This Paranormal Life - #177 Learning How to Shapeshift Into a Monkey

Episode Date: September 1, 2020

Humans have been fascinated by animal shapeshifting for thousands of years, but did you know there is a small and secretive online community who are training to shapeshift right now? Kit and Rory attempt to shapeshift into a monkey live on the podcast.Story comes courtesy of Ryan Broderick's Garbage Day newsletter.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is it possible for me to learn how to shapeshift into a rat? We've heard of the dark side of the moon, but what's hiding on the other side? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Yo! Hey! Welcome to This Paranormal Life. We're the comedy podcast where every week we investigate a different paranormal tale case claim and get to the bottom of whether it's truly paranormal or not as always you're joined by myself mr kit

greer mulvena this guy across from mr rory pars how you doing today rory i'm doing great just the thought of shape-shifting into a rat just fills me with desire right i can i mean great choice great choice hard to catch resourceful um can fit through any space the size of a 50p coin or rat shaped hole it's per it's the perfect animal it really is you know as a human uh you're not given a lot of like breaks as regards dumpster diving for food people frown on upon i don't know why it's it's free cycling guys yeah the juice for you so uh as a rat you were allowed to um rummage to your heart's content in any bin or dumpster when i stayed up till 4 a.m eating a series of bags of mini baby bells my girlfriend

left me right within 48 hours was the last straw everything was gone from the apartment if i had have been a rat granted i probably would have had a rat girlfriend and she would have joined me in my cheese feast it's true it's just you get a heartbreak as a human you do well it's good to know rory that we are talking about the important topics in life because today we are specifically talking about shape-shifting. Very specifically from humans into animals. Animal style. Alright, okay, interesting. So when I started researching this area of the paranormal, I discovered very quickly that it's f***ing massive.

Shape-shifting is so ancient, so deeply embedded into human history, and so varied, that it is impossible for us to talk about it all here today in one place. But more importantly, in my research about humans shapeshifting into animals, I stumbled across something massive. I discovered a small and dark corner of YouTube where people share videos and techniques for becoming a shapeshifter. What? I'm gonna show you it right now Rory so there's- There's a f***ing wiki how on how to become an ostrich?

There is more than that. There are- there's a- there's different YouTube videos for each animal you might want to shapeshift into and in the description of the videos there are actual lines that you have to read along with tips on how to shapeshift into. And in the description of the videos, there are actual lines that you have to read along with tips on how to shapeshift. What? So just for example, I'm going to show you the video for how to shapeshift into a monkey.

This is, we are going from zero to a hundred here, folks. Usually on this show, we go back in time a hundred years and tell a story of a man who eventually became a dog. You're going straight into a YouTube tutorial teaching me how to become an animal. I'm just saying, a bit like the Hulk, you might want to hold on to your shorts because I don't know what's about to happen. Okay. His famous catchphrase. Hold on to your shorts. That's my secret. I'm. Hold on to your shorts!

That's my secret. I'm always holding on to my shorts. So, I will say, the video itself seems to just be a slideshow of pictures of cute monkeys. We'll hold off on watching it for just a second. In the description of this video it actually breaks down the effects of watching this video. It says what you'll get, what you'll get by watching this video. Shapeshift into a normal, giant, or anthropomorphic monkey. Full controls over shifts, hybridized forms. Get monkey tail in human form. Enhance senses, strength, speed, agility, intelligence, and sense of direction hybridized forms get monkey tail in human form enhance senses strength speed agility intelligence

and sense of direction and health intelligence as well that's kind of unusual yeah because a lot of these things are also just things that happen when you turn into a monkey yeah it's like heightened ability to climb lust for bananas you know You don't need to list those additionally. They come with the package of becoming a monkey. It almost seems like one up from just being a regular monkey. It's like you're the best monkey that's ever lived. Intelligence as well. Make eyes glow in the dark at will.

Okay. Heal wounds at will. Brackets, do not test this. Okay. I will say this escalates quickly. Dragon, centaur, and griffin energy. Chakra and third eye opening. And lastly, three hours of sleep is like a full night's rest.

Okay. You become a god, basically, in monkey form. Does my third eye glow in the dark? Or just my two regular ones? It does, but in the other world. Oh, okay. So right away, this is pretty great. Anyone would want all of these skills. So Rory, are you ready to take a dive to try these affirmations with me and see if we can shape shift into monkeys live on the pod?

Absolutely. Yeah. You hit play on the pod. Absolutely, yeah. You hit play on the video and it just starts auto-playing an advert and I'm like, I feel it happening! You're like, this is an ad for Squarespace. You haven't even seen a monkey yet. Oh, my tail! Cut a hole in my ass! My tail's gonna come!

I didn't even have any bananas. where'd you get those things from? my eyes They glow I think you're being an asshole until you're a third eye rips open in your forehead. Oh Monkeys don't even have those So we're to get us started. I'm gonna play the video the background here so you get a flavor for it and then we're gonna read the affirmations okay so the video is just kind of starting off with like slow pans into monkeys faces kind of like as if a monkey died and we're watching uh an immemorial yeah this is a memorial service for the monkey. So not all cute monkeys.

There's actually some, it's just kind of pretty generic pictures of different types of monkeys. It's been a long day without you, my friend. And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again. Yo, I was a monkey and then i died but every time i look back on my monkey life i cry i like this one yeah monkey with his tongue it's adorable okay but we need the vibe i get the vibe it's a lot of time is right we need to i'm going to keep that on the background, but we're going to read the affirmations. Okay. I can shapeshift into a monkey.

I can easily shapeshift into a monkey. I can instantly shapeshift into a monkey. I can change my DNA in an instant. I keep my human color vision in my monkey form. My body masks my monkey DNA. i appear completely human when in my human form i that's bare minimum that's not a power i love that they're like essentially what we're dealing with is a uh monkey monkey paw wish yeah and they're trying to cover all bases make sure that yeah nothing's going to go wrong.

