This Paranormal Life - #276 The Gateshead Grey - That Time an Alien was Killed with a Shovel

Episode Date: August 16, 2022

When we think about the many battles that have taken place between humans and aliens, we typically think about ray guns, laser beams and spaceships firing death canons... but back in the 1940's, a much more 'hands-on' battle took place. What did these mysterious visitors want? Was it really an alien or did the locals of Gateshead actually kill a small man? Time to investigate... VOTE FOR THIS PARANORMAL LIFE IN THE IRISH PODCAST AWARDShttps://www.theirishpodcastawards.ie/vote/Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! -  thisparanormallife.com/storeMedium articlehttps://medium.com/truly-adventurous/project-poltergeist-745f2d498849Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityAdvertise on This Paranormal Life via Gumball.fmResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis BlatherwickIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do kangaroos hop instead of run? How can a potato power a clock? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Hello everyone and welcome to This Paranormal Life, the number one podcast in the world. We are... We have the most listeners.

We have the most listeners we have the most uh weapons we have so if anyone wants to try and take us on that'd be my guest uh we have an army of listeners who they don't know it but at our live shows we put a chip in their head and with a button he can activate them like child soldiers this is a lot this is a lot uh also i think joe rogan has a bigger army a bigger army does he yes so you're saying that he's caught more than 14 at his disposal 14 000 no 14 well i listened a few times so you could probably knock that down to like 11. Are you being serious? Yeah, things have not been going well. I don't know if you've been looking up how we're doing online, but basically numbers have been going down. Dear listeners, greetings.

So glad of you to join us. Don't leave. Don't leave. Don't stop listening. To all 11 of you out there, you might want to start training because you've got to fight on your hands. Because we're going to need you to take on some armies real soon. Of course, I'm kidding. Guys, believe it or not, I'm actually in great spirits today because we're recording this episode of the podcast on my birthday.

Wait, what? Yeah, it's my birthday today. It's your birthday. Yes, dude. Yeah, it's my birthday today. It's your birthday! Yeah, man! Yes, dude! Yes! Yeah, dude, I knew that, too. Yeah, it's pretty awesome recording it.

Really? You're recording a podcast on your birthday? Yeah, man. Well, like, hey, where would I rather be than with my best buddy Kit and with all of our 11 listeners loyally here on the pod? That's cool. That's cool. So, did you plan, like like a birthday party or anything? No, I just wanted to like come over and hang out and stuff.

So like when I came in the house, your wife said like happy birthday. I said hi to baby Cora and stuff. And I came up here and like I was like I know Kit's got something planned. It's got like a present or something. You know it. Because you always go crazy for the presents. So I was like, you know what? Can you do it?

And then we started recording and I was like, this crazy dude is going to give me my present. Oh, you bet. Live on the podcast. This is nuts, man. Yeah, you know me. Which is crazy. And if you want all of our listeners to know what I'm getting for my birthday from you, it's got to be something crazy.

Nah, nah, nah. It's got to be something nuts. So I guess like, do you want to do it now or should i close my eyes uh nah okay i'll count to three all right let's get to the interval let's count to three one two hey oh happy Yes. Now, you said I went crazy with the presents. Was I right or what? Yeah, this is nuts, man. You get iPhone. This is the AirPods.

Do you have some of those? Well, I do, but I don't have these ones. Oh, hell yeah. These are the noise canceling ones, those V2s. You know it. You know it, dude. Hey, how much do I love you? They're a little scuffed up inside the

little uh dirty there's some wax on the inside of the ones tweaking there's no wax that's probably stuff they put on there to keep them lubed up or something i don't know uh i don't think i hope you like them hope you like them hope you like them no i do they did warn me i think the case may be dead uh the battery on the pods themselves, though, should be A-OK. Yeah, it just popped up on my iPad, trying to connect to Kit's AirPods. I need to go back to the store and ask them about that one. So that's weird. They must have automatically linked it up with my account.

They just saw me coming, and they were like, let's just sync it up to his account. I'll get that figured out in the back end. Don't talk to them, though. Don't ask them about a warranty. I could have gone to the store and just like... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't ask what the...

They said, I went, they said, coronavirus shipping times, they're out of warranties. But that aside, happy birthday, dude. Thank you, man. Thank you.

Thank you for the gift. And I'm not joking. Where else would I rather be than in the studio right now hosting a new episode of This Paranormal Life a beach maybe sure

but you know maybe I'll go there after take the new airpods for a spin I do have yeah I have plans

I have plans this afternoon and you need the airpods it's a long drive and if I could just borrow them for like three hours three hours

I'll get them back to you borrowing them at all is weird you you I thought you gave them to me I thought they were my gift it's not a short drive it's a long drive it's a very very long three hours yeah and I need them because I got a lot of important phone calls to make and actually not that important errands but a bunch of errands to run uh it sounds like you don't need the airpods then it sounds like you just have to do errands we could take one each how about that I don't need the AirPods then. It sounds like you just have to do errands. We could take one each. How about that? I don't think that's how they work.

I don't think that's how they work at all. We could agree to, if we just agree to listen to my shit, and you just listen to that through one ear. It's just me listening to all of your phone calls? Yeah, yeah, I ditched him. Yeah, I said I had to do errands. Yeah, I told him they were called share pods and he believed me. He said best friends wore them. I get one and he gets one. F***ing dumbass. I said 50 reminders to remind me

it was his birthday. The information just won't stay. My brain just knows it's useless information. That's enough joking at the start of the podcast. Look, you know that we're here today to investigate a brand new paranormal tale and that's what we're to do. Before we dive into this week's episode, I'm going to give you a little PSA, folks. And this is to our listeners and to you, Kit. This week's episode is wild. Make it to nuts. Let's dive in. Today's story begins in Gateshead, just across the River Tyne from Newcastle. The year was the 1940s, and although I don't know the exact date, I've read that it was a sunny day, which in the Northeast pretty much narrows it down to a handful of days in the height of summer. Robert Hall was five years old, and like a lot of inner-city kids from 80 years ago,

