This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 139 / Well-Rested with Jolene Hart

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

Today we’re going to talk about the ONE thing, the one piece of advice, that I might be able to universally get behind (you know how I hate one-size-fits all solutions).  You’re probably thinking we’re going to talk about confidence. Not a bad guess, because I do believe we could ALL benefit from more of it, but I don’t think anyone can give a one size fits all solution to it, including me. Our topic today is being WELL-RESTED. Every Day. Jolene Hart is a health coach certified by the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and founder of the pioneering beauty coaching practice Beauty Is Wellness. She is a former magazine beauty editor and the bestselling author of six wellness books, including Eat Pretty, Ignite Your Light, and her most recently released Well-Rested Every Day. At the heart of Jolene’s work is her desire to empower people with the ability to shape their lifelong health with simple tools and habits, from stress resilience and hormones to diet, digestion, and personal care products, to help her clients look and feel their best from the inside. In the words of Jolene, “rest is an intuitive, brave, and even radical act for women—one that adds value and depth to our lives.” It’s time to get some rest, my friends.  To learn more about Jolene you can visit her website at jolenehart.com or follow her on IG @jolenehart. You can pre-order her book Well-Rested Every Day   To learn more about what we are up to outside of this podcast, visit us at NicoleKalil.com. 

I am Nicole Khalil, and you're listening to another incredible episode of This Is Woman's Work. Pretty bold move, huh? Saying it's going to be an incredible episode three seconds into recording it. I have several reasons for feeling pretty damn confident about that statement. First, our guest was referred to me by a great friend of mine, Chantel Bonneau, who has an impeccable track record of spotting talent. Second, because we've been on a roll lately and I don't see that stopping anytime soon. And third, because I could not be more invested in this topic. As you know, I'm not a big fan of one-size-fits-all advice.

In fact, I loathe it. I've been known to rant about it on occasion, and it makes me feel furious and disgusted all at the same time. And yes, I'm also a little dramatic about it. The idea that any advice would be universally true or work for every single person doesn't compute with my brain or my experience. And it's not the advice that's bad in most cases, it's the belief that it can and should be applied to everyone, or even worse, the judgment that

often comes along if it doesn't get robotically, unconditionally, or unquestionably followed. And this episode might be the one that has me eat my own words, because today we're going to talk about the one thing, the one piece of advice that I might be able to get universally behind. You're probably thinking we're going to talk about confidence. Not a bad guess because I do believe we could all benefit from more of it, but I don't think anyone can give a one-size-fits-all solution to it, including me. Today, we're going to talk about something I believe would benefit almost every woman I've come into contact with. So maybe not a one size fits all, but a one size fits most topic. Is your brain churning? Or maybe the title of the episode was a dead giveaway,

so I won't tease this out anymore. Our topic today is being well rested. In the words of my guest, rest is an intuitive, brave, and even radical act for women, one that adds value and depth to our lives. Jolene Hart is a health certified coached by the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and founder of the pioneering beauty coaching practice, Beauty is Wellness. She is a former magazine beauty editor and the best-selling author of six wellness books, including Eat Pretty, Ignite Your Light, and her most recently released Well-Rested Every Day. At the heart of Jolene's work is her desire to empower people with the ability to shape

their lifelong health with simple tools and habits, from stress resilience and hormones to diet, digestion, and personal care products to help her clients feel and look their best from the inside. So there's lots of things we could be asking Jolene about, but for today's conversation, I want to hone in on stress, energy, and the importance of being well-rested. Okay, Jolene, let's dive in. What do you mean by rest and how is it different than just sleep? It is so good to be here. That was a beautiful introduction. So well-rested,

I think is functioning at your best, but that is because you're in a place of balance, that you're in a state of replenishment and you're in optimal physical, mental, or emotional health. Now that's a lot of things to a lot of different people. And this speaks to your introduction about how wellness advice or any advice maybe is not one size fits all. So the point of this book and the angle of this book is that rest needs to be intuitive. That rest is rooted in you figuring out how to be well-rested in your life is rooted in a deep connection to yourself and to your intuition. And really this is what, this is one of the biggest principles that I teach as a health coach is not exactly what you need to eat for

breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It's first connecting to what works for your body and what isn't working. So that is the angle that I'm taking in this book when I'm looking at what does it mean to be or to feel well-rested. Okay. So I love so many things about that. Mostly that it's this belief that the answer lives within and that we know in our bodies and in our beings, what the best and right answers are for us, which I agree with completely. Having said that, I think a lot of us feel or have experienced being almost conditioned away from that inner knowing. And sometimes like we don't even know what works anymore. We're running the rat race and we're doing what everybody else expects and thinks

