This Paranormal Life - #166 The Three-legged Beast that Terrorised Illinois

Episode Date: May 26, 2020

Every paranormal investigator knows about the legendary "Enfield Hauntings" but few know about the Enfield MONSTER. A three-legged beast that roamed Enfield, Illinois, attacking locals in the 1970's.PatreonSupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis BlatherwickIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if dinosaurs evolved from humans? What does an mp3 taste like? All of these questions you can find the answer to on THIS PARANORMAL LIFE! Yo! Hey everyone, welcome back to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week myself and this guy kick rear, investigate a brand new paranormal case, and come to a conclusion as to whether or not it is truly paranormal! As you can tell guys, we are in a rush, so we do need to get to the end of the podcast as soon as possible.

It's a double note. It's a double note. Thanks for listening this week. Welcome to the show, guys. Hopefully you have listened before, and if you're a newcomer, then welcome. Then f*** off. Listen, we've been going for three years.

You've been ignoring us for three straight years. You think now is the time to i know you're trying to cut me off because i'm getting heated but i don't want to get heated because they are negging us this is like the people who are leaving dog poop on my doorstep and ringing the doorbell people this is this is that this is the newcomers are them staying at at the door for the first time not having the balls ready that's such a ballsy move to drop down a flaming bag of dog poop ring the doorbell and then just stand there and wait for them to come out because you're built like duane the rock johnson to all the newcomers to all the

day ones welcome to the podcast uh as i said my name is roy powers i'm going to be your chief investigator uh for this evening this week we have a listener submission which we always love lucas galino emailed into this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com immediately this email got my attention he wrote you guys think you're cool huh think you're pretty clever giving double yeses to alien sightings with 200 witnesses? Well, guess what? It's time for the first cryptid double yes since the Flatwoods monster, the Enfield Horror. So first off, I saw the word Enfield, and obviously if you're in the paranormal profession... That means one thing.

That means one thing. It's the Enfield hauntings. Yeah. So when I saw this, I was like, there's a monster involved? Did I miss something? Did something slip through the cracks? But no, we are talking about Enfield, Illinois in America. Oh, okay. So, right.

So whenever, you know, the Brits went over to America for the first time, took the English names with them and called it the same place. Very confusing. Because whenever I try to get the weather and I type in London and Apple weather has the goal to suggest London, Ontario first, I'm like, no, absolutely not. It's so confusing. I'm glad that this is a new story because I investigated the Enfield hauntings and it's very possible I dropped the ball and missed an entire monster.

Or also very possible that I didn't listen throughout the whole episode. And I think that we're doing this for the first time. The Enfield hauntings. No, we were going to Illinois Enfield, 1973. It's a rainy night around 930 when Henry McDaniel and his wife were driving back home to their kids. As the car rolls into the driveway, they head up the path to the front door. Huh, that's strange. Every single light in the house is on.

What are these kids up to? The pair unlock the front door and head inside. Kids, we're home! Their two kids, Lil and Henry, run downstairs. But something's wrong. They're both in tears, completely distraught. What the heck is the matter, kids? The children told him about something outside the front door that was trying to get in.

What? They said they couldn't see anything, but they could hear a horrible scratching noise, like an animal was clawing at the door. Mr. McDaniel laughed. You kids have too active an imagination with your Pokemon and your Beyblades. I think it's time for bed. Didn't you say it was 1973? Oh, shit. Yeah. There's some... F***.

Yeah. What was the Pokemon of the 19th yeah i don't know whether you're hula hoops and you're whatever the that thing is where you hit a hoop with a stick i have no idea i think you've gone too far back in time though you are right to be fair it's 1970s so these kids probably don't don't have any games like we don't have they don't have any fun let's be honest their their idea of fun was clocking off from the factory floors at about eight at night and then just fighting each other with rocks that was those are children's games yeah i think they ate the weakest as well of course to become stronger mr mcdaniel opened

the front door showed the kids there was nothing there and they calmed down become stronger mr mcdaniel opened the front door showed the kids there was nothing there and they calmed down so mrs mcdaniel walked the kids upstairs while her husband got settled but while he was taking his coat off he heard a noise at the front door a horrible scraping sound like something was trying to get inside. He slowly walked over to the front door and cracked it open to peek outside. It was dark, but in the moonlight, he could see something truly horrible. A demonic creature hunched over, clawing at the door. It was a dark grayish colored beast with three legs and two pink eyes the size of flashlights two pink eyes and what did you say three legs three legs mother not even an even amount that's that's that's

demonic that's an impractical amount of legs there's no way you can't move faster it's only going to be a hindrance at no point in the evolution of humans did we even veer towards a third leg no that how is that going to help you give me a give me i don't know a third eye give me a second i don't need a third leg so you can pee twice as fast exactly what'd you how many eyes did you say uh two eyes only two okay the size of flashlights, though. Shit. So. Like a freaking fly. You know how flies have those giant crazy eyes? Oh, yeah. Sort of like that.

