This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - 7 Rules of Self-Reliance with Maha Abouelenein | 240

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

Self-reliance is about creating and seizing opportunities without waiting or needing permission from others, and is closely linked with confidence, self-worth and courage.  So how self-reliant are you? We explore self-reliance with Maha Abouelenein, a global communications strategist advising corporate giants, high-growth startups, governments, and high-net worth individuals. She is the CEO of Digital & Savvy, a strategic communication consulting firm based in the U.S. and Dubai, and sits on the Board of Directors of The Associated Press. She’s launched some of the world’s largest tech companies in the Middle East - from Google to Netflix and has built sports marketing programs and strategic partnerships for the Olympics, NASCAR, the NBA, the NFL and many more. And her book, “The 7 Rules of Self-Reliance”, just hit the shelves! Here are some key questions to consider: If you can’t rely on you, who can you rely on? And if you don’t rely on you, who else will? Build trust and respect with yourself and you’ll attract people who also trust and respect you. And you’ll gain the confidence to recognize and move past anyone who doesn’t. Connect with Maha: Website: https://www.mahaabouelenein.com/  IG: https://www.instagram.com/mahagaber  FB: https://www.facebook.com/mabouelenein  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/maha-abouelenein/   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@digitalandsavvy   Like what you heard? Please rate and review

Welcome to the This Is Woman's Work podcast. I'm Nicole Kalil, and one thing I pride myself on is my independence. This trait has been a cornerstone of my success in business and also in life. But like many of us, I've sometimes taken that strength a little too far, so far that it actually turns into a weakness. So remember the Destiny's Child song, Independent Woman? Yeah, I had it on repeat, but like them, I took it a little too far. We didn't really need Independent Woman Part 2, did we? No. And I didn't need to be walking around with my I-don't-need-anyone-I-can-handle-it-all-by-myself attitude.

Independence, like any strength, has its shadow side, a point where it stops serving us and becomes a roadblock. But today, we're going to dive into the healthy, productive side, the Part 1 of Independence, the track everyone loves. This is about making decisions and taking actions that matter to you, enjoying the freedom to stand on your own two feet, thinking for yourself and confidently chasing your dreams. We're ultimately talking about self-reliance. Now, if you heard that and quickly connected being independent or self-reliant to being alone or disconnected, then you're likely doing what I did, taking it too far to its

shadow side. Self-reliance is about creating and seizing opportunities without waiting or needing permission from others. And it's closely linked with confidence, self-worth, and courage, at least in my mind. So let's explore self-reliance with our guest, Maha Aboulane. Maha is a global communication strategist advising corporate giants, high-growth startups, governments, and high-net-worth individuals. She is the CEO of Digital & Savvy, a strategic communication consulting firm based in the US and Dubai, and sits on the

board of directors of the Associated Press. She's launched some of the world's largest tech companies in the Middle East from Google to Netflix and has built sports marketing programs and strategic partnerships for the Olympics, NASCAR, the NBA, the NFL, and many more. And her book, The Seven Rules of Self-Reliance, just hit the shelves. Maha, I'm excited for our conversation about self-reliance and need to start, as I often do, by asking you to define it. What is self-reliance and why is it so freaking important? Well, first of all, thank you for having me on the show and just loved hearing your introduction and your context, which is really, really important. Self-reliance is not about being independent and doing things on your own or not collaborating

with others. What it is, is it's a mantra or a mindset for me on how to rely on your own wisdom to be alive in your own circumstances and strategize on what's necessary for you. So it's about being resourceful. It's about having all the tools or all the cards in your hand so that you could live the life you want personally and professionally. Self-reliance is not something we're born with, but it's something we can master. And I feel like often we are, like you said, waiting for permission from others or we aren't wanting to do things because we're afraid we're going to be judged. Like, who does she think she is?

