This Paranormal Life - #271 The Legend of Momo - The Monster that Terrorised Missouri

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

Bigfoot. Sasquatch. The Dublin Gorilla Man. All famous cryptids who have terrorised innocent humans all over the world... but there's one more that doesn't get talked about, and he's more mysterious than all the rest COMBINED (except for the Dublin Gorilla Man). We're talking about Momo, the Missouri MONSTER.VOTE FOR THIS PARANORMAL LIFE IN THE IRISH PODCAST AWARDShttps://www.theirishpodcastawards.ie/vote/Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! -  thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityAdvertise on This Paranormal Life via Gumball.fmResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis BlatherwickIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you need a license to drive a ghost train? What happens if an angel and a demon kiss? Or f*** each other? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Live! Alright. Hello everyone, welcome to This Paranormal Live, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week

myself and the investigator across from me kit greer malvena solve a paranormal case we investigate a creature a cryptid a beast a story and come to a conclusion by the end of the podcast as to whether or not it is truly paranormal how dare you what take the lord's name in vain i didn't take the Lord's name in vain Defile the intro questions to the podcast In this manner We have never before Swore Use a curse

I don't think that's true In the intro Well I don't know Don't check the record Because I might be wrong Look everyone knows that sex sells Alright so if we're starting the podcast You gotta put a juicy little worm on the hook to get people in the door.

This is a family friendly show. We can't be talking about angels and demons f***ing each other. What if a dog had sex with a turtle? This isn't the kind of sex that sells, by the way. Normally it's sex between humans that sells. Like sexy dudes, sexy ladies. That's the kind of sex that sells. Sure.

Could you bang a tree do you think we must move on we truly might but of course as a paranormal investigator i'm a pedant and i have to get across uh the truth of what would actually happen of course if an angel or demon were to kiss or indeed each other um depending on the nature of the intercourse anywhere from a black hole forming to the second coming of Jesus Christ, he would have to step in and say, less of this. Yeah, look, I don't want to kink shame anyone,

but when the Lord himself has to enter the room and say, that's enough, I think it's time to look in the mirror. If you're halfway through the act, Barry White playing on your Spotify, he boots down the door with a halo above his head and says, all right, all right, all right, break it up, you two. If you want to make sure you go to heaven, you got to cut this shit out.

I know sometimes they say, you know, it must be wrong, but it feels so right. Sometimes it's still wrong, though. Yeah, it is. That's enough silly chat at the start of the podcast. You know, on this Paranormal Life, we like to get into the action. We don't like to talk. We don't like to dilly-dally. We're here today to cover a paranormal story and that's what we're gonna do. I'm shaking out of it. Let's go. Kit, we are in our element today because on this episode, we're gonna be investigating a classic cryptid. Oh, yeah. Love to see it. Get the rifle out, driving through the forest, got your boys by your side, hunting down a beast in the Pacific Northwest.

There's nowhere else we'd rather be. Nothing better. And we've covered some pretty interesting cryptids on the podcast recently. We've covered the vegetable man. We've covered the third eye man. That's right. Cryptids that... None of which turned out to be real. Sure. Yeah. One of them was a man living in a sewer and the other one was a carrot. Sure. And

we're going to follow the theme of covering cryptids that people possibly have may never heard of before. Was that a real sentence? No. We're going to possibly have covered the cryptid that have had covered maybe not before ever. Nailed it. Thank you. Let's travel back in time to July 11th, 1972. A simpler time. Everybody knows their neighbors. Nobody locks their doors.

That's how safe the residents of rural Louisiana, Missouri feel at least. There was only about seven phone numbers at the time, so it was really easy to call your friends. Yeah. Tim was two. Alice was five. It was a simpler time. You have to remember the area code, though, as well. Oh, yeah, that was 12 digits long. It was summer, so the children of the Harris family were at home. The boys, Terry and Wally, were playing outside,

and their older sister, Doris, was in the kitchen reading a book. She's far more grown up than those silly boys. She's much happier inside than getting all dirty out in the yard. But suddenly, their laughter was replaced by screams. She couldn't tell if they were being unnecessarily rowdy, or if they were in real trouble. But she's the big sister after all, looking after these boys is her responsibility. So either way, she had to get involved. Doris slammed her book on the table and headed over to the window to see what was causing all the commotion. Hey, knock it off you two! But when she got to the window, her eyes widened in shock.

There, standing on the sidewalk, in front of the house, was an enormous, hairy man, seven feet tall. But it wasn't a man. Every inch of him was furry, from its black, gorilla-like fingers to its huge feet. And like we said, this was 1972, so unless this was a promotional guy dressed up as Chewbacca, this was a problem.

Its toes had sharp claws, almost like a bear. But it wasn't a bear either. It had weird proportions too. Big upper body, but short stubby legs. Its head was massive like a pumpkin, balancing on its shoulders. Okay, it's not Chewbacca. And even more alarming, its eyes were huge and glowing a burning amber. Oh, this is bad. This is bad. We're heading into real paranormal territory now.

Yeah, this is outside the remit of a big sister. We're into law enforcement slash military. Yeah, it escalates very quickly. You're looking down and like, all right, got some bare feet, some hairy legs. All right, still a bear. Ooh, bit of a man torso there. That's a bit strange.

And ooh, pumpkin head with glowing eyes. All right, I'm going to call the police, which at that time was just nine. They had not had the one one on the 12 digit area code, which were all nines. Yeah. This is you said it. This is beyond the children. They need to they need to get some help immediately. That being said, as you said, Rory, as a big sister, her duty is to look after her younger siblings. That's why I've been campaigning for years for all eldest siblings to be given a pager that is directly connected to law enforcement. I want to put...

That was weirdly responsible. That actually sounds like a good idea. Ideally, a deadly weapon in the hands of every... Even if it's a small child, like a toddler, but if they're five years old, they're still the eldest sibling. Getting further away from it now? Maybe a taser.

Maybe a taser. Maybe not a lethal weapon. Bad idea, by the way. Although lethal weapon is good branding, so it might be able to sell the whole idea. For a movie it is. Yeah, but it has cachet in people's minds, so people might go for that. You started with a good idea? I think a toddler would be able to handle a taser.

Can we just maybe, I think maybe if we just stick with the pager idea, because that was good, right? So if anything goes wrong, they can call an adult. They can call all the other toddlers to come tase the beast if they find one, or criminal or pervert in the streets. A vigilante squad of children, if you will. To tase the

pervert? Or they're calling fellow perverts with tasers? God, no. What kind of sick idea are you talking about here? We're talking about giving children the ability to defend themselves. Okay. The previous trial, I just have to qualify. I didn't just pick this idea out of like, la la la, and like, just not like a crazy idea I just came up with on the spot. We actually had previous trials where we tried to teach children MMA techniques, I just came up with on the spot.

