This Paranormal Life - #347 The BEST of 2023

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

To celebrate the new year, it's time to look back at some of the weirdest and WILDEST moments from 2023. Did your favourite gag make the cut? There's only one way to find out... sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the highlights of the podcast from the last year.Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunitySupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeIntro music by www.purple-planet.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, Rory here from This Paranormal Life and I'm excited to be introducing a very special Best of 2023 episode. I was literally in tears putting this episode together, listening back to some of the ridiculous and wonderful investigations that we've had in 2023. From Shag Harbor, to the Furbies episode, to our Halloween episode live from London. Shag Harbor, to the Furbies episode, to our Halloween episode live from London. We wouldn't be here without you guys tuning in every week. So thank you so much from the bottom of our hearts. I did text Kit to see if he had anything that he wanted to say for the intro. And you know what? I'll just read the message. He said, lol, why do I care? F*** em. We already got da cash. I told him that we don't have da cash. Patreon members actually can cancel anytime they want. To which he quickly replied, oh shit, oh shit, tell them to send more cash.

Then I immediately got a fraud alert from our business account saying that someone in Northern Ireland had tried to spend $2,000 on Birkenstock sandals. So there you have it. Although it's the holiday season, we are not slowing down. We're releasing a free bonus episode this Friday brought to you by our incredible patrons. And if you are on Patreon, we'll soon be releasing our end of year boozy Q&A episode along with Friday after parties. So stay tuned. It's been an absolute pleasure to be your paranormal podcast of choice this year. And we hope that you'll join your paranormal pals in the new year for even bigger and better investigations. From all of us here at the TPL headquarters, thank you for listening and we'll see you again in 2024. headquarters. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you again in 2024.

One day, Valentino himself was wandering around downtown San Francisco, doing a little shopping in his free time. He wasn't on the lookout for anything in particular, but it wasn't long before something caught his eye. A gold tiger's eye ring. So he headed into the store to talk to the shopkeeper. Hello, my friend. You have an item I wish to purchase. Mr. Valentino, it's an honor to have you in my store. Any item you want is ready for sale. I'd like the ring in the window. I'm afraid it's not for sale. But you just said...

Trust me, sir. You do not want the ring in the window for its price is more than what you may be willing to pay. Don't put it in the window. Don't put it in the window if it's not for sale. Okay, fine. Do you have anything else for sale? That's it, actually.

Now that I think about it, we should close. Goodbye, Mr. Valentino. Man, they just don't make shops like that like they used to. Yeah. I would love to have that conversation with someone. I don't think we're rich enough to ever go into a shop that just has like six things, six random things. It's like a ring, a washing machine, an old rocking horse. And it's like the rocking horse

costs 150 grand. And I'm afraid it's not for sale. What is this shop then? What is this? And what is the point of it? I mean, this is a real thing. And I'm sure this still happens in San Francisco that everybody knows if you go into a shop, the general rule is the more items available for sale the more that shop is not for rich people yeah the less items the richer you have to be to set foot in there yeah if you walk into a store and it's just a podium with a f***ing cashew nut on it walk out because that nut is worth a year's salary. Yeah, they scanned your credit card somehow at the door. Just by walking in, you now owe them. You're in the hole.

It's $30 a minute to look at the nut. All right, I'm just going to leave then. I'm just going to leave. You know, there was a time where the Furbies were toys that everyone wanted. And they were pretty f***ing scary, actually. It turned out if you didn't treat them right or didn't feed them. Not that I was mistreating my furby but uh it became a real horror movie at one point where this thing was just turning on in

the middle of the night saying me hungy you're kind of which you know isn't that sinister on paper it isn't that sinister but when the lights are off brother when you're 13 and the moon is shining through the window just onto the little Furby's face. Yeah, and your f***ing beak. A 13-year-old boy and you just hear mmmm. Those weird little Furby noises they made and you kind of like

open one eye and he's like, you swore you put him in the corner of the room, but now he's at your bedside table looking at you in the face. And he goes, me, hungry. You're like, alright Furby, you actually the face and he goes, me, hungry. You're like, all right, Furby, you actually need to back the fuck up

because you're actually scaring me a little bit. How do you turn this thing off? How do you turn this thing off? You can't. I know. I swear my sister took the batteries out

and one of them still talked. I swear I didn't make that up. These little guys were crazy. That was the legend on the street. Dude, they were nuts. I think there's a...

