This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 108 / Validation Is For Parking with Guest Host, Madison Wilcox

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

This is a SUPER special episode of This Is Woman’s Work! Not only did Nicole pass the mic over to a VIP guest host, Madison Wilcox, she also answers all the questions about confidence and her book, Validation Is For Parking: How Women Can Beat The Confidence Con (released TODAY)! Madison is not a podcast host, has never even been on a podcast, so we couldn’t be more proud and excited that she CHOSE CONFIDENCE and demonstrated literally every confidence builder in the face of probably every confidence derailer. Join Nicole in celebrating HER and her choice to take a risk and get into action. There’s literally nothing we love more than witnessing a woman grow her confidence. And PLEASE, for the love of all things holy, make sure you get a copy of Validation Is For Parking TODAY! The kindle edition is available for $.99 because Nicole wants to make sure there’s NO barrier to entry for women who want to BUILD THEIR CONFIDENCE. If you want to be extra supportive, leave a review (5 stars are our favorite, but ANY review is appreciated). Nicole thanks you from the bottom of her cheese-filled, wine-soaked heart! To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com

Validationist for Parking is officially released into the world today. So go get your copy on Amazon where the Kindle edition is available for 99 cents because there should be no barrier to entry for women who want to build their confidence. And please support Validationist for Parking and me by leaving a review on Amazon today. Thank you from the very bottom of my cheese-filled, wine-soaked heart. This is Madison Wilcox, and you are listening to another episode of This is Woman's Work. You may be wondering, who the F is this girl and what has she done with Nicole Khalil? Not to worry, Nicole is still here, but in this special episode, she's the one in the hot seat

as we celebrate the launch of her book, Validation is for Parking, How Women Can Beat the Confidence Con, now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. How freaking cool is that? Let me be upfront with you. I am completely out of my comfort zone and being here, but there are a few things that I know to be true about me. First, when I commit to something, I will do whatever it takes to feel ready. Now that typically means I over-rotate, might be a little bit too prepared, but I have been lucky enough to have been coached by Nicole in the past and to have had early access to validation is for parking. So I was able to

immediately employ Nicole's strategies to choose confidence and get into action sooner than I may have otherwise. I embraced the three Ps, planning, preparing, and practicing. And here we are. And for those of you who know me as the recovering perfectionist girly that I am, yes, my hair is curled and yes, I'm in an outfit that I love because even though we're off screen and confidence is an inside job, I do have some good luck rituals and I'm just not risking it with this one. The second thing I know to be true about me is that I'm extremely passionate about people, products, and businesses that I believe in. And for me, Nicole checks that box in a big way. I am an ultimate hype girl, and I love to spread the

good word to others. And in all seriousness, how could I possibly pass up the opportunity to hype up an idol of mine and women whose literal job is to support other women? So for those of you who are new here or just want a reminder because, let's face it, she's incredible, let's get to the good stuff and introduce our guest, Nicole Khalil. Nicole is a literal legend in the confidence space. She's passionate about eliminating gender expectations and redefining women's work. She is an in-demand speaker, leadership strategist, a respected coach, the usual host for this podcast, and as if that's not enough, she's a wife, a mother,, a respected coach, the usual host for this podcast, and as if that's

not enough, she's a wife, a mother, and a business owner. Nicole is well known for her obsessions with questionably two of the most important C words, confidence and cheese. One of my favorite things about Nicole though is that she doesn't gatekeep her confidence insight. She shares how to build confidence by equipping us with actionable tools that promote building the inner trust required to choose it. And finally, an extremely important fact for today's purposes, Nicole is now the author of Validation is for Parking, How Women Can Beat the Confidence Con. Okay, enough from me. Let's dive in. Nicole, I am so honored to be here and I can't wait to talk with you about all the amazing

work you've been doing and the extremely impressive launch of your book. So I'm sitting here crying as you do this because people who know me know I don't really cry that often when I'm sad or whatever, where I always cry is when I'm proud. And I'm so proud of you. I know, you know, this is not in your comfort zone. I know how nervous you are. And I'm just like, anytime I can witness a woman choosing her confidence, even when the feeling hasn't arrived yet, it's just such a proud moment for me. So I'm going to cry anyway. Sorry. I will stop. No, no, no. You

are good. It's all about you from here on out. I can't wait to hear about it. So my first question might be a little bit of a loaded one, but it's a two-part one that everyone is probably thinking after hearing your introduction. How do you do it all? How do you juggle being an entrepreneur, a wife, a mom, a confidence icon, and what got you to this point in your own confidence journey? Yeah. So first let me say words like icon and legend. Like it's such a weird feeling.

