This Paranormal Life - #131 Ape Canyon: The Real Cryptid-Human Battle of 1924

Episode Date: September 24, 2019

In 1924, a group of gold prospectors descended into the lush valleys surrounding Mount Saint Helens, Washington, to camp out and hunt for treasure. But their lives were to change course forever when they ran into a horde of cryptids, and had to fight for their lives. The story shocked a post-war America and sparked a hunt for the truth.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can you survive the vacuum of space by simply holding your breath? How can I speed up evolution to see what comes after birds? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Yo! Hey! Welcome back to the podcast. You're listening to This Paranormal Life, the weekly show where every Tuesday we investigate a different paranormal tale case claim beast or whatever and get to the bottom of whether it's paranormal or not and guys this is a very exciting week to be a fan of the podcast because i got a i got a feeling this is going to be our best episode yet really i just there's something in the air there's a bit

of electricity wow the paranormal is rearing its head around the corner. And we're about to sucker punch this bish right in the nose. This is going to be, this is going to be a great episode. I was just finishing up the notes there a minute ago, looking outside. There's like a weird harvest moon situation going on. Yeah. All the stars are aligning, ladies and gentlemen. I'm ready.

As always, you're joined by myself kit greer malvena this guy across from me roy pars hello and today like every other day we got a beautiful fresh case to dive right into so let's not dilly dally around our story takes us back to 1924 in oregon united states of america okay almost a hundred years ago now, after the First World War and deep in the roaring 20s. But in some ways, the Pacific Northwest was still the wild frontier of the 1800s, the era of the Gold Rush, the Civil War. Not least for Fred Beck, Gabe Lefever, John Peterson, Marion Smith, and Marion's son, Roy Smith. These men, one summer, had built a cabin deep in the woods, under the shadow of Mount St. Helens, around eight miles from Spirit Lake. All right, these sound like, you know, men of the earth, manly men.

You know, snap a tree in half with your arms and build a cabin. They're men of, you know, real men, burly men. We're talking pre-chainsaw lumberjacks. These guys are so earthy and lumbery that the checks on their shirt is tattooed into their freaking skin. This is a pre-checked shirt. Yeah, they didn't grow a beard. They were born with it. They had baby beards.

These guys are drinking maple syrup and whiskey as a cocktail for breakfast, lunch and dinner, frankly. And you're quite right, this was somewhere they came to prospect gold. Even at this time, the gold rush was really only about 60 years old, so people knew there were still fortunes to be found if you looked hard enough. And while they were hiking in the woods, a few miles from the lake, they saw something they didn't expect. The last thing they expected even. Almost exactly the opposite of what they were looking for.

In the distance, moving through the grass, four giant animals walking upright. That's the opposite of gold? With human-like strides. That would maybe be silver or i don't know it's bronze freaking close to gold isn't it the opposite of gold is four humanoid creatures you know walking in the forest you know why they call it yellow gold why because regular gold's probably silver wait who no one calls it yellow gold by the way that's absolutely no way that's a real thing right now what other kind of gold is there other colors of gold i guarantee it i'll fight you on this i'm googling it i'm not gonna let

you get away with this my grandfather was a prospector in oregon and you will honor his name to be fair yellow gold is used to describe just what gold is but because there's like white gold there exactly okay all right all right listen i'm getting fired up at the wrong section of the podcast yeah you said something about humanoids jesus you're me so off. This is the thing you have a problem with? Is the gold? Four giant animals walking upright with human-like strides covered in, quote, long black hair. Their ears were about four inches long, sticking straight up.

The men estimated that these things weighed about 400 pounds. That's 28 stone to you and me so pretty heavy right as the look of shock and fear descended on the faces of the men fred beck didn't lose any time he pulled his rifle to his chest yes yes fred and he didn't even risk a warning shot by the way he went straight for the vitals rattled off several shots i don't think they even had semi-automatic back in 1924, but he did it somehow. He had to mod his own rifle to shoot yellow golden bullets. He had the red dot scope, the 420 skin. He hit one of the beasts three times, at which point it tumbled off this cliff sort of precipice edge and the other mysterious

creatures were obviously rattled and fled the scene leaving the men to wonder what the hell just happened it's a shame that one poor bastard was shot three times instead of shooting three of them there was obviously one he really didn't like One that was just walking with a bit more swagger. And that one got all three. One just looked kind of annoying. Yeah, he had a backwards hat. He was a bit chatty. He was obviously chatting to the others too much.

