This Paranormal Life - #176 The Hooded Figures of Ballyboley Forest

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

This week we investigate Ballyboley Forest and the terrifying mysteries that reside inside It's dark pathways. Is it truly paranormal? How have Kit and Rory never heard of it before? Find out on this weeks episode!Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityAdvertise on This Paranormal Life via Gumball.fmResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis BlatherwickIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do ghosts celebrate Christmas? What if a dog drank coffee? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Hey everyone! Welcome to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week we investigate a brand new paranormal tale, case, claim, beast and come to a conclusion as professional paranormal investigators as to whether or not it is truly paranormal. My name is Roy Powers. I'm going to be your host for today, and I'm joined by my co-host, Kit Greer.

Glad to be here, Roy Powers. I can actually answer this one right off the top of the podcast. What would happen if a dog drank coffee? I did, for a very short period of time run a doggy daycare. A very short period. First day of business, people left me a lot of dogs and I wanted to get them out of the door for a walk right away so that I could finish my day's work before it even began. Yeah, but those dogs were a little, they looked a little sluggish. A little lethargic. These were coming, These doggies were coming from rich people's houses where they were eating raw food diets, vegan smoothies all the time.

They had absolutely no pep. They were like little pale dogs, they were tired, sluggish. So, sure, I fired up a pot of cold brew and just, you know, started filling up their little bowls. Needless to say, many lawsuits, litigations, and everything later, those dogs did not return to their home safely. I was shut down. I did lose my license, but I learned a lot that day about giving dogs coffee. And I think that, you know what,

the world is pushed forward into the future by humans who dare to experiment. We don't even have to stop here. Let's give wine to a cat. Let's give champagne to an octopus. Let's get f***ing weird. Maybe one of them will do something pretty cool. That's all I'm saying. Moving swiftly on to today's topic, we got an email suggestion from James Dunn.

James emailed into thisparanormallifepodcast at gmail.com and said, as you both come from northern ireland you both definitely know about the whole island's history with druids fairies and everything in between i saw this post and thought it could make a great podcast episode to deep dive into the stories of ballyboley forest okay kid do you know a lot about Ballyboley Forest? He kind of teed us up there as if we would. I've never heard of Ballyboley Forest in my life.

Neither have I. I've been to, you know, Ballymoney, Bally Sally. All the great Ballys. All the Ballys. I've never heard of Ballyboley. When we think about the most haunted locations in the world, we think about haunted houses, asylums, castles, places where dark and evil events

have taken place, but we rarely venture into the woods. If we do, it's to hunt a cryptid, a Sasquatch, a Goatman, not to investigate the woods themselves. So here we are today, Kit, with our sleeping bags and our flashlights ready

to psycho dive into the paranormal heart of Ballyboley Forest. Now, Ballyboley Forest is situated just inland from the east coast of Northern Ireland and has been a popular tourist attraction for years. Its lush green fields and tall trees invite you in to explore, but if you knew the history of these woods, you'd know not to step foot in them. The year is 1997, and two young men make their way down a gravel path leading out of the small town of Ballynur. A local passing by notices their walking gear and calls out to them. Where are yous off to today, lads? Just going for a wee walk, so we are first time in Ballynur.

Aye, well yous picked a rotten day for it. Rain's been on and off since morning. Where are yous headed? We're going into the woods. You know, Ballyboley Forest. The man froze. Lads, if you know what's good for you, this is as far as you'll go. The two men decided to ignore the warning.

It wasn't stormy, it was still daylight. They had no idea what this crazy local was talking about, so they pushed forward. Just think about how funny it was if the first case we had that was set in Northern Ireland, we were like, the locals said, where are y'all going? Straight back to the Southern American accents, even when it's Northern Ireland. The trail led them deep into the trees, straight through the heart of Ballyboley Forest. But as they walked deeper and deeper into the woods, they began to hear strange noises echoing around them bouncing off the trees think ocarina of time forest temple things are getting real weird up in here yeah we're talking spiders the size of a car you follow a trail for like an hour you look back you're five paces from

where you entered the forest trees are growing down You're up. Everything is twisted and weird. Yeah, the noises continue to echo and bounce off the trees Hello, is anybody out there? No response Feeling a little uneasy the two men decided to pick up the pace The noises began to get stranger. Now in the distance, they could hear a woman moaning. Yeah, that'll work. Pick up the pace.

