This Paranormal Life - #267 Globsters - 20,000 Cryptids Under The Sea

Episode Date: June 14, 2022

Paranormal Survival Test: you are walking along a beautiful beach when you spot a hideous paranormal entity face-down washed up in the sand. What do you do?a) Take a photo to try and discover whether the creature is paranormal or not.b) Keep walking and pretend you didn’t see anything.If you chose option A - enjoy the rest of your life behind bars in a solitary confinement cell in Area 51 because you messed up. You’ve simply seen too much. But as wild and fantastical as this situation seems, thousands of people around the world have been faced with this decision thanks to a phenomenon known as Globsters.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! -  thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityAdvertise on This Paranormal Life via Gumball.fmResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis BlatherwickIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are your next-door neighbors members of the Illuminati? Is it possible for me to fight my own skeleton? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Hello! Ayo! And welcome back to This Paranormal Life. This is the weekly comedy podcast where two paranormal investigators at the peak of their game investigate a different

case every Tuesday and get to the bottom of whether it's truly paranormal or not. You're joined by, as always, myself, Kate Greer-Molvena, and illustrious investigator Rory Powers, who's parked across from me. How are you doing today, Rory? The one and only. You know, I'm doing pretty good. It's an early start this morning. Excited to get in and get a podcast underway i've spent the last 45 minutes maybe wrestling with the arm for my microphone and the pop shield that refuses to do what i tell it to sure i feel like i am trying to fight against a mechanical octopus that is winning every round every round i'm being knocked back into the corner and you're

having to massage my shoulders and let me spit my blood in a bucket and then i come back and wrestle against this it was only strange because then i told you to take five and a breather and i fixed it and i think 30 seconds yeah you you got pretty close let me tell you buddy you got pretty close it was it was basically perfect but then i realized that i wanted the pop shield just an inch further away from the microphone and the whole thing collapsed and ding ding round three began and this little borderline is wrapped around my neck at this point choking me out i'm trying to reach for the towel but this mechanical arm won't let me touch it this mechanical arm has biceps of literal steel this thing is driving me crazy uh but do you ever think that you're putting too much force into it that you need to maybe be a bit more gentle have a gentle touch yes no

ding ding it seems to be behaving itself now and everything seems to be fine. Because I would hate for this to get in the way of a great investigation. So just as long as you've got your head in the game. On This Paranormal Life, we talk a lot about cryptids. Too much, almost. It's true.

But while we've seen almost every possible configuration over the last five years of land-based cryptid beasts, from the goat man to the donkey lady to the chupacabra, and sometimes back to the donkey lady, honestly. You gotta go back a few times for her. Yet what we've seen far fewer of are cryptids from the ocean. Unholy beasts unknown to science and God, lurking potentially miles underneath the surface of the ocean. And when your planet is about 98% water, like Earth, don't quote me on that,

you best believe that for every one species of Bigfoot living in the forests of Oregon, there are 5,000 species of aquatic Sasquatch potentially running cities, governments, countries under the sea, much like in Star Wars Episode I in the underwater Gungan City. It's true. I mean, what have we investigated so far on the podcast? Mermaids,

Ningen, I believe the Japanese whale creatures. There have been some interesting investigations on this paranormal life that have taken place under Dacis. But because we are surface dwellers, land lovers, because our scientists can just see what's on land much more easily, we tend to ignore it. But not today. And that's why today we're starting today's story in Sakhalin, Russia's biggest island and a remote piece of land on the far east coast of Russia,

hotly contested between Russia and Japan. So there's a strong military presence in the area from both sides. Wow. This is an intense start to the episode. Quick break, quick side note. Is my mic okay? Does it look like it's in the right spot? It literally hasn't moved. It just looked like it moved an inch. I want to make sure you can still get me on the headphones.

An inch is pretty big. An inch is like three centimeters. I don't think it moved that much. And the pop shield, I just... Oh, you don't touch it because your hand is hovering. I just want... It's just like all fire. You're like one of those cats where the paw is just shaking as they're about to smack something off a table. Like, don't touch it because your hand is hovering. I just want, it's just like off by an inch. You're like one of those cats where the paw is just shaking

as they're about to smack something off a table. Like, don't touch it. It just feels like it's off by like an inch. It ain't. And I'm just worried that if I touch it, ding, ding. You should be worried. Round four is about to kick off, so, okay. You're like the American president during the Cold War,

just finger hovering over the nuclear button. Just like, I swear they're gonna go first i said no they're not it's peace time we all just signed a treaty i don't know i think we should strike first striking first seems like a good idea it's a misty morning and soldiers stationed on the island are carrying out standard checks scanning the coastline for signs of anything unusual these kinds of border patrols are normally incredibly quiet, so they were extremely surprised to see something different stand out against the grey wash of the beach. It was a big object, a few metres in length.

Something had washed up. But little did they know, they were not the first to spot it. Over on the beach, a couple of locals on a walk stood around this huge carcass that had washed up. It was like nothing they had ever seen before. Is it a whale? It has to be, right? But the two of them could hear the hesitancy in the other's voice. They knew damn well it didn't look like a whale. But before they could hypothesize any more, uniformed officers appeared out of nowhere. Stand back, civilians. Nothing to see here. Go about your day. It's just a tuna fish. What are you talking about? It's...

