This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil - Your Brain Is a Filthy Liar with Bizzie Gold | 361

Episode Date: November 12, 2025

In this episode we call BS on the “you’re not enough / who do you think you are?” soundtrack and dig into self-deception—the sneaky brain patterns that distort our reality and keep us looping ...the same results. Our guest, Bizzie Gold, creator of Break Method and author of Your Brain Is a Filthy Liar, shows us how to spot the lies, map our patterns, and rewire for freedom. Known for her no-BS approach to personal development, Bizzie has spent over a decade helping thousands of people and organizations identify the subconscious patterns running the show. Her data-driven, neuroscience-based system has been featured in major media outlets and is transforming how we think about mental health, leadership, and self-growth. We cover: Positive vs. negative self-deception—when your brain either minimizes risk (“I got this”) or magnifies it (“why try, it’ll fail anyway”). The Brain Pattern Spectrum—why some of us skew hyper-independent and others codependent, and how both can spiral without awareness. Perception of reality ≠ reality—how your “neurocognitive funnel” colors emotions, choices, and behavior on autopilot. Childhood inputs > dramatic anecdotes—how small, repetitive cues (not just Big-T trauma) program lifelong patterns. “Center with range”—why the goal isn’t becoming a new person; it’s regaining balance and flexibility so you can lead, love, and live without self-sabotage. Real-world application—how mapping your pattern can improve team dynamics and performance, not just your inner peace. You can take Bizzie’s brain pattern mapping diagnostic via her site.  Ultimately, this episode is a masterclass in breaking your brain’s bad habits—because when you understand your wiring, you can finally stop running old programs and start living with clarity, confidence, and choice. Thank you to our sponsors! Get 20% off your first order at curehydration.com/WOMANSWORK with code WOMANSWORK — and if you get a post-purchase survey, mention you heard about Cure here to help support the show!  Visit beducate.me/womanswork69 and use code womanswork69 for 65% off the annual pass.  Black Friday has come early at Cozy Earth! Right now, you can stack my code WOMANSWORK on top of their sitewide sale — giving you up to 40% off in savings. Connect with Bizzie: Website: https://bizziegold.com/bg-welcome  Book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1967424292 IG: https://www.instagram.com/bizziegold/ LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bizziegold/ X: https://x.com/bizziegold  Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@BizzieGoldOfficial  Break Method: https://breakmethod.com/ Related Podcast Episodes How To Rewire Patterns That No Longer Serve You with Judy Wilkins-Smith | 323 Practical Intuition: How to Trust Your Gut and Tune Out the Noise with Laura Day | 356 The Icelandic Art of Intuition with Hrund Gunnsteinsdóttir | 307 Share the Love: If you found this episode insightful, please share it with a friend, tag us on social media, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! 🔗 Subscribe & Review:Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | YouTube Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to the This Is Woman's Work podcast, and I got to tell you, we get a lot of pitches for this show, like a lot, because we cover anything and everything that feels relevant to women today. So we're open to a lot of topics. And if I'm being honest, a good chunk of the pitches and the topics sort of blur together. Same ideas, same buzzwords. same empowerment dressed up in a slightly different outfit. But when a pitch lands in your inbox titled, Your Brain is a filthy liar, let's just say it stands out. Because let's face it, if you're a woman who's been out in the world for more than five minutes, you already know about that voice in your head.
Starting point is 00:00:47 The one that whispers or shouts things like, you're not enough, or they're going to find out that you don't belong here, or you always mess things up. That, my friends, is what I call head trash. I like calling it that because it's, sounds as dirty and disgusting as it actually is. Yes, our brains are brilliant, beautifully designed, but they're also masters of deception. And the most dangerous lies are the ones we believe
Starting point is 00:01:12 without question, the ones that sound like facts because they've been playing on a loop in our minds, maybe even since before we had language to challenge them. We know our brains hold on to patterns, that the amygdala is more concerned with keeping us safe than helping us grow. We know that awareness and willpower alone aren't going to create sustainable change because if they were, we'd all already be changed. And yet, we keep trying to think our way out of our deepest wiring. So on this episode, we're calling bullshit on our brains. We're getting honest about the lies we tell ourselves and why. And most importantly, we're exploring what it actually takes to break free of patterns that we didn't choose. And there's no one better to guide us through this than busy gold.