So what I want to inspire by writing this book is giving people the tools. What are the things I need to rely on myself today? Given AI, mass layoffs, changes in the marketplace, being agile and nimble and fluid is really, really important. And having the right tools will help you feel more confident and future-proof yourself. Okay. So I agree with everything you said, and I love the relying on your own wisdom. And I agree, it's not something we're born with, right? We're not self-reliant when we're born. We're very dependent on our parents and other people like to live. So how does self-reliance get built? What do we do?

What can we do to strengthen that skill? Yeah, I mean, obviously it's a lot to do with self-awareness. What are the things that I'd like to achieve? What are the things that I'm good at? What are the things that I'm not good at? And where do I need to get help from? Self-reliance is about asking for help, but knowing your own powers. A lot of people don't trust their own instincts or trust and listen to like, no one, when's the last time you sat down and wrote down all of your strengths? These are all the things that I'm really, really good at. So have the self-confidence to rely on yourself, to figure things out, to know

what your worth is, to trust yourself, to create value for others. So one example is, let's say I really want to get a promotion at work. And instead of me waiting for my boss to give me that project that's going to make me a rock star, why don't I listen and learn to what the business needs, listen and to learn to problems that they're solving problems that they're having and how you can solve them. So it's about listening. It's about being a value creator and having the tools to do it yourself, not waiting for someone to say, okay, if you do this, I'll promote you. What if I took initiative? And what if I really listened to the ways I can be indispensable for this company and then go focus on doing that? So self-reliance is about having those tools to do that. So it's about respecting yourself and

keeping promises to yourself about achieving your goals. Self-reliance is about having relentless focus. Like, okay, if I'm going to just be distracted by the world around me and other people's priorities and social media or other things that are happening, I'm really not going to get my goals done. I'm not going to achieve what's best for me. And no one's going to put you at the top of their priority list except for you. Okay. Your book is called Seven Rules of Self-Reliance.

I doubt we have time to dive deep into all seven, but could you give us an idea of some, or maybe go through the seven and hone in on a couple? I'd love to get a better understanding of what those are. I'd love to do that. So the first rule is to stay low and keep moving. So stay low does not mean be low profile. It means put your head down, put in the effort, put in the work, put in the time that you need to achieve and focus on your goals and keep moving because you will have obstacles. You will have a diversity. We all have struggles in our lives. Nobody's immune to walking through life with bubble gum and roses. we are going to face challenges. So the first rule is stay low, keep moving. And how do you do that to stay focused? Because there are a lot of distractions out there. The second rule talks about, don't be a waiter, be a creator. Instead of waiting for someone to give you those opportunities, how can I be a creator? And I give you a playbook. Here are ways you can create value for yourself. Here are ways you can create for others. And what does it mean to go from that shift of like, okay, like, am I just waiting for something to happen? Waiting for Mr.

Wright, waiting for that job opportunity, waiting for an entrepreneurial idea to land in my lap. And what do you need to do to shift from being a waiter to a creator? Another role has to do with creating value. I have built my career, 30 years in communications for the biggest companies and brands in the world, building a big, you know, operation for Weber Shanawick, a global PR firm, working for Google, Netflix, General Mills. How did I do it? I focused on how do I create value for them? How do I make myself indispensable? How do I create the right relationships or even be a long-term player, which is another rule in the book? What does that mean to be a long-term player? Does that mean giving away the house for free and hoping that someone comes back and gives me the value that I created for them back? How do you do that? Another rule in the

book, which I love, is talking about how to build your personal brand and treating your reputation like a currency. Your personal brand is another word for reputation and you should be relentlessly focused on it. You should be intentional about what people see about you, what people say about you, and you do it by proactively working to build and protect your reputation and treat it like a currency. What's its worth? What's its value? And how do you really protect it, especially in this digital age? The last thing I'll share, and there are other rules that we're not going to get into the detail with now, but thinking about being a lifelong learner. Because of all the changes that are happening in the market around us, there's so much happening. How do we learn? How do we unlearn

