on the fuck out. You're out hat filled in McCoy's at first at first But I know six deep it gets a little frisky. Yeah, man, you know, I know it does I know it When I was in Nebraska remember they kept saying that Iowa stood for idiots out walking around and I was like, whoa I had never heard that that's that's amazing. It's so bad. Yeah Perfect. I Never heard that before the funniest drunk dude in the group's like it fucking stands for it is out walking around or something We got to make shirts points

Can we can we make up a better one right now on the spot? No, I don't know if we can Yeah, it is out walking Assholes Did you just say idiot's out walking idiotic outdoor Warts on their asshole. Yeah, you had it on the idiot. It's wondering around is probably that's the cleanest Good, I would need it. But what is it even mean nights? It means they're out walking around It is wandering around. Yeah, are they I mean allegedly. Yeah, thank you. This is true. I don't know. I'm sure there's idiots out walking around everywhere

Doesn't matter, right? That's why I'm like, but it just that's not the name of the state I'm gonna start using the word Iowa to describe like a music festival. Like how was it? I don't know. It's kind of Iowa Wow, I was there. Okay, doggy, you know, like no shots far to get to Iowa go. I yeah You guys need to stop talking shit about my freaking home state, bro But I will say that Blake does have That that long lean. Thank you, which can be good in wrestling. There we go, right? You you look sorry wait wrestlers are long and lean. I thought they were very short Sorry, not right not wrestling, but you look like an MMA fighter like you could be an MMA. Yes

He has a high waist long legs. Yeah using Legs for kicks. Oh my gosh short torso. Yeah, so he's doing some he's the guy from Bloodsport He was like doing like rev in the Harley John Claude's like, okay, like starting a motorcycle Yeah, put the thing up there, and then he fucking kicked him like oh you fell for God I would I just I don't think I would ever want to do MMA though It looks so painful when they the thing I hate the most is when they just start kicking each other in the fucking legs Like that looks and the sound like Everything else I'm cool with but the leg kicking is like what the hell dude

Wait, wait, wait, let's just put this out there. You're cool with everything else in MMA except for the leg kicks copy that Dude the leg kicking you're called those spinning backhanded punches to the face the jumping knee Yeah, it is cool that we saw this come out of nowhere like remember when UFC first started here There was like literally no rules Yes, and people were just like biting each other and shit, and you're like can we just say who the OG was Ken Shamrock Oh, yeah, then he went WWE Ken Shamrock was the name I remember from childhood where it was just like Severin the Beast is that before or after They were around the same time I think and then there was this one dude of course like hoist grace yeah hoist gracey

And like the whole Gracie clan I like all the MMA fans right now that listen to our podcast are fucking losing their minds no not not in a good way They're going like these fucking idiots don't know anything. Hey, what about tank abbit Shout out to the one do with the mustache the one do with the most that's Dan Severin Okay, okay big Dan. He's got a nice tank abbit He was just like this fat dude, and he was like a bouncer and like he would he had no skill except he'd punch See that's what we need there has to be there's there's like other leagues right like rough and rowdy or some shit I believe that's a strip club. Yeah, maybe

Hey Oh sounds like a cool strip club remember there was that what was that one like tough guys or something It was like on FX and it was just like construction workers fighting. That's what I want to see I want to see guys that like yeah might win a bar fight, but have no real skills outside of I mean that's was that Kimbo slice RIP like he was like a backyard fighter who then I think tried to go pro and it kind of Became he didn't he got it. I want to say what got his ass Well, cuz he wasn't technical he was just aggressive and like you couldn't get in to To punch him in the face. He was just so like top-heavy, but I don't know if he had like the best legs

I don't know what we're talking about, but uh, he did he got work. I don't know if he had the best legs I think he got taken to the ground and then it was Yeah, it's a totally different game now though. It's so like I mean did you guys ever get into any? Like fights in high school or middle school. Yeah, of course I Didn't huh, I never got in you never did no cool because everyone you were what they call you afro Ambrio afro fetus No, no one's gonna fight afro fetus we get bit and you're already afro fetus I don't know. I feel like I was cruising for a bruising, but I always talk my way out of it

Yeah, I just feel like it was just gym class like you'd fight somebody in gym class twice a year like throw hands Yeah, it would just get physical like somebody's crowding a plate or whatever I'm gonna blow through this dude. Oh, no like in gym class crown the plate like playing kickball or baseball softball Whatever you say, I'm gonna light this bitch up somebody's like hacking and basketball and you're like look I'm not even that good I'm not gonna make it. You don't need to foul me like that Just me so you had to throw hands. I know Derz is the one to snap he'll snap on you Yeah, you were getting guarded too hard. I just feel like there was a lot of physicality happening in gym class Hey, stop blocking my shot dude, I'm gonna fight you

