This Paranormal Life - #113 The Floating Humans of Mexico

Episode Date: May 21, 2019

When paranormal enthusiast Salvador went to his roof for some UFO hunting, he didn't expect to find something even stranger... Where did these floating humans come from? What do they want? Time to investigate!Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When the sun goes down every night, where does it go? What happens if you microwave a smaller microwave? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Hello, hello, listeners. Welcome to This Paranormal Life. The best, the number one, award-nama- winning podcast on the internet hosted by myself roy powers and my accomplice kit greer glad to be here glad to be here it's so great you are listening to this paranormal life if you haven't listened before every week on this show we investigate a brand new paranormal beast tale claim story legend cave painting we're not picky anything really i saw

a weird bit of dirt on the floor and we talked about it for three hours yeah i burnt my toast the other day and i said it was the new veil of churin it was jesus christ himself face in my toast i mean i was convinced on that there was a double yes right there in the spot the melted butter looked like a halo all right i frantically reached for my iphone to record a quick 30 second podcast to confirm it but i accidentally zoned out and ate it you ate the second coming um at the end of every episode we come to a conclusion as to whether or not whatever we're talking about is real or false. We also on this podcast don't like to dilly dally, beat around the bush, wank around the corner. Whatever little phrase you want to.

No one used the last one. So let's just dive right in here and wank in a straight line. Please don't. We start our journey into the unknown 19 years ago. The year 2000. That was the year I was born. In the small Mexican town of Colonia Agricola Oriental, UFO fan and paranormal enthusiast Salvador Guerrero

went up to his rooftop to prepare for some stargazing and maybe UFO spotting that evening. He set up his gear, his fold-out chair, but before it even got dark... That's his paranormal gear? He's not a wealthy man, all right? He's pursuing a life as a paranormal investigator, which, as we know, is not a lucrative business. My other field operations tech kit, a soda can holder. And a pouch for my snacks for the night. Look, being a paranormal investigator, it's a drain on the resources.

If I am a little short this month, who am I going to ask for a loan? Bigfoot? Uh-oh. I can't f***ing find him. He's rich, though. If you could find him. He gets royalties from the Patterson footage. He's been around for so long i think he he

probably has like a dime piece from the 1300s yeah so by today's inflation standards he's a millionaire he's rocking big yeezys he's a wealthy cryptid look he's got he's got his gear out he's ready to do some investigating but before it got dark, he noticed something strange in the distance. Something hovering in the sky. It wasn't a bird. It wasn't a plane. Could it be what he was looking for? Well, disappointingly, it wasn't even a UFO.

Huh. This thing was human-sized. It was human-sized? Human-sized. As the object floated closer to Salvador, he grabbed his video camera and zoomed in as far as it could go. It wasn't a UFO. It was something even stranger. It was a human.

Is that stranger? Sure, a human is maybe not as strange. But if you're a UFO enthusiast looking forfos and all you see is just a floating man in this in the night sky well i forgot about the floating thing i thought you just meant in general what was stranger than a ufo a human well not really yeah it's not just another guy in a rooftop just being like hey sal out hunting again what you can talk How did you get up here? You floating demon. Yes, this is a human hovering in the air. That's pretty strange.

I'll give you that. Give you that. There are no wings, no parachutes, just a human body floating ominously in the air. We need more details. What do you mean? Like human, man, woman, child, clothed, naked? This thing is quite far away, even with the camera zoomed in at max. Oh, and he tried.

He tried. Trust me. We're looking at a speck on the lens here, folks. The body was rotating slowly with his arms slightly outstretched. Of course. The body floated off until it was out of sight. But luckily, Salvador had caught the entire experience on camera

Really? Yeah, because this is what happens This is the luxury of investigating a case that took place 19 years ago. People have cameras people have iPhones Maybe I don't remember probably not but they have video equipment So we can actually get a view of these paranormal things that a lot of the times we don't have the luxury of being able to look at and this is in the golden age of handheld cameras back then you know the mini dv cameras had just taken off everybody's asshole stepdad was videoing them like rolling around a skate park doing shitty little skateboard tricks. Absolutely.

Saying, oh, that's one for the scrapbook. Shut the f*** up, stepdad! Won't you call me dad? Hell no! Look at this 360 flow! I wasn't filming. I know, that's why I did it, asshole! Compared to today, where, unfortunately, cameras are everywhere,

but if that happened today, there would be a little, like,chat doggy filter on that human face yeah it's a tick tock it's happening to britney spears toxic you know people aren't going to take it seriously back then you have that shaky handycam footage it gives it that realistic we all know and love now granted i could not find the video what how dare you sir build us up but i did because i like i searched trust me it exists bro it's probably a lot of places on the internet just not the places i could find it i searched a lot of places i couldn't find it but i did find uh a screenshot from the video j Jesus Christ. So we can see. Excuse me.

