This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 023 / Branding YOU With Terri Lomax

Episode Date: July 15, 2020

How can you be a better brand ambassador for yourself? A lot of women I work with (myself included) struggle with self promotion. I’m not sure why… we are total badasses. :) In this episode I welcome Terri Lomax - a globally recognized Brand Strategist, Speaker and Podcaster, to help inspire us all to walk into our greatness, when creating our personal brand and leveraging social media.Terri talks about how, whether you are aware of it or not, people are already making associations with you. So by taking ownership of that narrative and being more strategic, you can be in the driver’s seat with your branding. If you don’t brand yourself...who will? It’s important that we all own our messaging and that we share our authentic, imperfect and worthy selves. Stand in who you are and what you have to offer and give to others. Share your story, share your purpose, share what makes you different. This is Woman’s Work To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com

I am Nicole Kalil, and on today's episode of This Is Woman's Work, we're going to discuss how we can be better brand ambassadors for ourselves. A lot of women I've worked with, myself included, struggle with self-promotion. It kicks up a lot of limiting beliefs and insecurities like, will I be seen as arrogant or boastful? What if people don't like what I have to say? I don't have enough perfect pictures. What if I do something wrong?

At least those are some of the things that have run through my head over the last several years, and if I'm being honest, sometimes on a daily basis. So we're here today to talk about advocating for ourselves, and I've invited Terri Lomax, a globally recognized brand strategist, speaker, and fellow podcaster to join us in hopes that her expertise, experience, and wisdom will inspire us all to walk into our greatness when creating our personal brand and leveraging social media. Terry, thank you so much for joining me today and being willing to share your branding wisdom with all of us. Thank you so much, Nicole. I'm so excited. So I want to start with a question for those listeners that are at the earlier stages of creating and communicating their personal brand or wondering how to even get started, what tips can you share?

Yes. So I would say, Nicole, first let me preface this by saying I tend to be an overthinker. And so I want to share some tips that will help folks that may be overthinkers as well. I think this will be specifically helpful for those women, but I will say, I think the first step is to think about what, I like to say, what three words do you want people to associate with you and your brand? I know, you know, when I first got started with my brand, I didn't know what I was doing. I had no idea about the world of branding and social media, but I started with, okay, what vibe do I want

people to get from my content? And although I didn't have a website, although I didn't have things fleshed out fully, that allowed me to then create content that spoke back to the energy that I wanted people to gain from my content. And so I think that's really key is understanding, what are those words people associate with my brand? And oftentimes, you know, though we may not know this, right, we already have a brand, whether we're strategic about it or not. So based on what you post, based on how you show up in the world, people are already associating words and ideas with you. And so if you can take ownership of that narrative and be a bit more strategic with that and think of, okay, what are the words I want them to associate with me and then deliver upon that? I think that is the first key. I have two more for

you too, Nicole. So I'll just hold off to see if you have feedback. I love that so much. I think overthinking and over processing is something that women do at a greater rate than our male counterparts. And so I'm so glad you said that. I fall into that trap too. And that first tip is, I think, kind of simplifies and helps us get away from the overthinking. Now, would you suggest asking some people who know you what three words they might associate with you if you're struggling? Absolutely. I notice oftentimes when I share this with the women that I work with or coaching clients, sometimes our modesty is just hanging out in our back pocket and it's kind of hard to think of, oh, what are the great things that I've done? Or, you know, how can I just think freely

of these words that I want people to associate with me? So what I would say is definitely reach out to positive, supportive folks in your life and ask them like, what naturally, what do they already naturally associate with you? Right? And you can use that to get your creative juices flowing. So absolutely lean into your network, get feedback and see what common themes that you notice. And I'll give you an example, Nicole. So I was one of those kids, I've been thinking about my purpose in life for a very long time. I was one of those teenagers reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. And I asked myself this question a lot, why am I here? What am I doing on this earth?

