This Paranormal Life - #270 Organism 46-B

Episode Date: July 5, 2022

On this week's episode we journey to a continent rarely featured on This Paranormal Life: Antartica. One could be forgiven for thinking the snowy tundra couldn't possibly be home to any paranormal phenomena, but deep underneath the surface of the ice lies an evil beyond scientific understanding, and one that Rory and Kit must now investigate - Organism 46-B.VOTE FOR THIS PARANORMAL LIFE IN THE IRISH PODCAST AWARDShttps://www.theirishpodcastawards.ie/vote/ Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! -  thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityAdvertise on This Paranormal Life via Gumball.fmResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis BlatherwickIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Can we trust sunscreen? Are you absolutely sure there isn't a werewolf behind you right now? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Hello! Hey! And welcome back to the show. It's This Paranormal Life. It's Tuesday. We have a brand new investigation for you. This is the weekly comedy podcast where every Tuesday we investigate a different paranormal tale and decide whether it's true or not. How are you doing today, Rory? Great. We are back in Northern Ireland recording in our little home studio setup.

I just got in yesterday. So, you know, a jet lag is kicking my ass. Shouldn't be. A little bit. Ever since Brexit. Ever since they moved Northern Ireland to eight hours ahead? Another minor inconvenience is it turned out when I was gone, my mom basically threw away all of my clothes. And I was under the impression that... So I didn't want to say, but...

I was under the impression I had a lot of clothes back here in Northern Ireland. So I packed light, to say the least. It was basically an iPad in a Tesco bag for life. I thought that's all I needed for this trip. It turns out, no, all of my clothes have been sent to the dump. You're wearing your baby brother's baby clothes. This is literally my brother's. I didn't go to this university. I didn't even notice. This jumper is like really tight and weirdly small. I look like somebody gave me that Captain America super soldier shit where I've just grown like six inches overnight.

Rory, I think we should digress and jump into today's investigation. Let's do it. We begin today's story on the frozen plains of mainland Antarctica. Ooh. There's a reason. Yeah, somewhere where we don't spend a lot of time in this paranormal life. Yeah, I wasn't expecting that one. It's notoriously pretty bare.

And also possibly the entrance to the hollow earth. But I think that's probably information for another episode. Agreed. There's a research station 77 degrees south. Just a hop, skip and jump from the South Pole itself. Okay, so closer to 800 miles away. But in Antarctica terms, that's not a lot. Yeah, it's a snowy tundra. The station was called Vostok Station, and it was established in 1957

by the former superpower, the Soviet Union. The USSR was famous for its secret police, misleading propaganda, and closely guarded government operations. But much like my skinny jeans phase, today's story takes place somewhere between 2012 and 2016. That's as specific as I can be because this is a highly classified case. Whoa, okay. The researchers posted at Vostok were working on a project that had been going since the mid-70s. You see, Rory, beneath the iridescent ice sheet lies a hidden continent,

a landmass bigger than the USA and Mexico combined, complete with its own lakes and rivers. I had no idea about this. You would think that the South Pole and Antarctica is all solid ice, but apparently back in 1974, they discovered there's actually like lakes and rivers underneath the ice all right so turns out i was wrong it's hollow earth time folks we are talking about a secret entrance guarded by the world police that leads into a version well you said that there were lakes russia was keen to explore and spent the next 30 years drilling directly down beneath the station in hopes of reaching a buried lake. On the 5th of February 2012, they finally broke through.

Like I said earlier, the timeline is hazy, but at some point between 2012 and 2016, the team descended under the ice for the very first time and found much much more than they bargained for oh my god this feels very risky i feel like especially drilling into ice which is pretty well known for preserving shit uh is a bit of a dice roll because you could be unearthing some hidden body of water that contains a medieval plague perfectly preserved under the ice. I mean, you make a fantastic point. People talk about this even with like global warming is we could be running the risk by melting all this ice. We could be running the risk of unleashing borderline demons on earth. Yeah. I mean, I know that simply opening my fridge or freezer after being away

on holiday for a few weeks is dangerous enough as it is without drilling miles under the surface of the earth eight brave men volunteered to explore the newly named lake vostok dr anton padalka was among them and it's thanks to him that we even know what happened on that fateful day he vlogged it nice i don't know if he vlogged it. Potentially blogged on Tumblr. Dr. Padalka and the others were lowered down one by one, fully kitted out in dive gear. The drop was more than two miles into pitch black. Whoa.

And the only way to contact those at the surface was by radio. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. Sorry. I'm a little turned around here. They drilled into the ice to go underwater to find a lake? Yes. Well, how do you find a lake underwater?

Isn't that f***ing... No, you're misunderstanding the basic rule. That's like trying to find a cake in a cake. Right. It's all cake. Yeah, the whole thing is cake. So we used to think it was all ice. Right.

They discovered there's some water down there. They find like little rivers and things. In the ice. Under the ice. Okay. In the ice, under the ice. It doesn't matter what way you cut it. All right. I need you to know I'm getting really hung up on ice. It doesn't matter what way you cut it. All right.

I need you to know I'm getting really hung up on this and I won't be able to move past it. And they believe at this point that there is actually a lake inside the ice a couple miles down. Draw me a graph. Draw me a graph right now. Of course I don't have time to draw you a graph.

Are we talking ice layer and then just nothing and then lake somewhere? Or are we talking ice layer, water, ice and lake? Imagine, I apologize. We might have to cut this from the podcast because I assume we're going to be here for about 45 minutes. The way I understand it is imagine all the ice forms and it's a couple miles of ice, sheets of ice. And then, you know, naturally from things moving around and whatnot, there's cracks and things in the ice. So it creates pockets of space or air. Got it. No water yet.

But. Okay. Due to unknown reasons so far in the 70s, maybe it's the the geothermal heating of the of the earth itself some of that ice melts and so in this pocket of space underneath the ice in the ice there is water flowing okay so underneath the ice but in the ice is okay let me pockets i think i think i'm getting it i think i'm getting it you know when you take out your ice tray from your freezer yeah and you fill it up with water and you put it back in yeah and then maybe like 45 minutes later you're already hankering for that cold cold beverage so you look in and you go god damn it the ice isn't properly set yet but you know what i might as well use what is set and you know when it's like it might be frozen on the outside but it's

still liquid in the middle it's like an ice egg that frozen on the outside, but it's still liquid in the middle? It's like an ice egg. That's what it is. That's what they're trying to explore, is that like, liquid in the middle. Got it. Okay.

