This Paranormal Life - #209 Was MERLIN a Psychic Demon?

Episode Date: April 20, 2021

Most people have heard the fantastical legends of Merlin, King Arthur, and Excalibur - a time of magic, chivalry and adventure. But what if those legends are actually much darker than we remember? This is the real story of Merlin.Patreonhttps://patreon.com/ThisParanormalLifeYouTubehttps://youtube.com/thisparanormallifeTwitterhttps://twitter.com/ThisParaLifeInstagramhttps://instagram.com/thisparanormallifeSecret Society Facebook Pagehttps://www.facebook.com/groups/thisparanormallife/Edited by Kami Tomanhttps://tomanedits.comResearch by Amy GrisdaleIntro music: https://www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do I become a wizard? Is it possible to survive eating only sunlight? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Welcome back to This Paranormal Life! This is the weekly comedy podcast where every Tuesday we dissect a different paranormal tale and get to the bottom of whether it's truly paranormal or not. As always, you're joined by two professional paranormal investigators, we dissect a different paranormal tale and get to the bottom of whether it's truly paranormal or not. As always, you're joined by two professional paranormal investigators, myself, Kit Greer, this guy, Rory Pars. How are you doing today, Rory?

Hey, I'm doing great. You know, the weather's turning around. Some COVID restrictions are lifting here in the UK. We both are actually wearing pretty summery shirts today. Hawaiian shirts. I know, I don't know. Mahalo and aloha, my friend. We didn't even coordinate that that just just similar vibe similar mindset uh so i'm ready to hopefully today you you've brought a uh a case we're going to the freezing oh boy antarctic really cool you better bring a jumper uh no i agree we're feeling loose we're feeling good i love springtime this is

a great time of year we got all the promise of summer ahead of us. But it is a dark case and it is a dreary case. Oh, come on, man. As always, we like to jump straight into the investigation. So let's go. Let's go back to Camadhan, Wales in 540 AD. This is a long time ago. Is this our earliest case ever?

Well, I think I went back to the primordial earth. So maybe that is a little bit earlier. But, you know, it's up there. It's in the top percentile of oldest cases. Wow. On the outskirts of this tiny village, a little baby was entering the world. Do you want me to do some baby sound effects? Sure.

Just to save time, because I know it's annoying sometimes to have to go online and find the packages. Yeah, yeah. Well, if you could nail it, that would be really handy actually yeah sure okay so just you keep reading the story and i'll just embed it seamlessly in the background yeah yeah a little baby was entering the world normally mommy okay that's i think that's quite enough and it was it was a little too ASMR for me to be honest. It was kind of weird. I don't think the baby could talk yet. What is love?

Where's my papa? Normally, babies are a time of joy and celebration. Rory, I understand you actually became an uncle in the last year or two. I did. I did. Father of many, uncle of one. And yeah, it is a great experience to have a child of which I bear almost no responsibility. It's kind of the dream.

It's kind of like when your friend gets a puppy. Yeah. You get the full puppy experience, but none of the picking up shit from the floor. Yeah. Or dealing with puppy problems. I just get to hang out with the puppy and like ruffle his little hair. Have a good time it's great i don't have to pay for the puppy to go to university or uh get a car right but you

didn't do that for your own kids either so it's not really a fair comparison well that's fair but uh i was i felt like an uncle to them uh physically and emotionally anyway so it didn't really feel like i owed them anything because they actually took a lot from their old man in terms of time. You were playing with your kids. You're like, OK, I had a great time. It's time to go back to your real dad. But, Papa, you are our real dad. No, no, no.

That's my brother Colin, actually. He's going to be taking a lot more. Colin, come over here. I think we joked in a previous episode that I, you know, I've got 14 kids. And on their 18th birthday, I gifted them an IOU for the best years of my life, which they owe me because they took it from me. I'm still waiting for that check to clear. Right.

To be fair, 14 kids. And it seems like you just mentioned they all turned 18 at the same time, which infers that they were 14 tuplets. I had a horny summer 18 years ago. A horny white boy summer that resulted in, what, the best years of your life being stolen from you? It's a high price to pay. I would have been so young. I would have been way too young to have a horny summer 18 years ago.

Yeah, like 15, I guess. It's possible. It's possible. It would make it pretty hard, though, to put 14 kids through university at the same time. So I do. I'll give you that. Like I say, babies, normally a time of joy and celebration. But this baby was built different.