we should and blah, blah, blah. So any tips of how we might begin or reconnect to that knowing or that understanding of what actually does work for us? Absolutely. And you speak so well to the fact that yes, we have been conditioned to not be in touch with those needs, to be able to, you know, stream one episode of a show after another without stopping to think, have I had enough? You know, we're just, we're kind of just constantly being overstimulated. So yes, being intuitive requires you to reconnect to that part of yourself that is going to check in with what works for you. In the book, I say, you know, in this current world of doing, displaying, creating, and even performing, and in a lot of what we do, we often forget listening. And that's that listening to

ourselves is especially important. So yes, in order to do that well, to do it better, to strengthen that skill, ask yourself what you need daily. Start by spending a few quiet moments with your body each day. And if that feels foreign, you know, don't be afraid to go ahead and put your hand right on your body, like check in and just feel that connection before you answer the question, you know, what is it that I need today? Just kind of reconnect to your body because so much of what we do is external, is outward, that we forget about that internal, that inward wisdom. I also think it's important to get clear on your non-negotiables. Like what are the things that matter most to you in your day? You know, for me,

it's cooking fresh food for myself and my family. Like that's one thing that even when I get super busy, I think that's one of the most important things for myself to feel good and to feel well rested. It's also moving every day, even if it's like 10 or 15 minutes, that's just one of the things that I need. And also for me, I know my nervous system tends to be more reactive. I am not working in the evening. That's my dedicated family time. That's my time where I ease into a restful sleep routine. So like those are my non-negotiables. So get clear on yours. Maybe you do really well working at night and maybe you don't mind, you know, eating out more often. What are the things that matter to you and that make you feel your best? I think that's

important to get clear on. And in, you know, to that end, it also helps to be honest about your strengths and your limitations. So if you can keep a little, you know, written list of the ways that you successfully support rest, and maybe also the blocks that are preventing you from achieving that balance that you're seeking, be honest, you know, I'm, I'm not good at doing this and this, but I'm actually really good at this in my routine. Those things can help you. And anytime that you pause to check in

with the way you feel during the day, to ask yourself where you are right now, that's strengthening your intuition. Okay, as you were talking, a couple of thoughts popped into my head. First, this sort of shifting of our mindset to listen and believe what our body is trying to tell us as opposed to ignore and dismiss. I have been the champion of ignore and dismiss, right? Like, so my body's telling

me I'm tired and I go, oh, just suck it up, move on. You know, why are you so weak? What's wrong with you? Like, you know, this as opposed to, huh, my body is telling me I'm tired first. Let me believe that that is a real feeling. And what is it telling me? What does that mean? What do I want? What, you know, that type of thing. So that was going through my head. That's so powerful. And it's not just you. I think it's many women specifically. We are, you know, rest is kind of the pattern breaker. We have perpetually women ignoring signs from their bodies. And I see this until they're sick or they're burnt out and they come to me for advice as

a health coach, but rest kind of goes against those cultural norms that have been set for us. We don't have to twist pushing ourselves into a badge of honor. We work hard, we're successful, we're ambitious, but we can also claim that ability to rest. I love the idea of it being a pattern disruptor. That really spoke to me. I want to circle back on that, but you mentioned a sleep routine. Yes. I know a lot of people in the professional space have been inundated with messages of morning routines and I'm not anti-morning routine by any means,

but I'm curious about a sleep routine or end of day routine. Can you share maybe some examples, but also what are the benefits? Absolutely. I mean, I think we can't put a value on good sleep. We know what it does for our brains, that kind of cleansing action that happens in our lymphatic system as we sleep. We know the hormonal balancing benefits. We know the reparative benefits. It's like good sleep is better than the most expensive anti-aging cream that you can buy, right? It's like good sleep is better than the most expensive anti-aging cream that you can buy, right? It's just incredible for your body. But in order to get that quality sleep, you have to protect, especially those evening hours where your body is transitioning, your

cortisol is lowering, and you're getting ready to sleep. And what happens if you don't is what a lot of us experience where maybe you'll fall asleep, but then 90 minutes later, you're awake or you're awake at 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. and you're having disrupted sleep and your mind is racing. I see that a lot. And what really helps, like you said, is not just having that morning routine, but having an evening routine. One of the most important things I think we, many of us are lacking is some form of release at the end of the day. Release can be physical. It might be, you know, a physical release might be stretching. It might be taking a hot bath so you sweat a little bit. Release can also be emotional. Maybe that means journaling whatever is in your head. Maybe it means calling a friend and, you know, hashing out some of the things that