Starting point is 00:01:58 She's the creator of Break Method and the author of Your Brain is a filthy liar. Over the last 11 years, Busy has mapped tens of thousands of data sets to expose the predictable patterns of self-deception that keep us stuck. Her work blends neuroscience, behavior strategy, and data analytics, turning emotional rewiring into a system that you can measure, predict, and actually use. And she's here to help us dismantle the subconscious lies, that are holding us back. So, busy, welcome to the show. And I'm going to kick us off by asking, is our brain actually lying to us? And how often is this actually happening? Hi, it's so good to be here. And you told me I could challenge anything that you said,
Starting point is 00:02:43 but I have nothing to challenge. It was perfect. It was beautiful. Chef's kiss. Couldn't agree more. Everyone's brain does lie to them. This is a unique aspect of the human experience. And whether you look at it from a mental health paradigm, a biblical paradigm, there's this understanding that somehow we can be our own worst enemy in anything that we do. And this is at least tangentially tried to early childhood trauma, which we'll certainly get into today. Each one of us, of which there are over 8 billion people in the world, have a unique pattern of self-deception. But one of the things that I found over the 11 years of doing my research is that there's actually only five versions of this pattern. So there aren't eight billion
Starting point is 00:03:28 unique patterns. There's only five spread out across eight billion people. In my book, I break down each of these five general types. And then there are, of course, subsections within that. Once we understand what your brain pattern type is, I can accurately predict exactly what the language your brain uses to try to keep you stuck. So I can actually predict the lies themselves and help you understand from a historical data perspective what inputs generated those self-deceptive outputs. And it might be helpful for the audience to know that there are two general forms of self-deception that are worth noting. One would be positive and the other would be negative. Positive self-deception happens to certain brain pattern types where your brain actually minimizes the
Starting point is 00:04:12 risk and only highlights the reward. So this can lead you into traps. It can lead you into burnout where you think I'm superwoman. I'm going to figure it out. And maybe you do, but I'm sure listeners of the show have been there before. You might figure it out a lot, but there's always an expense. Maybe it's at the expense of letting something go at work or letting your body go because you're not actually taking the time to go to the gym, right? There's always something that you're borrowing from, and that would be a byproduct of something like a positive self-deception. Then you have negative self-deception where the brain is much more focused on the risks, and it's actually minimizing the reward. So if you look at it in more primal sense, these sort of tendencies were what really drove our behavior. Should I hunt and gather now? Should I stay back in my cave? And this is really ultimately what we're all dealing with today is that we've got these very primal fear and instinctive patterns operating underneath the hood. But now we have very invisible fears all around us. We're no longer being chased by a tiger. We don't have to go out in the woods and actually scound for our food. So now our triggers are
Starting point is 00:05:17 anywhere and everywhere and they're often at such a subconscious level that many of us are not aware of them. So we're operating in these deeply rooted patterns all day long. And there's a part of us that is conscious, right? So I'm 40 years old. I don't know how old you are, but my 40 year old lived experience perspective is very different than these deeply ingrained patterns. I could hear something and I could talk myself out of it most likely. But not everybody can do this. Not everybody has agency to separate the two because they've identified with that underlying message, that underlying belief for so long that they actually feel like that underlying fear-based instinct is more than the conscious version of themselves that has choice. Wildly fascinating.
