This Paranormal Life - #293 The Golosov Ravine - Time Travelling Forest Goblins

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Walking home from the pub late at night can be treacherous - dark alleys, sketchy characters, and the Golden Arches of maccie d's all loom threateningly. But if you make it home in one piece, and still in the 21st century, count yourself lucky because two Russian friends at the heart of today's tale lost 50 years of their lives when they took a shortcut through THE GOLOSOV RAVINE. P.S yes I realise now I pronounced 'cavalry' wrong every single time!Support us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeFollow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityIntro music by www.purple-planet.comResearch by Amy GrisdaleEdited by Louis Blatherwick Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do humans have hidden telekinetic abilities? What would happen if I ate a piece of dark matter? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life! Hello! Yo! Welcome back to This Paranormal Life. This is the weekly comedy podcast

wherein every Tuesday two paranormal investigators, that's me, Kit, this guy Rory across from me, get into a different paranormal case every single week and decide by the end whether it's true or not. Hiya. How are you doing today, Rory? I'm not doing too bad. I had kind of a weird thing happen to me the other day that I think is worth bringing up on the podcast. No time. I'm afraid we're going to get straight into a lot of feedback online about how we're not getting into it fast enough. That's cool. That's cool. But you know what? I am feeling generous. So you've got 15 seconds. 15 seconds.

I'm counting now. Okay. I don't really know how to sum it up. You know what? I take it back. 15 seconds was too long. You get... No, we're not doing it.

You're spending a lot of time just deciding how much time. No, we're moving on. We're moving on. I'll cut it out. So today's case... Can you pad for me a little? I just need to find my place in the script for a second. What do you mean pad? We're moving on. We're moving on. I'll cut it out. So today's case. Can you pad for me a little?

I just need to find my place in the script for a second. What do you mean pad? So you're not ready to go then? Not quite. No. Well, I feel like I can maybe tell my story then at this point. God, no. God, no.

We don't have that kind of time. Okay. Find my spot. And sorry, what? You haven't found it. Well, I lost it because you laughed. Did you hear the sound? Your laptop's powering on.

I can hear it. It's the Apple power-up sound. See, you're clearly not ready to read your script. It must have restarted or something weird, something wacky, because I had my fully edited script right in front of me. I need a bathroom break. I need a bathroom break. Okay.

Do you want to just stop the podcast? God, no. God, no, because the comments are rolling in. They're saying that we need to get into the case. This isn't live. This is prerecorded. So the comments aren't rolling in. I just think that they can sense it. They can hear it in our voices and they can hear that this guy needs to piss.

So what are we doing here? Just start the podcast. Give me your coffee mug. Don't pee in there. I'm drinking that. All right. I take it back. We probably do have time uh tell me

about your story uh i forgot who i was huh i forgot who i was and where i was for 30 earth seconds the other day you know when you wake up in the morning and you kind of have like a few minutes where you like don't really remember where you are you're like oh what's going on you're feeling like you're a little bit scrambled that happened to me for 30 seconds the other day. You got happy slapped walking down the high street and you blacked out. It was like a worrying amount of time to happen to the point where, because usually when that does happen to you, by the point you realize you can't remember anything, that's when it all comes back. And you're oh yeah well my brain wasn't just still like powering up yeah i was like 20 seconds into this mind meltdown right you were like i still don't know who i am and i'm pretty awake right now i don't know what's going on for 20

seconds you were the bodhisattva sat under the the plum tree you were a smooth-brained enlightened being before you came sadly crashing back down to reality. Yeah. I don't know a lot about science or brains or medicine. So anyone who is a nurse or a doctor, tell me if that's worrying. You had a stroke. You had a stroke, sir. I think you were dead.

I need to know if I need to have my brain scanned or not. The listeners of this podcast have been begging you to get your brain scanned ever since we started this show. Oh, I bet they'd like that. Those little MIB f***ers. Oh yeah, go in for a little scan, Rory. Next thing you know, Rory doesn't remember anything forever. Step this way for a quick scan, Rory.

You're taking out a commission indefinitely. Yeah, for a little MRI machine rifle interaction. That is what they call it uh that is really disturbing rowan it does sound like a potential intro question to an episode of this paranormal life um i'd love to dive deeper into this but we do have a different entirely different paranormal case to get to today. Okay, okay. As interesting as what happens if your brain doesn't know what it is? Unfortunately not, but it is 45 minutes long

and hence worthy of being a full episode of this paranormal life. Okay, fair. As I say, we are going to get stuck into today's case right after some quick words from today's sponsors. Today we are going back in time to Rory's favorite historical period. I don't, am I supposed to know what it is? I don't remember anything, dude. We were over this at the start.

16th century Russia. Ooh, okay. Something I know literally nothing about. Do you think you would have enjoyed 16th century Russia? They didn't have video games or monster energy drink, but you do like the gym and alcohol and they had both of those.

Okay, okay. That's everything I kind of need to at least survive on a bare minimum. Although speaking of bare minimums, there was a maximum amount of bears in 16th century Russia. So as long as you're down to kind of revenant style, fight them hand and fist in the forest.

That's kind of a workout. That'll do. We are in Moscow. It's 1571 and 100,000 Tatar soldiers are storming the city's limits. are storming the city's limits. Crimean and Turkish warriors on horseback, led by Khan Devlet Gidai, are laying waste to the Russian forces who are powerless to defend their own city, so overwhelmed by the onslaught. For weeks, Russian soldiers and civilians have been pushed closer and closer to Moscow,

the place that the Tatar forces want to capture once and for all, and today is their day. Is this about the paranormal? I just want to make sure that we remember. Are we doing a different podcast? I'm just doing a little scene setting, bud. Okay, it just seems really deep into like historical lore and this battle specifically. It's been like three sentences. Why are you being so harsh on me? I'm not being harsh. I'm enjoying it. Continue, continue.

Okay, so I'm going to have to start peppering in some paranormal things to keep your attention. I did notice you were dozing off just now. Some spooky shit wouldn't hurt. Even if you just scream now and again to scare me. Okay, that could be right. Ah, Jesus! Okay, there we go. The Tatar cavalry yelled to each other over the noise

of war. Take the horses. Start looking for survivors. It's time, brother. We're almost at the palace. They will pay for everything they've done to us. Moscow will be ours. Tonight the Khan will sit upon the Tsar's throne.

It's time to go. Wait, where's Steve? Oh, hey guys! I started the fire like you told me to. What? I told you to start looking for survivors, not start a fire. Ah, that makes sense. I was wondering, like, how are we going to take Moscow if it's on fire?

Like, that would be weird. Unfortunately, the fire, yeah, it is already out of control. They looked around them, realizing that all of Moscow was up in flames. The entire wooden city was crumbling to the ground. There was no way forward and no way back. That's why they should have listened to the story about those three little piggies. What? I don't remember what was wrong with the wooden house, but it didn't withstand the wolf. Yeah. I don't know if the wolf burned down the house though. Did he?

