This Paranormal Life - #100 Live Investigation from the Vault Festival

Episode Date: February 12, 2019

This episode was recorded live at the Vault Festival in London to celebrate our 100th episode! Thanks for joining us on this spooky adventure and hope you'll stick around for 100 more!Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How's everybody doing tonight? You can tell we had the pre-drinks before the show. This is great. First off, I just want to say thank you guys. I don't know if you know this or not. This is our 100th episode of the podcast. I am wasting my life. Have I ever said that before?

It's insane. I think when we started this, I don't know if you guys know about the first idea we had for a podcast, but I'll give you the elevator pitch. It was making fun of children's art. We were going to get children to send art to our podcast, and we were going to make fun of it. Yeah, you know the way they say,

there's kind of a movement these days of like punching. You've got to punch up. It's not really politically correct or acceptable to punch down. We hadn't got that memo. No. At that point in time. Because everyone's like, oh yeah, it's like stealing candy from a baby. I was like, yeah, what's he going to do?

Yeah. Boom. She doesn't even have any teeth. It's easy. I'm not going to steal candy from a man. He'll hurt me. Last time you tried it with your dad, it didn't end well. He's actually a lot stronger than you.

Well, welcome guys to the show. Tonight we're gonna do a bit of a live investigation. Believe it or not. We're gonna be reading through a story that I've researched online. We've got a freaking live soundboard. Holy shit, son. I'm really excited about this. Now, it's a bit sweary.

Right. The story I found. And there's no way around it, because if I think if I changed it, that would just be... I don't want to manipulate the evidence at all. I think I'm going to have to go full in. So if there's any babies in the audience, f*** off and f*** me your candy.

Jesus. Leave your candy at the door. Actually, just bring it up the front. Just walk your little legs down those steps and give it to me here. The saddest little army marches down here. Oh, God. Why did you bring them?

All right, guys. Well, like always Why did you bring them? All right, guys. Well, like always, if you've listened to the podcast before, hopefully you all have. Actually, let's just take a straw poll. Has anyone been dragged here? Maybe hasn't heard the show before? Drag. I'm here against my will.

Well, if you haven't listened before, what we like to do in this podcast is dive right in. All right, so the story that we're researching today actually came from Reddit. Yeah, it's... It's a popular hub for porn enamel. Paranormal activity. I only go there for paranormal activity Is it getting hot in here, dude?

Oh god Ever since Crystallinks.com Got pulled, tragically We've actually relied a lot more on Reddit More on Reddit Now as I said, this is quite sweary But today's story comes from Shitposter2000

Hey, no judgement here This is like, he needed anonymity Exactly Today's story comes from ShitPoster2000. Hey, no judgment here. This is like, he needed anonymity. Exactly. He's probably like a businessman or something. Right. I would assume. The title of the story is,

My friend is having some f***y shit happen to him. Did you say some funky shit? F***y shit. Oh, f***y shit. I know what I said. Right. Alright. Let's investigate. I've known my friend, we'll call him Henry,

for a little over a year now. Almost two. His girlfriend, Allie, I've known for about a year. In that time, I figured out the kind of people that they are and the people that they aren't. And they aren't the type to just jump to this whole f***ing ghost man spooky shit. So fast. But they moved out of my place June 30th and moved in with Henry's aunt, Mickey,

her wife, Claudia, and their three kids, Greg, Mike, and Caden. Everyone still on board so far? We got this guy's friend Henry and his girlfriend moved in with Henry's aunt. Okay, got it. Everything's fine. Basically, from the rip, they had little shit starting to happen, which I think is like a Beyblade term. Oh, right.

Like, from the rip. They're just really bad guests like they just knocked on that door like oh hey we're really excited to see you guys can't wait to have you stay they just bust it on knock them over put up your blades ready to duel they brought one of those little plastic like dueling arenas and everything the really pathetic ones and then obviously like when they knock on the door, they're like, you can't do this. Like you have to actually like greet people. And they're like, oh, okay, fine.

They go to the house next door. It's time to to shit since the anime nerds moved in. There's bad vibes in certain parts of the house. Shit happening every night at 3 a.m. The paranormal hour. It is the paranormal hour. We've talked about this before. All right, so I'm going to try and phrase this all as best I can because he's sitting right next to me

telling me shit. I don't know. Why didn't he write it? It's so weird. sitting right next to me telling me shit. I don't know. Why didn't he write it? It's so weird. He's like, I'm so sick, I can't even type, man. I'm freaking out. He tries to do it and it's just like,

f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f. The things, or whatever the they are, in the house started off with Caden. Now, Caden is the youngest baby, all right? Now, hear the creepy music. You know it's coming. Caden would wake up in the middle of the night screaming. He would be talking to people that weren't there.

