This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 104 / The Power Of The Feminine with Lynne Sheridan and Lisa Kalmin

Episode Date: September 7, 2022

Lisa Kalmin and Lynne Sheridan are both repeat guests on the podcast, and transformational leaders who have impacted hundreds of thousands of people, including me. I’ve asked them to join me to talk about the evolution of woman's work, and the challenges and opportunities of being a woman today. Inside you there lives an inner knowing that you have purpose, you have value, you are worthy simply because you exist. Who are you? What are you here to be? Give of your talents, your unique abilities, your super powers - give, but NEVER let it empty you. Inside you lives a badass. It’s time to listen to her. It’s time to live your truth. I can’t think of anything that’s more “woman’s work” than that. Click HERE for the free recording to the workshop Gracefully Moving Into the Emerging Woman You Are. Lisa and Lynne’s Badass Women’s Leadership Summit will be held October 7th-9th in Palm Springs, CA. To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com

Coming up on this episode of This Is Woman's Work. The wake up of the planet when people have been in deep slumber is not going to come with ease for everybody. It means a shifting of systems that have been in place for thousands of years in some cases. I am Nicole Kalil, host of the This Is Woman's Work podcast, where together we're redefining woman's work. It's no longer confined to the kitchen or the home. Woman's work is done everywhere and it evolves doing anything that brings you that feeling of knowing you're doing what you're meant to. Where the inner voice inside you says, there, that's it. That's why you're here. For me, this podcast is one of those things. And I believe today, this topic with these guests is going to be one of those moments. You all know Lisa Kalman, as this is her fourth appearance on our show. The main reason I Kalman as this is her fourth appearance on

our show. The main reason I keep bringing her back is because as my coach of many years, Lisa not only hears all the behind the scenes, she also supports me in my decisions, my fears, and in getting clear on what I believe and what really matters. I've also invited Lynn Sheridan, somebody who has also had great impact on my life and who is Lisa's business partner and best friend. Both of them are transformational leaders who have impacted literally hundreds of thousands of people and have launched the Badass Women's Summit. I've asked them to join me today to talk about the evolution of women's work and the challenges and opportunities of being a woman today. Lisa, Lynn, thank you so much for being here. I have lots of questions. I want to

start by talking about the words leadership and influence, because I think oftentimes when we hear those words, we think about a man or we think about it in masculine terms, leadership, influence. I want to start by asking you when we think of leadership and influence and the power of the feminine, what do you think the opportunities are there? I think the opportunity, this is Lynn, I think the opportunity is to not put on a coat of the masculine. I think for years, women with the women's movement thought we needed to become more masculine to be in leadership roles. And I think the opportunity is how do we lead from our heart? How do we lead with our heart, our mind, our gut in coherence and alignment? And we don't come off as putting on a shield or an armor or puffing ourselves up. And the feminine is naturally collaborative. The feminine naturally makes

collaborative decisions and statements with each other. There's all kinds of anthropological research on that's fascinating, where women will immediately start making collaborative comments or talking themselves down in a crisis, because literally the future of the species depended on it. We can't breastfeed and keep children alive unless our stress is down and lower. And so women have that collaborative, let's not get stressed about this, let's work together and alignment with our heart, our mind, and our gut. So that really resonates with me because I am guilty of putting on the masculine and the armor and the, you know, trying to be one of the guys, especially early on in my professional career, I thought it was a requirement of success. And

there may have been some truth to that. Lisa, I'm curious your thoughts. Yeah, I'm so glad you said that. And thank you for having us. So, so thrilled and honored to be here again. I think as women entered into particularly the entrepreneurial and business realm, which started literally in World War II when the men went off to war, and then again in the 60s during the Feminine Revolution, I think women had to, I'm going to say it this way, buck up on their masculine energy to enter into that domain. And then we kind of felt like we needed to continue to be that. And as a young woman, Nicole, I remember going into the financial services industry as a young woman as well.

