This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - How To Tame Your Inner Critic (Without Gaslighting Yourself) with Megan Dalla-Camina | 354
Episode Date: October 20, 2025We’re taking out the mental garbage — the “you’re not enough / you’re too much / who the hell do you think you are?” soundtrack — and swapping it for inner wisdom that actually serves us.... Our guest, Megan Dalla-Camina, bestselling author and founder of Women Rising, breaks down 13 inner-critic archetypes and gives us a simple 3-step system to catch the story, question it, and reframe it so we can move — with clarity — toward what we actually want. She’s the author of books including Simple Soulful Sacred, which brings leadership and spirituality together to offer practical, soulful pathways to help women rise into their power and awaken their inner wisdom. We also dig into how patriarchy scripts so many of these voices, why “taming” beats “silencing,” and what it looks like to let your critic ride in the car… but never drive. We Cover Why naming your inner-critic archetype gives you leverage (language = power) The light side and shadow side of traits like perfectionism (at what cost?) The 3-step loop: Catch the story → “Is it true?” → Reframe How stress and burnout reactivate old patterns — and how to get back to wise self-leadership Moving from external validation to inner wisdom (aka you’re the decider) Bottom line: you may not silence your head trash forever, but you can change the relationship, reclaim your power, and let your inner wisdom lead the way. Connect with Megan: Website: megandallacamina.com Inner Critic Quiz (free): megandallacamina.com/innercriticquiz Book: https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Soulful-Sacred-Megan-Dalla-Camina/dp/1401965873?utm_source=chatgpt.com LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/megandallacamina/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/megandallacamina/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/megandallacamina/ Related Podcast Episodes: How To Rewire Patterns That No Longer Serve You with Judy Wilkins-Smith | 323 Gentleness: Cultivating Compassion for Yourself and Others with Courtney Carver | 282 VI4P - Head Trash and Giving Grace on the Journey (Chapter 7) Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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                                        I am Nicole Khalil and you're listening to the This Is Woman's Work podcast.
                                         
                                        We're together.
                                         
                                        We're redefining what it means, what it looks and feels like to be doing women's work in the world today.
                                         
    
                                        And on this episode, we're talking about head trash.
                                         
                                        because inner critic has always sounded a little too polite for the garbage that runs through
                                         
                                        my mind. You may call it something else, but I think you know what it is that I'm talking about.
                                         
                                        The voice in your head that shows up uninvited has way too much to say and somehow thinks it's
                                         
                                        doing you a favor while picking apart everything that you do. The voice that tells you that you're
                                         
                                        not ready, that you're not enough, that you're too much, that you should have known better or
                                         
                                        my personal favorite, who the fuck do you think you are? The thing. The thing that's
                                         
                                        the voices in my head says to me about me are never kind, rarely true, and absolutely not things
                                         
    
                                        that I would ever say out loud to someone that I love. Honestly, probably not even to somebody
                                         
                                        that I hate. And yet these voices take up space in our heads like they pay rent. They tell us
                                         
                                        who we need to be in order to stay safe, accept it, or to be successful. But often at the cost of our
                                         
                                        power, passion, and even our purpose. And if you're a high achieving woman, you've probably
                                         
                                        gotten really good at covering your inner critic with a whole lot of people pleasing,
                                         
                                        overperforming, and over delivering, which conveniently is exactly how those voices keep their
                                         
                                        jobs. But here's the question. What if it's not about silencing our head trash? Because I'm not
                                         
                                        sure we ever can, but about transforming our relationship with it. About learning,
                                         
    
                                        to shift from the critic's endless commentary to the voice of something far more trustworthy,
                                         
                                        our inner wisdom. So here to help us navigate this as Megan Dala Kamina, globally recognized
                                         
                                        leader in women's leadership, bestselling author, and founder of Women Rising, a movement
                                         
                                        defining how women lead, live, and thrive. She's empowered thousands of women worldwide,
                                         
                                        earned top honors for her work in women's empowerment, and authored Women Rising and
                                         