Psychic attacks are near impossible to execute upon me. I have perfect balance on any surface. I lose any fear of heights. I lose all fear of darkness. I tap into dragon energy to make me a powerful shifter. When I am fully grown, my aging slows down. My monkey form ages as I do. My fur color in my monkey form is rich and deep.

My monkey form looks exactly like I want it to. How many times did the transformation go wrong that they had to add this? My monkey form is beautiful. I land softly from falls of any height. I get stronger every full moon. Three hours of sleep is like a full night's rest for me. That's just bragging. That's not a wish or an affirmation.

I've got a pretty huge monkey dong. My monkey form can safely withstand any temperature. That's a lie. That's impossible. Any temperature? The surface of f***ing Mars. The sun. I can make my eyes glow in the dark at will. I can make wounds seal up in seconds. I am immune to all forms of mind control. I have a natural connection to primates. I use my telepathy with

any primate. I love primates. Primates love me. I can summon the tail of my monkey form while in my human form. I can easily and safely make sounds like a monkey in my human form. I can summon my fangs at will. My retractable fangs are the perfect size for my mouth. I am a master of fighting with my claws. I am a master of fighting in my monkey form. I know when to talk and when to fight. I can shapeshift into a giant monkey at will.

My giant monkey form is as large as I want it to be. Any clothes I am wearing vanish when I shapeshift into a full monkey. I safely take in and absorb all subliminals. All results gained from this subliminal are permanent. subliminals all results gained from this subliminal are permanent i think the weirdest one is him having to state that my retractable fangs are the perfect size for my monkey mouth so you don't need any monkey orthodontics you don't need monkey braces day one he's you're rocking 10 out of 10 monkey teeth yeah they're not too big not too too small. They can crack open a coconut, but also wicked monkey smile. Yeah.

Yeah, you got to have that. Listen, if you want to be a human monkey in Hollywood, you're going to need the perfect row of teeth. I wonder what's the desired feature for a monkey. You know, humans, we like a reasonably healthy looking physique. Symmetrical faces is a big thing as well that's right yeah what is it for a monkey a yeah thick monkey ass well i like a curly tail is it like damn that curl that tail is a curly little thing i was gonna say i think the big shiny red ass is up there but that's only certainly that's only bonobos and bonobos okay nobos i think have like a blue ass or something oh yeah that sounds familiar

they're like pokemon they come in all forms um yeah what else would be good a big chest like a gorilla big monkey chest i think in general in the animal kingdom and hell maybe for uh humans as well the bigger you are kind of the better like i've seen women say on twitter uh met this guy couldn't tell if he was hot or just tall yeah that's got to be a thing in the monkey world as well like the biggest monkey gets all the monkey babes if you're like a six foot monkey with a nice nice cut on top uh big beefy monkey arms yeah and a short little curly tail you're yeah you're getting some monkey action i think they're pretty you're getting up to some monkey business for sure i think they're pretty shallow uh i don't know how much monkey personality plays a part like if you are a very sensitive

monkey yeah he's into poetry i don't know how far that goes plays a part. Like if you are a very sensitive monkey, it comes into poetry. I don't know how far that goes in the monkey kingdom. I'm pretty sure the other monkeys will beat the shit out of you. Not because of the poetry thing, but if you like show them any form of weakness, you're going to be hurt probably in the monkey world. And then in the same way in this world, like success and fame and wealth are important kind of sexual selecting factors.

I wonder does simply the number of bananas one monkey may accumulate. Does that play a role? That's a huge thing. Could you be like a tiny monkey with a little tiny monkey dick? But you've got like you have raking in those bananas. Happens to have found a borderline monkey paradise with like banana forests for miles. Yeah. Like the monkeys that are raking in like a six figure banana income are already like the big players for sure.

Yeah. Or you just got like the biggest monkey house. I may have already told this story on the podcast before. I think I've had my impression of monkeys changed dramatically from when I was a small child when I went to Belfast Zoo and went to the gorilla enclosure. Sure. Where we learned a little bit about the history of the creatures, how they are, you know, a distant relation to humans uh at one point in the evolutionary ladder and how they are one of if not the most intelligent creatures uh in the wild today then i watched as one of the largest gorillas pissed all over his own fruit and began to eat it in front of us yeah and i thought that can't taste good there's no way

that's a smart move at most it'll sanitize the fruit maybe if i'm throwing him a bone but at the least he's pissing years ahead of the covid shit honestly uh yeah so um that kind of like that soured my my uh and i gotta be honest, that's pretty much as like child friendly as monkey business gets. Because a lot of other people have stories of them shitting into their hands. Yeah. And then throwing it at people. Launching it into crowds. Which, to be fair, is hilarious.

And resourceful. That might have been a little monkey comedian. Yeah. And they were playing for laughs and they got them. It's good stuff. I'll be honest with you. So Rory, after saying all those pretty radical monkey affirmations and after watching a little bit of the video with, as we discussed, some pretty moving slideshow images of monkeys, soundtrack by Wiz Khalifa, how do you feel? You know, I was expecting me hopefully a little bit more.

Okay. I'm in a pretty relaxed place right now. Nice sofa. I've got a beer here. Yeah. It's a Saturday. So we're doing like a lazy podcast. So I don't feel, I don't necessarily feel possessed by any monkey energy.

You don't feel any like monkey urges or anything? I don't, I definitely don't feel like I could withstand any temperature right because i'm a little hot yeah for a start side note i want to sidetrack us okay can monkeys cry let's find out why beat around the bush bring bubbles in bring them in bring them in bubbles no more bananas for you child you're like all right what could we say that could really upset bubbles to the point where he and i just go yeah just punch him in the side of the head so i'm gonna google crying monkey the pros are he doesn't seem to be able to cry the main con is i think i killed him so that's gonna be a problem so there's a lot of results here for videos that i don't trust uh but there is one from the bbc so the the title of this

video is langur monkeys grieve over fake monkey that seems cruel in rajasthan the temple langurs have taken spy monkey into the heart of the family. But some are keen to take Spy Monkey to a higher level and are getting a little too familiar. One seems to want to babysit her. But disaster strikes. They dropped the monkey from a tree. They absolutely dropped the fake monkey. This is so hard to describe what is going on in this video.