Yes. You know what? That was a fantastic analogy that totally explained the whole situation. I just wish I'd come up with that first. Yeah, before the rambling

towards the start. But I'm on board. They are trying to break into an ice egg. Sure. Like I say, the only way they could contact the top was by radio. This is sub-team one. We're all present and accounted for.

Do we have the go-ahead to begin our exploration? Sub-team, we... Continuous cleared, but... Continuous cleared, but... Ground team, do you copy? The comms had stopped working. We'd been sabotaged. It wasn't ideal, but the team were in place,

and after three decades of waiting, they were ready to get stuck in and map out the new territory. Whoa. Even without ground team? Without ground team. I mean, yeah, I guess if you're two miles down, you might as well have a look around. How are you getting back up without ground team though? That seems like a pro- maybe that's a problem for later. We have to find something so sick down here that maybe we don't want to go back up. Yeah, I'm imagining whatever technology they use to get up and down that shaft

is similar to whatever technology notorious fat-ass Santa Claus uses to get up and down chimneys. No one knows quite how he does it, but, you know, we know he does it. Santa in your living room at 1 a.m. putting presents under the tree. A little child comes in. Chimney team. I repeat, chimney team. Evacuation needed ASAP. Flashbangs the child.

The men got ready to take the plunge, dressed in wetsuits designed for freezing temperature water. Now hold on! What the f*** are you talking about? Now they're planning to take the plunge? Where are they, then? I'm sorry, I'm sorry i'm sorry i'm obviously not grasping this what do you mean take the plunge you said they're two miles into the ice

right into the egg but all right so but so imagine but the ice is solid so if they if they drill away the ice it's like drilling into a cave or drilling into earth okay it creates and they found it creates just a gap currently with no liquid in it so they're still breathing air they're still right they've essentially created a cave to bury into so so they're just dangling in the air now but they're about to go into the water yeah i mean they could be like imagine that in i'm sorry i apologize i can't be the only one struggling with this this is worrying because i i'm clearly not explaining it well enough for the folks at home um that imagine it's probably better to think think of drilling into the ice here to get into, imagine just a natural ice cave.

A cave. Got it, yeah. And they're hoping that inside this cave, inside the ice, is also water. Right. So I guess at this point, they're two miles down and they're probably walking around here, but they're trying to find, they're walking around a little ice cave, but they're trying to find water. Got it. Got it. I'm back.

I'm back, baby. This is just one of the researchers talking to ground team. What the f*** is going on? Why are we here? Where is the water? I don't understand at all. So we're in ice? Yes, you're in ice. Where's the water? It's solid. He's radioing up Ground team We're about to enter the cave What? Where are you? Where have you been? I thought you were like

Two hours into the cave already Ground team are just at that point Where they're just Doing that thing Where you pretend like you're breaking up It's like Oh I'm so f***ing sick of this Oh guys I can't

I'm sorry I wanted to Go on without us Smash the radio. Ground team, do you at least copy? Yes, ground team are here. We're also entering the caves. You're not even on the ground? Who the hell are the ground team?

This shit makes no sense. It was dark, but their powerful torches revealed the water was crystal clear. It was absolutely breathtaking. They were exploring a part of the world that had been untouched by any living organism for thousands if not millions of years. Or so they thought, because it soon became clear that they were not alone down there. They shone their torches around wildly, searching for any hint of movement beneath them. Dr. Padalka's light fell on the face of his colleague Dimitri, but judging by the look on his face, he wasn't scared at all. In fact, he was barely moving. He was just floating

gently at the surface of the lake, with a dazed smile plastered on his face. Dimitri, what's so funny? Are you playing a joke on us? But suddenly, the water in front of Dimitri began to churn. It was as if there was something thrashing violently deep underwater, and it was on the move. The unknown source of the disturbance was headed straight for him, and at speed, too. All the while, Dimitri's still treading water in the same spot, grinning like an idiot.

What? Swim, goddammit! Save yourself, man! But it was already too late. There was indeed a creature in the lake with them, and it had their friend in his clutches. To his horror, Anton Padalka watched as Dimitri was engulfed by tentacles. It seemed like some kind of giant octopus, at least 30 foot long, if not longer. What the hell? There wasn't enough time to react before the creature had yanked off Dimitri's head. Jesus. They watched in terror as the enormous octopus

opened its beak mouth and popped in Dimitri's head like it was a piece of gum. This grotesque sight was enough to snap Anton back into reality. They had to get out of here, and quickly. He started looking around the cavernous underground lake and tried to assemble his team. Everybody, get to the entrance! We need to get back to the surface now! They all swam for their lives,

meeting beneath the borehole they'd been lowered into that morning. Karelka started helping get his remaining six colleagues tethered to the winhole they'd been lowered into that morning. Padalka started helping get his remaining six colleagues tethered to the winch and get them all lifted to safety. All right, we're about to ascend once Boris is attached. All we need now is Sasha. Oh no, where is he? But looking around, they could see the outline of a person gliding towards them under the water. Padalka's chest was flooded with relief and

he stretched out his hand to help pull his fellow researcher to safety. But as his fingers contacted the skin, the overwhelming relief was replaced by stabbing dread. Whatever was approaching them only looked human. Its skin was slimy to the touch and it was pulsating. Go, go, go! It's not Sasha! Get out! But for Boris, it was too late. He suffered the same fate as Dimitri before the team's very eyes. Not wanting to hang around, the survivors signaled to the surface that they needed pulling out.

They began moving with a jolt. But Alexei suddenly started screaming. It's got me! Ah! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Bro, this is some action backshot. I don't mean to take us out of the action for a second.

That's why I'm not interrupting. I'm in this. Sometimes you need a breather, I'll tell you. And sure enough, one of the monster's flexible arms was coiling around his left leg. Quick as a flash, Anton whipped out a blade and sliced through the pudgy appendage. The team were beyond relieved to reach the surface. Alexei still had the dismembered tentacle wrapped around his shin.

Nice. Once he was back on solid ground, he shook it off and stepped back to look at it. Imagine coming out of that cave and Ground Team are like, how did it go? And you have like a pulsating monster tentacle wrapped around your throat. You're like, not good, Terry. Not good.

Didn't think this thing was going to be down there. Yeah. Your scans didn't show that up, did they, bud? Didn't think you could send a little robot down there first? The tentacle twitched, then lay still. The scientists that were gathered around the station stood open-mouthed at the sight. They'd had zero contact with the sub-team and had no clue anything bad had happened, let alone a monster encounter.

