This Paranormal Life - #144 The Yule Cat: A Deadly Icelandic Christmas

Episode Date: December 24, 2019

Christmas is normally a time of peace and goodwill among men. But unfortunately in Iceland, Icelandic Christmas legend tells of a murderous beast, feared for generations. Time for Kit and Rory to investigate.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do they celebrate Christmas in the multiverse? How old is Santa? How is he still alive? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Oh ho ho ho! Oh! Festive, I like it welcome to a very special christmas edition of this paranormal life it's christmas eve mother that's wow weirdly aggressive for such a festive time we gotta arm ourselves he's on his way we're gonna we're gonna put all the big questions about christmas to rest

is santa even human is he some kind of alien hybrid right uh what are the the what are the reindeers what possesses a a immortal man to break into the homes of children all across the world to give them presents yeah it baffles me for too, he's been seen as a benevolent old gentleman and we're just waking up to the fact now that he is evidently some sort of crazed alien overlord. It's true. To do that,

we're going to need to tie up the old man and put him under the knife. Unfortunately, on Christmas Day, we're working. That's right. It's Christmas Eve, folks. You guys didn't think we'd have the balls to podcast on podcast on christmas eve yeah but here we are coming down your chimney with another investigation we're kind of like the drunken uncle that shows up at the christmas dinner

even though he wasn't invited he doesn't really talk to the family much kind of estranged mom and dad are you know asking questions you know how's how's school going how's little susan and we're just sitting there whiskey in hand like who gives a what little susan's up to we're not gonna talk about the big picture i'm sorry but i i get i give a flip i give a flip out little susan because what about shut your hole little elf oh my goodness they're the government's being run by lizards my tinfoil hat has a hole in it little susan why don't you tell your uncle so actually take the turkey off the tray i'm gonna need all the tinfoil in the house we're gonna make a number of hats and we're all gonna get real safe it's covered in in burning burning hot grease that's better than the burning hot lies that'll be beamed in there

we're always being told to remember the true meaning of christmas that uh it's about um i guess that it's a religious holiday that it's about the birth of jesus yes and um that it's a time to sort of be thankful and come together as family when the reality is that it's actually a lot more paranormal than that i didn't honestly realize this till recently but it turns out that christmas eve traditionally going way back in the day christmas eve was a time when everyone came together to tell ghost stories really yeah this seems it seems like i'm bullshitting you right now it really does but not that long ago on christmas eve we didn't have goddamn netflix box sets to get through we didn't have sports games to watch on tv or whatever reruns um so whenever the family all got together on the night before christmas when they would celebrate all the

religious stuff they didn't have anything to do but sit around and tell ghost stories in the 1891 book told after supper jerome k jerome wrote whenever five or six english-speaking people meet round a fire on Christmas Eve, they start telling each other ghost stories. Nothing satisfies us on Christmas Eve but to hear each other tell authentic anecdotes about spectres. It's a genial, festive season, and we love to muse upon graves, dead bodies, murders, and blood. In Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale, Mimilius proclaims, a sad tale's best for winter.

I have one of sprites and goblins. Wow. So I had absolutely no idea, but apparently this is what you did the night before Christmas. You freaked everyone out around the campfire. I guess I can see this. You know, if it starts off with,

you know, Christmas Eve late at night, everyone's sitting around the campfire. You're telling some stories about Jesus jesus um you know some religious stories uh probably starting off from you know the the classic ones the fish the bread the water the wine the hits the all the greatest hits um then boom dies but what resurrected there's your twist you're telling all the stories you're celebrating the the season and the event and then all of a sudden you run out of stories because jesus wasn't around for that long right you've got to feel it what is it now oh it's 9 45 does anyone else have any good stories because

jesus only has two books really one yeah one is like a rewrite if we're being honest uh whereas i mean they're both bangers stephen king how many books has he written there's a lot more horror out there than there is jesus stories exactly so i can see how this could be a weird segue from religious stories into just terrifying stories yeah and apparently this kind of got lost somewhere along the way because let's face it we don't really celebrate that today um because it was based on kind of folklore and the supernatural whenever the puritans came to north america they kind of frowned upon the practice and wanted to leave it behind uh in the past so it never gained traction in the Americas at least. And I guess died out in Europe. So in the spirit of bringing Christmas back to its dark, terrifying roots, today we're going to investigate a Christmas legend.