I bring in prime evidence to the table here. And you're refusing to even take a peek. This is Wagyu level evidence. This is Kobe beef. I'm serving up to you and you're saying hell no. What kind of asshole paranormal investigator. Not you. But just whoever created the screenshot. Created the screenshot and didn't just save the video so bizarre the fact that i'm still

showing you the screenshot should let you know that this is some pretty convincing evidence i suppose you know back in the day you find the video and you're like you know what i want this to last a long time so i'm gonna upload to upload it to E-Bomb's world. E-Bomb's world's never going to go down, man. E-Bomb's world's going to outlive me. But just to be safe, and you know what? A backup on Myspace can't hurt. Hell, Bebo too.

Bebo Flash Player, Flashbox. I can make my Flashbox on Bebo, so I know it's immortal. You know what? F*** it. While I'm at it, I'm just going to make a my flash box on Bebo so I know it's immortal. You know what? F*** it. While I'm at it, I'm just going to make a will to my future family. I'm going to make an audio will and download it to my Zune. Everyone will have it then.

This guy's investing in all the wrong tech, all the wrong technology. He's so broke. Needless to say, he has nothing to give to the next generation. You could have the zune you're listening to this song to my oldest son trevor the best son a father could ask for i leave my pager to guide him in the years of becoming a man he's like our dad was such a clown to my wife deirdre i I leave this expired milk carton. It's like, that went bad while he was alive.

I just don't think he understands the concept of things going wrong. It'd be pretty useful, though, if you empty it out, clean it out, keep some snacks in there. You want to see this screenshot from the video? F*** it, why not? Feast your eyes on your first view of the Mexican floating humanoids. What? Human? Obviously, Kit is going through something in the medical profession we call humorously stunned.

He just, his body is, I think, revolting. Sounds like he's laughing, but obviously his soul is being awakened. Thoughts? Ladies and gentlemen. Well, don't laugh while you say it. This is... I'm glad this is a joke to you, alright? Because I searched pretty

damn hard to find that screenshot. Yeah, it's not the whole thing, but it's a piece of it. So, the f***ed up thing is, I can't prove that it's not what he said it is. Thank you for listening to this paranormal life that's the conclusion that's the height of paranormal uh conviction this is a humanoid

figure dark against a gray background i can't tell is it nice i can't tell if the gray background is indeed a sort of mexican twilight sky it is or if it is a bed sheet or a piece of paper look the handy cam was at max zoom you're gonna lose some resolution you are right at that point you are right but that that is the shape of a human floating in the sky a chubby little human man i mean it looks like on the on the one hand chubby little human man. On the other hand, maybe the pie symbol. How dare you? It's, I mean, that's the level of abstract geometry we're working with here. It's a black smudge.

It kind of could be anything. With definition, let's not say it's a black smudge. I almost want to say he shouldn't have zoomed in with the red, big red circle. I think it's more convincing from far away it really is yeah the so for those listening at home we were talking about a picture here a tiny little man floating in the air but they have done kind of like a super zoom onto the man itself and it does make it look a little bit more ridiculous because from far away i mean it looks like a guy floating in the air yeah like that could be be Superman in the movies when he takes off into the sky and people are looking in the distance.

But yeah, when that camera's at max zoom and then you punch in even further. You're not seeing much. You're seeing the actual pixels. You're seeing the actual fibers on the bed sheet. So Salvador obviously called the police immediately. Obviously. So he's not a complete professional paranormal investigator because never called the cops.

That's rule number one. They're not our friends. No, it's a silly idea. When I spray painted the jungle gym, I didn't brag to the teachers. You know what I'm saying? No. When I stole that old woman's purse,

I didn't tell a detective about it. I just stole the contents so now you're just talking about crime what does this have to do with the paranormal just anything like when i hit that car when i was parking i didn't leave a note still a crime yeah but i'm sure you've left the note i'm saying you know if you're gonna you're gonna do something sneaky like investigate you were gonna hit the car yeah i knew it wasn gonna hit the car if it was an accident i would have left a note that's just common courtesy granted the graffiti on the playground the purse i knew that was coming on an accident yeah that was so i was premeditated absolutely and i never told anyone about it until now until now he called

and said now look here above the, I spotted a floating human. Not a bird, not a plane. A human floating in the sky like a magical jellyfish. The police take record of the report, but don't take it too seriously. Obviously, you wouldn't. That is until more calls start coming in. More sightings in the skies of Mexico. All in the same area as well.

