This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 154 / Affirmation Roulette with Peloton’s Kirsten Ferguson

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

We’re going to do something a little different on this episode, and play affirmation roulette with none other than Kirsten Ferguson.  Because, let's be real. What we say to ourselves, about ourselves MATTERS. We all spend the bulk of our time, the majority of our LIVES, inside our own mind… we really ought to make it a nice place to be. After seven years of working with the NFL, Kirsten made the decision to shift her focus to family. Her journey to motherhood was not easy, and fitness helped Kirsten strengthen her body and soul during difficult times. She is now the proud mother of two beautiful daughters and uses her life experiences to fuel her deeply inspiring workouts. She shares affirmations while you move… ones that speak directly to your soul and feel like they were meant just for you, and come at exactly the right time. You can find her on the Peloton Tread and you can count on epic hip hop and R&B playlists, a truly great workout, AND affirmations that remind you who you are and what actually matters. It’s time you affirm yourself! Because if you don’t affirm YOU and your choices, who will? Connect with Kirsten and resources: IG: @iamkirstenferguson  Peloton Website: https://www.onepeloton.com/instructors/peloton_kf Join the Ratchet Mom Club: #ratchetmomclub  To join Nicole’s pod (to get all the inside scoops, free stuff, and the occasional rant), click here

This is a public service announcement asking you to buckle up if you're in your car, clip in if you're on your bike, grab onto the heaviest piece of furniture if you're getting things done around the house, whatever you need to do, because you are about to be blown away. Hi friends, Nicole Kalil here, and on today's episode of This Is Woman's Work, we're going to do something a little different. We're going to play some affirmation roulette, because let's be real, what we say to ourselves about ourselves matters. We all spend the bulk of our time, the majority of our lives inside our own mind, we really ought to make it a nice place to be. And yet for many of us, our minds are mostly filled with what I call

head trash, which are negative thoughts, but I wanted to make sure it sounded as disgusting and nasty as it actually is. So I call it head trash. There's also overthinking, worrying about things that never actually happen, a never-ending to-do list, replaying conversations, real or imagined. All of those things are going on in our own minds. What we've unconsciously created over time is an internal narrative that doesn't serve us, doesn't support us. It isn't productive or empowering.

And friends, it's time to change the narrative. There are several ways you can do this, but one that tops the list is affirmations. An affirmation is anything you say that provides emotional support and encouragement. It affirms something. And if you're going to affirm anything, it might as well be you. And because practice makes progress and is really the only way to get good at anything, we're going to practice our affirmations with none other than Kirsten Ferguson by playing some affirmation roulette. I'm going to throw out an affirmation I love and heard from her, and I'm going to ask Kirsten to share what it means and how she uses it in her life, just like she does in her classes.

Okay, so let me introduce our special guest. After seven years of working with the NFL, Kirsten made the decision to shift her focus to family. Her journey to motherhood was not easy, and fitness helped Kirsten strengthen her body and soul during difficult times. She is now the proud mother of two beautiful daughters and uses her life experiences to fuel her deeply inspiring workouts. Seriously, friends, I've cried while running several times. She shares affirmations while you move and not just the obvious or kind of cheesy ones, but the ones that speak directly to your soul and feel like they were meant just for you and come at exactly the right time.

I don't know how she does it, but at the end of class, you not only get a really good physical workout, but you feel mentally and emotionally strong too. You can find her on the Peloton Tread and you can count on epic hip hop and R&B playlists, a truly great workout, and affirmations that remind you who you are and

what actually matters. It's basically the workout equivalent of going to church. She welcomes runners of all levels, which I know to be true because prior to finding her, I only ran if something was chasing me. And now I'm walking, running, and hiking with her three to four days a week. Kirsten, thank you for being here. I'm going to try not to embarrass myself by fangirling all over you. So I'm just going to dive right into our first affirmation and ask you to

share a little bit about what it means to you. The grass is greener where I am. I'm not worried about your yard because I'm focused on watering my own. Take it away. I love that affirmation. And why it speaks so much to me is I find that no matter where I am, whether it is being a mom or working at Peloton or even at my time in corporate America, you can always get caught in comparison. You're always looking at somebody that is in your mind doing it better or somebody that has it all figured out. Side note, they don't have it figured out. We're all just trying to figure it out ourselves. But I always say in class, a comparison is the thief of joy. And there's a reason why you are doing what you're doing. They were called to do that.