We're going to leave Jesus behind and talk about the goblins. And if this is true, this is going to frankly ruin Christmas for you forever. Thank you to longtime listener Santino for for sending this one into us by email, thisparanormallifepodcast at gmail.com. Today's story, Rory, is in Iceland. You know, these days,

they think Santa, a.k.a. jolly old Saint Nick, was actually from somewhere in Turkey. What? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, Saint Nicholas,

because he's like a religious figure. Oh, right. Before he was the jolly old man with a religious figure oh right before he was the jolly old man with the red suit yeah he was a real saint and apparently lived somewhere around turkey but his final burial place is i think still unconfirmed and up for debate there's talk about it could still be in turkey some people have said ireland um different places around europe so you're on the record saying that St. Nicholas is dead.

Santa himself is buried in the soil. Kids, cover your ears. Don't listen to crazy Uncle Kit. This is me drunk or on the fire on Christmas Eve. Santa was a saint. He f***ing died. They found his headstone. The kids are crying.

In the North Pole, similar to ancient Egypt, pharaohs and santas are buried with their top elves alive and they burn the toys you know that they burn all the toys but whilst he did originate from somewhere around turkey uh the actual modern traditions and legends of christmas are far more likely to originate from places like Scandinavia and Northern Europe. That's why we associate, say, his home as being Lapland, which is in Finland. That's a real place. You can go visit there. Right.

And indeed, somewhere like Iceland. And it turns out that Christmas a few hundred years ago in Iceland wasn't all milk and cookies by the fireplace and red cups from Starbucks. It was pitch black for 20 hours a day and so cold your ass could freeze to death and if mother nature wasn't enough to worry about the local legends told of other more paranormal threats that lurked in the darkness oh my god and you got 20 hours of darkness you've got a slim window in which there's no uh to take a shit you better hope that you're that you're feeling regular you've got enough time to eat shit sleep you can get some shut eye and then you've got to stay goddamn wide awake eyes peeled yeah gun cocked and loaded for what's out there and today it's's our job, like every episode, to work out whether there's any paranormal truth behind these legends. So basically there's an Icelandic text called the

Prose Edda, written somewhere in the 1200s. And it's an unbelievably important book. It's kind of how we know about all Norse mythology. Wow. About the gods and how the earth was created according to the Scandinavians. And amongst these ancient stories there's a cat. A giant creature called the Yule Cat that has terrified generations of Icelandic folks over the centuries. And the best introduction I can give you to the Yule Cat is a poem written about him by a famed Icelandic poet, Johannes Rukotlam. Apologies if I'm getting that a little wrong. But a famous Icelandic poet, born in 1899. And I think you'll see it pretty well sums up the Yule Cat. I'm excited. We've only ever covered one poem on the podcast before, which was

Tomino's Hell. Right. The poem that if you read it aloud you would die yes so that obviously was setting the bar pretty high for paranormal based poems i'm excited to see where this one takes us you all know the yule cat and that cat was huge indeed so bad so far this it was translated it's not going to have too much panache because it's been translated from icelandic so i bet in icelandic it's actually pretty beautiful all right so the rhyme scheme's gone there's like no rhyme scheme then there's no rhyme scheme okay so it's just it's more or less just reading a bunch of sentences that's right okay great well it's from the goddamn horse's mouth he's teaching us about the yule cat. You said it was a cat. The horse is teaching us about the cat?

