This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - “Validation is For Parking” - the Audiobook (Podcast Style)

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

If you subscribe to TIWW (and I really hope you do), you’ve gotten used to a Wednesday release of our new episodes, and let me be upfront that nothing is changing about that…you’re in for another exceptional episode with another incredible guest on Wednesday of this week. The reason I’m showing up on a Monday is because I’m going to read to you! More specifically, I’m going to read chapters and sections of my book, Validation is For Parking! Each Monday (as long as it takes to get through the book), I’m going to bring a chapter to life! I’ll likely add a few curse words that my editor suggested I eliminate, I’ll add a few footnotes that didn’t make it in, and expand or add a story here or there, but mostly, I’m going to read Validation is For Parking in MY voice. The goal is for all of us to head into our week WITH confidence! You also get access to the 40+ page confidence-building workbook, that goes along with each episode and includes exercises, activities, quotes from the book PLUS a ton of self-reflection questions, tips, and ideas that you can put into practice in YOUR life. So this week, we begin with the Introduction where I talk about my desperately needed wake-up call, my recovery from validation addiction, and the road to trusting myself again. Because confidence is built from within. And validation? Well, that’s for parking. To get your FREE Confidence Building workbook, click here. You will be added to our weekly communication for even more confidence-building tips! You can unsubscribe at any time… but we hope you’ll stay with us for the confidence-building journey. Like what you heard? Please rate and review

If you're a regular listener, you might be wondering what in the hell I'm doing showing up with a new podcast episode on a Monday. If you subscribe to This Is Woman's Work, and I really hope that you do, you've gotten used to Wednesday releases of our new episodes, and let me be upfront that nothing is changing about that. You're in for another exceptional episode with another incredible guest on Wednesday of this week. So again, you're probably thinking, what the hell is she doing? Well, let me start by saying, I hope that this is a pleasant surprise. Like when a best friend shows up at your house with cheese and wine or whatever your love language is, and not at all like if your mother-in-law

were to show up unannounced for a 10-day visit. I, by the way, am super lucky in the mother-in-law department, but I know for many, many, many women, this would not be a welcome surprise. So the reason I'm showing up this Monday is because I'm going to read to you. Because books are my love language too, and I can't send cheese or wine through Apple or Spotify or any of the podcasting platforms. So obviously they have some work to do with that. But more specifically, I'm going to read chapters of my book, Validation is for Parking, which begs the next question, why am I doing this? Well, for several reasons, but first and most importantly, I'm more than a little excited about having thousands of humans doing the work, taking the steps, challenging themselves,

getting out of their comfort zones and building their confidence together. That's right. Each week we'll be building our confidence individually and collectively. So while you're building your confidence wherever it is that you live, another listener will be doing the same in another part of the country or another part of the world.

And I fundamentally believe that what the world needs right now, more than anything, is for each of us to heal ourselves. If we each took individual responsibility for making ourselves better, kinder, more connected, if we trusted ourselves and in turn helped others trust themselves, if we led from a position of love and strength, empathy and curiosity, I think we could actually make this world a better place. And I'm not saying that my book is what will change the world.

I'm only saying that it's something that I can do, something we can do. And maybe one woman truly connected to her confidence, her strength, her purpose might be what changes the world. And maybe that's you. Or maybe all of us being just a little bit better together is what will make all of the world. And maybe that's you. Or maybe all of us being just a little bit better together is what will make all of the difference. I don't know, but I hope and I trust. And of course, there are several other not so important reasons for doing this. I have been asked by many people if there's an audio version of the book. And the idea of

investing the time and money right now to create that just isn't a top priority. And I have to tell you as a side note that seven people have reached out to me over the last year offering to create the audio book for me, meaning like you hire someone else to read your book. And I'm sure you'll appreciate the irony of this as much as I do. All seven of those people have been men. Yep, seven men offering to read and create the audiobook version of Validation is for Parking, How Women Can Beat the Confidence Con. Yet another example of how men are willing to jump in and raise their hands for opportunities while we as women wait, worry, and wonder if we're ready. So while doing the whole

