This Paranormal Life - #136 The Chupacabra: The World's Most Deadly Bloodsucking Monster

Episode Date: October 29, 2019

First discovered in Puerto Rico in the 90s, feared by people all over the world, and named by a DJ - The Chupacabra is one of the most legendary cryptids in history. But there are still many unanswered questions surrounding it. Namely, is it a type of animal or an extraterrestrial insectoid?Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do ghosts have death days instead of birthdays? Is the earth a UFO and we're the alien greys aboard it? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Ayo! Welcome back to This Paranormal Life, the podcast where every week we discuss a different paranormal tale, case, claim, or beast and get to the bottom of whether it's verifiably paranormal or not as always you're joined by the uh top ranked paranormal investigators in the country nay nation that's right my name is kate greer malvena this guy's rory powers captain rory

powers okay aboard the uss earth you're right this is a ship and we are the greys and we are the captains leading us straight into the blackest hole we can find. We don't need space charts or sea charts where we're going. We just beeline for the darkest, heaviest thing in the galaxy. That's right. Because I've heard there's something called spaghettification that happens and it's dinner time. We've talked about it. I'm borderline starving. I'm borderline Alfredo sauce at this point

listen we're not going to dilly dally at the top of the episode not even about spaghettification we have today rory a very overdue case i would say we've been doing this thing for hundreds of episodes at this point and yet we haven't talked about one of the most famous paranormal cases or phenomenons in the world. Our story begins surprisingly recently in August 1995 in Puerto Rico. 1995? Wow, that's recent. That's like the same year as Nirvana, probably. I think they were around that time.

Were they? Yeah. Pokemon. Pokemon was surprisingly early. Was it? Yeah yeah i was four when all this happened yeah jesus i know well in august in puerto rico 1995 one morning farmer or shepherd take your pick doesn't doesn't really matter uh woke up bright and early as usual to tend to their animals probably a farmer then right either honestly, you said pick one, and this guy's waking up to tend to his animals.

I mean, a shepherd also does it, hence the pick one. You have picked, so. All right, well, let's just say farmer from now on. Okay, farmer or shepherd, but just. I picked farmer. As he walked across the fields of sheep. Just why give me the option if you're going to be that annoyed when I said that I wanted it to be a farmer. I'm not annoyed.

You were... I just thought I could put a little choose your own adventure flair into this thing. But when I chose it, you got mad at me? There's a right answer and a wrong answer, of course. That's not how choose your own adventure works. It's like a test. It's like an audio test. It's not a choose your own adventure then.

Is it, bud? It's a test listen just let me get on with it okay sorry what does the farmer do the farmer walks across the their fields and and they saw something was deeply wrong several sheep were laying on the ground not moving as the other animals cleared away it was clear that eight sheep were dead. Of course, weather or illness could always threaten farm animals' lives, but eight in one night? The farmer or shepherd, either honestly, kneeled down for clues, but was immediately shocked at what they saw. They were all bone dry.

Gee, what? Their blood had been completely drained as if they had died weeks ago and just baked in the sun ever since. Except these were new bodies. As they leaned in closer, they were shocked to see that on the chest of each animal there were three distinct puncture wounds. The calling card of whoever or whatever Wow. So, you know, injecting a little bit of fun kind of choose-your-own-adventure flair into this. If you were the farmer or shepherd in this case, what are you doing next after you find that your sheep have been attacked? Do I have any...

You said it's a choose-your-own-adventure. Is it like a multiple-choice thing? So do you forget it all happened, just think it's some freaky nightmare, go back to bed, take a nap, see if this all blows over and some new sheep just take the place of the old ones? Or do you report it to the authorities?

I might take the nap, actually. ones or do you report it to the authorities i might take the nap actually oh yeah yeah because it's like it's been a stressful day sheep got taken have a little nap hopefully interesting interesting wrong however how is it you're just gonna you're just gonna leave them lying there this isn't even this isn't a choose your own adventure very much a choose your own adventure i gave you the choice but you know you picked it's like life you like like your life you picked a bunch of bad options along the way well if it was but we're not going along with my adventure i'm choosing the adventure right well we did but it didn't go very well so i guess we'll have to do the other one not what is the other one call the authorities i'm not sure this is a shoe drone adventure. I feel like we're very much on one track that you want us to go down.

So I think it's probably better if we just take out the rest of your adventure and we just continue on with the sheep. There's only a couple other options, honestly. It's not. You're in control of the whole story. I don't feel like it, bud. I don't feel like I am. I wanted to go back to bed and count sheep till i fell asleep now i'm calling the authorities so you call the authorities

unfortunately they're not much help they pretty much took one look at these husks of sheep with three giant fang marks and said looks like a fox if you ask me. Which I do. That's the best voice we've ever given someone on this whole podcast. Which I appreciate if they feel, if the police feel that they have. I'm going to give him a name. His name is Sergeant Barnable Crisps. That's the kind of name a guy who talks like that is. Looks like a fox to me.

You know Barnable Crisps, his dad ran the force for 50 years. Barnable flunked out of every school imaginable, but through the old man was able to get a cushy pen-pushing police job. Exactly. And as soon as his old man kicked the bucket, he was brought in as police chief of the city. First new law, outlaw cops. You know, I appreciate if the police feel that they have

maybe more pressing cases on their hands, but this does, on their hands, but this does on some level feel like lazy policing. Especially when the same thing happened again. On another night, just a few days later, another farmer woke to a terrible scene. Animals of every kind strewn across his yard, all of their blood removed, and only a single strange hole in their body as evidence of what happened. So a single strange hole this time. Yeah, yeah.