We actually had previous trials where we tried to teach children MMA techniques, but their little bodies aren't quite muscular enough to be able to pull off the kind of reverse arm bars and jujitsu moves that would be needed to accost a pervert in the street. So- Well, I know you're saying that they're not tough enough, but I did see a YouTube video the last week

of you getting pinned and choked out. That is absolutely off script. By a six-year-old boy off menu and off color i'll say the video starts with you trying to tase him missing by at least a meter that was a scientific trial to determine the defense levels of said child which were pretty high i'll tell you because i took one step into that dojo and he decided I was a pervert just based on what I looked like. He grabbed the nearest taser he could. He used every jujitsu move on me. He was, he was a, he was a freak athlete though. Most toddlers

wouldn't be able to do that. I love the idea of you, uh, in a full gi, by the way, you've given yourself a black belt, walking up and down a line of six-year-olds and just going, Rule number one, Billy, never let your guard down. You turn, try and knock out this six-year-old. He grabs your wrist, flips you like a pancake, and the rest of the kids beat the shit out of you. Which is f***ed up because I have the black belt because I invented kid jitsu. But the children, the sensei has become

the f***ing child. The children of the sensei. It's so f***ed. In the lessons where I teach them how to use guns against perverts, it's just them making me dance with cowboy revolvers.

This isn't a martial art, by the way, anymore. Using guns against perverts? That's not a form of combat. You don't need a belt or a dojo to do that. And that is why we need everyone to sign my petition to make this a legally and nationally recognized form of martial arts.

Kidjitsu? Kid Jitsu. Okay. Sign up to kidjitsu.com to get your free black belt today. And a taser. No age limit applies. Unfortunately, these children do not have weapons and they are not trained in the way of Kid Jitsu. Doris was already terrified just from this thing's appearance,

but that's when she noticed what it was holding. It was the limp body of a dead animal. Oh my god! So not only is this thing not an animal, it kills other animals. Yeah, just standing there holding a body in its hands. She wanted to run out and drag the boys inside, but she was too scared to even move. The creature was standing there, motionless. Yeah, at this point, big sister Judy goes out the window, sacrifice the boys. This thing is terrifying. It's almost like the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. They're all just frozen in spa and it's just hovering,

waiting for anyone to make the first movement and it'll pounce. Christ. But soon, the creature started lumbering away. It ambled down the street and out of sight, the animal dangling lifelessly from the creature's beefy arm. As soon as it was a safe distance away, Terry and Wally rushed inside, slamming the door behind them and shoving the deadbolt in place. What are your thoughts so far, Kit? I know we're moving fast.

Jesus Christ, man. We're talking about a creature similar to Sasquatch, Bigfoot himself. The proportions are a little bit different. And weirdly enough, glowing amber eyes. I assume that's not a poetic description. No, they weren't glowing in the fucking moonlight like a big pizza pie. They were horrifying, it sounds like. Yeah, yeah.

It sounds like they were almost like lighting up in the daytime. God knows what this thing is. It's clearly a cryptid. Many other stories that we encounter, I don't know, globsters for one. The paranormal entity at the center of our case, even right up to the point of the end of the episode, could just be a regular animal. I mentioned globsters that turned out to be raccoons sloths regular animals there's no goddamn way

this thing either is not real at all or it's a never before seen paranormal being yeah because this thing what could it be confused with a bear? But the fact that the bear is standing on its hind legs, looking like a dude, and then it walks away on its back legs? A bear that stuck its head into a bee's hive to get some honey, like Winnie the Pooh, I guess, given that it has a pumpkin-sized head. Yeah.

I should say this creature did have a little red crop top. Oh. So that is worth mentioning. Did it have a little kind of deep giggle there was a pig and a donkey with him okay before is he or a donkey is that what he is that's what he is okay because his tail's pinned on oh my god i never got that that's crazy did you know that when you were growing up it's pretty dark how depressed he was though yeah he straight up wanted to kill himself like he was not in a

bad way and no one seemed to be wanting to help him right yeah it was kind of like a side note that poo's like i need honey and piglet was like i'm scared of anything and he was like i'm gonna blow my brains out yeah if i have to live in this forest one more day what do you do when you can't feel he's asking questions so big i was like i personally love books christopher robbins like this forest is so fun to explore my house is a pile of sticks and they get knocked down every day and weirdly the futile repetition of building something that will ultimately be destroyed every episode is the only thing that fills me with a morsel of joy all right all right so uh cool any honey though you're like some honey bud yeah i don't remember could christopher robin hear them

or were they toys to him no he could talk to him really i thought it was more like an andy toy story uh dynamic no no i'm pretty sure he he explored the woods with him hung out with him all the time i'm pretty sure wow he should woods with him, hung out with him all the time. I'm pretty sure. Wow. He should have got Eeyore some help. He really should have stepped in. It turns out it was a pretty conservative environment they were living in. It was very much a pull yourself up by your bootstraps, mental health doesn't exist type forest.

Yeah. Check on your donkeys, guys. Always make sure to check in with your donkeys. While this might be the first sighting of the creature, it wasn't the only one. Yeah. Check on your donkeys, guys. Always make sure to check in with your donkeys. While this might be the first sighting of the creature, it wasn't the only one. In fact, there were more sightings that same day. Whoa. That very afternoon, a local farmer was out spreading fertilizer on his field when suddenly his nostrils were filled with an acrid smell.

Not the fertilizer? Not the fertilizer? Not the fertilizer, which means it must be really bad, because he's spraying liquid shit. If a man's spreading liquid shit, it's like, whoa, that's not cool. Before he can work out what the smell is, he hears the sound of a distant growl. Hello? Who's out there? The man cranes his head backwards towards the southeast corner of the field. Nothing. Looking forward, all he sees are the empty fields. So he makes the choice to cautiously follow the direction of the sound. Sounds like a bad idea, granted, but this guy is a farmer. If this is a wolf or a fox or a coyote, he has to find it because those are the kind of creatures that will eat your animals.

He should really think about signing up to KidJitsu.com, getting his free black belt, because KidJitsu, the program has been designed with, as I say, de-arming perverts and criminals on the spot using the centrifugal force of a toddler. It can be used by adults as well against beasts. I'm a little bit worried if a guy wearing blue dungarees, a straw hat and reeking of liquid shit shows up to a building where they're meant to disarm and kill perverts, he is going to be attacked immediately as soon as he walks in the door. It is true. It is true.

