This Paranormal Life - #204 The GHOST War of 1692: The Spectre Leaguers

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

The early European settlers of North America had a difficult and dangerous job, building a new country while going to war with enemies on all sides. In 1692 it became a whole lot more dangerous when a new GHOSTLY enemy arrived. What followed is one of the new world's strangest paranormal legends.PRE-SAVE 'KEEP RUNNING'https://ffm.to/keeprunningpresavePatreonhttps://patreon.com/ThisParanormalLifeYouTubehttps://youtube.com/thisparanormallifeTwitterhttps://twitter.com/ThisParaLifeInstagramhttps://instagram.com/thisparanormallifeSecret Society Facebook Pagehttps://www.facebook.com/groups/thisparanormallife/Edited by Kami Tomanhttps://tomanedits.comResearch by Amy GrisdaleIntro music: https://www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What happens at the end of time? Are the floaters in my vision actually dust in the webcam of my robot brain simulator? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Hello and welcome to another episode of This Paranormal Life. This is the weekly comedy podcast where every tuesday we investigate a different paranormal claim and try and get to the bottom of whether it's truly paranormal or not as always you're joined by myself mr kit greer mulvena and this guy mr roy powers how you doing today roy i'm doing well actually doesn't matter how i'm doing does it because we're not here to talk about me we're

not here to talk about you we're here to talk about the paranormal no one gives a how either of us are doing i'm's time to dive in. 200 episodes to figure out that I don't give a shit how you're doing, bud. It has been a hard week, though. Side note, it's been really... Oh, really? It's been tough recently. Why don't you just...

Why don't I just turn off the f***ing recorder? And you just bore me to death with your personal problems. How about that? I'll just turn off the camera. I'll just turn off the camera. All right, yeah, I'm all ears. I'm all ears. Not like we're on the clock. Not like my car's parked outside and the meter's running up. Is it? Not like I've already got three tickets on that thing. You should, I mean. Can I borrow some change, by the way? You should move the car. The meter

has run out. That sounds like you're going through a lot. Unfortunately, I don't give a because this is a paranormal podcast baby we're not talking about feelings although as i said it has been a really hard week uh for me um she picked up the kids last night uh all six of them you know i thought one of the little bastards would at least want to stay but um they're actually very little context yes so they were pretty problems yeah sorry she picked up the kids yeah i'm not gonna even ask so i'm actually gonna need to borrow some change well because those little guys those little rugrats were paying rent so i think your tickets on your car the least are important but um my honda is very important to me

it's like my child well she took my honda too so now i have no car child and no regular speaking my language i'm really sorry to hear that yeah it's been tough that's definitely enough personal information for the top of the podcast rory it's about time we dived into today's story. And I should say thank you so much to Pamela Newport for sending this one into this Paranormal Life podcast at gmail.com. It was the summer of 1692 in Cape Ann, Massachusetts, in the early days of pilgrims and Puritans in America. Cape Ann was right on the coast, tranquil and beautiful, but something was about to go very wrong. Ebenezer Babson was a local farmer and a man who valued his sleep as just like any farmer he had

to get up early and go to bed early. But that summer something started interrupting his precious sleep. Ebeneezers famously love their rest. Yes. I'm thinking mostly, of course, of Scrooge. Sure. Which was also interrupted by three, not demons, but spirits. So it'll be interesting to see if this Ebeneezer that we're dealing with today is also having some sort of paranormal experience.

It's Christmas Day. All right, it's the same Ebeneezer. Kermit was walking in the courtyard. All right, so specifically the Muppets Christmas Carol. I accidentally printed, yes, the Wikipedia plot summary of Muppets Christmas Carol. Ebenezer is really a name that should come back. Yeah, I think it's baller. Ezzy? People call you Ez for short.

That's kind of cool. Hmm, I like that. It sounded like there were some people stumping around his house. Junior, are you making that racket? Stop it at once. Get back to reading your Bible. Junior? But it wasn't Junior. In fact, Junior was studying the Bible.

Not only that, but the entire family had heard the noise too. And yet, there was nobody to be seen. It's time to start putting that study into practice, Junior. It's not enough to read the pages. You need to start speaking them aloud. He's like, I only got to like the first gospel. I don't know anything. Just keep reciting the same first couple lines over and over.

I got to the bit where he's made the trees all right grab a branch and start swinging i got to the point where she takes the apples was she supposed to take the apple or not well the next day he was walking to the house after a long day of farming when he caught sight of something that made him stop dead in his tracks. Two oddly dressed men were walking out of his house. They noticed Ebenezer and both ran like hell into the cornfield behind the house. Whoa. He rushed inside to make sure his family were safe. Who were those men who were in here just now? His wife had no idea what he was talking about. What do you mean? Nobody's been here all day except us.