production of an audiobook isn't appealing to me right now, it occurred to me that I have a mic and a platform and I could create my own pseudo version of it through this podcast. I've also had several people tell me that they actually hear my voice in their head when they're reading the book. And so I figured, why not give you my voice in your head? So that's the what, the why, and the who. And let me tell you very quickly about the how. Each week, each Monday for the next several weeks, as long as it takes to get through the book, I'm going to bring a chapter to life. I'll likely add in a few curse words that my editor suggested I cut out. I'll add a few footnotes that didn't make it in, maybe expand or add a story here or there, but mostly I'm going to read validation is for parking in my voice. And you can listen as you get ready to head into your

week on your drive or commute during your workout, when you're folding your laundry, or whenever it works best for you. We'll head into our weeks with confidence. And every single listener will get access to a 40 plus page confidence building workbook that follows along with each chapter and includes all the exercises, activities, quotes from the book, plus a ton of self-reflection questions, tips, and ideas that you can put into practice in your life that week. If you wanna access that workbook right now, the link is in show notes and in my Instagram story. So go ahead and get your hands on it. Okay, let me recap this quickly.

Every Monday, you'll get access to a Validation is for Parking episode that will be labeled VI4P along with what part of the book and the workbook that we're covering for that week. And then every Wednesday, you'll get another episode of This Is Woman's Work, just like you normally do, with topics that range from personal development, your relationships with others, me ranting into the mic, and so much more. We'll continue to bring the best guests in topics we hope are super relevant to those of us

that identify as women and who want to define what our work, purpose, success, and choices look and feel like for ourselves. Mondays are about confidence, more specifically, your confidence. Wednesdays are about woman's work, however you define that for yourself. So if you want to invite your mom, sister, daughters, cousins, aunts, best friends, friend group, book club, co-workers, women in your life, and humans that don't identify as women, but want to learn about confidence and how gender might be impacting it, everyone is welcome. You can absolutely do this on your own, but it might be more fun together. However you want to do it, it's time to get started. We begin with the introduction to Validation is for Parking, How Women Can Beat the Confidence

Con. And I promised that I'd share a few insights as I read, some stuff that got edited out, and a few extra footnotes. So let me start by sharing that the intro of my book was both really hard for me to write and it's also really hard for me to read, but for almost opposite reasons. It was hard to write because it felt really vulnerable and scary to put all this stuff out there to say how scared and miserable I felt to share some of the not so shiny and not at all inspirational parts of me and my life. Reading it has been hard because it feels like all of that was a long time ago.

And thankfully, I don't really feel all that connected to those experiences that I shared. I don't have a lot of energy around it anymore. I guess I've let it go. That's not to say, though, that I have confidence completely figured out or that I feel confident 100% of the time. Far from it. It's only to say that I don't feel as connected to these words as I did when I wrote them. And I could write a completely different introduction today that could also be an example of where I struggled with perfectionism, overthinking, pressure to perform, meeting others' expectations, struggling with the weight of other people's opinions, where I stopped listening to my inner knowing, pushed myself to an unhealthy place, and struggled real hard to find my confidence. Ironically, that introduction would be about the launching of

this book. So I have very recently experienced how challenging it can be for all of us to be confident. And hopefully this serves as a loving reminder that even confident women struggle with confidence at times. And nobody, and I mean nobody, has it all figured out. So let's dive into the introduction to Validationist for Parking with my story about how my confidence-building journey began. You've been conned. That was the thought repeating in my head after a co-worker told me, I wish I had your confidence. I had just received a massive promotion I'd been working on getting for years.

We were celebrating in our conference room with the rest of the team, and all I could think was, you've been conned. You all have by me. I was to become the first woman to take the role of chief development officer at the Fortune 100 company where I worked. I'd been hustling my ass off to make a name for myself, stockpiling titles and accolades in the heavily male dominated finance industry. The playlist of my life at the time, working day and night.

