This Paranormal Life - #164 Project Chronos - Part 2

Episode Date: May 12, 2020

On this weeks episode we conclude our investigation into PROJECT CHRONOS by opening up a secret shoebox full of classified top secret information... Listen at your own risk...PatreonSupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis BlatherwickIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Last time on This Paranormal Life! Our story begins in 2016. A 71-year-old man named Leroy Timothy Anderson went to FBI headquarters in Virginia. Leroy, this is serious. Did you kill 33 people? Technically, I've killed 45. But 12 of them haven't been born yet he also worked for the CIA on a project called Kronos project Kronos is a program created to eliminate anyone the CIA deems dangerous and well I was the hitman the first person I killed was in 1678. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Eventually, I stumbled across a WordPress blog. The website was called projectchronos.wordpress.com. Check site. Marcus was a journalist who was writing a book on the British government's Project Chronos. The Ministry of Defense's research into time manipulation. According to Marcus, the government had spent millions on research. Uncle Guy took the box and hid it away and refused to talk about it. He never mentioned it again. Uncle Guy died in 2002 and in his will, he left me the shoebox.

will, he left me the shoebox. back and listen to part one of project chronos because a lot of this is gonna get real hot real heavy real fast guys in episode one we first talked about leroy anderson a man who handed himself into the fbi for being a time-traveling hitman in a project called chronos that was a strong start i don't think anyone really expected that no normally any any kind of crazy person like that with a crazy claim it doesn't usually end in some kind of international conspiracy about a about a government project like that yeah we then thought we'd hit the end of the road until i discovered that during the second world war the nazis allegedly had their own time manipulation equipment called Kronos. Could these two be linked? And the final piece of the puzzle was discovering a blog written by a woman named Heather, whose uncle died and left her a mysterious shoebox in his will, filled with papers about a secret British project involving time manipulation. And that's where we are today, folks.

We have the shoe... Well, we don't have it, but the shoebox is in the room. The lid is off. Today, we are going to go through these files one by one and find out what the hell is going on in this secret British operation. It wasn't just memories in the shoebox.

It wasn't just little keepsakes, okay? Object one, a solid gold swastika i think these two are linked and i think uncle guy is a racist all right without further ado guys let's get stuck in the first object in the box was a letter from a man named marcus dated 11th of July, 1963 Dear Guy, If you are reading this, then I fear the worst. What you decide to do with the enclosed information is up to you, but I would urge the utmost caution. I'm absolutely sure that my telephone has been bugged and I'm being watched.

I've received several warnings to drop this story, always by mouth. They're careful to leave nothing that can be traced. I am enclosing the last few items that I have left. All of my other research papers were stolen, and it's only pure luck that I've had these pieces with me at the time. I shall leave this letter, and the remaining items, with my solicitor and request that on the event of my death or disappearance, they be forwarded to you. I am absolutely convinced that Annie was either successful in replicating the 1936 experiments or very close. I've received contradictory reports that Annie Jay is alive and well, living with an English scientist. I've also heard rumors that she was snatched by the Russians. To confuse matters further, I've also been told

she's working with two scientists who originally developed the technology, Stephen and Conrad. I imagine you're asking yourself, with so much misinformation, what makes me think I have finally found the story to break my career? The only answer I have is that the warnings I receive have become more frequent, and I firmly believe this is because I am close to finding out the truth about Project Kronos. If you are reading this, then someone has stopped me. I would pass no judgment on you should you decide to destroy the contents of this package. Warmest wishes, dear friend. Goodbye. So it sounds like in trying to find the story to break his career, he accidentally broke his goddamn life.

Exactly. The only way Guy got this was if this journalist died or was murdered. You know, and this is a huge turning point for journalists who are investigating something very controversial. If I was working for a newspaper you know late night maybe it's an expose on some bad stuff that's going down and three in the morning guy shows up to to my front door gun to my head and he says drop the story i say you got it buddy it's gone it's dropped because i don't want to die yeah do you want me to do anything else for you i'll shine your goddamn shoes whatever it takes to get the gun pointed away who do you work for let me write

about your company you seem like you're pretty strong it uh it doesn't even take a gun to be honest let's face it in the movies they rarely even have it it's just a guy in a trench coat and a hat and he goes if you know what's good for you yes yes you'll you'll you'll shut the f**k up for lack of you know he might he might choose usually they're a little more stylish and i'm paraphrasing, of course. Yeah. Yeah. But something to the effect of, you know, you got a nice girl there.

You got a nice girl. You got a nice kid. Why don't you, why don't you take a holiday? All right. Why don't you just, why don't you leave the city for a while, huh? Okay. Oh, that was, that was. Are you paying?

Who's paying? No, you're, you're, you're you're paying i'm just saying take it take take take a holiday chief all right you look tired you look tired i'll be afraid what would happen if you hang around the city any longer no it's not the first part was quite nice because you're worrying about like my my because things have been tough at home i've been working late on this big case yeah i bet i don't know if you heard about it but there was like you don't need to tell me there was no you don't need to tell me this. There was an animal. No, you don't need to tell. I don't want to know any details of the case.

You don't want to say that out loud. Okay. In fact, the reason I'm here is because I don't want you talking about the case anymore. I thought you were here because you were trying to sell me a holiday. I'm not selling.

Jesus Christ. I'm not selling you the holiday. I'm telling you, you look like you need a holiday. I do. I do need a holiday because some of the shit I've learned in the last couple of days about what this corporation has been doing.

Okay, you're going to shut up. With nuclear. No, no, no. What? This is the. Okay, you're not getting this. All right, chief. Who are you?

Listen, I'm. Aren't you getting my living room? I'm just a little mockingbird that has come to sing a little song for you. Okay? And that song is shut the the up and get your goddamn family I get the fuck out of town okay I'm confused hold on one second Mary did you call a travel agent Oh Christ me what he says he says you said you we were going on holiday okay if you shut the fuck up for a second I will I will up up by the

flights that's very kind of you by the way the up for a second, I will, I will, I'll buy the flights. That was very kind of you. By the way, the story went out yesterday. I take out a piano wire. So for the record, this letter was from Marcus, who, as we know, was the newspaper reporter who was writing an expose about the British government's experiments with time travel when he died in a car crash. In this first letter, we're hearing him talk about a few key characters. First, a woman named Annie J, the scientist whose diary pages are in this shoe

box, and two guys named Stephen and Conrad. Marcus ended the letter with, P.S. I'm enclosing a photograph from I think 1911 it belonged to a man named Arnold S who I met just once before he died he was quite decrepit at the time but swore blind that the woman in the photograph was Annie J but Annie J wasn't born until 1913 so you're gonna you're gonna have to help me here okay so I get I'm gonna be throwing a lot of names i get okay i do sense that the classified nature of the documents we're gonna be using a lot of initials because their names are classified you've classified them a heather classified them okay so i'm with you this is annie she's born in 1913 but somehow she's appearing in this photo. As a woman. As a woman in 1911. Yeah, that's weird.