Armando Marquez was one of the people who reported seeing something in the sky. Just like Salvador, he zoomed in with a video camera. Everyone has the same video camera. And saw a humanoid figure floating through the air in a horizontal position with his legs outstretched. Wow. Creepy stuff. I mean, I guess. More just confusing. through the air in a horizontal position with his legs outstretched wow creepy stuff i mean i guess more just confusing it's genuinely creeps me out a little bit when i think of like humans floating ominously in the sky i'm like this is the apocalypse they're going up and i'm worried that i ain't yeah you start jumping up and down the spot just seeing if it'll take if i could like

you know give j Jesus a little help. Yeah, just like a little one-up. I think if I get maybe the motion started, he's like, fine. Yeah, come on. Yeah, like you tried, I guess. Yeah, but instead I'm batting away the demon hands. I can smell the burning flesh. I jumped off a rooftop to fly, but I hit the ground.

Uh-oh, suicide's a sin. I'm going straight down, down brother it's kind of hard to navigate hell with two broken ankles turns out it's also hard to jump to heaven yeah i'm just imagining that like scene from the matrix where neo tries to jump across the building that's you trying to get into heaven i'm doing it i'm a floating man slowly down i know what you mean the floating man is a little bit creepy because we're used to seeing uh men floating like i say the likes of superman the kind of people who have the ability to fly not just people who creepily just sort of spread their limbs and stand there in the sky yeah trust me if they were like one arm forward yeah straight line

superman in it across the sky that's kind of cool that's kind of badass just floating there like if superman showed up and he was like like saved a bunch of kids from like a school bus hitting them but he goes they're like we love you superman he's like remember kids stay in school and then his body went limp and he just kind of floated off. His eyes rolled back into his head. Maybe that wasn't Superman. He kind of seems like a possessed puppet. Yeah, it's like, I would be genuinely really worried.

He's like, Superman, do you have control over your own body? He can't hear you. He's just floating away. Like, not even gracefully he's like bumping against walls like a loose balloon like he's kind of caught in a tree but his eyes are so back in his head you think he's just gone next time we'll call batman batman rolls down the street to sleep at the wheel of batmobile is just bashing into walls in july year, another human was spotted flying nearby an active volcano. Holy shit. Later in October, an airline pilot and co-pilot were preparing to land in Mexico City

when they radioed down to the tower. Tower, this is flight 319 from Dallas. The descent for landing has been delayed as there is a tiny flying man just off the side of the plane. Over. I'm pretty sure this is an episode of the Twilight Zone and not real life. That's right. A tiny little flying man wearing what appeared to be a backpack. Although this time, instead of just floating floating there the human matched the altitude and speed of the aircraft for some time before flying off the man seemed to be holding on to

the wing for dear life he seemed to be very cold in fact we're this is a little time later i think this is maybe a year later or so so we're seeing some sort of evolution here taking place first floating humans now a floating human with a backpack who seems to be matching the speed and altitude of a goddamn boeing i mean how fast do those things fly like a few hundred miles an hour absolutely yeah these two pilots were professional pilots never had anything like this happen before in their lives never smoked crack in their lives definitely not but the pilot and co-pilot both confirmed this sighting just you know some more evidence yeah it's pretty good cross-car burning evidence it's all building up it's all snowballing that's what i like to say and guess what that snowball is becoming a snowman a year later snow flying man just limp in the sky. How is he up there? Surely the snow

would melt. A year later in 2005, a man named Horatio Roquette filmed another humanoid like object floating across the sky. But this time was different as well. Horatio was out walking with his sister on a clear day when they both saw a tall figure cruising across the sky, leering down at them menacingly. So he was pretty close. Yeah. He ought to be pretty close to leer. Because this wasn't super zoom on a handy cam. No, this was normal zoom with the human eyes. The figure was on top of a strange device that glowed red as its legs dangled underneath. The video was sent to police and has become one of the most famous videos

that captured the strange Mexican floating humans. If you don't have this video... I have a screenshot, sir. No! That is not good enough! Sir, I could not locate... What do you mean? It's the most famous-