And I think they all felt some sense of relief at how things turned out that afternoon. That Fred had the killer instinct and didn't hesitate to shoot first, ask questions later. That they weren't ambushed in the woods trying to reload a Civil War era musket getting their limbs torn off. Right. After all, they didn't know if the creatures would have been peaceful. But they would soon find out. That night, in the pitch black, while everyone was asleep, the man woke up to a thunderous crash. Is it lightning? Or an earthquake? They hear it again. No, it's loud smashing against the roof of their cabin, causing the whole building to shake. It took them a few seconds to realize what was happening, but they were being bombarded from above. Boulders were being thrown from the cliff above them,

overlooking the cabin. And when one boulder eventually tore through the roof, it hit Beck in the kisser, he hit the deck, and as far as the others were concerned, he was either blacked out or dead. When they looked up through that hole in the roof, they were finally sure what was happening. The beasts were getting their revenge. They saw dark silhouettes on the clifftop, hurling rocks and boulders down. This is the only problem when you fire without warning, alright? You have ignited a monkey-human civil war. You thought the first civil war was bad?

Wait for this one people usually jump from straight from world war one to world war two but there was world war 1.5 the human v monkey battle very shortly after world war one and very self-contained but it was bloody as all hell it was why do you think people were searching for gold inside of the earth? They needed to forge enough bullets to take these monkey bastards down. Because they're the opposite of vampires. They can only be killed by yellow gold bullets. And as if the men weren't panicked and terrified enough,

they heard an even louder smash at the door to the cabin. They heard giant bodies running into the walls. The beasts were trying to force their way in, clearly bloodthirsty. Ooh, they got like a SEAL Team 6 operation going here. Bit of distractions on the roof, breach charges on the front door. One of the beasts had a pump-action shotgun. Bananas down the chimney to distract the residents? I think one was smoking a cigar.

Says something about napalm in the morning. At this point, I'm starting to think they shot and killed a human. But as the men avoided the boulders and presumably readied their firearms to defend themselves, dawn eventually broke and the beasts scattered. Potentially because their new visibility in the sun made them vulnerable, like they had been when Fred took a shot at them earlier. Right. Needless to say, the men immediately got the hell out of there to tell the world what happened. And when I say world, I mean their local newspaper. They were soon interviewed for The Oregonian. And a few days later, a front page headline went out that startled the residents of Oregon

and would go down in paranormal history books. Fight with big apes reported by minors. Fabled beasts are said to have bombarded cabin. One of animals said to appear like huge gorilla is killed by party. Needless to say, headlines weren't quite as catchy back then. Yeah, that was a real run on sentence. I think there's four hyphens. It looks like an ingredients list.

Yeah, they hadn't really figured out the pun yet, but they kind of got the key information in there. Also, monkey killed by party makes it sound like someone let him have a beer and he fell off a roof and broke his tail or something they really should be more specific with that sort of information just imagining the reporters being like so the monkeys were trying to get into the cabin yes and you guys were having a party in the cabin no no no we were just sleeping but but you there were whiskey bottles everywhere. But there were whiskey bottles everywhere. Yes, granted, there were whiskey bottles and guns everywhere and playing cards, of course. And the monkey had shots. The monkey got shot. I shot the monkey. You're drinking Goldschlager,

hunting, prospecting for gold. And you were blacked out. Blacked out from the boulders. Boulder, Colorado whiskey. No, the real boulder. Yes, the boulderers boulder colorado whiskey no the real boulder yes the boulder granted i was drinking the whiskey well hey look at least they did a reasonably intelligent thing which was instead of taking this information directly to the police who let's face it will tell their superiors is it our seven foot tall covered head to toe black hair we'll take it to their superiors we'll take it to their superiors next thing you know you've got the the government shutting down this story making it recovering the ape body and blasting it straight to mars instead they've gone to their local papers all

right and local papers want to report on the news i find that they are uh when it comes to paranormal stories they're very much in favor of the truth being spread as far as possible. Right. Sure. It's partially because they want to sell papers. Yeah. But it's also because I think a part of them believes in the paranormal and they want to spread the truth as well. So I think it was a smart move to go to the paper.