One issue. Who the f*** is Annie? We're about to find out, kid. As the diary begins. 27th of April. After all these years, why would I finally feel the need to put pen to paper and keep a diary? Surely this is more the territory of a teenage girl than a grown woman. It comes in part at the urging of my assistant and friend, Vassie.

I think it's more than that though. I think, as my work reaches a conclusion, I want to document my experiences, both then and now. It feels important that my experiences and memories of Stephen and Conrad are recorded for others to share, should they desire. Finally, I suppose I am hoping that my words will help explain the actions and choices I've made in my life. If you are reading this, then I am gone. Signed, Annie. It seems like if your letter ends up in this box,

it's because you're dead. It's because you're either dead or don't exist yet. Imagine being born and you've written several books already somehow like you're born and you've already got a hit tv show it's we're dealing with time travel here folks it's not the most black and white premise for a paranormal investigation but i assure you that i have gone through all these pages and i will make it as crystal clear as to what is going on okay great so i'm because i'm going to be on behalf of the listeners here it's got to make sense to me and and i'm going to need you to be crystal clear well if you're going to be on

speaking on behalf of the listeners i'll tell you right now shut the f**k up and let me do the story okay because so i have to stop you there because it is a podcast and it is me and you usually talking and investigating together. So probably not going to quote shut the fuck up. All right. Well, if we're podcasting together and you're like half yourself, half the listeners, half of you, I mean, you should shut the fuck up. So that's all. I'm sensing.

I mean, I've asked a couple of things in this episode so far. I'm sensing a little. I've read one letter and you've asked me one thing. So the ratio is already pretty f***ed up. So I'm going to need you to just zip it for a little bit as I get through some of these. Here's a letter from the year 4000. No questions, please. I'm going to have questions because it's very far in the future. Diary entry from Kit Greer Mulvena.

No questions? No questions. If you were the real Kit, you'd know what you'd written. You have a gun pointed to my head. If you were a real Kit, you'd know that, wouldn't you, clone Kit? Wouldn't you, Annie J? The next piece of paper from the box is a clipping from a newspaper of a report. Hunt for missing Cambridge physicist.

The British intelligence service has been brought into the hunt for missing physicist Annie Jay. Miss Jay, who is well respected for her work in the field of quantum mechanics, was last seen ten days ago at her Cambridge University laboratory. As a young student at the university, she was said to have been linked to a private entity involving research into time travel. Her contemporaries ridiculed the line of research as fictional, and Miss Annie came close to expulsion from the university. The story takes an unusual twist, in that her laboratory assistant, Miss Vassie A.,

a former student of Moscow University and citizen of the USSR, disappeared three days after Miss Annie. Security officers have screened Miss Annie several times in the last few years, yet rumors still abound. The possibility of her defection to the USSR is a common topic currently on the Cambridge campuses. However, there have also been suggestions that MI5 themselves may be directly involved with the disappearance of both women. involved with the disappearance of both women listen quantum physicists don't just disappear no that's like saying jason bourne just uh disappeared okay they're in a very very high risk occupation yeah i don't know what the quantum physics really is but i imagine annie's tinkering

around with the quantum computer somewhere. She, you know, makes one of the screws a little loose and she's gone from this universe. Exactly. The only reason a quantum mechanic is disappearing is because she did something wrong or she did something right. Pew!

Exactly. And we're about to find out which one it was. Kit, I have a picture just because I got so much evidence from this shoebox. I'm going to really, I'm going to absolutely drown you in it. Here is a picture right here of the newspaper clipping, which you can see to validate its authenticity. Names obviously redacted. This seems weird because if the names are redacted and this is a real newspaper report surely we could just find this report somewhere online anyway for avoidance of doubt this this is seemingly a real newspaper report hunt for missing cambridge physicist that's actually the picture as well of presumably annie yeah weirdly not redacted as well yeah

usually i mean i guess i was before they could pixelate things. Underneath the newspaper clipping were more pages from her diary. 28th of April, 1953. I didn't get back to the lab until 4pm. Vassie and I checked in with the experiment and everything is running on course. I shall tell more about that side of things later, but now refreshed with a cup of tea. Now to make matters even more interesting, the next item in the shoe box was in an envelope labeled Donald McLean, 1962. Inside the envelope was a small bit of quarter

inch tape. Now Heather, who owned the box, managed to convert it into an MP3 while, as we said, beeping out Annie's second name to preserve anonymity. Kit, I'm... I really don't feel that this is what I agreed to talk to you about. Would you confirm whether or not you knew any while you studied at Cambridge? I didn't know any, yes. It has been suggested that

whilst working on top-secret research into the possibility of manipulating time, Annie ****** was passing her findings on to the Soviet Union. I don't know anything about that, I'm afraid. And do you have any idea of Annie ******'s whereabouts? I'm afraid I can't possibly comment. Is she currently in the Soviet Union? Wow. That is some academy award level acting watch it all right that's the recording that was in the shoebox recovered by heather converted from quarter inch tape into an mp3 and uploaded onto soundcloud don't get me wrong i'm not actually

yet claiming that the tape itself is some sort of fake i'm just saying the guy saying oh what's that project chronos oh much scope bye bye now yeah he kind of had a pretty good good thing going where he's like i'm afraid i can't comment on that no comment stone wall i'm pleading the fifth yeah and then he's like you know he's got like a little cup of tea and he's having a sip and they're like oh before i go can i ask you about project chronos oh shit oh no comment it's like well that's weird you reacted that way as soon as i mentioned chronos because it sounded like you didn't know about anything else but you really know about project chronos yeah you seem upset that i know about project chronos it's like no no

actually i guess i could tell you about it because uh i could just go back in time and make this never happen what was that you said nothing interesting stuff interesting stuff you know we've got some mention of this girl this scientist annie jay people asking about her whereabouts people wondering do you know if she defected and is now at the USSR do you know did she exist was she working at the university where did she disappear to and yet no answers just more questions that is interesting because you know especially back then people thought of the USSR the Russia as you Iron Curtain. Isn't that what they called it? It was like, you know, nothing got in, nothing got out.

So unlike these days where even in Russia, of course, they have everything we've got, internet, social media. Well, I was thinking more communication technology. IHOP. I don't think they even have IHOP. That's very American. It's an international house of pancakes. They probably do have one.

It's kind of a misnomer. I think it's literally, it might be US and Canada. It's a fucking national house of pancakes, the great American house of pancakes. They probably do have one. It's kind of a misnomer. I think it's literally, it might be US and Canada. It's not called the national house of pancakes, the great American house of pancakes. You got to move past IHOP. I was thinking more internet, social media, telephone communications. Dunkin' Donuts, at the very least. You're just talking about American fast food chains. Yeah, but they have them over here.