the things that aren't serving us anymore? What are the things or the small tips and tricks you can do to learn more? Nobody has time just sitting on their hands, right? But the good news is all the information that I love people to engage in learning is for free. Internet, books, podcasts, learning is something that's going to help you stay ahead and get ahead and actually inspire you. And it's also really, really good for your mental health. So again, phenomenal list. I want to circle back to the be a creator, you know, to not be waiting. And you gave a good list in there. But I think oftentimes one of the things I see women wait for is a feeling, the feeling of being

ready, right? Like I'm going to wait until I feel ready or I'm going to wait until all the stars align. Any advice about how to be in motion and keep moving in the face of that feeling, that desire to want to be ready? Yeah. I think there's never going to be the best time, right? The hardest thing for people to do is to start. So what are the things that you need to do to maybe just take one step at a time? Don't boil the ocean. So is it seeking advice and guidance from somebody? One of the things I practice for people instead of going from a waiter to creator is create what I call a personal board of directors. So who are two or three people in your lives that you can meet once a quarter for coffee or lunch and talk to them about some of your goals?

And so that you can go from waiting mode to creator mode and articulate some of the things that you care about achieving and then maybe giving them to give you advice, to hold you accountable, to make introductions, to kind of give you tough love if you need it. That's been an extraordinary tool that I built and I've shared with others and it really does make a difference. Okay, with the stay low and keep moving, you mentioned it's inevitable that we'll face challenges. I think sometimes we feel like

if we just become something or achieve something, then all of the challenges and all the worries and all the doubt and all of it will just go away. And that's contrary to my personal experience and everybody I've ever talked to, which is the challenges keep coming. You still have fears and doubts and you just, you know, figure out a way to move through them. So I guess my question is, does facing and moving through and overcoming challenges impact your self-reliance? Does it actually even help it? I mean, I think one of the things that I share a lot in the book is about how to turn your struggles into your strengths and how to change your setbacks, move your setbacks

to comebacks. I definitely feel challenges are the things that help give us character and help us grow. So I feel like there's so much to learn from being in them and getting through them and getting on the other side of them. And so I definitely, definitely think that's a big part of it. And I think when you get stuck in a situation, like you got to just dig into yourself to find the solutions. Like a lot of times we're like, okay, somebody needs to help me fix this. What I'm helping you in this book is to tell you, you can do it. Like you have to have the confidence to trust your own instincts, build up yourself, invest in yourself, build up your own relationships so that you don't have to rely on somebody else to activate their network to get you out of a situation. What if we do go into another pandemic? What would we do?

Have we built up enough relationships where we might be able to get through that? Have we bulletproofed ourselves to think about the future? So I feel like it's an empowering message. Somebody who read the book, an advanced copy of the book, said it just gave me so much confidence. It inspired me. Like, oh, I knew that. I could do that. And I feel like if that's the one thing I want people to take away from reading the book is that. You have the confidence to find those answers yourselves. There's some tools that I've shared and things that I've done throughout my career that have worked and they have been tested and tried. And that's what this book is about. So my fear is somebody might listen or just hear the word self-reliance and assume that means we don't ask for help or that

needing other people is a weakness or any of those types of things. How do we balance that out or navigate trusting ourselves and being confident and also leveraging people and relationships and information to make the best right decisions and moves? I mean, I think, you know, having the confidence to trust your own wisdom and like, you know, obviously stop waiting for those opportunities will come in different ways that you can help and transform your life. So some of the tools will empower you to trust to do what's best for you. And I feel like a lot of it is defining, like, what are the things that I care about? What are the things that made me feel good? What are the challenges that I faced where I probably should have done it differently?