No, no, but he can blow it over. He blew it down, yeah. I think the whole point is that wood is shit. And what was the last one? Metal? Yeah, I think corrugated iron. The last house was 3D printed, and that withstood the wolf's force. I think in the last example, the piggy had, like, an attack dog or something.

Smart. Yeah, but I see what you're saying. Unfortunately, being 16th century Russia, there's a lot of trees available and less. 3D printers, so they ended up having to build the city, sadly, out of wood and not plastic. You got to do what you got to do, I guess. What do we do?

Even if we survive the blaze, we'll be captured and imprisoned. The leader of the cavalry looked around, seeing a narrow passage in the distance. It led down a steep forested path. God knows what was on the other side, but the fire left them no choice. He screamed, This way! Follow me! And what was left of their cavalry followed, narrowly missing the flames. They galloped deep into the ravine and before long they couldn't even hear the fighting

or the blaze. It was night and almost completely black except for some moonlight. If they kept going they might at least be able to join another unit or find a way out of the burning city. So they went to capture this city and in the process accidentally burned it all to the ground? Yeah, it's the problem with trying to capture a city as far as I understand is you got to balance killing and marauding the locals to get them out of the way. Right, yeah. With also keeping it pristine so that there's something there left to conquer.

And it seems that they, I believe they set fire to a lot of buildings to try and get soldiers and civilians out of the way. And then it kind of got out of control. I believe it's called aptly the Fire of Moscow. Ooh, okay. Any fire big enough to have a vent named after it is going to be bad. To have a Wikipedia page, yeah.

And it took down pretty much everything jesus that's why you got to be careful bringing fire into war because fire has no side fire fire has no allies and no enemies i always say it's a lot like except water of course enemy i always say an ally is wind and gasoline. Bringing fire to war is a lot like bringing Mewtwo to a Pokemon battle. He cares not for the petty squabbles of Pokemon trainers. He is levitating 12 feet above the Pokemon arena, and he might kill you as readily as he feints the enemy Charizard. Yeah, it's like bringing Mewtwo to war.

He cares not for the quarrels of men. He will just melt whoever gets in his way. Yeah, he's kind of a demented god that way. And fire is similar, completely uncontrollable, yet pretty cool to look at. Yeah, it's pretty awesome. But the further they walked into this ravine, the more they were surrounded by mist. It became so thick they could barely see their hands

in front of their own faces. In the moonlight, it looked green and thick. They marched for about half an hour when they saw a light ahead. Walking towards it, it got brighter and brighter. They could see it was a way out of the ravine! Jesus! Sorry, just making sure you're still paying attention like you asked.

I am, I am. I regret asking for you to do that immediately. When they emerged out the other side, it was a clear and beautiful day. Night had passed completely. They blinked in the sunlight as their eyes adjusted. They see a man and a woman walking by, looking understandably fearful of the soldiers. You there, which way to the palace? They decided to march towards the palace because either the Tatar forces had taken it or their army failed and they were surrounded in the enemy city and had to turn themselves in.

They were surrounded in the enemy city and had to turn themselves in. See, this is the problem with revolution, is it's quite a high-stakes gamble. You know, it's all fun and games when you're standing on top of the barricade, singing songs from Les Mis, swinging a flag, but whenever you're the last one standing and the enemy soldiers are surrounding you, it's like, ah, you know I was just messing with you guys, right? I didn't believe all that Viva La France shit.

Yeah, I love the king. Yeah, we all love the king. Yeah, dude. That's why they call me two-tone powers, all right? Because any conflict or war I've ever been a part of, I wear my enemy's uniform under my own uniform, just in case things don't work out quite as planned. I did the same for many of my high school basketball games also uh just in case when that buzzer goes and we're down

a few points whoa take that top off all of a sudden i'm on the winning team so it works out pretty well right i just seem to remember that back at our school games you were uh a bit too itchy with the trigger finger. And if the other team so much as got possession of the ball, it's over. You were ripping off your shirt, which is crazy

because then you can't even put it back on. Yeah, sometimes I just had a feeling like we weren't going to win before the game and I didn't even, I just ripped off the jersey

immediately and joined the cheerleaders for the other team. I mean, that's really galaxy brain thinking is if you just join the cheerleaders, you kind of can't lose. Exactly. You're not for the other team. I mean, that's really galaxy brain thinking, is if you just join the cheerleaders, you kind of can't lose.

Exactly, yeah. You're not in the game anymore. And if you don't think either team is going to come out on top and you don't know who to choose, start a fire. Start a fire in the hall, the assembly hall,

because the fire has no side. The fire doesn't care who wins. Because the fire cares not for the petty squabbles of inter-school soccer. When they arrived at the palace, it became clear that Khan Devlet Giray did not sit on the Tsar's throne. The Tsar very much still sat on the Tsar's throne.

They were completely surrounded by guards and archers. They dropped to their knees to hand themselves in, praying their lives are spared. They dropped their weapons. Their leader spoke up. We surrender to Tsar, even the force. We are the cavalry of Khan Devlet Gidai. But the Russian soldiers looked incredibly confused.

You know, Khan Devlet Gidai, all-powerful leader, pretty cool beard, bunch of wives and stuff. A Russian soldier broke the silence. Tsar Ivan IV isn't here. He's dead. Oh, nice. Did one of our guys get him? Or was it the fire? Sorry about that, by the way. That was Steve's fault, to be honest. If you're gonna be mad at anyone, blame Steve. Yeah, I didn't hear him right.

He didn't hear me right. Silence! You say you came to Moscow with Devlet Kirai. I wasn't alive then, but I've heard the stories. That was 50 years ago. Suddenly, it hit them. The daylight? No signs of the battle or the fire? Everyone wearing weird clothes?

The Tsar of Russia is different? He had a goddamn iPod Nano? What was going on? A Russian soldier picked up one of their weapons. I've never seen anything like this. Where did you get it? When the soldiers wandered into that ravine, they thought they were

in there for 30 minutes. They were in there for 50 years. Oh, how do these motherfuckers not know 300 years have passed? Wait, 300? Did you say 30 or 300?

I said 50. Oh, I read the fucking script where it says 4,300 years. Rory's been in the ravine. He's like, 300? 50 years, okay.

No, that's not okay. You should know if 50 years have passed, for sure, right? I don't know. I was thinking about this when I was writing this. Like, it's the 1500s into the 1600s. I don't know what that looks like.

I started thinking about what would that look like today? Like granted the 70s today, the big giveaway would be, I guess, like cars and maybe buildings, maybe clothes, but like, yeah, I don't know what the biggest giveaway would be. Yeah. I mean, as you say, iPhones for sure, but after iPhones, which, you know, you might not bump into a lot of VR headsets as soon as you jump forward in the woods. Exactly. Yeah. This is strange. Maybe 50 years isn't as long as I thought. Because granted, like you say, we would almost certainly notice the difference between 2022 and 1972. But I would imagine that if you're cutting the difference

between like 1850 and 1900, that difference is a little less stark. Yeah. And then if you go back another 400 years. It was all bad. You jump for 50 years and maybe it was worse.