Kids, did you see anyone? The children shook their heads, but this wasn't enough for Ebenezer. He grabbed his gun and ran out behind the house. Looking around, down the barrel of his gun, he locked eyes with the same men he'd seen sneaking out of the house. The trespassers took off running again. Ebenezer was on their trail but lost sight of them once they reached a swamp. Pacing quietly amongst the dense vegetation, Ebenezer heard the men whispering. Creeping closer, he could just

make out what they were saying. The man of the house is now come, else we might have taken the house. The man of the house is now come, else we might have taken the house. A shiver ran down his spine. His family were in trouble. And just as unsettling, even though Ebenezer was so close that he could hear these guys mumbling and whispering to each other, he couldn't see anyone. No, that's not good. Because he's out of the corn now, isn't it? You said he was in a swamp. He's in a swamp, yes. Jesus. because he's out of the corn now isn't it you said he was in a swamp he's in a swamp yes jesus uh you know in this situation roy what are you doing if people you catch people uh invading your house running away and then mumbling to themselves uh we're gonna take the house in the

end though uh are you evacuating or rigging your house like home Alone? Yeah, it's kind of a worst case scenario where you caught them, they got away and you overheard them saying they're coming back. It's the worst of every situation. I'm not really sure what to do. Home Alone style booby trap isn't a bad idea. Now you did say this was in the 1600s, I believe. Late 1600s, yes. So that is going to limit the amount of Home Alone-style booby traps you can lay.

Yeah, there's no walkie-talkies or any of that fun stuff. You can't crush up any Christmas tree baubles to lay at the very front. I think at that point in time, a Home Alone-style booby trap was a shotgun with a string tied to the trigger on your stairs pointing at the doorway. Yeah, very much Kill Bill sitting in a caravan with a stairs pointing at the doorway yeah very much uh kill bill uh sitting in a caravan with a gun pointed at the door right it was just manslaughter yes yes he felt like an attack was imminent not wanting to hang around and wait for it the whole family did indeed flee to the nearest garrison a small group of troops stationed at a fortress to defend the town. As soon as they were inside the garrison, they heard a sudden thundering

of people marching outside. It was as if an army had appeared outside the building in the blink of an eye. Everyone present thought, this is it, a Native American tribe have ambushed us, it's over. But Ebenezer Babson wasn't afraid. He kicked the door open, burst outside, gun in hand, ready to face an entire battalion single-handed. But the only people outside were the same two little he'd been dealing with all afternoon. No sooner had he raised his rifle to take aim at them,

once again they scampered down the hill before he could take a shot. So weird. It is weird. It's like they're following him at this stage, but it's like they're staking out the village and the location and his farm. Yeah. But anytime he catches them, they run away. But all this ruckus had caught the attention of the whole garrison. The soldiers asked Ebenezer,

Sir, did you get them? Who was it? Ebenezer replied, No, i'm not sure i think it was natives why is the garrison asking ebenezer if he accomplished the mission aren't they the ones that are supposed to be doing things i don't know they were on their lunch break or something they didn't see it who's ebenezer all these people are like, my liege. Ebenezer the Great, did you manage to capture the assailants? I don't know, man. I think, to be honest, Ebenezer is just a guy panting with a gun drawn. Yeah.

And they're like, hey, yo, what happened? All right, buddy, take it easy. Let's de-escalate the situation. The soldiers were all convinced they were now under threat of Native American attack. And the two guys skulking around must have been scouts. And so a long and lonely night drew out where everyone slept with one eye open. The garrison kept a close watch that night and the night that followed, but there was no sign of an attack. You ever try to sleep with one eye open? I haven't. It's really hard. Yeah? Yeah. What are you worried about that you have to sleep with one eye open? I haven't. It's really hard.

Yeah? Yeah. What are you worried about that you have to sleep with one eye open? Just thought it would be a cool party trick, like Gandalf, being able to sleep with your eyes open. But it's pretty hard. It's pretty difficult. It's all I'm going to say. It turns out one eye gets pretty damn dry.

Yeah, yeah. It gets stuck that way. You've got to swap over to the other one. I can only sleep for, like, 30 seconds max. I ended up being pretty tired. I slept through the the next day both eyes closed. Got mugged. I was so tired that the next day it created a perfect opportunity for the villain to strike. Yeah. Three days later Ebenezer was out patrolling his property still feeling suspicious and on edge When just then another two men appeared.

Ebenezer thought they must be Frenchmen because they carried shiny silver weapons that looked a bit like what French Canadian soldiers used. Expecting them to run away, he yelled and raised his gun. But instead, the two heads cocked in his direction, eyes fixated on Ebenezer. They started walking, then running towards him. Whoa! We know, and he knows, that his gun is about as accurate as a potato gun, and reloads just as fast, so he knows he can't take them both out before they reach him. In the 1600s, firing a weapon at an assailant was also a dice roll there was a chance you yourself would die those things were basically made of dirt and metal there was as much chance as the bullet

going forward as the bullet exploding and blowing off your fingers yeah it was a real risky move back then and even if you did manage to shoot the shot, it was about a three-day reload until you could fire another one. So you're best of—there's a reason they put a knife at the end of the gun. That's all I'm saying. Once you took that shot, you had to go back to your house, smelt down your rings and jewelry into one bullet, and spend the next couple days loading it. and spend the next couple of days loading it. I kind of love the fact that putting a bayonet on the top of a gun was kind of like when Apple release a new laptop, but provide an adapter so you can use all your old cables.