And for me, I noticed over the years that when it came to the recommendations that my teachers wrote, when it came to the letters and the communication that even my friends would send me, there was a theme of inspiration. And so early on, I understood, you know what? There's something about my story. There's something about my life that people find inspiring. Even though I may not see it, let me lean into that, right? So it really is a goldmine when you tap into folks that are positive and supportive to see what's already coming up for them. I love that example. Thank you for sharing. Okay. So you said there are two other tips. Oh yes. Two other tips. So the second one is

get clear on your brand story. I think oftentimes, you know, when we know our story and we're so close to it, it doesn't really come up naturally for us to tell that story. And so I think when you tell your brand story, it allows people to connect with you on a deeper level, right? You want to humanize hearts and you want to connect with folks with your brand story. And so when I think about what your brand story is, it's really the reason why you got started, right? It's that pivotal moment in your life or that moment of realization when you decided, you know what, I'm going to start this brand. And oftentimes that story might include some strong emotions like fear, self-doubt, and a lot of other things.

And I'll give you a quick example for me, Nicole. So when I was in grad school, I was at a point in life where I had just gotten out of a very toxic relationship. And I had followed the well-intentioned advice of my mentors, advisors, and school counselors. And Nicole, you know this advice. They said, go to school, get a good job, get good grades, all that stuff, right? And I did all those things and I still felt empty. And so I was in grad school. I was making decent money. I had my own place and I was doing what everyone said I should do. But I was like, there has to be more than life to just paying back these student loans and going to work every day. And so that was the moment for me when I discovered, oh, let me find what my bigger purpose is in life. And that's when I started my blog about eight years ago. But yes, figure out what your brand story is. What is that thing that motivated you to get started? Interesting that you share that. I have found, obviously not always, but more often than not, these pivotal moments

often come from a place of pain. And it's amazing how all of us as humans, I think, do everything we can to avoid pain, physical, emotional, and all of that. And I'm not saying that I love pain or that I've figured out how to embrace it entirely or anything, but I think these stories are good reminders sometimes that those hard times, those worst moments can often birth some of the best things. I agree with that 100%, Nicole. You are spot on. You're right. I think oftentimes it does come from a place of hurt and pain or struggle. And I think that's the beauty

of the story. I mean, that's what allows us to open up the door to transparency and really make that deep connection with our audience. And then I'll dive into the last tip here, Nicole. The last tip is to get clear on what you do and who you do it for. Now, again, this is an overthinker here. And so my sort of niche statement, the statement that gives me clarity on what am I doing in this world? Who do I do it for? That keeps me grounded every single time. So on those days where I'm just like, oh, I want to do this and I want to do that. I'm like, wait a minute. Does it align with who I say I am, what I do and who I do it for? So I think when you get clear on that statement, it allows you to create content that just connects with

your audience and allows them to remember, what does she do? Who is she doing it for? And you build that deeper connection because they have clarity on how you're showing up in the world and how you can support them as well. And so I think that is super key, getting clear on that yourself. That's such a great tip because it's so easy, I think, to unintentionally just end up being all over the place. And I feel like your tip is helping to think through how do we stay on brand, right? Yes, Nicole, like how do we stay on brand? And the thing about it is like,

it's okay to evolve over time. Like this statement that you create is not going to necessarily be who you are for the rest of your life. Like that's okay. And I'll give you an example. I do so many things, Nicole. I have a podcast.

I'm an author. I do branding, right? I'm a coach. I have courses. I do all these things. But I decided to think about what are my core roles that I sort of want to lean into at this phase us to remember. And when I think about my niche statement or what I do, it's empowering entrepreneurs to leverage social media and personal branding to grow their audience impact and bank accounts. So now when I go out to create my courses or my coaching programs, I have clarity on where I'm focused or what I'm focused on at this point in my journey. So good. Thank you. Okay. So when coaching your clients, and this might have been already answered, but maybe dig a little deeper, what strategies or tactics do you encourage to make them or their products stand out from the rest? So if we've gone through these three steps and we kind of know who we are and our brand and the message,