Looking at its angelic little face, you'd think this was a regular baby. But not only was this baby not regulation, it wasn't even fully human. And his mother knew it. You see, his mother had been impregnated by an incubus. Okay. Do you know what that is? No. Some sort of octopus? It's either a bug or, yeah don't know yeah an inkedopus no it's a demon from hell that takes advantage of sleeping women not okay it's pretty messed up obviously i also didn't know that demons could impregnate uh humans that's something i did not know in demon lore yeah interesting yeah you might not think that could happen, but yeah, interesting. I mean, it does make it seem like these demons are pretty much like humans then.

And shockingly, the woman this happened to was a nun. So she knew all too well the dangers of this baby. This half-demon, half-baby had the potential to be the Antichrist. The demon baby foretold in the Bible that would begin the destruction of the earth. Jeez. We went to a Christian school as many or most people do in the UK. You don't hear, you hear a lot of talk about religion. They don't really mention the Antichrist very often.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very true. That that's like a possibility for the future. You think it would kind of be like Hogwarts where they would have to teach you all all the good stuff like all the magic and how to turn into frogs and whatever i haven't seen the movies in a while but uh they got to teach you defense against the dark arts yeah which is basically teaching you the dark arts and then telling you not to use them yeah they didn't really do that in um our catholic old nunnery boarding school they weren't like all right here's Jesus. He's,

he's the good guy. He's, he's pretty great. Uh, you know, water to wine, bread is his flesh. Um, there's also this other little trickster called the antichrist and here's all his powers. It wasn't kind of like a, um, captain America, iron man, choose your side battle. It was very much, you know, go for the good guy, go for the good guy. Maybe they did teach kids about the Antichrist for the first few years of schooling in the UK. And then the kids actually preferred the Antichrist to Christ. And they actually started rallying behind him.

They thought he was pretty badass, pretty rock and roll. The Antichrist can kickflip and he can kickflip pretty well. Like he lands it nine out of 10 times. And he actually knows jump by Van Halen on electric guitar. So who are you going to trust?

The Antichrist dad, he buys him cigarettes and beer and he's kind of cool to hang out with. And you can make noise after midnight. And he'll let you ride his dirt bike if you ask him nicely. Jesus has to be home by the time the streetlights are on. Yeah. And like in class, I'm like, hey, teach. I'm not saying I even believe

all this stuff, but you're claiming you believe every word of this book. So aren't you worried about this thing? Yeah. But apparently not. But they should be. Thankfully, this nun's father was present and he knew what they had to do to outsmart Satan himself. Get the baby baptized as soon as possible. As soon as the holy water touched his little head, he was protected from evil. It was going to be either that or it popped like a watermelon. He exploded. The holy water sizzled like it hit a hot f***ing frying pan.

The Antichrist was stopped by Jesus Christ. And pray, what name do you giveth unto this child? I shall call him Merlin. That's right, the Merlin. The legendary wizard himself. He was born from a demon father? Oh, yeah. He sprouted from a demon dick?

Okay, well... I thought he was a good wizard. He was a good man. I didn't say he wasn't. That's fair. It's an interesting point, though. I guess in our modern society, we know that if you are the son of Hitler,

you know, people are going to be wary wary of you but you're not automatically a bad person just based on who your your parents were but it's extra weird if you're if hitler's son turned out to be dumbledore there's there's too many things at play here well sure because dumbledore's a wizard merlin's a wizard right but he doesn't run a school does he oh he does actually uh he runs england which is arguably worse yeah there is to quote you too many things at play here uh i mean to be fair i might have thought that in 540 ad they would have just not taken any chances and just i don't know lock this baby up until it was at least old enough to see if it was evil or not. Yeah.

Rory, how much do you know about Merlin? Very little, very little, aside from the animated Disney movie, The Sword in the Stone. And I don't think that's factually accurate because at one point in that movie, he turns into a squirrel. And in another part, he puts on a Hawaiian shirt and flies to Bermuda. Somehow, it's one of these things that, like the Antichrist himself, is in our subconscious. Everyone who lives in the UK knows a little bit about Merlin, but not much, it seems. Baby Merlin was no mere mortal.

He was part human and part demon. And a hybrid like this is traditionally called a cambion oh isn't that a cheese a demon cheese he was a mature half man half mature by a demon and great on toast no a cambion rather than camembert you might be thinking of. You sound not sure. I think there's a cheese out there called Merlin. So I thought we would show our listeners how to spot a cambion. So the next time you meet a baby, maybe it's one of your family or friends' babies, or you've been invited to a christening or something,

this way you can stay safe by getting the hell out of there if you spot the warning signs. So cambions, or demon babies, will quote, constantly wail for milk, and can't be satisfied by even four nurses. Not demonic, I mean, that's just a thirsty baby. According to, yeah, why do you think they're so thirsty? Because

it's hot in hell, isn't it? That's a bad excuse to get more milk. It's hot in hell, isn't it? That's a bad excuse to get more milk. It's hot in hell, mama. It's weird because you're too young to really be talking. So give me your breasts. That's not kosher for a baby. According to legend, cambion have no pulse and do not breathe. What?

