This Paranormal Life - #186 The Summerwind Haunted Mansion

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

This week we investigate the case of the Haunted Summerwind Mansion. Are there really ghosts lurking in the hallways? What would YOU do if you found a pile of bones in your house? Time for Rory and Kit to #InvestigatePatreonpatreon.com/ThisParanormalLifeYouTubeyoutube.com/thisparanormallifeTwittertwitter.com/ThisParaLifeSecret Society Facebook Pagewww.facebook.com/groups/thisparanormallife/Intro music: www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do ancient civilizations exist on the moon? Why am I no longer welcome at my family's Thanksgiving? What don't they want me to see? All of these questions you can find an answer to on this Paranormal Life! Hello everyone and welcome to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week we investigate a brand new paranormal case and come to a conclusion as to whether or not it is true or it is false. Hell yeah. My name is Roy Powers. I'm going to be your host for this week and beside me is Kit Greer, two paranormal investigators at the peak of their profession. And at the trough of their physical condition yes being at the peak very much means you're on the

way down down is the only way out but it's also the easiest way out because you don't even have to move your legs you can just go limp like a noodle and roll and that's what this week's episode is going to be a limp lifeless noodle ripe with paranormal energy last week was mount everest this week is dying frozen at base camp i think i would be much more inclined to attempt to climb mount everest if i knew that once you reach the top your legs could just buckle and you'd roll back down the mountain you press a button on your belt you turn into one of those orb balls and you simply roll down the mountain at 200 miles per hour that would be great yeah also if there was like a gift shop or something up there or like a

bar that would be pretty cool yeah somewhere i could at least get a hot mug of tea yeah because it's cold up there and i don't i don't want to like you know if there's actually a ski lift or something as well that would help that would really incentivize me and i'll climb to the lift phone charger like somewhere to charge your phone because there's no way like i think it takes weeks to climb it so there's no way my phone would last that long and i can't go without candy crush for that long i've got like 30 minutes free on friday between meetings so if someone could fit in the helicopter ride to the ski lift and i'm gonna take a nap in the helicopter i might just wake me up when we're actually back at base camp. If you can get some Sherpas to lift my limp, I want to be limp from the start, my limp noodle body to Mount Everest in 30 minutes on Friday.

Hundreds of peasants are just dying behind you as they all attempt to carry your lifeless body up to the top of Mount Everest. And I'm just eating chocolate covered strawberries. Mush mush peasants, I have brunch back in London at 4pm. Alright, look, we don't like to dilly-dally at the top of the podcast. This is a serious show that covers serious paranormal activity.

And today is no exception. This week we have an email suggestion from our listener David McCartney. David asked, Have you ever heard of a summer wind mansion, sometimes known as Le Mans mansion? It's an old spooky ruined mansion near West Bay Lake in Wisconsin. It's a fascinating case, well worth an investigation. We've done a lot of these types of cases before with a haunted house, but nevertheless, I like to give everything a chance.

We've been all around the world, from the skeleton lakes of the Himalayan mountains to the alligator-infested sewers of New York City. And today, Kit, we venture into the dark woodlands by the shores of West Bay Lake in Wisconsin, In Wisconsin, where the twisted treetops curl like skeleton fingers and the dark forest conceals the existence of one of the most paranormal residents in the world. Wow. The Summer Wind Mansion! You can tell I took that poetry class this week. I'm really going all out with the descriptions. They really objected in the class to talking about skeleton fingers.

Yeah. And I tried to work it into every single one. They were like, just, you know, tell a story. Write a poem about roses. Yeah, write a poem about, you know, your mother or something. Yeah, like. Hair like skeleton fingers. Her love wrapped around my heart like skeleton fingers.

All right. Someone take him out of the class. Now, if you went to that location today, you wouldn't find the Summerwind Mansion. What you'd find is merely its burnt remains. Oh shit. But how did the house end up like this? Let's go back to the beginning. The construction of Summerwind Mansion took place in 1918. The house was originally called the Le Monde Mansion, where its lavish furnishings and decor served as a luxurious getaway where the residents could escape the city and enjoy the wilderness.

The wilderness isn't something I often think about enjoying. You know, people sometimes talk about enjoying the great outdoors. Few people say, yeah, this weekend we're heading off to the wilderness. It's like, what are you? Oh, cool. Do you like kayak or something? Nah, I just want to be alone. I just enjoy it.