Starting point is 00:06:00 I have one million questions. I am sure myself and our listener wants to know a little bit more about the brain pattern type. So I'm going to remind people to get the book, your brain is a filthy liar, so you can dive deep into these. But could you give us maybe an overview of each of the five or maybe a couple that might be most relevant, however you want to tackle it, but I'd love to understand a little bit more of the brain pattern types. So when you do jump into the book, there is a page that has a visual of the actual brain pattern spectrum in it. So if any of you have the book or you go get the book, there is that page where you can actually reference what I'm going to verbally walk you through right now. So every single person in the world can get plotted onto this brain
Starting point is 00:06:39 pattern spectrum. And I want you to envision it like an X, Y axis, right? So let's all take it back to math for a moment. So I want you to divide that spectrum in equal left and right halves. We have two primary brain pattern types on the left hand side, and then we have three of the primary brain pattern types on the right hand side. There are a few features of this brain pattern spectrum that I think are really important because I think there are times when people start kind of throwing out nomenclature that people aren't familiar with. They're like, yeah, those are some big fancy words that really don't describe much except some organizational system that you've crafted. This is distinct and different because as evidenced by us calling it a spectrum and there's
Starting point is 00:07:16 this X, Y, axis measurement to it, there are very specific qualities that go up or down depending on where somebody is actually plotted on this spectrum. So where each pattern type is organized is a direct byproduct of the qualities that are inherent to not only the the distorted perception of reality, but the output and emotion behavior and thought forms. So every single place you would go left or right is very prescriptive. And I like to think about it more like a longitude and latitude. Right. So it's not this vague like, yeah, you're somewhere over here. It's a very exact, precise placement. So even within one category, you or I, for example, could have the same brain pattern type. But you or I may be five spaces
Starting point is 00:08:01 separated from each other. And even that just distinction would give us as a clinician or a behavior strategist's perspective a lot of understanding on exactly how we would be different or see a situation differently. So once you understand where someone's placed, you can actually accurately anticipate how they would perceive reality. And I think this is one of the biggest keys here. There aren't many mental health conversations happening right now that focus primarily on perception of reality. And I was on a podcast maybe two months ago, and the podcast host was like, like, what is mental illness? And I realized in all of the podcasts I had done, not one person asked me that question. And I finally got to give the answer, which is it is a distorted perception
Starting point is 00:08:45 of reality. There's something that I teach in my work called the neurocognitive funnel. So essentially, all of our behavior, our emotional responses, all of our patterns, they're going to filter from the top down through our perception of reality. So we can't get around it no matter where you go. Our behaviors never exist in a silo. So if we don't understand how the brain actually assimilates reality and then kind of ties in assumptions and underlying core beliefs and distortions that are inherent to the human experience, we won't ever be able to understand why an emotion results or why a behavior results. So that's one of the things that we do focus on our work. And ultimately, where you are placed on this brain pattern spectrum, it tells
Starting point is 00:09:28 us exactly that. How are you specifically going to distort reality in this exact moment or with these characters? Or let's say, for a certain brain pattern type, we know that if there's a perceived hierarchy structure in a social setting, you would perceive something a very specific way compared to another person on the brain pattern spectrum as a peer. So these are all little nuances, but as you move out to the left-hand side, there are a few qualities that are going to track up in scale. So every time you move from the center out to the left, we would expect self-trust to go up. We would expect independence to go up all the way to potentially a place where you don't trust anybody and you do everything by yourself and you very much isolated yourself on the very far left
Starting point is 00:10:14 side. Typically, people also become very career and purpose driven as they move to the left. So an example would be in the very center, I have something that we call the circle of complacency. So the circle of complacency is a place where people tend to live very repetitive mundane lives. They don't take a lot of risk, therefore there's not a lot of reward. These can be very family-centric people, but there's just what would excite them or make them feel fulfilled in life is very different than their peers on the left and right sides of the spectrum. So if you kind of set that as the position in the center, basically everything you go out from that, you know, very repetitive being able to have the same job for 40 years and It's not that great, but it's not that bad, and that's okay because you just want stability, right? That would be you in the center. So as you can imagine, as you go out into the left,
Starting point is 00:11:02 you also have more volatility. There's specific volatility, whether we're talking left side spectrum or right side, but as you move, no matter what, there is more volatility until you get all the way out to the far left side where there's extreme volatility. Typically here, we also see an increase in situational awareness. So if you, again, were to imagine some of these characters that might be plotted in the circle of complacency, there's not a lot of need for situational awareness, right? You're not putting yourself in harm's way. So it's almost as if this instinct hasn't been developed. But if you keep moving out to the left, situational awareness can become very intensified all the way to the far left. This is where you may expect to see somebody that