Soon, the creature was given a codename. Organism 46B. Whoa, okay. was given a code name organism 46b whoa okay in my head this thing is resembling a giant squid or an octopus but the fact that they're going straight to calling it some sort of organism and using more of a uh a scientific sounding name rather than animal name it doesn't sound like this does resemble a creature in our known animal kingdom great point um i would also point out it's slightly worrying that they had to go to number 46 yeah and b this isn't even like hopefully if you're exploring underwater caves this is organism 1a maybe just one organism 14a was a eagle with teeth found in the jungle this team

basically just uncovers weird shit buried in the ground organism 23c was just a bug that could scream like a man like that just so much weird stuff i I love that. That's a great premise for a movie. It's just a team that is sent to document the existence of weird creatures across the world. Yeah. Like a modern day Charles Darwin. Not to kill it, not to slay it or anything dramatic. They just have to be like, it's down there. Mark it in the books.

It ate my buddy's head like a peanut. Yeah. They just be like, we went to f***ing Ohio and found a donkey with hands so I guess that's organism 15X alright where's next let's head on out someone's like

do you ever think you could be more imaginative or scientific with the naming huh yeah I was like you didn't think to give it a Latin name? Nah. That's crazy that even bringing this tentacle to the surface is the first time presumably that this thing

has been exposed to the air in our world. We talk all the time about the creatures that live at the bottom of the ocean that are devoid of sunlight, devoid of oxygen, that they are God's mistakes and they are strange, unusual and scary. And this is one step further. This is locked underneath ice in a vault two miles under the earth. I mean, octopi and squid are already something that look like they're from another planet.

100%. Some people think they are from another planet. Eight hands? Eight hands that it can use? Can octopuses, octopi, fit through like a keyhole as well? Something really insane. 50p piece. It's crazy. So to find one that's borderline prehistoric is terrifying. Let's not gloss over the fact that it was operating a human like a puppet, I think at one point. Right, right, right. I'm glad you're bringing this all up because these are some of the abilities which we're going to get into of this beast.

But yes, maybe this is another way. It's similar to octopi. Squid and octopus are supposed to be incredibly intelligent. And this thing seems to be a step even above that. This thing's out there playing chess. It's true. 3D chess. But we can't get into analysis too quickly

because our story isn't quite finished. After the horror of that day had subsided, the crew believed, potentially naively, that the moment of danger had passed. That was until they heard a woman scream from somewhere in the camp. Oh no. They ran to follow the sound,

tearing open the door to one of the stations, where they saw a researcher suffocating on the ground, being squeezed of her last breath by a tentacle wrapped around her neck. F*** off. It was the disembodied, hacked-off tentacle that Padalka had cut off and left on the ice. Oh no. It had wriggled back to life silently and attacked the first person it could find. The workers were too late to save the researcher but they did hack the tentacle into a thousand pieces immediately afterwards. Dr. Padalka himself was among the mob and was crippled by fear. He didn't know what they were up against but he was certain that they needed to fight back. Now this could be a good time to dig into the creature itself.

We've got a pretty good description of it and its insane abilities. So those who saw it said it was similar to a regular octopus, but with at least six extra tentacles, which I think, as you point out, would bring us up to 14. Yeah, 14 tentacles. It was 33 feet long, and the description I've read said it was as intelligent as it was hostile.

All right, well, how do they know that? How was that evaluated in the heat of the battle? Was it doing his taxes when you attacked him? Like, what the f*** does that mean? It was doing some, like, goodwill hunting shit. It was, like, solving equations on a chalkboard like damn this thing has got knowledge uh that's that's a weird way to describe it sure fine yeah that feels like something a judge says about someone they just sent down it's like your actions

prove that you are as intelligent as you are hostile and you are a danger to society. 20 years. My version is I've been described as what I lack in intelligence I make up for in hostility. Sure. So I'm kind of like filling the gap in the other direction. But you're saying this is some sort of intelligent super octopus. This is some sort of Stephen Hawking meets Conor McGregor fighter and thinker.

Hey, all I'm going to say is maybe if I had 14 hands, I'd be pretty smart too. Think all the shit you could do at one time. I don't think that makes you smart though. That being said, think of all the people you could punch too. He's still hostile. It is somewhat true though that hostility takes a certain amount of intelligence it's like the way they say that dolphins are like the only species that like i don't know hunts other animals for fun right that's how we know that's how we know how smart they are because they they

also kill like we do yeah isn't that weird that yeah i guess it is a measure of intelligence because to be hostile against someone means that you're not just like in defense mode. You're not motivated by just hunger and survival. Yeah. You've never met like a hostile beetle. Right. You've never been like, fuck me, that caterpillar is hostile. He is going, he's going at that leaf.

Yeah. He doesn't know. He's angry about something, which means that he can think. I don't know why it sounds really funny using like complex emotions to describe insects. Yeah. It's like, bro, I think that caterpillar is depressed. Yeah. That caterpillar is properly lethargic today.

Well, I guess the hungry caterpillar is the most famous of all of them, to be fair. It's true. He's doing pretty good. Another way that organism 46B differs is where normal octopuses have ink sacs. This one has a sac of venom. How do they know that? No one got a venom. I'm sorry.

Let me get this scientific research out, Rory, please. It releases this toxin into the water, and it is powerful enough to incapacitate prey 150 feet away um there's even talk of it being able to straight up hypnotize its target like poor dimitri who instead of fighting for his life bobbed around like a cork in water now that's true waiting for the creature to tear him to shreds and that may sound outlandish but as we said there are types of fish found in the deepest depths of the ocean that have basically biologically evolved to have lures that dangle from their head, lights that glow in the darkness. They kind of, in a way, hypnotize and attract other fish and then they're eaten. It actually came up on a previous episode of This Paranormal Life.

other fish, and then they're eaten. It actually came up on a previous episode of This Paranormal Life. I don't remember which one, but I was tooth and nail trying to convince you that hypnotism was real for some reason. And I showed you a video of a fish that can like change its colors really rapidly. So it does like a f***ing light show

and it stuns other fish into being hypnotized. And then it gobbles them up. It gobbles them up. So is that something that could be happening with today's cryptid? Who knows? But it also has abilities that we are yet to properly understand. Remember the radio malfunctioning, Rory? Yeah.

