This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 093 / The Audacity To Be Queen with Gina DeVee

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

I’ll be honest that I generally find the idea of women calling themselves “queen” a little cheezy. But I love it when someone comes along and changes my mind! On today’s show I’ve invited the incomparable Gina DeVee to be my guest. Gina is the founder of Divine Living, a global lifestyle and empowerment brand for women, a speaker, transformational coach, host of the “Divine Living” podcast, and author of “The Audacity to be Queen.” Gina shares with us how to release all forms of self-doubt and self sabotage so that we can discover the best version of ourselves. “In every woman lives a queen, who is confident, poised and clear on her calling. She is bold and unapologetic. Drawing from her spiritual connection and feminine nature, she accesses the power to manifest her desires and fulfill her purpose. The era of invisible women is over, your time to be queen has arrived. The days of dismissing ourselves and our desires end here, no longer must we pretend to be anything other than our brillant, capable and fabulous selves.” And that definitely sounds like woman’s work to me. As you heard in this episode, Gina has been a huge support and I've already experienced personally the value of her work. Here's a little insider information I'd like to share with you... Gina is hosting an incredible program later in the month, but in the interim she is offering this FREE 3 day event this week (Wed-Fri), check it out HERE! To learn more about Gina visit her website at divineliving.com and follow her on IG @ginadevee. To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com

Here's one mind-busting thought from our guest, and you're definitely going to want to tune in for more. I firmly believe it is the story of us all, that within every woman, there is a story of overcoming, and we're all that ordinary I've invited the incomparable Gina DeVee to be my guest. Gina is the founder of Divine Living, a global lifestyle and empowerment brand for women, a speaker, transformational coach, host of the Divine Living podcast, and author of The Audacity to Be Queen, literally the best nonfiction book I've read this year. Now, if you're a regular listener, you know I typically start my episodes with a few thoughts or beliefs I have about the topic

we're about to cover. But today, I'd rather take a minute to share about the woman who you get to hear from. I met Gina for the first time three months ago. Her energy was infectious and we hit it off quickly, but that's not super rare as I get to meet a lot of amazing women. But what was and is rare is her generosity, her transparency, and her abundant mindset. A few weeks after meeting, I flew down to Florida, spent some time with Gina and Heather Monaghan, who actually is, who introduced the two of us. And in that time, Gina took me to amazing places for dinner and lunch and coffee. And she answered all my questions and trust me, there were a lot of them. And she supported me in ways that I rarely

see and has introduced me to so many incredible connections at this point, it's hard to keep count. She is a living and breathing example of what it means to be a woman supporting women. And I trust and hope that the universe gives me the opportunity to return her support one day. I just finished reading her book and it's an engaging read full of important ideas, impactful stories, and implementable tactics. It also helped me notice some patterns and belief I still have that aren't serving me and led to an open conversation with Jay that I really needed to have. She writes about having the audacity to be queen, but Gina DeVee

is living it while also leading us to become queen too. And I for one am eternally grateful. Gina, thank you so much for being here. I can't wait to dive in. I can't even, oh my gosh, I'm never speechless. And I am a puddle over here. You are so, so kind. Thank you very much. I'm going to play that introduction like daily. Oh, well, Hey, I will be your hype woman anytime. I like, seriously, I can't even say enough. So I want to give you an opportunity to share about the amazing content in your book. And I'd love to start with a story that inspired you to really write it and how to think and communicate and live like a queen.

So will you kick us off with that? Happily, happily. Well, hello, everyone. The audacity to be queen is not just kind of pop culture, yes, queen. It's actually based on the ancient and true story of Queen Esther of Persia. And the, you know, Christians know from the Bible, Jews know from Purim, for everyone else, I'm going to give you like the Cinderella short version story so you can keep up. But basically, Esther was a Jewish orphan girl and she was exiled to Persia where she was treated like a second class citizen. Had one living relative that she was taken from his home to get thrown into the palace harem where the king was looking for his new queen. The women had to stay in the harem for a year,

but where they were treated with beauty treatments and special foods before they could even be presented to the king. When it was Esther's turn to go, she hid her identity. The king ends up choosing this Jewish orphan girl, unbeknownst to him to be the queen of Persia. And right after that, there is a law issued to kill, destroy, and annihilate all the Jews. So she has to risk her life. And for such a time as this, go to the king to save her people. And she does. And he does. And in my book, she's the heroine of all time.

