This Paranormal Life - #038 Giant Japanese Sea Humans

Episode Date: December 5, 2017

Deep in the Atlantic ocean there lies a horrible creature seen by few men, and believed to exist by even fewer... That creature in known as the Ningen. Half human, half whale, this monster roams the s...eas searching for it's prey, But little does it know... it's about to be #INVESTIGATEDSupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Are the government sneaking mind-controlling chemicals into our water? Yes. Are the beer factories sneaking water into our beer? These are some of the questions you can find the answers to on This Paranormal Life. Welcome to the podcast. I'm going to be your host for this week, Rory Powers, joined by my friend and professional paranormal investigator, Kate Greer. Thank you for the emphasis on professional there. Yeah, well, obviously,
Starting point is 00:00:26 we want to make sure that when people, you know, download this podcast, they're getting what's on the label. That's right. Which is the info by professionals. And speaking of labels, did you catch that little beer one at the start there? Yeah, I did actually.
Starting point is 00:00:38 I have a sneaking suspicion that these quote-unquote beer factories are sneaking water. So-called beer factories? Sneaking water into my booze. I think that's a real, like, old-person one, isn't it? It's like, back in my day, beer used to be thick as treacle. Now beer...
Starting point is 00:00:56 That sounds horrible. It was a syrup you would inject. You used to have to hold your nose, mostly. Sometimes lie upside down and pour it up your nose. Sometimes heat it on a spoon. I don't think you're thinking about beer. Tap your veins repeatedly to try and make one protrude. You take out a nice hypodermic needle full of Bud Light.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Yeah, they don't make meth like they do anymore. So you said meth. So you know it's meth, huh? You know I'm 26. So you're not my grandfather. Never was. Never will be. But I'll see you Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Absolutely not. All right. Well, one thing we like to do on this podcast is get straight into the action that's right right to the point digging right in there so we're gonna dive right in here this week we're gonna be looking at another paranormal creature a creature feared by the japanese oh it's not godzilla let's nip that in the bud right off the bat. They don't fear shit. No, exactly. Pretty fearless people. So you know that this is going to be an authentic Japanese cryptid. This creature lives deep in the icy ocean waters of the vast unexplored wilderness of the Antarctic.
Starting point is 00:02:17 Interesting. And its name? Go on. Well, let's find out. So it doesn't live in Japan. No. Okay. But the Japanese fear it.
Starting point is 00:02:28 Okay, I guess you can fear things that are foreign. I should elaborate. I'm pretty sure everyone would fear this. Okay, okay, okay. It's not like the monster is racist against Japanese people. No, no. Well, it might be. So it's the 1960s in Japan.
Starting point is 00:02:43 And during this time, the Japanese government sent, quote, unquote, whale research vessels out into the ocean waters to, quote, unquote, research whales. Let's be honest. They're out there with their, quote, unquote, research harpoons getting some blubber on the DL. That's what I think. That's right. And the international community frowns upon it and yet they just keep doing have you ever thought about that like isn't it weird like if you had to list the most developed like most forward-thinking most peaceful countries japan
Starting point is 00:03:15 norway yeah i can't think of anywhere else but those two they also love killing whales which is weird because that what i mean well i guess whale blubber has a lot of different uses i think you're a whaler huh wearing a massive fur coat look i'm not saying it's wrong or it's right all i'm saying is i have stumbled upon a large amount of whale blubber and i need to distribute it in some form because by god it's going out of date very fast did you know you have to refrigerate whale blubber turns out all that salt water actually keeps it pretty fresh basically i think that the whole whale research is a cover for them to go out and hunt whales okay and so
Starting point is 00:03:57 i think i'll get pissed off i think that's fair the ships would be out there for a long time a long time so sure the possibility of some sort of cabin fever or sea madness could factor into this story definitely but uh-huh the workers on board the ship began reporting sightings of a creature that wasn't a fish or a human it was some sort of horrible mix whoa yeah some sort of hybrid you could say so but it gets even creepier okay i'm saying bro they're boning those whales they're not boning the whales so you're telling me that whenever you watch blue planet 2 with sir david adam burr and you see a whale come up on screen you don't get i don't go how about i free this willie about this mo this Moby Dick? I don't know why I even started this joke. I don't
Starting point is 00:04:45 like it. Captain I have a penis. How's that? Sperm whales. Nice dude. That's a good one. One day, one of these whale research ships was out on the ocean. It was night and the seas were choppy. One of the crew members
Starting point is 00:05:01 on board leans over the side of the ship seeing something out in the water on the horizon. It's big. It must be at least 20 to 30 meters in size. That's big, right? So he automatically thinks it must be a submarine. Either ours or, you know, a foreign submarine. So he orders for the ship to approach it. If it's a friendly sub, fine, no harm. They can just have a little chat, go on their way.