Christ. It's the most famous video that no one's ever f***ing seen because it doesn't f***ing exist. Look, this is- It's famous because it's so real, but because it's so real, that makes it classified information. How can something be famous and classified? You ever heard of Area 51? That's pretty f***ing famous and classified. Touche,

sir. I have a screenshot from the video of this humanoid figure riding this red craft. Do you want to see it? Because it's the best you're gonna get. You're just showing me the computer and I don't have an option. get ready for a big old yes i hear laughing that's usually good so that means the truth is coming it is 7 12 a.m 2005 mexico city uh i don't know if that

clock is correct i want to go on the record. There appears to be the same figure as before, now riding some sort of sky snowmobile with some sort of infinity cube or all spark inside it, growing purple. It looks like one of those tiny kids cars that looks like a full car, but for but for a child yeah and he's just kind of sat on it riding it across the sky the proportions of uh humanoid to craft are that of bowser in mario kart riding a tiny car it's quite it's quite disturbing like worrying isn't it

because like even if that was your craft that you were writing, guys, this is not a big craft. It's very small. It's extremely tiny. This is borderline a Green Goblin situation where he's riding some sort of small disc. Imagine if the Green Goblin tried to wash and dry his glider and it shrank exponentially to an embarrassingly small size but he still had to fight spider-man so he's like spider-man i've come it's like is your glider i mean it was bigger yesterday i swear to god no it looks like it's overheating i think you should slow darth old man it's. I designed it to be aerodynamic

That's the bad that's a bad one maybe but I'll just use one foot. He's like doing like a flamingo pose on it Spider-man have you got some sort of power pack for me to charge can be rescheduled? Spider-man's like you're supposed to be smart. Why did you wash technology? In a tumble dryer. i rolled this through dog shit now we've got two very convincing pieces of evidence the original floating man and this new floating humanoid riding on this strange red craft so i'm getting the feeling you're not convinced not yet you know hey that's fair you've given me a couple screenshots, but I wanted the videos. I needed that extra level of evidence. Well, I can't say that I got anything better coming your way, but I do have one final encounter. If you thought things were strange before, they're only getting a stranger.

A police officer named Leonardo Samonigo was out on patrol late one night, driving around the Benito Juarez borough of Mexico City. You know, it was your typical patrol, cruising around in a cop car. Hell yeah. Keeping an eye on the streets, that sort of vibe. Maybe, you know, having a donut, loading and unloading your gun. Maybe, yeah, letting off a couple of rhymes just into the sky out the window. Keeping people afraid. Yeah, yeah, letting off a couple of rounds just into the sky out the window. Keeping people afraid.

Yeah, let people know what's up. Yeah. Leonardo drove down a road to the quiet tree line of the forest, when all of a sudden, something large and black fell from the trees. He watched it soar through the air until, whoosh, it started hovering right before it hit the ground. That's not a good sign. Because it can levitate. That's not a good sign. Because it can levitate.

That's not good. There was no time to radio this in. There was no time to do things by the book. There's no protocol for floating objects. They don't teach you that in police academy. They teach you how to point and shoot. I know. I think there's a protocol for just about anything a policeman could encounter.

Absolutely not. Sometimes if someone comes up to you and they're like, I just need directions because I don't have my point and shoot. a policeman could encounter. Absolutely not. Sometimes if someone comes up to you and they're like, I just need directions because I don't have my point and shoot. No way. You gotta adjust. That person, what? Sometimes you get that gut feeling

and that gut feeling is the butt feeling. As I butt someone with my rifle. They shouldn't have given me that on day one. It is absolutely not part of the loadout for a police officer. You didn't survive 24 hours in the academy, bud, so I don't know why you're saying this on the cast. Yeah, but I think they were pretty biased because I could tell from the get-go

they didn't actually want me to make the force. Yeah, you tried to butt the training officer. It was a power play. I tried to arrest my commanding officer. You grabbed his gun and tried to butt him with it. Yeah, to show how unsecure it was. He's in friendly territory, but there are enemies everywhere. You're not in the army.

What is this friendly territory argument? He said, please take a seat. And I said, you're under arrest. And I launched at him with a right hook and he floored me. How's that fair? This was like a community center careers day, by the way. This wasn't even in the academy. Sir, are you interested in pursuing a career in the armed forces?

You're under arrest. Swing. He absolutely takes me out. He's in the middle of saying i'm not in the police right as he gets knocked the f out leonardo eased his car forward trying to get a better look at the object as his headlights poured over the humanoid figure everything was revealed it was a horrible decrepit looking old woman with dark skin and eyes that were just black sockets. Whoa.

