This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - All The Ways We Get In Our Own Way with Thais Gibson | 235

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Friend, I’m going to ask you to consider how much airtime you’re giving the bad guys in your own mind – the critic, the judge, the naysayer, the doubter, the perfectionist, the impostor, worrier, cynic, and the procrastinator – all the voices in your head that don’t actually belong to you. They’re wreaking havoc on all of our lives, and I want all of us to have the tools to overcome them. So I invited Thais Gibson, counselor, best selling author of Learning Love, and co-founder of The Personal School, to join us today. She has a Ph.D., over 13 certifications in a variety of different modalities, and ran a successful private practice before building The Personal Development School, an online learning platform, to provide a more accessible, authentic way for clients to transform their lives. A leading expert in attachment theory, her cutting-edge research is extending the frontier of psychology. She’s on a mission to empower individuals to overcome their insecure attachment styles and reprogram any limiting thoughts and behaviors, creating long-lasting and enlightening changes. Think for just a minute, what would be possible for you in your life, for us as women, if we created, did the work, allowed ourselves to give more airtime to our inner knowing, our confidence, our opportunity, our gifts? What if the voices that were the loudest in your mind were the ones telling you you can, you got this, that you matter. Connect with Thais: Personal Development School Website: https://university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/ - (Use code TIWW to get your discount!) FREE Attachment Style Quiz: https://attachmenttheory.com/quiz  IG: https://www.instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ/videos  Book:  Learning Love available on Amazon Like what you heard? Please rate and review

I am Nicole Kalil, your host of the This Is Woman's Work podcast. And as your host, it's important to me that you feel welcomed, that you get fed, and that you're comfortable, but not too comfortable. And since I can't pass you a cheese plate through the podcast, the best way for me to be a great host here is to bring amazing guests with relevant topics that fuel you. And just like when you host a dinner party at your house, there are a lot of things that happen behind the scenes before anyone walks in the door. For this podcast, we sift through an abundant amount of pitches each week. We research, vet, do a little outreach of our own, gather information, and I do a lot

of prep before we turn on the mic. Why am I telling you this? Well, because I think that little bit of backstory will help explain what I'm about to say. There are a few topics that we get pitched far more than others, and while they're big, important topics that are wildly relevant, I've become annoyed by them. Not by the people pitching them, but by the topics themselves. And while my team does the final selection of topics and guests, I have some say in the matter. And much to their annoyance, I've been vetoing pretty much anything that comes across our desk on the topic of imposter syndrome,

negative self-talk, perfectionism, and burnout. Again, not because these aren't great topics. They are. And you can find incredible people who are out there talking about them, and I'm grateful that they're doing the work. The best way that I can explain my annoyance is that I'm tired of giving them airtime. You know, like when something bad happens in the world or on the news, I don't want the perpetrator to get the recognition, the fame, or the glory. I don't want to always be talking about the bad guys. And I'm using bad guys as a gender neutral term here. I know they're out there wreaking havoc on all of our lives and I want us to have the tools to overcome them, but I'm just so damn tired of having to deal with them all the time. I'm frustrated that they seem to target women at a much higher level, and I'm

angry that they're so hard to fight against. Basically, I'm over here throwing a tantrum and hoping that if I ignore all the ways that we're getting in our own way, that they will just go away. And since I actually know it doesn't work that way, and there's still a part of me with an ounce of maturity, but only an ounce, so don't get too excited. We're going to give these topics some airtime today, but rather than focus on the problem, the bad guys, the villains, I want to focus on the solutions, the antidotes, and how we can all save our damn selves from them. Thais Gibson, counselor, bestselling author of Learning Love and co-founder of the Personal Development School joins us today. She has a PhD, over 13 certifications in a variety

of different modalities and ran a successful private practice before building the Personal Development School, an online learning platform to provide a more accessible, authentic way for clients to transform their lives. A leading expert in attachment theory, her cutting edge research is extending the frontier of psychology. Through her academic training and client-based research, Thais has created renowned and inspiring courses for personal development, relationships, and basically for all areas of life that have been distilled into in-depth programs, courses, and modules. She's on a mission to empower individuals to overcome their insecure attachment styles and reprogram any limiting thoughts and behaviors, creating long-lasting and enlightening changes.