I feel like Furbies are like the real-life equivalent of the War of the Worlds movie where people are talking to each other, whispering like, I heard they killed one in Japan. They found out how to do it.

They found out how to take them down. They rewired a radio and it made them go crazy. I heard the Germans are reverse engineering them, using the technology against each other. No joking. I actually really thought for a while about doing an episode just on Furbies, because there are a lot of funny stories on the internet about people who have had furbies that are allegedly cursed but also one of the newer models that have like led eyes they were like proper like third generation or something furbies there's steps you can take to make them

go into evil mode quote unquote why did they program that and it's kind of f***ed up You like Shake them You do everything you shouldn't do To a baby You like shake it Dangle it upside down Put your finger in its mouth a bunch A lot of weird stuff like that

And then it goes like It goes No Stop No Stop it Stop No it doesn't

I'm telling you dude No it doesn't I'm not gonna show you the That's f***ed up That's f***ed up That's f***ed up That it says No stop I don't know

And if you keep going You're a monster It should That Furby should be Hooked up to the FBI Or the NSA And if you keep going You get reported

I'm like There's a way to turn The Furby's evil You electrocute their nipples With jumper cables And they actually Turn pretty fast. It's actually kind of

f***ed up. No, stop. Please, mercy. Yeah, there's some words that shouldn't be in a Furbies vocabulary and please mercy is one of them. I'm not going to show you any videos. I'm not going to talk about this because now I'm laughing too much.

I will do an episode on Furbies in the future because that's a great case I would love to see it didn't you have a Furby I swear there's a video that we recorded ages ago of us when you had a Furby

that got like dropped on its head yeah and then kind of didn't work quite right from that point onward but he would kind of speak in like tongues and he he would only open one eye I had to put a pillow

over him at night because he wouldn't stop you smothered him man we need to we need to like we need to find out whatever battery technology was in Furbies

and put those into Teslas today because that shit would never run out ever you're speeding it down the highway your Tesla's today because that shit would never run out. Ever. You're speeding it down the highway, your Tesla's like, slow, down, please.

He and his team of scientists traveled to the Valley of Death to try and locate these strange metal objects. And I have documentary footage of their investigation. And their discovery. But what could explain such a toxic reaction? And where might the dangerous cauldrons have come from? Can we stop the video a second? How come every paranormal documentary... We barely started. How come the voiceover guy...

He always talks like this. Right. So close to the microphone and incredibly animated and he's always asking questions it'll be like but what did they see that night what were they expecting to see where did they come from what should i have for lunch how did i get here it's just lots and lots of questions and it's like he just seems kind of he seems like he's just been put in the booth and he's like what is going on and he's always and there's always like a little sprinkle of humor you know like

david went bird watching but he would see much more in the sky than just birds yeah yeah you know can like jazz it up a little bit uh he saw a gray and he turned white oh yeah something like that yeah i do like that i like to imagine he talks like this in his daily life sandra you had the kids last weekend it's my turn yeah you know kind of Trying to negotiate his own life. Please, baby, I'm sorry. Come back. She meant nothing to me. I swear.

She like slams the door. And what would he do next? He promised he wouldn't drink again. But temptation was never stronger. This is the reason we broke up. This is the reason. You need to stop this. The Mounties called the Rescue Coordination Center in Halifax to report the incident. Hello, RCC? We want to report a horrific plane crash at Shag Harbor. The Mounties are on the scene and we're looking for survivors now.