The team checked the functionality after the fact and found everything to be working perfectly. It seems that this organism was able to interrupt their signals somehow, like an EMP blast. What? So even before they had seen the beast, it was f***ing with them. This is a wild one, right? You must know that this is a wild one. Even for this paranormal life, this is pretty out there. Okay, so the guy in the teeny weeny f***ing university jumper on top is telling me this is a wild one. I think you need to check yourself. I'm just saying, usually... Before I wreck yourself.

Before we usually, you know, if we're talking about cryptids, it's a little bit more silhouette in the shadow. It's a little more, here's a news interview with someone who saw the beast. You're telling me that... Dimitri would have loved that. There's an inctopus that can hypnotize humans buried under the ice that can interfere with radio signals which just I'm just saying that's a little outlandish sometimes real life isn't safe sometimes real life isn't cozy and comfy and oh we can just sit in our armchair and just talk about the shadows and talk about the little grainy photos sometimes it f***ing eats your head like a piece of popcorn.

Why only the head as well? Why did it only pop the head of the man into its mouth? Is it? It's just skull and bone. It's not going to be very nutritious. Yeah, it should have gone for his ass. Yeah.

The fattiest bit. If you told me that there was an ass-eating octopus under the ice, then you know I'd be on board. Catch me jumping ass first down a two-mile cavern. Think how many hineys you can spank with 14 hands.

Oh, and I've barely even mentioned its ability to shapeshift. Sorry, you're... Just go. You're rubbing your nose with your... You're rubbing your eyes. Just get whatever you have to say out of your system. Let's just go through all of its abilities now

I just want it done with tell me tell me about shape shifting sorry don't get sad now just tell me the f***ing thing can it fly

but it feels like should I guess some as well can it control squirrels with its brain I just yeah it takes the fun out of it a little bit

if you're like it seems like you're just not really taking it seriously I don't know if that's I guess it's my fault the acid eating of it a little bit if you're like it seems like you're just not really taking it seriously i don't know if that's i guess it's my fault the ass-eating octopus it's my fault because yeah i guess i could have told the story in a way that don't do the side thing maybe people would have taken it more seriously i just thought that like that would be quite scary it's like an octopus that can eat ass no well you you that was a joke that we said earlier in the episode i don't think that's actually one of his abilities or his desires it's act three it's act three it's act three is it dr padelka wakes up with the tentacles gone on

a rampage so it can shape shift yeah but its original shape was the octopus or that was a shape it shifted into? All right, kids shrugging now. I don't know. I don't know. But I'm glad to hear you're interested in asking intelligent questions because that seems like you're really into the case. I am. Yeah, I am. Whatever, whatever helps us get along. For example, in the opening of our story, when Dr. Padalka thought he saw Sasha in dive gear approaching them, that was the form Organism 46B was taking at the time. Wouldn't Sasha have been like 33 feet tall if that was the case? It can take any shape it wants.

Allegedly, it can shapeshift into a shoal of fish. it can shapeshift into a shoal of fish. This seems like a really good excuse for anyone to just be like, it was my ex-wife. That is why I kicked her out of the house because I pushed her down the stairs. She was the beast. That's crazy.

That's real shapeshifting. Needless to say, all of these details were exactly why Dr. Padalka had to speak up to his fellow scientists in the camp. Gentlemen, what you've seen here is but a shred of what this being is capable of. And I'm not waiting around to wait for it to make its way up here and pick us off one by one. I say we go and catch it before it gets us. The others agreed. They sought clearance from their superiors

and started preparing for the battle of their lives. This was some real bugs life shit. The pathetic ants all working together to fight the bird. Which it could be an ant or a bird if it wanted to be which is worrying. It's hard to prepare for an enemy

that can look like a f***ing glass of water. It can look like a bug. It can look like a f***ing glass of water. Yeah. It can look like a bug. It can look like the Eiffel Tower. You don't know what to prepare for. It's true. And even its default form, if it is a giant squid with 14 hands, is pretty OP as it is. Now, between all their genius brains, they were able to knock together a container tank that they could take down into the lake and trap the beast

inside. And after five days of construction, with a team on whole surveillance around the clock, which I think just means a guy with a machine gun pointed at the hole and one hand on a walkie talkie, they were ready to head back down into the icy abyss. The tank was shackled to the hoist and lowered down with a crack team from the station. This time, they were armed to the hilt. The others waited at the surface, watching the wire jerk violently back and forth. Be brave, comrades. And remember, three yanks for pull me back up and four yanks for nuke the beast.

That's smart. They know they can't trust the radio signal anymore, so... I'd maybe add a few more yanks to the nuke option, because... There's no time. Yeah, but the only thing is, I mean, we're going down on this rope, so it's going to be yanking a shit ton on the way down. So I don't want to just do, like, three yanks, and then you feel like you're going to bomb the cave, because we're down there, and I don't think that's... This thing's got 14 arms. It's going to be yanking the shit out of that thing.

Well, exactly. That's my point is that I'm worried that you'll misinterpret the yanks as a request for you to bomb the tunnel. And you know what? I think we should just take that option off the cards, honestly, because I didn't pitch that. Steve here didn't pitch that

and he's already in the tunnel. So I think maybe let's just take the nuke one off the... Guys, are we... Fine, we'll reverse them. Three yanks for nuke, four yanks for bring us back up this is as they're lowering them at all no you know it doesn't make any sense kai turns to the nuke engineer beside them don't wait for the yanks at cut the rope, nuke it. What?

You go to do one yank and the end of the rope comes down. Oh, f***. You see a cartoon bomb drop. For like 10 minutes. Ah, Jesus. You pull a rope to yank it and it's just a pin out of a grenade on the other end. It's just you pulling the nuke down into the hole. That's when you know you've been got.

Unfortunately for them, down in the lake, the creature seemed to be waiting. We don't know exactly how things unfolded down there, or even how many of the team survived the ordeal. All we know is that the mission was successful. Organism 46B was locked inside the tank. They did it? And holed up with the brave scientists that had defeated it. They were expecting to be met with cheers and congratulations at the surface, but as they blinked into the bright light on the surface, the mood was quiet. Sinister, even. As their eyes adjusted, they saw their colleagues had been joined by uniformed soldiers,

each armed with heavy guns. A small fleet of military vehicles stood behind them, chains covering their beefy tires. Whoa. That's when the guy in like a dark trench coat just says, I'll take it from here, boys. Bam! And shoots like your officer in the back of the head.

And you're like, oh my God. You know, this is the big team showing up here to take over. This is the next line of my script. Oh my God. We'll be taking it from here. Men, load it onto the truck. I basically just added the gunshot. The officer sprang into action, wrenching the tank from the grip of the truck. I basically just added the gunshot.