Ever since my incident of getting... It burst through the front door. Where are the children? Get him! No, no, you misunderstand. I'm here to learn. A nine-year-old with a bullwhip gets him in the ass. It is true.

After last week's incident where the little Hercules Billy knocked my ass out cold, we have had to create a different entrance for adults and people who look like perverts into the kid jitsu building. We're kind of on the way to a bit of a Lord of the Flies in the dojo currently no adult has been in for several days now and i think there's some sort of hierarchy forming and some little little person civilization that's right the toddlers have established a kind of vbucks based economy inside the kid jitsu training building um but do not be alarmed kid jitsu is still a valid and legal art form. Sign up today. Head on over to the website.

Also, I don't want to get too sidetracked, but I need to circle back to the fact, did you just say there's a separate entrance for people who look like perverts? Well, adults and people who have the misfortune to be mischaracterized like a pervert because I weirdly know what that feels like. It feels like a f***ing little Arnold Schwarzenegger with his biceps around your neck. And it feels like your vision closing over and the lights going on.

That's what it feels like. So it's like just a separate entrance for people who have like mustaches, love wearing trench coats. And those weird like 70s glasses. Yeah, really weird thick rimmed glasses that bug out your eyes. Okay, I understand. You wear, like, shorts that are just a bit too short. Right. This is not to be confused with an entrance

which admits genuine perverts. God, no! Well, okay, but can you see how the lines... Can you stop confusing the pure f***ing agenda of kid jitsu with whatever you're talking about? All right, we're getting too sidetracked here whatever you're talking about. All right. We're getting too sidetracked here. Let's try and stay on topic.

A farmer in the field has possibly heard a roar. He's going to find the source. And he finds himself woefully underprepared in the 1970s without the existence of. Never mind. Suddenly, he hears another rustling. But before he can turn to face the creature, a blinding light flashes in front of him. He's stunned. It's like a flashbang went off in his face. As the spots in his vision begin to clear,

he sees a dark figure marching towards the tree line. Hey, what the f*** is going on? By the time his vision is fully returned, the creature, whatever it was, was gone. These are just two sightings among many of a creature that would soon become known as the Missouri Monster. Whoa. A.K.A. Momo. Okay. Continuing along this paranormal life tradition, of course, of having a truly terrifying being summed up into a very glib and less terrifying nickname.

Yes. I quite like that nickname. Obviously, taking the Mo from monster and the Mo from Missouri. Mo-zurry. Mo-zurry. We end up with Momo. Is M-O like the state? Ooh, no.

I think M-I possibly. No, is that Michigan? Maybe it is M-O. I'm not going to look that up. Momo. Okay. Extremely terrifying beast by all descriptions. Yeah. I mean, first off, let's not f*** about talking about theories and speculation. Let's see what this little bastard is supposed to look like. Kit, here is an artist's interpretation of Momo. Whoa! Whoa, whoa. That's nasty. Definitely giving Sasquatch vibes,

but maybe imagine some kind of alien gray in a Sasquatch suit. Yeah. With a 20XL headpiece. He kind of looks like a big hairy thumb with with arms and legs this is a good artist interpretation it's quite scary it's definitely got it's definitely captured the beautiful and terrifying amber eyes yeah and he doesn't really have like a neck his head is just a mound that comes out of his shoulders like a dome. I would say he's got giant arms, too. It's almost gorilla proportions.

Yeah. Where the gorilla index is big here, where his arms almost reached onto the ground. They're so big. I think when you hear the stories that we just talked about at the beginning of the podcast, in your head, you're like, OK, this could have been a bear. This could have been a bear. This could have been, you know, a different type of animal. And then when you see the artist's interpretation, you realize you're not getting that confused with any other creature on Earth. No, it's it's borderline it from the Adams family. Yeah, this thing is weird looking. Now, this image is actually from a website called Cryptid

Wiki. Each page actually has a cute little bio for the cryptids and i think you might be interested in momos name momo aliases sasquatch missouri monster oh so some people actually do even think he's synonymous with the sasquatch yeah i guess if you lived in that area you could be like that's our sasquatch momo biological class mammal authenticity status presumed authentic okay uh also mammal that's quite a leap i mean i guess he does share a lot of mammal traits but like that means there's a momo out there running around with goddamn breasts is that what a mammal means? Yes. They produce milk

and they've got hair. That's the definition of a mammal? And they produce live young. All definitions of mammals. I did not know that. I don't know what to do with that information. The Momo has boobs.

Can we just... Or a dick. Is this messed up to just like... Do you think you could Google to see if there... Did anyone make an artist's interpretation? Like, I don't know

what I'm hearing. It is weird. With boobs? Is that weird? So you're asking if there, did anyone make an artist interpretation? Like, I don't know why I'm having so much. It is weird. With boobs? Is that weird? So you're asking if there's a picture of Momo naked? I would just personally love to see it. The only thing. Sorry, that's too strong.

That would be interesting. Sorry, that's too strong. Look it up now. It would make me horny is what I think I was trying to say. Look, I mean, that's the thing when you're talking about a cryptid with a lot of hair. Who knows what's going on underneath it? You know? Yeah, that's the thing when you're talking about a cryptid with a lot of hair. Who knows what's going on underneath it? You know? Yeah, that's what they say about me.

There could be like eight tits on this thing that we don't know about. Other cryptids on this particular site that are also considered authentic are the Chupacabra, the Loch Ness Monster, and the Loveland Frogman. Okay, what is the basis for this authenticity status? I love that. Authenticity status, presumed authentic. Why you? Yeah, who's presuming?

It's like, I presume it is. It's on the website. We should really change the yes and no portion of this Paranormal Life episodes to authentic or presumed not authentic. Authentic or presumed authentic. Yeah, there's no such thing as an inauthentic beast. Believe it or not, our two sightings earlier

weren't even the first time that Momo had been seen. Around that same time, Momo had been seen in the woods. He'd stormed a picnic and eaten all the food. He was everywhere. What do you mean to tell me someone got close enough to see him eat their fucking strawberries and cream in the field? I think that a few teenagers were having a picnic.

Momo came out of the woods. They freaked and ran to the car and watched as he just ate peanut butter sandwiches and probably drank champagne from the bottle. Yeah. Well, I'm starting to understand how he potentially could be confused with a bear, because that's bear activity. Yeah, attacking picnics isn't that what the... Yogi? Yogi is pretty much known for. Did he attack a park ranger by any chance?