She works hard for the money. Taking care of business. Work, bitch. You get the idea, right? By all accounts, I was killing it, looking the part of a trailblazing woman set on world domination and attracting attention in the process. Other women looked up to me, wondering how they too could smash the glass ceiling. It wasn't the first time I'd gotten a compliment similar to the one my coworker gave me that day. But every time anyone commented on my confidence or success, I'd cringe inside. It would send me into a tailspin no one else would ever see. I'd smile and say thank you because the role of successful woman came with a list of do's and don'ts and smiling was definitely a must do. But what I really wanted to scream was, I wish I had the confidence you think I have. I was a fraud,

living in constant fear of being found out. The image I presented to the world wasn't even close to an accurate representation of who I was. Let's just say I was living the longest distance in space and time away from my truth. I'd become an Oscar-worthy actor in the role of my life, and like so many women, I'd wholeheartedly embraced faking it. In addition to conquering the business world, I was single and seemingly loving it. After all, who had time for a husband and kids when there was money to be made and ladders to climb? I had bought my first house long before most of my peers could afford to, and my desire to prove myself fueled me.

Yes, I am successful, and yes, I want everyone to know it. But how it seemed wasn't how it was. I was caught in a loop of feeling like shit and doing whatever I could to make it look good. Loneliness, self-loathing, and doubt were my constant companions. The only place where I felt even remotely capable was at work, but I questioned myself constantly in every aspect of my life. My inner monologue had beat-up mode on repeat, and no achievement was ever enough. When I got promoted, I immediately

started questioning my ability to do the job. And once I started getting good at it, I set my sights on a higher position. When I got a raise, all I could think after the initial excitement and subsequent spending spree wore off was, that's nice, but it's not enough. I was earning a more than decent income, but still struggling to make ends meet because I had a more than decent spending problem. Work was the good part of my life, even with the constant struggles of navigating the boys club. In my personal life, I'd wasted years staying committed to a guy I was no longer in a relationship with. Because he would never love me back, I believed I was fundamentally unlovable. I genuinely thought if I just looked skinny enough, said and did the right things, and could prove myself worthy,

he'd finally see what he'd been missing and change into the man he'd never actually been, but that I thought he could be. Sadly, I repeated this pattern with a couple oh-so-lucky men because I truly thought relationships were supposed to be hard, and proving myself was my general M.O. That, and apparently I'd become a heat-seeking missile for assholes at that stage of my life. I mean, if there was an asshole in a general vicinity, I was sure to find him. I was both somehow too much and never enough. I had tied all my value to my physical appearance, status, and income. I was indeed a con artist, but the con was on me. I secretly lived in fear of someone finding out the truth about my so-called confidence. It was all for show. It was an act I put on for everyone else,

and it was slowly killing me. Keeping up appearances had become a second full-time job that had me running ragged. I knew it was just a matter of time before I'd be exposed and all my faults and failures would be used against me. As a working woman, I had already experienced how my strengths were misinterpreted. People called me reactive when I thought I was being passionate or opinionated when I spoke up. So I couldn't even begin to imagine what people would do and say if they saw my flaws. I was emotionally overworked and the payment for my overtime was stress, anxiety, and exhaustion. To become the perfect woman I thought I needed to be, I multitasked my face off until I couldn't any longer. When I hit my version of rock bottom, which included equal parts alcohol and regret,

my problem finally became clear to me. I didn't know what confidence was, but I was certain I didn't have any of it. Like so many of us, I'd been fed a line of bullshit about what it means to be a confident woman. That was problematic in itself, but the real issue was that I had bought into the bullshit. I believed being confident came as a result of being perfect. So I was striving to make everything in my life look perfect in order to get there. My body became a metaphor for my life. I made myself small in all the places I was supposed to, but was also keenly aware of what needed to be accentuated and noticed. I highlighted, lifted, shaped, emphasized, hid, revealed, confined, squeezed, starved, and consumed in the unhealthiest ways possible. I emulated real