Starting point is 00:05:29 If it's an enemy submarine, then these, obviously, these whale, quote-unquote, researchers have their, quote-unquote, research harpoons to defend themselves. But as they got closer to the vessel, they realize it doesn't look like a submarine. Parts of it are moving too sporadically whoa yeah as they approached they realized this was no submarine at all this thing was alive but not a whale not a whale okay too many different parts moving for it to just be like a
Starting point is 00:05:57 solid whale what is i'm so confused with research harpoons at the ready, the ship continued to approach. It's like, you can't put the word research in front of like, like a blunt force weapon. You can't say like research katana. Look, I'm going to defend them, okay? You know what's the best way to research a creature? To kill it and look at its insides. Tear it apart. Sell the blubber. Sure.
Starting point is 00:06:24 Sell its teeth. Flip it for a fat profit, if possible. Flip it for a fat prof, so you get more money to investigate or slaughter. What was it? Research the whales. I would love it if the twist was, like, they weren't even doing anything with the meat or the blubber. They just f***ing hate whales. That's what I think.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Like, absolutely hate whales. It kind of seems like that. Like, whales are so lovable why you want to kill one of them i mean i guess like you say ahab he got pretty screwed over did he i mean he was out there trying to kill the whale wait no i'm thinking of what's the one where they get swallowed by a whale they got pretty screwed over ahab didn't actually have an excuse he didn't he just whale hunting. You're thinking of Pinocchio. Close enough.
Starting point is 00:07:07 You know how when Ahab would lie, his freaking nose would get so long? Which one married the little mermaid? The ship continued to approach, but before they could even get close, the creature sank down into the ocean. Oh. Mm-hmm. So these sightings continued to spread, and the legend developed.
Starting point is 00:07:29 Now, of course, the Japanese government deny any knowledge of it and say... Of course. ...it's all malarkey. Corporate fat cats sitting in their ivory towers. Yeah, you know what that ivory's made out of? Whale teeth. Sitting in their blubber towers on their blubber thrones and they don't
Starting point is 00:07:46 know what a real whale can do okay i reckon uh you know as soon as it starts breaking out boom town meeting you know the whole room's filled with all these people freaking out you got people coming back from sea talking about the giant sea beast being like yes they are Japanese I'm not going to do Japanese accent I'm going to do a redneck accent of course what are you the government going to do to protect us against these seamen everyone knows that these
Starting point is 00:08:15 these frank rumours these lies that are being spread by you lowly you lowly whale slaughters murderers murdering scum. Look, all I'm saying is I'm out on that sea for 20 maybe 30, 40 days a month.
Starting point is 00:08:32 You think I've got sea madness? You are telling me that me and my 12 seamen are wrong, that we didn't see shit? I think you've got government madness. I suggest that you and your low-life semen stick to bringing back gorgeous whale blubber
Starting point is 00:08:52 well they deny it okay they completely deny the whole thing but despite all of the public fears they continue to rise they continue to deny all of the rumors. It eventually gets to the point on November 2007, an issue of MU Magazine, a Japanese publication devoted to the study of paranormal phenomena, featured an article about the quote-unquote Antarctic humans. Oh. Hmm.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Antarctic humans. So the article talked about the possibilities of such a creature living in the southern seas, even though the government had denied it. But also, fascinatingly, in the interview, they included a Google Earth screenshot of what they call a ninjen. A ninja. Okay. Does ninjen mean anything?
Starting point is 00:09:45 It actually means human in Japanese. It's not a human. Definitely not just a human. So I'm confused. So 30 meters long. Yes. How is that a human? It looks like a human.