So before we were dealing with dead sheep and three strange puncture marks. Three puncture marks. Now we're talking about any animal of any kind. Yeah. No freaking badgers, foxes, squirrels, mice. Maybe because I guess the first guy, I guess he was a shepherd because he only actually had sheep. Farmers can only have sheep as well. As others in the town heard about what happened to these animals, words started spreading. And people weren't taking what Constable Barnable Crisp said on face value.

And it didn't take long for someone to connect what was happening with a different paranormal phenomenon. Fox 4 News at 5. And first on Fox here at 5 30 a bizarre animal mutilation case near Kansas City International. A rancher found one of his cattle dead, reproductive organs removed and no signs pointing to a suspect. Welcome back, everyone. There is a Missouri rancher that's getting tired of making some disturbing discoveries on her land. Cattle found dead and the manner of their deaths are a real mystery. Zach Tecklebert, you will only see here on News 5 just a gruesome discovery for a family in Pueblo.

Their beloved horse found mutilated this morning. This happened near 36 Lane and Harbor Street out in the county. News 5's Lena Holland spoke... In a number of locations around the USA, farm animals, particularly cows, were being discovered horribly mutilated with seemingly no possible natural cause. It was reported all over the world

and widely referred to as cattle mutilation we've talked about it a little bit on the podcast before very interesting uh phenomenon kind of largely unsolved and of course like we said before depicted in one of our all-time favorite video games majora's mask yeah the ufos that come to the lawn lawn ranch or whatever and try and take away the cars the weird thing about cattle mutilation and any kind of weird paranormal uh animal mutilation is there's always so many different uh variants of it like some cases you'll hear about like this one a puncture wound and all the blood is gone sometimes uh all the skin is gone off the animal other times they're just abducted they just go up into the clouds and disappear i mean there's so many different uh versions of this

that um you obviously end up with a lot of different conclusions i'm interested to see where we where we are kind of honing in on today. Because many of the cattle in these incidents in America were also drained of their blood, it definitely had some similarities to what we're seeing in Puerto Rico. However, some argued that the three puncture holes on the sheep in Puerto Rico meant that they were dealing with a different beast altogether. Fast forward a few months to the town of Canovanas, Puerto Rico and things have only gotten worse. Reports say that up to 150 animals in the area have been affected by this bizarre phenomenon, all with puncture wounds and their blood drained. As the locals talked to each other about what they'd seen and heard, the panic reached a fever pitch.

And while one local DJ was discussing the problem on air, he came up with a name to describe it. The Chupacabra. Whoa. Which literally means goat sucker. Is that the actual origin of the Chupacabra? Yeah. A DJ came up with it on air? A wicka wicka DJ.

He was just in between spinning house classics and he was like drop that yo some weird shit going on out in the countryside here folks looks like this thing is sucking goats dry dry go to dry wow i'm getting real thirsty over here too i could honestly go for a McDonald's breakfast shake. That's right, folks. This morning's show is brought to you by McDonald's. Pretty f***ed up, though. What's happening down there in Puerto Rico? But McDonald's don't need three holes to suck it down.

Wow, that chupacabra is sucking on those goats like a McDonald's smoothie. Like a McDonald's milkshake. Damn, those things are thick. Talking about fine motherfucking beef. The new Big Mac and Mickey D's. This is so inappropriate. Yeah. It's like hundreds of farmers have lost their livelihood overnight.

Better get down and get some saver menu nuggets then. Cock-a-doodle-doo. Get a free McFlurry for every animal that has been killed on your property. I feel like I've just dropped a bombshell. The Chupacabra. Yeah, that's insane. We've never covered him before. This is one of the most famous cryptids, mostly local to the Americas, but known all over the world.

And I didn't realize such a recent case. It's funny that his name came from a goat sucker yeah even though he seems to be fond of well primarily sheep yeah also if it is a cryptid that's doing this wow three three fangs that's quite an interesting you don't see that a lot in a lot of creatures you know creatures that have prominent like mandibles or canines canines yeah it's usually a set of four i i don't know how necessarily that that genetic get up works yeah one big tooth at the bottom or maybe one sharp one up top yeah vampires are kind of famous for two or or potentially four because vampires are also known for being quite sexy right i think if they if vampires just had one really sharp

buck tooth and two tiny little teeth at the bottom that kind of like sexual allure is gone a little bit yeah they they don't smile with their teeth they mostly just basically just smolder with their mouth's closed yeah you know and they get those those cute little fangs kind of poking out the side being like, I want to suck your blood. Yeah, but yeah, if they looked like one of the rugrats, just a single tooth in the middle that did all the damage. Yeah, Lord Chucky. The Chupacabra is the name that stuck, the name that locals would come to fear and that would garner media attention around the world. come to fear and that would garner media attention around the world. And as this murderous bastards rampage seems to be only getting worse, locals are of course wondering, what's next? Is this thing going to come for me or my family? What even is

this thing? Of course, all this time skeptics brushed off the idea of a real chupacabra, some kind of bloodthirsty cryptid, instead claiming all of the events can be explained by other animals or foul play by humans. Three fanged animals? They aren't going to find many of those. But the skeptics were silenced soon afterwards when people… By three sharp piercing bites! They were silenced soon afterwards when people finally reported

catching the beast in the act on the day not like as in catching him mid-bite not like literally with a net catching him not with a net right no not literally i guess what i mean is they glanced him from 50 meters away one mad Madeline Tolentino claimed to see the creature through the window of her house one evening. In a 1996 interview, she said, Its black eyes were damp and protruding, running up to its temples and spreading to the sides, like typical alien eyes.