So Thais, thank you for being on the show. Even though I clearly have some issues that I need to work through when it comes to the question I'm about to ask, I feel it's important that I start by asking, what are some of these many ways that we are getting in our own way? I think one of the most not discussed that's so high impact topics is that our conscious mind and subconscious mind usually do not have the same motives. So if anybody's ever had this experience of procrastinating, they say, oh, I'm going to do this work project. I'm going to finish it. And then they find themselves distracting themselves with something else. Or if we set a goal or a New Year's resolution, I'm going to quit eating chocolate this year.

And then a few days pass and we're back to eating chocolate, or I'm going to go to the gym every day. And a few weeks pass and we're, we're back to that sort of, you know, routine that we had before all of these things, whether it's habits, we're trying to break that are bad habits, quote unquote, or that are habits that we're trying to create that we don't find ourselves following through with. The actual reason this is happening is because our conscious mind is that logical thinking, rational, analytical self. It's the one that decides we're going to create a new habit. Our subconscious mind is our habitual self. And our conscious mind not only cannot outwill or overpower our subconscious mind, but also our conscious mind is actually responsible for

roughly three to 5% of our beliefs, our thoughts, emotions, and actions. And our subconscious mind, but also our conscious mind is actually responsible for roughly three to 5% of our beliefs, our thoughts, emotions, and actions. And our subconscious is responsible for 95 to 97%. So it's not that we want to create a new habit or break a bad one and we're weak, or we're not capable, or we're not good enough. It's that oftentimes we are intending something consciously that our subconscious mind isn't in alignment with, doesn't have programming on behalf of. And that's where we'll actually feel like we're going through life, putting the gas and the brakes on at the same time because we're trying to will our way through something that our subconscious mind literally cannot be willed towards. And so that's why a lot of the work that I focus on is how do we take transformation or changes that we're trying to make in our lives and apply them to our subconscious mind? It's really like personal development for your subconscious, because as somebody who started off with a big background in hypnotherapy, it was like, hey, if we want to actually see lasting change and real transformation,

we have to be able to pattern it in at that level. So that's why we get in our own way is because whatever those goals are or those habits we're trying to break are, they're usually just not in alignment with that subconscious self. So yes, I think you just put words on the experience so many of us have is that our conscious and our unconscious are just not on the same page. We want something. We want to will our way toward it. And for whatever reason, it doesn't ever seem to work out for us. And sort of this, I think what I was trying to get at in the beginning in my intro was we sort of, and I put in air quotes, we know the things, right? Like we hear a lot about growth

mindset, about positive thinking, about confidence. I mean, we can find all the information out there to feed our logical brains, but the problem is it's only feeding our logical brains. It's not getting into the unconscious habitual side. Is that a fair statement? Exactly. Yes. So before I ask you about how we can do that, how does our unconscious and subconscious even get created in the first place? Like what goes in there? Yeah. So basically what's happening, and it's a great question, is whenever we have input that creates an emotional response, it's really like repetition and emotion that fires and wires neural pathways. And in a sense, neural pathways are sort of like muscles. When we're not using them, we're losing them.

Like if you don't work out your bicep muscle, it will atrophy over time. And the same thing happens with our subconscious mind. When we have programs, they're really just neural networks that are formed from repetition and emotion that consistently create input that now we've got this whole solidified neural network. And that's a path that our brain will go down when exposed to stimulus. And so what ends up taking place is a lot of our experiences as adults have a lot of history in our past.