The officer sprang into action, wrenching the tank from the grip of the scientist. It was shackled inside one of the- What do you mean the grip of the scientist? You said this thing was 33 feet tall! Has he morphed into a peanut? Yeah, this is some real like Genie in a Bottle vibes. They tricked him into morphing into something tiny. Some real devil-bottle vibes. They tricked him into morphing into something tiny. Some real devil-in-me-pocket vibes. Yeah.

The tank was whisked away within minutes. Before moving out, the commanding officer gave the scientists some instructions. You ought to remain quiet about what you've seen here. If you were contacted by the press, you'd tell them what we'll be telling them. Nothing was found here. Nothing. And with that, the convoy left. Most of the team had no choice but to pack up and go home.

Needless to say, a disappointing end to 30 years of research. Is that how long they were trying to... Well, they weren't even trying to find this thing. They were trying to find a lake. Mm-hmm. Jeez. Well, they found the lake. That was pretty great yeah it's pretty unfortunate isn't it because in any kind of similar exploration like

this usually the explorers are lauded as heroes think of the first people to discover other countries or continents think of neil armstrong and buzz aldrin uh they're heroes forevermore yeah but if neil and buzz had discovered a paranormal beast that had hunted them for their of Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin, their heroes forevermore. Yeah. But if Neil and Buzz had discovered a paranormal beast that had hunted them for their lives, we might never know their names today. It's true. Hey, maybe they did, and it was snatched from their hands.

They were like, we'll take it from here, Buzz. Oh, shit. Just talk about how cool the Earth looked from the moon. Dr. Padalka, for one for one though was relieved to get out, he was done with the South Pole after what he'd been through. But after he returned home, he began hearing rumors, secret whispers that the military had big plans for Organism 46B. They wanted to weaponize the beast, specifically its venom. But there's a chance they were also hoping to try and use the creature itself in combat. Bad idea. That's a terrible idea.

Anton Padalka wasn't about to hang around should that be the case. He defected to Switzerland. The way he saw it, some octopuses can lay 200,000 eggs at a time. He didn't want these things popping up in lakes across the globe. Yikes. He gave interviews to anybody and everybody he could before dropping off the radar for his own safety. Now, ever since this story appeared online, it's gone nuts and spread like wildfire to all corners of the internet. Potentially what Dr. Padalka would have wanted,

a huge warning to the world of the dangers of organism 46B. The problem is, Rory, we're left with one extremely elaborate retelling of what happened down there under the ice. But given that all authorities involved deny such events actually happened, we're caught with, as in other recent episodes, no evidence, and we can only speculate about whether these events are even possible. See, I thought the way this story was going, I thought you were going to say that the government wheeled off the creature itself, but the team were left with the dismembered tentacle from earlier. They, unfortunately, after it strangled a researcher, had to hack it into smithereens so that it would not be able to hurt anyone again. That feels unscientific. That feels like no actual scientist would do something like that. If you have a lab rat,

and while you were out, he like nibbled your peanut butter sandwich, you don't hack it to smithereens or like throw it against a wall and be like... I don't know if you could equivocate eating a sandwich, nibbling a sandwich with killing one of your co-workers. All right, if you have a frog and the frog like took a little bite out of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Why are you still talking about peanut butter and jam sandwiches? I just can't think about anything else. All right, if you had a... Yeah, I'm starving actually. Okay, new hypothetical situation. If you were a zoo man. Please don't say another animal

eating a peanut butter sandwich. That surely can't be where you're going. What happens if you work in a zoo? A zoo person? A zoo? Keeper. Keeper, thank you. Thank you so much.

If you're a zoo keeper and you're like feeding the lions and the lion like, there you go, Simba. Here's a little meat. And he goes, gives you a little scratch. You don't go, ow, you little scamp. And blast it into pieces.

You're a zookeeper. The point is you're supposed to be like keeping this thing alive. Whenever you're a researcher on the South Pole. Yeah. You're a scientist with a gun you're a scientist with a knife with a machete no matter how many test tubes and vials and microscopes you look through day to day you're strapped up you're you're ready to kill at a moment's notice because it's a fight for goddamn survival against what a polar bear like why do you need guns in the in the south pole this

seems like uh very similar to the plot of have you ever seen the thing with kurt russell no neither have i um but i've heard that it takes place in some sort of arctic winter base and it's a research team that uh is infiltrated by some sort of organism that starts taking down members of their team you look at my iPad, I'm just on the Wikipedia page for The Thing starring Kurt Russell, reading the plot synopsis. Russian soldier, Kurt Russell.

You're just saying it with an accent, but I think it's Kurt Russell. Now that we have covered the majority of the story, on to the next section, critical reception. the story onto the next section critical reception um yeah i don't know i don't know i don't know where to go from here okay i was gonna say is it good but you haven't even seen it oh the movie no i haven't no i haven't even seen the movie but it does sound very similar to this for legal reasons, I must say that any likeness to any Hollywood IPs is purely coincidental. Do you think that this story is possible to have happened within the realms of possibility and reality?

I think it's within the realms of possibility. I mean, all the time, scientists are unearthing frozen creatures. scientists are unearthing frozen creatures. Usually they're creatures that we have some previous knowledge of their existence, like woolly mammoths. Right. Usually we know how many arms are going to have. Usually they're not still alive, living under the ice in an old egg.

So this is a little bit bizarre. But, you know, we see this on a very simple microscopic scale. Like we said at the start of the podcast is a real danger here where, you know, the melting of the polar ice caps is also thawing out like ancient bacteria and methane gas that's being released into the air um so that is i guess like kind of maybe not living organisms but like material that's being reintroduced into uh our world in our environment could have one of those materials be a 14 armed octopus possibly could this octopus do all of the things that you claimed it could do? Absolutely not I'm going to go ahead and say it can't shapeshift into a shrimp So you're calling Professor Padalka a liar You said that he did the media rounds before he disappeared

You said he was on talk shows He's on This Paranormal Life now On the news Do we have any recordings, any newspaper clippings from some of the statements that he made? Like I said, he went off le radar. Yeah, but you're saying he did all the press. He went underground.

But before he went underground, he had a megaphone basically. Pretty sure the powers that be probably pulled the YouTube videos or something. I don't know. Wiped it. Wiped it. I will concede there are some practical holes in this story. Some have pointed out that, sure, normally when you do Antarctic ice drilling,

the hole is only a couple inches wide, and that a crack team of researchers couldn't even fit down such a hole. But that's what they would say. Our own researcher, Amy, is a marine biologist, and she points out that there is little to no chance that there would be an animal that large in a subterranean lake, and that other than a bit of bacteria, there's probably not a lot down there. She also has the audacity to suggest that after some quick googling, this seems to be a work of fiction penned by author C. Michael Forsyth.