No, but like when it when you get hacked when you're getting hacked and you're like what you see we've all seen those Instagram clips of people It's like is he playing too hard and it's like a dude dragging somebody to the ground and you're like But that's how the game is played in middle school and high school. Yeah, you don't have any just there's no finesse yet There's no skill. No, I'm with you. I feel like I it wasn't that for me It was if I ever felt slighted in any in any way, right? You would slowly poison them over months. Yeah, I Would constantly pour a little something into their drinks No, if it was I remember like the first day of school when I moved to from Iowa to Nebraska and

One of the kids Chris Bauer. What's up, Chris? He pushed off of me and I Allegedly and he pushed off of me and I was like, oh shit. I'm the new kid This is like prison. If he pushes off of me, I will be a bitch at this school for the rest of forever Sorry, what does push off of you? Yeah, like we're playing football So once he like pushed me to the ground, right much bigger in gym class recess, okay? I remember thinking like it wasn't the act of getting pushed It was like oh if I don't stand up for myself and like it in like a prison sense of like you had to tackle the

Biggest kid and he was the biggest kid. I'm gonna be a bitch at this school, right? So then I tackled him and started to like fight him right and I got on top of him straddled him Straddled him and uh, what is that called Blake Blake? What is that called in MMA that you almost did? Um? I believe that's called is that that's outside control. Is that a rear? It's a full mount. It's a full mount. I believe You took full mount go ahead So I full mounted and and then and then I remembered my other friend of mine that I ended up growing up with these kids So this this kid Danny Beard was like, oh my god. Yeah, new kids beating up Adam

You're on top of him and he was Adam's Adam's Adam's beating like I'm beating him up What do I have to do to get your respect new kid is beating up Chris and then sorry I smoked weed right before this guy's nice The new kids beat beating up Chris and then he started kicking my ass And then we went to the principal's office and the teacher was are the we're sitting there before the principal comes in and Chris Just goes yo, let's just say we're friends. What was that about and I'm like, I'm sorry. I'm the new kid And he goes let's just say we're friends. I'm like, okay, and the principal comes in and We just lied and said that we were best buds and got out of it

And then were you friends after that? Yeah, and then after that it was good. That's what's cool about being a guy's you can really yeah Speaking of docking You could really fight each other and become friends again like you and new check first time you guys met that is true We can circle back. I just because you just reminded me of when my like neighbor was a new kid Matt Ryan shout out And during recess he got in a fight with Alton Dennis Oh, damn and they were going at it and it was like hands and then Matt like punched him in the face and broke his glasses And then he was like man, you broke my my glasses my mom's gonna kill me dude

And it was like he like stopped everyone stopped and like help pick up the pieces and be like now you could take that like You know what I mean? It like became like Fuck dude, there's like a there's a greater like Evil that we now we got to work together to like make sure this dude doesn't get like actually in trouble That's kick when he gets home. Yeah, dude. That is so those are the strongest bonds. They're forged in hatred It's just the way it is. Yeah, I you would say you would think so But yeah me and Kyle almost fought and then I don't barely know the guy doesn't show up in the podcast Oh, we didn't even mention that. We're the fucking Kyle. Well, we're so used to it now. We're so used to it

Oh, yeah, the bitch. He's on dad duty. It's all good. Yeah, he's being a father One of my greatest friendships. I forged with my buddy Awand. He the way that we met is He kicked on one leather. Yes. Oh one leather, you know it. Yeah. Yeah, we're talking leather goods Absolutely, we were on you know, it was on Recess what you're doing and go to I want leather dot com. It doesn't have a dot. I don't think that's it I think it's all one custom leather. No, but I hope you get some like serious business from From all these UFC fans that are listening. Yeah, get get some breaks. I'm just like get some sick-ass Like walking into the octagon gear. Whoa

Leather belt that holds all like you're you're I don't know what you need before like a watermelon Yeah, what does he make specifically? He made that purse for Kyle, right? Didn't he make that purse what about like a cool like Vader mask like big van Vader? That would be sick like leather straps. Wow, right. Did mankind wear a mask like that? He did mankind had a sick leather mask. So we're talking mankind like if you want to you're an MMA fighter and you Want a six dude mankind? Thank you. Ask Leather mask Go to I want leather.com. Let's go

Or his instagram or his instagram. I want custom. I think it's all one custom leather Okay, so you fought anyways the way that we forged it is at recess um, who I want leather He was talking shit and we were talking shit to each other. I don't know what it was about probably some kind of like We were playing butts up or something and he cheated or okay, huh? What's butts up? I told you guys about it last week. It's when you throw the tennis ball at each other's ass But anyways, oh, yeah, oh, yeah

He walked right up to me and kicked me straight in the testicles Like so hard that it crippled me like I went down. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, not okay So he was he was one of those kids that would way Overreach dude. He just knew how to fucking put me down, bro I feel like there was that that kind of fighter. It was either kids that just okay We're gonna fight and see how it goes or a kid that like my neighbor Pulled a knife on me because I took his hat as like a joke. You don't kick someone in the nuts That's somebody who washed roadhouse too much or something right? Well the thing that guys don't go to awan leather