The voice on the scene and we're looking for survivors now. The voice on the line was confused. Uh, we have no missing aircraft. Whatever you're talking about, it isn't a plane. By this time, the men on the boats had reached the site where Constable Pound had witnessed the light sink into the water. And while the light was gone, evidence of the crash still remained. I'm just going to jump in there. If I'm that guy on the end of the phone, it takes a lot of confidence to say, Nope, definitely not us. I don't know what it is, but I don't care.

What's that? You saw a 747 fall into the ocean and people screaming and yelling and pulling their life jackets trying to survive? Nope, I'm looking at a spreadsheet. and there's no planes missing on the spreadsheet. All I'm saying is I've had a bunch of low responsibility, shitty jobs in my life. And I was pretty bad at all of them and made mistakes every single day. Thankfully, working in a cafe or a place like that,

the stakes are not too high. All I'm saying is if I was in control of monitoring the locations of planes and then someone tells me, we just saw a plane crash, I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt of like, okay, tell me more. Kip working in that cafe, customers were going up being like, I ordered an Americano. Nope, pretty sure you ordered a vanilla latte. I'm looking at my spreadsheet and no coffee is missing.

So I believe you're wrong. No, I know exactly what you mean. If one group of people heard screams and explosions and witnessed something the size of a fucking Shamu drop into the ocean, and then another guy is saying, every light on my circuit board's green, and witnessed something the size of a shamu drop into the ocean. And then another guy is saying, every light on my circuit board is green. I think you're mistaken, friend.

It's like, I don't know, brother. I'm pretty convinced I saw something. Can you double check? Can you check again? Just to be sure. It's like the part earlier in this story where they're like, hey, who's flying beside us? And they're like, nobody.

And they're like, okay, but... Let's try again. Let's try again. I'll rephrase and we'll try again. So there is somebody flying beside me. So how about you figure out who that is? I don't want to get ahead of myself here, but we might be straying into cover-up territory. If you start saying you saw something

and the officials are starting to tell you, no, you didn't, you got to start watching your step. Because it sounds like you saw something that they didn't want you to see. That maybe you didn't want to see. And even the people who are recording things weren't even supposed to know about it. This is maybe the craziest and most interesting part of this entire story. As the boats drifted towards the site where the alleged crash took place in the water. They found themselves covered in a strange yellow foam floating on top of the surface. They said it was four to six inches thick. And to this day, no one knows what that foam is or where it came from.

But the guys who touched the foam, their skin dissolved and they turned into a skeleton. So the jury is still out. That can happen. I mean, we grew up on the north coast of Northern Ireland. We're no stranger to sea foam. A dangerous little thing as well because a lot of people die in it. But how? Does it fly into their f***ing mouth and they choke?

What do you mean? No, because it's like, you know, you can get like 20 inches of sea foam. Sure. To the point where your body would be completely covered. But unlike water, you can't swim to the top of seafoam. If you're in the seafoam, you're in the seafoam. And breathing is basically breathing in salt water. You can't get any air.

So people just die in the foam thinking it's like, I'm going to run about into the foam. And they die. That's crazy. Yeah. No one told me that. It's pretty f***ed up. Yeah. to run about into the foam. And they die. That's crazy. Yeah. No one told me that. It's pretty f***ed up. Yeah, because I ran into the foam. Okay, that's why you heard it and I didn't.

I heard it a good few times. They resuscitated you on the beach. They had to resuscitate me and I basically became a human fire extinguisher shooting foam out of my mouth like a cannon. Rory was starfished on the beach like f***ing patrick from spongebob just getting his heart resuscitated one witness described the mothership dividing itself into two separate crafts and moving in the direction of tucson

another group of estate agents who were showing a property in town cited a quote gigantic disc at close range in the north end of town. They said it was two miles long. Yeah, it's going to be hard to sell that house after that viewing. It's a pretty calm neighborhood. You know, lovely families. Holy f***! I mean, if you just look here down at the beautiful floors, eyes on the beautiful, beautiful floors.

