This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 006 / 3 Steps To Finding And Using Your Gifts With Lynn Casaletto

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

What did you love to do as a kid? What lit you up and is STILL burning inside of you? In this episode, we welcome our guest Lynn Casaletto, owner of Core Growth Consulting. Lynn helps walk us through how to find and chase our passions, to help us connect with who we were truly and uniquely meant to be. At times, perceptions can become limiting. Whether it’s how others see us or how we see ourselves. But if we put the ego aside, if we let go of titles and take the time to reflect, we can tap into our natural born talents and learn how best to use our gifts to help others. Ladies, it’s time to get curious about you! How can you wake up feeling inspired and go to sleep feeling fulfilled? Life is too short to not do the work that you love. This is Woman’s Work. Learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast at NicoleKalil.com

Hey there, Nicole Kalil here, and oh man, am I excited for today's episode. Today my guest is going to give us some insight into how we can find and chase our passions and connect to who we were put here to be. So who's my amazing guest? He's going to help us find and use our gifts. Her name is Lynn Casalettoetto and she's an entrepreneur and runs a 15-year coaching and consulting firm called Core Growth Consulting. She's amazing, but on a personal note, and maybe most important to me, is she's been my husband Jay's business coach for

many years. She's someone he calls when he needs to think through a challenge or wants to talk through a strategy or is feeling overwhelmed or needs to talk through something. So on a personal note, I am forever and eternally grateful to Lynn for being on my husband's team and being one of his people. So Lynn, thank you for that. And in addition, she is my entrepreneurial study buddy. She and I talk on a monthly basis and we exchange ideas, challenge and love on each other because the entrepreneurial role can feel a little lonely sometimes. And it was one of the things that I know I missed from more of my corporate life when, you know, there's always somebody to meet with and are always somebody to talk through an idea with. And so I was missing that. And I'm so grateful to Lynn for, you know, stepping up in that way for me. And I think we've

been, you know, a great support system to each other. So Lynn and I are going to dive into how we can find and use our gifts. So let's jump in. Lynn, in your experience in working with high-performance teams and individuals, what helps people figure out what they're great at? First of all, I'm so excited to go on this journey with you, Nicole, and your listeners. And I have to start by saying you are doing amazing work you, Nicole, and your listeners. And I have to start by saying you are doing amazing work in this world and your energy is infectious and I'm just giddy to get to go through this process with you. So thank you for having me. Thank you.

You know, when I think about like really doing the work to find out what we are really uniquely gifted at and to just allow ourselves to even like claim that in the world, like, hey, I'm really good at this. I think there are three things that we need to pay attention to. I think the first is self-awareness. The second is gathering feedback. And then the third is getting curious and courageous. And that really, you know, involves reaching out to people in a courageous way. So I'm excited to kind of break those down for you. And for any of you who have been with Nicole on this, you know, beginning of this journey with her podcast, her content is just phenomenal. And I would encourage you to just take notes as we go. Because, you know, if this is something that's resonating with you or somebody that you care deeply about that you want to help yourself or someone close to you find their gifts,

take some notes because it could be really helpful to refer back to. Or if you're on a run or a drive, maybe it's a good one to play back. But so yeah, to break down self-awareness, I'm going to give you guys questions because again, this I think part of self-awareness is really it's accurate self-assessment. So it's getting to know yourself. It's connecting with like emotional awareness, which by doing those two, you know, accurately assessing yourself, connecting with how something makes you feel, you're going to build your self-confidence. So I'm going to give you some reflection questions to think about. And so, you know, first is what did you love to do as a kid?

Oh, I love that one. It's so fun to think about, like, really what lit you up? You know, what made some of those moments like so enjoyable for you? What did you live for as a kid? And I could, I'm going to share this and Nicole, I kind of want to, I'm so curious too, like what comes up for you here, but I will share with you guys. When I went through my, this process for myself, I realized that, oh my gosh, like the, kind of like the three themes that stood out for me were, I love a thrill and a challenge. I love people and I love nature. Like when I thought back to my childhood, like the thrill and challenge for me was just, I would think right back to when I was like

roller skating and I would want to go down like a hill. I'd want to go as fast as I could down a hill. Or I'd picture myself like riding my bike over like jumps, like down in this like dirt place that we called the pits, we would all go and ride our bikes. And I remember just catching air and just that feeling of like exhilaration and just challenging myself, like having to say like, you can make this jump, you can go down this hill. So those are some examples, or even just as a kid, like running as fast as I could. Or just even, I think back to like middle school and giving a speech in front of, you know, the whole student body, that feeling of butterflies being so present in my body.

