This Paranormal Life - #130 Live Investigation from London: We Summon a Demon

Episode Date: September 17, 2019

This weeks episode was recorded live at the 2019 London Podcast Festival! We investigate the stories of children accidentally summoning demons and then... try to summon a demon of our own...Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis BlatherwickIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if the reason we can't find Bigfoot is because he was abducted? What happens when you break the health and safety rules at King's Place London? Do you still get your deposit? All of these questions you can find the answer to at This Paranormal Life Live! It's the MIBs Come to MIBs You guys dressed in black, remember that Just in case we ever face to face and make contact The title... Hello Kings Place!

How's everybody doing? What an entrance, huh? You lost the shades already, pal, huh? I couldn't see shit through those bars. Unbelievable. First off, hi everyone, welcome to This Paranormal Life Live! Hello! How y'all doing out there?

We are so excited to be here in King's Place. Fun fact, this is the exact same venue where earlier this year we were picking up our Best Entertainment Award. And we just said, we just stopped at the foyer, 3am, blackout drunk, just book us in. Three months from now

just book us in. We'll be back. King's Place you have. It's booked a year in advance of course of course yeah um but thank you guys for showing up we have a fantastic investigation is there anyone here who hasn't uh listened to the show before right here a couple all right what a weird entrance to experience she's like i thought this was a podcast i'm so sorry they came on to Will Smith Insane. Well, I'll do the regular intro just for those of you hasn't heard it before

This is this paranormal life a comedy podcast show hosted by myself and this guy right here kick Greer How you doing today kid? Namaste doing fantastic Rory I'm very excited guys We as always if you've been to one of our live shows before and by that I mean if you went to our first live show we ever did. Oh, wow. A few day ones in the audience. What we like to do is a live investigation right here. And, you know, it's a good chance that we can do some dangerous shit. Some weird stuff.

You would think it was the other way around, that we would do the dangerous shit in the comfort and safety of our own home. Hell no. No, we like to bring people down with us. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. All right, you know we don't like to dilly-dally at the top of an episode, so let's just dive right in.

Took me three hours to get that on this iPhone. So not worth it. I was like, we haven't finished talking about anything else to do with the show. Took me three hours to get that on this iPhone. So not worth it. I was like, we haven't finished talking about anything else to do with the show. I've got 47 splashes. Which one do you think is the most authentic? All right, guys, let's get started, okay? One year ago, a user called Blueberry Bruises made a post on Reddit with the line,

Am I crazy? They wrote, My friend and I dabbled in some things we shouldn't have over the summer. Two of my friends came across a game on a children's gaming website. The game looked like it was supposed to be a horror game from the thumbnail. It looked pretty cheesy, so we decided to play it. Eventually, we found this thing. We thought it was a poem or something.

It was written in Latin, I believe, and we decided to read it out loud. I have no sympathy for anyone who reads out a random sentence in Latin. That's asking for pain, asking for trouble. Yeah, and weirdly, like, that doesn't happen with a lot sentence in Latin. That's asking for pain, asking for trouble. Yeah, and weirdly, like, that doesn't happen with a lot of other languages. Right.

Like, if someone came up and was like, hola, Rory, I'm not going to be like, you fucking curse me? Yeah. What does that mean, hola? Like, if you just say, if someone comes up and says something in Spanish to you, or let's say French, someone comes up and says something, like a paragraph in French, and you just say oui in return. You just, you're like, yes. The worst that's going to happen is you end up with like a nice meal, maybe at a nice restaurant. Yeah, get some wine. You're kicking back.

Yeah. But in Latin? You ever heard of Latin wine? That might be a thing, actually. I don't know. That's ignorance right there, folks. Well, they decided to read it aloud. Flash forward to two or three months later. I'm playing games and listening to my music,

a usual Saturday routine, when something started banging on the side of my house. I looked up from my laptop and peered out the window next to my bed. I didn't see anyone banging on the wall, but someone, something, and peered out the window next to my bed. I didn't see anyone banging on the wall, but someone, something, was standing in front of the swing set in my front yard. It was at least seven feet tall. It looked half animal, half human, all shadow.

In that one moment, it felt like my chest collapsed. I started crying. I threw myself back in my chair, messaging the female friend, telling her what was happening. Apparently her power had just gone out, and there was a figure that looked like a fox standing on her porch. Jesus Christ. This is what happens if you start reading things on the internet. This is what happens if you start reading things on the internet. So as you can imagine, this is some of the style of case that we're going to be investigating today, alright?

People accidentally summoning demons. And you'd like to think that this is a lightning in a bottle experience. It's not, folks, alright? Reddit.com forward slash demons is basically full of these posts. Okay, I believe you have another one. That's right, folks. Just six days ago, Christ alive, this is fresh off the paranormal griddle. Reddit user DogTits posted saying, this is the subject of the post.