                                        simple, soulful, sacred. Bringing leadership and spirituality, Megan offers practical,
                                         
                                        soulful pathways to help women rise into their power and awaken their inner wisdom.
                                         
                                        Megan, thanks for being our guests. And I want to dive us right into our inner critic because
                                         
    
                                        I'm fascinated. Rather than lumping them all into one thing like I have with head trash,
                                         
                                        you've actually identified 13 different inner critic archetypes. So first, let me ask you,
                                         
                                        How did you land on that number?
                                         
                                        And why did you feel like it was important to separate them and name them the way that you did?
                                         
                                        Yeah, great questions.
                                         
                                        Let's dive straight in.
                                         
                                        So, I mean, I've been doing work on the inner critic or the head trash.
                                         
                                        I love that because that's what it feels like, right, inside our minds.
                                         
    
                                        Just where did all this trash come from for decades?
                                         
                                        And I've been coaching and supporting women.
                                         
                                        Like, I've done my own work.
                                         
                                        And then coaching and supporting women for 15.
                                         
                                        18 years around this topic. When I started writing the Women Rising book, I wanted to go deeper
                                         
                                        because I find that the strategies across the breadth of the inner critic are fantastic. And we
                                         
                                        absolutely have to start there and we can talk about what some of those strategies are. But,
                                         
                                        you know, I've worked with so many thousands of women and what I have, and I'm a researcher,
                                         
    
                                        So what I've come to understand are the patterns that I've seen, you know, in the research,
                                         
                                        in my own, you know, practice with women.
                                         
                                        And I find that when we get to a level of specificity around what does my inner critic
                                         
                                        actually sound like?
                                         
                                        What are the stories specifically that my inner critic tells me?
                                         
                                        What's the light side of that?
                                         
                                        What's the shadow side of that?
                                         
                                        What do I do with that?
                                         
    
                                        Our ability to tame that inner critic, not silence it, but tame it, befriend it,
                                         
                                        understand it, and then move through it becomes a lot easier and a lot more effective.
                                         
                                        So that's why I came up with the archetypes.
                                         
                                        13, look, I could have had 26.
                                         
                                        13 felt like a good number.
                                         
                                        and that I could get enough clarity within those 13 to make them really meaningful for women.
                                         
                                        Okay, I love that you said, tame it, because I think we both agree that it's never going away completely, yes?
                                         
                                        Yes. I believe so. What I have experienced myself and what I've seen for the women that I work with is that your inner critic can actually get very, very quiet.
                                         
    
                                        Like at the moment, for a lot of women listening to this, it will be like it's on a, like on a loud
                                         
                                        speaker all of the time.
                                         
                                        But at the same time, we may not even realize that.
                                         
                                        We may not even be aware enough to know that this constant dissonance, cognitive dissonance
                                         
                                        that's going on inside of our brain is not normal.
                                         
                                        You know, it's not something that we have to live with.
                                         
                                        So, you know, I found in my own experience, my inner experience, my inner.
                                         
                                        critic is now very, very quiet. But it's not gone. It's not gone altogether. And that's not a bad
                                         
    
                                        thing. Like our inner critic will keep us safe. You know, it can be protective, even though in a
                                         
                                        negative, not a positive way, a lot of the time. But yeah, I like that word taming, you know,
                                         
                                        quieting, coming to terms with, understanding. But yeah, the job is not absolutely to eradicate
                                         
                                        it from our lives. I think it's an unrealistic goal. Yeah. It reminds me,
                                         
                                        of a quote that I think of a lot when it comes to my head trash and it's something to the
                                         
                                        effect of you can't prevent a bird from flying over your head, but you can prevent it from
                                         
                                        building a nest in your hair. And that's sort of what I think we're talking about here is a negative
                                         
                                        thought or an inner critic thought might pop in, but it might be quieter or it might be quicker
                                         
    
                                        or it doesn't need to like take up loud constant space in our brain. And that is ultimately
                                         
                                        what we're trying to do here. Yeah, absolutely. And we're trying to, like, we're trying to wake up.
                                         