He would point them out in the house. And the worst part is, whenever Caden is upset and starts whining, the dog starts whining as well. It's pretty normal so far. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't think about that, actually. Anyway, they set up a motion-detecting camera in the room to see if they could find out what was going on. And when they reviewed the footage, they discovered in the night he would be sitting there,

staring at a corner of the ceiling. A baby was doing this. A baby. A borderline infant of itself. What kind of age are we talking here? Caden is three. Okay. Caden is three years old.

He's the youngest one. Go for the youngest one, I think, if you're a ghost. Yeah, it's like the candy off the baby thing. They're just like easy targets. I mean, they do talk about the terrible twos, but if you're really unlucky, actually one in about 2,000 babies will experience possession-related staring episodes.

Talk about the terrible twos, not the haunted threes. Yeah. No one believes them. No one warns you about that. Everyone always says, oh, like, having a kid will change your life. Oh my God. Like, you've never loved anything like you've loved a little baby. No one ever mentions

the haunted threes. No one does. Well, they moved him out of that room. Smart. I think, like, if you're not willing to admit your baby's a demon and be like it's the room guys like

it's obviously the room I like the idea that like the mum or dad was maybe giving the kid the benefit of the doubt yeah like one of them was just like kid's haunted

yeah send him back kid's haunted kid's definitely the dad as well there was a mix up at the hospital yeah it's like I think we should give him

at least one night just like a chance yeah if he does it more than once send him back yeah if he does it I think we should give him at least one night. Just like a chance. Yeah. If he does it more than once send him back. If he does it, you know, twice we'll put him in the woods. If he doesn't come back a man with a wolf pelt around his neck he's no child of mine.

It's like, this isn't even really about haunting anymore. I don't think you like Caden. Nah. He's too dependent on the goddamn little sucky thing. We need to send him out to the woods. He needs to get some hair on his chest. It's like, Caden is nowhere near as strong as his brothers. Like, his brother's 12. His brother's a boy.

And Caden is losing in all of those wrestling matches. He's just showing no development, no grit, to be honest. Well, they moved him into the parents' room. Now, one day they check the camera recordings from the room, because as I said, they set up some motion cameras. Right. And when they review the footage, all they see are orbs. Orbs.

Henry describes it as if it was snowing in the room. Because sometimes, like, we get this with our podcasts, it's a mix between people who are into comedy and people who are, like, genuine paranormal enthusiasts. Yeah. For them, I'm so sorry. Yeah. You made a mistake. No refunds, though, for sure.

But if any of you know anything about things like orbs appearing in photos, it's like one orb or two orbs. It's always, like, you know, like a shaky cam. Yeah. And Bigfoot's like one orb or two orbs. It's always like a shaky cam. And Bigfoot's like, oh! And there's maybe an orb in the camera. There's so much going on in this video. Yeah. UFO high-fives Bigfoot. That would be great, showing someone a picture of Bigfoot.

And he's like, yeah, I see it too, that little orb. Something ain't right about that thing. It's like, did you see that video years ago? It was kind of like a perception test and they would show you this scene, this video, and they'd be like, just watch the video, just like check, you know, just see what's

happening, see if you notice anything and then you watch it and at the end they're like, did you notice the gorilla walk through the video? But it would be like that but with the Sasquatch. Like, you're focusing too much on these orbs. Well, you know, I think if anyone's listened to the podcast, they know that I would notice a gorilla if I saw a gorilla.

Right. I don't see why. That's what I'm saying. If I saw a gorilla, I'd know it was a gorilla. That was actually a pretty big tangent. And actually, do you know what? We're actually pretty low on time. So I think if we just keep it rolling, brother.

So we got this baby, moved into a room. He's staring at the freaking ceiling like a psychopath. It's snowing indoors. Then there's the voodoo doll in the mirror. So this is captured on camera. There's a voodoo doll. No, I think this is very much his word. Okay. I don't think this captured on camera. There's a voodoo doll. No, I think this is very much his word. Okay.

I don't think this is on camera. It's like, oh, this is a crazy report. Could he attach the video and read it? It's like, nah, video got lost. He actually did, after the story, include some pictures on Imgur. And right beside it, he posted, here's the pics, f***er.

That was the caption? That was the caption. Here's the pics, f***er. That was the caption? That was the caption, here's the pics, f***er. Wow. I feel like, yeah, personally addressed there. I take my words back. The voodoo doll in the mirror. Claudia's mother passed away about a year ago. And when she died...