he was allowed to play out in the street with no supervision. Him and his friends would spend their evenings roaming the neighborhood, exploring the rows of red brick terraces. Oh yeah, that's back when kids got to be kids. Yeah. I mean, even back in the 90s, we were running shit. I mean, my parents, I had quote unquote screen time, which was whenever when I was allowed to watch TV or play video games, which went till about 8 a.m. and then

screen time came back on at like 9 p.m. an hour before I had to go to bed. I was going to say that's surely your entire waking day as a child. So essentially they were just after you had your sugar loaded cereal. My parents were like, all right, go have fun. Kick you out the front door. And yeah, he just roamed about the neighborhood, skateboarding, playing games. I mean, that's it. We didn't mind because despite our age, we were running a borderline bozozuku,

Japanese biker gang on the streets of Port Sturt. Just leather jackets, rally bicycles. Oh yeah. It's quite funny. I feel like I'm close to being one of those old people who is like, back in my day, we didn't have TikTok, Snapchat. We didn't even have a cell phone. But this is where I go, it fucking sucked. I wish I had all that shit. That stuff's amazing. It was a different time for sure and it's it's definitely a bugbear of mine i hear parents say all the time like oh such a shame like we just love to let our kids leave the house but uh can't do it these days too many uh too many dangerous people around

it's like no it was dangerous back then you just didn't know it yeah people were just ignorant your child was raised in Vice City. You thought he was safe, but he was ganking Ferraris on the strip. Well, look, the kids at this point were having a great time, playing outside, running around the neighborhood. But this day was one that would actually change their lives forever. In the middle of all the fun, Robert noticed something in the sky. A distant ball of light zooming around in random directions.

He didn't say anything. He just watched as the object darted back and forth above them. Come on, Robert! We're going to be late! Robert snapped back to his friends. The zooming ball he had seen overhead was soon forgotten as they continued their walk through the estate. But Robert must not have been the only one to see the ball. As they turned a corner, they heard the sound of boots stomping on the pavement.

What's going on? They turned a corner to reveal a long line of soldiers marching through the streets, heading in one direction. Whoa. Something was going on. Now, I did say that this was sometime in the 1940s. There was a war going on, possibly. Oh, I thought you said it was 1940. Oh, but you're saying it was in the 40s. In the 1940s.

Oh, okay. So there's a good chance that the World War was happening. Yes, I believe at this time we were still fighting Germany. So maybe at this point seeing soldiers roaming about in the streets marching wasn't actually that weird a thing. Right, or explosions in the sky. Still not that weird. It would still probably freak me out a little bit. I've mentioned on this podcast before that the closest experience I've had to something like this is when my action man

walkie talkie started picking up police radio signals. That was pretty close to hearing soldiers in my neighborhood. What a sheltered life. We told people we had a biker gang. I'm like unpacking these radios being like, these new radios are so cool. It says on the box that Action Man himself will call you and give you missions to complete. All units, please respond. We've got a triple homicide.

Subject is on the run. I repeat, all units respond. You got it. Okay. Subject is on the run. I repeat, all units for spawn. You got it. Okay. On my little bike. Ling, ling, ling. Robert and his friends watched the soldiers for a while before deciding to call it a day and head home for dinner.

As Robert left his friends and headed home, he rounded a corner, and in front of him was something he couldn't believe. There was an odd mist in the air in front of him. It was as if there was a wall of static. A wall of static? Yeah. He just entered a goddamn TV in the middle of tuning. It seemed the way he describes it is literally like a barrier of white.

Holy moly. In front of him. He slowly continued to walk forward as he approached the front of this mist wall. It was almost like a barrier between the real world and this bizarre blurry world. I mean, people always say you should go towards the light. They don't mention the static. The giant mist wall. That's up for debate, right? Yeah. I mean, static makes it sound like it's gray. If you see the light, go towards it.

If you see the infinite black, don't go towards it. But if it's gray, I don't know what to do. Yeah. It's a gray spot, literally. I always did find that confusing when they were like, hey, if you die, go towards the light. You know what else is pretty bright? Fire. Fire and brimstone, my friend. So just be careful that you're heading towards a holy, glowing, angelic light and not the light from a thousand souls being burned alive.

And when you're this young, it's sometimes hard to tell the difference. I mean, is it possible as well? I mean, we don't know what it would look like to so many paranormal journeys we've seen over the course of this paranormal life, whether it's a time slip in Liverpool or whether it's, I don't know, going through the wardrobe to Narnia. What does it actually look like to do that? Maybe it is walking through a giant wall of static yeah i mean this is already off to a cool start because i don't know if we've ever had any kind of wall like this in a paranormal story at least at least what's uh seems to be on track to be a ufo case uh this is really strange absolutely honestly i'd have a little peek inside can i just put my face

in and have a little look and then decide if I want to go fully in or is it like you commit to it? Right, and then you're stuck. Neo touching the mirror type thing. The mist goes in your body and next thing you're in a goo pod. Yeah, or do you have to Super Mario 64 style

wahoo backflip through the mist? Let's find out. Robert took a deep breath and through the mist. Let's find out. Robert took a deep breath and entered the mist. Once he was through the threshold... Good to take a deep breath. You don't know if there's oxygen in the mist. We don't know anything on the other side of the mist.

Once he was through the threshold, he claimed that he saw a group of figures silhouetted in the distance. Maybe 20 or so crowded together was it the soldiers from before no they looked different they were next to an enormous egg-shaped object surrounded by a halo of light maybe heaven keep keep your fists cocked because we're not quite sure if we're in a demon world or heaven just yet. There's no pearly gates.