Don't you know how to take it back? Well, then the thing that was awkward about it is my mom Baby sat him so he had to go to my mom's after we had to see each other So we yes, we kind of linked up after school like yo like you kicked me in the balls Like that wasn't cool. Now we have to go to my house. That is the gnarliest He straight up kicked you in the nuts Well, the way that we uh bonded is that there was also this girl. We didn't like nancy who um My mom watched as well

And we just ditched her and hid in a bush and then shout out to nancy. That's cats out of the bag Yeah, so that's uh, that's how we forged. That's how I'm sorry nance. You know nance listens. Yeah, for sure I mean we talked about this last week where I did a fucking roundhouse on somebody and then my mom was like Do you have a ride home narnal? And he was like no, he's like, oh, we'll take you home I was like, I just fucked this dude like seven minutes ago Hey, sorry about it. There's no it's the mystique is gone when you're not in control of your life as a kid And your parents are like we're going this way that way with whoever like you can't you can't be cool You can't it's impossible. You're just at the whim of your of your fucking parents, man

Man, let's let's get into it. You want to talk to parents? Let's talk about awan leather a little more Did he so he kicked you in the nuts then it was just game over do you never try to retaliate retaliate or say like, okay, you got a nut kick in on me I have to bitch slap you or do a nut kick because what you gotta do is go that didn't even phase me dude Even though you're like that you're like This is nothing right exactly Trouble, buddy. It's it's like that It's like that, huh? You thought you could just kick me in the nuts and I would be just down for the count. No way

Oh, guess what? They're having trapped yet. They're still up in my tummy It's just like a weird flappy skin. Wait, how how old were you? Oh, it must have been like fourth grade. How old are fourth graders like 10? Yeah, like nine or 10 nine nine or 10 Yeah, you're nine. That's so crazy Hi, I'm david eagleman. I have a new podcast called inner cosmos on eye heart I'm a neuroscientist and an author at stanford university and I've spent my career exploring the three pound universe in our heads On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling Unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities

Like does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident or Can we create new senses for humans or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain Steers your behavior your perception and your reality Listen to inner cosmos with david eagleman on the eye heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Last season millions tuned into the betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception I'm andre gunning and now we're sharing an all-new story of betrayal Ashley litten was helping her husband set up a business fenmo account when she discovered a terrible secret

I scrolled down And that's when I saw a hidden folder and I opened it What the hell did I just see? I was scared that he was coming home What ashley discovered that day was a secret so dark she feared for her life She was like, oh my god. I got to get out of the house He's gonna find out that i've seen this. He's gonna come kill me Listen to season two of betrayal on the eye heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts

Between april 1971 and september 1972 Six young black girls were snatched off the streets in washington dc It took four murders before the police finally realized that one person was responsible I will admit the others when you catch me if you can sign freeway phantom This child was laying on the side of the road. It appeared that she was probably either dragged out of the car It's thrown out of the car the person said I murdered your daughter The killer believed that he may have been seen by the mother

That guy is he's out of sync with even the worst people I thought that they would catch him. I thought it was just a matter of time Is it possible that the killer is still alive? Listen to freeway phantom on the eye heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Remember being nine No, dude, isn't it so crazy being like that there's nine ten year old people in grade four or five It's crazy, man. I will say that that is that is when I imagine being a little kid. It's never Being in like second grade. It's never being like seven years old. It's always being like

Eight nine ten right there when you're like old enough to kind of do stuff Should we get into what happened around seven adam? Adam's like from five to eight. I can't remember anything for whatever reason. I blocked it out. Um I was just I was actually tripping. I think that was the age that my parents were like, okay, you're allowed to like Walk to your friend's house and then that the freedom of like doing that I was like, oh shit and I could throw rocks at squirrels. Right. Yeah, I can like take a bunch of berries. No parents I'm instantly killing animals You guys have you done this yet? Goodbye. You can like hold a cat underwater

It's so weird like because that you are so young at the at those stages of your life But like do you remember just just saying curse words all the time just be like fuck. Fuck Like oh, yeah going nuts in fourth grade just loving it Oh, I bet having a fourth grader is gonna be super annoying because they're always just like in the room going like shit Fuck fuck. What'd you say? You're like nothing Oh, but now now the kids are just like they're saying all the stuff that people our age say like literally They just say literally constantly. Oh suss

Right. Yeah. Yeah, they're just saying suss a lot. Um, yeah, that's suss. Yo But my my eight year old drops sick a lot and I'm like, all right could be worse That's kind of sick. He's like dad. Is this is this encyclopedia sick? I'm like, yeah, dude Yo crack that shit, dude. I love that. Hey dad is is like knowledge sick. Yeah, would you consider knowledge sick? Yeah, it is. I mean and he's a kid from california, which is just so weird for me now Hey, not from Iowa. Like you guys are gonna have a bunch of uh, california kids We might ship out to where are you moving back to fucking Nebraska? No, I'm never I'm never I'm never in california