I said it's a tuna fish. Hey, you! No photos! This is kind of scary already because I don't think... You know, we grew up living beside many beaches on the coast of northern ireland and i never saw any beach police or beach officials i guess lifeguard is the closest you get uh to be fair there is in the uk we have the national trust they run our local beach and they're like the security guards that work in shopping centers they're like that but for the beach right because i was there the other day and i saw them busting a guy for using his jet ski in the wrong place uh which is

kind of funny but yeah no no one with this degree of authority i like to think that these government officials are barking orders at everyone but still ice cream in hand kite in the other word shorts sure yeah it looks like david f***ing Hasselhoff in his prime. This officer ran off to stop another passerby, who he hadn't spotted until just now. But one of the original civilians had taken a photo just moments before, but they weren't about to volunteer that information. They kept their head down and walked on.

Before they knew it, the military had descended on the carcass, loaded it onto a vehicle, and covered it over before driving away, leaving no trace at the point on the beach where it washed up. It was never seen again, and no explanation was ever given for why they were so interested in it, and why they hit it so fast. It's going to raise a lot of questions if government officials just airlifted a decaying tuna corpse off of a beach. I did wrestle with this in my mind. I was like, I mean, okay.

There's maybe some reason to get rid of it that it's like, I don't know, gross. Or some sort of biohazard. Yeah. Right? But should it really be the military or should it be our trusty friend David Hasselhoff who just drags it back into the sea? Or should it be our trusty friend David Hasselhoff, who just drags it back into the sea? I don't know.

Yeah. All that remains is the testimony of the passerby that saw it first and the photos they took. Rory, check out these images of what washed up that day. Whoa! Oh my God. This thing is nuts. Okay, so it is... I can see why they would have thought it was a whale

because it is enormous. It looks like a dinosaur washed up on the beach. In one picture, they've kind of like propped its mouth open with a plank and you can see its teeth, its jaws. I mean, I don't know a lot about marine life, but this doesn't look like any kind of fish that I've seen before. Or even whale. You can understand why they would be confused because a lot of people have pointed out what looks like a ton of matted hair over its head and body.

This is a bloodborne character. This thing is messed up. Absolutely. It's some kind of undead hound of the ocean, but whale-sized. Very disturbing and very hard to imagine what it is. As I said, I'm no expert. I'm no marine biologist. Sure. But I've seen Finding Nemo four or five times.

And this ain't a clownfish. And it ain't a starfish. And it ain't a shark. And it ain't a turtle. And it ain't a dentist. So that it ain't a shark. And it ain't a turtle. And it ain't a dentist. So that rules out everything I know about the ocean. So we at least know they don't have these in Australia. In a Pixar movie.

Needless to say, this story of the carcass at Sakhalin is inconclusive. But it's only one of hundreds of similar reports of mysterious and unidentifiable beasts washing up on shorelines around the world, many with the potential to be undiscovered cryptids. I mean, this is it. Usually the stories we cover on this podcast are the tales of cryptids roaming about that are being hunted every day. We rarely cover the ones that have croaked

and their lifeless corpses have just washed up on a beach or fallen out of a tree. I mean, it should come up more often. I think we've brought it up on the podcast before. Honestly, it's one of the biggest holes in the story of the Sasquatch. Yeah. If the Sasquatch is real, if they're a species that have been living for hundreds of thousands of years in the Pacific Northwest of America, we should have come across at least some remains. It's true. Yeah. I'm a firm believer. I'm a firm believer that Bigfoot actually had a heart attack many years ago. And he was replaced by a double. I think it was directly after the footage, the most popular footage was taken. What is that? Patterson footage. The Patterson footage. He probably saw that camera and freaked, had a attack drop dead i think honestly the the most ardent and fervorous bigfoot believers

actually believe kind of a strange variety of things like let's say the sasquatch are smart enough to cover their tracks and if one of them dies they remove the bodies uh or that i mean there's all kinds of that's insane invisible and teleporting sasquatch that maybe when they die they just evaporate go to another sasquatch dimension god knows but it's so true i mean rory you've talked about it before you consider the fish and mammals that live at the bottom of the ocean god's mistakes it's true there are in just in the world of regular animals there is untold fortunes of new species down there we've never seen before. Why shouldn't there be insane paranormal cryptids?

Yeah. The darkest depths of the ocean is basically some sort of aquatic fetish club where all of these weird little freak fish get together and just bang each other and make even weirder fish. I'm not sure that's exactly what they're there to do. Because they know it's in the shadows of the darkness that at that level, no one's going to see what they're getting up to down there. So there's fish with teeth for eyes and eyes for teeth. There's probably fish with a fucking crocodile's paw as a chin.

And there's other fish that get off and calling their partner zaddy. Some real freaks down there. There's some wild stuff that goes on in there. Down there is very much the Berlin kink club of the natural world. But back to our story, we flash forward a bit closer to home.

It's 1953 on Canvey Island in Essex. When locals stumbled across a strange and unique looking carcass half buried in the sand of the beach, they truly had no idea what they were looking at. It was about 1.2 meters long, aka forefoot, with thick red brown skin, bulging eyes and gills. It had long hind legs with five toes like it walked on two legs. What? The locals pulled this thing out of the sand and water, covered it with seaweed and ran off to get help. Not sure why they covered it in seaweed. I think it was like trying to keep it alive or something by putting water on it or

stop it from dehydrating or dying. I don't know. Yeah. But before long the news went straight to the top. The British government, who sent out two zoologists to examine the bee, they took samples from its eyes, nostrils, and teeth, after which they gave up and said the beast was unidentifiable and had it cremated the following day. What?