Startled, the witch-like creature flew towards the car, but dazed by the car headlights, lost control and smashed into the windshield. Leonardo later said, She threw herself against my car very fast, falling on the car and hitting the windshield. I was so shocked I put the car in Reverse and pushed the accelerator trying to get away while requesting backup assistance by radio she was furiously trying to get at me with her claws while I was calling desperately for backup assistance which isn't gonna like if you hold down because presumably it works like a

walkie-talkie right you push the button um and usually if you're down, because presumably it works like a walkie-talkie, right? You push the button. And usually if you're a police officer, you'll hear like, you know, you know. We got a 218 down on Maple Street. We're requesting assistance from all available cop cars. If you push it down while your car is speeding in reverse and a witch is calling at your windshield, there's no codes.'s no protocol you just point and shoot point and shoot brother you hold that button down and you scream there's a witch on my vehicle and gunshots going on bullets reaching i love his description of the incident

she uh jumped in front of the car i could never have slowed down um i had to reverse a couple of times to try and get away from her but i accidentally uh ran over her a couple of times she was a witch she tried to get me with her claws uh we were married she was my ex-wife but uh she was also a witch and she jumped out of the car and tried to get me it obviously looks like that uh she had eyes before I hit her. But I can guarantee you when I hit her, just sockets, all black. That was not me. Anyway, here is her will. She changed it in the last minute to match my handwriting.

She thought that would be a nice little way to say, I love you, honey. As she was flying towards the windscreen, screaming some sort of witch-like curse. She was also rewriting the will. Anyway, I think it's only fair that I have the kids now. Where are the kids? She was also rewriting the will. Anyway, I think it's only fair that I have the kids now. Where are the kids? It's like, she was walking with the kids! The little witch children are gone too? That's a shame.

Well, at least their dad doesn't have to pay for witch college. You're being very on the nose now, sir. I won't have to pay witch-amony anymore. Witch is pretty f***ing great, if I'm honest with you. So you know it's your wife and you now you're just making witch puns we have to arrest you sir he revs the engine that sounds

like witch talk to me i like that everyone who figures out what he's doing he kills for being a witch and goes back to the town where he's like a decorated hero like they're like we have been witch free since officer patterson joined the force we didn't even know all these people were witches but he's taking him out his ex-wife his ex-wife's new boyfriend there's posters all around town promoting him as police chief with like just got a witch and a headlock he he goes to crime scenes and plants like black cats and wands tiny cauldrons while driving blindly in reverse leonardo smashed the car into a wall immediately knocking himself out when he woke up officers had arrived on the scene who had heard his distress call but when they showed up no one could spot the witch-like figure so is that weird it's a little

weird you know you got a witch who hit your windscreen clawed at the the the wind the windows and then when you knock yourself out and when everyone shows up you know she's gone there's not a scratch so he claims something that hundreds of years of scientific research and thought says is not real yeah he says that attacks him all of his colleagues come down to verify what happened and they said uh nothing happened they said nothing was there they didn't know nothing happened there is a high chance he had a bad dream woke up up startled, slammed reverse, and then knocked himself out. It seems like it.

There is a chance. But also, I mean, yeah, sure. Hundreds of years of science have disproven the existence of witches. But hundreds of years of science had also disproven floating humans, of which there have been multiple sightings in the area. no spells without wands is what i always say i will i'll give give this to you you know this last one uh it isn't too compelling from an evidence standpoint i mean we do have hopefully a reputable officer a man of the force this isn't some sort of um unabomber style person living in the woods yeah that's reporting a paranormal story but rather someone deeply embedded in the woods yeah that's reporting a paranormal story

but rather someone deeply embedded in the system someone who doesn't gain from telling stories of witches however it's not as compelling because we don't have that evidence we don't have the photographic stuff but what i will say is this is substantially different to the other couple of cases so i'm willing to park this one and we could focus on the floating humanoids i actually i hate two of the examples in this story i because i really like i think like the first example this floating human just kind of hovering in the sky we had a couple example of those i think that's terrifying yep i think that's genuinely weird and paranormal yep i don't know how to explain that at all.

Bowser riding around the skies in a little Mario Kart, I think is bullshit. And I really hate that I had to bring it up. And a witch flying into the windshield of a police officer. It's taking a really cool, unique, creepy paranormal story and just, you know, throwing gasoline on it. It's not like some weird paranormal creature anymore black sockets is that okay yeah you know it's it's so ridiculous that it kind of ruins the other stories but to be fair this police officer uh after the story underwent psychological uh and

drug testing totally fine totally clear so yeah whether it was a figment of his imagination or he genuinely did get attacked by a witch that night you know we'll never know the problem is everyone could be psychologically signed drug free but if they just miss a night's sleep they're gonna see witches flying at them especially when they're falling asleep in their squad car waking up startled and reversing into a tree yeah they're gonna see some shit if there's anyone that is going to be sleep deprived it shouldn't be an officer of the law yeah with a firearm on his person that's terrible and an itchy trigger finger apparently because i've been sleep deprived before right but i'm pretty

harmless i'm like a marshmallow underwater which steals a lot of old ladies purses yeah granted but you can't blame me it's in my nature i'm a marshmallow i'm a marshmallow look how cute i am and soft well could have been me the marshmallow you've got a big scar across your face you're in like the orange jumpsuit i'm just a marshmallow did you come straight from prison? We can't execute him soon enough. Good luck executing me. I'm a marshmallow.