But be careful. Don't want to punch an angel. That'll get you sent downstairs. Now, look, I know that this is pretty dramatic and pretty wild. You obviously are going to be a little bit skeptical, believing me as the person telling this story. But what about Robert himself? You know, when you look through a fire, and it's wobbly? Well, that seemed to be the barrier. All you could see is the railway, because we didn't see it till we got through this barrier.

It was under these horrible creatures, and they got a hold of it. They took both along, and the horrible looking thing, it was about 18 or 19 creatures, the horrible looking things, there was about 80 and 90 creatures, the horrible looking things. Can you describe what they looked like? Well, there was one.

Now you're going to take the mic. One was like Bigfoot. Very tall. The others were small. I told you things are going to move pretty fast today. The horrible ones. One had like a diver's mask on him. Whoa. And one of the creatures's mask on him. Whoa.

And one of the creatures was very good looking. Look. One of the aliens. But he had long hair. Like you. This guy's a fan too. A bit longer than yours.

And I said, well, you can examine me. And I went in the capsule. Pretty crazy stuff, right? What the f*** is going on? This is what I'm saying. This case is so bizarre we're not even talking about like one little gray that was like scuttling behind the craft

he stumbled onto a paranormal picnic bigfoot is there the f**king nordic gray is chilling there there's like all these little ant people roaming around i love how there's like no easy way to tell these stories he's like you're not gonna believe this and you're gonna take the mick out of me. Bigfoot was there. He was f***ing there. Don't you f***ing even

smile at that, alright? Because he was there and I smelt him. They were horrible looking fellas. Disgusting. Except for one guy who was gorgeous.

He was a 10 for sure. Fabio was there. I got a lot of respect for Robert. Like, as you can tell, I believe he's still alive to this day and he can recite this entire story with immaculate detail and even in his older age now he stands by every claim and every part of this story and as you just saw you know he like a lot of people who go through something crazy like this they're like look you're gonna take the piss out of me you're gonna laugh but i'm not gonna change what i saw because that defeats the purpose of me retelling this story this is what you get from

uh a story from the north of england like this listen northerners whether that's in game of thrones or in england yeah they're a no-nonsense, working-class people. They don't f*** about. They haven't got time for make-believe fairy tales, Rory. This young man lived through the war. You think he's going to be wasting our time telling us a story that he just fabricated? No. It's true.

And I like that he's obviously told it enough and he's in good enough spirits that he doesn't mind people. He's obviously had people joking about it and making fun of it his entire life. But he's still just like, hey, I'm still going to tell the story because I think it really happened. I like that description of, you know, when fire makes the air wobble, it was like that. Super cool, right? I mean, that's a very vivid description

because I think we were kind of struggling to envision what this mist wall was, this wobbly mist wall. But he did a pretty good job of describing it. Absolutely. I'm not imagining the movie Annihilation. Did you see that one? Yes.

Yeah, I did. Actually, that's a great description. Yeah. Because wasn't that it? It was basically this. It was a wobbly barrier that was expanding and expanding. I had to send researchers into it. Yeah. A lot of the creatures that he mentioned, we have heard of before or seen before. Yeah, weird, right?

But it seems like they're all kind of piling together in one group and he's managed to meet them all at the same time. Maybe there's some sort of Avengers style team up. It was as if he's listened to every episode of this paranormal life. We heard from Bigfoot. We heard from what sounded like a Nordic gray or something. Yeah. I don't know what the diver one was, but it's believable to be some kind of cryptid. I do actually have one artist's interpretation of what he saw based on the descriptions that Robert gave. So take a little look. I would love to. At this. This is an artist's interpretation. This is like Basquiat went through the void and came back and made a masterpiece. I mean, this is a real, genuine artist's interpretation.

I think it's for sale. You can buy it online. It's an art piece. It's quite cool. I mean, if there's any particularly minted listeners to This Paranormal Life, maybe you should check it out if you're an art collector slash paranormal enthusiast.

I appreciate what they're trying to do as well. This isn't like a... It obviously wouldn't do Robert's story justice to do a well this isn't like a it obviously wouldn't do robert's story justice to do a like hd 4k pencil drawing sure um like a police style sketching he's painting in broad strokes here to create the wobbly effect and we can clearly see a very terrifying bigfoot who looks somewhere between a monkey and the babadook. Then it's tiny gray, which is very funny. And then a diver. Yeah, the scuba mask.

From the Beatles' yellow submarine. And then lastly on the right, seemingly out of nowhere, Marvel's Doctor Doom staring down the camera. It does look like Doctor... It looks like if you got a Doctor Doom action figure and melted it with a lighter. And that's essentially what we're left with. A very bizarre combination.

And honestly, not what you want. If you are Robert at this age, choose one. Choose one of those people and say that you saw it. Because it's going to be hard enough to say you saw Bigfoot in a mist wall, let alone the f***ing Babadook, an alien ray, and a submarine man. This is intense. But again, he swears by the story and we're only, believe it or not, getting started in today's case. and we're only, believe it or not, getting started in today's case. Robert says he was grabbed by one of the creatures as the others approached him.

Even though they looked insane, they spoke to him in perfect English with no discernible accent. They weren't northern? Nope. They simply said, We are looking for information. Robert is five. Robert is five years old. He can tell you what time Barney comes on and his

favorite flavor of juice. You should not have grabbed this boy. He doesn't know what time it is. He doesn't know what day it is. Robert said, The year's 1940 and we're at war with Germany. What else would you like to know?

But that wasn't the answer the creatures were looking for. The next thing Robert knew, he was being dragged onto the egg-like craft with all of the creatures. Okay, wrong answer. Whatever the right answer was, he didn't give it. Once inside, Robert was told to hang his head and keep it low. If you lift your head up, you'll be killed instantly. What the f***? Maybe that wasn't a threat.

Maybe they were like, Right, the gravity. Six dudes got decapitated because of the Mordon. The swing's by here, keep your head low. The Mordon is just a broken ceiling fan. Yeah. Sorry, we really need to get that fixed.