They have them in the UK. They got Dunkin' Donuts. It's completely besides the point. All right. right the point is what's the point then i'm missing out under here that if annie went to the ussr back in the day no one would know they wouldn't even have a crispy cream at the very least whereas nowadays she might have had crispy creams she might have had they had donuts then yeah and even in russia they probably it wouldn't make a difference to the story though okay yeah i can see that i can see that yeah so you're thinking like not donuts like a subway or something again i get what you're saying forget i said anything forget i said anything okay because

it's the whole it's the whole thing with the iron curtain is that you don't know what's behind it right isn't that what you're implying yeah i feel like we're on the same page which is good yeah yeah pancakes starbucks probably not that either the next diary entry is from the 2nd of may 1953 i'm occasionally gonna have to make entries in cipher to this diary there are certain things that i dare not write down in case this is read while i'm still around and then three lines of untranslatable goggle de goop this is going to be a huge part of the diaries moving forward is that essentially it's one paragraph two paragraphs of english and then ending it with a paragraph in a broken code. Interesting. Granted, I didn't try very hard, but I wasn't able to decipher.

And to my knowledge, hasn't been deciphered. And judging by the number of plays on that SoundCloud track that you played to us, it seems like a lot of people aren't working on this thing. No, we could be the first to crack this, guys. Very exciting. The next area entry, two days later, the 4th of May. Vasi and I spent the morning refitting parts to the machine. It's running at about 23% capacity. So far, the results look good. We're planning on running some inanimate object tests in the next week or so. The good news is, I know we get at least as far

as moving an inanimate object. How? Because this afternoon, a tiny folded piece of paper appeared in the machine. It had a date written on it. In Vassie's handwriting. What?

So Annie and Vassie are trying to get this machine working. They're having some problems with power at the minute. And only got it to 23% capacity, but they're trying to work on some inanimate objects. But already, Vassie, the assistant, has seemingly reached her little arm through time

and dropped the piece of paper there. Apparently so. A piece of paper with a date on it has appeared in the machine. Very strange. 5th of paper with a date on it has appeared in the machine. Very strange. 5th of May, 1953. We ran a full power test of the latest machine and blew pretty much every circuit it contained. An enormous amount of costly damage. At that point, Stephen went into one of his spirals. He spent his days staring at the river or wandering aimlessly around the garden conrad meanwhile tirelessly picked up the pieces a pattern that had often been repeated over the years he and i stripped the machine back to its basic components saved what we could and

made an inventory of what replacements we would need they biffed it they tried to they went from 23 to 100 and the thing exploded yeah you can't do that you can't do that you can't go from just uh you know warming up court side to then trying to do a triple alley-oop dunk yeah exactly in the next move this is the equivalent of waking up in the morning yeah running to a basketball court not stretching once and attempting the space jam half court slam dunk. It's not going to happen. You are going to break one of every bone of your body.

For a start, you're in the wrong cinematic universe. It's only possible in the Space Jam universe. Exactly. That was a huge mistake. You know, I can see that. You get a little bit of success. You get a note, possibly, from the future. And it's like, hey, let's crank this bad boy up. Let's go f***ing take a a selfie with a T-Rex. Yeah. But time you got all the time in the world. You crazy little bastards. You don't need to rush it. If anything, you could probably take five. You could stop right there. Quit your job. Yeah.

80 years old you're like you know what i will go back and do the time machine because then if you if you go back with all the answers then you can i'm getting confused now i'm not well i would i still be you're getting confused by just aging yeah would i be old if i go back in time it depends on the type of time travel but a good point that's a good point you probably shouldn't wait 80 years don't wait 80 years careful scrap that you know what fuck it go back in time right kill yourself because he knows too much already take his place no why would you kill yourself that doesn't make any sense would that make me young no i'm killing yourself back in time that would make you disappear into smoke or at the very least be replacing your young self with an older version or he's just pointing a gun at his own head. Will this make me young?

This is the only time machine I need. This is creepy though. You know, this is a crazy device straight out of sci-fi movies. How creeped out would you be if your future self started sending you messages through time? I know, which is kind of cool because as she wrote in the diary, okay, I know we have some success with this machine because I got sent something back in time from myself. Very cool. It's like that old saying, you know, they're like, if you could go back in time and tell your younger self a piece of advice, what would it be?

Yeah. Except Vasily biffed it. Vasily didn't even tell any advice, just wrote a date. That's true, yeah. I guess you want to start small. Right. You'd be a little freaked out if you're building a time machine and the first thing you get is like the coordinates to Bin Laden Slayer. You're like, this is should I stop building the time machine now

or should I go kill Bin Laden? Who is Bin Laden? This is too early. It's 1953. Yeah, you gotta start slow. You gotta start slow, which is the little, hey, what's up? Your pal, future you, you know? Keep it light. Right.

The next diary entry, 11th of May, 1953. I got a visit from MI5 this morning. I had just arrived to the lab when two suits turned up. It isn't as exciting as it sounds. It happens fairly frequently. They claim today that they were just doing a routine screening, but you can tell by their beady little eyes that they were checking up on progress. They're always particularly interested in questioning Vasie. She's Russian, ergo she must be a spy. The odd thing is, we usually get a visit every

six months or so, but the last one we had was early march one does wonder if perhaps they're not as clueless as they seem i don't know why anyone would think they're clueless they're mi5 yeah if anything they're pretty clued they're pretty clued in that's that's their that's their raison d'etre i actually don't know what mi5 stands for except for mission impossible 5 which was pretty dope pretty good branding yeah right there right there will we find out yeah sure i'm gonna go with like her majesty's intelligence something so it was called mission impossible 5 rogue nation okay no not the movie oh what what what the thing stands for okay yo there's an mi7 there's an mi6 i assume there would be implying that you know seven implies that there

is six i mean to be fair if they skip one you know that's the most secretive of all yeah you got to be worried about mi1 through 4 it's it stands for military intelligence section 5 oh that's pretty dope apparently that's pretty dope so uh mi5 is the united kingdom's domestic counterintelligence and security agency uh which sounds pretty cool yeah that's that's a that's a cool name i'd love it if like mi4 was just like catering keeping the vending machines stacked mi3 cleaning services they come in when mi2 are done you know, restock the printers. They make sure that the kitchen area is all cleaned up. Sure. MI1?

Retired, obviously. They were gone. They're like 90 years old now. MI7? They're the new generation. They're millennials. They're on TikTok. They're on Snapchat.

They're mostly the social media arm of the military. At the end of this diary entry, of course, is another string of sentences all written in code. Wow, we gotta crack this code, man. That seems like it's the most important bit. Dude, I will say, so this is the only bit that I've managed to kind of work out so far. There is one part of this section that says XE5. says x e 5 so assuming that there's no change in numbers x e 5 is referring to m i 5 which would also imply that x equals m and e equals i so you could already use that as a basis to start translating it anytime there's an x it's an m and an e is an i i hear what you're saying so this is some sort of straightforward substitution cipher.