I mean, how big can this forest be? I'm sure you'll be on the other side in no time. Thinking that she was possibly hurt or in trouble, the two men followed the sounds, trying to see if they could find the source, until it sounded like it was right in front of them when they slowly pushed through the trees the noise stopped completely well that was weird let's go get a pint then an ear splitting scream cried out from behind them the two men took off running in fear pushing through the trees and branches trying

desperately to find their way out of the woods when they reached the edge of the forest the two men glanced back as they ran and in the woods they spotted four hooded figures in brown ragged robes oh shit standing motionless watching them as they left that old man was part of this crew yeah you don't want to go in the woods today lads me and the boys are gonna sacrifice a goat it's a 12 p.m druids meet monthly meetup while this story comes we've booked the woods so we have off while this story comes from 1997 ballyboley forest has a dark history spanning back to the 15th century and and to this day remains not just the most haunted forest in all of ireland but also arguably the entire world what argued by me today on this show i'll fight anyone who says otherwise that's pretty shocking to me because as discussed

we spent damn near all our lives uh in the home country and have uh kind of never heard of its haunted past or indeed the forest itself but maybe it's kind of it this is this place is on some voldemort shit it's like the forest we do not speak of yeah and this this is bad as well just because we talked about one case where there's a couple hooded guys things get a lot weirder uh people tell stories of entering the woods and never coming out wanderers have described hearing screaming and squealing from animals and humans and many visitors have stumbled across strange monuments and altars that look like they've been used for sacrifices okay so there's also mysterious smoke

blood painted on trees and i'm pretty sure there's a ghost in there as well so some memories are coming back to me i mean like whilst i haven't heard of ballyboley forest um and it's haunted past do you remember kind of stories growing up of like satanists hanging out in like the local woods and stuff yes i do it kind of rings a bell doesn't it yeah i don't know if that's a uk wide thing or a worldwide thing but i've heard many northern irish people say yeah they found like a weird altar and there were like candles and things carved into the ground maybe even a dead bird or something yeah yeah i don't know if that was like just an ireland slash northern ireland thing or like maybe that's just what everyone says about creepy parts of their town i mean maybe that's just what teenagers get up to everywhere but it would be interesting if that in any way links to

ireland's druidic past i never thought of that before we will be going into a little bit more later in this episode druids and their history in in uh irish history so um so stay tuned for that will be exciting we just reveal that we're druids i think this rings a bell uh when i was 15 i actually was this man in the story i actually went to juvie for sacrificing birds it's actually pretty messed up because i was on trial for having done all these horrible things when i'm sacrificing animals for everyone for everyone the common good it i'm making life good for you i'm making life good for you i'm making i'm like twisting a cat's neck as i'm talking wearing robes why did we even let him speak he's obviously guilty put him away now there is one reason why this forest might be the

paranormal playground that it is today and that is possibly down to the four figures that we saw in the woods in the previous story, known as the four druids. These guys are like famous? Pretty famous. Holy. I mean, these creepy bastards are at the heart of many of Ballyboley's paranormal stories. Visitors have spotted them standing in the darkness, watching them moving around their tents while people are camping.

They've even been seen in the dead of night at the edge of the forest holding burning branches. Jesus, man. They're dressed in dark brown robes with their faces hidden behind a low hood, Sith Lord style. I like it. What kind of lightsaber are we talking?

Are we talking uno we're talking uno dos quattro how many did general grievance have i think he had his name wasn't general grievance he wasn't just slightly upset with the jedi formal complaint himself general grievance and the other sith lord formal complaint were the two that ruled the galaxy with a slightly inconvenienced fist sith lord karen who wants to speak to the the rebel manager general general grievous yes had uh i think he had four but he also he talked a lot about his collection. So I think maybe he was just bringing out his best four to show off.

Interesting. It would be pretty funny in Star Wars, because General Grievous has that pretty badass entrance, where he's kind of just in the scene. It could just be because he talks like that, because he had to rush to get there. So Obi-Wan comes out and he's like, there and he turns around like general kenobi jesus man are you okay okay do you want to catch your breath i'm just i have many lightsabers right we we know we've known you

for a bunch of years just give me a minute you yeah sure you know it's not really about how many lightsabers you have it's about how skilled you are with one lightsaber oh general kenobi yeah you just keep saying my name i'll be honest i expected you to be more impressed i thought that's where the conversation would have headed well you i'm on the jedi side if i wanted a bunch of lightsabers sure sure, I would have gone to the Sith side. But I didn't. So this isn't impressive? No.

I like mine. I have a... My favorite color is green. I've got a green lightsaber. I'm good. But I have four. Right. Sure.

So nothing about this you find impressive? Why do you want to impress me I thought you have like don't you Sith guys always bang on about like power beyond your wildest imagination yes not giving a shit about Jedi but you seem to want my

ultimate power not one not two but four sabers I don't think that's what the Sith Lords mean by ultimate power it's just more lightsabers. Do you have a favorite? I'm sorry, of yours? Of mine. Of course not.

I found this one in a bin on Tatooine. Really? You hulk through bins? This one was inside of... You're a general? You lead men in battle, but you also dig through bins? On my planet, he who has the sabers controls the world right okay interesting my planet is small how many me and jacob how many i don't i don't know if i even want to know this but how many lightsabers do you have total? Me, four. Of course you.

Jacob, five. Right, so Jacob has ultimate control of the planet then. Currently, yes. But with your saber, I shall duel him. I cut off your head. I take your saber. I was like, I was being coy. I wanted all the sabers.

You pick them up. You're like, some of these are just strips of metal. This isn't even a real lightsaber. So we may have some listeners asking the podcast right now. One, what is a druid? And two, possibly, who is General Grievous? If they haven't seen the popular Star Wars movies. But today we're going to be talking about druids.