It's like, I mean, if you could see me right now, I'm in my fuzzy slippers and pajama pants and like, you know, cozy. And there, there is no feeling of that in, in me. So I am honored and appreciate, and I just feel so regular, right? So normal in that every woman I know, every woman I interact with is doing their best to do it all. And I'm not sure that that's a good thing because I think as, you know, things have gotten better for women as we've gained opportunities and things are, you know, getting more equitable. We still have work to do, of course. What I experienced is for many of us, it's all additive, right?

So we haven't replaced or thought about the things we used to have to do. We just added these new things to it. And so this idea that we are doing all these things at such a high level, it's a little uncomfortable for me. So the answer to your question of how am I doing it? It's the same way you're doing it. It's best that I can at this time in my life, given what I know and what I have and the resources that are available to me, you know, all of that and being mindful of my privilege. We're doing the very best that we can. And the same as you, I'm putting one foot in front of the other. I will say there are times where I do this better than others, for sure.

And the times where I feel like I'm doing this best, the things that are different than are first and much more communicative during those times, whether it's with Jay or JJ or my team, or even just the people around me, I'm much more communicative about what's coming, how I'm feeling, what I need. I ask more for support and all of that. So that's kind of the answer when things are going well. I have good communication. I'm better with my boundaries and I prioritize doing the things that give me energy. So for me, that's reading. You can, if you follow me on Goodreads, you can probably see when things are better in my life. And when they're not just by how many books I'm reading better, I'm carving out the time to sit

and read. I am, you know, doing date nights with Jay. I'm have a girl's trip planned. There are things like that, that I know are important to me and my energy. And so when, when I'm in those times where things are going well with all the different hats that I wear and all the different roles that I play, it's those things that exist are being prioritized, communication boundaries, and the things that give me energy. There are times where things are not going so well in this space. And I'll be really candid, leading up to book launch, the four weeks prior was one of those times where I have not been doing this very well. It's been a bit of a shit show. And some of it is my own fault. Like we chose to get a puppy for JJ's birthday and I adore this tiny little pug, but my goodness,

probably not the smartest choice in what is literally the busiest and for me, the most important career moment. So, and then Jay and I, with the busyness of moving back into our house in August, and of course, book launch and JJ's birthday and back to school and all this stuff, we didn't do the best job preparing and planning and communicating. We didn't do our family planning at the level we would normally have done right around this time. And we paid for it in the month of September. Jay ended up canceling a really important work trip because I, on the Sunday before the week of the work trip, broke down. It was like, I cannot do this. I'm looking at my week. I'm thinking about last week. I know what's going on and I am telling you I can't do this. And I'm

upset with myself for letting it get to that point because I am telling you, I can't do this. And I'm upset with myself for letting it get to that point because I wasn't communicating. I wasn't setting boundaries. And then I certainly, I don't think I've read a book in the last 30 or 45, maybe 60 days. Holy crap. Because I've been so focused on everything else. And so that was a long-winded answer to your question, but I want to be upfront that I don't know anybody who's doing it all, being it all, having it all and looking good while they're doing it and making it look effortless. It's such a load of crap. And I don't ever want to send the message that that's what's happening over here because it's not, there are times where we are better at this than others. And I'm trying to get back to doing those things that I know work be on the outside looking in and say like, God, this person has it all figured out.

Why don't I? And I think that's one of the things that you bring up a lot in the book too, is just that like, nobody really has it figured out. And even the people that you think do have it figured out just are doing the best that they can. And they might even struggle with things like imposter syndrome or not think it's enough. So it's awesome that in the book, you give some tips for how to overcome that. And also just, you're so authentic and real. That was one of the things I loved the most was I, first of all, like read every single footnote. Those were

hilarious. They were always like tiny little comments and I was like, Oh yes, I love this. But it's just so authentic and real. And you're not saying like, I know it all. And these are the things that you need to do. You're literally saying like confidence is an inside job. The definition of confidence that we all have, like Webster needs to take a page from your book because he's not, not accurate. And maybe it is, and we're just not reading it the right way, but you mentioned in the book, like some people say, I'll be more confident when blah, blah, blah happens, or I'll be more confident when this, and really just knowing that your definition of confidence really just kind of makes it all click. So with that, how did you come up with your own version of this and what's really led you to this life's work of coaching people on