Its height was about four feet, more or less. At the time, it was walking like a human on both legs. Its arms were drawn back in an attack motion, as though it were a TV monster. She also said it had three long skinny fingers, long arms, and that its hair was rather short and close to its body rather well combed in fact i get most of that i don't really know what its arms drawn back in an attack motion means no other than like a naruto run yeah that's what it sounds like unless like i'm drawn back i guess sometimes you like your aunt if you're gonna swing for someone you might you know draw back yeah but i don't think he was standing in the garden with his fist raised that seems a bit strange it also

sounds like she kind of has the hearts for him she's talking about how immaculately groomed his fur is his eyes are so damp and protruding that's a pretty you know what that's a very uh four foot sexy beast that's a pretty good description i would say in terms of as far as we get with cryptids because a lot of the time it's just i saw a dark shadow kind of eyes glowing in the darkness it was six foot seven foot whatever yeah um there's a lot of detail on this yeah i guess she felt a little safe behind the window so she maybe got a good look at it tolentino's description pretty much became the definitive description of what a chupacabra was from then on influencing countless artist interpretations of which i will show you on rory to get a feel for the bastard okay feast. Whoa, this is not what I thought at all.

First off, because I don't really know a lot about the Chupacabra, I always assumed he was a pretty hefty, big thing. I'm thinking really hunched over kind of monster. We're talking like six, seven foot. Okay, kind of like a bear or Sasquatch type size. Yeah, so for reference, reference folks this dude is small this guy is is yeah probably around four maybe pushing five foot with heels he is essentially a little alien with kind of like godzilla style spikes down his back um and little hunched over claws

with um with dinosaur legs like uh velociraptor legs yeah it's it's you know what i've never seen anything really like that which is good in terms of how original this cryptid is except for she just saw like a actual alien gray which i don't know maybe we'll come maybe we'll get into later on did he have a ray gun did he not have a ray gun we'll find out as this choose your own adventure continues thanks for calling it what it is rory i actually kind of appreciate that was sarcasm bud whenever we get artist interpretations or indeed witness descriptions there's ones that are good and ones that are bad and on the bad end we get like a picture of et and it's like okay

this is a very famous widely recognized rendition of an alien yeah uh kind of difficult to claim that's an original description whereas this is a little more on the on the good side because like you say we've not really seen anything like it before it's a little bit alien like a little bit alien gray like but it's also got some kind of reptilian dinosaur qualities to it too yeah she also um neglected to mention in some of these sketches that uh the chupacabra is is dummy thick there's a lot going on down there he's kind of pear-shaped for sure i know he's got a real he's got some healthy curves yeah skipping skipping um chest day for sure really focusing on thigh and eye day of course this sighting was

just the start within months as many as 30 sightings had been reported in the same area describing the chupacabra swooping down from the sky leaping over rooftops whoa one homeowner in Whoa. Whoa. Oh no. This resident described it as having huge red eyes and hairy arms. Okay, that sort of matches. It does, because it's important that what we hear from Tolentino we don't take on face value. This at least partially validates the description we've heard so far. The giant eyes, michael jordan level

hops required to jump through a second story bedroom window for sure so that's kind of interesting that people are seeing it leap across the sky but the chupacabra epidemic didn't stop there once he arrived he was crossing international borders like crazy collecting passport stamps like pokemon cards there were suspected chupacabra sightings and incidents in a bunch of countries like the dominican republic argentina bolivia chile colombia honduras el salvador nicaragua panama peru brazil the united states and mexico so basically basically south america and the united states granted uh but we just described he can jump for goddamn miles yeah so he's not worried about no trump wall yeah he's just he

wants that sheep he's gonna get it by the sounds of it and he's sampling all the different delicacies i mean granted argentina famous for his beef but I don't know about the others. And even in recent years, he's apparently been spotted as far away as Russia and India. Wow. By the end of 1995 alone, the chupacabra had been blamed thousands of times eyes, gray skin, a snake-like tongue, fangs, wings, that they hop like kangaroos, and apparently smell of sulfur. I mean, people are kind of throwing the kitchen sink at describing the chupacabra. Yeah, it's getting a little messy.

To say the least. And of course, I hear what all of y'all are screaming into your iPods. After all these hundreds of sightings, they beg one question. Where is the hard evidence? Yeah. The Chupacabra was only first spotted in 1995, so it's recent enough that we should have photos and video evidence. First off, that is crazy that he's only been sighted since 1995.

This is kind of rare for a beast to come out of nowhere seemingly and to be so famous as well i assumed he was like maybe 40s 50s 60s something like that yeah that's insane yeah he's got a good pr agent i feel like he does everyone's heard of this guy he's like coney 2012 famous for all the wrong reasons yeah it's like five years later the chupacabra is seen jacking off on a freeway getting tasered by the lapd the fame went to his goddamn head it's like sad he doesn't even like sheep anymore just likes cocaine yeah well rory i don't just have photo evidence i don't just have photo evidence. I don't just have video evidence. I have a dead chupacabra on a damn operating table under the knife.

What? Here? Bring out specimen five. Where did these men come from? Specimen five? As if you have four others. Failed experiment. That we haven't talked about.

Can we start with one? You're not ready for one. I pull it out anyway. As if you have four others that we haven't talked about. Can we start with one? You're not ready for one. I pull it out anyway. It's me. What? You've seen too much. Okay, I don't personally have the chupacabra on an operating table, but I'm going to show you a video of someone who has a chupacabra specimen.