Which is a massive telltale sign because all babies cry and want milk, so that one's tricky to spot. Yeah. But all human babies definitely need to breathe and should have pulses. So if you go right to... Did I mention the baby's on fire? Did I mention he's constantly on fire? And doesn't have pupils. His eyes

are completely black. The milk, he's so thirsty because the milk evaporates in his mouth. It's mad that he even wants the milk. Why want the milk? Cambians only start becoming more human at the age of seven. So if you have a niece or nephew right now that's above the age of seven, it is unfortunately too late to tell if they are half demon. But if you did think they looked pretty weird from ages one to six,

it's worth looking into. Demon babies are ultra charismatic and can bend the will of any person regardless of their mental fortitude. Which is terrifying. A baby that can bend the will of any person? Yeah. I mean, babies are already kind of charismatic. You kind of give them what they want. Yeah, that's it.

That's interesting. They're adorable. You just want to like make the baby happy and everyone if it was a baby in a room everyone just crawled around the baby and yeah everyone starts talking like the baby yeah exactly not me bro i'm like i know who you are you little language around the child the baby's like i need need your breasts, mama. You're like, oh, he's so cute. He looks just like his father. And the father's like,

oh, thank you. He's like, not you. The king of hell himself. All right, that's enough. Satan. I think you're a demon. Come, little one. Back to hell.

All right, I invited you out of goodwill. I said, don't be f***ing weird. You do this every time. I think you're a demon. I think you're a demon. You're dressed entirely in red. You have a bottle of breast milk with you.

And you're a man. That's a snack for the road. That's something so funny about being really nice to the parents when the new baby's there. And then as soon as they leave the room, you lean in. You're like, I know who you really are, you little rat. And just this little baby looking up at you. You got everyone else fooled.

But the second I'm alone with you, I'm going to dropkick you into the f***ing sun. Can we get you a drink, Rory? Yeah, just an ice tea would be good And nothing for you You little bastard child What was that? And then the parents come back in and they're like The baby's crying

Trying to talk to their parents And you're like oh what's wrong little Christopher Is everything okay? It's so weird he just started crying there I think it's maybe a little bright outside. We could hear everything. On the baby monitor. Really?

Really. On the f***? They just hear all distorted in a baby monitor. I know who you are. That's the scariest thing ever. Cambion are known to have the power of persuasion, teleportation, and exorcism. But here is a full list of demon baby powers.

Stealth and cloaking. Very cool. Teleportation. Geokinesis. What does that mean? Causing earthquakes. My god. Reality warping.

Conjuring. Superhuman strength. Superhuman speed, superhuman agility. It's kind of the same thing as speed. Superhuman stamina and healing abilities. This is like a D7D mode time machine in human form. Can they psycho dive? Probably. Hard to say.

Yeah. A lot to unpack here. I mean, have you ever seen a baby with superhuman speed? I'm glad that this list went on for so long because, you know, at the start it was like, hey, if the baby doesn't have a pulse, it's either dead or a demon. This antichrist thing. Now, this thing is chocked full of so many powers. It's going to be pretty obvious to tell if your baby is a

demon if you're trying to feed the baby a bottle of delicious milk and it water bends right the droplets to the other side of the room or if it can somehow move things with its mind big red flags yeah yeah definitely these skills are all so obvious that i don't think you need us to tell you to call a priest or a doctor if your baby starts acting up like this. And among their more interesting powers is the ability to absorb life force. They can make a person feel weak, ill, or outright kill them for their energy. Whoa! This might be the secret to their longevity because apparently cambion can live for 500 years.

But it's not all rosy for demon babies they do have weaknesses too namely sunlight holy places and cold which are pretty obvious weaknesses for a demon or a baby i guess maybe not holy places to be fair babies they really are always wearing a little sun hat pretty much much, yeah. And if you were a little vampire baby, that might be what you would wear. Or a little cape. A little cute fang. It's actually pretty adorable. It is adorable. Weaknesses, that is, if they aren't baptized. Luckily, because Merlin was baptized that day, he managed to keep all his powers without any of the downsides oh and so this is where merlin comes from and explains how he came to be a wizard right he's he's in that