You know what? F*** it. No, General Grievous is pretty badass. It's a bit badass a bit more important to be where the kids need to learn uh first off i want to say um i think druids get a bad rap all right right druids especially in irish folklore were known for serving lords and kings as sort of a hybrid priest-counsellor. It was believed that they possessed the gift of prophecy and various other assorted mystical abilities. It's basically a king teaming up with a wizard to rule a world. Goddamn.

That's a winning combination. I thought I had heard that like relatively recently. It's one of the trippy things about druids in like celtic ireland ancient uk times is that they have a pretty decent educated guess about what druids did but they don't really know for sure they just know that they existed and they were somewhere on the spectrum between like you say like leaders and also fucking wizards yeah again uh like a lot of different uh um they're not religions but i guess um uh beliefs they were pretty much completely destroyed by christianity uh that just kind of came in like a wave although a lot of records have been preserved

as you said a lot of it is still um unknown really um and yes of course historically druids have been associated with performing human sacrifices listen who hasn't historically speaking in the scheme of things but i will say this was always pretty much mostly to appease the immortal gods and you do you think you can get wizard powers without a little bit of human sacrifice absolutely not there's no way there isn't you gotta stab people you gotta burn shit the gods want blood listen how does kirby get a special ability do you think kirby just sits at home and just dreams of being able to use his tongue like Yoshi?

No, he murders Yoshi. How do you think General Grievous got all those lightsabers? He did not kill the younglings, the youngling Jedis. Now, when it came to sacrifices, according to records by Julius Caesar himself, those who had been found guilty of theft or other criminal offenses were considered preferable to use as sacrificial victims. Interesting.

So, you know, it's kind of a two birds with one stone. It's like, this is a bad man. He has to die. But also, let's use him in a sacrifice. Yeah, let's get something out of this. Let's have ourselves a little party here. Let's make the gods happy, you know? Which is kind of interesting because I feel like if you look at other, maybe religions, the other side of the earth, you have these traditions of like, I don't know, like virgin sacrifice.

It's like you want the purest and best person in society, the most amazing child. Yeah. They're the first, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, Unfortunately, when criminals were in short supply, innocence would be accepted. Of course. Maybe we'll spare the brightest minds and the richest. But, you know, if we need to go, if we've got to sacrifice someone, you're just making shit up now. You're like, I saw Tim steal a cracker. Get him! You know, you can just all jump on Tim, throw him up there. He's dead before he even gets to defend himself. I mean, I'm not saying I don't want to worry anyone in the commune but like i'm i'm personally listening to this story i'm interested to see where this whole druid thing

went because the whole human sacrifice there were probably like this is one benefit getting rid of the ne'er-do-wells yeah uh if there's other benefits this could be a good system i think you can see into the future. That's pretty good as well Forms of sacrifice included burning victims alive in a large wooden effigy Often known as a wicker man other methods included drowning hanging and stabbing Jesus in some of these ceremonies druids would prepare the human sacrifice Plunge a dagger into their chest and by observing the way his limbs convulse and the gushing of blood Jesus Christ. They could also predict the future by reading the flight and calls of birds.

Right, so why not do that all the time then? Start with the birds, right? I think start with the birds before you kind of go... You know, sure, maybe there's a slow day where the birds aren't giving it out. If you're a prisoner in prison ready to be taken to the f***ing altar, you've got to be praying for some pigeons that day. You're putting f***ing seeds out on the windowsill. You're taking your last meal and you were just getting into bite-sized chunks

and throwing it out the window. Now, while there are still people who classify themselves as druids today, this modern version is much more PG. It's all about respecting the environment, a love of arts and poetry. It's very different. Goddamn.

Druids in ancient times, they would not have accepted these modern druids. It would have been sacrificed. It's a different vibe. It's a different type of druidry yeah look i i'm joking of course i appreciate that it's kind of a cool idea like trying to take the spirit of it just like the spirit of like like loving nature and stuff and trying to carry that through to now yeah it's kind of like if like if some people would be like, hey, we're just going to redo the hierarchies of ancient Egypt. So I'm going to be a pharaoh.

I'm going to be a pharaoh now. But I'm going to turn it into a good thing and I'm going to whip you with a real soft bit of rope. Maybe that's actually too harsh. That's still pretty mean. It's still pretty up there, yeah. What's like a nice version of it? Hey, I'm a pharaoh.

I'll give you. It's bad when you can't think of one good thing that a pharaoh does. Yeah. You also shouldn't start by announcing you're a pharaoh. That also kind of like leads you to believe that your priorities here are your own royalty. I'll give you a bigger deadline for the pyramid. Like how much longer do i get to build a pyramid um how long does it usually take i should know this couple weeks no was it not we're talking

like 50 100 years weirdly we might have to speed that up i'll be honest with you because uh i'll be dead i'll be dead weirdly um so we could speed that up actually but like maybe i'll give you some better food i'll get you some better food than they did in the old days i don't know if that's gonna i mean sure how fast do you need it though because 50 to 100 years you're still really focused on the pyramid thing okay whereas i've already moved on we've already said that the pyramid is getting done but now i'm saying you okay i can do better stuff for you sure i mean that would be great actually to be fair because currently we were living on uh only bread which is not great for the old lifespan. Totally.