                                        We're trying to awaken ourselves. We're trying to bring more consciousness and awareness into our lives.
                                         
                                        Like, that's the bottom line. Like, if you really want to think about, why do I care?
                                         
                                        Well, because I want you to live the life that you want to live. I want you to do the work that feels
                                         
                                        most meaningful and purposeful for you. I want you to show up with confidence and with authenticity and
                                         
                                        with clarity. And the thing that stops women the most from doing those things is not other people.
                                         
                                        It's the stories that we tell ourselves, the beliefs that we anchor into, and the meaning that we
                                         
    
                                        make from those things. And that's all wrapped up inside your inner critic. So that's why this
                                         
                                        matters so much. Agreed, completely. So one of the things I often say is it's important to name it.
                                         
                                        And that's why I really love and was fascinated with these 13 different archetypes is because you really got into the naming of it.
                                         
                                        Now, I don't think we have time to go through all 13, but could you share, I don't know, a small handful that you think most people probably know intimately?
                                         
                                        Yes, absolutely.
                                         
                                        So here are a couple of the really common ones.
                                         
                                        And people will just start laughing, I'm sure.
                                         
                                        the perfectionist.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah, never heard of that one.
                                         
                                        Never heard.
                                         
                                        No one's ever heard of the perfectionist.
                                         
                                        The people pleaser, never heard of that one either.
                                         
                                        They are, they're the first two that I write about and they are, not that they're not in
                                         
                                        order, but they are to that patriarchy has crafted so strongly in us as women that have,
                                         
                                        we've taken that external patriarchy about what does a good woman look like, how does a good
                                         
                                        woman behave. We've internalized that. We've put that on. That's our internalized patriarchy.
                                         
    
                                        And so often it shows up as the perfectionist or the people please are. So they're two super
                                         
                                        common ones. The comparer, you know, where I'm always judging myself based on what you're doing,
                                         
                                        what I'm seeing on social media, what the person next door is doing. And that is so prevalent in
                                         
                                        our society, particularly, you know, right now. The overachiever, that's my personal favorite.
                                         
                                        You know, like we're just always going for the next, you know, the next thing, that drive and strive mentality.
                                         
                                        The good girl, you know, I call the good girl the true daughter of the patriarchy, where we are always trying to live up to, you know, paternal expectations, cultural expectations, our boss's expectations, and always trying to fit into that good girl, you know, category.
                                         
                                        the ideal mother is another one that we see so much, you know, this sense that nothing I do as a mother
                                         
                                        is ever good enough. It's not good enough at home. It's not good enough at work, fits into the
                                         
    
                                        motherhood paradox that I write about where we expect women, you know, to work like they don't
                                         
                                        have children and to mother like they don't have jobs outside the home. And that all feeds into
                                         
                                        this, you know, this ideal mother archetype that we often try and set up for ourselves.
                                         
                                        So there are a few, you know, they're a handful that I'm sure is enough to get us started.
                                         
                                        Definitely.
                                         
                                        A lot of them align with what I call the confidence derailers.
                                         
                                        So for me, the confidence derailers are perfectionism, overthinking, comparison, head trash,
                                         
                                        and seeking confidence externally, which like people pleasing and things.
                                         
    
                                        Validation, yeah.
                                         
                                        Yes, yeah.
                                         
                                        So I feel like we are very much on the same page.
                                         
                                        But my question is, do you find that most of us have a one or two that we sort of default to when we're under stress or under pressure, like almost like we don't even know we're doing it?
                                         
                                        Yeah, absolutely.
                                         
                                        And most what I've experienced in the last year since, you know, since the book's been out is that, you know, women will go through the list and go, oh, tick, tick, tick, tick.
                                         
                                        And there may be four or five that they really resonate.
                                         
                                        but when you start to remove the scaffolding, there is absolutely one or two that is
                                         
    
                                        like the bedrock of that inner critic voice.
                                         
                                        So yeah, absolutely.
                                         
                                        There's a couple.
                                         
                                        And we've got this inner critic quiz that we can, you know, pop in the show notes for women
                                         