So that they will be a part german part, uh, south carolinian. That is true. That's kind of cool. That's a cool mix Yeah, yeah, that'll be sick kind of typical. But yeah, that's cool Kind of suss almost kind of a trip though because you you get to like junior high And you're still so young but then like people start getting blowjobs and stuff and it's fucking crazy Right, you know somebody who I remember hearing a story. They're like, yo, we watched so and so fuck so and so And he had like a green condom on and his dick looked all weird Dude, it's all hearsay and I was like and I was nine or ten and I was like, what? Yeah, man, you definitely can't be fucking with no green condom on have your dick

Look all weird when you're fucking in front of a bunch of people like an alien dick and also What's a condom and also why are you hearsay wearing one just know nothing? It's crazy and it's all just like rumor mill shit and it's just Insanity it is crazy the people that are like sexually advanced way too young. Yeah, and you're like, what am I doing? Yeah, I mean honestly You're like, I gotta step my game up. I just watch Rocco's modern life all day. What the fuck? My very best friend started having sex very young and So we would go we would hang out as like a threesome and they would like have sex

Like at the behind the bed as I'm playing Sega alone Just fuck it and they're like it's like to be a divide from the parents So it's me like playing Sega right and they're fucking right next to me basically. Yeah at what age are we talking? 12th. No, we were probably 14 at this age like sixth seventh grade. Okay. All right. That's insane. Yeah Yeah, that's that is that's it's wild and also 14 is See if 14 year old you're like jesus 14 you're you're definitely ahead of the curve But 12 and then you're 10 or 9 and you're hearing about this. You're like so scary. I guess I gotta start doing some sit-ups Fucking sucks, man. Oh, I'm so flabby. I have to quit eating gushers

Yeah, I've gotta lay off the gushers. I gotta get these breakers off so they don't get caught up in some pubic hair I think I might have told this on the pod, but they were These two people were having sex and what kind of sex are they having at 14? Is it like full-on like positions or is it just like missionary? We did it cool. Thanks for guarding the door I think it's missionary. I don't really remember a ton of positions and also I wasn't watching But you would you know saying like you're pretty deep in the altered beast. No, I got it. But specifically this time I was trying to look and Because I yeah, I think yeah

And I or they didn't like complete their basement So there was like room between the top of this the wall and the ceiling And so I tried to stick my head through to look and I'm standing on a toolbox And the toolbox slips and falls off the counter and now I'm hanging there With my head through this wall Uh choking as my friends look up and see me fucking perving on them in the seventh grade See ya. Hey, man. Eighth grade. Maybe Damn, dude, that could have been really bad

What if you died that way? Imagine that's how I died. I know I mean could be worse I guess your last couple of hard bodies going at it. You're proud of them. It's your goodbye Yeah, that's true. He would never be able to have sex again. His friend died He caused his friend to die He just his friend. I'm pretty sure this I'm gonna put this on now. I'm sorry. I'm not blaming uh This other dude. Yeah, no, I will I will take the blame for that one Just being a perfect little seven seventh grader I always like when uh our podcast veers back into very young people

Because I think that's what like the first episode was about and then like we get away from it And that's kind of fun luggage talk. That's always fun. But yeah back to 12 It's just about growing up, man That's what this pod is really about is growing up and the fact that we can't oh my god Now this is important. That shit's important. That shit's important Middle school was like a desperate search to just see a nipple, right? It was like I just got to get there I got to like uh get to second base. That just has to happen or else I can't graduate And you can't walk and you can't get to your diploma. It was it. It was first base for me

I'm like I just want to kiss a girl. Yeah, you weren't kissing girls. I was in a wheelchair man. There wasn't not a lot of Either I was in a wheelchair or a fucking walker Right, and this is like before the ramps before ramps were everywhere It it truly sucked. It was just like the only attention I would get would be like girls would push me to like my next class I'm like, oh my god, right, you know, you should have done dude. I got the perfect plan that you should have done Tell me so you know how there's like there's two handles on the back of the wheelchair I'll tell my kid when he for sure steps out in front of a truck You have to it'll make you funny. You have to it'll make you funny. There's two handles on the back, right? Yeah

You should have like snuck your dick all the way up to one of the handles should have and then when they grab it You're getting a hand job, dude I fucking blew it man. Goodbye. Is it is it three feet long and skinny because it could have worked Dude, that's a really good idea, man Hey, and you're like, uh go faster now stop and go stop Adam you're crazy. Oh my god Yeah, that's pretty good That's a good advice. It's weird. You didn't try that. You could have tried it. I guess you could have tried it

Maybe no, I was I was not Kyle. What do you think? Uh that that advanced In middle school. That's true. Yes. I mean, this is me as a 41 year old Kind of knowing how things work. Yeah. Yeah, you know exactly all the moves to pull. Yes Yeah Freaking see you that's pretty cool. I mean what what what what was your move? Like did you have like a hey, will you wheel me to my next class or did they like Did you were you like batting them away like were they can I wheel you can I wheel you you said I could wheel you What the fuck? Yeah, but I I ended up having just my buddy like walsh

My buddy Kyle walsh wheeled me to a lot of my classes And I had a few friends like that that would wheel me and it was like a good way to just get out of class Like five minutes early with your buddy and you guys can go throw pencils into the ceiling Oh, for sure. Right. Yeah, you know, he was holding onto your dick right there. No, he knew That's why he stuck around so long He knew I like that and then he drove you years later as your assistant. Yeah Yeah, that's right. It all came full circle and I'd always wrap my dick around the steering wheel right before we took off

I have dude the stick chef working grandma work the stick work the stick This it doesn't have four-wheel drive. Yes, it does. Yes, it does Oh, it does. It does. It does. It does. I swear to god. It does Um, hey before we get out of here, just pull that parking brake real quick real quick They got to pull it real hard. Where's the button on the end? Hey, roll down the window really quick What is it the crank?