Okay. On her ranch in a small Texas town, Dr. Phyllis Canyon wakes up to find a brood of her chickens have been mutilated and drained of their blood. It is unclear who or what is behind the attacks. Why would the prey be destroyed in such an unconventional way? What was the most unusual is that each time we found a chicken dead, it was opened up anywhere in this throat area,

and it appeared that all the blood was out of it. I actually lost 28. All of them killed over months in the exact same fashion. I just did not know what it was. I had no clue. This is real, guys. From her years as a rancher and hunter, she knows this was not the work of a common Texas predator.

I really want to take her seriously, but she looks so much like the villain from Blade Runner. I want to see it. I don't want to shoot it. We just really want to find out what it is. don't want to shoot it we just really want to find out what it is 25 miles away deputy sheriff brandon ridell and his partner are on a routine patrol near the ranch lands we come down here and we turn a corner and uh as soon as we turn this corner looking for the down fence we see something over here uh just standing in the middle of the rope and just didn't know what it was. The lady that I was training, she just goes, oh my god what is that, what is that?

What is that? Oh man. Oh my gosh. We're just sitting there watching it just run, run, run and it was just the strangest thing. It looks up and looks back at us the creature had an unusually long muzzle long protruding canine teeth and bright blue eyes okay starting to come up this hill here and then just takes off and then came back up and he ran up the road it was just strange it was just weird looking how crazy is that weird looking and rory crucially the specimen that you just saw in that video they captured okay i'm gonna show you some photos some close-ups as close as you want to get with this specimen okay specimen is an interesting word to choose with this chupacabra right you can you can just leaf through these photos right here okay so just to be clear we're

talking about the collection of dog pictures you just handed me what the f**k are you talking about i got i got so excited guys when it swapped to because they were talking about seeing the creature yeah you've heard all those stories before then the video swapped to actual dash cam footage yeah of body cam footage of them when they found the creature on the road i mean i don't really know what this is but it looks a lot like a dog or a wolf or a cat i mean or like a wolf dog cat all had like a threesome and made whatever this is in the i mean sure if you want to be a caveman about it i guess it all it has a couple legs a couple arms sure sure and like a dog's snout and like dog sure it has a nose and

teeth granted what well have they taxidermied this thing because in this picture it's pretty it's pretty angry yeah yeah how do you explain those White Walker eyes? Wait, is this thing alive or is it dead? I think it's dead. Okay. Is this real? Yeah, it does have White Walker eyes. This is weird.

Oh, I wish you didn't show me this. So the pictures I'm seeing here, the close-ups, the detailed ones, is this the same thing? Is that what was on the dash the dash cam to be fair i don't think this is necessarily the exact same uh creature okay but i think they're believed to be the same thing right okay because some of these pictures are pretty crazy looking and some of them aren't and i find it hard to believe that it's a it's the pictures of the same thing that's all i'll say okay i mean that's like a that's a more than fair critique um it's wrong but you know it's a fair critique again i guess not a choose your

own it's not even having your own opinion sort of show it sounds like i mean if you just had opinions about everything, like the story wouldn't go anywhere because you wouldn't pick the right path. Okay, I'm sensing that you're not entirely convinced by what I just showed you. It may not have been the most reliable news source, but don't worry.

CNN can do you one better, even better than a dead chupacabra. They reported on the live capture than a dead chupacabra. They reported on the live capture of a live chupacabra in Texas. Oh, my gosh. To be fair, you are bringing out the big guns in terms of evidence in this case. Deep in the backwoods of South Texas, you never know what might be lurking around the corner or in your tree. And he saw this strange animal sitting up here eating corn. In Ratcliffe, a small town in DeWitt County, residents are certain they found

the mythical, despicable chupacabra and this time it's alive. Jackie Stock says her husband caught the creature Sunday night. He called me to come and look and I said, Bubba that looks like a baby chubacabra. With its hairless back, large claws, countless teeth and ferocious growl many would say this animal fits the bill. I hunted coons you know 20 years with dogs and all that and I ain't never seen nothing look like that right there. That man's name is Bubba Stock, by the way. ...is its growl. Coon don't make that noise, or opossum.

What makes that noise? I guess chupacabra does, I don't know. Here in DeWitt County, most people aren't convinced this is the elusive chupacabra, but what do wildlife experts have to say? The animal in the cage, as best I can tell from the view, was some form of a small canine. Brent Ortego, a biologist with Texas Parks and Wildlife, says a canine can include a coyote, dog, or even a fox. He says the animal most likely has mange, which has caused it to lose its hair. Shit. You can't pause it.

My kid is actively trying to pause the video but it's siri turn off unique spaces siri you you know you could just lower the volume or lock it you don't have to use this thing is trying to derail the whole christ this thing's trying to choose its own adventure what does the ipad get to choose there we go dots they talked a lot about how ruthless and horrible uh the creature was yes that was like the cutest chupacabra i've ever seen well it was a chupacabra baby i think they said okay yeah that was well that was what i think bubba stalk said yeah although he he his logic was also does a possum make that sound i don't know i guess a chupacabra makes that sound which is terrible logic based on almost nothing it's kind of it's kind of a stretch

to find something that's way smaller than a chupacabra could be and has been described to be so you explain it by calling it a baby chupacabra right like that's that's not how that kind that's not how that works really yeah that's like finding a monkey and calling it a baby bigfoot yeah you know i saw baby bigfoot yeah it doesn't it doesn't really work because the monkey is not telepathic no i don't know from because that looked a bit like a possum i don't have a lot of experience with possums but it that looked a bit like a possum i don't have a lot of experience with possums but it did look a bit like a possum i will concede that it did not look as cool as i wanted it to look whenever i searched chupacabra evidence and saw cnn pop up you were like i've

hit the mother load sure i didn't watch the video i just i just knew it would be the silver bullet i copy pasted the link into my notes and i thought we'd be wrapping up with a couple yeses at this point but uh that thing was small and it was pathetic and it was quite cute i like the idea of you watching that video when you're like i got this double yes in the bag and it's like we're here with the founder, Bubba Stock. Ah, f***. Why couldn't it have been an Albert Einstein looking asshole? Okay, well, that's just one piece of evidence in the whole puzzle here.

