This Paranormal Life - #231 The San Pedro Mummy - An Ancient Alien Cryptid?

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

Ancient Egyptian mummies are paranormal enough as they are, but what about a mummified ancient CRYPTID? That's exactly what two gold prospectors stumbled across in the Wyoming wilderness, in a discovery that would change their lives forever. What is the San Pedro Mummy? And is it paranormal?BUY OFFICIAL TPL MERCHwww.thisparanormallife.com/storePatreonpatreon.com/ThisParanormalLifeYouTubeyoutube.com/thisparanormallifeTwittertwitter.com/ThisParaLifeInstagraminstagram.com/thisparanormallifeSecret Society Facebook Pagewww.facebook.com/groups/thisparanormallife/Edited by Kami Tomanwww.tomanedits.comResearch by Amy GrisdaleIntro music: www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Is there such thing as a paranormal witching are? Do fireflies imply the existence of waterflies, earthflies, and windflies? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Sorry, I zoned out there for a minute. I didn't do the scream with you. Do you want to go back? No, it's all good. I can, uh, no, if you don't want to join in for this podcast that's fine i'll take it from here i think that's the first time one of us has missed the scream in like a year i'm boss i'm

broken not a good start to this week's episode sorry sorry sorry i'm back in the game i'm i'm here i'm in the moment i'm present glad to hear it this is this paranormal life a comedy podcast where every tuesday we investigate a different paranormal tale, case, or claim and get to the bottom of whether it's paranormal or not. As always, you're joined by myself, Mr. Kit Greer Mulvena, professional paranormal investigator extraordinaire, and across from me, Mr. Rory Powers. Rory Powers, right here, in the moment, living life right now, paying attention 100%. I'm ready to go, geared up. geared up i'm excited well if you're ready rory let's dive into today's investigation i love it because because recently we've had a bit of dilly-dallying at the start of the podcast a bit of chit chat but we pride ourselves on not talking

at the start of the podcast about our personal lives so let's go like that we get straight into the story yeah you're right so, sorry, let me finish first. So many podcasts out there, they have a theme and it's a strong theme at that. It's presented well throughout the artwork and even maybe at the start of the podcast. But what they do is they ramble too much at the start. For new listeners, that can be really off-putting.

Yeah, you're rambling, you're rambling. I'm explaining the problem. You're rambling right now. I'm not part of the problem. But we don't d off-putting. Yeah, you're rambling. You're rambling. I'm explaining the problem. You're rambling right now. I'm not part of the problem. But we don't dilly-dally. We go straight into the show is what I'm trying to say. We get straight into it. Are you done?

The Paranormal Podcast. Yeah, I'm done. We can start. Because that's the other thing is that some hosts have a weird dynamic where things feel awkward. This is a weird dynamic. It's unbelievably awkward for our listeners. This is a weird dynamic where things feel awkward. This is a weird dynamic. It's unbelievably awkward for our listeners.

Sometimes I think our podcast is what it feels like when you're a kid and your parents are having an argument. And you're just kind of listening to it like through the walls of your bedroom. Roy, let's take it back to 1932 when it was October in Carbon County, Wyoming. 1932, when it was October in Carbon County, Wyoming. Two prospectors, Cecil Main and Frank Carr, are up in the San Pedro Mountains, digging for gold. It's a blistering hot day, and the men are going hard at work for that sweet, sweet gold. Or as I like to call it, nature's bitcoin. Before long, they find a huge boulder with a vein of gold cutting right through the middle of it. Ooh. Yeah. My knowledge of the worth of gold is really lacking.

I don't know if you could find, like, a pebble of gold and you're set for life, or if you need to keep digging, if that's, like, the start of the discovery, you know? Ooh. If you find a vein of gold, that's like a little golden river. I'd like to think you could just drop your tools. You're a billionaire now. If you're talking about the value of it, I mean, I think you'll need more than a pebble. I guess if you think like a gold ring that someone might wear in their finger, it's never

usually 24 carat solid gold. But if it was, it might be like a thousand pounds or something. So a little nugget, you probably need a few nuggets put together. Okay. That's good to know. That's good to know. I won't give up my tools just yet. I found a shiny pebble and I sold all of my mining equipment. I said, this is it. I'm out of the business. I got my retirement plan right here. I'm holding a snail. As we've discussed many times in the podcast before it was fool's gold like i say they found a huge boulder with hints of gold through it

well you change your song you change your tune now first it was a vein of gold now it's hints of gold now it's specks it It just means a tiny line going through it, like a vein. Like a vein, because I'm thinking of like a mighty veiny c**k of gold in this boulder. Don't think that. Simply don't. I'm imagining a giant golden p**k that was discovered in Mother Earth. And now you're saying it's flakes? Now you're saying it's little specks of gold?

I'm just a little confused. Fine. A veiny d*** of gold was glistening in the boulder. Now that I hear it back, I don't like that at all. Of course. Yeah, it sounds bad. Jackpot! Frank, get over here!

Chipping away at the rock piece by piece with a pickaxe was proving to be hard work, though. Goddamn! Chipping away at this rock is proving to be hard work. What do you say we shake things up a little bit? Apply a bit of elbow grease? Cecil, for the last time, we can't drop a piano on the thing that only works in the cartoons! No, I mean dynamite! So they decide to try and blast through the thick stone by placing a couple sticks of dynamite in the cracks. When the dust settles, they realize they haven't just split the slab, they've demolished it into small pieces.

But that's when they see they've opened up a hidden chamber in the mountainside. It's about four feet wide and only four feet tall, but appears to go back at least 15 feet, if not more. Granted, the men have blown their gold source into smithereens, but they're still excited at the prospect of seeing what's inside. the reams, but they're still excited at the prospect of seeing what's inside. Well, all right. Let's see what we got here. You first. No way. You first. I mean, someone's got to stay here and make sure the raccoons don't steal our lunch. Damn it. You're right. Those raccoons really did a number on us yesterday.

All right, we'll take our lunch and both go. Frank and Cecil crouch down and peer into the space. They can barely make out anything in the darkness. The floor seems to be empty, but at the very edge, there's a little shelf built into the wall. And there's somebody sitting on it. Whoa, what? There's a tiny figure sitting cross-legged on the ledge. It can't be more than seven inches tall in its sitting position. Its little arms are crossed and its eyes are fixed, facing straight ahead. Even stranger, its forehead is flat and it has glassy, bulging eyes, but it's immediately obvious

that whatever this thing is, it's long since departed this world. In fact, it's full-on mummified. The prospectors are all kinds of confused. What in the hell? There are so many questions. What is this thing? How did it get here? How long has it been hidden here behind a wall of rock halfway up a mountain? They take it down the hill with them and surrender it to the experts who pour over it. up a mountain. They take it down the hill with them and surrender it to the experts who pour over it. It's incredibly well preserved, so much so that each individual fingernail is still visible. Rory, would you like to see Frank and Cecil's discovery? Uh, yeah, sure. Whoa, my goodness. What am I looking at here? This thing is, looking at here this thing is this is like a little human-ish creature as you said completely mummified looks like a slab of beef jerky with a face i don't really have a scale but it does

look like where are its legs or its legs kind of folded up it's like a sitting position cross-legged yeah yeah um kind of looks like a human has human-ish features but the face is kind of distorted good head of hair on this thing as well unless that's a mummified hat it's hard to tell what would be your first impression on finding that thing rory well i don't understand how they found you said they took it to specialists who specializes in seven foot wait seven foot or seven inch seven inch seven inch mummified cave people back then there was only so many professionals i'm guessing you just kept going through the list started with baker dentist doctor see what's up yeah barman sheriff then eventually they got to the right people i don't really know what i would do here

i guess look these are men who are hunting for gold hunting for treasure is it possible they stumbled upon some sort of super treasure that they didn't even know they were looking for wow that the treasure could be some kind of up to this moment undiscovered creature i'm not gonna lie i'd probably try and eat it just a nib. Your first reference was beef jerky. I don't know. What would you do if you find this thing? Find another boulder to roll in front of the space and just forget it ever happened, brother.

See if there's any dynamite left in the bag. So the two men bring their finding back to society and show it to basically anyone who will listen. Don't take it out of the cave if there's one piece of knowledge that people know about mummies it's not to f**k with mummies don't f**k with mummies don't do it don't disrespect them don't move them don't steal them don't take them in your greedy little gold hungry hands and drag them around town showing them to people bad idea this is what i'm saying before long uh rory i'm gonna use a reference

here that's gonna it's gonna make a lot of sense to you as of recently this thing is gonna turn out like imhotep himself it's gonna be ordering you around to do his bidding right sending you out to look for gold and in the realm of the undead. Yeah, you got to be asking yourself, did I find the mummy or did the mummy find me? Right. Yeah, you know,

as soon as you walk out of that cave carrying the mummy, you're just going to hear... That sentence alone is nuts. You're just going to hear in the distance, I'm putting him back. I'm putting him back That sentence alone is nuts. You're just going to hear in the distance. I'm putting them back. I'm putting them back because I don't know what that was, but it was weird.

And I don't have time for this. A preacher of Voldemort just slithered by. And I hadn't heard him all trip, all expedition. Isn't it funny that like, I'll mess with any other form of dead people you know you get cremated whatever i'll open up the vase scatter it into the wind don't you get buried underground i don't care i'll dig you up and gank your rings and teeth illegal i don't care but if you're mummified i'm i'm staying away i am keeping my distance well there you have it from the grave robber himself that's that's if you want to keep your loved ones safe mummify them they're safe from rory i've seen the mummy all right i know what happens the scarabs crawl about on the floor

and go up my asshole and then come out i'm pretty sure it happened it did not happen i might be thinking of the pornographic version that I watched later that evening. Poor Brendan Fraser's career never recovered from the scarab beetle up the asshole. I was watching The Stepmummy, which was a Pornhub original. That is an equally fascinating film, I will say. It goes a bit off-piste with Stepmummy 2, The Scorpion King. It goes a bit off-piste with Step Mummy 2, the Scorpion King. Before long, both the American Museum of Natural History and the Anthropology Department at Harvard check over the mummy with all sorts of tests, including an x-ray.

Amazingly, they find that this is a mummified, fully grown adult. And despite its height of only 14 inches, they estimate its age at approximately 65 years old. Wow. I only know a couple of 65 year olds, Rory, but they're normal human height, not 14 inches tall. Yeah. 14 inches. That is really not very tall at all, is it? It's basically one foot tall. Yeah. I think I'm trying to wrap my head around that. Now, is that estimated to be the size of the person with their legs extended? Okay. So this thing is probably half a foot then as it was found. Yeah, it was seven inches sitting.

My God. They also revealed it has all kinds of broken bones. But perhaps the creepiest part is that this creature has a full set of teeth and yet they aren't human. What? They're all canine teeth and much sharper and pointier than the scientists would expect from a humanoid mummy. Oh my god. This led the teams to believe they might be in the possession of a creature unknown to science. Is it possible that this thing is completely new? How can a miniature human be 65 years old and have dog teeth? Yeah, is it like a bit of human, a bit of dog, or is it like a variety pack of teeth?

Like there's a f***ing snapping turtle, canine in there. There's, I don't know, a shark tooth right at the back or is it kind of like a bit of human bit of dog i believe it's all dog oh it's all dog teeth oh wow this is this is upsetting i think is the right word to describe it imagine that i'm just imagining a human now with a multi-pack of teeth my goodness i'm starting to see why this thing was put in a cave and sealed with a boulder yeah if it's a one foot human with dog teeth i don't think as a society we could handle that now yeah as a society we can't handle this this is like one of the little kids from akira they have too much psychic power yeah that it could destroy the earth yeah yeah but a very

uh prehistoric level of psychic power which was just the teeth of a dog which made you able to bite things stronger than a human they were like he too powerful. We must seal him in a tomb. It's like, he just has dog teeth. We don't, he's not that strong. None of us have teeth and yet he has dog teeth. It's not fair. That's like a ancient civilization's nuclear weapon to have a creature with dog teeth. And so Cecil and Frank and anyone else who was remotely interested in the story, were basically left with more questions than answers after the investigation by the experts. That is, until one of them heard of a Native American legend from the Shoshone tribe.