are on your mind from the day. Release can be mental, can be writing down tomorrow's to-do list. So you can kind of put away those thoughts so you can sleep. And release can also be spiritual. It might be, it might be an artistic practice. It could be a prayer that you want to have in the evening. You know, it could be kind of cleansing and smudging your space and changing the energy in your space. There's lots of ways to release, but we pick up so much energy over the course of the day. And we're so busy moment to moment that we don't always have the opportunity to process it and to let that go during the course of the day. So doing that before you sleep, I think is just incredible for supporting a more healthy sleep practice. I also love the idea of just setting your alarm about 30 minutes before you want to be in bed

and having that be your signal to lower your lights a little bit, turn off screens, start your kind of winding down routine. Maybe you have a cup of tea that you love or a candle that relaxes you, or you want to do your skincare routine, whatever it is, give yourself that little, you know, backup signal that yes, if I'm going to support my sleep tonight, which I know is so valuable to me, I want to start now so that 30 minutes or 60 minutes from now, my body and my brain are ready to rest. So you are speaking directly to my intuition right now. My inner knowing is all tingly. This idea of it being about release.

I've never heard that before. And that like hit me at the core level. It's not the routine for the sake of the routine. It's not just doing stuff. And I get that maybe doing some of these things would be better than not doing them, but understanding the why behind it. And that makes so much sense because I, you know, my brain, when I lay down, if I haven't had any sort of release can go for hours and I will churn through one conversation or one perceived slight or something like that. How many emails have you written

laying in bed in your head? I do the same, same thing. And I think so many of us do, especially because we're going at that pace all day long. So where is the signal to our body to stop that and switch into a different mode? You have to create that signal. Julian, you mentioned good sleep. This might be highly basic, but what is good sleep? And if you're a mother to a newborn or parents to a newborn right now, let's set that aside. You might not be getting good sleep. But for those of us out of that stage or not in that, what should we be aspiring to? What does good sleep look and feel like? Obviously you want to aim for uninterrupted sleep and they're always going to be things

that may disrupt you. Um, maybe you have to get up and go to the bathroom. Maybe you have a pet or a small child, but you don't want it to be things that you can prevent like your circular thoughts or like, um, light outside your bedroom window. That's, you know, that's disrupting. You want to get rid of all of those disruptions that you can control for because that uninterrupted sleep is really where your body gets into patterns of repairing and, um, and, and healing that you can't do during the day. Okay. So uninterrupted. And I know because we're all wired differently, there may be a different timeframe, but is there a general rule of thumb, like, you know, somewhere between six to 10 hours or I don't know. Yeah. I mean, that's a wide range and I really do think it is very individual. So

you can judge by, you know, how long do you sleep on the weekend or on vacation when you have no hard stop or when you have no alarm waking you, what feels good to you? How do you wake naturally? And you can use that as a judge. Okay. So obviously sleep is a top priority for being and feeling well-rested. You've mentioned some other things along the way, but I'd love to throw out some other ideas, tips, tricks, things that we can be doing during our days that might help decrease stress, increase energy. Yes. Right. They go hand in hand. If you want to feel more well-rested, it is a matter of getting better sleep at night and finding places or opportunities to quiet your nervous system during the day. But it is also, as you said, it's also supporting steady

energy. And as a health coach, nutrition always factors into, you know, what I'm thinking about, you know, for your, your body as a whole. And when it comes to feeling well-rested, I think for a lot of us, that's number one, balancing your blood sugar so that you don't have the highs and the lows, the spikes and the crashes throughout the day. And what that does, so your physical body and your mind kind of take cues from one another. So imagine your body, even if you don't feel stressed during the day, your body is having these highs and lows of energy and blood glucose. Think how your mind will react to that. You're so much more prone to jump to a quick stress reaction or, you know, jump into a place where your body takes on

physical tension, even if your mind is not feeling stressed because of that place where your blood sugar is not steady. So what that looks like to prevent that is when you do have a meal, which many, you know, women should try to eat within 90 minutes of waking up in the morning, especially if they tend to get low blood sugar lows, it's having a meal that has a good source of protein, a source of healthy fats, and a source of plant fiber. So your fruits and vegetables, your colorful produce, all of that is going to be the fiber that your body digests more slowly that makes you feel full, and that will burn steadily for energy over the course of several hours. So this seems like maybe something that's not connected to rest, but just having this kind of steady energy source throughout the day takes away that, you know,