Johannes is the horse, and he's talking about a cat. People didn't know where he came from or where he went. He opened his glaring eyes wide. It took a really brave man to look straight into them. He roamed at large, hungry and evil, in the freezing Yule snow. In every home, people shuddered at his name. If one heard a pitiful meow, something evil would happen soon. Everyone knew he hunted man and didn't care for mice.

There's no way this is better in any other language. If someone heard a pitiful meow they knew date that was an actual line you know you're not going to want to talk so so much bad shit about the yule cat whenever you hear the second half of this poem okay okay he picked on the very poor that no new garments got from them he took one fell swoop their whole yule dinner always eating it himself if he could because you mustn't let the cat get hold of the little children, they had to get something new to wear from the grown-ups each year. And when the lights came on on Yule Eve and the cat peered in, the little children stood rosy

and proud, all dressed up in their new clothes. For all who got something new to wear stayed out of the pussycat's grasp. He then gave an awful hiss and went on his way. Whether he still exists, I do not know, but his visit would be in vain if next time everybody got something new to wear. So there's a little more to it than that, but there's a lot to take in from... This is why I wanted to read it, because I'm not going to speak in paragraphs about it when he can pack everything you need to know about the Yule Cat into eight lines. It's a giant cat. Okay, yeah.

Around Christmas Eve, it hunts down children. Right. And if they haven't got any new clothes for Christmas yet, he eats them. First he eats their dinner, then he eats them. Yeah, there's a lot of weird details in this story so he's described as both hungry and evil yes the two worst things you can be especially combined because if you're evil if you're at least satisfied satisfied satiated yeah you'll hopefully just you'll be like evil and satisfied is like the dragon from the hobbit it's like smile he's in the cave if you don't bother him he won't bother you

it's just like it's just a bee's nest right the bees are fine yeah if you want to start chucking shit at the bees you're gonna you're you're gonna have a problem exactly and the other is fine if you're starving but good you know right, at least you're a nice person. You're not going to steal anybody's food. So true. But this is starving and evil. The worst you can be. These bees haven't eaten in ages.

Everything's looking like pollen to them. You walk up and say hello, your head's just a big flower. They're just going gonna start stinging wildly i think that's how bees work they sting the flowers um okay that's interesting a little weird that they only attack poor children yeah which again i mean they said he was evil but that's really taking the biscuit yeah that's extra cruel um it leads you to wonder is this a cause and effect thing is he attacking the poor children that don't have any clothes because they're easy, they're weak? Possibly. Possibly.

Like, if he looks in the window and sees a poor child without any new clothes, he's like, well, at least I know they're not going to have a home defense system to stop me. I could probably kick the door down with one of my giant paws and take this whole family out. If no one gave them a gift this year, no one's going to miss them when I eat them. Exactly. Cause I assume this is,

this night is like the purge, you know, as soon as the, the, the sun falls and the night comes, all the rich families are slamming down their panic buttons and the shutters are coming down. They're giving all their kids, all the newest clothes, slamming down their panic buttons and the shutters are coming down they're giving all their kids all the newest clothes nikes wheelies um crocs any type of new

shoe and then all the poor kids they don't even have shutters they don't have panic buttons they're trying to wash and iron their old clothes and spruce them up so they look new but the the cat's coming the cat's coming for them the cat's like where's the crocs boy here they are sir no you just poked holes in regular shoes those are way too cool to be crocs the kid's like you're such a smart cat why do you why do you want to eat children you have such comprehensive knowledge of fashion go to paris and milan just leave us alone he's like peeking in the window no no no that's from the 2007 line not 2020 not new enough boy look i got i got this scarf that's vintage kid you're coming with me no this is a weird cryptid very specific very

weird very specific it raises uh a lot of questions is this maybe based on some kind of cryptid a giant animal that may be attacked and ate humans at some point in history uh it could still even be alive today or it could even be a story about other less paranormal predators like wolves or polar bears that they didn't fully understand 800 years ago but at least if it was a story or a parable about an some sort of ancient creature that did exist usually the story would serve as like a warning to kids yeah you know like the boy who cried wolf it teaches children not to lie or you know um the the the three little bears i don't know what that was just don't gank shit that's not yours yeah where is this what is this make sure your kid

