This Paranormal Life - #228 Toronto's Secret Tunnel Monster

Episode Date: August 31, 2021

Toronto, the dynamic metropolis filled with amazing food, culture... and SECRETS. That's right, In today story we deep dive into the tunnels of Toronto to investigate a creature that's said to live in the old waterways... A creature known as The Toronto Tunnel Monster.BUY OFFICIAL TPL MERCHwww.thisparanormallife.com/storePatreonpatreon.com/ThisParanormalLifeYouTubeyoutube.com/thisparanormallifeTwittertwitter.com/ThisParaLifeInstagraminstagram.com/thisparanormallifeSecret Society Facebook Pagewww.facebook.com/groups/thisparanormallife/Research by Amy GrisdaleIntro music: www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do ghosts pay rent to live in the spirit world? Can you eat a book to gain its knowledge? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Hello everyone and welcome to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week myself and my co-investigator, Kit Greer, look into a paranormal case and come to a conclusion as to whether or not it is paranormal. We are the decider. We are the judge, the jury, and the executioner. Oh, yeah.

Bigfoot's on trial, and I want to put him down. Secret is we want to put everyone down. No one gets off. If you're a cryptid who's been dumb enough to get caught and thrown into the judicial system you're not getting parole do you think nessie the loch ness monster is is getting out in two years you think the chupacabra can be reformed he's of course if you let him out he's gonna go back in now of course this does become complicated because there are a number of cryptids who, you put them in the electric chair, they become more powerful.

Like the thunderbirds. So you do have to... They were just regular birds, actually, before they went on death row. We tried to execute a pigeon that stole my lunch and we created a cryptid. Just putting animals on trial. crime mr froggy was uh not eating enough insects in my yard do you think you could cook a chicken in the electric chair uh yeah probably right yeah i think it's probably like the microwave it's uh subpar to barbecue an

oven right cooking but uh gets the job done get him with some vegetables put him in the chair rotate him at 15 minutes for another round in the chair i'm imagining a very very crispy exterior with a raw uncooked interior that's how i like it so the joke's on you um welcome to the podcast uh it's a it's a wonderful day to be investigating the paranormal, as it always is. It's actually my brother's birthday today. Oh, wow. 28 years old. Damn.

So we've got a little early morning podcast in the studio today. It's nice to know that for my loved ones, the best I can do is a morning podcast. loved ones the best i can do is a morning podcast i can't not podcast but if it's your special day like a wedding or an anniversary or birthday i could maybe do it before lunch it's a big event as well for him as well because you know we've talked about my brother a little bit on the podcast before um he's a high stakes investor on wall street uh he's much much much more successful than you well it's hard to measure podcasting okay yeah we won't get we won't get into that again but yeah um you know it's his birthday and uh him and his wife also uh they're whatever adopting that kid today it's like official today they're signing the papers

so that's so he was like messaged this morning he was like hey it'd be great if if uncle rory could be there just to like welcome him to the family and I said you know that I podcast on Fridays why would you don't why do this which is weird for you to say because we don't normally we don't normally complete one-off and I'm not saying that I changed it so that I couldn't be there to welcome in the little bastard because I'm sure they're gonna have a great day don't call him a bastard it's an adopted child this is big day but i'm saying that why isn't my shit important right why doesn't colin and susan and theodore come to my podcast why don't they come ever and encourage me to do important shit i think i did invite them one time to have a look around the studio and you said over

my dead body that rat brother of mine i was busy that day i had my own shit going on um i think you said i don't want to see i don't want him to see what a loser i am in my own work that's enough that's enough you said quite enough on this podcast okay we don't need to i don't think that's what i said at all i think i was probably like i'm busy i have meetings i have investors we. We have advertisers. We don't have investors. Obviously, none right now. But I am a businessman. I am a businessman. And I have a briefcase. And I can't see him right now because I have work to do.

So I think that was closer to what I said. I said I was a businessman. You don't even need to try and compete with him anymore, too, because hasn't he, like like had a massive career change? He runs a nonprofit now, I think. And like, yeah, he's big into like helping vulnerable children. Yeah, the dumbass gave up over 100K a year to volunteer some shit at like this nonprofit to help underprivileged inner city kids. I don't know. I think he's kind of a hero for that.

So technically, I make more money than he does now. Well, I don't know if that's true. Because I don't know if you've seen my Patreon recently, but it's blowing up because I'm a businessman. We're a non-profit because we can't

turn a f***ing buck. No, because we give it to charity. You know what? Maybe I should adopt a couple rugrats of my own. Maybe I should get a couple under my belt as well. You have never had any interest in being charitable up until the moment that I told you your more successful brother got into charity. My own kids don't want to see me, so maybe a couple of adopted ones would fill that child hole. There's no way the government, you are so behind on your child support payments.

There is no possible way they will let you take on more children. I don't know. That you are, on paper, less invested in because they're not biologically yours. I just think if we had, if I had a little group of them. You do. You know, I. You do have a group of them. We could like, you know, get them to do shit for us.

This is, that's a bad attitude to have towards adopting children. Edit the podcast or something. No, you cannot make them work. They are four years old. Or like, you know, cook me dinner. Oh my God. Or like commute. You are already thinking of what they can do for you in 20 years time.