We're kind of falling apart over here. Hey, I hear you, brother. I hear you. And I'm always here for you. The ETA, though, on the pyramid. Well, you just accused me of being hyper-focused on the pyramid. But it seems like you're focused on the pyramid. Well, I...

You said we would get it done. But you mentioned food. What kind of... If we could upgrade that. Whatever you want man I'm a pharaoh for the people. Could we get some some some vegetables? Maybe some meats? I know you guys have like fresh meats and stuff. Sure. Sure. Sure. That is like it's mostly like ceremonial stuff So right, I mean your Pharaoh's gonna keep up appearances man

You know if someone comes and visits and they see the Pharaoh's eating sand like you guys they're gonna be like well This isn't even they don't even have a pyramid speaking of the pyramid an eta on the pyramid you said right yeah you say there was like it is coming but like it's estimated time of arrival do you guys have like i mean seems like there's like three ceremonies a day going on for sure the palace three square sometimes i snack too many many monies i call them that's you consider that a ceremony that's interesting totally so but hey brother once this pyramid is built it's gonna be clean like i said for you at least 50 years for me all right how about this right nike slides for everyone pyramid done four hours i keep

saying it but i feel like you're not taking it in minimum 50 years okay okay there is a way out of this i'm sure there's a way out of this okay uh can you get the druids please we call in the druids and it's just like well the process of sacrificing a human involves preparation can we get a faster druid i need 45 minutes i need this done by the most impatient pharaoh of all time so who are these four figures in Ballyboley Forest? Are they druids themselves? Or are they something much, much more paranormal? This next story comes from one forum user who had a first-hand experience with the legendary four druids. In 2005, when I was 13 and in my third year of secondary school,

I took part in an outdoor team-building scheme called the Duke of Edinburgh Award Scheme. This involved a reasonably straightforward walk with the exciting but daunting prospect of camping for one night right in the middle of a local forest. Ballyboly Forest in Larne, Northern Ireland. The first few days involved nothing more exciting

than navigating fields and hills, and it went without incident. On the last night, we ended up camping right in the middle of Ballyboley Forest with all the other groups. There were no teachers or leaders at this campsite, so naturally, all hell broke loose. At about 8.15, as the light was beginning to dim, someone in another group began to ramble on about seeing people at the other end of the forest moving about between the trees. In case it was another group who had gotten lost, a few of us marched over to check it out. It was about a five minute walk and there was nothing but more trees and shrubbery, not a road or a natural footpath in sight. It wasn't taken very seriously.

Until about an hour later, we were all gathered around a gas stove having hot chocolate, when someone else noticed movement down at the far end of the forest. This time, the figures that had previously been sighted were holding some kind of torches. But rather than modern torches, the figures seemed to be holding branches that had been set on fire. We counted four of these figures. Someone later that night claimed that after the figures vanished, they could hear what sounded like a slaughterhouse in the distance. Echoing cries and the squeals of animals. The next morning... That was way better than mine. cries and the squeals of animals. The next morning, we laughed it off and carried on with

the expedition. Eventually, it was rarely spoken about, and it became one of those stories that as you get older, you just find yourself struggling to remember if it was real or a dream. Fast forward 8 years, now 22, I was flicking through articles on Facebook when I came across one called The 10 Most Haunted Forests on Earth. I was amazed to see Ballyboley Forest was included at number 5. Every hair on my body stood on end when I read. It was reported in a local newspaper that two men were in the forest when they saw four human-shaped figures in the forest behind them, where previously there had been no one there. Other sites that reported the practices of druids involved the creation of altars to sacrifice animals and then set them on fire, which goes some way to explaining the

slaughterhouse noises.esus kit what we're seeing here is is a pattern of people who have gone into these woods heard or seen similar things and uh walked away having experienced what looks like the same group of people these four druids residing in the woods it seems like they've been there for a huge amount of time granted there haven't been mentions of them uh as back as early as the 15th century but i mean we're seeing as we said over what 10 years 20 years these figures still existing what are your thoughts yeah this is pretty f***ed up right off the bat i mean i think that would be very disturbing if you have one uh one-off freak encounter where you think in the

distance you see some flaming four flaming torches and then you read years later that even just one other person has seen four hooded figures of flaming torches it's like all right shut it down absolutely send in the police send in the military cut down the whole forest we need to understand what's going on here we've got a as always we've got a scale of like paranormal going on here at the very least this is like four weirdos you've been there for decades hanging out and uh sacrificing animals and at the other end we've got some kind of like legit paranormal rituals going on yeah it's also the woods are a difficult place you know it's a very beautiful serene uh wonderful place to walk and immerse yourself in in nature but the slightest slightest bit of screaming and that place becomes a hell