Cut that from the podcast. Absolutely. Slander, Amy. But that is one take on what this may be. This story has done the rounds. It has become kind of famous across the internet in creepypasta circles,

in paranormal circles, because there's so many cool details because it seems like such a half believable paranormal case but as with all stories on the internet we do run the risk that this could be made up yeah i mean it's pretty outlandish even for this paranormal life even for the show that did a whole episode on something called the donkey lady, which was a woman and a donkey merged together into one. And that was a story so good you can't write it. No author could write such a brilliant storyline. It kind of blows me away to think, look, I know that that's the whole point and joke of all of these episodes is that if you find anything, if you find just a bit of a pointy rock, the US military is going to show up

and try and weaponize it. If you find, I don't know, a f***ing... We've read the list of DARPA's active projects. There's definitely an Operation Pointy Rock. If you find a potato chip that's just a little too salty to eat, your house is getting swatted and the military taking that chip.

They're finding a way to to dust entire countries with that potato chip seasoning to see if it can decimate the food supply and i get that you said you know oh they're trying to use the venom as like a weapon it's like sure we already have venom we know what poison is we know how to kill humans so maybe this is super poison or something but i like the idea of them trying to weaponize the squid, like have it on reserve for if they ever need to whip it out in a war, because that's the only secret weapon. You only get to use that once.

And then the secret's out. You know, if you're on the battlefield and then you're shooting soldiers, shooting another soldier, and then you shoot a f***ing hand that whips across at 100 miles per hour, you're like, okay, okay well they have something right like it's not a secret anymore they have a giant octopus creature and maybe that is part of the story that is less believable um modern warfare appears to be heading more in the direction of less hand-to-hand tentacle-to-tentacle combat, and more cyber warfare, proxy warfare, drones, robots, information, trade wars, and not unleashing various beasts upon each other's nations.

That being said, I seem to remember that during the 2001 or whenever it was, well, after 9-11, the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan, I seem to remember one country did pledge hundreds of monkeys to fight in the war in Iraq. I think you've said this multiple times and provided zero evidence to back it up. And I'm not saying that today

is going to be the day I call you out, but you can't keep saying that a country offered monkeys without providing some sort of proof, even if that's the only evidence you bring to the table in today's case. What could you be Googling? What is the sentence you're Googling right now? Post 9-11 monkey army?

And my computer's locked. All right. No, I've got a result the moroccan newspaper al-usbu al-siasi reported in 2003 in march that the moroccan government offered the u.s forces a large number of monkeys some taken from morocco's atlas mountains to be released in order to detonate landmines in the Middle East. Got it. All right, so these weren't like professionally trained monkeys, like monkey assassins.

They were just wild monkeys that could be used to set off bombs. So animals and warfare, it's a long history. It can happen. Who's to say they're not using this organism to just launch 14 cyber attacks at once they have him in like a matrix style control panel where he's got like 14 different monitors and he's just hacked we know he can affect radio signals so you know you said he was as smart as he was hostile they say that uh a room full of infinite monkeys uh typing on infinite keyboards could write the entire works

of shakespeare one of them could probably hack into a f***ing enemy government's cybersecurity. Yeah, it's only a matter of time. I'm clearly stalling the inevitable. Is this story paranormal or not? We're so sidelined that our conclusions are just like, it's an interesting case today and I appreciate

you bringing it to me, but I just can't imagine a monkey being used to detonate a bomb. So it's going to be a no from me. Oh, wait, the octopus. Shit. Look, I think this is definitely falling into the realm of creepypasta over genuine paranormal story. We've covered a few creepypastas on the podcast before. They're great. They're fun. You know, sometimes that line between reality and fiction is a little bit more blurred. But I think in today's story, with some of these claims and how dramatic the retelling is, I think we're looking at a fiction story here. It's so true. You know, there may be a grain of truth somewhere, somewhere down the line, somewhere down that two mile deep ice cavern about what happened. Maybe there was a real research team. Maybe they did find some cool stuff under the ice.

But did they find 14 armed octopus that can shapeshift into a peanut? I don't think so. Today is going to be a no. It's a no from me as well. Quick question to round up the podcast. Is an octopus the last sea creature you would want to fight if you had to fist fight a sea creature? No.

What? It's a better question than I thought it was. It's close, isn't it? Because they can, I've seen them mess up other fish and they're like, it's creepy. They like, they've got so many arms, they suffocate them. And you know where you are with a shark, right? I got hands.

They've got a business end and if you can get away from the business end, you're all right. Yeah, and there's that whole thing like give them a little box in the nose and they run away. You try and box an octopus. It's so true.

They're stuck to you. Then you try and pull it out. They're wrapped onto your other arm. It's like MMA. They got ground game. And they got sky game and water game they're the f***ing avatar

they control all the elements except fire so you really might be onto something also the ink the ink? yeah who let them have that? that's crazy they're like one of those

secret agent James Bond cars if you're chasing after them they can just squirt the road like it's Mario Kart. Did you ever watch that movie about the guy who wanted to bang the octopus? No, I didn't. My friend, the octopus,

or whatever the f*** it was. No. Is this a porno? What are you talking about? It was an Oscar-winning documentary about a guy who became best friends with an octopus. It was an Oscar-winning hentai

that did very well overseas. In the poskers which is the porn Oscars. Oh God. Yeah. I recommend people watch it actually if you're interested in

whatever the f*** those class of creatures are called. Octopus and squid and so on. Because I think as well the octopus

he makes his friend is like a whatever they call like a common octopus or whatever uh so it's not even like a super special one but it is it gives you a lot of respect for those little guys it's incredibly smart for the octopi wow oh actually well maybe i'll check it out after this. Sounds good. And then to follow up, what sea creature would you most like to fight? What sea creature would you most like to bang in a hentai? Probably an octopus. You know, that's really how it goes.

They are the most dangerous, but that makes them the most sexy. What I most like to fight, I guess that would be want to you don't want to pick one that's so weak that it feels like you're punching down right so it has to be like a fair fight yeah well ish i want to win i think i could knock out a seahorse with do you know what size they are they're like the size of like a coin yeah but punching underwater is like punching in a dream you can't really get your concept of like not punching down is worryingly like punching down yeah i want it to be a fair fight so uh i'll limp it

you break your hand try to punch it oh it's a good question i I could take a shrimp. I really could. You need to. It'd be close, but I could. I was going to say, like, a sea lion or something. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah. For me, personally, like, I'll go crab at the most. You're so brave. That's as far as I'll go. And even that, I think he might have it.