It kind of was how you had to make your way and get next to the coffee pot or the bar or whatever was happening. I believe as Lynn was saying, what is wanted and needed now is women's natural inclination to not only come from the heart and be collaborative but also the one thing that I think women are they see holistically they see the whole they operate from a place of love and connection and energy and nurturing even even when they get to be fierce,

like, you know, take a baby bear away from a mama bear, they're pretty fierce. But that comes from a nurturing, heartfelt place. So I think that's so wanted and needed right now. And I think there's absolutely a place for women to step into that as we move forward as leaders. Well, and I would argue that there is a noticing of it in the events that I go to or the corporate, the focus oftentimes is around collaboration, empathy, vulnerability, transparency. I feel like this over-rotation towards the masculine

is being recognized. And I would argue that it is the time of the feminine and not just for women. I think it's all of us being able to tap into both and. So why do you think it's an important time for women, especially badass women leaders in our world right now, given everything that's going on? Why is this needed? Well, you know, it's so great because I was just reading something from Marianne Williamson and she was talking about how the 19th century coming in, or the 20th century, excuse me, I'm in the wrong century, the 20th century coming in, it was mechanistic and transactional. And that the 21st century is heartfelt, collaborative, intuitive, the higher realms of our consciousness. And especially that anyone born after the year 2000 doesn't want to participate in the past. And so I think collectively, it's our time. I think what is

happening on our planet, both in terms of the things that are occurring that are concerning us, whether it's global warming and the climate crisis and, you know, the kind of, we're seeing a war after 70 years. And since for me, it's a little bit insane. And I'm sure for you, for most of your listeners, like what's happening, I think it's our time and we're being called into stepping up for our healing and for our love and for our nurturing to come front and center into our world. Because I think it's time. Just adding in, beautiful. What you're saying, what you're both saying, it's so resonant. Terry Riel is a psychologist that talks about the next revolution that needs to occur is men's resolution. And that men didn't catch up with the progress that women made in terms of awakenings and awarenesses and connection.

And a lot of time, other men can't lead men out of masculinity. It's like a lock-in of thinking. And so opening up the feminine and compassion and love, having that occur for men in our lives, and the whole world. It is the age of the feminine. And I also think, I, you know, it's a, it's, my head is going, oh, this is controversial. And it is controversial. But for so many years, women's bodies have been legislated and talked about and and organized by men rather than it is our bodies and we are we are the carriers of the species continuing and the questions that relate to consciousness and life and our own bodies as women are huge. That literally is the dependence of the species.

And so I do think our voices get to lead that. Well, and I think it's a testament to the need, the power, the reckoning that is happening. When something big is happening, there is going to be big resistance. That's my belief and opinion. And I didn't prep you for this, but I'm just going to go there and see what you think. To me, Roe versus Wade and the reversal of that decision, there is no clearer sign to me that people are afraid of the power of the feminine, that there are people with things to lose, beliefs that are being challenged, and they are fighting back with everything that they have. Now, I'm furious and have all sorts of opinions about that. What are your thoughts about resistance? Great. I think it's absolutely a sign we're going forward. It's the age of Aquarius. If we're going

from an astrological perspective, it is the wake up of the planet when people have been in deep slumber is not going to come with ease for everybody it means a shifting of systems that have been in place for thousands of years in some cases and so i i love i do yeah row versus weight i love it women's marches seeing kids marching and and mothers with babies that everyone I believe every woman is pro-life because we're the carriers of life and pro-life doesn't mean no choice because uh you know the work that Lisa and I do my I can cry when I talk about choice, that it is the fundamental of the work that we do. We've got a choice of our attitude. We've got a choice of our thoughts. We've got a choice of our emotions. We have a choice of our actions. Choice is a fundamental for any human being on the planet. And so I do think waking people up to that is going to come with, and there are other

ways that people are waking up and there are resistances regarding choice. It isn't just with Roe versus Wade. People don't want to be at choice or that we don't want to own our own emotions. For example, we want to make it that that person made me angry. They pissed me off. Instead of, you know, I am the chooser of how I respond over there. And so I think it is natural that resistance has come forth. Lisa, you undoubtedly have to add. I'm thinking, you know, when you were talking about choice, which, as you know, all the work we do is about personal responsibility and people being capable of making choices and holding them high in that way. with every spiritual discipline that I'm present to, whether it's Christianity, whether it's Judaism, whether it's Muslim, whether it's Buddhism,

there is a fundamental belief that the human being that we are, and I believe in God and universe and and all of it whatever we want to call it that we are the the embodiment of this incredible force of love given choice and that's the greatest honor that we've been given uh spirit you know spiritually and morally i think even on the planet wow we're in such deep stuff I didn't really think we were going here. Anyway, also that we, that women, you know, I want to talk to the women in your audience. I think we know. I think you know.