And at the time it was so scary. But I think now the longer that, you know, we're on this planet, we realize that that tells us we're on the right path when we can lean into those butterflies and do things that scare us. The people part for me as a child was just so many memories were just like with friends and whether it was like having meals together or laughing so hard that you felt like you're going to pee your pants, just that connection. So that was a very dominant theme as a child. And then also nature, like I just loved to be outside, whether it was picking grapes from my friend's backyard, her family made their own wine, this big Italian family, or just seeing her parents,

like having a garden in their backyard, just, um, going on hikes. It's when I felt at most like my peaceful self and grounded as a kid. And so as you reflect, well, actually I want to, I would love to pause. Nicole, I'm so curious. Do you, I mean, what came up for you? Okay. So the first thing I thought of what it's like all in, um, I was one of those little girls that people said was bossy, not surprising. Um, and you know, we know that really means leadership qualities and, and, uh, but I thought of like a lemonade stand or selling Girl Scout cookies, or, um, I was really involved in dance. So just kind of like what you talked about, the butterflies before a performance, um, and baton twirling when I was a kid was a big part of my life, believe it or not. And, uh, you know, just again, the jitters and the, you know,

fear of what if I mess up, what if I dropped the baton in front of all of these people and the courage and, and, you know, bravery and, and, and, and like you said, doing it with other girls. Most of the activities I did were, you know, I hope this changes over time, but more traditional girl activities like baton twirling and dancing and things like that. So I spent a lot of time with other girls. And so, you know, not surprising when you pose that question. I haven't thought about it in that way, but not surprising when you pose that question that I ended up doing what I'm doing now and I'm so passionate about supporting and influencing and loving on other women. That's so cool.

I love it. I love being bossy. Of course, that means leadership, right? I mean, it's so true. It's just a reframe, you know? Exactly. Yeah. So you guys, as you're listening, you know, as you reflect and remember these things that you love to do, you know, from your childhood, I would just, you know, consider how it relates to you as an adult. And so for myself, I think, okay, so the business owner aspect, you know, for sure I get the challenge.

I get the, the sense of risk and fear when I'm, you know, choosing to grow, choosing to expand, um, choosing to do business in a new way that absolutely gets filled up. Um, and I think about just even like the competition within myself, you know, like who am I becoming as a business owner? Who am I becoming as a coach? I think the competition with myself also comes into just personal goals that I'm aiming for. So I get the competition filled through business. I get the risk. I get the choosing to live outside of my comfort zone. That all gets filled up as an adult now, which is really fun to make that connection.

And then for the people side of it, I mean, that's really, you know, the nature of the work that I get to do with individuals and teams. So that's completely fulfilled that connection for me with work. And then nature, you know, I was kind of like, huh, how is this showing up? But I have to say, when some of the coolest ideas and some really even awesome coaching conversations that I've had for myself. I've taken some of my own, like if I'm being coached, I'll go out on a walk instead of just being at my computer or my desk. And that's where I've had some of my biggest like mind shifts. So when I'm in nature, I relax. I feel like I connect way more to my heart than maybe with my analytical, you know,

my left brain. So just for me even running, that's when I've had like some of my best business ideas. So I think nature serves me in that way. But yeah, I would, I would ask you guys, you know, to just ask yourself some questions around this whole self-awareness piece. Put your ego aside. Let go of titles. Let go of what other people would think. And just allow your heart to lead you. Just to even ask questions, something as simple as, how could I be in awe of myself?

What am I really good at? You know, if it's true that we all have our own genius, what is mine up until this point in my life? If I had to pick something that I'm just really good at, yes, I could always get better at it, but what do I love doing? What do I do where I just lose track of time that it's just so much fun that I could just do it for hours? And then also, you know, maybe asking yourself a question like, okay, what is burning inside of me at this moment that maybe feels so unattainable? That's like, there's no way I could ever do that or have that or become that. And if you're noticing that there's something that you think you would love to do, but it's just so far-fetched, this is where I would really ask you to challenge yourself and just

ask yourself the question, is it true? Is it true that I can't do this? You know, the mind is certainly telling you, right? That's like, you know, our primitive brains, right? They want to keep us small and protected and safe. Am I going to eat it or is it going to eat me? Our reptilian brain, the amygdala hijacks us. But your heart is telling you this would be so cool. So just take yourself through an exercise and see if you could find three genuine reasons where the opposite might be true. Like, no, I can do this. I can become a doctor.