that physical push to feel a stress response. The same thing with hydration. And we're all, I think we're all very good about our hydration these days. A lot of us have, you know, hydration goals each day, but if your body is in a place of dehydration or lack of liquids, that also is going to send stress signals going off in your body that can then push you into a more stressful mental state. So just knowing that your physical body and your mind are taking cues from one another and they're very connected, I think is important. I also help my clients to eat to replenish stress depleted nutrients. So your vitamin C that you burn through very quickly, your B vitamins, which are very key for a calm stress response, magnesium, which is that mineral

that relaxes your muscles, that gives you the steady heart rate, and one that is incredibly depleted when you're under stress. And also your iron and your zinc, which when you become stressed, sometimes you aren't absorbing some of those key nutrients as well. And iron and zinc are two that tend to be depleted when you've gone through a period of stress. So just knowing these kind of like key five stress depleted nutrients and what foods can replenish them. So a lot of it is going to be, you know, foods that you know are healthy anyway, the wild salmon, the raw nuts and seeds, the greens, the beans and legumes, those are all good sources of this kind of spectrum of nutrients, but making sure that you're replenishing

those and knowing the value of what that's going to nutrients, but making sure that you're replenishing those and knowing the value of what that's going to do for your energy and for you feeling more rested when you've been replenishing those key nutrients. Okay. So all excellent tips, a lot in the, what we put in our body, obviously is going to impact our energy and stress and that well-rested feeling. I am curious, are there any others that might be meditation that keeps popping into my head? Yeah. So we can go from the nutrition suggestions over to more mind body. So yeah, one thing, I mean, meditation is hard to maybe fit in during the day in a workday, but you can do what I call or what other people call micro breaks. And any time that you can take that little break, maybe to check in with your body, to do some breaths deep from your abdomen, to a five minute little thing, not a long meditation session.

Maybe you check in with a friend or a coworker who you enjoy socializing with. Those micro breaks, every time you do that, it's going to lower your cortisol level, your cumulative cortisol for the day. So you're kind of resetting your stress response. I also love taking just a transitional pause between activities. And I think, you know, anxiety can otherwise build when you're multitasking and taking that kind of transitional pause before you start something new can help you yourself to stay more present, can help you recover from stress, even improve your creativity and your performance.

So knowing that, yes, a break is not only something that's maybe feels luxurious, it's something that's going to be helpful for you in terms of your performance and your creativity and your focus when you move on to something afterward. I also love if you can get any time in nature during the day, nature, it really resets your stress response. It activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is that rest and digest state where pretty much everything thrives in your body. When you have your parasympathetic nervous system switched on, you digest better. Your hormones are balanced.

Your immune system is more active. Your neurotransmitters allow your brain to be more focused. So everything is kind of thriving and happening in a good place when you're in your parasympathetic mode. But we spend a lot of the day in sympathetic dominance or that fight or flight. And this is basically when you're in sympathetic mode, anything that's not essential for your immediate survival, including your digestion, your detox, your healing, your immune defenses become low priorities for your body. So your body is in survival mode, not in thriving mode. So connecting to nature, that's a great way to activate your parasympathetic nervous system.

Okay. I'm going to ask one question that people are going to hate me for asking, but it needs to be asked because it's our go-to whenever we're feeling low on energy or not well-rested coffee. And I know because somebody has said, you know, caffeine is bad. And I felt personally attacked. I used to drink multiple cups of coffee a day to keep that energy up. Now I'm one cup of half calf organic first thing in the morning. And I do it maybe more for the experience of the warm mug and that's to start my day, but that was a really hard one. It is. And that's a, you know, that's the question that I ask my clients that I work with one-on-one, you know, what is it about coffee? That's making

you feel good. Do you, are you loving that energy boost or are youon-one, you know, what is it about coffee that's making you feel good? Do you, are you loving that energy boost or are you loving the moment that you have preparing that drink for yourself or smelling it and savoring the roasty aroma? And quite often it's really the latter. It's that little self-care moment that they're getting through their cup of coffee. But regardless of which one you would choose and you'd say you identify with, again, coffee is going to be an intuitive choice. It doesn't work for everyone. It's not one size fits all. And for many of the women that I work with, especially those who are finding themselves feeling more burnt out, feeling like they have weight that is stuck, feeling like they are, they never feel fully rested. They are, what they're doing

when they're having coffee is they're boosting their cortisol, their stress hormone. Another, just one more increment higher, which can lead to feeling jittery, overstimulated. It can lead to, you know, hormone imbalance when you have that cortisol boost every single day. So instead of relying on that for your caffeine, I always say, you know, use it as a treat that you have at brunch on the weekends or that you have every now and then when you really need the pick me up, but don't have it be something that your body relies on. I think that coffee also enables us to push through our body signals that might otherwise be telling us that we've had enough, like that you need to rest. You know, coffee is what allows you to ignore that signal and just keep on like barreling

through that sign. Right. So in that place, it's not serving us well. And when we use it in that way, it's kind of disconnecting us from our needs. Yes. And it's glorious sometimes. Yes, exactly. But, but having it be a, sometimes a treat, a thing that you have in case you really need that

pick me up rather than the every day in order to function, I think is the difference, the key difference. Well said. Okay. My last question is going to sound like a question you've already answered, but let me sort of dig deeper into it. So why is rest such a powerful tool for women's health? And what I want to double down is on the women's part. Is there any gender distinction here?