The tractor beams coming down. There's some great restaurants in the local area. Be sure to let us know if you're interested. Here comes some of the friendly locals now. Good evening to you too, sir. So what do you say? Can I put you down for an offer? I myself have visited it during the early hours

of the day but the people living in the neighboring town claim to hear drums voices and a lot of other noises at night they claim the town comes alive at night okay okay nothing nothing you know fully paranormal just yet those are all kind of normal. A little weird to be all happening together at night. There's no one there. There is no one. This is like picking up finding the Jumanji board game on the beach and you're like, okay, jungle drums.

Pretty f***ed up. I don't see a drummer anywhere nearby, but that is a normal sound. Technically a normal sound. That piece just moved by itself and that kid became a monkey. Things are getting a little weird now. Monkey a normal animal. Yeah. Oh, that piece just moved by itself. And that kid became a monkey. Things are getting a little weird now. Monkey, a normal animal, an animal from our world. A lot of scientists believe humans did come from monkeys.

So maybe it's not that weird. So if we go back, is that so strange? It's a weird sketch guy trying to justify Jumanji. Board games are getting pretty advanced these days. The technology is there. Yeah. All right, Rory, we start our journey in... All right, Rory, we start...

You got to stop making that noise. It's really weird. Like, it's okay to make a mistake, but don't be so mad at yourself that it's like... You got to start over. Don't hate yourself. All right, Rory, today we started What is this noise that you're making?

Sorry I took some Adderall before this Why? I thought it would help me I hear it helps you focus It didn't, so I Actually the end of this script isn't actually done yet I got distracted and opened up about 16 eBay tabs

I'm actually bidding on some pretty exciting Paranormal artifacts Actually, the end of this script isn't actually done yet. I got distracted and opened up about 16 eBay tabs. I'm actually bidding on some pretty exciting paranormal artifacts, but I think I'm going to be able to mentally kind of like lay the railway tracks in front of me as I'm rolling along them. You know what I'm saying? Focus wasn't the problem, by the way. No point of this problem we're having right now is due to focus. So you didn't need the Adderall. I'm just going to take another.

I wouldn't. Oh! That looked like a couple. I think that's going to... That was five or six. Okay. All right. So, Rory, we're going to get stuck into our journey today.

It's going to be hard to cut around this. It is going to be very hard. We've got a good editor. I trust them. So Stuart and his assistant spent the morning cleaning up, reattaching the radiators, putting an extra screw here and there to really anchor them in place. But the next morning, the same thing had happened again. And then it happened again and again for days, weeks. Needless to say, they need to make some money so this is this is hurting the bottom line i would at this point be starting

to think mrs holborn is enjoying having a couple of hard-working hunky beefcakes hanging out at the house bending over showing their builders butts every night she just takes out a crowbar and smashes the place to bits oh no you'll have to come back mr stewart bring the body oil boys yeah because because this is what 1970s so i'm assuming these beefcakes are straight out of a diet coke ad you know they got the tight white uh tank top on soda exploding all over them installing radiators in the hot welsh sun those were horny ads i really forgot about those super horny yeah didn't someone like throw a diet coke into a lawnmower so it would explode and like soak a dude in diet coke that's borderline terrorism i wonder yeah i never questioned why i like diet coke so much

am i having an awakening you're in the theater like 16 years old watching magic mike being like damn i'm thirsty god i could go for a coke right now it's me just at any restaurant or dining experience i just take that first sip of diet coke i need to go to the bathroom i'll be back i'll be back in 15 20 it's just you drinking an ice cold diet coke ah that hits the spot i wonder what kissing a dude is like it's like okay it definitely did have an impact on you. So Stuart can't believe he's doing it, but he's calling up his apprentice again. And he says,