There's kind of no end to how many paranormal explanations we have here for the Chupacabra's existence. The beast itself has been argued to be an alien a demon some kind of ancient beast from dinosaur times frozen through time and even a government experiment gone wrong of some kind do any of those make sense to you based on how the chupacabra has been described maybe a maybe alien in some cases because they because he kind of the original description and pictures kind of looks like a little gray it does ancient dinosaur beast frozen through time yes this thing is the size of a shoebox okay well it's not gonna i honestly

regret showing you the video at this point if a mother t-rex isn't gonna make it this far this rabied up possum isn't gonna last two goddamn seconds yeah well uh t-rex didn't make it this far did it and turns out little weasels that evolved into humans made it pretty far that's the kind of weasel that would have taken its own life before the meteorite hit that's how weasely this little thing was it saw the meteorite coming and it no i'm going out on my own terms off the nearest goddamn cliff yeah i think alien is probably the most reasonable right i mean i i don't think we actually have any logic to go ahead and say this is a demon doesn't seem to be any kind of biblical wrath it's not you know smiting heathens or anything or at least like killing sheep that

are i don't know banging sheep that aren't married yet what's a sin i don't remember what a sin is i don't think that is sheep banging single sheep what's what's one sin murder yeah all right i knew that one i mean just think of anything illegal those are mostly sins vaping is that a sin i think i think vaping uh flavored vape juice is a sin but uh original flavor is fine so they only killed the sheep smoking bubble gum vape the cbd vaping sheep went down hard i think in terms of paranormal explanations it's got to be alien um i think even government experiment um might be stretching things although it could explain the fact it's come out of nowhere in historical terms but i don't know what sort of experiment would have been approved that would result in this because i guess

there's two ways to look at it it's like one is the government experiment was hey we want to make a little rat that can hold a gun and they they inject it with some super soldier serum and the chupacabra was born yeah that's one way to look at it the other way is hey we want to make a machine that lets us travel through time they build this glass chamber and they push a button and there's a big explosion of smoke and there's a little rat in there. And that's how the chupacabra was born.

It could have been an experiment that literally had nothing to do with trying to create the chupacabra. It could be an interdimensional demon of some kind. Yeah, we don't know. I would like you to move away from calling it a small rat though. Of course, yeah. Honor Bubba Stock to move away from calling it a small rat, though. Of course, yeah.

Honor Bubba Stock's capture and stop calling it a small rat. It was held in a cat cage, though. Yeah, and it had a lot of room. It was a kitten. It was absolutely a kitten. I didn't want to say it, but I heard it meow. It's Vicious Roar, a meow. But for those of you who aren't fully convinced by what you've heard so far,

you might be interested in hearing some more scientific explanations for the chupacabra phenomenon. One theory, and it's honestly nuts. I don't even know why I'm bringing it up, but we might as well get it out of the way. But a lot of people think the chupacabra is a coyote. Like a lot of people. See, this is where i feel like maybe we're

not the best people for this case because a lot of the creatures that look alarmingly like uh the description of the chupacabra we just don't have over here yeah we don't really have coyotes we don't really have possums um we we only have like freaking we only have like posh London foxes, which are basically like country cats. Yeah. Like they are so polite and nice that, yeah, we don't really have any like horrible feral creatures like coyotes or anything like that. It is true. Apparently coyotes commonly get a type of skin infection that makes them go mangy. communities commonly get a type of skin infection that makes them go mangy. They can kind of lose their hair that way and can be driven to extreme behaviour where they have been

known to even attack farm animals for food. In support of this argument they also have two large canine teeth, which could explain some puncture marks, however it does raise the question, why wouldn't they eat the animal and where is the blood gone uh one other idea that's pretty short and snappy is that apparently on puerto rico at one time there was quote a series of blood experiments done on rhesus monkeys and that the chupacabra could have been an escaped troop of experimental monkeys what's a blood experiment i wish i knew for the love of god that sounds horrible yeah it sounds like the kind of thing that would lead to the chupacabra yeah oh yeah that or zombies those are the only two options

uh so we'll just gloss over that one you can imagine a um a scientist who was working on the blood operations you know handing in the reports at the end of the year and being like all right so tell us a little bit about the operation is like well i'll be honest with you a lot of the monkeys got away day one first injection and those bastards broke free it's like all right what was it at least a success well they don't like bananas anymore that's the that's the short answer not enough blood for them not nearly enough blood we tried dipping the bananas and blood didn't work they they saw right through us by the way that blood we injected like monkey steroids they became jacked almost immediately i'm starting to think

we shouldn't have picked the healthiest most jacked monkeys for the experiment in the first place but here but hear me out i know that was a bit of a mess but we've already uh taken steps to uh ensure that the the contaminated escapees will be dealt with oh fantastic that's why we need funding for our next round of blood experiments oh yep what what are you injecting the blood into this time? Long story short, we need your healthiest tigers. Ah. Your fittest, most jacked tigers.