Look, you don't understand this, all right, Kit? Frankly, this is embarrassing. But when you're a businessman, when you're a businessman, you don't understand this, alright, Kit? Frankly, this is embarrassing, but when you're a businessman, when you're a businessman, you think in business terms. We are part of the same business. I don't have children, I have employees. I don't have friends, I have co-workers. I don't have a wife or

a girlfriend, because I, I, because I love business. Because I, because I, because I f*** business. That last one didn't really add up i gotta say you business it's again i don't like excel booties i like excel spreadsheets sorry about that folks we usually don't rant at the start of the podcast but you know it's just anytime my brother comes up i get a little heated um so

yeah just throwing some ideas out there i'll let you i'll let everyone i'll keep everyone up to date with the pressure is on because theodore's uh theodore's adoption ceremony is in about 20 minutes so we really gotta we can make that we can make that but before we go to a cherished family event it's time to investigate a paranormal beast. Of course. The year is 1978 and we're in Toronto, Canada. It's August and the autumn leaves are beginning to fall as the cold sets in. In the city, a local man named Ernest and his wife Barbara are caring for their new litter of teeny tiny kittens. That's cute. Great start to a story so far. This is a very wholesome Canadian family scene.

One day, the couple are handling the new litter, counting heads to make sure everyone is safe. One, two, three, four, five. Wait a minute. Where's five? Ernest and Barbara began to panic. A kitten was missing. Ernest immediately grabbed his jacket and ran outside.

Mr. Bitey! Mr. Bitey! I don't know the cat's name. It's good to hear they have names and not one through five. It's kind of f***ed up to name them like they're medical experiments. Where is kitten number five? Where are you little kitty? Experiment number 72. I love you so much. It's like, I don't want to know what happened to one through 71. Yeah, it's a good thing that we're still on one to five.

Anyway, Ernest is searching in the darkness of the Canadian night, searching every bush and behind every building. He wasn't far from his house on Parliament Street when he stumbled across something in the darkness. As he approached the void, he realized he was looking at a small cave-like hole. Now, as I said, this was 1978. Even though Toronto was a little less developed than it is now, it still would have been strange to find something like this in your neighborhood. little less developed than it is now it still would have been strange to find something like this in your neighborhood yes you have spent some time in toronto i understand i have were there caves um was there infinite voids of blackness just on the street i was there in wow 2013 14

maybe okay i did a semester at ryerson University in downtown Toronto. Amazing city, wonderful city. I would love to go back and visit, maybe do a live show there. Don't remember any holes, even though I lost several kittens. So I can't imagine in 1978 that there were a ton of, I don't know, green Mario pipes just around the city waiting for people to hop in. Yeah, it's not a leading cause of kitten disappearances. No. The entrance

of this hole was so small that Ernest had to crouch down just to fit inside. And that's exactly what he did. Wow, he must really love this cat. I would not be going inside some random asshole i would scrawl a piece of paper with a sharpie being lost kitten no reward can't be asked if you see it give me a buzz and put it on a lamppost if your sign says goes by the name kitten number

five people are gonna assume you don't really care a lot about the cat. Unless it's a fun way like Mambo No. 5. The kitten's got a reggae career. Meowmbo No. 5. That's what you could call him. Very good. Thank you. A little bit of kitten one in my life. A little bit of kitten two all the time. That's one of the worst jokes.

That's just terrible. That is terrible. There's a reason we don't do puns too often, guys. Or podcasts this early in the morning. So Ernest drops down to his hands and knees and begins crawling into the hole. If a kitten was missing, this is the exact sort of place it would wander off into. So he keeps crawling deeper into the darkness, the wall squeezing him as he inches further into the hole.

Too far. Too far. Too far. As he reaches around the ten-foot mark, he can hear rustling noises up ahead. Ernest pushes onward, thinking it must be the kitten. But he couldn't have been more wrong. Oh, God. As he stared into the darkness, his eyes locked with some sort of creature he'd never seen before. Kitten number five? Is that you?

It was like a twisted monkey. Three feet long, with large teeth and bright red eyes, slanted in anger. Without warning, the creature opened its mouth and hissed. Go away! Oh my god! Backpedal! Backpedal! How do you backpedal? You're in a little tunnel! As Ernest begins to scramble around in the tight hole, the creature retreats, scampering away deeper into the tunnel. Oh my god. Ernest crawled out of the hole and ran home immediately.

What he just encountered would become known as the Toronto Sewer Monster. Jesus, man. Terrifying, right? There's so many levels of terrifyingness to this story already. I wanted to blame Ernest for going on this wild goose chase, crawling through a tunnel. You don't know if you're going to be able

to get back out of in the middle of the night. I do not condone that behavior, but I don't think even Ernest deserved whatever that was. Yeah. Go away, whatever you said. I actually thought it was a pretty good impression, to be fair.

Yeah, that is awful. That is truly awful. To be in a situation where i assume it's already quite a tight enclosed space and then to encounter something like that because obviously your first instinct is like i got i i what yes sir i will oblige i will go away but if you can't if you have to like wiggle ass out of this tunnel oh my god don't get your ass out monsters are gonna enjoy that uh are you good with enclosed spaces like that so i'm pretty good with it i went to when i was in um korea we went to the uh the north south uh border the dmz oh yeah and one of the things you can do while you're there amazing experience i definitely recommend it if you ever visit south korea wouldn't recommend it if you're

visiting north korea um one of the things you can do is go down into the tunnels that were uh discovered by the south korean military that were dug by uh north koreans to try and sneak into the country. And I was like, yeah, I'll do this. It's like you're walking down for like a mile into the earth. Jesus. So by the time you reach the bottom where the tunnel is, it's like you're so far underground. You can kind of feel it. The air is so damp and the walls are so thick.