A substitution jutsu, if you will. We are simply changing the letters based on a static cipher. This isn't some kind of complicated encryption code. Yeah, which you might expect from someone who works in quantum mechanics to be a bit more high tech. By the way, they worked in quantum mechanics back in the 50s, so they didn't know jack shit. Yeah, that's basically grade one mathematics now.

Two plus two, two plus three. Yeah, that was quantum back in the day. The next diary entry is the 13th of May, 1953. We fitted the tubes and tuned the machine first thing to prepare for the test. It started up perfectly, and we raised it to 47% capacity. For the experiment, I decided to prepare 100 pieces of folded paper. I wrote the date on 99 of them and Vassi wrote the date on 1. We put the 100 pieces into a bag, plucked one out at random, still folded, and placed the paper in the machine. It took several seconds for the paper to completely disappear. What?

This is actually super clever. They know that the slip of paper that got sent back was in vassie's handwriting that's right so what they did was in a bag had one piece of paper with vassie's handwriting on it and 99 slips with annie's so to prove that it is the same piece of paper that was sent back i mean mathematically the odds are super against it being Vassie's unless it is the piece of paper that was sent back, in which case it would have to be Vassie's.

You have a nosebleed, sir. You have to tell me that you're understanding this. This is interesting. I guess I'm getting a little confused because they knew of Vassie's handwriting sent back through time. They have the opportunity

to change the course of history by vassi not writing a piece of paper what no what if they have the other note nostril starts bleeding what if they had written a hundred pieces of paper with just annie's handwriting i don't understand how paradoxes work but i think that would destroy the universe. Wow. Okay. Or maybe the second that they don't send it back, it's rewritten, like time is rewritten immediately. So they've forgotten that it was ever anything else. Yeah.

They like dovetail into a different universe where Vassie never sent back the note in the first place. Yeah. Like if I have a time machine and I send Rory back an apple and I'm like, dope, I love this apple. Thank you. A couple of weeks later, I build the time machine and I send Rory back an apple and I'm like, dope, I love this apple. Thank you.

A couple of weeks later, I build the time machine and send myself back a banana. The second that banana hits the time machine, I'm like, dope, that's the banana that I sent back that I have on my shelf. It's always been a banana. You know, I don't know how this thing overwrites itself. This is pretty fascinating stuff, guys. Okay, take it back. It wasn't two plus two. They kind of knew something. They know a little bit. The only thing,

she wrote, that tempers my excitement slightly is that I would have expected the future me to have sent other messages to the present me by now. Hmm. So true. What happened? It's like there's some kind of event horizon beyond which they cannot see

or travel yeah is that the destruction of the time machine who knows the next entry 18th of may 1953 five days later we received another visit from mi5 today not the usual suits but far more intelligent i'm not sure how but i think they're aware of how far along we are with the experiments. They questioned me on my research, asked where my loyalties lay, and told me in no uncertain terms that if my experiments proved successful, I would be expected to do my bit for the country. I could see the possibilities running around my interviewer's mind, and no matter how hard I tried to explain to him that time travel cannot affect events,

they seem fixated on using my research as a tool. Of course, if we could travel back through time and change events, it would be an incredibly powerful machine. The thought of being able to prevent the Second World War, for example, by sending some sort of time-traveling assassin back is appealing. My god, we've heard that phrase before, time-traveling assassin back is appealing. My God, we've heard that phrase before. Time-traveling assassin. Can you believe my shock when I read this diary entry from the 18th of May, 1953,

talking about a time-traveling assassin being sent back to change world events by a government? The only problem is, there was World War II and World War I. It's true. That is very true. But it doesn't discount the possibility that a time-traveling assassin exists.

Yeah. And look, guys, maybe World War II, as we know it right now, is the good outcome. That was a warm-up for World War III, as we know it right now, is the good outcome. That was a warm-up for World War Tres. Yeah, maybe World War Tres is when Hitler became a wizard. All right?

Well, he died in World War II, so. I'm saying if he hadn't, then he could have gone on to. And maybe, you know, everyone says he died in that bunker. Who else was in that bunker with him? Leroy Anderson. Leroy Anderson's had 400 years of practice making things look like a suicide. But of course, over 400 years of assassinating humans is going to weigh on a human's heart. Which is what happened to Leroy and he had to come clean.

Yeah. And he went on to write, However, the science now just does not support this sort of interference. Let me explain further. If our time-traveling assassin could go back to, say, 1930 and shoot Hitler before he won the war, they would simply move to a timeline in a parallel universe in which Hitler is always shot. In the original universe, it's still a timeline where Hitler wasn't killed. You see, in some universes, Hitler survives. In others others he's shot, in others he never even existed. Every

possible outcome is present somewhere in our collection of infinite universes. And then of course a series of code at the end of the entry. Now what she's saying here is if Leroy Anderson was indeed a time-traveling assassin, the CIA, the FBI, whoever is working on this time machine would have to have solved it in a way that it would make going back and changing past events change the current timeline and not split the timeline

into parallel universes. You know, I don't even know where you start with that. Yeah, I mean, this is very much uncharted territory because to this day, I mean, we are 70 years later than Annie's writing this and we still do not know whether there is a linear timeline

in which all of human history has occurred or whether there is an infinite array of parallel timelines in which every possible event and outcome has happened. If we were working at a university, we're two university peers. And I'm like, hey, I'm going to look at solving some of the mathematical equations of the universe, just some basic stuff.

If you could look at how to change events in the past to not split the current timeline into parallel universes, that would be great. That would be dope. If you could help me with that, because that seems like your job is a lot more possible than my job. Well, mine's not possible. I'm looking at the mysterious equations that make up the matter of the universe yeah and

you can't find out how how just to not split the timeline okay well if you think it's so easy because i could actually have a pretty good crack at your problem so if you if we want to swap if you're if you think you've got this brother i'd love to hey i'd love to swap bro i'd love to swap unfortunately my grant has already been delivered i'm getting paid to do the universe shit i'm gonna find out why mars is red okay right well i'm gonna find out my grandpa been been been been been been been granted to let me study whatever i want why are you putting this on me bro i'm the guy who gets to give out the grant money i gave myself so you gave yourself the guy gave myself a grand money i want to look at the universe i want to find. I want to find out what

makes up an alien. I want to find out what's the coolest planet to have a beer on. The questions of the universe. And I need you to find out that if I go out there, if I'm going to do anything, it's going to f*** with the timelines. Yeah.

What the f*** are you planning on doing? Because you seem really worried about messing up timelines and you seem to be giving me zero wiggle room on investigating this myself because i don't really want to do it i'll be clear let me be very clear you have zero wiggle room not even an inch either way because you know what happens when time wiggles it separates mitosis my friend you get multiple dimensions so you obviously understand it's far better than i do yeah i got actually got i got pretty close last year with the first grant it was really i they gave me like 100 grand investigating uh do i get 100 grand no absolutely

i spent well i spent like 10 years worth of grant on my course last year you are the worst which was lorison i was trying to find out how to split the timelines and now you want to find out how not to split the timeline yeah i don't know how to shut the machine i basically need you to shut down the machine are you talking about i built a machine so uh this needs to be split in timelines left right and center you're kind of you know how do i word? I don't need you to find out how not to split the timelines as much as I need you to break the machine. I quit.