Because something that the papers have in common with us, but it's like a crazy ass story. Exactly. You know what the government, both like a crazy ass story. Exactly. You know what the government doesn't like? Crazy ass stories. They don't like clickbait. They don't like headlines. And they don't like trending podcasts. Just imagining the CIA wheeling away the ape body.

And they're like, can't risk another 1911 ape human underground civil war. Yeah, so the body of this article read, The strangest story to come from the Cascade Mountains this week was brought by men who encountered the fabled mountain devils or mountain gorillas of Mount St. Helens, shooting one of them and being attacked through the night by rock bombardments of the beasts. Smith and his companions declared that they had seen the tracks of the animals

several times in the last six years, and Indians have told of the mountain devils for over 60 years, but none of the animals ever have been seen before. The beasts' tracks are 13 to 14 inches long. These tracks have been seen by forest rangers and prospectors for years. The prospectors built a new cabin this year, and it is believed it is close to a cave thought to be occupied by the beasts. Mr. Smith believes he knows the location of the cave. I don't know whether they knew where the monkey cave was before they built the cabin, or whether they, after the fact, after they got attacked by the the monkeys that they realized you know what that cave looked a bit dodgy i mean it's interesting enough that

this is something that is already acknowledged by local communities it's already an established part of the lore of these woods i wonder did the did the the prospecting party know of any of these legends before they went out into onto freaking monkey island mount saint monkey as it seems to be i don't think so um it's something we'll get to in a bit but these men did go on to detail this story in um into kind of specifics and i don't believe that they went in with any real preconceived notions other than potentially the odd track they'd come across that maybe forest rangers had spoken about. He was pretty fast to shoot the monkey, is all I'm going to say.

It sounded like it wasn't a beat that went by before he fired off rounds at that thing even if you thought it was just a monkey you probably shouldn't go around just killing monkeys in the forest right off the bat if you're a gold prospector why do you need the gun to begin with you don't have to shoot the rocks like the first russell and hedge fred brings out his bolt action rifle like fred where did you get that thing from we all brought pickaxes and shit this is kind of like you know when there's a lot of movies that do this i think it happens in one of the jurassic park movies where basically a whole team go somewhere for one reason and then it turns out halfway through the movie that one of the people who brought them there had a completely ulterior motive.

It sounds like Fred is it who shot the monkey? It sounds like he has a vendetta against these apes and convinced his friends that there was gold in the mountains so he could have a hunting party go out to kill these beasts. The Scooby-Doo plot line that fred is one of the monkeys fred was up on the cliff throwing rocks at his friends uh and it's some like as soon as uh the rangers are like wow did you see where they went to he was like the cave they came from the cave they went back in the cave uh so i pretty much think we need to demolish that side of the mountain which actually if you think about it would leave quite a bit of room for a nice new railway line through it granted i do own a railway company um no coincidence whatsoever i'm pretty sure i don't remember uh the specific details of scooby-doo

because it's been a long time since i've seen it. But I'm pretty sure the conclusion of every single episode was that it was the guy who owned the property who was haunting his own property. The landlords were always the demons. Every single time. You'd think at one point they'd be like,

alright, just before we do this whole thing, can we just watch the CCTV cameras and see what this guy does at night you'd save yourself a lot of time you wouldn't have to run from door to door yeah probably just arrest the landlord let's just show up track the richest guy in the tri-state area and it's probably him it's gonna be him it's gonna be him he's greedy like even for the writers of scooby-doo they never they never threw in like a oh it was a crazy homeless guy yeah no yeah it wasn't just like which it should have been at least one yeah it should have been like a crackhead who just bought a outfit from a halloween store

because it was always someone they knew fred never pulled the mask off and was like who the is this which would have been a really a really interesting take yeah if the real monster was underneath the mask back then they didn't have the luxury of these 25 part netflix murder mystery series they had to build up and conclude much like this podcast build up and conclude a story in about 15 minutes. Which isn't easy, folks. All right. We make it look easy, but it's not. So, yeah, kind of mixed bag.