Guys, if you've enjoyed this week's episode, let us know of course what animal you would like to fight or wouldn't like to fight underneath dassey email it into this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com thank you so much to amy grisdale for researching this one thank you to louis blatherwick for editing this week's episode and if you enjoyed this week's episode and you just can't wait until tuesday to get your fix of this paranormal life, there's actually somewhere you can go. There is a borderline crack den where a podcast dealer will deal you as much as you want.

You can get off your tits. You can reach new highs of drug-led podcast decadence no right now at least use an analogy that incorporates the theme in today's episode guys there is an ice cave how about that right uh where if you just dive deep enough and find your way through the darkness there is well you don't want it to make it seem like it's arduous you want like i was trying to say it was like it's like a drug like high how many goddamn podcasts you can get yeah not a good look though comparing uh comparing our back catalog to drug addiction so i'm trying to make it a little more fantastic addiction it's actually pretty fun while you're doing it if you dig deep enough in the ice you can unearth ancient crack frozen in ice.

That's the shit that cavemen used to get high to. This is the stuff God takes. Do you know how blasted they were when they did those cave paintings? Sorry, I'll not get in the way of your analogy. Please tear away, brother. Over on Patreon.com, you can get access to an entire back catalog of incredible episodes. We're talking about bonus episodes. And our new... that's what it feels

like to listen to a bonus episode it feels like ripping a fat one all right it's like rolling up a big fat goddamn doobie no one can paranormal comedy No one can see the gestures you're doing. So they just heard three slurps in a row and they're supposed to understand what it is you're trying to do. And they got that one. That just felt like a sniff. This is just the worst podcast.

It sounds like you have a cold what we're trying to say is there's 50 plus full-length bonus episodes that means entire full investigations into the paranormal that are not available to the public but are available to our patrons immediately over at patreon.com but we also started a new show recently called the after party that means if you can't wait to get your fix on a Tuesday, let it be known that every single Friday, we drop an episode of The After Party. It's the behind the scenes, kicking back, shooting the shit,

behind the scenes of the show that you didn't even know you needed. Oh, yeah. On this Friday's After Party, we're just going to be sitting down and watching that octopus porn that Kit was telling me about on the pod. It's going to be wild and X-rated, folks. You're going to want to check it out. All available at patreon.com forward slash thisparanormallife.

And if you're in the UK, why not catch us on our live UK tour in August? That is right. We are on tour in August. We are going to be in, Roy, tell them, go. Belfast, Glasgow, Manchester, London. august we are going to be in rory tell them go belfast glasgow manchester london across um a few different weekends in august check it out uh that being said manchester completely sold out yeah shouldn't even mention manchester by the time you're hearing this london might be sold out but

check it out um i should say for anyone who is looking at a show that is sold out if you're looking on the diceice ticketing app, there is an ability to sign up to the waiting list. And that means if someone sells their ticket or can go for whatever reason, you could be next in line to get offered that ticket. So worth a look. That being said, Glasgow, still tickets available.

Belfast, get in there quick. Tickets are selling fast. That being said, the ferry from Manchester to Belfast is very affordable. There's some great places to stay. You're going to want to get the ferry over to Belfast. That being said, the waiting list is a great place to be if you cannot make said ferry. That being said, I have taken the ferry and got the luxury cabin, which is surprisingly cheaper than you might think,

about £40 on top of your regular ferry ticket. And it's very luxurious. That being said, Manchester is also a great city, so feel free to stay put. We are going to be doing an insane live show. These are our biggest shows yet. The London show is going to be at least twice the size of our biggest live show to date. Yes. And we are going to be hanging out with everyone who goes there after the show.

It's going to be amazing. It's going to be so much fun. We can't wait. So head over to thisparanormallife.com to get links to all tickets. Now we mentioned on patreon.com you can get a bunch of rewards. And one of said rewards

is getting a shout out right here at the end of an episode. That's what we're about to do to see us home. Special thank you to Road Liz episode. That's what we're about to do to see us home. Special thank you to Road Lizard. That was the video game that didn't quite take off, whereas Frogger, the famous arcade game about a frog trying to make it across the road. Oh, yeah, a classic.

A classic. You know, everyone loves Frogger. Play it on your phones, play it in the arcade. Whereas Road Lizard, I think it was the name, it's not as cute and as fun. There were some weird bad viewpoints coded into that game, though. It was politically incorrect, right? Yeah, well, the lizard was smoking, which was already unnecessary.

Yeah, just like, you can't let kids play that then. Yeah, the starting intro was just a really bit-crushed voice going, Road Lizard! And he took a big toke of a cigarette. Actually sounds like a pretty cool guy, I know you mentioned it. Honestly, I'd play the demo if we could get our hands on it. Thank you also to Kevin Turner. Kevin Turner actually took his own trip to Antarctica a few years back.

He heard about someone finding the octopus, and he was like, hey, this is going to be great. I wonder what I can find down there. He got lost and had to be rescued by, it cost the government, I think, half a million dollars just to rescue him. Really far. It's really far.

I don't think they even have a government down there. He brought like a ham sandwich and I think a flask of Sunny D to snack on while he was down there he brought like a ham sandwich and i think a uh a flask of sunny d to to snack on while he was down there it's minus 50 degrees he was in shorts thanks also to chatan chatan is the person you want to talk to if you need anything to be flat hand so if it's like um a cardboard box a tin can evidence in a trial, anything that you want to just be flattened and basically completely destroyed. One of those seems different to the others. No questions asked, brother.

Whatever you want. An old phone, you know, a murder weapon. Flattened and gone. I was hoping they were like a defense lawyer, but... No, no, no. Anything you want. Okay, I think enough has been said. A body.

Thank you to Ben Whiting. Ben Whiting is our knighting shining armor. And you know we're not too generous with the old honors here in the commune. For us to call someone a knighting shining armor. Yeah, that means something. But also stop polishing your armor because it blinded like three dudes today. It can only be so shining before it's like a bit of an inconvenience. I was choking on a pop tart one day. He slapped me on the back and saved my life. And I like had to make him a knight or whatever. Like you don't need armor. It's just a title. Yeah, exactly.