The reason why this story is so important to me is that I firmly believe it is the story of us all, that within every woman, there is a story of overcoming and we're all that ordinary woman who's meant to live a legendary life. So it is very inspiring. And you talk about a lot of ways and sort of how to do that. But one of the things you spend some time on that was just so engaging for me is the power of the feminine. We live and oftentimes work in a world that my opinion has over-rotated on the masculine quite a bit. And because of that, I think as women, we've become disconnected or disillusioned or even just kind of forgot about the power of the feminine. Can you talk a little bit about that gift and power that we all have? Absolutely. You know,

like you're saying, Nicole, it's like, it's been so ingrained in us to be masculine, which is to be practical, to be logical, to be linear, to be protective, to provide, to think. And ultimately masculinity is about giving. There's nothing wrong with masculinity. There's everything righteous about it in its most empowered form. The feminine though, is the playful, the creative, the intuitive, the insightful. It's about feeling, not thinking. It's about being, not doing. It's the playful, the creative, the intuitive, the insightful. It's about feeling, not thinking. It's about being, not doing. It's about we, not I. And ultimately, femininity is about receiving.

So we can very quickly identify how comfortable we women are in being masculine because we're so happy to give. Give of our time, give of our advice, give of our resources, give our attention, give our compliments, but receiving a compliment, time, resources, money, like any, like, so it's what I call the injured feminine instinct that it wasn't modeled for us, or maybe it didn't look like it was safe to receive attention, a compliment, you're worth any of that. And so much of what we're doing is reclaiming and healing these feminine pieces so that we can get into our true power, because our true power is a feminine, like I'll just say intuition. Intuition is our ability to see things not as they are, but as they could be. Someone's saying one thing, but you're hearing

something else. Well, only if your intuition is intact. Otherwise, you're just taking someone at face value or you're being paranoid and thinking that there's something else going on. But intuition has real wisdom in it. Another thing is this whole practical thing that the world has gotten us to believe. Well, it's going to take a long time to make that amount of money, save that amount of money, lose that weight, find your soulmate, whatever, whatever. The feminine knows how to bend time and space. The feminine knows like you call it in and it needs to take a long time according to who or what. You know, there's some stories in the book where something that would have either never happened at all or taken a lifetime ended up taking two weeks to a

day. And I think that when we remember those kind of auspicious moments in our life, we're like, well, I was thinking about someone and all of a sudden they called, but I hadn't talked to them in five years. We're like, oh, well, that was just a fluke. No, no, no, no. This is actually the energetic call of the feminine. You know, it's like, there's, there's a lot more power that we have in the invisible realm that gets to be very tangible if we know how to use it. It's so empowering and inspiring to hear you say that. And you share so many great stories in the book, but as you were talking, it called to mind the story of your coming up with $30,000 in two weeks from a really broke place at the time. It's like, that's a lot of money no matter what, but that time that seemed probably insurmountable or impossible. Would you share that story with us today? My first financial miracle, gladly.

Yes, Gina was the, I was no longer the struggling psychotherapist who lived in the suburbs of Detroit. I was now a Baroque struggling life coach in Santa Monica, California. And I was now a Baroque struggling life coach in Santa Monica, California. And I was so broke that I literally had gotten down to your, your audience. Nicole is going to like freak out right now, but it's true. I'd gotten down to six. No, no. I'd gotten down to a hundred dollars in my bank account. My credit was ruined. I was $75,000 in debt. True story. Family wasn't speaking to me. So don't even talk to me about calling home. That's another Oprah. And I was straight up depressed. I was like selling,

quote unquote, selling $6,000 life coaching packages in LA. It sounds sexy. Not when you sell one every four to six months, not so sexy. So I'd gotten to this place, there's a hundred bucks left. And I was like, really depressed. All I knew what to do is pray. I'm like, what am I going to do now? And I literally got a phone call from a friend of a friend who invited me to a quote, unquote, free seminar in Orange County. So I put $20 worth of gas in my car to drive down to Orange County. And I was, again, I didn't, I was bewildered. I mean, you know what financial stress is. So you can imagine what this was like.