Oh no, wow. When she died... It's all assed out, it was a year ago, guys. Yeah, move on Jesus when she died she sent her a box with a bunch of shit in it pictures typical sentimental

items you know but along with all of that there was a pack of tarot cards and a voodoo doll with her mom's hair on it And in all of that, there was a pack of tarot cards and a voodoo doll. With her mum's hair on it. Wow. And it had visible pinholes in it.

So does he mean Claudia's mother has a doll with her own hair? With her own hair. And she's stabbing it? This is a very confusing thing. Claudia, I'm not going to suffer enough in the next life. I'm just going to give you this, and whenever you feel the urge, you can just poke one right into my eyeball, actually. Usually it's like, pull the plug, not push the pin.

Yeah. Do you think Claudia's now like, she did die by being impaled by all those... giant pins on that construction site. Yeah, but she worked in a needle factory, so it kind of had it coming, obviously. But the tarot cards as well, that's interesting.

I think it's safe to say that she obviously has some interest in the paranormal. No one has a voodoo doll for fun. Does anyone here have a voodoo doll? Oh, God! Is it me-shaped? Oh, I feel it. Oh, God.

Do you use it? Who am I asking? All I see is blank. Have you ever used it before? Did it work? Did it work? I'm sorry, sir. you used it on your brother. He's like, God rest his soul.

I don't know if you missed that, but he did say he broke his leg. Could you continue? Wait, what? He broke his broke leg like a month later, but that was a snowboarding accident. Surely that had nothing to do with it. You had like the little doll on a little snowboard. It's like a Ken doll. He's got the winter gloves, the scarf.

I did, we did one episode on curses. I don't remember exactly what the episode theme was. I love that you know. But I think at the end of the podcast,

like I'm such a dickhead, I was like, any of y'all motherfuckers want to curse me? And, like, the next week, it was like, hey, guys, love the show. Rory, I cursed ya. And he, like, sent an actual picture of, like, he'd made, like, a pentagram.

And, like... We think it was in the woods as well. Yeah. So, and, like, I think it kind of slipped under our radar because it wasn't... This is no verified Twitter account, by the way. This is very much a troll level Twitter account. This is shit poster 3000.

His dad. And this is a shaky photo in the woods. I had to reread it a couple of times to... And I think I text you. I was like, do you realize that someone... You're like, has your day been bad? I'm like, yeah, it has actually. I think I actually emailed him back

and I was like, oh my god, I'm so glad you love the show. This is so funny. Undo it. Please, undo this. Be cool. How much is this going to cost? You could probably make a good livelihood cursing people and then paying people to to undo the curse yeah but you really lowballed that guy i think it almost offended him to be fair oh yeah i think you said like i'll get you a pint or something like that

and you i think you tried to play it really cool just like like i'm i'm not bothered that's really funny man but honestly i'll get you a pint if you uh go back into those woods and burn that shit undo that and he was like yeah okay i undid it and i was like okay here's your pint of piss That's really funny, man. But honestly, I'll get you a pint if you go back into those woods and burn that shit. Undo that. And he was like, yeah, okay, I undid it. And I was like, okay, here's your pint of piss. And then he was like, you've been double cursed. You're double cursed now. And I was like, oh my God.

That's what happens when you work with witches and wizards. Unfortunately. Did you know that half of our Patreon subscribers are wizards? It's very much a double-edged sword, actually. Yeah, because so many times we're like, hey, if you want bonus content, it's $5. And they're like, what's it for jewels? It's like, we don't have a jewel tier.

Yeah. I'm sorry. Can you make money? Like, you're a wizard, right? Like, do a magic show. Don't even make it appear. Just do a show at the vaults. It's easy.

Yeah, there's definitely been a couple of offers like, yeah, bonus content is good, but what would it cost for your soul? And we're kind of like, I don't know. We'll see how this whole bonus thing works out first, and I guess we'll move into our souls. Like three T-shirts, maybe? I don't know. Anyway, back to our story.

This is what we do. We get lost. It's part of the show. It's part of the show. You guys know. It's fine. Well, Henry is a bit of a paranormal investigator himself. And he has his very own EMF reader. Again, I don't know a lot about the people in this room. Do you know what an

EMF reader is? So it's essentially, for those who don't know a lot about the people in this room. Do you know what an EMF reader is? So it's essentially for those who don't know it measures electromagnetic fields So it's actually a piece of technology that is genuinely quite helpful in like day to day I don't know what a real people do. Bill knows an EMF reader essentially what I said it detects electromagnetic fields. A lot of professional paranormal investigators believe that spirits, ghosts, people left behind, creepy things that happen in the house will give off these electromagnetic fields.