Mrs. Holborn's expecting us. Again. Load up the tools in the van and grab a new bag of binding head screws while you're at it. Now, I assume being an apprentice in the world of plumbing is quite similar to being an apprentice in the world of the Jedi. You cannot say no to your master no of course not it's part of the job under death yeah by screwdriver because just like the jedi the carpenters had to bring balance to the floors yeah dude we could stay on on topic because it's just it just felt like it just wasn't that funny it came into my head and i felt like it was a good time to put me in a bad mood and like that's detrimental to the podcast so like it just seemed like what did i even mean

i mean i don't i don't think we need to like dissect the joke but it was kind of like we should because i think we you you had an outburst i think you had an emotional outburst and i think we need to understand where it's coming from so the idea sorry the idea is kind of like a carpenter who works with wood and is sometimes maybe hired to put down some flooring some wood panels yeah so it's bringing balance to the floors instead of instead of the force from star wars um so we can move on it was it was you're right it was silly balance to the floors yeah it was like uh oh a... Oh, that's good. All right. Are you back on board? F*** it.

Okay. Let's go back. If we can get it again. Well, I don't remember how I quite teed it up. It's the only thing now, and I'm a little nervous. Don't waste my time. Come on. Because you came up with a funny line, but if you aren't ready...

So similar to a plumber, a carpenter would have to bring balance to the floors. You can't even... Is this amateur art? This guy can't even deliver a is this amateur or this guy can't even deliver a line and i was supposed to if he's low on supplies he can always head down to the darth maul to see some shop you really like we we labored it so much to get the one line and then you're kind of like you butcher the line and then you try and do a new one it's just i didn't even get the second one but i just plum effect is that something plumb effect it's pretty good stuff actually it is pretty good stuff jar jar sinks last one that

was the last one i promise i'm done that's the last one rory glazed over his eyes going blank for 30 minutes before he said that. The apprentice replies to Stuart. Stuart! All right. Stuart! Stuart! Stuart! Don't f***ing laugh!

You gave this to me! I'm laughing at myself! You monster! Stuart! Well, don't shout it. Don't shout. Stuart! Am I not shouting?

No. We're just talking on the telephone about a job. Oh. Alright. Stuart. Stuart. What's this f***ing matter? Why are you doing this to me?

I like to watch you s*** worm, basically. I can't say that name again. You gotta just take it from one of the ones we've got already. Just say, can I make a suggestion? Can I make a suggestion? Do you think we could try using Phillips head screws this time? If you want, but what's the difference? The young lad's reply was quiet.

They've got crosses on them. It's worth a shot. I don't think those kind of crosses count. I think to have some sort of impact in the world of the paranormal, they pretty much have to be biblical crosses. That's how desperate they are. Right. They're this desperate. But it is true, a Phillips head screw, you

don't even know if that's a regular cross or an upside down cross. Because if it's an upside down cross, we might have another kettle of fish. There you go, Mrs. Holborn. Again! Hopefully this will be it now, and you won't see us tomorrow. Maybe. Would be nice, wouldn't it?

The next morning, Stuart startled awake. Realising, for the first time in weeks, he woke up naturally, without a call from Mrs. Holborn. Oh! The screws with crosses on them seemed to be doing the trick. What? Stuart never forgot what happened at the house, which was handy, because 20 years later, he received a phone call. Hi, I'm Liz. Liz Rich.

Are you sure? Maybe. Is this a prank phone call? No, it's been a long night. My family have just moved into this house and we've got a problem. When do you think you'll be able to get out to Hail Fanong? Hail Fanong. Hail Fanong. Don't correct me.

I know where I live, bitch. Hail Fanong. Hello? Hello? Are you still there? Yes, Mrs. Rich. What's the exact nature of your problem? Radiators.

Just a no. I assume. Just say. Just bring all of your tools. I'll explain when you get here. When? But specifically, the radiators. All right.