your parents buy you expensive clothes yeah or a cat will eat you yeah there's not really like it doesn't really make sense is like a fable yeah i i mean if they made it today maybe it would be like it would be like a fable for the fast fashion age yeah premark could have written this thing but or it would be like oh all the little millennials that don't vote get eaten by a big cat it cat. That's the fable that kind of works these days. Yes. It doesn't really make sense. 800 years ago. No.

So strange. So I wanted to know a little more about where this came from. And it turns out that the lore of the Yule Cat goes much deeper. In the ancient text, the Prose Era, like we said, it says that the Yule Cat is owned by a woman called Grilla. Someone owns the cat? Of course What? Cats don't just run shit themselves All cats have owners. Why is she teaching them to eat poor people? Well, what kind of f***ed up Robin Hood ass cat is this? Well first he didn't eat anyone Robin Hood

I forgot that I was like wait no he ate the rich to give to the poor like well no he didn't actually eat anyone i think he regurgitated the rich so the poor is something to eat yeah that's a little preview of what grilla is like now grilla is referred to as a yachton which can be a number of things it seems like sometimes it means they're a giant other times a troll or it's always some kind of humanoid right but slightly different at least a giant would make sense because then to her the the giant cat would be just cat sized and the children would be like chicken nuggets just like tiny little snacks you don't want to eat a chicken nugget in a nice new raincoat. You want to eat a chicken nugget that's wearing nothing at all.

It's kind of true, sadly. Now, poems about Gríla go back way in history. There are accounts from the 13th century describing her as a beggar who walks around asking parents to give her their disobedient children. She doesn't even steal children like the cat she just asks she asks for that she's like if you have any kids you don't want anymore i will eat them i will eat them i'm hungry enough hey it's pretty she's being pretty upfront and honest gotta admire that she originally lived in a small cottage but in these legends she had to leave her home probably got evicted for being a child eater and now she lives in a small cottage, but in these legends, she had to leave her home,

probably got evicted for being a child eater. And now she lives in a cave, which she only leaves to hunt children. And apparently her favorite dish is a child stew. So this makes some sense of why the Yule Cat hunts children, because everyone in this household is eating children. She got evicted from her cottage for eating children so she moved to a cave a real downgrade by the way she's a giant so god knows who the landlord is god probably and she only leaves it to eat children the very thing that got her evicted she's gonna get evicted from the cave there i said it you can't be cooking kid stew in that cave. Because, uh-oh, there's a giant child that's on his way about to beat her ass.

Imagine being in a position where it's like, you can't do this here. Either you stop eating children or you move out of the flat. I'll be homeless. I'd rather freeze to death than not eat a child. Really? We really thought we weren't prepared to. You haven't had it. You haven't had them.

They're so good. I'm never going to do that are you sure it's like a chicken nugget filled with cocaine you live wow you live in iceland you won't survive five minutes without a house i will die happy eating children wow i think that cape i think that's a came over there is that yeah i'm gonna i just going to go over there. It is, really? It's like two feet away. It's actually bigger than my flat. Stay away from my kids.

So at this point in learning about Icelandic Christmas legends, I thought I was getting a pretty clear picture. It seems to be entirely about children disappearing and the paranormal creatures that explain their disappearance. But this is where the legend goes off the deep end. And I learned about the Yule Lads. What? If you thought you had to be worried about Gríla and the Yule Cat,

oh boy, did your problems just multiply. The Yule Lads are Gríla's 13 sons, and they each appear in Iceland over the Christmas period to f*** things up on very specific dates and they do very specific things so rory i've got the full list of yule lads here in front of me you're kidding me with their badass icelandic names which i obviously cannot pronounce but i do have the english translations i'm gonna give you their names all right and you can try and guess what they do okay this sounds great hopefully it's as easy as like dopey sneezy

sleepy it's not far off all right okay first up sheep coat claude all right i assume he murders sheep. Okay. Your guess is... Murders sheep, it sounds like. Or eats sheep. The audience says harasses sheep. Oh. How does he get their cloth?