how do we make it stand out from everybody else who's doing the same thing? That is a great question. And I think a lot of, a lot of my journey has included introspection. And so I would say lean into who are you at your core? Because we are all, yes, there's other podcasters out there, right? There are other speakers out there, but when you get clear on like who you are at the core, I think that's where you realize how unique you are. And so I think when you get clear on that and you lean into what makes you quirky, like, oh my gosh, Nicole, I can be super awkward and super quirky. And I let that shine through, through my brand. And that's how I connect with my people. So I think when you get super clear on who you are and who you want to be in the world and you lean into that, I think you have

no choice but to stand out from everyone else out there. I would also say, well, I'll take a pause there to see if you have feedback. No, I love that. I think bringing a little bit of our personalities and not always polished and perfect, right? Because that's not really relatable. Exactly. It's not always relatable. And also I would say be authentic and as transparent as you feel comfortable being. Now, if anyone follows me on social media, I, Nicole, I tell all my business for the most part.

I'm very transparent. But I'm also a motivational speaker. So a lot of that comes from that side of my world. And so in my brand, I mean, I go online some days and I'm like, Hey, I'm struggling with depression or I'm struggling with anxiety. And I really like to be transparent because a lot of folks online are just like, Oh my gosh, pretty picture. Oh my gosh, my life's perfect. And I like to let people know, yeah, I do all these things. I help people with their brands, but a lot of times I feel like I'm

a hot mess. And I want to be honest because I know people will see my pictures and see content and they've said it to me like, oh, you have it all together. And I'm like, oh no, no, no, but I don't. Right. And I think that again, gives us an opportunity to make a deep connection with our audience. So of course, go as deep as you feel comfortable. Right. And it's funny because sometimes I used to feel a little insecure about this because I'm like, oh my gosh, what if people don't think that I'm credible? But I think my work speaks for itself. Right. So I don't mind going up on stage and talking about, you know, struggling with depression and anxiety or, you know, back in the day, struggling with suicidal ideations, because I know that my work speaks to my work speaks for itself and I'm not defined by those moments and those rough patches that I have in life, right? And you aren't either. So I think it's important to be transparent and as authentic as possible. Thank you for saying that. I think it's, I agree completely. Is it fair to say too, I think I can, I can speak for myself. When I started doing my work and really focusing on redefining woman's work and

eliminating gender expectations so we can all be who we're authentically put here to be and live our purposes without the limitations that gender stereotypes put on us. So, okay, obviously big mission and all of that. But a lot of people said there are a lot of other people already doing that. And I said, absolutely. And I love those people and I support those people and I will promote those people. But this is such big work that we need more than a couple people doing it or a handful. So I've said all that to ask this, is it okay if our brand isn't always that different? It doesn't always have to be a completely different thing that nobody's ever done before, right?

Oh, I'm so glad you dove into that. That is a really good point, Nicole. Let's dive in. So what I'll say is I believe that in life, based on who we are, based on our experiences, we have the ability to connect with certain people and make an impact in a certain way, right? Based on our message. So I believe, Nicole, that there are certain people that they need to hear a message from you in order for it to really click and resonate with them, right? And then vice versa, there are people for me that they need to hear from someone that looks

like me and it's had experiences like me in order to connect. And so I do think that, you know, it's okay for us to do similar work from someone else. I will say, and sort of speaking to the question you asked previously, I do find a lot of value in filling a certain void that we may notice. So for example, my co-host and I, we started our podcast about almost two years ago, the Her Space podcast. And there are a lot of podcasts out there for Black women. However, we came from a different perspective. And our podcasts were really big on transparency, vulnerability, and just, I mean, just crazy positivity. I mean, you just get positive vibes left and right and just the love. And I think that just kind of reframing the way that Black women engage and interact with