confidence? Yeah. So as it relates to confidence, I was just so confused about what it was and what it wasn't. We're getting false and mixed messages everywhere we look. And as so many of us are, we're being told to be confident. Like I heard that so often, like being confident. So be confident, be brave, be it. But it's like, okay, but how I'm a how to girl, give me the step-by-step, you know, give me a plan and I'll follow it. But if I don't have one, I'm out. I know it's not the sexiest quality, but I need my step-by-step guides. Right. So it became, you know, figuring it out for myself. And as I was figuring it out for myself, I wanted to share it with others. And so, yes, I went to the root of the word, the etymology. I went way back into the Latin and the middle English and how it translates to different languages. Because I wanted to make sure confidence wasn't the one of those words that is being thrown around

and meaning too many different things or meaning what it doesn't really mean. I didn't want it to evolve into something less than what it is because what I believe what it is, is so powerful. And it's this idea of firm and bold trust in ourselves. So I created this working definition of confidence is when you know who you are, there's a self-awareness component of that, really getting to know at a deep and intimate level, your unique strengths, your talents, your abilities, your superpowers. I wanted us to spend time there because in working with so many women, when I asked them the things they know to be true about themselves, the average answer I was getting was about six. People could come up with six things if I really

forced them to. But then when I asked them to come up with the things they know to be true about the people they love, their spouse, partner, child, best friend, the average number was 32. And so what I began to realize is we are not paying enough attention. We are not getting to know ourselves enough at that deep, intimate, loving level. So yes, confidence is when you know who you are. It's also when you own who you're not, which I think can be really challenging for all of us, especially those of us with perfectionist tendencies. Those of us who think we're supposed to be everything to everyone all the time. so important. We live in a world where, so like if somebody is feeling ugly or not attractive, our response is to swarm and go, you're beautiful. You're amazing. You're stunning. You're whatever. We tell every child they're smart. We tell every person they can do whatever they want. None of those things are true. Not everybody is beautiful. Everybody is beautiful in the way that we all have worth and

value and something to offer this world. But if we're talking about the standard, which is an evolving standard, right? What was beautiful 20 years ago is not the same thing that's beautiful today. But if we're talking about this, like from a physical appearance standpoint, not everybody is beautiful. Not everybody is smart in the traditional sense. Not everybody can do anything that they want. And so this owning who are not thing, I think is very powerful. And it sounds like it could be harsh or uncomfortable. And maybe it is. I found it to be incredibly free for me to be able to say, I'm not that that's not my purpose. This isn't meant for me. I'm not meant for that has helped me so tremendously live much freer with much more trust.

And then finally, the opportunity we have, which is an ongoing opportunity and journey, which is to embrace all of it. So confidence is when you know who you are, own who you're not and choose to embrace all of it. So confidence is when you know who you are, own who you're not, and choose to embrace all of it. And all of that to me is about building that fundamental trust. Madison, I do want to add one more thing that kind of ties back into your previous question that is really challenging, even for me to remember when I'm in it, but a loving reminder that deep trust, the trust that's the most meaningful is often built during the hardest times, not during the best times. So I talked about, you know, when things are going well, it's easy to trust myself in those moments. It's easy to trust when things are going according to plan and all the eyes are dotted and the T's are crossed. That's a great place to be. But it's in moments like the last month, even though it sucks, even though my head trash kicks up, even though all the noise is in my face and I hate the feeling when I'm in it, I know from a trust level at the deepest level that it's during this time that real confidence is being built. It's during this time that I'm having to choose my trust,

that I'm having to trust myself second by second, minute by minute, because it's so hard to do it. And I know that that is where the real magic happens. And I can't wait to see what that is going to mean or how that's going to come out or what's going to stem from that. Because the only thing that's really missing in our hard times is the benefit of hindsight. I tell myself that so often, I don't know yet what purpose this is going to serve or how something good is going to come out of this or what the only thing missing right now is the benefit of hindsight. And I just keep telling myself that over and over again, so I can put one foot in front

of the other and keep choosing trust. I love that. And that actually is a perfect segue into a question I asked around. What do people want to know? So many people ask the classic question of like, if you could do it all over again, what would you tell your past self? And then I'm just going to add one more to that. If you could talk to your future self, what do you want to remind yourself when you do get yourself in a situation like this, where you have to choose

confidence and trust yourself a ton? Yeah. So the honest thing that pops into my head, when you asked what I would tell my past self is he doesn't love you and he never will. There, you know, I, I, my first love was one of those people we were in a relationship for maybe a year, but I was in a relationship with him for like 10 years. And I just kept thinking if I were thin enough, if I looked good enough, if I achieved enough, but not too much, if I was supportive of enough, if I hung around long enough that at some point in time, he would choose me and then I'd feel good about myself again. And then I'd feel confident again.

So I use this as an example to say what I would really wish I could go back and tell my younger self. And that is that confidence isn't out there, right? Trusting myself isn't about proving myself or achievement or validation or compliments or certain level of income or wearing the right clothes or a certain number on the scale. I had it so much in my mind that confidence was something someone or something else had. And I just needed to go find it like some sort of weird game of where's Waldo. And I wish I could go back and tell myself what I learned, you know, in my late twenties, which early thirties, which was to focus on building it internally, to do the things that make me feel proud of myself, that make me feel good, that build trust within myself, as opposed to wasting so much time and energy trying to prove it to someone, something. I mean, I did

this in relationships. Then I did it in my career. I mean, then I did it with my physical appearance. Then I did it with the stuff that I had. I always say I had an above average spending problem to go with my above average income. So yeah, there's lots I wish I could go back, but here's what I do know. All of that served a purpose. And most of us find our passions, our missions, our purpose, what lights us up. We find that through our pain more than anything. And so if I could go back and tell my younger self that, and it would change everything, I'm not sure I would. I mean, it sucked, but it led me here and I'm so grateful to be here. As far as what I would tell my future self, yes, kind of a hard one. I think I would say, you know, that I'm going to just keep choosing confidence and I'll

work on not taking everything so seriously. And I love and trust who I am today, but I really can't wait to see that version of my future self that literally gives zero fucks, right? Like I give a lot less fucks today than I did a year ago or 10 years ago or 20 years ago, but I still give some fucks. I don't even know what that person is going to look like. That's so deeply rooted in her trust. And I'm so excited to see what she's doing with this one precious life. You know, I want to be where my feet are and I'm excited to see what happens from here. I love that so much. Yeah. I think it's going to be so exciting to watch that journey for you. And it's just going to continue as more women continue to build confidence. Again, I read this book and literally one day it was that good

and gripping. So I felt like at the end of the book, I could go like conquer the world. You mentioned in your book that sadly only 8% of self-development and business related books are written by women. What was the coolest thing you learned from trusting yourself enough to publish a book? Yeah. So that was one of the reasons I wanted to write the book is because we're learning so much about confidence, about success, about what it means to be a professional from the masculine lens. And I don't think that there is anything wrong with the masculine lens. I just think it needs to be balanced with the feminine. I think what I learned from writing the book was it's just like everything great I've ever

done in my life. It came with equal parts excitement and equal parts being scared out of my mind. And it didn't look the way I thought it was going to. We think about these things we want to do. We think about goals. And a lot of times we think about the worst case scenario. I can assure you none of the worst case scenarios I thought of happened, at least not yet. And things also didn't look like the best case scenario. They just were different. What I thought was going to be really easy. I thought, you know, the, like getting the book out there apart was going to be really easy. I thought the writing the book was going to be really hard, totally different. Writing was much easier than I thought it was going to be. I had a writing partner, which is really helpful in my wanting to do this and knowing I was brand new at it. I did

what I would advise somebody else to do. And I, I got help Peggy, if you're listening, thank you. So, yeah, I mean, it was just like everything I've ever done that's worth doing. It was scary and exciting and it didn't look the way I thought it was going to in my mind. And I'm glad that I did it. Yes. And honestly, everything that you were writing about coincidentally, you probably had to apply in the moment in real time. So you're literally like taking a page out of your own book and doing it. 1000%. My derailers kicked up in a high gear. And so I had to really lean into the builders. And that's one of the things I love about this work is yes, it required me to do what I'm sharing

in the book on a day-by-day basis. With that, that was actually an exact question I had. Can you give us one or two of the derailers that you faced and the builders that you used to overcome them? Yeah, absolutely. So my go-to derailers are always perfectionism and overthinking. It's like going to 31 flavors. You know, there's 31 of them, but you just keep going back to your favorite one. Like that's how it is with me. It's like, and of course, when I'm overwhelmed, under stress, trying something new, I'm just going to default back to those. So overthinking, I mean, that started way back, right? So I've been wanting to write a book for as long as I can remember. This has been a bucket list thing. I probably delayed the actual doing of it by about three years because of overthinking. And I would say really stupid shit. Like I respect books and authors so much that I want to make sure, like, what does that

even mean? I don't, I don't know, but like people bought it. Right. And so I just kept thinking. So overthinking in actually writing overthinking when writing, I definitely caught myself thinking, well, I don't want to offend anyone by saying it this way. And I don't want to. And like, I was getting caught up

in what other people would think or their reactions or whether or not I was articulating or representing what I meant well enough. I got into overthinking when it came time to lock the book. At some point in time, you lock a book

and you can't make any changes unless you pay a lot of money to do it. And so when we got to locking the book, perfectionism kicked up like big time. It was, you know, how many times do I need to reread this in order to know that it's the best book that I can deliver at this point, knowing what I know today. And I had to have a conversation with myself that basically went, you are going to wish you would have added something. You're going to think of something in a day or a month or a year where you're like, oh, I should have included that in the book. You just have to let that go. This is the best book. And that's what I asked myself.

Is this the best book that you could write in your current situation, given the information and experience you have right now? And the answer was yes. And that's where we locked it. And I had to be willing to get a little messy, to make mistakes, to fail. And I had to get into action to, you know, whether it was writing the book, locking the book, having other people read it. I threw it out to some beta readers right before we locked it. So getting an action there. have it and read it, I'm really paying attention to the seeking confidence externally versus building it internally. People are going to review and rate this book. And I want people to review it honestly. So I'd much rather get an honest four, three, two, or one star review than somebody go, ooh, I'm not going to rate it because it wasn't five stars for me and I don't want to hurt her feelings or anything like that. I want people to feel something when they read this book. And I did not write this book for everyone. So I know there are going to be people who don't like it, who it doesn't resonate with, who think I'm a total hack. I didn't write this book for them. I did it for myself first and foremost. And I am so

proud regardless of the reviews, regardless of the results, regardless of book sales, it required the deepest level of trust within myself to put myself out there in that way, to invest the level of money and time and energy I did into it and to put my heart into something in that way. And no matter what happens, no matter what people say, what the results are, that can't be taken away from me. And so that's what I am choosing to focus on and tell myself. And even JJ and I are talking about it because, you know, the old me would be all about the sales, the results, the reviews, and be devastated. Like, you know, there'd be a thousand five-star and one, one star. I'd be trying to figure out who it was,

what I did wrong. You know? And it's like, I, I have to let all of that go. And it's still conscious, even, even knowing everything I know about confidence day, it's still conscious decision and coaching and support that I need to give myself going into this phase. Totally. And you do bring up so many times over. That's such a good reminder to bring up too, in the book, just how confidence is an inside job. One of my favorite analogies that you use is, and I just like, can't stop picturing it. The rabid validation junkies of everybody like walking around like looking for validation. I was like, wow, this literally speaks to me so much, but it's hard not to be in so many instances when like validation

is just such a big part of everyone's life. Like you have to make sure you don't over-rotate to the external and really get good at yourself with being confident and trusting yourself. So I think that experience that you've had in writing this book, I mean, you were already an amazing coach, but I mean, you just bring so much more even to the table, having gone through something as big as this when you are coaching other people and especially other women. So with that, knowing that confidence is an inside job for our listeners who might be coaches, managers, leaders, or aspiring to be those things, what advice do you have for them helping others choose their confidence? Yeah. Oh, that's a good, big question. And it's one that's still a work in progress for me. So the first bit of advice I have for anyone who wants to grow confidence in another person,

because again, remember, we can't give confidence to anyone as much as we wish we could. I cannot give confidence to JJ. If I could, trust me, I would do everything within my power to do. Becker would be stocked. Yeah, totally. I would spend all the money, do all the things, right? We all would for our children. We all would for the people that we love

and the people that we coach and lead, but we can't do it. And so number one, what I would tell you to do is to remember that people learn best by experience and observation. We can tell somebody something till we're blue in the face. What will really resonate is when people have an experience or they observe something and they want that for themselves. So the very best thing that we can be doing is demonstrating.