Those human methods don't work on marshmallows. You're just going to toast me. I become more delicious. They crank it up and my head explodes. All right. I think we're about ready to come to a conclusion here. I think so. We've investigated four, five, six, maybe more stories of these humanoid creatures. We've got evidence on the table.

Half a piece of evidence between the five. Hey, we got two pictures, which is more than I can say for some of our previous episodes. Oh, yeah, that's enough. Where's your head at here, Kit? Is it floating above the clouds or is it here on ground? My head is dangling limp in the atmosphere, freaking the f*** out of people. Like Superman.

This is definitely on the stranger side of all of the topics we've covered in the past. This is pretty much totally outside the normal dialogue of paranormal encounters. Usually there's some kind of trope, some kind of trope some kind of stereotype some kind of mythical lineage throughout history that we can point to and say look people hundreds of years ago talked about this thing this isn't like that at all yeah this

is something i've never heard of i've never seen before yeah that's why i was so excited when ruth bradford harris emailed this in to our suggestions email address which is this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com she uh told me to investigate the flying humanoids of mexico uh and i was like this is so weirdly unique yeah that this would probably make a great episode and then when i googled it they're so it's happened so many times there were so many cases of this that this is someone's Bigfoot. Yeah. You know, this is the Mexican floating Bigfoot. I think that does happen actually quite a lot when we take the time to look outside the like normal Western stories that we tend to focus on because we're English speaking.

So we look at Europe, we look at America, all of that. But then, yeah, when we've done a few, you've covered a couple now in South America. We've covered at least a few cases in Africa and things like that. And you definitely get the feeling that there's a completely different mythology. Like there's a whole different set of paranormal possibilities in different places around the world. Yeah. And it's so nice to investigate, you all these european cases before brexit means brexit yeah and it's all coming back to to london that's right we're gonna go london we're gonna do a six-part series on cornwall i just want uk ghosts on this uk podcast all right right. I want Spring Hill Jack.

That'll be a six-parter, probably. We've done it, haven't we? Shit. I want probably a haunted pub around here somewhere. We'll do that one as well. Just haunted British things. Haunted pint. Haunted doll office.

Haunted Big Ben. I'm pretty sure that's a gun, a clock so stay tuned for the post brexit podcast i think for me personally if we were just investigating this first story this first recording of this human body floating across mexico i might have even been a yes i think this is crazy as shit and i have no explanation for how this has happened. But we're not. We're looking at this whole pie and the rest of the pie is dirty. It's been dropped in a puddle of piss.

And because of that, I think it's going to be a no from me this week. I think you're totally right. It would be really interesting if we could get some more dirt on this first humanoid in the sky. If we can find that video, we can track it down. Today, we don't have enough evidence to say that that's paranormal so it's going to be a no today unfortunately until we see the like dashboard cam of a witch smashing into a cop's windshield like cops style recording yeah i think it's going to remain a no unfortunately but hey it was a weird one thank you so much thanks to ruth to ruth bradford harris for emailing that in always appreciate it

guys if you want us to investigate a paranormal tale that you have or maybe you've got your own story you want us to investigate make sure to send it into this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com and we will get to you uh we'll check out all the suggestions as soon as possible if you enjoyed this week's podcast and you want to dive a little deeper into the world of the paranormal well buddy we got some good news for you we have a whole group of like-minded woke sheeple waiting to take you in to feed you some soup and bread, and tell you all about our Lord and Savior, the truth. Yeah. Head on over to Facebook and join the This Paranormal Life Secret Society.

Shh. Now, this is a... Keep it to yourself, right? But this is a pretty secret society. Like, you've got the Illuminati. Mm-hmm. You've got the Secret Society of the global humans of earth and i only know that one because i'm in it and i wasn't supposed to talk about it i'm probably out

right now i think i'm out for uttering the name but above that you have the this paranormal life secret society top secret place where you can join uh everyone who listens to the show talk about your favorite episodes, paranormal experiences. It's a great place to hang out with lots of fun, like-minded people. So tell all your friends, invite everyone along. But, you know, keep it on the down low. Keep it chill. Don't tell anyone or you're out.