Clap for them. That's amazing. But you were called to do where you are, where your feet are. And really focusing on that. It's not easy. It is really challenging to put the blinders on. And it's also, I find, challenging to know the difference between comparison and motivation. It's a really thin line because you can watch somebody doing something and that could really inspire you to want to do more and be more.

But then you can also get caught in comparison where you're like, wow, look at that person and then see lack in yourself. And so I say the grass is greener right where your water is because what are you doing to empower yourself where you're at and focusing more on that and worrying less about what anybody or anybody, anything is doing. I think that is so crucial and important to anybody's growth. And so that is why, you know, that one really speaks to me and still speaks to me to this day. Like, even when you're saying these affirmations out loud, it speaks to me today, right where I'm at, like as a reminder, you know, that's what I love about affirmations too. It's not just for that one moment. It's going back to them again and then being like, oh, wow. Yes. Reminder. Thank you. Water where I'm at. Focus less on that person.

So often I'll hear something and think, oh yes, I get to learn this lesson again. Still, right? It's not one and done. Yeah. It's not one and done. And like I said, it'll hit you in different moments. You know, I, as, as a mom to two young girls and I see moms crushing it at school and volunteering and all the things, and I'm just like, man, I really failing at this thing. Or, you know, you just start to negative talk. Like you spoke about what a head trash, I think is what you called it. I call mine the gremlin. But you start to get in that comparison mode and that's not going to serve you or the people

that you're working with, you know? So focusing on where you're at and what you can do in this moment, I think is so crucial. Agreed. And I'm so grateful you said that nobody has it figured out. I say that all the time, but when somebody like you says it, I think it holds a little extra weight. So thank you for reinforcing. And I love the distinction versus having somebody inspire us versus the comparison competitiveness

that can come up. Okay. Next affirmation. I am growing through what I am going through. Yes. Again, another example of an affirmation that I, I think I spoke about that one almost a year ago where I was going through a lot of changes in my life. You know, I've been open and honest. I was going through a divorce and figuring out single motherhood and figuring out my new job.

And, you know, that can really put you in a place where it can keep you down. And I had to have a realization with myself, like all of this is happening for a reason and a purpose. And I'm to have a realization with myself, like, all of this is happening for a reason and a purpose. And I'm now given this platform that I'm just going to grow from. And realizing where you've also come from, and then you know, like, oh, wait, this is all serving me for a purpose.

But I'll also say this, that affirmation is on a post-it note in my bathroom because I, my world was rocked four months ago when I had to have hip surgery and taking away something that I love so much, which is movement and my job. And, you know, my job is, is my outlet is my happy space. And for that to be taken away, you know, you can really look at it and be like, man, this is, this is, this is hard. This is rock bottom for me, you know, but instead I opened my eyes to what is it that I need to grow through in this moment? What is it that maybe I've had blinders to, or what is it that I need to grow through in this moment? What is it that maybe I've had blinders to? Or what is it that I need to be learning in this moment? And what I realized was I had

so much healing to do on myself that I would not have had the time to do if I was constantly in that go, go, go motion. And so I had to heal physically, but I also had to heal other parts of my life. I had to heal my heart. I had to heal relationships. I had the opportunity to spend so much time with my kids that I haven't had in a long time. And so when I look at it,

when you're really going through something challenging, instead of saying like, what was me look at it as how can I grow through this eyes wide open? What is there that's going to change my life for the better right now? It's challenging. It's not easy. I definitely had my days for sure but you know as I look back on those months there's so many beautiful things that have come out of it and people see me now and they're like here's you look so happy and I'm like because I am like this was devastating but so many beautiful things have come from it and I'm so excited to get back to what I love to do as well. You know, sometimes when things get taken away, you start to realize

and appreciate how much they meant to you. There's an element when you said it the first time I heard it. And when you were talking to today, there's an element of faith or trust behind that affirmation for me. I often say to myself, there's an element of faith or trust behind that affirmation for me. I often say to myself, the only thing that's missing is the benefit of hindsight. And that's just like, I don't yet know how this is going to work. And I'm so glad that you said that it often sucks when you're in it, right? Oh, for sure.

Yeah. Knowing that you're growing or that something good is coming doesn't change the experience when you're in it, but this I'm growing through what I'm going through is like this faith element, trust element of the service of purpose. It's not an accident and it's not just a bad thing. Like the allowing of it to be bigger than just the crappy thing that it is. Yeah. And opening your heart to that. You know, I think when you really shut off and just sit in what is happening to you, you're closing yourself up to what could actually be for you. And so opening yourself to I'm growing through what I'm going through is like, okay, what is it? And I also know that I've been through a lot of things in my life and beautiful things

have come of it. So again, it's that faith component of it happened already. And I don't know yet what it's going to be, but I know, and I have examples of what happened before. So why not have faith in that? It's going to happen again. Yeah, I love that. Okay, next affirmation.

I zig and I zag and that is okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I zig and I zag and that is okay. I think sometimes we put this pressure on ourselves that life needs to be linear. And the moment you make a decision, that is the decision that you need to stick with forever. And it couldn't be more false. I think things in life happen, you make a decision, and then you can get into that decision

and ask yourself the question, I've gotten to this point in my life where I have honest conversations with myself, is this serving Kirsten? ask yourself the question, I've gotten to this point in my life where I have honest conversations with myself, is this serving Kirsten? And if the answer is no, then it's no, and I'm going to zag and pivot. I think life is built of pivots. Life does not look linear. Life looks like a roller coaster ride at times. And so being able to have the ability to pivot in certain moments, no matter what anyone else has to think. I think a lot of times we make decisions in life and say yes to things because we're worried about what others are going to say.

At my beautiful age of 39, I just turned 39 last week, I don't care anymore. If it's not serving me and my family, then it's a no. And I'm going to pivot and think that is something that I had to learn throughout my life, but I realized that it is okay. And I don't have to justify that decision to anyone. result in the, how I thought it was supposed to look in the straight line mentality that I was missing it all. And somewhere deep down, I knew it, but when I heard you say it, I was like, you know, that, that moment. So. And that still speaks true to me today. Um, even with my running journey, you know, I set out to run a half marathon. I said, this is what I'm going to do, which is huge for me, because as you know, I was not always a runner. I hated running. I, so when Peloton asked me to be a tread coach, I was like, wow, this is going to be interesting. But I set out a big, scary, uncomfortable goal.

You know what? I'm going to run a half marathon. And so I started training and I was committed. I was all in, but then all of a sudden my body started feeling like, I don't know, but I have this goal. I'm going to run this half marathon. And it came right to, it was probably like two weeks before the marathon and half marathon. And my hip was like, no girl, it's not happening. And I remember being devastated that I had to pull out of the race. And my sister, Jess Sims, and I were on the phone and I'm crying because I'm just so disappointed, but she's like, Kirsten, you could still run that race. There's just a pivot that has to happen. You need to take care of your body. You need to listen to your body, but that doesn't mean that the end goal can't

happen. There's a reason why you have to take this pivot. And then eventually I had to have surgery and now I'm coming back, but I am in such a stronger place. I know my body so much better now. I know how to train properly for this now. And I'm so much more at peace with it all. And so it had to zig, it had to zag, but it worked in my favor and it always does. It always does. And so just being okay with the pivots in life, because they're going to happen. And that sort of perfectly leads to the next affirmation, which is I'm disappointed, but I'm still blessed. That one, that, that one hits hard.

That one hits hard. And that is an affirmation that I think can speak to anyone at any point in their life. Because it is that realization that I spoke it out loud or, you know, I had this dream for my life and it doesn't seem like it's happening right now, but that does not take anything away from the things that you have been blessed with or are blessed with. And it, it shows up so much in my life, especially as a mom, especially after all the things that I've been through in my life, I have to sit and look around. And even though this one thing doesn't happen for me career wise, or I get told no, or all these things, it's okay, because look at what has happened for me, look at where I'm at today. And so it's that reminder of, yes, you may be disappointed in this moment, but you are so

incredibly blessed that you have these opportunities. You woke up today. You have a roof over your head. You have your kids. It's going back to just the things that I think we take for granted. Even as a mom, you know, I've had to take myself back to the moment when I wanted children so bad. I wanted them so bad. And I was having miscarriages and I didn't know why. And then fast forward to now, or I have my kids and they're, it could be a tough day. We'll just call

it a tough day. Being a mom could be a tough working. It could just be a tough day. And you just sometimes have to take yourself back to like, girl, look at, remember the things that you've been best with. And yes, it may be hard. It may be really challenging right now, but these things that, that are stressing you right now are things that you prayed for in your past. And so don't lose sight of that. I love this one because often I find in life two seemingly opposite things can both be true. And there's power in acknowledging the truth in both.

And I used to think being grateful meant anytime I was disappointed or upset, like that I wasn't being grateful. And often then all the guilt and the shame, it's like this isn't working. And so this affirmation of allowing space for both, I am disappointed and I'm blessed. There's so much power in that for me. Absolutely. And I think there's power in justifying and being okay with how you feel. You know, you should not feel wrong for how you feel. You can feel disappointed. You can feel upset and you can absolutely be in those feelings and realize that you are incredibly blessed right where you're at and knowing that is okay too. It reminds me of a quote that goes something like, it's okay to have your feelings, but your feelings shouldn't have you. And so isn't that a good, yeah, it's the acknowledgement

and acceptance of how you feel is totally fine. And you still have choice in the matter, which I love. Okay. Next one. I will release feeling envious of others and be open to the abundance that's coming my way. I love that. And I think that goes back to our conversation on comparison, releasing how you may see other things happening for other people around you and really being open to what is for you. I think it is a daily struggle, if I'm honest. I work with superheroes, literal superheroes, and I see them changing the world every single day. And it's very easy to kind of look at them and then be like, man, I'm not really doing anything right now. Like, what am I doing? You know, and you can really get caught in that. That's a real emotion and feeling, but I've had to remind myself that that is their story. And it's incredible and open my eyes,

heart, mind up to what is for me and knowing that it's going to come, how it's going to come, what it's going to look like. I don't know, but having that open heart and being truly happy for everyone else is so powerful. And I find that God, the universe, whatever you believe allows your story to happen and come into your lap. And it's going to be bigger than what you could have ever imagined. And I believe that wholeheartedly. And I've seen it happen often. But it is a real emotion of looking at others and you can't help but fall into comparison or look at yourself as you're lacking something, but that's their story. It's not your story. And knowing that and reminding

that you're there for a reason and to keep walking in that, keep working in that, keep digging in that. And eventually things are going to open up for you that you wouldn't have even imagined for yourself. I'm glad you used that example because it must be a challenge to be surrounded by, I mean, my goodness, that all of you are incredible in your own right. And I don't want to imagine it's an environment that comparison could be an easy thing to fall into.

And what I find is when I'm so focused on what other people have, I'm focused on the wrong thing and the wrong people. And I miss what's actually going on either with me or for me. And I use, use an example, like my Peloton tread doesn't know there are any other Peloton instructors. You're the only person I take classes with on my tread. And the impact that you've had on me personally, and I know so many other people, if the comparison thing is happening, you might miss the impact that you are making, or I don't know if that resonates at all. Absolutely. It totally resonates with me. And you have, I've had to remind myself that too, you know, when you are in a group of,

and I think a lot of people can resonate with this. If you're in a group of 54 amazing big personalities and you are trying to figure out where it is that you fit, like, who am I in this piece? How can I make impact in this piece? And you see others making world earthquake shattering things happening. And you're like, what am I going to, you know, and it comes with time. It comes with patience. It comes with growth and things happening and doors opening and all of these things start to come in alignment, but it does take stepping back and saying, I can clap for them and be open to what is going to come for me. And that is not an easy thing. Keep it real with you. It's not, but it is possible. And, you know, I've been here now two years and I'm definitely seeing it.

And I see it, I was recently in Atlanta and I'm loving being able to go and be around members so much now. And hearing the stories and hearing the impact, it's like, sometimes you could be so focused on what you wanna make that earthquake shattering thing, but you could really be making just as big of an impact on a different level scale. It could look completely different. And that's amazing too. And so just being open to all of that is beautiful, I think.

Agreed. I think the next affirmation might be similar to what we've talked about, but I'm curious your thoughts. I don't need your approval. I have my own. I feel that one, like in my gut, you know, I really do. And, and this is why I find that I have been a people pleaser for a large portion of my life. And it wasn't until I really became a mom and trying to figure out who I am and really stepping into my purpose and all of these things. And I've done the work on myself so much. It's the point where I had to stop the people pleasing because when I asked myself the question, is this serving Kirsten? And the answer is no. Why am I burdening myself with saying yes to things that don't fuel me or soften my heart. Why am I doing that? And so now I say that, like, I don't need your approval. I have my own because I now stepping into that place of power. And once you do that,

there's really no going back because you know what that feels like. And you know what, because you've had to say no to something, now you can say yes to something that actually fuels you and brings you joy and brings you happiness. You have space for that. If you're saying yes to all of these things, because you're worried about what they're going to say if you say no, or worried about, you know, well, I really should be doing this because this will elevate me. But if it's not really something I want to do, are you going to really give that your whole heart? No.

So now if it's a no, it's a yes to something beautiful. And I love that for me. And I hope that for you too, because there is something so powerful in it. You could say yes to all of these things. And if it's causing you burden, like feeling like a weight on your shoulder, why? It's a no. And I think all humans have fallen into the trap of looking for external validation. I think maybe women more so than our male counterparts fall into that people pleasing tendencies. And it's the shift of looking for the approval and the validation, the affirmation from something out there to starting with it in here. Yeah. It still feels good when somebody enjoys your work or gives you a compliment or whatever, but when you said it perfectly, once you've found that feeling, there's no going back because doing it the other way is so painful.

So painful and stressful. And then you feel depleted. And something I always say in class, validation is for parking and parking only, you know? So once you kind of let go of that and really start moving with where you feel like your heart is calling you to, that's incredible. You know? Oh, my gosh. Is that what it says? Yeah. It says the title of my book. Oh, my goodness.

I think it was cool. I love it. All the time. Yeah, it's one of my favorites. Okay. Yes. So now I feel a little validated, which is icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Okay. Um, last one. Sometimes it takes losing what I'm settling for to get what I truly deserve. Yes. Some of these are deep. Yeah. Maybe I went a little too deep on all of them, but they're so good. It's true. And, and it's so funny hearing them again. Like once I've written them, they were all reports of my journey of growth. And that one is so true. You know, I think for a long time, people pleasing mentality or just settling for things that and behaviors that were well beneath what I was truly worth.

And once you let go of that, I will no longer settle. What does that look like? What does that step actually feel like? And truly step into who you've always wanted to be. But that is not an easy process at all and looking at that and and putting in the work truly on things that have triggered you in your past to make you feel like you have to settle because you are not worthy of certain things a certain type of love or you know a lot of it stems from my, my dad, not being present in my life and attaching myself to certain relationships that didn't serve me.

But once you let that go and you start to realize your worth. Yeah. Forget about it. Powerful, powerful. Well, and again, I'm glad that you said it wasn't easy. If you think of the affirmation again, it's sometimes it takes losing what I'm settling for. And all loss I find is hard, even if it's not meant for you, even if it's not ultimately serving you, it was part of your life or you chose it at some point and that sort of loss and the transition time or the gap between that can be really uncomfortable and really icky. And yet it's so, so, so worth it. But I love this affirmation because it acknowledges the space sometimes you need to take the losing what you're settling for to get what you truly deserve. And,

and you got to create space to get what you deserve. It's not going to just fit its way in. Right now. And that's so true. You know, when you are so accustomed to settling for something and you're saying, you know what, no longer am I going to settle the process of losing that is scary because that's been your comfort zone for so long, right? Like that felt, even though it didn't feel great, it was also comfortable, but growth and comfort can't exist in the same space. And, you know, if you really want to grow out of that, you got to step out and losing things that are comfortable or scary. But once you've made that decision, there is, could be such incredible, beautiful things that grow from that. And I've experienced it personally and so many times in my life. And I say a lot of these things because I've been

through it and I really, really want others to know that they can too. That is one of the things that I so appreciate about you here and in your classes is your transparency and your vulnerability and you're letting us in and you're being real and truth telling and not making it out all sound easy and simple. And I, for one, am incredibly grateful for it. So thank you, Kirsten, for being here today and for your incredible work and the impact that you are most certainly making. Thank you so much. This was awesome. All right. If you are listening and you need to get yourself some more of Kirsten Ferguson, go to Instagram. I am Kirsten Ferguson or absolutely take her tread classes. I'm really hoping you get some bike classes in there sometime, but that's just me.

Anyway, join the Ratchet Moms Club. You'll know what that means if you take her classes. We'll put everything in show notes. But again, Kirsten, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to close this out by sharing an affirmation that has served me really well. It goes like this. I know who I am and what I'm not. And I choose to embrace all of it because

that's what confidence is. That's what it feels like to me. Confidence is firm and bold trust in self and requires us to know who we are deeply and intimately. It's not just self-awareness, it's self-appreciation. It's an actual affirmation of yourself. Because external validation and being affirmed by others sure does feel good, but it's icing on the confidence cake, not the cake itself. You want real, deep, lasting confidence? Affirm yourself. Validation? It's for parking. Confidence lies within. And what you say to yourself does matter. It's time we all start playing Affirmation Roulette because that's what it means to be doing woman's work.