This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 124 / Mind, Body, Soul… and Confidence with Meg Burton Tudman

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

On this episode of This Is Woman’s Work we’re going to double down on the topic of confidence… and we’re going to do it from a different perspective, since you’ve already heard a lot about the topic from me. Meg Burton Tudman is on a mission to support women in honoring their highest selves through coaching, writing and speaking. She does this by encouraging us to align our mind, body and soul, which she believes is directly tied to our confidence, by weaving mindset, meditation, energy work, and yoga into her coaching programs, wellness articles, workshops, and corporate events. And she’s here today to talk about our shared passion from HER perspective. What would be possible if you lived a life, aligned, mind, body and soul? How would you feel? If you didn’t let all the noise drown out your inner voice, what would it say? Would you listen? I hope you do. Because whatever your inner knowing is telling you, I can assure you that it IS woman’s work. To learn more about Meg and her work go to www.megburtontudman.com or follow her on IG @mindsetmasterywithmeg Free Reset Your Mindset Toolkit to spark authenticity, empowerment and confidence: www.megburtontudman.com/reset-your-mindset To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com.

Here's a thought from our guest today, but you're going to have to listen to the full episode to get all the mind blasting moments. Because when we have that alignment, when we're in that flow, when we're experiencing that ease, we're showing up as our best selves. We're showing up as our highest selves, our most authentic selves. And that in turn creates confidence. I am Nicole Kalil and I could talk about confidence all day long. Seriously, I see confidence everywhere I look and I am thrilled that other people agree that it's an incredibly important topic. And I love learning about how other people experience, build, and encourage confidence.

But I also find myself more often than not getting pissed off about the false and mixed messages that are oh so regularly put out there about confidence. Like if I see one more person tell us to smile more, if we want to be confident, my head might actually explode. Every time I see an ad for some sort of product that will make you confident, I want to scream, that's not how it works. And I'll be honest that while I believe strongly that this topic is so important, and because of that, we need many, many people talking about it. It has become a pet peeve of mine when I see people talk about it when it's clearly not their area of expertise or passion, which ends up leading to more mixed and false messages being sent. Just because you've experienced

confidence or just because it's a hot topic doesn't mean you should be teaching people about it. And if you can't define confidence for the love of God, then shut up about it. Probably my biggest frustration of them all is how often women are being told how to look confident instead of how to become it. Have I told you that one of the things I know to be true about me is that I'm feisty and get really fired up about the things that are important to me? Yeah, because that's what's going on here. I love nothing more than a good rant, but I've made a rule for myself that I won't rant about something unless I'm willing to do something about it. So here we go. On this episode of This Is Woman's Work, we're going to double down on the topic of confidence, what it is, what it isn't, and how you

actually build it. And we're going to talk about it from a different perspective, since you've already heard a lot from me about the topic. Meg Burton-Tedman is on a mission to support women in honoring their highest selves through coaching, writing, and speaking. She does this by encouraging us to align our mind, body, and soul, which she believes is directly tied to our confidence. And she does this by weaving mindset, meditation, energy work, and yoga into her coaching programs, wellness articles, workshops, and corporate events. And she's here today to talk about our shared passion from her perspective. Meg, thank you so much for joining

me. I want to dive in and ask first, what do you mean when you say alignment of mind, body, and soul? Yeah. Hi, Nicole. It's such a pleasure to be here. And I am so pumped up about this topic and listening to your intro, I got chills. So this is going to be a great conversation. When I think about alignment of mind, body, and soul, I see that as a state that we can create from the inside out that helps us be in the flow, that helps us experience an element of ease. Not to say that we're not going to come up against challenges or difficulties, but the solutions, the creativities, and the opportunities are so much easier and more clear and available for us to see and then take advantage of and move forward. I think at its core, alignment is a state of being from the inside out. So you said some fricking magical things there that I think are worth repeating first, this agreement that we both have that this is something that happens inside out,

not the other way around. And it's so interesting. My theme for 2023, and I don't do resolutions, but I kind of have themes or words that speak to me, ease and flow, which you both said both. I love that. There's no, there's no accidents in the universe, right? Right. Okay. So I agree. I guess maybe the, the second question or the follow-up question is why does it matter and how has our confidence impacted? Great question. I think it matters because it helps us to be confident in a way. I think it's the core of confidence because when we have that alignment, when we're in that flow, when we're experiencing that ease, we're showing up as our best selves. We're showing up as our highest selves, our most authentic selves.