And so what we'll generally see is we obtain programs in three major ways. What we see repeatedly, what was told to us or what we heard repeatedly, and then what our firsthand experiences are. So for example, maybe you grew up in a family where there was fighting all the time. You may think, oh, relationships are just about fighting and arguing, and that's what a relationship is. And we may find that as an adult, we repeat those same types of patterns because that's what was conditioned into us. Or you may have grown up in a family where you heard, we don't have enough money, we don't have enough money. And so you're hearing that. And even if you seem to always have food on the table and everything seemed okay, you may grow up and be like, I don't have enough money and have

these beliefs that are coming from the state of lack. Or if for example, somebody was bullied growing up, then that firsthand experience can cause them to go, okay, I can't really trust people. And so what ends up taking place is those three pathways will create those neural networks. And we can think of our subconscious mind as really being the lens that we see the world through. No two people see the same objective world. We're always going through subjective interpretation. And so if you imagine, for example, you take two people and let's say it's two men and let's say they come to a conference that you're hosting and let's pretend it's, you know, mostly women in the conference. And let's

say man number one is Tom and man number two is Bob. And as they're about to walk into the conference, they open the doors and both of them see, oh, there's all women here. There's no men here at all. Well, if Tom grew up and he had positive relationships with women and he got along really well with the women in his family and had a lot of female friends, he's going to open the conference door and go, oh, okay, this is great. And if Bob had a lot of troubled relationships in his history with women, he's going to open the conference door and feel uneasy. So same objective reality, different subjective interpretation or experience.

And so our subconscious mind and the programming we've acquired really colors everything in our lives. And for some people, that's something fantastic. And that works in a fantastic way for them. They've got a lot of healthy beliefs and had really secure families and a lot of encouragement and things that built them up. But that's not the vast majority of people. Most people hang on to that negative and actually negativity has a greater impact

and ability to imprint the subconscious mind. We tend to hang on to things more out of survival. If you see a bear in the forest, you don't remember the pretty flower next to it. You remember the bear's teeth, right? So we hang on to negative more, which means we tend to have more negative programming. But the great news is that we can actually find out, A, what that programming is and what's not serving us. And B, we're not born with this stuff. It gets fired and wired into us and we can leverage the same mechanics to actually recondition what's not working. Okay. So when neural networks are being created as we are an adult, is there sort of a bias to reinforcing that? So example, like two men walk into a room and one has had a not great experience with

women. Is that person likely to notice or find their way toward the one woman in the room that actually is a big jerk and is gonna treat them badly just because our brain wants to support it what it already knows? Or am I just making shit up? It's like that, like when you decide

you want a certain kind of car, you see it everywhere all of a sudden. Yep. Is this actually leading us towards more reinforcement of what we already think we know? What a great question. I love this question so much. The answer is a resounding yes. And here's why. Number one, just like you mentioned, we actually have a mechanism in our brain called the reticular activating system or RAS that really filters out information

according to what we believe. So we'll tend to pick up on cues and body language and situations from people. And our subconscious mind wants to maintain its comfort zone. So what's crazy is that we'll actually tend to invest in what's most familiar because even though our conscious mind, maybe like, for example, let's say it's a relationship, our conscious mind may say, wait, but there's all these red flags that this person has. But our subconscious mind may say, ooh, but it's familiar. And at the end of the day, subconscious is running the show

and it's gonna say it's familiar and thus safe because I've been surviving. So let me keep reinvesting back into there. So that's that first big reason why. There's actually another reason. I often give this acronym to people, BTEA. And it stands for beliefs create patterns of thought, which create patterns of emotion, which create patterns of emotion,

which create actions. And if you imagine a belief as sort of like a tree trunk, let's pretend somebody has this belief. I am not good enough. Well, let's say they're going in for a job interview. They may start thinking thoughts like I'm not prepared enough. I'm not experienced enough. I'm not feeling good about this. They're not going to think I'm a good enough interviewer because we have this belief. And just like we talked about, we're seeing our world through this lens of subjectivity. And when we're thinking and believing these things, how do we feel? We feel insecure. We feel afraid. We're not going in there confident, like the best version of ourselves on job interview day. And so those emotions are actually going to hurt our performance

and make us feel not good enough. They're also made up of neurochemical reactions, which is very interesting. It can actually have a big impact on our neurochemistry or physiology, but then neuroscience has actually proven. So we're going BTE, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, actions. Neuroscience has actually proven that every single decision we make is just based on our emotional state. And even people are like, no, I'm really logical and rational. They're just quick to rationalize or justify their emotionally based decisions through logic. And so funnily enough, even though we often think we're consciously in control of so much, we're really not. And if we're not really in control of those belief systems, we're really not all the way out here in control of the actions at the A of BTEA.