Yeah, it's warm. It's a really strange strange feeling and they have a warning at the entrance to the tunnel which is like if you go in uh there's not enough room to turn around so you have to keep going you have to keep going so this is you have to live in north korea not this is the point where you have to be 100 certain you'll be comfortable in this tunnel right okay okay because the way it kind of works is it's like you go in and then you swing around and come out but obviously if you start to feel claustrophobic or like you're gonna have a panic attack you can't turn to get out because there's a line of people behind you coming in. Which isn't good to tell people who are claustrophobic.

Yeah, just, you know, it's going to get real tight in there and everyone's going to be squished together like a bug. Oh, and if you feel bad, there's no escape. It's like, well, what they want to hear is, oh, hey, just if you feel claustrophobic, just put your hand up at any time. We'll get you right out of there. Yeah.

No, not the case at all. Oh, if something goes wrong, we will start filling up the hole with dirt to murder you all. It's over. You see those cement walls on either side of this hole? Yeah, they were filled with tourists who started to panic. But the tunnel eventually towards the end does get so small that uh you you're crouching you can't even stand you have to like crouch walk and i did get a little bit claustrophobic for the first time in my life uh because you kind of you're as soon as you

start to think about where you are and how trapped you are. That's when I really started to panic a little bit. But I'm usually pretty good at switching my brain off all the time, every day. So it was fine. It was quite a cool experience. But this is another level, which is kind of being almost, at one point in the story, they say he's on his hands and knees,

like crawling like Sam Fisher in Splinter Cell. It's again again it attests to um earnest's dedication to find this kitten that he was willing to do what north korean defectors spend their lives planning to crawl through a a deadly claustrophobic horrible tight space you gotta give him you gotta give him some uh respect for that yeah he was going these are the kind of people you want raising kittens even though one of them did get away they're willing to risk their life yeah put an air tag on the bitch it's 1978 there weren't apple air tags put a i don't know put a rope on it so it can't get away i don't know close your the doors

to your house and that way kittens walk really hilariously and slowly by the way yeah it's like they're where can it possibly get kittens walk walk like they're wearing like invisible rain boots those big stomps like they're a kaiju yeah so uh yeah i i don't think it's gotten 10 feet into hell i'd like did he check his back garden first did he check uh the hedges in his back garden well the story does develop so let's just uh let's just keep moving on as i said ernest is terrified and immediately runs back home to his wife. He tells her everything and, to be fair, she believes him. In a later interview she even said, He was terrified when he came back to the apartment and he doesn't scare easily. Look, he's been known to have a drink in the past, like most people, but he's not a drunk and he

wasn't drinking at all that day weird thing to bring up yeah i don't even think anyone mentioned alcohol at all so it's kind of like so so what time did your husband see he's not an alcoholic before you even start sure he likes to have a drink like the rest of us sure a little bit more than me or most people he may be an alcoholic but he is not a kitten thief yeah it's one of those uh classic gags where she'll be ranting for ages but like i just want to say he's been a recovering alcoholic for ages um he has been known to drink a little bit now and again but i know for a fact that he was not drinking on the night and he hasn't had a drink since the event. Sorry, what was the question? It's like, I asked your second name.

Oh, right. Of course. Sure, he has been known to frequent the tunnels underneath Toronto to drink the alcohol-rich sewage water. But on that night, I'm pretty sure he was looking for the kitten. Now, despite what he'd seen with his own two eyes, Ernest decided not to go to the police. I mean, we've seen it a lot of times in the past with cases. Someone who has a paranormal experience tells the police, tells the local authorities, and they are fired from their job. They are exiled from society and they become recluses.

Yeah. I can completely understand why someone would be hesitant to tell other people about this experience. We've mentioned it before. Sometimes you need to alter your story just slightly. A little bit. Take out some of the elements. Maybe don't tell people the bit where it said. What was it? Get out now.

Go away. Go away. Maybe say that you think there's a dangerous animal. Don't say that it was a half monkey, half reptile or something. Yeah, that spoke perfect English. That's a little weird. Yeah, just change it a little bit. Maybe it was an alligator.

Who knows? But even though he didn't want to talk to the authorities, he couldn't help but mention the whole ordeal to his buddies. Word began to spread about this strange glowing-eyed monkey beast. And it wasn't long before local newspaper The Toronto Sun was knocking on his door trying to get an interview. Eventually, Ernest agreed to be interviewed on the strict condition that his surname was never revealed. So they do the interview, and within days, the tale of the Toronto sewer creature is front page news. Whoa.

I actually have a picture of the news article that was released at the time, if you want to take a peek. Wow, so the headline reads, Tunnel monster of cabbage town, with the subheading, quote, almost like monkey, eyes, orange, red. With the subheading, quote, almost like monkey eyes, orange, red. This is really cool. This is some like News of the World style paranormal news coverage. We've got an artist's interpretation of the beast, which is really, to be honest, the last thing you want to see in a dark tunnel. It's absolutely terrifying. It's a bit, it's like a creature from, do you remember that movie, like The Descent or something?

Oh, I never saw it. Yeah, I think it was a couple of them. It was these horrible movies about, horror movies about like cave divers that plot twist, spoiler alert, they get stuck in the caves and there are beasts in the caves. It's a little bit like that.