So there's a lot of reflection exercises in the book that help you work through that. But I think the most powerful asset on the planet is you. And I feel like a lot of people are looking outward when I really want them to look inward. And I feel like a lot of people are looking outward when I really want them to look inward. And I feel like that's really going to be the mind shift that they're going to see through my own stories of resilience or grit or things that I went through. I was a caretaker. Both of my parents had disabilities. My mother had MS. My dad had ALS. And I feel like getting that perspective or thinking about how to overcome those challenges will help people learn how to rely on themselves and trust their

own judgments. I think what you just said was a good example. When I work with people and ask them to think about their unique abilities or talents or superpowers or what makes them them, I find, especially women, we struggle to come up with a good, strong list. And I wonder if part of what might be making it hard to build our self-reliance is we have a tendency to discount or dismiss our own learnings or experiences. Like we sort of forget, you mentioned, you know, the experiences with your parents or

our experiences in our upbringing or in our education or the people we know, or how do we, I don't know if there's anything we can tell ourselves, but how do we in the moment where we want to, where we need to rely on our own wisdom, how do we remind ourselves of all of the things that have made us wise, all of those experiences and learnings that we've had along the way? The things that, you know, challenge us and that we learn along the way are the things that we need to pause and reflect upon. So I think too much, too often, we're not spending time doing that. And sitting in stillness and thinking about those things will maybe probably give you some clarity. There is an opportunity for us to reflect. And also, you know, I think when we're going through challenges or going

through hard times, we get so in our heads, but we forget the opportunity when we get on the other side to really think about what did I learn? How did I grow? How can I use this for the next challenge? I think sometimes we're just so freaking grateful to be on the other side of it that we don't take that time. So I think that's good advice. Why do you believe that self-reliance is necessary specifically for entrepreneurial success? I mean, entrepreneurs are the ones that

need to rely on themselves the most. There's no one coming to save them. They don't work for a company. They have to make decisions for their teams, for their employees, for their contractors, for their partners. So entrepreneurs are the number one kind of subset or audience that should care about self-reliance and having the best tools that they can. So having a good network is important, not just for business development and customer relations, but you want to have a good reputation. And if you're an entrepreneur, you're going to need all of those levers to be working in your favor, to make recommendations for you for that word of mouth. So understanding how to treat your reputation like a currency and build your personal brand. People follow people. They don't follow companies.

So the founder stories are fascinating. It helps you retain talent. It helps you hire talent. So I think for entrepreneurs, the message for me is clear because they have no one to save them. They are the ones, the buck stops with them. because they have no one to save them. They are the ones like the buck stops with them. And so they need to have these tools. And these are tools that are going to be really important. Communications and storytelling is never going to go out of style. Understanding what your narrative is and how to articulate it in connecting with audiences is key. Understanding how to create opportunities, not be a waiter for your business or for your team is going to be key. Understanding how to be a long-term player. What does it

actually mean to be a long-term player? It means people over profits. Don't burn your people to the ground. Think about how you can create a great environment for your people and your leaders. Calculate your risks, understanding what you can and can't do, where your barriers are. So for entrepreneurs, understanding the long-term the mindset and mentality is going to be key. So I think for entrepreneurs, the decision-making that they have to go through on a daily basis means they have to learn how to trust their confidence, trust their gut, trust the insights, trust their teams, trust their ability to get out of a situation or to build and create a bigger one. It's essential. Yeah. Everything you said speaks

to my experience. And then I had me wondering for the people listening in who are not entrepreneurs or maybe don't even want to be, where does self-reliance play a part in being an employee or a team member? I think self-reliance is probably important across the board, right? It's critical. If you are an employee and you want to get promoted, you have to know how to be a creator. You have to know how to create value for your organization. You have to know what are the things that can make you indispensable to that company. You have to be good at communicating and articulating who you are and how you want to show up at your company. If you read this book and you work at a company, you're going to want to know what are the steps that I need to do to be a long-term player. So I'm not like looking for short transactions or

instant gratification or feedback from my boss. I got to be thinking about the long-term needs of the organization and where do I fit in the picture. And last but not least, if you work in a company, you got to stay low and keep moving. You got to put your head down. You got to put in the effort. You got to put in the work and you have to keep going. Because if you are constantly doing work to say, look at me, I did cool things, but you're not actually contributing on the long term, you're not going to be a valuable member of that company. And companies care about people who have that conscious ability to deliver beyond skills. They want collaborative team members. They want people who have good values that are bringing positive energy to the culture of the organization. So definitely, if you're an employee, this book is for you because it helps teach you the skills you need to become indispensable for