That's an option to say that it's unidentified? Doesn't that feel slightly suspicious that they were so quick to destroy the evidence of this creature? Doesn't it feel a bit similar to our first story? Even the involvement of the authorities involved. I mean, like if you're a zoologist, it should kind of go against the practice of your profession. Yeah. That if you don't know what something is that you burn it surely you're like your dedication to the animal kingdom and your thirst for knowledge and

understanding the creatures of this world i don't think charles darwin did that yeah imagine if like the early explorers of the world were just like what is that a human it's like no i think it's some kind of monkey do we know i don't know burn it what about that is that like a parrot no it's not a parrot i think it's like an eagle or something i don't know burn it charles darwin just like what a what a unique and beautiful butterfly no one must know pulls out a zippo lighter charles stop don't burn everything he's walking through the forests of the Galapagos just with a zippo out yeah that's very suspicious it's also just unprofessional I mean if I go to my doctor about some kind of cold or flu that I've got they're not allowed to just say uh incurable yeah and send me out you have to at least placate me give me some paracetamol

something yeah tell me you're gonna help do something i refuse to believe the test they did on this animal didn't prove anything that it wasn't linked to any creature known in existence that's because when they ran that test it flashed up on their f***ing screen it said top secret don't move the mi5 are on their way to your location you have found our top secret dinosaur project that got loose when they ran the dna the test results flashed up on the screen firewood that's what this creature is burn it rory if you didn't think this whole thing was about to be blown wide open wait till i show you the artist's interpretation of what this creature looked like i cannot wait to see this side note the mic do you think it's slipping because it looks like your hands away

don't do not touch it i just swear it's moving further from my face i could swear you were swinging for it like you thought it was gonna take a pot shot well i i'm flinching of course because this stupid thing won't stand still. It is completely still. I'm not even joking. Let me move the pop shield like a second because this is gonna drive me nuts. There we go.

That was it. That was it. It was fine. Oh, my God. It's unlistenable. Oh. Maury, feast your eyes on this, the Canvey Island monster of Essex.

Candy Island? Is that what you said? Canvey. Oh. Oh, my God. It might as well be on Candy Island, because I'm looking at bubble gum with legs. This is some big league chew on stilts. This thing looks like a little cock and balls.

No, it doesn't. Look at the little nuts. All right, that's quite enough. This thing is weird. Yeah. I guess now you mention it, it's not completely dissimilar from an erect penis. It's definitely the right color.

Yeah. And it's definitely ugly as all hell. It looks really scared like it doesn't know what it is. Big wide fish-like eyes poking out of the side of its head. A mouthful of very small teeth with big gaps in between. It looks sharp. And gills, importantly. Gills and what looks like...

This thing's 75% gill. Bird-like chicken legs. Huge legs. As well, you know, like the ones you would see on a Tyrannosaurus that kind of bend weirdly. Yes, yes, yes, good point. Dinosaur legs. This is really bizarre.

I'm pretty sure one of these attacked me in Legend of Zelda, Link to to the Past in a water level. Like I say, Rory, it feels suspicious that the remains were cremated so quickly before anyone had a chance to investigate it further or figure out what was going on. Much like what happened in Russia at the start of our episode. I will say not to take away from this creature compared to the first one. I can imagine that this is something that does exist in the ocean this looks like a sea cucumber with eyes whereas the first one you showed me

was right an actual mythical beast that had washed up on the shore this is a pickle with teeth you're underselling it it is a anthropomorphized monster uh it has sea like qualities that we are aware of gills sure sure eyes googly eyes but but but it does look like again an enemy in a video game it's the legs the legs really do it yeah like why the f**k does it have legs to walk in the ocean creature have legs these are the questions imagine being a diver like going down to the bottom of the ocean to like examine the beautiful great barrier reef and you just see this little f***er hooning it on two legs it's like how are you even walking down here yeah he's running the speed of usain bolt he roundhouse kicks you in the head but it turns out this theme of suspicion and mystery surrounding these

creatures is a recurring one. It's a theme that comes up in other cases of identified beasts washing up on shore. Now, maybe the most suspicious example of said cryptid was worryingly recent in 2008. On the 23rd of July on Ditch Plains Beach, 26-year-old Jenna Hewitt was walking along with three friends. Three witnesses, more like. About to be. She said, quote, We were looking for a place to sit when we saw some people looking at something.

They walked over and saw a hideous and strange creature face down in the sand. Face down. Already that's a problem. It has a face. Like, no one ever says a fish is face down, because a fish... Yeah, face down makes it sound like

it's going to get up like a zombie in a second. For a fish to be face down, it would have to be stuck in the ground like a stick. That's so true. Pointing upwards. I never thought about that. Well, you're about to see, brother, how this thing could be phased out.

She went on to say, we didn't know what it was. We joked at me. I'm sorry, I cast something up phased out. That's such a funny way to describe anything that comes out of the ocean. We're just imagining Sasquatch washed up. Basically.

Face down in the sand. Anything, like I saw a dolphin face down in the sand. I was like, what do you mean? I think it's... They don't have necks. Their face can't go down. I think it's like in a cartoon with like, I don't know, a cartoon character of

spongebob washed up on a beach he would be face down completely unconscious because anything oh man i found an octopus face down in the ocean what what are you talking about he's f***ing goo how can he be a face down yeah face down pretty much just means unconscious like even if you're talking about humans is like imagine being so out of it, your face is just mushed into the ground. Yeah. Sorry. She went on to say,

we didn't know what it was. We joked that maybe, just maybe, it was something from Plum Island. Yeah. You happy with that one? I can go more. No, we're fine. We thought maybe. No, I said we're done. There's can go more. No, we're fine. We thought maybe.

No, I said we're done. There's no... She didn't... That's not... This f***ed up thing could have come from an island that we all know, but we fear

the name of an island that strikes fear into the heart of everyone. I'm going to be honest with you. Plum Island doesn't come up that much going forward. Oh, so it's not like the next thing that...