hole yeah you would prefer to be on mars yeah exactly do you have any experience of like camping and having any weird encounters uh yeah actually so i um over the years I have volunteered at a summer camp where I am a camp counselor where I look after kids, make sure they're safe, cut firewood, help clean up, participate in camp activities. the dates of the camp fall on the 12th of july uh which if you don't know is a very uh interesting time to be in northern ireland uh for a number of reasons uh but it can be quite a rowdy date um and people obviously enjoy going to the woods and consuming large amounts of alcohol burning things a lot of fire yeah really a lot of fire imagine imagine if the opening scenes of bloodborne took place in northern ireland that is basically what the 12th is like we had one night where a bunch of drunk people tried to get into the campsite jesus uh there was a fight involved and one of them was one of them was so drunk that we pinned him to the ground and he pissed himself and at that point it's like this isn't a good night for either of us

buddy um so that was the only sort of not paranormal but just bad experience bad experience in the woods there's a lot of stories like this kit people either walking through the forest or camping overnight coming across these shadowy robed figures in One story from 1994 a couple who were out walking through Ballyboley Forest Claimed that halfway through their walk they began to hear screaming sounds and a large dark cloud started to materialize at their feet started to materialize at their feet. What? Yeah, a little U-turn there at the end for you.

That is, that's paranormal right there. As the screaming got louder, the couple ran through the smoke and out of the forest, refusing to look back. Goddamn. Now, if these druids do exist, it seems like they're either protecting the forest or they're using it for a place to perform ancient pagan rituals that possibly include sacrifice. Another popular theory as to why this forest could be so goddamn paranormal is that in Celtic mythology, there's a place known as the Otherworld.

It is the realm of the deities from Celtic mythology. Also possibly the location of the dead. Mm, okay. Kind of jumbled up there together. Because I think we've talked before when we've mentioned Celtic druidic practices, this idea of like a thin place. is like yeah place maybe somewhere like this forest where um the barrier between the other world and our world is most thin and you can maybe just slip right through there yeah it's honestly you've absolutely nailed it it's described as existing alongside our own world just at the edge of the earth and even occasionally intruding into our own world it actually sounds like a pretty

awesome place uh it's described as a supernatural realm of everlasting youth beauty health abundance joy nothing bad at all i'm basically picturing the land of oo from adventure time uh yeah a place where candy is our people although is that good because you don't want to eat people i kind of like our world where candy is candy and people are humans and i don't have to eat them yeah maybe in the world of adventure time like you would be the demon because we want to eat everyone yeah you're eating everyone and you're not even candy yourself yeah it's kind of like you know in all those fantasy books or movies there's always like one place that's like the hub and it's like the the fairies are there the orcs are there getting like a pint the dwarfs are like dancing on the tables

it's just like a little mythological party town you know yeah that's what it kind of sounds like travelers coming in travelers coming out there's a dude playing the fiddle while some elves dance on the table you know it seems like a pretty cool place and solos in the corner playing chess but one of the interesting things i noted is that allegedly when this other world does mix and blend and intrude into our world one of the main signifiers is a magic mist oh could it be possibly the mist that was seen in 1994 by the couple who witnessed a strange cloud i will say going back to the very beginning one of the weirdest things seen in Ballyboley Forest is pillars of smoke rising out of the forest from mysterious sources without anyone knowing where it comes from. Yeah, that's not good. Yes, this could be the burning of a sacrifice by the four druids.

Or could it possibly be the mythological Celtic otherworld blending with our own reality this that's entirely possible never really thought of that i mean it's kind of interesting isn't it that like mist should mist should be boring right mist is just i disagree well maybe wait till i finish my thought this is actually pretty cool. Yeah. But go on. Yeah, just let me. Okay. So it's just like a weather phenomenon. It's like a cloud or rain or hail.

It's just a type. All cool things. It's the type of water in the air. Yeah. It's just a type of water in the air. Oh, yeah. That's not cool at all. Mother nature vaping.

That's not cool. Right. Yeah. oh yeah that's not cool at all mother nature vaping that's not cool right yeah so what i'm trying to say is but it is cool because oh sorry yeah sorry i can't match you pretty hard there you did uh think of like we were on the same page the whole time i feel a fool now because i was so aggressive but it seems like we're trying to make the same point. So, sorry. Go ahead. Sure. But actually, there are reasons why mist is bad. Because... F*** you. Mist is badass.

Dude. That's what it is. Dude. All right? And if you don't get that through your thick little skull, I'm going to be like mist. I'm going to come into your room through the windows and suffocate you in your little sleepy bed. I don't think that's what mist does. And I think you're going to need to cool it.

Sorry. I didn't know you felt this strongly about mist. But think of rock concerts. Think of live theater. Think of those places where, what do we do when we want to make something intriguing and otherworldly? We literally get a machine that pumps out f***ing mist. Yeah, totally. kind of interesting to think

it make it automatically adds an air of mystery to everything that's why you can't have any druids at download festival because soon as you turn on those smoke machines they think they're in the other world where they can fly and eat fairies staff Staffs come out. They start chanting spells. It's a dangerous place. Or they do some you shall not pass shit. Some doof. Yeah, clearing a mosh pit by striking the ground and all the souls flee from a thousand people around them.