Starting point is 00:09:56 It looks like a human. Apparently, a ninjin has pure white skin and almost human-shaped with legs and arms and weirdly even a face okay but unlike a human face they only have two eyes and a giant slit for a mouth i mean that's pretty creepy right for a description of a of a that is essentially a 30 meter wide sea pure pure white sea human. That's very unusual. I mean, like, why would anything at sea even look like a human? It's like not a very ergonomic shape for the ocean. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:32 I mean, no fins. Some people have described its back legs being more like fin shaped. So almost like a mermaid. Okay. Kind of as if it had like those flippers, the scuba divers. Sort of like a whale's tail, you know? And like tiny little whale arms. Yeah, also like beady little whale eyes.
Starting point is 00:10:52 It had a human's asshole on its back. It ate krill like humans eat shrimp. Charles Darwin sailing to the Galapagos Islands for the first time and spotting a blue whale. Oh my god, I never knew such a blue whale. Oh my god. I never knew such creatures could exist. How fantastical. A flipper on its back. Giant teeth on its front.
Starting point is 00:11:14 And a ginormous arsehole on its head. Presumably for shitting out of. So I have printed off for you right now the picture that they included in the article you can look this up on google earth and see the image that they're talking about okay you're about to see something that for all purposes does not make sense it is an engine they exist they are real and here is the evidence I'm looking at like what appears to be a Nintendo 64 screenshot. Unbelievable.
Starting point is 00:11:49 Of a forest. Show some goddamn decency. Or some shit. The amount of times we actually have evidence on this show and you rip it to shreds. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I should really show more deference here. I mean it is a rare goddamn day in this office when we have
Starting point is 00:12:04 some physical evidence. That's a sign of truth. The truth right there. Me flapping in front of this microphone. In the spirit of truth, here is also an artist's rendition of what the beast looks like. Please. So I can't reconcile either of these images. It's like Slenderman if he was naked.
Starting point is 00:12:21 Yeah. Slenderman taking a freaking bath. Slender whale. and he's got a kind of flipper the actual google earth shot i mean jesus christ that could be anything how dare it's just a white strip so do we know how many sightings there have been multiple enough to make it indisputable i will say uh that this isn't a lot like our other cryptid episodes these monsters never really abducted anyone or destroyed any ships or anything like that they're kind of friendly giants they're just these giant floating sea people i mean they look horrible they look
Starting point is 00:12:58 terrifying as all hell but so does a lot of fish that live in the the bottom part of the ocean have you seen some of the little monsters? I call them God's mistakes that live down there at the bottom of the sea. They're scary as hell. That's also what you call your cousins. They are actual monsters. They really are monsters. It would be a normal fish, but with an extra jawbone that just is a bone that sticks out of its face with razor teeth on it.
Starting point is 00:13:23 Or those ones that have a nice glowing light to attract fish so they can just eat them. Yeah. Because the fish is horrible. Yeah. It really is like, yeah, stuff right out of a horror movie. It's like incredibly bizarre. I know like International Waters is International Waters, but for fish, the dark is International Waters. Anything goes.
Starting point is 00:13:47 national waters anything goes do you think like here on land humans get kind of pissy with each other sometimes because you know people like racists want to insist that there's differences between people and it's like you know i don't i don't like him because he doesn't look like me but it's like oh my god like we're all the exact same species we're all exactly identical yes maybe we sometimes have different colors of skin and stuff do you think fish are like real racist against like deep water fish or something or like vice versa but like they must be horrifying if you're like a chill little cod or salmon and then one of these like angler fish with the light bulb and the giant teeth comes up i mean yeah i'd be like don't look them in the eyes billy just keep swimming like that's an alien to them that's insane i'm so sorry sir uh just throw them some of your change and keep swimming i thought you were gonna go the other way homeless
Starting point is 00:14:34 fish of the ocean are they gonna say like um or have the deep water fished evolved beyond us because think about it it's so dark down there that you can't see anything. You can't see shit. So they've evolved beyond physical looks to just become monstrosities. Yeah, that's kind of interesting. If you think the only reason we look semi-respectable is because we've got to have sex to reproduce. Those fishies don't give a shit. They're swimming around with their nuts out, trying to bang any hole they can find. That's probably why they got that glowing light.