And so what's absolutely wild is if you imagine those two men and the one goes into the room who has a hard time with women, he might go in there thinking, oh, they're not going to get along with me. They're going to be critical. They're going to be harsh. And he's coming from those wounds that he has previously acquired at the subconscious level. He feels insecure. Maybe he feels defensive. And then he's going to act at the A version of BTEA. He's going to act defensive or shut down, which of course is making him less likely to have people take to him in the way that he would hope. And so a lot of these patterns very much tend to become self-fulfilling prophecies and then further reinforce those preexisting beliefs, exactly like you said.

Now, I have to ask this one last question about something that you said earlier, because I would imagine a lot of women or any woman who's a mom who's listening in is like, oh crap, how do I not do this to my child, right? Is it fair to say that 100% of humans have some negative programming and that we all get the opportunity? I just sometimes worry that there is this idea that if you are the perfect parent and you create the perfect environment and you raise your kids in the perfect way, that they're somehow going to escape all of this. And that is just not, well, possible, but not at all based on my experience either. So all of that to ask for the parents listening in, is there anything that we should be thinking about or doing for the benefit of our children? And is there some value in knowing that there is no perfect way to escape this?

There's sort of a three-part answer here. So first part is that research shows – there's actually a great quote around this and I forget who said it, but research shows that optimal growth occurs at the border between support and challenge. So, you know, having a situation and back when I ran a client practice for a long time, I had seen this. I would see children that were over-supported. They, you know, always got taken care of financially, never really had many challenges. And honestly, they would make small things really big. It was a big pattern that I would see. And I think the second part here is that pain, as uncomfortable as pain is, pain is not exclusively negative. Pain sometimes brings us the most powerful lessons. And I can look back on my life, and I'm sure you can look back on

yours. And to anybody listening, I actually really encourage people to look back at hard times, painful moments, and ask themselves, I'm not ignoring that that was really painful and uncomfortable, but were there some lessons that came out of that? Was there something that brought me closer to the relationship to myself or something I let go of that was no longer serving me where I learned something or grew in a way I never expected because pain actually can serve us in a lot of ways. And so, you know, parents, what they can do that's great to lay a healthy foundation is they can try to make sure that they are communicating about needs, actually, you know, raising children, I think, to be good, not just obedient, as somebody who's spent a lot of time in the relationship world, to be a good person doesn't mean just a nice person all the time and people pleasing all the time.

That can absolutely lead to burnout. That can lead to being in unhealthy relationships with people who take advantage. So having healthy boundaries is really important. And what really ends up happening is if we ever see a core wound in a child, a core wound being like, they're always telling the story of how they're not good enough, or they're not smart enough, or they're unloved, or they're unworthy, or they're rejected or disliked or abandoned or betrayed. These are all sorts of core wounds that happen. You know, when we have this narrative that pops up, part of actually how we rewire, and we can talk about that in a little more detail if you'd like, but we actually can

feed the repetition and emotion of its opposite. So if somebody feels unloved and you see your child telling that narrative or talking about that story, if we start giving them tangible evidence, reinforcement to say, hey, you are loved and here's why and here's how. And there's ways to actually make it reach the subconscious differently. And we can go into that. But if we can really feed the repetition and emotion of the opposite, we're firing and wiring new neural pathways that over time can take precedence over that preexisting set of neural pathways. And it can actually help recondition if we see a challenge for a child, right? If we see that they've got a painful sticking point. But at the end of the day, sometimes those things that hurt us in one way bring us those powerful lessons in other ways too. So good. Okay. So let's talk about the