                                        where they can go and identify which of the, you know, main six inner critics do they most
                                         
                                        resonate with.
                                         
                                        But yeah, certainly one or two.
                                         
                                        And we also have, especially if we've done some of this work on our inner critic, we will have
                                         
    
                                        reformed inner critics.
                                         
                                        You know, like, so I think it's really important that women understand that we can move through
                                         
                                        this.
                                         
                                        If you're a perfectionist, you're not, you weren't born a perfectionist.
                                         
                                        You don't need to die perfectionist.
                                         
                                        You know, I used to be a people pleaser, really, really deeply conditioned people pleaser.
                                         
                                        I no longer am.
                                         
                                        And that's because I've, you know, I think part of it's.
                                         
    
                                        age and stage, but a lot of it is also the work, right? Like, this is the work that we do
                                         
                                        to be able to move through and let some of that go. Yeah, I'm so glad that you said that because
                                         
                                        we're not stuck in these archetypes. We have everything to say about what we do with them
                                         
                                        and how we even use them and how to tame them, as you said earlier. So as you shared the list,
                                         
                                        I don't think there was a single one
                                         
                                        that I was like
                                         
                                        never experienced that whatsoever
                                         
                                        but as you said
                                         
    
                                        I do think there's probably a couple
                                         
                                        that I gravitate to
                                         
                                        a little bit more than others.
                                         
                                        I think sometimes we judge
                                         
                                        ourselves for falling into these traps
                                         
                                        but the reality is
                                         
                                        we probably fell into them
                                         
                                        because they worked for us
                                         
    
                                        in some way
                                         
                                        they were necessary at some time
                                         
                                        in our life.
                                         
                                        I always like to think of it as like
                                         
                                        We're not idiots.
                                         
                                        We don't do this thing because it doesn't work for us in some way.
                                         
                                        As a perfectionist, there are lots of ways that my perfectionism has worked for me
                                         
                                        or that I've been praised for it or promoted for it or what have you.
                                         
    
                                        So I guess how do we navigate the useful parts or the parts where we've gone over to the dark side?
                                         
                                        Yeah, that's a great question.
                                         
                                        And again, I think it's really important that women understand there are forces outside.
                                         
                                        of us that have shaped this inner critic voice.
                                         
                                        What I hear so much from women is I thought it was just me and I read your book
                                         
                                        and I for the first time in my life and I could be in my 30s, my 40s, my 50s for the first
                                         
                                        time in my life I understand patriarchy and I understand these social constructs
                                         
                                        and gender norms and how they have shaped why I'm a perfectionist or why am a people
                                         
    
                                        pleaser or why I show up as a good girl, right?
                                         
                                        why I'm the overachiever and I've been so successful, you know, I hear this from so many women,
                                         
                                        and yet I'm completely burnt out and unsatisfied and I'm off my purposeful path.
                                         
                                        So, you know, we need to really understand that.
                                         
                                        And then we also need to understand exactly as you say, why.
                                         
                                        Like, how has being a perfectionist served me?
                                         
                                        How has being a people please have served me?
                                         
                                        And I write about the light side and the shadow side.
                                         
    
                                        not all darkness. If it was all darkness, you know, we probably would have woken up to this fact
                                         
                                        a long time ago that we need to change this behavior. So understanding, yeah, if I'm a perfectionist,
                                         
                                        then I am going to most likely be a high achiever. I'm going to have the capacity to deliver
                                         
                                        extraordinary results. I'm going to be praised for those results. I'm going to have that
                                         
                                        beautiful dopamine hit in my brain every time someone says, great job. You. You're
                                         
                                        You're so amazing.
                                         
                                        All of this praise comes to us, which often comes to perfectionists, and I'm going to stay
                                         
                                        in that pattern because of that, because I'm just fed, you know, in that circle.
                                         
    
                                        But the question that we always come to with the inner critic is at what cost?
                                         
                                        At what cost are you getting that praise or that external validation or are you fitting in, you
                                         
                                        know, or are you pleasing other people at the expense of your own needs and your own requirements
                                         
