This Paranormal Life - #290 The Battersea Poltergeist

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

When a strange silver key appeared at No. 63 Wycliffe Road, Shirley Hitchings and her family had no idea what was in store for them. It wasn't long before ghost hunter Harold Chibbett was living with the family, trying desperately to capture evidence of the legendary Battersea Poltergeist.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.comResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis Blatherwick Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do aliens have ears? We all know about the dark side of the moon, but what happens on the light side? All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Hello one and all and welcome to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week myself, investigator Rory Powers, and the man across from me Kit Guillermo-Venna deep dive headfirst into the world of the paranormal and investigate a new case and sometimes you can't even look at where you're jumping because if you look it's a little scary sometimes you know you just have to close your eyes, hold your nose, grab some sort of weapon, whatever you can get your hands on, and just pray for the best.

We're talking about the paranormal here, so you're absolutely right, Rory. There's kind of a Medusa situation around every corner. You're diving in, but the water is lava. People's hair are snakes that turn you to stone. Death is around every corner. So rather than run, you just have to dive head first. If you're someone who investigates cryptids and mythological animals and you're diving into water, that's where half the little f***ers are. So you best bring a weapon with you, even if it's some sort of harpoon gun. Well, Kit, as much as I would love to shoot the

shit at the start of this week's episode, we've got a big one on our hands this week, so I think it's smart if we just dive right into today's case. This week we are investigating one of the most famous poltergeists in paranormal history. The Battersea Poltergeist. Ooh. Now some of you listening might find this story familiar because there was actually a very popular BBC podcast on this case hosted by Danny Robbins.

I'm sorry, sorry. Someone's already covered the case? Extensively. Eight episodes it took to kind of like deep dive into every nook and cranny of this story and, you know, interview key witnesses, talk about the history, really break it down to the molecular level.

This is going to take about 15 minutes, I think, for us today. You're out of your mind if you think you listened to the BBC version and you got the whole story. You think the MIB f***ers over at the Bee-B-B-C. Over at the Beeb? You think they're telling you the truth? Oh yeah, bud. Oh yeah, keep dreaming. Who do you want to investigate the paranormal? Do you want some f***ing jabroni over here?

Some trained professional radio host who's probably edited and created a bunch of impressive award-winning shows for the BBCs? Or do you want a guy who's got nothing to lose? Do you want a guy who's got nothing better to do? A guy who's here to chew bubblegum and tank his own career. And guess what?

He's all out of bubblegum. So I know who I want to present my paranormal cases. We will be drawing on our first key witness, Danny Robbins, to discuss the case. Because actually,

he knows a lot of shit about this one. He's a key witness in this. I actually told him we were doing this and it was going to be way better than his show and he kind of just wished us like the best of luck

and he was really sweet about it. He was like, do you want any of the evidence that I've gathered so far because I got a whole bunch and I said, fuck you, Danny. I don't need your handouts.

Right. He said, I just love the case and anything the community of paranormal investigators can do to get the word out about it. I bet you do, bud. Yeah.

I'm done with. And I'd actually be done to tweet about it. I bet you do, bud, yeah. I'm down with. And I'd actually be down to tweet about it and signal boost your case when it comes out. Why don't I boost you off a cliff, Danny boy? All right, now you're going to get blocked on Twitter. Lost your DM privileges. No, hey, I haven't actually listened to the BBC podcast. I'm sure it's fantastic.

What? I don't need to, brother. I don't need to. brother. I don't need to. I have researched 250 paranormal cases individually by myself. I am a blade. I am a sharp blade that cuts through the bullshit

and serves up the paranormal filet mignon. I just want to clarify that whilst we have done over 250 episodes, I have researched half of them. And actually, Amy has have researched half of them. And actually, Amy has personally researched a good chunk. Sure, Amy pretty much helped with this entire story. If you break it down, I don't know if Rory's numbers are quite hitting triple figures. All right, I don't deserve to be insulted this early on in the podcast.

Maybe later, sure, but not this early. Let's dive into today's case, but first, a quick word from a few of our sponsors. The year was 1956, and we're in Battersea, London. It was a cold, dark January night, and almost all of the town's residents were fast asleep, including 15-year-old Shirley Hitchens. You're going to want to remember that name. She's a big part of this. Okay, I'm just going to recite it in my mind just to memorize, just kind of imprint it. You know, they say that if you say a name, I think it's scientifically 21 times, then it's lodged in there. 21 times?

Yeah, if you say a name. Granted, I've been talking so much, I need a quick reminder on what the name was. Could you? She was an average London teenager. Who am I talking about? That's what I just asked for. I need her name. I've forgotten already.

I told you to remember it at the start. Shirley Hitchens. Shirley Hidgen? Okay. Hitchens. Oh, Hitchens. Hitchens. Shirley Pigeon.

Shirley Pigeon. Not Pigeon. No. Hitchens. Oh, Christ. Shirley was born into a typical working class family. They lived a normal life in a normal house, drank normal tea with normal biscuits. But that frosty January night in 1956, everything was about to change.

They got chocolate digestives in. That changed everything. It blew their minds. Shirley yawned awake in bed. The winter sun was shining through the gap in the curtains. Now living in the UK, we know how hard it is to get out of bed in the winter. So she laid there for a few more minutes. But as she did, she became aware that something cold was touching her cheek. So she quickly sat up and looked down at her pillow. There, resting beside her, was a small, ornate silver key.

She picked it up and looked over both sides of it. It didn't look like anything she'd seen before. Weird. Yeah, strange start to a paranormal case, something physical appearing. Shirley sleepily walked downstairs and called out to her dad, Wally, to see if he knew what was going on. Dad, do you know what this key is for? I'm on the bog. Leave it on the mantelpiece. I'll have a look in a minute. So Shirley set the key between the ornaments in the

front room and skipped to the kitchen to fix herself some breakfast. A few minutes later, her dad came out of the bathroom and went to grab the key from the front room. But there was no key. Shirley, where's this key you want me to have a look at? It was right there a minute ago. It's gone? The key had vanished. Wally didn't seem too concerned, but Shirley was freaked out. Nevertheless, she had to start getting ready for the day ahead. So after breakfast, she went back upstairs to get dressed.

And there, lying in the middle of the bed bed was the key. Okay, this is confusing. Confusing already. A pretty strange start to a poltergeist case. Usually we start with shit getting thrown about by ghostly hands, scratchings on the walls, or people feeling something on the back of their necks. This is a magic key. Interesting that the alleged poltergeist is kind of latching onto this one object already. But this is quite subtle stuff. Now, if Shirley were a 98-year-old woman, you might put this down to a little bit of forgetfulness. She might be forgetting where she's leaving things. But a 15-year-old girl, they're sharp as a razor blade. So there's no way she's misplacing this

thing. She's not suffering from, I believe the medical term is ancient brain, which affects a lot of elderly people as they get older. A crumbly old brain. Crumble brain. I wish my brain was crumbly to get rid of some of this goddamn baggage. Okay. This time, she wasn't letting it out of her sight. She grabbed it in her hand and went to show her father. Luckily, this time, it didn't get the chance to disappear. Wally gazed at it in wonder. He didn't recognize it either. It was such a strange item to just appear out of thin air. There was nothing else for them to do. They were going to have to try it in every lock in the house.

Surprise, surprise. It didn't open anything. I don't really know what they were expecting. This is a magical key that came out of nowhere. It's not going to open your Toyota Corolla. It is probably the key to Narnia. I don't know what their house looked like, but I mean, I think me and you both, Rory,

could say that, you know, in any of our London flats, if a key shows up, I don't need to even try it. There's nowhere that key is fitting. I got about two doors and none of them use old timey keys. Yeah, and let alone if it was just a regular key, this one sounds like it is mythical. I'm assuming either a boss door key from Legend of Zelda or a Resident Evil key where it's like half spider.

This thing is f***ing nuts looking. And they're just like, I wonder if it opens the drawer under the sink. No! It opens Hogwarts. It is a magic key. Right, Wally's just bumping it against the door of his Tesla. I could have sworn this thing was remote-operated.

After getting bored of assumedly just trying to shove this magical keyblade into every hole in the house, the family gave up. In fact, the key would have been quickly forgotten about if it hadn't been for what came next. At the end of the evening, the whole family had settled in bed. Wally and his wife were fast asleep. Shirley was curled up in a ball in a deep slumber. Her adopted brother John was fast asleep too. Sorry, you're throwing a lot of names at me and I feel like I'm going to have to memorize all of them. As was their, no time. It was John, no time. Sorry, it was John? No time. Was that the dog? That was the brother, no time. As was their, no time. It was John. No time. Sorry, it was John? No time. Was that the dog? That was the brother.

No time. As was their Irish granny, Ethel. Oh, dude. I'm going to need to take five because I've got about 16 names here that I need to repeat 21 times. Wally, Kitty, Shirley, John, and Ethel. That's the whole family. I don't know why the way this is worded, it makes it sound like they're all sleeping in one big bed, like the family from Charlielie and the chocolate factory yeah why why is why is shirley curled up like she has nowhere to

sleep it was late at night and the house was perfectly quiet until the entire house awoke with a start while he cried over to his daughter. Shirley, what are you doing? She ran into the room looking terrified. It's not me! Look at me, I'm right here! The sound continued to blast around the whole house. It was like someone shaking the very foundations. The family spread out and searched every corner and crevice of the house, even the attic.

But they found nothing and the banging just continued. Suddenly, the banging was interrupted by a ring at the front door. They opened it up to discover two enraged neighbors shouting about the incessant banging. We aren't doing it! We don't know what is! The onslaught continued all night long. Shirley held her dad tight, shouting, Make it stop! Please make it stop! When morning came, quiet fell again.

And the terror was finally over. Or was it? Yes. For now. Okay. Why is it always that, like, noises that keep you up at night, whether it be noisy neighbors or music or things outside or or paranormal banging like this why does it always stop as soon as as soon

as the sun comes up and it's time to get up it's like the place is quiet as a mouse yeah i don't know is it because it's like the dead rise at night is that a thing did i make that up right i guess so like the paranormal are yeah when the sun sets you know that's when vampires and werewolves can come out so even similar to poltergeist but also we know that poltergeist get some sick joy out of with people that's very true because if you just were making banging noises during the day maybe no one would even notice yeah if a poltergeist bangs in the day, maybe no one would even notice. Yeah. If a poltergeist bangs in the day and no one's around to hear it, does it even make a noise?

It's actually really beautiful. Think about that. The exhausted family sat around the breakfast table, barely able to concentrate on chewing their toast. They couldn't make any sense of it. That's when Wally remembered the key. It was the only other thing that had happened recently that was out of the ordinary. But when Shirley went to go and retrieve the key, it was gone.

They've all gone mad. They've all gone mad. There's a gas leak. There's 100% a gas leak. This key is not there more often than it is there. So, like, can we put this thing in a f***ing box or in a jam jar? Just keep a real eye on it?

Because I feel like this system of just like, oh, I was sure I left it on the mantelpiece. That system isn't working. We need to really keep an eye on it. Put it in a zipped pocket or something. Can you imagine the neighbors showing up and they're like, you have to stop this banging. And it's like, it's not us. I promise you, if it was, how do you explain this? There's nothing in your hand.

You're not holding anything. Night after night, the unsettling noises returned. The pounding went on from dusk until dawn for weeks on end. It got so bad that Wally had to take a leave of absence from his work. Which sucks because, you know, whilst I understand that he's too tired and stressed out to possibly work, he now has to spend a lot more time in the house listening to the banging

and looking for the key. Yeah, yeah. I'd be trying to pick up extra shifts if I were him. They're like, well, you seem really stressed. I think you should just go home and have a nap. Please, no.

Please, God, no. The family got so used to the poltergeist or whatever this thing was, that they actually decided to give it the nickname Donald Duck, due to its mischievous behavior. Just a fun little way to lighten the tension, I guess. I know you're laughing, but the other option that was pitched by Wally's wife was Spooky Willie. So I think Donald Duck was probably the right choice.

You don't want to tell people you've been up all night because of the banging from Sp spooky Willie. So I think Donald Duck was probably the right choice. You don't want to tell people you've been up all night because of the banging from spooky Willie. That is, that is not a good sentence. Donald Duck is still a little weird, but not quite as weird. I'm always shocked with poltergeist cases, just how long they can go on for. You know, you'll, you'll often find this, that the paranormal phenomenon is not like a one-time thing. It's very often sustained over weeks or even months. Yeah, I kind of liken it to dogs barking. I don't think I'm making this up in saying that

it's been scientifically proven that dogs never get tired of barking. You think, just be like, oh, he'll tucker himself out. No, every bark is as good as the first one yeah they love to bark

and it's kind of similar to poltergeist you can be like alright let's just let them get it out of their system uh uh their system is a thousand

years old and it's not stopping it's running very smoothly it's a steampunk locomotive that's how old this guy is and it's still running

you think that now that he's a ghost and doesn'totive. That's how old this guy is, and it's still running. You think that now that he's a ghost and doesn't have to stop to eat or piss, that he's going to need to take breaks from banging? You're out of your mind. He's in the eternal resting place. He doesn't need to nap. He's just alive constantly. Eventually, things got so bad with Donald that the family had no choice but to bring in an expert

to deal with the situation. A paranormal investigator named Harold Chibbit, a.k.a. Chib. Chibsy. Apparently that's what he liked to be called, was Chib. Which is kind of a cute little name. As you know, Rory, as a paranormal investigator yourself, that you don't always want to dox yourself to the poltergeist

by giving away your personal information. Best to go by a nickname or an alias. Yeah. Do you have an alias that you use when addressing a poltergeist? Usually Maximus Thor. That's pretty good. So they know that it's like, cause I don't know if they can see you necessarily, but if they hear Maximus Thor is coming to, to banish the poltergeist. That's a threatening name. When I'm dealing with the poltergeist, I like to introduce myself as Father O Jesus, and I talk with an Irish

accent. Oh, you want them to think that you are actually part of a clergy? I'm a priest! Yeah, I'm a f***ing, I'm gonna banish your ass. Father O Jesus is coming to your house, and he's gonna lay down the the war, the word of the Lord.

And usually Father O'Jesus is a stutter. Father O'Jesus is a stutter. That's right. Because sometimes the word of the Lord is hard to get out of your body. It's like, it's crazy. It's so powerful. I get it. I mean, I do respect that logic, although it does feel a little bit like walking into

a bloods neighborhood as a crip right you're kind of begging for it like if these things you know if he's got buddies then i'm f***ed yeah if this thing's a demon you know they're gonna be coming to get you surely because they're real demons and i'm not a real priest so so as soon as anything starts going down it's going to become apparent very quickly that I do not know scripture. You don't want that kind of smoke. No.

Also, I know that the ghosts and demons are probably from a different era, but they should know that no priest wears Nike blazers, right? Things have changed. Father Jesus is a cool, the kids love him. The kids love him. He's a cool guy. And to be clear, his last name is oh jesus

yeah he's pretty yeah he had some very religious parents and they they thought they legally changed their last name that's crazy i love jesus so much i'm changing my name oh what to like jesus o'Connor? Nah, Michael O'Jesus. I don't think you can keep the O. You can change it to Jesus, but keep the O. Or O'Jesus. Chib, the paranormal investigator, was the kind of guy that we like. He was a 56-year-old World War I veteran who smoked a pipe around the clock. Is this the type of guy we like?

He's just a hardcore, no-nonsense type investigator. Okay, I see what you're saying. Not a grifter or a scam artist, but rather someone who has, you know, a lot to lose, a lot of reputation to lose. Yeah. There'd been a massive uptick

in interest in life after death, after so many lives were lost in the global conflict. And Chibs, well, he dived in headfirst. Chib basically moved in with the family on an indefinite basis, as if this f***ing Willy Wonka house needed more people sleeping in it. He explained the concept of a poltergeist to the family, and how they tend to appear in close proximity to children, especially young girls. Did this guy need somewhere to sleep? Like, is

Father Jesus here, like, sitting at the breakfast table, like, show, a poltergeist, do we have any more biscuits? Yeah. A cup of tea, if you would. Two sugars. Two sugars, yeah. Wild he just got involved in this and is now like, I'm gonna have to be living here around the clock.

Like, are you? Like, really? We don't have a lot of room. I'll take the master bedroom for my equipment and such. All I'm saying is I don't care how haunted my house gets. No World War I veterans are sleeping in my bedroom. Because that's just another problem you have to deal with now. You have now a stranger in your house, which was kind of the problem we got you in to solve. Which is arguably worse than a ghost because they take up physical space.

Imagine your kid just being like, dad, you're not going to believe this. I saw Donald. He's here. No, that's just another man we invited in to get rid of the other guy. Like, this is not a good problem. What happens when we can't get rid of Chibbit? I don't know. Invite a policeman to come stay.

Of course, bringing Chibs in did not help at all. It made things so much worse. Paranormal activity was happening now around the clock. It was no longer just a nightly bang fest. There were messages being scribbled on the walls. Objects began zooming around the house by themselves. he got slapped in the face by one of Shirley's gloves. Okay, that's going too far. Like, I will tolerate a lot, but slapping me with my own wife's gloves? That's your own daughter's glove. Oh, daughter's gloves?

Yeah, yeah. Slapping with my own wife's gloves? I'm kind of into that. That's kind of hot. Yeah, are they leather or whatever? What's up? But yeah, Donald is apparently not very psyched that they're trying to get someone in to get rid of him,

which again, makes sense. At one point, Shirley even found a written message from Donald inside of a notebook that said, Shirley, I come. That's it. What? It really was a nightly bang fest. All right, they cannot, with that voice,

they cannot keep with that voice, they cannot keep the name Donald Duck. You can't keep talking to children. I'm showing Kit a picture of the note. Weirdly, Rory's voice he just put on kind of matched the energy of the handwriting, I would say. Ghoulish, a bit wiggly. It is wiggly and ghoulish. Surely I come.

Yeah. I mean, it is what it is not a lot to go on it is what it is but i'm just reading into the wording i mean that's not what i want to see that's not a message i want to get from anybody no unless it's my delivery driver yeah i come i downstairs buzz me in yeah got nuggets buzz me i had concierge i mean if anything you want i go surely i go now yeah that would be a big relief because to be clear they thought he was already here so the fact that he's coming he hasn't even arrived yet is worrying they left her a note saying almost there give me five they're like what they left a note saying, almost there, give me five. They're like, what? They left a note saying, BTW, I'm going to start banging tonight.

They're like, what have you been doing? Donald, no! And things were only getting worse. The piano would play itself at random times of the day and night. The family watched in wonder as a pair of slippers straight up walked across the room. Slapped Wally. That's right, slapped Wally. They have it out for Wally.

Kicked him in the ass. At one point, the family ran into a smoky kitchen to see that somebody had turned on the stove and placed blankets directly on the flames. F***ing hell. That is a bridge too far, I will say. He's trying to kill them. He's trying to kill them. Yeah, usually, I don't know. Anytime we have a poltergeist story, it's like, it's very dramatic and it's very hard for the family to deal with, but it's also kind of playful and light.

It's like, hey, I'm going to bang. I'm going to keep you up. I'm going to like, whoa, chuck this over here. Wow, look at these slippers move. And one day Donald was like, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill every one of you, even the kids. Yeah, Wally just found a knife just waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him to walk on.

Like, this thing is out of pocket. I think that is the most dramatic and dangerous thing that Donald ever tried to do. It is a good point though, because like poltergeists have covered many on the show before, obviously, like they are often synonymous with like child ghosts. And that's why they're so playful and mischievous because they're not kind of mischievous because they're not

kind of serious grownups. They're just having a bit of fun. And it's a bit like having a real toddler running about your house, yanking things off shelves and stuff like that. Yeah. They just kind of want attention. They don't actually want to burn the house down. If your toddler turns on the stove and puts a bunch of blankets on it, keep an eye on him. There's something that ain't right with that kid. At one point, Shirley caught Donald shooting their cat with a BB gun. Some real early warning sign serial killer type shit. This case would be the equivalent of your daughter

after filling up seven nappies, leaving a note saying, I poop now. You're like, what? What do you mean you poop now? What have we been doing? I'm not prepared for whatever is coming next. Chib realized the only way to figure out exactly what was going on was to try and open up some sort of channel of communication with Donald. And of course, who better to ask the questions than Donald's favorite, Shirley.

This is usually how it goes. Yes, the ghosts prefer communicating with a less closed mind, aka kids. The mind of a child. Yes. Okay, everyone, I've gathered you here so we can try and communicate with Donald. This is how it's going to work. We will sit nice and calmly, and Shirley here will ask Donald to answer some questions. Then, he can knock on the walls to reply.

One knock for no, two knocks for yes. You got that? One knock for no, two knocks for yes. Sorry, I was concentrating so hard on memorizing his name. His name? Chib. Chub? Okay, sorry. It's so short. It's so short. Okay, I was concentrating so hard on memorizing his name. His name? Chib. Chub? Okay, sorry. It's so short. It's so short.

Okay, sorry. Shirley nervously asked the first question. Donald, we want to talk to you. Can you tell us what we need to know? Two knocks. Donald had said yes. This is crazy. I wouldn't have thought they'd get him to play ball so readily.

Yeah. I mean, is this all it took was some sort of like sit-down intervention? Second question. Why the f*** did you try and burn our house down? Please keep it to yes or no questions. Come here, you son of a bitch. I'm ready to fight.

He's here. You're saying he's here? Shirley asked the next question. Donald, do you want to hurt us one knock no he said big relief in the room such a huge lie by the way as well huge lie there's a little pause there before that not came in there's a little pause and then he just raises wally up like darth Darth Vader choking him against the wall. Shirley, talk to him.

Otherwise, it's just like, do you want to hurt us? One big bump, bump, bump. Oh, we heard that. We heard that second one, you son of a bitch. Shirley asked the next question. Donald, can you leave this house? Silence fell in the room no he said no no well is that three nos or is that whatever three bumps is yeah maybe i don't know or like in australia

where they say yeah no well that's what it would have been. Two knocks and then one. Yeah. I think he was saying the spacing. Yeah, not going to happen. That's what he basically said. I think what he's trying to say is no, no, no. There is flaws with the one bump, two bump system, though. They really nailed it in Stranger Things with the Christmas light wall.

Sure. That was next level shit. If Stranger Things was out in the 1950s, they would have had a better time communicating. Also, he did communicate using pen and paper. We could just go back to that. Yeah. And I won't lie. He writes a lot more stuff down the line.

It seems like they could have cut a lot of this out if they just gave him a pen and paper. It's like, all right, don't worry, Donald. We have a pen and paper it's like all right don't worry donald's we have a pen here um so we're going to say uh one click yes two clicks no just let him write let him write the note we think he can do it he can control slippers yeah he left a voicemail the other day like just let him talk he finally gets control of the pen. What did he write? He says, he here now. Cool, great. We knew, we knew you were coming. Is he the cookie monster?

Me here now, I come. The family got more desperate as time went on. And I mean really desperate. In 1958, Wally basically handed over his daughter to a medium to try and scare the devil out of her. Jesus Christ. When Shirley arrived, there was a small crowd waiting, all dressed in black robes. They positioned Shirley in the middle of the room and formed a circle around her, clasping hands as the medium tried to cast the spirit out.

This mad ritual was broken up when the police kicked the door down because someone had called them and said that some guys in robes were trying to summon the devil. I mean, I don't know who I support here. I'm glad that the people in robes are getting arrested. That feels good. Yeah, even if it was for the wrong reasons, they did have it coming for sure. No officers, we can explain. We're just trying no officers we can explain we're just trying to scare the devil we're not trying to summon the devil we're trying to get rid of the devil so

actually between you and me they handcuff him that's fair that is fair we're going to uh you know we're gonna sacrifice this goat for the lord whichify, you son of a bitch. I think if I was a police officer and I kicked open a door, there's a bunch of dudes in robes holding hands around a teenage girl. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. No questions asked. Even as a British police officer,

which is to say you don't carry a gun. Yeah. Zap, zap, zap, zap. You're reaching into your back pocket and getting out your personal off the record non-police standard issue gun and you're shooting them anyway. All of this, of course, was immediately leaked to the press and the papers didn't really talk much about the family and their struggles. They were pretty heavily focused on the whole

summoning the devil part. The family now needed some way for them to be taken seriously by the press and the public, and WALL-E had just the perfect idea. But first, let's have a quick word from some of today's sponsors. All right, welcome back, folks. We're about to find out the genius idea that Shirley's dad had to find a way for the press and the public to trust the family and their claims. I got high hopes here because anything would be better than the last plan, which was give her to a cult or something. Wally decided to invite a journalist to live in the home stop inviting people to live in your home there's nothing nothing here that couldn't be achieved by someone simply visiting the home it's like he's got something to prove it's like he's trying to be

like can you can you tell me that this is really happening i need you to see that it's happening i mean it's it's it's hard isn't it because you want to just be like this clearly isn't working we've tried it three times we keep inviting people in and it doesn't work but the house is where the shit is happening and to a certain point i'm sure wally's like i know this is gonna sound nuts but what if we let them live in the house i know we already have like six other dudes living in the house, but now they all believe. So we just have to keep inviting people in.

I can't even imagine who would agree to those terms. Like if I was a journalist, I'd be like, yeah, for sure. I want to write about this. Sounds really interesting. Do I want to move in? What the are you talking about? Of course not. To be fair, I think this journalist want to move in? What the f*** are you talking about? Of course not.

To be fair, I think this journalist didn't move in. She was just invited to come stay and experience. Indefinitely. Sure. She more looked in the bedroom for evidence than they locked the door. That's what he means. She said, I come.

She never left. So Wally invited a young journalist called Joyce Lewis to stay at the house. Again, I know this sounds insane, but this random woman was invited to share Shirley's bed for the night. Piss off. This kid needs a break. She deserves a trip to Disneyland after this. She needs to get her childhood back and get some peace and quiet and not have to share a bed

with a random journalist or priest. So weird. Or whatever. Luckily, Donald didn't disappoint. Joyce shrieked awake, although Shirley barely blinked she was so used to it by now. Donald had arrived

and the noises kept going all night. At one point, the blankets covering the pair were suddenly snatched away. Jesus. Shirley just mumbled, Donald, stop it! The rest of the night, Shirley slept pretty peacefully, while Joyce just lay back in bed, eyes wide open, unable to comprehend the

events of the evening. But the events of the evening were only getting started. She felt Shirley slowly shift next to her, as if she was getting out of bed. But she wasn't moving. Joyce watched as her stiff body inched towards the edge of the bed. It didn't stop until the teenager was right on the edge, about to fall to the ground. Joyce instinctively reached out and grabbed the girl, but she felt resistance. Something was pulling on Shirley's feet, trying to drag her away across the room.

Classic paranormal activity movie shit. Terrifying. Getting dragged out of bed. that joyce was sold nobody could fake what she had seen that night uh this is pretty intense i feel like there's not a lot of poltergeist stories where the mother starts just picking up kids and swinging them around yeah happens a lot in movies and so i obviously it has some basis in real paranormal stories but we don't see often it's intense there's a line that you cross it's like hey you can throw my shit around you can bang on my walls but don't pick up my children yeah it's like the

rules of war isn't it like in war you're allowed to shoot each, but you can't drop dirty bombs. And there are rules of paranormal war. Namely, you can throw a cup across the room, but don't grab my kid by her ankle and throw her out the window. That's a step too far. Just give me 20 glove spankings. 30 if needs be. But don't touch my kid. Yeah. Well, the fact that Donald thought it was okay to interact so much with Shirley the child might make sense when we figure out a little bit more about his backstory. In a last-ditch effort to try and communicate more effectively with Donald,

Chib, you guessed it, decided to leave pens and paper around the house to help the ghost express himself. And boy, did he express himself. He was writing notes before. This guy's writing novels now. One note said, You know me as Donald in this life, but before now I was called Louis.

My father was France's king, but he was killed. They would have killed me too if I hadn't escaped to England, but I perished here nonetheless. Alright. Some of the mystique is

fading from this case. It's like, alright, that's kind of cool. I was not... We're gonna head out to go to the cinema not long ago! I don't know if anyone was expecting Donald Duck to turn out to be king louis 16th of france yeah uh apparently if you look into the history the son of king louis and marie antoinette had indeed passed away as a child no older than 10 as far as he could tell

that's fine i don't think anyone's questioning the French history. I guess it's worth fact-checking, but that's not the problem. The problem is how did the ghost of that child end up in a f***ing bed set in South London? That's the question. Yeah, there's a lot of problems with this story and it's not whether or not there was a boy.

Oh, dear. I think the funny thing about this case... It's like if he said he was the f***ing ghost of King Boy Tutankhamun. It's like, yeah, we looked into it and Tutankhamun did die pretty young. That's not the problem. How did he get here? Why is he here yeah the poltergeist went by the name godzilla which does make sense if you think that godzilla could have traveled from tokyo

to greater london it's like what the f**k are you talking about godzilla did also come to he come he come that is probably how gojira himself would talk if he could learn a bit of english yeah godzilla come godzilla smash i think this is especially funny because we've built up this image of donald as a poltergeist in our head as probably being quite a threatening entity sure but i actually have pictures here illustrations of um what they actually believe donald would have looked like while he was alive it's just like an artist reconstruction look at this little nerd all right wally get your own gloves we're going sm. We're going smacking. We're going smacking ghosts. He's such a little dork. Look, it's the olden days, right?

It's just a little kid. Puffy, frilly clothes. Yeah, long curly hair. Yeah, dainty little features and a pale ghostly face. I don't think this kid has ever touched soil. He's so rich. ghostly face. I don't think this kid has ever touched soil. He's so rich. Not exactly what you think

of when you imagine some sort of haunting paranormal entity. And Donald really started to lean into his backstory using French phrases and telling stories about being exiled during the revolution. It's

worth saying a lot of his stories changed and contradicted one another quite often but he's a child he's a baby boy you know that shit happens i like to imagine that all his like french phrases and stories are very very surface it's like some real gcse. It's like, I love to eat crepes. Yeah. I mean, you joke, but here's a picture of one of the giant markings he left on the walls of the house

that just said, Viva France! Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, no. This is, I'm not foreshadowing, you know,

what I'm thinking about this case too much or where the case is going. But all I'm saying is, if you're Chibsy, you're now starting to go, fuck, I've wasted a lot of time here. Adios. Wait, that's Spanish, isn't it? Au revoir. Au revoir. Au revoir. Yeah, I think this is the problem we have with a lot of poltergeist stories. Viva France!

Viva France! Viva la revolution! That's someone who made up a backstory and did not have the knowledge of French history to back it up. So they're like, oh, i was the son of the king for some f***ing reason um and now i'm here it's like oh my god uh tell us a little bit about uh your history what region of france are you from the middle the middle of it however this is where this story is different from a lot of poltergeist cases that we've investigated in the past. Eventually, the family just moved away. Oh, they did move.

They did. They left number 63. They took their goddamn sweet ass time. Yeah, I don't actually know how long they were there for. Um, yeah, I thought we had gone across a couple of years already. Yeah. Unfortunately, moving didn't help either. Oh, God.

Donald come to. Donald, I mean, Louis came to. Yeah, they're all saying goodbye to the house. They're like, goodbye, house. It's been fun. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Au revoir. No, no. Donald, you're staying. Where to next, chums? No, no, no, no, no, no. We're just, we're heading out for a bit. We're going to be back in life. I know a great place in France.

No, we're going to, we're actually not leaving. We're just going to head out for some smoothies and shit. Oh, I love smoothies. We'll be back. Do you, though? I don't even think they existed when you were a child, when you were alive. So we're going to go to, like, the McDonald's and get some McFlurries. I'm flexible.

You think they have the Smarties McFlurry. I heard it's really good. How do you know about that? That's weird. Why don't you stay here? Someone's got to hold down the fort, you know? And you're good at that.

So, yeah, just... I'm just going to hide in Shirley's pockets. No! Stay out. No, no, no, no, no. Stay out of the pockets. Don't go into my daughter's pockets,

please. It's like, Louis, you still there? Nothing. He's like, oh, f***. Where is he? Are you still there, Louis? Shirley, take your pants off. You're not bringing the pants with us.

Luckily, however, the move really chilled him out. After that, he would just leave a few notes here and there to catch up with the family. Didn't set anything on fire. By 1965, Shirley was married and living outside of London with her new husband. Donald was pretty much gone. That's really nice to hear. Gotta say, finding a husband with that kind of baggage. I thought I had baggage, you know, according to my therapist.

But at what point in the dating process are you telling them about Louis? Yeah, I assume you're kind of at the mercy of Louis. Maybe hang out at their house for a bit. Put on some loud music. So if there's any banging, no one hears it. Keep pens and paper very far away maybe you could do something like playful with your uh your your online dating profile where it's like i i always bang on the first night or something and then and then it's like oh that sounds very sexy you're like i have a poltergeist

there's a ghost in my walls i know that a lot of our listeners would be into that but i think the general public might look at it a little differently Oh really? You think they're not into that? What having a poltergeist as a best friend? Yeah like that wouldn't go down well on Like dating apps and shit What's on your profile?

Because you've got a worried look in your eye I tell people I'm 6 foot 3 and have a spooky willy You're saying I shouldn't do that? Is that why my matches are low? You shouldn't lie about your height and you definitely shouldn't use the word willy in a profile no matter what. The last time Shirley heard about Donald was in the 80s. She was minding her own business, wandering around at a craft fair when somebody tapped her on the shoulder. It was a woman that she didn't recognize. Excuse me. I'm so sorry to bother

you. This might not seem like much to you, but I'm a spirit medium, and there's an energy following you. Just keep walking, Shirley. Just ignore it. Just pretend you thought they were a homeless person. Just keep going. This energy. He's a little boy

in fancy dress. There's no way. Blue satin, and he's got red hair. There's no way. Blue satin and he's got red hair. There's no way. There's absolutely no way. The medium said he has a message for you. He says he's sorry for how he behaved. He needs you to

know. Arrest this woman. Arrest this woman. She was the culprit. She was in the walls or some shit. There's no other way that this is happening it was her living in the walls the whole time he says he's sorry for eating all your biscuits i hope you can forgive me him it he he needs you to know he wants to be forgiven for all he's done. He says he's sorry, Shirley. How do you know my name?

He told me. He just told me just then. Maybe Donald's a little closer than you think. Is it you? You have to tell me if it's you. Winks at her. Maybe Donald wasn't a ghost after all but more of a medium yeah a psychic medium living in your walls all right it was you then quite clearly shirley's like i'm calling my dad i'm calling wally do it call him i'll give him the slapping of a lifetime just like i did before

how long have you been following me for you must have followed me here this is f***ed up one important thing to note is that shirley is actually still alive she's in her 80s now uh she still continues to say that every part of the story is true she is unfortunately the only surviving witness of the story, but she isn't the only source of evidence. Of course, there is also a cardboard box of Chib's case notes that he gathered

over the years that I believe is now in the hands of Danny Robbins, the person who created the BBC podcast on this very topic. Locked away in the MIB ivory tower, never to be seen again. You think if you even step into the room that that box is in, you wouldn't get out without being neuralized.

Hell no. That thing is in that big warehouse where they put the Ark of the Covenant on a shelf with a thousand other identical boxes filled with paranormal artifacts. We're never getting our hands on those, I'll tell you that much. Now, at the end of the podcast, of course, we do have to, you know, bring in a hint of skepticism about the case. If there wasn't one already. There are a lot of people that point the finger at Shirley

for masterminding this convincing hoax. One piece of evidence in their favor is that Donald's demands seem to weirdly benefit Shirley quite a lot. The cookies and the ice cream, namely. She was given her parents' big bedroom. She was given money for makeup and clothes and hairstyles on Donald's insistence.

Oh my God. She was given attention and presence by journalists, allowed to go on TV. This is so funny. I mean, this is fascinating because of course, of course, as normal people, we're sitting here feeling sorry for the poor little tyke. But what you're saying is this was actually a misplaced pity

that she was actually doing pretty well out of this i think it's kind of a little bit of both you know this is like the earliest version of uh going viral for doing something bad like she was the jake paul of 1950s south london yeah it's kind of like imagine you were at a baseball game and you shit yourself on the big screen while the camera was looking at you. Traumatic thing to happen. Probably scar you for life. But also next week you would be on Ellen as the baseball pooper. Yeah.

You'd be viral. You'd probably be doing interviews with NBC and Good Morning America. I seem to remember my friend was telling me about how a number of years ago at, I don't know if it was Glastonbury or one of the other big British festivals. Oh, Toilet Girl? A woman fell into the poop tank, the poop reservoir, the poop deposit box of the festival site and became known as, I guess, Poop Girl. Or Shit Girl, yeah. And kind of became low-key famous yeah so it's kind of a similar thing here is a traumatic experience that is breeding some rewards which is

what we don't like that is that's our don't like to see rewards that's the canary in the coal mine oh you wrote a book about your alien abduction and now you're doing a tour trying to sell it that's a little fishy bud someone who'd gone through that for real wouldn't want to talk about it that much what i want to see is that guy we covered in a very early this paranormal life episode who was just like the aliens shot my fingers off i wish i was dead but instead i'm here talking about a ufo yeah yeah that's what we want. Missing limbs. Preferably with plasma rifle scorch marks around the arm area. Also, an interesting thing to note is I heard that this case was big because of the BBC podcast, and I assumed that it was a big case that maybe we'd missed over the years.

It turns out before the BBC podcast came out that focused on this, this wasn't really that popular a story. Even if you go online and search for any research that you can, there's really not that much that's been posted before the air date of the podcast. There was a book published on October 1st in 2013 called The Poltergeist Prince of London, the remarkable true story of the Battersea Poltergeist. But I think it's a little bit biased as it was co-written by Shirley Hitchens. Right.

Not exactly a journalistic, completely independent take on the whole thing. Yeah. It's kind of like writing a book being like the Battersea poltergeist. Shirley was right all along written by Shirley. Okay. I don't think we're going to get a healthy dose of criticism or critical thinking in that book necessarily. Yeah. Well, you want instead is two paranormal investigators who get paid every month on patreon.com to say shit that would get them canceled uh anywhere else it doesn't matter whether we believe the case or not yeah that's what we got going for us our business model is making stupid uh bonus episodes i will say that

even though we said shirley did get some rewards uh in the. To this day, she says, it ruined my life. It took my teenage years away from me and it was not a good experience. Well, you know, there is a world where she did make it up and did stand to gain from it initially, and then it snowballed out of control and did ruin her life. Yeah. These aren't mutually exclusive concepts.

Yeah. You know, mutually exclusive concepts. Yeah. You know, it's kind of like a child actor. You know, they'll do an interview now where it's like, hey, what's up, guys? I played Richard on Sundays with the Glimbo's when I was six years old. I made a million dollars and now I am addicted to crack. It ruined my life and was also the best thing that's ever happened to me. Yeah.

It can be both. Important to mention, this week's episode is sponsored by Sunday with the Glimbo's new episodes coming weekly to channels near you. Make sure to tune in this week

where some familiar faces might be swinging by the Glimbo house. Uh-oh. Danny Glimbo's just off to college and little baby Glimbo is saying her first words. So tune in this Sunday with Sunday with the Glimbo's. It's back.

It's back, brother. So that about wraps up this week's episode of the podcast, investigating the Battersea Poltergeist. I'll be honest with you guys. When we originally decided to look into this case i had heard it was an eight part bbc series so i actually had the hopes of it being a two-parter our first two-parter in quite a while i was like let's really stretch this out tell this story beat for beat and then when i started to look into it myself, I don't know how it wasn't

a two-parter. It really wasn't. I think it works for that BBC podcast because they aren't investigating something similar every other week. Uh, they have the time to dive into every minute little detail. I think they had like an entire episode that would just be based around one paragraph in this story really breaking it down and the truth is this isn't even the most convincing poltergeist story we've investigated on the podcast there's just a lot of weird things that don't really make sense the key never comes back into it that seemed like it was going to be a big part at the start towards the end of the story this uh ghost ghost Donald is just leaving full written messages contradicting one another, kind of nonsensical. By the time I'd finished reading

through the story, I really was not convinced by any of it to the point where I thought I was going to be really on board. So we actually just trimmed it down into a chunky one-parter, which was quite difficult and a little bit disappointing, to be honest. You really had me. I was quite riveted by the great storytelling, of course, until I found out his name was Louis. And then I don't think I've ever switched off faster in this Paranormal Life episode

than when the ghost revealed himself to be the son of the king of france which surprisingly doesn't happen that often on this podcast um generally the identities of ghosts is slightly more believable than that it'll be like yeah oh it's the ghost of the old caretaker of the asylum. Yeah, that used to be built on this very site. Not like, I'm JFK, bitch. It's like, no, that would be, what's the likelihood of that? Yeah, I don't know. I would encourage people to listen to the BBC podcast

if they want to hear more on this story. Obviously, there was a lot that we were racing through that they go into a lot more detail about. obviously there was a lot that we were racing through that they go into a lot more detail about naturally um but ultimately as long as danny's hogging onto this box of evidence um you really can't find anything online to help really convince us that this happened and there should be a ton of shit i know we have pictures of stuff on the walls but that can't be evidence writing on walls. It's very easy to fake. It doesn't really prove much at all. So overall, just in general, I was kind of disappointed with this case

into the Battersea poltergeist. Not a great note to be heading into conclusions with, but that's where we are and we have to do it. Kit, what are your thoughts on today's episode? You know, the listeners could say, are you guys just bitter and jealous that danny robbins made us look bad by actually getting off his ass unlike us to go out into the field interview the witnesses get gather a box of physical evidence

because it didn't exist online then make a multi-part series for the biggest publisher in the world and then win i I think, a ton of awards and have a really viral success in that show. Yeah, I think there are currently two TV shows being produced as spinoffs from that podcast, which is pretty cool, you know, if that's what you're into, if that's what you want. I kind of like podcasting. What's wrong with podcasting, Danny?

Could be, but he is right, but the show was bigger than ours as well. Huge, enormous. He had Shirley on as a guest, which kind of was a cool thing. Are we jealous? podcasting danny could be but he is right but the show was bigger than ours as well huge enormous so he had shirley on as a guest which kind of are we jealous uh ridiculous no utterly ridiculous no you know none of that motivates us um but that being said it's a no of course it's a no double god damn son of a bitch it's a spiteful no yeah Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be a no from me this week as well. I think it's an interesting case and I do enjoy the beats of it because it does go some places that we haven't been before. But I mean, you guys have been listening to this podcast for long enough. There are better poltergeist stories out there. There are much

more convincing poltergeist stories out there. Ones that I think we've said double yes to on this podcast before. So if you're interested in hearing some of those, check it out. But today for the Battersea poltergeist, it's going to be a double no. No. Thank you so much guys for listening to this week's episode of This Paranormal Life. Thank you to Louis Blatherwick for editing this week's episode and Amy Grisdale for researching. Woo! That was a beefy one.

Let me tell you, that was a full three-course dinner. Jesus. All right, we'll blast through our little plugs at the end here

because, you know, we've held you guys for long enough. Patreon! Remember to go to patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life

Too long, too long, dude. Just speed it up. Email. You're taking massive pauses So this isn't like An efficient use of time I know but I'm just I'm getting stressed Because I can't think of the words

Short enough To mean something You know Email into ThisParentNoMoreLife Podcast at Email.com And head over to

Patreon.com Forward slash ThisParentNoMoreLife To get access to Bonus content every week Too wordy Too high It's not gonna work dude

I'm just I'm gonna try I'm gonna sum it up in one word Blindo that meant nothing you have to know that meant nothing

I got stressed and I crumbled and I said Blindo it was the first thing that came to my head you can't invent new words and I think that people will understand that

weirdly I think they will I think that kind of sums up the vibe maybe we just say all the links to everything to do with this paranormal life and the extended universe is in the description of this podcast.

Including our new awesome song stories. And all our socials and patreon.com on our website and merch. Yeah, that would work. Also, Blindo. Sure. Blindo one and all. Now that we've said it,

at least now in future episodes, we'll say Blindo and everyone knows what we mean. Let's go. Thanks for listening. Blindo. It's just a Thanks for listening. Blindo. It's just a hard stop. A hard stop. The one thing that we do, of course, at the end of the episode, along with Blindo, is give a special shout out to those who are supporting us on Patreon at the $20 tier.

So special thank you to Azure Menace. The Azure Menace was, that was the cancelled prequel to the Star Wars Phantom Menace movie. The Azure Menace was, it was about a fish that was also a Sith. Not quite as cool as A fifth?

Darth Maul and all of that. What kind of a fish can really hold a lightsaber? Or backflip or fight Obi-Wan Kenobi. Still a movie worth seeing. Might have been better than The Phantom Menace. Not hard. Thanks to Eva Castellan. Eva, do you have a castle or land?

Because if you do, I definitely recommend joining the Paranormal Commune. Of course, you will forfeit any property or possessions day one okay sure uh but what did she get out of it sense of community okay friends no no that's cool i just yeah yeah but just to forfeit everything life lessons about the benefits of hard work those are just some of the few benefits that you can get for okay as much gruel as you can eat i

am with you but like handing over a castle okay some pretty nice robes think about it even just think about it's a good trade thanks to brand bean come to brand bean for all your branding needs if you have a new product a website a company that needs a slick logo i actually do yeah i need a entire uh branding concept for my new startup throw it away brother what's the name of the startup throw it away throw it my way throw that shit away brother because i got the i got a name for it already oh neat uh so should i give you a bit of background about what the company does or if you want to sure it seems like you weren't expecting me to or don't need me to somehow but i've just got a name already it's okay it seems like no matter

what i say i won't actually change the name you have why don't you just go with the name you have for me the beans the beans okay so your company or your brand or whatever it is you want it's now called the beans it's just it's a it's like a startup that works on cyber security. I don't know if the beans kind of communicates that. Beans are in a tin. That's pretty secure. There you go. You've recovered it at the end, I will say. Thanks to Maggie Mac Glengoran.

Come on down to Maggie's Mac. If you like mac and cheese, mac coats, Macintosh computers, anything Mac, come our way. Anything. That's pretty... McDonald's? No, no, no. Copyright issues there. But not with Macintosh computers?

How did she get Apple products, but not a Big Mac? We actually talk a big game to get people through the doors. Mostly mac and cheese. Oh, right. Okay. So it's like,

yeah, yeah, we'll get you that laptop in just one second. Would you like a snack, sir? Thanks to Jose De Luna. Jose De Lusa. No matter what he tries his hand at, he always comes out on the bottom. Sorry to hear it. Prayer's up.

I've seen this dude walk up to the pins at a bowling alley an inch away from them and bowl a gutter ball somehow. That's f***. It's like directly sideways it's it's almost incredible how much this guy just loses it granted he would have been instantly disqualified from scoring by walking down the bowling alley so he got really deserved at that time i saw him once use a baseball bat at a baseball game to just try and hit the enemy players uh so he could run around the bases right and they ganged up on him and beat him up.

Of course, though. It's just crazy how he keeps losing. Just try and play and you'll get better eventually. Don't accept defeat. What's the point? He's going to lose anyway. Bring the bat out.

Thanks to David Everson. David Everson is every type of son. How many types are there? Fire son. Water son. A son types are there? Fire son, water son. A son that likes frigging baseball. A son that's good at singing or whatever. All right.

A son that's... I think you're just talking about Troy Bolton from High School Musical. He has a bunch of baby mamas. So like one lives in China and speaks just fluent Chinese and speak a word of English. Others live in like the Caribbean. Every possible type of sun. I don't understand what you are talking about. Every part of sun. Does he have a sun that is...

I promise you, whatever you're about to say, he has that type of sun. Half crab. That's ridiculous because that's not even a human. You said he had every type of sun. Don't be ridiculous. Thanks to Miles the Frogman Mallinson.

This motherfucker has so many crab sons, you would not believe it. He's got every kind of son. Frog son, crab son, snake son. It is insane. Would love to be a fly on the wall at Thanksgiving. Not literally. No, no, no, no, no.

Thanks to Rachel Sargent. Oh! Oh! Oh, I didn't know we had a person... A ranking officer. A ranking officer in our midst. Roy Powers, private, and Kit Buck, private, reporting for duty. Ma'am, sir, is there anything... Can we shine your shoes for you?

Roy Powers, private, Kit... Private's hanging we shine your shoes for you? Rory Barr's private kit. Private's hanging out. Sorry, I need to zip up here. Welcome to the ranks of the commune. Thanks to Leo Flanagan. Come on down to Flanagan's Mannequins. Well, you can get mannequins for any of your private or personal needs. Well, I do have a cybersecurity startup that's just secured a pretty sweet branding deal.

The beans? Is it the beans? We've heard about this. How do you know? The branding is working fast. This is very cool. What would you need Flanagan's mannequins for? I think just a mannequin to go in the front window of our office.

Doesn't really make any sense, but I don't think it has to. The beans are enough of a curveball that we can just do anything at this point. So just one mannequin, please. That's cool. Whole body, half body, hands, feet? Yeah, the whole thing.

The whole thing, head, body, feet. Do you want any privates? Penis, vagina, butthole? Anything for the... Of course not. Of course not. I don't know if I can make that work. I don't know if I can...

I don't know if I can make that work. You gotta have at least one. Just a torso then? Just the chest, body, arms, head. Chest, chest, body, arms, head. Just chest, body, arms, head. And open mouth, closed mouth. We're done here. We're done.

Thanks, Lass. Because I can't make that closed mouth thing happen either. You're selling sex dolls. You're selling sex dolls. Thanks, lastly, but not leastly today, to Pizza Time. Oh, hell yeah. You wouldn't catch this person dead in the paranormal commune because it hasn't been pizza time in years.

It's been unbuttered bread time recently. Right. Dry oats time. The last pizza party we had spent three years national budget for the commune. Yeah, I don't think your place is in the commune, but if you have a sibling, possibly sullied water time, they would be

more than welcome to join. Thank you so much to everyone who supports us on Patreon. Your support there really helps the show and everything behind the scenes, and we really, really appreciate it, so thank you so much. Guys, we hope you enjoyed this week's episode on the Battersea Poltergeist.

Shout out to Danny Robbins. No shade, brother. We love you. We love all podcasters, to be fair. That's a lie. Most of them. We hope you guys...

Danny wants you back. Rory was lying. We're fickle, if you couldn't tell. I hope you guys enjoyed this week's episode and we'll be back next week

with another paranormal tale.