I think there's a knowing that we've been told isn't accurate or isn't true. That is complete BS. I think we know. And I think if I, you know, if this was the end of this podcast, I would want to leave women with trust that knowing, you know, what's right for you. You know, what's right for your family. You know, what's right for your children. There is nobody more in tune with what needs to happen with the people you love than you.

So I want to talk about the knowing and our purpose. Before I do, just like a personal note, Lisa, you said this. It seems contradictory, but I often say I'm extremely pro-choice. I'm about as pro-choice as they get. And I don't mean just as it relates to abortion. I mean in life. And I try to be very consistent, even with things I don't agree with about that. And I'm also very pro-life, as you said, you know, we are the creators of it. It's so inconsistent to me, this I'm Christian, therefore anti-abortion. Given my reading of the Bible, if there's anything God is, is pro-choice, right? It's

freedom of free will. That is the God-given right. And that's where it's so incongruent to me. Anyway, that's a personal thought and I probably pissed a lot of people off, but who cares? Okay. So let's talk about tapping into our purpose and our calling and, you know, our value and our worth. There are so many things that we call it. First, do you believe that all people all women have a purpose and second if we do how are we like are we supposed to know do we live our way into it do we like how do I know what my purpose is it's so great it's so great because Lynn and I are smiling you guys can't see us on camera but we're smiling and smiling because we just did a workshop last night that we're going to actually give to you guys to watch the replay, which talked about purpose versus goals. And

one of the things that we talked about was you have goals, but your purpose has you. And that through life, you or any of us may have different purposes, depending on our season of life, depending on what we're up to. So a purpose for me, and Lynn will weigh into this, I know, is an overarching theme that guides you and brings you forward. And so it is, your goals may be a part of that, but your purpose is something that calls you forward. For me, it's about people waking up. Well, Linda's waking up.

Mine is about people experiencing who they are, their authentic self, their, their true being in life. And so, as you know, for the training I do most often, there's a piece of that where And I kind of laugh, like if we have one purpose, and then we miss it, then we die. And someone's there saying, wow, man, you really blew it. You missed your purpose. You didn't catch on. I don't think it's that I do think it it is something that has us and calls to us I think it's present since the beginning of our life it shows up through experiences a lot of the time have been traumatic or harder uh it is in the things that we love it's in our strengths it's in where we feel useful and used by the universe or the whole.

And, you know, I have a hack that I do that it's kind of fun to do in terms of our three favorite movies, whatever they are, even if they seem there's no relationship or no similarity, there's a theme in each of those three movies that draws us. And so our purpose is always there. The story I told last night, I had a woman I was working with and she was so bothered for a year or so that everyone around her was in grief. She was like a magnet for grief. And I kept pointing out, you're a magnet for grief. And she hated it and resisted it and tell us like, what if, you know, what if grief is knocking on your door because you can hold it? What if you are a magnet for grief because you have the capacity to sit with grief?

And what if you surrendered to the grief and this is your purpose? And then opening up all that opened up from there in terms of being for people in grief. So, yeah, I think it is. And my purpose is to awaken people to who they are. And I was joking that sometimes we it isn't it's yes it's what I do and I could be in a restaurant we laugh about this leaf and at least and I in a bathroom someone will come up to me and say you seem so happy how are you so happy I have a door like a sign over my head that says, I'm the first door,

walk through this door and find out who you are. Yeah. Well, you become a walking billboard for, right. But the couple of things stood out to me as you both were speaking, number one, our purpose is not necessarily what we do, though we may deliver our purpose through what we do, but our purpose is typically bigger and smaller than what we do. It's just, you know, everywhere. And then the second thing was our purpose often either gets strengthened or identified or whatever through tough times. I think sometimes we think about purpose and it's this beautiful thing. And so we think it must be obvious, easy, and, you know, beautiful. And it's like, oh God, sometimes it's messy and ugly and uncomfortable and all the things. Talk to us a little bit about that.

Well, here's what I'll say about that really quickly. I was like, it does not come in rainbows and unicorns. You know, that would be lovely. Lynn and I often joke, and I don't know if you're going to edit this part out or not, but like, I can't even tell you how many transformational leaders and trainers in the work we do had crazy mothers. There's, you know, my mom had certifiably mental stuff. She died of dementia about a year ago. I love my mom. She's amazing.