                                        and your own soul at the end of the day? So when we understand both sides of that, it becomes
                                         
                                        a lot easier to recognize it and also to move through, you know, strategies to address it.
                                         
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                                        so many
                                         
                                        regrouped?
                                         
                                        And the form of
                                         
                                        pretty good,
                                         
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                                        to do you know,
                                         
                                        and I know
                                         
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                                        Fridays and Rare Beauty
                                         
                                        by Selena Gomez.
                                         
                                        I'm, you
                                         
                                        understand.
                                         
                                        The more
                                         
                                        ensemble
                                         
                                        the gift of
                                         
                                        the fendos
                                         
    
                                        the fair
                                         
                                        beauty,
                                         
                                        Way, Cifora
                                         
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                                        Corma Standard
                                         
    
                                        and Mini
                                         
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                                        Yeah, I love that question.
                                         
                                        It's perfect and it's simplicity at what cost, right?
                                         
                                        And I think a lot of us experience the shadow side,
                                         
    
                                        but we haven't put words on it or identified it
                                         
                                        or we tend to shove it aside or we think,
                                         
                                        oh, just a little bit more perfect,
                                         
                                        and then we won't feel this way anymore.
                                         
                                        And we keep doubling down on this thing
                                         
                                        that is costing us so much.
                                         
                                        Do you think there are any of these archetypes that are most misunderstood or where people often think it's a good thing and don't really notice the costs?
                                         
                                        Yeah, like I think the perfectionist is one of those that I hear, you know, like again and again and again.
                                         
    
                                        You know, I run this program called the Women Rising Program.
                                         
                                        We've had 10,000 women in four years.
                                         
                                        So it's a massive research pool, you know, of women, all ages, all stages.
                                         
                                        all locations, you know, 68 countries.
                                         
                                        And the perfectionist is the one that I hear the most.
                                         
                                        And the question that I get asked is where women say,
                                         
                                        but it's the reason I'm successful.
                                         
                                        It's the reason that I've, you know,
                                         
    
                                        had the career success that I've got and that I've hit these heights.
                                         
                                        And if I let go of my perfectionist,
                                         
                                        then who will I be and how will I succeed?
                                         
                                        And that keeps women trapped, that belief, which is a very easy to understand belief, you know,
                                         
                                        like I could relate to that, particularly in my younger years, where you're just pushing,
                                         
                                        pushing, pushing all of the time.
                                         
                                        Who am I without that perfectionist?
                                         
                                        My work will become terrible, I'll miss deadlines, you know, like it's all going to fall apart
                                         
    
                                        if I release that.
                                         
                                        And it's just not true.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        I'm curious.
                                         
                                        And this just popped into my head.
                                         
                                        head. So I'm not even sure. I'm just going to honor it because it came into my head. But the patriarchy
                                         
                                        doesn't just negatively impact women. It negatively impacts everyone. And I have to imagine there's
                                         
                                        some of these inner critic archetypes for men too. I think of like the provider or I don't know,
                                         
    
                                        the strong man. The protector. Yeah, there you go. Yep. Have you done any research or looked into any of
                                         
                                        those things. I'm just curious. I wonder what that would even look like. Is it 13 for men to?
                                         
                                        Yeah. Look, I don't know. I'm not an expert and a researcher and a coach. I mean, I do work with
                                         
                                        men. I do a lot of work with men as male allies for women. But I'm not an, I wouldn't say,
                                         
                                        I'm not an expert on, you know, men and archetypes and behavior. They absolutely will have their
                                         
                                        own. I think there's a lot of researchers out there who do work specifically on men and things like
                                         
                                        the protector, the provider, you know, would absolutely show up in those.
                                         
                                        The point that you make around patriarchy not just being bad for women is so important.
                                         
    
                                        All genders, you know, and what we see with men and women specifically being trapped in gender
                                         
                                        normative behavior, in societal expectations about this is what a good man looks like,
                                         
                                        this is what a good woman looks like.
                                         
                                        You know, that's what we don't understand.
                                         