Kind of interesting. There does seem to be some awareness with the forest rangers, maybe even with the prospectors, maybe even seeing things over the years that they couldn't quite explain, but, you know, couldn't put a seven footfoot monkey to the name. Of course. But pretty cool that the local paper The Oregonian covered it. And thankfully, unlike today's liberal media, who are more concerned with celebrity clickbait than the hard-hitting facts,

this wasn't a one-and-done footnote in the weekly paper. They did several more articles about these beasts that they dubbed the mountain devils. And you can imagine in 1924 that this news sent people into quite the panic. After all, if these things almost killed the entire party of prospectors, they won't hesitate to strike again. Also, would you say this is 1924? Yep. We're talking, I mean, these are the hyper-religious days as well. You call anything a devil, and immediately you have the entire world turned against it.

I did think it's kind of, it seems like that name comes out of nowhere. Yeah. What? The other name for them, what did you say? It was just like forest monkeys, which is just a monkey. I think that was more our thoughts, but yeah. forest monkeys which is just a monkey it was more our thoughts but yeah um yeah like the description seven foot tall hairy humanoid uh four uh four inch tall ears poking out and they went with mountain devil i don't really get it no horns no like pointy tails yeah no puff of red smoke it

sounds like it's a monkey guys i don't want to make that conclusion yet but like you would think at least the forest ranger is like this could be some kind of undiscovered uh to science species of ape and it would be fantastic to be able to um capture one of the species um document it for scientific purposes and release it into the wild this forest ranger is like it's a devil it's a devil in the mountain which is the same as a sea devil and sky devil to me they all need to burn in hell i love this dynamic of having one logical park ranger and his partner is the most insanely religious violent man alive they can't even agree on the principles of forestry yeah the super religious ones like we need to burn the tree to burn every tree only once the forest

has burned will the will a great new forest rise again from the ashes now max i'm just not sure that's the direction we should uh take in the preservation of the forest. What preserves the forest more than making it all look the same? Very ashy and flat. Max, what do you mean? What preserves the forest more than fire? Well, we have, I mean, we can clear the paths. We can make sure the trees are successfully fed.

We can cut trails so uh families can explore through wilderness or we cut down the entire thing and make about a hundred thousand new bibles the forest corrupts the minds of the kids they shouldn't be out there anyway they need to be back in church yeah so people are wondering is it even safe for anyone to be around mount st helens anymore are these mountain devils going to spread out? What if they start moving into cities, putting on suits, driving cars? What people needed was answers. How can we know if what Fred Beck and co said happened really happened? They needed the authorities to step in and investigate. And that would happen in due time. But what makes this case

really interesting is that a small number of people already knew about the Mountain Devils. In fact, the Native American nations of the Northwest knew a lot about Mountain Devils. And so, newspapers, including the Oregonian, turned to them to write about what was happening. And just a few days after the first attack, the front page of the Oregonian turned to them to write about what was happening and Just a few days after the first attack the front page of the Oregonian read Mountain Devils mystery grows deeper Giants said to roam hills shaggy creatures kill game by hypnotism it is said Ventriloquism is also used so this article was written by used. So this article was written by Jorg Totski from the Klallam tribe, an editor of The Real American. The big apes reported to have bombarded a shack of prospectors at Mount St. Helens

are recognized by northwestern Indians as none other than the Siotic tribe of Indians. We have long kept the history of the Siotic tribe a secret because they are a skeleton in our closet. Another reason we keep it a secret is because we knew the white man would not believe our stories. The Siotic Indians are no less than seven feet tall, some up to eight feet in height. They have hairy bodies like a bear to protect them from the cold because they live entirely in the mountains. They hunt their game entirely by hypnotism and have great supernatural powers. Where did that come from? They're wizards? Also, they have the gift of ventriloquism and have deceived many ordinary Indians by