Yeah, I don't think Yogi was known for just walking around with a limp animal corpse in his hands. That would be a little bit worrying. Ho ho ho! Nobody f***ing cross me or you'll end up like this f***ing bozo that's how he talked right

pretty sure whenever I was a baby someone got me like one of my aunts or something got me like a plushie of the park ranger and I was f***ing terrified of this thing what a weird choice

of all of the characters established in that universe to go for the park ranger. Maybe it was just all that was left in the shop that day. Right, not the cute bears that are famous.

Yes, because I also hated him. Presumably after seeing the show, I was like, he's in a position of authority and he's always stopping Yogi from eating picnics. Yeah. Therefore, I hate him.

He wants to shut shit down. Why would you give that to a child? That's really weird, isn't it? And he's always stopping Yogi from eating picnics. Yeah. Therefore, I hate him. He wants to shut shit down. Why would you give that to a child? That's really weird, isn't it? Needless to say, wasn't a fan. The other thing I think I've mentioned before I was mortally terrified of was pineapples. I don't think you've ever said that on the show before. Yeah, I was.

They're so spiky. I mean, they look like, to be fair, still pretty scary to them. They are pretty. I mean, they're one of the most dangerous fruits, fruits i would say they're the only fruit that looks like an explosion so as a child that can be very confusing looks like a sea mine so nobody and i say nobody ever send kit pictures of pineapples or pineapple emojis or anything because he'll flip out as we said momo was everywhere. He was in the woods. He was crashing picnics.

He was wrecking people's shit. But our next sighting is famous because it's possibly the most credible Momo sighting on record. One night in 1972, Richard Allen Murray, the chief of the fire department and a member of the city council, was out driving along a dry creek. You don't need to know why he was there. It's not important. The important part

is what happens next. This is him talking to the police after the fight, reporting it. No one needs to know why I was there. Sure, my car is full of McDonald's Happy Meals, but it was nothing to do with why I was out on my own by the f***ing creek. I was out in the forest with 20 crates of jam and a box of dildos. And that's when I saw... Sorry, can we just ask a few questions? You have to move! It's not important what I was doing

with the jam! Why did you say it? You could have easily omitted it from the story. It's not important why he was in the creek. What is important is what happened next. As he turned a corner, his headlights crept further up the road, illuminating a silhouette standing in the dry riverbed. It was a huge creature standing upright in the darkness.

Oh my God! Richard slammed on the brakes. He couldn't believe his eyes. He'd heard stories about Momo, but never thought that he would see the creature with his own two eyes. It was just like the others had described. Hairy all over, giant head, and the glowing, chilling eyes. Richard didn't know what to do. Should he drive away? Try to run it over in his car?

Throw some jam and dildos at it? Before he could make a choice, Momo's gone. It's like it vanished into thin air. But Richard knew what he had to do. He turned the car around and drove back into town as fast as he could. He swerved to a halt outside the firehouse where his crew were kicking back waiting for an emergency. And this was an emergency. The highest level of emergency.

He burst through the door. Hey everybody, grab a flashlight and a weapon. We got a monster to hunt. The firemen stand to attention. Yes, sir! Before you can say the words Missouri Monster, a team of 25 men were blasting down the country roads, lights and presumably rifles at the ready.

Oh, do I sense a dad squad by any chance? I don't want to put the words in anyone's mouth, but if I had to, the words would be dad squad. Oh, here we go. Play the theme tune. Let's go. Don't know if there is one, but there is one now. We're going to make one just for this. Who's that coming up the hill yeah don't be scared it's a dad squad you can run but you can't hide breaking the law to enforce the law dad squad just some dads with a couple of guns keeping their community safe and fun. Some are

married, some are divorced and some of these dads don't have kids at all because you don't need kids to be a dad. You don't have to have a penis or even be a man, you just need Levi jeans and to be a little drunk, yeah. It's the Dad Squad

It's the Dad Squad Vigilante justice in a pickup truck, yeah. It's the Dad Squad. It's the Dad Squad. Vigilante justice in a pickup truck. Yeah. It's the Dad Squad. It's the Dad Squad. Dad Squad. This is where I saw it, boys. Get your flashlights on and spread out.

And stay armed. We don't know if this thing's gonna get aggressive. And you know what they say, the best defense is a good M16 rifle with explosive rounds. Richard headed straight for the spot that the beast had stood. And sure enough, there was a set of honking great footprints right there in the dust. The only way a human could leave prints that size would be to wear clown shoes, but these are footprints, not shoe prints. The men gathered to look at the giant prints, shivering at the prospect of coming face to face with whatever had left them. But they bravely followed their

chief's orders and started tracking those footprints deeper into the woods. Unfortunately, the prints ran out within a few meters, and despite searching for hours, there was no further trace ever found by the creek. Things started getting heated in town after a year of frightening encounters. The police chief, Shelby Ward, didn't like where things were headed. He could have a real Beast of Bladenborough on his hands if enough people got whipped up into a frenzy. And I don't know if you remember the case that we investigated the beast of Bladenborough, but it essentially resulted in every man in the town just grabbing as many guns as they could and shooting as many wild animals and anything that moves in the forest,

saying that they had killed the creature. And it was like a two foot rabbit. It was a real turning point in American history for the legality of dad squads, ultimately making them illegal. Yeah. They proved themselves to be too dangerous that day. They were dismembered like the Avengers, split up and sent to different corners of the world.

I can't imagine that all of that was good for the mayor of Bladenborough getting re-elected. So I'm sure the local mayor here is thinking about that. Yeah, he definitely is. He decided to assemble the press and go full damage control. Now listen folks, I know we're all here getting

excited about the thought of this Momo character, but I can assure you what you... Sorry, it's hot today's hot today he's passing out but I can assure you oh I'm sweating like a sinner in church the thought of this Momo listen is he not used to the heat by now he's the mayor of the fucking town it's a heat wave don't see? This mayor is seven foot tall, hairy as all hell, glowing orange eyes. I'll tell you what, my kijitsu f***ing alarm bells, senses are tingling right now.

He did come in through the pervert door. I was just worrying. Weird way to start a press address. He arrived at the front door and said, you got a door for perverts around here by any chance? And I said, yes, of course, brother. Around the corner. Wait a minute. Let me start over, folks.

Listen, I know we're all here getting excited about the thought of this Momo character. But I can assure you what we're dealing with here is just a black bear. A normal woodland creature. Like Winnie the Pooh. It's not. No, it's not at all like Winnie the... Sorry. Putting my hand up here. Mayor, it's nothing like Winnie the Pooh. The man in the back. Yes, you have a question for me, the mayor.