Yeah, they're still making clothes from linen then and there was linen 50 years before that and 100 years before that. That's like jumping 50 years forward in medieval times and it's like has a lot changed no we still ride horses and eat gruel the guy who was the king he died now his son's the king yeah yeah it was charles the third now it's charles the fourth that's kind of the main difference now get back in the field or i'll whip

you dead all right awesome cool i mean there you go even here in the UK, we think so much has changed in the last 50 years. The queen didn't, by the way. Yeah, that's a really good point, actually. If you stopped a peasant on the street and asked them, which queen is it? It would be the same answer. Yeah. Now, Rory, the new Tsar at this point, Mikhail Romanov, ordered an investigation of the men and what happened. The inquiry stated that the men were, quote, probably telling the truth.

Something happened that night, Rory, inside the Golosov Ravine. Oh, the place where they wandered into. Exactly. Something happened between walking into that ravine i'm gonna say it might have been the green mist that they walked through they walked through the green mist in this ravine and they came out the other side 50 years later did you say they met people as well inside the ravine uh they did not oh i thought they did who did they ask which way to the palace? That was on the other side. Oh, right. They walked through the mist.

Then Lost Woods style came out the way they entered. Yeah. And it was 50 years past. Okay. Yeah, they came out and just saw some passersby. What the hell is going on here? Is this a time slip? Is this time travel? An interdimensional portal of some kind? Have we seen anything like this before on This Paranormal Life?

Yes. Actually, quite recently when we investigated the Hoi Baciu forest, another suspicious patch of woods and forest located in Transylvania, I believe. That's right. Where some people had reported, quote unquote, time slips going into the woods, believing it was only a very short period of time. And then coming out many, many years later where their family and loved ones had thought that they had died or disappeared. I completely forgot that. I think because the Hoia Baciu Forest was also, I believe, a UFO hotspot. Yes, it was.

Many UFOs, bent trees, goblins, I think at some point. No, I said night beasts. I think I said night beasts at some point. I never said goblins. I'll be honest. I forgot about the night beasts. I just threw in goblins to try and make a joke. I forgot there were night beasts. But I believe the UFO

elements of that story was almost a plausible way to explain some of the disappearances, at least at Hoibachu Forest. That's pretty interesting, actually. People went in and walked out thinking no time had passed when in reality it had been a few years. Could they have possibly been abducted by aliens inside of the forest? I mean, I love it. It was a double yes. So you're goddamn right they were. It's a rhetorical question.

You already said yes. I like that, though, because these are the kinds of lines of inquiry we're going to need for this case. Because we've got something very strange going on and we need to figure out what's doing it. Yeah. I know what you're thinking uh what would cause an alien to land on earth uh i don't know some sort of enormous fire perhaps do you think that could be a beacon hell it's like a big runway for these motherfuckers a galactic runway if the fire was truly that big that's interesting because we often on this show attack the logic of popular sci-fi movies where aliens seemingly all just open up Google Maps,

type in Washington, D.C., and beeline straight for that for no discernible reason. It's not even remotely one of the biggest cities on Earth. Why on Earth they would seek that out, I have no idea. I don't know if aliens are really like Wikipedia searching what's the biggest economy on earth okay it's the united states okay where does the united states leader live okay in washington yeah i don't think it's going to work that way i think it's more

me see bright patch of fire me land plane oh yeah and i haven't heard of a fire this big since uh my high school basketball game of 2014. The Colerain Titans versus the Port Shirt Smurfs. My home squad was a very famous blaze that destroyed half of the school, truly. And I lost many years of my life because of UFO abductions. No, but the prison sentence was harsh and fair. Juvie, mostly. Yeah.

Harsh and fair. Juvie, mostly, yeah. Harsh and fair. It was a little too much, but honestly, fair. The defendant was heard to utter the words, fair play, when he was handed down the sentence in Coray in court. I said, how can you arrest me? And I ripped off my prisoner's garb to reveal a guard uniform underneath. They said, that doesn't work here. It didn't work at the basketball game.

You're still going to prison. Rory's sitting in the judge's chair wearing a wig. The judge is like, I guess I'm on trial today, I think. We might be getting ahead ourselves a little bit there, jumping straight to aliens. But it's just a possible conclusion for this phenomenon. Rory, I live my life by the mantra that it's never too early to start discussing aliens,

but you might have a point. We have more story to get through before we get into all the nitty gritty of paranormal explanations. Now, this story would be worth talking about if everything we've heard so far were all, but it ain't. There's much more to this story. Much, much more.

Right after some words from today's sponsors. Alright Rory, flash forward 300 years and two local mad lads, Arkhip Kuzmin and Ivan Bokarev are stumbling out of their local boozer. Ivan,

I think I'm too drunk too much. Carry me home, brother. Hell no, bro. You definitely did drink too much, but that's on you. You do this every time. Sometimes you don't even drink. Come on, bro. I think you just get tired and ask me to carry you. You're perfectly capable of walking. Come on. No, there's no goddamn way. The last time I tried to

carry your fat ass, I sprained my damn ankle. I left my shoes in the tavern bar. All right, forget it. Let's find the way home. Wait, has Uber been invented yet? No, and even if it was, it would be surge pricing right now. It's busy as hell out here. I'm not paying for that either. Also, you have the worst taste in music. I'm never giving you the oxygen again. Shut up, dude. Alright, I'm looking at the map of Moscow right now. It looks like

there's a shortcut right over here. The man looked around to the entrance of the Golosov ravine. It was shrouded in green mist. A bat flew out and a crack of thunder rang out. Yeah, we can save five minutes if we go through here. Are you crazy? Just look at it.

Yes, Ivan, I am crazy. Crazy about the idea of getting home five minutes faster so I can eat whatever leftover dominoes I have till I pass out. Fine, let's just power walk it, get it over with. So the men ventured into the green mist and the darkness of the ravine. But it was far from straightforward. The ravine twisted and turned. They rambled over rock formations, forested verges and around strange trees, the mist getting thicker and denser all the time. They started hearing strange, unearthly noises coming from the mist.

Hmm. Twisting out of the darkness came strange, hairy creatures. They were humanoid, but definitely not human, making bizarre groaning noises. Ivan was freaking out. But Arkhip was too drunk to see that these creatures weren't just men. The strange creatures raised their humanoid hands into strange shapes, making hand signs over and over, but seemed to vaguely be pointing in one direction.