Yeah, cool. Yeah, okay I guess those existed. Yeah Can you adjust? What else is in a car? Can you adjust the rear view mirror? I do like the idea of the steering wheel itself being just a lasso of your penis from shotgun Stomp on the brakes real hard I I listen to new books, uh, audio books When I ride my bike, you know, okay. Yeah, very smart and I was listening to david spades like playing I don't know recent book and he was talking about

um, like his first sexual experience and And I'm I mean, I'm sure I've told this on the podcast as well But we what are we at like 90? Well, you know, you gotta start repeating stories. Yeah, I don't care. I've heard them before Yeah, don't want to make the first time I got a blowjob the girl jumped out of a window Immediately afterwards. Mm-hmm. That's david spade or you though. That's me looking back. You can't blame her What does that have to do with david spade? Well, it's because he because he was talking about his first six sexual experiences and I was like, oh, yeah In hindsight that is absolutely fucking insane that that was my first real sexual experience. You're scarred

Right. Yeah Let's unpack this. Yeah, let's unpack. I like that. I like that. Yeah. I mean, I think was it her first or no I don't want to get into it. Uh, that I don't I don't know. I would assume probably not no She was very very forward with me. You guys see the game last night Should we cut to commercials? What are you doing? All right Hi, I'm david eagleman. I have a new podcast called inner cosmos on eye heart I'm a neuroscientist and an author at stanford university and I've spent my career exploring the three pound universe in our heads

On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling Unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities Like does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident or Can we create new senses for humans or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain Steers your behavior your perception and your reality Listen to inner cosmos with david eagleman on the eye heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Last season millions tuned into the betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception

I'm andre gunning and now we're sharing an all-new story of betrayal Ashley linton was helping her husband set up a business fenmo account when she discovered a terrible secret I scrolled down And that's when I saw a hidden folder and I opened it What the hell did I just see? I was scared that he was coming home What ashley discovered that day was a secret so dark she feared for her life She was like, oh my god. I got to get out of the house

He's gonna find out that i've seen this he's gonna come kill me Listen to season two of betrayal on the eye heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Between april 1971 and september 1972 Six young black girls were snatched off the streets in washington dc It took four murders before the police finally realized that one person was responsible I will admit the others when you catch me if you can sign freeway phantom This child was laying on the side of the road. It appeared that she was probably either dragged out of the car It's thrown out of the car the person said i murdered your daughter

The killer believed that he may have been seen by the mother That guy is he's out of sync with even the worst people I thought that they would catch him. I thought it was just a matter of time Is it possible that the killer is still alive? Listen to freeway phantom on the eye heart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Other games right now is it just baseball because i'm like i feel like a naked grandma out here I'm just dying to watch football so bad. Really? Yeah, naked grandma. I didn't know you're a football guy I'm not a football guy, but I like watching. I just want playoffs

I like watching it every sunday and monday and thursdays I can't get away from it. No, I just I just like uh, the intensity of a playoffs like when everything is like on And everybody's playing at their bath. I mean undeniably or I guess you could deny it, but I wouldn't like you The last season of football playoffs Was like the greatest spectacle in athletic history. It was good. Every game was Unfucking believable. It was really it was really good. And that was another rep build and and you're ready to get back in it I yeah, I'm I'm ready for college football to start that to me is the most fun collegiate football is The most fun and look at usc and ucla and the big 10

Hopefully we get the badgers out here to play a couple games at the rose ball I don't think that that takes hold for like another year. I think that's 2024. It's not taking hold It's not taking hold Naked grandma. I'm a dumb ass. That is it's a total rear naked grandma. That is a rear I don't believe it's naked grandma Effect Okay, that's a bummer. Yeah, I know because I'm bummed at that too. It'd be cool to Go see Nebraska kick ucla's. Wait, is that what that means? I'm sorry. I'm like pretty

Dumb about that stuff. What is that big 10 is like an idiot who you play kind of like your conference, right? Almost exactly like your conference. You have to play a certain amount of conference games. Okay So now the ucla and you usc are in the big 10 Yes, yes, it was a fucking crazy Midnight phone call move that they made a couple weeks ago where they're just like we're in it now because like People are consolidating people are moving around right now and now big 10 is in several different time zones Which is just a money grab basically. It sucks, but it is what it does and I think it's a lot of money moving around college Why does it suck? Why does it suck to me? I just think it's

Awesome, it sucks for like a kid who like has to go to Fucking class and has to fly to la and back Yes, but they were doing that anyway because like there's tournaments in hawaii especially for basketball in the season super long and hockey and swimming and uh But what sucks about it is that there used to be a bunch of conferences, right? So there would be several schools Per conference that really mattered right that everybody tuned in for and then there'd be like five or so schools that like Didn't kind of matter, but they were affiliated with the bigger schools, right?