Robert was understandably frightened as these monstrous creatures poked and prodded him all over while another drew blood from the back of his neck. I'm just imagining all four of them just poking him. Hmm? Hmm? What do you think of that? Hmm? Eventually, the

doors of the craft opened and dumped Robert back onto the streets, dazed and confused. What did this achieve? What did this achieve? They got some blood from his neck, I think. And they poked him around a little bit. They found out there was a war going on.

War should be self-evident without having to abduct a five-year-old boy. Also, I think one of y'all could have done this. You didn't need to get Bigfoot involved to take a five-year-old into an egg. I like the idea that, you know, in this kind of panoply of paranormal creatures, maybe Bigfoot is like the Earth guide. He's like Chewbacca. He's like the Wookiee from earth.

He's like, all right, Han, I'm going to take you down to the home planet. Show you around, show the important stuff. I'm going to be your translator, your man on the ground.

Eat this. Don't eat that. I'll take you to the people you need to talk to because otherwise, why is Bigfoot hanging out with alien greys? Unless he's like the muscle, like you can just hire him to, to be just like, stand there and look menacingly. So it's like, are you going can just hire him to be just like stand there and look menacingly

so it's like are you going to get on the craft or do we have to get Bigfoot involved he's like no I'm coming I'm coming alright fine okay I'm moving when Robert got home that evening he tried to tell his parents what had happened but of course they wouldn't believe him so he went to bed

hoping that tomorrow it would all be over with. But the next day, the family awoke to a knocking on the front door. Robert heard his mother downstairs greeting a stranger. A low rumbling of a man's voice drifted up the stairs. He, get down here right now. He put on some clothes and headed downstairs. Robert, did you trample this man's flower bed? Robert looked outside and saw two tall men dressed in neat dark suits. Uh-oh. He'd never seen these men before in his life. We know where this is bloody going. Oh, hold on.

My bread's ready. Excuse me. Robert, while I'm gone, you better apologize to these two men. It's the very British scene. Hold on. The kettle's just boiled, and me bag is in mash is going to burn.

The second his mother turned her back, the men's smiles faded. Listen to me, you little shit. You didn't see anything yesterday. Understand? Oh, my Lord. He is five. He is five years old. These men do not need to show up and intimidate him.

I assume he's holding onto his blanky bottle of milk in his hand and they're like, if you say a word to any other government agents, you will be destroyed. He's like, I don't know what this is. I still think Santa's real. If you even think of going to the Russians, your bedtime bunny has f***ing had it.

It's had it. Robert nodded. The men smiled and strolled away. Believe it or not, this wasn't the end of Robert's story. Maybe he was marked when he was on that craft. Maybe they didn't get enough of that sweet child blood from the back of his neck. No one said it was sweet. But for whatever reason, he was marked all right.

Three days after the incident, Robert had been sent to the newspaper shop early that morning to pick up his father's paper. Robert knew the way there like the back of his hand. It was only a couple minutes walk, but he couldn't help and stare at the point in the road where he'd been abducted by the strange creatures only three days ago. I mean, it's brave of him to go out and walk these streets alone, knowing what had just happened to him three days earlier. That's that childlike optimism. Yeah, you're like, that can't happen again. No way.

As he reached the back streets, he glanced left and right to make sure there was nothing coming. But Robert froze dead on the spot. In front of him, looked like a grey creature in the distance, running at him full pelt. Oh, God. Run, Robert. Run. He couldn't believe it. Was he dreaming?

Maybe this was a flashback or a memory from three days earlier. But dream or not, this little thing was racing towards him. There's no time to think. Which is f***ing scary because we've done a lot of paranormal UFO cases But when have we ever seen Not once did they sprint A grey run That is a terrifying thought

Yeah man it was like I think we've talked about it before What was the first zombie movie Where the zombies could run And that revolutionized The world of zombie movies everybody was like nah yeah this is too scary too spooky yeah i'm imagining that three foot gray running like tom cruise and or the t2000 robert squealed and took off running turning a quick corner and stumbling over a curb

this thing was small but it was fast. He ran through the estate, trying to find anyone who would help him. As luck would have it, Robert's old uncle, Ernie, happened to be out in a backyard when he heard the boys screaming. He popped his head over the fence and saw his baby nephew being chased by this strange creature. He raced over to help Robert, grabbing whatever was nearby as a weapon. As Robert rounded the corner, passing his uncle, Ernie swung a heavy shovel, smashing the creature in the head as it rounded the corner.

Get his ass. It sank to the ground like a lead balloon. World star! Crumpling to the floor. They had it coming. They had it coming. They had it coming. This is crazy. There is a Looney Tunes wacky races scene playing out before us,

but a deadly one of a paranormal nature. I mean, it's kind of crazy to see alien human combat, unquote taking place at this level recently we had an episode which was the mantel ufo incident which was basically a u.s fighter jet in a dog fight against an unidentified flying object that sounds cool and real and official this is an uncle hitting an alien with a shovel in the face this is a different this is on the this is boots on the ground combat you know this is that unk combat get them unk which you know inevitably would happen if aliens invaded the world our world you know in the movies all we see is like the space fights and laser guns and stuff. And the authorities getting involved.

It would get to a point after a couple months where you're just fist fighting greys in a dive bar. They've come up a lot recently. I'm not just throwing it in there for the sake of it, but it's a borderline dad squad initiative to combat the local paranormal threats. For real. Just hopping in your pickup truck and seeing how many you can hit on the way to the liquor store. Is it legal? No. But did it save little Robert's life?

Potentially. No. I mean, potentially. Sure. I don't know the rest of the story. Well, you're about to hear it. It's like his uncle threw the shovel to the side, looked down on the ground.

It was Robert. He hit Robert. He missed. I mean, attacking a creature like this with a shovel is great because you don't only have the weapon, you've got the tool to hide the body. It's a Swiss army knife of murder. The only way it could have been faster is if you killed the grey with a body bag.

If you just zipped him into a body bag alive and buried him there was an amazing kind of documentary put together by i believe a man called richplanet.net and this is where we actually got the interviews with robert from ah i see he actually went to the exact place where all of this took place, interviewed Robert and got Robert to like walk him through the different locations, including the exact corner where Robert's uncle whacked this alien with a shovel. The alien hit the ground so hard you can still see his face print in the concrete. Yeah, there's a radioactive scar burnt into the pavement.

Absolutely incredible. Robert's uncle, Ernie Wren, had killed the creature with a coal shovel. This is the precise spot where the alien was hit over the head with the shovel. Boosh! He properly goes for it. 20 minutes later, according to Robert, a vehicle took the dead creature's body to a place where it could be hidden until authorities were informed.

According to him, the hiding place was underneath St Cuthbert's church on Bensham Road, about half a mile from here. You just buried him. You didn't hide him, you buried him. He said there were steps at the back of the church which led underneath, down which the alien was taken and then stored for three months. I'm just standing now at the top of the steps by the side of the church where the alien was taken. I'm just going to go down the steps.

Hello? I'm just going to go down the steps. Hello. That's a little chamber which is about, let's say about 12 feet by 8 feet. And we're just, we're underneath the floor of the church here. If you can see this.

An ideal place to store a dead alien. All right, I got to pause it right there. No one has ever described a room before as a great place to store a dead alien. If someone says that to you, if a real estate agent says that to you when you're looking at a property, turn the f*** around. Oh my God. They couldn't have picked a weirder place to store this thing under the floorboards of an old church? It is something we have seen in stories before.

I can't remember it off the top of my head, but in at least one episode of This Paranormal Life, an alien has been given a Christian burial. That's true, yeah. Because people don't know what to do with them i guess if you are dealing with something that in your very sheltered life feels evil bringing it to a church is maybe a good thing to do but it's dead it's from the description it sounds like he killed it with a shovel he didn didn't just knock it out. He properly like hammered it like a nail.

I like the idea of Rory being the authorities here. Like, please. And just because you lived a very sheltered life, don't assume that it's an evil being. Or like, it's just in here. Holy, burn it, burn it, send it to hell. It's just so hideous and evil looking. This is like a f***ed up real world version of E.T., the extraterrestrial.

Where a little gray came to Earth. We killed it with a shovel and buried it under a church. We didn't try and get it home. We were so scared of it. It's like the viral tweet we've mentioned before. It's like if I had seen E.T. as a child, we would have killed it with hammers. I could tell you that much. Can you imagine thinking that you had killed this thing,

you dragged it under the church, and then that Sunday you and your family are there, you know, attending the sermon, and the priest is like, Welcome all to the service. We will be studying chapters Mark through John 1-5. You see her under the floorboards? Wait around a minute.

Now all please rise and join us as we sing a local hymn. Quiet at the back. Quiet at the back. You guys hear something? No, I think it's I just love the Lord so much. Robert's sweating.

I just love the Lord so much. Sometimes I it's a braggaroon. There's sweating. I just love the Lord so much. Sometimes I, it's a braggaroon. It's a braggaroon. There's laser bullets firing up through the floorboards like a Western saloon. Pew, pew. Yeah.

The alien bursts through a stained glass window. The crowd screams and disperses. The priest doesn't know what's doing. He has risen. Yeah. Interesting choice for sure. But in fairness i don't know if i would know where to take the corpse of an alien yeah it sounds like uh look i don't think they

really brought it here because of the fact that it was a church i think this was just a secluded area that robert and his uncle knew about where they could take this thing until they knew what to do with it, basically. I don't know if I'm taking it anywhere. I feel like I'm calling the police and leaving it where I saw it. There's a war going on, kid. We're trying to fight the Germans.

You know, I think. I don't remember which one this was or what was going on. We were trying to fight someone. The boys got enough on their plate. Boys? The boys. The soldiers got enough on their plate boys the boys the soldiers got enough on their plate i think without telling them they need to clear some space on their plate because

this is a priority if anything i think we should also tell the germans and this might actually unite us as one force in the years following the incident was swept under the rug completely and robert is really the only one who's come forward in the last few years. Of course, something to look out for. Has he made any money from telling this story? No. If anything, as we saw, he's been laughed at and ridiculed. Judging by the production value of the documentary you showed me, I don't think there was a big paycheck for starring in that one. I don't think there was a paycheck at all.

Now, of course, one of the problems with his story is that he really doesn't have any concrete proof that these events took place. I was going to say, we're kind of large. I mean, I'll be honest. I was surprised that Unk turned up at all. I thought we were going to be stuck with one person's testimony. Yeah, unfortunately, Uncle Ernie is no longer with us. So even in the documentary, they weren't able

to reach out to him for a comment. I will say the closest thing that Robert did have was a perfectly symmetrical triangular mark imprinted on his face that stayed with him from the age of 5 to 13 before it disappeared completely. Jesus Christ. Kind of weird. But again, it's gone. We don't have pictures of it, you know? Again, there was a war.

We were thinking about other things. We weren't photographing children at the time. Between 1941 and 1945, if you told your parents you saw Bigfoot and he branded you with a hot iron, they would say, shut up and go get us some provisions. Yeah, if you tell them you saw Bigfoot, they just ask, was he German? And if you say no, they don't care. They would say, that was a German sniper in a ghillie suit. It's a miracle you're alive.

That was a German sniper in a ghillie suit. It's a miracle you're alive. One thing we can do is talk about other paranormal UFO cases that took place around this area. To establish a pattern, if you will. Yeah. A soldier based at Cresswell, Northumberland in 1942 claimed that they witnessed a large disc over the sea before he was hit by a yellow beam of light and passed out. Years later, he recalled being in the presence of several strange-looking men and a woman-like figure,

as well as being examined by an entity wearing a surgeon's mask. What the hell? There is so little rhyme or reason to this collection of people. During the 1960s, strange sightings in the sky over Gateshead included a silver saucer the size of a car, shining pink discs, shimmering silver objects, and a roving fireball. Alright, so Gateshead is a bit of a paranormal hotspot, allegedly. Yeah, I mean, Robert is the only one who is really promoting this story, allegedly. Yeah, I mean, Robert is the only one who is really promoting this story. But if you look into it, there's a lot of stories from other individuals claiming that they saw crafts or even

stories from other children saying that they saw little green men roaming about when they were kids. What does this mean? Why do you think this area in particular? Is there a disused mine shaft to the center of the earth? Is there a rip in the time-space continuum? Is there a local mushroom infection that everyone's tripping out? I have literally no idea. And it's never even really explained. I mean, that's the difference between, let's say, poltergeists and UFO activity. Poltergeists or ghosts or hauntings, it's all kind of based in history and motivation. There's usually a reason for the creature being or the spirit being there, a reason why they're doing the hauntings, maybe even some similarities in the type of haunting they're doing. You know, they were hung here a hundred years ago, so now their ghost floats like it's dangling from a noose.

Bigfoot and a guy in a scuba suit abducting children in the middle of an estate. Bigfoot didn't live here 100 years ago. I don't know why this is happening. Yeah, I don't think he knows he's in Gates' head. No, he definitely doesn't. Yeah, UFO abductions and sightings are, for the most part, a lot more sporadic than hauntings are. And I'm going to go ahead and say I wouldn't be doing my job

if I didn't also play the role of the skeptic in today's case. And unfortunately, Robert's a liar. There's a lot to be skeptical about. Even though today's story sounded insane, I left a lot of stuff out that would make this story even more wild. Let's hear it out. We need to see all the evidence,

so just run us by something, any of Robert's details. It could be the linchpin that ties the whole case together. Well, don't... Sure, maybe. But, like, let's not expect that from what's next because it might not be, though. It might be something that makes it even worse. But, you know, if what we're lacking is evidence, you know, surely more intel, more info could help.

We'll give it a shot. Yeah. Robert claims that he and another child was abducted on board the egg. Okay. Another witness. They've never been able to find that child or whoever it was. Maybe they disintegrated them. He says that after disembarking from the egg, he ran back to the soldiers and pulled one of them to come check out all the little creatures

one of the soldiers saw the creatures and started firing at it with a handgun i mean i might meaning i had a handgun meaning everyone scattered in the neighborhood uh actually there's another part that i forgot to mention i think when he came off the egg, he said that there was a dog that was barking aggressively at a group of girls. And he claimed that he grabbed an implement, quote unquote, hanging from one of the alien's tool belts and fired it at the dog, which immediately fell docile. Right. So. So he. OK. Yeah. i don't know if this ties anything together no i mean it's it's a weird little unnecessary twist to add and i it's like i was abducted and uh oh yeah on the way out i shot a dog with a laser gun and it almost died

i don't know if I appreciate or understand why the aliens have a Batman utility belt. I don't know either. But I mean, if they're little greys, Robert's five foot, so he could reach it at least because they're probably similar height. That's true. But I see what you're saying and getting at,

which is that we may only have a story worth telling here by not telling the full story. Yes, I'm telling you the core events and what we what I've left out are the sprinkles of details that ironically add skepticism rather than more information to the case. I mean, even the alien, I read Robert's interview. I read news articles in that interview that we heard about. I think the guy said the alien was in the church for three months before it went. He did. He did say that. I've read other accounts where, I don't know if it was Robert, but some people claim the thing was gone in 30 minutes. So we didn't kill it.

It disappeared. It ran away. Or someone came and grabbed it. Did they say what happened after the three months? No, again, it just disappeared. There was no, which is kind of crazy because I feel like three months is enough time for you to kind of digest the situation. Yes. And be like, even two months, be like, okay, it's still down there.

Let's at least like take a bit of skin or, you know, look at it or poke it. Get a single piece of evidence. Tell one other person. Yeah. I mean, sure. Robert maybe doesn't need to do that, but Uncle Ernie is a grown man. A grown man who has killed an alien. Uncle Ernie's a drinker.

He forgot about it, the whole thing, pretty quickly afterwards. There's enough kind of changing parts to this story that definitely make it hard to believe. I mean, especially the fact that Robert, who's essentially now the only one telling you every detail of the story, was five years old at the time. telling you every detail of the story was five years old at the time i right which to be clear is like i don't know if i remember i think my earliest possible memories of being alive are around five years five years old and i was a little liar as well by the way you would just make shit up i mean like even my uh nephew uh I hang out, he's like two coming three soon. He just lies. Yeah. He doesn't know what lies are. Yeah. My niece comes home from school and you'll be like, oh, what did you get up to at school today? And she'll be like this

and this and this and this, tell you a whole story. And then her grandmother will be like, none of that. She just made that all up on the spot none of that happened she's like you gotta believe me unky kit i hit an alien with a shovel she's a wackadoo the teacher is a man in black none of her happened uh i also but if she thinks of going to the russians nothing happened but if she thinks of going to the russians with this i'm also just gonna throw out another spicy hot take here. Seeing as we're talking about such wild conclusions as aliens and Bigfoot being friends.

Yeah. Let's talk about another spicy conclusion. Uncle Ernie killed someone with a bat. Be it a dog or a person. And then to get off the hook, told everyone that the blood stains and the blood covered

shovel and the blood covered crypt in the church were from an alien. Weird they bleed like us. Weird they bleed red like us humans do. And they have like a f***ed up alien power, which is they can actually morph into a human body and impersonate the postman. Yeah, I mean, this is, I don't want to say that's a theory we should entertain, but there's a real world here where a real man died. And Uncle Ernie told little Robert a very exciting tale to explain the events of the day.

And how you can't tell anyone about the alien in the church that we buried together. Look, I don't think we need to dance around it for much longer. I think it's time for conclusions. Okay. Kit, we have a crazy story today. I mean, it's a wild one. It's a great one. I had a lot of fun investigating it and telling it to you today.

me it's a wild one it's a great one i had a lot of fun investigating it and telling it to you today but ultimately is this too wild for us to consider to be a real story yes i mean oh okay i was gonna like yes i was gonna like talk about we have interviews with ernie we have interviews with robert himself yes we don't have interviews with ernie. We don't. You just made that up. You're a little liar. You're turning back into your five-year-old self. We have interviews with Ernie? I saw it. I was there.

Ah, f*** it. Yeah, this is nuts, isn't it? You know, I love this. This feels like a return to form. This feels like classic tpl because let's face it this is not an outlier many of the uk and across the world some of the most famous well-known paranormal tales are just as wild as this or even wilder we've covered so many of them yeah um doesn't mean they're necessarily not true but yeah i think we all agree in this

instance that we've got nothing to go on here. That's it, man. I think that's what, you know, that's what we ultimately have to do at the end of our episode is with our knowledge, with the evidence that we've managed to find, we have to come to our own conclusions. And you know, if we hear the word gray,

we're automatically primed to give a yes. Yeah. It's almost like Robert gave us too much. It's like when you eat too much cake, your mouth starts to hurt because it's so sweet. That's what we've been given today is every cryptid under God's green earth arriving in an egg and harassing a child. And with that in mind, if this is true, God bless you, Robert. You have a cursed life. A hundred percent.

Hey, I will say I watched that entire interview and documentary with Robert and the guy's in good form. You know, whether or not he even believes it a hundred percent, he's happy to talk about it. He's happy to just tell the story to strangers. And I'm glad to see that even, I mean, if this did happen, it was quite a traumatic thing. But he seems to be able to joke about it and have fun with it. So I hope he wouldn't be too upset with our conclusion that we've come to today, which is, of course, a double no.

Yeah, I like his attitude. I feel like he'd just be like, it doesn't matter to me whether you believe it. I know what happens. And we'd be like, fair play, Robert. Fair play. You've got to. I mean, those are your two options is you become that person who's like,

hasn't slept in weeks. You've got to believe me. I'm sorry. Nothing matters. Jobs don't matter. Nothing is real. Or you just got to be like, hey, this is f***ed.

But hey, I still still gotta go to work on Monday so I gotta pay the bills I'll keep telling the story but probably people aren't gonna believe me my buddies I golf with

they they're sick of hearing it but it is true that's his like this one time at band camp story he's like there was this one time

don't don't bring up the greys again I've heard it so many times but they told me this funny story that one time don't bring up the greys again I've heard it so many times but they told me this funny story that one time on Gishmergan

planet Gishmergan they did this shit did I mention Bigfoot was there? I did didn't I? yes yes every time you mention he's there alright just being sure

just making sure they had great taste in music too so unfortunately even though it is a double no this week that's one hell of a story i'm so glad that we actually got around to investigating it hell yeah you gotta love that british level of slapstick violence hitting an alien with a shovel dude i loved it they obviously kind of put together this documentary that was to tell the story of robert but that host really enjoyed pretending to hit an alien with a shovel.

Wah! He begged the editor not to cut that from the documentary. I'm going to load it up one more time. I think when we tweet about this episode going on, I think we're going to need to queue up that clip. Even as a gif? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

All right, I'm loading it up one more time because I want to listen to it. This is the precise spot where the alien was hit over the head with the shovel. Boosh! Because he gives it a stack. Boosh! He properly swings it as well.

Boosh! Incredible. Incredible. Dad squad behavior. That's some real dad squad behavior. Thank you so much, folks, for listening to this week's episode of This Paranormal Life. I had a great time. Kit had a great time.

As I said, where would I rather be on my birthday than hanging out with y'all, enjoying a great paranormal tale? On the beach, on your own, with one AirPod. And I know that everyone out there is going to be like, oh, Rory, we want to give you a present for your birthday. Kit got you those sick AirPods. Like, how do we give you a present? They might make you sick.

They're so goddamn dirty. Everyone's like, give us your address. How do we send you a present? I can't do that. I can't give you my address. But there is a way that you can give me a birthday present. Oh, interesting. And that's by giving us a little review over on your podcast

app of choice, whether that's iTunes, whether that's Spotify, head on over. And if you're enjoying the show, give us a couple of stars and, uh, don't give us a couple of stars. Well, five, if you're feeling generous, great. If you want to give less than five, send Rory a present instead. yeah definitely less than five i'll give you my address yeah but uh yeah pop on over give us five stars and in the description just say something you like about me or the show that might be more helpful for people discovering the show or like both you know just be like the improv is great and I really enjoy tuning in every week for a brand new paranormal tale. Also, Rory's got pretty sexy eyes.

Well, they wouldn't know that because it's not a visual medium. I think they can tell. I think you can tell I got stunners. Two stunning balls in my skull. Or, you know, that was just an example. Just be like, hey, his voice is like smooth caramel. Also, the show's fine. Five stars. Yeah, okay. know that was just an example just be like hey his voice is like smooth caramel also the show's fine five stars yeah okay something like just a little present to me so i can read the reviews and be like oh my god like feel the love you know like it's like a cool thing where i get complimented

on my appearance are you getting to like see your family this this this birthday no they don't really talk to me much anymore unless they left a review and i just haven't read it yet which could be cool because there are some mean ones on there for sure so that could be them okay that could definitely be them like one star bad brother signed colon yeah i saw that the show shit too also signed colon yeah the show is actually pretty good but you're an awful son okay you're sincerely mom. That might be from her. I can't tell. Cause like everyone has a mom. So it's like, it could be anyone's mom. Seems a little more personal than that though, doesn't it? You're a bad son. So yeah. Yeah. As I said, it's, it's the gift that you can give us for free.

And it really does a lot of help growing the show and getting us into the ears of brand new listeners but of course there are some of you out there who support us on patreon a whole nother level of support and as one of the rewards on those tiers we like to give you your very own shout out at the end of the podcast let's go Special thank you to Brandon Thurber. Brandon Thurber loves to murmur. Even if you just ask him his name, he's like, well, I know my f***ing name. And you're like, oh, chill out, buddy.

I'm just asking you a question. I don't want any questions. I think that's just how he talks. He can't get above a murmur. Interesting. Does he also like to mumble? Oh, he loves to mumble. He's like... Yeah, it's really... Is he just trying to goble? Oh he loves to mumble He's like Yeah it's really It's unnerving He could be

Thank you too Stuart McConnell Come on down to Stuart's Dirt We got dirt of every kind We got gravel Soil Dust Cool That's a lot of shit you can get

Just outside So it's not a great business model Alright bud D dirt's everywhere. It's what Earth is. Where are you going to get 10,000 kilograms of dirt in 30 minutes? Okay, that's a lot, actually. I don't know why anyone needs that. This is a service that only Sturt can provide.

Sturt's dirt. Check it out. Thank you to Georgina Torres. Whatever you've done in life, no matter how dirty you are, if you've just come from the scene of a crime, Georgina will clean ya. Scene of a crime? Just examples. If you've just

hit an alien or man with a shovel and you need to make sure you don't have any DNA on your body, Georgina will clean ya. If you have committed tax fraud on a corporate level, millions and millions of pounds, Georgina will clean your account. She will. Legally or the other way.

That's her slogan. Thank you to Danielle Carter. Danielle loves to barter. Nice. There's nothing she likes more than going down to a market And saying how much for that They say 50 bucks And she says I'll give you 55

They go what And then she steals it and runs away In that moment of confusion She just She gets them That's when she acts Not really bartering That's theft

And riddles I think What are criminals in our midst Yeah Thanks to Matthew Pickles. Matthew's in a bit of a pickle, because he swung a shovel at what he thought was a grey, and turned out to be a fully grown man. Oh, the postman?

Oh, yeah, but don't worry, Mr. Pickles, because Georgina will clean you, and everything will be okay. Thanks to Rancor Man 7. The Rancor Man 7? They're my favorite big band. Oh, boy. This is insane.

I mean, these guys are like 90 years old. They are veterans. They're still going. The Rancor Man 7. That is... What kind of music is it? It's music for rancors. It is.

It's... Do you remember? From Star Wars? The giant beast from Star Wars. That's right. I don't think that thing has ears. I think it's just teeth and arms. It's a lot of rumbling.

It really is. More power to you guys. Thank you to Holo. Holo, hola at your boy. Because you may be entitled to compensation if you've been recently hit by a shovel. It's been a problem affecting many in our community lately. There is an epidemic of some description.

We don't know if it's down to one person. We think it is. We think it was pickles. But if you've been left hit with a shovel feeling hollow inside, you know what to do. Get in touch. Extra money is available if he left you in a crypt for three months. Thanks also to Slave for the Queen.

Slave for the Queen, another hardcore rock and roll band playing music exclusively for rancors. Oh, yeah. They don't so much as like play music as they do just toss instruments into the pit. And sometimes just meat. They toss meat into the pit. Thank you to Hannah Bolton. Hannah is always Bolton.

Her front door is closed. Makes makes sense you don't know what's out there could be a guy with a shovel just waiting for you it's just annoying because like every day you have to then take all the bolts off and just to like go get a glass of milk and then you come back and bolt it back up again where are you going to get a glass of milk

going out to like get a glass of milk or or are you a cat are you going to get a glass of milk? Just going out to like get a glass of milk or a... Are you a cat? Are you going to your neighbor's garden? A cat or tuna, a glass of milk. Yeah. Thanks to Luke Cullen. Luke out!

There's a man with a shovel and he's culling. He's culling for you. Jesus, man. We need to... I was starting to regret Distributing shovels To every man Woman and child In the commune

We wanted to do it So they could dig For more rocks Yeah Well not just rocks Gold minerals Yeah sure Some rocks

Because Oh I told him It was just rocks I told people Just dig for rocks Is that why Luke Showed up my front door With just a basket of rocks

I don't need these. I told them they could keep the golden minerals for themselves. Oh, f***ing hell. He was dripping in ice. Thanks to Christopher Groom. Here comes the groom with the shovel. Not again. On his wedding day.

Surely you have more important things to be tending to Christopher but go off king I've heard of a shotgun wedding But a shovel wedding Thanks to Ms Boogie Ms Boogie a legendary A truly legendary Songstress of the

Rancor music scene Came up in the underground Rancor concerts R. What kind of... Came up in the underground rancor concerts. Rancors having mosh pits, which is a real terrifying sight to behold. Yeah, because underground, there's a lot of rancors.

That's kind of their whole shtick. Oh, man. Awesome. We've got to go see her live at some point. That sounds amazing. Thanks, lastly, but not leastly, today to Victoria.

All gloria to Queen Victoria. She was sort of like a fake royal queen that we installed in the commune to kind of take all of the criticism and abuse from the public when Kit and I were kind of the puppet masters behind the scenes. Yeah, we figured it worked pretty well for Queen Lizzie II. People like her, but it turns out that people like her because of her personality and actions.

Yeah. Whereas our Victoria, the crown went to her head pretty fast. She began whipping peasants a lot faster than we did. Yeah. And we're pretty nasty with it. So apologies, her reign has come to an end. We're looking for a new queen

of the commune. Applications, please respond. And you can also email in cases to thisparanormallifepodcast at gmail.com. Thank you so much to everyone that we shouted out.

Thank you so much to everyone that supports us on Patreon or leaves us a review online or just tunes in every week when we do this show. We couldn't do it without you guys. And we're so grateful. I hope you enjoyed this week's episode. And of course, you know your boys will be back next Tuesday with another paranormal tale.