All right, Ben. Thank you, dude. Come on, Ivan. What the f***? What the f***? Sure enough, they saw a white light towards one edge of the ravine. They followed it until it became

brighter and brighter. And just like those soldiers 300 years earlier, they emerged. But something was not quite right. Hoverboards! F***ing laser blasters! They were on the planet Hoth!

And Luke Skywalker... No, there wasn't a Luke Skywalker. They walked home. But when Arkhip did make it home, he knocked on the door waiting to be let in. But the person who answered didn't open it the whole way. Who is it? Whatever you're selling, we're not interested. Alexei? Is that you? Stop being stupid. Let your father in.

Nice try. I don't have a father. He went to the boozer 20 years ago and never came back. He's probably dead. When both Arkhip and Ivan found their families, neither their wives or their children recognized them because, you guessed it, 20 years had passed while they were in that ravine, just like the soldiers of 1571.

The wives planned this. They are under their plan. Alexei's like, this is weird. Everything else looks the same. Pretty much unchanged. It's like, no, no, it's been 20 years. I don't recognize you. Who are you?

Lock the door. Lock the door. I'm literally holding a newspaper from today. The date has not changed. Whoa, we're ghosts now. We died. Alexei, get the gun. So these two men, their lives now, of course, ruined,

went to the police to report this paranormal crime, which I guess is interesting. I don't know if that would be your first go-to if you just lost 20 years of your life. To be honest, I might go straight back to the boozer and just drown my sorrows. But they did go to the police to be like, I gotta tell someone,

or at least I want to know I'm not insane. Yeah. I mean, I remember when my divorce was finalized and I just lost 20 years of my life. I don't know if we have time for this. Let me tell you, I went straight to the boozer. So, uh,

yeah, but that's my kids pretended like they didn't know me now. All right. So I didn't have to wait 20 years and jump into a magic f***ing puddle. Sorry. I think that got a little too, little too real. It's just that you didn't like fast.

Like you lived those years. Like you can say they were a waste. Like you could say that, which honestly would be kind of insane to insinuate that those years like you can say they were a waste like you could say that which honestly would be kind of insane to insinuate that those years of raising a family were not worth it

I guess is what you're saying but like you didn't literally lose those years these guys literally didn't live them would you say that you did a good job raising a wolf

if after 20 years the wolf bites you huh bud I don't know if that's a perfect analogy because I raised I raised a family that don't know if that's a perfect analogy because i raised i raised a family that

don't like their dad all right so uh yeah i'd say uh i'd say it was probably a waste of time waste of 20 years why did you raise him to be a wolf i didn't rate i want him to have wolf-like tendencies to be the leader of the pack right to be the alpha to only eat raw meat. It's a weird thing to do to a tiny daughter. Yeah, well, it works because she's pretty ferocious and she's not afraid to stand up to her old man. I don't think she's ferocious to everybody in life. I think you have just wronged her so many times that she is not taking it anymore.

I don't think that's being a ferocious, unmanageable, wild, lone wolf. She is the alpha. She is the alpha. She is the alpha. She is not afraid to stand up to her old man. Her old man has become the sensei. Yeah, that way. She truly has.

I'm proud of her. I really am. So it wasn't a mistake because you didn't lose 20 years? They can be shit and also the best 20 years of my goddamn life. You know what my green mist was World of Warcraft. I wandered into that, a level one f***ing night elf, and I came out of it a divorcee. All right? That was the mechanic to which I lost it all.

So they're pretty ironic that I have a level 60 wolf mount in the game, but I can't manage the wolves in my own family. They don't accept me. I'm not part of the pack. So rude. So the men explained their situation to the Moscow police department, and they took this more seriously than you might expect.

Because not only were there already local legends about this ravine, but the Moscow police already had multiple strange and mysterious reports of disappearances from surrounding villages all around the Golisov ravine. For that reason, the police wanted to investigate and accompanied the men back to the scene of the time crime to see it for themselves. accompanied the men back to the scene of the time crime to see it for themselves. The police disappeared. They were gone from the force for 50 years.

This is a strange crime to investigate because you have people disappearing so you want to investigate, but you also have people turning up from 50 years ago when they disappeared. That must be a hard thing to kind of juggle. It's like, all right, chief, we need to file a missing persons report. These two kids just went gone. And also these two 60 year old men just appeared from 60 years ago. I love the idea that the 60 year old man turn up and they're like, oh, I'm so relieved you guys are looking into this. So you probably have two missing persons reports right there. I mean, you can just tick those off and they're like, no, we actually don't have anything.

Really? No, there must be a mistake because my wife definitely would have filed a missing persons report if I went missing. I don't know what to tell you, bud. There's nothing here. Search again. Look again.

That would hurt. That would honestly hurt. Yeah, I know what you mean, though. It's like the sheer fact that people are coming back begs the question whether the people, I guess they are still missing. But if there's not a chance they're going to come back, do like, yeah. Some problems just take care of themselves. Your kids will be back in 50 years. It's like, why don't you two old motherfuckers

just go to the families that lost the kids we'll say there was some sort of time warp and we're just kind of patching each other which isn't really a lie which isn't really a lie because there was a time warp how are they to know you're not the children mommy daddy so good to be home what is for dinner over at Ivan and Arkip's house, 10-year-old girls have turned up and it's like, honey, I'm home. I'm a tiny girl now. As they say,

the police go with the men to the ravine. So gentlemen, where did you say the hairy man was? They're not men. They're different somehow. Okay, so they're not men. They're different somehow. Okay, so they're a woman.

No, you're not listening. Arkhip can explain it. Hey, Arkhip, tell the policeman what you saw. Arkhip? Arkhip's gone. 500 years into the future. He's got Bitcoin now. He spawned in the middle of a futuristic battlefield

where a robot soldier handed him a blaster and said, get shooting. He doesn't even know what kind of alien race he's fighting. Ivan and the police all looked around, but he was nowhere to be seen. He was never seen again. Why the f*** did you go back to the misty woods that makes people disappear? I guess they have nothing to lose at this point.

Like, they're like, you know, Fry on New Year's Eve. They're just like, f*** it, toss me into the cryogenically freezing machine. God knows what time period he ended up in. I like to think that he ended up in the year 3400 just looking for another pub to drown his sorrows in. We could have maybe had him on this podcast as a guest. So needless to say, Rory, the plot thickens. This isn't just time travel, is it?

There's now hairy giant humanoids. Yeah, that was strange. I wonder if that's just part of the time travel though. You know, like when you're going like blasting through that haze like worlds whizzing past. Right. There's like humanoid mankind creatures, omnipresent beings that are just like... You're kind of getting a glimpse of something bigger

as you zip through time. I'm imagining the medieval soldiers like, whoa, it's 50 years in the future. You saw that shit, by the way. You saw that shit in the wormhole. There was a lizard on a skateboard or something. Yeah, it must be so weird if you time travel that far into the future because shit would be whizzing past you you know like the little sound bites like Mr. Gorbachev tear down that wall for real

one small step for man one giant leap for mankind sure and then at a point you go too far and there's just a guy going and you're like go back go back did he have a planet for a head did that thing have a planet for a head? Did that thing have a planet for a head?