your employer and to create value for yourself by creating value for them. Similarly, you talked about building your personal brand. And I'm just assuming that that is true, whether you're an entrepreneur or an employee or anything else. We all have a personal brand, no matter what it is we do for our work, right? And you talked about reputation and how important it is. And then there's also the part of being self-reliant, right? Like, so when I think of being self-reliant, there is maybe a potential measure of, I don't care so much what other people think, but then reputation is so important. And then there's the, we can't control what other people think of us. We can only control how we present ourselves and who we are and what we put out in the world. So any tips

for navigating that, for being really purposeful and mindful about our reputation while also not letting it own us, right? Like not getting trapped in caring too much about what everybody else thinks. So Nicole, I feel like when I talk about a personal brand, I want to be very clear with everyone listening. It's not about being a social media influencer. These are basic things you need to do whether you have a social media account or not, right? Your personal brand is your reputation. How do you show up in the world? How do you treat your barista? How do you network at events? How do you show up at work? So your reputation is made up, or your personal

brand is made up of three things, your skills, your experience, and your personality. What do I want people to know about my skills and my contributions? What do I want people to know about the experience that I have and bring to the world? And what do I want people to know about my personality? She's warm. She's collaborative. She's a team player. She's funny. She's emotional. She's kind. She's friendly. She's helpful. She's the bigger person. Like those are things that you need to be intentional about, right? We no longer can just walk through the world and hope that they like us. We have to be proactive in putting out what we want people to see. So if you have a social media account, and that means what you want to be doing professionally on LinkedIn, have a nice presence on LinkedIn. It doesn't mean you need to

be sharing everything and creating content, but just control what people, when they Google you or when they look you up, control what they see. And I'm talking basics. So don't be one of these people that has a picture of you drunk from some party or half of a picture with someone else in it. Clear headshot photo. Make sure that you own every social media platform with your name. So whether I'm on TikTok or not, I own my name. So like no one else can own my name. I have my name across all social media platforms. It's being smart about how you manage your digital reputation and being smart about how you manage your reputation in real life. And that's what I mean when I mean your personal brand, personal brand equals reputation. The other thing about personal

brand, it doesn't mean personal life, right? That doesn't mean you got to share your pictures from your vacations and share everything about you. You control it. And that's what I want people to do is like, oh, Ma is giving us advice. If we were just to just be a little bit intentional about when people look us up or how we show up in the world, that's good for my reputation. That's good for a potential job opportunity. That's good for potential business development. That's good for a volunteer project I want to be a part of or a board I want to be on. So it's just about being mindful that, hey, who's going to look after your reputation? You. And then that goes back to the self-reliance. We're responsible for who we are and also how we

show up in the world. And we get to be the deciders of that, which- I love that. I love that we get to be the deciders. Yeah. Guess what? You don't need to, you get to. Right. Yes. Oh my gosh. What a cool opportunity we have to decide who we're going to be and how we're going to impact and how we're going to show up. I think that that's a great responsibility, but also a great freedom that we all have. Sorry to interrupt you. We never could be direct to consumer like that before. Our job titles and our names were always kind of married to go together, right? Where like you were what you work. That's who you were. Like, what do you do? I'm an accountant.

That's your persona. But now you can be an accountant, but do yoga on the side or photography on the side or coach Little League on the side or bake cakes and have your own opportunities and passions. People no longer want to be one thing. They realize they need to fill their cups. I actually wrote an article about the importance of doing side hustles for your mental health, like helps you build a community. People want a sense of belonging.