And that in turn creates confidence because that when we are who we are at our core, and that's who we show up as, we can't help but be confident. It's like a natural result of doing the inner work. And I think it matters because everybody has a gift to offer. Everybody has a passion that is something they're crazy excited to talk about and spread and teach and share. And so when we can show up from that place of alignment and from that place of confidence, we're then able to live our best life. Again, not to say that everything is rainbows and unicorns all the time.

That's not, not what I mean at all. You know, we're all going to experience heartbreak. We're all going to experience trouble and tribulation, but when we can come back to that alignment, when we can anchor into that confidence and when we can show up from that place, we're again, able to see those solutions, able to be creative, able to think clearly, and then decide, okay, what's the next aligned inspired action that's going to help me get where I need to go. That's going to help me grow. That's going to help me sustain whatever the objective may be. Yeah. I mean, fist bumps in the air. I don't like standing ovations. Yes, yes. And yes.

And I'm curious, you know, I have a belief that we all have an inner voice or an inner knowing. I would imagine that you think, or that you believe as I do, that alignment allows for us to hear and listen and trust that voice at a much higher level, but there's so much freaking noise around us. So A, do you believe that we have an inner voice or an inner knowing and how do we listen to it? Most definitely we have one. And I think I want to touch on something that comes into play when we think about inner voice. We also often have an inner critic. So let's take that one first. And then let's talk about how we can override that inner critic because she's a lot easier to listen to than the inner knowing,

the inner voice, the inner truth, your highest self, however you want to define it. Yeah, because she's loud and bitchy. Oh, she is so loud. She's so bitchy. And it's much easier to listen to her. And she's trying to keep us safe, right? And there's a reason she's there. She's trying to keep us safe. What ends up happening though, is by keeping us safe, she also ends up causing us to play small and not really show up fully and not take those calculated risks and not step into, again, our highest selves, everything we have to offer. So the practice of starting to listen within, and who is this talking? Is this my inner critic or is this my intuition or my highest self, my inner voice? Does this align with what

my own values are? Or is this somebody else's agenda that has come into my world that maybe from childhood, a lot of us have, you know, influential people, especially as children, whose voice will stay in our head for quite a while. And so the more we can practice just being still and tuning in and listening and feeling what comes up and then being discerning about it, not critical, not judgmental, but discerning about it. If it's the inner critic, okay, how can I quiet her down? If it's the intuition and you'll know, I mean, once the obvious you're going to know, cause your, your, your intuition, your inner voice is never going to be critical. She's never going to be

harsh. She's always going to be supportive. She's always going to lift you up. She's like your cheerleader. Um, but she is very soft and she is very quiet. So one of the things that has been so helpful for me is one to just notice, to start to tune in and notice what is it that I'm thinking? What's coming up right now? And then the second piece is to cultivate those moments where you can have stillness and quiet and even a little bit of peace. And it doesn't have to be, you know, hours at a time. It can be a minute here, a minute there throughout every day where you're just pausing for a moment and tuning in and listening and getting curious about what those voices are saying.

Again, so many good things in there. I often, I call the inner critic or head trash because I want it to sound as gross and disgusting as it actually is. And I often say, at least in my experience, my inner knowing or intuition may challenge me. It may tell me things I don't actually want to hear, but it always does it from a loving place. It's, you know, how you would communicate to somebody you love, like a partner or best friend or a child. Whereas my head trash or my inner critic is, is nasty. I mean, kind of like the bully voice, but I like the distinction too, of one being loud and one being quiet or soft. That's a good way to tell the difference. Okay. How do we begin to create alignment, mind, body, soul. It sounds simple, but I know it's not easy.