Help, I summoned a demon and I don't know how to get it out of my house. She said... Wait, hold on, I have some sound effects for this. Okay, there we go. Okay, that's smooth. I was drunk with my friend one night a couple of weeks ago. We were bored and one thing led to another. And we ended up using an altar i built this is right up there with the latin like in my entire life i've never known anyone to have an altar in their house that's not even

something you can do accidentally no like messing around with your play-doh and you're like oh shit that kind of looks like an altar if you if you letoh and you're like, oh shit, that kinda looks like an altar. If you, let's say you're like a handyman and you try to make a table. You can accidentally make a coffee table, it's a little bit short. You don't go to make something and accidentally make an altar, so.

Alright, let's keep going. Using an altar I built to send an entity after some guy and make their lives miserable. I didn't think anything would happen, although I should have used my better judgment. Strange things have happened when I've played with that altar. Well, nothing interesting seemed to happen to the guy, but I was not so lucky, and I'm pretty sure whatever we summoned didn't go do what we asked. I don't blame it. We only gave it a dollar.

So much confusion here. We've got someone who I guess knows enough about the paranormal and curses and seems to have what a bad dating experience or something sending a demon after a guy. I'd like to think that's a there's got to be a very bad dating experience i don't want to just be like he's a bit rude so satan sees him from like an altar made of matchsticks and cheerios i mean if i i don't know a lot about demons i'll be straight with you guys um but i'm pretty sure greed is a sin right so if they're if they're down there in hell they're rolling around in it they've got money to cash to spare probably probably unless it's like an old-timey uh gold prospecting demon to them a dollar is is like i guess a fortune but but to a kind of millennial demon that's not not going to buy half a latte. Yeah, and if you want revenge against a bad boyfriend,

I'm not sure you go straight to old prospector demon. Granted. To kind of be like, come out of the shadows and be like, hee hee hee hee! You got any gold? Is that a question? Are you haunting me? It's a good demon if you want a demon with a gun, I guess. Yeah, yeah, and an old-timey pickaxe.

Fair enough, okay. We're going to have to power through this one. with a gun, I guess. Yeah, yeah, and an old-timey pickaxe. Fair enough. Okay. Let's, let's, we're going to have to power through this one. Now, early last week, the front door sounds like it's opening around 5 a.m.

I mean, it really did. I sat in my bed with my gun pointed at the bedroom door until... You got a problem with that? She has a gun? Of course. She has an altar and a dollar for with that she has a gun of course she has an altar and a dollar for demons she has a demon jar exclusively for demons i don't know what it

takes to get a gun because i don't know which country she's in that's true but i feel like you know amongst the questions that they have where it's like you know do you have a violent history does anyone in found in your family have a mental illness? Do you have an altar? Have you tried to summon a demon to kill your boyfriend? I feel like those are all valid questions before you give someone a firearm. It's very true. Also,

she pointed the gun at the bedroom door until the sun came up. So she didn't get a wink of sleep, by the way. If you went to go buy a gun, and they were like, that's one of the questions, have you ever summoned a demon? A pretty good response is like, yeah, why do you think I need a f***ing gun? This shit kills demons, right? The guy at the store is like, you should have said,

these rounds aren't going to handle demons. They'll only make them stronger, really. They thrive off violence. You'll only make them mad. You want these holy water bullets. Absolutely bizarre. But, again, we're not here to judge. We're only here to make fun of them.

That's fine. And yet, so two days ago, I hear the sound of my attic door open. And last night at 3 a.m., I heard a few knocks on my bedroom door. I live alone. How could this be? I didn't even hashtag investigate. I was so scared. I just hid under my blankets until I fell back asleep because I wanted to be sleeping when I got murdered. Don't we all? Everyone knows how they want to go, by the way. If anyone knows how to get rid of whatever this thing is, just let me know how to do it. I'm scared out of my mind. It's getting late here. I'm sure if there's something

in the house, it's watching me talk shit about it on Reddit. And it's going to do something even scarier tonight. Unbelievable. All right, there we have it, folks. We have two cases of people essentially accidentally summoning demons. Now, well, I don't know if you can call the second one accidentally summoning. When you have an alter, you lose all credibility when it comes to like, I didn't know it was going to happen. Sure, I said the spell is a goof. Like, I didn't know it was going to happen. Sure, I said the spell is a goof.

Like, I didn't know it was actually going to turn up. I think you lose all credibility. Whereas the first guy, at least he just said some stuff in Latin. Yeah. I think that's fair enough. Yeah. I mean, I've done that before. You don't want to know the things I've seen to research this podcast.