and fictional people whose lives seemed aspirational in a desperate attempt to become them. Am I the only person who thought Samantha from Sex and the City was the spirit guide of how to be single and professionally driven? Nothing wrong with Samantha for the record, but my goal to carbon copy her was inauthentic at best. I thought if I could just be more like this male colleague or that famous singer or meet the guy, I might finally be happy. And in striving to become someone else, I became utterly disconnected from myself. A desperately needed wake-up call. While I never actually attempted suicide during this time living my fake life, the thought of it would swirl through my mind. I began asking myself whether I mattered. Hypothetically, if I made

the choice to end my life, how long would it take for someone outside of work to notice? Would people be shocked? How could I do that to my parents, sister, and friends who had no idea how horrible I felt and how wildly confused I'd become about who I was? The only option in my mind was to keep faking it. I'd keep showing up to work and pretending to be one of the guys like I always had so people would think I was bold, stoic, and fearless. But somewhere deep down, I also knew that I had to make a change before my lifestyle destroyed me. My first turning point came in the form of a transformational learning course I'd signed up for to please a boyfriend and disguised as professional development. The work held a mirror up in front of my face and forced me to take a good, hard look at myself. The eating disorder, the workaholism, the binge drinking, the depression,

the reckless dating habits. It was all there tearing me apart, regardless of how independent woman my life seemed from the outside. I didn't like myself. Even worse, I didn't trust myself. And the moment had come to get brutally honest about it. Around this time, I started working to bring more women into my industry by offering advice and mentoring within my company. Previously, I'd avoided women's events like the plague. I just wanted to be a great leader, not a great female

leader. So nobody was more surprised than I when I discovered that doing this sort of work provided me that initial why to focus on since doing something for myself wasn't a good enough reason for me yet. I was passionate and engaged for the first time in a long time and could see how I could make a difference that mattered beyond a result or a goal achieved. I began to recognize that other women were dealing with a lot of the same issues I was and a small light suddenly cut through my darkness. My confusion about confidence wasn't just a me problem. Countless other women were struggling like I was, trying to stuff themselves

into boxes made of masculine expectations that didn't actually fit their desires, truths, or personalities and never would. When it became clear that I wasn't totally alone, hopelessly flawed, or a broken woman, I got serious about being the confident person everyone thought I was, but I had no idea where to start. In the steady stream of experts that yell from the mountaintops, be confident, I had yet to find someone in the know that would take me aside and tell me how to actually do it. As is true for so many people, my pain became that catalyst toward the first steps of a journey that would ultimately change my entire life. I became a student of confidence, burning through every book and article on the subject

that I could get my hands on. I began to observe and realize that many of the people I admired as confident were actually something else entirely. I had put my authenticity on the back burner so I could live their truth, but most of them were also performing to mask their insecurities. They didn't have the answers I needed. No one did. If I was going to build a life I loved, I was going to have to get vulnerable and start trusting myself. To do that, I had to move toward my truth. The time had come to take off my own mask and to keep it off for good. I was terrified. There I was in my early 30s with very little idea of who I actually was, recovering from what seemed like my 218th heartbreak,

living in a house I couldn't afford, and counting the minutes during the weekends until I could get back to work. I was committed to applying what I'd learned in that transformational learning course I'd taken and testing out the things I was learning about confidence in very small ways. There were a million tiny action steps I was taking, which led me to one of the biggest, scariest opportunities for me at the time. I met a guy. I know that doesn't seem so scary, but to say it was freaking me out would be a gross understatement. Now, I want to be clear. This isn't a story of how meeting the man I eventually married gave me confidence. That is not what happened at all. What did happen was because I'd been focused on my confidence,

I showed up completely differently with this guy than I ever had with any of the others. I was wildly imperfect. I trusted myself to take things slowly rather than putting pressure on him and myself to know where our connection was headed. It wasn't until six months after we met that we went out on our first date. I asked questions. I told him what was important to me. I shared my fears. I was real.