I assume. It's not radiator. Okay. What do you mean you assume? Rory assumes, not Liz. Sorry. Yeah, I should have changed my voice there. I assume... It's not Radiator. Okay. What do you mean you assume? Rory assumes, not Liz. Sorry, yeah, I should have changed my voice there. But I assume... I assume...

It's the same house, the same location. She's calling a plumber. I assume it's the Radiators acting up again. They started seeing dark figures at the bottom of their beds. The children reported seeing an old lady sitting on a chair in the living room, which started happening so often, they just locked the door to the living room and never went in it again. You know things are bad when we don't even have the time

to deal with the blue laser beams shooting through the house. I don't think I've ever heard of that one before. It's pretty interesting. Like, you know, definitely standard paranormal, or standard poltergeist, rather, behavior is like orbs. Sure. Lights, sometimes ball lightning, things like that, like light electricity. These do happen.

We might have had something that sounds similar, but I don't know about laser beams exactly. And people don't report hearing Darude's sandstorm coming from the basement. And smoke and lasers blasting in the living room. Imagine just lying in bed at night, just an aisle outside, the wind going through the trees. And you're like, good night, sweetie. Yeah, hopefully tomorrow will be a bit quieter and we can put all this behind us and move on with our lives. Good night. What was that?

Did you hear that? No, it must have been a bird just getting louder and louder as you as you go to the attic you're just like in a horror movie taking one step slower and slower open the door to the attic ghost rave we've all heard about the bro ghost before but uh the edm ghost the party ghost that's a new type of yeah not like a surf bro but like an edm bro yeah and it's about to get even darker they had a bunch of animals at the house that is until all their goats turned up dead one morning oh then their pig went insane and had to be put down what do you mean the pig

went insane it's not just like like just just running around snuffling going nuts trying to bite you. You know what I mean? At no point have I ever looked at a pig and thought, he is sane. He has his mental faculties. If he's sane, then he's doing normal pig activities, quietly snuffling and eating things. So what's insane for a pig? Did he grab a child and say, you gotta get out of here?

They came for the goats, then they're coming for me. I don't know if you've ever come across this, but kids who had Game Boy Color games, Game Boy games growing up, let's say you had Pokemon and you had your Pokemon Red cartridge or whatever. And let's face it, we all put a lot of love and care into raising them their Pokemons. and let's face it, we all put a lot of love and care into raising them their Pokemons. I was so naive. I didn't realize until I was a lot older when I tried to play one of those old games.

The cartridges are the same thing. They've got little batteries in there. Yeah. And when the battery runs out, It's gone. wave bye-bye to your Vaporeon. Unfortunately, that's the opposite of Furbies. They can't die ever.

They refuse to give up their memories. You have to get an electromagnet and rub it all over this mother's face to try and wipe that hard drive. You have to get an EMP device like in Zion and the Matrix to take down the Sentinels. I have lost so many files over the years on SD cards, USB thumb drives. If I had just put that shit in my Furby's brain it would have been bulletproof it would have stayed there forever whether i wanted to or not yeah people don't know that the u.s library of congress is just a hundred thousand furbies storing just kind of all of america's information they have a launch code furby he has the six digit code in his in his mind and he's just he's just he's just got duct

tape around his little beak he's trying to he's trying to talk shut it up yeah they have to make sure the terrorists never get the launch code furby because they'll electrocute his nuts. They'll do whatever it takes to get those numbers out of him. And he's got a little tiny military uniform on. Like, he is technically in the Navy. He is a soldier. He is an American soldier.