I'm on a lot of lists, guys. I sure as hell can't get a gun. I'll tell you that much for free. You're just like researching at 3 a.m. You're just on the dark web, crystalinks.com. You come across a page of Latin, you're like, I mean, it's pretty late,

but I should probably read this thing. We've joked about it before. The worst experience we've ever had is when you are doing research for an episode of this podcast. I mean, sometimes I've watched like an hour and a half documentary about like the alien ants in the Sahara Desert. It's a good movie. And it's like 2 a.m. And then when it ends, it's like, that was nothing.

I was like, that was nothing. I can't. That's not an episode. And I've forgotten so many things. I'm pretty sure I don't know how to drive anymore. But I can tell you how long the f***ing ants live. To be fair, I think that's what everyone in this room feels at the end of every episode of This Paranormal Life. They're like about to

walk into work in the morning like, what the f***? Why did I expose myself to that? I have to go into an important client meeting this morning. I just filled my head full of tall whites. This is a bit behind the curtain. We had an amazing message on Facebook the other day from someone who said they tried the podcast for the first time. And they were like, honestly, from the description,

I thought it was going to be my new favorite show. 15 minutes in and you both were still talking about dragon eggs. 15 minutes in and you both were still talking about dragon eggs. Which was nothing to do with the title or description of the show. I was like, there's a lot of podcasts out there that barely talk about dragon eggs. Maybe, hopefully you can find one that's more in line with what you're looking for. I tried Game of Thrones behind the scenes cast and yet more dragon eggs. Insane. All right, well, essentially these posts on reddit.com forward slash demons are everywhere. All right?

It's kids effing about with dangerous spells that summon demons. I think the takeaway from the whole thing is basically that you can't have these amateur kids messing about with demons. No. You need some professionals to do it. All right.

Thanks. So what is a demon? Has anyone here seen Hereditary? That's going to really help. I won't do any spoilers for those of you who haven't seen it. You should watch it. It's very scary. But in Hereditary, they deal with this demon called Paimon. I won't do any spoilers for those of you who haven't seen it. You should watch it. It's very scary.

But in Hereditary, they deal with this demon called Paimon. Some people try and summon him. It gets a little bit murdery. But it has a very scary conclusion. And seeing as he's in the spotlight these days, I figured I'd do a little bit of research on his lore, and we could talk about it today on the podcast. Does that sound good?

Everyone up for some payment chat? All right. You're going to love this. He's actually a pretty interesting guy, believe it or not. Not all demons get feature film movies. It's true, yeah. So in an interview with an outlet called The Cut, a group of real-life witches talked about who he is and the history behind him. I don't have time to acknowledge the fact that there was an interview with real witches.

We're going to breeze past that. That's a whole other episode. That's a whole other episode. They said that Paimon is mentioned in something called the Lesser Key of Solomon, which they described to basically be a pokedex of demons. The first section of the text contains the descriptions of 72 demons. They said that Paimon is supposed to be this kingly looking figure riding a camel with a crown on his head, and he has two demons that often accompany him.

It's got an entourage. That's a bargain! Three demons for the price of one? Yeah. That's amazing. I think like if anything that's a little embarrassing for Paimon, that he can't be trusted to be summoned alone. Oh, he's got like, oh, they're more chaperones. I think so. Ah. So when he's down in hell, and he's obviously running out the door,

and his mom is like, Paimon, where are you going? He's like, I've been summoned, Mom. They're doing my spell right now. And obviously he's like, well, you're not going by yourself. Take Hitler and Judas with you. He's like, oh. They're the worst. They're buzz kills.

I hate Hitler. He's such a racist. You have to take him along. Just because we're all demons doesn't mean we have shit in common. God damn. I get it. You have a horn. I have a horn. You got a tail. I have a tail. Doesn't mean we have shit in common. God damn. I get it. You have a horn. I have a horn.

You got a tail. I have a tail. Doesn't mean we're friends. God. There are much more experienced demons than you, payment, and they'll look after you up there. Judas freaking betrayed me three times. He stole my camel. There's not many camels in hell, by the way.

They're all actually really good. You have to do some bad shit. Yeah. All the camels and donkeys went to heaven because i think jesus rode them at one point don't look that up those youtube videos where you see a camel spit on a tourist those ones are downstairs those guys are downstairs camels and llamas straight to hell i don't care what you learned from Emperor's New Groove. They're all assholes. How do you summon a demon like Paimon? All right?