Christ alive. It's a dangerous place. But I think this is an interesting case because we have a couple different things that we have investigated but um it's up for us to kind of decide what we want to focus in on yeah we could look at um celtic druids and their history in northern ireland what we have to do right now is kind of um decide what we want to come down on in our conclusion are we investigating the forest itself uh and deciding whether or not it's paranormal are we going to be looking into

these four druids and asking uh whether or not they exist or if they're paranormal or you know just the history of druids and their relationship with celtic folklore interesting my instinct is that i know we started off with is ballyboly forest paranormal is it haunted but i feel like the elephant in the room is these four druids at this point we gotta for the nation's benefit we gotta clear this up one way or the other yeah it seems a little weird to have a lot of very druid heavy stories yeah and then go but are the trees spooky you know we gotta kind of yeah we gotta i think focus on the druids this is like a psa so that the next listener who goes to the forest they need to know whether to bring some kind of enchanted um amulet to defend them against these druids at the very least bring a robe bring another robe and they might actually be pretty chill with the whole thing all right

well if we're looking into the four druids then is the decision that we're making today whether or not they exist or whether or not they themselves are paranormal because uh while there are a lot of um spooky stories that we've heard today about these forests a lot of them can be explained even if the explanation is pretty horrific people are still using these pagan sacrificial practices out in the woods burning animals killing things it's pretty dark but it's not paranormal it's just weird or we've heard a little bit more about you know mysterious smoke spawning uh echoing voices throughout the woods that edge is a little bit more towards the paranormal i guess it's kind of like remember the episode we did on vampires yeah and at the end of it we kind of the conclusion was are vampires real and they are because there are people who drink blood and they call themselves

vampires and that is kind of what a vampire is and paranormal it's pretty weird for sure yeah i guess it's what we want to do what do you want to do do you want to come down on whether it's paranormal or whether these four mysterious creepy bastards exist in my mind it seems like there is no question that these creepy bastards exist so the greater question is is what they're doing are they paranormal yeah as i said not a big camper but i do get the feeling that like you said in the very beginning part of the problem with anything happening in the woods is that after everyone's seen the Blair Witch Project we like to kind of those imaginations like to run wild as soon as we get within three foot of a tree in the dark we just start seeing faces hearing things uh as you say noise is echoing around the woods and this is what psychologists call assigning agency this is where the human brain wants to

believe that every single thing that it hears and sees is because someone did it right that's not necessarily the case a branch fell from a tree and we want to think that a druid is about to cast a spell on us. It could be an owl. Just an owl. Could be anything. Which is why I believe these druids are real. I believe these men in cloaks and torches are real. I don't know what their deal is.

I don't know why they are frightening people out of these woods. But with the evidence we've seen today today i do not believe that they are paranormal themselves paranormal i think that's fair enough um yeah i think what they're doing is weird i guess you know you have to look um at all these kind of examples under that same lens you know people who possibly were like saintness worship the devil people who practice witchcraft is it truly paranormal or is it just an interest in um you know these these kind of like pagan rituals uh i think in this case i think you're right i think they absolutely do exist as well but yeah for me to um to side a little more with the fact that there truly is something paranormal going on in there i would have needed something a little extra i would need to see them construct a kamehameha ball of fire that they blast into a

tree and leave a blazing hole yeah because even the weirdest stuff flaming branches i can do that yeah you can do that druid might have a zippo that's very true um so i think um you know it's a bit of a coin toss at the end there but i think it's going to be a double no uh the druids of ballyboley forest possibly do exist but we do not believe that currently they are paranormal to our druid audience listening out there please do not uh curse us this is not a challenge i do not want you to prove us wrong i just want a five-star review on itunes sure um please do not sacrifice anything please do not sacrifice me i hope you enjoyed the episode and um we'll do uh we'll we'll throw your bone later on we'll do another druid episode and we'll just be like, we'll say double yes in like the first five minutes.

We'll do a PR puff piece if you give us the iTunes reviews. Thank you so much for tuning in this week and thank you for that listener submission. Again, if you want to submit your own suggestion or maybe you have your own paranormal story you want us to look into, that email address is

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You're talking 4K IMA surround sound not that good not that currently we're working with some iphones uh right but sure but like dolby author we got a dolby license we're coming to netflix i believe in talks with the big cats and netflix uh we sent an email they haven't got back to us yet so that is technically in talks because we have initiated the talk but um i also gotta bounce back from that so i don't think uh they necessarily got it that's that's interesting but the postmaster himself told me that uh you know that i had sent it to the wrong address but next time for sure i'll get it right absolutely so make sure that you subscribe on youtube and check us out on twitter at this para life there are links in the description of this podcast you're listening

to right now if you just unlock your phone scroll up or down or whatever i don't know what the hell you're doing on that thing and look and the links are right there look my mom doesn't let me have a phone i've heard that there's links in the description i heard that's a cool thing to say let's do it and you can listen to uh all the best clips from this week's episode cut out for your convenience. You also get to see our pretty faces. That's always a plus. So definitely check that out. And as you know, we don't run any ads on this podcast.