Don't be an asshole about it. Exactly. And if you extra enjoyed the show and you want a little bit more out of what we can give you every week every month every year you should check out patreon.com where for as little as two dollars a month you can get special rewards such as shout outs on the podcast bonus episodes and t-shirts merch incredible stuff whoa it's definitely worth checking out if maybe you've blitzed through all the episodes and you're like i would just love a backlog of golden nuggets right now we we get a lot of that we get a lot of hey guys just discover the podcast uh-oh just

listen to all 112 in a weekend yeah what am i gonna do it's like well you know what did you know that if you give us five bucks you can listen to like a billion backlog bonus episodes that's right you don't just get future episodes you get access to everything we've recorded so far so definitely check that out if you need more episodes of the show and as we said if you do support us on patreon we like to shout you out right here at the end of the podcast so let's shout out some cool cats special thank you to brian simpson uh-oh it's crying brian uh known because ever since he's been a young child he has some sort of curious condition where he well he's been crying since the day he was bloody born he must be dehydrated as hell has to to drink a lot of Pyreid, a lot of Gatorade, lots of the AIDS.

Yeah. You know, any type of fizzy drink, he's just slugging down because it's coming out in colorful neon tears the next second. Someone was like, just drink some water, man. He went, f*** no, only the AIDS. You're like, dude, you need to chill off the caffeine. Like, you're going crazy. Your tears are nuclear blue right now. If you were crying, Powerade, you'd say the same.

Now drink my tears. You're probably right, Brian. Yeah, his tears are probably a delicacy in some parts. Anyway, whatever. Thanks, Brian, for supporting us. Thanks, Brian. Thanks also to Brenton Owen. Brenton's usually owing people a lot of cash,

so it's nice to see that he's got some to put on Patreon. That's nice. Glad to hear it, Brenton see that he's got some to put on patreon that's nice glad to hear it brenton unless you borrow that money to give to us and now you're owing people even more i think he might be borrowing from us and giving back to us it's a weird little psychological trip you lent him money oh yeah a bad amount brenton owen the owens owen brother he's someone told me that he he needed the cash to get through his final year of uni right and then it turns out he's some type of van wilder character he's been at uni for 25 years no way he needs the money just missing class and listening to our

podcast i love it thanks owen i don't. Thanks also to Alex Parnell. Alex Parnell. More like Alex Carnell. This is the guy that holds the land speed record for the fastest race car driver. What? That is until, uh-oh, an eyeless witch went through the windscreen. It has unbelievable parallels with today's story. Happens to the best of us, brother. No one believed him at the time but

i think today's episode might cast a new light on that uh incident i've been saying it for years witches are here to stop humans from exceeding the the confines of human capability anytime a human does something impressive a witch throws themselves in front of them tripping them up making them crash you know when michael phelps was at the olympics trying to get that gold you best believe there are witches under there under the waves butterfly swim flipping right into his path huge part of his training regimen is to bat away wenches under the water i'm glad that you're still alive and in one piece and you can support us. Thank you. Thank you also to Ryan Rogers. Ryan Roger the tax dodger.

Yeah, I know how this guy's sending us money every month. Yeah, that's right. I'm saying it. That's pretty illegal. It's very illegal. But hell, if he saves a couple bucks every month and he sends them our way, I ain't going to rat him out. If he saves money, we benefit and society loses. That is a triple win, ladies and gentlemen. It's good for the commune it's good for us and the government makes a little

bit less money which we love because that's less funding for the cia fbi and those fat cats at the top because the less money they have the less they can afford to make shit classified exactly they'll have to start declass exactly. They'll have to start Declassifying documents by the dozen to keep themselves afloat to save ink they don't know they can't buy all those sharpies They're like just send it out. We're dry Thank you. Also to Kieran Owen you thought crying Brian was bad me tear and Kieran This guy wasn't even born with eyeballs what just two holes where water fired out like super soakers. Took the doctor right out the window of the hospital.

The moment he was born. It's insane. The doctor flew out the window, splatted on the ground, straight into an ambulance that drove two feet to the front of the hospital, and now he's a patient. Unbelievable. Circle of life. That's beautiful.