And it was the scariest thing I'd ever done. So many times I was convinced I'd blown it, but I kept putting myself out there. Yes, I ended up marrying him, but I know for sure that if I'd met him even just a year earlier, I wouldn't have even noticed him. I would have been too busy project locating the asshole in the room, right? Likewise, he definitely wouldn't have been all that impressed with me. A couple years after meeting and dating my now husband, Jay, I made another risky decision, which was to cut the cord and quit my lucrative job. I was having the greatest impact and finding

the most joy in mentoring women in my industry, but I knew that my role would never allow me to turn that passion into my primary focus. The career I'd worked so hard to build had become a distraction from what I really wanted to be doing. The titles and the promotions no longer mattered. I was tired of proving myself and finally acknowledged I wasn't ever going to get what I felt I deserved from my current company. My mission to build up other women while I was

creating confidence in myself was huge and complex, and I needed to make space for it. I felt clearer about my purpose, and although fear and doubt gripped me, I wasn't going to let them stand in my way any longer. It was time to start my own business where I could show up as my best self, even if that meant risking it all and putting my imperfections on display. My managing partner supported my decision to leave. Thank God for allies. We helped each other with a transition plan so he wasn't left high and dry and I wasn't immediately jumping into the deep end of the pool. Six months later, I made my move and I went from being a consistent breadwinner to bringing home exactly zero bacon.

Our household income shrank considerably. And while I acknowledge my privilege and knowing that Jay and I weren't going to end up homeless, the shift wasn't an easy pill to swallow. I made mistakes and pivoted many times, but also had some big wins. By the second birthday of my female-focused coaching and consulting business, I'd matched the chief development officer's salary I'd previously been making. By the third year, I doubled it. By the fourth, I felt like I was killing it all over again. So what did I do? Well, the time had come to take another leap of faith. I was still in my comfort zone working in the finance industry. Spending all my time in that space was keeping doors shut that I wanted to throw wide open. So in 2019,

I walked away from my two biggest contracts, which totaled over a half a million dollars in revenue. Today, my business doesn't revolve around finance or any specific industry. My business isn't even about business. It's about something so much bigger. The opportunity to coach many, many women and leaders led me to the work we'll cover in this book. Confidence is the bridge to better relationships, more success, and loving the life you live. Women's lack of confidence is apparent in the business world, but this issue touches more than

just our careers. It's a problem that ripples out into every corner of our lives, contributing to everything we are, think, have, and do. And it doesn't have to be this way. Our confidence didn't go anywhere. It never left us. It's not lost. And no one and nothing else is holding onto it for us. I believe it's always there inside us, available anytime we want to access it. So the question isn't, do you have confidence? It's, are you connected to your confidence? When you are, you can use it to design your life in whatever way you choose. The sky's the limit. Glass ceiling, be damned. Recovery from validation addiction. Logically, I know now that perfection is an impossible standard. I get now that it's a

cruel game nobody ever wins. But I played anyway, and I lost myself in the process. My guess is that most of you reading this are also trying to be perfect, but still feeling less than and wondering what authentically confident people have that you don't. You might feel confident in certain areas of your life, but still suffer from crippling fear or doubt in others. You might also have an inaccurate view of confidence in your mind, making you feel like you have to fake it till you make it. When we're unclear about what confidence is and the inner effort it takes to build it, we can end up working insanely hard

without getting any closer to real confidence, like a hamster stuck on a wheel. If that's where you are, I see you. And I'm glad you're here. You're not alone and it's not your fault. And I'm here to give you the tools to bridge the gap. Here's the first thing you need to know. The message you're constantly being bombarded with is ask backwards.