Apparently, he harasses them. It sounds like he's trying to kill them, but he has peg legs, so he can't finish the job. All right. If anything, that would make you better. You could kick it to death. You wouldn't feel the job. All right. If anything, that would make you better. You could kick it to death. You wouldn't feel a thing. Moving on. Okay.

Yule lad number two. Who took his legs? Was it a sheep? I feel like I need to know this. Gully gawk. Okay. That one's a little harder. He hides in gullies waiting for an opportunity to steal milk.

What's a gully? Oh, a gully is like a ditch, it seems like. Oh, right, okay. I mean, I wouldn't have got it, even if I'd known, because the milk thing pretty much came out of nowhere. Stubby? Stubby. If he doesn't have two peg legs, I don't know what's going on.

Abnormally short. Oh, okay. He steals pans to eat the crust that's left on them. I can see why he's so malnourished and ungrown. If all he's eating is pan crust. Spoon licker. All right. Does he lick the spoons?

He absolutely licks his spoons. Apparently, he's extremely thin due to malnutrition. All these boys need to eat some children and grow up healthy like their mother another another slowball pot scraper does he scrape pots possibly eat the steals left over yeah that is okay all right another slowball bowl licker does he lick the Bulls of course you'll add number seven door slam Slammer. Does he slam doors?

He wakes people up in the middle of the night by slamming doors. That's right. That's a win. I call that right. Okay. Next up, we got Skir Gobbler. Does he gobble skirs? Absolutely.

I don't know what a skir is. It's yogurt. It's Icelandic yogurt. Why would you call him the yogurt gobbler? That's a great name. I think it's a little different, maybe. Or the yoggler. I'm really hoping there's going to be one that's just like,

the arsonist. Something way intense out of left field. Triple homicide. Sausage swiper. Okay, not quite as intense. I'm going to go ahead and assume he grabs your dick. Arsonist. No, he straight up steals sausages.

Sausages. Regular old sausages. And yogurt if there's some going. Window peeper. All right. I assume this guy is a little pervert. He's looking in your windows. Whoa! No one said anything about being a pervert.

He simply looks through windows to see stuff to steal. Oh, just steal. Okay. You were making it weird. You'll add number 11, doorway sniffer. Alright. These are sick bastards. What are you going to say? That's fine?

He sniffs doors? Nothing to do with doors. He's looking for bread. He steals bread, all right? No one said anything about sniffing doors. Okay. You made it weird. Well, you called him Door Sniffer.

You'll lie. Number 12, Meat Hook. Now, this one I concede sounds a little more menacing. Oh, yeah. They call him the butcher. Imagine trying to defend these boys in court and learning all their names in English. Meat hook? Uh, good lord. Does he take- he steals meat off the hooks, right? Close. He uses- Unnecessarily mean to do the wrong and then say close by the way

uses a hook to steal the meat that's like going correct last you'll lad we got all right there's no way you can mess this one up okay absolutely no way candle stealer he steals candles almost what he eats why does he eat candles because back in the day they were edible i very much doubt that i need to see some actual evidence hey to support that all right i don't know how many you got right in the yule lad quiz but a little bit more of an insight into the lore of this Icelandic Christmas legend. I kind of love these legends because they force us to think about where they came from, where they started,

whether there's any truth in their origins. Because on the face of it, the Yule Lads seem like a pretty clear mythical explanation for, let's face it things mostly just going missing right that was kind of all that the yule lads seemed to do was take things yeah a lot of it is just taking things and eating things so it seems to be that i think back in the day things were going missing and the yule lads may just have been a way of explaining that sure but i did want to do some research whether there was any real basis