And what do you think the blood experiments will do to the tiger? Well, you see, we actually brought one in with us. Here he is. Oh, wow. Yeah, he's a feisty one. He looks pretty angry already. Is he the alpha of the pack or the he's actually he's actually the baby oh yeah we get him young pretty jacked easier that way it's easier

that way and uh we'll just give you a little example by injecting him with the fluid jesus we think that um uh as soon as it kicks in we'll be able to use him to hunt down the escaped monkeys is that tiger wearing knuckle dusters actually i think if you look a little closer he's gone the tiger's gone this brings us to stage three of our blood experiments he starts injecting himself how many knives do you have the only thing that can take on a blood tiger is a blood god i think the last of our sort of more reasonable scientific explanations for the chupacabra um i i cannot neglect to mention if you cast your mind back you'll remember that the modern description the definitive description of what

a chupacabra looks like was first told by madeline tolentino she saw the chupacabra through a kitchen window described it to the press and the rest was history however one benjamin radford wrote a book in 2011 called tracking the Chupacabra. And through actually interviewing Madeline Tolentino, the creator of that first eyewitness account, he determined that Tolentino had actually based her description on the creature from the 1995 science fiction horror film Species. Oh boy. So it's straight out of a film?

He determined that the creature in the movie called sill is nearly identical to tolentino's chupacabra eyewitness account and that she admitted to seeing the movie before giving her report oh the report was like my favorite part of the case she she said quote the resemblance to the chupacabra was really impressive she also said that she quote believed that the creatures and events she saw in the species movie were happening in reality in puerto rico at the time she's lost her goddamn mind by the sounds of it benjamin radford uh concluded that the most important chupacabra description has no basis in fact and this undermines the credibility of the chupacabra

as a real animal it sounds like she doesn't even know when a movie's on and when she's living her life which is not what you want from a credible witness in a paranormal case and uh this isn't like the best ever image but from even just the promotional cover of the species film you kind of get the picture yep that's it that's pretty much that's a chupacabra with a woman's head on it yeah 100 okay yet there have still been hundreds of chupacabra sightings, despite what Tolentino is saying about how she described it. Tell that to the thousands of farmers who their animals have all their blood sucked out. Thousands of animals killed in the middle of the night with seemingly no explanation. Yeah.

All around the world. Rory, with the evidence I've presented to you today, do you think the Chupacabra is real or not? I mean, you keep on bringing up just about how far and well traveled this beast is and i think like in a lot of cases this is actually a negative that we see you know if this was a creature that had been sighted in one area in one period of time uh similar to i was gonna say the owl man but i'm pretty sure that guy time travels so that's a bad example and the moth man he was a chernobyl so that's a bad example wasn't one of them a pedo

i might have been the moth i think he was yeah yeah it's actually just a sexual predator combined with a nighttime predator um but but this this doesn't really work because you know if this creature did exist, and we've kind of decided that the most logical explanation is that it is some sort of cryptid, it doesn't make sense for it to be traveling so sporadically all over the world. You know, government experiment gone wrong, possibly then it could travel so far. Demon, sure, I'm pretty sure they can fly and travel through walls like Casper. But a cryptid, you know, a cryptid, I just don't know.

I feel like maybe there's a lot of instances in the world where farm animals are killed by stray animals, by coyotes, by possums suffering from diseases like you mentioned. possums suffering from diseases like you mentioned and you know farmers and shepherds are pissed and they're looking for someone to blame a scapegoat a chupacabra scapegoat sucker more like goat sucker and this is this is the obvious option the chupacabra and i think even though there's a lot of cases that we can't explain in this story there's a lot more that we can explain including the captured beast which i'm gonna go ahead and say is pretty much a either a possum or a coyote right yeah i'm not sure that's what you wanted to hear i'm gonna level with you i can't defend this thing okay it's a dog yeah it's absolutely a dog i don't want to say but it looks a lot like

a dog the videos were of a dog ladies and gentlemen you can look them up today cnn huffington post the chupacabra was a dog it was like it was running on all four legs i mean dog tail whenever the police are chasing it down and then he's like he looked around that that doesn't even look like a regular dog it's like a sausage dog it's tiny i think it had a bone in its mouth it was crazy this has been one of the most disappointing famous cryptids to investigate i couldn't believe that a case as big as the chupacabra had so little evidence to it whatsoever yeah weirdly everything you've told me has been disappointing as well his name which i thought meant something like death beast yeah means goat sucker yeah he hasn't been around since the beginning of time it was 1995 yeah he's not

10 foot tall he's four foot nothing at best yeah so i've been disappointed not not with your case because you presented it very well might i add i love a good shoes you're on adventure thank you thank you i tried but yeah the the details of the case have been pretty disappointing and we've investigated a lot of disappointing cryptids i investigated a hairy hand yeah just a sentient hand it was pretty exciting by comparison yeah i guess it's a double no this week unfortunately wow who would have thunk it but we ticked off one of the big boys you know and there's only so many of those going around i know in that sense it's a special day guys because you only get to do the sasquatch the chupacabra you know the whatever uh every night again so you know big day it was thank you to everyone who

suggested it up to this point sorry it took us approximately two years to get around to it but hey if you listened uh this long then uh thanks for sticking around thanks for being patient and you knew to expect that if you think we are bullshitting you and you have seen the chupacabra if you're tallentino herself and you want to prove to us that you do know the difference between waking life and the movies, email us at thisparanormallifepodcast at gmail.com. If you'd like to offer yourself up for possible blood experiments,

do let us know. There is a series of monkeys and now a tiger on the loose that need to be brought to justice. Blood justice. Coming to a theater near you. If you are enjoying This Paranormal Life, be brought to justice, blood justice, coming to a theater near you. If you are enjoying this paranormal life, if you enjoyed this episode and previous episodes,

you know, one cool way of helping us out here on the cast is by rating and reviewing on iTunes, folks. We don't run ads on the show. The only way that we can kind of support and grow the show is through you guys. So please, if your friends are kind of bored and looking for that podcast recommendation, hit them up in the DMs and tell them to check out your old buddies at This Paranormal Life. Like I say, leave us a review on iTunes. That really helps us to bump up the charts and reach new people in new countries. I will say, you know, last week's episode, granted, was a little dry. Bone dry, pretty much. Even drier than the goddamn sheep after the Chupacabra's been at them.