subconscious mind. What can we do? How do we recreate better beliefs for ourselves? Yeah. So it's probably my favorite topic. But the first thing is we want to see what's there. What's that old narrative that we keep bringing up? And oftentimes you'll see that it tends to exist within your biggest triggers. When people betray you or they are incongruent about something, or when people pull away and you feel like they're going to abandon you in some way or when somebody is critical and you feel like you're not good enough or you're failing or you feel like you're being rejected or disliked by somebody or excluded. Like a lot of these big core wounds you'll see are those things that we struggle with

the most. Now, what you can do is you can actually start by asking yourself, number one, what are those patterns of when I'm most triggered? And in those situations, what am I making them mean about me? And that's our way of finding that subjective version of reality we have. So let's say we have, we go back to the Tom and Bob example, and let's say Bob walks into the room, he's all good. Tom walks into the room, he's all stressed. And he's like, okay, what am I making the situation mean about me? And maybe he's like, I feel emotionally unsafe around women. Right. And again, that would be his subjective experience based on his own preexisting programming. But if that's what he's experiencing, then that's

his wound that he would want to work on. So step one is source that painful experience. Okay. What am I making this mean about me? Step two is, and it's really a three-step system here. Um, step two is the conscious mind speaks language. Okay. The subconscious mind speaks emotions and imagery. So I'm not a big fan of affirmations because we're just speaking to our conscious minds. Like the, the problems, these wounds don't exist. Nobody's consciously choosing, Oh, I'm going to say that I'm emotionally unsafe all day today and see how I feel. Or I'm going to tell myself I'm not good enough 47 times and see how that goes before the job interview.

You know, nobody's choosing this. These are preexisting programs. So we have to speak to the subconscious mind, not the conscious mind. And you can actually tell that the conscious mind speaks language when you say, like, if I say to you, hey, whatever you do, do not think of the pink elephant. You know, conscious mind hears do not, but subconscious probably flashes an image of the pink elephant. And so we have to actually speak in emotions and images in order to rewire. So let's just for simplicity's sake, say core wound is I am not good enough. Find its opposite. I am

good enough. Step two, we need emotion, imagery, and repetition to really fire and wire at the subconscious level. Interestingly enough, every single memory we ever have is actually just a container of emotions and images. If you were to say your favorite childhood memory or with your partner, your favorite memory, you would actually see the images. If it was playing at the beach as a child, you would see the images of the sand and the waves, and you would see the images of whoever's in the memory. And you'll see this a lot with people when they recount old stories, they smile and their body language changes, or they'll have a laugh out loud at their old memory. So what we need is 10 pieces of memory to support the new idea. Okay. That's step two. So for example, I felt

good enough because I was a great friend yesterday and they don't have to be big things to people. They can be small things. They just need to elicit a little emotional response and you need to see the little images in your mind. So we need 10 memories. So we get the repetition, emotion, and imagery and step three, record it. Okay. Into your phone or somewhere you can listen back. And for 21 days, research shows it takes to really solidify those neural networks enough that they're very unlikely to atrophy. Um, for, for 21 days, we listen back and we focus when we listen back on feeling about it and seeing the images. And it's actually, some people are like, oh, it's too good to be true. This is powerful stuff and it really works. And so if

we're sick and tired of feeling like we're always going to fail or we're not good enough or, oh, we're a bad person. We have to explain ourselves all the time or we're, you know, all those things that we carry, if we're ready to drop those narratives and we see that they're costing us a lot of things in our lives, this is the way to do it. And it's 21 days that can take you out of decades of retelling that old story and your thoughts and emotions and actions follow it. And we can really rewire these things here. It's incredible.