The witch has said, you're supposed to have a magical circle drawn around you and a triangle drawn on the floor for Paimon, which you actually see in Hereditary at one point. There is a triangle on the floor. Then you put his special sigil, which is kind of like his his calling card into the triangle and the demon is supposed to appear within that triangle

apparently if you do this correct and i mean like really nail it not just half acid if you do it correct you're supposed to see a physical form appear in front of you so not like some abstract like ghostly sort of demon because i think even in hereditary you don't see the camel and payment but he inhabits the host of it's like a vibe it's a spooky vibe things are a little off that's how you can tell okay he just got like a little glint in his eye and they were like that's payment that's payment oh is that a chill i think payment's here you know he also uh is apparently arrives with a crash of cymbals and loud noises oh that's weird so he's not trying to be discreet in the slightest like he's like but bam like this is this is like the kool-aid man of demons this is the drake of demons he's got the entourage he's got the loud music, gate crashing restaurants.

The witches also said that depending on which version of the ceremonial magic that you go by, there are varying levels to which you have to summon a demon force. Some say you can't just summon the demon, but you basically have to jailbreak the demon out of hell first. Wow. What is the situation in hell that the demons have to be locked up? How bad have things gone down there? That should be the one place

where the demons can be free, right? But that would be too good. They'd be having too much fun. Also, I mean, that should come with a disclaimer. Like, if you jailbreak your phone, that's fine. Like, the Apple store might not like that. But. Like, if you jailbreak your phone, that's fine. Like, the Apple Store might not like that.

But, like, if you jailbreak a demon, you're breaking... Jesus might not like that. I don't think that was in the Ten Commandments, but it should be. It's an unwritten law. You don't jailbreak demons. Also, it makes it sound like you also not only have to try and summon the demon, but you also have to summon tom cruise simon peg and the rest of the cast of mission impossible to perform some sort of incredible demon rescue mission yeah you have to go down with a rope like tom yeah and you know he's it's not just one drop of sweat this time because it's hot down there his beads he's like ninja hands trying to catch it all it's crazy Satan's like is that Tom Cruise?

Holy shit. Yeah, he was a Scientologist The witches also say that demonic possession is a very old idea folks All right, so get that out of your head if you were if you were if you were getting a little spooked the more we Talk tonight. It's an old idea. No one's getting possessed. I'm pretty sure that was the last three episodes we did. We took demon possession very seriously. You didn't mention that once.

Apparently you're not trying to possess someone or be possessed. You're more trying to tempt these demons into doing something for you by offering them a bribe to get them to do something. Oh, weird. I didn't really know that's how it worked.

Yeah. Well, I think it changes demon to demon. Because if I summoned, like, Lucifer and I was like, wash my car, he's probably not going to do it. Yeah. I think water. I don't know if he likes water for a, or bubbles, like anything kind of fun. But what you're saying is down there, there are kind of like demons on minimum wage. They're kind of on the TaskRabbit app.

They're like picking up handy jobs wherever they can get them. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Because I think, so Lucifer's the big guy, right? He's the number one, he's the head honcho i think uh payment is supposed to be one of the kings there's like multiple kings of hell but he's also like a servant of lucifer so he just kind of like he's like yeah what do you want you want you want you want a hoof shine whatever they do down there in hell to pass the time i'm not sure what it is so I think he's one of the demons, as you said. He's on like Fiverr. You just pay him to just do whatever.

But you have to summon him. It's a whole thing. Yeah. All right, before we go any further, does everyone feel like they got a pretty good grasp on payment and demons and hell? Because I don't have a lot more info to give out, really. Everyone good?

All right, let's summon a demon. All right, folks. We're going to rattle through some of the steps that we went through first. Okay, so first off, let's start with the bribe. Right, we go to bribe them. We need to bribe them with something. Something that a demon would want. What would demon want i know i know exactly what a demon would want all right we need to i don't i don't want to do a dollar okay i've come prepared i'm

giving him my most prized possession folks wow what's that so here we have the chest of secrets um it's currently locked from demons because you can't just leave things lying around otherwise demons would grab them They're kind of evil like that I Get to use this box once a year and it's always for this live show there's always a few souls Oh my god, it goes on forever. Hold on. Just making sure it's safe.

Does it go until we close it? Let's just get whatever's in there out of there. Close this thing up. Pretend it didn't happen. I don't think it stops. Jesus. Oh my God. I think it actually is cursed. Okay. Oh wait, oh no, okay, it's fine. Okay, fine. Jesus Christ.

I thought the demon somebody was like way too fast. My soul goes into the box. Alright, okay, so as I said, I want him to show up. I want him to get him to do something for me, so I'm going to offer him one of my most prized possessions, which is

an Ancient Mew Pokemon card that I have had since I was merely a child. I'm putting it on the table tonight. Everyone stay where you are. I know it's incredibly valuable, but no one even think about grabbing that thing. Personally, I don't know if anything is valuable as an ancient mew.

But I did think that that Reddit user, Dogtits, was a little bit short in the old cashola even if they were an ancient prospector demon. So I'm going to offer my Monzo card.

There's... Between you and me, like there's not that much in the current balance. It's mostly locked away in pots, but he doesn't know that. So they can go a little spending spree down in hell. Okay. All right.