Like, I thought this episode was on Plum Island, so I thought that was going to be the it's not like the next thing that like i thought this episode was on plum island so i thought that was going to be the whole thing was that i would introduce if this beast looks familiar the piece i'm about to show you that's because it should be what we're talking about because you eat one every day it was a plum it was a plum face down in the sand plum island famous for its millions of plum trees. In my head, it's, yeah, like an animal crossing island. It's not. It's in, like, I think it's part of, it's, like, near Long Island.

Okay. Okay. Are you done? Yes. I am totally. I apologize. That was me getting a little carried away, because I thought Plum Island was going to be a bigger part of the story.

I feel like, seeing as we let you change your mic stand setup, you're, like, happy now or something. On that though is it okay because it feels like the pop shield is slipping slightly genuinely every five minutes. I think you have some kind of like psychological issue some damage of some description where you can't like perceive that a still object is just still like did you drink too much caffeine or something? I'm drinking too much caffeine as we speak i have my coal i haven't finished this cold brew yet no there's still a little drop in there's a dribble at the end that's the good stuff anyway the mic stand clearly the mic stand is is vibrating in your vision don't touch the mic genuinely in the middle of a podcast genuinely pissing me off you know that's unusable okay all good all good we're back on

track for now we're not now. We're off track. Till round eight. Rory, if this beast looks familiar, that's because it should be what we're talking about is the infamous Montauk monster. Hey, we covered that on an old episode. Whoa! Ladies and gentlemen, this is a sea cow.

Well, no, it's not, because I think that is a real thing. Is it? Yeah, absolutely. They're like a because I think that is a real thing. Is it? Yeah, absolutely. They're like a mammal. Oh, okay. Never mind. Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a sea cow at all.

Because that would end the episode early, bud. This is some sort of sea koala bear. It is face down. It is face down. To be fair, I completely understand now why they said this thing was face down. I mean, if it came out of the ocean, it doesn't look like that was supposed to be where it was. Right. This looks like a land creature.

Yeah. Oh, this thing is really weird. It's quite upsetting to look at. I don't like it. I believe it may have been. I'm going back to the cucumber. Dick on legs. I'm going back to the cucumber. The dick on legs? Yeah, me too.

I believe it may have been our episode about the true story behind Stranger Things when we discussed this creature. When it turned up, it caused a lot of speculation about whether it was a cryptid or some kind of strange government experiment. That's because Montauk has long been known in paranormal circles to be the home of the Montauk Project, a supposed secretive research program where the government worked on developing technologies including time travel, teleportation, mind control, faking the moon landings, and whatever the hell caused the Philadelphia Experiment, which, as we talked about recently, that was when a ship teleported and all the soldiers aboard fused with the ship yeah if this is your first episode of this paranormal life i apologize

we are really hitting the ground running here but these are all things we have covered on previous episodes that don't even phase us anymore montauk is i was more phased by the fact that sea cows exist let alone the teleportation and time travel i just have to know that you don't think they're jersey cows that produce milk under the ocean i don't know i haven't seen a picture they're not just take it from me now it's it's not that exciting their milk though is the milk more delicious it's seawater it's salty because it's underneath the ocean yeah montauk is a borderline disney Disneyland theme park of shady paranormal programs. It turns out on nearby Plum Island, there's an animal disease

center where, on paper, they try and protect, you know, agriculture, farm animals from diseases. Sure. But it was, and this isn't paranormalcrystallinks.org speculation. This is documented fact. On Plum Island, they did run a secret bioweapons program right up until 1969 when Nixon shut it down. Oh my God. Leading some to believe that the Montauk monster could be some kind of mutant that leaked from the lab. Yeah, who's to say on Plum Island in the 1960s

they weren't splicing human genes with sea cows, creating this bizarre creature that was so sentient it managed to escape in some form and wash up dead on a beach. I mean, let me ask you, the audience, what is more likely? That Nixon shut it down because he had to bow to political pressure from the Democrats, an unpopular war in Vietnam, and a defense budget that was spiraling out of control, or because Plum Island created a f***ing MUTU in a jar and it was going to take down the government from the inside. Yeah, I don't know a ton about Nixon, but I do know that he was a sneaky little guy. To say the least. I think that's putting it politely. So I think there is definitely room for some genuine conspiracies here. So I don't know if the government can be mad that they have a reputation

for conducting paranormal and illegal experiments on Long Island when they were literally trying to create the T-virus for about 40 years straight. Yeah. Imagine walking down the beach and finding Mewtwo face down, unconscious on the sand. I'm keeping walking. I'm keeping walking. I'm going to keep my AirPods in,

pretend I let some other person of a bitch wake up Mewtwo and feel his wrath. I just keep walking. I see an army patrol walking my way. I just don't even lift my head. Just go, he's that way. It's a tuna fish. Get out of here.

It's a magic carp. It's a magic carp it's a magic carp leave him alone but the trippy thing is just because we have photos and testimony of these quite recent cases that doesn't mean they were the first recorded incidences of sea monsters washing up on shore far from it we can wind the clock all the way back to 1546 to be exact, when in the seas between Denmark and Sweden, a type of fish was caught that struck fear and confusion into the hearts of sailors. Whoa. Who as we all know from watching The Deadliest Catch, are the hardest bastards around. Yeah. This sea beast looked so disturbingly human, specifically so much like a monk, that it was named the Sea Monk, not to be

confused with monkfish or sea monkeys. Medieval natural history books from this period thankfully have illustrations of these creatures, and some even describe them as mer-men. Over time, a bunch of these were hauled up from the depths and formally identified. So I actually have here, because we didn't have photographs, I have a diagram from a book from 1850 comparing these legendary sea monks to other types of fish. So Rory, I thought it might be fun to see if you can look at these comparisons and see if you can tell which ones are the potentially paranormal sea monks and which are regular fish. I mean, there you go, folks folks this is just giving you an indication or giving all of us an indication

of how thin the line is between genuine paranormal cryptid and a creature that does actually exist and live in the ocean because i mean where do you draw it if if this weird little freak does exist and you're like yeah that's a real animal it's like all right well what's a cryptid then yeah because that thing is f***ed up it looks like a monster surely that should just be a cryptid and rory i think you're about to see that it takes a real paranormal investigator to be able to tell the difference okay let's see if i can do it okay so kit has sent me a page of different illustrations of creatures labeled all the way from A to I.