As I say... Go ahead, son. Speak up now. I've said it twice now. It's nothing like Winnie the Pooh. It's very deadly. Could someone get this young man a microphone? I can't hear the faint... I don't have the faintoh. It's very deadly. Could someone get this young man a microphone? I can't hear the faint... I don't have the faintness of what he's saying. Sir, you're... I can see a dead animal poking out from your back pocket.

Is that a squirrel? Did you kill a squirrel on the way here today? Yes, I did kill a squirrel. Well, just to show you an illustration of the only type of beast that we have to be afraid of here, which is the nuisances in our local park. And ladies and gentlemen, if this little rodent is the only creature that is wandering around this here town, then we have nothing to be afraid of. You're wearing giant sunglasses.

Could you please, could you lower them slightly so we can see your eyes? Your eyes seem very bright today, Mayor, sir. Well, no, I don't want to take those off because i had a very late night and i i would you know what it is my right as mayor i'm just gonna come out and say it they're glowing your eyes are glowing your sunglasses are barely hiding the the amber glow oh really well accusing me of having glowing eyes is i'm pretty sure someone said that's something that uh momo would. You wouldn't happen to be Momo. Would you,

sir? What are you talking about? I'm a guy. I think that, uh, I think that you might be the beast itself. Was that a snarl mayor? No,

I'm coming down with something. I'm quite poorly. I believe I may have been poisoned by one of my constituents. And, and because of that, I believe, I think it's time to wrap this press conference wrap the press conference

up now. Can everyone not see the hair? The hair is pouring out of his clothes. There's a guy beside you. Will you shut the f*** up? The mayor's trying to tell us something. Craig is an old man. Don't be such a f***ing asshole. Can't you see he's been poisoned by one of his constituents?

He made that up! He said he was pearly and then accused his Times people of poisoning him. Everyone get out of here! Get out of here now, y'all! Yes, sir! His voice is changing. Get out of here! But our story doesn't stop there.

Despite the police chief being adamant that there was no Momo, the public weren't ready to give up so easily. Those footprints found by the search team were quietly and efficiently replicated in a plaster cast and sent off to experts. The plasters were sent to Lawrence Curtis, the director of the Oklahoma City Zoo. If anybody is able to identify these mystery footprints, it's

this guy. That's a great idea. Right? If the police aren't gonna handle it, if the government isn't gonna handle it, it's time to take matters into your own hands. I've been saying this for years. F***ing vigilante justice, anarchy, defund the police, ACAB, Bernie Sanders for Prez. Let's go.

Those are a lot of just different things. You just threw a lot of shit out there. Kony 2012. You only live once. Ba-da-da-da. I'm loving it. Socially conservative, fiscally f***ing kid jitsu. That's right.

Children running the police state. After a long time examining the plaster cast, he finally came to a conclusion. Well, two conclusions. Because I found multiple sources online claiming different things. Great. One source says that he concluded that the tracks were left by a species of ape, yet unknown to science. Oh, whoa. That's quite a conclusion. Right?

The other source said that he declared it was a hoax. Okay, so I was hoping that at least the hoaxes would broadly overlap, but they are actually opposite ends of the spectrum. Yeah, you were hoping it would be like one conclusion was it was an ape that no one had spectrum. Yeah, you were hoping it would be like one conclusion was it was an ape that no one had ever seen before. And the other conclusion that it was a f***ing octopus

no one had seen before or something, you know, still an animal. Totally. Yeah. And at least hopefully encrypted. But no, he actually said, potentially by one account, this is all fake.

Yeah, yeah. A hoax, which actually means someone is going out of their way to defraud the public here and the creature's excrement the sample of the feces what was what was that a pine cone oh right you don't think he eats pine cones and then maybe is there a trace of the dna possibly on the code no and the excrement left of the scene we all know it was human shit and i found chipotle in it. And I saw the Chipotle wrappers in your car on the way over here.

Ah, I see. There are all sorts of conflicting information out there. Some say Momo was an aggressive extraterrestrial that held the town in its clutches for a year. But the majority of accounts maintain the fact that he never acted aggressively to any human. So it's hard to know really what the truth is. Unless you count eating

your picnic aggression, which I do as a picnic fan. The thing is... And a hater of the park ranger. The people of modern day Louisiana don't believe in Momo anymore. He's not immortalized by a festival like Mothman

or the Kelly Hopkinsville Goblins. He's kind of a creature from the past that people have really moved on from. He hasn't been seen or sighted really since these original encounters. That's really interesting. What makes a cryptid have lasting power? Yeah. I mean, one thing I think is really interesting is this popular idea that he's not a cryptid from this earth that he actually is an extraterrestrial if you remember the story where he was spotted in a field by a farmer

he essentially tossed a flash bang in the farmer's eyes before running off into the fields that's something that the Loch Ness monster doesn't really do they don't have military equipment at their disposal. I don't think he did throw a flashbang, but there was something that caused the man to be blinded, which is not something that any animal on this earth can do. Believe it or not, Momo is popular enough that an entire movie was made about him in 2019. Wow. Surprisingly recent. in 2019.

Wow, surprisingly recent. And it's a pretty cool idea for a movie. It's like a blend of documentary and kind of horror action movie. So it's set up like it's a documentary, but then I think there's like a turn of events where it becomes a real movie. Got you. Kind of a confusing format,

but I figure we could watch the trailer because it's even interesting to see how people have depicted momo in the media yeah i'd love to see that all right check this out it was in the afternoon and doris har, who was 15, was watching her siblings, Terry and Wally, who were out in the backyard playing. They were eight and five, and they were playing with their dog. They were enjoying themselves until they smelled something strange. Something really strong and pungent, and heard some rustling amongst the tree line. They screamed.

The Doris looked out the bathroom window and saw a creature. Similar beats and story to the one we told earlier. This thing was supposedly large, and it was supposedly hairy. Getting a little further now from the documentary style of... Right, it's starting to look somewhat like a B-slasher movie. In 1975, a film crew set out to make a movie about another famous hairy monster, Momo, Missouri's own monster.

The film crew shot and edited the film, but for some unknown reason, never released it. shot and edited the film, but for some unknown reason, never released it. All right, men. We're about ready to do something that's never been done before. We're going to go out and try to flush out... Here's the dad squad.