We got our bribes. Hopefully this thing doesn't freaking talk again when I put the lid on. Okay. We're safe. We're fine. We're fine. Jesus Christ.

That's so scary. That's scarier than the demon thing. You don't know that yet. All right, all right. We got our bribes. What's next? Oh, okay, we need the triangle. Ah, yes. Yeah, we got a triangle. All right, okay, let's move the box. Here's what I prefer to do.

Try not to trigger it again. I'm just going to grab you with one hand very irresponsibly and just put you over here. Thank you. Okay. We have... Ba-bam! A demon triangle.

Right there. All right. Let's get some space. Sorry, ancient Mew. Oh, my God. Accidentally summon a Mew. Shit. Oh, my God.

That would be cool. That was the nerd in me coming out. That would be so dope. Would we do that? I think we should actually summon a Darkrai because on an HP level, he's actually far more superior and can use shadow techniques

to put your opponents to sleep. Mew appears. You're like, be mine. I'm like, where did you get pokeballs from that's ridiculous we summon hitler and i throw a pokeball at him gotcha i'm like there's a lot of steps i personally missed out on in this whole process can you imagine having a face-off against Gary Oak and his Pidgeotto? And you're like, Hitler, I choose you! He'd be like, time to go, Pidgeotto. Time to go, time to go.

Professor Oak's like, I know I said you were the chosen one. Give me that Pokedex back. It's not for you. All right, to ensure our safety during the process of the summoning, we're going to need magic circles. Okay, okay. Because this is dangerous as shit, what we're about to do.

100%. 100%, yeah. So we've got some foam boards back here. Okay. Do you have the Sharpies, or do I have the Sharpies? Well, I don't have them, so I hope you have them. Oh, Christ, no. Oh, I have them.

It's fine. Phew. Two Sharpies. Okay, so we're gonna uh, we're gonna we're gonna... I don't really know what a magic circle is. Is it a regular? There's not too much variation in what a circle can look like, so let's hope. Yeah, that's a good start. It's round. I think that's like a pretty decent start. It would be quite rude if you were learning about shapes when you're at primary school, and if there was a certain shape that kept you safe from demons and they didn't tell you that one yeah yeah you would have thought it would be something like a dodecahedron or something right

that sounds cool i don't know what that looks like so thankfully it's a circle it's just it's just a circle yeah all right so you go ahead and uh make the first one i want to i want to give myself some room as well i don't't want to be against it. Yeah. I'm going to go... You don't want to be like Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark, just pinned up against demons flying around you, melting everyone's face.

So that's a bit more of a magic egg. But that's... No, actually, look. Check this out. That's fine. It's a bit... That's all right, isn't it? I need to lose some weight. That's a really... That's all right, isn't it? I need to lose some weight.

That's a really big magic circle. We should have practiced this beforehand. Okay, let me try this. God, I hope this works. The fucked up thing is that you think this is all a big joke, but I'm, like, doing this, like, I better not leave any gaps. I know.

If this is too small, am I fucked? Okay. We're good. We're good. We're good. Okay. So, what do you think? Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who has the better circle here? All right, guys, come on. What?

All right, case closed. All right, enjoy hell, bitch. See you never. It's winter, and you can get anything you need See you never. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now.

For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Okay, guys. We got our bribes. We got the triangle. Okay.

We got two magic circles to protect us. I know you're freaking out because you guys don't have shit all. You knew the risk coming in here. I wasn't going to bring it up, but... We risk our asses every week in my bedroom. Not in a sexual way. But we're talking about some paranormal shit so it's only fair that for once you guys have your lives at risk for two years every week we bared our asses bared all in the

comfort of rory's bedroom okay where we got everything we got everything right we got our magic circles just in case the circles don't work, we did bring a bit of backup. This is a weird time for me to realize I have a beer in my pocket. This isn't backup, but I just realized this is here. That might be a better offering than the beer. All right.

Just in case this... Because there is a chance that he gets summoned and he's like, that's just a circle, you know Yeah, that's just about it. We didn't even use a magic marker. Yeah, it would that would have been a smart idea. I Said to Rory I was like I was like I think I'm pretty sure it's salt. I'm pretty sure it's a salt circle, right? Yeah, I'm getting a few nods here. Roy's like nah, it's all good Just drawing it. What is this art attack? We have just in case, a little cross.

Oh, wow. That I made out of an Amazon box. Is that authentic? It looks ancient as shit. I'm pretty sure it's like the symbol rather than the make, right? You know what I'm trying to say. Pretty sure anything, that's because you can do that with your hands and that scares off things, doesn't it? Yeah, don't hold it like that though.

Oh boy. This is going the wrong way. So we got one of these, just in case. Does that look weird? If I hold it like that? You didn't tell me about this, by the way. What have you brought? I got a bit of holy water as well.