So I'm going to rattle through them now and guess which ones are cryptids and which ones are real creatures. Which you can do because I have the answer. Yes, okay. A, that is a cryptid because that has a human's face and i think it's wearing a skirt and a t-shirt it's wearing armor of some description yes yeah uh b is a squid that is just

or like no it is you look hard could it be okay never mind uh c is a cryptid because it is the same figure from a wearing the same skirt it's a man yeah it's a man underneath the ocean that's right d is a fish well slow down bud are you like looking at these hard enough because like sure it is a lot of the same qualities as a fish but like uh e is once again the same man uh he's not the same man they're borderline sure i mean the fact that i'm having to say that any of them are men means that they're not sea beasts and when we say they're men they don't have legs or arms but they are men i can race through the others here, folks. F, fish. Don't. G, man. H, squid. I, man. Well, sorry.

I, man with bird wings. I'm going to. All right. Well, thank you for that, wise guy. I will have to check my key here to see which ones you got right and which ones you got wrong because you might have got them all wrong. Okay. So, I know you got them all right um yeah i guessed as much gee that guy's name is brian there's no

way that guy's name isn't brian like i'm pretty sure that guy works in my local pub yeah the closest link i can see between these uh fish creatures and the human creatures is that their silhouette is very similar you know when you look at the body in the shape of a squid and then the legs or tentacles or whatever comes out the back it does look very similar to the illustrations of these quote-unquote men or sea creatures who do have this kind of like skirt that goes out and like tentacle legs but aside from that the links aren't as close as I thought they were going to be. Yeah, I see what you're saying. I mean, the fact that

they have like fins, they're trying to suggest that those look a bit like arms and such. But yeah, I will say I was surprised at just how clear cut this is. I don't think there's any doubt in this author's mind that these are mermen. Yeah. Which is kind of crazy. But all of this illustrates the key to this case. In every example of an alleged cryptid washing up, we are faced with the question, is this truly a unique and never before seen sea beast? Or is it just an animal that might even also be new, but isn't actually paranormal, but just looks messed up? Where do we draw the line? I mean, this is the constant debate that we have to have as paranormal investigators. We've talked about some of the most interesting cases,

but these alleged cryptids washing up, they've happened all around the world for years and years. There are far too many to talk about. For one, there's Trunko the Globster. Okay. In 1924 in South Africa. He was said to be a cross between a fish and a polar bear, and he was seen fighting killer whales in the ocean

before it washed up, and to this day, no one knows what it was. Oh, my God. Tronco, you beast. There's New Zealand's giant sponge, the beast of Tenbi, the rock nest monster, the Zuio Maru carcass,

which is terrifying, by the the way this thing will make you believe in godzilla uh and the list truly goes on to the point where i didn't know this the actual name for this class of unidentifiable things that wash up is globsters globsters you can go on the wikipedia entry for globsters and pretty much read about all of these under the list notable globsters that's a great name for this a globster is just what i call myself after you know a day of a hangover uh on the sofa uh eating doritos and playing video games yeah a true globster so we've got a difficult conclusion today sure there's tons of physical evidence these things wash up all the time or identified

by scientists and such. Yeah. And many of them are unidentifiable. But does that really mean they're all cryptids? A lot of good questions today. I mean, it's interesting that some of these stories involve government officials arriving at the beach to kind of take over the scene. Because even if what did end up being washed up on the shore turned out to be a weird fish, why are you guys showing up? It sounds like you're worried something else was going to wash up on the shore and you needed to be there when it did. Right. Even if it turns out to be a tuna fish, that seems like you know Godzilla is out there. Yeah. And it could have been his big toe. So you have to make sure that you're there.

I mean, I don't know if there's any of our own personal experiences that we can draw on. As I said, we spent a lifetime growing up around many beaches. Did you ever find any? Did you ever find a globster? I don't think I've personally found a globster. I found just regular kind of normal things that might wash up. But there was a very famous globster in our hometown of Port Stewart in Northern Ireland. I don't know if you've ever seen the pictures. It happened in like, I don't know, the 80s or 90s or

something where a, spoiler alert, a whale washed up on Port Stewart Strand. It was f***ing giant. I don't remember this. Well, I wasn't alive, but I don't even remember hearing about this. And it was the talk of the town and people went crazy and people from miles around went to go see it. I think they kind of went to go jump on it like a bouncy castle too. Yeah. And then I don't remember what happened,

whether it was ever removed, dragged out to sea, or if it just exploded as whales are wont to do. But it really happens that often that even in our hometown beach, there's been a big case of this. I mean, if globsters are real, that really is a dangerous thing, because I'll always remember hearing about this story as a kid of do you remember this there was a whale it must have been America I'm sure I don't think it was the UK where a whale washed up on a beach and this thing was enormous and it was basically rotting away and it was too big for them to lift out in one piece so they were like hey we're gonna blow it up we're gonna fill the whale with dynamite and we're gonna detonate it on the beach hopefully break it up to little pieces we can take those