A-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-da. You're like, all right, yeah. What's the reverse button on this? Scatman John is here. I couldn't agree more. And I love that you're saying this because, to me, that's what takes this out of the realm of just time travel. I mean, it could just be time travel,

but clearly this is what makes it paranormal, is that we're kind of flirting now with other dimensions like those creatures aren't from this world yeah i think it's uh i may be wrong here so someone can correct me but i believe it's the popular story fictional story the time machine um where at one point the lead character takes the time machine into the furthest possible point in the existence of the universe. Oh, yeah. Okay. And all that's left on Earth is just completely sand. And he's just sitting there in the sand surrounded by giant crabs.

Right. That's all that's left. Just enormous crab monsters. And it's kind of like, yeah, maybe given enough time, like creatures adapting to environmental changes, you go forward thousands and thousands of years. It's just crabs. It's whatever has managed to survive. So maybe these omnipresent time lords are kind of the only thing that can exist outside of the passage of time. I love this. I love this. I saw a crazy article the other day. It's one of those

articles where as soon as it's done, you just need to close your computer and go sit outside in a field for like a day. Sure. And it was- Whiskey optional. It was basically that theory that time, the past, the future, the present is all happening at once. It all exists right now. The only reason we cannot comprehend it is because us as a human, as a vehicle, is the thing passing through time. We are only capable of comprehending it through the lens of a human body and a consciousness. Whereas it all already exists.

Everything already exists. We're just moving through it. It's my ant on a bit of paper analogy. I've been saying it for years. It's my f***ing ex-wife. You know, I feel like I'm standing still. Time is moving forward. And yet, and yet my life is nothing. Nothing's happening to me. Do you understand? I don't know if this lines up from a scientific perspective. The past, the present are all happening at once,? I don't know if this lines up from a scientific perspective. The past, the present are all happening at once,

but I don't have a future. Not in this relationship. This is you standing up in the middle of a Brian Cox lecture in like King's Hall or something. Get him out of here. Get him out.

Explain that, Brian. Explain that. So I think that human beings are quite complex creatures. You're telling me, bud! You're telling me! You're telling me! What an awful man voice. You're obviously in the wrong if you sound like that.

I love that. Granted, I am too much of a simpleton to truly grasp it, but I've read a Carlo Rovelli book. I've heard the analogies, this idea of you put an ant on a piece of paper and twist the piece of paper around into a loop. The ant thinks it's walking on a flat surface. It doesn't understand that it's kind of twisting through 3D space the same way we're traveling through four-dimensional time space.

Yeah. But we just feel like it's just a Minecraft server. We just think it's 3D and that's all there is. But we're tumbling through that fourth dimension. Yeah. And it doesn't take much to blow the mind of an ant. That thing is tiny. Grapes blow the mind of an ant.

It's never seen so much food in one place. They worship grapes. That's a god to them. Why do you think they go nuts at picnics? A sandwich is like a giant edible castle to them. That's a planet to them. Yeah. Yeah.

So if you could put the knowledge of a human brain inside of an ant, which is something we've been trying to do with the paranormal commune, imagine what that ant would be capable of. That right now is like saying, imagine being able to put the brain of a higher consciousness inside of a human brain. We'd be the ant. Yeah, it's like... Full disclosure, we ate a lot of mushrooms before this week's podcast. Okay, Rory, we are already deep and dirty

into the paranormal explanations, but there's more to discuss. The biggest curveball of this case so far has to be the hairy humanoids of the mist we just heard about. Well, it turns out that looking deeper into this phenomenon opens up a giant oversized and hairy can of worms, because these creatures have been seen not just once, but on many occasions, and they seem to match the description of a well-known Slavic cryptid called the Leshy. Whoa. It literally means he from the forest. It's a kind of forest spirit. While physically he does match a lot of what we've heard, he is allegedly able to assume any shape,

but day to day walks around for the most part looking like tree beard. Okay. Okay. Would you like to see what a Leshy looks like? Absolutely, yeah. So here's one artist's interpretation of what a Leshy might look like. Whoa! That is way scarier than I thought. This kind of just looks like a dude who got lost in the woods, like years and years ago.

It honestly might be. It looks like a Russian soldier who never left the woods. He just was in there for 50 years. Vibing. It looks, the style of this painting, it's also unfortunate that it is somewhat in the style of Saturn devouring his son. Yeah.

It's quite terrifying. You'll notice there's other artist interpretations. I do think these are from video games. I think he's found his way into a lot of video games, and that's why there's kind of scary, dramatic versions. Yeah, almost deer-like antlers, branches kind of leaking out of his body. He kind of looks like he's almost camouflaged, just one with the trees. Yeah, he's pretty simple that way, to be honest.

Where does the time powers come into this? I'll be honest with you, bro. I don't know if he has any control over the time thing. I think if he had control over it, he wouldn't be living in the woods. Maybe that's like his curse, is like anyone that ever encounters him, he's like, dude, stay away. Stay away, because you're about to dis a f***ing pier.

He pointed Ivan out of the forest as quickly as he could, by the way. Now, Leshy have been written about a lot we know a surprising amount about him we know that he is a wife called lesha chica which i think is coincidentally just the word leshy and chica in spanish smashed together yeah and they also have a child called Le Chonky. Le Chonpies? Le Chonky. Which I think... The French serial. I think Chonks is like an old TPL character, right? Yeah. The Legend of Chonks.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Maybe there's a connection here somewhere. Damn. In Leshy's child, Le Chonky. Oh. I guess Le Chonky is just French Chonks. And I'll tell you, it really sounds like Arkhip and Ivan got lucky that day

because whilst Leshy is, I'll say it, not evil, no one said he's evil, he does sometimes abduct people. And sometimes those people are children. And that's why children are warned from wandering into the woods. Okay, okay. But I should point out that if children, I don't need to get off track here, but I should point out that allegedly

if children do go missing, most of the time it's not Leshy's fault and more often than not, it's Chort. I'm going to stop you right there. Who's also known as the Black One, who's essentially one of Satan's minions who also lives in the woods. And you better watch out for Gorbl,

because Gorbl will gobble you up. He will gobble up your children. Man, I don't know if you even want to see Chort. Who the f*** is Chort? What are you talking about? What did you say he was? A cousin? No, he's one of Satan's minions.

Oh, so he's no relation to this family? No, he just also, he's called the Black One and he lives in the woods alongside Leshy. This is weird. I think... So there's just monsters in the woods alongside Leshy. This is weird. I think...

So there's just monsters in the woods. I think you're seeing what I mean. This case has been eye-opening. I've realized that there's a whole world of Slavic cryptids I didn't know anything about. And I would love to dive into, not on this case, but I will round off by saying the reason I'm talking about Leshy is because he does perfectly match what Ivan and Arkhip saw.