And this langur seems to believe she's died. Then, something extraordinary happens. Checks for heartbeat. She's gone. The monkeys gather around the motionless spy creature as if it is a real baby. Ladies and gentlemen, there was a monkey doll that was being used to hide a camera

to film the monkeys. One of the monkeys picked it up and threw it from a tree. Now they all think it's dead and they're mourning it like it's flying. They're having a little monkey funeral, actually. They're hugging each other.

It's a sad sight. The little dead fake monkey. Wow, they are like touching each other, like consoling each other. It's like a little community. Yeah. Oh, I love monkeys. I f***ing love monkeys love monkeys man look at his little

haircut as well as empathy for one another god damn it's a stylish looking little monkey quite accidentally our spy creature is at the center of something this is so sad they're like consoling each other burying their faces in their little monkey bodies so uh no they can't cry but they do mourn why did you ask that i don't know i don't know anymore so needless to say rory the monkey transformation didn't work right away but to be fair in the description on the video they warn you listen three times a day results can take two weeks to six months and more for full transformation remember to drink lots of water so whilst we don't have six months to work on this i was curious were other people on youtube successful

at completing this transformation so in the comment section of the wolf transformation video, for people who want to transform into a wolf instead of a monkey, like I said, tons of other animals, but the wolf one's pretty popular. Yeah, I'd go pick wolf over monkey, I think. Yeah. This is what one user's comment said. So I've listened for around a month now,

and these are the results. My canines have sharpened. I feel the need to howl when my friends move away. I really wanted a dog to shut up and it did. I can smell my dad cooking when he's only just started. I constantly curl up into a ball to sleep. I feel more in charge around people and I take the lead more often. My hearing has improved to the point where I can understand my teachers.

You should have been able to understand your teachers. That's a different problem. That's a whole different problem. My friends have noticed that I've become a lot closer to them and I am less antisocial. My eyes shift to a more amber color when I run or am angry. I started growling when my sister tried to fight me. I love running outside. I only get cold when it's around one or two degrees.

Reply to this comment with anything that has happened to you, and I'll keep you updated. So pretty mild stuff right off the bat. Yeah, all good. Pretty good stuff. I don't have anything against this. You know, this guy seems to be doing a wolf transformation. Whether it's working or not, it seems like he's less antisocial.

He's more confident with himself. He's exercising. He's running outside. He can hear his teachers. That's pretty good. I don't know why his sister wants to beat him up so bad, but he's growling at her, you know, getting around the room. Don't bite your sister. This sounds, these are all good things.

Yeah. No side effects, really. One commenter replied, do you get hungry easily? Because I do. Another said, I have a weird question, and I don't really know even why I thought of this. But if you get pregnant in wolf form, do you become pregnant in human form? Don't, don't f*** a wolf.

Which sounds very much like she's already pregnant. It sounds like. In wolf form. And she's worried about the human consequences. Or it sounds like she's only wanting to become a wolf so she can have a wolf baby, which is not a good reason to. Or just to bang a wolf yeah don't do

any of that christ i never even thought of that you don't want to be like showing up to like day one of transformation classes and they're like uh so over the next kind of four months we're going to be starting off with some imagery excuse me when do we get to bang the wolves i'm sorry what sorry did i did i stutter when do we get to bang the wolves so this is a this is a class where um through the period of up to right six months we will gradually be able to transform your your spirit sure and take some of that sweet sweet wolf dick am i right absolutely not absolutely yeah give me a high five hey hey no one's high-fiving you you're you're sitting very far away from the rest of the class seems like this is i think they're on board the transformation that we talk about in this class is more of a it's more of a spiritual more of a emotional kind of sexual no no no no no no it seems it seems like you

are preoccupied more with uh having sexual relations with a wolf than because then who is him then embodying can you blame me can you blame me who is this really yes yes i can i i've been in this business a long time i've been studying this uh as a doctor for eight years uh as a wolf for four and both have given me a lot of expertise and um don't have sex with the let me let me ask you this let me ask you this okay you've been a doctor for eight years with wolf for four years that's right which one gives you the better gives you a better dick huh what are you doing tonight what's wolf you doing tonight huh because i honestly figure i could i could actually cut out all this class stuff which seems like it would benefit you if uh you know me and you could just link up when you're in your wolf form absolutely not absolutely not i don't have any wolf friends who might be interested

i can't believe i'm saying this but yes i have susan recently a wolf all right divorced hey you want to you want to send them my uh she probably isn't a phone does she so uh do you want to like teach me her wolf call or some shit look i'll just call her let me just call it it's gonna be easier hold on hey this is i swear man this class is going better than expected This is worth the $300 Susan Yeah, it's Terry Let me speak to him Let me speak to him

Absolutely not Let me speak to him Hey, sweet cheeks Hey, sweet, sorry, sorry Hey, sweet fur Hey, you little furry little vixen Little sweet little furry Hey, what?

What's the matter? You're a bad person let alone a bad wolf you told me you would hook me up with your little sweet wolf friend that's not how you talk to someone that's not how you talk to a

right it's how you talk to a wolf it's absolutely not like being you know like being pushed around there's a there's a code in the wolf pack right and you speak to each other

well you're the freaking teacher you're not gonna tell code in the wolf pack right and you speak to each other well you're the freaking teacher you're not gonna tell me what the wolf pack code is no i've had that just about enough i've had just fun enough what's the matter here get out of the class you're gonna kick me out of class the class that i paid for one two three strikes wolf or human a wolf 101 you're gonna kick me out of wolf 101 this isn't about sexual relations with a wolf jesus it's about becoming a wolf in mind body and spirit i'm done with this goddamn place suck it you're wolf ass virgins you're never gonna get in there sweet sweet fur thank you take a hike hey don't let see you later don't let the door catch your tail on the way out buddy get out of

here sorry about that class um there's one every semester there's one every semester all right if you open your textbooks up to page 34 we're going to be studying today on how to f**k a wolf another commenter replied to this post saying i have the constant need to be free and run i felt some aggression towards my cat and a little bit closer to my dog. I'm starting to hate being alone and I'm an introvert, so this is very new for me. I feel I need a pack around me at all times. Nice, nice wolf pack. But one user, Wolfwork Productions, went into way more detail about their wolf transformation. All right, I'll read this diary entry then.