for a historical figure like Gríla or the Yule Cat. I thought the Yule Cat could maybe be a misunderstanding of some other natural predator in Iceland, but on looking, it seems like there's not a lot alive up there. It's not like a forest there's no king of the jungle running around um there aren't really any large predators like that um apparently occasionally polar bear will um float onto ice on a iceberg and then they shoot it but i took a turn uh other than that there aren't really any large predators that could get confused for that i thought you were gonna tell me like a cute coca-cola-esque story where it's like a polar bear

gets you know trapped on a bit of ice that floats over to new york city and he goes through like time square and has like a diet coke with all the lights surrounding them but you said that occasionally a polar bear floats over to ic and they shoot it on sight. Yeah. Don't even try and help it. They've never heard of Coca-Cola. Okay. They just see a death beast. And shoot it dead on sight.

They just go, the Yule Cat. This thing's floating over and you hear, holidays are coming, holidays are coming. It's like Christmas bells. And you hear, holidays are coming, holidays are coming. It's like Christmas bells. He's got a little hat on and then just straight through one side of his head out the other. This thing drops and sinks into the icy waters. Holidays are coming.

Cover your ears, lads. It's the Yule Cats' terrible song. It's trying to hypnotize us. That's a good accent. In terms of Grilla, one researcher had a pretty convincing explanation they hypothesized that in ancient times grilla symbolized the winter solstice itself the 21st of december because grilla is harsh violent scary like winter would have been back then winter killed a lot of children not least the children that had not enough clothes. There you go. I see where this is coming. Very smart.

Grilla had 13 sons, which apparently might represent the 13 full moons in a year. Not to mention her mythical paranormal abilities make her really a witch and that explains the yule cat it's the witch's black cat right okay so it's kind of interesting although on the face of it her and the yule lads and the yule cat seem the yule lads mad they really might not be that different than our own kind of myth and folklore. It is miraculous that you managed to somehow coherently link all of those things together. The Yule Lads. The Yule Lads sound like the, pardon the pun, polar opposite of the Galactic 12.

Did you mention polar? It's like, you know, the Galactic 12, you mention poker it's like you know the galactic 12 the 12 most noble explorers and then you've got the lads the yule lads pot liquor or whatever the f**k yeah 13 of the world's shittiest malnourished children one of the children had peg legs for some reason. The other one just has a meat hook. One eats candles. I love it. That's how bad times are. Usually at the end of every episode, we come down,

down. Usually at the end of every episode, we come down on a yes or no. On a little country there. Listen, partners, usually at the end of the episode, we come down.

But seeing as it's Christmas Eve, I just wanted to take things back to olden times and tell you guys a f***ed up scary story about some old-fashioned Icelandic legends. I love it. And let's face it, no one expected us to release anything today. So when there's no expectations, you impress everyone. That's right. Promise, what is it? Promise nothing, do something. Do something crazy, freshman. That's the old saying.

Promise nothing, do something crazy christmas is a magical time i think uh a good example of that would be like an accountant telling their boss i'll have that report with you by midday and then them going on a meth binge that afternoon right really just exceeding all expectation it's true it's true yeah so a bit of a different episode this week because it's goddamn christmas eve oh my goodness everyone thank you to santino for sending that one into us um absolutely perfect um i so enjoyed getting to research stuff about christmas we wanted to release this on christmas eve because it gives you guys plenty of time to download it for Christmas Day.

And just get the family together. Right. Sit by the fireplace. Play the episode. And just enjoy each other's company. Open some presents. Find out about the Yule Lads. Eat a candle for Christ's sake.