He immediately slammed the door, locking it several times. His daughter appeared at the top of the stairs. What is it, Daddy? Mr. McDaniel turned. Everybody get the fuck inside! Lock the doors! We are inside. He ran up the stairs, opened his wardrobe, grabbed his 22 millimeter.

Hell. What is that, a pistol? I think so. Yeah. I don't know a lot about guns. Isn't it weird that with guns, it's like the smaller the gun, the more it's like, why do you have that? Yeah, that's a sneaky little thing. Because a shotgun is like you're a man of the earth, a farmer.

Of course, yeah. A practical man looks after his family. If you have a pistol, you have a piece. You have one of those like tiny guns that like Victorian prostitutes would hide in their ankles. Like have strapped to their thighs. Why? What's wrong with you? Why are you hiding that in your sock drawer?

It's super weird. Yeah, your gun says a lot about you. Also, if you have a revolver, that's like you're some kind of like Hunter S. Thompson, modern day cowboy guy. Yeah, which I would have pegged Mr. McDaniel for because, you know, it's Illinois. He seems like somewhat of a southern gentleman. Wait, where's Illinois? Hey Siri What the **** am I talking to?

I just started looking at the floor. Roy just looked at the skies as if he was praying. Something answered. Hey Siri, where are you? Siri's in the corner of the room with a predator style night vision scanning the room okay here it is hey siri where is illinois oh yeah we're we are not looking at a southern gentleman okay he is he's a northern boy with a very northern gun a 22 millimeter he grabbed his gun and headed back to the front door without a moment of hesitation he threw the door open

and unloaded into the darkness oh yeah wow we really are in chicago later henry would say when i fired that first shot i knew i hit it allegedly the beast the first shot why did he keep going then gotta make sure it doesn't get up that's true allegedly the beast hissed at him almost like a wild cat before hopping away into the darkness of the night like a wild cat henry claims that the creature took off in the direction of the railroad covering over 50 feet in only three leaps that's that third leg kicking in right we're starting to see the benefits here yeah i don't do a lot of hopping uh day to day no but that's because i'm a two-legged chump yeah you give me that third leg i'm gonna be like a goddamn kangaroo man and we have of course you

mentioned the leaps we have of course covered other leaping cryptids in this paranormal life history such as spring hill jack i don't remember the others but there have been others that jump around uh phantom kangaroos we investigated kangaroos might just be those two might be those two so not especially common but an established cryptid method of transport yeah bigfoot remains grounded he's a pretty bottom heavy guy he can only he can speed walk that's about he can't run yeah top heavy so So Henry decided at this point it was best to leave the chase here and call the police. Hello? Sheriff? You're going to want to get down here and bring the boys too. You're going to need them. State troopers arrived and interviewed Mr. McDaniel along with his kids who told them about the strange scratching noises they had heard before their parents had even come home.

The state troopers also searched the surroundings of the house, looking for any evidence of the creature's existence, and unbelievably, they found some. Scratches were discovered along the sides of the house, along with a set of footprints that looked similar to a dog's, except there were six toes instead of four and of course prints for three legs that's crazy yeah so it looks like dog paws that's that's good to establish it we can very easily picture that in our minds you don't even have to picture it in your mind i have an artist's illustration okay of what the beast could have possibly looked like very interesting this thing is scary this looks like the creepy ass fish that are at the very very bottom of the ocean

god's mistakes i call them yeah you're gonna want to see this oh no they have illustrated this in some kind of paranormal fog as well it's eyes glowing literally like flashlights yeah this is hideous it has a paws like a dog it has thighs of a thick human it has it is dummy thick a tail that turns into a leg So that's the third leg somehow. It has little Tyrannosaurus Rex arms. Yeah. But the body of a worm and the head of a worm also. Pretty much. Very wormy.

Disgusting. Now, I will just, you know, we always have to cover all bases of probability here, Rory, and I would like to flag something that is possible. And we just need to get it out there. Sure. If it has paws like a dog. Yep. Is it a three legged dog? I mean, you're seeing this thing. I don't think it is a three legged dog. Usually, you know, you could say, yeah, there's

a chance it's not an extra leg. It's missing a leg. Yeah. But what about the toes? Six toes? I actually looked into this because I wanted to know how weird it is for something to have six toes. Basically, no animal in the world has six toes. Nothing needs six toes. Aside from some genetic mishaps. Hey, we don't need five toes. Absolutely not. Absolutely not.

That little guy down there, he's doing nothing. Absolutely jack shit. Which one of the piggies goes to the market? What? The thing with the toes? Which little piggy goes to the market? Is it the first one or the last one? I don't know.

Whatever one goes to the market. You've got a gun to my head. Which of the piggies? I don't know! Weird German accent for some reason. Which of the little piggies goes to the market? Yeah, your point being it does jackal. It does deadly.

I could wake up one morning and it would be gone. I probably wouldn't notice it. You probably fall over instantly. Oh, he was doing an awful lot. It turns out. This son of a bitch having six toes makes it the, I'm pretty sure the only creature in the world to have six toes interesting aside from maybe frogs maybe there was something about frogs maybe there's a lot of frogs in the

world so you might want to know if there's some frogs with six toes but frogs don't have claws so if there's a creature that was clawing at the door it obviously wasn't a frog although might have said might have read he's hoping yeah It'd be some kind of toad. Maybe possibly he did hop away. Mr. McDaniels pleaded with the officers to believe him Look, I know it sounds crazy. But honestly this this this creature is still out there alive the officer replies Don't worry. Mr. McDaniels were handling the situation Then he fired up his radio. Sheriff Poshert here, we got a 1091-V, animal attack, creature has left the site.

Is this the second case? That's right, we're at the second location. The second case? The second case. Mr. McDaniel froze. Wait, a second location? It turns out, just 30 minutes earlier, their 10-year-old neighbor, Greg Garrett, was out playing in the backyard of his rural home when a gray, twisted

beast jumped out from the darkness to attack him. Greg said the creature stomped on his foot with its claws and shredded one of his shoes. What? This thing got very up close. Yeah. Oh my God. According to Greg, the creature was five feet tall, three legs, huge red eyes. Oh, that was the end. Huge red eyes.

That's enough. That's fine. So what are you thinking, Kit? This is what you love to see in a cryptid case, is two encounters in one night from different perspectives. Cross-corroborated evidence. Because now we have not only Mr. McDaniels, but his whole family, the kids, and the neighbors. It's so true.

I mean, this is the crucial thing, that they all reported the same thing. It would be a little difficult if one person said it was say a dog or indeed a frog but if one of the other witnesses said it was a gray demon beast of the night um but actually both of these witnesses got up close and personal one even got attacked themselves one even shot a 22 millimeter into it yeah this thing's having a wild night yeah shredding boys clothes getting shot at running around the railroads hopping a bunch that's on this part of my life there's a week called friday but for most people it's a crazy night that's a crazy night yeah very interesting also nice to have um an encounter right beside the place of the first encounter. Just so we know there is a definite link between these two cases. Yeah. Interesting that the police have a code for this. They do

classify it as an animal attack. That's probably a good call. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Fun fact, actually, that is the right code. I did look this up. I believe a 1091V is either like an animal attack or vicious animal, right maybe like animal bites something like that you did serve a lot of time in the illinois police department so you should know what it is i'll be honest with you sometimes i just made up i just made up my own numbers just for just for fun what how how could that possibly pay off whenever the support officers turn up it was kind of they think it's an armed robbery it was kind of like a roulette thing you would just like say oh i got a uh 21 x and then and i'm going on lunch

and i'm going on lunch you guys deal with it they're like 21 x next thing you know you're watching the news they've launched the president to mars they're like whoa you're watching the news. They've launched the president to Mars. They're like, whoa. You're eating your sandwich watching this unfold from a Subway sandwich TV screen. What could a 21X possibly be? That means the president needs to be evacuated from the planet. By himself, by the way. He didn't even have any crew on board. They just lost him in space.

21X sounds like the code you would need to summon the Galactic 12. Like if you call it in. We got a 21. A 21X. And then it's like, there's like a special phone. You know, you have to turn two keys at the same time. Maybe like a book on a shelf that opens up a secret passageway to access. And behind it all, tin cans on a string.

Straight to the Galactic 12 base which is next door it's a tree house yeah it is they hang out the police had arrived at both of these scenes too late the creature in both cases had escaped but it wouldn't be the last of the enfield monster flash forward to just over a week later it's 3 a.m and henry mcdaniel and his family are sleeping soundly when the neighbor's dogs begin to bark. Damn it, stupid dogs, he said as he threw on a robe and headed outside to see what the commotion was. Out by the neighbor's house, he could see their dogs barking at something emerging from the darkness. It was a five foot tall,

little three-legged freak. Son, grab the 22 mil. The creature hopped around for a bit, back and forward, before taking off in the direction of the train tracks. And that was all Henry McDaniels needed. From from that point onward he was convinced that this creature was real and went about telling everyone in town about the enfield monster wow he told the stories to locals newspapers and even went on live tv in one press interview mcdaniel said if they do find it they'll find more than one and they won't be from this planet, I can tell you. Well, okay, okay, okay. We're going to have to slow him down there,

because he's just seen a hazy shadow of a five-foot beast in his yard. By all accounts, the same beast, by the way. But he's gone on record to say there's absolutely more than one, and they're not even from Earth. He does not have the authority to make either of those statements no i don't think the police would agree with that nothing at no point in his encounter would any of those points be made clear there was no there was no reason to assume there'd be more than one if anything it is the paws of a dog. It is very much of this earth. It's definitely not from another planet.

He even called into local radio station WWKI to talk about the second time he saw the creature. You're listening to WWKI Illinois with show host Rick Rainbow. Rick Rainbow. WWKI. Rick Rainbow. Oh my God. Yo, Rick Rainbow here catching you up on all the local Illinois news. Of course, we're talking about the Enfield Monster.

Joining us is Henry McDaniels. Talk to us, Henry. So I saw something moving out on the railroad track, and there it stood. I didn't shoot at it or anything. I started on down the railroad track. It wasn't in at it or anything. I started on down the railroad track. It wasn't in a hurry or anything. Radio host Rick Rainbow was so blown away by the story that he himself decided to head out with a crew

to see if he could catch a glimpse of the beast. Wow. And apparently, he did. What? That's right, Rick Rainbow out on the streets paranormal hunting. I mean, of course, I'm going to bring my gun just in case. The team reported observing an ape-like creature standing in an abandoned building near McDaniel's house. They claim to have made a recording of the creature's cries and fired a shot at it before it fled.

Of course. Don't want to call some kind of animal control authority no absolutely not sometimes you got to take these matters into your own hands okay sure it has to die apparently why does everyone have a gun in this town and very much wants to use it it's insane this is interesting you know you got someone in the media obviously a very uh well-respected radio host, Rick Rainbow, out here looking at this cryptid. And sure, some people will say that it's fake, but all I'm going to say is, as someone who has also had an experience witnessing, observing an ape-like gorilla man, you know, this really hits home for me. Okay, well, I don't know how similar it is,

because they said it was like an ape, but at first it was like a toad or a dog or, you know, this really hits home for me. Okay, well, I don't know how similar it is because they said it was like an ape, but at first it was like a toad or a dog or, you know. Yeah, but I guess my point being is that like this, this means a lot to me because as I've told you before. Yeah, you have. The gorilla man that I saw in Dublin. A few times actually. A little too many times for my liking.

The gorilla man that I saw in Dublin. Yeah, you told me. You told me, so me so i was saying i hear it again i had a lot of people that didn't believe me and called me crazy yeah yeah me included yeah but i think if if even if i told the story on the plus where's this going what's the point of this well the kind of the point is that you know that that's my paranormal story and that's my and we're seeing a similar case here so it kind of i don't know how similar it is because your story it was just uh one f***ing loser saw it wow whereas in this story a bunch of rick rainbow saw it so that's actually a pretty cool guy pretty jacked smart guy i guess

it doesn't really matter who saw it because oh it does and there's multiple sources on this one multiple witnesses so it's really nothing like well actually my whole the whole and your case would never be investigated on this paranormal life because it's a deadbeat case it's it's it's got nothing going for it it's not entertaining it's not true well as i said i i didn't necessarily have a gun in my paranormal encounter but rick rainbow did fire a shot at the beast and it fled obviously this didn't help the situation. A big radio host who's broadcasting to hundreds and thousands of people saying that he himself saw the beast. News of this creature spread like wildfire.

In the coming weeks, more and more people came to visit Enfield in the hopes of spotting or killing the monster. Why so violent? Some were self-proclaimed monster hunters, others just drunken locals with guns. There's really no difference. We are, of course, my friends, heading into the territory of full-blown dad squads roaming the streets with their weapons. It escalated to the point where five hunters had to be arrested for essentially opening fire into the woods after seeing a gray object. I just want to thank the Illinois police for trying to stop some of this. If I owned a gun, I don't know how it works in the States.

I feel like if I owned a gun... I think you're the law now. No, I would be so terrified. No, you have the mentality of the Monster Hunter, it seems like. I control the future when I have the gun. Of time? Yeah, of time. And space, probably.

I would assume that if I so much as fired the gun once, that the police were going to descend on me in seconds. That might be a UK thing yeah i don't i mean i was born in america i don't remember gunfire being a huge part of it yeah but maybe it's not as weird a thing because you're born there it's like the opposite of a water birth there's like a gunfire birth yeah when i came out healthy, they were like, it's a boy! Rah! Yeah, I think it freaks me out because every bullet has to go somewhere, you know? Even if you're firing your gun up into the sky, that's coming down somewhere pretty fast, actually. So having the audacity to think it is fine to open fire into the woods because you saw a gray object you're in the woods yeah if you're

wondering what uh what could possibly be in the wood you're in the woods someone could be doing the same thing back at you this non-stop stream of gun-toting maniacs eventually prompted local sheriff roy poshard jr to pay a little visit to hen visit to Henry McDaniel and tell him look you need to keep your mouth shut about this monster or I will be forced to incarcerate you whoa this of course had no effect whatsoever world-renowned cryptozoologist Lauren Coleman even visited the town and listened to the recording Rick Rainbow had made. She would later tell the press, I traveled to Enfield. I don't know if she's British.

I traveled to Enfield, interviewed the witnesses, looked at the side of the house the Enfield monster had damaged, heard some strange screeching, banshee-like sounds, and walked away bewildered. So I don't think she got a lot from visiting the town. Okay. I mean, anyone would have away bewildered so i don't think she got a lot uh from visiting the town okay i mean anyone would have been bewildered i don't know where the cryptozoologist expert side of things comes into it there but yeah i do really like the idea of her getting on the plane going to enfield listening to the recordings looking at all the scratches and then she's sitting on the plane back home being like what the was that i have no clue what's going on like a fever dream

it's interesting that the police tried to shut him down because this is listen that's mib behavior yeah trying to silence a paranormal witness oh yeah textbook but you know we do sympathize with the local police here because we just heard testament that vigilantes were just firing into the woods and you can't have that listen it ain't safe it's true so you know it's kind of interesting this is a somewhat there's a cover-up but maybe for this safety and well-being of the local people yeah if i think if i was mr mcdaniels and the police chief comes to me and tells me to stop spreading the truth to stop warning people i'd be like this i'd be like hey mr police officer it's kind of weird when you just knocked on my door there it sounded a bit like scratches my friend and you're a little mr mcdonald i don't

know where this is going i i do not have white eyes i have beautiful blue what my wife says i have beautiful blue eyes it'd be a real have beautiful blue eyes. It'd be a real shame. Are you threatening a police officer, sir? Are you threatening a police officer? No, no, no. I'm just saying. Because we have my coworker here, Mr. Samuel. Oh, sir.

He's a witness. Yes, he's a police chief here locally, and he's a witness to what is going on. And this looks a lot like you're trying to threaten us. No, no, no. You're getting the wrong end of the stick here. Can we sidebar for a second second just over here for one minute yes all right i'm gonna fucking kill you dude okay so i'm mr samuels can hear that oh i can hear the whole thing in fact we are recording we record every interview here in illinois as

standard practice wow all right you know just listen mr. McDaniel, if I can call you that because it's your name. Yeah. And you're the authority here. We're on your side. We just want there to be peace here in town and we're not trying to shut you down. Listen, I believe in the monster. Great. If I could just get a verbal agreement out of you that you will stop firing into the

woods. I promise you, sir, that I will not fire my gun any more times into the woods. Quick sidebar, though, just over here. Yes. I f***ing lied, asshole. Okay, we're taking you down town. Oh, God. I'm leaning into the police officer's recording mic.

Make sure you get this, you f this you demon assholes it's like hard cut to now me sitting in the witness box at court them playing back the recordings yeah if you try and arrest me i will struggle and i will kill everyone and that is of course uh exhibit a the recording uh where the suspect basically announced that he was going to commit the murder. In hindsight, that was not the smartest idea. But who's wearing a wire now? We already record everything that gets said in court. Now, I will say that even though that's pretty much most of, if not all, the main sightings for the Enfield Monster,

around 1941, there was a series of similar sightings in the small village of Mount Vernon, which is less than 40 miles away from Enfield. Now, these sightings were of a mysterious leaping cryptid that was supposedly responsible for a number of animal deaths and mutilations in the region. Interesting. Textbook, cryptid, dangerous cryptid behavior, animal mutilation. Yeah. The locals called this creature the Mount Vernon Monster and described it as being vaguely baboon-like in appearance and being able to leap anywhere from 20 to 40 feet in a single bound.

All right. Interesting that we've gone a little bit from dog-like to ape-like yeah some monkey characteristics going on here which could explain some of the jumping yeah yeah you can see that maybe that third leg is also a bit of a tail like a monkey's tail it's hard to know i will say that obviously these sightings were in 1941 whereas uh the sightings of the enfield monster are in the 1970s so we're i mean this guy's in his 30s at this point min minimum yeah that's that's him killing cattle in the 40s as a baby yeah so yeah it's possible that it's a it's an older monster it's true unfortunately

that's kind of where the trail goes cold which isn't really a good sign if the uh other example of sightings you have are not even in the same location or the same time they just both jump yeah they both are just jumping cryptids but we have such a such a damn convincing paranormal tale from henry mcdaniel and rick rainbow and everyone who came in contact with the beast we had scratches on the door that the police had seen and the neighbors next door even saying that their little boy was attacked by the monster what are you thinking kit this is a weird case because we started off so strong we started off with three different witnesses of the same beast almost the same night uh quickly corroborated by the local radio dj someone in the media someone someone with credibility to lose who also went out there

put their ass on the line with their gun and their friends went out hunting the beast saw it uh and said it was true yeah so a bunch of people all in the beginning saying this thing's real but then it seems to taper off real quick we don't see any other physical evidence for this thing existing after that point leaves us in a tricky situation as investigators trying to decide whether this is real or not because are those initial sightings good enough for us to say this is real yeah definitely and again a little bit damning here that even though we mention all this evidence the scratches the footprints of the three legs with the six toes uh i searched pretty

intensely and i pretty much couldn't find anything i couldn't find pictures of the three legs with the six toes uh i searched pretty intensely and i pretty much couldn't find anything i couldn't find pictures of the scratches there was something that looked like someone had mocked up what the six-toed prince would look like but there's no physical evidence really that we're that we're looking at here word of mouth we're looking at all the other parts of the golden pyramid of truth golden pyramid of truth. Golden pyramid of truth. That's true. That is true. But yet we do still, like you mentioned, like physical evidence. I think it's time to come down on a conclusion. Because we could sit here all day and go back and forth.

I think it's time to make a decision. This week, looking into the case of the Enfield Monster, it is, from me, personally, a no. It's a monkey. Also a no. Well, it's probably not a monkey because the thing had three legs and six toes. I've already said, unless it's a genetic mistake. There have been other sightings in

parts of the British Isles. I don't want to be too specific because it's probably going to be an upcoming investigation that I'm working quite hard on. But there were sightings in the 90s in, I might as well say Dublin, Ireland, of a monkey cryptid. Sorry, you're doing this case? What?

I don't know which case you're talking about. You're looking into a case of a monkey in Dublin. Not a monkey. A gorilla man. Well, I wouldn't go as far to say gorilla after all the times that you told me not hold on a second your story is gobbledygook it is fantasy but there are credible witnesses from a young baseball team that's my team that's my team those are the ones i was with you're a team winners. There's no way a loser like you would be on the team.

You're investigating my story. That's my life. I was the witness. This is definitely a different story. I don't know why you think these would be the same because the story I'm working on, this big story, which I think is going to be the first triple part

of whatever's done. This is f***ed what's happening. Well, look, at least, at the very least, I know that next week it'll be a double yes. That'll at least guarantee me that. Which, unfortunately, it is not this week. We're looking at a double no. This is a great case.

I love the creature. I love the story. I love the characters that went and investigated the beast. There's just nothing. There's nothing there. It's like eating a sandwich that you just just butter two slices of bread and put it together there's nothing in it there's not even like a friggin grape in the middle of it i don't know i can think of anything that goes in a sandwich right well a grape that yeah that would be that

to be fair that's the minimum to make something a sandwich it's the smallest little piece maybe a raisin or a peanut a single raisin sandwich peanut sandwich this this case is a peanut sandwich there's not there's really nothing in there except a little nugget of um just stories and rumors uh i think even i didn't want to include this until the very end i think even the boy who was attacked by the creature came out and said he lied great and he made that up just to um to make the story more exciting all of you to leave that out until the end i'm bold of me to tell the story as if the police officers had just heard about the first sighting when they were at the second sighting obviously they hadn't because the boy made it up so just wrapping that up nice little bow tying all those loose ends

together that is suspension disbelief and that is hollywood baby that's it you know look we will always give you the right answer which is a yes or a no as to whether or not something is paranormal but we will do mad shit on the way and that's what this podcast is about it's like getting a taxi ride from a freaking baboon yeah this son of a bitch is he's in the wrong lane he's got bananas on his mind he's wild but somehow but does he get you to the to the right location at least sometimes half the time this analogy is kind of getting away from me a little bit. So are you saying that we don't get to the right destination half the time? I'm saying that we do our best.

Like that monkey. Does the baboon, it sounds like he's got bananas on his mind. For sure. He's actually not really invested in the taxi. He's not even there a lot of the time because you can't keep him in a small enclosure but like that monkey sometimes we will get you to the right place and i think that's what we did this week we took a crazy ride with a baboon driver and we got to double no city which is exactly where we needed to go for this case so thank you for listening uh wow i crushed that analogy that was perfect man i should be like a freaking poet or something um thank you for listening to this week's episode of the podcast

i hope you enjoyed it obviously we'll be back next week with another story but before we go we want to tell you about a little thing called patreon.com that's right my friends because like the monkey we've got bananas on our mind but the bananas are money ah this is this is a con this i had it was so perfect it's not very i'll say it's not elegant it's not an elegant analogy we could probably just tell them straight up what patreon is we don't even need an analogy i would say let's not ditch it just yet because i feel like i might be able to reign it back the The same one? All right. The same one, yeah. All right, go for it.

So, like, the bananas are money, and we need to make the show. The show costs money and time. Well, don't say it costs bananas, because that's not true. It costs bananas, and I guess time is... That's fine. What's time to a monkey? It's time. Monkeys live in time monkeys live in time sure okay money being bananas is kind of fine this is good let's just stick to that all right so for for as little as five bananas a month okay you can get some sweet bonus content guys

we don't run ads on this podcast so we don't get any bananas from ads the only way we can get our bananas is from the support of our lovely zookeepers over at patreon.com so uh if you are enjoying the podcast you want to get some awesome rewards like bonus episodes merch bananas no no you don't get bananas actually we get bananas that makes it sound like we give people money this is it's it's really getting away from me here uh just head on over to patreon.com and check it out you're gonna love it it's great and obviously at the end of our podcast what we like to do is give a special shout out to some of the people that support us on patreon special thank you to francisco the roofer batista francisco the man with the roofing plan nice this guy could do any type of roof you want. Pointy roof, flat roof.

That's pretty much the two. Sistine chapel. Whoa, what? He can't do that. I'm f***ing with you because that was Michelangelo. That was one of a kind. Of course, Francisco couldn't do anything like that. But, you know, pretty good roof guy.

Francisco, I insist you do my roof. I insist you do my roof. I insist you do my roof. Thank you also to Robert Heaney. Robert Heaney, the big bad meanie. This guy is a jerk to everyone. Even like kids, mall Santas, you know, the sweetest, kindest people on the earth. Mall Santas are, they should get Nobel Peace Prizes.

They absolutely should. And he's horrible to them. peace prizes they absolutely should and he's horrible to them he sits on their lap and he's like i here's what i want for christmas i want you to i want you to shut the f**k up oh my god it's like what are you doing man he's taking time out of his day don't be such a meanie thank you to andy birch andy birch likes to perch on like in brand on branches like a little bird like a little gargoyle more like oh god yeah people find it weird but some people find it charming you know it's almost like a yoga pose it's not charming it's a little weird because he doesn't have to screw up his face like a gargoyle but he does it yeah you're really doubling down on the gargoyle uh part of it which you know hey

you do you man thank you to Sarah the Barbarian. Sarah the Barbarian. Really more of his name. She kind of calls herself that to scare people off. She's actually, yeah, she is. She's very chill. Doesn't have a violent bone in her body. You tell people you're a barbarian, they don't f*** with you. They don't mess with you.

That's smart. I've been telling people I'm a Teletubby, and they pretty much want to throw down immediately. So I need to learn from her. Thank you to Michelle Martin. Come on down to Michelle Shells. That's right, the beach shack that's got it all. All types of shells.

Okay, so not everything. Very limited stock as well on the shells. What? Yes. All right, well, can I just... She's massively inland. That's good because I'm not... Okay, I'm not... Okay. I'm not picky though. So can I just get any

shell? Any shell of any kind? We have driftwood, sea glass. What? You don't know if you... We're out of shells. There's no more shells left. Shells, shells, out of shells. Michelle does sell shells, but they're sold out. Thank you to Daniel

Morrison. Daniel isn't really into Yu-Gi-Oh! That's more his son. What? Daniel, more his son. Oh, more his son. That was pretty good. Yeah, not really into Yu-Gi-Oh!, but he does have all five cards of

Exodia, so he's massively into Yu-Gi-Oh! No, he first booster pack. The first pack. Got the five parts of Exodia. Oh my god. That's insane. He is a god for that, yes. Thank you to Stephanie View Egg. Stephanie, we're new

to the luxury egg market but we would love to view egg. We would love to view egg. If you have any egg available, we would like to view view egg. We all know that the we would like to view you egg we all know that the paranormal commune is low on eggs so uh if we could schedule an appointment asap that would be great just in fact just skip egg we need to view eggs yeah plural thank you also to lewis clark lewis clark loves the dark he spent so much time in the dark, he's developed bat eyes.

Wait, bats are blind. He's developed bat ears sonar. Wow. That's right. He's pretty much got night vision Gs in his brain, which is crazy. He's not using that for anything valuable, really. He just plays beer pong in in the dark reads in the dark he's not really like doing the whole batman thing or anything listen to podcasts in the dark which

we can all do you don't need light no no but uh he's having a good time the ears get in the way because they don't work on normal shit his actually his bat ears are now so sensitive he can barely even listen to it without bursting his eardrums it's honestly kind of annoying because we have to release a bat edition of the podcast every week just for him yeah thank you also to daniel gomez we gotta go res daniel gomez because this guy can't play video games to save his life he's always down he always needs to be resurrected. By his homeys. By his... You gotta learn how to stay alive, dude.

Or at least play the healer. Just be the healer. Then you, you know. You do the resin. But then it's... When he dies, it's even more... That is super crazy. Then you don't have any healers.

Yeah, just do some... Do some practice. More practice. Thank you to Paul McNaughton. They call him Tall Paul and the kind of how tall he is compared to, well, his small family. He is three foot nothing.

But the family, they're ants. Absolute ants. Literal ants. His brothers, Small Paul Jr. He's obviously Small Paul. Tall Paul Sr. You'd think that would be the name of the dad. But weirdly, they gave Sr. to the kid.

Makes sense. Because he's so damn tall. They call the dad Baby. It's weird. Weird family. Thank you also to Devlin. Devlin's always inviting the Devlin. That's bad.

Bad idea. Not good. Don't do that. You want the other one. God. Whatever't do that. You want the other one. God. Whatever his name is. But you seem like you're having a pretty decent time with him, hanging out, watching anime.

So just keep it going, but keep an eye on him. He's a sneaky little bastard. Thanks also to Freezian Car. I don't know if you've ever had a car in this paranormal life secret society or coming that is utterly ridiculous uh do you have any friends animal friends who may have eggs uh freezing car very true again we really could do with some so if you have that farmyard connect let us know he's like well i have like 20 gallons of milk get that get that shit out of my sight don't care we need eggs i don't want your milk i want cheese and butter thanks also to

tyler forrester tyler forrester is a um is a tarzan man he lives in the wild he eats in the wild he poops in the wild he's just he's an untamed probably raised by gorillas i think that's what tarzan was as well yeah it's pretty cool you picked a good species to be raised by and it is cool because if tarzan taught us anything it's that even if you are raised by gorillas if you are handsome you have cool hair the chicks will dig that yeah thank you also to marcelo pellegrino marcelo is a hard sell yo he's a tough guy to to pitch to people you're like hey i got this guy okay his name is marcello i'd love to meet him i think you'd really get along well yeah i bet um he's super into crystals okay you're losing me a

little but uh you know i'm not so into those but i guess his favorite food his favorite food is salt okay well that's a problem because we're gonna but you know we can'm not so into those. But I guess we might have something else to talk about. His favorite food is salt. Okay, well, that's a problem because we're going to... But, you know, we can eat what we're going to eat at the dinner party. And crayons. He eats crayons. Yeah, that's... See what I mean? It's hard.

And that's all he does. I don't think I want to be friends. He's got literally no other defining characteristics. Jesus. Thank you also to Gareth Ramsey. Kablamsy Ramsey. This guy is on edge 24-7, ready to go. You're the slightest inconvenience and he kablams.

He goes absolutely buck wild. Learn to meditate or something, Gareth. He needs to chill out for sure. Thanks also to Brandon Da Silva. Brandon, stop settling for Da Silva. We need to get you going for Da Gold. Of course. Listen, you're one of the best competitive skiers in the world.

We all know that. We've known that for a long time. Yeah. You just need to believe in yourself. Listen, I'm going to be your sports psychologist. We can do this. Get the gold. Thank you too, Soapy Days.

Do you ever just have one of those soapy days no well you just soap up the f**k is that i don't you know you just like instead of like going to work or like playing video games like watching tg you just soap up no no okay no me neither that would be weird that would be super weird Thank you also to Joe Frisbee Often confused with Joe Boomerang The friend who will always come back

Joe Frisbee Never returns He will just, like, up and leave his family One day Yeah, you meet him for the first time He's like, shake his hand, oh hey, nice to meet you You don't even get the last name Frisbee Before he is 180 and gone down the street absolutely thank you to joe k joe k is

always joe kang making zingers left right and center it's like a comedy festival up in here i mean you could be you could be delivering i mean just heart devastating news your your uh your family passed away in a tragic car accident yeah and he's like oh hey well f**k him i i could see i always good zingers they're not always good zingers uh sometimes he's just just a comical statement uh obviously he usually comes with something a little more clever than that uh because he's a jokester. He's jo-caying. Thank you, lastly but not leastly, to Connor Clappison. Connor loves to clap his son. Just for everything

he does. His son has a bowl of cereal. You eat that cereal, champ. You earned it. You know, his son got detention at school. Good job, boy. It's a little, you can see how this is confusing. It's not good. His son gets arrested for drink driving, possibly killing the family that we just talked about earlier. job boy it's a little you can see how this is confusing yeah good his son gets arrested uh for

drink driving possibly killing the family that we just talked about earlier clap it out oh well don't clap for that for god's sake he's in the dark it's very this child is very confused he doesn't know what's good and what's bad anymore but luckily we do and what's good is this paranormal life which couldn't exist with all of the lovely support from the people that we have mentioned. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. And as always, we will be back next week with a brand new paranormal tale.