Is rest, I mean, I know rest is going to be important for all humans, but is there anything that you're seeing in working with so many women that makes this either different or nuanced for women? I absolutely think so. And I think especially for women, you know, we haven't always had role models for rest in the other women in our lives. I think for so many of us, rest is also a privilege that we haven't been able to access. So those are two kind of core issues. But I also think denying ourselves rest is a reflection of a subconscious belief that we aren't enough, that we don't deserve it in some way, that we haven't earned it, that we have more to prove. And so rest is prioritizing yourself and putting back into yourself and just saying, yeah, like I am enough exactly as I am. And I can choose to rest and I can choose to work and I can choose to go as hard as for me, that would help me to slow the wear and tear on my body, to age more easily. And I think as women, we can really help

each other as a collective, as a community, by being role models for rest, by showing that it's okay to do this and that it's something that we absolutely deserve and that can help us to thrive and be our best selves. I think I said my last question was my last question, but I lied. I know sometimes this can feel very overwhelming or very big. If somebody is listening and they want to begin to prioritize rest, or they want to do just one thing that would start the journey, what advice would you have there? Like, you know, I know it's sort of a one foot in front of the other type thing. What, what would be the first best step you'd recommend? Besides just checking in with yourself and asking yourself, Hey, what is it that I really could use today? I think as women, we do especially

well when we have support from friends. So, you know, research shows sharing your goals with a friend, sending weekly progress reports, boosts your likelihood of success by a third. So maybe there's a friend that can hold you accountable in your intention to kind of show up to life well rested this year, or better yet, maybe there's a friend that you can bring along on this journey and kind of create new habits together. One of the wonderful abilities of our body and our brain is that we can, we can reform our thought patterns, we can kind of reprogram our, our thought patterns. So you can anytime that you have a, a thought or an idea that's sort of

blocking your ability to rest, know that you can call it out like, hey, I see you there. I've had you before. You're not serving me anymore. And you can kind of push it away and replace it with what is serving you and what you believe now. So continually do that, continually reprogram those pathways, strengthen those pathways, and yeah, bring a friend along with you, maybe a family member or someone who will support you in this and do it together. I am going to take that advice. And I'm actually, for whatever reason, thinking of my daughter, she's nine years old and you said that we don't have very good role models. And I think that that's true. And I can't think of anybody I would have greater accountability to than her, right? Like there's just these moments

where my brain says do something different, but if I've committed to her and I know I'm role modeling to her, I think that will certainly help. So great advice. Thank you, Jolene. It's so true. And who better to remind you to slow down for those moments than your child who my son is nine too. And like, they're just growing so quickly. They're growing before your eyes. So who better to say like, Hey, just slow down for a minute today with me and we'll do it again tomorrow. I love it. All right. If you are listening and you want to find and follow Jolene, you can find her on Instagram at Jolene Hart. Her website is JoleneHart.com and definitely

get your hands on Well-Rested Every Day, her new book, as well as all of her others, which you can find anywhere you buy books. Local bookstores are preferred in my opinion, but you know, do what you got to do to get your hands on it. I was lucky enough to get an advanced copy and I've been going through it day by day. And I want to close us out by sharing. Well, first, Jolene, thank you. I appreciate your time. Thank you so much. Beautiful conversation. So many good questions. Love that. Thank you. Okay. I am going to close this out by sharing day 73 in Jolene's book, Well-Rested Every Day. And of course the universe is in perfect order because this is what I read this morning as I was starting out my day and couldn't be any more perfect for our conversation

on this podcast. And it goes like this. Tale as old as time, a woman continually pushes herself, ignores the signs from her body and mind, and then gets run down, burnt out, or sick. Where did this pattern originate and how can we break it? Quite simply, the pattern breaker is rest. Rest and inner listening. Rest is a radical choice that writes a new story for us all. Reflect on the ways that you can make the radical choice of rest to break the pattern you may have already set in your life. It's time to get some rest, my friends. This is Woman's Work.