And I just, I'm like depressed. I walk into the room and like, people were like alive and happy. I thought there was something wrong with them because it had been so long since I had felt happy, let alone seen happy people. Like that's where that was. So I got my big three ring binder under one arm and the book that they give you when you walk and sit in the back, because I was not joining this California cult. I was a grounded Midwesterner. Thank you very much. These people can go high five themselves. Anyways, and I looked down at the, I didn't even know what the name of the seminar was.

I looked down at the three ring binder. This is circa 2006, I think. So you're welcome. The science of getting rich. Okay. Well, the only thing that you might not know about me at this point is that I was a born again Christian. Like now, like the only thing that I was hadn't done was sell my soul to the devil and money

was the root of all evil. And I had all that going on. And I was like, oh my God, this really is a cult. And so I'm like, how do I get out? And so this dude walks out with silver hair, three piece suit. I'm like, this is going to be okay. He looks like all the pastors in Detroit. And then he's like, you're never going to live a full life unless you're really rich. And I'm like, this is like, my soul was actually like, he's right, Gina, like pay attention. And like my conditioned brain was like, no, no, no, no, this is evil. Anyways, he's sitting there talking about wealth consciousness, and there's more than enough money for everyone. And he's talking about some of the feminine

energy and, and the feminine prince, like, and I was like, wait, something about this makes sense. Why would we have come here to just live this life of struggle? Or like, why was money like only for some people and not everyone? So like, I'm listening. Like now I'm starting to drink the Kool-Aid. Now my vibration is starting to raise.

Now I'm starting to feel better. I almost high-fived someone just right before my own personal breakthrough. And I was like, this is amazing. I'm like, okay, there's more than enough money in the world for everyone. I'll take it. Like, there's no lack of clients. Great. And I'm like, so psyched up. And then I remember saying right then and there, like I made a decision, like in a decision means to cut. And I said, I will never again struggle financially again. Oh, PS,S. I forgot to tell you, upon check-in,

they were selling the secret that the DVD had just come out. And I don't normally take a long time to ponder the purchase of a $20 DVD, but when it is 20% of your net worth, you're going to take a beat. But I, you know, being the risk taker that I am, bought the secret too. So I'm like, never going to struggle financially again with the $60 in my bank account. And I also, my other mantra was, I'd love to, but I don't have the money. Gina, want to go to dinner? I'd love to, but I don't have the money. Gina, you want to like go on this trip?

I'd love to. Do you want to take a class? I'd love to, but I don't have the money. And so I said there, I would never again say I'd love to, but I don't have the money. So I am feeling mighty fine at this moment in time. And this is one of those multi-speaker events. So the next speaker is about to come up. It's a woman. This is great. Girl power. Yeah, this is awesome. And she's talking the same language and everything's amazing. And I was like, this is just incredible. She is my next mentor.

This is who I, if I just get coached by this woman, like my life is going to be amazing. And she goes and pitches a $17,000 coaching program. Now, I just promised myself that I would never again say I'd love to, but I don't have the money. All right. So I walk up to her on the break and I'm like, um, hi, I'm Gina. I'm your next superstar client. I'm going to sign up for that program of yours. Just a one question. Do you accept payment plans? And she unapologetically says, no.