We need to choose confidence for ourselves. Now, I want to be really clear about this. This does not mean that we are confident all the time and that we don't make mistakes and that we have it all figured out. That's the opposite of what I'm talking about. It is so important that we share when it's hard for us to choose confidence. It's important that we share when we messed up and what we're learning from it and how we're choosing confidence outside of

or on the other side of it. Because if we try to model perfection, remember perfection is the enemy of confidence, then we're just screwing up our people unintentionally. So demonstrating confidence and especially during the hard part is probably step number one. Step number two, and this is something that has been a big work in progress for me over the years, is be curious. So often as leaders, I think we think we're supposed to have the answers. We're supposed to know what to do. And we are supposed to give people the best practices, the exact way to do things. So they, you know, don't, so it's not hard for them or whatever. And unfortunately, what I think we do unintentionally is we strip people or separate them from their

unique abilities, their perspectives, their talents, their superpowers. Right. And so if I'm coaching somebody and I'm telling them to approach something in the way I would approach it, or to use language that I would use, or to do it the way I would do it, that only is going to work if that person happens to be wired just like me. And so I think we need to get away from this, do what I do, say what I say model of leadership that I think we've fallen back on because it's easier, frankly. And we need to get uncomfortable and do the harder work of getting curious. Why would you say it that way? Tell me what it is you're trying to accomplish.

Help me understand why you see it that way. And letting people bring those unique abilities and talents to their work, to their goals. That doesn't mean that they are always right or what they think is always going to work, but it lets at least encourage being curious and having a conversation around it, which leads me to encouraging people to trust themselves. I often, like if somebody has an idea of something they wanna do to achieve their goal in their business, and it's different from what I think, or I'm really worried if what they're thinking

is gonna work, or I've never seen that work before, I often say, great, I wanna be upfront. I haven't seen that work before, but I want you to trust yourself. But I don't want to leave your goal or your success to chance. So while we're testing that, can we also test something that I know does work so we can be doing both at the same time? And then, you know, checking in, how do we, how do we see if this is

working, that type of thing. And then the last thing I'll say, and this is both as a parent and as a coach is I try really hard to celebrate people's efforts, people's actions over their results and their outcomes. Yes, it's exciting to achieve the goal and we're going to celebrate that. But from a coaching perspective, I want to hone in on the actions that they're taking, the risks that they choose, the out of their comfort zone moments that they create for themselves, because that's where the victory is happening. The result is the outcome of the effort. And I want to hone in on the effort because that's something they have control over and something that they can repeat and do over and over again. And I've unfortunately seen people achieve results without focusing on the effort or without, and it's not confidence building.

It doesn't build trust. So that's my advice. I know that's a lot. No, that's, I literally was taking notes because I'm like, this is selfishly also a question for me. Yeah. I think that's the biggest thing to know is that just like you can't do it for people. Taking action is what's actually going to help people build the confidence. To your point, the effort is really what brings out that confidence in people and like instills it in them. So one of my favorite things, and I'm sure you experienced this a ton, but it's just

when you get the text about like how proud someone is about their effort. And my favorite go-to line is like, okay, girl, pop off. And now it's like a running joke that people keep saying pop off to me, but like, I'm fine to be known as the pop off girl. And someone is excited about their effort that they put in. Cause that's just one of the most important things. And again, you talk in the book a lot about how action is one of the most important steps and it's just so fun to see people get into action.

Totally. There's nothing that excites me more. It's why I was crying at the beginning of this podcast, seeing you get into action towards something that was scary and risky and uncomfortable, but that you wanted to do like that to me, there's no, no better. It's just so cool to witness. Thank you. My last question I will ask you, and I truly do hate to ask you this because I'm kind of going through it. Um, and we'll be about

to go through a lot of it soon, but, um, kind of like that. You just got married. When's the baby question? Um, what's next for you. And other than buying the book for ourselves, leaving, raving reviews, because I am going to leave a five-star review. Anyone else can leave their review, but mine is going to be five plus. And also purchasing as gifts for everyone we know and love. I've literally talked about it to everyone. How can we continue to get more of what you have to share? Yeah. So great question. I mean, the easiest answer is go to my website. We're always updating that and, and, and adding anything and everything that's going on, including any free resources. That's always been really important to me. And one of the big reasons I wrote the book is I want there to be different levels in which