Correct. So how do we go about doing this? Sure. I'm going to start at the end and then we'll go back to how you do it. Because I think if you can experience that ease and that flow, you know, you're in it. So start to take note of when things appear like, oh, that came out of nowhere. It didn't, you know, you created it. You know, you're responsible for that. But start to pay attention to what comes easily, what comes naturally, what are you so passionate, so good at that it doesn't feel like work. It feels like you're in your zone of genius and you're humming along and just feeling really, really high vibrational. And the contrast of that is when we're doing things and we feel like either we're stuck in place and not making any kind of forward

progress or even taking advantage of momentum, or we're on the hamster wheel where we're doing the same thing over and over again, and we are bored out of our mind and we're not creating anything in that nothing is happening for us, or it's the same thing day after day after day. So some ways that we can get into that alignment, again, cultivating those moments of peace where we can get out of our head. That intuition is so helpful and that's going to serve us well. The inner critic, not so much, right? That judge, that trash is not going to serve us well. So moments where we can pause and get out of our head, for me, that involves deep breathing. It involves meditation. All of this though is really

bio-individual. So what works for me might be different than what works for you. So I encourage all of our friends listening to start to experiment and figure out what you actually like, because you're much more likely to stick with it and experiment with it if it's something you enjoy. So again, breathwork and meditation have been really instrumental for me. It's part of my business. So obviously I have a lot of belief in that. I also think taking responsibility for ourselves. So getting to a place where we can stop blaming others for what's happening for us and instead start to take action and start to take responsibility for our own lives, for our own realities.

And to notice these are the thoughts that serve me well. These are the beliefs that are mine that I really truly at my core value. And these are the inspired actions that feel like they're going to create what I'm looking to create, what I'm seeking to experience. I also think finding opportunities to reconnect with ourselves. And for me, this is yoga, but I've seen a host of other things that allow us to create that mind-body connection and also pull in the soul and the spirit. It might be eating a healthy diet, or it might be spending time with really high vibrational friends that are, you know, challenging you in a really positive

way and that are calling you out on, you know, thoughts or comments that really aren't aligned with who they know your highest self to be. And then getting clear on what you actually enjoy. I think as adults, especially as women, we have so many responsibilities that we tend to forget what actually brings us joy, what allows us to have fun and to experience that high energy. And so starting to experiment and getting clear on what is it that I'm passionate about? What is it that I can do on a regular basis? So this isn't like, oh, I do that once a year. Oh, I do that once a month, right? These can be tiny, tiny, you know, seemingly insignificant choices that we make throughout each day, but that really are having a huge ripple effect on

how we feel and are helping us to create that alignment of mind, body, and soul. I know I've found my people when they give advice from a not one size fits all place. Like I love how often you said something to the effect of like, this is what works for me, but something else might work for you. I think that's so important because again, we're inundated with messages of shoulds and supposed tos, or this is, you know, this works for everybody all the time, best practices. And I really think that's important for us. It's like a responsibility for us to say, this is what works for me, but it might be something different for you. One of the things you mentioned in there was kind of

the circle of people or things that you have in your life. My question is, what about the things that may be preventing us from our alignment or being connected to our higher self. That could be relationships or people or environments or the work that we do. Like any thoughts or advice, if our intuition tells us that something or someone is not meant for us anymore. Yeah, this is a tough one. What comes to mind first is that's probably an opportunity to honor and practice boundaries. And in some, let's take maybe the most extreme example, you know, you're going to cut that person or that experience out of your life entirely. Sometimes that's not possible. So when, when it's not possible, what are the actions and what are the new beliefs and the new thoughts that you can entertain that are going to help you stay balanced, stay calm, stay aligned when you're in that situation. So I like that we can weave in that element of taking

responsibility for ourselves because it's unlikely that the other person or maybe the circumstances will change. And that's not up to us. It's not something that we need to take on and we don't need to, that doesn't need to be our crusade. There are things though that we can do to help kind of booster ourselves up so that when we are in contact, when we are in that environment, we're a little more well-supported. And that may be something as seemingly simple, again, to your point, not always easy in this case, maybe not easy to remember, but taking a few deep breaths before you walk into the room or having some type of ritual that you perform after the experience so that you're able to come essentially back into yourself.