Starting point is 00:11:41 perhaps is a war vet with PTSD, where they're so situationally aware that they can't decide what should be taken action on or what is actually just something happening in their mind or possibly paranoia. And then at that point, if you're all the way, to the far left as well, you've likely isolated yourself from anybody else. So now no one's able to give you feedback about your perspective. So as you can imagine, there's a large cluster of mental illness in that far left side of the spectrum. But halfway through the left side, we actually have the highest number of entrepreneurs and top 1% of any business setting, any sort of industry, you're always going to have that center left spectrum is going to be
Starting point is 00:12:21 the concentration of it. There's a very specific reason for this. in the center of the left, right? So you'll see a square in the center of the left. You have this equal balance of independence, self-trust, an awareness of what's happening around you that allows you to make good decisions for an organization or for a team. But there isn't this fixation on what others think or feel about you, which allows you, again, to have self-trust, but it also allows you to kind of methodically focus on your work without getting distracted by little relational antagonism or any sort of like tit for tat conflict, which unfortunately on the right hand side of the spectrum is something that happens very frequently. So if we go to the center
Starting point is 00:13:05 now and we fan out to the right, all of those qualities that we just saw go up now continue to go down. So situational awareness continues to go down. And in its place, we start to see a fixation on relational cues. So as every step we move, there becomes almost an obsession with what you were thinking about me, which of course is projection and assumption. So it's never going to be 100% accurate. And for honest, it may not be accurate at all, especially because what we find in our work is that the people on the right are misreading and mislabeling the people on the left who are completely oblivious to the people on the right. They're not thinking about how they feel. They're not thinking about their facial expressions. They're just locked in on the goal and they're
Starting point is 00:13:49 just focused on getting things done. But that behavior is often misinterpreted and misinterpreted mislabeled by people on the right. So they're feeling slighted and judged and blamed all the while, then likely they're probably going to express that to the other person because they're typically, they experience more emotionality than the people on the left. And then obviously you can put two and two together. These people typically end up in intimate relationships together, right? Kind of the men are from Mars, limine, or from Venus sort of theory or opposites attract. So as we move to the right as well, where on the left, people became more independent. Now we start to see a trend more toward codependency all the way to the very farthest right side of
Starting point is 00:14:26 dependency. So the very far right side, we have this cluster of people where, again, there's high levels of mental illness. There tends to be full dependency where these people can't keep jobs. They may live with their parents or they may crash on people's couches. But there's a perception that everything is futile and that nothing matters. So anything that someone would be like, oh, you should go try that. Their brain is never able to kind of turn the engine over and decide to go after a goal and follow it up with any sort of action because everything feels futile. So that's when you get all the way out to that far right side. So as you can imagine, the far right and the far left, if we were just observing them in their everyday environment,
Starting point is 00:15:05 they may look very similar. And I think this is one of my concerns with the traditional mental health approach is that I have seen them more often than not get bulked up in the same group when what actually drives these two different groups is entirely different. And there will would be no similar treatment plan that would work for both. And I think this is why in things like addiction recovery, you see a, you know, in general, one-size-fits-all approach with many people relapsing. Leaves are falling, lattes are being questionably flavored,
Starting point is 00:15:38 and it's officially time to get cozy. And nobody does cozy like cozy earth. For me, fall and the holidays are all about curling up on the couch, lighting the fire and changing into my PJs the second I'm done for the day, which is tricky because it's also the season of year-end goals, family coordination, and endless holiday shopping. And there's always that one person who's impossible to shop for. For me, it's my mom. So last year, I gave her cozy Earth's pajama set, and she loved them so much that I'm just going to do it again. They're made with the softest stretch knit that feels
Starting point is 00:16:12 incredible and sleeps cooler than cotton, so they're cozy without the overheating. They're so good, I'm putting them at the top of my list, too. And Black Friday has come early at Cozy Earth because right now you can stack my code, women's work, on top of their site-wide sale, giving you up to 40% off in savings. These deals won't last, so start your holiday shopping today. And if you get a post-purch survey, mention you heard about Cozy Earth on the show. Make sure to wrap the ones you love in luxury with Cozy Earth. If you're anything like me, drinking enough water every day sounds great in theory.
Starting point is 00:16:49 right up there with getting eight hours of uninterrupted sleep and folding the laundry right away, which is why I found a smarter way to stay hydrated with cure. Cure hydration packs are clean and simple, plant-based electrolytes, no added sugar, and just 25 calories. They hydrate better than water alone and get this. They actually taste good. My favorite flavor is lemonade, but they have several great flavors that you can try, which make drinking water feel like less of a chore. They even have a cure hydration variety pack for kids.