I can be on a stage in front of 50,000 people. I can be running for a political office. I can be a parent. I can be a business owner. And I really believe that if you challenge yourself to find three reasons where that actually might be true, you'll start to feel different when you can actually see some evidence in that way. I think that's so important. I firmly believe that God or the universe or whatever it is that you believe in is not cruel and that God wouldn't or the universe wouldn't give us gifts if we weren't meant to use them. And we wouldn't have deep desires. I'm not talking like surfacy desires, like I want a pizza right now. I'm talking like deep desires, that things that

you think about all the time and that you're constantly thinking, I should, or I could, or I would, if those things wouldn't be living in our bodies if we weren't supposed to do something with them. That's my theory anyway. I have the chills with you saying that. Nicole, I want to put this out here to the listeners. I just went to this conference by Alison Armstrong and it was about creating extraordinary relationships and she really had us actually focus on the relationship that we create with ourselves. And, you know, at the end, she said something that just brought me so much chills, just like when you said, I just had the chills in my body. She said, do everything you need to do to keep being who the world needs you to be. I love that. Yeah.

It's almost like pay attention to that, that desire in your heart. Pay attention to like what you want. Okay. So that's like the first part around self-awareness. And then once you get some insight toward, okay, what's my heart saying? Even though my head might be, you know, trying to find every reason under the sun that it's not possible. It's not the right time. I'm too young. I'm too old. I'm too, you know, I'm too this ethnicity. I'm too this sex. I mean, just become aware. Start to notice your thoughts. And then I think this is the part where, you know, gathering feedback. I mean, there are so many resources out there. You know, you could take an assessment. You could take a career assessment. You could do the StrengthsFinder 2.0. I'm, you know, kind of partial to the one that I've worked with for 20 it's the way that you evaluate yourself. It tells you the things you really enjoy doing. Because the whole concept is if you can do things

you enjoy, you're going to get better at it. When you get better at something, you have this like internal recognition, like, wow, I'm getting better at this. You get external recognition from people and saying like, wow, you're getting really good at that. It makes you want to do it even more. So you become more productive and more fulfilled. And so there are several assessments out there, but I would encourage you to just, you know, see, see which one could be right for you and see what comes up. And then you could always also ask your family, ask your friends, hey, what do you think I'm uniquely good at? You know, where do you see me at my best or my happiest self? And then why do you think that is? Like, what am I doing in

those moments? Who am I being at those times? And just that whole saying, like sometimes we can't see in ourselves what others see in us. That can provide a ton of insight. And I think, you know, asking people who know you and love you, you know, what they see to be your gifts or, you know, what are the top five strengths you see that I have? However you phrase it, it's so impactful. This was a game changer for me in my life. I had been given the feedback a long time ago once that my voice was too loud and kind of screechy. And it wasn't until very much later on in life that somebody said that I was a good

speaker, that it literally shifted. Like I would not be doing this today if not for that feedback from that one person, because I had it wrapped in my brain. Anytime I had to stand up and do facilitated training or do something where I had to talk in front of people, I assumed I wasn't good at it. I assumed it was going to be tough. I worried about it constantly and getting that external feedback from people who love you. It's so important. Oh my gosh. Yes. I love that. Your voice is too loud. And look at how many people you've impacted and influenced. The stages you've been on, you are using that voice for such good in this world. Man.

I mean, I think that just goes to like resilience. And, you know, because I wonder if you remember, like when you first heard that, like did you doubt it or did you like have this inner sense of truth? Like, you know, I think it was what I remember feeling was I always thought I wanted to do something where I spoke in front of people. My dad was in real estate and I remember going to like a convention and seeing speakers and I was like, I want to do that, like stand in front of people and speak. And so it almost, I don't think I had doubt in the moment. Unfortunately, I was young and, you know, easily influenced or whatever, but it felt so

disconnected, so incongruent with what I wanted to do. It was heartbreaking. I can remember that. And, and how impactful it was to hear the opposite later on in life. It felt like I, I just needed to hear that to give myself permission to get back to that gift that I thought that I had and wanted to use, but sort of stuff down, um, you know, because somebody else said one thing, you know, it's so wild. I think what's, you know, because somebody else said one thing, you know? It's so wild. I think what's, you know, challenging too about putting yourself out there and asking for feedback is you're probably going to get feedback that is great to hear. You know, it feels good to hear.