And they weren't the only ones who saw him. In 1926, a Moscow policeman entered the ravine, allegedly saw Leshy, pulled a handgun

and shot at him, but he got away before he could hit him. How are you missing this guy? He's enormous. I guess enough green mist, maybe, and you're going to start missing shots.

Very true. He pulled out his gun to take fire, but by the time it was drawn, he was 91 years old. Couldn't see for shit. He aged like that gif of Matt Damon. The gun crumbled to ashes. I think this ravine is just a metaphor for taking mushrooms, I'll be honest. There is something so terrifying about having the power to age someone 50 years. Right.

But like not change anything else. Imagine that was your superpower. Yeah. That would be terrifying. Just like if there was a bank heist and a bunch of criminals had all the hostages at gunpoint, you're just like, all right, I'm just going to walk in there,

age everyone, and then just punch a bunch of old people. And you're like, do you want to still arrest them? A lot of them are going to be dead in the next few days. They're very old. It's like, are you even a hero at this point? If they were 20 before the aging process and they're still a pretty spry 70-year-old, just do it again. You just age them into being dead.

Yeah, just get the judge to tell you how long they'll have in prison. You can give it to them now. It's like, we're going to give you 40 years in the clangor. All right, here you go. No, please. My life is over. Yeah, it's kind of just getting it done with, you know? It feels like a real Black mirror episode, doesn't it? It's like, if you got a 20 year prison sentence, would you rather serve

it and live those 20 years or just fast forward 20 years and you've lost those years of your life, but you never went to jail. That's a really good point. I think I'd prefer jail. I think so. Right. Cause you want to have, if someone ages you like 50 years, they're just aging your brain. You're not like able to like learn and grow and develop. You don't have like 50 years of knowledge added to your brain. If anything, you lose a couple of years because you're getting old. Yeah. If that happened to me now, I would be a 50 year old that still wants to listen to hardcore and skateboard.

It wouldn't work. Yeah. Problem is, I think both of us would get destroyed in prison that's the brutal reality like we would nobly stand in front of the judge and say judge i choose to serve the 20 years and he's like i'm not giving you the choice dude i'm gonna save you the fucking pain and embarrassment wingardium Oldiosa. No! Yeah. You little twinks won't last a day. You're done. He's like, how about I give you a third option?

I put a bullet in your f***ing head now and save you the pain. I'll age you a hundred years. As I say, I think it's good that we've described the Leshies. You guys know what potentially these guys have seen, and that they weren't just smoking crack. But I do want to focus on the ravine itself and what's going on there, which means we do need to know why all this insane stuff is happening

inside this Golosov ravine. We do have one clue, and it's that the Golosov ravine also contains some mysterious rock formations that not only look weird but have actually been worshipped by ancient pagans for countless millennia. How weird are we talking here? Let's check some out. You know what, before we get to the rock formations, why don't I on the way show you a couple images

of what this kind of area looks like. Yeah, please do. I haven't seen any pictures yet. I think a good way of explaining it is I think I read that the ravine area, imagine it as kind of like a public park. I think someone did say it is larger than Central Park. So this is a pretty damn big area, big enough that you could arguably just get lost in it full stop. Yeah. It's a bit like, again, the Hoia Baciu Forest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In this one, you can see a clear ravine part of it

for why it's got its name. Yeah, it doesn't look that big from... I mean, this is just one angle, obviously. Yeah, but even forest-wise, it's not as dense as I thought it was. It's pretty bare. Also, this is the year 2000 onwards, not the 1600s. But yeah, it's not like as dense as I thought it was It's pretty bare Also this is the year 2000 Whereas not the 1600s

But yeah it's not all forested Like you'll get the idea from some of these images There's a bunch of different areas It's best to probably think of it as Central Park Some of it's wooded Some of it's open Some of it's a ravine Some of it is a 12 foot hairy time lord

But as promised Here are some of those interesting rock formations oh yeah rock formations is an interesting choice of words because it's it's not even like cliff sides or something like that it's just weird clusters of rock yeah kind of in the middle of nowhere also and yeah in weird kind of bouldery, lumpy shapes. It's quite hard to describe. It is really hard to describe. Because in my head, I was thinking something along the lines of Junji Ito's Enigma of Amigara Fault.

Right, like human-sized holes. Basically holes in the side of cliffs shaped like humans that call people into them. Whereas like this, I'm not saying this isn't cool and dramatic, but it's rocks on the floor, bud. All I'm going to say is it's just some rocks on the floor. I would also say that's a manga

and this is real life. So actually these carvings into rocks are pretty awesome. Yeah, well, watch your mouth because some manga like Naruto has had a lasting impact on some people's real lives. And lasting impact on your f***ing divorce. But I think you can see that there's clearly some ancient pagan s*** going on here.

Those are like Viking ruins carved into these rocks. It's very cool. It's quite interesting. And that's coming from two dudes who grew up in Northern Ireland, home of the Giant's Causeway, some of the most famous bizarre rock formations in the world. Right, we know our way around a weird rock. Oh yeah. That's for sure. Now it was believed that if you worshipped these rock formations, you would get a little something back.

There's two main famous rock formations here. One is called Goose, which allegedly grants warriors strength in battle. I also read that it, quote, works better than any Viagra. Wow. What about like a custody battle? Would it grant soldiers

blessings in that? No. Another one called the Virgin Stone brings happiness to those who worship it. Hmm, okay. And enough people

still believe in these ancient gods that to this day if you look at the trees near these stones in the Golosov Ravine you'll see hundreds of ribbons tied around branches

each symbolizing a wish that someone wanted the gods to come true. And that's today. Damn. So people to this day worship the Kit Greer stone. Sorry, the virgin stone. No, I'm the fucking Viagra rock.

That's what the Kit Greer stone would be. Yeah. This is kind of like a kind of Shinto shrine or something. It's not necessarily specific to any, you know, religion or something. But it's like people know that there is a cool, uh, supernatural history here and they still go to kind of pay respect to the spirits and ask for help in their own lives. That's fair. That's fair. Hey, people come to Ireland to kiss the Blarney stone to get the gift of the gab. So if you'll pardon the pun, I'm not going to throw

stones in glass houses. And it's not even just the stones. The forest is also home to several springs that were sacred to the people who lived there once upon a time. So it's become clear that we have an enchanted forest, a natural oasis filled to the brim with paranormal energy spilling into some extremely strange phenomenon. Yeah. Which I think is pretty cool, right? Like that people have been coming to this spot for thousands of years to experience the paranormal in one way or another, whether they wanted to or not. Yeah.

