This Paranormal Life - #181 Britain’s Bigfoot: The Grey Man of Ben Macdhui

Episode Date: September 29, 2020

Celtic myth tells of giants that wander the wilderness, but what if there was truth to these ancient stories?In the late 1800s and early 1900s a string of sightings and encounters on one Scottish mountain seem to have only one explanation: the existence of a giant known as Am Fear Liath Mòr. Kit and Rory examine all the evidence and come to a conclusion - is it paranormal or not?Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is there a mushroom that will turn me giant like in Super Mario? Are aliens everywhere but they're the size of bugs? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Welcome to This Paranormal Life, the weekly comedy podcast where every Tuesday we investigate a different paranormal tale, case or claim and get to the bottom of whether it's truly paranormal or not. Tonight is a full moon. We are going beast mode. That's right.

Not only in physical strength, but also intelligence, information, evidence. Everything is going to be cranked up to 100%. And also just wolf mode in general. I'm pissing all over my house to mark the territory. I'm chewing an xlr as we speak this feed could go down any second as always you're joined by myself mr kicker mulvena this guy across from me mr rory powers and we are back with a brand new paranormal tale and this week's suggestion comes from mark elliott so thank you so much, for sending that one in to this Paranormal Life podcast at gmail.com.

Rory, the year is 1925, and we're in the eastern highlands of Scotland on a dark and miserable night. Whoa. In a small village near the Cairngorm Mountains, one small building is lit up as inside there was a meeting. The 1925 meeting of the cairngorm club i mean i don't want to set the scene too early for what uh a club in the middle of the wilderness is doing right 20s but the last time we looked at a club uh in ireland in the wilderness on a dark stormy night uh i'm pretty sure the devil himself showed up showed up and started gambling yeah wasn't he drinking butterball whiskey as well or something like that so this is this is spooky territories here guys so hill walkers hikers locals and mountaineers

came from all over and filled the small hall with discussions about club matters upcoming events and stories about fond memories of previous events. It's a nice meeting. Many of the club members knew each other, but almost everyone knew one man, Professor J. Norman Colley. He was a distinguished member on account of being a professor of organic chemistry at University College London, where he actually headed the whole department. Wow.

As well as a fellow of the Royal Society, the Royal Geographical Society, a member of the 1921 Mount Everest Committee, and former president of the Alpine Club. Whoa, you started off with a bunch of nerd shit, but am I right in assuming this man is also a jock? He's a climber? That's right.

He is a neuroscientist but he's also mr universe and holds the benching world record uh what i'm trying to say is he knew a mountain when he saw one that's good this guy uh practically eats rocks and snow and survival for breakfast this is the kind of man who doesn't hesitate to drink his own piss if he so much as forgets a bottle of water. But Professor Colley felt a weight on his chest that night. He had something he desperately wanted to tell everyone. A secret he had kept for over 30 years. When he got the chance to speak and all eyes were on him, he decided, f**k it, YOLO.

He downed his scotch and began to tell his story. Thank you, thank you. Some of you might think this is a strange story, and indeed I haven't told anyone this before. I was returning from the cairn on the summit of Ben McDooey in a mist, when I began to think I heard something else than merely the noise of my own footsteps. Every few steps I took, I heard a crunch, and then another crunch, as if someone was walking after me, but taking steps three or four times the length of my own. Oh no! I said to myself, this is all nonsense. Yet I listened and heard it again, but could see nothing in the mist. As I walked on and the eerie crunch, crunch sounded behind me, I was seized

with terror and took to my heels, staggering blindly among the boulders for four or five miles, nearly down to Rothermurka's forest. Whatever you make of it, I do not know. But there is something very queer about the top of Ben McDooey, and I will not go back there again myself, I know. When he finished speaking, everyone was quiet and serious. Because if Mr. Goddamn Mount Everest was saying this, he didn't imagine it. That isn't his style.

But not only that, it turned out others had heard terrifyingly similar stories. He wasn't even the first one to have this experience. It turns out that mountaineer and naturalist Alexander Tunian had his own story which he published in the Scots magazine. In October 1943, I spent a 10-day leave climbing alone in the Cairngorms. One afternoon, just as I reached the summit cairn of Ben Macdui, mist swirled across the larrig grue and enveloped the mountain. The atmosphere became dark and oppressive. A fierce, bitter wind whisked among the boulders, and an odd sound echoed through the mist. A loud footstep, it seemed.

Not a crunch. Then another, and another. A strange shape loomed up, receded, then came charging at me. Without hesitation, I whipped out my revolver and fired three times at the figure. hesitation, I whipped out my revolver and fired three times at the figure. When it still came on me, I turned and haired down the path, reaching Glenderry in a time that I have never bettered. He didn't even see what he

shot. He just shot and ran. He was from the hip. He put one hand over his eyes, the other hand just shot into the distance. Hit a bird. Hit a sheep.

That is dangerous. Hit a hiker in the leg. Oh! You may ask, was it really the Fyr Llywór? Frankly, I think it was. Alexander had gone a step further than Professor Colley, and he had given what he experienced that day a name. An Fyr Léovore.

Gaelic for the big grey man. Oh Jesus, that sounds terrifying. Both men were astonished to find that there were stories all throughout history from people climbing this mountain who encounter something at the summit. All the way back in 1904, over 20 years before Professor Colley came clean, climber Hugh D. Welsh reported feeling, quote, an eerie feeling of apprehension near the summit of Ben McDooey. It's not quite the same thing. And heard, uh-oh, get your gun, brother! Unexplained. He's coming! Slurring footsteps like he was being followed jesus again in 1945 mountaineer and mountain rescue worker peter densham again someone who knows a mountain when he sees one yeah was quote overcome by a feeling of apprehension

and heard crunching noises the crunching is a red flag like footsteps behind him absolutely it is i like the way you keep bringing up the fact that these men know a mountain as if there was a chance this was a mountain i think if it's if it's running behind them it's probably not a rock i'd like to think they know other things than just a mountain when they see one this is like the end of detective pikachu movie where the mountain that they've been hiking on for hours turns out to be a pokemon a mountain type pokemon hopefully these managers like like if you showed them a puppy they don't just sit there and they're like it's definitely not a mountain but i can't say any more than that it's roughly rock sized but it doesn't appear to be made of if you look close it's barking right and it just peed everywhere so

it's not a mountain i'm pretty sure uh this is terrifying i don't like i don't like things with long limbs it freaks me out it makes me uncomfortable why so we're talking daddy long legs yeah that's the arch enemy of rory i was thinking more like slenderman daddy long legs giraffes oh yeah hold on don't even say the name out loud you might summon one uh freaking there's not really that many flamingos yeah i think if it's something that has long limbs but i think i could beat it up that doesn't scare me that much you don't think you could take slenderman no not the way i wouldn't even be able to reach him before i get knocked out by one of his tentpole arms yeah he's got the reach advantage that's for sure yeah he could be in a different

forest and he could just blindside you with an uppercut yeah i hear what you're saying there's something creepy about that what he said it was taking paces like five times bigger than him terrifying really don't like that makes me that's bad that's bad it's like we're built to like be scared of stuff that's like that much bigger than us yeah i think feel like i really get freaked out by like whenever you see those videos of like divers swimming with whales or and they're like it was so amazing we were just up so close and i could really feel a connection with the animal i'm like he could eat you you could you could swim into that whale's nostril yeah you're a little bug to him yeah you are a piece of dust it's yeah it's it's

disturbing frankly luckily that doesn't happen too much in day-to-day life yeah in day-to-day life yeah yeah you don't have to like commute in the morning next to like a silverback gorilla that would be pretty terrifying you're like i know that he's pretty civilized because he's on the tube but i also feel like he might just snap at any point and go ape go absolutely primal on the central line so listen i'm fine that he lives in london but does he have to drive the bus it seems like he doesn't have the temperament for that kind of should he be drinking that coffee i really don't know if he should be drinking that coffee that's really gonna agitate our monkeys like dogs is this bad for him? Is he gonna go primal? I just saw him eat a f***ing dairy milk. I know that's not good for dogs

It's probably not gonna be good for the monkey You're talking to a policeman who's also a monkey He's beating the shit out of me You're gonna take his side really? Of course. This is unbelievable. It's a f***ing city man It's gone to the dogs. It's a f***ing city, man. It's gone to the dogs. There's a dog mayor. And only three years later, after Peter Dincham,

in 1948, climber Richard Freer, who, by the way, knew a mountain when he saw one, wrote about experiencing a, quote, presence on the mountain, utterly abstract but intensely real followed by an intensely high singing sound oh that's kind of new like a siren's call and back even further this one kind of blew my mind in 1791 so like 200 plus years ago. Wow. Jesus. Poet James Hogg was tending sheep near the mountain and wrote that he saw a quote, giant black figure at least 30 feet high and equally proportioned and very near me. 30 feet high? I was struck powerless with astonishment and terror.

My God. So, I mean, this is kind of wild. I also like equally proportioned as if it had also like a five foot long hog. Right, yeah. Seen by James Hogg. I guess, yeah, because if it's just a tall human, that weirdly doesn't scare me so much. Right. Yeah, because if it's just a tall human, that weirdly doesn't scare me so much.

Right. But if it's like a normal-sized human torso, but then crazy long arms and legs. That's your nightmare. Like those waving tube men they have at car lots. If one of those came at me in the night, I would freak out. Yeah, that's when you get the katana. Yeah, you got to take that thing down. I didn't really think about this earlier but it's kind of crazy we've had this in previous stories where whenever you go back through time and there's a sighting that's also creepy because that means this daddy long legs looking mother is over 200

years old yeah his heart is long as well and his life too apparently and i have said it before in this podcast but professor collie must have been relieved when a couple whiskeys deep at this party, he reveals his deepest, darkest secret, and everyone's like, so you've seen it too. Wild that no one felt the need to bring this up. No one, everyone was keeping this story to themselves.

That's so bizarre, isn't it? If they just had this conversation, like, because it seems like he's been burdened with this for quite a long time. It's like, I finally need to get it off this chest. A couple weeks back, I saw the big gray guy up the hill. Holy shit. What?

Right? The crunchy, crunch, crunch. The crunch, crunch. The footsteps. Did he have any bullet holes, by the way? Because when I saw him, I unloaded into the darkness. So if we treat this big gray man like some kind of cludo image if we piece together each story it's pretty clear everyone's talking about the same terrifying thing everyone reports feeling a sense of dread and doom as if they're being watched they hear huge crunching

footsteps in the stones as if they're being followed by something massive there's an eerie high-pitched sound in the mist before it starts chasing you professor collie says he ran four or five miles to escape this thing i do feel like he could have stopped after one or two miles but he kept going yeah yeah he actually passed the nearest town went right through it yeah they were like ah Collie, how's it going? I'm trying to stop a giant, this is crazy, this is massive, what's the chance of it? What? Also, if the one thing you can tell by the footsteps

is that it has enormous legs. You better stand and fight, because he's gonna catch you. He's gonna get you. He probably has proportionately large arms to scoop you up like a globetrotter and dunk you into the nearest boulder you gotta be glad there's no volcanoes in scotland because he dunked you in the in the lava yeah that's bold i guess look if you're up in a mountain there's no one else around you you feel like you're being followed you panic you run that's fair enough i get that i totally

get that these are olden days as well there was no like gps there were no flares you could blast up into the sky mountain rescue was a bear and he doesn't care whether you live or die they said a feral bear if the bear came back with your skull in his mouth they knew that at least he found you they could at least pretend that you were dead when the bear found you yeah mountain rescue found him and he didn't want to come home he was happy in the mountain some people describe seeing a massive outline of a man up to 30 feet tall some have said it has a head like an ape or some kind of animal and lastly it's got a bulletproof vest because alexander fired his revolver three times into the mist but it kept coming right tough skin like that

of a mountain but not a mountain these men know mountains when they see one i don't really know why he had a revolver in the first place it's oldie days isn't it that's pretty much fine it's probably weird not to have one on a mountain on your own yeah yeah i know maybe it's more of like a wilderness thing like if there's any like wild animals up there i guess that's true rather than like you picked the wrong mountain to climb up stranger you know there wasn't a lot of that going on yeah uh in these mountains so i guess it's kind of normal wouldn't you say it was 1925 this spans from the first sighting was well ignoring 1791 the first sighting was 1904 uh right through to 1948 wow so a big span of the same stories i know a number of times on this podcast we've had to go on the website gun timeline.com to find out when guns were either invented or popularized.

Yeah. And I can't remember that date at all. Yeah. We refuse to remember that. Yeah. Presumably the poet had, well, nothing. If it's a poet, I would assume he is subscribed to a life of pacifism and love. So maybe a little sword.

He had a rocket launcher. Yeah. That's insane. 1791 one he's crazy that's the most annoying bit whenever you whenever you do search stuff like oh when was the gun invented you know it's never like oh yeah the first revolver was sold in like 1912 it's always like actually actually, in ancient China, they first invented gunpowder. So technically, what could be referred to as a gun was used in battle. God damn it, yeah. Listen, we want to know when the first AK-47 was used. Actually, Tutankhamen himself fired the first AK using space dust and meteorite fragments. That's great.

I'm going to stop going to GunTimeline.com because you're a bunch of nerds. So Rory, what do you think we're looking at here? I personally feel like there are three possibilities. This could be a straight up giant. Okay, yeah. A 30 foot tall human, which is basically a cryptid. I feel like that kind of is umbrellaed by the first one, but sure. It could be...

Don't say a large is actually and thirdly it could be a giant boy okay so all giant pretty much every no so it could be a giant human okay or it could be some kind of mega bigfoot we're talking a scottish version of sasquatch potentially with paranormal abilities yeah added on uh finally it could be a kind of cryptid ghost being uh it appears to kind of appear out of nowhere manifest out of the mist and makes these mountaineers feel a weird sense of dread like they can feel it's there do any of these make sense to you yeah some of them kind of click more than others do i know someone said that uh he was seen to have sort of like an ape-like monkey face um but when we think of like sasquatch bigfoot himself we don't think of like mist and like eerie vibes yeah when he's around you know he kind of just he's borderline just a

simple cryptid an animal yeah and there's some people that's like he's also paranormal he's a ghost he's a trans-dimensional being yeah uh but i don't know it's this sounds like yeah more in terms of like some sort of weird paranormal giant the likes of which i've never really heard of in my investigations yeah i feel like it's pretty original that way yeah i definitely sense that out of all of these options it doesn't seem to be as clear-cut i feel as just an animal yeah it seems to be that this thing is like it's the it's the instilling dread and the weird noises it makes and everything's supernatural about it we once did a bonus episode which might have been our most ridiculous bonus episode yet which was a story basically claiming that uh the u.s army killed shot and killed a biblical giant

in afghanistan yeah i do remember that yeah that was i think a low point for everyone in this paranormal life history it took a week out after that we thought about what we'd done we were scraping the bottom of the barrel all right but i think that's maybe one of the only times aside from obviously investigating slenderman where we've come across something this kind of gangly and large yeah Yeah. But where the giant was a muscly ass caveman, basically. This seems to be quite an agile, slender, Usain Bolt style sprint runner. Well, I don't think he actually kept up with Collie. Right.

Collie just ran for five miles. Look, you can have the longest legs in the world if your cardio is bad you're you're not gonna get far so in this story we have a ton of eyewitness testimony and frankly all four pillars of the golden pyramid of truth which are i think rumor hearsay and gut feeling but what about physical evidence surely if all of these guys are so convinced there's a giant on this mountain one of them would have got a photo we need to go to camera timeline.com to find out if that was a possibility unfortunately the camera timeline is always against us i would i always feel like i'm like yeah i bet there was no cameras that's why there's

no evidence and we look it up it's like, I bet there was no cameras. That's why there's no evidence. And we look it up. It's like there was cameras. There was lots of cameras. Right. I'm going to keep it real with you. There's zero photos. Okay.

Almost zero evidence altogether. Yeah. However, I will do you one better. In 1956, James A. We found a size 16 sneaker up in the hills. A limited edition Jordan in the plastic wrap. Mint condition. Size of a f***ing bathtub.

16 isn't like... That doesn't make you 30 foot tall. 16 isn't like, that doesn't make you 30 foot tall. In 1956, James A. Rennie was hiking through the Cairngorms, only a few kilometers from the mountain at the center of our story, when he saw something in the snow that made him stop in his tracks. It was a strange shape that made him look closer, until it immediately clicked what he was looking at. These were footprints made by some kind of animal,

except they were f***ing massive. These prints were running across a stretch of snow covered moorland, each print 19 inches long by about 14 inches wide, and there must have been all seven feet between each stride. Jesus. There was no differentiation between a left and right foot, and they proceeded in an approximately single line. What do you mean there's no difference? Like an elephant's foot?

Rennie knew enough about the local legend to know he was looking at something insane. He was looking at physical proof of basically an ent from Lord of the Rings. Yeah. proof of basically an ent from lord of the rings yeah but this is big because this is our first thing close to proof of an actual giant wow yeah so roy should i just should i just wrap up this story in a nice little bow and just call it double yes right now it's pretty weird to find uh footprints in the snow and for them to have so few characteristics that they're identical footprints because i was maybe thinking like okay maybe if uh there's like claws at the end of these footprints okay i can maybe get a little bit of a feeling of what this thing looks like um uh you

know you can tell a lot about the species by the amount of digits the amount of like little toes that it has we're not getting anything here we're chasing after a giant minecraft character these are block prints low res yeah these are just block prints in the snow this is so bizarre it's true very weird and for that reason just throwing it out there i mean if you want to just wrap up the story right now because i think we got all the evidence we need well i think there's maybe like a little piece of the puzzle that probably could still be examined i am about to get into some pretty damning evidence actually pretty soon between you and me i would be happy to ignore because you know it's always nice to like we

could guarantee the listeners a double yes right here and now right if we just didn't mention because you know i feel like that would they would really like that well they would like the double yes yeah but i don't love it it would like it would just keep them going it's like a hard time if we're not just having a hard time but i mean like just might because investigators we have a certain like the stuff that's coming up we'll ruin the story it's a mountain it turned out to be a mountain they didn't know the mountain when they saw it they were drunk off their asses they didn't get off base camp the footprints lakes they were big lakes in the mountain they they talked a big game at the pub before they went

hiking got too drunk slept at the base of the mountain freaked themselves out went straight back to the pub claiming they'd seen a giant. Yeah, with the bartenders, I was like, wow, you guys were fast. Giants up the mountain, dude, we couldn't even get two feet in. And it wasn't a mountain, because we know mountains when we see one as mountain men.

All the tags are still on their hiking equipment. Okay, fine. So, Rennie was pretty excited All the tags are still on their hiking equipment. Okay, fine. So, Rennie was pretty excited when he discovered the giant footprints in the snow. So, we went back a few days later to try and find some more. And presumably capture some physical evidence of them this time. Right. Only, the opposite happened. He did find more footprints, but they were being made by rain.

What? It was raining and Rennie was able to watch right in front of his eyes. These footprints, quote unquote, form in the snow as like a pattern of the rainfall. Oh, how bad is he at this? Then he thought rain was the footprints of a giant he said right there i realized that the legend of bigfoot the gray man sasquatch and the abominable snowman were all bullshit well let's not all just lump all those into one big category just because you thought the rain was footprints yeah that's if anything it says more about your judgment than anyone else's

at that point i realized god isn't real none of it heaven hell love so sure there's no photos there's no footprints there is arguably no physical evidence yeah granted most of the people who heard the crunching didn't even turn around they were so afraid they bolted and i should probably mention that one researcher figured out a possibility for the sightings of giants on this mountain they discovered that the mist at the summit creates a weird optical illusion where your own shadow kind of looks like a giant uh oh so like i guess like the sun maybe passing through the mist casts a shadow i'm trying to throw you a bone i'll show you i'll show you i'll show you a picture okay of what we're describing and you can decide whether

if you were on the mountain that day and if it had taken a few hours to hike up there maybe you forgot your water of course you've run out of piss at this point to drink uh i forgot my water for christ's sake you're exhausted can't make any piss you tell me if this would fool you this image all right okay so kids kids showing me basically uh the effect that i had kind of pictured in my head um where you know it's a misty misty evening up the mountains the sun is obviously blasting through this mist from behind the person heading towards the mist which means their shadow was kind of elongated and uh blown up very disproportionately you said 30 feet 30 feet high borderline 40 uh that's pretty big and bold and yeah i guess you know if if it was a spooky morning

uh late at night early in the morning and you kind of solve this thing that if you think is matching all of your footsteps it's almost as if it were my own footsteps yeah this is a very uh very plausible explanation for for what this creature could be i would say so this is just like a someone just took this photo as like an artist's interpretation we don't know if this is exactly the kind of thing they were seeing but it is pretty f***ed up that we can even we can see this is a little bit deceiving it doesn't quite explain you know the sounds of singing a monkey face uh but but all of those things could very much be a product of the hysteria brought on by a group of people all believing they saw a giant

it is true it is true so in a way a lot of this case hinges on the testimony of Professor Colley. After all, he is the most respected witness in the whole story. But it should be pointed out that apparently he believed in pretty much everything paranormal. It's a bad professor. If he was a host on this podcast, it would be a yes every week. Which is insane for the head professor of chemistry at University College London. In 1933, when Loch Ness Monster was first reported in the press, he was a huge believer on the first day. For no reason. He's not invested. He doesn't have a horse in that race.

And his friend said that any time they went camping, he would tell endless stories about mountain gods and legendary creatures all right so i dare say the legend of the giant is unraveling before our very eyes i mean i wish that i had a chemistry teacher that didn't believe in science that is such a funny premise i probably would have kept studying science he's like pouring chemicals into tubes being like we'll never know what makes them bubble and boil i have newt toenails of dog it's like sir those are just regular chemicals so weird i guess pretty much chemistry is the closest thing to having a cauldron that you can pretty much and being a witch. That's true. And also if he was faking all these mountaineering credentials, maybe he was faking being a chemist as well.

That actually makes a lot of sense. That actually makes a lot of sense. Really, the only other missing piece to this puzzle is the idea that some have put forward that some of these effects that people are experiencing, seeing the giants, hearing stuff, experiencing this horrible sense of dread, that this is maybe simply the exhaustion of climbing a mountain. Yeah. I don't know a lot about this mountain in particular. Is it a particularly large one i think they said it's the second highest in scotland don't quote me on that but i

read that that's gonna be pretty high yeah yeah yeah yeah because i know there's a lot of tall mountains in wales and scotland um so damn yeah we could be talking about a real big hike here let's just find out why beat around the bush huh yeah let's let's let's do it hey siri how high is ben mcdooey ben mcdooey is 4295 feet above sea level that doesn't do much for me yes second highest mountain in scotland after ben nevis of course 1 300 meters i mean that sounds pretty high for the uk i don't want to climb 4 000 feet no you could be pretty tired there's only so much piss a man can drink truly i mean if if all it takes is six hours of hiking for you to be delirious to the point

where you think that mountain giants exist. Giants are real? You should be hiking the mountains. You're shooting the mist with a revolver? They don't really do a lot of those health and safety checks, you know, because it's like, it's the wild, it's Mother Nature. Anyone can do it. It's not like a roller coaster where it's like you have to be like this tall to get on the loop-de-loop. This sand to get on this saying to get on the yeah you can't have just like a little uh turn style at the front just being like are you or ever have you thought giants are real and do you have a firearm because there's plenty of rocks up there that look like giants so you don't need to get too

itchy with that trigger finger and every man that comes through here says they know a mountain when they see one but when the mist starts rolling and the piss is starting drunken he's getting woozy just explaining it to you hey man you got any piss you can give me why don't you guys carry bottles i love it this mountain is basically like a haunted house all fake but rory at the end of the day we have to decide whether our our given story is truly paranormal or not and what are you saying to the giant gray man of ben mcdoey i love it it's scary but it's not real it's gonna be a no from me this week, unfortunately, folks. Damn it! I really thought I had that one. That was great.

I really enjoyed that one. That was fun. Lots of interesting storytelling. A lot of colorful characters. Yeah, man. Also some territory that we haven't really gone into a lot. Giants. Yeah.

Very exciting. A sad lack of giants. I think there's a lot more ground to cover there you know sure we've done uh the iraq war and the giants there of course a double yes we've done one mountain in scotland but what about all the other giants yeah it's very interesting guys i hope you enjoyed that investigation into the gray man of ben mcdewy uh thank you so much to mark elliott for sending that one into us gray man of Ben McDooey. Thank you so much to Mark Elliott for sending that one in to us. Very illuminating, very shocking case. Thank you, Mark.

Send in all your own thoughts, suggestions for episodes into thisparanormallifepodcast at gmail.com. Please keep them coming because that is right now where we're getting all of our episode suggestions from We Couldn't Do It Without You Guys, giving us your hot, hot tips. Us trying to find something to research for the podcast is like being up a mountain stuck in the mist drinking our own urine till we go blind and we need that helping hand now and again which just comes in the form of an email and sometimes that helping hand that walks out of the mist we will shoot because we

think it's a threat which is us sending you a reply, an email form with a deadly virus that basically destroys your laptop. Yeah, that's right. But now and again, we don't shoot and we don't send the virus. So it's definitely worth emailing in. Guys, if you enjoyed this week's episode, but you just thought, I love this show and I love it and I laugh at it. just thought i love this show and i and i love it and i laugh at it but i really think that i'm missing another one of my senses needs stimulated yeah there's just one more um you know you can't you can't come touch us because because of the way the world is right now i'm interested to see where you're going you can't smell us but what if i told you you can see us

oh that's pretty you head on over to youtube.com that's right great segue forward slash this paranormal life uh we have a youtube channel now you might have heard us talk about it but if you head on over there um we post the highlights of new episodes of this paranormal life in video format it's us in the studio right now looking at the cameras i mean does it not drive you guys We post the highlights of new episodes of This Paranormal Life in video format. It's us in the studio right now looking at the cameras. I mean, does it not drive you guys crazy listening to this? Not knowing, like, do they have beards? Are they big? Are they small?

Are they 30-foot giants? You don't even know what we look like. What are you doing? I mean, spoiler alert. You're listening to two goddamn tens uh talk granted it's a little hot in here sure we're a little sweaty yeah we're not we're not looking like tens right now yeah we can't get it make ourselves look great the whole time yeah i'm wearing like yeah like models have their day off you know what i mean they also have a team

models have a team all right that's why they look so good they're setting unrealistic beauty standards so we're not tens then if you're mad about the beauty standards you're not a ten i'm a 400 bound man who hasn't bathed in five weeks they're setting unrealistic standards for men who i'm drinking a glass of piss as I talk. Check out the YouTube. If everyone came down to my level, I would be a 10, my friend. But if that isn't enough for you, the place that you can get more of This Paranormal Life,

in fact, the only place, is patreon.com forward slash thisparanormallife, where from around five bucks a month you can get access to a catalog of bonus episodes covering i mean do we really need to advertise it any more than the giants in the iraq war i mean that's what more do you want honestly we've had some crazy ones in there um granted right now they all fail to come to mind uh wait hold on hold on because each one is more mind-blowing than the last that's right so i can't even remember them because they shattered my mind like throwing a jigsaw against the wall uh i can barely even pick up the pieces

oh so for example the last episode that we did was investigating Humansies, the government's secret plan to create human-monkey super soldier hybrids. I mean, listen, that sentence alone makes me want to go onto the Patreon and download the episodes. It's really the one thing people keep asking us is we need more monkey content. We need more stuff about monkeys. Yeah. And we deliver that over in Patreon. We do. It's also a great way to support the show right yeah if you're ambivalent about the monkey content sure you don't actually care that much about monkeys yeah monkey content there's like 30

episodes on there 28 of them are very heavily focused on monkeys apes orangutans bonobos um so you get like a couple episodes that are kind of just like the giant in afghanistan some cool stuff like that yeah uh and also you support the show um but it is a lot of monkey chat but i mean monkey chat is actually the name of the bonus show supporting the podcast though is in a way a way of supporting two close relatives of the great ape family that's very true kid and rory and i love bananas i'll be frank with you they're delicious and on the 20 banana tier you can get a this paranormal life cult uniform delivered to your door they are soft they are comfortable you will go ape shit when it arrives as always the links to everything we've described youtube patreon you can find those in the

description of this podcast just check out just check out the description in your podcast player of choice and you know if you don't feel like um subscribing to patreon this month maybe just throw us a little iTunes review it all helps spread the show and make it bigger and better yeah a very free and easy way to show your support, which we massively appreciate. And at the end of every episode, we like to take the time to shout out those who supported us on Patreon. The Monkey Crew. Let's go. Thank you to Jesse Samaniego.

Jesse, I need so many egg yolks. Because I'm running low, brother. And it's almost time for my 12 45 daily omelet uh 14 eggs all yolk in the bowl so please deliver thank you to curtis hewson curtis hewson master of dejuicing he's the resident detective in the this paranormal life commune. I mean, granted, there's no crime. It's a perfect utopia where we live. But when things go wrong, we put Curtis on the case. Which is, you know, he works late nights these days.

It's a 24-hour job. That's right. Thank you to Robert Fitzharris. Robert Fitzharris robs the rich in Paris. That's a pretty good place to rob people, I guess. Yeah, he's after the biggest prize of all, my friend. The Eiffel Tower. Oh, Jesus!

He really thinks he can pull it off. Sell it to the highest bidder without anyone being the wiser. He really thinks the French won't notice if it goes missing for a week or so. Hey, as someone who's been trying to get rid of a f***ing mummy skull for four months now, good luck selling the Eiffel Tower on the black market. Thank you to Shimano Co.

Shimano Co. Inventor of Shimano Cola, the official soda of the paranormal commune. The only drink that actually makes you thirstier the more you consume. It baffles scientists all over the world. paranormal commune the only drink that actually makes you thirstier the more you consume it uh it baffles scientists all over the world i mean looking at the ingredients here seems to be a lot of sand going into it sand and salt 50 sand 40 salt i don't think you can legally call us soda

thank you to max sick man max sick man does sound like a BMX rider, but it is short for Maximilian the Sickman. He's a very old sick man. Oh, right, because Maximilian Sickman could still be cool. But you're saying it's not sick in a gnarly way. He's dying. He's old. He is. I mean, he was a BMX rider, the greatest of his generation. Oh! So he's sick and ill at the same time but he is also 99 years old yeah all right he's on his way out thank you to carl carl flew to the states to rob everyone in new york of their highest prize go on the eiffel tower

he doesn't know a lot about the world or geography, so he actually went to the wrong country. He actually wanted to go to France as well to get the Eiffel Tower. It's actually in pretty high demand, but Carl just showed up at the New York City airport. Didn't even make it past security because he had a lot of weapons on him to try and take the thing. It's kind of hard to sneak a sack with a dollar sign the size of the Eiffel Tower through security.

Yeah, that's in the oversized luggage. Thank you to Mark Lawson. Mark Lawson lays down the laws, son. Nice. Not because of any kind of, uh, profession or qualification. He just stole a gavel, so it's f***ed up. This kid's 13. He just says whatever comes to his mind, hits the gavel, and uh-oh, it's law.

Court adjourned. You didn't even know you were in a court. Thank you to Dave Robinson. Dave Robinson is all about grave robin son jesus you don't even have to be dead yet he'll just find you in an alley and hit you over the head with a shovel and start digging around in your pockets that's so dark why doesn't he just mug people rather than killing them and then grave robbing them yeah he shouldn't call himself a grave robber no he's just a robber

he's somehow worse than both of those things thank you to brad brad never gets mad he gets furious that's right he's angry 24 7 every day is a bad day already as soon as it begins it's a tough life um many people have tried to help him many people have gotten punched in the neck brad does he takes no prisoners wow and he has uh by all accounts a pretty luxurious life i mean he's just eating porridge in the middle of a beautiful forest clearing first thing in the morning furious for no reason really angry for some reason it's super weird thank you to olaf olaf's life motto is no laugh because he's furious just like brad himself there are a couple of angry angry boys um again living pretty much the dream i think uh olaf has a penthouse suite uh looking over the new york city skyline wow his

own personal assistant and um a valet for the building truly the boy who has everything yeah and that makes him angry it's too much to think about i don't know there's anyone with a penthouse suite in manhattan called olaf who's this angry at least what like high-powered wall street trader is like hello my name is olaf nice to meet you i was an early investor in Uber In Uber and Twitter and Facebook Thank you to Chris Endicott Chris Endicott is who you send when you need to end a bot Oh, like a Blade Runner If you've got a Roomba that knows too much

Okay You send Chris Not quite as intense as assassinating artificial intelligence Well, the robots aren't there yet. I mean, once they are, he'll be the guy. He'll need to be taken down. He will need to upskill though, because Roombas don't fight back very much. Do Roombas count as artificial

intelligence? I mean, they can vacuum. That's something that's pretty intelligent. If you sellotape an iPhone to one, I think it does. That's all I do anyway is clean and text. Please don't assassinate me. Thank you to Lawrence Sainsbury.

Lawrence lives in Florence, one of the most beautiful cities on planet Earth, yet is furious about it. Why is everyone so angry? Lawrence would rather live in a dump, would rather live amongst trash like a rat. Why? Unfortunately for them, lives in just a stunning Renaissance-era type city. That's not unfortunate. That's beautiful. Lawrence, you need to just take a chill pill.

Thank you to Nate Wood. You'd think that Nate Wood had some innate good inside of him, but he is borderline furious, nonstop, throwing punches at whoever tries to help him. Dude. As soon as he was delivered, popped out of his mama, he decked the doctor between the eyes. He was like, I don't need a handout.

Which was borderline paranormal that he could talk already. How is he talking about? A hand dog. Get your silver spoon out of my ass. And then he... And then he... So we didn't really understand English, clearly. And then he bit apart his own umbilical cord.

Jesus. Yeah, it was crazy. And he used it to climb out the window. As angry as it gets, I think. Thank you to Bailey Bomberger. Bailey makes some bomb-ass burgers. We're talking the freshest

cheese. Yo. The most prime beef. That's what I'm saying. A little slice of dynamite. Hold up. He lost me there. 200 cc's of C4! Cc's? Yeah.

Engine size? No, it's a... Or like a medical thing? Yeah, it's a medical term, because this burger's about to send you to the hospital. I'm not gonna eat here, Bailey. That's fair enough. Burgers shouldn't tick. Thank you to Peter Edmondson. Peter Edmondson plays Badminton.

Nice. Yeah. Not to be confused with Badminton. Oh. Badminton. Wait, what is it actually called? Badminton? Badminton.

Badminton. What a stupid thing for a sport. Weird name, yeah. He plays Bedminton, where you hide a mitten inside of a duvet. Alright, I don't like where this is going. Last one to find it gets punched in the neck. Okay, is he furious? He's pretty angry about it, yeah, because he never finds the thing.

There's still like 20 mittens in there. Try Badminton, Pete. Thank you to Summer Weishaupt. Summer, how does it feel to have your father adam weishaupt founder of the illuminati on the one dollar bill that's right you and i both know the truth that your dad is the real george washington whenever summer gets id'd at a bar she just holds up a one dollar bill which is weird because that's not her you can't do that you can't show someone your dad but if he's that old i must be pretty old too yeah that's a good

point also if that's your dad they're like oh i'm sorry and then they like show their flash the ring the ring yeah the insignia on it and they just let you in bottle service all night wow pretty cool summer thank you to jose perez jose grabbed the biggest sack he could find and flew to paris to gank one thing there's the ancient pyramids of egypt again terrible at uh geography right wrong country content really off that time. Plus, the pyramids probably would have poked a hole in the giant sack, so you might want to rethink that one, brother. Thank you to Chloe Keedy.

Chloe's speedy Keedy. She got caught in a 30 zone doing 200 right after the police handed her a ticket. They also handed her a medal for breaking the land speed record, which was kind of impressive. So you know, just keep an eye on it

in future, Chloe. You don't want to get taken off the roads. Thank you lastly but not leastly to Charlie M. Charlie M, inventor of the M. Not to be confused with M&M's, the delicious treat. This was a savoury hard nut that he just

called the M. No one, two of them. It wasn't M&M's. He didn't sell a goddamn M from one end of his life to the other. But he did sell the rights to a little candy company. That's right. You might have heard of. Yeah.

That's right. Called Snickers Corporation. You know those little crunchy bastards in a Snickers? It's not a peanut. It's an M. It's a single M. Thank you to everyone we've shouted out right now, and everyone we are yet to shout out in the coming weeks.

We are really getting there, slowly but surely, so thank you for being patient with us. As you might have gathered, it has been a delay on getting some shoutouts out, but if you really think you've been missed, missed if it was if your shout out should have been like last year or something nuts please do let us know uh we sometimes do slip up um but we're getting there hope you've enjoyed this week's episode we will be back next week on tuesday as always for a brand new paranormal tale bye