Bullshit! How dare you? I very dare you. How dare you? Security. You calling Henry a liar? You calling Shit Poster 2000 a liar? So back to the voodoo doll.

Henry scanned the doll with an EMF reader, and it didn't spike at all. But there's this mirror next to Claudia and Mickey's door that was Claudia's mother's mirror. He scans that thing, and it lights up like a fucking Christmas tree. Holy shit. This is where I cue a up like a fucking Christmas tree. Holy shit. This is where I cue a bit of a soundboard action.

You guys ready? Now, Mickey runs EVPs every night, which if you don't know, an EVP is to record voice. So it's like vocal phenomenon, basically. Who is this person? I don't know! And one night, Claudia had a fit of sleep paralysis. And in the recording,

you can hear her struggling in bed. And then you hear a dark voice say, Gotcha! And then it leaves So just one word Gotcha Gotcha Maybe with not that delivery

That's my ghost voice Gotcha It's quite sassy actually It's not going to be a freaking bro ghost is it? No Boo dude Boo dude that would be a cool addition to the house actually be like hey bro ghost could you grab me a beer sure dude boo dude yeah um but this has escalated incredibly fast so we went from baby staring yeah to ghost going gotcha yeah like i

don't have a child but like i assume baby staring is kind of normal maybe like baby stare at stuff all the time babies actually in that first like few years i don't know if you've noticed i can't really focus on shit it's like you're trying to communicate with them talk to them and they're just like so like them staring into the distant middle distance isn't that weird yeah I don't think so I guess if it's one corner that's kind of weird right because babies are like all over the place I don't know what's going on I think I crap myself I mean one weird thing is babies stare at me. Like, a lot.

Really? And I thought it was like a weird thing growing up. I was like, ah, like, babies stare at everyone. They're like, no they don't. They see you as one of them. I was like, yeah. Full of baby. I'm like, hey, what's up, bro?

You pee yourself too? Yeah. I'll drink to that, man. I've bro? You pee yourself too? Yeah, yeah. I'll drink to that, man. I've got like one of those little nipples on my beer. I'm like... You've just got a bulge around your whole crotch, reason. Obviously wearing adult nappies. Yeah, I was like, is that a diaper? No, it's my penis!

That's why it's so big. Why did someone cheer for that? Oh God, and that's not the end. Shit Poster 2000 continues. I come to find out the house's history. The house has zero paper trail from 1950 to 1980, but it was a money laundering house for the mafia

in the local area and had two people die in the house. Right. There isn't so much as a census record for those 30 years, but in a neighboring house, a man did shoot himself. And then obviously concluding with, here's the pics, f***er.

Oh. Kit, what do you think? What are these pics? All right. I felt like we've dealt with haunted houses before. We've dealt with people being haunted by ghosts before. I don't think... Exactly.

Corny was a good example. Well, I don't know about a good example. But I mean, I think this is one of these stories that we have that we've investigated before where instead of one thing, it's everything. It's everything. It's like Skinwalker Ranch with the guys like yeah, there's aliens and robot wolves. Yeah, of course you guys loved it. Everything happened. Yeah, it's insane.

It was a goddamn hit. And I think we said in the conclusion if he had just like honed in on one weird thing, maybe we would have believed him. But even Stardust Ranch, he was like, I killed a gray with my katana. And it's like... It just started up here. This is a bit like, Tana. And it's like... It just started up here. Yeah, this is a bit like, I don't know, some new detective on

the force. And they're like, God damn it, what will we pin this guy on? And in the movies, they always try to... They can... The gangster is always one step ahead. They can never pin him. We see him doing illegal shit all day, every day, but you need that one

thing, the straw that breaks the camel's back. Yeah. Like, you're never going to get anywhere if you're a detective and you're like, I saw him tip like 5% of restaurants. Like, well, that's not really a big deal. And I saw him actually kick a dog. Barely illegal. It's just mean.

Might be, yeah. Yeah. You need, like, something hardcore, something physical. So what you're saying is to be the ultimate criminal, you just have to do something, like, right when they're about to convict you, do something even worse? So it's like, I think he's money laundering, and then they fill out the paperwork, they get you in court, and they're like, isn't that that guy who stabbed that old woman? And it's like, we should probably get him for that instead.

Like, forget. And that'll buy you, like, an extra month. Yeah, to stab way more people. You can work your way up. You gotta keep elevating the crimes. I think that's a good way to do it. I know what you mean. With cases like these, all we have to go on

is this guy's word. There's not really a lot of physical evidence being thrown about here. What desk? What are you guys talking about? Whoa. Oh. Shit. Well, one way that we can test this guy's story and his hypothesis is by the equipment he uses.