one another, because oftentimes there are stereotypes that are pushed in media, right, about Black women. And so that's kind of our goal with that. So there may have been people, and I even thought this myself, like, oh, there's already a podcast like this for Black women. But we had this sort of unique sauce that made it a little different. And so I do find value in filling voids. If you're going out there and you're creating the exact same thing, I think that we want to just kind of revisit like, okay, what's going to make this

stand out a bit more? And kind of go back to what I said originally, where there are certain people that they need to see you, Nicole, they need to see you deliver this message. And there's value in you having a platform so that you can connect with those people. And yes, there's a lot of work to be done. And so we do need more people amplifying the same message for sure. That really resonates with me. Even on a one-on-one coaching standpoint, I know I've said things to people that I've worked with. And then a few weeks or a few months or a few years later, they'll say, so-and-so said this and it resonated with them and they did something with it. And in my head, I'm like, okay, but I said that two years ago, right? And obviously, you know,

I think to your point, it's hearing from the right person for you at the right time for you is so important. And I love the idea of filling the void. It might look the same on paper, but the differences, the voids that you're filling that are different, that's going to attract your people to you, right? Exactly. That is spot on. Oh, I love this. Okay.

I feel like I'm getting some coaching here too. Thank you. Terry, are there any social media don'ts? Like just tips, like don't do that or I've learned this mistake, you know, don't touch the hot stove type thing. Honestly, I don't have too many don'ts. I think there are some that are like pretty obvious, right, Nicole? Like you don't want to go out and offend your audience and like, you know, just say something that's just off the wall. But I will say I am down for experimentation. Like I think that sometimes you don't know what doesn't work until you try it. And so what I would say as far as like two sort of points of feedback here, I would say one thing I've learned in the

motivational speaking world and like being on stages and connecting with folks and even, you know, building my email list and email marketing and social media marketing is you want to speak to one and not many. And what I mean by that is when you are creating content, people are reading it as individuals. So if you can try to limit the y'all or the words that are sort of making folks think that you're speaking to this broader audience and use more of the you and I just to kind of build that connection, I think that that's so powerful and it goes a long way. There are so many folks on my email list that are like, oh my gosh, I feel like you are speaking directly to me. Or even on the podcast, we reference our listeners as ladies.

So we're listening to the podcast. I'm like, lady, think about this. What do you think? And so we speak directly to that person because people listen as individuals. They're not listening as a crowd or audience. And so when you speak to one and not many, you again, build deeper connections.

So I would definitely say, try that out on social media and see how your engagement increases. That's probably going to be one of the biggest tips that I'm going to walk away with. I read that way, obviously. We all do, right? We're in individuals, like you said, individual humans. And I probably make that mistake a lot. So I'm so glad that you said that. Yes, you're so welcome. And I actually learned that from speaking. One of my mentors shared that with me. He's like, well, when you go up on stage and you're saying y'all, it just, it's so subtle, but it just feels a little different when you say you, right. And the

people are connecting with you in that way. And then I would add, okay. So I used to schedule out my content like a month in advance. Like this is back in the day when I actually had the time to do that, but I used to schedule out like quotes and content a month in advance. And I think recently we've all noticed that life can change in an instance, right? Like it can change super fast. Life can just change with a moment's notice. And so what I've learned now is to try your best not to schedule posts out too far, because then you'll have a lot of work to do and backtracking because like we saw how COVID just kind of changed the game for us. And then we saw everything happening happening in our country on a racial front. And, you know, if you had content that was scheduled out, it might appear to be insensitive. Right. Or just not really in tune with the world. If you if you have posts that are scheduled out that don't really touch on those topics and things of that nature. So I would say definitely be mindful about posting content too far in advance, especially now with the world changing rapidly. Great advice. On the not posting things that might offend your audience. I was always taught, don't talk about religion or politics