Day one, splitting headache while listening. Day one, I mean, that doesn't seem like it has anything to do with the actual video. Splitting headache while listening to the video for the first time. Stop there. Stop there. If day one is splitting headache. If it's giving you a headache, why continue? That seems strange. Anyway. Day three, shoulder pain, shoulder pain back pain neck pain and headache day four eye pain tooth pain lung pain lung pain for sure stop listening he says i have asthma so it could be that oh

but also headache but not as bad okay slightly. Slightly better. You know, swings and roundabouts. Day six, side pain. That's not a real, that's not a medical condition. Side pain? What side of you, sir? If your appendix hasn't exploded, I don't know what that is. But also like side pain, what hurts? This eye, this nose? That foot?

I think I get it. This side of the body? Is that what you're saying? There's nothing that would directly affect one entire sight. It's so bizarre. I did sleep on a bed of nails last night on one side. Like a wolf! Day6 urged to go outside in the rain, wantinging to howl. Obsessed with meat. Able to hear and feel heartbeat. Warmer. Random bursts of energy. And slight headache.

Starting to sound a lot more wolf-like, though. The obsession with meat and stuff. Just wait to hear this one, buddy. Day seven. Urge to bite things. Oh. Meat cravings. And able to feel and hear heartbeat.

Interesting. Day twelve. Awake with only two to feel and hear heartbeat. Interesting. Day 12. Awake with only two to three hours of sleep. Urge to run. Slightly improved vision. I'm not wearing my glasses. Able to hear heartbeat. That's some Peter Parker Spider-Man shit right there. That's how you know you're in superhero territory.

You wake up. Your clothes don't fit because you're jacked now. You put on your glasses they make things worse i didn't notice but i actually actually have smoking all bald for the first time those movies are very misleading i've been waiting for that day now for many many years i almost refuse to do any form of physical exercise because you're waiting for that the transformation wouldn't be such a great transformation if you were already jacked. And you wake up a little more jacked. I want to go from borderline obese. Right.

Gangly, unsocial, sociable teenager. Useless person. Having showered in weeks. Look like a little goblin boy. And I want to wake up looking like. Chris Hemsworth. Jamie Foxx. Yeah. uh look like a little goblin and i want to wake up looking like chris hemsworth jamie fox yeah i want to pretty much go from a 2 to a 11 wow so breaking the scales breaking the scales exactly but again i'm just i'm waiting i'm waiting and i've been bitten by a lot of shit sometimes i

just cover myself in honey and run around the zoo and just see what'll bite me i don't even care if it's radioactive because either i'm gonna get powers or i'm gonna die and i'm begging for either of them at this point i did i did actually see you in in town the other day i i heard a commotion yeah an ant bit my nipple in soho and i um asked a taxi driver on the street and he said um this two just stripped down to his boxers covered himself in honey and ran uh kind of like rugby tackle style into a reptile and insect shop yeah and just we heard smashing and gnashing and they they just destroyed the place and after first bite i assumed i was getting the powers i squealed out i can feel it i can feel it happening but that was that was probably the poison right it was the blood leaving my body at such a pace that i was very lightheaded yeah sometimes i'll just

open up a manhole cover and nose dive into the darkness hoping to get some of that sweet sweet uh teenage mutant ninja turtle juice that or i'll die either one again is better than i welcome it than being a two yeah a flabby two yeah um so i'm waiting if you if y'all have any tips i mean this stuff is maybe a way to do it if i could work out work if i could wake up with a smoking hot wolf bod that's an improvement i'll take that wouldn't have to work anymore that's what i'm talking about yeah day 13 able to hear a lot better terrible back pain i hear a random crackling noise it's 40 degrees fahrenheit and i'm cold able to hear heartbeat day 14 slight headache warmer intense back and neck pain feet tingling leg numb yesterday i almost got hit by a car i think you're dying

i think you did get hit by the car uh but i felt something wrong and jumped out of the way spider what yeah this is peter parker wrote this day 17 drinking more water eating quicker back pain i think i have a back problem day 19 uncle ben sadly passed away today not sure what to do with life anyway gonna go to this newspaper and try and get a job staying at aunt may's tonight back sore uh more energetic urge to bite things better sense of smell slightly better hearing day 19 i wanted to eat a bird yeah also better hearing better identifying smells more anger problems which you haven't mentioned before. Now there's more of them. There's more of them.

Upper arm pain. Less back pain, which is nice. But stomach pain for sure now. Probably on account of eating the bird, of course. Able to exercise longer. More confidence. Have me on board, sir. Able to walk like a human now. What?

Did I mention I'm a wolf? Did I mention I'm a wolf that's trying to become human? I feel closer to my dog and I can sense when he's near me. Faster, able to eat more and not be hungry for a while. Day 22. Calmer. Able to walk on all fours sharper teeth urge to go run outside even though i can't urge to howl meat cravings a bit taller day 27 a lot hungrier at dinner phantom wolf teeth great band name, even though temperature is in the negatives. Closer to my dog. Feel the need to be closer to my mom and my dog. So, Rory, what are your immediate impressions of this world?