As we said, he uses an EMF reader, which apparently detects paranormal shit happening in his house. Right. So I went out and I bought an EMF reader. Oh, shit. You're right. Clap. He's a hero for that. Yeah.

I should buy way more stuff. Yeah. It's like, I bought some toilet paper. I don't need you clapping for that shit. Dog with toilet paper. I bought an EMF reader on the internet. I brought it here to the show. However, I'm pretty sure I left it backstage.

I mean, that's not even a joke. I genuinely thought it was on this table until about two lines ago, and I was like... Wow. I was like, keep talking, bro, keep talking. They don't know yet. They don't know that shit's backstage yet. You're gonna be fine.

Just bluff it. It's like, oh, I've got it right here, guys. Yeah, oh, it doesn't work. Oh, well. Beep, beep, beep, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. It looks a lot like a beer. Yeah, man, it's really refreshing. I'm gonna go get it backstage,

but if anyone has questions for Kit while I'm gone... Fire off, baby! I can handle a cry. All right, leave him with me. All right, f***ers, now that Rory's gone... Oh, shit. Hey, we're waiting for you, bro. We're keeping him warm.

Listen. Favorite paranormal story you've done so far? Favorite paranormal story we've done so far? Favorite paranormal story we've done so far. What's yours? I don't know. It all becomes a blur a little bit. Corny. Corny seems to be a favorite.

Yeah. Sometimes people ask me that, like, what's my favorite one? And I usually, as a cop-out answer, just say the last one we did because it's the only thing in my life I remember. So I can't tell you for what I have for breakfast, but I can tell you the episode that I edited last night. I mean, it was a banger as well. It was a good one.

It's always a banger. Anyway, look what I've got, baby! I'll clap that out. I ordered this online and it's it is actually from eBay it's got a good story behind it because I ordered it I accidentally ordered it

to my old jobs office and I hadn't left for long you have no idea how embarrassing it is to message and be like, I need to come pick up my ghost detector. Because you know, they were like, we got to open this thing,

just see what it is. Yeah. You have a whole story to explain. It's so bad. I mean, I showed up and it was beeping for one. I was like, you guys got to get the f*** out of here.

This is bad. I do got to say, I've never had one of these before, so this isn't even like some ridiculous paranormal tool. This is an actual EMF reader that reads electromagnetic fields. And to be honest with you, the first thing I did was scan my penis. Right, what was the result?

And don't pretend like you wouldn't do the same thing. We're just being honest. It's green. I'm fine. It's all good. What would it mean if it was red? I don't know. I mean, like, that's got to be the worst STD you could possibly have. Could you imagine calling up your ex-girlfriend and you're like,

Hey, I know we haven't talked in a while. I know we were intimate together and I want you to know my dick is haunted. I don't know what that means for you. I mean, I knew this ex was bad, but this is a new level. Yeah, I don't know if your vagina's cursed now. I think you should go see a doctor at least Yes, like I was with this girl last night and she just said the weirdest thing afterwards She I think it was the curse is lifted

And she kind of just laughs. She said there was an uber outside. Yeah, I'm worried Feel free to veto I haven't scanned your penis yet Are you is that okay? I'm done Um... Feel free to veto. I haven't scanned your penis yet. Are you... Is that okay? I'm done. You guys wanna see if Kid's dick is haunted? Okay. Alright. You know, you guys don't need to see, so...

I guess I'll just... Oh, God! It's so red! Yeah. Is that good? I think there's a setting on here for a hog, right? Apparently he's fine. He's clean. So guys, what we need to do, I think, to make sure that this Reddit poster, ShitPoster2000 is telling the truth, and Henry's telling the truth, is to test the very equipment that he used in his own story.

Makes sense. If we get a reaction from some paranormal sources, then we'll know that this is trustworthy equipment, and therefore what he's saying is also trustworthy. That sounds right. Like you guys are following my train of thought here, right? That makes sense to me. So what you're saying is that here today we have some, because for this test to make

sense, we have to have shit that we know is paranormal, we know is cursed, is haunted. So you're saying we've got something here. We got some stuff. We got some stuff, guys. Alright? We went to the most paranormal corners of East London

and got some pretty haunted shit. It was actually, whenever you live in a crypt, there's a surprising amount of paranormal shit nearby, so it was pretty easy. It was really easy, all right? We're going to do this one by one, just in case to save some suspense. That falls down.

F**k. We're going to start at this end. All right, first off on our list of paranormal treasures, we have... Let's get like a drum roll or something. Let's get like a cool... Come on, you can do it. Oh, I love this.