or whatever on a first date or on a public platform. You just don't know who you're going to offend. Having said that, I think in the spirit of being authentically who we are, as well as just some things that, how do you not say what you believe? And I'm not sure if I'm wording this very well, but just any tips on the political or religious or kind of those, I'm putting air quotes, like touchy subjects. Yeah. You know what? I think it really depends on the person, honestly, Nicole. I don't talk too much about religion or politics on my platform, but it's, I don't know, I'm a little torn. I definitely talk a lot about the universe and my connection to spirit and things like that, but I don't know on someone's topic and their niche statement and who you are and who you're serving, I think it really does depend on your personal preference and what your mission is as far as the work that you do online. So I would definitely just kind of play it by ear

and figure out what works best for you. But I wouldn't give a blanket statement and say like, oh, I wouldn't talk about it at all because I really don't think that it depends. Yeah. I think that's well said. That's fair. I try to ask myself before I post or comment or respond, am I coming from a place of love? And a lot of times I'm not. So I put things down or walk away and get myself to where I can hopefully come from that place. But okay. No, I just figured I'd ask.

I know it's a difficult question, but talk to us about balance as a podcast host, speaker, strategist. You have your clients, you're doing keynotes or were before COVID when we can't travel anymore. How are you managing to balance it all? Any tips

there in life, but a little bit also on social media, like balancing what we share professionally and personally or privately, or I would just love to hear your perspective on balance. Yes. So one of my absolute favorite motivational speakers and business women, Lisa Nichols, she has a quote and she says, balance is a myth. Harmony is a must. And for me, that's really what I, that's what I use to kind of ground myself in all of the work that I do, because I have so many roles. I also work full time, Nicole. I work at a tech company in Silicon Valley. And so there are, yeah, there's a lot going on. There's a lot going on in my life. But what I always ask myself is something that a mentor proposed to me years ago. And he said, what are you optimizing for at this stage in your life? And that question for me allows me to

prioritize better because now I see, okay, for this quarter, my priorities are my book launch, my podcast, and maybe it's like self-care. And so with that in mind, now I can prioritize accordingly. So now I say no a lot better. No or not right now. I say that a lot more than I used to because I have a mission. I have something that I can see on my vision board. I can see in my notebook that I'm optimizing for. And if it's not in alignment with that, then it's just not a good time right now. So it makes it easier for you to free yourself from those points of acting out of obligation and not by choice.

And so I think that's key for me. Self-care is also huge, Nicole. I am very, well, before COVID, I was very proud of the way I was. Self-care is also huge, Nicole. Like I think I am very well before COVID, I was very proud of the way I was doing self-care because I would schedule it out at the beginning of the month. Now I do like Zoom. I have acupuncture. I'm also very vocal with my husband about what I have going on. And I ask him to support me like, Hey, if I'm on the computer for five hours and I haven't eaten, or, you know, I haven't spent time with you, I might need a reminder. Let me know. So keeping the door open for those conversations and being flexible, that's really helpful. And also knowing that I'm not going to be working as hard as I am forever.

I'm working hard now so that I can play a lot more later. I'm building something right now because when I have my kids, I don't plan to be mom that's like super busy the whole time because I've been waiting so long to have children. I'm like, I want to be able to take a year off and be with my babies and, you know, be mommy and all that good stuff. So I'm really building the infrastructure for my career and business now so that I can rest and choose to do what I want to do later. Yeah. I felt the same. I often said, I'm working like a crazy person now to create opportunities and choices for myself and my family in the future. And I feel really lucky and blessed that I was able to do that because I know

not everybody can. I love everything that you shared there. The quote was very powerful for me too. The word balance has never totally resonated with me. I strive for harmony because I rarely feel balanced, but if I can feel good and comfortable in my own skin and proud of myself at home, at work, and not be constantly thinking I should be somewhere else or doing something else, to me, that's a big win. I would agree with that wholeheartedly, Nicole. Absolutely. Awesome. All right, Terry, my last question is when we make mistakes, because it's inevitable, right? What do we do? How do we fail forward as it relates to when we make mistakes in sharing our brand or on social media? Any tips for failing forward in that?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, Nicole. And this makes me think about a time on our podcast actually where we had a guest on and I said something that was problematic. And this is feedback that we got from some of our listeners and our guests. And so I think it was a very challenging experience too, as you can imagine, because we have this public platform. This is like my worst fear. My intentions are good, but my impact was very different from what I intended to do. And so in that moment, I definitely leaned into my support system to get feedback and to educate myself on what I had said. And what we did was we had the guests back on. We just like literally changed, we pivoted, we changed up the game and we're like, okay, we're going to have this guest back on and we're going to have a deeper conversation about what was deemed problematic.