So now all these bigger schools are getting together And they're in the same conferences now and then those other schools They're kind of getting left behind and so what happens is Think about now name and image and likeness if you're a kid and you want to go to a school You got to be off the Richter scale or you're not even going to be playing against any of these teams if you get onto these teams So like all the think about like uh like an Iowa state like I don't know where they are now The big 12 is fucked well And it kind of kind of messes with like the tradition of who you play, right?

Like isn't that Half of what's fucking cool about college sports is that they've been playing each other for like a hundred years Right like wait are oklahoma and tech. I don't know but our texas left the big 12 Did oklahoma also leave the big 12 because that was like the huge rivalry, but I don't even know if they're in the same conference I don't think so. Yeah back in the day. Nebraska was in the big 12 Not even that long ago what like five six years ago And that was we would play texas and oklahoma damn near every year and it was such a big deal Even though we got our asses kicked by them for the past 20 years

But right and think about it if you're a smaller school now you can't even play Good enough schools to be like yes, we're a national contender and then at a certain point it's just gonna be one mega conference of 36 teams and they're gonna be like we're the cream of the crop This is the national championship if you're not in here fuck off nobody cares because you're not that good anyway And then no one's gonna care about the other smaller and athletes are starting to make money, right? Like that was the whole thing. Yes with the name image and like that's so like it crazy Are you gonna go to like, you know a smaller college that's not getting these tv deals and getting the exposure to lane

To lane blake. Thank you. Or are you gonna go to fucking, uh, Nebraska and like get on tv? Duvry? Duvry, that's another college. Listen, let's try to name colleges Um, Wisconsin go Um, should we do the name like start a and then the db and then i don't know i would be so bad at that game Does albuquerque have a college? Very good. Very good. Uh, boston college boston college brown university of chicago Um, do you said Duvry? Duvry Uh, evanston township college, uh, well, well, no

That's just all that's just almost my high school, but sure shut the fuck up uh e emerson emerson. Oh emerson. Yeah. Oh emerson licking palmer. Uh, a lot of film buffs coming out of emerson Fremont is that one You're just saying shit dog. Fucking thing. Nope. You're not gonna job florida's florida's day I feel like we've got 10 minutes. Hey, I will say that this is more boring than

When blake can't remember the names of restaurants that he's been to and But what's cool is everyone listening is like dude. I had fucking g in the chamber. I was ready to go Georgia state And way worse than luggage talk. I feel like luggage talk fucking slays now. We're just listing things It only took us 90 episodes But but but here's what's tight about it is everybody who went to those schools Kids who go to those schools right now are like, oh, shit. They said my fucking university, dude I'm a fucking fan for life now, but they're into it fighting the line. I

Are we on the eyes now? I think so I think so efgh h we skipped h University of Hawaii h i we got the online i i j j j what do we got we let's end on j because I feel like j is not easy Like a jesuit jesuit university. That's a word But but j look at us. We're drawing a blake shut up, bitch Jay jacksonville jefferson jefferson jackson Do you of course you're naming cities? Of course they do there's a college there, man

If you name a city, yeah, there's a college there. There's a college of charleston. You never knew about it Again, everyone at home right now. They're like my school has a j juno junior college How many universities are in alaska? See I got to alaska. I knew I'd get there Just when you thought it couldn't get worse. We're now thinking of one. It's cool. We're in alaska are there universities Jesus blazer. Yeah, I would go to who fucking cares Who gives a shit dawg? Yo, how many schools? It's important, bro. That shit's important. This shit's important Fair enough. Hey fair enough. I'm just saying that would be sick to go to school in alaska Could you imagine the ragers you guys just go out and hunt wolves and shit and get fucked up?

Yeah, you've always had a weird affection for alaska and it is I love strange for me, especially a boy. That's not from iowa who's from california It's weird to me that you would just pick a lot. It's that's such you bin. I get it. I mean, it's cool. Have you been? No, dude, it's the last frontier. It's gorgeous. It's like should we do a live show there in june? I would love to anchorage anchorage is fired. I would like I would like to go It's one of the few states that I haven't been to but hang on a second anchorage is fire. Yes I'm not kidding that you've always been like alaska's the shit even though you went one time

Yes, I had great time. There's no denying that the wilderness in alaska is called Bar none is off the chain. There's like the like grizzly man. Come on. Perfect. It's the last frontier Yeah, it's great. But anchorage is off the hook. Please give me like a couple anchorage Like is the food off? Yeah, what is so sick? Where is there a pounded veal restaurant that you're gonna recommend? No, no, they actually have a super badass pizza spot I think it's called moose tooth. Maybe okay. I think it's called the moose tooth Okay, it's a really I actually ate high pizza there and it was fucking good, dude