Here we go. A metal skull! A crystal skull. I don't know about you guys, but this looks haunted as shit. Yeah. It's been a little while since I watched Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, I don't know about you guys, but this looks haunted as shit. Yeah. It's been a little while since I watched Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull,

but I think this is what it was based on. This is the original artifact. I think this is what it was based on, a metal skull. They took some artistic license with that thing. All right, I'm going to place the object here. Turn on the EMF reader. I'm going to stand back in case some other Indiana Jones shit comes flying out of that. I did actually test this as well on actual

like wire boxes that give off electromagnetic signals, which is kind of cool. So we'll actually know if this is bullshit or not. Ready? Ooh. This is not good, guys. We're getting a solid green.

Do I have to rub him? Is it like a genie or some shit? Do I have to whisper to him? F***ing piece of shit. Showing us up here. Kiss it! Alright, you hold it while I kiss him. Alas, poor Yorick.

Wow, the sexual tension meter Has gone insanely off the charts It says you're pregnant What? Mirror the skull That's a dud First one is a dud This is a dud To be fair, we asked for their most paranormal shit.

Were we hustled? Maybe. It is possible. But the guy who sold it looked so sketchy. It just had to be haunted. Well, he disappeared after we bought it. What was his name? I think it was like Ezekiel,

like some name that no one's called anymore. Yeah, it was really strange. I was like, do you take card? And he was like, no, only jewels. And I was like, do you take card? And he was like, no, only jewels. And I was like, are you on the Patreon? He's like, yes. I am very supportive of independent creators.

Object number two. Alright, I'm excited. Let's see this. Wow. That was a lot of paper and area for actually not a lot. I remember this being a lot bigger. Yeah. Hey.

We scanned and everything's good down there on both accounts. Yeah. Just shut the fuck up. Green means eight inches. Red is a chode. Moving on. So what have we got here? What we have here is a tiny little sarcophagus.

Oh, yes. The sarcophagus of a mummy. You could say a milf. Good. I'm just pandering now I know what does it I know what pushes the buttons Can anyone in the audience tell me what MILF stands for?

That's good Someone just said praise Ra You're just happy to be here at that point We bought this again at a terrifying charity shop in East London. I know what you're thinking. Charity shops are usually quite a safe space. Yeah.

Usually pretty quiet. Lots of old people. Lots of dusty items. Not this. No, not this one. Yeah. I mean... There is something in there.

There is something in there. There is something in there There is something in there Should we Should we open it up and scan it Or scan the sarcophagus I think we gotta do a before and after Let's do a before and after Because we've talked a little bit before About Tutankhamun

Everyone knows that Tutankhamun was doing fine For a long time Maybe even a couple hundred years Before people found him and pissed him off, and they did it by opening up that shit. You're like, by shrinking him. By shrinking him to a tiny size. We gotta get this back to the British Museum, like ASAP.

If anyone in the back hears sirens. It's fine. All right. No beeps, guys. Mother. Shall we unsheathe him? Whoa. Look at that. It was like, you can see it. There we go.

It's a little mummy. What did you think it was going to be? It does appear to be a small mummy. It's a genuine little mummy. It really is. Should we kiss him? Kiss the mummy. It really is. Should we kiss him? Kiss the mummy! But

I need you to read this, sir. This is not how I thought tonight would go, truth be told. I'm going to reset this thing. This is exactly how I thought tonight was going to go. Okay, here we go. Whoa! Whoa!

We got a little spark there. I don't know if it's paranormal So far We're two down Absolute bust Maybe we need to piss it off a little Oh shit Smoke comes out You have freed me

I was the mummy From the charity shop You have freed me. I was the mummy from the charity shop. I do not think our, like, Vault Festival performance insurance covers f***ing unleashing sarcophagus curses. I'm going to just, like, again, I've been cursed once, guys. I don't need this s***. I'm just going to put it in there.

You had a bad year last year, too. I'm really bad, man. I invested in a lot of cryptocurrencies. I thought that was really going to take off. What ones? Was it like Bitcoin? Shitecoin, actually. Really? I'd never heard of that one. Neither had I, but I heard it was a sure thing.

Were you more kind of like long-term or were you like day trading? I'm a holder baby Okay, I buy high and sell low. That's what they taught me the wrong way around for sure. What's yeah? No, I think it's actually in fact completely like 180 you're supposed to buy when it's cheap And then you sell when it's high and you make more money buy when it's cheap Why would I buy when it's fucking cheap? It means it's worth dirt Well, you're buying a soil you're worried about shite coin being worth too little Why would I buy one that's f***ing cheap? It means it's worth dirt. You buy the soil before it's the flower? You're worried about shite coin being worth too little.