                                        We think patriarchy is about pitting men against women.
                                         
                                        It's not that.
                                         
                                        It's how do we change it for all of us?
                                         
                                        And what are our roles in that?
                                         
    
                                        And I, you know, I talk right and teach a lot about that the men aspect because it's how we come together.
                                         
                                        And it's how, you know, most of the men that I work with want to be better allies for women.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        You know, and they also want to break out of those gender norms that that,
                                         
                                        They feel that they're trapped in by patriarchy.
                                         
                                        So it's really important that we have that conversation.
                                         
                                        Yeah, that aligns with my experience too.
                                         
                                        And I often say I don't advocate for women at the expense of men or any gender.
                                         
    
                                        I'm not anti men.
                                         
                                        I'm anti-asshole, but that's anyone of any gender.
                                         
                                        Yes.
                                         
                                        I love that.
                                         
                                        100%.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Okay.
                                         
                                        I took us down a little rabbit hold.
                                         
    
                                        I want to go back to taming our inner critic.
                                         
                                        and whatever form it shows up in, what are some tactics, tips, tools, things that we can do
                                         
                                        to begin to tame or quiet the critic, the head trash, when it screams in our brains?
                                         
                                        Yes. So I'll give you the one tool across the board, right? No matter what in a critic you
                                         
                                        relate to, each of them in the book gets more specificity. But here's the tool that I work with,
                                         
                                        and that, you know, with the women that I support. So the first thing is you need to start
                                         
                                        noticing and catching your inner critic stories. You know, we go through our days and we are
                                         
                                        until we start doing this work, completely unaware of what are the stories that are keeping us
                                         
    
                                        stuck. You know, I always come back to the research definition of confidence. You know,
                                         
                                        confidence is the ability to turn our thoughts into action. It's that simple.
                                         
                                        thought, here's the action. What stops us? The story, right? The inner critic story,
                                         
                                        the beliefs that we have. So step one is catch the story. And the way that I recommend
                                         
                                        women do this or anybody listening, works for all genders, is think back to something that's
                                         
                                        happened in the last four weeks. It could be something that happened at work. You know,
                                         
                                        you wanted to speak up at a meeting, you wanted to put an idea forward, you wanted to ask
                                         
                                        for a pay rise, whatever it is. And you didn't do it.
                                         
    
                                        think back to that situation and tune in like what were the stories I was telling myself
                                         
                                        in that exact moment because when we again when we can get that clarity and specificity we can
                                         
                                        then work through right so number one catch the story number two we want to interrupt the
                                         
                                        cognitive dissonance of that story and the most simple way that I've ever found to do this
                                         
                                        is just ask yourself the question is that true is that
                                         
                                        that true? And I, like I'm old school, stick it on a post-it note, put it as alert in your phone,
                                         
                                        write it on a notes app, whatever you want to do, constantly remind yourself to interrupt the
                                         
                                        story that you're telling by asking, is that true? And what we're trying to do here in step two
                                         
    
                                        is not, we're not trying to come up with false narratives, false true narratives. It may be true.
                                         
                                        It may be true that I don't have all the skills to go for the next role. But it may be true.
                                         
                                        may also be true that I can learn those two things on the job because I've got eight out of 10,
                                         
                                        right? So we're trying to like interrupt that cognitive dissonance, break the story, get to the
                                         
                                        truth of the situation. And then step three is reframe the story. How do you create a better story
                                         
                                        that takes you in the direction you want to go? How do you create a better story that serves you
                                         
                                        rather than stops you from taking that next action.
                                         
                                        So that three-step process I find no matter which inner critic archetype you relate to
                                         
    
                                        is number one super simple.
                                         
                                        Catch the story is that true reframe the story.
                                         
                                        And it will help you get really deeply acquainted with what's going on inside your mind
                                         
                                        and the impact that's having.
                                         
                                        And when we challenge those stories, we get to know ourselves so,
                                         
                                        well. Like we see our patterns and behaviors. And the future that that alone can unlock for us,
                                         
