This Paranormal Life - #291 Hawaiian Nightmarchers - Mysterious Ghost Warriors

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

Rory and Kit have always dreamed of investigating the paranormal in Hawaii - specifically investigating why the water is so blue and why the mai tais are so cold. But it turns out there are paranormal cases that require even more urgent investigation - Nightmarchers. It's said that in sacred areas of certain Hawaiian islands at night you can hear the marching of ancient ghostly warriors, and if you're unfortunate enough to cross them there can be deadly consequences. This is the story of the huaka'i pō.Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.comResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis Blatherwick Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do birds stay up there? Is the internet black magic or white magic? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Hello! Hey! Welcome back to This Paranormal Life. This is the weekly comedy podcast we're in every Tuesday.

Me, Kit Grimmelvena, Rory Pars is sitting across from me. We dive into a different paranormal case each week and get to the bottom of whether it's true or false, whether it's truly paranormal or not. Hell yeah. How are you doing today, Rory? Pretty good. You know, we don't usually answer our intro questions.

Go on. But how do birds stay up there? Hollow bones, I believe, is the scientific explanation. What's inside the hollow bones though? Nothing. Some kind of juice or magic or we'll see that.

It doesn't really explain much then does it? Smart Alec. If you're going to come with facts I'm going to need a bit better than that. Well maybe they're not

even hollow maybe they're just less dense than human bones. I'm not a smart enough man to truly understand this. I feel like you're putting me under the spotlight here and I'm crumbling. I'm melting. I need to pause and go outside and get a seag man to truly understand this. I feel like you're putting me under the spotlight here and I'm crumbling.

I need to pause and go outside and get a seagull and break its legs. To see what's inside. I simply have to know. And I won't take Google images for an answer because I know that's a lie. I know whatever they serve me up, if I Google that, it's going to be a lie.

The only reason I'd let you do that is because I know there's no way you'd be able to catch a seagull. I think you have hollow bones because of how weak and sad you are. Yeah. The doctor has advised me to not jump. And that if I get too excited, they might snap. That's right. Yeah. He told you not to jump, not because it would break your legs, but you'd fly away. You're that hollow inside. Right. My heart, my bones. Yeah, it is true. But Roy, I am not the subject of today's investigation. Don't try to make me because as always, we have a big paranormal case on our

hands, which we need to get into. I'm excited. How scared should I be for today's case? Should I have a fist cocked the entire episode just in case anything jumps out? Or is this kind of like a cool, calm history of some sort of event? It's pretty dangerous. I'm cocking the fist! But I would say that it is highly geolocated. To here? To here?

I didn't say that yet. I'm swinging! I'm, ah! My nose, man. I'm sorry, dude. Once the fist is cocked, anything can trigger it, alright? AHH! And you freaked me out saying it was in the room, whatever this creature was. How am I supposed to host this week's episode when I sound like this? Heh, your hollow skull just explodes into dust.

You scream like a seagull. The doctor said my head is a kinder egg. With no prize inside. You scream like a seagull. The doctor said my head is a kinder egg. With no prize inside. Rory, we are going to get into a pretty terrifying paranormal case right after some quick words from today's sponsors. Today, Rory, we are going somewhere we don't go quite often enough that is the bathroom sorry do you need to go a little bit yeah well I I didn't want to bring it up but actually I got up

at um the Prince Liara 4 45 a.m this morning that's crazy we're sitting here at a cool uh 3 30 p.m right now I was still awake I haven't gone to the toilet yet. Today? Yeah. Wow. You know me. I'm kind of a biohacker in many ways. I'm trying out this new hack to my bio where I don't exit my bowels.

You know what I mean? You can't fill up your bones with piss and shit by not going to the bathroom. That's not going to make you heavier. Well, as it happens pooping wouldn't be against the rules specifically i'm talking about holding in uh pee wait it's just a new thing i'm trying oh you're just trying not to pee as much my thinking is that you know how they say humans are like 98 water or something uh that's not true i think what if we were 100% water we were 100% piss what kind of 24-7 aquaman level of power would that unlock and granted i'm in pain sure and granted i don't feel good and i think in some ways i am

starting to turn yellow like something's gone wrong my skin is the wrong color there's no way this is going to be a good episode of the show if you have to go to the bathroom right because we do need to get through it yeah as i say i wasn't going to bring it up but i got about i'd say 13 minutes on the clock before you know it's clean up on aisle me okay well let's push through we'll see how far we can get we're in hawaii that's where we going. Hear the waterfalls cascading down in the gentle waves. Don't. I think the last time we talked about Hawaii

on This Paranormal Life was to investigate the Menehune. Yes, the little people of Hawaii. Yeah, that was a great case. I really enjoyed that one. I don't have a lot of knowledge of the paranormal history of the beautiful islands of Hawaii.

And I've also never been before, despite loving Jack Johnson. I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. The most Hawaiian thing of all. But no, it is true. You do like surfing and acoustic music and macadamia nuts. It's true. It's true. But despite the beautiful exteriors of Hawaii that we all know and love, there is, like anywhere on this earth, a

darker paranormal side. Now, on that investigation, I believe we mentioned something else which deserves a much deeper dive, and that's exactly what we're going to do today. Rory, how much do you know about the Night Marchers? Oh, we did talk about them on a previous episode

was that the episode where we introduced the wwp the world wrestling paranormal oh okay and i think i forgot that we had been talking about uh you could play the clip if you want we'd been talking about no time time. Got to piss, dude. Limited energy and focus. This would be good context for the people who hadn't heard that episode because I think it was a bonus one. Sorry, guys. Suck it up. All right.