I mean, it makes sense tunnels caves yeah that some kind of mole people could be existing from ancient times yeah absolutely uh that's i didn't actually try to read the article itself but um oh it's quite blurry i don't know if you could yeah but it's really cool to have that that piece of evidence firsthand yeah i mean it seems a little it's a little weird that anything dark could ever happen in a place called Cabbage Town. Right. It sounds like it's a street off Sesame Street. Yeah, like a children's TV show, Cabbage Town.

That would be like a triple homicide happening at Banana Boulevard. Yeah. Or Tomato Town. Yeah. No, nothing bad can happen there because the streets are made of marshmallow the cabbage patch kids live there but it's the place where it happened i don't remember it from my time in toronto but apparently it's pretty central as well but unfortunately the story alone wasn't enough to convince the public that one, this threat is real, and two, that it's here in Toronto.

So in March 1979, the newspaper staff managed to convince Ernest to go back to the tunnel. No way. Bringing along journalists to show them the entrance. That's cruel. Taking the murder victim's family back to the scene of the crime. It's horrible. Yeah, it's, I think he's kind of on board for it okay maybe he had to be convinced a little bit but if this is what it's going to take to get his reputation cleared then you do what it takes but i thought they printed the whole thing without even using his last name i thought he was in the clear cabbage town is a

small town there's only so many earnest that have five kittens yeah they narrowed it down pretty easily fair enough fair enough now a lot of the time this is the point in our stories where the person who found the place tries to bring people there and the hole has disappeared or it's magically been sealed over or he now can't remember where it was. But Ernest delivers. He takes them right to the entrance of the tunnel that he found that night. Together, Ernest and the journalist scoured the inside of the tunnel, searching for any evidence that the creature was still there. And they did find something. Inside the tunnel, they found the half buried remains of a cat. No! Kitten number five!

Yeah. Meow-mow number five! They did specify in the story the remains of a cat. Okay, not a kitten. Interesting. I mean, it doesn't bode well for the damn kitten this thing's got a taste for kittens this could mean a lot of things this could mean that it's a random cat that died in the tunnel it could mean that it's kitten number 5 that you know what did they say this is like a year later after the encounter

so it is a cat the cat grew up kitten number 5 grew up and still died in the tunnel or is there a died in the tunnel. Or is there a beast in the tunnel eating pets? I mean, it kind of seems like, I want to say the latter. Also, did you say they went back inside the tunnel? They went back in there, yeah.

This is where you need, don't go back in the tunnel. This is where you need like a bomb disposal robot. You need something with that camera, like the kind of thing they send in to the remains of Chernobyl to see how radioactive it is. We need that before these Toronto tunnels. Yeah, 1979. I'm not sure how much of that technology was readily available. I don't know.

A tiny car then with a raccoon driving it. They send in a Roombba to clean the place up and get a little vision in there yeah 1970 what would they have had i think i think they had some rudimentary stuff that was still in the age of strapping a vhs camera to a monkey and throwing it in there that was the bomb disposal unit i do like the idea of this uh kitten growing up inside the sewers like the teenage mutant ninja turtles with the tunnel monster as its sensei right now has to defend the streets of toronto where it loves to eat poutine not cheese pizza

wow i would 100 watch i would watch the shit out of that cartoon. Kitten Ninja? Ninja kittens being raised by a monkey sensei defending the streets of Cabbage Town. It writes itself, it really does. That's incredible. The teenage mutant ninja kittens. We might have to take more of a departure from the IP than that.

I don't think that will get past legal. They're not teenagers. Right. The infant mutant. The baby. The baby mutant. Can we make them ninjas? Is that too close?

Samurai kittens. Samurai kittens. Baby mutant samurai kittens. If we have any manga artists in the community, we have a project for you, a commission, if you will. Now, obviously, paranormal or not, the local council are pretty horrified that this dangerous tunnel is just open for any child to crawl into and probably die. Absolutely. It's a miracle it hasn't happened yet. So they immediately alert the Toronto sewer

department to deal with it. The sewer department come in for an inspection, and began surveying the hole, making sure it's all safe. While they were working, news reporters were on site, trying to get statements, basically calling out how stupid Ernest and his story was. I don't know if you know this, but a local here says he saw a creature down in the tunnel. Is there anything you'd like to say to address this silly claim? The worker replied, People who work on the surface don't know what it's like down there.

It's a whole different world. Who would have thought a few years ago that people would live in the sewers? And yet that's what they found in New York a few years back. I don't know what ernest saw down there but i'll tell you one thing i sure as hell wouldn't want to go down there alone i'm sorry are we still in the city this guy sounds like he stepped off the black pearl five minutes ago he's a roughened up sewer man all right the sewer fumes have got to his vocal cords that's for sure that's what they sound like i just love that first line is just incredible people who work on the surface don't know what

it's like down you might as well have called them surface dwellers you might as well 100% call them surface dwellers you're implying that you're not a surface dweller as well with that statement because you work in the sewer system uh i did look into it because that was a really weird line to just throw in there about finding people living in the New York sewers. Yes. So I did look into this because this was in 1979. And apparently this was and has been a thing is people living in the sewers of New York City.