                                        I've seen to be remarkable. Yeah. Well, you don't need my endorsement, but I endorse everything that
                                         
                                        you just said. It works. It makes a difference. And you can begin to practice it so much that it
                                         
    
                                        becomes natural. Like it becomes something that you just do by auto response. And it's so, so, so
                                         
                                        helpful. So I want to talk about the question, is it true? Because this seems like it would be a really
                                         
                                        simple question, but I found it to be way more challenging than it sounds like it would be. Because
                                         
                                        we tend to really believe our stories, especially ones that are old or that are aligned with our
                                         
                                        experiences and our values. We buy into our own crap a lot of the time. And so
                                         
                                        this is it true i found like going to is it factual like what are the facts here and then like okay
                                         
                                        what am i making up about the facts but the example of that you gave of i might not have two of the
                                         
                                        skills what are the skills needed what skills do i have what do i have experience with what have
                                         
    
                                        I learned, like really going to the facts of the matter because we interact with our opinions,
                                         
                                        our beliefs, our interpretations, and our perceptions as if they were fact a lot. And so any thoughts
                                         
                                        on this simple question, but that can be really hard. Is it true? Like, how do we actually get
                                         
                                        to the truth of the matter? Yes. Yeah, look, this is really, this is a really important point. And, you know,
                                         
                                        I will say when you start doing this work, it can take a long time, you know, versus, you know,
                                         
                                        now, like, you know, like I look at my own life now, I can, for most things, I could go through
                                         
                                        that in 30 seconds.
                                         
                                        If I'm feeling stuck on something, boom, blah, da, da, oh, there, okay, let's move through that.
                                         
    
                                        And for some things, that's not true.
                                         
                                        For some things, they are deeper.
                                         
                                        They're much more embedded and ingrained.
                                         
                                        And a story may pop up.
                                         
                                        You're like, oh, wow, that really caught me off guard.
                                         
                                        I didn't know.
                                         
                                        I still thought that about myself? How do I break it down? And that's why I like the specificity
                                         
                                        of, you know, direct incidences that have happened and work through that is that true line for
                                         
    
                                        that specific thing. Because if you try and pick a story like, I'm not good enough, where do you
                                         
                                        even start with that? Right. Where do you even start with trying to find the facts and how do I
                                         
                                        distill that and how do I break that down? Versus, I didn't feel good enough in that meeting last
                                         
                                        Tuesday with those three people. Okay, now we've got something that we can work with. So I find that that,
                                         
                                        you know, the more you can like laser in on something, on a specific thought that's happened in a
                                         
                                        situation that's taken place, we can get into that, is that true? With much more granularity without going
                                         
                                        down a rabbit hole to unpack it. And then all of those times we do that, they build on
                                         
                                        themselves and they can build up to a bigger story. Does that make sense? It does. It reminds me of
                                         
    
                                        the phrase practice makes progress, right? Perfection is not an available option for any of us,
                                         
                                        but the more we practice this, and yes, it takes time. But the more we practice it, the better,
                                         
                                        the quicker, the more meaningful it gets. And as you said, it just sort of layers on top of
                                         
                                        each other. That's been true to my experience, too. Having said that, in full transparency,
                                         
                                        especially when I'm under stress or pressure or feeling burnt out, it's amazing where I'll catch
                                         
                                        myself and I'm like, oh my God, this old story again? Like I thought I dealt with this. I thought I dealt
                                         
                                        with that 100%. Yeah. And they do. And once we have this language, I find the other thing about
                                         
                                        the archetypes that's really helpful is it gives it language.
                                         
    
                                        You know, when we're doing something and exactly like you've just said,
                                         
                                        sometimes I will do something and I'll go, oh my God, there's that fucking people pleaser
                                         
                                        again.
                                         
                                        I thought I'd put that to bed 15 years ago.
                                         
                                        And boom, there she is again, you know.
                                         
                                        The fact that I have language for that behavior, for that story and that I have the tools,
                                         
                                        okay, great, there she is, what am I going to go do with her now?
                                         
                                        versus I'm just sort of lost in this behavior and I can't see my way out.
                                         