Starting point is 00:15:11 It's just a sex beacon in the dark. Like if you move to a desert island tomorrow, are you going to like shave? Are you going to like wash? Are you going to like care about your appearance in any way, knowing that no human is ever going to see you ever again? Absolutely not. And that is those little fishies' entire lifetime. Exactly. No human is ever going to see you ever again absolutely not and that is those little fishies entire lifetime exactly no one's ever going to see them lights are off forever lights are off it's the big old orgy down there it's a fish orgy lights are off incense
Starting point is 00:15:36 is on red wine is flowing oysters they're an aphrodisiac that's making shit worse just imagining like a bbc documentary where they've like created a craft with enough structural integrity to be able to withstand the pressure of the deep deep depths of the ocean you know david attenborough is doing the voiceover using this craft we can finally go down to the depths of the ocean to see the wonders that have eluded us for all of these hundreds of thousands of years turn on the floodlights it's just hundreds of fish banging each other there's just like really camp german techno inexplicably coming from somewhere because i don't really know how fish have sex that is a mystery to me i actually watched this
Starting point is 00:16:23 have you been watching blue planet so glad i mentioned blue planet right there yeah okay do you know you know how they have sex well i watch how one type of fish has sex right um it's really weird they basically i mean what's more paranormal than this i mean paranormal means not normal Yeah This is not normal It's a bit like real life They're kind of like alright let's hook up Let's do this thing Except instead of like I don't know Going back to one of their houses
Starting point is 00:16:53 And having drunken regret filled sex Basically the male swims up Directly straight up in the air And does a little like Flicks it's tail around And just jizzes just in the water just everywhere good god
Starting point is 00:17:08 the female is like now's the time and then goes up and does the same kind of thing and she like just sprays and releases eggs I guess and then they just kind of in the air just like mix and fertilize and then the ocean current just blows them away.
Starting point is 00:17:26 And then, of course, sharks know this is going to happen. Yeah. And they are just waiting. And as soon as they have jizzed everywhere, they just snap them up instantly. The eggs or the fish? Jesus. What a way to go. I mean, that sounds perfect.
Starting point is 00:17:42 That's how I want to go. Backflipping, jizzing, and then getting eaten by a shark. Jizzing into the open ocean and then eaten by a shark. He died how he lived. Unsuccessfully trying to spread his seed. Getting back to the Ningen. A little tangent there. Because we have stuff to clear up here.
Starting point is 00:18:00 Yeah. Getting back to the Ningen and these horrible floating giant white sea people. We don't really know what they are or what they want. But the popular site Fandom has a few theories about explanations as what they could be or how they even exist. God bless the peer-reviewed research site known as Fandom. Yeah, we got a lot of our information from Fandom, really. I thought we could discuss some of these possible explanations. I't looked through them yet so i thought we could do it together of course yeah let's do it because you know it's one thing to you know talk about these
Starting point is 00:18:31 paranormal creatures and these paranormal stories but one thing we always want to do is come from the other side as well and you know examine ourselves as much as we examine these creatures you know we can't just go say everything's real that wouldn't be professional and we are professionals it's true so let's look into the possible explanations as well number one it could be an albino whale apparently these things exist explanation number two an unknown species of giant aquatic non-human ape do you know about aquatic ape theory no is that a thing yeah it's basically posits that human beings um are evolved from aquatic apes right right so we didn't like crawl out as lizards and grow to become humans yeah so i guess the idea is that pretty much evolution happened as we think it did
Starting point is 00:19:21 but at some point um so much of the world was covered by ocean that there were apes that could swim and that's what we've evolved from the evidence for that seems to be that basically you ever heard of a sea monkey there's your evidence you look at that thing and you say that's not your goddamn great-grandfather. Get a little pack of sea monkeys, pour them in. You know, you have a couple weeks where they're like growing. Oh, then you come back some tadpoles. You like go away on holiday and come back after three weeks.
