This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 122 / What I Know So Far

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

This episode is a collection of all the things I know, so far. And believe me when I say I could fill hours upon hours of podcasts with the things I DON’T know (which is awesome!). Because the less I think I know, the more free and open I feel. How about you? What do you know so far? And why am I asking? Well because, your answer is the answer. When I say this is woman’s work, it begs the question, what is this? But my goal was never to define it for you, only to create the space for you to ask yourself. So what do you know so far? Whatever your answer is, do that. BE that. All of us together, living our truth… That is Woman’s Work. To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com.

I am Nicole Kalil and I'm going to start this episode of This is Woman's Work with a random thought. Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a score for your life? Like when the music plays in important scenes in a movie, but in your actual life, like when you meet someone you definitely should not date, toxic starts playing in the background, or when somebody is a jerk to you in the office, Aretha Franklin's respect would start playing at a really high volume, or when you're about to do something big, your walkout song plays and totally amps you up. For me, every time I speak, I listen to Pink's I Am Here right before I walk out and I swear it makes a difference. How cool would it be if this

happened in our everyday lives? Can this be somebody's job to follow us around and play the right song at the right time to capture the suspense and the emotion to give us energy or even help us cry? I'm just saying, I think it would be pretty freaking cool. But that is not the topic for today's show, although that random thought was triggered by today's topic. The pink song, What I Know So Far, came on in my car recently, and it inspired me to ask myself that question. What do I know so far? It also inspired me to sing very badly at the top of my lungs, but I will spare you that. So here, without any delay and very little explanation, are some of the most important things that I know so far.

Stay curious. There is always something new to learn. Almost everything is neutral. We are the ones bringing meaning and we see everything through the lens of our beliefs, our experiences, and our desires. The way we see it may feel real to us and right to us, but it's only one way of seeing it. And it's pure arrogance to believe that the way we see everything is right, true, or correct for anyone else. And arrogance is a mask for a whole host of insecurities. People only change if they want to. And if they really want to, they will change. Not everyone will like or understand you. You will be too much or not enough for some people. Those just aren't your people. You cannot people-please your way into joy. Some of the worst things we do to

ourselves and others, we do in the name of love. If loving another requires you to lose any part of yourself, it's probably not love. It is so much easier to hate from a distance. Be vigilant about who you love up close. We are all wired for connection, but nobody completes you. People are hurt and angry and do hateful things because they've been hurt and had something hateful done to them. It explains it, but it doesn't excuse it. We all need therapy. People will have opinions about who you are, but the only opinion that really matters is your own, which

is great news because it's the only opinion you have any control over anyway. The way people treat you is a reflection of what you believe you deserve. You probably deserve better. Start by assuming that you can, then ask if you want to. Most of us have far more options than we perceive, but just because we can doesn't mean we should. The only way to get what you really want is to know what you really want. What people call soft skills are the hardest ones. Purpose gets found mostly in our pain. Purpose can be big, small, wide or narrow, singular or multiple. It's still purpose. You need to get lost in order to be found. When you find yourself, the right people will find you too. Aging is awesome. We should be bottling it and selling that shit. Simple is better. Predictability is sexy and freedom is found in structure. Failure isn't permanent. Laughter is healing. We could all stand to fail and laugh a lot more.

Being fearless isn't an option, only courage is. You can't make anyone else confident. Yet every mom wants to know how to raise confident kids, but many refuse to believe that the answer is to become confident themselves. Nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, has it all figured out. Every person has pain, disappointment, shame, and hardships, and it's all relative. Someone has it better figured out. Every person has pain, disappointment, shame, and hardships, and it's all relative. Someone has it better. Someone has it worse. But whatever it is that you have is real and it's yours to carry. Everyone is imperfect, including you. Your ability and willingness to say no is directly correlated to your opportunity to impact, as well as to your own success and well-being. Only a small handful of people will be the best of the best at anything.

Those people will need to sacrifice almost everything to get there. We should stop applying 0.01% success principles to the other 99.9% of the population. Rest and play are productive. The only people that still believe that money brings happiness are the people who have never had any of it. Once our basic needs are met, happiness becomes a choice. More people's basic needs should be met. Choice is where all of our power lies and it is worth fighting for. And finally, I am here. So are you for such a time as this. And that makes us all fucking magical. Okay, friends, that is all I know so far. And I could fill hours upon hours of podcasts with the things that I don't know, which is awesome. Because the less I think I know, the more free and open I feel. How about you? What do you know so far? And why am I asking? Well, because your answers are the

answer. When I say this is woman's work, it begs the question, what is this? But my goal was never to define it for you, only to create the space for you to ask yourself. So what do you know so far? Whatever your answer is, do that, be that. All of us together living our truth. This is woman's work.