And I had to, maybe I had to figure out how to read stuff. So I felt safe. And it wasn't, I was never abused. I was nothing. It was just erratic, you know? So something happens when we have to transcend a difficulty that develops both, I think, actual skills, but also opens something up in our heart for that space for other people. So I don't know, it doesn't always translate exactly, but there's something that happens in our lives that fortifies us into a new possibility. I couldn't agree more. I mean, my passion around confidence stemmed from completely disconnecting from my own, right? Like I can think to a time where I had none

and, you know, that became the passion. And then people, if somebody says anything to me consistently, it's typically how authentic I am and like real. And that stems from literally trying to be everyone and everything else for a period. And it was so painful. And so like, you know, this is not me. This is not my life. And questioning whether or not I should keep living this life. And through that is where this work and it didn't become clear in a moment.

For me, it's been an ongoing thing, but it's not rainbows and unicorns, at least not in my experience either. It's concentric circles too. Lisa and I've talked about, we keep taking deeper and deeper cuts of the same lessons over and over again. It isn't going up a progression up it's over and over again. And the whole me too movement, if we're thinking about it came out of that. Yeah. I think all of us have our, our wounding that brought us to this moment. Okay. So that leads me perfectly into my next question. Let me preface the question, but my, with my experience is that women are very tired

mentally and emotionally, physically exhausted, especially after COVID and me too. And I mean, you know, let's name all the things in addition to our normal everyday lives. How do we keep doing what's important even while we're tired and how, you know, there's a big thing about self-care. And I think that the word is thrown off out a little bit in ways that doesn't resonate with me. How do we nourish ourselves? How do we take care of ourselves? How do we acknowledge that we're tired and still move forward? I think you're speaking the language of women, that women were taught the women's liberation movement, beautiful and great.

And it was basically now we get to do everything and we get to do it in heels and look sexy while we do it. I could bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, you know, the whole thing. And there's a huge part that we still get sold that and we think we have to be that and uh women are exhausted and one of the things i've read articles on one of our hardest things is we think we need to be perfect and so the striving for perfection is exhausting. And what you're saying along the lines of people needing to self-care is not getting a mani-pedi. That's lovely. It's not a massage. Self-care is how do I say no? How do I say no to the things that don't resonate with me? Self-care is how do I put up boundaries? And boundaries are

not taking out toxic people from our life, which I'm seeing like crazy. There are no toxic babies. I've noticed babies are perfect and beautiful. And so it is how do I have boundaries that are not exiling people or cutting them out? How do I have acceptance and love and firm boundaries that are not exiling people or cutting them out? How do I have acceptance and love and firm boundaries that I'm caring for myself in a loving way? Yeah. I read a meme recently that was something like boundaries aren't telling people what they can and can't do. Boundaries are telling people what you will and won't tolerate in your life. And the distinction of that is small, but huge, right? Like it's so meaningful. I think sometimes people think of boundaries and they think so much about

the other person, you know, whether or not they can control them. And I'm like, oh God, that's not what this is. At least I know you have. Yeah. Just really quickly, two things. For people, women, particularly in partnerships, you know, relationships, they, you know, they may have set up their relationship in a way that they're handling everything or they take the burden and then get tired or resentful or something. And rather than react and make your partner the problem, you set it up that way, be responsible for that. And then, you know, renegotiate the deal. Basically say, you know what, I realize here's how I've set this up. Here's what would really support me. Here's where I am in this point in our life. You know, let's, you know, and maybe it's doing things, whether

it's cook a meal or whatever. But it may just be the holding of the financial burden of the house, whatever it is. And then the second I would just add is, you know, what are the what brings you joy? What brings you joy? You know, it doesn't have to be a big old vacation, it might simply be, um, I'm going in the bathtub for an hour, you know, or I'm going to, I'm going to go on a weekend retreat with my girlfriends, you know, whatever whatever it is, you know, bring that into your life and don't be a, let me just say it. Cause I've seen this with women. Don't be a martyr about taking that time or asking for it. Yeah. Um, the not being a martyr thing, I think is huge for us as women.