Fair. Very fair. But you could also argue that this is another universe in which you do not quit. No, no, no. I'm walking away. You're walking away. Yeah. This is the one where you quit.

Here's my security clearance. All right. I'm good. Thanks. All right. Claire, send in the next one. Open double my security clearance. All right. I'm good. Thanks. All right. Claire, send in the next one. Open double doors to me. The next diary entry is the 30th of May, 1953.

I met Dr. S first thing in the morning and he gave me the envelope. The envelope is addressed to me, Miss Annie J. is addressed to me miss annie j and him dr arnold s university of cambridge and is postmarked july 11th 1911 whoa it was delivered with a message asking dr s to hand the letter over to a miss annie j early in the morning of the 30th of may 1953 so to be clear, Annie was born in 1913, and yet this letter was addressed to her two years before she was even born. How did they even know her name? Once I'd said my goodbyes to Dr. S,

I cut open the envelope and pulled out a postcard. Inside the letter was the solution to the power consumption problem. And it's so obvious and so simple now that I see it. Of course, I recognize the handwriting immediately. And the last diary entry from the box. The 31st of May, 1953. I have to admit, I'm more frightened than I thought I would be.

So I took a healthy dose of laudanum? Laudanum? So I took a healthy dose of laudanum? Laudanum? So I took a healthy- you're like, oh yeah, brother, that's the good shit. Laudanum? Oh yeah. You want to time travel? You'll wake up in a stripper's bedroom in Vegas in three days time. This one will make you time travel. This one will make you go to the moon. This one will make your insides, outsides, and your hair into bees. This one will f*** go to the moon. This one will make your insides outsides and your hair into bees. This one will f*** up your whole day. That's a picture of your ex-wife.

Yep. I feel like I undercut the dramatic tones of the final diary entry there. I don't think you did. It's all good. 31st of May, 1953. I may have to admit I'm more frightened than I thought I would be. So I took a healthy dose of laudanum to help me get through. I saw Stephen and Conrad briefly, which made me feel better. The adjustments to the machine were fairly minor. It's running well at 100%. My only concern is the slight flickers of static,

but evidence suggests I make a successful journey, so I need to take a leap of faith i've set the destination to 1911 the last piece of writing in the box is scribbled on a note that simply says they are smashing through the door i must hurry and then a line of code well she gave some pretty spicy stuff there so i don't know what the the code is saying yeah you pretty much laid it all out on the table yeah i mean they're smashing to the door must go anyway here's a final concluding paragraph about my thoughts on the day that only i can decipher and now i don't exist because i've gone back to two years before i was born so those mib slash mi5 assholes were busting through the door trying to take the technology for for for her majesty's secret service but they were getting out of the

bish yeah they were going they're gone the last piece of evidence in the box is itself the postcard that was sent in the envelope that reads, Dear Annie, if all goes according to plan, Dr. Arnold should give you this on the 30th of May, 1953, over 40 years from now. Use the information contained if you desire. After all, in some universes you will, and others you won't. The solution to the power consumption issue is as follows, and there's several lines of blacked out text. I suppose if you've got this far then you are beyond trying to understand paradoxes. Paradoxes are indeed only for those who can view time as

a straight line from point A to point B. I can absolutely confirm Stephen's prediction that it is so much more. It's a line, a loop, a tangle of threads, a sculpture of dazzling complexity. Best of luck. Signed, Annie J. This, my friends, is what we call in the business a paradox. This is a complete loop. Annie J sent herself the instructions on how to fix the machine that she learnt from a postcard from herself in the past. That's right. So the only way she could have got that is if we just said she jumps into the machine and goes back in time to 1911. To be there to create the postcard to send to her in the future that enables her to go back in time

to write the postcard to have the the way to fix the machine to send to her you see what i'm doing send her in the future to be able to fix the machine to go back to to go back to go to go back to the time to where she could write the postcard it's a loop it's a loop but did she not say herself that is not a straight line there's so much more than that it is it was very beautiful i think she said it is a sculpture of infinite complexity it's just yeah it's not something some bullshit like that yeah yeah so we don't have it's like a fine tangela it's i think she said it's like a way no she didn't liken it to a pokemon because she was born in 1913 it's like a plate of spaghetti with buttery noodles all right and you right. And you're trying to grab those noodles and they're slipping and sliding.

Okay. Well, it is like buttery noodle because there is no paradox. Clearly, in some alternate universe, she discovers the solution to the problem and then sends the information back to herself and solves the problem. All right. sends the information back to herself, and solves the problem. All right, so you're saying instead of it being like a perfect loop, one Annie in one timeline got it right,

and this didn't need Annie's help. Didn't need Annie's help. So that's where it started. That's one theory. And now this code to fix the machine is being like ping-ponged across the universes where all the Annies did need it from another Annie. That's right. But then the only problem is, hear me out, if the first Annie managed to solve the machine and get it working properly, then why would the second Annie to receive the information on how to fix it be getting a letter from 1911? Wouldn't the letter be from the point in which she managed to fix the machine why would

the first annie need to go back in time to send the second annie a letter i don't know she just with everyone's head by sending a letter from before she was even born imagine we just stopped the podcast there no outro music no anything it just went on to the next one look guys it's time travel you know it's it's an incredibly convoluted process uh especially when it comes to trying to break it down and understand the laws of how it works that's one of the reasons why we can't do it for as far as i'm concerned obviously i wanted to include this story with Heather, with Annie in the shoebox, not only because it is an incredible bit of narrative writing, but it is chalk a block with evidence. Guys, I was reading out diary entries, but I didn't show them to Kit for the

sake of time. But every single one of these has also been scanned by hand and uploaded to the blog. Even the postcard at the end, which I was talking about, exists. It also been scanned by hand and uploaded to the blog even the postcard at the end which i was talking about exists it's been scanned all of these documents these are all real and i gotta say if they have been doctored they did a pretty damn good job it genuinely looks like these were written with an ink not what do you call those pens i'm not like uh yeah is that is that right yeah eagle feathers feather pens well that's different yeah what's like a majestic ass wizards there we go a quill uh they look like they were written by quill yeah but we still are presented with a problem which is like you mentioned it is possible that

these have been faked that someone could have gone to painstaking detail and such as in the case of the news report, that whilst somewhat unlikely, it is possible someone could have created that report. Yeah. And I will say, you know, as someone who has spent a lot of time making modern day audio that's been recorded sound like it was recorded in the olden days,

the MP3 that we listened to from SoundCloud, it's treading the line. It is. It was like too clean. There was something about it a little too clean. olden days the mp3 that we listened to from soundcloud it's treading the line it is it was like too clean there was something about it a little too clean uh i like the touch of the delays between voices as if it was recorded on two ends of a telephone not sure that technology existed in uh whenever it was 1960 something being able to record telephone lines with tape oh no i guess it probably did yeah there's a lot of stuff in here that definitely requires you

to suspend all disbelief, which is a big ask. Not to mention the time travel, which as of today is deemed by the scientific establishment as impossible. I will also say, in terms of the diary entries,

I cut a lot of stuff out. Sure. I cut a lot of stuff out that was very very unnecessary and yeah you could say that that would maybe increase the the chances of it being an authentic diary because there's a lot of stuff in there that you know you would be like i had a sandwich today it was pretty good yeah but also a lot of the stuff that was in here it felt like exposition from a film or a novel or something. It was all a bit fictitious.