Starting point is 00:19:58 Little babies floating. You're like, is this right? Is this supposed to happen? You're going to bed one night. Papa! You read the box it's like if shit gets too real smash them empty the tank outside it is kind of interesting because so far as i understand basically no other primates can swim properly um i think if you basically throw a gorilla in the sea it would just drown really
Starting point is 00:20:25 a lot of monkeys are like that number three the possible explanation it could be a new species of giant manta ray oh manta rays get pretty big they get big and also that might explain a bit more of the human shape and they kind of have a face don't they yeah they've got like the face with the slit mouth uh longer like almost like arms instead of fins and that like mermaidy tail interesting it works as we said like fish get pretty weird yeah um and we know about um uh like giant squids and things and colossal squids and you know all the way back through history exactly so you don't know maybe you haven't seen some of this stuff number four getting a little weirder an aquatic sloth of some kind okay yep you know uh judging from the artist's renditions that's but how does it like sloths aren't quick no no no no no no like i was at the um london zoo the other day and there was
Starting point is 00:21:16 a sloth but they put the sloth in an opening closure they gave a sloth crack cocaine jack that sucker up brings in all the tourists they're doing like experiments being like so this is the average speed of a sloth but now if we give him some crack cocaine he od'd we killed the sloth but if you imagine he hadn't overdosed he would at this point be running around having a lovely time how are you able to run this zoo now what look what happens if we give a cheetah weed the cheetah died anyway ma'am if i could take a participant from the audience now what happens whenever we give a small child a diazepam is this your kid he's a lovely kid how fast is he on a daily basis so i'm trying to experiment on people just some weird like sid from toy story type kid being like here's a snake what would a snake look like if we gave them legs
Starting point is 00:22:10 what does that even mean a scientist wearing sid's black t-shirt with the skull on it like how have you managed to get control of a zoo and all of these animals he's like uh welcome to sid zoo he's like well actually uh ucl has tenured me so uh they can't fire me i can pretty much do whatever the f**k i want um more explanations for what this creature could be again getting weirder number five an unknown alien species i mean i guess if we're gonna if we're really gonna go crazy it could be anything what if it's a creature giant creature like a sloth that moves very slowly the drop ship was going to try and get it to land at new york but they forgot about the gravitational pull and this sucker dropped into the ocean and it's so heavy and slow it's been trying to get out of the ocean for thousands of years
Starting point is 00:23:06 i mean it's possible it could work we got two more to go through it could be a demon i'm sorry what scientists have proposed this list of possible explanations so so far we've got it's getting further away from what it could be whale ape manta ray sloth alien demon uh and you're gonna love this one i bet number seven iceberg that's what i'm saying i like the way they went to demon before i saw iceberg when was the last time you saw an iceberg with arms and legs and a little face When was the last time you saw an iceberg with arms and legs and a little face? Someone might have carved it. It wasn't a goddamn snowman. Now, I don't want to get into it too much, but in one of our previous episodes,
Starting point is 00:23:53 we did mention the ancient aliens living inside of the hollow earth. How are you tying these together? And how inside the hollow earth, there's creatures in there that have been extinct for thousands of years. There's dinosaurs in that shit. What if one of these little beasts, these little dinosaurs, has swum out? I mean, it's not a dinosaur. It's a hypothesis. It's certainly not an iceberg.
Starting point is 00:24:15 It's never existed. So it's kind of hard for it to have existed inside the hollow earth. Like a fish, I'm just shooting my load into the universe. Seeing what's out there. you can either pick it up you can either flip into it yourself or you can swim away this is you giving a graduation speech in 10 years you know your uh your degree isn't so much the ticket to a job, but it's more the license to shoot your load into the open ocean and see what sticks. Some people say every day in life is a gift. I say it's more like fish semen spewing into the ocean waters.