sweet spot that magical sweet spot it's pretty cool stuff like you know it's it's quite hard to overstate how bizarre and neat it is that a very integral and important part of british history the the age of merlin and king arthur and all that good stuff um that there was a wizard yeah partly running the country that's pretty cool you know and it's different it's very different to the like the other night this week on itv here in the uk they've been doing like harry potter season um so we've been watching a lot of harry potter okay and uh so i'm getting reacquainted with the lore and you know it's the lore is great obviously but the origin story of the of the wizards doesn't seem to be that cool it's basically like it's more of a like a race thing it's like there's like a magic

race and they that's why they talk about mudbloods and muggles and stuff because you're either just born in a wizard family or not. And that's the only way you've got magical powers. Whereas I didn't realize how wizards actually work

is you have to be half demon. Oh, in the real world. In the real world. Yeah, yeah. You know, I like this idea of there being a sweet spot between birth and age seven, where if you're baptized at the right time, you can kind of not be a demon anymore, but keep all your demon powers. That's pretty cool.

I like that. It's a very kind of Marvel Universe type or DC Universe type origin story, isn't it? Yeah. Like, it's always that sweet spot, right? You know, Bruce Banner gets the radioactivity that makes him able to turn into the Hulk, but it doesn't kill him. It's right in the middle. Yeah, right.

Spider-Man gets the crazy radioactive poison from the spider, but it doesn't kill him. It gives him all the powers of a spider and a few of the drawbacks. Think how many other teenagers were bitten by radioactive spiders and they just now shoot web out their ass or grew eight more arms they're

having a bad time there's a bad version of it that's played out imagine you're a spider man but it just means you have to shit five times a day and four of those are just web you just got to get it out just get out of your system you're bitten by a little radioactive spider you count you're counting down the days you're like have i got a six pack yet do i can i take off my glasses yet and then two weeks later you explode in a ball of baby spiders they just born inside of you it wasn't really a power you were just bitten by i don't actually think it was radioactive i think it was maybe just a dangerous spider or you get no powers whatsoever no abilities and spiders just want to bang you or fight you like as a human you don't realize we have pretty good spider privilege spiders are very scared of us because we're bigger than them you got a problem on your

hands if a spider thinks you're one of them yeah that's a whole nother you don't want to get involved in spider wars spider conflict humans have enough going on as is there's enough wars can you imagine just if you had to live your day-to-day life you know you're a new york banker working on wall street and you you know were bitten by a spider you can talk to spiders and uh one day you're in the middle of this huge pitch to a new company and everyone's sitting down in the boardroom chatting and you're in the middle of this huge presentation and you just hear hey hey over here i know you can hear me a little you're like so i'm sorry just a little distracted so i no no take your time todd because we're really invested in this and this meeting is going great so far and we really want to sign the dotted line today thank you um so as you can see from the uh 2014 uh 2014 projections hey hey the attack is at

midnight tonight sorry the 2014 projections they uh yeah sorry can you shut the f**k up shut the f**k up for one second i'm sorry todd are you not you michael no michael not you it's um something it's something else. Just voices in my head. Spiders in my head. It's a weird thing to say, Todd, but go ahead. But as you can see in 2019, load up your webs and get ready to go. We're swinging at 0800.

Would you shut the f*** up? You spider bastard! He just gets confused and starts repeating what the spider's saying. So load up your webs for the 2014 projection and get ready to f*** some flies. Get up and leave. Oh no, come back! Or it's the opposite.

It's like, load up your webs and it's time to bring hit the flies where it hurts. You're like, oh my God, I'm so sorry, Michael. I didn't mean to. Everyone stands up. We didn't know you were an ally of the spider army. They all shed their human flesh. See you tonight, Christopher.

They all go out the window of the 28th floor. The spider's like, I was trying to help your pitch. Is this job real? Or are you all spiders? Because I actually need money. I have a human wife. So Merlin lived in the Saxon era

when Vikings had taken over and all hell had broken loose. In one story about him, King Vortigern built himself a grand castle on a hill called Dinas Emrys in North Wales. But no matter what the builders did, a huge section of the fortress would crumble and collapse each time they finished working on it. The king didn't like this one bit. He sat stewing on his throne while his team of wise men were advising him on what to do next. Wise men back in those days didn't even, it wasn't really a high entry point. It just meant maybe you could read and knew how to mix shit together in a bowl to tell the future. And by the way,

not a lot of people could read, so you could probably blag it. Exactly. Yeah. You're just reading a tree bark for all they know and telling them it's ancient scripture. Like, congratulations, you passed the reading test with flying colors. If I myself could read, I would congratulate you. Here's your certificate. I think. I don't know what this says. It's like, even if you can't read, you must know that this is just a bug.