I think so, too. That's probably why he was crying so much. Thanks, Kieran. Thanks also to Oscar Wasson. What's up, Oscar? How are things going, buddy? What's up? Uh, Oscar, I apologize that I butchered the pronunciation of your second name, but one

thing I won't butcher ever is the love and support that you send to us every month because I think that would stop it. And I don't want that to happen. So, Oscar, I'm glad you told me what's on. What's on? What's on? I'm glad what's going on.

You're fine. It's good to know. Thank you. Unless you got anything to add. You don't know he's fine. You're just guessing he's fine. I'm just guessing. Yeah, he's probably fine. Thanks, Oscar. Thank you. Unless you got anything, dad. You don't know he's fine. You're just guessing. I'm just guessing. Yeah, he's probably fine.

Thanks, Oscar. Thank you also to David Tyson. David, there's something quite enticing about you. I can't put my finger on it, but you're like a siren, David. Wait, is siren the evil one? Which one's the evil one? Yeah, it's the evil one. Because the mermaid is yeah, because the mermaid's like the sexy, like ooh, come on

make out. No, wait, that's the siren. That's both of them, like, ooh, come and make out. No, wait, that's the siren. That's both of them, really. Yeah. I got a thing for mermaids, guys. I don't come up much on the podcast. I don't like we did an episode on it or anything. Yeah.

I was very aroused the entire episode. Didn't really concentrate. And hell, David, your support arouses me just the same. Whoa. So thank you so much for your support. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. Thank you also to Randy McLeod. Randy Pandy Puddingham Pie.

Kissed the girls and made them die. Whoa. Yeah, weird twist there. Randy actually has the kiss of death. Oh, my goodness. Like some kind of mafioso. Yeah. I mean, when he came came out he actually kissed the same doctor that had recovered from the first injury and the doctor just dropped on the spot god bless

that man i know they had to defibrillate him and everything bring him back and he was like oh i don't know what that was like i'm so glad that you're back doctor and randy was like so am i doctor and then kissed him again and he dropped to the floor and they should not let a baby kiss anything so Randy I hope your lips are on lockdown but we appreciate the love and support that you send us every month so thank you thanks also to Dom Butler we should change the patreon to patredom because he's the only son of a bitch funding this thing. I'm kidding. Dom, your support is a card in the house of cards that we have built. Yes.

The slightest gust of wind will shatter it to the floor. Yes. You are the hunchback of this, Patri Dom. You are the joker in the pack. Honestly, you are the two. Dom, you are the Joker in the pack. Honestly, you are the two Dom. You are not wild. You are... You can't trump anything, but, you know,

you get four Doms together. That's something. I don't know poker. I don't know shit about poker. What's four? Four of a kind? You lost. They take all your chips away. No, but I had a Dom! I had a legit Dom They're like we've never seen those cards before

That's not a regulation deck Get out of here They're boning us Dom But unfortunately you didn't have any money to lose Because you gave it to us Thanks Dom Thanks also To JP

You ever hear of the major company JP Morgan Chase Yeah JP stands for JP He founded it Oh yeah That's insane JP Morgan Chase? Yeah. JP stands for JP. He founded it? Oh, yeah. That's insane. He looks about 17 in this photo as well, which is pretty nuts.

So bizarre. What is he doing now? I think he retired at 14. Wow. But he said whenever he left the company, he said, you can never f***ing change the name. It's my name till I die. could never change the name it's my name till i die he took his 14 billion dollar cut and invested it all into snacks and video games at the ripe old age of 14 the only thing more valuable in 2019

than investment banking is snacks and video games exactly they're they're good for life baby uh so thank you jp for taking time out of your hectic Leonardo DiCaprio-esque beach lifestyle to support us on Patreon. It means a lot. And lastly, but not leastly, thank you to Killian Devitt. Killian Devitt likes to rev it. Vroom, vroom, vroom. Uh-oh.

Is that a witch I see? Uh-oh. Is that a witch I see? This thing is smashing headfirst into the windshield of Killian's Toyota Prius. He has been absolutely taken out. Listen, folks. Killian, you should understand this more than anyone. We need to be out there on the streets haunting witches 24-7. And only then can humans fulfill the need for speed because we ain't

never gonna make it to mars going slowly and the second that humans try and go fast there's gonna be space witches in the engines this is the one problem that elon cannot crack people so i hope hope that we can rid the world of witches together and you can finally get up to that hundo mile an hour that you're hoping for thank you so much to everyone who we just shouted out if you're waiting on your shout out don't worry we've got a little bit of a backlog but we're getting through it everyone's gonna get their shout out it's all coming thank you so much for listening to this episode of this paranormal life remember to kill witches anytime you see them and we'll be back next week with a brand new paranormal tale ciao