Starting point is 00:17:18 JJ uses them over long practices or tournament weekends, and honestly, I use them then too, because hauling kids around to all of their activities should qualify as a sport. Listen, staying hydrated isn't just about water. You also need electrolytes. That's why I love Cure. It's clean, tastes great, and actually works. And for this is Woman's Work listeners, you can get 20% off your first order at curehydration.com slash woman's work with code, woman's work.
Starting point is 00:17:46 And if you get a post-purchase survey, make sure. sure to let them know you heard about Cure right here. It really helps support the show. Don't just drink more water. Upgrade it with Cure. Your Amazon cart or your sex life. One deserves more attention. I mean, be honest. When was the last time you actually learned something new about sex? According to Beducated's latest survey, only 45% of people say they're really satisfied with their sex lives. And most of us wish it lasted longer and felt more like connection than like a checklist. And that's where Beducated comes in. They have have over 150 online courses on sex and intimacy, everything from self-pleasure to spicing things up with your partner, created by the world's top experts with real video tutorials and practical exercises. This Black Friday, don't just buy more, invest in intimacy instead. You can join now with 65% off the yearly pass. That's only $69 a year, and it's locked in for life. Use code
Starting point is 00:18:44 woman's work 69 at beducate.me slash woman's work 69. It's risk free with a 14 day money back guarantee. So stop buying crap that you'll forget. Start investing in experiences you won't. Again, that's beducate. B-E-D-U-C-A-T-E. Visit beducate.me slash woman's work 69 and use code Woman's Work 69 for 65% off the annual pass. So when we look at the far right-hand side, there's this really interesting phenomenon that I've seen especially over the last year because typically whenever I'm on a podcast, I do tend to map the brain pattern of whoever the podcast host is as well. So we'll certainly send you the link. There's this interesting spot on the right, right before we get to these more
Starting point is 00:19:33 dependent, nothing matters, very almost kind of like existential crisis. Nile. there's this interesting spot that I've been titling the cowboy position. So if you think about it going from the center out to the right, oftentimes there's this sort of questioning. Instead of like a why not mentality, everything's like, yeah, but why? Like they want to, they want to know why they should do something. They're seeking reassurance. They're testing their environment. They're not just going to drive after a goal impulsively. And they certainly tend to skew more negative with self-deception. So then there's this one unique spot right before you get to this chaos pattern on the far right where I'm calling it the cowboy position where there's this adventurous recklessness that actually I've seen have has people thrive in entrepreneurship and podcast hosting where it was like maybe their family raised them to have a strong sense of duty and big picture their family wanted them to care what other people thought about them. But eventually they said, you know what, screw that. I don't want to do that anymore. We can see it in their patterning, but there's this very kind of wild hair intentional pushing
Starting point is 00:20:41 against that that makes them present a bit more like a cowboy. So we can see that where they're placed on the spectrum, it makes sense with their childhood inputs, but it's like they chose to really kind of take this wild course to the right. And they can absolutely thrive. And a lot of their behaviors will mimic some of their left-sided peers. But they have an underlying sense of duty and responsibility that, their left-sided peers may not have. So these people, an example, let's say that you have an elderly parent and there's a bunch of
Starting point is 00:21:13 siblings, the cowboy position would be much more likely to begrudgingly go take care of the parent and be like, fine, I'll do it, where the left side peers would be like, I've got work and I've got this meeting, somebody else has to do it, right? So there wouldn't be that underlying sense of familial responsibility on the left that would exist on the right, although the behavior, if we just look at the behavior alone, they can be pretty reckless, but typically highly intelligent. And they mimic a level of situational awareness, though compared to their left side peers, it would be very different and contrasted. So within all of those markers, you place these five brain pattern types. The language of them
Starting point is 00:21:53 would be like me speaking Chinese, but ultimately where you are placed cracks the code on how you see the world, what emotional responses you have in what order, and what behavior responses or then a byproduct of those emotions. So we track nine markers in total to our thought-based. So they're very much under the hood. They actually help us understand how you see the world, which for some people feels really exposing, because this is something that people are usually really good at masking, right?
Starting point is 00:22:19 Like, I present this way. I present so confident. So when we kind of hit the nail right on the head, a lot of times people are taken back, they're like, oh, my God, how could you see that about me? Like, I feel so exposed. I kind of want to cry right now. Because we're not just, it's not like a personality test.