So they're kind of like, this is the future, but I know you guys loved your knives and you really depend on your swords. So we're going to make this gun also a sword, just in case. It's got, you know, you're easing them into the future. It's a great point. It's like, imagine if the first time, I don't know, a samurai sword had been invented. They were just like, and just in case this doesn't work

or you can't figure out how to use it, we've just put a spiky rock on the bottom of the handle. Yeah. Just in case you need to bash someone's brain in old-fashioned style. And I hope, you know, in 10 years' time, when I get handed a pipe that can turn another human into glass, there's also just a gun on the other side

in case you miss and you just need to blast off. So heart-pounding, Ebenezer started sprinting away for his life. Thankfully, he had the home advantage of knowing his own land and the shortcuts, so he beat them back to the garrison. Leaning on the iron door, Ebenezer paused to catch his breath. He heard the sounds of commotion and unrest outside the door, but the shots and yelling and violence never came. Ebenezer grew frustrated. What in the name of all that is holy is going on? The crazy thing is, at this point Ebenezer

and his family were just one of a vast number of eyewitnesses to these strange men. Many people in the surrounding area had seen them. They were very hard to describe, but everyone agreed on one thing. There was something foreign about them. Their clothes and weapons weren't like those of the townspeople. Some wore suits made of shiny metal and carried long silver firearms. Some looked like Native Americans, but they all gave off an evil vibe. Some witnesses weren't even sure they were human. But one eyewitness account was most worrying of all. One villager watched the men run through the forest and some soft mud, but noticed they didn't leave a single footprint. Oh boy. At this point, you're wishing you stayed in England, aren't you? Everyone was up for sailing for months, fighting Native Americans,

building towns from the ground up in the hopes for a better life. But when ghosts and demons are hunting you, you have to wonder if God wants you to be in America. Yeah, that's a bad... You know, you went on that boat for a reason. You heard the grass was greener on the other side. And now you're seeing guys who don't leave footprints in the mud. And you're questioning whether or not the voyage was worth it.

Because the voyage was pretty bad to begin with. And now, you know what? The taxes that you've got to pay to the king and all that bullshit is starting to sound pretty much fine. What is the drinking water situation in this town? Is it swamp water by any chance i mean it's 1692 so it's basically uh smart water it's pretty sophisticated stuff uh what are you inferring that there is a mass hallucination going on i'm just saying there's a lot of people claiming to see some pretty strange things okay well noted the strange figures kept appearing for days on end just a glimpse here

a flash out of the corner of your eye there you just blink while you're drinking your swamp water and you just see them in front of your very eyes that might be a product of the swamp water they were ever they're everywhere by the well at the swamp by the store selling swamp water you could be sitting there gumping down a delicious glass of swamp water and next thing you know they're right beside you you could be sipping on a swamp espresso with the swamp bugs and he could be sitting right beside you you could be in line with shrek himself trying to get the fresh creamy delicious swamp mud. They were ever-present and ever-circling the garrison. Now Ebenezer

is a man on the edge. He's rattled. He's drinking coffee after coffee, then whiskey, then more coffee, staring out into the forest, his finger resting on the trigger day and night. Are they just kind of living at the garrison now? Is that the idea? Problem is, back then, there's no

police force right so you can't call anyone to help you so what you got to do is in effect sleep at the police station aka the garrison yeah i've done that many times uh myself behind the bars not necessarily okay not necessarily voluntarily so after a heavy night in the swamp water, you blink and wake up wearing stripy pajamas. Thanks for letting me crash here tonight, Officer Thompson. We arrested you. You're in prison. I honestly feel a lot safer.

I'll pay you back one of these days, pal. You're a good friend. You're getting executed tomorrow. You know that, right? I was wondering why this meal was so good Yeah, me spitting out my KFC chicken bucket banquet What? Is this why you gave me the chicken?

Not that Ebenezer was a man on the edge It meant that one night, with his friend keeping watch by his side When three of these mysterious men did walk out of the forest towards him He couldn't tell if it was the whiskey or the coffee. But judging by his friend's reaction, he wasn't imagining it. They were really coming this time. They grabbed their rifles and didn't hesitate

for a second before unloading on them. But the three invaders dodged every single bullet. They were bending and shape-shifting in slow motion like Neo, just dodging every shot. They were avoiding the gunshots so effortlessly, Ebenezer stopped firing altogether as more of these strange men came out of the forest. Luckily, he had backup. A dad squad had assembled along with the garrison to defend the town, and they had too many bullets to dodge, or so they thought. They opened fire on the 12 ghostly figures, but didn't manage to injure a single one.

Wow 12 now? There's 12 of these ****. So the garrison started marching towards the figures while firing on them, causing them to scatter back into the forest. The leader of the guards spoke up. You two, head through those trees. I want you three down the south end while you three go the other way. The rest of you form a perimeter. We're not losing these sons of bitches this time. Ebenezer's group followed their orders and stalked the enemy.

When they spotted a couple of stragglers, he opened fire. This time, to his relief, their targets slumped to the ground. Whoa! I think you hit the wrong people there, buddy, by the sounds of it. But seconds later, he and his soldiers couldn't believe their eyes. The dead slowly began twisting and rising from the ground until they were upright and started laughing. Oh my God. Ebenezer cried out loud.

These are surely devils disguised as men. Before anyone could respond, one of the three invaders sent a shot their way. Ebenezer felt the bullet rush past his face before it embedded in the tree behind him. He quickly plucked it from the bark with his knife before escaping. But the battle wasn't over. The game of cat and mouse continued long into the night. Finally, at the climax of the battle, the garrison had one of the bastards cornered.