throwing their voices. At times, Oregon Indians have been greatly humiliated by the Seatics' vulgar sense of humor. The Seatics play practical jokes upon them and steal their Indian women. Sometimes an Indian woman does come back, but more often she does not. And it's a pretty intense prank. I don't know if that's a prank. I think that's kidnapping and possibly murder. Everything's, if that's your scale of a vulgar sense of humor everything's kind of yeah funny to you i guess everything's a little funny when it's done by a monkey wizard but that doesn't

make it right like if a monkey wizard came up with a knife and shanked me i'd be like oh but i it's kind of funny i guess you're like that's you have a dark sense of humor sir you little scamp one of these monkey wizards gets a hbo stand-up special it's just an hour of him shanking the audience critics are like it's dark but highly amusing it is even said by some northwestern indians that because they've taken these indian women it's even said by some northwestern indians that they have a strain of the siatic blood in them and this news article relayed a lot more information about what they call the siotic but crucially it gave a list

of tribe members from different nations who basically vouched for the authenticity of this information kind of like the rubber stamp of approval to say this is real native american history we believe this in our nation we believe this believe it in our nation right right cross corroborating you know and one of these men that co-signed the article is called henry napoleon of the clallam tribe and it turns out henry didn't just hear or read about the siatic but he had seen it with his own eyes. He actually signed the document with an inky monkey fist slamming down on top of it. I can vouch that these guys are real. Yeah, we do.

I mean, they do hypnotism. Once, Henry was visiting relatives near Duncan in British Columbia. And while there, they told him many stories from the Cowichan tribe, including many stories involving the Siatic. Of course, he didn't think too much about it, given he had never heard or encountered one before. But they warned him, do not go too far into the wilderness here.

That's some real Lion King shit right there. It's like, I'm just here to eat meatloaf and hang out with my relatives. Yeah. Why are you getting weird? I wasn't going't gonna go now i kind of want to grant it yeah i was gonna just stay inside do puzzle games but now you're telling me there's somewhere called the forbidden zone we didn't say that hey we didn't say that we said don't go too far he's like the dreamland the promised land i always was saying supposed to sleep at night knowing that there is this monkey eden right across the horizon nothing about monkeys i just don't know how i'm gonna stay here knowing that

there are golden bananas in the woods no one said golden no one said bananas f**k it i'm out i'm thanks for dinner i gotta see what these monkey guys are up to i can't i'm gonna go too far i'm going too far into the woods so you know it's bad you know it's too far look i can't. I'm going to go too far. I'm going too far into the woods. So you know it's bad. You know it's too far. Look, I can't sit here and slurp your soup while I know that just beyond the cliffside is Monkey Hogwarts. I've got my letter. I've got my owl. I'm going. But as days pass, Henry is in the woods hunting a buck that he has wounded and is now chasing down. As the buck escapes deeper into the woods, Henry thinks back to the words of his relatives, don't go too far, but he can't stop now, so he delved further.

Henry said, it was at twilight when I came across an animal, a huge bear bear but as soon as i lifted my gun to my shoulder and aimed it at him it turned to me and said stop oh and spoke to me in the language of my tribe oh my god but to find out what the mountain devil said you have to tune in next week ladies and gentlemen because there is too damn much in this story in the story of fred beck and the prospectors in mount saint helens listen folks i went into this as usual you know just thinking we could wrap this up one and done scooby-doo style pull the mask off the beast and get it over with but it turns out there's a lot more to this i mean i should have guessed when it got into kind of native american history that there was going to be more to this than met the eye.

Yeah. In this story, this week's episode is a lot like the story. You know, we've given you a bit of the history. But in the next episode, right beyond the hills, there is a forest of monkey, monkey wizards living in the beautiful Eden. There's no Eden. No, we didn't say it. And what we have to do is just push a little further into that forest. No, we said don't go any further.

And we need to just swing from the vines. They're very dangerous. Dangerous monkey devils. Push through the bushes. I mean, mountain devils. Get in there and just grab whatever's there by the neck and investigate. They will kill you. They will absolutely bombard you with boulders.