away and the rest will go back to the ocean and presumably whatever guy came up with that plan didn't run it by anyone he just did it he just started yeah they're like wait what are we doing and he's already ramming tnt down the blowhole he's running the wire looney tunes style uh and and they did and it was on the local news they were like all right welcome to the whale bomb of the day don't broadcast that and they detonated this whale and immediately enormous chunks of whale flesh start raining down on everyone who was there i think cars were destroyed by chunks of flesh like coming out of the sky and crushing them it was like in the flintstones credits when the dinosaur t-bone steak destroys fred flintstones

car it was so weird i don't know why they thought it was going to go any differently so oh my god imagine a giant globster arrived and mibs have to show up and detonate that, you're going to have fangs and teeth and maybe 16 eyes go flying through the sky, crushing people in cars. So maybe that's one of the reasons why they get removed. Exactly. Because it's a really funny thing. And I think you can find the video. Should we put in the video of the news clip of the whale explosion? Should we put in the video of the news clip of the whale explosion? It had to be said, the Oregon State Highway Division not only had a whale of a problem on its hands, it had a stinking whale of a problem.

What to do with one 45-foot, 8-ton whale dead on arrival on the beach near Florence? It had been so long since a whale had washed up in Lane County, nobody could remember how to get rid of one. In selecting its battle plan, the Highway Division decided the carcass couldn't be buried because it might soon be uncovered. It couldn't be cut up and then buried because nobody wanted to cut it up, and it couldn't be burned. So dynamite it was. He's the guy who came up with the plan. He's trying to justify it live on air. We couldn't cut it up because no one wanted to do it. But people did want to blow it up, so we did that....will be taken care of by seagulls and other scavengers.

Indeed, the seagulls have been standing nearby all day. Let them scavenge where it is. We have George Horton, the highway engineer in charge of the project, for his final observation. Well, I'm confident that it'll work. He's smirking. The only thing is we're not sure just exactly how much explosives it'll take to disintegrate this thing so the scavengers seagulls and crabs this is the best day of his life he's waited his whole life to detonate a whale uh if there's any large chunks

left and uh we may have to do some other cleanup, possibly set another charge. What? The dynamite was buried primarily on the leeward side of the big mammal, so as most of the remains would be blown toward the sea. About 75 bystanders, most of them residents, who had first found the whale to be an object of curiosity before they tired of its smell. There's like three old people with a camera. It was not that many people.

Land blubber newsmen shortly to become land blubber newsmen with a blast blasted blubber beyond all believable. This guy's voice is incredible. There's a countdown now to the whale detonation. This is not okay. Oh my God. That was a nuclear bomb. It was a mushroom cloud.

Oh my god! It's raining chunks. That is terrifying. Oh my god. Our cameras stopped rolling immediately after the blast. The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way to a run for survival. The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way to a run for survival. Pieces of meat passed high over our heads while others were falling at our feet.

The dunes were rapidly evacuated as spectators escaped both the falling debris and the overwhelming smell. A parked car over a quarter of a mile from the blast site was the target of one large chunk. Look at that! That car is destroyed! That Cadillac is totaled. However, everyone on the scene was covered with small particles of dead whale. As for the success of the effort, the seagulls who were supposed to clean things up were nowhere in sight.

They were kept away by the snow. That didn't really matter. The remaining chunks were of such a size that no respectable seagull would attempt to tackle anyway. It couldn't have gone worse. It's still, it's the same size. Oh my God. That is so funny. I couldn't have gone worse. That is just as funny as I remember. Well, that doesn't exactly back up our case for the government wanting to swoop in at every possible opportunity to tidy these things away. The government didn't seem to give a f**k about

that one. Yeah, maybe the government had to start coming in quickly because they thought people are going to keep blowing this shit up um rory i will come clean to a certain degree that you know in our stories today i may have dramatized them slightly more than than truth would really tell you know we do that often here on this paranormal life but we do as long as we come clean at the end i think it's okay uh you know in that russian japanese contested island where we started our journey today you know i might have ramped up just how angry the military were about trying to get people away from that and everything all right i'll be honest i've even seen conflicting reports where in some of them the army took it away and it was never seen in others uh it was dragged out to sea to be washed away the army didn't even show up i think the army did show up i think they did okay but is that just because

this island is 90 soldiers sure yeah everyone is in the army and they're have such an itchy trigger finger about the other country attacking them that they investigate everything oh i see it's hard to say and eagle-eyed viewers of this part of my life will remember that i think we ended our investigation into what was going on a montauk on the montauk monster by saying scientists pretty much unanimously agreed it was a raccoon that was a raccoon yeah that does not look like a raccoon the problem is i mean and this is illustrative i had a chicken beak this is illustrative of all of the globsters where the sea does strange things to bodies,

animal carcasses. It disintegrates them in ways that we don't expect. Christ, there was another story I didn't even bring up where people were convinced there was an alien because this motherfucker looked like E.T. washed up on a beach. And then as soon as someone tells you that it's a sloth, you're like, oh't unsee it now it's a sloth i see i see okay that does make a lot of sense i'm glad that we're kind of reaching this conclusion we're not saying that it's the answer

to all of the globsters yeah because there are many out there that um i mean what'd you say trunco the trunco the globster trunco the killer whales yeah if you're fist fighting killer whales you're probably not a sloth lost at sea you've probably got something else going on hey you guys have been listening to this part of my life long enough to know that scientists will have an explanation for just about everything and there's a lot of species out there so pretty much any globster can be said to be something else even a sea car so rory i'm kind of taking us down a one-way street here but in the case of let's say most globsters that wash up do you think these are truly paranormal cryptids or not look i think in this case i have to go on

not only the stories that have been presented to me today, but my own experiences of spending 16 years by the beach. And I found many things washed up. I found many things that were weird and unexplained. One time I bailed off a five foot wave and washed up, passed out, and they thought I was a goddamn globster. But honestly, the weirdest thing I ever found was maybe a strange looking jellyfish. So I think you're right. I think, you know, the ocean is a bizarre place that can chuck up a bunch of weird stuff onto the shores. And even though we did have some truly unique globsters in today's episode, there were no real standouts that were a complete mystery. And that's why today I'm going to go on record to say no to globsters being paranormal.