Oh god. Our third and final item for tonight. Let's see this thing. It's a lot bigger. Ohhhh shit. Kiss the baby. As many of you guys have known, we actually did an episode on a painting, which was the Crying Boy painting. The Crying Boy.

That's right. You hosted that one, actually. Yeah. For anyone who didn't catch it, basically what was it? It was like up in Liverpool, I think it started. People were buying these types of images. They became really popular

in the 70s for some unusual reason. This is actually a pretty tasteful one. Yeah, I think so. It was a quiet dignity to that boy. But people bought these things, put them in the house. Long story short, lots of houses started burning down. Papers started covering this.

There was a whole big deal. The Sun newspaper got everyone to send tens of thousands of these images, and they burnt them all in a giant field to try and lift the curse. Would you say as well that they weren't legally allowed to burn them in London or something, Matt? Yeah, yeah. No, London's pretty sensible that way, yeah. They made them go out to like Reading or something. Imagine being like the guy in the car that's driving down the road

and on the other side is like this truck full of like crying boy paintings. I think I have to call the police now. I don't own a gun, but I think I have to call the police now. I don't own a gun, but I think I have to kill you. I think I have to make a citizen's arrest and execution. But I was so stoked when we found this, because all throughout that investigation, I hadn't actually seen one with my own eyes. I'd never seen one in a loved one's house or anything like that.

Thank God. But we have actually kind of run the gauntlets and lived with this thing for, I don't know, a little while now. Yeah, at least a couple days. I mean, that's not enough time. We haven't necessarily antagonized the painting. Right. Nothing's really happened to the apartment yet. Touch wood, but now

we get the opportunity to scan it and see if it's verifiably paranormal. Exactly. Here we go, guys. It's our last chance. This one's for Henry. Oh! Oh, my God!

F***ing burn it! Oh, shit. You all saw that. You all saw that. That was, was like red. Mic drop. I did not think that was going to happen. I literally backstage before we started, I was like, yo, bro, nothing's fucking work.

I mean, I feel like I should kiss it. Is that weird? The scanner bursts into flames. This is much more of like the loving kiss of a father. So we're currently on green. I'm going to bring it in. All right, you ready? For the kiss.

Ready? Yeah. Let's go. Is that anything? Nothing. That was one more than I thought we were going to get today. I'm not going to lie with you. And I'm actually kind of pissed off because I had my conclusion.

I had it down. I was like, his name is ShitPoster2000. It's not real. Yeah. I don't know. But actually, now we know that ShitPoster2000 was running around his house and like, yeah, looking at normal things, didn't get any feedback. But maybe he went up to this baby what did he scan i don't remember he scanned let me check my freaking notes here he says he just scans the house with an emf reader he scanned the doll this creepy little voodoo doll that's right and it didn't spike but then he

scanned the mirror and it lit up like a Christmas tree. Oh, yeah. Is he haunted? Was he scanning, like, his own reflection? I don't know. Like, a mirror being haunted? I guess that's not beyond the realms of possibility. We definitely never talked about that.

No. I mean, I genuinely used to smash a lot of mirrors, because I thought it was funny, and I would go underneath ladders and stuff, because I was like, yeah, you, universe. I'd like it if just no one had told you that those were just your hobbies. I'm sorry, what? Mirror smashing? It's bad luck.

I actually did, early on when we were planning this show, I was like, what I want to do is put on a neocote and without any context, when everyone is seated, run out and just f***ing smash a mirror. Like, have it on stage and just, like, seven years of bad luck to start the show. Then I realized I have to

fill out health and safety forms. And they were like, what are you going to do on the show? And I was like, kiss a baby? Like the safest shit you can think of? Presidential shit, you know. All right. I think we're in a position right now where we've heard enough about the story.

We've examined enough evidence. We've even tested our own equipment. I think we're in a position now to come down to our own conclusions regarding this case that I found on Reddit. In traditional style, Kit, I'm going to throw it to you first. What are your thoughts on this story?

You don't need a drumroll for this. Shite poster 2000 has painted quite the scene for us here. I mean, we got haunted babies, orbs, the Sasquatch. Maybe that was actually your artistic license. But we had a few different things in here.

And EMF readers, which we never covered before. But I actually, you know, it's easy to make fun of him. Listen, it's easy to make fun of a guy called ShitePoster2000. Of course. But actually, he's gone one step beyond the people we normally talk about, and he's gone and got some f***ing measuring

device, and he's read it. Yeah, an EMF reader, and what did I freaking say? An EVP reader? Electronic voice phenomena? I mean, this guy is, he's obviously into the paranormal. He's for sure unemployed, but on the side, a pretty interesting guy. He for sure has a Patreon.