You know, we just want everyone to have a good time. That's right. And you know what? This episode might just be batshit enough to cam down crazy uncle Derek who came uninvited. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. Kit, do you have any gifts that you're expecting this year? What's number one on the top of your Christmas list? In the months leading up to Christmas, I was asking my parents for a bunch of expensive shit honestly

I wanted a Playstation, an Xbox throw in a I don't know treadmill I don't know something else gadgety and expensive sounds like you don't want these things it's more of like you can't even remember what it was it's just because it's Christmas isn't it it's just that's what it's about it's just getting

kind of the most shit you can that's definitely not what christmas is about but sure all right uh i mean this is making me sad so let's keep going that's well that's kind of how we rocked it in our family over the years was who could game santa the hardest well i mean you get it's like a genie you get one free fucking throw it's absolutely That's not how a genie works. That's not how a genie's three wishes... Forget whatever the f*** you want. This was a nice question.

It was about what do you want, what you wanted for Christmas. Now you're saying Santa's a f***ing genie and he has to give you whatever you want. He absolutely is a genie. And he's a goddamn idiot to keep uh god to keep following through on all my whims over the years why what are you looking for this year number one on my list honestly world peace so i hope you hope you feel good about that come play fortnight on world peace bro so uh sure catch you in 2021 uh you know they'll be different those goddamn chicken dinners every uh every night over the every night over the goddamn christmas season

uh really sounds like you'll be will you be singing kumbaya or some shit i know that's cool that's that's cute that's cute though that you'll just be like sitting around just well just the thing is like i don't think anyone will be playing video games because the world will have achieved like perfect harmony. So we could work unanimously as one to kind of further the progression of mankind towards like a common goal. Sounds boring though.

I mean, sure. It might not be the most entertaining time, but I mean like no one gets hurt. We're all working together. We can explore the space, conquer maybe global warming. All I need is video games, my jewel, and maybe throw in a little World War. World War? Yeah, you want world peace, but I think shit's been kind of interesting over the years with a little conflict.

It's like relationships isn't it it's like you don't want it to be like it needs to be a little fire in there like fire things up a little bit all right so just to double check if a genie showed up right now i'd wish for world peace right you'd wish for world war right just keep things interesting and then a set of airpods so the world i didn't say airpods but now that you've said actually some airpod pros will be dope so now the world's at war but you can't hear shit yeah well if i'm on the battlefield using those sweet fortnite skills i'm probably gonna want to protect my hearing with a little noise cancellation sure crazy all right i guess we can tell who's going to heaven because i want

world peace you want world war i mean santa santa's probably not gonna bring it to you because you know the shit about the list right you're gonna be on the bad side what you know he's making a list he's checking it twice gonna find out who wants world peace and who wants f***ing world war i wouldn't have asked for a war if i'd known that he was gonna like veto my wishes yeah he he's watching like 24 7 honestly you're probably not even gonna get the airpods are you serious he gives you coal if you've been bad what about like first gen airpods no the kind of old ones no he's gonna give you coal no you're gonna get yeah how did you not know that this is how it worked look i get that he might not get me like this like the slim line like 2019 ps4 but

like what about what about about the old one? Honestly, he might not even show up. I cannot spend Christmas Day not playing Fortnite. I do not have any family to be with. I don't have any friends. This is so sad. I need the f***ing game, man. Where are your family?

Where are your friends? At war, obviously. The one I wished for. I thought i wanted a ton of stuff until i researched this uh honestly now i want a straight up pair of socks because otherwise this yule cat is gonna eat my ass new clothing that's what we need new clothing thank you everyone who's listening at home for tuning in on christmas eve for ignoring your goddamn family for an hour for doing the opposite of what christmas is really about and all coming together. And tuning in with your old pals in the paranormal nation.

Yeah, that's right. We will see you next week to ring in the new year. Oh! For a whole new year of investigations and paranormal adventure. Can't wait. Have a great Christmas, everyone. See you next time. Bye-bye. wait have a great christmas everyone see you next time bye bye johannes make, make way

Johannes, it's time you knew That there is a giant cat Who hides in the forest He'll come for you kids at night He'll take all of us right down He's got some big claws And he will kill you