Well, then I'll just explain it then, which will probably take twice as long for consideration. Well, Jesus. We talked about a bunch of different creatures slash cryptids that live on the islands. And these were one of them, the night marchers. And it's time to find out whether there's more to them than just a badass name. It is a cool name.

Our first clue about what these mysterious entities are come from Reddit, from a post by user NightRidingRN. They write, my cousin and her boyfriend were hanging out with their friends, being cool young people out by Cana Point on Oahu. These days, the entire area is fenced They write, Hell yeah. A.K.A. the holy trinity of being goddamn 16. And for some people, a lot older. Right, well don't art yourself this early. Some of the guys were sitting in a circle, taking it in turns, beatboxing. Not with 16-year-olds.

I want to clarify. Not with 16-year-olds. With other adults. We're not going to get. With other consenting adults. We're just going to assume that you're obeying all the local laws and regulations. I am. Always have.

Except when I. Don't say except. Don't say except. When I was 16 and? I am. Always have. Except when I... Don't say except! Except when I was 16 and it was illegal. Illegal? Yeah. Smoking? Drinking? Okay. What did you think? Sex? I don't know, dude. You're the one who took us down this road.

No one said I banged a 16-year-old other than when I was 16. Okay, this is too dicey. It was fine. This is too dicey for TV. What am I supposed to do down at Boner Creek? All right, that's what happened. As they say, some of the guys were sitting in a circle.

These are presumably the guys who weren't getting laid, sitting in a circle, taking it in turns, beatboxing. Hey, yo, check this out. Nice. What about this? They were having fun, but suddenly one of the group shouted for quiet.

Yo, shut up, shut up, keep it down. Jason, quit being a buzzkill. Shh, listen. There was a faint but distinct drumming sound drifting down from the mountainside. The teens looked up and saw a trail of flaming torches halfway down the hill above them. Terror swept through the party faster than chlamydia would if they hadn't been disturbed. Jesus. They hurriedly stamped out the fire,

grabbed their belongings, and fled to their cars that were parked at the top of the beach. Whoa, it feels like they know what this thing is. This isn't their first beatboxing sex party.

They could see the torches bobbing up and down, getting closer all the time the drums were increasing in volume and by now they could hear the torchbearers chanting in a language they didn't understand they piled into their vehicles and laid on not one of them moved a muscle they didn't even dare open their eyes they heard the crunching of heavy steps and shell-peppered sand. The chanting and drums were so loud they made the cars shake.

They couldn't have been more than a few feet away. The procession marched past the parked cars and towards the sea, and the rhythmics under the beating drums faded away. The silence was broken a moment later by crying. To this day, our Reddit poster's cousin wells up if she's even reminded of this memory and she has never turned to Cane a Point after dark. The writer of our story says she's always now extremely careful when she goes out for a sunrise run when she's camping in the region,

saying, quote, I just keep close to the shoreside and try not to look too deeply into the darkness. I'm sure they are looking from the shadows. Damn. So it sounds like this person even understands some of the context of the arrival of these creatures because they said they only go out now with certain times. I do agree. Although I would say that if I were having a teenage party on the beach and I heard an army marching and drumming towards me like the f***ing orcs from Lord of the Rings, I would probably hedge my bet on running and fleeing and hiding in a car, whether I knew the context or not. True, true. Yeah. I guess I just mean like, it seems like she knows

that. Right, she knows that they're coming back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why she's not. And it seems to be something related more to time or place rather than the fact of they were having a teenage gangbang down at the beach. No, well, no one's saying gangbang. I don't know what Rory Pires was up to at age

16. Right. That's definitely classified information. But what I'm saying is, it sounds like these creatures aren't arriving because they're upset by the activity that these kids are doing. Because we've had other paranormal cryptids who like, they like to go terrorize makeout points

and stuff. And they like, you know, the legends would say, oh, it's because you were having like premarital sex or something like that that's why the goat man is so angry yeah i don't have there even been that many i know that's such a horror movie trope but has that come up in cryptid cases i think quite a few i think the donkey lady didn't like it either if you're having sex on the bridge i guess it's a sin or whatever, technically, in the Bible. Whereas these night marchers seem like they just show up at certain times of the day or night, whether you're getting some or not.

I agree. I think this is purely circumstantial. I think the point is that adults who are not 16 or trying to get some are not usually hanging out this late at night in kind of natural settings. Good point. Rory, what the hell are you doing in that situation? Pre-night marchers or after they've arrived? What are you doing?

Are you running for the hills like this? Are you standing like a statue pretending to be a mannequin? I don't know. I guess if I had any prior knowledge of what this thing is, I probably would have tried to find out what it is. Yeah, I guess if it were you specifically, you might get down your hands and knees and say, I'm just a dumb tourist.

I don't know what's happening. Is this a thing that happens when the moon rises to a certain point? People like to go out and march with drums and torches? I don't know. I'd be very confused. Well, hopefully, Rory, the small amount of listeners that we do have listening from Hawaii, they will already know. They will be already very well versed in what to do. But for the rest of our listeners, we will hopefully be able to inform ourselves and them throughout the

course of this episode, because we didn't talk that much about the night marchers previously. So we're going to tell you everything you need to know about them. Now, in the Hawaiian language, they're called, and I apologize, there number of hawaiian pronunciations throughout this episode i didn't have a hawaiian language contact for this one so apologies for my pronunciations in advance but they are called huaka'ipo that name translates to spirit ranks some call them death dealing ghosts they're the spirits of ancient warriors that dedicated their mortal lives to serving their leader and continue to do so long after their death that's dedication many years ago hawaii used to operate on what is called a caste system and this is just like a rigid class divide, like in India historically,

or many other countries around the world. At the bottom of society were servants and social outcasts. Then above that, farmers and fishermen. Above that were professionals like priests, master carpenters, boat builders, dancers, and healers. The dancers are pretty high. Damn. Oh, yeah.

Well, you're going to need dancers in your society to have a good time. Above farmers? I don't know. Who placed these ranks? A couple of fucking dancers by the sounds of it. A couple of beatboxers. Whilst we don't technically have a caste system in, let's say, modern Britain, where we sit today, Rory, we do have something of a class system.

I do like to imagine that podcasters might have been quite high up on that list. Very high. Very high. Not so much that we are needed for anything, but just people might think we're dope. Yeah, we'd be a little above prime minister for sure. But I think most people would be at this point. The top, top top top tier were the ali'i and these were the chiefs of the realm they were the people in power and governed those below them when they traveled from town to town they would be escorted by a team of

guards willing to lay down their lives when a chief passed through a village, his warriors blew cunt shells and beat drums to announce his arrival. Priests, farmers, and servants alike were expected to stare at the ground to never, ever, ever make eye contact. The punishment for looking the chief in the eye was death. I hate that. That would drive me crazy. I'd want to look at him twice as hard. I hate that. That would drive me crazy. I'd want to look at him twice as hard. Just in that kind of way of like when you're standing on a cliff edge,

a little part of your brain is like, just jump. What would it be like though if you just jumped? Just have a little jump, yeah. No, well, this is out of anger. I don't like being told what to do. Oh, yeah, you wouldn't last in ancient Hawaii, that's's for sure but i also don't like being told anyone is better inherently than anyone else that is that is a roy powers golden rule of life i don't care if you popped out of a golden vagina and someone else was born in a mud puddle you can look each

other in the eyes it doesn't matter it doesn't matter this, noose around my neck at the gallows. And another thing, food should be free. We should all have burgers for breakfast. Release the trap doll. This shit would fire me up. I would hit him. I'd punch him probably. But isn't it crazy how much we still live with this stuff to this day? I mean, we're not going to get into it,

but I mean, right here in britain the royal family drives me nuts drives me crazy all right we're not gonna go there don't fire me up brother i seem to remember that we dumped a whole load of tea in boston or some shit to get away from all this it's like you moved back here you could have stayed in the republic the elite were so highly revered that they were seen as representatives of the gods themselves they were believed to have divine power which is why brave soldiers would volunteer to be their protectors these are the same warriors believed to be upholding these duties beyond the grave as night marchers. Ooh, damn.

You didn't tell me these guys had powers. All right, that kind of changes things because, well, can they fly or shit? What are they doing? What, are you changing your attitude? I'm looking down. I'm looking down for sure if this guy's got laser vision. I don't know that we've actually ever come across such a thing on this Paranormal Life.

I mean, in general, in this world, generally, if you don't retire from your job before you die, your death is essentially handing in your resignation. But what we're seeing here is people who serve during life and then never stop. I mean, I don't think that's that crazy from stuff we've investigated before. I feel like there's a lot of cases where, know a railway worker was killed by a train and now his ghost is seen in uniform with a lantern his person down the rail shovel and coal yeah i think that's quite a common thing you know when spirits who have suffered some sort of traumatic event in life uh if it's to do with their career and their job um that's actually quite common as you see them continuing to do that.

It's the same in Gettysburg. People say they can see the ghosts of Confederate soldiers still fighting out in the fields. This is kind of a similar vibe. So true, Rory. Or like when we heard about, wasn't it like Lincoln or something? Like his ghost is still riding that funeral train

to this very day. That's true, yeah. Just doing the last thing you were doing over and over which is a good thing neither me or rory died age 16 playing smash bros and jerking off not together but probably separately that's a good way to go to be fair it said that after the sun sets, the night marchers will carry torches and march down the mountainside. Usually, you will hear them by the sounds of the conch shell,

loud drumming, and traditional chants. Sometimes the night marchers travel with an ancient Hawaiian god or goddess rather than a human chief. Whoa! So you're gonna wanna look down, bud. Yeah, I will. That's not a fight you can win.

That's badass. They walk continuously until the moment right before sunrise before disappearing. But before y'all start to feel safe, Night Marchers can also appear during the day. Okay, great. It's said that if they need to escort a dying relative or something to the spirit world, they will appear during the day okay great it said that if they need to escort a dying relative or

something to the spirit world they will appear during the day i thought this was kind of cool allegedly the behavior of the night marchers depends on who they're escorting so like if they're escorting a chief that loved music they would be treated to some singing and enthusiastic drumming wow but a royalty that liked it quiet they'd be given the five-star uber not a word spoken ride that's pretty cool so in theory you want to be running into the night marchers who are escorting some sort of party god some sort of hawaiian van wilder right some sort of god that loves jaeger bombs yeah not and techno not some sort of god that loves Jaeger bombs. Yeah. And techno. Not some sort of warlord who passed away,

who hated the living. You don't want that. Some warlord who stops the marching right beside Rory's shivering ass. And he's like, I know he's looking down anyway, but let's just smoke him. He's like, no! Oh! I'm feeling bloodthirsty. Smoke him. They just smoke them. He's like, no! Oh! I'm feeling bloodthirsty.

Smoke them. They just kick me. But like any self-respecting Uber driver, these guys have got a baseball bat in the boot. So don't anger them. The list of things you can do to anger the night marchers is fairly short. It's basically, don't look at them and don't get in their way

that's fair and safe you see the old beliefs say that certain body parts of different chiefs were sacred and must never be seen by mortals and if a mortal did catch an accidental glimpse bolts of intense light to beam out from the eyes of the warriors. The victim is incinerated instantly and their body turns to a gas. Can I get a shred of evidence? Can I get even another testimony? I realize that there's a lot of backstory. There's a lot. To have to get through for you to truly understand their might. While I'm going to keep you hanging for just a little bit longer to get evidence, I am going to whet that appetite with some artistic get through for you to truly understand their might while i'm gonna keep you hanging for just a little bit longer to get evidence i am gonna wet that appetite with some artistic depictions

of what at least you're looking for out there okay feast your eyes on this rory whoa that is bad ass this is exactly what you would imagine guys a. A ferocious, glowing-eyed army of ghost soldiers. Of ghost hunks, I'll be honest. They are beefcakes. Long hair, jacked, rippling abs. Granted, the eyes are gleaming in the dark, but all I'm saying is these guys are in shape and you know they can surf.

Oh, yeah. I'm basically looking at what would happen if all of the Hemsworth brothers died these would be their sexy ghosts an army of beautiful bastards but you do kind of get the picture right I mean okay this particular image I'm showing Rory is somewhat cartoon like it's It's a little bit like, you know, what they might look like in the Scooby-Doo universe. But, you know, you get the gist. This is a ghost army, you know, which is not even a completely unique to Hawaii idea in itself. The idea of a ghost army, the idea of soldiers marching through just exactly the way they were in life. I guess because so many soldiers die in battle, right? So that's the last thing they were doing.

They make it pretty hard to not look at them. I know that's like a golden rule, but they're lit up like a f***ing glow stick, chanting and screaming and waving spears in the air. It seems weird to be like partying and marching in the night, like causing all this ruckus. And then someone's like, oh, I wonder what's going over here. And they're like, don't look at us.

What do you mean don't look? You're marching. That's part of marching is it's like a public thing. Unless you're marching to war, you're doing it like publicly as like a ceremonious act. Yeah. Not to draw the comparisons again, but again, royalty in this country or any country,

it was kind of a similar vibe, right? It was performative. It's like, even though we're wearing gold and wearing more jewels than you've ever seen in your life before on my pinky ring, don't look. Yeah. Bow, mother f***er. Look at your dirty little feet i am a god uh yeah that seems

kind of crazy if anything you think they would be like wearing hoods like monks and kind of like slinking through the trees uh rather than causing all this this ruckus but i guess if they're like maybe they got bored because not enough people were looking so now they're like really trying to tempt people they're like glowing extra bright and saying like hey we got free beers over here i don't want one right trying to tempt people they're like the goddamn guards from squid game they're like f***ing with people oh you solved the cookie puzzle i'm gonna going to snap the cookie anyway. Who are they going to believe? But I suppose getting back to the raison d'etre of these night marchers, you know, I'll give them credit.

The whole purpose is that they are protecting whoever they're escorting. Love that. I guess it's the whole thing is like we're chanting and marching to tell you to get the f of the way yeah run as fast as you can kind of like the queen's guard yeah i remember seeing a video of a little kid getting trampled by the queen's guards yeah he got absolutely taken out and the parents were just like come on come on and it's like you know i don't even know who to be mad at it's like, you know, I don't even know who to be mad at. It's like, I mean, you did like your kid was basically like poking a soldier in the head to annoy him. You can't do that in Iraq.

Right. So it's really not supposed to be much different. I know these soldiers look silly. Yeah. But they're not silly billies. I mean, I get it as well when it's a tourist who's like fake putting their arm around one of the the queen's guards was a kid man he was a kid you know like even if he was bugging you it's a child like you didn't need to stomp on him they did stomp him out they really did stomp out that little kid that was great oh i'm sure no one agrees with me, but come on. It's entertainment.

There's not much to laugh about in this country, Roy. We all need something to laugh at every once in a while. Sometimes that's a little Italian kid getting stomped out. Okay, Roy. Well, I'm glad to hear that you're vibing with the images I'm showing you, even

if they're, to be clear, not evidence yet. To understand this further, to be clear, not evidence yet. To understand this further, like you say, we do need to hear about another sighting. Thankfully, there are many more sightings from modern times to look into. Hell yeah. Which we're going to get into right after a quick break. Okay, Rory, here's another sighting

from that same Reddit thread we talked about in the beginning. User WashYourClothes heard the next story from one of his teachers. He writes, When my teacher was younger, he and his friends were on the big island on some kind of Boy Scout type trip. He had spent the whole day hiking down from the mountain and trekking across the lava field. They set up camp and when it was getting dark, that's when they saw the torches far in the distance where they had been earlier in the day. They figured it must be fishermen or something, but they kept watching the lights traveling towards them. The lights were on the same path the boys had walked that day and somehow managed to cover a great distance in 10 minutes that took the kids hours that afternoon. A ghostly distance.

Their stomachs churned and their hearts sank. That was when they realized what they were seeing. Night marchers. Their trip leader quickly took charge. Boys, get in your sleeping bags and zip them all the way to the top. Keep your eyes closed tight and think humble thoughts. Is that something he added in? Humble thoughts?

I haven't heard that one yet. You can't even not look at them. Yeah. You can't even think about them. That's pushing it. Which is bad for you because you've got clearly a problem with authority. I do. And even if you're looking down in your head,

you're like, you're like, you're a piece of shit, you son of a bitch. They're like, one of those sleeping bags is thinking some nasty shit. That's crazy. These motherfuckers are like the Ark of the Covenant

in Indiana Jones, where you just can't even look at it. Right. They're coming by or else they're going to melt your face like they did to all the Nazis. This is powerful magic. I'll tell you that much. Except these guys don't even care who's a Nazi and who isn't. You can be kind of a nice person and still look at them and they will smoke your ass. I mean, this story isn't over yet, but I thought it's fascinating at this point, again, how prepared this teacher is. Like, I'll be honest reading this in my mind as a teacher, I'm trying to weigh up the likelihood

that these kids get smoked by night marchers against the likelihood that the kids go back to school and tell all the parents, yeah, our teacher was pretty f***ing weird last night and made us do some weird shit and zip ourselves into our sleeping bags and said to think humble thoughts. Like, they're going to think I'm crazy.

Yeah, what's the worst thing? All the children die or you're an assumed pedo. But he doesn't miss a beat. He's like, we have seconds like we have seconds that's a good scout leader right there and it makes sense you know scout leaders famously resourceful uh good decision makers um yeah this next line he starts handing out suicide pills okay children less they get you because there's no way timmy over there is able to think humble thoughts he's a little shit and he's got a problem i saw the way he handled those knots you're a horny little bastard

needless to say the kids did as they were told and the young teacher's whole body was coursing with fear as the sounds got louder he was overwhelmed by dread and his body suddenly felt like it was being crushed the pain and pressure were so intense that he lost consciousness he woke up later on still sore and now soaked in his own piss what this guy isn't cut out for teaching no not even boy scouts you shouldn't well to be fair to be fair when you sign up to be a scout leader, they don't warn you about the night marchers. That's not something that you have to have a qualification for.

It's like, yeah, I got my first day training. I have experience working with kids before. I taught at a summer camp. It's like, oh, it's very impressive. And what about the night marchers? How would you handle beings from another realm? You got that badge you son of a bitch uh no you're gonna piss yourself little pissy boy little pissy pants boy uh yeah

you shouldn't have to learn how to deal with ghosts from beyond the grave to be a scout leader maybe a what do you call a graveyard man a gravekeeper, not skeleton, but there's a real word for it. Crypt keeper, is that it? No. No, that's a skeleton again. Bone master, is that it? Tomb lord? There's a grave goblin.

Grave digger. If you're like the maintenance man, you know? Like the cleaner of the graveyard. Gravekeeper, I think. Gravekeeper, I think that's what I'm thinking of. Yeah, if you're a gravekeeper, sure. I'm sure part of your CV has to involve the qualifications you have to deal with ghosts and lost souls.

But a scout leader? No. But in Hawaii, apparently, our Reddit poster goes on to add, I'm not much of a believer in the supernatural, but there was no doubt that my teacher had experienced something. He was very serious. Wasn't the kind of guy to exaggerate or joke around. I also heard a story from a different teacher who said that he witnessed some kind of night march or party going on at a castle hall in Punahou school he said sometime late at night when no one was around

it was like tons of loud banging windows and doors opening and shutting lights flickering and then all of a sudden it stopped suddenly damn granted he says this guy was more the type known to make up ghost stories and such he would tell us a lot of creepy stories but again getting such a picture that like, lots of people have tales of the Night Marchers, know what the Night Marchers are, and are pretty much shit scared of them. Yeah, I mean, this is obviously something

that's been handed down throughout the generations, because it seems like even people who haven't seen them before, still when they hear the drums and see the lights, they know what to do basically which is cool you know whenever we try to draw on our own culture to try and relate to these kind of cultural stories you know we'll talk about things like in ireland you have the banshee and stuff but do lehan leprechauns but if you were out at night or any irish person was out at night or any Irish person was out at night, I don't think any amount of hearing a scream in the distance is going to make them bolt to their car, lock the doors, lie down, shivering, pissing yourself in fear.

Yeah. It shows how real this is to some people. All of our stuff is like kind of playful and silly, like little leprechauns that'll take your shoes or something. Yeah, I seem to remember there was something about a guy at the pub trapping the devil in his pocket. Yeah, silly little legends like that. The Nightmarshers don't f*** around. It does not seem like you want to mess with them. One of them had laser vision to incinerate people.

So I think we now understand what they are. We've heard some of the eyewitness testimonies of what it's like to see one of these things. What is the paranormal explanation for what's going on here? Obviously, these guys are warriors. They've passed from this world, and their restless souls, I guess, are trying to keep their claim to the ancestral land.

They definitely have a problem with people being on their land and not respecting it. That's for sure. Maybe they're out to avenge their own deaths. Now, some people think they're marching to find an entrance to the next world so that they can finally enter the afterlife. They haven't gone that far. If they're looking for the entrance to the afterlife.

They're just checking the same mountain. Yeah, they're like, maybe it's the other island. island it's like it could be on another planet we don't know i thought we kind of knew what their purpose was i thought they were escorting the dead right or was or is that just that was their purpose in life and so i guess it's are they still doing that just after the fact in death um or are they trying to get somewhere else are they trying to break out of this cycle? Can you imagine dying? And then the night marchers show up and it's like,

oh, are you here to lead me to the afterlife? And they're like, brother, you're here. It's here. We don't know where the fuck to go. We just keep finding you guys and adding you to the army. Craig's been doing this for 25 years. And honestly, I'm starting to think I'm going to be here as long as he is.

There was like four of us when I showed up. Now there's a night marcher army. We keep hoping one of you guys who was alive knows where we should be going. Are you here to take me to the place of eternal rest? Just take the f***ing drum, man. Just take the drum. We're going to the next island.

Maybe there's some over there. Yeah, man. We're going to the place of eternal rest. I don the f***ing drum, man. Just take the drum. We're going to the next island. Maybe there's some over there. Yeah, man. We're going to the place of eternal rest. I don't f***ing know. We're just going to go up to the mountain. We think there's some kids banging up there. We're going to go freak them out. But within all the speculation,

what is agreed upon is how to deal with a night marcher. And you know, on This Paranormal Life, we love to give our listeners practical advice, often on how to deal with a night marcher. And you know, on this Paranormal Life, we love to give our listeners practical advice, often on how to survive the paranormal. So let's do it. All right. There is only one way to survive. You run, you hide, you hit the deck,

and you close your eyes. Okay, okay. So the scout leader was kind of hitting a lot of the right notes. But maybe the better way to think about this is what are the telltale signs that you are about to encounter the night marchers? What are the ways that you can avoid ever coming into that circumstance? Yes, that's a good point.

Because if you can avoid the situation altogether, then if I was that scout leader, I wouldn't even need to pick up one of the children and throw them into the crowd. I could avoid that situation entirely. And look, no one's victim blaming here. We're not going to tell any teens. They can't have beatboxing makeout sessions, but we just need to do that safely. Yeah. All right. The number one warning sign that you are in danger of night marchers, you are in Hawaii. Because if you're not in Hawaii, I'll be honest,

there's not a big amount of worry here. But there are other signs. Allegedly, what goes along with these sightings are things like a heavy wind, lightning and thunder, heavy rain, a big swell of surf, rows of spirits carrying torches. All right, well, that's a giveaway. Yeah. Chanting and drum beating, potentially accompanying mist or fog coming out of nowhere.

And this one is very weird. A kind of foul and musky death like stench i love that so many of these subtle hints as to the appearance of the night marchers some of them were just seeing the night marchers you're like here's a hint they might be nearby you see them you see the torches okay there's not much i can do in that situation that's not really a hint of what's to come that's what's a subtle hint we'd be seeing a 12th century chief guarded by 12 foot warriors it's such a bad way to give advice or to warn people it's like oh here's one way to tell uh if they're

nearby oh i don't know can you see one is he pinning you to the ground with a spear like are you helping me or being mean to me i don't understand but there are also cues about even what time of the month that you might see them's said that ancient spirits are thought to be most active on the 14th night of the new moon and also near sacred sites such as temples, caves, areas that are once visited by the Alii. That's pretty interesting that they come on, it sounds like, bang in the middle of the lunar cycle.

Yeah, yeah. Pretty believable. So there is some kind of way lunar cycle. Yeah, yeah. Pretty believable. So there is some kind of way at least to forecast their arrival. If this didn't feel paranormal already, that does. When the moon's getting involved, hell yeah. The moon is the sun's paranormal brother. Now, unfortunately, one of these last tips for avoiding the wrath of the night marchers

largely comes down to the lottery of life, because it turns out who you are determines how you get treated. It's said that if they come across you, and basically they don't like the look of you, they're going to shout the Hawaiian for, let him be pierced, Jesus. And they will, as we say, smoke you. But if you're one of their descendants they will cry out

something to the effect of mine claiming you as one of their kin and the whole army will pass you by leaving you unscathed okay not to bring up the banshee again but i always find it kind of interesting when there's like an ancestral angle to a paranormal entity or encrypted or something i know with the banshee the original idea was that the banshee only screamed when one of the great families of ireland died i think famously there's like five families or something it's like you, names like the O'Neills, the O'Briens, the O'Connors. And you kind of have a not completely dissimilar concept here where these paranormal entities respect the ancestry and the history. Yeah. Yeah. For better or for worse, I guess. All I know is I'm getting speared and I'm worried that ghost spears feel a lot like human spears that is the problem because you know all of hawaii has a bit of a problem with tourism and getting overrun by tourists yeah so you know

this rip curls short wearing flip-flop wearing oakley sunglass pasty motherfucker is getting speared by the night marchers they'll go out of their way they'll go off the path to spear us dude like with all these they'll come into the airport they'll get me before i even set foot on the motherland i i walk up to an ancient warrior i'm like you know where i can get some soft serve around here we look like ugly twilight. Ice white, thin boned, fragile little Victorian children. That's what we look like. So they'd be able to spot us from a mile off. And as I say, you might be getting the picture

that lots of people have seen the Night Marchers, and they really have. There is so many official sightings of night marchers there's a hundred year old school on oahu that claims to have regular visitations there's a ranch on the same island that was built atop the graves of hundreds of high-ranking ancestors and the night marchers appear so frequently that there are frequent car accidents on the nearest road. Wow. At La Perouse Bay in South Maui the marchers roam across the solidified lava landscape. The town of

Kaunakakai on Molokai is rumored to be a night marcher hotspot as it's home to the remains of a sacred temple site. But despite how old the sightings are, we kind of have an interesting problem. Again, not that dissimilar to the Irish legends, that Hawaiian is of course originally an oral language. So there aren't any written records until the 1800s. And granted, there are some then, such as in 1883, but before that, it's all oral tradition and legend. I guess if the legend involves ancient ghosts, the story can't be that ancient because the people wouldn't be ghosts yet. That's like saying there's not many stories about victorian children ghosts from

the victorian times like the children were alive they were alive and fine they were probably telling stories about i don't know medieval peasant ghosts yeah i mean that would be interesting wouldn't it like at least with like you say victorian ghosts in england we can be like all right i know when that mother died because he's wearing a pocket watch. So it's a pretty narrow window. Yeah. It'd be interesting to know when, yeah, these night marchers come from, but it could be probably quite a long time through history.

I mean, based on their weapons, yeah, it's looking pretty prehistoric. Rory, you and I both know that what we need right now is some physical evidence to take this MFing story home to prove that the Night Marchers are real once and for all. Absolutely. And I think that's why we have no other choice but to go to Hawaii ourselves.

All expenses on the This Paranormal Life company card, of course. Tour all the islands. I'm sure we have some fans out there. Be cool to just like hang out with them, eat their food. I think Jack Johnson's on tour too, so we could probably catch a show. That would be great, yeah. And then the Night Marchers.

The Night Marchers as well. Right, right, right. We'll like just go hook up in the woods. Not with each other. Not with each other, necessarily. We'll see what happens. I don't know. Maybe the island vibes will create some sort of magical feelings of love.

Who knows? No. Who knows? No. Who knows? Anything can happen. Anything's possible. And we can investigate. Focusing on a weird amount. You know, investigate each other, our emotions, our feelings.

All right. We're getting off track. But then also, the night march. I have a video. I have a video to show you. So you're going to be like, I have a wife. You should know that now I have a wife. You should know that already also.

A video, even better, of you or, no, the marchers. I was encouraged, nay surprise, nay overjoyed to find that one place on the internet where people have been talking about night marchers is TikTok. Really? Wow. That's a strange place. been talking about night marchers is tiktok really wow that's a strange place there is a video floating around tiktok supposedly showing a woman walking through a forest and she catches a night marcher on camera rory here's the tiktok in question all right cassie smith was hiking at oahu hawaii when she captured it so. She believes it to be a night marcher. Her phone also was able to catch this photo. Is this real or fake?

Okay. Okay. The video. Is this real or fake, Rory? It's a yes or no question. The video shows like kind of a blurry thing moving in the bushes. She managed to capture this on video. Yeah, it's kind of like a ghostly

apparition fading in between the branches sure uh it looks pretty weird don't really know what's going on there then it goes she also managed to capture this picture and it's just a f***ing like full man ancient being like it not not even transparent or translucent a solid being made of matter standing in the woods looking directly at the camera. I will say it does look a bit different to the video stills that we saw. It looks completely different. They just shot. Look at that.

I will say it's pretty creepy. Yeah. Yeah. No, it is terrifying. I'm not going to say it's not terrifying, but that is straight up not paranormal. That is a physical being. That exists in our world. We don't know that.

Oh, I do. Yeah, for sure. Okay. Don't feel like I won Rory over immediately with that. But I will say, you know, going through other night marcher topic videos on TikTok, it was quite encouraging to read the comments. We don't always have like super up-to-date conversations nightmarcher topic videos on TikTok, it was quite encouraging to read the comments. You know,

we don't always have like super up-to-date conversations happening about all these beings or cryptids. So it's quite refreshing to go through comment sections and, you know, on another popular video about nightmarchers, we have people just putting in their two cents. You know, one guy says, I've lived on Kauai all my life. And whenever I was told about nightmarchers as a kid kid it scared me every time i went camping another one morgan parsons says i used to live on oahu when i was young and my school took a trip to the big island and i swear we heard them during the night another person giovanna said i used to live in hawaii and i've experienced night marchers i swear on my life there's a lot

of people in there saying that they have either heard them or seen them or whatever. Fair play. Fair play. And yet at the end of every episode of This Paranormal Life, Rory, we do have to decide whether our case is truly paranormal or not. So on the case of the Hawaiian night marchers, where's your head at? You know, I really like this story. Usually when we investigate ghost stories, there's a bit of a struggle that we have to explain why they're still here what their motivation is what their history and lore is but for these guys it's pretty clear cut i mean they had a purpose in life they kind of seem to have a purpose in death and they just seem to be doing that kind of sporadically um not sure why they're so easily agitated i mean why are you so concerned

with the world of the living if you are a ghost soldier should you be fighting other ghosts maybe i'm not sure again this is you with a noose around your neck to my throat yeah honestly i think you guys are your fights with yourselves so yeah the only problem is even though we have this cool history and this cool explanation behind them we're just lacking that evidence which is always something we're going to come up against with ghost any cases god damn it it's always a problem because that's the whole point you can't see them you can't touch them they don't leave footprints behind. You know, our UFO and our cryptid cases usually has a bit more hardcore evidence, but for ghost cases, it's a tricky one.

It really is, Rory. We have had kind of next to none, you know, I will say there are a handful of people out there who claim to have seen footprints, you know, after the fact, or maybe they heard them when they were camping and then they went out and they looked and they saw tons of footprints but yeah nothing so compelling nothing that i have photos of to show you um certainly it seems for something so well known it is fairly thin on the ground and maybe this does wade into that territory of kind of some of those more ancient uh north american legends and beliefs where, you know, even the believers don't even know if you can get a piece of physical evidence.

Yeah. You know? We just got to go, man. We just got to go. Check it out ourselves. A couple days surfing in Maui, of course. Yeah, just to take the edge off. Maybe stay at the Four Seasons.

I've heard that's quite close to a hot spot. Really? The night marchers are frequent at the Four Seasons? I've heard. I've heard in the spa. I've heard that. Okay. Okay. I think it's probably worth... Yeah. A little more investigation.

Get our hands dirty. Well, quite clean, actually. Quite clean, actually. Sparkling. Sparkling clean. I'm down. Until then, no. It is a no. We land and our local listeners murder us for being such ignorant assholes. We're like, the night marchers. No, we're humans and we just don't like you we're just vigilantes rory i think we are avoiding the inevitable here i think we probably don't have enough evidence uh to go down on a yes today it's a no it's a no from me unfortunately no but I would love to hear from our Hawaiian listeners. If you have any input of your own, whether you have heard or seen of them or have any physical evidence

of your own, maybe you have some travel tips of where you can show us to explore when we inevitably do go for a, let's just ramp it up to six months. I think we could do a cool six months there. Are you a scout leader? Are you a scout leader that will take two brave boys on an adventure we need some badges namely the spa badge and the surfing badge i would say these guys right up there with probably some of the cooler poltergeists slash ghosts we've ever dealt with before a ghost army with spears that like to party that's hardcore I can get on board with that. Couldn't agree more. Well, guys, I hope you still enjoyed this investigation

into the Hawaiian night marchers, despite it being a double no. You know, we did mention our other most recent case into a Hawaiian piece of lore, and that was the investigation into the Menehune. I'm just looking at it here. It was bonus episode 45 tell the good listeners where they can find that rory patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life and i hosted it so you know it's going to be a good one oh well that's quite

enough rory i could sit here and tell you all about patreon.com and the bonus episodes and how you should listen to them but why don't i just play you a little clip from that bonus episode? In one story, their payment for the job was one shrimp each, which I think is pretty affordable. Is that on the script you just read? Yeah, that's genuinely part of one of the stories. I thought it was a joke. You just know before the hand in the meeting, they were like,

all right, the humans really need our help here. So we're not going to like lowball them. We're going to play hard to get here. We need to go for some big numbers and get it. They turn around. One shrimp each. The humans are like, yes, fine. We reluctantly accept.

The humans have like trucks of shrimp. And they're like, ah, yes, of course. Get the trucks out. They only want one each. Get out of there. except the humans have like trucks of shrimp and they're like ah yes of course get the get the trucks out they only want one each get out of there i guess to one of these little guys a single shrimp is like a great white yes you could feast for well not that long i guess it's still no i mean they're still three foot tall which is only half the size of a human i guess if you how long would it take you? Like they need a happy meal instead of a quarter ponder meal with fries.

It's still a meal. Still a decent sized meal. They can't just, they can't just survive off a nugget. How long would it take you to eat a shrimp the size of half your body? That's a disturbing, disturbing image. Wouldn't you die? Wouldn't you get like magnesium poisoning like with sushi like uh mercury mercury poisoning uh maybe i think it depends i think it depends

though like how polluted your waters are right and in the crystal clear waters of hawaii that we will be enjoying soon rory there's not a dash of mercury okay that's good to know I don't know that for sure just for those guys as well as I said our fans out in Hawaii who are thinking about letting us stay in your spare room a shrimp a day does that seem like fair payment for us crashing there for like a couple months or whatever like let's not put a date on it because that is like makes me claustrophobic to feel like you want me out so i'll keep giving you shrimp and we'll just whatever call it even i guess yeah so we could like sublet someone's like apartment for like you think a shrimp a day we might cut it i think a shrimp a day is fine that's more than enough right who needs more than one shrimp a day i don't want

to poison these guys with mercury magnesium we're gonna be like the Menehune soon. Like our listeners will just see us foraging in the forest, ass naked, running away when humans come near us. Podcasting for a shrimp a day. We do have fun. We do have fun. What a great episode. And we will continue to make episodes set in Hawaii until we get to go there. Patreon.com forward slash ThisParanormalLife for all the

ThisParanormalLife bonus content you could dream of. Can you get something else there, Kit? You can get f***ing shit loads, Rory. You can get weekly after parties, monthly bonus episodes, monthly raffles only for patrons. A coin?

A literal golden silver coin? A literal golden silver coin. We're not taking the only for knights of the commune it's insanely cool i love that coin insanely cool limited edition uh 50 reward over on patreon.com and at the end of episodes we do like to give a shout out to people who are pledging on 20 and higher on patreon who get a shout out right here on the show. Let's jump into it. Special thank you to Lily Marion.

Lily, are you the Marion type? Are you looking to settle down with a, let's face it, below average individual with some self-esteem issues for sure? Dude, don't be hard on yourself, you know? Buck teeth, chubby waisted chubby wasted yeah man you're just being cruel ugly inside and out man where is this coming from because kids looking for a wife you son of a bitch oh that's right or you could date an absolute f***ing hunk 10 superstar like me

thanks also to alien Dreamcatcher. Alien Dreamcatcher. That is exactly what we need. Because these little greys, I don't know what they're dreaming about. But we need to be one step ahead of them. And if we can see their dreams, we can see their nightmares. Which would be very interesting. Oh yeah.

Thanks also to Taylor Power. Taylor Power? I love that band. Isn't that cool Australian rock guys? No, that's Tame Impala. No. F***. Taylor, can you hold a guitar or a synth at least?

I think she has the power to do it. Ayo! Thanks also to Jack Lazarus. If it isn't gotcha back Jack. He's the guy who's always gotcha back. But not in like a friendly way or like a brotherly way. He's always got a dagger in your back. Any opportunity to betray you, Jack is ready to go.

He's always gotcha back on his mind. I kind of respect the commitment to the bit. So here, here, Jack. Yeah, it's impressive. Thanks to April Foust. Hey, Roy, do you know when April Fools is? No, yes. commitment to the bit so uh here here jack yeah it's impressive thanks to april faust hey roy do you know when april fools is no yes it's april faust april okay but april's no fool all right she's a hardened hardened street detective right so if you try and trick her on april 1st you're getting. You're getting shot in the head.

You're getting dragged out back and shot in the head. Let me tell you that. She asked for a Diet Coke. You give her a regular Coke. Bang. Shot. No nonsense. Just a short run today.

Last but not leastly, let's give a shout out to Roland Hodgson. Keep rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling. Oh! Roland is a man who's never walked a day in his life. He rolls from town to town. He's insistent on it. He thought like, maybe if I start from a young age, it'll catch on the rolling generation. You know, he just like sits down and rolls like he's on fire. That's crazy. It's pretty bizarre. It's kind of a dystopian Wally style universe. He's a dirty person anymore. He is not hygienic. It's pretty bizarre. It's kind of a dystopian, WALL-E style universe.

He's a dirty person. Where people don't walk anymore. He is not hygienic. There's a lot of gum on the floor, it turns out. But hey, he's sticking with it. So fair play to you, Roland. So thank you so much to Roland. And thank you to everyone we've shouted out today.

We'll be back with more shoutouts next Tuesday, where we will also be back for a brand new paranormal tale. We will see you then. Bye bye, folks.