Or of the process of trying to shapeshift using the power only of your mind? It's interesting. I mean, in this particular case where someone basically blogged the entire process i'm not sure i necessarily see the benefits feels like there's a lot of pain back pain eye pain throat pain side pain that comes with this transformation and what this person is getting out of it is a deeper emotional connection with his dog and desire to eat a bird. Which, let's be honest,

dogs already start off with a 100% emotional connection to you. I don't need to have a better relationship with my dog. Yeah. They f***ing love you 100% already. You're maxed out. You don't, like, you might as well, it's like, cool, I've got that relationship going. I'll try and get a girlfriend. And, and you know maybe a better relationship with my cousins

yeah uh yeah i don't really know why you'd need that relationship with your job with your dog whereas some of the earlier stories we heard that was a lot more beneficial we heard about people being more confident with themselves exercising exercising more. I guess this person did have borderline spidey senses to help them get out of the way of cars. Yeah, I mean, they arguably would have died had they not been watching these videos. But unless you're going to take that wolf energy and become like a night vigilante,

there's not a lot of situations which would require you to move out of the way of something very quickly yeah my day-to-day life does not have me um having near-death experiences that often yeah unless it's like the battery in my my laptop catching fire and burning down my house that's yeah because i'm surfing social media too much it ain't happening sure or maybe one day i i pushed the limits of a of an expiry date too far i put uh four hot pockets in the microwave instead of the recommended two and my uh microwave explodes that's a possibility so this particular brand of shapeshifter call themselves Therians.

And the more I looked into this, the less clear it all became. I thought all Therians were literally trying to change into monkeys. But I learned that many of these people just believe that they have a kind of spiritual connection to their animal of choice. Right.

Or that they believe they have the soul of a monkey or a wolf. So for them, it helps them to feel fulfilled, to behave like a monkey or a wolf. And while that sounds crazy to non-Therians like me, people have actually been doing this for millennia. In the Americas, for example, before colonization, shamans were able to embody certain animals during ceremonies and rites. They would maybe wear certain animal skins or dresses and they would try and embody the spirit of that animal for some purpose to their society or community. Very cool. Maybe the most famous example of this is the term berserk do you know what it means no so i do go it no idea what it is but i've been told that i have been berserk mostly by my mom

the word comes from the viking berserkers they were a mysterious class of warrior in Viking Scandinavia. They were the most fearsome and terrifying fighters. Basically, if you wanted to f*** up the opposition, you sent in, you know, your archers, your swordsmen, maybe some ships, and then the berserkers would, like, clean up everything. Right, right. They would go into an animalistic frenzy and just mess up everything and everyone in their path. Fascinatingly, they didn't even wear armor.

They didn't need it. The legend goes that they were invincible against swords and spears. Jesus. And this is where the term comes from. To go berserk means to go insane, to go psycho. And in the beginning, they thought berserk translated to bear shirt, as in bear chested. Right. They thought they didn't wear any clothes or any armor.

But eventually, they worked out it's not B-A-R-E. It was B-E-A-R. Bear shirt. Like the animal. These berserkers wore bear skins instead of armor. These warriors were part of a bear cult. They wore bear skins, bear hats, and before battle would transform into their bear form

to become formidable warriors. That's badass. That's what that is. So this sounds mad, but for tens of thousands of years, a bear cult dominated huge parts of Europe, way before Christianity, way before pagans. There was a bear cult. People worshipped bears. I wonder what the process was of

activating going berserk yeah like was it a process that basically you had to time perfectly so that when like the boat docked you were like i'm ready i don't like to know how to operate a ship anymore i need to know how to mess people up yeah yeah because what happens if you're like on a ship of a hundred and there's like a little group of berserkers on there and you know you're running behind time the eta was way off but they're like they're getting hot and heavy in this bear coat like i'm gonna lose it dude you're like we gotta get to shore, man. These guys are freaking out. That would be terrifying. It doesn't bear thinking about. So from across Russia, what is now Finland, even some of the Celtic areas, they worshipped bears.

And this next piece of information blew my mind, and I hope it is about to blow yours. You might think a lot has changed in 10,000, 20,000 years. We're not like the Vikings. We don't have bear warriors that go berserk and go into battle. But soldiers to this day in the UK, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Italy, Kenya, the Netherlands, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sweden, Thailand, and the US and Uruguay wear bear skin hats to this day. What? Traditionally, soldiers from all of these countries went into battle wearing bear skin

hats to make them look taller and more formidable in battle. Wow. And it's hypothesized that this goes all the way back to the bear cults of Europe, where the warriors literally transformed into bears and went into battle. That's awesome. That's so hardcore.

Holy shit. That's insane. I wonder if everyone was automatically on board with the bear thing, or if there was like one dude who's like, yeah, let's go boys.'s go boys mongoose and he's like eating shit he's rolling about in garbage the little raccoon boy he's storming around the battlefield like davy crockett in a little raccoon hat just like i don't know running up behind people and stabbing them in the back of

the leg running away biting them with a clearly infected mouth of teeth yeah yeah or was it just all bears the right time because there's probably some other cool ones maybe they started off with other animals and the bears kind of took over on account of being bears yeah that's a that's a fair point yeah he jumps out and a berserker just rips him in half he's definitely a confederate don't yell it when you're running into battle trying to go undetected for some reason i could just picture him fighting for the confederates in the civil war it's like what do you think we're fighting for it's like none of this is about raccoons or their rights so that americans will stop farming cows and pigs and stop farming raccoons like our founding fathers wanted us to raccoon power it's the official warriors of the paranormal commune the raccoons as

as resourceful as they are crooked they will turn in a moment's notice as soon as it looks like they're losing the battle the raccoon army will turn the tides by turning sides like i say ladies and gentlemen of the jury we may laugh at these Therians for trying to transform into different animals using the power of their minds and YouTube. But are we truly any different when you look at our military history of all these countries? Hey, I'll shine a different light on this. What is so different about a kid watching YouTube videos of Michael Jordan shooting threes. Right. And he's watching those videos every day and he's like,

I'm going to be like Michael Jordan. I'm going to practice for an hour every day to be the best at basketball. At night, he's like, I'm watching Michael Jordan compilation videos. I'm binge watching Looney Tunes. I know it's not real, but a man can dream, can't he? That he can slam dunk from half court. There's no difference in that than tunes i know it's not real but a man can dream can't eat that he can slam dunk from half court there's no difference in that then you know this is you talking to your p5 pe teacher in a tune squad basketball jersey i can't dunk at all i'm way too short at this point but

if i visualize and watch enough youtube videos uh There's no difference from that to, you know, someone who wants to embody the characteristics and confidence of a wolf or a monkey. Because we look at these animals, you know, like the video of the monkeys we watched. And like they have, we kind of project nice human attributes onto them. Yeah. That we might want for ourselves. Exactly. nice human attributes onto them that we might want for ourselves. Exactly.