It helps you learn something new. It helps you create new relationships. It's not about the making money of a side hustle. It's like, you know, it's hobbies. It's things that are interests that build our character building and our resume building and our network building. They're extraordinary opportunities. So go ahead and grab those opportunities to create your brand in the way you feel comfortable and authentic by talking and working in different areas, because it's just, it's good karma. I had my sister join our pickleball

league and she came yesterday for the first time and she's like, everyone was so welcoming. It felt so good. And I'm like, yeah, being part of a community is, is, is, is enjoyable and rewarding and it can be any community. And so now your personal brand should be thinking about how do you show up in the community as well. Yeah. And also one of my main reasons for playing pickleball is because it's something I can do for forever, right? And it has you meet like-minded people or really interesting people and partner up with

new people. It's, it's anyway, not a plug for pickleball. I love pickleball. Me too. My last question is if you, and I have to imagine you have a personal story or stories of people you've worked with, probably an abundant amount of stories, but could you share an example where embracing self-reliance or relying on self-reliance has helped you create something big or overcome a fear or failure?

I got a great story. So I was born and raised in Minnesota. I lived in Minneapolis. I was out of the Twin Cities my whole life. And I'm 100% Egyptian. And my parents said, after 40 years, we're going to move to Egypt. And I was 27 years old. And I was an executive at General Mills working in a fun marketing job, promotions job.

And I got to Egypt and I couldn't find a job. And it was like, you work for the Pepsis, the Coca-Colas, the Unilevers, the P&Gs, like the American companies in Egypt, or you work for a local business. And there was a local business that I had interviewed with and they had offered me a job to be the office manager. And I was kind of like mortified. I was like, I have a master's degree and I work for this big company and you're offering me to be a secretary. I felt like, oh, it was beneath me or it was a belittled job or is that women aren't secretaries? Come on, we're moving on from that. We can do other things. I just moved to Egypt, so I didn't really know anybody. My dad was like, if I were you,

I'd take this job. You put your head down, do the work and show him that you can do more. And much to my chagrin, the next day I went and took the job and sat outside the office and answered phones and filed papers and scheduled meetings and put my head down, stay low, kept moving. And after a couple of months, I'm like, okay, I'm going to rely on myself to get out of this role. I got to prove to him that I can add more value. So listened and learned for months and months and months. And then I started to add a nugget, add a nugget here, add a nugget there, try to add value, add value, add value. And I worked for that gentleman for several years and had four different business cards and relied on myself to go from the office manager to the head of communications and head of investor relations,

did the largest, worked on his team for the largest IPO in the history of Egypt, ended up helping him write tenders to win mobile licenses and did the largest acquisition in the history of Egypt. So I literally had to create the value myself. I had to rely on myself. No one was going to hand me a job. No one was going to get me out of that job, except for me. And it's a really good, inspiring story, actually, of the things that you don't know you're capable of until you've been tested or until you've been asked, or there's a wheelhouse of skills that you have that you didn't know you had because you never had to activate them. And that was just a really good story that I wanted to share about like, no matter what

opportunity you're given, if you can rely on yourself, you can create it to be what you want it to be. Yeah. And what I was thinking while you were sharing the story too, is you put yourself in the position for opportunity. You put yourself in the place for good things to happen. I think sometimes like, that's what I think of when I think of self-reliance is, I'm gonna do what I can to put myself in the position,

in the place where good things can happen. I don't know what those good things are yet, but I'm gonna be there looking for it. Thank you so much for your time and wisdom today. I need to plug the book again, Seven Rules of Self-Reliance on shelves now. Get one for you and all of your team. And you can also go to Maha's website.

It's mahaabulanein.com. We'll put it in show notes as well as all of her social media channels and all the stuff. Maha, thank you so much. The pleasure is mine. Thanks everybody. Okay, I will end our episode by asking you,

yes, you the listener, a couple questions. And I want you to think about, to truly consider your answers. And here are the questions. If you can't rely on you, who can you rely on? And if you don't rely on you, who else will? Build trust and respect with yourself. And guess what?

You'll attract people who trust and respect you too. You'll also have the confidence to recognize and move past anyone who doesn't. Of course, you'll have support, help, and connection along the way because none of us are meant to go it alone. But knowing that you can always count on yourself is the firm foundation everything that matters is built from. Self-reliance is a powerful part of your journey. It's how you stand strong, make bold choices, and live authentically. So, self-reliant women, throw your hands up at me, because this is Woman's Work.