I think that's probably the weird thing that we're going to be tackling today is this place is just kind of a mixed bag of paranormal goodies. There's some magic rocks on the floor. There's a dude named Chort who will just take your children. And sometimes if you take a left turn instead of a right one, you'll disappear for 50 years. These places are always kind of hard to investigate, kind of like the Hoya Bachu Forest,

because it's kind of finding out an explanation as to why any of this is happening or any evidence as to why it's happening. And I'm glad you bring up evidence, Rory, because that's a huge problem with this case. I mean, even if you take the Leshy, there haven't been any modern sightings. Not, I don't believe, since 1926, at least not recorded ones. Maybe on the ground there might be some hearsay. And there haven't been any really significant accounts of time loss that I've come across. So what does that mean? What happened to it? Is the energy still there? Is it still happening? Are we just not reading about it online? It creates a harder picture to understand than, say, the Hoya Bachi Forest, which is

more documented, more investigated. We had those sweet pictures of actual UFO sightings. And I should say, despite the f***ing very cool stories, which are kind of everywhere, to be honest, are stories of the Crimean soldiers going missing or 300 years later, our drunkards getting lost and losing time like those are very well known but they're so long ago there's no evidence for them it's just like it like best case scenario it's written down in a book somewhere i love that these guys were fighting with each other trying to overthrow local government when there was some dude called short in the woods stealing children

everyone should have been focused on short and just killing him let's just put all the other stuff to the sidelines for now all the other human conflict let's kill short short is a lot like mewtwo it kind of floats above the battlefield cares not for who sits on the tsar's throne of russia yeah um short took your children he took our children we need to stop him man we gotta investigate short but yet we are investigating the golosov ravine sounds like a pair of chino shorts right a pair of shorts rory uh we have talked about um everything there is to know really the key stories that have made this this such a fantastic place to talk about in a paranormal context. But we've also experienced, you've experienced, the lack of evidence surrounding it.

What are your thoughts today about whether this is truly paranormal or not? This is cool. This is a corner of the world we don't get to explore much when it comes to the paranormal. Bit of a right turn at the end there, throwing in the magic rocks and some other strange elements of this woods that, I mean, even short and what's the main guy's name? Grungle? Leshy. Leshy. No, not Grungle. And Leshy Chica.

Yeah, that is Lesha Chica. Leshonxy. And Leshonky. and Lesh and Leshachika Leshonksy and Leshonky is kind of like a weird

I almost feel like they're a different thing they're like their own case basically I wish it were a different thing but Ivan and Arkhip saw the Leshy

he got them out of those woods even the police were just like you probably saw something else you probably saw like weird branches

or something he made hand signals he made hand signals he was very vocal. He showed us his wife, his kid. There's so much going on here that it's like,

it's hard to even say what we're investigating. Yeah, let's narrow it down. Or not. We're saying, is the Golosov ravine confirmed paranormal? Let's narrow it down to short.

You can pick any part of that. Is short real? So I guess we could just say, if we can prove any bit of it, then we can say the whole thing's a reel. So I guess we could just say if we can prove any bit of it, then we can say the whole thing's a yes. But I think we might have trouble doing that. Yeah. Paranormal until proven. No, wait. Normal until proven paranormal. That's right. And unfortunately, today, we can't really prove that any of this is definitively paranormal. So what's going to be a no from me this week?

definitively paranormal. So what's going to be a no for me this week? Rats. Yeah, we're in a sticky one, aren't we? There's just nothing concrete. And although I absolutely love this case

about how there's such a potent paranormal history in this part of the world, we need something more meaty to chew on just in terms of actual evidence, don't we?

But I'll tell you what, it's really sparked some interest in me to investigate more Slavic paranormal history from this part of the world. I mean, a two-parter on short, let's be clear. Oh, for sure. I was going to say our first ever three-parter. Guys, I hope you have enjoyed this investigation

into the Golosov Ravine. If this is something you know about, maybe you're based in Moscow, maybe you've been there, I hope you have enjoyed this investigation into the Golosov ravine. If this is something you know about, maybe you're based in Moscow, maybe you've been there, maybe you know something about it, let us know at thisparanormallifepodcast at gmail.com. That's the best place to give us tip-offs about your own experiences and you could tell us just how wrong we are week to week. We're always on the lookout for new cases to investigate. So whether it's something that's happened to you

or just a case you want us to dive headfirst into, email it over to us. Hell yeah, brother. This was a bit of a media investigation I was even expecting. But I'll tell you what, we've been on a roll lately. I think there's been some excellent cases, including the latest bonus episode.

That was quite a different one, I would say. Wow. One of my favorite episodes we've ever done, we took a deep dive into the haunted history of Savannah, Georgia, my place of birth. We investigated places that I've been to before, and even, a little spoiler here, a haunted location in Savannah that my great great grandparents built how crazy is that I mean like I didn't even know what I was getting into whenever we recorded it but we really should like dangle that as a spicy bit of like this paranormal life lore um you also will get to meet uh our first ever guest on the bonus episodes a gentleman who was born and lived his entire life

in Savannah, Georgia Duke Jackson Yeah Duke Jackson did sound a lot like Rory I will say He was a weird guy A bit like Rory putting on a

a Georgian accent but I guess to be fair that is presumably what your Georgian family would sound like They sound exactly like that

most people do from Georgia. It was just weird that he was talking through Rory's mic, ostensibly, on the student call. He had a strange past, a strange history. He was an odd man. He did. So I just want to preface it as just be ready for that when you hear it. But yes, I agree.

Duke was a great... No, he wasn't. He was a great... No, he wasn't. He was a bad guest, but he was entertaining. He made me very uncomfortable the entire podcast. Yeah, he was really weirdly interested in you. But if you love This Paranormal Life, if you haven't checked out the bonus episodes or even just that episode yet,

make sure and head on over to patreon.com forward slash thisparanormallife. That is the November bonus episode. Let's just play a clip right now rory yeah i just have to get this uh out of the way as rory says uh are you in some way related or do all people from savannah georgia sound the same because you are you do sound incredibly like rory i have never met this this beautiful beautiful young gentleman in my life before as i said i was born in savannah georgia in 1932 that's cool you had to think about that for a second my my mother and father worked down at the local sugar factory before dying in an explosion i'm so sorry to hear that um

not that i'm quizzing you, but could you just repeat the year that you were born? Ever since then, the hot, sweet smell of cotton candy reminds me of my father's last words.

Someone help me. I'm on fire. Not exactly what I asked you, but there is a delay. But it is good background information to give our audience a picture of the kind of gentleman we're dealing with. So thank you for that.

It's an honor to have you on the show. I didn't catch your name, sir. My name's Kit. My name's Kit. Mr. Kit. And your second name, sir? My second name is Greer Mulvena. Nice to meet you, Duke.

What was your... I didn't catch your last name. Nice to meet you, Mr. Kit Grego Mulvena. to meet you what was your I didn't catch your last name nice to meet you Mr. Kit Greer Mulvena my last name is Duke Jackson specifically Jackson right

sorry I missed it first time Ron thanks thanks I apologize there is a delay it's not Greer

it's actually Greer it's Greer Mulvena Greer Mulvena yeah close enough alright Roy I think we can jump into today's case potentially. All right, I'm very excited.