And that might be some type of energy work. That might be some kind of physical movement or activity so that you can kind of like literally shake them off, shake that energy off. But some type of release that allows you to keep that experience, keep that person in one space, and then you're going to keep moving on and being in your new space after that. Really good advice there. Okay. I want to talk about, you've mentioned it a few times, like the idea that being confident or being aligned means that no bad things happen anymore, right? Like such a myth or that anybody can achieve a hundred percent of confidence, a hundred percent of the time, or be aligned in all moments of all days. Like, I think that that's just utter bullshit or an actual,

you know, potential mental disorder like narcissism or something. But the vast majority of us are having moments where we feel like our confidence has been derailed or we are feeling misaligned for some reason or another. You've already given some good tips, but I want to talk about what are some of the things that you believe that we can do to get back to ourselves, to realign when those derailing things happen in our lives? Yeah. And they will happen, right? And I think they're especially going to happen when we are open to growth, when we're open to change, when we're open to transformation. So it's not a bad thing. It's not a negative, even though the feelings may be unpleasant, the experience is unpleasant. It's not necessarily a bad thing. The first I think is to recognize I do feel out of alignment or my confidence has been shaken and to come from a place of compassion and curiosity for yourself rather than coming from

a place of judgment and criticism and choosing to frame, let's just call it the experience that you're having in a way that serves you well. So not getting down on yourself, not falling into, you know, oh, I wish I had done it this way, or I should have done this. I think that's okay to recognize. Maybe there was a different way I could have addressed this. You're learning from that. The opportunity I think is to not get stuck in that, right? So to recognize it, okay, here's what I might do next time. Should I find myself in this situation or I owe an apology to so-and-so for my behavior or my comment or something like that. So I think first recognizing it. Second, asking yourself and your intuition is going to be a great guide here. So getting still, getting quiet and asking

yourself, what is it that I need right now? Is it something emotional? Is it something physical? Is it something mental? Is it something social or the opposite? What is it that would help me process this experience and then continue to move forward? And the great thing is when we have those moments of confidence, of alignment, we have all of this evidence that we can then lean back on and say, okay, I know that I can get back to a space of alignment. I know that I can get back to that inner confidence. I know that I have tools and skills and the ability to create this in my reality again. So that's so helpful in allowing

us to not feel stuck where we are in that moment. But I do think it's important to give ourselves time and space, you know, whether it's to grieve, whether it's to fully process, but, you know, to be sure that we're not just running from it, that, that we are taking a moment to, to take it all in. Again, great advice. I'm have this thought running through my mind and I don't know if I'm going to word it very well, but I think one of the other myths that I am experiencing and sort of playing with or being curious about in my own mind is this idea that if we're aligned or if we're fully trusting ourselves, that whatever we do from that place is going to work. And I put in air quotes, right? Like that

we're going to get the results that we're looking for. Or conversely, if we trusted ourselves and got into action towards something and it didn't work, that we sometimes would go, well, then I couldn't have been trusting myself or I wasn't listening to my inner voice because it didn't work out. Out of curiosity, what are your thoughts there? Because I agree with you that our challenges, the tough times, the failures, the missteps, those serve us just as much and as well as the good stuff. So I believe it's there for a reason. But what are your thoughts about this idea that if we trust ourselves fully, or that if we are aligned and get into action for there, that then miraculously everything is just going

to work out? I think that's such an interesting question. And I'm, I'm thinking of myself first. And then I was pulling in a few clients to see where I landed. I think that we're human. So one, it may be hard for us to be in alignment all the time. And so it may be natural that we take an action that maybe is misaligned. If you are someone who is totally rooted in your truth and every action is coming from that aligned standpoint and something doesn't work out for you, I would lean into, I think, what you're saying in that there's something better out there for you.