And it makes so much sense. And it feels good, too. So I feel like my conscious mind is like, yes. And then my unconscious is like, there's something here. When you record it and listen it back, what are you recording? The new belief or the memories? Yeah, the memories. Exactly. So for example, if we were doing one together and just for argument's sake, let's say, let's pretend that you have the core wound. I'm not good enough. And if I had to ask you, can you tell me two or three times, it can be long ago, more recent, anything where you actually felt a sense of like pride in yourself. I actually felt like this was good enough. And

do you have any specifics that you can share? I mean, yeah, I was very proud of myself when I published my book. I was very proud of myself for keeping my cool yesterday when my daughter was driving me up a wall and I actually showed up as a mom the way I hope to more often. I am proud of myself every time I turn on the mic to do a podcast episode, I'm proud that I chased this dream. I love that. So those are three amazing ones. And so what you would do is you would be looking for 10, if we had more time, obviously, and you'd come up with 10.

And those, you gave really powerful ones. And I just want to say for listeners, they can be tiny things. They can be like, I was a good friend yesterday. Little tiny things are great. Anything that elicits an emotional response. And then the more imagery you get from it. So if you can remember like what your daughter was wearing yesterday or things like that, the more it can actually imprint. So people can sort of detail it out a little bit if they'd like to. And you would just write those 10 things down. And then what you're doing is you're recording those 10 things of which you gave those first three. And then it takes about four minutes, three minutes in the morning to listen

back and really visualize about it and feel about it. But that for 21 days, three or four minutes of your time is what really, really moves that needle. So is this an ongoing thing? I would imagine with some of our deeper core wounds or some of the things that pop up on a regular basis, like I've often said, I'm a recovering perfectionist. And I'm so aware in my logical brain, but when the shit hits the fan or I'm understressed or overwhelmed, it's so crazy how quickly I can default back to perfectionist tendencies. So my question is, is this something we are going to likely do on an ongoing basis? Or is it possible that we would actually rewire our neural pathways for the long haul by doing this? Long haul, Like really, really truly. So let's look

at this for a second. So I'm curious. So those moments you're a perfectionist, if you can think of one recent time in your mind, and you don't have to say it out loud, but think of like a recent time that you were like back in those perfectionist tendencies. Okay. In that moment, do you have one in your mind? I do. Yes. Excellent. And in that moment, what do you make it mean or what are you afraid will happen if you aren't a perfectionist? If you just kind of are all like flexible, loosey-goosey, see what happens, go with the flow, what are you afraid will happen? So there's some element of feeling like I need to prove myself. And if I don't prove myself worthy, then nobody will love me, right? Like that if I'm not good enough, if I don't prove myself, then I'll be alone.

Okay. You just gave like four core wounds there. And a lot of the time, so unworthy, not good enough, alone, and unloved, I think you were sort of getting at as well. And so when you have those, and often when we have a big behavior, remember we talked about BTEA, those beliefs will lead to those thoughts, emotions, and thus actions. The action is really the coping mechanism for the belief. And so when we have a few of them, we'll usually see these overarching pervasive patterns of action or behavior because we're coping for all these deep feelings. You can pass on this one if you'd like to, but I'm curious where there are times in your past, maybe in your family of origin or things like that, where there was a lot of pressure on you or you felt like you would be alone if you weren't proving your worth and

earning your worth in some sort of capacity? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I am the child of two immigrant parents. I'm the oldest, first born, first born in the US. So there is a lot, or there was a lot of like, I've got to do the right things. I got to go to school, get an education, get a great job, be successful, that type of thing. Now, to be clear, I was fully and totally loved my whole life, you know, but I, and I have great parents and my dad is a pretty difficult personality and has his own core wounds. And so there was a lot of observing that he needed to prove himself to be the most successful, have all the answers, help other people. And so I observed that there was a lot of repetition around that. And I can vividly remember back to images is when my dad would have his side

of the family over, which is like, I'm half Mexican, that side of the family. I think I have 52 cousins on my dad's side, like massive amounts of people, right? When they would come over, my dad would, I don't know, force is the right word, but I felt pressured. I would have to perform. So I twirled baton and danced when I was younger. And I can remember as a child stepping up on our balcony and like all of my cousins and aunts and uncles being around, and I'd have to do this performance and not wanting to, wanting nothing to do with it and feeling like my value was in performing and proving, you know, myself. And so you actually have, right? Remember we talked about earlier the three ways we get programs, what we see repeatedly, what we hear repeatedly,

all your dad's patterns by proxy, right? And then what your firsthand experiences are. And as a child, right? Like that may sound like, oh, you're just twirling the baton as a child. That's your world, right? You don't have like a career and a family and all these things, your children to take care of. That's your whole world.