Now I am thinking at this moment, you rich, I don't know. You can say it. Okay. You rich bitch. This is a problem with rich people. If I was rich, I would let everyone in my programs for free, right? That was my wealth consciousness. And then I said, all right. And I filled out all 16 numbers on my debit card with expiration date on the order form, marched it up to her little assistant and slapped it down on her desk. And I said, you give me two weeks until you run that card. And I put the secret under one arm and my science of getting rich book on the other and all the tools I had learned

and drove myself back to LA. I see, oh, there was another $10,000 program that I was gonna buy too. So I was like, I see myself with $30,000 in two weeks. I see myself, I can feel myself with $30,000 in my bank account in two weeks. Mind you, I was used to making $30,000 in my bank account in two weeks. Mind you, I was used to making $24,000 a year, just PS, just to let you know where I was coming from. In two weeks, $30,000

will be in my Wells Fargo online banking. In five days, in four days, my boyfriend at the time, now husband's like, Gina, what are we going to do with the episode? Nope. You will speak nothing other than the complete and total manifestation of the $30,000. I see myself. I can feel, I see myself being coached by these coaches. I see myself being around people who are up to big things in the world. I see myself with in three days, in two days. Well, two days before my deadline, I was working with a client. It was marriage coaching people. Clearly I didn't know anything about business at the time. And I was, it was, we're going to call him Bill. And it was Bill's last day of his six month package. And he's like, Gina, this has been amazing. I'm thinking like,

I'm SOL, but Bill's higher than a kite right now. My marriage is awesome. This coach, your coaching is great. I'm like, that's great, Bill. And he's like, so I just got a question for you. And I was like, what's that? He's like, I've been thinking I want you to coach my sales team. And I was like, okay. I knew this guy owned a business and was really financially successful. And I steered every marital question away from that because I needed him to not know that I was an idiot when it came to business or finances. And so I was like, oh my gosh, this is the last five minutes of the six month package. And I'm like not getting out under the

wire. And so I'm like, what do you sell? And he says, basement waterproofing. People, I did not look that different then than I do today. But Jean and Davee, what you look up like basement waterproofing sales director on Wikipedia. And like, there's my picture. I'm like, really universe, really universe. And I just said, how many people are on your team? And he goes, 10. I'm like, great. I'm out. I got nothing else to say. I don't know how to close a sale. I didn't know she who speaks first lose it. I had nothing.

And then he says to me, so what do I do? Buy 10 of those $6,000 packages of yours? Obviously, Bill. That's exactly what you do. And in two weeks, not 30, but $60,000 was wired into that Wells Fargo banking account. So that is an example of the power of the feminine. It's such a good example. And as I was reading it, I was like, oh, where's this going to go? Where's this going to go? It was really good. In that you talk about, and you do this throughout the book, the different archetypes or inner personas that are basically running the show for us or running our lives. And one of them that came out here was the frugal fanatic. And I have done a lot of work around my belief systems around money and not to get too deep

into it, but we're renovating our house. Of course, everything's over budget. And then we've got travel and normal expenses. And when things get tight or when I feel like financial pressure is coming up, I would recognize in reading the book how quickly I revert back to, I need to know, I need to control, I need to see exactly where all the money is coming from and linear. And then I get really like, no, we can't do that. And I get judgy about like, Jay, you

can't go to that Celtics game and, and all of that. And I just get, frankly, not fun to be around. And so that was the conversation Jay and I had last night. And I owned, you know, I, this is the way I've been being, this is what I'm recognizing where it came from. So thank you for that. Can you maybe share one or two other inner personas that are sort of running our show as women that we might not be aware or mindful of? Yes, yes, yes. So these inner archetypes, it's just too hard to look at ourselves, you know? And so when you can kind of dissociate a little bit, you know, you might be able to see the avoided princess, perhaps you might be able to see the roller coaster rider, the martyr, the paranoid gangster, one of my personal favorites being Sicilian. And it just helps us see when we're acting outside of our truth, what that character looks like. And when we're really in love with

the queen of who we are and who we are at our greatest and wisest and most generous and most mindful and most expansive, we can have compassion for these other personas that we've had to develop or so we thought to feel safe or to be secure or to get the job done. But knowing that the queen has access to the unlimited is really reassuring. So I think that, you know, well, I fall prey to all of them. Otherwise, I couldn't have written about it. So I think that, um, you know, really taking responsibility, you know, I think, um, the, the martyr is another one when things get tight, right? Well, if you know, who else is going to do it or who else is going to cut the corners or, well, I just always have to be the one to pick up the extra slack or get the new money coming in or whatever it is.