It's no difference than the influencers of today's world posting content and thousands of people gobbling it up and aspiring to be as wealthy or as good looking or as successful as these people. We need more wolf influencers, more monkey influencers. Get people back to the roots. That's true. You know, because it's pretty comparable with me uh surfing kim kardashian's instagram and trying to get a a dumpster truck fat ass yeah out of the deal well you've been doing the tea talks i believe now for three years of course i

have very bad for you by the way you should not have got butt implants and i've been squatting a thousand squats a day and i'm still flat as a f***ing pancake. It's bad. I mean, for start, stop drinking the tea. It's not a good idea. It's basically diarrhea juice. Don't drink that. I don't agree with you.

That might make a lot of sense. But what about the diet pills, my friend? They're not going to help my ass. No. Well, they'll help it with pooing probably, but not to get thicker. Yeah, I wouldn't. Okay. Well, so in your very aggressive magic world of make-believe, how would you try and get a fat ass?

Diet, nutrition, like proper exercising you mean actually when you say diet you mentioned diet just not just eating other things other than the pills and the and the tea that's all you've been eating right is the pills and the tea right they both make you poo you sound like my doctor man like you're supposed to be my friend here you know what i mean give me some advice i want to hear yeah you need to go see a doctor right be um prescribed a uh a healthier diet for sure okay because your borderline see-through right now we've already had fair we've already had four bathroom breaks since the podcast started but that's on account of all the tea so you know it's the tea. Sure. It makes me shit like a f***ing raccoon.

But I don't want the ass of a raccoon, my friend. I want the ass of a ten. But Roy, I love where you're coming from because this is what I'm saying. I thought this was all garbage. But now I realize that this is simply visualization this is simply um trying to achieve something using the power of the mind and using animals as your guide yeah whether or not i believe this can actually happen or whether or not i believe this is paranormal i'm fully on board with this you know if this is the way that you want to feel good about yourself and gain confidence and uh grow your self-esteem go wild go crazy as long as you're not hurting anyone

or damaging yourself i'm all for it i love it i think it's great become a wolf if you want that's awesome so today it's gonna be a double no double none of this shit is paranormal, guys. No. We thought this might be a case of genuine paranormal shapeshifting into animals. I find no evidence of this. I find simply people gaining, like you say, newfound confidence and abilities from watching YouTube videos. But sadly, no one changed their DNA into a wolf or monkey. It's true. There were no full body transformations which would have made this truly paranormal.

So tune in next week where I will be transforming possibly into a humpback whale if I can figure this shit out. We'll see how it goes. And I do have another order of fit tea coming in so I may be transforming into an influencer, a tan.

No, no, no no it would be a real turn up for the books i have to say so i hope you guys enjoyed this investigation into the world of shape-shifting there is i think a lot more stories where this came from uh that are not to do with youtube and um therians um so if you have any of your own shape-shifting stories please send them into this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com as always the links to every way you can contact us and communicate with us online

are in the description of this video simply swipe up on Spotify, Apple Podcasts however you're listening to this show and you should get links to Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Patreon oh yeah these are all great places to connect with us as well as the listeners of this podcast.

We mentioned it last week, but we have very recently launched a YouTube channel. We are filming This Paranormal Life for... We're really at the beginning of this journey into video. This is the first time in over three years that we've started putting up clips from This Paranormal Life onto YouTube. So we've had some lovely responses on there so far and we love that you guys can um see what's going on here in the studio and talk with each other in the comments

so please check it out in the description of this video i think it's youtube.com forward slash this paranormal life and um you know subscribe check it out wow you want to do that again with a little more energy bud a little more energy yeah it was just like you just kind of ended it with like i don't know do it or don't who cares whatever yeah well that's easy for you to say because you haven't been on diet pills for a year just you can't just take like a surfer bro attitude to everything you know sometimes it's like hey do it go to youtube all right watch the video yeah well that sounds like i order you to jesus man you're harshing my buzz here bro and and we'd appreciate a thumbs up or two for sure

so so do that as well that sounds a little douchey no it doesn't from this surfer bro's perspective trust me people appreciate some wolf-like confidence you sound like a wolf of wall street if i have to be so be it i'll be a wolf one of us needs to be on wall street selling the podcast one of us can be on the beach the other one can be on wall street all right i'll be the wolf of wall street as long as you're the bonobo of online video of course the true home of this paranormal life will always be patreon.com youtube.com forward slash patreon it's deleted uh we don't need person to us support say we have youtube revenue that sweet endless flow there isn't a lot so far they actually demonetized us because

we talk a lot about cults and what nuclear reactors and things like that and actually youtube doesn't really want to advertise on that kind of content how many of they demonetize how many was was taken down for every video every video we haven't made a video that youtube will tolerate so i i made a post or two on the Patreon last night when I was a couple of whiskeys deep that we might want to take down before this episode goes out. Really? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. I'm literally going to open it up right now and let's get rid of this thing. Yeah. You might want to just bear in mind before you read it. I was a little tipsy at the time. Oh my God. And I felt it's just a whole week. We were like patreon deleted us yeah

yeah what the did you post i posted a couple things this is our this is our livelihood man yeah well it's the whole week we were like we're gonna be big on youtube i'm gonna fight ksi i'm gonna fight uh jake paul and all the stuff and i thought it was like gonna take off dude so i just been on there for a week i'm pretty sure ksi was on there for a few years before i became ksi yeah yeah i'm sorry it's because it's been a bit of a slow kind of like uptick and things slow people people were telling them and they're not clicking through i'm not subscribed and they're not watching the video i emailed the hr at patreon headquarters and told which is weird because we don't even work there i told him to kiss my wolf ass right we don't need you anymore it was a bad move that hurts to hear i kind of it was a bit of a power play i mean it was a bit of a power play yours play kind of a thing that lord

powers would do yeah well it kind of worked out i don't think it did it didn't it didn't i was trying to be positive i can't pay rent actually no no neither can i i was actually you were paying my rent before this happened anyway so yeah that's already like spotting you for a few months i don't know where it goes bro because we split it 50 50 and so i don't really know where it goes all right well if the patreon's back up i guess by the time people listen to this that's a good thing head on over to patreon.com forward slash his paranormal life I'll send Richard an email right now being like hey I was drunk