Yeah, that's always a little creepy. I don't know why the wild sounds very cool and endearing and freeing. But the wilderness? The wilderness is where someone takes your car keys and hits you over the head with a tree log. Yeah, the wild is where a guy in a lumberjack shirt and a beard makes you coffee on a campfire. The wilderness is where a guy wearing a potato sack chases you with a hatchet. Exactly. It's a big distinction for sure. In 1916, the house was purchased by US Secretary of Commerce Robert

Lamont. His plan was to use the mansion as a vacation home for him and his family. But unless you want a vacation in hell, this was a big mistake. The Lamont family began fixing up the mansion right away, hiring two architects from Chicago to rem remodel the home but blatant disregard for the house's history may have had some unwanted consequences you know they're coming in that house with their hammers and their tools and this is a house you know that you know has a past somewhat of maybe a dark past and they just come in boss says he wants to clear this wall and make it an open plan living room axes cutting down all the old family memories like what do you want me to do with all these pictures of little children i found in the attic i'll burn them i don't know

they're just trashing the place destroying it stirring up a bunch of power. The attic seems to be full of ancient Egyptian urns full of ashes. What do we do with that? I don't know. We need space for the boss's giant coffee machine. So they better be out of here in five. And as we've heard far too many times, it wasn't long before things in this house started getting strange the lamonts began to complain to their neighbors and friends did you hear any weird noises last night i could have sworn there was this echoing sound these are straight away bad vibes for uh what is meant to be a holiday home yeah yeah real bad you don't want to try and escape the hustle bustle of the city to the echoing darkness of the woods. Yeah, it's like I knew it would be quiet. I didn't know that I could hear the void.

Yeah, that's not good. You don't want to go back to the stock market even tightly wound than you were when you left. You think Wall Street is stressful? were when you left you think wall street is stressful just going back to your desk be like oh richard how was your break i haven't slept in 12 days we only all took saturday sunday off where have you been for 12 days have you ever had a spider live in your mind no i thought i was stressed here till i saw my own birth. You saw your own? Sorry, I just have to take this. We are trading at the moment too, Robert.

So I just have to take this. Okay, yeah. Sell low, buy high. I don't know how the fuck it works. Put down the phone. Sure, I had to end the call anyway. You saw your own birth, you said? I would beg for a phone call in that house.

Really? No reception? No cell signal up there but every time i picked up what i thought was a phone right it was a spider yeah okay and they they own the house as well which means you are obliged to vacation there oh yeah every opportunity yeah christmas thanksgiving easter you're going back to hell on earth. And you know all his family friends told him, you're wasting your time out there. Why didn't you just buy a place in the Hamptons like the rest of us?

And he's like, listen, this is going to be the most perfect home. I'm going to, you guys are all going to come visit. You're all going to love it. And you know- You said there was a spider in your mind last time you went. You said you saw your own bird. Some teething issues, sure.

We haven't yet unearthed the spider's nest. But you know now he's eating humble pie all day long and he has to pretend he loves it. Yeah. He's like, I f***ing love spiders. That dude is a hoot. Because Scott in the office, he bought the place in the Hamptons that same week Yeah, and you think he's gonna tell Scott admit to Scott. No way. He couldn't kind of meant to anyone Especially not the people in Wall Street. They'll rip him apart

Oh, yeah, despite the regular strange occurrences the Lamont's continued to vacation at the mansion And I will say to a certain degree, you know, it is a house in the middle of the woods There are going to be scary noises. There are going to be shadows. There is going to be sort of a weird vibe to the place. However, what happened this night would result in the family never returning to the property again. One evening after a long day on the lake, Mr. Lamont and his wife were sitting together eating at the dinner table Enjoying the peaceful silence of the house when all of a sudden the basement door flew open

It was as if a gust of wind had burst from the basement the couple sat in silence Watching the opening when to their disbelief the shadowy apparition of a man appeared from the basement mr lamont believing it was some sort of home invader grabbed his gun and fired two shots hell yes brother why was his revolver so readily available this was after a long day on the lake i believe i said so okay he's probably uh polishing his pistol in the rocking chair with a glass of whiskey. His family are like, father, why won't you come play board games with us and enjoy the holidays? Isn't that what we're here to do? Yeah, you shouldn't be alone in the woods with your family polishing your handgun.

Talking about a spider being in your mind. All spiders and no rifle makes Robert go cuckuckoo and that was extra weird because the shining hadn't even come out yet this was the 1920s uh of course each bullet passed right through the specter the family fled the house immediately taking everything they could with them the only thing they left behind was two bullet holes in the basement door. Wow. So this was seen by multiple people, right? It was seen, I believe, by the mother and the father of the family. I'm not sure if the children had seen it, but locals would come to the house and could see the bullet holes where allegedly it had passed through the specter and hit the basement door.

So a little bit of evidence. Yeah yeah we got the grounds for some evidence i mean yeah i mean jesus christ like bullet holes anywhere tell a story it's true yeah you gotta if you move out of your uh rental flat and the property company do an inspection of the flat and they find a bullet hole you better have a damn good reason why there's a bullet hole there. You don't buy a place and then the first weekend shoot up holes in the wall. Yeah. For no good reason. People like, you know, the stupid bro thing to like put your fist through a wall when you get all worked up.

It's really not. Your girlfriend breaks up with you. Yeah. What the f***, babe? Yeah. I'm so. We've all been there. Yeah. You don't very much be like, your girlfriend breaks up with you. Yeah, what the f***, babe? Yeah, I'm so- We've all been there. Oh, yeah, you don't very much be like you're breaking up with me. Really? I can't even I can't bleep! But that's what you do when you celebrate. Yeah, sure, but yee-haw! Yeah, it's a little stranger to have bullet holes in a wall for sure. Mmm. The property would then lay vacant for decades

until eventually it was purchased in 1969 by Arnold and Ginger Hinshaw who moved in with their family unaware of the house's paranormal history. Wow. Once again the new family began restoration on the house and began to call around looking for builders and contractors to help them fix the place up. Anderson's Contractors, how may I help you? Oh hi, my name's Arnold Hinshaw and I was hoping to get some work done on my house. All right, all right, we can make that happen. What sort of work do you need? Just the usual, some basic remodeling. Not a problem, not a problem. Could you give me the address, please, of the property? Sure, it's the old Lamont Mansion by the West Bay Lake.

Hello? I'm sorry, sir, we're actually busy this week. I could do next week. I said we're busy. F*** off. With local contractors refusing to come work on the house, the family began doing it themselves, painting walls, removing old furniture, and Arnold moved his large pipe organ into the living room. Okay, okay, Dracula.

Hold up there. Bad vibes, for sure. And I mean, this isn't the 20s anymore. No, there's not. It's almost the 70s. You should bring your acoustic stratocaster yeah should be listening to cream not playing a creepy organ in the woods hello children dad i really wish you would come to dinner work was going okay at first until one day while painting

one of the walls of the bedrooms arnold discovered what appeared to be a hidden crawlspace. He tried to peek inside, but it was too dark and small, so he sent in one of his youngest kids. No! No! It was too dark and full of spiders, so he sent his firstborn. It'll be okay, Billy. The demons won't drink your innocent young blood. So there's demons? It'll be okay, Billy. The demons won't drink your innocent young blood. So there's demons?

You do have to make it back here in the next three minutes, or I will board up the crawlspace with nails. Lest the demons get out. He sent in one of his youngest kids into the crawlspace, probably pushed them in there to investigate. Do you see anything? I can see something, but I don't know what it is. Here, I'm sliding a flashlight over.

All right, I got it. The child turned on the light to discover bones. F*** off. Human bones. F*** off. And a skull with knotted black hair still attached. What? Yeah.

This thing is recent. I don't know how hair ages. Well, I guess the house isn't that old, is it? No. What did you say, 1918? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

I mean, like four people have lived in the house, so there's not that many possibilities for skeletons. The family family afraid to search any deeper simply just sealed up the crawl space permanently okay i mean probably tell the police though surely yeah i don't know if they did tell the police i guess the crime is done yeah i mean that's a bad attitude actually i could see though i mean maybe you're just like let's just leave well enough alone it's our holiday you're trying to enjoy the wilderness uh i do admire the um naivety thinking that if you uncover a pile of bones just patching up that crawl space we'll just make sure

nothing else happens you found the bones it game over the crush is activated no the skeletons are coming for sure night after night the family would awake out of nowhere feeling like they were being watched from the shadows yeah probably by the bones on a number of occasions furniture and objects would eerily drag inches to the left or right right in front of them like someone was pushing them slowly wow well that's dramatic and family members would hear strange noises coming from rooms with no one in them this is textbook poltergeist activity ladies and gentlemen we're talking about a young ghost shit up doing everything by the checklist here. Moving furniture. Check. Watching people from the shadows. Check. Hiding your bones in the walls.

A little unorthodox, but sure, we'll add it to the list. But the person who had it the worst by far was Arnold. While the rest of the family had experienced some unsettling paranormal activity, Arnold had lost his marbles. He couldn't sleep at night, and he claimed he was seeing figures hiding around the house. Jesus. It all climaxed one night when the children awoke in their beds to hear the faint sound of Arnold's organ playing downstairs. When the children crept down to see what it was, they found their father hammering away at the keys when they asked him

what he was doing he replied the music keeps the demons away no he didn't at that point you're like mommy can we get it can you get a divorce from dad we preferred your boyfriend kyle from years ago when the wilderness has essentially turned your father into ganondorf it's time to vacate the premises it didn't work patching up the walls the bones have been activated it's too late poor kids just you're finding the bones having to just seal that memory up and then having to seal up the memory of your dad saying the music keeps the demons away i don't want to foreshadow anything in this story too early on but i'm starting to see why uh we started off this story with the building in ashes yeah we're getting there don't worry yeah we're definitely

heading in the right direction for sure i'm starting to think arnold is a couple sentences away from burning this place don very soon i think the fire will keep the demons away which i think is also factually inaccurate if anything it's more of an aphrodisiac for demons right it's gonna get them horny and riled up yeah that's their home is fire yeah that's their wilderness. Needless to say, the family completely fell apart and left the house not long after. While they were probably scarred for life by Arnold and his organ, they did manage to escape mostly unharmed. But we do know the house today, as you mentioned, is burned and destroyed. So there must be more to this story.

And you're right, Kit. The mansion would go on to have one final resident. Raymond Bober, father of Arnold's wife. Oh, weird. Really weird, isn't it? So he bought the house off them? He bought the house off them, I guess maybe in a generous way to help them recoup some of their losses. And also in a kind of like, the younger generation are pussies.

Yeah. I'm gonna fix up this place. It's gonna turn into a masterpiece. Whether he knew about the stories of the mansion or whether he just decided they weren't real or he didn't care, it didn't matter. He purchased the property

and decided that him and his son would finish the renovations with a team of builders. But of course, the one thing we know about this house is that it hates people trying to fix it up right you're trying to put makeup on a ghost you're trying to paint over history you're you're gonna piss this thing off if you keep messing with it it wants to be old and decrepit. They're trying to put lipstick on the golden face of boy King Tutankhamun. Yeah, it's going to rile them up.

Almost immediately, weird shit started going down. Contract workers at the property had to stop working because the rooms in the house allegedly kept changing sizes. No, no, no, no. They would measure the walls and the floors. They'd buy all the material and come back and the room had changed. It was a different size. That's a drunk builder.

That's a drunk contractor right there. You've got a pretty easy out for any mistakes building a house. If you know prior to starting the work that the house is haunted. Materials going missing on site. The bones did it. Someone at Arnold's back lunch, it was a ghost. Exactly, there's a pretty easy excuse for everything. The final straw came when one night,

Raymond's son was working alone in the house. He's hammering away, putting in some skirting boards, which probably takes hours because the room won't stop changing fucking sizes, when he heard a noise in the hall. Hello? herding boards, which probably takes hours because the room won't stop changing f***ing sizes, when he heard a noise in the hall. Hello? Dad? He continued working.

Then, the noise again, like someone was walking in the hall. He set down his tools and opened the bedroom door to see what was in the house. Next thing he knows, he's face to face with a ghostly apparition standing right in front of him he panics and runs downstairs heading to the kitchen to escape out the back door when suddenly he hears two gunshots he looks around but there's no one in the kitchen even though he can smell gunpowder that's when he looked at the basement door and saw the two gunshot holes what this is what professional paranormal investigators in the business call a residual haunting see i thought you were gonna tell me that the dad had done like the previous generations and just whipped out his revolver and fired two off.

No. But no. This is even weirder. The son who is working on the house is somehow experiencing the haunting that took place 50 years ago. God damn. Isn't that cool? like hearing the gunshots smelling the gunpowder no one's in the room but then being able to see the holes where it took place 50 years ago that's trippy man i don't think we've ever talked about that before yeah that was

when i was investigating this case and i read about that instance i was like that's unique enough that we have to cover this yeah also the bone part I liked the bone part you know what it actually has some resonances with what we studied last week with uh Lincoln's paranormal presidency yeah the ghost train so this was when Lincoln died in the 1800s his funeral train went through all of the East Coast of America before his final resting place. But apparently, to this day, that train follows the same route every year as a ghost train. This is a little bit like, when we talk about it loads,

stone theory. Yeah. Where, you know, events are kind of sealed away in the... That's how haunted houses exist, is because the dark memories and the evil past has seeped into the materials that the house is built with. But now we're seeing this seeped in so deeply that it's manifesting itself right in front of a witness. It's very interesting. I mean, it opens a whole can of worms. I mean, because it kind of feels like

there's some weird time travel shit going on yeah you've almost like zoom travel back in time as if you're like watching it all play out and then jump back into your own time yeah like you know he'd hear the gunshots going off smell the gunpowder next thing he knows the organ is like ringing out through the house it's like all these things happening at one time. Very cool. There's a good horror movie in this somewhere. Well, Summerwind Mansion was bought and sold a few times more in the coming years. Until 1988.

When during a huge storm, the house was struck by lightning. Setting it ablaze and burning it to the ground. Holy shit. This place was so haunted that God had to kill it. That's how bad it was. He's like, none of you, none of you gonna do what needs to be done? Fine. Boom! Absolutely incinerating it. It seems to have done the job, I mean, for the most part. It damaged it so much that it's basically left abandoned now It's not even worth renovating really. It's already tough enough to ask renovating just a house that's haunted But one that was struck by Zeus himself. No, it's just a lump of charcoal in the woods with a skeleton

Hair on it lying on top. It's i'm not touching this with a barge pole the contractors aren't coming off for this i don't care if it's still called a mansion you call in the contractors and they're like the ash pile keeps changing size we keep getting a dustpan and a bucket and we come back and it's tiny and then we come back and it's huge i can't work with this i'm just imagining that contractor who keeps saying everything keeps changing size someone's like dude do you have your contact lenses in the wrong eyes he's like oh yeah i do oh it's the same size as it's always been that makes sense or it's like someone who was just never taught what perspective is he's like i was looking from the hills and it was like a f***ing ant hill i

take a couple steps closer it gets bigger i come back it gets smaller what's with this place look you need to just sit here and take a time out i'm gonna go get you a glass of water the guy just disappears into the horizon oh stop you're about to disappear look we've come full circle here. The story started with the house burned to the ground. The story ended with the house burned to the ground. I will say, Raymond, when he did have the house, he tried communicating with the spirits using Ouija boards.

He was convinced that there was an evil presence in the mansion, underwent hypnosis sessions, and even went on to write a book about it. Damn. Yeah. Again, that's the stuff that we kind of actually don't like to see in these cases, is someone trying to monetize and capitalize on the paranormal. Not like we'd ever be seeing dad doing that. Absolutely not. Like we'd never be seen dad doing that.

Absolutely not. Luckily, most of the residents of this house pretty much left as soon as they could and never wanted to return, which is good. That's a good sign. That's what we like to see. But it is a lot to kind of digest. We've had a lot of years in this house and a lot of families in this house. Kit, what are you thinking in terms of whether or not this house is truly haunted yeah you mentioned there's been a number of families this is kind of one of the more surprising things to me is that people seem to keep buying this house even though there has been

a bunch of families but almost zero happy memories it seems like yeah it seems like everyone who buys the house stays for like a night. Right. And then everything goes wrong. I probably compacted the story down. I'd like to think that the residents probably did have some good memories. Okay. Which we obviously have no time to talk about. It is all about the paranormal and the bad times.

It's all about the wilderness, not the wild. and the bad times it's all about the wilderness not the wild and so it is pretty compelling that a series of people have lived in one building and all had paranormal experiences you know we've covered other haunted houses like you mentioned very famous ones like maybe the enfield haunting to my knowledge that house was occupied by other people over the years, but only has one family that ever experienced the haunting. That's a really good point. So this is kind of compelling, but is there enough evidence here to call it definitely paranormal? I don't know. What are you thinking?

This was a tough one for me as well there is a lot of things that we like in paranormal cases which is physical evidence in terms of one the gunshots being on the uh basement door two finding bones human bones that's always great that's a very physical thing that's not just like seeing something in the corner of your eye that's like finding something evil buried in the walls of your house yeah unfortunately as i said uh god himself struck that evidence from the earth which makes it a little harder to verify i mean even in this case alone the only thing i can give you is just pictures of the burnt house and it's so unhelpful that i was just like there's not even a point really in me showing you what it is and what it looks like.

Because it doesn't do anything. It doesn't flip us in any side, which is difficult. Yeah, we're definitely going on. Granted, the four pillars of truth, hearsay, rumor, I don't know, guesswork. Talk, I think, was one of them. Yeah, chatter or something like that. Yeah, we really need to look those up and remember what they were. Yeah, it's a tough one. I think for me uh i love the story i love the idea of a residual haunting where it's

like the uh the paranormal experiences just echoing through time but yeah i would have liked to see some pictures i would like to see a lot more uh physical evidence uh for me to really come down and understand even understand why this thing is haunted because as we said it doesn't have that long a history it wasn't built by a pharaoh where a thousand souls lost their lives yeah it was built in like the 20th century it's just like it's a new house yeah and the possibility exists that people did just go shining style crazy in the wilderness. That's true. Yeah, it could be that the families maybe had a couple more demons in the closet than we thought.

The organ was a giveaway. It really was. Even if the place was paradise, it could have been like a beach hut in the Golden Bahamas. Don't bring the organ. The organ's already going to put people in a bad, weird mood. Yeah, this guy is on a golden sand beach of St. Lucia in the Caribbean. He's still going to be playing the organ at night. The kids are like, why are you playing the organ?

It keeps the demons away. You're on a crystal watered beach. Just go for a swim. Do you think the organ is the most evil sounding instrument? I mean, it's got to be, right? Nothing invites evil in more than the organ does, I think. Yeah, I mean, a lot more than like the synthesizer. Yeah.

Although synthesizers can make pretty wild noises. Like a synthesizer one one of those ones with loads of dials you could twist one of those that accidentally opens a portal to hell right there's that many buttons whoa turn that one closed i guess what's that one that makes like i can never remember the name of it it's like the invisible one that makes the ufo noise oh the theremin yeah the that by definition is like a ghost singing so that's pretty good i mean dracula literally plays the organ does he is that lore i don't know but it seems like he does it in the movies you know you entered the transylvanian mansion yeah and then you hear he's like aha you joined me i see i like we really hope he was just playing like jump by van halen or something like that yeah doing the guitar solo from beat it

look there's no need to dilly dally anymore, folks. I think we can all agree. This is a great story. Very interesting story. But for me, there's just not enough today to say that this is really paranormal. It's going to be a no from me. It's a double no, folks. Damn. But thank you so much for sending in that suggestion.

I had a blast researching that one. It's always fun to investigate a story that has a very clear path through history. And you can kind of just take your time, working your way through the years. It's very fun to investigate a story that has a very clear path through history. And you can kind of just take your time working your way through the years. It's very fun. Yeah, not like an episode that's just like the concept of night terrors. Yeah, it's a little hard. It takes a long time. The amount of episodes that start with me telling you about a man who hasn't been born yet because he's from another dimension.

Needlessly complicated. I like just going back to the 20s and working my way up to the fact that the house was burned down. Yeah. Send all of your submissions if you want us to investigate them to thisparanormallifepodcastatgmail.com. Whether it's something that you've heard of that you want us to look into, or whether or not it's a paranormal experience that you've had that you want two kings in the pack to uh investigate sorry you're laughing at my analogy here saying that we're king no no no it's good it's just like a little more like overtly like masculine or bro or something usual but i like it for a change well i was trying i was doing more

like a pack of cards thing so it's like we're the kings in the pack okay so it was that's what i was kind of going for but you played it off like a joker that was pretty good actually right all right yeah let's keep going with this okay um so i'm a king i'm a 10 you're a joker and you're also that i was also a king you're also that card that has all the instructions on it that you throw away right at the start. You take that back right now, you piece of shit. I'm also a two out of two. And I'm wild. That's right, baby.

And I'm also the king that has that little knife. So don't cross me, instruction card man. Or you'll get the king's dagger. Once again, as you can tell, I took the poetry class this week. So so i'm trying to throw i'm trying to be a little bit more poetic um with my how i describe myself and i describe our job so i'd actually appreciate it if you were a little bit more supportive no no i'm with you let me let me join in let me let me like all right like the tagline it doesn't have to be a card based thing it could be anything i really do uh call me call me a spade all right because i'm gonna do this it's weird to swear it's weird to swear in a poem by

the way that's already a bit of a red flag and the first line of your poem was a demand that's fine call me a f***ing spade usually a poem would be like it's more of a freestyle rap shall i shall i compare thee to a spade fine a bit more romantic i'm pretty sure he said you were just that king with a dagger but i was it was the way i said it all right that made my poem good and your poem bad more than fair all right new poem and i'll show you how it's done all right let's go boom right off the bat life flashes us by in day to day it is truly a shuffle 52 opportunities okay it's still it's still in the car didn't let me finish you didn't let me finish i was going in it was

actually going in a really deep direction doesn't really seem like it well it was all right 52 opportunities to draw okay there's 52 uh weeks in a year so that could be could be something different sure blackjack okay is that the final it's like a that's a final line blackjack it's a work in progress all right my wife sent me to poetry class so that it would really help get rid of my gambling addiction it doesn't seem to be working quite quite so well so far i keep betting everyone in class i can write a better poem than them and i keep losing because they're good at poems i'm bad at gambling anyway thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of this paranormal life as we said

the most scummiest awful thing you can do in this profession is try and monetize the paranormal disgusting that being said over on patreon.com ohcom forward slash this paranormal life, you can get access to a whole ton of amazing bonus content. If you're enjoying the show, maybe you've caught up, maybe you've burned your way through the episodes. And, you know, it's lockdown time. It's a pandemic. People are indoors. They're looking for things to do. Why not treat yourself with a whole back catalog of bonus episodes. I

think we have 30, maybe 30 plus episodes now available to download right now. And to let you know just what is in these bonus episodes, here's a short clip from last month's bonus episode. It's the late 1940s and five political prisoners are being marched down a dark hallway in shackles. At the end of the hall, the prisoners are stuffed into a small, sealed chamber. The door shuts behind them. Then, a voice on the intercom. Welcome, test subjects, to our little experiment. For years, mankind has struggled... Sorry, did you say he was russian sorry i

think i'm going a little german here it's good hold on hold on let me rejig this it's hard to do high pitch russian accent yeah you know it's always like you want to go like a rush i can't even think i just did one russian but it was good it was low i just got a vladimir and his russian accent vladimir and his russian accent you're a vampire that's the only difference all right we're gonna go vamp full-on vampire for this one then guys welcome to subject it's still german i feel like i'm at a circus all right i'm gonna have to boys and girls come on come on to the magical chamber all right we're just gonna i don't know what we're gonna do for this maybe f**k it australian all right test subjects get in the

chamber all right you sick motherf**kers you thought you could kill us thought you could talk shit about russia mother russia yeah i'm russian yeah i did a few years of school in sydney oh man that's a doozy that was a good one that was a good one um if you want to check that out all the links to everything you need will be in the description of this podcast just open up your phone or whatever you're listening to this on and they should be right there and as always at the end of the show we like to thank those who were on the shout out tier when it was available on patreon we do hope to bring the shout out tier back uh in the next month or so but we'll have more about that i guess on the next episode next week we can talk about it but until then thank you to caleb weir caleb weir

is keeping it weird nice he's wearing rainbow colored outfits he's snorting lines of sugar for breakfast oh i like this and he's you know instead of taking the tube to work he's just doing backflips continuously in the street does he get to work no oh i think he has a job he snorts sugar for breakfast a good point thank you to william calabaza william i need you to kill your brother what i'm sorry it's kind of like uh you know like a uh test of dedication like in in the Bible. Yeah, is it Abraham? Yeah, I'm gonna, I need to ask you to kill your brother. I'm assuming God didn't tee it up like that.

He probably danced around it a bit. Yo, Abe, I need you to kill your brother. Kill your son. Just check in right before you do it and I'll maybe have changed my mind. But just don't, don't just do it. But right now I'm 90% on it. I'm sure, but do check.

Thank you to Luke Fuller St. Aroman. If it isn't pukey Lukey. He's got the most sensitive stomach known to man. If he even sees a drink that's a little strong. Doesn't even have to be alcoholic. Sometimes it's just orange juice. If it's the blue milk instead of the green milk. He's gone, he's gone he's gone

he can't hold it down hold it together man thanks to becca mackintosh becca mackintosh i'll bet yeah mackint i'll bet yeah a mackintosh computer that i can write a poem five times as better better than you can becca is actually the um poet laureate of the united kingdom oh uh this year but you know have a go all right three two okay one texas hold them sorry it's not a poem that's the title that's yeah that's the title of the poem uh hit me gambler i'm sorry i'm getting stressed here i feel like i'm under the spotlight you like to hear one of becca's i would really appreciate to get the juices flowing she starts in the nile connor so this is that's actually one of the laureate uh this year um

whatever sometimes life deals you a hand that you can't refuse that's my no you just have to keep a poker face. This is my poem. So that no one calls your bluff. I wrote this, Becca. What's the next line? 52 opportunities? It's 52 opportunities, isn't it? I told you about that poem in confidence, Becca. Great.

Thank you to Kate Schultz. Kate Schultz throws lightning bolts. Anything deemed slightly too paranormal gets zapped out of the earth. And so it should be. Houses, people, even if you're not paranormal, you're just a bit suspicious looking. Zapped. Okay, you need to wield that authority with a little more discretion. Thank you to Brendan Neville.

Brendan Neville, the Red Devil. He is a daredevil known for jumping gorges on his electric scooter. Whoa. He died on the first attempt of his first event. It's not a good track record or a record of any kind. In fact, I don't really think you get to call yourself a daredevil after that happens just a tragic just a scared devil like it's a brenna gynie brenna gynie is so whiny oh there's not enough food in the commune oh some of the glowing waste from the bunker

has started making it into the tap water. Just non-stop. This, this, this, this, this, this. So selfish. Think about how annoying that is for your leaders to have to hear. I know. You think I like wearing this golden snapback every day? It hurts my neck.

Incredibly heavy. We all have our crosses. Thank you to Boston Heston Rojas. Boston Heston is often arresting perps but they're not actually affiliated with the police or anything like that this is vigilante justice very cool we're looking at a citizen's arrest the coolest of arrests uh we have on this podcast uh asked if there is such thing as a citizen's execution where you very much take the law into your own hands. And we did look into it and only in Liberia currently. So pack your bags commune.

We're shipping out. Thank you to Sophie Chase. Sophie Chase won a trophy in a race. That was a race to the bottom of Mount Everest from the top. Wow. And only one rule, my friend. No legs. You must go limp.

Limp as a noodle. Wow. You're only survivor as well, which is really what gets you the gold. Yeah. Very impressive. Teach me your ways. Thank you to Hannah Elbone. Hannah loves living in the crawl spaces because she's all bone.

A little hair, though, too. A little hair. You don't even want to look at her, touch her, go anywhere close, because if you do, the curse is activated. Sure. It's too late. Thank you to NJ Kippen. Come on down to NJ Kippen.

We are New Jersey's premier mattress sales place. Ooh, okay. You can get the most comfortable mattress in all of New Jersey. Come on down, my friend. I'm looking for a king size mattress. King size, a mattress? Okay, sure. What size though?

King size that I'm insuring. Sure, and what would you plan on doing on the bed? That's very private but mostly sleeping i believe with my sleeping i have to ask you to leave sir excuse me our beds are only for kipping oh right isn't that isn't that slang for sleep what's very different my friend this is much more of a catnap establishment. Right, right. Okay.

So can I interest you though? So you do want to sell mattresses. Thank you to Chris Stewart. Chris Stewart is a pissed steward. The drunkest airline host to ever sail the seven skies. And that's impressive because it takes a lot to get hammered on those little bottles. Oh, yeah. He's walking down the aisles. You've got to be stealing a lot of booze.

He's coming down asking if you want nuts. Just like, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. There's bottles in every pocket. He is hammered. People are like, I actually don't want nuts, but could I get a drink? He's like, we're all right, sorry. They're like, I can smell the booze on you but if you want you can join the mile high club takes out a joint in front of them his manager's like that takes the biscuit

you're fired thank you to vicky k well if it isn't hicky vicky you want to talk about someone who lives in the wilderness? It's Hickey Vicky. Oh, yeah? She's never even seen indoors. Constantly outdoors. Constantly under the stars. Is she by any chance any kind of animal? Part animal, sure. Okay.

What part? Foot. Okay, what animal then? While I'm asking. Frog. Okay. She hasn't been indoors mostly because they won't let her. Yeah, that sounds more likely.

Not much by choice. Thank you to Lisa. Lisa is like the Mona Lisa. She's got a little smile and no one knows where it came from. Hmm, sneaky. Except it could be on account of the massive bank heist she just pulled off. That's a sure giveaway right there.

Yeah, so I think, you know, that's kind of like a little she thinks it's like no one else knows, but it's like... You're leaking cash as you run, basically. The police are coming. Thank you to Holy Mole. Holy Mole was actually a saint canonized in the 1300s who the mole just happened to f***ing walk by the Pope, right?

As an assassin. Was creeping up behind him to kill him. And there was a whole thing. The mole stopped him? The guy stepped on the mole and then he slipped and fell over and died. And the mole died too. Anyway, the mole is not a saint. I don't even really want to question that.

I'm just going to take your word for it. There's nothing funny about this story. It's just the true story of a holy mole thanks to neen hill neen hill took the green pill morpheus offered them blue and red and they just socked them in the jaw dug around in their pockets so they could find anything and swallowed it it's basically a bag of skittles and that big old jacket and morpheus's. You never know what door it's going to open. Some of them are Skittles as well, so they're just delicious. It'll open the door to taste the f***ing rainbow. It's a pretty good door.

Thank you to Jessie G. Jessie G is the sister to famed pop star Jessie J. Ah, very cool. Very cool. Also a musician? Oh, yeah. Just didn't make it thanks to their deeply, deeply offensive

song titles. Wow. I actually can't read them out here. Just one? This first one's called The F*** Of The Sun.

Jesus! Yeah. That's pretty brutal. You know, you need to call things, you you know you need to call things you know need to call the tracks like you know you know it's all about the money money you know yeah something like that catch here they were also pretty adamant about the only instrument being the pipe organ which were bad vibes thank you to abraham guajardo ab Abraham Guajardo go home. Honestly, if you're going to come to the blackjack table and spit some slam poetry,

you know, Rory's at the table. You're going to have to Guajardo go home. That's right. I expect the best from poets and gamblers. Thank you to Tookie C. Tookie C is a spooky bee. That's right. A lot of people don't know that when a beehive dies, ghost

bees remain. You think a sting from a real bee is bad? What about a ghost bee straight to your soul? That's an itch you can't scratch, folks. Thanks lastly but not leastly to Mr. Benjamin Ingram. Benjamin, I'm putting together a little Broadway musical you might be

interested in and I think you would be perfect for the role it is all about the Benjamins my friend and yes me and the cast and crew had to move town shortly after our debut performance last theatrical season but I think this year with the rewrites that I've made we have the potential to go Hamilton with this bad boy. It's going to be all Benjamin and bright lights. None of this room where it happened shit. All right. It's going to be the tomb where it crap.

The womb where it happened. happened. So Benjamin, that's just a little insight to the rewrites that have taken place. Benji. And don't listen to Rory's Texas Hold'em based slam poetry. It's not reflective

of the final script. Yeah, that's a side hustle. There's nothing to do with the final script. If anything, his A-game is so preoccupied with the West End. I think I still have... Because as we all know, I had to sell my exercise bike to fund the project. Yeah, which went on to

fund a Chinese restaurant, I think. There was a lot of misadventures along the way. But I think we can all agree that the track, initial track from the musical, was a certified banger. And if I can find it on my hard drive, let's end the show this week with the number one hit song.

It's all about the Benjamins, baby. Thank you so much for listening. We will be back next week. You know it's pretty hard for a guy like me to make it in New York City. Even if I am the president's only son. It's all about the Benjamins. It's all about chasing that money. I sold my exercise bike so I could make this show so you better all like it or I'm gonna be pissed off oh my god boo all right all all right

fine I'll turn it off