When we understand that we can play that card or we can play the queen card. And what would the queen within have to say? It sounds like that's what you so beautifully got to for yourself, Nicole. So yes, the archetypes are useful. Well, and spoiler alert about the martyr is martyrs get dead, right? And so probably not the best choice. And yes, that was going to lead me to my next question is you talk about ways in which we can think and act like a queen from a deep-rooted inner knowing space.

I want to talk a little bit about how we can communicate as a queen, because reading that helped me tremendously in how I approached my conversation with Jay. So talk to us about communicating with queen energy. Yes, yes, yes. So the queen deeply considers herself and the other person and our society has just not taught us this it is an all or white black or none right or wrong good or bad i win or you win scenario so we're just programmed for survival and And when there's a conflict or something that comes up, you know, we're kind of like taught to assume the worst or assume that the worst in someone else or the circumstances or what's the worst that can happen, right? Like worst case scenario, like we're so good at all of that. And that puts you in like this option A or option B only. But if you

understand there's always an option C, D, E, and F and keep on going girlfriend. And so this one has taken me a lot. It's really about speaking the truth in love. So I think that times in past I've either, my default at first was that I would go invisible and I would only be there for someone else. And then I would just say what they wanted to say, or I would give into what they'd want to give into. And then I'd become resentful. And then I do the pendulum sweep. And then I would only consider me and I'd be this diva or bitch or like, you know, like it was all about me and everybody else was wrong or didn't have any brain cells to rub together or whatever my judgment was. And it, it, it gets faster over time. At the beginning,

it's really slow for me, especially when I'm in a triggered place. I'm like, okay, what is my truth? This doesn't feel good to me, or I don't want this or whatever. And so-and-so does want this. So, and I also don't believe in compromise. I think that compromise is just a fancy word for like, I decided to let him win this time and I'm going to win next time. Like it's like, I'm like really, really curious about what is option C that is the best of both worlds, or is it even like a better idea or outcome? Um, and like the win-win like, so both people win, right? Yeah. Yes. So that's, that's one of the elements of communicating like a queen. The other one is it is that speaking the truth in love. I find that women are either to dance around,

like, I hope you don't mind it. It's okay. And like, I don't mean to bother you. It's like, if you don't have time, it's like, they're like just taking themselves out of the game, dancing around it, like not getting to the point or they're just getting to like, I need this now. And so the queen is not all feminine. She's the masterful blend of the masculine and the feminine. That's why I love this archetype so much. She's not a goddess. She's not a priestess. She's not a mermaid. Like she's both. And I think if we put both in our communication, be really direct, you know, when you like want to reach out to something, like, don't just go like, do you have time to talk? I don't know. Do I, are you inviting me to a Celtics game or, you know, do you want me to like rewrite your proposal for the fourth time?

So it's like, like being really mindful of like, Hey, being direct and unapologetic about what your request is or your communication while considering that other person as well. Yeah, I love the idea of being that blend. I really think that's the best position for companies and cultures and relationships and also within ourselves. I want to ask, because this one I still struggle with and it really hit me hard. And I'm like, I'm going to go through the exercises many times, but as women, we have what you call a fear of being fabulous.

There's this, and I like, I can't want too much, right? I can't want to be too big or one of my money things that pops up is there is such a thing as making too much money and then you're greedy and selfish and all of that. And I have to be really careful when that unconsciously pops in. So what is the fear of being fabulous and how do we overcome that and replace it with something more empowered and more productive? So what is the fear of being fabulous and how do we overcome what, uh, how you overcome it? Just come to San Tropez with me. You will have no problem being fabulous every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Yeah. Sign me up. You know, it goes back to power. According to Scott Peck, there are four stages of spirituality. This will answer the fabulous questions. I promise there's a purpose here.