Duke, would you like to introduce us to our first stop on today's tour? Just a quick sidebar just before we get started. I don't know if it's the delay or if it's a technical thing, but I do see that... You like to talk a lot, don't you, Mr. Griggles? I do see that... You sure I'm out to do one. I do see that Duke is on the call, but any time he talks, it's just like nothing moves on his.

Like it's not saying there's any audio coming. It's actually saying there's no audio coming from Duke's computer. What? There could be some sort of technical. I don't think he's very tech savvy. He was born in 1931. That is correct, sir. That's fine. It just keeps saying it's all coming through Rory's computer.

It says the audio is all coming through Rory's computer. It's just a little thing, but it's fine. I'm just curious. I'm just making sure everything's working and we're getting all the audio recorded on his side too. I mean, we are two different people in two different places. For example, if we weren't, how could we do this? Duke, let's say our favorite food in three, two, one. Crisps.

Shrimp sandwich. Yeah, and there was a delay. There was a delay, but it was approximately in sync. Well, there is one. Yeah, so there is going to be a delay. I think we've established that. If he says shrimp sandwich, that's insane. Let's not dwell on that.

Let's move on. He's an old person. Let's dive into our first location. I just don't know if that's even a type of sandwich. You said those words to my father, he'd fight you if he was still alive today. He's not with us. He's not with us. I know.

God rest his criminal soul. He's a criminal? Do we have time for this? Welcome, boys, to our first stop on the tour of Savannah's beautiful streets. We have fun. He was weird. He was.

He was. He was a strange guy. Let's never have him back on the podcast. I don't know. He emailed me about guesting on a main episode and I don't have the heart to tell him no. So if we ever do another episode about, I don't know, haunted buildings down south, maybe Jude Jackson should come on to a him no. So if we ever do another episode about, I don't know, haunted buildings down south,

maybe Jude Jackson should come on to a main episode. I would rather record a fake episode that we never air just to placate him. Yeah, we just won't plug his mic in.

We'll do the whole thing. That's patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life where you can get more than 50 other full-length bonus episodes, weekly after party

episodes and a bunch of other cool shit only for supporters of this show one of the most exclusive rewards you can get on patreon also is a shout out right here on the podcast uh on the 20 and 50 dollar tiers we give shout outs let's jump into some oh thank you so much to katie rose katie rose from the grave whoa Only three days after her funeral. Wasn't paranormal. We accidentally buried her alive. That's illegal. We thought they were gone, but it was still.

She was so sleepy. They presumed her dead. That's nuts. Glad you're back. Glad you're back. Thanks also to Father Biff. Father Biff, it is great to have you listening to this podcast. A real man of the church.

We said recently on a podcast that when performing exorcisms, I go under the name Father O'Jesus to intimidate the poltergeist. So to have you, a real man of the church there, it's good to have you as backup, buddy. I mean, we need firepower, by the way. We need religious firepower for everything that's going on in the commune. Yeah, all big time. Regular fire as well, that would do for some of them.

Thanks to Ashley Cool. If isn't Ashley Cool the ghastly ghoul. Whoa. That's right. Her parents owned a haunted house. So she was born into the family profession, just dressing up as a ghost and scaring people from the ripe old age of one day old.

What can you possibly do at one day old? That's insane. Piss in people's eyes and things, which is pretty scary. Babies are scary. Babies are scary. I don't know if they're that scary. Thank you to Adele Norton. On the contrary, there is Norton scary about Adele.

She is just the friendliest SOB you could ever hope to meet. Ah, what does she do? She does own a haunted house, though. She really leaves it to the professionals in that regard. Oh, right. Like, uh, ghastly ghoul? So, like, ghastly ghoul could be hired to work at this haunted house? Well, Adele lacks in being actually scary.

She makes up for it in, I shat myself. I shat myself the time I went. Oh, okay. It's terrifying. Her place of work. Fair play, Adele. Thanks to Eddie. Eddie, you better get ready because I know a little ravine that I need you to investigate, bud.

So, here's 50 years worth of rations. Let us know when you get to the other side and let us know if you see Chort. Chort is wanted in the commune, so definitely keep an eye out for Chort. That is high priority. Thanks to Violet Lewis.

If it isn't Violent Violet, they went into that green mist swinging. Swanging. Swanging, trying to take down whatever cryptid was in there. Fortunately, by the time they made connection, it was with a tree and her bones were 90 years old, shattering her hand immediately. So Violet, please just come back to the commune.

We'll get you patched up. Don't worry about it. Thanks to Jackson Kaiser. Jackson, you simply must know by now that we can't have any challenges to our authority inside the commune, so we will not be allowing any Kaisers. I hadn't ever really thought of calling myself a Kaiser,

but actually now I think about it, it has a ring to it, so I'll be taking that title. So to the dungeons, right? Yeah, naturally. You're going to the dungeons, Jackson. Thanks also to Shortbeard. Shortbeard, the legendary pirate.

They don't talk about them much. Because it was really just back at a time where they didn't have a word for mustache. So it was just Shortbeard. Shortbeard the pirate. You know, they had just glistening, baby soft, shaven cheeks and then a nice mustache. And they were like, that's a weird beard you got there yeah it's like i'm thinking about calling it a mustache no captain mustache does not sound good also it's taken there was another pirate with a handlebar mustache thanks to kenzie o'malley

kenzie o'malley of course relative to ancient infamous pirate grace o'Malley. Kenzie was kind of the good kid. You know the way there's sometimes a good one and a bad one. One was terrorizing the west coast of Ireland and its seas.

The other one was just like doing puzzles. Chilling. Yeah. With a sweet mustache. Tiny beard. That's pretty cool. Just what?

Just floating around? Hanging out? Yeah, mostly trying to like honestly just like not get into trouble. Like, you know, Chris was making enough trouble for the both of them kind of energy. That's cool. That's cool. I respect that. Thanks lastly, but not leastly today to Robin Howe. Robin Howe will teach you how to start robbing.

It's kind of like beginners class 101 on how to steal shit from other people. What school or university are they teaching this at? I'm not too sure. I enlisted and I lost all my money. So that was kind of the first lesson I guess. Kind of a hard lesson? Yeah, it was like don't trust anyone. That's how to rob. Set up a fake

university and take people's hard earned money. I think you just were scammed. I don't know if that's like part of the curriculum or anything he's a good teacher thank you to rob and thanks to everyone else we've shouted out today we'll be back on tuesday of course with another brand new paranormal tale and later this month with a bonus episode and on friday with a freaking after party whoa so much paranormal content coming your way make sure to check back in with us we will see you then remember in the meantime

to live fast investigate and die young babies