This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 091 / Why Must I Curse?!

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

In this episode of This Is Woman’s Work, I share my response to the question “why must you use the f word so much?” Yes, someone actually asked me that. You bet your a$s I had an answer. But before I share my answer, I have a little fun exploring what cursing means, my boundaries around using it and when I think it’s appropriate and when it’s not…for me. Because I am the decider of what words come out of my mouth, as are you. My intention in cursing is never to demean or disrespect or even for shock value. I do it because I choose to. Because it’s authentic, it’s a way to release frustration, express a genuine feeling, and because it often just makes things way funnier. Does it always need to be so serious? So professional? I think the f*#@ not. LOL! This is Woman’s Work To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com

Hi friends, Nicole Kalil here, excited to bring you another episode of This Is Woman's Work. You've probably noticed that I'm doing a lot more of these impromptu episodes where I share what's on my mind or some thoughts on current events. I want to be clear that we're still committed to bringing you incredible guests with relevant topics, but I'm also loving these little mini episodes where I get to just talk and yes, sometimes rant. And we've also been getting great feedback. And frankly, there are a lot of fun to do and

involve very little prep on my part. So I consider it a win across the board. So for today's musings, I wanted to answer the question, why I curse. I had somebody recently reach out and tell me that they love my story posts on social media and that they always make them laugh. But then they proceeded to ask, but why must you always use the F word so much? I'll share the answer that I gave to her in a bit, but I thought I'd explore this with you out loud or kind of think out loud with you listening in. Why must I use the F word so much? Well, first, let me be clear. It's not a must. I don't have to. It's not an uncontrollable twitch. I do not have Tourette syndrome. And I do not say that to be flippant about a legitimate condition. I'm articulating

that I do in fact have a choice. I choose to curse. I'll also point out that there's so much part of that question is relative. So much by what measure, by whose standards. I certainly curse more than some, but I also would assume I curse less than others. So let's be clear that this woman was using her standard of what so much is and applying it to me. I happen to think I curse just the right amount or possibly not enough if I measure it against what I authentically feel. My point is the question itself is full of assumptions, some judgments too. So the question probably shouldn't have been why must I use the F word so much? The question may be in its simplest form is why do I curse? Before I answer for myself, let's explore this a little bit. What does cursing say

about a person? What does it mean? On one hand, or one argument that could be made is that it can be disrespectful, offensive, and taboo. It could be considered unladylike, but I can tell you right out of the gate that you should never come at me with that. I will either dismiss you or destroy you because I am not interested in anybody's idea of what ladylike is. And I frankly don't even aspire to be quote, quote, ladylike. So let's just dismiss that one altogether. But yeah, cursing can be offensive and disrespectful. And if someone derogatory to a certain sexual orientation or any of those things. If any of us does use those words, we should expect to suffer the consequences. Frankly, with any profanity, there could and might be consequences. It's for us to decide what we're willing to risk. And I believe there's a difference between saying the word asshole and actually being one. When used in an improper setting or situation, it can absolutely be

inappropriate. I certainly don't curse when engaging with a new client or building a new relationship. I often let them do it first and then thank them for breaking the seal so that I can do it too. And I don't curse when I'm standing on a stage unless it's been discussed in advance. And even then, I'm very particular about the words I will and won't use. I'd be more likely to say badass than dropping an F-bomb in front of thousands of people. I'm not suggesting that cursing is professional, but I will also say that I hear as much swearing in professional settings as I do anywhere else. I did have a peer once tell me that cursing was something only lazy and unintelligent people did, which was ironic because first I'd never heard him tell any of the men that. And I've also been called many things in my day, but lazy and

unintelligent have never been among them. There's definitely a religious argument against swearing, but honestly, the fire and brimstone religious zealots are never going to be my people anyway. So I don't waste a lot of time worried about what they might think. At this point in my life, I describe myself as agnostic, which for me means I respect religion and people's beliefs greatly, but I don't believe any one religion has all the answers. I also fundamentally believe that my beliefs are mine, yours are yours, and theirs are theirs. So if you believe cursing is a sin, then you definitely shouldn't do it. But I don't believe that. And yes, there's also the argument that it's unnecessary. And for me, that's debatable. In my mind, there are times and situations where

I think anything other than a good curse word just won't cut it. I mean, have you ever dropped a good fuck you on somebody who's being an absolute prick? That shit will make the sun rise. So there are certainly arguments against cursing. And again, that's for you to decide what's right for you. But what are the arguments for cursing? Well, first, science has shown a correlation between swearing and honesty. People who curse lie less on an interpersonal level and have higher levels of integrity, according to three studies published in the last five years. Studies have also shown swearing relieves stress, lessens the sensation of pain, builds camaraderie, and is linked with traits like intelligence, verbal fluency, openness, and creativity. So for me personally, I do it for a few clear reasons. First, it's authentic,

and authenticity is a core value of mine. When I stub my toe on the coffee table, my brain does not say, oh, shucks. If someone of any gender is being rude, abrasive, or condescending, I think they're being an asshole. For me, I'm communicating authentically while also being responsible for what comes out of my mouth. I'm expressing a strong emotion, venting or releasing something. And it's very effective. Sometimes I do it just to make a point or because it drives a message home better than any other word will. Because swear words are taboo, they can be really powerful at getting people's attention or breaking through the monotony or mundane. And even frankly, it just makes people laugh sometimes. And there are also

situations where it just makes me feel better when I'm frustrated or furious and I can release it with words. Honestly, it helps me from allowing it to build to a point where I actually punch somebody in the face versus just wanting to. It's a release. My intention in doing it is really never to demean or disrespect unless somebody is disrespecting me first or even for shock value. I do it because I choose to. It's authentic and it's a way to relieve tension that on occasion makes me and the people I'm with just laugh. Why must I use the F word so much, you ask? My answer was both honest and simple. Because I want to. That was my response. That's it. No explanations or justifications needed. Because I choose to. And that answer is good enough

because choosing what's right for you, well, that's most certainly woman's work.