Really? And it's in like a spritzy bottle it's a handy spritz size container okay which to him is like mace you know like yeah yeah yeah that's like pepper sprays he's on his knees you can mace him right back to hell i'm gonna keep that right here. I don't know if we'll use the last one, but I also just brought a... Holy shit. Like a sword. Wow. It's from Sword Art Online. There's no way we're allowed to have that on stage. Well, it's a cosplay sword, so it's made out of foam.

Ah, okay. But he doesn't know that. Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay. So everyone kind of keep it on the DL. I might actually just give that a little spritz. Yeah, get it nice and ready. I want it to burn. There we go.

It goes soggy and falls apart. Shit! It's actually an anime whip, so watch out. Okay, so... I'll hold on to this. Okay, well, you didn't actually tell me that we needed weapons, so can I just have at least one of those because you've got three? Well, I mean, that's why the circles are here.

We wouldn't have drawn the circles if the circles didn't work. Okay, but you don't seem too confident in the circles, so I feel like you could just give me one. This is like one in a million chance that the circles don't work. I would feel a lot better if I just had one and you had two. I feel like, though, if he comes at me, if the cross doesn't do it, I'm going to need the other two. Because I don't have a lot of faith in the cross. Not in a religious way.

I have a lot of faith in the cross. I don't have a lot of faith in my Amazon. You don't usually. You've never mentioned that up to now in your life. I'd rather have all. You can barely hold them. Like the cross is on your face a second i'd rather have all you can barely hold them like you're struggling like the cross is on your face a second ago it's insane i think it's you know what look if he comes at you okay like straight in the back i'll just get him i'll i'll nick him from the side okay yeah yeah sure we don't have to say bait that's like a i feel like that's a loaded term yeah it makes me

look like look like a dickhead. You're kind of coming out looking like an asshole. Yeah. Which I don't think I look like a dickhead right now. Well, you know what? I'd appreciate you not saying that in front of my friends. My magic circle shits all over your magic circle. So whatever.

Well, have fun then. I'm fine. I got a magic egg, bitch. I'm fine over here. I have my weapons. Kit has his circle. Okay. We've got the triangle. We've got the triangle.

We've got the bribes. The last thing we need to do, folks, is that he has his calling card, his sigil thing, the sigil of payment. Which you've drawn, Kit. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. I got pretty worried making this

thing late at night. But we have payment sigil. It's pretty demonic looking. Give it that. It actually just says payment on it. Yeah, just in case. It's like a postcode. Like just in case the guy down there doesn't know his name's on there.

So what's the idea? We put this in the triangle? We put it in the triangle. Okay. Well, don't do it yet. I've got a beer in my hand. Okay. Well, don't do it yet. I'm not ready. I've got a beer in my hand. Well, put it on the... I look like a sinner, man.

He's going to come straight at me. This isn't a good look. Give me a sec. I'm having a little drink. You're taking a beer break right now in the middle of a demon summoning? I'm just having a little chill, yeah. I don't want to drink the holy water. Although.

Just spritz. Literally, don't even give me a weapon. Just spritz me once and I bet I'll be fine. I don't even want to risk it. You have so much water in that thing. I don't know how much it's going to take. One spritz. I don't know how much it's going to take.

It's like sun cream. I don't know how much it's going to take to actually take him down. I just don't want to be in a situation where I'm one spritz away from killing him, and he's like, boo, right in my face. He's like, well, shit, I spritz Kit that time, and now I don't have enough to kill the demons, so I just feel better if I just held on to that for now.

Don't you awe him. Two years means nothing, apparently. He had all the time in the world to prep his own defense mechanisms. You said the circle was safe. Anyway, what is it besides the point? Do you have it? Yes.

Is it right? Well, I googled payment sigil, and it was the first Google result. And Google's pretty accurate, so it's probably... I don't want it to be a mistyle or something. I want to get his uncle. Yeah, I want to get like his uncle Yeah, I guess it could be who could be pretty bad. He might not be trading favors Yeah, cuz cuz as you said like there's probably some worse demons and better demons to get a hold of. Yeah there's probably some guy who like

Stole a loaf of bread Jean Valjean style and he's down there. But like if we got him that would be musical demon Yeah, yeah yeah he comes out singing I just want to make sure we're getting the right guy yeah because there's probably a demon that's like a black hole and before we know it the world's gone yeah exactly so I'm that looks right to me it says payment on it looks decent that's pretty good all right let me know when I can put it in I guess yeah place it now so we haven't done our our bribes yet so okay we've got the payment sign on the triangle I'm triangle. I'm in my magic circle. Kit's in his magic circle.