And this week's episode, as you said, literally dry. Bone dry. Absolutely. The blood sucked right out of it. But does that mean it's not a good show? Sometimes. Sometimes it does. The last two, very poor.

But does that not mean that there's an oasis, a waterfall on the horizon? Well, you dropped that five stars, and let's find out, buddy. We're in this journey together. It's very beautifully put. It's a great way of helping us out, so do consider it. If you can't get enough of this paranormal life,

maybe you've exhausted the back catalogue. Maybe you've been with us since day one. Did you know that over on patreon.com, we do have the oasis it already exists all right plot twist motherf**kers yeah it already exists you just need a disneyland style fast pass to get in there from five bucks a month you can get access to a treasure trove of bonus episodes full length this paranormal life episodes that are not available to the public no only available to patrons.

Do you want to find out if the set of The Wizard of Oz was cursed? Bonus episode. Do you want to find out why humans weren't allowed to drink the delicious red liquid at the bottom of the sarcophagus found in the desert? Bonus episode. Bonus episode. We need a third episode. Come on, third episode.

I don't know. Third episode. There's a lot. Anyone, just name we need a third episode. Come on, third episode. I don't know. Third episode. There's a lot. Anyone, just name one. Name one episode. Sure, it shouldn't be too hard to just name one episode, should it? Um, uh, I think one time it rained meat from the sky. Hey, there you go.

I think that was a bonus episode, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. That's about as wet as it gets. Goddamn sirloins slapping you in the face. Check them all out. Oh no, they were cooked well. They're cooked bone dry, everyone. They're well done.

Yeah, there's, you know, 20, 30 plus episodes in the backlog for you to enjoy right now for the low price of shit all a month. And at the end of every episode, we like to take the time to shout out those who supported us on Patreon. That's what we're going to do right now.

Special thank you to Neff Maxwell Kavanagh. Neff Maxwell does not relax well. Oh! They are on, buzzed, wired all the time. Really? That doesn't seem healthy. Even when they close their eyes at night, their brain is firing off on all

cylinders. Holy shinkies. They dream of being awake. That's how weird their dream is. I guess that's every dream, isn't it? That's literally... Yeah, you can't dream of dreaming. That's beautiful, actually. Neff, actually, I think we have something here.

Give me some of those pills that you're taking, Neff. Thanks also to Jess Tapia. Jess Tapia, if you're coming to the commune could you bring a photocopia because recently there's been a lot of posters going up um about a revolution because of the tax days we've been having tax days the lack of food uh the general low standard of living across the commune we just think if we could get a photocopia and print out a couple of our own posters, just of like smiley faces.

Everything's fine. Cats. Yeah. Doll puppies. You know, just slap them over some of these revolution posters. Just chill everyone out a little bit, which would be great. So yeah, let us know if you can bring that. Urgently.

Thanks also to Jacob Braun. Jacob Braun gets a round ton. You know why? Why? He's a Lyft driver. Oh, that's disappointing. Yeah, he just travels a lot. We could always do with those skills in the commune, though, Jacob.

The commune is pretty small, but there is an opening for a kind of ride-sharing piggyback service. Yeah, in fact, if you're free now we would really much appreciate a lift from here to out of the commune before this revolution kicks off buddy hope you can carry two fat asses that's right we've been eating a lot of food while there's been a goddamn famine inside the commune Thanks also to Kathy Bjorly. Well, if it isn't Kitty Kathy, a beast more ferocious than the Chupacabra itself.

Really? Everyone's a sheep to this little beast. No one is safe. I thought you said it was Little Kitty Kathy. Is that what you said? Little Kitty Kathy, yeah. That's how it gets you. You're like, oh, look at this cute little kitty Kathy.

It gets your neck. It sucks you dry. You're gone, buddy. Wow, that sounds pretty terrifying. Probably should have covered that. It's probably more evidence for the existence of Kathy on account of her having a Patreon account. Yeah, she's got a full-on address, an avatar, which is her holding a photo of today's newspaper. There's a lot of evidence to prove that this cryptid is real.

We should have gone with it. Reddit AMA style, she's holding a picture of her own name. Thanks also to John Connor. Well, if it isn't John the Conning Connor. John, could you do us a favor? We have a few people here in the commune who could do with being conned out of. As in John the conning Connor. John, could you do us a favor? We have a few people here in the commune who could do with being conned out of their lives at this point. Their lives?

These revolutionaries are going to take the whole goddamn thing down. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think the less we talk about the revolution, the better. Even if we get Connor involved. I think it's just putting a bit of a doubt. Happy faces, everyone. Happy faces faces everyone happy smiles don't worry the more they hear about the glorious revolution that's gonna they call it that the more they hear about it they're gonna want to do it so we should probably just shut the f**k up about it yeah i think that's smart hey john uh hope you're having a good time yeah hey

just just keep on smiling uh connie connie john connor all right thanks for the support thanks also to tobias jacobson in all seriousness though jacobson we need you to bias some time block the goddamn doors use your body as a shield save your masters and our eggs things are going down and there's only enough space on the buses out of here for, hey, a couple thousand eggs. Yeah, and us. Thank you to Jake Brown. You know how they have the lady of the lake who threw King Arthur his sword? Sure.