people can work with me or have access to my stuff. So like the podcast and the book are easier barrier. There's very little barrier to entry to get them right. Like it's doesn't, it's free. It doesn't cost much on the book or it, you know, you can do it whenever you want, wherever you want, listen to the podcast. That's important to me because the, the work that I do that I'm focused on from a business perspective is speaking, right? So that's what's next for me is really continuing to grow and build the speaking opportunities, engagements that I'm doing across the country, different events and different corporations. And then, you know, I'll keep doing the coaching that I love. But one of the things that happened for me with the pandemic, especially in 2020 is so many things got unraveled and I was pivoting and trying all these new things. And so 2021 became the year of, of focusing in and then 2022, I stayed on that.

So it was really, you know, speaking, writing a book, coaching. If it wasn't one of those three things, the answer was no. So I think what's next for me is, you know, to keep focusing on those three things, at least through the end of the year, probably into the beginning part of next year, and then start getting curious about what is going to replace the book as a top three priority. I mean, it's still always going to be a priority, but I think it'll fall more in the speaking umbrella because I'm not writing, editing, publishing, promoting. What's the next third focus for me? Does there need to be three? Do I want to write a second book? I mean, I know that's on my bucket list. I knew going in that I didn't have an intention of writing one book and then being done, but I don't know yet what that means or when that's going to happen. So I think it's a,

what's coming up for me is giving myself a little bit of time and space to enjoy and relax and recover from the last 18 months. Lots of cheese, lots of cheese, lots of cheese, lots of wine. Um, yeah, it'll be really interesting. I'm excited to see all of that. And I wanted to say one thing that's not related to your question, but I just want to kind of leave people with this thought. I titled the book validation is for parking because it kind of is my personality. It's a little snarky. It's a little like in your face, right? And a lot of people have been asking, like, how do I let go of the need for validation or, you know, even questioning, well, but when somebody tells me I did a good job, it feels good.

Like, should I not be wanting that? I want to be very upfront. There is nothing wrong with compliments, with validation, with achievements, with success, with wanting to better yourself, with all of those things. Validation feels good to me too. If I get a bazillion five-star reviews, trust me, it's going to feel good. The distinction I want to make is needing it in order to trust yourself. If you can trust yourself first and let that be the icing on the cake. I say that in the book is, you know, confidence is the cake. All the other stuff is the icing on the confidence cake. That is where I am hoping for all of us that we

can get to. I enjoy compliments and validation and feeling attractive and just as much as anyone else. I've just finally figured out that my confidence isn't tied to it, that those are different, extra wonderful things. But I can trust myself whether or not I'm getting those things, regardless of those things, in spite of those things, whatever you want to call it. And, and, and that's that's the hope for the what's next for the reader. If you're reading this book, I hope you go on that journey with me to begin to let those things feel really good, but not be necessary to the choice that we all get to make anytime we want, which is to trust ourselves and to listen to ourselves. Validation is icing on the confidence

cake. That is one that I was like writing that down. That is needs to be plastered everywhere around here. I absolutely love that. Um, so Nicole, thank you so much for having me today, pushing me out of my comfort zone, actually having me apply this stuff in real time. It was so rewarding and such a good time. And thank you for being selfless enough to share your confidence passion with the masses by doing something that required so much inner trust to do, publishing your very first book, Validation is for Parking, now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Nicole defines confidence as knowing who you are, owning who you're not, and choosing to embrace all of it. She gives us tactical and practical applications we can use immediately to get into action, build our own inner trust,

and ultimately choose confidence. This book won't be like other books you've read. It's got Nicole's spunk, humor, and wisdom all over it. So I'll leave you with a few final bits of advice. Grab a cheese board and wine if you'd like. I literally couldn't stop craving cheese after reading this book on top of wanting to conquer the world. Snag a copy or two of Validation is for Parking, leave a review,

and ultimately get going on your own confidence journey. As Nicole says, confidence is a choice. Don't fake it until you make it. Choose it until you feel it. Connect to your confidence and know that we're all in this together. And this is woman's work.