I have my freaking defensive weaponry. Kit's fine. I feel like you don't care, but... I feel like you're still going on about the holy water thing. I just want to make sure we can move past it if we keep doing the podcast. So you mean like tonight, once this whole thing's over once we're getting a ride back to the flat with payment on the back of the camel

because there's a couple humps on there sure yeah it's an XL because he's really big yeah I don't want it to be awkward not with payment whatever he can host the podcast with you from now on. It's fine.

How about this, huh? Jesus. You know you're not supposed to drink that shit. Wow. How's that? Now the holy water is gone. Now we don't have to talk about the holy water anymore. If I could just even get the dregs of that.

Actually, no. I feel like I do need those, though. You need the dregs? Because I'll roll about in them if he comes at me. I just want to have that as an option. You know that, like, you're not supposed to drink the holy water. What? Have you ever been to a church before? Yeah, I was thirsty as shit.

I feel like we're stalling. I'm also legitimately scared because the holy water has erased some of my magic circle. All right, enjoy the sword. F***. Give me a second. Now we haven't got any time, bro. We need to wrap this up.

Oh my God, this is a disaster. Oh no. Oh no. It really has. It has. I'm just going to go over it one more time. It doesn't work on water either. Okay, I've done like a patch job.

I think we're okay. Okay. Okay. It's bribe time, guys. We're going to put the bribes in the middle. We're going to get this sucker here. I think it's time to do this. You ready?

Yeah, let's go. All right. Okay. First, the ancient mew. Right there. Right there. Oh, shit. Where's my god all right my monzo card with unspecified balance uh good to go i'm pretty sure that's it now we have some demon summoning music yeah this is some pretty ancient shit by the way we researched this hard essentially to really summon one of these demons i looked into it you know there there's there's books with Latin and spells in it

We're gonna do this the this paranormal life way. All right, folks. We are gonna insult this demon until he shows himself frankly sort of World Wrestling Federation style trash talk the demon into fighting us. Exactly. We're going to start it off. If he doesn't show, we need you guys to get involved. No, no, no, nothing left behind here.

Really give it. He's from hell. He can take it. They're making fun of him day in, day out. All right. So is everyone ready? Let's summon payment. All right, so is everyone ready? Let's summon Paimon. All right, folks.

Okay. All right, Paimon. You little piece of shit. You son of a bitch. You think you're so cool in hell? Why don't you come up to Earth? We're going to kick your ass. Why don't you ride a horse?

You think you've got two horns? You little piece of dirt. You little stupid little freak. come up to the earth, we're gonna kick your ass. Why do you ride a... You think you've got two horns? Horse? Dirt? You stupid little freak. Alright, guys. Get involved. He's not... He's not coming. Come on! Shout at him! Shout at him! I hope you're

podcasting. I'm talking like bullshit! Okay. Nobody move. He might be here right now. We don't know. He hasn't. There's no donkey. No donkey yet. No demons, let alone three demons.

Okay. I'm out of the circle. You stay. You don't have anything. I thought you said it worked. I'm going to scan around the room. We've got the EMF reader. We've got the EMF reader from the first live podcast. I'm just going to scan the ancient Mew and the Monzo card

and see if anything's happening. One bar, one bar. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. bar one bar nothing nothing nothing oh thank you anyway folks unbelievable thanks for weighing in on that thank you did you hear these guys some of the shit they said was pretty bad so if that was gonna do it that was gonna do it you know what i mean like about tense for a bit there yeah i feel like it came at you a little bit i don't want i'm sorry i apologize like wanted me to die at the hands of a demon the whole thing the whole thing seems a bit more futile the sword seems huge yeah that was a bit overkill yeah of course of course it probably didn't need to drink the holy water no

in hindsight all right well i can't say, I can say I'm not disappointed. There was a 50-50, I think, when we were planning this episode. Yeah. I talked to some of my friends before we did this, and they said, they were like, well, what happens if a demon does actually appear? And I was like, well, then we've just done the greatest live show in the history of the world. Sure, we will be in hell, but our podcast will be legendary. We're talking 12, 13,000 downloads. Well, there we have it, folks. We usually come down on a conclusion at the end of an episode as to whether or not the case that

we're investigating is true or not. This one is a little bit different because we did talk about two cases but then we did our own investigation um so i think maybe the bigger question for today is kit do we believe that payment is a real demon that can be summoned by spell that's a good question i think that's the best because we're probably gonna we're probably gonna investigate demons, more demons, in future episodes of the podcast. So I don't want to put a big old no on the Pandora's box of demons. But I think this is a case worth investigating.

This specifically, Payment, this guy. Yeah, it's a good point. I mean, I think it stands to reason that we did as good a job right here tonight as anyone anywhere could have done yeah even those witches who were interviewed like i don't think i i think honestly reading that interview i don't think they knew that much i think it didn't seem like it you know as much

as them so they weren't even taking it seriously a pokedex of demons what a childish metaphor where's my ancient mew though? Yeah, seriously. I'm actually going to put that in my pocket. I don't want that to get wet. It's going to affect the resale. You can tell that I actually care about this because I put it in a protective sleeve. Yeah.

Even to come to the live show. And it's got a safety pin because it's going back in a binder. Yeah. So I don't know. I think that... It's a tough case. It doesn't get any more real than that.

So it's hard to say that it's really possible. I was really hoping to see, I mean, at least within the proportions of this triangle, at least a tiny camel with three tiny demons. Yeah, because... But there's nothing. Yeah, because I think the spell thing, obviously, there's probably some logic behind that.

Those are the ancient words that you use to summon him. But I also think, like, you know, you insult a demon enough, he's going to show up. And, like, Harry Potter is the most magical shit of all, so... Yeah. So we add up every ingredient here for it to be a success. Still nothing. What do you think? I think it's tough.

I think, you know, we did things by the book. And we did things outside of the book. Like every episode done. Look, if you came to our first ever live podcast where we investigated some cursed items that we found in second-hand shops, that was a fun night.

That was another case that we really didn't know what was going to happen, and the worst possible thing happened, which was the EMF reader went off. And I had to, in front of 170 people, say that a tiny pharaoh, or was it a picture of a boy, was cursed.

It was something very embarrassing. I think it was the boy. Because I tried to, after the show, it was like the worst auction ever because we had these worthless items on stage. We proved that one of them was cursed. And then, obviously, I didn't want it anymore. So at the drinks afterwards, everyone's like, hey, we enjoyed the show. And I'm like, nice, nice. Do you want to take the boy, though?

And everyone walked away at that point. And I think we left it in the venue, which actually might explain the bad shit that's gone on there. But good thing this isn't cursed, though. Exactly, yeah. And that's kind of the luxury of having the EMF reader, is it kind of makes the decision for you. Because no is green and a yes is red, essentially. Yeah, you've just been using it in your personal life recently, though.

Your mom will be like, do you want to come to your uncle's this weekend to visit the new baby? And you just pull out the EMF reader. It's rigged. It always says no. Right against her face as well. And she's like, Roy, I really don't appreciate it when you... Silence! Damon!

I know the face of payment when I see it um i don't know look if we're going by the emf reader which i think that we should do as it is a genuine piece of paranormal investigation technology yeah i think it's it has to be at least for the way we tried to summon him today it's a no it's a no it's a no i'm sorry folks no. It's a no. I'm sorry, folks. It's a double no. You've listened to this podcast. You knew what to expect when you got here. There's a 99% no rate.

But wow. Thank you so much, guys, for joining us for the Demon Summon. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Woo! Because a lot like that girl who wanted to be murdered while asleep, if I was going to get killed by a demon, I wanted y'all to see it.

Exactly. That comes from the heart. I probably want to live. That's why I brought all that shit with me. But to each their own. To each their own. It's fine. Wow, do we...

Got 10 minutes. 10 minutes left. Right? I mean, we could just was up early. That's what I was 10 minutes that we Allocated for a payment to show up and do like a bit of monologue. Yeah We could have like a brick wall backdrop and he's like what's the deal with human food? But I guess if we have the time, like, I could tell... We should just take off, right?

Well... We could just wrap up. I mean, we could all get a drink. We have the room till 10.30. Oh, that's fine. I mean, I could tell the story of the Dublin Gorilla Men. That I feel like

I haven't had the chance to... I know it's nothing against you. It's a Rush podcast. We try and keep it fresh. I feel like we have a bit of time now. So I probably could. Yeah? Do you guys want to hear the story of the Dublin Gorilla Man? Oh, so

if you're listening to this podcast... This is going out as our Tuesday episode Sorry you suckers You're going to hear it twice We do a drastically remixed one Where payment turned up Oh my god If we had any time we should do that

That's so funny Y'all better shut up If you're listening to the podcast I guess we'll Very pleasantly segue to the end here. Guys, I think that just about wraps us up for tonight. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you so goddamn much. I hope you had a fantastic time.

It's mind-blowing that we can put on an event like this and have so many amazing people come out and show their support and really enjoy the podcast. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We're going to be at the bars and the venue all night until they kick us out. All of them. So come say hi. Yeah, dude. It's going to be like a pub crawl. So come say hi when you guys are finished.

Oh, I know why we haven't ended yet because I have an outro song. That's why. Hold on. This is going to be so dope. All right. You ready? You need to stand up because we're going to

Oh, should I drop the mic actually? Well, don't drop it. I'll do it on the chair obviously. I'm not a psycho. All right. Remember folks to live fast investigate

and die young baby! Thank you, guys. We'll see you tonight.