But he's obviously, as you said, he's taken the time to have an actual interest in pursuing what is going on in this house. Yeah. So that definitely gives it some credence. But then, like you said, the problem is we've just got scattergun effect here. And I mean, I'm actually still confused about this story. So we went from the baby staring to the doll, the haunted mirror. That's correct. There was orbs.

Yes. And none of it really ever amounted to anything other than the mirror peaked the EMF reader. I think you're forgetting about the freaking word gotcha. Oh, I forgot. I did, actually. I don't know what to make of that. It's like too messy a picture. But you, as the principal investigator in this one, what do you think? I honestly am so

pissed off that that thing freaking beeped. Because honestly, my conclusion was like the gear doesn't work, the story doesn't work. That was like my whole thing. Yes. Has it twisted your arm? Well, as we said, with stories like this, it's always really tough because, you know, what we want is them to latch on to one thing. Houses that are experiencing this many things, that's when we start talking about, you know, it's maybe not the house itself or someone who died in the house.

Maybe the house is built on some sort of weird area. I mean, the dude said it was like an ex-mafia house. He only knew it. He said two people died in it. What happened to the other people? Yeah. I don't know a lot about the mafia, but they're bad. Right?

They're bad guys. That's not even counting the horses. There's probably a few horse deaths thrown in there. Absolutely. All the other stuff. I don't know. So at least we know we have some grounds for why this house could be so weird. I don't see necessarily why a house being occupied by the mafia would mean like a baby stares in a corner of the ceiling.

He's just staring into the corner and there's just a very sharply dressed American Italian man going, Hey kid, you want to make some money? Yeah, I do. Come with me, I'll look after you. Yeah, the kid's like, Mama Mia. It's like, oh, his first words. Oh.

Yeah, I don't know. I think it's tough. With this story, I don't see a lot of evidence that I truly believe in. But the one thing that I do kind of now believe in is the fact that this EMF reader that he used to test his house and test these weird occurrences,

maybe has some credit to it. I mean, that was kind of weird, right? Hey, it did do something. It did nothing all night. It did something just not. And I think what you can do from point blank is like it's his name is shit poster 2000 like he's swearing a lot i think you could be you'd be almost more skeptical if he was like so the story began on october 3rd at 7 a.m you're like it was like a properly written thing you'd be like this guy's not scared like he's not actually terrified whereas you know this guy is typing this up it like three in the morning. Yeah, and his friend is sitting beside him so scared he can't type it. It's pretty legit.

If I have to come down to a conclusion. Yes! Woo! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh, shite. We take this stuff seriously.

It's a comedy podcast. We take this stuff seriously. It's a comedy podcast. We take this stuff seriously. And we won't be bullied into anything. It is a live show, and I've had a couple beers. So I'm going to say I don't necessarily 100% believe that everything is happening in this house. that everything is happening in this house? It does seem like if he's using an EMF reader and there is spike signal, something paranormal could be happening in this house.

And though we don't have any definite evidence, it does sound like something weird is going on. And at the end of this podcast, we have to decide whether something is paranormal or not. For me, this episode is gonna be a yes. Oh, shit! It's a double yes, baby!

Yeah! That's right. Something's going on in this f***ing house. We don't know what it is, but it is paranormal. You heard it here first. A double yes on our first live podcast. Who f***ing knew it? It's been a minute.

It's been a minute. That was incredible. I honestly did not think that was going to happen at all. As I said, I thought the freaking thing was... I didn't even know it had batteries in it when I turned it on. Well, we have concluded our episode for today. That's right. We should probably be getting going.

Well, I think maybe we have a little bit of time. We really don't have that much time left, to be honest. We probably have a couple minutes. We really don't have that much time. Like a little bit of time. We probably have a couple minutes. I probably don't need a couple minutes. I don't know. Is there any story you guys would want to hear? I mean, I might just sit this one. I quite like the idea of keeping something sacred for the live shows.

That's a nice idea. Yeah, so if you're listening to the recording of keeping something sacred for the live shows. That's a nice idea. Yeah, so if you're listening to the recording of the live show, please enjoy this five or so minutes of really polite elevator music. And we will be back with our wrap-up just in one second. Guys, that just about wraps up the episode for today. We've had a double yes. Thank you. Namaste. Namaste for that. Namaste. I hope you guys had a wonderful time tonight.

Thank you so much for staying so late. Let's get drunk! Motherfucker, let's get drunk! Episode 100! Thank you! Woo! Remember everyone, live fast, investigate, and die Thank you.