This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 030 / The 3 M’s of Mindset with Lesle Griessel

Episode Date: September 23, 2020

In this episode, I welcome guest Lesle Griessel - Associate Managing Partner at a Fortune 100 Financial Planning Firm, Owner of LongView Leadership, a mom, a wife and one of the best leaders I know. Clearly, this woman is busy! Lesle explains why mindset is one of the most critical aspects in her life and she shares some incredibly powerful tools that we can all leverage. No matter what life throws at you, (and let’s be real 2020 has thrown us some doozies!) you always get to choose your mindset. It’s not always easy, but it’s always your choice. What if your biggest opportunity is a small shift in your mindset? This is Woman’s Work To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com

Coming up on this episode of This Is Woman's Work. Mindset in and of itself is, I think, a tool and it's a consciousness that we should be very aware to embrace because it's incredibly powerful. Welcome to our next episode of This Is Woman's Work. I'm your host, Nicole Kalil, speaker, coach, hotel snob, and wine and cheese enthusiast. To learn more about how we're redefining woman's work, you can visit NicoleKalil.com or follow me on Instagram at Nicole M. Khalil. Today, we're going to talk about one of the most important factors in our lives. It determines our success, our happiness, our choices, decisions, relationships, opportunities, and even our life expectancy curious about what it could be

hint it's 100 within our control and it's with you 100 of the time it's our mindset you know that way of seeing everything with the belief that you are in control of your own destiny and here to teach us more about mindset is one of my favorite people on the planet, Leslie Griesel. Leslie is the associate managing partner at a Fortune 100 financial planning firm. She's married, a mom of two girls, owns her own consulting company, Longview Leadership, and I've been fortunate enough to be in a study group with Leslie for many years now. She is absolutely the real deal and one of the best leaders I know. Thank you so much for joining

us today, Leslie. Thank you, Nicole. Honored to be here with you. I'm thrilled you're here. How important is mindset? Like, did I oversell it a little bit there in my intro? Does it really matter? It really does. I love how you introed mindset. I think it could arguably be one of the most important aspects of life because I think about it as how we choose to view the world, who we are in it, you know, how we show up and how we experience life. So mindset in and of itself is, I think, a tool and it's a consciousness that we should be very aware to embrace because it's incredibly powerful. So what impact has mindset had based on

your observations or experiences? Like, can you give us maybe some examples? Um, cause I think sometimes when we hear mindset, we think like, what does that even mean? Yes. Yeah. And I think mindset shown up in a couple of different ways for me. I've used it for achievement quite a bit. So, you know, I grew up playing a lot of golf. One of the things my teachers would teach me was before you even stand over the ball, you need to visualize the shot. And, and I, that's when I started learning about how powerful visualization was and that after all the training and all the rounds and how much we play like, Oh, so before you even touch the club or the ball, you're supposed to visualize the flight, you know, how you're going to hit it, how it's going to land, um, et cetera. And so the first, I think thing about mindset for me, when I think about it is

how powerful it's helped me be in terms of drive and achievement. So, you know, it could be a golf shot. It could be, you know, playing golf in college. But after I had my first child, something got into me that I needed to do something for myself and physically to help both my physical and mental health. And I decided to start distance running and run, you know, half marathon. And then after my second child, I decided to run a full marathon. And so for me, like, that's crazy. That's crazy. When I first, my sister was the one that turned me on to it. She was like, I'm going to run a half marathon.

I was like, that is, I can't even comprehend that in my mind. But once I did comprehend it in my mind and I believed I could do it and I saw a training schedule, it was a total reframe about what my expectations were. So it's in a career in terms of being, you know, the first woman in multiple roles that I've had or creating new roles in my career. I think having a lot of faith or belief in self, taking control of how I choose to, again, see myself in this world and what I can do comes from mindset. But I will also say, so achievement drive mindset is incredibly powerful. I attribute probably 99% of achievement drive to mindset. And we can choose to go down the negative rabbit hole, complain, why me, et cetera. Or we can choose to look at it with a, you know, perspective of what do I have? What am I grateful for? What am I learning through this? And with all of that,

I think there's an opportunity, whether it's the good, you know, you're on a path of achievement for me, or I'm going through a really tough time and I'm, you know, just trying to embrace what I'm supposed to be learning, that there's just this opportunity for presence along the way. Yeah. I think a lot of what you said resonates with me as I talk about confidence a lot, the concept of seeing failure as a way to build your confidence, learning, opportunity, a gift, you know, a growth and the ability to choose confidence as opposed to thinking it comes to you, right? And we get to choose our mindset. One of the things people ask me that I'm going to ask you is conceptually, I get that. Conceptually, I get on the tough days and when, you know, the you know what hits the

fan that I have a choice, but it feels so much easier said than done. So what tools or tricks do you have that you leverage or that you've seen other people leverage on those tough days to shift your mindset or to, you know, not go down that rabbit hole of despair? Yes. So I think there's a mental piece, some really good mental tools, but also I'm, I think physicality is part of it as well. So mentally I, I'm a big believer in affirmations and mantras. Um, one, when I was working with an executive coach years ago and we created a mantra or an affirmation for myself, which was slow down to experience more. And we can get so caught up in whatever it is, right? Like the hustle, the bustle, the work, you know, as a mom, as a, as someone in a career, as just life, like I got to get groceries, whatever it is. And there is beauty and opportunity in every mess, I think. And so slow down to experience more as an affirmation. But I think affirmations like I am statements are really important. And

you've been great, Nicole. I have actually, I have a sheet from you that is a great fill in the blank, but I had written down things like, I am worthy. I am a, you know, a trailblazer. I am a great leader. I am a badass. I love people. I have good intentions because we can easily get lost. And another exercise I've done, just if we're feeling a little negative and that stuff doesn't come natural, is I like myself best when fill in the blank. Like I like myself best when I get up early in the morning and see the sunrise. I like myself best when I work out. I like myself best when I eat clean. I like myself best when I look people in the eye, you know?

And so, I mean, just even verbalizing those things are, it takes, it's a whole nother tone, I think internally. And the physicality piece for me is that I do think there's a big mind body connection, like in running and distance running. It's the thing I like about it is it's mentally challenging. And it is probably more of a therapeutic meditative thing for me than it is physically, because part of it is your body can do so much more than you think it can. And I love that classic Henry Ford quote of whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right. So I constantly, when I run, I tell myself that like, today I'm going to run four miles. Today I'm going to run eight miles, whatever the number is.

Like, I know that whatever I say to myself is probably going to happen. Right. So whatever we say to ourselves, the other thing though, is if I'm feeling, um, tense or down just action, I think the body can also speak to the mind. Like the body can through physicality, a walk, a run, being in nature, um, exercise can help the mind calm down a little bit too. So, um, so yeah, I think affirmations, um, mantras, activity, physical activity, um, are, are tools that have helped me manage mindset. I know people can't see me, but I'm sitting over here just nodding this entire time. I love the way you framed that. The mind speaks to the body and the body speaks to the mind.

And there really is that connection. And yes, mantras are little things that we say to ourselves. So I have my list of things I know to be true about me at this point in my life. I've definitely worked with mantras. The simplest one is I am enough. I remember I started with, I am good enough. And a coach that I was working with at the time was like, eliminate good. You are just enough as you are. Everything you need is already inside you. And that was a really big game changer. Or like, I think even like with work, when I have presentations or a coaching call or something, I got this from Jay, if I'm feeling a little tired or if I'm having a rough day or I just got off of a bad call or something like that, before I do the next one, I say to myself, my focus is at a 10. My energy is at a 10. My ability to impact is at a 10. And it just sort of reminds me to like clean off and clear off whatever just happened and that this is a new opportunity. This is a new moment. This is a new person who deserves my best. Right. And so

it's just amazing. Again, I was nodding the entire time you were talking, the things we say to ourselves really matters because if we don't consciously think about things to say, our brain will take over and say not so nice things. Right. Like I'm sure you have that. You have a voice that pops in every once in a while that's not so kind, right? Oh yeah. I think too, without proactivity and awareness around this, that it's like the Brene Brown. I love the story I'm telling myself, but we create by default, pretty negative narratives that are literally crazy. Like if I said these words out loud, I might laugh at myself how bad this is.

Why would I speak to myself that way? So it's an exercise. I mean, it's an exercise. It's something that I think can become more natural, but we have to be conscious of it. Yeah. Are you willing to share maybe some of those negative thoughts? Like one that pops into my head that I don't really tell people is every once in a while when things are really tough, I have this thought that says you weren't meant to be a mom. Like because I'm too, you know, career focused or I'm too, and I'm not warm and fuzzy and like all that stuff. I have that voice that kicks up our, and so in full vulnerability, like even with all the work that we have done, there's still that voice that pops up.

Is there anything that kind of pops up for you? Yeah. I mean, I have, I've, I've dealt with like major imposter syndrome. Like who are you to think that you deserve what you have and that will creep up sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. So, so I'll have to remind myself of there is something, you know, we all, I still don't know what this is, but this idea of like we all have a purpose. We all have a special path to walk in life. And it is a matter of what we choose to do and how we choose to think about it that is our opportunity. So I think you said that word earlier in our conversation, but it's opportunity. So even when those bad comments come up, it's like, well, where's the opportunity here? I am a mom, period. And so no one can take that away from you. And I am where I am. And I do have these platforms that, you know, worked hard to get. And the opportunity is how can I help? How can I serve? How can I impact? How can I, you know, love others through the platform, through the platforms that we have. So yeah, those thoughts are real and they're powerful. And, and I think we have to take the opportunity to recognize them and acknowledge them and then

say, get the heck out of here because that's, that's, that's not true. It's just a thought, you know, we are not our, we are not those thoughts. We are what we choose, you know, to be and how we choose to think and how we choose to feel. So you mentioned purpose. And I know we both agree on this, that we all, you know, have inherent worth or we're all inherently valuable. We all have purpose.

I know we both at times struggle with, are we living our purpose? You know, what is our purpose? Is there a bigger purpose? How do you know when it's time to go to a different purpose? I don't know. Like there's all the stuff. Talk to us about the journey because I don't think we totally ever arrive, right? But the journey of figuring out your purpose or, or, you know, kind of stepping towards your purpose without sometimes

knowing totally what it is. Am I making sense? Yeah, I think so. I think what I think about when you ask that question is, I still don't really know, right? I still don't know exactly what I think about when you ask that question is I still don't really know, right? I still don't know exactly. I don't know that I can name it, but I do think I'm starting to figure it out a little bit. And what I, what I've been reading and feeling and starting to believe is that I think, I think a lot of times our purpose comes from pain and we, life presents certain situations, learnings, you know, what a big thing for me, I know for you too, Nicole, is like inequities in the world, particularly as it pertains to women, but there's inequities all over the place. And I don't know exactly what my work looks like, you know, I can't say for the rest of my life.

I know there's things I know I'm good at. There's things I know I enjoy. There's where I am now and what I can do and use my voice. But I think that finding purpose comes from our path. You know, just looking back and saying, man, where has my passion really spiked? You know, and a lot of times I think that comes from pain and through pain comes learning and awareness. And, um, and then, you know, there's certain things I do that I spend a lot of time and energy on it. I don't get paid for. And, but man, I'm like,

maybe this is my purpose work. And I think those are some of the questions. Like if I know I love this, if I get real fired up, if I can talk to anybody about it and if I would do it, no matter what, that's probably, probably has something to do with my purpose. I think you hit the nail on the head with that. And I actually had a conversation a few episodes back similar that as much as we avoid pain, right? As much as we want to do anything within our power to eliminate it. And by the way, I'm not suggesting that we go out and pain seek, right? Like I'm not going to go. Right. But as much energy as we put into avoiding pain, it's kind of crazy because the more

and more I talk to people who are clear on their purpose or seeking on that journey towards purpose, the more I've made the connection that our pain probably gives us more insight and more like direction than, than anything else. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I think it's, you know, speaking of vulnerability with the social media and comparison and thinking the grass is greener is so dangerous because I think that clouds our ability to be aware of ourselves. But there is a lot of clarity that comes from pain, that's for sure. Life is not all rosy. But we can choose, again, I think how we embrace and say, okay, that was horrible, or this is horrible, whatever I'm going through. But again, kind of seeking where is the silver lining? I mean, with COVID, and I'm not talking about, you know, the unfortunate medical side of it, but let's just say people that have been quarantining and changing their own lifestyles and spending a lot more time with themselves. That can be healthy, but it can also I think that when those tough times are looming or around us, that's'm going through a dark period or dealing with pain,

I sometimes say to myself, I can't see the silver lining yet. Right. Or I don't know the lesson or the gift that this is yet, but I know I'll see it eventually because it's hard even with the benefit of hindsight, we can always look back and go, oh, that's why that happened. That was the purpose of that. We don't have hindsight when we're in it. I try really hard to remind myself when I'm in it that at some point I'm going to have hindsight. And at some point this is all going to make sense in some way. And sometimes that gives me a little peace. Okay. My last question is, I know you have sort of a go-to easy reminder about mindset. Share with us a little bit about that. Yeah. So I call it the three M's of mindset. The first one and what they are, what the three M's are is motivation, moments, and momentum. So the motivation piece is kind of the why, you know, like, why would I want, what is driving this mindset purpose? Because we could just say

mindset, right? But is it, you know, what is it pertaining to and why is that important? The moments is more, really more about presence. And like you were saying earlier, every interaction, every meeting, it's a new meeting. This person deserves my best where we are in any given moment. You know, like if I'm in a meeting, if I'm with my kids, if I'm, you know, traveling like I am right now and feeling guilty, I'm like, maybe being away from family. I'm like, wait a second. I want to, in hindsight, I want to feel like I felt every moment of that trip. You know, I experienced it. I was experiencing life to its fullest. um, habits around affirmations or whatever it is, um, health, nutrition, sleep, um, working out,

um, gratitude, gratitude's a really big one. I think like, where's, what am I grateful for in every moment? What do I, what, how can I say I get to do this instead of I have to do this? Um, what I do have versus what I don't have. So just being conscious in the moments. And then I think momentum comes from that. So with, you know, with the tools and doing them repeatedly, really good, really good things can happen. And it can, I think it can become a little bit more natural and way of life and go into the subconscious versus having to be, I mean, I think we do have to be proactive regularly, but it could become more natural in who we are. So yeah, mindset, the three M's, motivation, moments, and moment.

Yeah. So I love the moment being present. That's something I work on a lot. The phrase, be where your feet are, goes through my head on a pretty regular basis. It's just my reminder to me to be in this moment, be right here. And I love what you said at the end there. It resonates with my experience too. It's not that we don't ever have to be mindful of it. It's just like anything, the more you practice it, the easier it gets, the more it's like muscle memory. And that's where that momentum can come from. So all amazing things. Leslie, I adore you. Thank you so much for doing this. If you're listening and you want to connect with Leslie, you can check her out on LinkedIn

or Facebook or email her at leslie.greasel. So it's L-E-S-L-E dot G-R-I-E-S-S-E-L at outlook.com. Thank you so much. I love you. Thank you. I love you too, Nicole. All right. So no matter how you may feel, no matter what life throws at you and let's be real, 2020 has thrown us some doozies. No matter what your head trash or inner critic might tell you, you always get to choose your mindset. It's not always easy, but it's always your choice. What if you chose to believe that whatever is calling to you in your heart of hearts was put there for a reason? What if you're so much more than your circumstances?

What if it's not just about doing more or having it all together or having the answers or being perfect at everything all the time. What if your biggest opportunity, your biggest difference maker is a small shift in your mindset? You were put here for a reason. You have purpose. You are whole, worthy, and valuable just as you are. Can you see it? I can. You have the power over your destiny. Visualize your shot. This is woman's work.