Starting point is 00:24:59 This is the last time we get a paranormal investigator to give a graduation speech. This is the last time we get a paranormal investigator to give a graduation speech. And yes, shortly after blowing your load, you may be eaten by a shark, but do not be discouraged, for your load will go on to fertilize many eggs. This is your life lesson, kids. And that's that jizzing sometimes comes at a price. I've been Roy Powers. Thank you. Good night. You're arrested immediately. Police escort you. They're waiting
Starting point is 00:25:29 at the bottom of the stage. You address the first one by name. Hi, Keith. Keith the shark, everybody. Coming to bite me down. You can't stop this school of fish, Keith. That's all my semen that's my jizz geek you can't stop all those eggs and finally the final point i want to make it's worth mentioning that there are even rumors of guess what men in black like agents warning witnesses to remain
Starting point is 00:26:03 silent about the creatures they really have apparently encountered so we're talking like japanese government men in black i've never even heard that before yeah you know i haven't looked into much we will do a men in black episode i know it's just that's a lot of work to get on to um but it's it's cool to know that you know the men in black uh as an organization are you know, there's no territories. They're boundless. Is that cool? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:28 It's kind of terrifying. It's scary as shit. There's a lot of faked imagery of ninjins out in the ocean, but it's so obviously faked and terrible that a lot of people believe it's actually been created by the Japanese government to throw onto the internet and across the world to establish the entire story as a hoax oh interesting okay yeah so it's like they've created their own terrible photoshops but what's their interest in the ninja not being what are they covering up are they covering up the fact that they know that these creatures exist and admitting that they do might interfere
Starting point is 00:27:04 with the quote-unquote whale research they've been doing out on the ocean they don't want people to know that there's an endangered species of aquatic demon exactly i think that's about all the evidence that i can bring to the table right now of the story of the ninjan the horrible japanese albino sea beasts kit what are you feeling what are you thinking about this this is an outlandish tale so i appreciate that you've taken to the table some um some some photographic and artist rendition uh evidence right thank you um it's garbage i would say i'll start by saying that i mean the google image that could literally be fish jizz for all we know.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Look, don't come crying to me when the goddamn ninjin learn how to walk. All right? You're safe now because you're on land. Soon as these motherfuckers grow legs, we are doomed, people. They already have legs and they've got flippers and legs. They are both aquatic and amphibious and they still can do shit. They're trying to tame the fish. They've got preoccupied with the fish.
Starting point is 00:28:10 But once the fish get their shit together, that whole ocean army is going to rise up. They're very much like Jon Snow trying to wrangle together the wildlings or whatever the*** they're called and get them across the wall. Yeah, and exactly. What's wilder than little goddamn demon sex fish? Yes, they take a long time to tame. Yes, they're used to working independently. Yes, it's dark down there, they can't see s***. They don't even know what a ninjan is. They can't see it. I didn't want to say it. Sailors are notorious for being drunkards how much more does one drink whenever they're trying to fell a goddamn whale i'm just wondering are these guys these guys who have witnessed them it is only whalers who've seen them these guys are drunkers they're goddamn
Starting point is 00:29:01 they don't even have like these people are so crazy they're willing to go to sea for like eight months of the year into the art antarctic yeah to kill whales i think these guys are crazy fun fact did you know the common cold kills 500 000 people a day i think you're trying to throw me off the scent of the topic of this podcast i would like to reiterate that the ninja and are very much not real to me gonorrhea millions a year thank you for tuning in for more facts more facts about how you can keep warm and healthy this winter where do you come down on this one you're coming down on a big old i mean i've already said it you're just from what you're uh what you're throwing out there
Starting point is 00:29:45 yeah no i really can't say it more than enough right i i think it's bullcrap as well it's ridiculous okay it's like any of the sources i could trace back are like modern day accounts of people from long ago encountering ninjin so the most likely thing is it's mostly a fabricated story that's said that people have seen these creatures i don't doubt that there's some weird horrible sea creatures out there that we haven't seen yet i think it was actually either 2012 or 2004 maybe 2012 where we just filmed a colossal squid a certain breed yeah yeah there was some sort of giant squid yeah a couple of years ago we'd never seen one before in human history um that's not a ninjan obviously uh but i think there is some creepy stuff down there at the bottom of the ocean
Starting point is 00:30:37 do i think that there's a giant albino sea human no i think it's a no from me unfortunately as well i think that's a double no yeah unfortunately but it's a fun one to tackle it's a fun one to look at uh if you're interested in seeing pictures of the legendary ninjen including that google maps image uh you can check it out on the this paranormal life patreon for as little as two dollars you can get access to all of our episode research notes that we post every week. And $5 even gets you a bonus episode. There's no sweeter deal than that. Actually, that's what we were going to do right now. We thought it would be a good idea for you guys who aren't members of Patreon to get an idea of what those bonus episodes are like. So please
Starting point is 00:31:21 enjoy this bonus preview of the This Paranormal Life bonus episode. Have you ever thought of offering David a beer? I'm just floating that out there. Do you think he just wants to hang? I think he might just want to hang. He's a child. I mean, that's illegal. Right. He's a ghost child. So he's been alive for thousands of years. Can you still be a minor if you're a ghost?