Starting point is 00:22:33 It's so much deeper than that. And then the three in the center are all explaining emotional addiction cycle and how that unfolds over time. And then the bottom four are behavior markers that help us understand early transitional and late stage behavior. Okay. My head is spinning. I just want to reiterate what I think you said several times, but I just want to make sure I'm hearing this correctly. What you're saying is where we're placed can predict our thoughts, behavior, decisions, near perfect accuracy, correct? 98.3.
Starting point is 00:23:03 Oh, geez. Okay. So then that leads to the question, what places us? Is it birth? Is it trauma? Is it childhood? How do we end up where we are? We are a byproduct of our early childhood repetitive experiences. And I think this is important to contrast because very often, especially in today's world, where it kind of feels like everyone wants to be in the trauma Olympics, we all tend to have a story of why we are the way we are. And this is even common coming out of therapy, which in my practice, I see many people who have tried everything and nothing has worked. So I'm kind of break method tends to be the last stop for people. So typically you get people that are sitting there giving you the list of like, well, my therapist says I have this and this and this. And typically my perspective is that's all great and I'm not trying to, you know, turn you on your therapist or anything like that. But let's see what the data says because that is what your therapist led you to believe. And I have found that in almost all circumstances, that ends up functioning like a red herring and
Starting point is 00:24:03 a Nancy Drew book. It's leading us way off course when most likely your brain pattern was formed by things that are so much more under the radar that you would never really think about them. Examples would be people think that, you know, I am this way because my parents got divorced and my dad left. The reality is you are likely much more who you are because of certain facial expressions that your mom gave when you were three and four to express disapproval. So we try to to get people to the more under the radar repetitive inputs that you're experiencing and how your brain was trying to understand them. Because ultimately, every child comes into this world curious, right? Curiosity is how we actually learn and grow and how we build our rule structures.
Starting point is 00:24:50 They're innocent. They don't have anything to compare and contrast to. They're not jaded. They're not hardened. They can't compare and contrast. This isn't, well, this isn't as bad as it was last time. Everything's fresh. So everything hurts more. The first. time your mom gives you a look of disapproval, that could be absolutely resonating with your body as a trauma, even though it wasn't trauma under the standards of what we may describe as trauma as an adult perspective. But each of those inputs leaves a mark. It's also important to recognize that kids come into this world wanting nothing more than to experience love. And often what you get is something else entirely. I have four kids and praise God, I've gotten better at parenting every
Starting point is 00:25:30 single time. But if I look back, you know, at the first one and two, you're learning how to keep it together. The first one, my first daughter actually died for 20 minutes during childbirth and she ended up having cerebral palsy. So there was this medically fragile condition, all these things were going on. And it's, you know, when you're dealing with stuff like that, even the most intentional, kind-hearted parent, which I really wanted to do everything I could for my kid, that does not mean by any stretch that I was perfect and I didn't completely traumatize her. You know, at any given second, she could have fallen or stopped breathing and like, did I give her enough phenobarbital. So I'm sure I was always on edge, right? And if somebody's
Starting point is 00:26:11 always doing that, then you're like, okay, should I be scared too? So of course, anything, even simple, like what I just described, if a parent is on edge, the child is going to have to respond to something like that. So it might not be, you know, physical abuse, alcoholism. It literally could be that you're a helicopter parent that's always scared, and then your child starts to mirror how scared you are. And they're like, should I be scared to? And then all of a sudden, your child ends up with anxiety or OCD, right? Because they're constantly trying to recalibrate to how you're showing up. So it's very common that these smaller under the radar, whether it's expressions or common things that we say, these are really what actually set up our brain pattern in
Starting point is 00:26:52 the earliest stages, but we track them through historical data. So in brain pattern mapping, we track 200 historical data points that are things that any single person could answer. And I think this is very important because I think there is a huge flaw in narrative-based therapy. As soon as I'm asking you to tell me a story about your life, that story is now filtered through your brain pattern. So if I don't know what the distortion is of your brain pattern, I actually can't correct that story back to objective truth. So we only rely on historical data points to actually create our predictive model. when you were talking about kids, I think as a mom, I couldn't help but think of like what I've done as, and of course now I'm like, oh crap, right? But is there something to the fact that even as children, there is the potential to misinterpret things too, right? Like we, even as kids, they're running through their own filters and they're like, so I think of the example of like, I remember telling my mom about a memory and my mom was like, that didn't happen, at least not that way, right? And so even, even.