Here's the dad squad. We're talking about 30 men with rifles in the dark. Oh, yeah. F***ing out of shape, cowboy hats on, look like s***, massive beards. Whoa! It's turning quite Star Trek

we're getting sci-fi noises flashing lights oh my god a UFO crashing to earth there is an actual predator style

capsule crashing into the jungle fair play I would watch that for 30 minutes I mean you know what i mean it's interesting to see we've told a few stories but um it's cool to see momo kind of brought to life they're really doubling down on the ufo thing at one point a spaceship was seen hovering around the earth

in space and then it crashed into a field and exploded. And then Momo was like jumping out of trees with glowing red eyes. Maybe if the Predator movies hadn't existed, that would have been more inventive. So short of us just sitting down now and watching the entire horror movie, that wraps up our investigation today

into Momo, the Missouri Monster. Wow. Thank you. Really fun to, as you say, just classic TPL vibes, man. Right? A weird cryptid. I mean, kind of harassing a town. He didn't really do anything.

Well, you say that, but we need to really, really focus on the picnic. Because have you ever had a picnic before? It takes a lot of time and preparation to take a picnic basket, fill it with your favorite snacks, let it be known, not just any old stuff. Sure. Cheese maker. A charcuterie board maybe. A flask of tea. Yeah.

At the perfect temperature to be taken on such a picnic. And then you sit down, you invite your friends, your family, your loved ones, and you sit down to enjoy a delicious meal. And then this bear wearing a tie and a hat. I never said that. Comes along with a companion. No. And eats the picnic.

Do you know how f***ed up that is? The only thing is, I mean, if you look at any of our other cryptids, the third eye man hit another person with a lead pipe and almost killed them down in the sewers so i think momo munching on your ham and cheese sandwich is not really i wouldn't say terrorizing the town and causing mayhem i mean he did apparently kill that animal whatever it was i think it was a dog and was just walking around with it in his hands.

But similar to Ingrid Cold, I get a feeling like this dude or this gal, Momo, doesn't really know what it is or what it's doing. It's kind of just lumbering around, you know? You know, it is really true in that sense. It is a bit like the Third Eye Man in that it's just minding its own business for the most part. And hell, if you gave Momo a lead pipe, it might smack someone. It's true. That's why we can never do that. I think the damning points of this case are the fact that even though apparently it was seen a few times and the plaster cast was shown to experts,

I couldn't find really any pictures or video evidence of the creature. And the fact that the people of Missouri don't even really believe in him anymore. Right. It's not, I mean, they are the ones that should be the ones who still believe in Momo, but they aren't. Yeah, if they don't even want to celebrate that history,

kind of suggests there's not a lot there. Now, I know some people listening to the podcast will immediately say, Rory, are there any similarities between Momo and the Dublin Gorilla Man? We're talking about a hairy creature here. Don't say that. Don't say that. It's just, I think it's probably a question that would pop into the minds of some people

if they want to know about the cryptid that I saw. I can't imagine why they would bring that up, given that they've never heard the said non-story. It's true. But just to clarify, no, he's nothing like the Dublin Gorilla Man. Well, I won't go into detail.

It might have more in common than you think because they both, it sounds like, don't exist. Well, I saw one of them and it was a Momo. In your dreams or whatever. All right.

I mean, that's a good point. If you do want to hear the Dublin Gorilla Man story, we'll probably, there's a chance, just a chance, we'll be telling it on our UK live tour.

There's a chance that if I happen to be at the toilet, Rory might, in per taste, take the opportunity to tell the people in attendance the story.

I hired the third I-man to show up on stage and knock out Kit with a lead pipe so that I can tell the Dublin Gorilla Man story before the end of the show and that I'll drag your lifeless body off. Look, I don't think we need to dilly dally anymore. What is your conclusion today on Momo? Is it a no-no? Extremely, extremely captivating creature, encrypted, really enjoyed the testimony and the story of what happened in Missouri at the time.

Yet, as you say, we're left with absolutely no choice. No evidence means no, no. It's a no, no this week, unfortunately. But, hey, always fun to sit down and investigate a cryptid, especially one that I had never even heard of before. This was totally new to me. I got to be honest. I thought I had heard the name Momo before, but is that a name that's used for another beast?

So Momo is also the name of a really terrifying image or creature. That's it. And it was called like the Momo challenge. And it went viral because it was basically some weird f***ing internet thing that kids would do like the Momo Challenge where Momo, which if you Google Momo. It just looked like the girl from The Ring but in cartoon form. In like a bird, but a weird bird. No, it was based on an art piece. I think it was maybe done by like a Japanese artist, like this cool.

I mean, it's terrifying to look at. But the idea was that this image, this character was like telling kids, giving kids challenges. And it would be like, you know, go outside, pick a flower that looks like this. And then the last one would be like, kill yourself. Jump off a building. I think it was one of those things that was just like the media just blows shit out of proportion. For sure. I didn't mean for it to go so crazy. It was just like the media just blows shit out of proportion. For sure. I didn't mean for it to go so crazy.

It was just like a fun little thing to do on weekends. You created Momo. No, I didn't. I just – we're going to – let's move past it because I don't want to say anything that I will regret. All I'll say is most of the challenges were pretty fun and then you throw in one as a joke and everyone takes it out of proportion. Yeah. Most of them are like super fun. Like, read me your parents' credit card numbers.

Make sure to dump all of your most valuable possessions outside of this address. Stuff a potato in your dad's exhaust pipe. And then it got turned into this whole PR spin war and I come out looking like the bad guy. All of a sudden my picture is being broadcast on the BBC and they're like, this bird like bug eyed freak is telling kids to do weird shit. It's not fair. Yeah, they're like this hideous computer generated image of a freak who's being used. That's just me.

That's my graduation photo. freak was being used. That's just me. That's my graduation photo. Look, that rounds up today's episode into Momo. It is a double no-no, but thank you so much to Amy Grisdale for researching this week's case, and thank you to Louis Blatherwick

for editing. Guys, as we mentioned, if you want to hear the Dublin Gorilla Man story, if you want to talk to us about Momo in person, there's a way you can do it. We still have tickets available for our TPL UK live tour. Holy crap. We are going to be playing in Belfast and Glasgow. Manchester and London are already sold out.

But check it out if you're in the area, you want to come along if you want to hear a paranormal tale and find out what the dice of death truly are that you need to how do they get tickets kit head on over to thisparanormallife.com forward slash tour to get ticket links to them all um if you missed out on lond Manchester, hard luck, bud. But I would say Belfast and Glasgow are fantastic cities. Am I going to tell you to get on your goddamn bike and travel for once in your life to one of these other cities? Not necessarily,

but there are tickets available for those other shows. And if you really want to make London and Manchester, you know, hop on the waiting list on the D app and who knows a ticket might come up uh but belfast and glasgow tickets are moving fast they are still available check them out it's going to be a great time i should actually psa should say they're probably i've been talking to the venues there may not be on the night venue dependent a separate entrance for people who look like perverts. I've been working really hard to make it happen, but truthfully, I just cannot guarantee that,

because granted, me and Rory's security detail is little Hercules f***ing Billy. Yeah, we have a team of kids. Yeah, at the top of the kid jitsu class, they will be our personal security detail, and they will be on high alert for anyone who looks weird to beat the shit out of them and taser them. We can guarantee they will not have lethal weapons. It has not been legally cleared yet.