I think moose tooth if it's the place I'm thinking of I think they have a stand-up show. It's it's huge camel toe I think it's called camel. It's huge, right? It's like a huge venue. Yeah, it's it's a big building. Yeah And then they they do stand-up comedy there. I believe yeah It was like a really cool vibe and then yeah, so wait. Can we book that? Hey moose tooth We're clamoring for your pizza. We'd love to come do a live show. I would love that Dude, I would love and then go out in the fucking great beyond and fight bears. Yes, dude. I went to this. Oh, dude Go ahead. I have a bear story. Oh go off. I'm filming this new show I'm not gonna say what it is yet because I don't know if I can but

Uh, I'm in canada pizza pizza and they're like, hey, okay So you guys can come up with this trail through the woods. So Uh, go back keep going further further and then you're gonna come this way keep going go And we get to like the end of this trail and there's a fucking bear. What the fuck? The three of us are staying there with like a pa. She's like, there's a bear. There's a bear on the walkie And then dude i'm acting with is he's like he lived in vancouver for a while So he's just like get out of here bear and i'm like Shitting my pants and he's like get out of here now bear

And the bear kind of like lazily pieces out and then of course like and it's a good person that you're with like a famous actor Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah for sure. Uh people know so is this And he knew how to handle a bear. This is great. He was he's lived there He's lived there for years So he like knew the whole routine and then like the big and the routine is to say get out of here bear That's the routine used to be yeah a few more layers to this you get big and you shout you shout at the bear That's the exact opposite of what I thought you're supposed to do. I thought you're supposed to Frinkin a ball back. Oh, I right. I thought you're supposed to back away slowly and keep eyes on it

I thought that was the move. No, that's for cats. No, you're supposed to be big You can back away, but you're supposed to be big Shout and I think that you're supposed to say the word bear because it's got like a buh like a Like a blunt kind of life. So you can just be like beer bomb Bastic, yeah It's got that pop as opposed to being like It's airline airline. It's like bear I wonder if that's how they were named bear

It was like they figured it like cavemen figured it out that that those were the noises that bears don't like Like bear. I think it just like looked like a bear Um, but fucking it was it was crazy. And then like of course the the the cock diesel like crew dudes came over and were like Get the fuck out of here bear. Like they were ready to fight it. I'm like Oh my god, I'm sweating. That's great. Is there any more bugs? What kind of bear are we talking black bear? It was a black bear, but it was not small. It was legit. I got a video. I'll try and post it. I'll try and get it That's crazy, dude. You survived a bear. That's so dope. So you've been there and back a few times or just just the once or How long have you been home? I mean, it's fucking great. I went uh last week for six hours

And did like a fitting and stuff. Welcome to Hollywood. Uh, and then last I was just there for three days and now I go back for a week And then I come back for a week and finish that Muppets show here And then I go back there. It's a lot of you know, it's like a game of pickleball. Got it. Wish Kyle was here Reminds me of pickleball the goal line But that's my bear story. That's great. Uh, I was gonna save it for a talk show Yeah, you could reuse it too. You can still do it. Yeah. Yeah, you could you you could totally reuse it I was joking with the guy who did truly scare the bear away that I was gonna say I did it

We're gonna lie Well, if you guys can maybe do a talk show together and you guys can reenact. Yeah, uh, you know Kimmel can act like the bear or something. We're talking. I'm just pitching ideas Shake that bear. Oh Good rest sweet. All right. Thank you. If you know what shake that bear is out there Fucking weirdo If you're a listener who knows what we're talking about you're fucked up. You're one fucked up, dude Google it

Yeah, uh, is it time for take backs? Yeah, I'd say it's time for take backs apologies giveaways epic slams um I got nothing. No, yeah Perfect episode. I guess that's what happens when Kyle's like it's a perfect ad Oh, do you guys have any take backs about the episode? I wasn't Is there anything you said it was a little off-color or not necessary that you want to take back? I don't think so Uh, no, I stand I think I stand by absolutely everything. I just thought I'd ask Just thought it was something that was kind of did you listen to it to be I did I listened I listened

I thought it was very funny. What was the one about like deodorant or something? I don't know. Oh wait forgettable But I laughed dude. We need to talk about Isn't there like a deodorant team up with Arby's or something? Yes, thank you. Only someone said it. I fucking was watching youtube the other day and like obviously Collabs are like a big deal. Yeah clothing. Yeah, and now Arby's we have the meats teamed up with old spice with a new fucking deodorant or something called The meat sweats. I mean it has to be a bit, right? It has to be like It's a bit till they make a billion dollars. Yeah, why would you want to smell like the meat sweats?