When I looked it up online, they were referred to as mole people, which seems really derogatory and kind of offensive because I think that they were just probably people who were down on their luck or homeless trying to have some shelter. If you're trying to survive a fucking hurricane, suddenly the sewer is going to look pretty good if you're homeless. Yeah. So I don't know. Maybe that hasn't dated well. Mole people sounds incredibly offensive. Sure. But it is a real thing that, you know, big cities that are built on tunnel systems do have people that live down there. I mean, we also investigated a case where

in New York, where there were alligators making their way into the sewer systems. Yeah, that was pretty messed up. That's the last thing the mole people need. There's already enough territorial wars in New York City. I don't think it needs to be mole men versus sewer gators. Surface dwellers versus sewer gators versus the mafia. Oh my goodness. Now, although all of this sounds absolutely insane, parts of the story do check out. Before Toronto was a city, it was basically a giant swamp,

creeks and rivers all over the place. Okay. By the 1920s, the vast majority of these waterways were buried underneath the growing town in the form of sewer tunnels. Hmm. And it's there that this monster can be found lurking. So although this random tunnel

opening seems weird in the city, logically, it kind of does check out. Right. So what you're saying is, well, we think of Toronto as a beautiful built up mega city, one of the most diverse in the world in fact uh at its core and its history it is a a water park for weird sewer creatures to hang out in yeah yeah it's it's a you know as soon as you look below the surface of this pristine city it's a sludgy wonderland my friend or anything goes i imagine it's kind of like in uh futurama where they now because it's set in the year 3000 i believe and they live in new new york which is built on top of new york so if you just go into the sewers of new new york it's like the statue of liberty and that's kind of like what we're seeing here. The real Toronto. The old Toronto is just

a f***ing crocodile party with swamp people and monkey men all hanging out, drinking goop. I'm really glad we can bring this crazy information to our listeners in Toronto. This must be

news to them. I did actually, I wanted to check before we did this episode. We have a decent fan base in Toronto. That's really great to know. And in Canada. So maybe some of you out there can take this investigation to your own hands and just drop a GoPro, flush a GoPro down your toilet. Although the encounters with the Toronto Tunnel Monster are sparse, there have been more over the years. In fact, in 2002, a man called Steve was walking home

from a super late night at work. It's after 2am, so the streets are quiet and empty. Just Steve and the streets of Toronto. While heading over a two-lane bridge with a grassy verge down the middle, Steve hears the sound of footsteps around him. Hello? Then, all of a sudden, a shape darts across the bridge. Steve froze on the spot. This creature in front of him, this beast, paused on the grass in the central reservation of the bridge. This creature is only 30 feet ahead of Steve, so why can't he make out what it is?

It's not a deer. It's not a bear. It doesn't look like a wolf, or in fact any creature he's ever seen before. He's pondering what on earth he's looking at when suddenly it rises up onto its hind legs. Oh no. This thing is now standing at six foot five, at least. Whatever this creature is, it now looks more human than anything else.

Steve's eyes are scanning the creature, furiously trying to pick out a trace of fur or hair, but it's impossible to make out anything in the silhouette of the moonlight. Without warning, the creature dropped back on all fours and continued on its way. Steve was shaken to his core and to this day has never forgotten a single detail of what he saw that night. Well, he didn't get a lot of details. That's not hard to remember. Yeah, I guess that's why most of the descriptions are about the sounds and the posture of the creature. Is this a bear? The way you describe it, jumping up on its hind legs and it's super tall.

And then it drops down again and paws off on its four legs. And we are in Canada. I don't know how many we get near Toronto. Yeah, this is kind of strange because even though a lot of people believe that this is the toronto sewer monster it doesn't really match the description of the original creature seen in 1978 or 9 um the original creature was like a tiny little three-foot monkey thing so unless over the 20 years this thing has been absent, it's grown into a LA Laker. Yeah. Six, five. No joke. I don't know any other explanations really. Yeah. Maybe it was just a baby sewer monster when Ernest saw it back in the seventies.

Or is this a family of creatures down here and we're seeing Papa? Right, jeez. Steve eventually told the story to his friend, Chris Hawley, a late-night radio host and writer of a paranormal blog. In Chris's writing, he said, I've been receiving more reports than usual lately of strange creatures over the last year. I'm presently trying to talk with a woman who sent me an image that she drew for a group of people near where she lives.

People claim that they're seeing a strange, large creature. I have an image of the creature that the woman drew, and I think you'll find, Kit, that worryingly, it's quite close to the description of the creature originally seen in the sewer. Ugh, I don't like looking at this. This is horrible. It really is, isn't it? This is like a mix between a cave painting and maybe the f***ing demon from Insidious. It looks a bit like if Darth Maul was a little imp demon completely black all over with piercing red eyes. It looks like if a meerkat

became a Sith Lord. Yeah, it really does. That pretty much sums it up. That's horrible. I don't want to see that. But weirdly, it is in between kind of the two descriptions.

Yeah. It does have kind of monkey-like kind of monkey like um kind of it's kind of hunched over with little legs and longer arms um and it's definitely got that kind of what's the word i'm looking for it's got those humanoid features of of arms and legs and a head but at the same time it could rise up on all fours and be six foot five for all we know yeah because it's very hunched it's kind of got like a golem-y vibe to it. It does.

One reason I really like this Toronto sewer monster is because, you know, we've done a lot of cases recently of cryptids and beasts that are seen stalking villages and attacking people. And they're all like seven foot rippling abs, like half jacked wolf beast half buff man yeah so it's kind of cool to just see this little weasel this little i mean yeah this is way more terrifying in a weird way yeah because because yeah i don't know why it feels like the kind of thing that would just

like jump on your back and bite you and bite you until you die you know it's not gonna wipe your it might just like silently walk up gouge out your eyeballs and eat them in front of you yeah you don't know what this thing's gonna do it's a weird but at the same time you could probably boot it into a river well there was six foot five wasn't it i did go six foot five forgot about that also I don't know how much monkey genetics are in this thing, but monkeys are very strong. Did you see that graph of countries around the world and whether or not they thought they could fight animals? And I think it was like America had one of the highest numbers of people who thought they could win a fight against like a gorilla. People were genuinely like, yeah, I think I could probably take a gorilla.

Oh, my God. Ladies and gentlemen, if there's one takeaway, a bit of advice from this podcast that we want you to really take to heart, don't fight a gorilla. You're not going to win that fight. Their fingers are like cigars beefy little muscular cigars i mean it kind of adds up when you consider that americans also own the most guns so i i think they feel they have an advantage i think this was a hand-to-hand fight of course i think i could beat a gorilla with an ak-47 sure uh i the last time i saw a gorilla was at the zoo many moons ago and the gorilla got really angry and ran full pelt towards the glass and pounded the glass and it

was one of the most heart in my mouth moments i've had in my life right to see how much like muscle and weight they can move that fast is like barreling towards you is terrifying i guess it's not a huge surprise because you were like taunting it and shit you brought all those bananas because you used to do this all it was like a weekly thing which was yeah i got a membership at the zoo just to taunt bobo i don't know why he just there's something about him i find so annoying and i just want to rub it in that i'm free and he's not and that it's a bad thing it's a bad thing to try and i have a frontal lobe or whatever the my brain that means that i'm better than him you don't even know what the thing is that makes you smart i just know that i'm smarter than him although when you think about it it's kind of weird that i willingly go to the place that he's

stuck whatever i'm still better than him yeah how how dare you be shocked when he tries to attack you as well they said you were like should have put him down for that it's honestly shocking that they would let that monkey come near me it's shocking that they let you in with the banana skirt that's what was shocking goddamn i just have so many feelings against that monkey okay is there any particular reason why you feel the need to attack this poor and there is a reason but i can't say it on the podcast okay so he's a bigger penis than me and he shows it off every time i go and i know he's taunting me with it sorry so the reason that you you cut it out though because i don't want to say i just i feel like i have to talk to someone about it and but i don't want obviously obviously i don't want people to know if and like

now that even if people heard me say that then if they go to the zoo and if they see bobo they're gonna see the size of his penis which is not that large and they're gonna know that i'm smaller again smaller again than that his penis isn't even big no of course not it's a gorilla what does that even mean what do you mean you think i know the size of a gorilla's penis gorilla is one of the smallest in relation to their body mass of any of the mammals and yet i am smaller still okay but if you want him by the way if you want him to stop flaunting his penis in front of you all you have to do is stop going but i know he's there if you just don't go there and i know he's he's he thinks he's better than me all right and he is in that department

sure but i have other skills like like the the lobe shit sure like my brain that's well i think his brain is actually bigger than mine he's a a much bigger head. But I have more brain. So what is the endgame here? You want him to be clothed? You want him to be clothed? I want him to be either wearing some, having some f***ing decency and putting on some clothes, or ideally the zoo put him down. All right.

I think you should stop coming to the zoo. I can't go. They banned me. For a good reason, might I add. Anyway, whatever. It doesn't f***ing matter. We're not including this in the show anyway. By the way, your brother texted me.

He said... Don't bring him up. He said, are you guys even coming? We've been holding off the ceremony for a while now. I know Rory can do this work anytime he wants he's self-employed there's no reason he has to miss this i don't know where he gets this weird competitive thing against me from i have nothing but love for him and he knows i have his back and i know he's been through a lot of problems and i want to support him uh financially and emotionally in any way i

can all about him if you can get through to him in any way um i just want to uh support him as my brother uh any that makes sense to you same old same old shit playing playing the angel and that makes me the demon i do think you should go that makes me the demon it really seems like he's a good guy why can't i be the angel for once why don't i get to be the helping hand? We can do this anytime. We can. There's no reason we need to miss Theodore's big day. And your brother's big day.

It's his birthday. Asshole. Asshole. Like, why can't... Now I seem like the bad guy just because I don't want to go to his adopted son's ceremony. Like, how is that fair to put on his birthday? Yeah.

I think his wife got a promotion as well. She's very successful too. They say successful people attract each other, which is why he's dating a Brazilian supermodel and I'm talking about sewer monsters. Whatever. Tell him I will be there in five. Tell him I'll be there in five tell him I'll be there in five

that'll be a lot I don't think it will shut him up because in five minutes he's gonna be hitting me back just text him to be honest don't know why it's going through me it's kind of f***ed up I blocked his number tell him Rory says oh so sorry

I'll be there in five, buddy. Wouldn't miss it for the world. The sarcasm is not going to track through text. He'll understand. He'll send a winky face then. And a middle finger. Okay, that's quite enough. Because the middle finger is going to seem like it's coming from me, not you.

Just tell him. Yeah, tell him I'll be there in a second. It's two hours across town too. So even if we stop right now, you will have ruined their entire day. All right, tell them there's a... Tell them trying to get Uber. Trying to get Uber.

Service charge is whack. Okay. All right, I'm typing. Something like that. I'm typing. Anything like that is fine. He says... So fast. All right, I'm typing. Something like that. I'm typing. Anything like that is fine. He says... So fast.

He says, NP, my driver can be with you in 10 minutes. Guy can't be that busy, huh? If he replies that fast. No, he's just trying to move his day along. He's trying to move his day along. What happens... Where's your business meeting now?

Now you can talk to me 24-7 ASAP. That's... That's weird, isn't it? He has a driver. Yeah, I guess it comes the job you know tell him no need say no need no need be there in five okay what is the what is the little guy like and i'll tell him i'll get i'll get a toy or something i don't know i mean this isn't my job but how are you gonna okay never mind how are you gonna get a toy in five minutes now he's messaging me on twitter i haven't blocked him on twitter the dms are coming through there's a picture of them all there's loads of people there wow

waiting for you to start all right well hope lunch is ready because you're gonna be waiting a while brother let me tell you that i feel like it's not exactly my place to say but that's kind of up do we want to talk about the sewer monster or do we want to talk about my sibling rivalry and your tiny little monkey dick okay that's quite enough that's what i thought that's quite enough we all have our enemy we all have our enemies brother tell the monkey i'll be there in five banana skirt on dick out banana skirt is so short your your dick is still visible you're using the tiniest bananas you can find and we still can't see your dick look you still look like a in action man oh look i'll just show i don't know how we got there but i just showed you a picture

of the toronto sewer monster multiple people have seen this thing what is it what are the theories behind what it could possibly be well we can't be 100 sure but most online investigators believe that it could be a creature known as the Meme Guay Si. Wow, never heard of that one. For those of you like it who have never heard of this creature, it's a Native American water spirit that isn't necessarily known for being evil, but can get up to quite a bit of mischief. to quite a bit of mischief. I thought that was important to include because even though this creature is terrifying and scares a lot of people,

the only thing it's done is told someone to go away and walked across a bridge. I mean, it's an interesting insight to say that it's not evil, but it also doesn't give us a whole lot of information because lions are not evil either, but they still kill people. Yeah, that's a really good point.

Sharks aren't evil, but they still... They get up to a little mischief. They really do. They're an American water spirit. Get up to a little mischief for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Who's to say that if provoked this thing, I mean, we already know it can reach six foot five.

So who's to say that it can't just, whip out some claws and start scratching away the legend says that these creatures are tiny child-sized beasts with hairy bodies large heads and a strange voice that sounds like the whine of a dragonfly no that's weird i didn't know dragonflies even emitted any sort of noise which is pretty crazy i'm picturing something like a mosquito other theories to rattle through um is it just a monkey that it got trapped in the sewers i have no idea maybe there's a i assume there's a toronto zoo or some sort of canadian traveling circus could this sewer monkey just be trapped down there i mean crawling through a sewer and encountering a wild monkey would be just as terrifying as kind of all these situations

doesn't explain it speaking english new but as we said you know radioactive runoff can have a strange effect on a lot of creatures as it did the turtles i don't the mutant ninja turtles speak english an unlimited supply of uh tim horton's runoff will do crazy things to a monkey another logical explanation that people have considered is, was this just a person living in a sewer? Right. Like in New York city back in the day. Yeah. Maybe when Ernest originally crawled into this tunnel at night, he basically crawled face to face with possibly a homeless person who said, go away. And Ernest freaked the out. It's definitely a logical explanation. Doesn't quite fit the other sightings of the creature

where it's walking about like a beast or in the shape of a three foot monkey creature. This happens quite a lot where the picture starts to get quite murky as we introduce other sightings because we don't know for certain if they are even of the same thing. It's really true. It's like a confusion multiplier. It seems fun when you get more sightings, but actually you're kind of just making the whole thing more complex. You're diluting the story completely where we started with this incredibly specific creature in this one location with news coverage, firsthand witnesses, employees of the Toronto sewer squad claiming that you don't know what it's like down there, implying there are some sort of creatures underneath the surface to now

at the end of this story where- I'm starting to think that sewer worker was the creature, by the way. Right. But daylight, he rises to the surface. It's kind of like a f***ed up Batman. Yeah. A reverse Batman. Y'all don't know what it's like.

You better get out. The one weird thing about finding the cat remains in the tunnel was that the cat was found in full form if this was a creature or some sort of beast that was eating pets it would have been devoured it would have been bones but this probably scattered bones at that yeah yeah whereas i believe that this cat was just found passed away. Gotcha. As if it was sick or it was injured and it just went in there and passed away. So it doesn't quite lead up with the theory of the sewer monster, tunnel monster, seizing animals and dragging them back in and... Right. Spitting on bones. Yeah. Gargling blood and spewing it all over the tunnel walls. Yeah, gargling blood and spewing it all over the tunnel walls.

I think when we look at this case, there are worryingly a lot of logical explanations and not a ton of evidence. And that leads us to our conclusion section. Kit, what are your thoughts today on the Toronto sewer monster? It's pretty fascinating. Thank you for a well-researched case. Thank you to Amy. Thank you to Amy Grisdale. Wow. I feel a lot different about Toronto than I did one hour ago.

Before, I saw it as a beautiful, diverse, cosmopolitan city with some of the finest food in the Western world. Now I see it as a hellscape of sewage and strange beasts running rampant in the streets eating animals i'm terrified i don't want to go anymore our live show if we go we'll be in the sewers we should clarify we'll not be on the surface world you will need to bring a weapon for self-defense um yeah this is a pretty it's a fascinating cryptid encounter um it lines up with so many others we've experienced in the past. You have a strong initial sighting that we base the rest of the story on, but then subsequent sightings that just never really match up 100% or ever really provide us with that firsthand photographic or video evidence or physical evidence, prints or bones or anything that we would need to categorically give this a

double yes. So whilst it's one of the scarier cases we've experienced in recent times, I don't think I have enough here to give it a yes. Yeah, I think I'm going to side with you on that one. I love this original story. And any paranormal case involves getting the newspapers involved and having photographs and testimonies. I love all of that. It does add a cool depth to the story and makes

it feel really like a part of history. But I think ultimately when we look at this creature, what is it? It's someone saying they saw something and possibly heard something in the darkness of a tunnel. Now there are other sightings of creatures around Toronto, but even the description of them doesn't necessarily match what Ernest originally saw in the 1970s. So I don't know. I don't think I have enough evidence today to conclusively say that the Toronto sewer monster is real. So it's going to be a no from me. It's a double no. Damn. Well, thank you for listening to this week's episode of This Paranormal Life. Hope you guys enjoyed it. I had a blast researching that one. Cool to go back and investigate my old hometown of Toronto.

As I said, wonderful place. And hopefully at some point in the future, we'll get out to Canada to do a live show. That would be amazing. Absolutely. Usually we would plug a bunch of shit here at the end of the podcast. But I literally just got a text from my brother and it turns out there's like gift bags at the event like goodie bags for guests attending um it has like a ipad in it 12 months of apple tv i think like a roku or something so i'm gonna shoot like asap to shoot. Yeah. He texts me as well.

Between you and me. So bummed. He couldn't be here. Well, I will be there. The big surprise was that we named our adopted child Rory. All right. Well, I don't care about that. I don't care about that. Big brother. And despite everything, he still, he still wants to have a great relationship with you. So a bit of a bittersweet one, but at least you are going to, sounds like you are going to be there with the family. Yes. I'm going to, if we just blast through this really fast, I'll be able to get out and attend,

which is amazing. I know people are going to jump to conclusions. It's not because of the goodie bag. Yeah. You talked about the goodie bag quite a lot. It sounds like it is a multi-thousand pound value too. Well, it's the new gen of iPad and he's prepaid for the wireless service.

So it has this- You know so much about it. Well, it was- How did you, you glimpsed at your watch and you gleaned all this from the text message. I didn't know there were going to be GIFs. Yeah. And that doesn't matter to me, to be fair,

because what really matters more than anything is showing up i really feel like being there for my brother when you need to take one of the gift bags you should at least bring his adopted son that gift okay i will gift him 12 months of apple tv out of the kindness of my own heart that i think that's i think you should give the kid the ipad i really do if i have to give him the ipad i don't want to go if i have to give him the ipad i'm not gonna go it was about the gift it's about receiving admiration for attendance of the event that's what it is you've laid your card sir it's me going and say i appreciate you brother i am here and my brother's saying I appreciate you, brother. I am here.

And my brother is saying, I appreciate you, brother. Here's an iPad. That's what it's all about, is this ceremony. That's not what a ceremony is. You missed the ceremony. There's a coupon for Pizza Express, and I want that too. So I want to, yeah, I missed the ceremony, but I could swoop in. Will you at least give

rory jr the voucher for pizza express absolutely not that guy rory jr what were they thinking i'm the only rory so anyway uh i hope you enjoyed the do you want to plug anything really fast do you want to play anything really fast yeah because in my head in my head everyone's grabbing bags like a frenzy. They'll save one. They'll save one. Don't worry. You got time. So,

uh, thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you, if you just go, man, don't giggle. Just say shit. So long.

Go. Come on. I, there's just a certain, just a certain amount of copy we've got to get through. Thank you, everyone. If you enjoy these episodes... No, you can't do this. We're not done.

Just plug the Patreon or whatever. I have to get the bags. You have to talk about the big... I have to see my cousin. What is he to me? Nephew. You have to talk about the big update what update the bit we've been working on this for weeks we've been working on this for weeks what what what what

what do you mean what we've been working on this together for weeks we're supposed to announce on the podcast oh and you're now you're saying you don't have time to do it uh um why don't you take the lead on the big update that i know what that i know what it is and then and then it's like the gift bag wiped your brain you don't even i just want an ipad is that i mean oh don't make me say patreon you can buy an ipad for work or something i want it for free okay i want it for free and i want the pizza express for free and I want the Pizza Express coupons and I want the 12 months of Apple TV.

And I want to see my little nephew and my brother who I actually love with all my heart and I resent. You keep listing the gift bag and all its contents

and then as a complete afterthought listing the rest of your family. I feel like I'm going to not get the iPad at all. all okay i think you should leave because you're ruining the podcast i'm off guys thanks for listening wow head on over to patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life to get bonus episodes we've got 45 of them in total or so uh full length bonus episodes forgot my keys sorry i forgot my keys all right just call ma'am on patreon you can get these full-length bonus episodes for just five bucks signs you up

to support the podcast and get an insane amount of content in return we always forget to plug our social media channels make sure you are following this paranormal life everywhere you can find us to you parked me in out the front you've parked me i can't literally get 20 seconds for finishing so if you just wait 20 seconds i'll let you on all right uh follow us on facebook.com forward slash this paranormal life facebook.com forward slash this hour of life at least stop passing into the microphone at least if you don't have anything to add i'm gonna take i'm gonna take my bike i'm gonna take my bike you can't 20 seconds. You'll be so much more late. I said it was two hours away by car.

All right. Jesus Christ. All the links to all our social media channels are in the description of this podcast. Please follow them and watch videos and memes of this Paranormal Life. Christ alive. I'm just sorry, I guess, for Rory's behavior in this episode. But hopefully he'll have f***ing used his iPad for a week or so and we'll be more chill by

next week. We will see you next Tuesday for a brand new Paranormal Tale. See you then! Thank you.