Starting point is 00:31:57 Yes. If I gave Casper a line of crack, I mean... How long do I go to jail for i still fry for that i don't know a lot about cast cast the lore of casper uh-huh but am i right to believe he was a little posh bitch who died yeah that seems because he lived in a mansion right he's a little ghost boy yeah so if casper comes to me in the middle of the night yes i'm aware that he is the friendly ghost and yes that will be his demise that will be his downfall yeah that's his mistake was being the friendly ghost you can headlock a ghost right can you indian burn a little ghost boy can you reverse arm bar a casper casper shows up looking for friendship, and I suplex him into a friggin' Ghostbusters trap.
Starting point is 00:32:46 You go right through him and you suplex your own head. Break my neck. Now I'm a ghost like Casper? Shit. That was your plan, wasn't it? I have to be friends with this nerd. Casper, can you teach me shit about being a ghost? How do I be friendly?
Starting point is 00:33:01 I only know how to suplex. I can't even do that right.per's like you're shit it's suplexing and that's your only thing i've haunted you for years i've never seen you once successfully suplex a man it's like those guys in fight videos online that like try to roundhouse kick someone and they've obviously never connected a roundhouse kick in their life you know in their head they're gonna be like this is gonna be the one it's gonna look so good so i hope you enjoyed that little preview of just one of the many bonus episodes you can get by subscribing to the this paranormal life patreon and on that note it's time to give
Starting point is 00:33:41 some special shout outs to some of the people who have pledged so far. So thank you very much to Tom Harrison, Gordon Scott, good solid name there, Liam Short. I like the name Tall better, but Liam Short's alright. Ellie Bertram, Bertram? Ellie Bertram. Jack Gillard. Thank you, Jack. Aaron Popleton. But I'm going to pronounce it Pop-a-ly-ton. Ria or Raya.
Starting point is 00:34:12 She has no second name. She's like Sia or Beyonce. Or indeed Rory. Or Trump. Laura Fitzgerald. That's a sweet name. Kim Swanpuncher Walsh Rob Smart he's smart enough to subscribe to this paranormal life
Starting point is 00:34:32 Patreon Peter Griffin who is stupid enough to subscribe to this paranormal life Patreon everyone's unsubscribing after these shoutouts Teabag T*** whose real name looks like Robbie J. Harnett so thanks Robbie J. harnett john stevens solid name as well that's a good one that's a soldier's name if i ever heard one get behind the barrier
Starting point is 00:34:53 two first names first name for a last name tough dudes doesn't play by the names like that sneaker wave which looks like c Blumgart is your real name. Melissa Louise, who I actually know from being internet pals. Oh, interesting. And finally, Art Thomas, who I think I also know. And I like his name because it sounds like Artemis, but it's actually Art Thomas. Oh, that's kind of dope. Art's an amazing first name.
Starting point is 00:35:22 Art Thomas. Carrie Strong. She's one badass girl girl She's strong as hell I saw her punch a swan once Unlike Swan Puncher Who's actually a swan conservationist It's actually really hard to work Yeah ironically
Starting point is 00:35:34 James Woolcott He's wool He's cotton He's James I mean that's like It's That name is like It's like
Starting point is 00:35:42 The softest name in the world Very soft Yeah I want to wear you james not in a weird way but uh james all right if i just you know take your skin wrap myself around it not a weird way or anything our personal favorite marco lombardi oh that's right marco are you kidding me a real person um that wrote into this podcast thank you so much marco thank you marco heffin johnson i've never heard that name before in my life heffin so congrats your original unlike tim dome thank you tim dome next up is matt adikot thank you to matt. Carrie Holmer. Thank you, Carrie Holmer. James Dean.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Really? Yeah. The one and only James Dean. Lori Carlaw. She has a car and does not abide by the law. And finally, Timmy Nolan. No relation to Christopher Nolan. To much my disappointment, I DM'd him to ask what Christopher's next movie was going to be.
Starting point is 00:36:44 I'm actually trying to break into the movie industry turns out timmy is uh no more than eight years old to be honest with you yeah it's a bit of a downer thank you to all those people who uh have subscribed to the patreon uh we really appreciate all of um all of your support i hope you're enjoying all the bonus episodes and, you know, show notes and t-shirts, the rad t-shirts that are currently
Starting point is 00:37:09 being sent out to all of you lovely people. So that's it for this week's episode. Thank you for tuning in. We'll be back next week with a brand new paranormal story.
Starting point is 00:37:17 Thank you.

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