You might listen to other podcasts. And, you know, the first two minutes are talking about square space. They're talking about some me undies. I talking about square space they're talking about some me undies they're talking i don't know what they're talking about you know we talk about the paranormal from the very get-go that's what we talk about we don't run ads on this show and we can do that we have the luxury of being able to do that because of the support from our community on patreon.com that's right that's where you go folks if you want to support the show but also get a little bit back for your money for around just five bucks a month you can get access

to a whole backlog of bonus episodes that we've been recording pretty much from when this podcast launched it's a lot of very uh interesting exclusive top secret paranormal information that you're definitely going to want to get your ears on so definitely check it out and as always if you have supported us on patreon we'd like to give you a very special shout out so thank you to craig griffiths craig is actually a bit of a druid himself um just hunting in the world for any mist or steam he can find trying to make it to the other world he'll just run a bath for like two hours really get the thing steamy and then uh jump into the the mist thinking he's going to be transported into a mythical world he pretty much usually just hits the shower curtain and knocks himself out immediately one time he told me all

about his journey to the other world i was like bro you passed out in the bath again it was a dream give me a freaking break thank you also to margaret bashar margaret did you bash your arm when you slipped and fell in your steamy bathroom trying to get to the other world so many emails claiming to be in the other world you're not in the other world yet the other world is full of rubber ducks and and and soapy hot water yeah and overflowing taps i don't think so that doesn't sound dreamy to me thank you to joanne joanne is our number one fan she doesn't like the podcast but on the hot summer days in the paranormal commune, she's the one that has the big leaf and just keeps us cool in the hot sun. She's like our number one fan.

She would rather be anywhere else in the world. Doesn't give a shit about the podcast. She hates us. We work her too hard. Yeah. But she is our number one fan. She's got the technique down, keeps us cool 24-7. We honestly, we actually had a big staff of other fan waivers and we were like,

you guys can go. Get out of here. Thank you to Jamie. Jamie's been all around the world and he just can't help think that everything looks a little samey. So he wants to go to the other world. That's right. Get that hot, steamy bath running. Oh yeah. He's in the

sauna. He's in the hot spring. He's in the blue lagoon in Iceland sometimes He doesn't even wait to get the mist going in the bathroom. He'll just knock himself out I was gonna say he slips on a little puddle of water. Thank you to Nicholas vineblatt Nicholas has wine blood. It's enough to get a vampire drunk All right, which is exactly what you don't want to happen because they're already pretty horny as is so if you get one of those bastards in your room and the vino is flowing you can't even do anything because you're feeling woozy because you lost all your wine blood

it's a bad situation to be in jesus yeah yeah imagine you wake up as a vampire you're already annoyed that you're not a vampire but worse than that there's another vampire that was too ass drunk to make it outside your apartment so he's vomited on your carpets like bro cut me some slack here. Thank you to Horst. Horst is the worst. When we had all of those fans on retainer, he didn't even know how to hold the leaf. Yeah. He was like, does this cool you down, master? And he was like hitting us on the side of the head with the leaf.

And we were like, you are the worst. You don't get the concept of fanning. I'm hotter, if anything, because I've had to deal with this. I'm starting to think that might have been some reverse psychology shit because we let him go. Let him go. Joanne, stop listening. Cover your ears.

Thank you to Ursula Burger. Come on down to Ursula's Burgers where Ursula serves up the finest cuts of meat. What can I get for you, sir? Cheeseburger. No problem. Coming right up. I wasn't expecting that.

Jimmy, could you fire up a cheeseburger? This is actually going... Jimmy? No problem. Cassandra, where'd Jimmy go? Can you put it... Can you put some... Can you hop on the grill?

Cassandra? This is a lot for just a burger. Jesus Christ. Rachel! Rachel! How many people work here? Rachel! F*** me.

It's not that- Oh, shit. What? They've all been taken to work in the fans. That makes sense. Lost my entire staff. I forgot. Jesus.

Fine. There has been a bit of a heat wave in the paranormal commune. And I would jump on the grill if I could, but honestly, I have a fan shift in five minutes, so I'm sorry, bro. You're fanning as well? Oh, yeah. You better get out of here if you don't want to be drafted. Bro, I have like five minutes on my lunch break,

and I gotta head back to fanning. It's like there's no one even there half the time. You're just fanning empty seats. Thank you to Richard. Richard comes from a rich herd. That's kind of like slang for having a posh family. Nice. You know, you come from a rich herd.

You've been around this place, you big spoiled cow. That was a little mean. I didn't mean as in like, you know, you're a rich herd of cows. Spoiled cows, you know. He is also a cow. Oh. So he's from a rich herd, You know he is also a cow oh So he's from a rich early. He's also little what is he rich with milk for a star guys and all money Can't milk you dumbass

Obviously right should have guess he's got four titties wait how many how many he's got for too many others do Your cows have four Four, right? Or is it eight? I think you're thinking of stomachs or something. Don't they have four stomachs? Jesus. This is me in science class. Did you know a cow has four tits?

It's like, no, absolutely not. Stop trying to teach the other kids, Rory. You're standing at the front of the class. The biology teacher's been tied to a chair at the back of the room. Did you know snakes are immortal? They're not. Welcome to class. Everyone eat your Bunsen burners. So put the Bunsen burner in your mouth and turn on the gas.

Step two, welcome to the other world. This is the closest we could get to mist. All the other kids are trying to get out the windows. I've locked them all. You're just seeing rubber ducks from... Ahoy me hearties! Rub-a-dub-dub! Thank you to Ben Johnson.

Ben Johnson has a long son real 12 feet tall holy moly that's a long son he's got it's got to be in the nba borderline paranormal i don't know how his son hasn't ended up on one of our episodes yet i'm scared of him frankly i guess that's why. Nothing should be that tall. He also has eight udders. So, hold on. Is there any chance the man's son is a cow? Yeah, he is.

He is. He's 12 foot tall. Is this a cow stretched out? I may have exaggerated. He's for a cow. Okay. Like his height. Just regular cow size. He's, for a cow, he's a little big. So that's pretty weird.

Sure. He is cow shaped and cow colored. Okay. And I might have exaggerated the size. He is a cow size. So I'm guessing that if Ben's son is indeed a cow of normal size. But Ben is also a cow. He's a cow. He's from a rich herd. I don't need to get into this again.

Thank you to Reina Hernandez. Are you trying to Reina my parade? If you could, that would really help. As I said, there is a heat wave in the paranormal commune currently, which may or may not have something to do with the nuclear reactor, which has been overheating itself. Rain, we would welcome. We would welcome it.

We had been referring to it as a microclimate. The fact that 100 meter vicinity of the nuclear reactor at the commune, it was, sure sure 45 degrees celsius yeah outside of that sure november winter conditions four degrees and freezing oh yeah and in this micro climate you might go die mate might go die you're gonna die if you go in it is what i'm basically trying to say so steer clear that took me so off guard this microclimate you might go die it's not even good it just sounds the same thank you to matt o'neill matt o'neill has a cat to feel this is one cute cuddly son of a bitch oh Aw, that's adorable. However, it is a little oversized and, you know,

has a couple more udders than you might expect a cat to have. Is it a cow? Just say if it's a cow. We don't need to do this whole thing. Well, one time it almost meowed. It sounded like a meow, but it was a moo. All right, that's probably a cow. Is that what cows do?

That would explain a lot. Thank you to Lizzy B. Lizzy B was a busy bee. That is until she dropped everything to become a full-time fan attendant. Good choice. Good life choice. I heard they give good pensions. Yeah, they do because you don't

make it the pension age. It's a very back-breaking job. But it's pretty cool if you catch my drift. For the person on the other side of the fan. Who catches your drift? Hey. Lizzy, don't go back to your old life.

Don't go back to your old job. We need you here. Come back. Fan me with your bee wings. Thank you to Mark Elliot. Mark Elliot, do you have two other friends that would be interested in joining me on a little woodland adventure? robes are required branches encouraged fire a necessity just sounds like you better bring the branch

then if you need the fire it's best you bring the branch that will really help with the the procedure um you know just follow the sounds of the animal screams and uh and i'll be there just give me a shout thank you to wayne chargoloff wayne is feeling the pain after slipping and cracking the side of his head open off of his sink when the slippery misty floor of his bedroom became too much to support him um of course he believed he was in the other world um he thought the other world involved uh er anesthetic and stitches and a mighty medical bill he of course was just in the hospital um but we're glad that he's made he's made a full recovery and um just someone keep an eye on someone keep an eye on thank you to serek burns serek says it burns it burns because you entered the perimeter we told you Someone keep an eye on them. Someone keep an eye on them. Thank you to Cyric Burns. Cyric says,

It burns! It burns! Because you entered the perimeter. We told you not to. You got too close to the nuclear reactor, the microclimate, and look what happened, buddy. Alright? We did warn you. You can't say we didn't warn you.

Legally, you can't say that. It's evictable. Is that a word? Evictable? It is now now welcome to the commune thank you to lucas edwards lucas went edwards onto the cold hard flooring of his bathroom when he slipped in the shower trying to make it to the other world he said oh my my Edwards my Eddards Yours was better than mine shit. That's what he was saying after conking his noggin

Thank you lastly, but not leastly to Alice H. Alice H. How would you like to be Alice F for fan? because we not us personally, but um the communal Not us personally, but the communal egg nest has obviously also been suffering from the increased temperature. These bad boys are frying in their shells. We need to keep that temperature down or else we're going to have to have, frankly, a feast. And we didn't tell anyone, but a lot of these eggs are crocodile eggs. anyone but a lot of these eggs are crocodile eggs and if you don't know the temperature that the eggs are in determines their gender sex so we are we are there's a lot of angry male crocodiles coming our way yeah in about 8 to 14 hours time so we need to keep that temperature on and we need snacks nearby yeah human-sized snacks

it is hard enough to raise a a teenage boy raising a teenage croc going through puberty is a very very is a very difficult thing uh i'm not able to have the birds and the bees chat with a crocodile who is confused, scared, and horny. It's a dangerous combination. So we just need to keep them cool, keep them relaxed, and keep them well-fed, I think is the magic triangle. So thank you so much to everyone who has supported us on Patreon. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. And as always, we will see you back next week with a brand new paranormal tale bye