Everywhere you look, you're told that if you do this, buy that, or get to some point other than where you are, then you'll feel confident. I call this idea the false equation. It's the basis of the entire confidence con. What we've all been told over and over is that if X happens, then I'll feel confident. And X can be a million different things, a specific weight or size, a certain level of income, attention from the right person, a compliment, marrying the person of your dreams, a well-decorated home, perfectly behaved kids, big boobs, flawless skin. The list is endless and it doesn't matter which X you choose because the formula won't work. This equation tells you that in order to be confident,

you must first do something and then someone or something needs to come along and validate it. It's complete and utter bullshit, but we've been conned for so long that we operate from this false equation on the regular. Well, if the false equation doesn't work, then what does? Here's the answer. When I'm confident, I have a higher probability of X. What's great about this new equation is

that even if X doesn't happen, you can still be confident. It's not a chicken or egg question because what comes first is clear. When you're confident, you'll have a higher probability of attracting and choosing your dream partner because you'll show up as yourself when you're with them. When you're confident, you're more likely to raise your hand, advocate for yourself, and bring your unique talents and gifts to your career. So you're more likely to get that promotion. When you're confident, you're more likely to take the risks necessary for achieving the success that will allow you to buy the fancy car or go on the expensive vacation. This is all obvious and logical when we think about it,

but it goes directly against the lies we've internalized. As a woman, you have every right to be confused about confidence. You've been conned. We all have. Religion, culture, business, the media, advertising, entertainment, our education system, and other influences have sent the message in every possible way of how to be a quote-unquote good woman and how easy it is to be a bad one. Who I am and who you are as a woman has likely been defined by everyone but us. Women have not historically been the deciders, but many of us have been recruited as enforcers. Let's look at work as an example. For a long time, it was socially unacceptable for a married woman to work, and it was expected for women to get married young. So the structures and expectations of work cultures were designed for and by men. Times have changed, however,

and although women now make up half the labor force, companies are still disproportionately led by men. A whopping 92% of business books are written by men in modern day society. Most of what we learn about being in business, we learn from men. Yet women are still expected to dive headfirst into professional systems and strategies created, defined, and reinforced by men and somehow thrive.

Maybe the struggle to do so doesn't align with your personal experience. If that's the case, I'm thrilled for you. But I could fill this book with examples of all the ways I was told to show up in this world, regardless of whether or not it aligned with who I am. Since starting my own business, I've had the privilege of connecting with thousands of women of all ages from all over the country. And I can say with clarity that perfectionism is a plague that has infected every one of us. We're trying to do it all, have it all, be it all, and look good in the process while wearing ourselves out, trying to make it look effortless. Here's the rub though.

Feeling the need to perform and to be perfect forces us to give away our power to whomever or whatever we're performing for. Like junkies seeking our next fix, we find ourselves on a perpetual hunt for fresh validation. We need that next compliment, promotion, achievement, relationship, or result in order to feel worthy. We need something or someone outside of ourselves to tell us we're okay in order for us to believe it. The opportunity we all have and what I'm encouraging you to consider is to separate our confidence from any external source and reclaim trust in ourselves. Confidence is an inside job. Real, unshakable trust is not about what anything looks like. It's about what it is. This journey probably won't be elegant, easy, or straightforward like we're led to believe by the army of seemingly flawless experts, motivational speakers, and influencers on social media. In my experience, it's raw, messy work that requires a ton of trial and error.