That would lead me to believe that maybe this Heather stuff, as much as I want it to be real, possibly isn't real. But what I would love to see more than anything else is someone in the paranormal nation out there turn their cryptography skills to this cipher created by Annie. Yeah. And try and decode some of this yeah for sure this story is great i love the way that we can break down these three stories between leroy anderson the time traveling assassin die glock the nazi bell and the shoebox that heather inherited from her dead uncle they all tie together guys they all talk about project chronos they all talk

about time traveling and assassins and world war ii there's so many overlapping parts that i mean as soon as i read the the last couple stories i was like this is a two-parter for sure it's too interesting to try and squeeze into a two-hour long episode of this paranormal life. Unfortunately, as we do not have a time machine ourselves, time is of the essence, Kit, and we have to come down on a conclusion. Our question today is, did Project Kronos in any form involve a functioning time machine? Be it a machine to send an assassin back to kill a president in the form of a giant Nazi bell nicknamed the Beehive? Or is it in fact a piece of equipment from Cambridge University that was being co-funded by the British government? It is interesting that we have so many parallel versions of the Project Kronos time machine that I guess the idea is that they all use the similar

technology that finally culminated in any successful journey through time yeah whilst i do absolutely love the idea of the time traveling assassin and not to mention the idea of a secretive time travel project on cambridge's own campus i do worry that this case is an example of the type of case that uses real historical events to conflate with paranormal theories, which make them seem a little bit more believable. So we do know that the Nazis in World War II era Germany, they had incredible advanced technologies ahead of many other countries in certain aspects,

like the rockets, stuff that would go on to become the early nasa program oh yeah don't even get me started on how they got there folks right we'll be talking about the thule society the secret expeditions that they took in the wars that's where they got it they got ancient technology from the aliens that helped build society the earth is hollow hitler is in there still alive because the ancient aliens that live in agartha my friends can live for hundreds hundreds of years sorry i got distracted there you know and there could have been dyke lock i have read about that before there may have been some kind of technology or weapon but do we have enough evidence to say that that was any kind of functioning time travel technology i mean it's difficult to believe

given that time travel like you say is an inherently incredibly complex idea based on a deep understanding of the laws of the universe and given that back then i mean they didn't even know about like the speed of light and and and wave particle interactions and all that kind of basic stuff that you can learn at school today they were dumb asses seems kind of hard to understand how they would have access to some sort of time travel insight that scientists today do not have access to you know don't get me started on whether the ancient anunnaki is time travel that's another that's another business i think people in the stone age were time traveling you know for brunch let me tell you that but uh i love that the anunnaki is basically your paranormal nazis basically we're getting too fired up you think if the anunnaki

missed the brunch menu at the favorite brunch spot they're not going to time travel back to 11 a.m you're out of your mind but kit does it matter if scientists in the 1920s or 30s don't know how to travel through time if these scientists in the 2030s do so you're saying if they do then they travel back in time and then the technology is there yeah that's exactly what i'm saying it's a spicy idea but i think with all the evidence we have we need like corroborated evidence because whilst we have a glut of evidence it is from one historical source it's from annie and heather it's true we need i know it's difficult for annie because she's trying to hide shit but we need some amount of authority to confirm this and for that reason for me today i don't think i can say that project

chronos resulted in a functioning time machine yeah in any capacity really one of the things that's a big hold up for me is obviously if these secret projects did exist uh be it the time traveling hitman or simply this experiment in cambridge with annie if we were blowing the lid on these experiments right now, we would be stopped. A time traveler who is an assassin would appear right now, probably at the conclusion of this podcast because we haven't uploaded it yet, would come in and slice us in two with a katana. They would be a ninja. They would, of course. No one's turned up.

I haven't even turned up from the future saying, bro, you got this all wrong. You need to say that it's a double yes. Because I do yeah I would do that if I'd be that petty I would use the time machine to to get course but nothing's happened we've had no one come back in time to stop us which would lead me to believe that maybe time travel in our timeline doesn't exist. And maybe it won't ever exist because we need someone from one of the other timelines where it does to bring it here first. That's a depressing state of affairs,

ladies and gents. So unfortunately for part two of Project Kronos, it looks like it is going to be this week a double no. That is right. But thank you everyone for joining us. I hope you enjoyed it.

I hope part two didn't disappoint. As you can see, there's a lot of crazy stuff in there that we couldn't quite just squeeze into the first episode. Listen, it was a huge prestige level, devs level quantum time travel experiment. And we had to deep dive. We just had to. Yeah.

And you know, we don't have a time machine and that's fine. I can't imagine i would use it wisely every other technology i have been granted i have used and abused i think if i got a time machine i would probably this might be irresponsible this might not be irresponsible i'd probably just like spin the dial so it's like going through the years from like 1800s to you know spinning it all the way up to 2000 so hard it breaks you don't even it doesn't say anything anymore and while it's spinning i just like cock a gun and like unload into the portal and uh i'll have like wow i'll have like

a collection of uh famous world newspapers in front of me and like as i fire i'll be able to see if they change so like what what i did to change the world you are a criminal war criminal that might be responsible or not it's incredibly irresponsible that was i'm impressed by the level of irresponsibility you could dream up on the spot what would what would you do if you had a time machine if i had a time machine i would honestly just go back a couple years and just spend one more day with my dog oh yeah did he is he so he's dead he's dead i guess yeah it's uh it's it's a sore spot for me but uh that is what i would do that is my one regret that is my one wish is to go back and honestly

i'm a little crushed that this turned out to be a double no because I really, that was just what I was holding on for. That's really, that is sad. But the gun thing, I mean, that was pretty, you know, that was funny. Well, that would probably, that would be like the first thing that I do and probably not even for that long.