They unloaded their guns at point-blank range and watched the body fall to the ground. But when the smoke cleared... All right, the body was gone. This is kind of the problem with, you know 1600s is the gunfire is the only option they really have you know it's the only resort and even when it doesn't work your other options are more gunfire it's been proven gunfire or cannon fire yeah which is just a big gun really or set fire to the whole forest yeah all of them are terrible options but maybe

even the fire would be a better one. You do make a good point though earlier. Like, we can't be sure that they didn't all just shoot a blank. And it all went up in smoke and the guy ran away. Very confusing though picture because, like you say, this is somewhat tempting to just, you know, I'm not going to beat around the bush. We've covered many stories in the past that have turned out to be mass hallucinations. Well, we've built up a bit of a reputation for this kind of story. You could say we're hallucinating ourselves, thinking we could get away with covering that many cases.

And yet, Ebenezer felt a bullet rush past his face and embed into the bark of a tree. Now, that's true. If you get some physical evidence from these encounters, then you're onto something there for real. Interestingly, when Ebenezer later evaluated this bullet he picked out of the tree, he found it was a long pointed silver bullet. Very much unlike the type that he was using at the time or they were using at the time, which is more like a short stubby round thing. Right. But still very physical time which is more like a short stubby round thing right but still very physical which is interesting yes it wasn't translucent glowing green or something like that wasn't radioactive it would be uh more telling if a star wars-esque blaster had gone past his head right morale had sunk to below zero the men were tired to the point of exhaustion night after they've done

so little they've done so little to solve this problem they've been awake for days on end one eye open yeah sure it doesn't really work so they get tired and they fall asleep for a week at a time they're exhausted although it's like these these men show up they fire from the garrison they show up the next day they fire from the garrison the next day they chase him from the garrison and one dude is just like i am so tired of this can someone get me a swamp espresso i'm so tired i think the swamp water is making you tired they've not only done so little physical activity but they've also done so little to comprehend understand or properly counter this threat what are you supposed to do if you're being hunted like

anytime you watch a movie about you know like olden times game of thrones time yeah when they would uh siege a castle or a garrison the whole point is you are starving them by sieging the town you're cutting off their food supply cutting off their sleep they're spending day and night worrying that war is on their doorstep whereas the person doing the sieging is kind of in control of the whole situation that's true you got them trapped up against there but usually in those situations you know like game of thrones you're dealing with an army of white walkers frostbitten skeleton men that have roamed the entire earth this is just two guys no sorry there was 12 of them at last con at least a dozen just kind of walking around looking funny well they shot ebenezer yeah well this is

brands to 1600s that's how you say hello how you doing it's a friendly warning shot how do you do doing fine uh i'm just saying i feel like uh they haven't really exhausted all their options because their only option is i don't know you said there was a bible at the start of the story maybe you should get junior if i came in here and was like like rory i need you to call me uh call me an ambulance someone broke my leg to the baseball bat on the way over here you'd be like i really feel like you didn't exhaust all your options before getting attacked with a baseball bat. There's a lot of other things you could do.

Have you tried stretching? Have you tried a nutrient-rich diet to help those broken, broken legs? I will say, you know, it's easy for me to sit here with my little city boy, my comfy city boy life. I'm not in the garrison being haunted by swamp people. So it's easy for me to say that I would do things a little differently so i can admit that i'm excited to see where this goes and uh and if they do find a better way to kind of counter this paranormal threat i mean they broke into his house and then he followed them and they said as soon as this back his turn we're gonna break in again pretty also not very ghostly there's something weird about thinking that a ghost has to make a

plan yeah i don't know why that's that's why they don't just do what they want yeah yeah like it's weird to think that if you have a haunted house in between the moments where the ghost shows up the ghost is somewhere else being like i say we get there about 8 30 9 i'll go downstairs and i'll make some noises and uh just throw cans of beans at the walls but they don't have that thought they don't plan it's just what the ghost is and does you know they're not just like yeah they're like an animal they don't they don't as far as we're aware they don't think about the plan yeah yeah it's like imagine them think like sitting down at a desk and being like so last time i was there i said i'll never leave you alone but i'm thinking maybe this time i'll say you'll never

escape you know because that sounds a little more creepy and there's like other ghosts being like yeah i like i like that second one i like that second one let's keep workshopping though dracula just pacing around his castle being like so when when she shows me her neck, I'll say, You look so ravishing. Or is that coming on a bit too strong? I think, honestly, this is the same ghost from earlier. I think, honestly, Dracula, there's no harm with going with the classics. I want to suck your blood.

The audiences love it. It's so overdone. I know it's overdone. I know it's overdone, buddy. But honestly, it's a classic for a reason. You know, it's a hit with the old guys. It's a hit with the young guys. You know I was the first guy to say that as well.

I know you were the first. And that's, you know. And Terry took the f***ing line for himself. And he claims it was for his own. Look, I've been. How long have I been your friend for? Nine? Ten thousand years?

Sure. I know you better than anyone else on earth. I'm telling you, you just go in there, lay down a classic, I want to suck your blood, and dive in there on the neck. They're gonna love it. I'm telling you. And if you need me, give me a call. I'll chuck some f***ing beans around the place. Okay, I'm gonna go into the next room. Wish me luck. Hey, baby, I want to suck your blood. No, no, it's not like that. No, ow! Don't be like that! Don't hit me! Like I said, the men were tired to exhaustion. Night after night, it was the same thing.

Sometimes they could hear the strangers deep in discussion, in a language that none of them could understand. And things only got stranger from there. During a routine patrol, one garrison scout spied a group of 11 of these weirdly dressed specters standing in a circle performing synchronized incantations. They're dancing? As word of these men and their antics spread, residents of Cape Anne were getting seriously scared. Had a group of witches descended on the town to curse the people who lived there, it was feared that these bizarre apparitions could try and take over the whole town. And so reinforcements were called in, in the form of 60

beefcake soldiers from nearby Ipswich. Their leader was the no-nonsense Captain Appleton, and his first move was to give the tired fighters a pep talk. Come on, lads. I know you're worn out, but we're here now. We're going to help you. We're going to cut off their balls, stuff them in their mouths, so when they die, they'll die with their balls in their mouths. He wasn't very good at pep talks. A shaky voice emerged from the corner of the room. You don't know what it's like facing the powers of darkness, sir. room. You don't know what it's like facing the powers of darkness, sir. Captain Appleton looked around to see a young soldier looking so tired he was close to death. Whoa. We've been pummeling

them with lead and steel, but we may as well have used snowballs. Captain Appleton's stomach was in knots. As experienced, brave, and handsome a captain as he was, he'd never had to fight against an enemy like this before. What if they didn't even have balls? His pep talk would be useless. Must be hard to kind of rally up the troops when you sound like you're a character from a children's TV show. Captain Appleton? Yeah.

From the fruit forests? He's an apple. He's an apple with a hat. There's no way he's not an apple. I own my stripes in the apple orchards of Ipswich. You don't know what it was like on the front line to see your brother splitting up, sliced up. You know what they say about the apple squad?

We're rotten to the core. But standing facing the garrison gates with his men waiting for his orders behind him, he had to steel himself and face the enemy. The captain and his men stepped outside the garrison and looked down to the forest where they saw the spectral army charging towards them. The men waited for the captain's order to aim and fire on their enemy, but the order never came. The captain just stared with abject fear in his eyes. Suddenly, he fell to his knees and cried out to God. Heavenly Father, rid us of these devils.

Deliver us from this evil within thine divine power. His men looked at each other the raging army sped towards them still guns and weapons Glistening he called out to the others. Come on boys get on your knees and pray At this point you're regretting coming to America. You're regretting joining the army This is a bad sign when the leader of your squad has dropped to his knees and is begging for mercy. I'm starting to think he did earn his stripes on the apple orchards of Ipswich. All the soldiers must have been like, we were praying to you. We were praying to get you here. You were supposed to be the one to help.

Come on, boys, let's pray for a quick death. I'm just imagining him kneeling down and being like, we have to pray. It's the only way that these ghostly apparitions can't hurt us. We already know that their weapons aren't of this realm. I mean, think of the bullet that was recovered. I mean, it turned to dust, didn't it? Didn't it, Ebenezer?

He's like holding the very real metal bullet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. I'm just going to be back in the garrison, though. If we truly believe that they do not exist on our plane, then none of their weaponry can hurt us. It won't even... Bayonet through the stomach.

Oh, it hurts! It hurts! Oh, heaven isn't real! I see nothing! there's nothing back here oh i see the horns of them of the devil they're not ghosts they're just french they're just frenchmen they look weird because it's french clothes obediently the soldiers knelt down and bowed their heads lord save me, Jesus! Who art in heaven! In the name of Christ, demons be gone! The urgent whispering of prayer was interrupted by a high-pitched scream.

The garrison were so scared they thought they might die then and there. But looking around, they saw the spectral invaders fade into nothing, leaving no trace. They had done it. They had defeated the spectral army. I just want to say, 20 minutes ago, I said we should get the Bible involved. The beginning of the story. I could have saved these guys a lot of ammunition at the very least. I think he said one dude was so tired he almost died.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And no one thought we should just throw a couple Bible verses out here. Honestly, you know, I feel like we should use this tactic more these days. It's just like a easy, quick, free tactic. And if it doesn't work, then no biggie. We'll move on to the next thing. You know, just throw out a quick Hail Mary. Yeah, literally.

Next time you're just getting mugged on the street, you know, they got a knife in your face, just yell at the top of your lungs, in the name of Christ, demons be gone. And, you know, they're probably still going to continue with the mugging. It might give you a couple extra kicks now because you implied they were a demon. But it was worth a chance. I think it's a little bit in the vein of something you discussed earlier

about um getting into a fight and yelling out something along the lines of um i believe it was mcglangaroon mcglangaroon right of course to just kind of freak them out to freak them out they wouldn't want to attack you uh you know it might work it's better than nothing the only problem is would you rather just be mugged and they get away or would you rather say in the name of the christ demon be gone and the man in front of you crumbles to ash i think i'd almost rather just be mugged because that other thing is pretty weird i thought you were gonna say you say in the name of christ demons be gone and then he kicks you in the nuts and you get the wind knocked out of you drop to the ground they keep kicking you yeah that's pretty that's also embarrassing yeah but yeah i think um i i don't want a man to to disappear in front of me that's a conversation that now and i have to have with

people yeah i'd almost rather say i just got i'd probably just tell them i got mugged even if he did turn to ash because uh i'm not ready to have that conversation yet yeah that's pretty scary and i think we again in this episode discussing um mclangoroon i think we decided it would be better to just say please don't hurt me yeah another good option we should do a self-defense classes we should teach self-defense against the paranormal that's a pretty good idea i like the idea and we will uh go toe-to-toe with violent criminals to test all of these in the real world so you don't have to yeah we're going to be like ross kemp we're going

to go into the world's most dangerous prisons uh and they're just going to put us in gen pop day one with all the most violent, racist, aggressive gangs you've ever seen in your life. And I'm just going to walk out to that courtyard. I'll probably pop my top off as well just to flash my pecs to intimidate them a little bit so they know who's going to be running the show right now and yeah i'll say hey you're a racist piece of shit i'll go over to those guys i'll be like hey you're a homophobic asshole i'm gonna really lay down the law here we're gonna make this place really a respectful prison and they'll circle me they'll gang up on me and uh they got their fist cocked back ready to unleash a world of pain and i'll just drop to my knees and say hey demons be gone and i really hope they disappear i'll be honest at that point because because actually without the echo and the cool sound effects it doesn't sound that impactful yeah

now that i think i i probably delivered in a better way than that i would just say hey demons be gone because if they don't be gone i'd be hurting real bad real soon real fast i'd be gone i'd be gone my life be gone i'd be pope i'd be pope i'd be prison bitch and i don't want to be prison bitch i actually would like to uh those gangs are actually looking pretty accommodating now if it means i don't get pummeled um but again if they did turn to dust i belong in a different prison then because i just turned a bunch of men into ash. So that's something else to think about. So this is pretty much the end of the main story of this spectral army.

I will point out that this whole thing happened over 300 years ago. So somewhat understandably, there is a couple of different endings to this story. This is the most popular, where they defeat the army with prayers. So somewhat understandably, there is a couple of different endings to this story. Right, right. This is the most popular, where they defeat the army with prayers. But in some versions, the captain shot at the Spectre army with a single silver bullet, which scared them away for good, and they disappeared. But in all versions, however it happens, the Spectre leaguers, as they came to be known, disappeared instantly and were never seen again. So we clearly have some questions to answer.

What were these ghostly soldiers? Well, there's always the chance that they were Frenchmen and Native Americans, just real human beings. We do know that both of those groups were still present at this point in time in north america the specter leaguers they did speak a foreign language which of course could just be french or a native language yeah we're talking 1600s here folks this is the peak of um not only racism but ignorance uh towards any other culture or civilization uh to the point where yeah uh seeing uh someone from one of these uh i don't know different backgrounds would be like seeing something from another planet another realm uh if they don't wear any of the clothes that you would wear if they don't

look like you look like if they are using weapons that are pretty unorthodox, to a very sheltered, uneducated, poorly traveled person, yeah, this could seem otherworldly. Yes. You could definitely understand that in the case of the local Native Americans. Completely alien culture to these Europeans or first generation United States of Americans. Harder to explain with the Frenchman. I mean, even these Americans and English people presumably would have heard French before. Yeah, you would have thought so. At the same time, whilst it seems mad, such cases of mistaken identity really did happen back then.

Like in the 1800s, when the British people of Hartlepool hung what they thought was a Frenchman who washed ashore and later turned out to be a monkey. What? That's so offensive. In Hartlepool, a ship washed up and the locals dragged this French soldier into the town square and hung him and then later they figured out it was actually a monkey in military costume i have so many questions this was supposed to be the answer section of the podcast this raises so many questions apparently this is a really really well-known

story like apparently to this day like in hartlepool it's like kind of a joke they'll like i think there's even like football teams will have like a hanging monkey on like on their jersey i refuse to believe they genuinely thought that was a human being monkeys are small monkeys aren't even like they're dumb and they're not well traveled and they don't know what a Frenchman looks like. But they know what a human looks like. Frenchman, though. Even if this was a silverback gorilla, at least they could be like, okay, this Frenchman is jacked. He is massive.

We need to hang him before he comes to. But like a four-foot monkey? He has a f***ing tail. He has a tail. He's swinging from the ship's ropes. Why was he also in a military garb? I'm starting to think they put him in the military uniform and claimed he was a Frenchman. This is like a, you know, this is a local law enforcement who have done very little to prove their worth over the last couple of years.

They're like, we need something. People are starting to realize we sit on our ass all day it's like what if we hang a monkey in the square and tell everyone that it's french it's like yeah sure why not people are racist enough their hatred for french people will overwrite their hatred towards us so uh yeah that's fine i guess it's true the enemy of our enemy is our friend uh even if that enemy is a monkey you know the monkeys stand in their noose around the neck they drop the floor beneath him he climbs the rope he's swinging from the rafters like all right he's actually he's pretty good at this he's pretty strong and nimble those frenchmen are actually pretty fucking wily i know we had to give him

uh a french uniform but we shouldn't have given him that bayonet. Because it looks like he's starting to use it with his tail. He's taking pot shots. The town is under siege by the monk. To the garrison! Everyone to the garrison! He's swinging the noose. He gets the mayor around the neck. Oh, God!

I guess the point of what I'm saying is that when people get excited, especially back in the 1600s, they make mistakes. It's true. But none of this fully explains the range of phenomena experienced, does it? Humans still leave footprints. They stay down when you shoot them, and they can't just vanish into thin air. Which leads us to the weirder explanations. Most of the works that describe this event say that they were devils which i guess means demons were demons walking the earth in human form had they maybe possessed some stray native americans

or french canadians maybe that's why they looked like french or or native americans is a kind of skinwalker situation right some kind of demonic possession or if you want to get really mad here others think it may be possible this is a 300 year old account of some kind of alien visitation or even time travelers whoa remember that the first accounts of these weird specter leaguers said that they were wearing silver shiny metal clothing with long silver weapons. That's true. And they said they'd be back. Did they mean to the house or did they mean back in time? And the bullet

that Ebenezer pulled out of the tree was long and pointed. Now people wouldn't... That's what bullets look like today. But bullets back then wouldn't start looking that way for a long time. Not to mention,

at different points they appeared like kind of holograms. They were like partially see-through like ghosts. Would also explain why they thought the whole thing was so damn funny. They're like pretending to die and then get up. They're like, you f***ing idiots. Yeah. We're hologram teleporting ourselves from the planet Gashmergan.

You can't shoot us with your guns. Yeah, yeah. Although the bullet that retrieved was not holographic, right? It was a real bullet. They pissed them off at that point, yeah. They had really actually touched down at that point. Although the bullet that retrieved was not holographic, right? It was a real bullet. They pissed them off at that point. Yeah, they had really actually touched on at that point. Let's unpack here, Rory.

We can for now just focus on the core issue of do you think these were really a ghostly army or were they real humans? You know, it's tough in a case like this where you have so many explanations. Usually a good paranormal case is the one where there are no explanations you know where you come to the end and you're like there is no way this could have logically happened uh in a normal way it has to be paranormal and even though we have lots of paranormal explanations it definitely does uh muddy this the the story a little bit the fact that these guys were seen so many times but in so many different ways you know you'd almost wish it was just holographic people that were showing up not people with metallic suits and weird weapons and then an army of ghost men that were walking through the swamp you, you need like one or the other. Exactly, yeah. I do like the skinwalker route, though,

where it's possibly a possession or some sort of shape-shifting creatures taking the forms of other humans. It's really creepy stuff. It certainly is. Now, unfortunately, we have some hard decisions to make because at the end of every episode

of This Paranormal Life, we've got to decide whether it's actually paranormal or not. So, today, Rory, if we have to give this a yay or a nay do you think this was paranormal or not i wanted to really put myself in the mindset of these villagers we don't have any swamp water but uh i did halfway through recording the podcast go out to your garden and go down on my hands and knees and drink from a puddle that i just found and i i thought that would get me into the the twisted all natural mindset that these guys were dealing with at the time and i feel sick you do look so exhausted you might die i do i do i think there was like a sewage runoff or something around the

back of your flat it was uh it was a really bad puddle i don't even think it was water that was in that thing because it was uh it was brown rusty it was really it was really bad yeah you know i got this place for cheap right on account of all the historic nuclear waste buried at this uh this plot of land right you should have warned me before i even came here that that was the case i mean i'm looking at the puddle right now there's a giant canister with a radioactive symbol right beside it i mean i feel like you should have been able to spot it well okay right yeah i saw the thing and at the very least i thought i'd maybe get some powers and that didn't work so you knew it wasn't water of course i knew it wasn't water it's glowing green i don't feel like a teenage mutant ninja turtle yet i don't really understand their mindset but i can now see backwards in time so i possibly will be able to understand it i don't

know this is a tough one i look it's kind of like last week we're dealing with people here who went through something so traumatic that the town itself had to basically seek refuge in the garrison last week we had a town that was put under such threat that they had to just leave the town altogether. That is a good bit of evidence because it goes to show that what they were dealing with was convincing enough to affect their lives pretty substantially. You know, in last week's case, they completely abandoned the town. In this case, they had to call in additional army soldiers to deal with the threat but it sounds like they could have probably dealt with the threat by themselves okay well that's your

opinion which you're entitled to well captain apples didn't exactly do much more he just kind of went down he just begged for mercy pretty well he brought down the divine justice of our lord and savior who yeah of course vanquished the paranormal enemy i think anyone could have brought down the divine justice he doesn't strike me as much of a holy man. He strikes me as... And I had spoken to somebody who wasn't in the Apple Wars of Ipswich. Yes, it was a snowball fight, but with apples. I don't know.

I don't know. I almost want a clearer picture of what happened that day. And maybe a bit more evidence. I'll paint you a clearer picture. Did you know that this town is only 20 miles away from salem wow no you didn't talk about that much this is all happening the same time as the salem witch trials what there was a bit of a paranormal panic going on my friend oh my god you won't believe how many monkeys were hung in the courtyard. I think Ebenezer himself actually had some involvement in the witch trials in some way.

Like he was involved in those cases. I guess what I'm trying to say is that Salem is one of the most famous kind of paranoid moral panics in human history. Where people's imaginations wildly got the better of them. And they sadly condemned a lot of totally innocent people to death. And I'm starting to think that something along those lines was going on here. People in North America at that time did want Ebenezer dead. They were just called Native Americans because Ebenezer and his kind had taken their land. For me, it's kind of too hard to look past the fact that they probably were being attacked by humans of some kind, but that the paranormal panic that was going on from

things like Salem was making people think it was maybe more paranormal than it is. Easy for me to say sitting here 300 years later, but that's just what I think. And I think that's why I'm going to go with a no for today. Yeah, now that you say it like that, it's pretty bold to assume that when you came over and stole someone else's land, that the only people you think that would be wanting to deal you any harm would be ghost warriors. From the future. From the future, possibly. Well, who else could it be? No, there are real warriors from the future from the future possibly he's like well who else could it be no there are real warriors from the past and present who want you dead you built your house

on a campsite that used to belong to them they're not going to be very happy about this ebenezer yeah i think that is probably the most logical explanation as you said you know if this was the time the salem witch trials paranormal paranoiaia is at an all-time high. And, you know, the witch thing is being done one town over. What are you guys going to do? We'll do ghosts. That's the kind of vibe I get. And I think that means, ladies and gentlemen, that we do have to chalk it up to a double no this week's episode.

But thank you so much to Pamela Newport for sending that one in to us. Yeah, thanks Pamela for f*** all. Another dud story in the books. That's quite enough. Pamela, it was a dud. Of course. Exactly.

And you shouldn't have sent it in because it was a dud. You shouldn't. You're getting a reply right now. Subject, demons be gone. We hope you enjoyed this week's investigation.

Nonetheless, I mean, Christ, if you didn't enjoy nose in this paranormal life, you probably wouldn't enjoy the show at all. But God, this dry spell has to end. We got to bring a yes back for the listeners. Yeah, we had a wow.

We had like two yeses in a row or three yeses in a row. Yes. Quite recently. So, yeah. I can't believe the Flying Dutchman was a no, personally. I mean, I poured my heart and soul into that case and it came out double no unbelievable ridiculous so hopefully next week we can bring you um a brand new tale that is more likely to give us that elusive double yes as always thank you so much to cammy toman for editing this episode and amy grisdale for

researching it guys we have only one thing to announce this week. Kind of a special announcement, if you will. Ooh! If you're a long-time listener of This Paranormal Life, you will know that me and Rory don't just do paranormal podcasting, but we also make music. And we've been making music for quite a long time.

And it's been awesome to share that with you over the last couple of years, occasionally. And we find that some of you have really enjoyed it. The announcement is that we've got a brand new single that we're extremely proud of coming out in just over a week at this point on 26th of March. So next Friday at the time of this being released. Kit, how can I make sure that I don't miss this new song? I'm glad you asked, Rory,

because in the description of this podcast, we've placed a pre-save link. If you follow that thing, it's got links to Apple Music, Spotify, Tidal, anywhere you could possibly need. And it pre-saves the single so that on release day, you don't have to do a thing. It turns up in your music library

and you can listen to it right away. Wow, how easy so we're gonna do uh an exclusive preview of this single um at the end of this episode and if you like it follow that link and you can pre-save it um the pre-saves are actually massively important to us as well as artists um it's kind of the way these streaming platforms work these days is spotify and so on can see how many people have pre-saved it. And that really massively determines the success of the song. So if you want to support us and support the podcast this week, this is kind of an awesome way of doing it. Hit that pre-save link, follow us on Spotify or wherever you get your music and check out the single when it comes out next Friday. And that's what we're going to play you out with.

Rory, do you want to introduce it? This track is called Keep Running, and it's coming out 26th of March. Remember to check it out in the links below. Let me come home It's getting dark now But I'm still on I'm starting to roam

Can you hear me At all And I'm trying to say To say goodbye Cause I can't lie It's time to leave You can throw me away Take a piece of what I was

So they can see What I could be I'm gonna stand on the tabletop Get loud till they come shut me down Knock on till I gotta stop But I'm glad I spoke at all Shout out from the tabletop And I'm lighting up the walls Not long till they turn me off

But I'll keep running, keep running, yeah I'll keep running, I'll keep keep running I'll keep running, I'll keep keep running I'll keep running, I'll keep running And they've been moving around Asking me questions That I should know And maybe someday You can tell the answers I said hello With a broken smile

I try to hear you But your voice is far away It's soft spoken You can throw me away Take a piece of what I was so they can see Just what was broken I'm gonna stand on the tabletop Get loud till they come shut me down

Knock on till I gotta stop But I'm glad I spoke at all Shout out from the tabletop And I'm lighting up the walls Knock on till they turn me off But I'll keep running, keep running, yeah I'll keep running, I'll keep, keep running I'll keep running, I'll keep, keep running Keep running, I'll keep running I'll keep running, I'll keep keep running I'll keep running, I'll keep keep running

Keep running, I'll keep running I'll keep running Yeah Keep running, I'll keep keep running Keep running, I'll keep keep running Yeah Keep running Yeah

Running, I'll keep running I'll running, running, running, running, running, running, running, running, running, running.