It didn't work for a reason. And again, that's not necessarily a bad thing. There's something better on the other side of this, or this is a journey that you're on and, you know, you and your soul are, are going to come out of this a different, in a different space in a good way. So I think part of it is, you know, the nature of human nature. And then part of it may be that, you know, if you believe that there is the universe or God or some type of higher power that's with us, what's going to happen for you is what you can handle and what's going to happen at that particular moment. And knowing too, I think we can trust ourselves and it can still

be an experiment. So my inner voice is telling me to do this. And you know what? I'm going to take the risk and I'm going to see, because I know I'm going to learn something regardless of what the outcome is. I'm confident that I'm going to enjoy it. So it's worth it there. I'm going to have a good time. And I, I feel like this will work. And then if it doesn't work or you don't get the result you got, maybe you got a better result. Maybe you didn't. Um, but to again, get curious about that and start to explore, okay, what, what particular part didn't work? And is there a part of the action or the belief that I took or I had that did work really well that I'm going to tuck away in my toolbox to use in the future? And then is there something I want to experiment with a little bit

more to see how might this work in another way? Yeah. I'm nodding my head constantly over here because I think that is really ringing true for me. I think sometimes I look back and think I trusted myself to do that or to experiment or to test. And the confidence aspect for me was trusting that I would be okay on the other side of it, no matter what happened. Or trusting that even if it didn't work, there was a lesson, a redirect, a learning, a growth that was going to happen because of it. Right. But I sometimes get a little nervous with talking about trusting ourselves firmly and boldly and listening to ourselves that like I'm inadvertently sending the message that when you do that, then it's all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns. And that just hasn't been my experience. Same. It's not been my experience either. And I think that this is where the element of mindset can serve us really well.

How am I going to choose to frame this? So I trusted myself and I didn't get the result I thought I was going to get yet. I did grow. I did learn. So was it a bad thing that I trusted myself? Well, sure. If all I'm focused on is the result I wanted and I didn't get it, then yeah, that's going to be tough for us to trust ourselves moving forward. If the focus can become, hmm, that's interesting that I didn't get what I was seeking, yet I learned this really powerful lesson and I grew in this way and I now have a brand new skill that I can use moving forward, then we did get something really great. And that may be even better than what we, or may lead to something even better than what we

anticipated. Which has also been my experience, how often that redirect finds me in a better place with a better opportunity or better people or what have you. Yeah. Out of curiosity, have you ever regretted a decision you've made from an aligned place? Have you ever regretted trusting yourself or doing something from a place of confidence? No. Yeah. me neither. Okay. And absolute no. Yeah. I can't think of any, anything that even that comes close. Um, and I can think of things that have happened to me that I absolutely played a role in that at the time. And I'll, I'll use one example. I was fired from a job that I initially thought was my dream job and could see myself there forever. It was my entire identity. The firing shocked me. It came a little bit out of left field. And for a moment, I had

these two like parallel feelings. One was so much shame and so much embarrassment because I couldn't even believe that this had happened for me. And the other was this sense of freedom because I thought, wow, now I can do something totally different. I can not feel like I'm boxed in by this label that in my heart I know doesn't fit. And it was an amazing experience. Now going through it was awful and I didn't get to, you know, how I now frame it immediately. You're not there eventually, but there were a lot of tears and there was a lot of heartache and a lot of, I mean, that inner critic was going full steam ahead. But in the end, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I can relate completely. Often what I tell myself in those

times is the only thing that's missing is the benefit of hindsight. Because when you're in it, it sucks. Like I have no idea what purpose this is serving and you don't have that crystal ball or the light at the end of the tunnel in it. To me, that is a form of confidence is the trusting that when you get to the other side and there is another side that you'll be able to look back with the benefit of hindsight and see and experience it very differently. Yes. Doesn't make it any less sucky when you're in it, but I think it's a powerful tool that works for me. Absolutely. I totally agree. I think too, and you, you bring up a really interesting point. It's our confidence or it's our ability to trust ourselves that can be so powerful for us. So I'm going to