I do it for like two seconds. Right. And then I would probably go back in time and stop the world wars from happening, both of them. So you wanted to go back and hug your dog one more time you said yeah well that's no that's fine as well be like the first thing obviously like you just want to get it out of the way of course before you start doing serious humanitarian work because it's not that simple to just stop a war okay so i would go back and i would

liberate all peoples of the world that have been made refugees, that have been impacted by various natural disasters. But if you just want to pick the kind of glory hunting moment of stopping the war, then that's good for you. All right. That seems pretty selfish, though, being unaware of the butterfly effect that liberating all peoples of the world could have. But that's fine if you wanted to do that. all peoples of the world could have but that's fine if you wanted to do that i'd probably uh go back in time and um uh free the slaves who were told to build the pyramids well that's a liberate that's liberating people okay and and you're saying you don't want the the pyramids to exist because the pyramids are pretty dope i would build i'd probably i'd build them myself

right i got all the time in the world i'd build the periods pyramids myself think you can lift a rock that big you think you can lift a one-ton rock i got enough time to get jacked as well don't i be doing squats and deadlifts and shit i'd be like a god to them actually that sounds pretty good i think i'd do that actually you become a god a mean god i'd go back and i'd pretty much rule the place you would create a giant stone time travel machine and unload arrow after arrow into the time machine. I would rule ancient Egypt, me along with your dog, which I ganked from a timeline. Yeah, funny enough, my dog didn't die. It just disappeared one day.

One day it sank into the floor. And Rory's business card had just fallen on the ground in my living room. Oh, God. That's how it just said rory pars pharaoh and god that's how we would use our time machines let us know how you would use your time machines uh sending in your suggestions and investigations into this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com guys if you enjoyed the show. This week or any week. What if I told you.

You could get even more. More sweet delicious bonus content. But it's not from the days of the pyramids. No. It's from the last couple months. Is when we did them. Pretty recent. Pretty recently.

So they're fresh. We have a whole banquet full of bonus episodes. Ready to be gobbled up. With support at only five dollars a month five dollars five dollars guys what is that in pounds these days i don't know it changes so much whatever we say will be drastically out of date but at the time of recording it's um wow it's actually 35 pounds pretty 30 up there that's how bad it's gone yeah yeah it's things are not good oh okay for 35 pounds you can get a bonus content that is worth it my friends very much worth it um so

definitely check that out and if you do support us on patreon what we'd like to do is give you a shout out at the very end of the podcast thank you to matthew o'grady matthew o'gravy no sunday dinner is perfect without matthew on the side not eating him i just realized that sounded like i was eating him no no no i just meant like he's like a fun person to have on a sun round on a sunday chat have some like roast potatoes and stuff and maybe a little nibble on him so you're eating like a nibble just a tiny bit though that's illegal thank you to crystal hacker crystal hack has been down in the mines hacking crystals that's right me and going down there deeps into the wizard realms because that's what happens when you go deep enough you go down into wizard territory research live underground that's terrifying well they don't live up here like

goblins absolutely they've been banished down there. So you dig deep enough, you're going to get a couple wizard crystals. Well done, crystal. Thank you also to Hannah Roberts. Come on down to Hannah's Katanas. That's right. Be you an ancient samurai or a samurai from the future. We've got the sword for you. But if you are not a samurai, don't fucking step foot on the lot.

Or else you will, yes, you will get cut down by a present-day samurai. That is Shogun Hana. Hana herself. Thank you also to Caroline Svinkeroad. If it's Caroline, you're looking mighty fine. And if it's Caroline, you're looking mighty thin. You look like a dolphin these days is what I'm saying. Got fins? Yeah, she's always kind of in

a wetsuit has a hole in her back i'm kind of worried about her i think she's doing like some sort of mutant transformation interesting trying to unlearn english and instead learn dolphin channel of course which let's face it we all would if we could so caroline thank you so much for tuning in whoa whoa you just told her to f off oh be careful man thank you also to jeff waitsell jeff waitsell from waitsell's pretzels you get them with salt get them with mustard get some of those hot doughy pretzels is it is are you trying to say pretzel is it a pretzel what he makes can't legally be described as a pretzel it lacks and includes some ingredients that should not be eaten i'm looking at it online here it's bark it's made of bark there's some not pure bark you didn't mention

the beetles oh jeez but they are optional he just doesn't clean the bark there mention the beetles. Oh, jeez. But they are optional. He just doesn't clean the bark. There's still beetles on it. Thank you to Luke Elliott. It's Luke the Nuke. So called because if you drop him into a social situation, boom, it's over. No survivors. This guy's chat is so boring.

Sorry, Luke. You actually hire him for dinner parties parties things like that when when you want the night tip and luke swoops in he bores everyone's ears off and then they all take off leaving you to a nice little quiet uh tidy up yeah it's a pretty good plan it's a good service you provide luke it's a way to monetize your lack of assets. Thank you to Harmon. There's no Harmon, Harmon. You can't hurt him? Nah. Wow. Borderline invincible.

That's pretty bad. That's pretty great. On account of the Zorb ball that they wear at all times. Try and run him over with a truck. That'll do it, actually. That will pop the ball. That'll? So he's not.

There is Harmon, Harmon. Right, but anything below running over with the truck, he's pretty good. What about a spear? If I just threw a spear at him? That would take out the Zorb. That would go through. That would. I feel like a lot of things can harm Harman. Or bullets. Fire would melt it. Yeah.

Yeah, because when you said there's no harm in Harman, that he's... Right, well a punch or a kick wouldn't get through. I thought, what if I kind of, instead of a a fist just pointed my fingers? That would be sharp enough. If you had sharp nails, that would go through the door. He seems pretty harmable. There is harm in Harmon.

Well, it wouldn't rhyme otherwise. Thank you to Lizzy Evans. Well, if it isn't Dizzy Evans. Lizzy is actually somewhat related to UK rapper Dizzy Rascal, but where Dizzy got some cool rap abilities, Lizzy just has a debilitating amount of dizziness. Vertigo, essentially. Pretty awful.

Pretty awful. She can rap. She can, but she doesn't have the same stage presence because she can't stand up. She can't get the crowd going. It's mostly about raps about being confused and lost and not knowing where it's sad yeah yeah it's not really a hype track a club track thank you to daisha hill jack and jill and daisha hill are all allergic to water allergic to water that's right how do they live poorly oh it's how they live because as you know

human beings are 60% water. Yeah! I didn't even think of that! Any more, and they would be dead. I thought they could just drink milk. No, milk is- is milk water? There's gotta be some water in water. It's mostly water. Most things are water.

What isn't water? I mean, rock is, of course. But liquids. Drinkable liquids. I mean, they're all like- Apple juice is f***ing water! Oh, of course it's water. Of course is water the hell Why am I just realizing this now even like oil? I'm pretty sure is water water

You know, I mean, it's like it's a big water are running this planet We need to invest in water because turns out a lot of shit is water. What about like syrup? Be syrup honey, honey. Yeah, is that water mostly water? No Bee syrup. Honey? Honey, yeah. Is that water? Mostly water.

No! Of course. Water is just like the basis of everything. What is in water? What can you drink that isn't water? Soup? That's water? I read a dope thing recently.

It was like... I can't just Google what isn't water. You get your phone taken off you for being a dumbass. I read recently there's like a cloud of water in somewhere in the universe that they found. And it's like... Wait, just a cloud? Wait, what? Yeah, just like a floating cloud of water. So not even a cloud at that point, right?