Starting point is 00:27:56 if we somehow figured out how to do everything right as a parent, which is not an available option for any of us, there is still the potential that they're going to interpret it differently. Yes? Absolutely. I have a whole teaching on this in-break method called I Got Lost at Disneyland, and the whole concept here is a child could have the experience of being lost at Disneyland when this is the objective reality. So I'll walk you through just a quick snapshot of this just to help explain how something
Starting point is 00:28:22 like this could happen, because I agree, one of the large. inputs to our brain pattern is something that I call gaps in understanding. Because a child's brain, they're going to try to figure it out. And they may mislabel, misdefine something. And unfortunately, for us as adults, if that never got corrected or there wasn't an openness to discuss it with the parents to kind of re-reconcile the data, then we're operating as if that is objective truth for the rest of our lives when it may not in fact be. So let's all take a visual of if anyone's ever been a Disney world, right? There's the kind of bridge that you're walking on toward the Magic Kingdom. So imagine that you're a three-year-old and you're walking to the Magic Kingdom and
Starting point is 00:29:01 you're with your mom and there's just like a sea of people filling the bridge. But your mom sees that you just got your eyes locked on one of your favorite characters and you start to walk over to your favorite character. You go over to your favorite character. Mom's like, oh my God, this is so cute. I'm going to grab my flash camera, right? We're going to put this back in the 90s. So she's fumbling for the flash camera. She can see you. But, think about it. What is the height differential between a three-year-old and a potential adult? Like pretty significant. So maybe mom sees over these people, I can see that you're safe and you're talking to this, you know, you're talking to Cinderella. But let's say the child sees Cinderella and
Starting point is 00:29:39 they're like, mommy is going to be so proud of me. And you turn around and then you're like, mom, mom, a child's perspective of time is so drastically different from an adult that what might have been five seconds, six seconds, if it felt scary to them and like they look back and mom was gone, they could be imprinted with the memory of being lost at Disneyland, even though the mom's like, that never happened. I was right there. I could see you the whole time. So this is a classic example. And I do help parents learn a new way to communicate about this with their children because actually these sort of oppositional memories can actually really damage relationships if they're left unresolved.
Starting point is 00:30:20 And I've seen this happen especially. I worked at a residential therapeutic boarding school for teen girls that had been struggling with suicide, drug addiction, you name it. And this was something that came up quite a bit when I taught this. They were all standing up in their chairs. They were like, yes, yes, you need to tell my mom this. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to meet with your parents.
Starting point is 00:30:39 But this is something that even when a child's like 17, 18, 19, and let's be honest, maybe even a 30-year-old, they still have some of these underlying frustrations where they want to go head to head with their mom and be like, why do I think this happened and you think it didn't? How do we talk through this? Because some of those unresolved issues
Starting point is 00:30:55 can lead somebody to get stuck on it like a skip and a record and never move on. Okay, I have one million questions and I just am never going to be able to ask them all because of time. So let me just ask this one. If where we're placed is what it is,
Starting point is 00:31:12 I'm assuming the answer is yes, that we can move it. So tell us a little bit about that. And then the second question is, is there a destination we're trying to move it to? Like, is there a one right place or true place? Is there a truth of the capital T place that we can arrive to? Or how does that work? Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:31:34 So let's visualize the spectrum again in our minds. There's this interesting phenomenon. Remember I described the circle of complacency, right, which has kind of equal left and right little sections with a big circle around it. So while the people that end up there naturally because of the way they were parented in childhood experience life a little bit more with complacency. They don't take a lot of risk. There's not a lot of reward.
Starting point is 00:31:58 They may experience a life that any of us may find boring. When those people come to break, I typically don't have them until they're empty nesters or they got laid off from their dream job in their 50s and they don't know what to do with themselves, right? Because their entire identity was built around the stability that they had created. so let's say I have a client like that unlike everybody else on the left and right sides they have to learn to take more risk and actually to put themselves out there more so other than this group everyone else we're teaching how to move toward the center this group we're actually teaching how to move slightly out to the left and right sides not the far left and right but the key here is essentially where everybody is we want to get you back to the center but we want to get you back to the center with range we don't want you to just plot back to the center and only know how to do things one way. And I think that's really important here. There are ways that how your childhood patterns you make you thrive at your job, right? Let's
Starting point is 00:32:52 look at that square that I talked about where all this high group of entrepreneurs are. We don't want to suddenly change them so much that they suck at their job, right? We want to maintain the qualities that make them good, but also give them dynamic range. So maybe they're not blowing up their intimate relationships. So essentially, we're trying to help everybody see the distortions so that they have the ability to go back to center, be more balanced and adaptable, but also have dynamic range so that they can meet other people where they are. Because I think fundamentally break teaches you a much different level of empathy for other people, because maybe on the left side, you get very frustrated and you don't trust people on the right. Then maybe on the right, you're feeling perpetually
Starting point is 00:33:34 victimized by people on the left, right? There's this antagonism that exists between both sides. we each need to learn empathy for each other and to understand the underlying motivations of each so that we can adapt and meet them halfway. And I think most of us don't necessarily do that, although one of the key qualities that I think there is this kind of commonality in that entrepreneurial square is that they have a fairly good balance of taking care of others and putting others first while also being able to push down or suppress their own wants and needs, which I think makes them appear highly empathetic. The bigger issue is that I think in the long run,
Starting point is 00:34:12 those people will burn themselves out and they're usually lacking some self-preservation instinct as well. But ideally, we want to be able to understand what drives the other person and be able to have, be able to show mercy. I think that's a big one, right? A lot of us, we can't show mercy. We win, we belittle other people,
Starting point is 00:34:33 we get frustrated, our feeling of urgency just makes us want to step in. If you can't do it, I'll just take care of it. so we end up either rushing or snapping when there's so much opportunity to learn and grow and collaborate in a way that could change both parties involved if they knew what drove the other person. Oh my God. So so good. Listener, I'm going to just give you a moment to hit pause and go and order the book. Your brain is a filthy liar if you haven't already. I know I'm ordering it the second we get off. And I will also let you know at busy's website, busygold.com.
Starting point is 00:35:05 we're going to put that in every other way to find and follow busy in show notes. Thank you for, oh, my God, again, my brain is spinning. Such an incredibly compelling conversation, fascinating, and for doing this great work. Thank you so much. And you can actually do brain pattern mapping on my website. It takes about 20 minutes to go through the diagnostic, and then it'll prompt you to book an appointment so somebody can review the diagnostic findings with you. And we do also utilize this for corporate environment.
Starting point is 00:35:33 So if any of you actually run a business and you want to put your whole teams through this, this is something that gives us a lot of insight on to why a certain aspect of your organization may be thriving while another is not or why certain breakdowns are happening in either productivity or revenue numbers. So you can certainly grab all of that on my website. I think you're going to see an uptick and all of that. The minute this airs. Okay. Thanks again, busy. Okay, friend, let me wrap this up by stating the obvious. brains are already doing the most, truly. They're creating, problem solving, forming complex thoughts, storing memories, learning new skills, and keeping your body functioning without you
Starting point is 00:36:12 having to consciously think about it. And on top all of that, they're protecting us, filtering our reality, spinning stories, and sometimes lying straight to our face all in the name of keeping us safe. So let's be clear. Safety isn't the same as truth, and it sure as hell isn't the same as freedom. And we can't think our way out of it. We can't willpower our way. into transformation, and we definitely can't grow if we keep propping up the same old stories and avoiding the same old triggers. The good news, though, is you can change. You are not your head trash, you are not your brain's default settings, and you are not broken. You're just running on a program that you didn't install. But now you have access to the tools that can help you rewrite the
Starting point is 00:36:55 code. This, the work of rewiring, reclaiming, and rising. This is woman's work. It's not just you. News is moving faster than ever, and I'm hoping that I can help you make sense of it all. My name is Jamie Ploceau, and I host Canada's most popular daily news podcast. It's called Frontburner. We break down one story each day and talk to the reporters, the politicians, and people at the heart of it. Our goal is to help you stay informed without feeling overwhelmed.
Starting point is 00:37:30 You can find and follow Frontburner on Spotify. Thank you.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.