So make sure and tune in next week for the conclusion of the case of the mountain devils of Mount St. Helens. And remember, folks, while we will be back next week with the conclusion of this tale, if you just cannot wait, if you simply need more paranormal tales in your life, remember that there is always our bonus episodes over on patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life,

where for a few bucks a month, you can get access to a sort of fine. I'll say it. A monkey Eden level. There it is. Banana store. I knew it. I'm not saying it's in the next episode.

You were trying to hide it from us. It's just a metaphor it's a pretty accurate metaphor I would say but the Patreon is Mount St. Helens right the bonus episodes the monkeys? they're the golden nuggets we're going back to the nuggets

yeah and you can get access to those from just 5 bucks a month and as usual we like to take time at the end of every episode to shout out those who've supported us on patreon that's what we're going to do right now let's go thank you to courtney powell courtney powell is a owl who who that's right she's floating around um mount saint courtney looking for little golden nuggets but uh-, there's boulders getting thrown left, right, and center, so she can't get a single yellow nug. It's a dangerous time to be an owl, my friend, when you've got demons on the ground, boulders in the sky.

Courtney, I wish you the best of luck. Thanks also to the ballinist motherfucker. This is actually one of those ironic rap names. Yeah, it's like there's so many like rappers now that like with lil in the name yeah but if you have lil in your name that really means that you're a a giant fat drug addicted um middle-aged right rapper it's all opposite it's opposite yeah like biggie smalls he's's Biggie, but he's not small. No.

They shouldn't have called him that. No. Tupac famously only ever had one pack of anything. Gum, beer, never any more than one. It's all opposites in the rap game. So the ball is a mother****. It's the cheapest piece of ****. At this point, he's not even a rapper.

He's just an accountant. For sure, yeah. But thank you for your support. Anyway, I guess, true to your name, I hope you get even less cool somehow. Yeah. Thanks also to Terry Eind. Terry is one very scary fairy. What?

I don't think fairies are scary. Oh, well, I mean, the tooth fairy's pretty freaking weird. I guess. But then, you mean, the tooth fairy is pretty freaking weird. I guess. But then, you know, it's kind of nice. They come take your tooth, give you a bit of money. Terry is the eye fairy. She comes for your eyes. What?

But not a lot of people want to give their eyes up like they would with their baby teeth. Of course not. Because you don't have baby eyes. They don't fall out of your head and you get your adult eyes coming in. So it's been a really tough time for Terry trying to get a single eye. Yeah. So I'm glad to see that you're enjoying the podcast. And hopefully one day you'll get one of those eyes.

Thanks also to Adam O'Sullivan. You know The X-Files was originally cast as Mulder and Sully. Oh, really? That's right. It was mano y mano. They, like, focus group tested that one a bit. And Adam didn't have quite the same chemistry with Mulder. So he got axed pretty quick.

Oh, Adam, I'm so sorry. He is a real FBI agent, though. So had that to fall back on. Hey, that's pretty good. I don't know why he was pursuing an acting career if Adam is a qualified FBI agent though, so had that to fall back on. Hey, that's pretty good. I don't know why he was pursuing an acting career if Adam is a qualified FBI agent. Yes, it was a really low level pilot as well. It was just

like some indie shit. I don't know why he was interested at all. Bizarre. Hey, I'm sorry you got axed from the show, but I'm glad you're here with us now. Thanks also to Jenny Morrissey. Jenny, the more I see, the more I like. Because you're not

Jenny from the block. You're Jenny from the cops. That's right. We got an officer of the law listening to this podcast. We got a piggy mole on the inside supporting this show, sending us details. Folks,

you have no idea how great it is to have a cop who listens to the podcast all right we've been we've been shitting on cops for a while but having cops in the commune yeah we can run names through their computer systems amazing we can um you know alter people's arrest records if we want to take them down it's really really great and jenny's just been we should probably beep this because if this gets out she'll probably be fired from the people's arrest records if we want to take them down it's really really great and jenny's just been we should probably beep this because if this gets out she'll probably be fired from the force of course immediately um but jenny's just been leaking documents giving us confiscated evidence she just lends us the little red light you put on top of your car so i've been running red lights

left right and center yeah just trying to get to the shops quicker and things. Yeah. It's been great, Jenny. Thank you so much. We'll beep all this. Don't worry. Thanks also to Jordan Walters. Jordan Walters never falters.