take this action or I'm experiencing something that's happening for me right now. And I know that I'll be okay. Having that type of alignment and that type of confidence can be so powerful when those things happen that again, are seemingly from left field or that we didn't see coming or that are really difficult for us. I trust myself enough to know I'm going to be okay. I've experienced, and I that something is meant to be. So I'll give the example. I was in a not healthy romantic relationship, but in my mind, it was like, no, this is meant to be. How do we know when, to me, that's like a little bit of a distinguishing of that inner voice. Yeah. Like, how do we know when we should listen and when we shouldn't, I know my inner voice

wasn't telling me that this was the man for me. There was something between inner knowing and inner critic that I was finding myself in hope, desire, wishful thinking, something along those lines. But what advice do you have to somebody who's holding on to something under the guise of inner knowing that's not healthy for them? Yeah. A couple of things. I think that when we feel like we're holding on so tightly in order to make it reality, that that's a sign that we may not be aligned, that we may not be listening to that inner voice when it feels like that. And this is not a judgment at all, because I think we've all been there. Um, it feels like that, and this is not a judgment at all, because I think we've all been there.

It feels like that desperate grabby type of energy when, when we're feeling that way, that's an opportunity to, to tune in and, and to start to get curious about what's happening and what we're thinking and, and how we're perceiving what's happening for us. So I think that's one aspect. I think the other is noticing, are there elements of ease? Does this feel good in my body? Does this feel good in my mind? You know, does it feel good in my soul? And you may even, you know, start to zero in on, is there a body part that feels a lot of tension when I'm directly in this experience, whether it's, you know, a romantic relationship when I'm with that person, is there a part of my body that feels clenched or tight, or am I able to, you know, show up in those situations and feel really receptive and open?

So an expansive body language and energy as opposed to something contracted. And I think of that expansive, my shoulders are back, my posture is tall, my heart is open, my hands are open. And then contracted, the opposite of know, you may be hunched over, you may be protecting your heart in an unconscious way. Your hands may be clenched in fists. So starting to pay attention to the cues that your body is giving you that this may not be, I mean, one, what you hoped for, right. It may also be an opportunity to explore further. Is this really the right fit for me? Yeah. Yeah. I think back and in my experience, there were moments where

I felt happy, but they were few and far between what I mostly felt was sick to my stomach. And now that I've had the opportunity to be in a very healthy relationship, I can't even remember the last time I've had that feeling. So that loving reminder that our body sends us messages to thank you for saying that I wouldn't have even thought about it, but I think that's so important. Okay. Meg, I could quite literally talk to you about this forever. Your website will be included in show notes along with all of your social media handles, but on Instagram and Facebook, you can find Meg at Mindset Mastery with Meg and her website is megburtontedman.com. Again, we'll put this all in show notes. Thank you so much for the conversation, for your perspective, for this shared passion and your nuggets of

wisdom. I enjoyed this thoroughly. It was such a pleasure, Nicole. Thank you so much. And thank you for the work you're doing. I think the more we can get out there and talk about confidence and lift each other up, the better we're all going to be for it. So thank you.

Agreed. And thank you. All right. I'm going to close this out by saying confidence is when you trust yourself firmly and boldly. And the reality is we all have areas of our life where we find this easier than in others, but any way you slice it, your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and even relationship health matters across the board. The reality is most of us have one or two of these areas that come easier to us than others, and therefore we focus on it more.

So what ends up happening is we over-rotate and become imbalanced. That might look like being somebody who eats super healthy, but doesn't create healthy boundaries in your relationship, or somebody who prays, practices, and believes strongly in their faith, but doesn't gain any other knowledge outside of their own religion, or someone like me who reads 60 plus books a year, but still feels like working out as a form of torture that really should be avoided at all costs. But the opportunity for all of us

is to trust your full self, to create balance, to prioritize overall health and wellbeing, to know that we are so much more than the package we come in, to send the message to ourselves about ourselves that we are worth caring for. What would be possible if you lived a life aligned mind, body, and soul? How would you feel? Maybe you would actually smile more. Maybe you'd just give the finger to anybody who told you to smile because how you choose to express yourself is only ever up to you in the first place. If you didn't let all the noise drown out your inner voice, what would it say? And would you listen? I hope you do because whatever your inner knowing

is telling you, I can assure you that it is woman's work.