But they will have weapons? They will have weapons. They will have a bullwhip and a taser, and we're actually trying out knuckle dusters and nunchucka this week. So they may be trained at the time. With that, Billy's a goddamn natural may be trained at the time with that. Billy's a goddamn natural. He picks up anything just like that. It's crazy.

He sounds dangerous. I'm trying to get clearance with the government to give him ninja stars. I mean, that sounds like a bad idea, right? How old is he, did you say? Three, three and a half. Yeah, and he's actually one of the older members of the class. So he's going to be a head of security.

So just what I would say is don't look too weird, and that's probably the safest way of getting around it. But, hey, I could use this as a big PSA to, you know, why not learn your own defense techniques against Billy? That sounds like a bad idea. Over at kidjitsu.com, sign up to a class, get your black belt, and get your training classes because he's tough. He's really, really tough i and i fought him recently as is well i'm willing to admit it now he beat

the goddamn shit out of me and uh you're not willing to admit it now you've admitted it like four times on this podcast he's very strong it's like the ninja death stars it sounds like more than anything you just want someone to get rid of billy it just feels like it's not about training anymore. He's done security once or twice for us before. And, you know, three and a half year olds are fickle. And he likes Rory more than he likes me. Yeah.

He thinks I look a little weird. Because I come in through the front door looking like a normal person. I just want to be sure that I don't get attacked. So I go through the side door and then he just assumes

that anyone who comes through there is a pervert. Because you called it the pervert door. Getting so blown out of proportion. Just head on over to thispartynormallife.com forward slash tour. Head over to kidjitsu.com to get trained up in kidjitsu.

The best MMA. It's going to be, Billy's going to be dominating the UFC in a couple of years. He probably is. All right. We have to move on. If it sounds too dangerous to attend this Paranormal Life live tour, don't worry.

Don't worry at all. Because there's an easy way that you can get access to additional episodes of this Paranormal Life. And that's on Patreon.com. By signing up with as little as five bucks, you can get access to bonus episodes. We have another weekly show that we do every Friday called The After Party. And there's a ton of cool rewards. We have a collector's coin made of actual gold and silver.

We are doing raffles where we give away genuine paranormal artifacts used on this paranormal life. And of course, you can also earn yourself a custom shout out at the end of the podcast, which is what we're going to do right now. Let's go. Thank you so much to Charlotte Johnson Walker. Charlotte Johnson is a walker. Doesn't matter what's happening. Doesn't matter if she's in a relay race.

Doesn't matter if she is trying to escape from a serial killer. Walks. Doesn't matter if she's at the altar about to get married she's gonna walk that's the only time you should be you should you should walk then right not away from the altar when they ask you do you do you i do she walks out that's a baller move i love it i do not walks away what thank you to you to Megan E. Dennis. Megan E. Dennis is an E-menace.

That's right. She is sending spam emails. She is trying to steal people's credit card information. She is an E-criminal. We tried to email her just to say thanks for the Patreon subscription.

And my bank accounts were cleared. F***. Dropped to zero. That's mad. no sorry i'm just checking again um she no that wasn't her she just replied saying you're welcome my bank accounts were zero oh they were already one of them's in the negative pretty bad too actually so so you're just in debt so that's nothing to do with her yeah i might need some cash from you

that was a funny little laugh to kind of belize the fact that you were being serious Yeah, so that's nothing to do with her. Yeah, I might need some cash from you. That was a funny little laugh to kind of belize the fact that you were being serious. It's just like, oh man, I'm going to need some money. Hoo-wee! I need money now. They'll break my legs. Because people were literally reading out the names of the people who are supporting us financially. We have to move on. Thank you so much to Noah Vandenbosch.

Noah, do you know a way I can get my hands on some easy cash? Because there are some men out there that will break my legs. They will break my legs, Noah. This is distasteful because people have literally already paid us and that's why we're shutting them out. Of course, yeah. So he is like, they're giving us money. Yes.

More, Noah? More? Because what you've given simply isn't enough. Not necessarily. Okay, that's rude. I'll sell you my teeth, Noah. Thank you to Emma Winkworth. Emma Wink, how much are you worth?

Is it a lot? All right. Because I need cash. I'm seeing you're kind of one-track minded. Yeah, and I don't want to like... It feels like you've just realized you're in debt, and Emma is not the person to turn to. Just from a professional standpoint, that's a bad thing to do. like you've just realized you're in debt and emma is not the person to turn to just because she just

from a professional standpoint that's a bad thing to do yeah and i don't want like everyone's message to be the same they're supposed to be personal message yeah so emma emma how much do you spend a week is it a lot because daddy needs money emma i need i'll sell you my teeth I think we just I've still got a few left Weird thing to Sorry You told me they got pulled For having holes in them Thank you to

There's a hole in my F***ing wallet That's why they got pulled Stop spending money then Thank you to Comrade Alan Comrade Alan Come right out And say it then

Punk Drop a pin Oh Fight me Ding ding Unless you are located Far away Because I can't afford a flight Come right out and say it then. Punk, drop a pin. Oh! Fight me. Ding, ding. Unless you are located far away, because I can't afford a flight. But maybe Kit can.

Maybe Kit can. So if you drop a pin, Kit will be there at least. And he might bring Billy. So better watch out. Thank you to Heather. Heather can control the weather. But only by like a tiny amount. So if it's like sunny, she can make it like a little hotter it's hard to tell sometimes sometimes it doesn't change at all so it doesn't change

shit well she can tweak it a little bit so if it's like if it's a blizzard coming down she'll be like check this out and then it'll maybe get sometimes get a little heavier this is not or not this is not a power. I'm sorry to say. She didn't make the X-Men, but she's on backup just in case, just in case they need her.

Thank you to Edward Louie. Ed the Fed. He goes through life doing everything as if he's a federal agent. No one has the heart to break it to him. He just isn't.

He's currently a sandwich artist in Subway, but he does it with the f***ing efficiency and motivation of a federal agent. Yeah, even at two years old, he was like kicking down doors, being like, freeze, I'm going to have to confiscate some booby milk.

And it's like, just, no. How are you saying so many words? You're a baby. Where'd you get those sunglasses? His dad was like, oh, got your nose, Eddie. Got your nose. Father, you were in possession of contraband. You were in possession of federal contraband.

Talking into his milk bottle. We got an M41, confiscated police equipment. The nose is missing. I repeat, the nose is missing. Over. Thank you to Jamie Matthews. Come on down to Jamie Matthews bathrooms. We got every type of bathroom you could do with.

We got... How many kinds are there? Big kinds, little kinds, cardboard boxes. That's just a little joke. We have ones with toilets, without toilets, with sinks, without sinks. Some of them are just rooms. Okay, not a bathroom then. What are the ones without toilets?

Where would you go to the bathroom? In the shower. If you just need to urinate or I don't really need to get into the technical biological details of it all, but you can technically do everything you need to do down a shower drain. I insist we move on. This does not sound like a place that sells bathrooms. It sounds like a building with a shower in it. Thank you to Devin Putman.

Come on down to Devin Putman's putt putt. Man, it's mini golf, but big. So it's not mini then? It's borderline huge. It's a regular golf. But like mini. So it's like, you know, mini golf. The courses are like small.

They're small, right? That's the whole point of them is they're so tiny. If it were mini golf, but it's like, you know, mini golf. The courses are like small. They're small, right? That's the whole point of them is they're so f***ing tiny. If it were mini golf, but it's huge. It's enormous. It's borderline too big. Like you can't even see the hole. Okay. It's overwhelmingly large.

We use comically oversized drivers. You're going to have a good time. Thank you to Joe Morrison. Jay Maury lives in a quarry. You know, some people like the seaside. Some people like the countryside, some people like, I don't know, astronauts like space or whatever. He likes rocks. I don't think you say astronauts like space. I think it's their profession that they are up there.

I mean, I'm sure they don't do that face. Don't do that face. I guess they do like space. I'm sorry. I called you. I was a bit too harsh on you there. I'm sure they like space. Yeah.

That's why they spend so much time there. And this person lives in a quarry. I'm sorry. I called you. I was a bit too harsh on you there. I'm sure they like space. Yeah. That's why they spend so much time there. And this person lives in a quarry. Mm-hmm. Do they like it? Yeah, they love it. They like... Why else would they be there? I don't know.

Why the hell would anyone be where they don't want to be? Just be... If you like rocks, Joe. I'm here now. Okay. He just likes rocks from the quarry? Likes sleeping on them. Likes eating them. Likes drinking them. Okay. He just likes rocks from the quarry? Likes sleeping on them, likes eating them, likes drinking them. Okay.

Likes everything to do with rocks. This might be a cryptid. Thank you to Joe Interante. Joe, there's no rhyme scheme here. Do you just know where a guy can get some scratch around here? Because I just looked down and Rory's not wearing shoes, I just realized. So I guess this money situation is dire that's why I'm asking so bluntly it's I mean it's bad if Kit is having to ask on my behalf

um ironically I didn't have shoes when I had money oh so that that's not an indication of how hobbit feet as well yeah because I'm ready for an adventure at any time. The only thing I don't have is Hobbit gold. Did they have gold? I didn't read the books. Thank you to Kina G. Make sure to pick up a can of Kina G's energy. Kina invented their own brand of energy drink, which is like 12 Red Bulls compressed into a f***ing Tic Tac. Jesus.

That sounds like an illegal drug. Yeah, I guess it's not really a drink now that I think about it. Because when she gave it to me, she was like, here it is. And like, put it down and like crushed it up into like a little powder. And we like formed a line and snorted it. Okay. So this is not an energy drink. And also, can I just ask how much it costs?

Because I'm starting to see where your money might be going. No, no, no. I'm barely addicted to them. So you are addicted. Barely, though. Thank you to Amanda Smith. Amanda Smith, I have a surplus of this f***ing powder that you can put in a line and it's like an energy drink. You're going to want some of it, honestly.

It's like a lot of Red Bulls. But instead of drinking them, they're drugs. Amanda Smith is actually a pretty famous blacksmith as well. Known for smithing tools, swords, hammers. Nice. She makes hammers with hammers.

Kind of ironic. If you're ever looking for Amanda Smith, Amanda Smith, why not Amanda? Who isn't a man. Who might be a woman. Thank you, lastly,

but not leastly today, to Brandon Ray. Brandon Ray Gunn, zap zap. Obviously known for creating his own type of sci-fi weaponry, which, yes, we have deployed to all of the young recruits at Kid Jitsu, the Kid Jitsu dojo. So you might be seeing some of those those ray guns in action at this paranormal life live shows it is actually a pretty interesting way we've managed to finance the whole kid jitsu program is that the government pays us to test weapons we'll get the kids to test the

weapons really i guess if you look at it that way but yeah it's a it's not a joke it's just the fact it's true so um you know the good thing is as well is if a kid is, you know, hit by one of the weapons that we are talking about now, a stun gun, a metal pole, you know, there's problems. The parents get involved, you know, there's all these legal issues. Kid gets hit with a ray gun, he turns to dust. You open a window, problem solved. So, the with a ray gun. He turns to dust. You open a window. Problem solved. So the parents still ask questions, but what are they going to do?

Trevor who? Kit, do we have a Trevor here? I don't think we got a Trevor. It's so dark. I'm pretty sure Trevor walked home with Billy earlier on. It's like I have a dash cam and I have a video of me dropping off. Zap him! Zap him, kid!

Come here, you little... It's like a f***ing laser from Halo. The parents are ducking for cover. Get back here! It takes two hours to recharge. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the podcast. I hope you enjoyed our investigation into Momo. I'm distracting the parents while Rory is charging a laser cannon in the back of the room.

There's like 60 pieces I have to assemble. Nothing! So as you can see here, these are just some of the facilities we use. The parent steps to the side and blasts a hole through my chest. I'm coming, Trevor. I'm coming. Trevor's waiting in heaven to beat the shit out of you. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the podcast.

We'll be back Tuesday with a brand new episode. We'll be back Friday for the after party. And we will be, of course, supplying you with your bonus episode this month. Thank you for listening. We'll see you next week. Ciao. Bye bye.

Who's that coming up the hill? Yeah, don't be scared. It's a dad squad. You can run, but you can't hide. Breaking the law to enforce the law. Dad squad. Just some dads with a couple of guns. Keeping their community safe and fun.

Some are married, some are divorced. And some of these dads don't have kids at all. Because you don't need kids to be a dad you don't have to have a penis or even be a man you just need to leave our genes and to be a little drunk yeah it's a dad squad it's a dad squad vigilante justice in a pickup truck yeah it's a dad squad it's a dad squad dad squad It's the Dad Squad. It's the Dad Squad. Dad Squad.