And so in that moment, like you're having that full capacity of what a child would have in terms of pressure to perform at that period of time. And so those would be things that absolutely imprint the subconscious mind. So those are those beliefs and then thought patterns. And then the emotions, you know, if you ever feel insecure or stressed or overwhelmed or pressured, oh, go into perfectionism mode. That's how I coped. That's how I got through in the past. And so by going to root cause, and that's what I really love about rewiring is it by, it's like you're plucked the weed out at the root. If I work through those beliefs that I have to earn my worth to be loved, or if I'm not good enough, I'll be alone. You know, those different ideas, if we can reprogram those things, I'm worthy of love, even in my, my imperfections, I'm good enough as a person, as I am, I'm, I will still be connected with people, even if I'm worthy of love even in my imperfections. I'm good enough as a person as I am. I will still be connected with people even if I'm imperfect or make a mistake. And as you find that evidence on the opposite side of those things, that's what ultimately will rewire those things so that you can still, you know, some people fear, oh, will I not

be an achiever any longer? Will I become complacent? And that won't happen at all. You just won't be motivated by fear. You'll be motivated by being in alignment with truth. And so it'll really help to reprogram those perfectionist tendencies. And I think that's hopefully something that a lot of people are probably relating to right now listening. And I know I've been there and had to work on some of those things as well. And it's just such a common thing that people go through. And the rewiring is so worth it in the end to get

all this bandwidth back emotionally. Well, I asked the question too, because we recently had a guest on, Stephanie Kwong, who talked about her business or what she does is called the rapid rewire method. And there's so much aligned with what you're saying. And I actually did a session with her and not to, you know, go through the whole thing, but my kind of belief going in was that everything needs to be hard in order for it to count. Like there's just this, like, it has to be hard or I'm not doing it or whatever. And what was interesting is a lot about memories and images and feelings. And what I got to at the end of the session is I'm loved. And I have so much evidence and experience. I mean, I could write down way more than 10.

And this was, I think, in July. So not all that long ago. And the amount of times my brain has told me that I am loved since then, it's probably triple the amount I've ever had that thought in the 48 years previous. And so all of that to say, I'm really, I would have been a skeptic before, but I'm really buying into this idea that the rewire can actually change for the long haul. And it is just fascinating and exciting and empowering and all the things. So thank you for doing this incredible work. And I want to make sure that people can find you.

So the personal development school, go to university.personaldevelopmentschool.com. And you can use the code TIWW for a discounted rate. And if it's even half, but I'm guessing it's like 10 times, 10x what you talked about today, I know it'll be worth your time. Thais, anything to add about personal development school that I didn't say? No, that's it. We have courses on burnout, perfectionism, how to rewire all these different things, self-sabotage, procrastination, even relationship fears and wounds. So it's all there. And every single course that we have in there is actually

designed for your subconscious mind specifically. Incredible. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I'm honored to be here with you. Oh my gosh. It was my pleasure. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Friend, I'm going to ask you to consider how much airtime you're giving the bad guys in your own mind, the critic, the judge, the naysayer, the doubter, the perfectionist, the imposter, warrior, cynic, and the procrastinator, all the voices in your head that don't actually belong to you. I'd love to think for just a minute, what would be possible for you in your life, for us as women, if we rewired our beliefs, if we did the work, if we allowed ourselves to give more airtime to our inner

knowing, our confidence, our opportunities, our gifts. What if the voices that were loudest in your mind were the ones telling you that you can, that you've got this, that you are loved and that you matter? What then? I don't know, but I'd love to see it. I'd love to experience it. So here's my reminder that there is a reason that hero starts with H-E-R, because I believe we're meant to save ourselves. And that is woman's work.