The way women build confidence is nuanced and in many ways different from how others do it because the ways we're socialized and the challenges we face are different. This is especially true in business. For instance, we often define leadership in masculine terms. And so when a man demonstrates traditionally masculine qualities like decisiveness, strategic thinking, assertiveness, power and influence, he is seen as a leader. A woman demonstrating the same qualities, though, is often considered too aggressive or to be a bitch. I know this one from experience. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying men are bad leaders. I've read hundreds of

books written by men and can attest to their incredible insights, valuable lessons, and great tips. But those men lack an understanding of the female experience, and I'm guessing in most cases unconsciously emphasize the masculine while ignoring the feminine. We need a working definition of confidence that goes beyond gender and won't fall apart under scrutiny, both in business and in life. The road to trusting ourselves again. Ultimately, this is a love story wrapped in a business book with a decent amount of cursing to boot. I'm not talking about the love we have for others, but the love we must have for ourselves. This book is the guide to building confidence that I wish I'd had. We're going to talk about real confidence, why women struggle to build it,

the circumstances that chip away at it, and actionable steps you can take to beat the confidence con. My lack of confidence used to stand between me and myself, as well as between me and everything I'd always wanted. But I realized over time that anyone can build the skill of confidence with enough desire, knowledge, and the work of getting into action. The benefits of building my confidence were priceless for me. I'm now a joyfully married entrepreneur and mother to an incredibly loved daughter, living my purpose and my truth and working to help other women become their best selves. No more starving myself or drowning in self-hatred. But please don't interpret this as a claim that my life is perfect and that I have it all figured out. It isn't,

and I don't. I'm not sure that building your confidence will bring you a marriage, family, career, or happiness if those are the things you're going for. At the same time, I can't think of a single scenario or opportunity where trusting yourself wouldn't make life better, fuller, and richer. What I can say at this point is that I truly like myself the way I am, and I want you to as well. My happiness is finally in my own hands,

and if I can do it, so can you. I don't consider myself the ultimate authority on matters of confidence, but I have created an effective system of confidence-building tactics that caters to the female experience. I wrote this book with women in mind, but I don't advocate for us at the expense of men, and I sincerely hope anyone of any gender will find great value in reading it. Additionally, I acknowledge that I do not speak for or represent all women. I'm an able-bodied, straight, agnostic, white-passing woman with socioeconomic privilege. My intention was to be inclusive and thoughtful in my language and

examples while writing this book, but I'll probably have missed the mark at times. I hope you can look past any failings on my part to the greater message of trusting yourself and living with confidence. In the end, that's what matters most. This work is never done, so it's important to know that I'm still making my way through the journey right along with you. Imagine having the courage to keep moving toward what matters, even if everything in your life seems to be veering off course because you know you're meant to. Imagine knowing you'll be fine or maybe even come out better than before when you fail or someone doesn't like you. Imagine living in the belief that the universe is rigged in your favor

and that everything will ultimately be for the best. This is not about creating the perfect life where you never have to struggle, feel unsure about what to do, or face any fears. That doesn't exist. Instead, it's about being able to trust yourself throughout every experience life throws at you, the good, the bad, and everything in between. There are countless paths we can take to change our lives for the better. No matter what, building your confidence is always a choice that bears fruit. I'm inviting you to begin, to build, to grow, because wherever your current level of confidence may be, there's always an opportunity to have more of it. If you're open to the concept that we've become disconnected from what confidence actually is, it's logical to first get clear on the true definition of confidence and why it matters.

Let's dive in or cannonball, toe touch, belly flop, whatever mode of getting into the water works for you. Okay, that brings us to the end of the introduction of Validation is for Parking. If you haven't already downloaded the free 40-plus page confidence-building workbook that's a companion to this book, please make sure to do that now. You can find that link in show notes. All you need to do, click on the link, provide your information, and we'll send you your copy for free. And if you wanted to get started on reconnecting to your confidence, building it and keeping it, you can begin to work through pages one through four

of the workbook along with me and our other listeners. Okay, let me close out by reminding you that external validation is the con. It's what we've been led to believe will make us feel confident, but it doesn't work. Compliments, promotions, achievements, Botox, perfectly behaved children, income, public recognition, more followers on social media, and fitting into a certain size, all of those things might make you feel good and there's nothing wrong with any of them.

They just won't make you confident because confidence is built from within and validation is for parking.