    
                                        And that is the situation for so many women.
                                         
                                        Yeah, that's what I really love about these archetypes is because I think sometimes we have a hard time separating the inner critic from our inner knowing.
                                         
                                        Yes.
                                         
                                        Sometimes they feel the same or sometimes the inner critic is so much louder than our inner.
                                         
                                        knowing, which sometimes whispers, right? And until you name it, until you put words on it,
                                         
                                        until you call it something, you can unconsciously or inadvertently interact with it as if it's
                                         
                                        something else. So you can, the perfectionist can be talking, but you can think of it as like
                                         
                                        your instinct or your inner knowing. And that's what I really like about calling it what it is. So when it
                                         
    
                                        pops up, whether it's a pattern you haven't dealt with or one that still keeps popping up
                                         
                                        after 20 years, you know, it's like, oh, I know who this is. I know what voice this is. And you can
                                         
                                        deal with it for what it is versus thinking it's something else. Am I making any sense?
                                         
                                        You're making complete sense. You're making complete sense. You know, and let's us identify
                                         
                                        it as something outside of us, right? Right. Right. That my people pleaser have.
                                         
                                        has one seat in my car.
                                         
                                        But it can sit there and be very quiet.
                                         
                                        But I see you.
                                         
    
                                        Like I recognize you.
                                         
                                        And the things that we revert to when we're stressed, when we're under pressure,
                                         
                                        okay, watch that overachiever come up.
                                         
                                        Because I'm going to think, because that's my archetype, I need to do more.
                                         
                                        And more is the answer.
                                         
                                        So, yeah, like the language, the understanding that these are the stories,
                                         
                                        this is the shadow side.
                                         
                                        You keep going down this path of the overachiever, here's what's going to happen, right?
                                         
    
                                        You're going to burn out, you're going to this, you're going to this.
                                         
                                        And then all of that can help us just come back to, well, what do I know to be true?
                                         
                                        Who am I without those stories and get to that place of inner wisdom, which is, you know,
                                         
                                        what I write about.
                                         
                                        How do we move from that inner critic to that inner wisdom and live from that place?
                                         
                                        Yeah. I love the visual of it being in the car with us, right? And it's like sometimes it's backseat driving. Sometimes it might pop up in the front seat, but we can't let it take the wheel. And it's not in charge of the playlist, right? So yes, it has its place, but we have everything to say about where it's sitting.
                                         
                                        Yes. Something about that really resonates with me. Okay. Megan, oh, God, I could talk about this topic with you.
                                         
                                        day long. Thank you for doing this work. Thank you for identifying all the different versions of
                                         
    
                                        it. I know our listeners are going to want to find the quiz that you mentioned earlier. So we'll put
                                         
                                        that as well as all the other ways to find and follow Megan in show notes. But you can find
                                         
                                        Megan on LinkedIn or Instagram or all the socials at Megan Dala Kamina, wherever it is that you're
                                         
                                        on social media. And Megan, thank you so much for an incredible conversation for this really
                                         
                                        important work that you do. Thank you so much and thank you for your work. It's great to be
                                         
                                        with you. My pleasure. All right, here's the truth, friend. Your inner critic, your head trash,
                                         
                                        it might never go away completely, but that doesn't mean that it gets to run the show. You get to
                                         
                                        decide how much space it takes up, how much weight it carries, and how much power it has over your
                                         
    
                                        choices. You can stop treating every thought like it's fact and start choosing which voices get your
                                         
                                        attention. You can recognize the patterns, name the archetypes, and remember, just because
                                         
                                        it's loud, doesn't mean it's right. So the next time that inner critic pipes up with its same
                                         
                                        tired script, you don't have to fight it or obey it. You can think it for its concern and then
                                         
                                        turn up the volume on the wiser, braver, truer voice inside of you. Because you were never meant to
                                         
                                        live your life listening to the voices in your head. Cleaning out the head trash, reclaiming your power
                                         
                                        and choosing your own narrative, well, all of that is woman's work.
                                         