Um, spoiler alert, martyrs get dead. Right. And so this is not something to aspire to. Okay. So I guess let's talk a little bit about what it is to be a badass woman. What does that mean to you? So like when I talk about this is woman's work, I have to be really clear about what that is for me. When you host a badass women's summit, who are the badass women that should be going? Well, one thing I want to say, so, you know, badass has sort of a good bad connotation so i looked up in the in the urban dictionary is where i really found the the definition i love so much

and in the urban dictionary badass is awesome to an extreme level thereby leveraging unquestionable authority so awesome to an extreme level thereby leveraging unquestionable authority. So awesome to an extreme level, thereby leveraging unquestionable authority. And I love that because being, I think women are awesome. They be and do so much. And then leveraging unquestionable authority is like the author of your life,

like being the author of your own life. So for me, the badass woman is pretty much every woman, partly because every woman is being and doing everything she knows to be, to be the best person she can be the best mom, the best sister, the best daughter, the best wife, the best partner, the best, you know, owner of their business, whatever it is. And particularly women that are holding so many of those roles, I think need a respite and, and some fluffing. I'll call it fluffing. I can use some fluffing. We can all use some fluffing. We had a little heat on this when we came up with the name.

And in fact, we were, Lisa was banned from Facebook for a week and I was banned from Facebook for a week for using the term badass. And we've had some people say, I don't know, you know, I don't know about participatory painting because of the word badass. And then someone wrote us in Latina, and I won't use the word, but it originated out of a term that was derogatory towards women. But it is really describes a woman that is self-assured, assertive, in charge, capable, empowered, and can do anything. And we said, well, that's perfect. And so we're going to hold on the term Badass Women's Leadership Summit because that is every woman. Yeah. Yeah. I loved the reminder that we really are doing and being the best we can.

And every opportunity I've had to interact with the two of you has inspired me, taught me, supported me and, and growing the best I can, you know, like it's created more space for me to move and not from a like, Oh God, it's one more thing to do. But like, um, there is more to me than I even knew. There's more possibility than I was aware of prior to. So if you're listening, uh, you should definitely check this out. I believe this is an annual thing, right? I know COVID had to put it on pause, but okay.

So this year's event is going to be October 7th through the 9th in Palm Springs, California, the Badass Women's Summit. You can find it at badasswomensummitretreat.com. We'll put all of this in show notes. Lisa mentioned this already, but they are going to provide you a free recording to a workshop they did. The workshop was entitled Moving Gracefully into the Emerging Badass That You Are. You'll all get that for free. Lisa Lynn, anything to add about the summit that I didn't say. Well, all I want to add is that along with amazing experiences and

it's experiential and there'll be a great, incredible learning. For me, some of the most amazing beauty of it is the experience of women together in that way, really uplifting each other, being in total support and empowerment of each other's greatness. And it's, it's just a beautiful, beautiful place to, to be an experience. I'll add to, I, I, for a very long time, didn't go to the women's events. I didn't go to the women's things. And it wasn't until I showed up to one that I really deeply appreciated and understood the value of being around other women. So if it's been a while, if it's pre COVID or whatever, or you haven't, uh, prioritize putting yourself in a space with other women, I would highly, highly encourage. It is an absolute game changer. Thank you both. Oh, Lynn, did you have, I just want to add one thing.

We're writing the retreat specifically for the women that will be there. So we are literally looking at each person and knowing them, what gets to come out, what gets to be delivered to them so that everybody walks out fulfilled on that. And I, that is, that's so fun and amazing as well. Yeah. Well, not very many retreats offer that. So, and I also, I looked at the schedule and you have a net play instead of network. I was like, genius. Thank God we don't need more work. Both of you. Thank you for the work that you do. Thank you for the difference that you make. And I'm eternally grateful for who you've been for me. So thank you for being here today. And I'll close this out. Thank you so much. So grateful. I know you're tired. I know you've carried more than your fair share, probably for the entirety of your life, but especially over the last few years.

I bet you feel like somehow you're supposed to be able to do it all. And then some sort of flaw or something broken inside of you, because it's just too damn hard. You're probably comparing yourself to everyone else and coming up short again and again. And that is the lie. Here's the truth. Inside you, there lives an inner knowing that you have purpose. You have value. You are worthy simply because you exist. Listening to this podcast right now are revolutionaries, influencers, entrepreneurs, dream makers, and vision creators. Who are you? What are you here to be? Give of your talents, your unique abilities, your superpowers. Give, but never let it empty you. Inside you lives a badass. It's time to listen to her. It's time to live your truth.

I can't think of anything that's more woman's work than that.