Okay, like, yeah, this makes sense because that's how I feel when I'm doing those things. It makes me happy. It makes me joyful. I feel fulfilled and on purpose. But, you know, if you're asking for genuine feedback, you might also get some feedback on things that they don't think you should do or, you, I really appreciate you having the courage to tell me that. I know when I was younger and I got that feedback, I almost went to like the opposite. I thought like, oh, my gosh, here are these things I'm not good at. I should go get better at them.

Like every time, you know, when I was young starting out in the working world, it was like, man, you're great with people, but your administrative skills are really, you know, they really need attention, your attention to detail. And I would think like, oh man, I'm like, there's, I'm lacking, right? There's something wrong. And now, you know, with wisdom and experience, and this is what I help, you know, my clients and teams and just leaders of teams is you don't need to be all things. You know, that's why you build a team around you. You put yourself in a role where you get to do the work that you love and that lights you up and then find people who love to do the things that you don't like to do. So yeah, I think that whole part of gathering feedback and also taking it with a grain of salt, like who are you getting the feedback from?

Are they championing you in your life? You know, are they the people that you really want to consider that feedback from? And Nicole, I think the last piece is, you know, really this concept of just getting curious and calling on your courage. And I loved in one of your earlier episodes when you gave the example where you said like you had reached out, the one about starting a business, that you had reached out to like 20 people, you know, that you knew, respected, and that just wanted to learn from. And I think the same applies here. Once you get, you know, more clarity on, hey,

these are, this is kind of my short list on some paths or careers that I think I want to embark on, reach out to people who are doing what you could see yourself doing. And just have the courage to say, hey, I'm considering this. Can I pick your brain? I think that would be a gift to yourself to just get to know what's great about it. What am I glorifying about it? What actually sucks about it that I might not be aware of? And again, I mean, I think there's just part of the being curious and open to learn, you know, offering to even just test drive it. Like, could you intern for them no matter what your age is?

You know, could you find out ways to just be near them or experiencing what it's like to do what they do? Could you shadow them for a day? Um, I really, I feel like this topic is so important. I mean, just for the world to find, for people in this world to find work that fills them up. I know Simon Sinek speaks to this all the time. And I think it's like his mission statement. He says like, wake up. He's like, my mission is for people to wake up feeling inspired, to feel safe at work, and then to return home fulfilled at the end of the day. I think a lot of times people will lead with, well, what career is going to bring financial security?

Which career is going to make me the most money? Which career is going to provide the most options? and we need to be asking careers or we need to be asking more questions such as what will be truly fulfilling in my life's work how can i use my gifts how can i use my talents to serve the world because if you're getting fulfilled i know the world's going to be a benefit beneficiary of that and somehow the money seems to follow. It really does. I've observed it so many times where people chase their passion and they use their gifts. And because you're uniquely gifted to do that thing, you end up being really good at it. And, and the money, I mean, it's okay. I'm oversimplifying the money doesn't just show up, but it really does follow. It's really interesting.

It so does. Yeah. And to that point, I remember when I was leaning into my courage and I was telling my parents that after five years of working for a company that I just loved, that I was thinking of starting my own business. And my dad was asking me questions and he just said, you know what? He said, honey, he said, I really believe if you do what you believe, do the work that you love and the money will come. And that came from my dad who busted his butt for 46 years working like six days a week. And he was telling me, like, I felt like that was like almost my like privilege, like for him to say that to me, like do the work that you love. Cause he did what he did. And I think he liked it, but I, I, you know, I ask him now, like,

um, if you, if money didn't matter, what would you, what would you do? You know, what, what would your profession, what profession would you choose? And, uh, he said, you know, he's like, I think I would start like, um, like a, a daycare center and just be around kids all the time, which blew my mind, right? Like that was truly his heart. Like that's what brings him so much joy. And for, you know, 46 years, he ran a small business. He had like, it was called Premier Aluminum Corporation and he sold to construction companies. So housing materials, you know, doors, windows, roofing materials. But I just think it's really interesting. I feel like he gave me that gift and encouragement to say like, do the work that you love. Yeah, I'm so grateful for that.