A legend that speaks of an ancient race of little people. Hmm. And their teeth, sir? The teeth of these people? Sorry, I might be jumping to conclusions. They call these creatures... The dog-mouthed mini-men. Okay, so it was the... yeah, of course. They call these creatures the Nima Rigar. They are around 20 inches to 3 feet tall, and are said to live all over the San Pedro Mountains,

right where our mummified friend was uncovered. Wow. The legend goes that these creatures used to be in constant war with the Shoshone people, hunting them with poisoned arrows. And they didn't just fight their enemies. They lived and died in brutal ways. When a Nimerigar gets sick or even just old, the others club it over the head and leave the corpse to mummify. Whoa! Brutal! Which I guess is just what happens when you don't have a healthcare system.

To us, it seems cruel to just club someone over the head if they so much as sprain their ankle. But I don't know. Do you think is that kinder than letting someone slowly get devoured by vultures? Well, I'd like to think in a dream scenario, there is some kind of support system for the injured or elderly. But as we said, this is an ancient civilization, so maybe it is kinder to just give them a swift clubbing. I'm not saying I explicitly endorse the clubbing. I'm just trying to see it from their side of things.

I'm just saying, do you ever see any old people in the commune? No. Moving on. They go to the retirement home and never come out. The symbol of the retirement home is a giant club. Unfortunately for Frank and Cecil, it's considered extremely bad luck to find the body of a Nimerigar. The Shoshone tribe warned the first European settlers in America to avoid them at all costs. Presumably

until the settlers turned out to be complete assholes. And then they just started leaving Nimurigar bodies lying all over the place for them to find. That's smart. That's smart. If you want to keep invaders afraid of your territory, don't tell them about the little mummified people in the mountains.

And so because the world had to wait for two dumb white people to excavate one of these things, Pedro was one of the first pieces of physical evidence of these creatures' existence. Nice. Because no one had ever dug it up, I guess. And now you got two dumb white people telling you the story. I know members of the Shoshone tribe are sitting at home right now like, what are you doing? Do not talk about them. This is pretty crazy, don't you think? I mean, you can't dig these things up or find them. It's kind of like having thousands of mini

Tutankhamun's laying around, each one carrying a curse of its own. Yeah. Little paranormal landmines, basically, just waiting for people to step on them. It is interesting that, you know, even though this mummy has no relation to ancient Egypt and the kind of legends and folklore that surround it, there still is a curse that comes with it. It's almost as if the process of mummification carries the idea of the curse rather than the ancient egypt yeah the culture of egypt which is quite interesting it really gives you an insight into how much of an issue probably grave robbing and things like that were at the time because essentially if you mummify

something you are trying to make it last forever so it makes sense that if you're going to go to all the bother of mummifying someone you might as well place a little curse on it too to anyone who would try and dig them up makes sense yeah just like a fallback uh it is kind of strange that this mummy that you have shown me it seems like they said, it was just in the cave sitting there. Whereas like I thought part of the reason why mummies were preserved so well was the wrappings and then the sealed in the sarcophagus sealed in the tomb. You know, there's a lot of layers to why they're preserved so perfectly. But this creature seems to be preserved pretty well. But I don't see the bandages, you know, the wrappings.

Maybe that process is more down to the oils you use on the body. I don't really know a lot about it. That's a really good point and something we should keep in mind for later. Disturbingly, many other Native American tribes have similar legends. The Wampanoag have Pugwudgie. Their name means people of the wilderness.

They can turn invisible, give people amnesia, and shapeshift into dangerous animals like wolves or cougars. Too many powers. It's believed a Pugwudgie can seriously hurt you just by staring into your eyes. Then there's the Narembi of the Crow tribe. They have sharp goblin-like teeth.

Ooh. Interestingly, they kind of mostly pick on things their own size. So to me or you, they'll just like steal our stuff or tie our hair in a knot when we're sleeping. But they will kill or abduct pets and babies. Oh, so they're quite small, those creatures? That's right. Got it. And lastly, the Arapaho believe in straight-up cannibal dwarves.

As the name suggests, they are child-sized and extremely dangerous. Oh my god. Worryingly for these guys, there is disagreement about whether these mini-cannibals are invisible or if they simply run so fast the naked eye can't detect them what supersonic cannibal dwarves i mean like another great band name to add to the pile uh isn't that disturbing that's terrifying it's believed that they are so violent because they believe they can only reach the afterlife if they die in battle. Right, so they're just from the get-go as fast

as they can trying to get stomped. They're basically mini vikings. Do you think it makes our case more believable today that there are pre-existing legends about such similar creatures? Yes, yes I do. Because whether or not those legends are accurate, there's still conversations about a creature that resembles the one that was found in the cave. Maybe even if there was some sort of strange hybrid wolf baby, that could still be the thing they're talking about in these stories. Maybe not one that can borderline teleport or move as quickly as the flash, but still there are similarities. But amazingly, the tale of Cecil

and Frank uncovering a creepy mummy was not the only time this has happened. We'll flash back to July 5th, 1820. We're in Coffey County, Tennessee. The farmers operating in the area have uncovered something, and the news headlines sent people into a tizz. On the farm of Turner Lane and on other farms adjacent have lately been found small graves sunk into the earth from one foot to 18 inches below the surface. When the farmers dig deeper into the ground, they find what appear to be human remains.

But they're far too small to be adult remains. One set of bones appears to have had three legs. Some of the graves contain clay pots, pipes, shells, and other cooking utensils. Shocked and thinking the worst, the local landowners talked. Are these... are these all kids buried here, you think? If they were kids, their skulls and skeletons wouldn't be fully formed like this. Whatever these are, I think they were full grown. Tombs containing the same size skeletons laid out...

Keep an eye on that guy. Keep an eye on that last guy. He seems to know a lot about the skeletons of children and what they should look like maybe keep an eye on that son of a bitch because that's pretty messed up no you see when you spill the blood of the innocent it uh flowers would never grow on top of the soil like that because that ground would be cursed for all eternity a bit like my yard i mean, did I say that out loud? I got to go do some farming.

These can't be children. You see, the skeleton of a child has a much more prolonged sky. I have several here in the back of my truck if you would like to see. You have what? I've said too much, gentlemen. Good day. I've been drinking. Don't take anything I say serious.

Could you direct me towards the nearest school? You're a farmer. What are you farming? Souls, mostly. All right. Arrest him. Sounds about how just nonchalant and open he is with it. Souls, mostly.

I try and get the living off the streets, rapture them in my basement, and bury the bodies here. Child, woman, man. Doesn't bother me. Probably wondering why I'm telling you all this, but if you look around, you'll see you got nowhere to run.

So lay down in that tiny grave and put these dog teeth in your mouth Tombs containing the same size skeletons Laid out in a similar way with identical materials Were found in a number of properties in the region Many of the bodies found sitting just like Pedro Our mummy from earlier They too had heard the legends of the pygmy people

But many wouldn't believe it. One guy wrote an article saying, how could a nation of pygmy men, not exceeding 18 inches in stature, build habitations, clear the forest, cultivate the soil, defend themselves against the ravages of the hawk and eagle, the wolf and the panther? I feel that he's forgetting the bit where the Shoshone people said, these guys have poison arrows. Yeah, or one version of them can borderline teleport. They're invisible. And have goblin teeth.

I think you said they can hurt you by looking in your eyes. So I'm not too worried about hawks. I think the eagle is fine. I think the f***ing eagles need to be worried about the ground people. And yet, when the remains were sent for analysis, just like before, the historical and antiquarian societies of Tennessee conclude that these are adult remains despite being so tiny. I should say, for sure, there is and was fierce disagreement about what these remains meant, whether they were a hoax, whether they were even human,

and whether they were evidence of a race of pygmy people. But Rory, if we want more evidence, why don't we just look closer at Pedro the mummy, right? Surely with today's technology, we'll be able to find the answers we need. But here's the thing. The San Pedro Mart's mummy is missing. Oh no. I've traced its movements since its discovery and it seems it was in the possession of scientists for a couple of years before it was put out in display at a drugstore in Metizzi, Wyoming in 1936. So disrespectful to any living creature. It stayed there in the shop window in a glass jar

for a decade or so before it caught the eye of a businessman from Casper, Wyoming named Ivan T. Goodman. Oh my God. He was a car salesman hoping to use Pedro to drum up some more interest in his car business. And so he did. He sat in the sales room under a sign reading It's educational. It's scientific. It will amaze you and thrill you. It's a pygmy preserved as it actually lived. What does this have to do with car sales? Buy a Toyota! Says the little

pygmy. Goodman claimed the body was 1,000 years old and that it was an ancestor of the modern human race. Again, so irrelevant to his family business. He owned the mummy for a while before it changed hands yet again. This time it went to Leonard Wadler, a native of New York, and this is where the trail runs cold. The last time its whereabouts were known was sometime in the 50s. By 1979, a Wyoming newspaper published a wanted poster

begging for the mummy's safe return. Wow. Reward, 10,000 US dollars. Pedro, the mountain mummy. Bible Land Studios will pay $10,000 for Pedro and $1,000 for an original x-ray. I like that he has a wanted poster as if he robbed a bank. right i like that he has a wanted poster as if he robbed a bank we won't even get into what bible land studios possibly want with pedro the mountain mummy they're gonna destroy it right the hundred percent they're gonna destroy it i feel like anyone with some sort of biblical agenda isn't gonna like a one-foot mummified man uh yeah they apparently they they publish like world history from the viewpoint of the bible right no idea why they want pedro yeah it's either that he proves something in the bible or that he disproves something in the bible and they need to destroy him i think that's probably

what it is right also wanted the missing link. Send it in to Bible City. Send us all dinosaur bones. They're too old. We promise we'll just take a picture and send them right back. So like I say, this is like the murky end of the line for Pedro, the mountain mummy. I will say on top of the existing cannibal goblin theory about what this mummy might be, there is a couple of other possibilities. A lot of people claim that the whole thing was a hoax by Cecil and Frank,

who brought this body, whatever it is, to the cave and claimed to find it there. Additionally, and most damning, is some of the experts who scanned the mummy decided that it had clear signs of being an anencephalic human. It's a kind of developmental defect that affects children. Maybe the way it was buried was just some kind of burial ritual. Annoyingly, this doesn't really line up with the other opinions from these supposed experts who claim that it was 65 years old and fully developed. Right. So I think it's pretty impossible to ignore that medical verdict on what the San

Pedro mummy is. But the story is still pretty fascinating when you add in all the Native American lore about cannibal goblins. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Rory, having seen the picture of the San Pedro Mountains mummy for yourself and heard some of that backstory, where are your thoughts lying? The only thing that is making this case hard is the variety of conclusions that people have come to over the years. I feel like one expert will be like, this is a year old fully grown mummified person and then someone else goes we don't even know that this thing is human it's like you should you should at least be able to agree on that you know if it's a coin toss whether it's actually real a hoax human a child, an adult, a dog, or a piece of beef jerky, there should be kind of a stronger, more consensus. We should at least agree on what type of teeth it has.

Exactly. I want it to be at the point where it's like, someone says he's 65, but we think he was 63. That's where I want to be. That's where i want to be in the you know in the tiny little details but it seems like this thing is really still up in the air yeah and even in the paranormal camp they're arguing over whether it can teleport or whether it runs so fast the human eye can't see it it's like slow down slow down because this guy thinks it's just a weird piece of wood so let's not start talking about whether or not it eats its own kind and can only go to heaven with murder. Yeah, it's difficult. I think I'm happy to take the lead on a conclusion here.

You know, it is disappointingly most realistic here. I think that the medical establishment is right that there is such thing as an anencephalic human. that the medical establishment is right, that there is such thing as an anencephalic human. And that is a relatively common occurrence, I suppose. And they feel that they know what that looks like and that this somewhat fits the bill. So whilst it's extremely tempting to start getting into the speculation

of what these Native American legends really are about the Pugwudgie and the other kind of cannibal goblins running around the forests of Wyoming. I think if we have to obey the rules of this paranormal life game and decide today whether the San Pedro mountain mummy is truly paranormal or not, I think for myself, it is going to have to be a no. Yeah. I think I'm going to have to be right there with you. I think, you know, even if this thing is a little human that has been mummified, that's not paranormal necessarily. As we said, this could have been some sort of defect at birth that the civilization surrounding it at the time didn't know how to deal with this, didn't know what it was, didn't know how to help it,

did some sort of ceremony where it was mummified and put in a cave. Who knows? Who knows how it got there? I think I should say, I don't think I mentioned that. I think it is like carbon dated at least like 400 years old or something like that. Okay. So it's pretty, this is, we're going back quite a way here. All right. Well, that's good to know. So even if it was a hoax by the two prospectors, they still found a 400-year-old mummy. Apparently in a car sales garage. So weird. Why would he think that was going to help him?

That would scare the shit. I would never buy a car from a man who has a child mummy in his office. The people who want to pay to see a mummy are not the same people who are gonna buy a chrysler i go into this this uh car dealership and you find a new beautiful car that you like on the lot you take it out you're just going through the paperwork with the guy you got your pen ready just about to sign the dot and he goes oh before i forget you want to see a mummified child no put the cat back on the pen i'm walking across the road i'm gonna go

anywhere else i don't know why you have that and i don't know why you think i should see it that is disturbing he gives you the keys the car you open the door the mummy's in the front seat nope i want my money back like a child chair in the front um that is unless he was like doing some kind of cool theme with it where he's like hey um it was part of an ancient civilization that uh was built around a community as powerful and as reliable as the 98 Toyota. This thing could allegedly run as fast as 60 miles per hour and you get that to the gallon with a brand new Ford.

So I think that just about wraps it up for the investigation into the San Pedro Mountain Mummy. Thanks to the people who have sent in that as a suggestion over the years. Thank you to Amy Grisdale for researching it,

to Cammie Thoman for editing it, and to you, the listener, for listening to it. Yay! I want to... I've got to get this off my chest. I want to apologize for missing the start, missing the bit at the start where I was daydreaming a little bit.

That's not fair on you. That's not fair on the listeners. Don't worry about that. It's been bugging me the whole time. If anything, I would apologize for the incessant rambling that came after that. Well, I think that was important because that was just chatter.

That was just getting the conversation flowing, but I apologize for that. It's actually throwing me off my game. And I won't apologize for anything else, but I will apologize for not being present during the intro. So I, I, I humbly apologize. You're not humble. I am down on my knees. You're not, you're just, apologize for anything else but i will apologize for not being present during the intro so i i i humbly apologize you're not i'm down on my knees you're not you're just you're sitting back in your

chair arrogantly forgive me master it shan't happen again you're unbelievably proud of yourself for apologizing you're not humble at all does that make me a good person for being aware of my mistakes? Yeah, I guess it does. No, not when you do it with this much conceit. Am I more humble than you in a way? Sure. Right. So this is the point of why you brought this up. Being self-aware of your own mistakes actually makes you more of a man than anyone.

It makes it because a real man knows when he messed up. And I'm not real man knows when he, he, he messed up and I'm not real man. A hundred percent. So I guess that's like the conclusion of the episode. The conclusion is you're a hundred percent man. I really think that's the conclusion. The end of the episode is I'm a hundred percent man. And kid is a,

kid is a seven foot dog tooth boy. Okay. That's quite enough. So i hope you enjoyed today's investigation if you just can't wait until tuesday to hear another tpl investigation into the paranormal let it be known that over on patreon.com you can get access to over 45 full length bonus episodes of this paranormal life whoa and you can get access for just five bucks up front i know everyone thinks this patreon is like a like a monthly way of supporting your favorite podcasts and creators yeah um but you can actually just sign up for one month

download all the bonus episodes you want don't tell him this dude stop i'm just saying people know that you said enough there's different ways of using Patreon don't listen to what he just said it is a monthly subscription thing well it is

but I'm just saying it's also if that's too much money for you maybe you're maybe you're a younger person you don't have that much cash you know just a couple

bucks and it'll get you access to everything no no no no no yeah but of course yeah it gives you access to everything but Patreon is like it's like a

blood oath. You sign up once, you give us your details. You give us your birth certificate, passport, social security. We own you for life. It's very easy. It's very simple to start your subscription and end it whenever you like. Yeah, on your deathbed, you son of a bitch. Okay, no.

That's enough. Once you sign that blood oath on patreon.com you're a tpl fan for life there's no canceling your subscription you know there's no you want the bonus episodes well guess what you now you're sending monthly checks every month the rest of your life because people people message us all the time they say hey um thank you for for the content um doesn't work for me this month but i'll come back next month and i always say that's cool no worries brother thank you so much for the support yeah hypothetically yeah that's you can do that if you

want you can just pay the five bucks or the twenty dollars and get the free t-shirt get all the bonus episodes you want binge them in 24 hours and then drop off sure you can do that that's like a tiny little print in the contract right at the bottom right at the bottom it's like it's like the willie wonka contract you got yeah in the the small print of the blood oath you got to use a magnifying glass it is in there between the lines but we won't we don't we don't want to talk i just feel you're making it very scary. It's not scary. What's scary about an eternal blood pact? Okay. What's scary about that?

If anything, it's sexy. It's cool. Why don't we let the people decide for themselves and we'll show them just a hint of what this month's bonus episode is like. Good idea. Here's a clip from last month's bonus episode. I'd like to welcome you all

to the introduction and creation of the W.W.P. The World Wrestling Paranormal. Whoa. Doesn't really make sense as an abbreviation, but it needs to be that. I'm in, brother. To be a pun on the E. Tonight, our very own Kit Greer is entering the ring i am you are brother don't interrupt because i'm kind of in the middle of something here to enter the ring to take on an

opponent of his choice but who will he choose let's introduce our fighters bro i would have got better sleep if i knew i was going in the ring you know i haven't been training first off actually do you want to do you want to give yourself like a wrestling persona i didn't really think about that i was more focused on the other guys okay i mean that should be easy enough seeing as i'm such a badass uh it should be second nature to step into the ring as one okay um usually just like a gimmick or something usually people have like a thing all right so I'm I'm the blood caster okay I get in the ring and I I use my voice don't do my voice bring people to their knees bad bad idea for a wrestler there are so many things that have gone wrong one you're just doing the voice the same voice that i did to introduce you what a tough guy voice

to the podcaster i've always talked this way don't deny it if you were also if you were a podcaster why does your singing voice bring people to their knees i don't understand the logic of this this character fine sure but we don't i don't have time i don't want to do this i've got more ideas if you didn't like the podcaster okay yeah sure let's go yeah what one more and then we'll move on because i don't i don't worry if you didn't like the podcaster get ready for something completely different it's the the snitch you're doing the you're doing the voice you're doing the same voice as the podcaster completely different rory what is the snitch how does that like a rat i'm a rat coward with a vengeance nobody's secrets are safe i will fight you by doxing you and linking your personal information to dangerous children on 4chan wow um so much worse than the podcaster i don't i can't

believe i'm gonna ask this do you have any more there's no way that there could be a third that is worse than that and please don't do the voice do not do the podcaster voice rory say no more i can go all day if you didn't like that one welcome into the ring the diddler absolutely not no absolutely not podcaster we're going we're gonna go podcaster fine i like podcaster too that is great that's a hoot. That is it. That's worth selling your soul for. It was.

It really was. As we said, head on over to patreon.com where you can sign up for $5 only for the rest of your whole life until you die. And of course, we also recently launched some new designs on our merch store where you can find Chompy shirts, Galactic 12 classic tpl logos all available on this paranormal life.com thank you so much for tuning in this week we will be back of course on tuesday with a brand new paranormal tale and until then remember to live fast investigate and die young baby