How can we fix it? How can we educate ourselves? And so I remember the night before we recorded, we all learned later that we all had anxiety and we were super nervous about it. But I think the first step is take ownership and not the halfway ownership, right? Not like, oh, I'm sorry, but no, no, no. Take ownership for whatever you've done and ask for guidance, right? Like if it's appropriate and there's no route for you to research, I think you should definitely research, but also ask for guidance. I think also apologizing and offering a sincere apology is key and not beating yourself up

too much, right? Not beating yourself up and just moving on from it and letting it be a learning experience. I think that life is all about failing forward, right? Many times when we begin a new journey, it's new for us. And so we're going to fail. And the only way, in my opinion, to fail is failing forward. Because if you're bold enough to take that action and fail, I mean, that's worth something, right? So yes, taking ownership, apologizing, doing your research, and being gentle with yourself. Great advice and great example. I think, you know, how brave it is for you to have invited the guest back and to move through the anxiety and the fear.

I love that example. So thank you. Okay, ladies that are listening, you can connect with Terri on Instagram or Twitter at Terri Lomax. It's T-E-R-R-I-L-O-M-A-X. You can listen to her on the Her Space podcast with Dr. Dominic Broussard. If you're a Black woman or a woman of color and are looking for an extra dose of inspiration, the Her Space podcast is a great place to get it. Terry, would you mind also sharing a little bit more about your online courses that are available on TerryLomax.com, as well as your new book that's coming out? Yes, absolutely, Nicole. So I have a lot of resources online. I give a lot of content away for free.

So if you head on over to TerryLomax.com, I actually have a free podcasting masterclass where I show you exactly how you can start your own podcast. For us, Nicole, my co-host and I, we started our podcast about two years ago. And in about a year or so, we reached a half a million downloads, which was insane. But I showed you how we were able to do that. And I also have a blogging course, branding courses and all that good stuff. So definitely go to the website, terialomax.com and check that out. And as far as my new book, Nicole, I'm super excited about this. It's been a long time coming. My book is called How to Glow Up As You Grow Up,

Your Go-To Guide for Overcoming Obstacles obstacles and making lemonade. And basically, Nicole, we've all heard the saying, right? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But oftentimes, we're not taught how to make the lemonade. So literally what I do in the book is I break down the ingredients of making lemonade and just relate it back to life. And I show you step by step, story by story, struggle by struggle, how I was able to make lemonade from some of the most devastating events in my life, and then offer the reader an opportunity to do the same for themselves. And that book will be available on July 21st. And you can visit glowupbook.com to learn more about the new book. Awesome. I will definitely be grabbing that. And

Terri, thank you so much for your time today. There are so many things that you said that really spoke to me. And honestly, there are some things that you said that I'm like, I feel like we were connected spiritually or something before this. So I really appreciate your time and your wisdom. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me, Nicole. All right. If we don't brand ourselves, who will? It's important that we own our messaging and that we share our authentic, imperfect, and worthy selves. And I wouldn't be a very good listener or student if I didn't share that I'll be launching my first online course in August called This Is Confidence, where I'll not just tell you to be confident or to be brave, but actually share the secrets of how

so that you'll build your confidence and have the tools and the community to keep it. Follow me at Nicole M. Khalil or visit my website, NicoleKhalil.com. See, I'm coachable. Now you be coachable too. Take something that Terry shared and test it out. Stand in who you are and what you have to offer and give to others. Share your story. Share your purpose.

Share what makes you different. This is woman's work.