That is for sure. I remember my mom, for Christmas a few years ago, gave me a DVD that teaches you how to street street dance she wanted you to be a b-boy this is not a joke my parents wanted me to be a f***ing lawyer your mom your mom was like i really think our dog has a ring to it it was it was a dvd i this was not even long ago by the way there's a few years we don't even have a DVD player in the house. And I got a DVD. It was an instructional video called,

I think it was literally called Fat Moves, spelled P-H-A-T. Of course. And Street Dance Grooves. Fat Move, P-H-A-T for Fat Boys, F-A-T. Spelled the regular way. Yeah, the second one was just a regular one yeah it was more of a workout uh dvd i was quite large at the time and yes this is my parents trying to give me a subtle hint

they thought that you were a nerd i think you were playing too many video games they wanted you to meet some girls through the medium of dance yeah that would make sense because the other gift was a prostitute. So I think they obviously thought I was nerdy and sheltered and they were like, you need to learn how to dance and have sex with a woman. Rory, this is Crystal.

Rory, this is Crystal. And she'd love to see some of your new moves. Why don't you show Crystal your new moves? Non-sexual moves. That's for later. The dance moves. So f***ed up. Mom and dad.

Christmas dinner that evening, we're all just like sitting around, the whole family and Crystal. So should we go around and say what we're thankful for? Crystal's just chain smoking at the end of the table. Pass the ham. Of course, darling. You know, I'm about to take over into four hours.

Your mum and dad are like, Rory's not going to take long. Don't worry. Mum! Don't tell her. And to this day, I still have the Fat Move Street Dance Grooves DVD, and I still keep in touch with Crystal because they're sentimental gifts. This is it. Hey there. crystal because they're sentimental gifts this is it hey there I'm interested in buying your transformers all right well of course we can help you with that

what do you need I think I need some some jumbo ones I think I need six of them all right well we got the first one Megan Fox and the other guy from even Stevens we got the second one which Megan Fox, and the other guy from Even Stevens. We got the second one, which I would not recommend. It was not as good. Sorry, I'm confused. Am I through to the St. Louis Electrical Supplies Company? No. What?

This is Stevie's DVDs. I'm so sorry. I'm looking at the yellow pages right now, though. Did I call 9779? No, this is 9729. is stevie's dvds for all your dvd needs okay i'm so sorry stevie i assume you're stevie um no oh i'm i'm craig sorry i'm all turned i'm all turned around craig stevie's the guy that owns the transformer shop okay well that could save me some time do you you maybe have the number? I'm trying to, needless to say, I am trying to get through to Stevie's, is it called Stevie's Transformer Shop?

Stevie's Transformer Shop, that is correct. They need to update the yellow pages, I think. I just work here at Stevie's DVDs, but my name is Craig. Thanks for clarifying this incredibly convoluted situation, Craig. Is there any way, is Stevie around? Of course. Stevie! Stevie! No, he's not, actually. You're going to have to call.

He cannot hear me. See, I am sure that I called. Do you know what? Sorry, Craig. I'm going to, I'll call back another time. I'm going to go back and call 9779. All right. I'll talk to you later.

Hi there. Stevie's DVDs. There's no f***ing way. What? Which number did you call? Craig. Oh, right. Yeah, this is him.

Craig, I called 9779. You're clearly not whatever you said we are. 9799. You said 9729 last time. 9799. Do you want a DVD or not, sir? You've called twice now. Greg, I don't know what to do here.

I hung up the phone and I am deadly certain that I dialed 9779, which is in the yellow pages as the St. Louis Electric Supplies Company. 9799? No, 9779. Then call what I'm saying. 9799? No, 9779. Then call what I'm saying. 9799. Whose number is that? Stevie's.

But not Stevie's DVDs. Stevie's Transformer Electrical Shop. This is Craig. I'm sorry to bother you, Craig. I'm gonna have a nap or something because I'm gonna hang up. I'm going to have a nap or something.

I'm going to hang up and I'm going to call 97... Nine. Nine. Nine. 9799. 9799. Hello. This is Craig. I work at Stevie's Transformers shop in electrical units.

Hi, Craig. I'm interested in buying some Transformers. Of course. What do you need? Uh, I need, uh... Sorry, I've just been talking to the strangest gentleman. Uh, this is great. I need some big ones, the jumbo ones. I need about six. All right, we can help you with that. Now, just to clarify, we were talking about Transformers is in the electrical equipment, not the popular movie franchise or 90s, 80s cartoon series.