It doesn't have to be that shining. Thank you to Thomas Pagano. Thomas Pagano actually, with a little bit more sense than Kevin in terms of trying to prepare for his Antarctic adventure. So he thought he'd prep his body by locking himself in a fridge to get used to the temperatures.

Those things self-lock, by the way. They only open from the outside. Well, you just started saying that he locked himself in there. He didn't think he had locked himself in. He thought he had gently shut the door. That's a weird fridge. Well, things don't normally need to get out from the inside, by the way. That's true.

If your carrots are trying to escape from the inside, then that raises more questions about the carrots than the fridge. So, on the upside, he got a real experience of what it would be like at the South Pole. On the downside, he was legally dead for a week, but they managed to thaw him out. He might have

been organism 14B, now that I think about it. Thanks also to Robert Fitzharris. robert fits harris can fit anything anywhere you need it so you know if you're a moving house and you need to you know uh pack up all your stuff and fit it all in uh in a confined space he got you nice if you need someone to fit a new kitchen for you robert's your man if you need to like fit a body into the trunk of a car he got you yikes if you need that one's a bit weird no like if you need to i don't know if you're trying to like uh fit like a beautiful exotic tree from a garden center into the perfect

kind of um manicured part of your garden sure he can plan it for you make sure it's all looked after if you need to fit I feel like you're going to say a weird one now. 10,000 pounds worth of cocaine into a tiny space to get it away from law enforcement

he's your guy. It's a lot like chatan flatans. Right. But a similar concept this one's just a bit more shoving shit into tight spaces.

There's not really any process of making it smaller. Thank you to Lachlan Klabra. Lachlan's the person you call if you ever get locked in. So our previous listener who was stuck in the fridge really should have called Lachlan to get him locked out,

to get him broke out. Good with a crowbar. Yeah, it's not really like a heist team with the earpiece up to the wall trying to crack the safe. It's more of just he has a jackhammer. So if you're locked in, he can break you out. It's a good business. A good guy to know.

And if you feel like somebody's brain is locked in their skull, you can hire him to jackhammer it out for you. I don't know about all that. A lot of the people that support us are criminals. Thanks also to Dan and Macalier. Come on down to Dan and Macafears. That's right. Dan has a Halloween shop where you can buy everything,

whether it's inflatable skeletons, fake cobwebs, real cobwebs, real spiders. That doesn't sound like a Halloween shop. That sounds like a pet shop Of scary things No no no it's like scary things like The scream mask, fake blood Rabbits Hamsters Rodents

Lizards Scary shit Is there a divider in the building That one side is a pet shop And one side is the place where they sell the screen masks? Yes. Now that I think about it, those could have been two different stores that I thought was one store. Oh, so actually it could be Dannon's was the pet shop and then McAfee's was the Halloween one.

So, okay, well, shit, right. I need to... Rew rewrite that copy yeah yeah and return some halloween stuff yeah you i bought a lot of rabbits i think they're maybe dead thank you to olivia dakowitz olivia is great at trivia she's the person you want to take to your your your pub quizzes right uh to your trivia nights whatever it is boom she knows it but in like a weird way not like a she's super smart in a question is asked her pupils go back into her skull right her body goes limp like the assistant guy to the throne from june yeah it's it's a we're a little worried about her.

Again, you will win every quiz night you take her to, but we're not quite sure how she's gaining this knowledge, this ultimate knowledge. But she also is loaded, so she'll do the rounds, which is great. Thank you also to Porky Piney. Porky Piney with the tiny hiney. This person of a bitch has such a tiny hiney that they actually need

custom furniture just to be able to sit down that's right a normal chair or sofa would crush their tiny hiney into oblivion it would be far too much pressure they need it's the borderline head of a pin is their butt

can I just stop you right there for a second is there any chance that you're just talking about a porcupine you're saying it like this is so small it's not like a human ass but it seems like that this is just a porcupine oh there's no um uh so it's like you can't say like a worm has like a tiny tiny ass the ass is in proportion to the worm oh that would be so sorry that would be this porcupine doesn't have a tiny hiney. Totally crazy. It's just... Well, look.

What I'm looking at here is a picture of a gentleman with very spiky hair, sure, but... Okay, can I just... The tiny ass? The tiny ass? That's a porcupine. Okay. That is a full porcupine.

Fine, well, color me to not know my animals or whatever, but thank you for the support. That is a tiny hiney, I will say. Thank you to Joey Sergiacotrell. Blowy Joey. In this time of a pandemic, it's pretty unsanitary to blow out the candles on your birthday cake.

So you can actually hire Joey who just kind of stands there while everyone sings happy birthday. And he'll blow out your candles for you. And this guy, his mouth is sanitized. He candles for you and this guy he's his mouth is sanitized he does like tests he makes sure he's perfectly healthy i don't think i want this still so everyone's like happy birthday yeah everyone cheers and i was like make a wish make a wish and then you like make the wish and then you're like okay okay and you go joey and then joey blows out

your candle and it's just like totally safe it It just means no one, he wasn't like breathing on the cake. I get that like the service is that his mouth is sanitized, but like he's chewing a tuna mayo sandwich. Well, he's got to eat, doesn't he? You have to feed him. I'm watching a video of him on his website and like he's blowing chunks. I can see chunks. Oh, no, that's not Joey.

That's not the blowy Joey I know. Thank you to Ivan Lowe. Ivan Blow, no, that's not Joey. That's not the blowy Joey I know. Thank you to Ivan Lowe. Ivan Blow, a competitor to blowy Joey. Sometimes I hire him just to blow Joey out of the house. He can't be worse than Joey, so I guess we'll go with Ivan

if I have to do one. Thank you lastly today to Sarah Harrison. Sarah Harrison, the traveler of the Sahara. She knows the Sahara. Sahara. Sahara.

Like the back of her goddamn tiny hiney. I'll tell you. She claims to have explored every last inch of the Sahara. Per son of a bitch doesn't realize they've been walking. It all looks the same. It's just sand dunes. Yeah. They've been walking around in circles for about five years and claiming to exploit every last inch but uh if we can find giant squids buried in the ice what can we find buried in the sand a freaking shrimp some sort of probably not no yeah that was a bad example but uh i can't think

of any other animal aside from a shrimp. Let us know. Some sort of lizard perhaps. Thank you so much to everyone we've shouted out today and everyone we're going to shout out from next week. We will of course be back on Tuesday with a brand new paranormal tale

and of course on Friday for our friends over on patreon.com. Tune in next week folks. We will see you then. Bye bye.