Jake is the man of the puddle. Oh. It's the grim version. He doesn't throw a sword. I think he just kind of is, he pops out of the puddle and he cries a bit and tries to have a conversation with you, but you don't. You're on your way to work and stuff.

That is a little sad. It's a whole thing. You kind of just mistake him for one of those, like, charity chuggers. They're just like, hey, do you have a minute? No, get out of here. It's like, I'm not a charity chugger. I'm a guy in the puddle.

And he's kind of depressed again, so... It's kind of sad because even if you do talk to him, you're like, sweet. Do I get like a sword or something? And he's like, oh, like an expired bus pass. If you want that. He kind of throws it soggy. He's just digging through his pockets like, uh. It's like you can see he's digging in there for like five minutes.

You can see his fingers popping through the bottom. There's nothing in those suckers. But Jake, you know what? Next time, it's been a while since we've caught up. We'll have that conversation. popping through the bottom. There's nothing in those suckers. But Jake, you know what? Next time, it's been a while since we've caught up. We'll have that conversation. Thanks also to Carmen. Whoa, that is our biggest donation yet.

That must have cost her a Carmen a leg. In all seriousness, though, that was, I think, she just said all my worldly belongings on a slip uh on the patreon notes wow is patreon a lie that i don't i don't even think that's legally binding then again another person seems to have kind of just uh sold their soul devil style to us uh in exchange for a couple bonus episodes i just checked that's carmen again i just Really? Yeah. So that was a sub note. Carmen's worldly and otherworldly possessions, as it were. Thank you. I mean, keep the soul, please. We don't actually...

Can you use a soul as a vehicle to escape a riot? I'm asking for a friend. Can I ride it magic carpet style out of, say, a chapel?

Just imagine someone taking a swing at you mid-riot. Your shell of a body just goes limp. Your eyes black. Your ghost just dives out of there upwards. You're like, what? Carmen, really unnecessary, but we'll take it. Thank you special thank you to geraint davies geraint davies gets all the ladies but not with his good looks with his rabies what he very much gets them with what with his like little claw hands what it's not so much an attraction thing i think he kidnaps them um he's a cryptid i should

have mentioned that before he's a straight up cryptid uh we'll probably investigate him next week because um again there's a lot of evidence the fact that he has a bank account that's pretty good that's pretty much open and shut case he has a paper trail he offered to be a guest on the episode about himself where i wheel him out as evidence so yeah mr davies we'll take it we'll take a yes anywhere we can get it at this point thanks also to todd snellgrove todd snellgrove hell dove that's when you pass on and you know those pearly gates open up you can hear the harps play and that light's pouring down on you and you just give them two middle f's backflip down into the flames of the underworld yeah yeah you just dive right in there and get down to an infinite years of bad business which is insane because to get up there todd has to live daniel day lewis style and

method life of goodness yeah in order to perform the ultimate sin at the last hurdle exactly because there's only one way to uh if you have a feeling that you're going to hell the only way to become one of satan's best men is by doing the ultimate sin, which is the hell dive. Right. He pulled it off. Yeah. And all the, like, judges down in hell were holding up ten signs because he absolutely aced it. Impressive work, Todd.

Thanks also to Dawson Vandervoort. Dawson, I hope that you are a police officer in the commune because we need you to bend the law, son. I hope that you are a police officer in the commune, because we need you to bend the law, son. A lot of people are saying it is illegal how little we have been feeding the residents of the commune and how illegally it is, how much we've been taxing them. Right. We need you to bend the law, son.

We need you to turn the tides in our favor. Wipe the slate slate clean so to speak and maybe take a few lives if needs be because we thought when we started the commune by but that just simply by erecting walls we would have our own laws yeah walls equal laws walls Walls equal walls. Walls. But unfortunately, the city council of Barcelona has... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is in for... Oh, what? Don't say the location.

Okay. The Spanish king himself had said we need to f***ing stop immediately. Yeah. So, Dawson, that would be mucho apreciado. Thanks, lastly, but not leastly, to Melinda Gorek. I don't mean to hinder Melinda, but Melinda, you're suspected of being a revolutionary, and we're going to have to shut down what you are doing.

You are trying to take down the colony from the inside out. We let you in into the... What did I say? We shouldn't talk specifically about the revolution, or else people get too excited about the revolution. We call the goddamn revolutionaries right here. Hey, I know. I know what Melinda's done. She hasn't paid her goddamn taxes since

Tuesday. There's been three tax days since then. Alright, I know what she's done. I just don't think calling her out in front of the people that listen to the podcast makes us look like... It makes us look a little vengeful. It makes us look a little mean. A little bit small of ourselves.

A little bit petty. Why don't we just chill out, enjoy Tax Day, and end the show. I forgot it's another bonus Tax Day. It is, yeah. A special occasion. A treat for the peasants. So I guess...

I guess I'm not going hinder melinda uh today after all but uh thank you melinda for um well nothing i guess thank you for your support on our toes thanks for keeping us on our toes melinda uh thank you for you rebel scum okay that was that's my fault i lost it i lost it there. Thank you, dude. Everyone, we shout out today. And everyone, we shout out previously and are yet to. You've got to wrap this up, man. They're getting through the doors.

They're getting through the front doors. Okay, Jesus. Thanks for tuning in, everyone. Thanks for supporting us on Patreon. We'll be back on Tuesday with another tax day. I mean, with another brand new episode. Okay, no, regular episode. Regular episode.

Jesus. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. You'll. Okay, no, regular episode. Regular episode. Jesus. Wrap it up. You'll never take me alive, you bastards.