He was actually there that day on Mount St. Helens. Fred actually took a couple pot shots left and right of the first beast. Granted, went right through Jordan Walters. He took him where it hurt but uh he got shot he doesn't falter so he didn't fall off the cliff he just hobbled back to um mountain devil a and e and got patched up and lived to tell a tale wow i mean it's one thing not faltering but he survived three gunshots oh yeah that's beyond not faltering, but he survived three gunshots. Oh, yeah. That's beyond not faltering. I think he's immortal. I think it was a very old prospector rifle, so it was basically a BB gun.

They're probably worse. There's like infected bullets covered in rust. My God. He's just stuffing raccoon poop in there. I mean, I didn't want to put your whole life on blast there, Jordan, but it's a pretty interesting story. Thanks also to Kyle Prince. Kyle, you are the prince of the commune.

But unfortunately, as you know, in the commune, kings are peasants and princes are paupers. That's right. You are on kitchen duty, my friend. Making chicken paupers for, uh-oh, the princes. The princes and coppers. Thank you for all of your services,

Your Highness. We hope you're enjoying your stay in the Paranormal Commune. Your Highness is a little thing we like to call the homeless here in the car. Thanks also to Richard Byrne. Richard took our advice so literally that he burned down his second name. He was actually Richard Smith.

And he burned it down and now he's Richard Byrne. He walks around with two fistfuls of lighters just everywhere he goes, setting fire to anything. He wouldn't set fire to water. What? I don't know how this son of a bitch does it. He just is hot. It was pretty cool when Jesus walked on water. Yeah.

But arguably kind of crazier to set fire to it. Pretty badass. Wow. Thanks also to Josh De La Hay. Josh De La Hay wants to stay at the Paranormal Commune. Oh. But as we know, Josh is posh, which means Josh ain't posh in these parts.

How would you like kitchen duty, my friend? Hope you like sleeping on stone-cold floors. And serving chicken poppers to your leaders. But, you know, after a couple weeks, you're no longer Posh Josh. You're Josh the Chicken Boy. And what happens to poor little

chicken boys? They are the kings of the commune, my friend. It flips. It's like the f***ing upside down in Stranger Things. That's what the commune is like. There are demigorgons running wild, Josh. It is just as terrifying.

Oh, yes. There are government mind control experiments going on. Left, right, and center. And we're happy that you're at the heart of it. Thanks, lastly, but not leastly, to Joe Interante. Joe Interante owns his own restaurante. Whoa. And there's only one dish on the menu.

Chicken poppers. For the civilians of the paranormal commune. And civilians is putting it very nicely. But that's not to belittle Joe. He is a Michelin star chef. These are the finest chicken poppers you have ever had. But that's not to belittle Joe. He is a Michelin star chef. Of course. These are the finest chicken poppers you have ever had.

Melt in your mouth. He doesn't really like to make them. We just kind of make him make them. You know what I mean? He actually wants to make a bunch of other stuff, like filet mignon steaks. He's got some Kobe beef, I think, back there. Every time he brings the menus out, I'm like, take it away. I do not need it, Joee you know what i shall have joe didn't you hear we have an egg shortage darling we can't make any of this

he's like this doesn't require any eggs it's because you keep eating the chickens all you need is chicken poppers that's why there's no eggs silence oh no even less eggs this week chicken pop as it is medium rare we have to cook your chicken silence joe so thank you joe for for feeding the commune thanks to everyone we've just mentioned and everyone we've done the past and everyone we are yet to do if your shout out hasn't happened just yet please hang in there thanks for being so patient I think we're currently shouting out folks from kind of around June and it is possible

we really do our best to keep track of everyone who signs up and make sure we shout out their name on the cast occasionally we do miss folks if you think we have missed yours in the last couple of months keep it to yourself don't point out our mistakes. No, don't listen to him.

Don't listen. We don't make flaws. We don't have problems. Okay, just email me. It's fine. And we'll get right on it. But thanks for your patience. Otherwise, we'll be back next week

to find out what happens to Henry in the f***ing woods of Oregon. It's gonna get bananas. Hey.