So, Lynn, I'm going to put you on the spot a little bit. And I know this from our monthly conversations, or at least know a little bit of it. How are you going to use your gifts? What are you really excited about in the coming year? Yes, I'm making you go public. Honestly, as you asked me that I get the butterflies, but it just tells me that I'm on the right path. Like when I get like, like nervous, which is, I'm equating that to the butterflies. Um, it tells me that I'm, I'm on the right path because I'm equating that to butterflies. It tells me that I'm on the right

path because I'm doing something that scares me. But I just, it's undeniable. I feel like I'm just being pulled to do it. So I'm so excited this year that we are going to launch our digital platform around helping people gain self-awareness and career guidance. And it's going to be specifically for three groups. The first group of people is, you know, people coming out of high school into college, kind of asking themselves that question of who do I want to be when I grow up? And again, serving people out of college into the working force, like really trying to figure out what am I passionate about? Who am I? Just that process of gaining self-awareness. Then the second group are athletes. You know, what is life like after sports? If they've played a sport in college or in high school and then they're trying to figure out, okay, what is, who am I after sports? What do I love aside from playing the sport? And then also career changers who are really craving

more fulfillment in their work and thinking about making a career change, because that can be just a pretty uncertain time. So we want to serve people in that way. And I'm really excited for that next chapter of like working differently in my business. I am really excited for you. And I can't think of more needed work in today's, you know, I, I really had no idea what I wanted to do after, um, after high school. And then certainly didn't know what I wanted to do after college and, and having somebody to help. I mean, maybe some people in some schools had really good guidance counselors or had, I just didn't, I didn't either. I didn't have it or I didn't use it. I don't remember, but I mean, you know, JJ six, but by the time she's 16, I'm enrolling her in your program without question, because I mean, what an impact you're

going to have. So I'm excited for you and I'm excited that you went public about it. So yay you. My last question is around failing forward. In my episode on confidence, I submitted that one of the ways that we build confidence is actually through failure. But in those failures, we always have the choice to fail forward. And I know that this is something, you know, that you agree with and are in alignment on. So I would love for you to share either how you coach the people you're working with to fail forward, or maybe how you've personally experienced that in your life. Just a little bit of a, your perspective on failing forward. That's such a good question. I feel like this is so important. Okay, so for myself, I mean, I think back to when I started my business, you know, a lot of times, I mean, and I've heard this often.

And maybe again, maybe I could take a little bit more of a risk because I was younger. You know, I started it at 30 versus, you know, just in my 40s. But I didn't have, you know, six months of emergency savings. I had like two and a half months. And so, you know, I started before I was ready. I didn't have, you know, 20 clients lined up when I started my business. It was just like bet on myself. And I went from making, you know, six figures to my first year in business, making a third of that. And, you know, just still continuing on to be like, okay, I'm going to grow every year. I learned a ton in my first year in

business. So, you know, I think just the concept of doing things before you're ready. I know for me personally, that has served me so well. And I know it's going to continue to serve me well in business and in life. I put out there this year that I am going to go qualify to run the Boston Marathon. Nicole, I do not run. I'm not like a fast runner. All I heard about that was Boston, by the way. I just feel that you're going to be in the town. Anyway, keep going. And we're going to play and celebrate. But I'm just like, I'm claiming it. I'm saying I am going to, and I'm going to figure out how to run faster, but I'm not a fast runner. But I'm just like, I'm claiming it. I'm saying I am going to, and I'm going to figure out how to run faster, but I'm not a fast runner. But I just feel like it's the right time and I'm

going to go do something that scares me. And so with clients, you know, I'm a big believer in baby steps. I really feel like you need to just start. You need to just begin. You need to just go look up the qualifying time. You need to just make a phone call. You need to just do the one piece that's going to start that domino ripple effect. So a lot of times, you know, if somebody is saying like, hey, I'm meant for more, or I want to go after this goal. We start with, okay, what's the next step? Call it a baby step. Call it a turtle step. We grow in phases. So to the degree that you can just give yourself that grace to just take the next step. And then we're going to take the next one and then the next one. I love it. Lynn, thank you so much for helping us figure out how we can find what our gifts are, that practicing self-awareness. Those questions

are awesome. I'm going to ask myself those when we're done. Gathering feedback, getting curious and courageous. I think those are genius steps for both finding and then beginning to use, like you said, the baby steps, you know, so build that muscle by doing, kind of like confidence building. If you want to learn more about Lynn and what she's up to professionally, you can check her out on coregrowthconsulting.com or follow her on LinkedIn. I'm going to leave us with a quote that I looked up while we were talking because as you were speaking, it was quote that I looked up while we were talking because as you were speaking, it was one that I remembered from back of the day

and I think it's so perfect. When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left. And I could say I used everything you gave me. And this, my friends, is most definitely woman's work.