No, you don't smell like the meat sweats. It's like this could even handle the meat sweats old spice You don't smell like giro. Oh, I thought you're just rubbing fucking roast beef on your armpits Well, what does it smell like? I think maybe it smells hella good. Well, uh, well, it might but dude like The collab games who dude who are these who are these people who are like, yo, I'm on the hey arby's It's me, uh, johnny from old spice. I got an idea. You've got the meats We cover the sweat. I saw a pretty cool collab. That's coming out with taco bell. Come at me. They're gonna have a Like, you know, the crunch wrap supreme They're gonna replace the little like tostada in it and put in a gigantic cheese it

yo It's science cheese it. Yeah, they're making a giant cheese it And it's inside the cheese. Oh, you know the cheese. It's inside the crunch wrap supreme. Oh, so that's that's the crunch now of the crunch wrap Yes, holy fuck. Yes I thought and by the way, they They they they should do this. I thought you're gonna say they're doing a crunch wrap Supreme like supreme the fucking brand was gonna get oh I could see that happening. Yeah, can you because nobody would eat it?

They would just keep it for years in a freezer and be like, I don't know when I'm gonna reheat I love how popular supreme is when I was in Germany. That was like everyone was rocking supreme. Yeah Fucking wild. What a giant company that that has become. Yeah, it's worldwide at this point I think they have a store in Paris. Do they have one in Germany? Yeah, it's right down the street from my hotel Yeah, that's fucking cool. That's fucking cool. Los Angeles. Well, they need to collab with taco bell I mean a crunch wrap supreme with our faces on it Well, do we it seems easy because I mean their clothes are just totally fine I mean, it just is like a fucking their logo just splattered on it. We should start our own company, dude

Our own fashion line. Um Yeah Called supreme, but it's soup. Yeah soup soup cream. Yeah That's pretty good I feel like I feel like there was a moment where somebody tried to start shirts It said like super lame in their fonts like in the box or whatever Because it did kind of hit a level like maybe when they sold to that big company, but like it's still pretty dope The shit they make is still pretty hard. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I like what they produce. They got some good stuff

I just got there some of their fucking some ski goggles the other day. It is adam. I don't know Check it out You gotta check it out. I don't I don't know if it's your cup of tea. Adam's more of a um, steve matting a little bit This is true. I wish I owned a steve matting. God dang leave my guy. Send me my free shoes, please But when they make like cool like little fingernail clippers for like a hundred and fifty dollars Supreme on them. Yeah, I'm all in. Yeah, send it our way and I'm not and I'm not They did send me some supreme speedo goggles in cap and I was like that's fucking tight

That's fucking cool. That's the thing. Yeah, and then everybody at the pool was like, who do you think they were like? Hey, fancy goggles guy and I was like, all right. Hey money bags. These again Yeah, it was uh, you better be fast buddy Yeah, so you eat my weight. Yeah, that's a that's good trash talk. Yeah Would you like to take anything back blazer? No, I'll give a double down special shout out to Alaska Especially to the little town called seward seward Alaska probably one of the best places I've ever been it's just a lovely fishing town and uh, if anybody in seward is listening How are you? When the fuck did you go to seward? Yeah, when were you there? Yeah

When I went to Alaska the one time I landed in anchorage and I took like I'm so sorry that you think we know when you Yeah, we don't we don't I mean, it's such a little Adam's a globetrotting Movie star it's such a little blurb In our lives. I remember seeing like a photo of you being there looking cold So when I'm being like, oh his dream has finally come true of like he's a southern california Or he's a california boy. Iowa. He can finally go by way of Iowa. He's touching snow By way of Iowa. He could finally go touch snow be cold southern california northern california

Iowa made it to alaska. All right. Okay. I do remember going to new york with you for the first time and you Were highly underdressed. You're like, it's really cold. I'm like, we're in new york sitting You like had a hooded sweatshirt on and shit, right? Our manager was wearing flip-flops. I'm like, oh my god That was a great trip But if you said high tide or low tide when it's high tide when it's low tide if you find yourself ensuered tell them Uh, Blake sent you like so just people who live there can say that to each other Or if you go on a visit there, you could say like why are you here? Well, I heard it on a pod and big shout out to

I want leather goods. I want custom leather and the fighter pooya Wait, what was Adam looked down like he hit poona that note. Yeah, I love it. I want leather goods And I want to get this right. I want leather goods on instagram dot kizzle I want custom leather and we hope you're buying a belt and on that note Big shout out to poona Hot hot hot Hi, I'm david eagleman. I have a new podcast called inner cosmos on iHeart I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling

Unusual questions like can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain Steers your behavior your perception and your reality Listen to inner cosmos with david eagleman on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Last season millions tuned into the betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception I'm andrea gunning and now we're sharing an all-new story of betrayal Ashley litten was helping her husband set up a business fenmo account when she discovered a terrible secret I saw a hidden folder and I opened it

What the hell did I just see? Listen to season two of betrayal on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts Between april 1971 and september 1972 Six young black girls were snatched off the streets in washington dc This child was laying on the side of the road the person said i murdered your daughter The killer believed that he may have been seen I will admit the others when you catch me if you can sign freeway phantom Listen to freeway phantom on the iHeart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts