This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 084 / Judgment and Kim Kardashian

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

I never would have thought in a million years that I’d be doing an episode with Kim Kardashian at the forefront, but here we are. “I have the best advice for women in business. Get your fucking ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.” - Kim Kardashian What was your reaction when you heard this? How did it make you feel? In today’s episode I share my reaction to her recent “advice”, but I also wanted to explore this from a completely different angle, and use it to discuss judgment in general. We’ve become a population that’s quick to pass judgment, quick to polarize, and quick to be nasty. Judgment is making us a less kind, less empathetic and less intelligent community of people. A loving reminder: judging another person doesn’t define who they are, it defines who YOU are. Women work and they work hard, because frankly, isn’t it all Woman’s Work? To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com

Coming up on this episode of This Is Woman's Work, judgment is making us a less kind, less empathetic, and less intelligent community of people. Welcome to today's unplanned and impromptu episode of This Is Woman's Work. I'm your host, Nicole Kalil, here to share some thoughts about judgment, paradoxes, and Kim Kardashian. I never would have thought in a million years that I'd be doing an episode with Kim Kardashian at the forefront. But here we are. For those of you who haven't heard, she was recently asked in an interview what her advice was for women in business.

And her response was, and I quote, I have the best advice for women in business. Get your fucking ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days. Now, she said it differently. You can watch it if you want her tone, but you get the idea. And it sparked backlash, support, and several women reaching out to me to find out what I thought. I'm going to share a few of my thoughts, but I also wanted to explore this from a completely different angle and use it to discuss judgment and how I believe we've become a population that's quick to pass judgment, quick to polarize, and really quick to be nasty. How judgment is making us a less kind, less empathetic, and less intelligent community of people. So my initial reaction in full transparency to Kim Kardashian's comments were, who the fuck does she think she is? Thoughts like it's much easier to work when you have teams of people to help and have like no real financial pressure. Or most of the women I know are working their asses off and putting in

full-time work at work and then again when they get home. Those thoughts were next in my head too. The fact that she in no way acknowledges the privilege she has of growing up rich, well-educated, and well-connected, among other privileges, pisses me off. And her tone felt condescending and bitchy to me. And I frankly don't think women need any more of either of those things in their lives. I've never followed Kim Kardashian, know very little about her or her family. I'm actually proud to say I have no idea which sister is which or how many of them there are or what is going on in their worlds. It's fair to say that they're just not my kind of people. I'm not impressed and I'm not interested.

And I'm also sure that none of them care what I think either. So why am I talking about her on my podcast? Well, nobody's more surprised about that than me. But the reason is because she creates a great opportunity to talk about judgment, hers and mine. You see, I have a firm belief that judgments always tell you more about the person doing the judging than they do about the person being judged. Because what it mostly does is it gives us insight into how the person judging sees things. It reveals the paradigm in which they live out of, their perspective, their interpretation, their beliefs and values, their arrogance and insecurities, their fears, doubts, and even their pet peeves.

When someone gets super judgy, I often come back with, well, that says a lot more about you than it does about me, which is true. But I don't mean this just as a good one-liner or comeback or a way to defend yourself when somebody is being a jerk. I mean this all the time. And I don't mean this from a snarky, defensive, or bitchy place either. I mean it from a neutral, productive, and growth-oriented place. Let me give you an example. Kim Kardashian's comment gave us some insight into her. Maybe one of her core values is work ethic. Maybe she's tired of people thinking she's successful from doing nothing and she really works her ass off. Maybe she thinks her fame means she's better than most women, so it's okay for her to be condescending. Maybe she defines work in a totally different way,

so she doesn't see many other women doing it. Maybe she knows how to get attention and values it above all else, so even negative attention is good. Maybe she wants to just make more money. Maybe she doesn't like to acknowledge her privilege because deep down she's afraid she'd be nothing without it. Maybe she was just having a bad day. Maybe she just had a bad experience with an employee who really didn't wanna work and she lost her cool.

All of those and so many more are all possibilities, but I don't know and you don't know the truth. Most of us have no idea other than those maybe closest to her, and really she's the only one who actually knows. So if she wanted to be self-aware, growth-oriented, and reflective, she'd have to ask herself what her comment says about her. But here's what I can share. Here's what I do know. What I can comment on with some actual authority is what my judgments say about me. My first reaction of who the fuck does she think she is tells you that even though I'm always working on it, I still get pissed off easily, and anger is often a first emotion for me. I also like to curse and consider an expression of honesty and sometimes humor and have no qualms about it whatsoever. My reaction about her help

and not having feelings of financial pressure shows maybe my jealousy and wishing that I had that all the time too. But also an underlying belief that I have that there is such a thing as being too rich. I know in my mind that money is neutral. And I also know that compared to a large part of the population, I am rich and I have a lot of help and I have very little financial pressure. So maybe I struggle with feelings of when is enough enough in my own life. I'm also furiously protective against judgment society places on women in general. So her comment pressed a button in me. It also reminds me that I don't value the same things that it at least appears that she does like fame, physical appearance, or having all aspects of my life in the spotlight.

What it tells you is she is not my kind of woman, but she is a human with value, worth, and purpose, just like the rest of us. I can say she's not my kind of person without making her a bad person or a worthless person. I can wish that she have a fulfilling and good life without being at all engaged or interested in it. I think we've become almost obsessed with putting people or things into one of two categories, good or bad, right or wrong, smart or stupid, successful or not, fat or thin. The list is really endless. And the problem is it's almost never that simple. And the even bigger problem is that it lets us off the hook from having to do the tough, messy, and incredibly valuable work within ourselves. Just because you don't like something about someone or don't even like the actual person doesn't make them bad or wrong,

and it doesn't make you good or right. I consider this a fundamentally lazy and foolish response. Do I like Kim Kardashian? No. Do I know her? Not at all. Would I like to know her? No, not really. Is she a bad human? Also no. Is she wrong? Well, it's certainly about some things, but that's true for everybody. I can choose to not follow or support her without making her bad. It's called healthy boundaries and we should all have them. I choose not to allow that type of energy in my life. Well, except for obviously when I do podcasts about her, but that's just because that's what's right for me. We all love people and have people in our lives who do bad things, are wrong, do stupid shit, or have beliefs that we hate. Hell, we all are people who do bad things,

are wrong, do stupid shit, and have beliefs we hate. And yet we still have purpose, value, and inherent worth. Let me give you another Kim Kardashian example while I'm at it. While I know absolutely nothing about the details, my understanding is that she is now separated from her husband of six years, Kanye West, whom I found to be a very talented narcissist. But again, that judgment tells you mostly about how I see him. Under the guise of not giving up on his marriage and family, her ex is harassing, bullying, threatening her and her new boyfriend.

And the world seems to have a whole host of judgments about that. Should she be surprised that he's behaving this way with his history? Probably not. Does that mean she deserves it? Absolutely not. Is she rich with access to resources and protection the average woman leaving her husband doesn't have? Sure. Absolutely. Does that make her situation okay or less scary? Absolutely not. I don't admire Kim Kardashian and I'm not a fan of Kanye West, though I'm sure both of them have redeeming qualities and value as humans. But it would

appear that she's being victimized and terrorized by a man, an ex, which unfortunately happens far too often to far too many women. And it is never okay under any circumstance to any woman. I don't give a shit what you think about her. So here's my judgment. This could very well be a marketing stunt, but even if it is, I lose absolutely nothing by saying that this behavior is abhorrent, disgusting, and criminal. If it's being done for publicity, well, then she's going to need to answer for that in her own life and when she meets her maker. But I can still feel good about standing against domestic violence, harassment, and abuse. But if it's not a stunt, if it's not for publicity, if this is truly what's happening, then we should be outraged.

We should be outraged every time this is happening to any woman, whether we like them or not. Because you know what's worse than being an attention-hungry, fame-seeking rich girl with an attitude? Being a woman who doesn't stand against violence against women. Being a woman who cares more about holding on to her righteousness, opinions, and insults than she does making sure a woman can live safe in this world. Because we can't rally ourselves behind no means no, stop means stop, enough means enough, then what the fuck are we doing? Domestic violence and harassment happens to rich and powerful people too, and it is just as wrong then. I don't care about your socioeconomic status, race, religion, status, size, or popularity. It's happening everywhere. And if you think anyone deserves it or had it

coming or did anything that warrants this kind of behavior, well, then you're less my kind of woman than even Kim Kardashian is. Because I am firm in my belief that violence and exploitation of women needs to stop, and it's going to require most of us to stop it. And I'll also do my part by acknowledging and owning that this judgment, like all judgments, gives you more insight into the person judging, me in this case, than it does anyone else. It gives you insight into my values, beliefs, perspectives, and fears. And whatever judgments you have about me or that situation tells you more about you as well. Judging another person doesn't define who they are. It defines who you are. And while we'll never live in a world that's judgment-free, I think we'd all benefit from letting go of many of them and not allowing other people's judgment to impact us so much. You have one life to live and it's yours. You're not

the decider for other people's lives or choices. Nobody knows the full story unless they're living it. You can have boundaries and choose not to let other people's energy, drama, or beliefs invade your space if it doesn't serve you without making them wrong. You can also let go of other people's judgments if they don't align with what you know to be true. Life is better when lived with others, but not for others. So you do you. Kim will do Kim and I'll do me. Let's leave the nasty judgments where they belong with the owner of the judgment. Women need to kick some ass and keep working towards what

matters to them. There, I fixed it for you, Kim. Women work and they work hard because frankly, it's all woman's work.