Is it just... It's just floating water. And apparently it's like... It's like one trillion times the weight of Earth or something. Why don't we investigate that? Yeah. The surf planet. The silver surfer. No,fer no no no you misunderstand he surfs away forever god that sounds like your nightmare as you are

allergic to water but hell i'm glad you're still kicking him out thank you also to dan brown dan brown the man in the crown don't get him confused with the king, because the king gets really upset with that. Is he some sort of burger king? Uh, yeah. He's more of a fast food fanatic who also happens to wear a crown. But, uh, Dan very much will tell people that he's the king. He is not the king. What we like

to do is indulge him and just be like, oh, of course, your highness. Bow to him a little bit. Kiss his, uh, kiss his rings, which are ring pops. So you get a bit of fruity deliciousness. Why are we humoring him? It's easier. It's easier than telling him that he's not a king.

So just everyone play along. That would be great. Thank you to Janae Warner. I tried to warn her, but Janae wouldn't listen. She jumped into that time machine at 120% capacity with the dial broken off because Rory smashed it to bits. She ended up in the Jurassic era. That's right.

Her friends are dinosaurs. Her enemies are also dinosaurs. Her family. There's no family because dinosaurs don't have family. Right, of course. She befriended dinosaurs? That's pretty badass. Friends is a strong word.

They tolerate her existence. They're mostly herbivores. Got it. Very little to gain from her. Thank you also to Alex Minchell. Alex Minchell, the pinch doll. You know when they would release all those dolls to kids and it's like, Oh, this one can eat berries from a spoon.

This one can piss. This doll... The thing is, I don't know if our i remember that i don't know if our listeners remember that which sounds weird this doll pinches pinches like it wants a fight this little two foot two foot 240 pounds somehow lobster clawed demon will pinch and pinch and pinch it's a giant lobster it is in a diaper it's a lobster in a diaper and it can piss actually loves berries and pissing that's an unlisted feature of this doll it's more of a byproduct the the fuel that enables the doll to piss actually needs to run through the unit in some factor yes via the doll's penis meaning that

it also pisses of course but it's mostly sold on its pinching properties you don't buy this for your kids it's a bad role model. Alex, why did you even make Nay be the doll? Thank you also to Tom Turner. Tom Turner, the ROM burner. If you want any kind of illegally hacked video game

from the years 1970 through 2005, Tom's your guy. Burnin' ROMs. Burnin' Roms. Burnin' Roms all day longs. He is terrible. I don't know if you've ever played him in any of these games. Mario Kart, Smash Bros, any of these things.

He's garbage. He can't play for shit. He doesn't have to. He's the guy that knows how to get it done. He's like the architect. Exactly. You think the architect is good at Kung Fu? Of course he's not.

He just has to sit in the chair. He doesn't have to be. He can delete your f***ing existence, which is also what Tom can do. He can delete your save file. Thank you to Eli Hedges. Come on down to Eli's Hedges, where you can get all the hedges you need.

You want big hedges, small hedges, hedges with berries? Those babies gotta eat. Babies? I thought they were dolls. Those baby dolls gotta eat And Eli's got the goods You can have hedges Hollow hedges to hide in

Thick hedges to guard Stuff This is the TV advert Weird ad We got hedges that don't even look like hedges Hedges that look like trucks Park them around your house No one can see you Come't even look like hedges. Hedges that look like trucks. Park them around your house.

No one can see you in. Come down to Eli's Hedges. I'm not going to come. And remember, the grass is always greener in the hedge. Surprisingly good catchphrase. It's all right, isn't it? He nailed the catchphrase. Everything else is kind of... The rest of the copy was off the wall.

Terrible. Thank you to Kyle Lockwood. Knock on wood, it's Kyle Lockwood. I knock on wood because Kyle's incredibly dangerous And I wouldn't want him to actually be a vine. Oh He's a mass murderer. Oh nothing even to do with wood. No no no it's just knock on wood. Oh right Let's get lucky. Just hopefully he's not here because he's a dangerous awful criminal murderer. Thank you to Lauren Jones Lauren Jones digs up foreign bones she's the best

archaeologist in the world wow really yeah better than i was gonna say the guy from uh drasic park but he's a paleontologist yeah i think the most famous one is indiana jones yeah he's pretty popular she's bigger than him well he didn't he wasn't really a bone guy he was more like a treasure guy you know what i'm saying he's all about the glitz the glory the glam exactly whereas lauren is the the academic you know what i mean even in the last movie they were like hey i found this this alien skull and he's like get that shit out of my sight they're like well it's made of crystal a crystal skull you say now you speaky my language i I love skull yeah now. I like bones Oh, we just means it's a skull shaped like a crystal get that

Stomps over this friggin boot Thank you lastly but not leastly to gem Taylor gem Taylor is a jam sailor That's right a very historical figure they sailed the seven seas selling jam All around the world that a lucrative bit i guess it is everyone likes jam right it was until you think everyone likes jazz until they got to the polynesian wait you say jam or jazz jam oh right okay because no not everyone likes jazz of course not taylor got to the polynesian islands and turns out they do not take kindly to jam on their island. It's sticky.

It's very overpowering flavor. They murdered them. This might sound like a stupid question. Right. And I don't want to go out on a stupid question, but I have to ask it. Okay. Is jam water? A good amount of it is water.

What the f***, man? What isn't water? Will I Google it right now? I Googled it. Yeah, just, I genuinely want to know what comes up. what isn't water well i google it right now i google it yeah just i genuinely want to know what comes up what isn't so the first result was what isn't kosher which is a more sensible good question is water kosher i'm pretty sure you're taking a genuinely suspicious amount of time is this gonna say something like everything is water everything is technically water. Nothing's not water. What?

Okay, I need to rephrase. What liquid isn't water? I've gone downhill since school, I'll tell you that much. Hey, all right, this isn't the dumbest question after all. Okay, okay. See, it just sounded stupid. I'm sure there's a sensible way of wording this. Yeah, there is a sensible way of wording this.

Awesome. Let's cut out all those questions we asked earlier every pure element in liquid form does not contain water okay so whilst like i said you know oil for example is going to be a certain amount of water because it's not pure but as this guy points out gasoline theoretically doesn't have water in it because it's like a pure chemical right it in itself is is the liquid okay i see i see so that's genuinely you know so like mercury in a in a thermometer there's no zero water in that that's like red mercury in a nazi die glocken it's a double yes serum 525 is of course zero percent water it is wow that's incredible i'm glad we managed to sensibly tie up that with some scientific investigation right there at the end that's like having a little after dinner mint

after eating a shit sandwich to go to go out on something semi comprehensible thank you for listening thank you for eating down this week's shit sandwich i i hope you had a it was a two-parter it was a foot long it was a club's shit sandwich this week as always we'll be back next week with with another serving uh so i hope you enjoyed this podcast we'll see you later bye