It's just a page with a big thumbs up on it it's not gonna be bad is it oh it's upside down you failed actually oh no that's right the wise man were advising the king you must find a child born of a virgin put him to death and sprinkle his blood on the ground where the building is falling. That is the only way. Needless to say, this was a time before science. But without any better plan, the king set out his messengers to look for the child of a virgin. After searching far and wide, news of Merlin reached the castle. They went out and snatched ten-year-old Merlin and started preparing

to kill him. But not before Merlin could ask the king, why have your servants brought me here? We're going to sacrifice you so that my castle won't fall down again. Ha, that won't work. I can see what the problem is from here. The room fell silent. Did this kid really think he knew more than all the architects, carpenters, stonemasons, and wise men? Ignore him, sire. He's just an idiot boy. Yeah, don't mind me. I'm just a boy. Good luck with the whole castle falling down thing, though. Now hold on a second. Spit it out, boy. Merlin explained that below the floor beneath them was a pool of water and that they should dig up the floor to reach it. The construction crew jeered.

Are we really gonna listen to this kid? But Merlin stood firm. Dig and you'll see the problem for yourself. The king ordered his men to unearth the ground beneath them. Sure enough, there was a well of water right underneath them. When the men inspected the pool, they saw two dragons inside. Whoa! One white and one red. They were locked in a never-ending battle that made the ground unstable. This is getting a little wild.

Merlin advised the king to build his castle somewhere else. He really- Well, f*** yeah! Under the ground of the eternal dragon battle he reluctantly accepted and punished his wise man by hanging them what well the wise men wanted to sacrifice merlin they thought that would solve the problem there's a lot going on here children's blood dragon battles hanging why when it cut when you get to a point in your kingly reign, when you are hanging your council of wise men,

things have gone badly. You're going to be known as the mad king. Yeah, one way or another, yeah. I think every king should have a council of wise men and a council of dumb men. Right, and then meet in the middle. And make them fight each other. And whoever wins, then they should be the two dragons locked in an eternal battle.

And the dumb men, they're actually professional wrestlers, so they're always winning. They usually win. I mean, that's a pretty wild origin story from Merlin, don't you think? Do you think there's any possibility that any of it's real? Maybe some parts. I feel like maybe it's been slightly dramatized. Sure. I mean, two dragons fighting endlessly in the Earth's core is a story in itself.

But I'm excited to see what happens from this point onward, because presumably he's in pretty good favors with this king now, as he's now being launched into adolescence. Yeah, kings like this guy. Yeah, yeah. In an age of ignorance, if you got one party trick you're you become famous wizard merlin because by the way merlin didn't predict the dragons i think he said there would be a well of water underneath them right and it seems like out of the two things

there the well and two fighting eternal dragons what's the headline you know it's the drag you maybe you bring up the dragons yeah or maybe he was, I knew you wouldn't believe me if I brought up the fucking dragons. So I had to talk about a little well. That's smart. That is smart. Let's cut the shit. We need to get to the A-bomb, Arthur. Few people know that Merlin actually helped create Arthur.

King Arthur's dad, King Uther, had fallen in love with the Duke of Cornwall's wife, Igraine. So this is absolutely awful. Wingman that Merlin was, he transformed King Uther into looking like the Duke of Cornwall, basically so he could bang the Duke of Cornwall's wife. Wow, rude and illegal, I think.

I think he's a rapist for that. Yeah. This is becoming a thing. First, the incubus and Merlin's mum. Now Merlin is helping King Uther trick King Arthur's mum. Are we sure he's not a demon? Are we sure that we got him in the water on time? Because it's pretty f***ed up, some of the things he's doing.

I mean, we probably cleaned him, but just because he's not a dirty baby anymore doesn't mean he's not a demon still. And so, not long after the Duke of Cornwall died, the king married Egren, and King Arthur was born. He was actually the baby that was created from that problematic knight.

Knight is an evening, not knight with a K. Yeah, Yeah, yeah. I mean, he was a problematic night. And once King Arthur was old enough, Merlin got promoted from wingman to right-hand man, which was good timing for Arthur because there was a lot of arguments over who should actually be next in line to be king. On one Christmas Eve, a stone slab appeared in the local churchyard. It had a sword embedded in it, so deep that even the strongest man in town couldn't remove it. Merlin told everyone,

Only the rightful king will be able to pull the sword from the stone. Which is pretty convenient because only his mate, King Arthur, was able to pull it out. Hard to know whether Merlin was actually holding the sword in the stone using his magic until Arthur tried. And Merlin is to thank for most of King Arthur's successes. You know, his military strategies won them battles up and down the country.

And Merlin led Arthur to the Lady of the Lake who bestowed him with the magical sword Excalibur. And at this point, Merlin's on a winning streak. He's got a hot hand and he feels like he can't miss. So he starts making prophecies as well. And at first they are, granted, pointlessly vague. This is kind of, you know, the lion will be lulled to sleep by the loot type stuff. Okay, okay.

A fortune cookie type shit. But going forward, many of them were pretty interesting, actually. So I'm going to read you some of his prophecies, and you try and work out what it might mean today. All right, let's do this. The father shall not know his own son, for human beings will copulate wantonly as cattle do. People are just going to bang each other so much that we don't even know who families are anymore?

Is that what he's getting at, basically? Yeah, I think so. This becomes quite a common theme, which is pretty rich for someone whose dad was a demon from hell right also are these are these predictions are you trying to will this into existence because you're he's a pretty horny wizard which i didn't realize and it worries me how much he just talks about f***ing people and things gotta be big it's gonna be banging a lot more going forward people are gonna be pretty into wizards in the future.

Everyone's going to want a piece on the wizard's stick. Beards are going to be more important than... Beard size is going to be more important than penis size in the next few years. Actually, small penises are going to be a lot more desirable than big penises. Maybe we could take something from that future time and, you know, learn to... Take some of their advice about the penis thing.

Luxury shall overspread the land and fornication shall debauch mankind. Again? That's another sex one? Yeah, although luxury shall overspread the land. See, overspread sounds like a negative thing but i guess it's luxury overspreading maybe it's like just an abundance of wealth yeah you know i can see there's something there you know pretty hard to pin down in a time in the future though because i don't know if he means like rich people in london in 2021 or if he means like uh kings in the middle ages hard to say hard

yeah be good to have a date on these things. Yeah. Oh, this one just says 2014 Bitcoin. So he was pretty blunt about that. Yeah. Wow. I wish we'd covered this earlier, to be honest. Number three. Everyone will f*** 24-7.

All right. You've had enough. What was the Bitcoin one? Irrelevant. Men will become drunk with the wine which is offered to them. They will turn their backs on heaven and fix their eyes on the earth. That doesn't even need deciphering. That's pretty clear.

That one feels true. Men are drunk on the wine which is offered to them. And, you know, I guess you could say people are less and less religious these days. They focus on earth. I focus on earth. Spaceship earth. The wine's delicious's delicious okay we're getting somewhere now they who have had their hair waved shall dress in woolen stuffs of many colors and the outer garment shall be an index of the thoughts within i have no clue on that one so some people think this one is the invention of fashion.

The invention of fashion? Well, it seems like a... Because back then you were born. It's like RuneScape or World of Warcraft. You get born with peasant robes. Right. That's it. Unless you kill a goblin in the forest and take their armor.

That's kind of it. There was just gray robes and that was it. you kill a goblin in the forest and take their armor that's kind of it you kind of there was just gray robes and that was it um whereas he's saying in the future people will wear woolen things of many colors and their outer garments will index their inner thoughts so like people will wear stuff according to how they feel inside less from a practical standpoint and more from an emotional standpoint. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that kind of makes sense.

All right, here's one for you. The German dragon will find it hard to escape its cavernous lairs, for vengeance for its treason will overtake it. In the end, it will become strong again just for a short time, but the decimation of Normandy will be a sorry blow. This is really specific.

This is very specific. Yeah. Have you got where this one might be? World War II, presumably? Yeah. Are you predicting the Second World War? I mean, it... Skipped f***ing one.

It's straight to World War II. But it does say the German dragon tries to escape its cavernous lair which doesn't work uh it will become strong again just for a short time is that is that the the time in between the war you know between the two wars it's like oh it chills for a while and then it's back to carnage um but it it's a bit vague until it mentions the decimation of Normandy, which was a pretty big battle, I seem to remember. I'd love it if it was like,

it's like, an evil source from Germany will scourge the earth in fire and blood. It's like, oh my God, tell us more. Louis Vuitton will release a stunning range of summer clothing.

No, no, no, go back, go back. Which one? The f***ing? People will f a stunning range of summer clothing. No, no, no. Go back. Go back. Which one? The f***ing? People will f*** like rabbits on the earth. And wear Louis V. No. The one where people die. Louis V.

Invest in Supreme. What the f***? It's just some kind of fashion hype beast. Why does Merlin have a Depop? You can buy all my old robes, vintage, on my Depop. Check it out. Merlin's Depop. Wands, robes, frogs.

I love it. All right, here's some for you. In the twinkling of an eye, the seas shall rise up. Global warming. in the twinkling of an eye the seas shall rise up global warming the malice of the planet saturn will pour down like rain killing mortal men that one sounds important what was that something about saturn scientists can you point those telescopes as saturn sounds bad wild animals shall enjoy peace but mankind will bewail the way in which it is being punished i didn't even really get that one on first pass, but it seems to be climate change is happening.

Animals will be fine, but mankind will bewail the way it's being punished. Oh, right, right, right. So we're going to get it. That's pretty interesting, though. The seas will rise. Yeah, some pretty accurate predictions in there. A king who is blessed will fit out a navy

and will be reckoned the 12th in court among the saints. The realm shall be deserted in the most pitiful way. I'd be impressed if you got this one. Do you have any ideas? No, I have no idea. This one, some people think, is about, I guess, after climate change and the rings of Saturn raining down hell on Earth.

Earth is trashed and we need to leave and go to, say, Mars or somewhere. He says, death will lay hold of the people, destroy all the nations. Those who are left alive will abandon the native soil and sow their seeds in the fields of the others. I guess the others could be aliens in space. The realm shall be deserted.

Our galaxy? I think you're right, galaxy. Maybe galaxy, but maybe just earth. All right, last one. The population shall decrease through some deadly calamity. Well, there's been a ton since Merlin was around. I mean, you could say COVID,

but yeah, there's been quite a few. The plague, yeah. Probably got a good few coming. Pretty interesting stuff, though. You might have twigged that some of these stories about Merlin are pretty mad, which begs the question, who was the real Merlin, if there even was one? Stories and poems about the later parts of Merlin's life describe him as just a crazy guy living in the woods.

Some say he was driven mad by watching a very brutal battle in which many of his friends died. People told of meeting a naked hairy man who only wanted the animals of the forest for his company. He was incoherent. In one breath he boasted he would live until the end of the world and then predicted his own death in the next breath but certainly uh he's believed to be buried today next to a thorn tree by the river tweed the nearby village of merlindale is named after him it's like disneyland come to merlin come on down to merlindale everyone's naked but his ghost is said to haunt uh tintagel Castle. Sorry if I'm getting that wrong. Tintagel Castle.

I'm not sure. Tintagel Castle? Where Arthur was said to have been conceived. Maybe most interestingly of all, because we bloody love a wild goose chase, Merlin is said to have left buried treasure in the north of Wales. F*** yes.

You know, a guy like that doesn't... He makes a couple dollars in his lifetime. Yeah. You know? And he squirrels it away because he works for the king and the king is paying all his expenses. So any money he makes,

he's stashing in a cave in Wales. I love that. He was about to start traveling and so hid all his treasure in a golden cauldron. He dragged the cauldron into a cave and shoved a big stone across the entrance like Jesus' tomb. He then buried the cave in soil and covered that with grass. Wow.

That sounds like it needs a lot of people to help him do that, doesn't it? To this day, the treasure hasn't been found. They say it's somewhere in Denus Emerus, the place the king couldn't build his castle because of the dragons. Rumor has it the riches are lying in wait for a chosen person. The heir is said to be a young man with yellow hair and blue eyes. When he arrives at the treasure, a bell will ring inside the cave. It will open as soon as his foot touches the entrance and

the gold will be all his whoa i mean hello i'm right here yellow hair blue eyes young guy needs a lot of gold and i don't even know i don't feel like though i've kind of fit the bill a little more of like you know a kind of a kingly type of person who might inherit such a wealth yeah but they're not looking for a king they're looking for a young adventurer but he you know, a kind of, a kingly type of person who might inherit such a wealth. Yeah, but they're not looking for a king. They're looking for a young adventurer. But he, you know, he hung out with kings all the time, you know, and he would be more befitting of treasure. Yeah, but I know.

Gold treasure than a king. I think it's like, you know, you're over the hill. You're in the end game. You're- I'm sorry. I'm young. I got my whole life ahead. You're older than me.

I got my whole life ahead of me. You're older than me. I think I actually would do better with the gold. I do more good I'm young. I got my whole life ahead. You're older than me. I got my whole life ahead of me. You're older than me. I think I actually would do better with the gold. I'd do more good with the gold. I don't think Merlin cares who's going to do what with the gold because he hid it in a f***ing cave. I've always felt this kind of magical presence inside of me. So maybe there is something.

Maybe I should go to those hills. Listen out for bells. How about we both go to those hills? All right. But then if we're too close to each other the bell will ring right well i'll try it first because someone has to go first and then you know if if the bell doesn't ring which it will uh i guess you could you know whatever give it a shot that's rude but fine i guess for given that I didn't know about this treasure until five minutes ago, I guess I'll relinquish. You go out, starve to death in the Welsh countryside.

I'm actually not going to go look for the gold. I'm good without the gold. You find my skeleton at the base of the cave. She's like, see you later, Rory. I'll be back in six months with a pot of gold and rich as a king you f***ing a**hole cut to like two weeks later the body of a man was found in the wilderness today uh the corpse was seen clearly trying to drink his own piss as he struggled for life police say the man in question had clearly enough supplies to last weeks and instead died

of disappointment so this is a very exciting case roy but i guess the biggest problem is that there's really no evidence that even king arthur was real the tales about merlin arthur camelot they all come from the writings of one guy jeffrey of monmouth uh he was kind of an old-timey historian of britain the trouble is that he wrote down a lot of stuff which seems to be true and then wrote about a lot of dragons as well yeah that kind of muddies the water a little bit it does to say the least so this is interesting because i didn't know if Merlin was a person who was believed to exist and his powers were up for debate. Because a similar thing you see in Christianity, you know, a lot of people, I think it's like the pretty much established fact that there was probably a dude called Jesus who did exist. Sure.

The part that's up for debate is whether or not he was actually the son of God. Right. But there's enough scripture and proof and evidence that there was a dude around that time called Jesus who did some things and people wrote about it. I think that's what Judaism is. Right, right. There was a guy called Jesus. Yeah, so I didn't know if maybe there was.

There was a guy called Merlin and, so I didn't know if maybe there was a guy called Merlin and he is written about in history books, but his powers were up for debate or not. This seems like Merlin himself as a person may not exist. It's really hard to say. You know, people have studied this stuff for lifetimes clearly and there doesn't appear to be any solid conclusion i mean if i'm being honest it kind of seems like historians and scientists and things seem to err

on the side of saying that arthur and merlin probably weren't real in anywhere near the capacity that we think of them today right um but there does appear to be there is there's definitely cool theories about you know maybe certain warriors or monks who maybe did go by that name. And that might have been the basis. It's not just Geoffrey of Monmouth who mentioned them. Other people did too. So it's a very fascinating, very fun legend. Yeah. It disappointingly makes two things to debate.

Whether or not Merlin is a wizard and whether or not a man named Merlin ever even existed. Yeah, that's a lot to chew off. This might have to be the first quadruple no in this Paranormal Life history. You bring up a good point though, Rory, because at the end of every episode, we do have to decide whether the current case is paranormal or not. I think it's pretty clear cut. Was Merlin a real wizard? No, I think I'm going to have to Was Merlin a real wizard? No.

I think I'm going to have to say no. It hurts to say, doesn't it? I want there to be a real wizard called Merlin. And I knew so little about this that you could have told me that King Arthur was a real dude who did something in history and I probably would have believed you. But if you're here today to tell me that it's even up for debate whether or not these two men existed, regardless of their powers. It is going to have to be a no this week, unfortunately.

God damn it! I love that part of history. It's cool, isn't it? It's very cool because, okay, it is a long time ago, but it's kind of wild that, like, if we go to ancient Egypt, we've got a lineage that goes back there with the pharaohs back, you know, 4,000 years practically, I think, until you start getting into the made up pharaohs. Oh, yeah. They think it goes back to a certain degree. And then they're like, oh, yeah, King Tutankhortan from the planet Nebulae V.

It's like, okay, no. You ruled for a thousand years and he had an almond shaped skull okay i think that's that is part legend uh but they do have a long lineage of real pharaohs whereas here in england where we're sitting right now it's we don't have to go back that far before it gets very fuzzy about who the king even was. Yeah, it's kind of weird, isn't it? Because it goes both ways with England. England is, as a place, so old that you can go to a pub from the 1400s and it's just on the street.

Whereas a lot of countries, like even America... You can pay with Bitcoin. Yeah, a lot of countries, even america pay with bitcoin yeah a lot of countries like even in america the history is not really that old at least of the when the colonizers moved over um so yeah it is strange there's a lot of history and at the same time not a lot of history absolutely god damn it another uh another l in the in the bag of suck that we're just in a dry spell and we just need to claw our way out of it.

So if you've got any guaranteed W's you can throw our way for us to fumble and somehow turn into an L send it on in to thisprimallifepodcast at gmail.com

This podcast is two dragons battling for eternity just trying to get a W under their belt. One double yes. It's been weeks since we've had one. We've got a king standing over our heads who's going to fill in our pit with cement if we don't get a W soon.

I hope you enjoyed this week's investigation. Nonetheless, even though it was an L, if you cannot wait until next tuesday to get your fix of this paranormal life i've got a solution for you patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life this is where for a mere five dollars a month or pending local currency wherever you are you can get access to approaching 40 full-length bonus episodes. These are full-length investigations into the paranormal cases that have not been discussed anywhere else

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