I had a couple wolf what do wolves drink blood I don't know I had some piss blood last night and got a little woozy I apologize I think the first line of that email he's going to delete that after reading the first line i drank a little piss blood richard's a nice guy we'll be we'll be back up we'll be back up so you go to patreon.com it's all there folks it's fine that's right on patreon.com

from around five bucks a month you get access to a whole host of full-length bonus episodes that are not available to the public and are exclusive for our Patreon supporters. And for 20 bucks, you can get a Commune uniform that you can wear proudly in the streets to let everyone know that you're part of the Wolfpack. And at the end of every episode, we like to take the time to shout out those who've supported us on Patreon.

So let's go. So special thank you to Forgo august i honestly in the year 2020 i think we could forego august i'm happy to skip august skip the whole goddamn year i'm ready to forego the 20s of 2020 the 20s you wake up and you're 38 just done yeah it's gone let's do it why not it's been garbage guys that's the opposite of it it's been real it's been garbo thank you to steven steven always announces when he's leaving oh yeah which usually is like it's a nice thing at like parties and stuff you know you don't want to do the irish exit you know yeah but he it's he has to do it anytime he leaves anywhere so it's like

even like a just a petrol station. Yeah. He's like, I'm leaving. Leaving the public toilets. Everyone's kind of, yeah, I'm leaving. Bye. Lovely to meet you all. You didn't meet anyone, Steve.

It's weird. Move on, bro. You know, it's nice, but you don't have to say it every time, Steve. Thank you to Duncan Morrison. Are you a ball, Morrison? Because I'm going to dunk you from half court. Hey-oh. Like Michael Jordan in Looney Tunes my friend

I've been watching the videos I've been watching the last dance on repeat since it came out on Netflix And if you're not a ball could just scrunch up real small for me, please cuz yeah I need to fit you through a very tiny hoop. Thank you to Jordan Evans to do to do to do Kobe It's more like Michael Jordan Evans. So not Kobe then. Who?

Kobe Bryant? You made a hoop noise. Who the fuck is Kobe Bryant? He's another famous basketball player. He recently passed away. Glad to hear. Not as good as MJ though. Not as good as the Bulls.

96 Bulls. I guess it's up for debate. Really? Yeah. Because, well, I guess it could be because I don't know shit about basketball. But listen, I don't know who this gentleman is. Right. Kobe is just...

It's actually just a cool sound you make when you go for something in life. It's his name. It's the man's name. I don't think so. For when you do it. There's just a lot of things called Kobe. You've got the beef. You've got the noise you make when you go for something in life.

No, it's not. That's him. That's his name. And then apparently this gentleman who apparently is quite good. Mr. Evans, I'm sorry you're getting wrapped up in this nonsense. If you are a basketball player, please feel free to join the Commune Basketball Squad. We're always a player down or two.

On account of all the radiation. Thank you to Alison Bilk. Come on down to Alison's Milk where she serves up all the radiation. Thank you to Allison Bilk. Come on down to Allison's Milk. Where she serves up all the ice cold glasses of delicious white milk. Whatever you want. Cow. Goat. I could go for that.

Raccoon. Wow. Whatever you want. That escalated quickly. Snake. Did you know you can milk a snake? It's basically one big udder. Okay, I'll just stop you there.

Just a car milk. Full fat. That'd be great. Okay. Would you like regular cow? Snake no no no no no no no no regular cow can I see where this is going? quite far right regular car regular cow with like a Full no, there's no way I'm gonna want whatever you're about to say. I didn't say I'll tell you I'll tell you right now Regular car yeah

ice cold full fat pasteurized thank you very much in a glass okay nothing else yeah sounds great one piping hot snake milk please hell i'm not paying for that i'm not that's great that's insane that you think that's it thank you to chris conroy chris conroy sounds like the name of a tv stuntman yeah you know so it's like that whoever the tom cruise ass cowboy is is like uh is like oh i'll show you and he raises his fist and his director goes cut and then like bring out conroy and conroy comes out of his trailer like puts out a cigarette he's got a scar through his eye yeah he's like where do you need me chief he's been in the business a long time yeah it, yeah. It's basically Brad Pitt from Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

It basically is. Of course. Cool name, man. Nice. Thank you to Amy Hughes. Come on down to Amy's Booze. That's right. It's a bar right next to the milk bar where you can get all the hottest alcoholic beverages,

both in trend and in temperature. Ooh. A hot bevy yeah can i interest you in a 60 snake milk booze this is gonna be a weird question do you work uh at a milk place on other nights of the week down the road i i have two jobs i moonlight as a milk lady great uh that's horrible to hear because i had the worst time at that place is there anyone else i can talk to fortunately no do you say fortunately no yes it doesn't seem very fortunate for me look sir i run a very busy tight ship around here can i get you a boozy beverage milky or otherwise you know listen i feel like I see where our conversation is going

I feel like there seems to be no fighting your insatiable will For me to drink snake milk So, sure A hot snake milk, that would be fine Hot or cold? I said hot A hot one? Do you want me to have cold?

Do you want me to have the opposite of what I want? I prefer the cold, honestly On a hot summer's day? Okay. One piping hot rat milk. Hell. Thank you to Michael Madrid. Michael, what's Madrid like?

We're thinking of temporarily opening up a second location in the Paranormal Commune. Nowhere near the first one. Nowhere near. Nowhere near. I've heard Madrid is nice. This time of year. Good temperature all year round. Very loose laws regarding cult activity.

Not that we are. Not that we are. Not that we are. But it's just good to know that that is a thing. Because we're definitely not a cult. But sometimes we get treated like one. We do. So it helps to be.

Listen, if you're a doctor who you know i don't know sells some pills on the side yeah it helps if there's if if they don't persecute drug dealer i'm not saying i'm a drug dealer but no it would help if the police weren't harsh on drug dealers if you happen to be a doctor who sell sold pills on the side such a specific example sure of a situation that we need sure and like yeah madrid is that place sure of course many many snakes as well which is good for a number of reasons because there's a growing appetite amongst our amongst our raccoon fairy and transforming population for snake milk. Alcoholic snake milk.

Thank you to Jazz Purewall. Nothing like a little bit of improvised jazz. Now this person will just go up to like, you know, a nice couple having a dinner out at a restaurant. And just be like, so I was walking down the street the other day and you'll never guess what happened to me. Just completely go off on an improvised comedy set. Definitely not wanted or required or encouraged. Were they like asking for cash or anything? No.

They have a microphone with an XLR. It doesn't even go anywhere. That's disturbing. Yeah, it's kind of worrying. If you're a diner, that's bad. Because normally you can give them some change and they'll leave you alone. Move along. When they don't even want anything from you. That's very different they want to laugh yeah that's which you can't give them because they're not good sometimes

that'll just spur them on so jazz find a new hobby thank you to rebecca yo yo rebecca i don't wanna infect you so please stay away from myself and a lot of the people who have been hanging out in the um what we're referring to is the infected zone uh towards the the nuclear side of the paranormal commune a lot of people are drawn to it like bugs to a nightlight because it does very much glow in a very alluring uh fashion but uh stay. That's my advice. Which I do understand because there is no light and there's no heat in the rest of the commune

right now, just temporarily. Yeah. So it's only natural that people would gravitate towards the warm, bright thing on the horizon.

The warm nuclear bosom. So grim. Thank you to Harry Smith. You're an agent. Harry Smith, are you kidding me? You thought you could come in here with your little MIB specs? Toss me a couple coins on Patreon and ask for my secrets?

You MIB raccoon. You little raccoon. Unbelievable. Get out of here. I'm keeping your money, obviously. Thank you to Luke Seeger. Luke can seeger, ger taste ger feel ger what's ger i don't know i can't see hear taste or feel it but he just keeps going on about he

won't stop talking about it he's like you guys gotta see ger one of these days like we can't you're the only one that can see ger so zip up about it because it's not fun to talk about for us sure i mean if you could like granted if you could draw it or like do something to show us i know i'd be curious no i can't indescribable oh jesus christ thank you to paul appleby paul appleby has a little problem because um just as family tradition he's always kept his family name just as family tradition he's always kept his family name in a big sign outside the front of his house as like it's just a family tradition yeah so i have powers their neighbors you know know where he is and they know when he's in because they light it up when he's in of course unfortunately a few years ago freaking this chain of restaurants comes out of nowhere and ganks the name yeah

he has people showing up to his house every evening at 5 36 asking for tables and they're like mad so he actually had to start making the food and serving it yeah he owns an applebee's now yeah but it's not an official one it's like it's very off menu as well very strange he's not a good cook thank you to barry smith barry smith on month four i think of his wolf transformation uh last text i got from him was back hurt stomach hurt head hurt side hurt so um it sounds like he's right on track yeah keep going great i mean don't bother talking to the doctor that all sounds okay to us um we've heard from a lot of people going through that so yeah you're doing good push on oh unless would he have

been anywhere near the contaminated nuclear zone because he was in the zone those are all side effects of the zone as well you know what don't bother going to the doctor either they can't help you yeah in a matter of fact try and get wolf powers and maybe they'll save you thank you to alex opipari now alex is on month four of his bonobo transformation uh to try and get those that sweet sweet monkey butt wow he didn't really want he wasn't focused on anything else He was like I don't want the monkey powers. I don't want to have a tail cut out all those affirmations Yeah, they're shit about fangs whatever if they fit my face or not his daily affirmations was I want a monkey ass

I want a monkey ass. I want a hundred times. It's not a lot like me Hope is working out for you, buddy. Please don't send us pictures. Thank you to Zirob. Zirob is actually French for, you know, Zirob. What? Zirob. But what does that mean? It's called Zirob, but it's French for, you know, Rob the Raccoon.

Oh, okay. Here we go. So, yeah, you left out quite an important part of my information. a important part well yeah i mean that's like a big part of his name sure but that's just what he's called the rob the rob okay okay does he do anything does he he's actually just a raccoon honestly i don't know why they gave him a human name uh unless you know for all i know maybe he did start life as a human. But as far as we've all known him, and he's been part of the commune, just a straight up raccoon, really. He doesn't even speak English. He might just be a raccoon that we've befriended.

Yeah, and just given a human name, a human French name. And property. Oh, really? Oh, because we gave him that big plot? Like the penthouse suite on that block of flats. That was a weird thing to do. Yeah, I was a bit drunk at the time. We should stop pulling names out of a hat to distribute property.

We should stop drinking snake milk, that's for sure. Yeah, you're goddamn right. Thank you, lastly but not leastly, to Teresa Teresa. Teresa Teresa, the raccoon's so nice, they gave it lice. This raccoon is- Another raccoon? Borderline a problem in the commune, because it does have a lice. This raccoon is... Another raccoon? Borderline a problem in the commune, because it does have a lice problem, of course. Right.

And, um... We have a raccoon problem, is what I'm hearing. And the problem is we gave it a key to the master's tower, so it is running around infecting Nihon, the whole f***ing commune, with a pretty rare type of tick. Nuclear ticks. They have mutated. They have grown. They are plotting to overthrow us.

I'm going to be in the milk bar. If anyone needs me for the next couple weeks. You guys can sort this out. I'm going to drink enough snake milk the black art thank you to everyone we have shouted out here today and everyone we are yet to shout out and we hope you enjoyed today's investigation we'll of course be back next week with a brand new paranormal tale bye