So the first stage of spirituality is actually antisocial behavior. It's like chaos, dysfunction, mayhem, addiction, all things crazy making. The second stage of spirituality is stage two. It's this all or none, good or, 12-step meetings, jail, military, where there's just like, you show up at this time, you leave at this time. There's a way that this is done. There's a way that it's not done. There's a consequence if you do it right. There's consequence if you do it wrong. It's just that. Stage three is more the shades of gray. And stage four is mysticism. Stage three is like, well, getting divorced is right for one person, not right for another person. You know, there's, there's choice. Stage two, if you have a belief divorce is wrong, then that's just not okay.

So most of us have been brought up in a stage two mentality. Things are good or bad or right or wrong. Meaning if someone had power, someone else didn't. And as little kids, let's say if you had a domineering mother or father, and that person wanted something that way, then you were not empowered because the anger was in power, or the narcissism was in power or the control or the money or however, whatever was used. And so today, queenhood, why I'm so excited about it is it's, we are learning how to be

a star among stars. There's no longer the star out there and the rest of us are just in the audience. It's now being a star among stars. And so this fear of being fabulous is the fear of being ourselves because there isn't a woman in the world that's not fabulous. It's this fear of being ourselves. It's fear of, am I okay? Or am I perceived to be okay?

Or did I say it the right way? Or did I say it in a way that other people are going to like it? I'll out myself open. So I was in a meeting earlier today and I was having a blast. And there are some things that were said where I was like, I just wasn't in agreement with them. And I was being my flamboyant self and it was like, nah, and I was like, just not scathing, not slicing. Cause I know what that is. And it wasn't that I promise. But I was so unapologetic about my unavailability for that conversation. And I could even like feel myself on my calls afterwards, I was like, too harsh with what are they going to think like, like, all of that. And if we would just give ourselves permission, the fact is it was my truth. If I spoke out of line and owed someone an apology, that I can handle. I get that. That was not this. I actually spoke my truth and I was making it wrong. let our speak our big voice that might not be a politically correct perspective, you know,

for us to learn how to not recoil and just get like, this is who I am and my people get it. And not everyone needs to be my people. And I think that when we give ourselves more permission for our full selves, then we won't make others wrong as much either. Yeah. Gina DeVee, personally and publicly, thank you for the gift that is you. I'm so appreciative to that the universe saw fit to bring us together at this time. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You are amazing. And every minute with you, Nicole, is always just such a treasure. And you know what, Nicole, now that we're talking about staying in touch, I am doing something that I think your women are really going to love. I'm hosting a free event, and it is called Own Your Throne. And it's all about owning your past and your present to create an epic future. So I would definitely invite your women to check out the link in the show notes so that you can get in on this.

If you can't attend live, you know, not be dragged down by the past and keep, you know, living out the same things and having the same status quo, but to own it and use it so that we can consciously create the epic future of our dreams. And there's ways that I do this using feminine principles, and I'll be teaching all of that in the Own Your Throne free three-day event as well. Thank you. Okay. If you are listening and you want to get more of Gina DeVee in your life, which I highly encourage, you can visit her website at divineliving.com or follow her on Instagram at Gina DeVee. We'll put it all in show notes. And for the love of all things holy, get your hands on a copy of the Audacity to Be Queen

and go and give it a five-star rating because I want her to write another book. Okay, so I'm going to close out by sharing Gina's words because Gina says it better than I ever could. And that is this. In every woman lives a queen who is confident, poised, and clear on her calling. She is bold and unapologetic. Drawing from her spiritual connection and feminine nature,

she accesses the power to manifest her desires and fulfill her purpose. The era of invisible women is over. Your time to be queen has arrived. The days of dismissing ourselves and our desires end here. No longer must we pretend to be anything other than our brilliant, capable, and fabulous selves. And that definitely sounds like woman's work to me.