That does not preclude us from covering other globsters in future that are absolutely fascinatingly paranormal. Just most of them. It's true. It's a no from me as well. Hopefully there will be more globsters in the future of this paranormal life. And we really need to look into that sea cow. Because I don't know a lot about that,

but that sounds paranormal to me. I think they're in zoos. You could probably go see one. Sea cows? I don't know, man. They've been around.

All right. I'll look into that. Thank you so much to Amy Grisdill for researching this episode. Thank you also to Louis Blatherwick for editing this episode. Guys, I to Louis Blatherwick for editing this episode.

Guys, I hope you've enjoyed this investigation into all things Globsters, the Montauk Monster, and somewhat Trunko the Globster. It's a fascinating case and I really enjoyed looking into it. What animals do you think we should detonate with dynamite?

Email your suggestions in to thisparanormallif paranormal life podcast at gmail.com and if you just can't get enough cryptid stories guys and you've exhausted the main episodes or maybe just looking for something a little bit different and spicier head on over to patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life where we got 50 plus full-length episodes, plus the f***ing underwater chaos that is the new weekly show, The After Party. Oh yeah. You listen to This Paranormal Life every Tuesday where you get all this kind of paranormal investigation.

But did you know every Friday we kick back and record a Patreon exclusive episode with behind the scenes Q&As and just shooting the goddamn shit? It's the globsters of This Paranormal shit. It's the Globsters of this paranormal life. It's the weird mutant freak episodes. No one can quite work out what it is. And they're typically supposed to be hidden in the darkness

and the shadows of the ocean where no one can listen to them. But sometimes we release them every Friday. Sometimes. Sometimes every Friday they go live. And instead of being born of a cocktail of secretive government chemicals, they're born of a cocktail of monster energy drink and whiskey. Yeah, which is kind of a cocktail.

How do I get access to these insane Globster episodes? Check out the description of this podcast or any of this Paranormal Life podcast where you can get the link to patreon.com forward slash thisparanormallife or head over to our socials. The links are all there. You click over there over there you pay i think it starts at five dollars and you can become a member and supporter of this paranormal life and get a boatload of rewards in return tell

me about some of those rewards tell them about the tears you haven't done enough yet we haven't feel like we have no no no the episode i don't want to like make people tired of hearing about it or whatever. Tell them about. You're telling them about it right now. Tell them about the shout outs that they can get. Are you mad at them? Why don't you tell them? Tell them about the coin.

Why are you telling me to tell them? Because you're hosting the episode. I'm trying to tee you up. Oh, yeah. There's a coin. Yeah. Yeah. Talk about the coin.

Talk about the coin. We have released a super special limited edition collector's coin. That's right. If you sign up to the Knight of the Commune tier over on Patreon, you get sent a f***ing John Wick legitimately gold and silver plated commemorative coin celebrating many years

of this paranormal life. And you can show off your knightship in our community. We're also doing a monthly giveaway where every month we give away an item, a piece of this paranormal life history. That may be in May, it was the Ouija board

that we use in the Ouija board episode. This month, we are giving away the cursed doll that we use in the cursed voodoo doll episode. Oh my God. And guys, this is the actual doll that we used on the episode that we bought from eBay that we stuck pins into and tried to curse each other. The same doll that's been in my apartment

for the last several months. And it could be in your apartment if you play your cards right. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that on the top two tiers on our Patreon, you can get shout outs, your very own custom shout out at the end of an episode of This Paranormal Life.

And if you're curious, perk up those ears because you're about to hear some right now. Let's go. So a very special thank you to Alessandro Cacciani. Alessandro Cacciani fish. Whoa.

Anything you could think of. Name any fish. Sea cow. Not real. Couldn't do that. You told me they were real. Name another one. Sea cucumber.

Doesn't sound real. How could you get something that doesn't roll? Oh, all right. Oh, f***ing salmon. How could you get something that doesn't roll? All right. A f***ing salmon. Why are you just making up words, dude? Alessandro couldn't get any of these. Okay.

What about Trunko the Globster? Oh, yeah. She actually caught that one in 1924 in South Africa. Well done. Thank you also to Christian Banks. Christian makes banks. That's why he's able to be here right now supporting us on Patreon. Whatever this dude just touches turns to gold.

Except if he ever touches gold, that turns to shit. So that's the irony. You find out the hard way. Working in a bank, you touch a little bit of gold. So that was problematic. It's a bit of a weird monkey paw curse.

Thank you also to Ulysses Marin. Sheesh. A Greek legend is amongst our ranks here in the commune. Ulysses Marin. Sheesh! A Greek legend is amongst our ranks here in the commune. Ulysses. Wow. An honor to have you on board. Next Odyssey you go on, I would love to have you on the podcast to talk all about it.

Only as long as you come across some cryptids or at least slay a couple Gorgons or beasts. Yeah, we're going to need to have them on board as well. And bring you fishies, because we're gonna need some globsters on the pod too. Thank you also to Greg Gibbons. Greg Gibbons, of course famous for the time that he tried

to detonate a sea beast that had washed up on the shore. When everyone got down there, it was more of a shrimp than a sea beast, and we kind of think that maybe he just wanted to blow something up. It was like, we can move the shrimp very easily. You are fighting off seagulls to protect the shrimp so you can blow it up.

Just, just move the shrimp. But he detonated it with a firecracker. And yeah, it did destroy a car. It actually picked up some velocity on the way back down. Yeah, because it started a goddamn fire in the dunes. Destroyed every car in the area. Thank you to Lord Grippington. Lord Grippington, of course, famous for his slippy, slippy, buttery grasp.

You know, it's kind of a sick name that his parents gave him. He can't hold on to anything. His hands are like a frigging slip and slide. You try and say hello to him and it's whoop! You borderline slap him in the face. Because he's such a slippery little son of a bitch. Get yourself some gloves, bro. Thank you to Thomas Asbeck.

Thomas Tommygun Asbeck once tried to detonate a shrimp with a Tommygun. Whoa! That's not really detonating. That's just killing a shrimp with machine gun fire. Well, he did some bad stuff against the mob, so he had to go down. And he did some worse stuff against the glob.

That's pretty good. Thank you. Thank you also to James McGrath. Feel the wrath of James McGrath. This is someone you don't want to cross. If you bring him a latte that's just a little too warm or a little too cold, you're going to feel the wrath. But it's still warm.

I mean, it's not even hot. It's a little too much for him. And he's very easily agitated. And the wrath will be unleashed, which is just when he takes off one of his leather gloves and slaps you gently with it. But it still stings a little. Not too much.

It's a really expensive glove, so it's like cashmere. It's quite nice, actually, feeling the glove kind of graze your cheek. Thank you also to Elizabeth's mentor. Elizabeth, will you mentor me? We need it. I'm in a bad place in my life. I'm face down on the beach, washed up. I'm out of shape.

And some people want to light a stick of dynamite under my ass so anything you could do to just get us back in the ocean that would be much appreciated thank you to amy harper amy harper the medieval larper nothing amy likes to do at the weekend more than put on a stiflingly hot 120 pound suit of of medieval armor and LARP about a field. Yeah, she looks like one of the Globster Mermen wearing full suits of armor waddling around in the hot sun. Hey, mad respect to you. Get your kicks any way you can. We love LARPers.

Thank you to Rachel Mays. Climbing says, Rachel Mays. She mays do as she pleases. What? She doesn't wait for nobody to tell him what to do. She maze. She maze. That's not a sentence.

Is she in a maze? Is she lost in a maze? Could be. What I'm saying is she chooses her own destiny. And I gotta respect it. I gotta respect that i don't have to respect you thank you to michael cunningham oh i remember michael this son of a bitch the famous butcher is always cutting ham that's right thin slices thick slices whatever you want

so why is he a son of a bitch or whatever you you said that was offensive. I said it in an endearing way. You old son of a bitch. Oh, Christ. Give me some ham. I hope you know him. Thank you to Amy Hayward. Amy, that son of a gun. I've been going to this butcher for a lot of butchers.

Another butcher? This time. She's a vegan butcher, as you know. I don't know. So she's always cutting my Satan slices. this time. She's a vegan butcher, as you know. Is that a real thing? She's always cutting my satan slices too thin. You're not welcome.

Unlike your butcher compatriot, you're not welcome here in the commune until you start cutting me some fat slices. Okay. We'll just ask politely. I don't think we have to be rude about it. I'm sorry. You're the ones throwing around insults at butchers. In terms of endearment. Thank you to rebe ferguson rebe could i get a freebie i'm starving on account of the thin slices of ham that i have to survive off of another butcher i could do yeah i could do

with some scraps you know the scraps in the disney movies that they throw to the dogs from the butchers at the back door and the son of the hound or whatever the f**k that movie was scraps in the Disney movies that they throw to the dogs from the butchers at the back door? Yeah, yeah. And the son of a hound or whatever the f*** that movie was. Lady and the Tramp. I need some of that. I'm a dog. We just need a little plate of spaghetti that Kit and I can eat together. All I can eat is the middle. And have a little smooch.

Thank you to Jamie Bromare. Jamie, can you save me a slice? I'm starving over here. There's no way. I swear over here. There's no way. I swear to God. There's no way that he's even involved in any kind of food produce. It doesn't have to be. He's just like coming off a little bit of like whatever you're having.

So you're just asking him for his own dinner? Can I get a spoon? A spoon of his cereal? That's how starving I am. Jamie, keep your food away from this man. Thank you to Timothy Dagita. Timothy Dagita. Timothy Dagita shreds on Dagitar.

I should have known with a name that cool, you gotta play the Gita. That being said, just complimenting you in order to get a slice of your ham, Timothy, please. I'm starving over here. Does he also shred on the

pork? Because I'd love some shredded beef Thank you lastly today But not leastly to Lydia Steyer Lydia Steyer You constantly inspire me To be Retire Oh

That's right Lydia actually retired In the life of Ligia At the old age of 14 years old What? Yeah, just did a few years of school and thought, I'm done. Remember Mauve?

No. She invented Mauve. What's Mauve? It's a color. Oh, right. Well, good for her. And just retired off of that. So, hey, hopefully at some point,

Kit and I can invent a color or something and retire soon, just like you did. Thank you so much, Lydia. And to everyone else we've shouted out today and to everyone else we're going to shout out in the coming weeks and months thank you so much for tuning into this episode of this paranormal life thanks globsters not a nice thing to call our listeners uh the globsters the goddamn globsters which is what they are we'll be back on tuesday with a brand new paranormal tale but to our friends uh on certain tiers and above on

patreon we'll be back on friday with the after party but for all you other globsters you regular globsters we'll see you back here on tuesday we're gonna be washed up face down in the sand bye