Nothing to do with Megafox, Shia LaBeouf. Fantastic, because this is an electrical shop. We do not store DVDs. You want DVDs? I know exactly who you need. That is Stevie's DVDs for all your DVD needs. I do not. Let's get back on the Transformers.

Sorry, all right. I've got their number, actually. Did you tell them about the DVDs? I did, Craig. I did tell him about that. We are very close by. There's two Craigs? We're both called Craig. We both work at Stevie's. Where's Stevie?

I think he's in Barbados. Imagine a world in which a dream you had last night foretold the events that are taking place today in this order. Okay, that's trippy. I need to learn how to pronounce this. Deja Reve. That's not what I was hoping. Oh, Deja Reve?

Deja Reve. I don't know why he said it like that. Say it again. Deja Reve. This is supposed to be deja vu this is supposed to be a foundation guy

he doesn't know you're a deja vu this is a dude who lied on his CV to get this gig and said he could speak French he was like

yeah I know it what's it called deja vu alright I gotta hear this one more time man I'm not getting any closer déjà rêvé déjà

it's déjà rêvé you have to you just read it it's déjà rêvé déjà rêvé rêvé like rêvé the bike okay

got it welcome to the world of déjà rêvé okay sorry sorry let me do that one more time welcome to the world déjà rêvé sorry I do that one more time welcome to the world of sorry i got the timing wrong there welcome to the world of deja reva it's not seamless he sounds nothing like you and you can actually speak better french than that guy also you said you didn't know when this was

there's a massive date on the video here which says 2019 well that's when it was then einstein sorry i was so overwhelmed by the paranormal evidence that time itself doesn't matter anymore yeah i can see blood on your computer keyboard your nose obviously started bleeding you were so blown away look when you get when you get we when when you listen here no no i'll speed up i'll speed up if anything son of a bitch when you get brought up onto an alien craft and have a rod of nuclear goo put up your shiter and then you're thrown back on Earth like a fish out of water, do you think I'm going to remember what f***ing day it was?

I don't even remember what year it was. You should because the first thing you're going to have to do is call the police and tell them what happened. So when I see a puppet move glass with its mind. We don't know that's what happened. I don't even know what planet I'm on anymore. You should. Okay?

So actually, watch it. When you get dropped back down to Earth from a spacecraft, you're not a fish out of water. You're just you, a human back on Earth. I don't know what they did to me up there, man. I feel like sometimes I belong on the craft more than I belong down here. Did this happen to you? You know, it did, actually. And that's why I don't remember a lot of things in my real life.

Like, for example, the year that Mr. Fritz opened a case with his mind. I think there might be a string attached to the door handle. Well, Kit, then how are you going to explain this next event? This is next night. The next night. Interestingly, all... If we have to specify, because Kit is so obsessed with time. It just seems kind of relevant.

He's like a f***ing grandfather clock. He's just obsessed. He can't even think about anything else other than time. Hey, I think this is why we make a good team, because're focused maybe on the details i actually don't care about the details either i'm just coming in with some fresh eyes and just seeing some stuff that you didn't you know namely when it happened i think it's time you stop okay and you just watch i will just point out that it was the next night and it was, interestingly, both of these things happening very close to the paranormal hour.

I think the first one it said about 3.30 in the morning. This one looks to be 3.36. Really? Is that relative time? The paranormal hour? Is that something that I should be aware of? It seems, we've talked about it on many episodes, it seems kind of relevant, yeah.

Well, I just said how much I don't care about time or years or planets at one point. So it seems like, okay, well, if that makes you believe things. Which is fine because you said you think you belong more on their planet now. I said a lot of things. I said a lot of things. But if you think the time actually. You said they put nuclear goo up your ass? A rod.

It was a rod containing goo. Much like a glow stick or a frube. Which is, of course, yogurt in a tube. I'm glad. