This Paranormal Life - #041 Christmas Special - Krampus: Satan's Little Helper

Episode Date: December 25, 2017

WARNING: don't listen or read with young children! or any of our other episodes for that matter!All those years your parents taught you about Santa, they left out one dirty secret: Santa's best friend is Satan, and boy oh girl do I wish I was joking. This week we explore the disturbing world of Santa's best friend and criminal accomplice - Krampus!Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is Christmas spirit and is it possible to capture Ghostbusters style? Can reindeers fly because of some telekinetic ability or do they legit just have hops? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Oh! Welcome to the podcast, it is Christmas god damn day! Ho ho ho ho! Jingle jangle! The second most paranormal day of the year. That's right. It's when mysteries unfold where dreams are made and crushed.

Smashed. Destroyed. To smithereens. I know that's how most of my Christmases went. Are you a big fan of Christmas, Rory? I love Christmas. I love, you know, any day where a mysterious man travels the world overnight and breaks into people's houses. Pumps me down with my name on a list.

Yeah. Terminator style. You best believe I'm naughty as well, so I'm going to be hard to find. You Home Alone style rigged the hogs at that point, knowing that son of a bitch is coming with a sack of coal. And you've got a sack of shit on fire on the doorstep waiting. Yeah, but where Macaulay Culkin used smashed up decorations, I've imported animal traps from South Africa. Really heavy grade duties.

I mean, that's how I lost my right hand. Yeah, what about the left? The left? That was actually a freaking Easter trap that went off prematurely. The bunny himself did show. He got me bad. Two weeks in the hospital, I'm going, that was an amazing trap. I need to find who sells those things because I've got a guy I want to catch.

That's right. Welcome back to the podcast. This is the only podcast on the internet where every week we dissect a different paranormal tale, case, claim, and we investigate it to within an inch of its life. We determine whether it is true or whether it is false. And today we do have a festive themed episode for you. Like always, we're not going to be around the bush too much. No, we dive straight in.

Straight down that chimney. We're just going to go straight down the chimney onto the burning ashes beneath. Children screaming, father grabbing his rifle as he realizes an intruder has entered the house. That's how we're starting this damn podcast. It's December 24th and children all around the world are sleeping peacefully, anticipating all the presents they'll receive in the morning. The delicious feast their family will enjoy the next day. And if they're lucky, a beautiful blanket of snow stretching out over the land and they'll be able to make snowmen

with their siblings could you imagine god perfect just perfect i mean i grew up in a nuclear bunker so i knew no such christmas right you dreamt of them only as we all know christmas itself is predicated on a lie. And I think we both know what I'm talking about. Right. Should we say it on three? Yeah. This is common knowledge. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. Ready? One, two, three. Santa Claus. What? What were you going to say? I wasn't going to say it. I said it.

Are you suggesting that Santa Claus is a lie? Yes. And you're suggesting that he is not so so you're saying it'd be an interesting episode so whenever so whenever you were a child did you or did you not email santa no you i don't think any child emailed santa you so you did not email santa claus everyone knows what you have to do is write a list on a piece of paper and throw it up the chimney right take a photo and two out of three and throw it up the chimney. Right. Take a photo and it's unscannable. Two out of three times the letter would fall back down into the burning flames.

It was a very risky maneuver, actually. It was, yeah. Many lists were lost. And you're saying he's a lie somehow. Yes. Why would I say that he's real if I didn't email him? Wouldn't that be weird? How do you explain the cookies and milk that get eaten in the morning how do you explain the the cookies and milk that get

eaten in the morning whenever you come down and the cookies and milk are gone i suppose you just think they disappeared um goblins perhaps no that's not as far-fetched as santa so jesus christ so whenever i saw santa claus kiss my my mother whoa I suppose you just think that was some stranger. Was he even dressed? Some strange man that was not indeed Santa Claus. What did this man look like? Very short, long blonde hair

like Claus himself. Was he jolly? Really sad, actually. Very upset. Visibly so. Why is your mother kissing him? So you're saying that every parent in the world just lies to their child and buys them presents?

That is the current... Look, I don't want to be the one to burst this little festive bubble here. What the f*** are you trying to say? I bring the truth. I bring the facts. I'm a goddamn paranormal investigator. Santa isn't real. I'm sorry, kid. I... I didn't... This is f***. I didn't need to hear this today. This is... I knew we were going to... I knew we were going to talk about a lot of stuff. I didn't...

I thought this was granted. I'm worried that you think that you are in a position to inform the world when you think Santa's real. I know he's not real. Okay. Just a second ago ago you were very convinced he was and you're crying now will i still get presents no probably not really no please don't wait up all night at the chimney this is fucked you know what i actually i'm not even in the mood to podcast anymore i need to call my parents okay for the for the sake of the podcast let's just

keep going okay whether or whether or not Santa's real, listen, that's... Right, he's not, but let's continue. He is, very much. Okay. But in the hearts of minds... Agree. So that's real for me. Okay.

Put down the gun. Get in the chimney. So it's said on Christmas Day that good boys and girls get presents. Right. But boys and girls who are not good get coal or some other shitty gift as a punishment. As we know, this punishment simply does not work. Kids around the world are little shits 24-7 because they know there's no real punishment. Exactly.

Back in the Dizzee, maybe there was. You know, maybe kids did get punished and they had to be good. But, you know, these days their parents are probably going to cave and buy them a new Call of Duty or whatever. And so what if Santa gets them a sack of coal? It doesn't matter. Well, it's also weird because presumably in the olden days, like a bag of coal would have been great. Yeah. It's like, oh, if you're a little brat, you're going to get a bag of coal.

That was like a year's wage. I'm'm freezing i am so cold all the time i would love a bag of cold i've been naughty as shit all year dreaming of coal i know what if you yeah like this is how you break santa is if you request coal right he's like doesn't know what to do. Yeah, exactly. What happens when we've like burnt out all the, you know, the Earth's natural resources? We never thought of what global warming would do to Santa's business. Exactly. We need to be purging day in, day out to get as much coal as possible

so we can keep our machines fueled. Despite this, frankly, hiccup of the whole Christmas system, there is still one part of the world where kids are little angels, where they're good all year round. These kids are tidying their rooms, helping their parents with the housekeeping, doing their homework. And that's because every December 5th, they have to fight for their life against the forces of evil.

Okay. On what is known as Krampusnacht. So this is said in Canada, yes? These are Canadian children? The legend goes that in parts of Germany, Eastern Europe, and Austria, bad children are murderously hunted down by a beast known as the Krampus. Jesus, so not even just given shit gifts. Murdered?

Literally physically reprimanded for their bad deeds, yes. Goddamn. According to legend, Krampus will spend the night visiting each house. He might just leave bundles of sticks for bad children, or he might beat them with the sticks, depending on his mood. There is a huge amount of distance between those two things. Because one is just leaving the sticks at the door, and the other one is forcibly entering someone's home.

He's very much a drunken father figure to these children. Yes. Which we're all too familiar with. Where you just, every night is like rolling the dice. Will I get beaten? Will I not? Right. Well, I am the father in this situation.

My kids fear me. They call me Krampus, actually. I mean, let alone the kids. Every Tuesday for me is rolling the dice with fate, whether Rory's in a good podcasting mood or a bad podcasting mood. Sometimes I, you know, give him sticks to beat him with. Sometimes I'm in a good podcasting mood or a bad podcasting mood. Sometimes I give them sticks to beat them with. Sometimes when I'm in a better mood, I'll get them like a freaking Nintendo

Switch to beat them with. But it's softer on the rounded edges, so it's not as aggressive and violent. Yeah, thankfully last week it was bubble wrap that softened the blow somewhat. The only problem is I do use the chimney every time.

Two out of three times, I get stuck. The third time, it's lit. So it's actually really a horrible experience for me, more than the kids. I have the black lung at this point. The threats don't stop with mere beatings.

The Krampus might also toss the children into a sack or basket on his back and throw it into a stream. Jesus. Or if he's extremely pissed, he might take them to hell. What? Mm-hmm.

I don't know why you're laughing. I'm sorry, it's very serious. Mm-hmm. So he comes from hell? Something like that, yes. Right, okay. The idea is that if you survive Krampusnacht, you make it to the next day.

Nicholas Tag, a.k.a. St. Nicholas Day. Right. St. Nicholas is, of course, Santa Claus. Of course. So the idea, if you can survive Krampusnacht, you get gifts if you haven't been beaten, drowned, or killed, or dragged to hell. Okay, that seems fair. So when was this mysterious beast known as the Krampus first documented?

Well, it turns out he's pretty much old as time itself. Most academics agree that the tradition is pre-Christianristian going back to pagan times we see this time and time again yeah you know whenever there's something in the christian tradition it often stretches back a bit further people have suspected that krampus may be another name for the wiccan horned god of witches okay the god of witches so this person presumably controls witches yes the ruler of witches. So this person presumably controls witches. Yes. The ruler of witches. You're probably, I might actually take this point to show you what the horned god of witches looks like.

You hold up a mirror. All right. That's on call for. It precedes Christian traditions and anthology, but I'll show you now a image of the little bitch boy. The nerd god of little bitches. Of tiny dick. All right, Kit, now you're just being mean. I know you're still pissed about the Santa thing,

but that's not on me. It's time for me to ruin your day. So here is like, this is kind of like a, maybe like a medieval depiction, Wiccan perception of the horned god. Okay. Whoa. Okay. Good Lord. That's scary.

Yeah. It's quite a scary image, isn't it? I don't know why. Yeah. It's essentially like a group of people all like just chilling in a field circled around this like goat type person. It's kind of a giant goat. Kind of a giant goat. Kind of humanoid.

On his, like he's standing or sitting like a human. For some reason, there's a woman offering him. Have you seen, do you see this? She's offering him a skeleton boy. What little boy? You look down down it's you rotting flesh back up you're a goat i'm a goat i have hoof hands worst christmas ever uh yeah so i mean he's got that classic demon look yeah you're quite right

actually that little skeleton it actually appears to be alive that little skeleton boy it's very disturbing yeah i'd like to know the imagery behind this for sure um so yeah so you're starting to get this is where they think krampus might have originated from right i mean we've all seen depictions of satan and it is often depicted as a goat-headed devil or something like that with hooves yeah you know like body goats really got the short end of the straw on that one because it could have been it could have been anything what if the devil when he took certain forms of animals he was like a goddamn giraffe yeah you know they look scary ish that's some paranormal things going on there

look have you seen its neck yeah that's not human but a goat's just a goat if an alien came down you had to they were like all right which is the most evil animal yeah and you pointed at a goat they'd be like that doesn't seem right like are you sure he's eating grass and pissing like and now he's falling over and we're like you don't understand you didn't see what he did to the skeleton boy but then you show him yeah like a giraffe or i don't know a goddamn lion flamingo i don't know a hyena a hyena why is it not why do you say a flamingo right just like the scariest animals i could think of it's freaking pink dude i'm scared of pink shit look what's weird all right a hyena is like a cat with teeth and it laughs.

Okay. That's pretty weird now that I say that. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do the hyena thing. Yeah. But for the record, flamingo, a weird pink colored bird with a curved ass neck. It is kind of creepy the way it stands on one foot.

It stands on one leg. Uh-huh. That's creepy. Yeah. Why do you not need two? You've got two. Why don't you use it? You were given two.

Exactly. It's like. How much of a more like F you to God is that yeah oh thanks for the two legs only need one though um yeah so i would say uh flamingo is the face of the devil for me i think the goat thing is in their eyes they've got weird eyes pupils square pupils and they kind of never look like they're looking at you they're kind of always looking through you into your soul yeah yeah interesting but have you ever done a staring contest with a goddamn flamingo no they look through your soul even deeper they look down to your ass they were actually just checking me out now i think about it yeah they are the horniest bird

alive yeah no the wolf whistle How about a flamingo whistle? It goes a little bit like this. Ah! As we talked about before, whenever Christianity came along, it kind of hoovered up a lot of pagan gods for itself. Right. This worked as a really good way of stamping out all the other religions that existed and adopting them for yourself. Smart.

Adopting all their... It's like whenever a corporation does, they have a competitor company out there. I could compete with these people, or I could just buy them, and they are mine now. Got it. I have all of their things.

Incorporate them, exactly. Exactly. So not only does this explain why Krampus looks like the devil, the terrifying reality of this is that Krampus may predate Santa and Satan. Krampus might be older than Satan. Oh, why? Because like Satan's like the biblical devil, right? Yeah. And Krampus goes back way further than that to goat times. that to goat times you have the iron age bronze age before that the stone age and then the grass age water age wind age fire age before that probably bc gt goat times the oldest known

times where it was just goats around the earth it was a very limited period after the time of the dinosaurs and before the time of the humans. Very brief period. Ran shit fucking hardcore. They were ruthless dictators. They actually explored a lot of the outer reaches of the galaxy before they were struck down by a comet. Sidebar. You know why goats are also paranormal?

Why? Have you seen the way they can walk on, walk, like, on cliff faces? Yeah, it's pretty impressive. Why can they do that? From traversing the mountainous edges of hell, I reckon. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I don't mean to red pill anyone, but is no one concerned that Santa is an anagram of Satan?

Holy shit. Turn off the podcast. anagram of satan holy shit turn off the podcast it's like when we realized neil a for neil armstrong backwards is alien that was a pretty deep one i have to say and frankly why nasa has not been taking a task over this ever since we dropped it on the podcast who are frankly tens of listeners well you know why nasa standing for never a straight answer. That's goddamn right. And that's from the inside out. It's fishy. Krampus first popped up in medieval plays

around the 11th century. He was actually a pretty sick dramatic improv artist. Really? Over time, he became more and more like the mischievous child terrorizer, Krampus, we know today. Now, when we talk about God and Satan, those two hate each other. They're locked in an eternal battle for control of humanity.

Everyone knows that. Yes. But one of the most disturbing pieces about the tale of Krampus is that Santa and Krampus don't hate each other. Santa and Krampus are best friends. Are lovers. They're gay lovers. They consummate once a year in a hellish f*** fest that rocks the world. They actually work as a team. Saint Nicholas rewards the good children and krampus beats the bad children right got you

so um you know where santa dishes out good and evil the evil in this legend is another person it's like a split personality well what i'm saying is that what i'm hearing is santa has multiple personality disorders and he knocks on every house and he's like very ill he's like will i be krampus will i be santa let's find out loading a shotgun he's got two sacks one filled with presents and one to grab children and he doesn't know which one he's gonna use until the morning he wakes up it's like the scene in reservoir dogs when he's tied up that guy santa's tied up a child and he's listening to like jingle bells it's like dancing around the switchblade

oh what fun it is to chop it up with the air won't let me today grandpa's or santa the worst game show of all time grandpa's or santa everyone loses i have photographic evidence to prove this unholy union if you photoshopped jesus christ they are looking very they're very like intimately close to each other right now they're kind of staring into each other's eyes so kids just showing me a picture of i guess santa and the devil essentially hanging out together but i don't know why he thinks this is evidence or proof of any kind it's it's not a photo or you've just shown me a picture all right so you're you're laughing at me you won't be laughing when i find more evidence so so i get this straight now you're just googling santa and the devil while we record this podcast i'm googling santa and the devil yes a lot of it is porn so here is an image of

if this is going to be like the devil riding on the back of santa's sleigh or something oh my god it is kit has shown me a picture of santa and his reindeer on a sleigh but the sleigh has a side car absolutely it does the devil is in the side car is this not blowing your mind that this is like through your entire childhood of learning about Santa, his reindeers, the sleigh and the sacks of presents. And no one mentioned that there's a sidecar with the devil in it. All right. That's pretty, that's pretty. That's a lot of information.

There's a lot of like old depictions, like postcards. Jesus. The devil is literally side by side with St. Nicholas. I mean, yeah, there's an old, like, Santa is handing out apples to children in the street while Krampus, by his side, is putting children into sacks to take away. Why is no one stopping him? Why doesn't Santa do something?

He knows this is happening he gave him a fucking lift to the house santa has never heard of like accomplice to murder like santa like at what point how many crimes are you like complicit with before you're not a good guy i love this it's like they're at the scene of the crime the devil's in handcuffs santa's in handcuffs and santa's just like well you caught him but you know to every good there must be an evil no santa that that doesn't have to be like that he shoots you in the hip oh jesus looks like i'm krampus today takes a key of cocaine my favorite day of the year also uh just as another sidebar check check out this depiction of krampus and santa

santa's legit about to do a kamehameha in a dragon ball z style show i mean this is just deviant art you're showing me now it very much never has your argument been weaker sir that this is more of a sidebar oh oh apparently i'm an accomplice said i don't think you understand. You are going to prison. You are most likely going to get the lethal injection for what you've contributed here. But how will the boys and girls get their presents? You have killed so many people. Don't you realize what you've done? I regret nothing. I've been a bad boy this year.

So you know it. So you know this. All right. So we know it. So you know this. All right. So we know a little bit about the history, some of the deviant art, if you will. Right. What actually goes down on Krampusnacht? What is such a big deal? Well, in cities all over Northern Europe, hundreds of Krampuses, or at least men dressed

as Krampuses, run through the streets attacking delinquent children, threatening to drag them to hell. And I know what you're thinking, this is just a fun Halloween style game of dress up. It's not really serious, no children are even scared by this. This is very serious if they're beating these kids. Tell that to one reporter from the States who visited several Krampus knocks in Northern Europe and wrote about his experience. Quote, The narrow streets in the old city section of Salzburg were packed with pedestrians as the Krampus stomped through. Many people were caught unaware and reacted with terror. Some would flee and try to seek refuge in a shop or restaurant only to be pursued by a determined Krampus.

With so many easy targets, we again managed to escape largely unharmed. Sorry, they were surprised on Krampus Noct that Krampus would show up? That's like being outside on Purge Night. Can you imagine booking your holiday and being like, hey, this one day in December is, like, really cheap to fly. Yeah, airfare is so minimal. The Airbnbs are, like, totally freed up. This is amazing.

You get there. There's demons coursing through the streets with, like, knives and chain whips. Just beating people. Beating children and stealing them. At times we were chased,ostled and struck but compared with the brutality we witnessed it was obvious we had been spared the full brunt of what crumpa crampus could muster the writer went on to describe quote savage beatings to people's thighs and shins as well as crampus chasing down and sitting on a teenager. I love that this is essentially an excuse now for a purge-like night. It really is purge-like.

I wonder if this is where, because this is like very old, I wonder if this is where the idea of the purge came from. At one instance, we witnessed a horde of Krampuses raid an electronics store and make out with 20 LED televisions. Krampuses were seen jacking cars, stealing wallets. I legit saw Krampus robbing a bank. It was insane. And this was pre-Krampus knocked.

This was several days later. I know. It's like the way kids these days, they start trick-or-treating on October 20th. Right. Krampus Noct just begins in May. You're like, hey, you can't take my shit. Krampus Noct is literally six feet. He starts beating your thighs.

Ah! Oh! I'm working Krampus Noct, so I have to do it now. So I've got a video here in a place called Cilandro. I don't know where that is. This is some video evidence of a Krampus Noct in action. Good Lord. Okay.

Feast your eyes. So that's Krampus? Jesus. So you see there's several Krampus in this street. They're essentially, they have the face of demons, but it looks like they're just wearing ghillie suits. It does look a little bit like that. And they're just, they are just beating passersby with sticks.

Literally grown men, they're just beating them with sticks. Now the public are kind of rallying up to fight Krampus. Yeah. Good Lord. So a Krampus just beat a man in the face with a stick. What I don't understand is why do some people get to be Krampus and the others just have to be beaten? Are these just angry men? So one Krampus is now holding a man while another Krampus beats him with a stick. Yeah. How is this real? How is this a real thing jesus christ there's a mob of krampus this is essentially what

we're seeing is martial law declared where krampuses are just running the street with branches and sticks hammering people so krampus has just got someone a headlock people are weirdly just willing to get beaten as well as if this is just what has to happen yeah this is one of the strangest things I've ever seen I think in my life I mean this video is 100% going in the this paranormal life research notes on Patreon be able to see this you're gonna want to see this Jesus Christ Okay, now some sort of pony and trap is going through the streets with flames

No, those are torches and there's Santa Claus, I think Flames? No, those are torches. And there's Santa Claus, I think. Now it seems to be the end of the night where everyone who was Krampus has now taken their masks off and is just, like, raging drunkenly in the streets. Borderline twerking on top of a table in a bar. Like, I don't know why they think they've earned this.

We have established that the men we saw in that video were not real krampuses right uh they were wearing costumes of course um these traditional costumes are exquisitely handmade oh my god so that might um tell you why some people are krampus and like it's like you gotta buy into it it's like an investment to be a krampus right i mean that's still not an excuse for you to beat people i think if i spent a g on a on a ghillie suit i'd get to beat people maybe one person at least i get held down and beaten by 25 krampus ah shit oh crap you're ruining the suit i'm so broke but krampus hasn't always enjoyed uh such free reign on the streets of northern europe between 1934 and 1938 when austria was under fascist rule krampus was borderline shut down he was seen as a symbol of sin and anti-Christian ideals. And the government of Lanes in Australia pledged to arrest Krampus on sight.

God, 100%. I don't know why no one else is doing this. I included that point because it's quite interesting because it draws back into the conversation. The Krampus we just saw were obviously not real, inverted commas. But if they were trying to arrest Krampus in the 30s, does that mean that there was a real Krampus running around the street attacking children couldn't it just be that there were more people dressed as Krampus I don't think so personally I think there's actually a lot more to this Krampus guy but despite this period that Krampus was being cracked down on in, Krampus has weirdly become a mascot of Christmas,

increasingly more and more into the modern age. He's seen as kind of a fun alternative to Santa Claus, I guess. And the celebration of Krampus is actually spreading to the United States in particular. So do you think in Germany, every like every year, you know, we have the like Coca-Cola Santa adverts? Do they have like Krampus adverts? Krampusnacht is coming, Krampusnacht is coming. It's just a montage of him beating people with Coke cans, like mercilessly hammering their faces. hands like mercilessly hammering their faces tis the season always crumple cola children's beatings is what we bring season's greetings more like children's beatings

grandpa's not we need to make a grandpa's not uh coca-cola advert that would be incredible what i'm going to include in the show notes for this episode is the famous postcards that would have been sent um in the last century around europe of the krampus to celebrate krampus noct okay let's just get started right here number one the devil is forcibly uh shoving a little boy into a burlap sack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to take that little boy. His tongue is out. It's as long as his own face. He's clearly enjoying it.

Way too much. The Krampus, he's really getting a kick out of this. Yeah, it is horrible. Yeah, it's very disturbing. Card number two, Krampus is now skiing down a slope with children protruding from his backpack right right screaming out in fear uh as they're brought down this mountain here's one where he essentially has an army of children chained up behind him and he's just dragging them along yeah uh he seems to be

like i feel like these wouldn't be able to be sold in 2017 you wouldn't be able to produce these postcards here's a great one where um kids have clearly been playing with a large music box but um so so they were maybe enjoying their christmas morning they got a new toy exactly but obviously as the box bursts open it is in fact krampus inside i see he is emitted uh emerged from the box like a horrible smoke void with a demon's face. So he has tricked them to thinking they were good boys and girls, but actually they're going to hell. And it's strange because we know he was actually incredibly uncomfortable in that box. For a long time. The children were out at dinner.

Yeah. So he's been in there for 31 consecutive hours. Yeah. He was sweating. He consecutive hours. He was sweating. He was hungry. He was uncomfortable. He committed to a long play there. He really did. Because the joy he feels

when he sees the terror in a child's face, that's his hamburger. He feeds off that. It's what he lives off. Hamburger. So these were very popular um and worryingly they're they're having a comeback they're enjoying a renaissance period nice in the u.s and across europe so we've looked at the history of krampus krampus is a funny one because

krampus is like as old as time itself it looks as if krampus like god has many names that go back throughout history so before krampus was krampus he was um you know maybe some biblical devil character before that he was maybe a pagan god right for that he was the uh horned god of witches is that what we called him during the wicca i don't think there's anything more to it than that he just seems to be an evil entity embodied and he just seems to delight in the worst thing you can do which is murdering children yeah i mean like we come across this a couple times it's like the um the goblins episode where it's like goblins yes there's a um you know selection of goblins that look and act a

very certain way then you've got like the christmas goblins for example that are you know known as little shitsters around christmas time but then again goblins is just a term to refer to these many different types of small little evil things just like like Krampus is a term that, you know, is one way of wording this evil little monster goat. It's just a label you put on a dickling. Exactly. Call him a Krampus. I mean, interesting that the Austrian government

did try to arrest Krampus. That's quite interesting. However, if we're to start making conclusions about whether the paranormal entity known as Krampus exists in consensus reality, what's your take? My take is, so we've got pictures and videos, not videos, we have pictures of Krampus working side by side with jolly old Saint Nick himself. So much so to the point we saw an illustration where there's a sidecar. Yeah. These guys are so chummy they're so chummy that santa like he added a sidecar yeah uh he i mean he probably paid like a fat insurance premium exactly to have him as a secondary driver so i guess to

believe in krampus would be to believe also in Santa. Yes. Which I did establish at the beginning of this podcast that I do not. Okay. So unfortunately. Personal choice. This week, it's going to be a no for me. That's not very Christmassy. Apologies to everyone out there enjoying your Christmas day and me coming on here saying Santa's a real.

Seven-year-old children listening to this. What? Listen the whole way through um i came in here like the rest of us believing in santa now this guy rory you know sometimes he knows a couple things and the rest of us don't right i don't know why you're referring to me and third first told me he has let me know he has revealed revealed to me. I'm here. His opinion. You're talking to me. His opinion that Santa, this jolly old St. Nicholas, doesn't exist.

Right. I would lie if that wasn't world-chattering, heartbreaking. I came in here, I thought this was an open and shut case. Santa is real, therefore Krampus is real. Of course. But in light of new evidence, I would have to say Krampus is a no. Yeah, very much like Krampus himself. I came down your chimney with my stick of truth and I beat you mercilessly

and I forced you to ride a little horse with me. And yes, it made you uncomfortable. And I looked like that little boy. And I licked the back of your head. But if you would just... That was unnecessary. If you would just partake in the little fruit basket of truth that I brought with me... I will not.

We are at an impasse. It would seem... In the sack you go then. In the sack to hell with the... Double no, huh? Double no. Anyway, Merry Christmas to you. Santa's not real.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to you. Santa's not real. Just like the spirit of Santa Claus exists in the hearts of many across the world, the spirit of Krampus lives in the nightmares of children, too. And that will never die. Right, but the children definitely will. So that just about wraps it up for this festive themed episode of This Paranormal Life. Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to one and all. It's been an amazing year. Yeah. Thanks for sticking with us through the launch of the podcast, all through to our Christmas special and everything that's gone with it. We couldn't do it without you guys.

And we hope you all have an incredible, beautiful festive period. Absolutely. Couldn't have said it, beautiful festive period. Absolutely. Couldn't have said it better myself. But I will. Merry Christmas from my family to yours. May God's blessings, you know, enrich your life. But larger blessings from my family, I would say.

Right. Larger in some senses of the word, but from the holiest and most thoughtful, caring blessings from my family, from me, even bigger, 10 times what I have, may it be 10 times what you have. No, no, yeah. So if I, you know, get a car, I hope you get 10 cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is what I'm trying to say.

Rory's family are liars. They're not in the position to give any Christmas wishes. So I would just like to extend, in absence of his wishes, which are just really worthless, I would like to extend uh in absence of his wishes um which are just uh really worthless i would like to send more wishes more wishes than that right okay yeah uh what do you need people tell me what you need and i'll give it to you i will grant every single wish of everyone that listens to this podcast right now dare me dare me right now christmas day i will sack it off i will will sack off Christmas with my family

to do whatever I can for you people. DM me what gift you want. Leave your chimney open and I'll see you on Christmas Day. Add it to your wish list. My credit card details are in the show notes. Merry Christmas and children's beatings to all of you. We will see you next year

for our New Year's special. We don't upload till Christmas next year. Krampus Part 2 Return of Krampus. Thank you for listening and ciao.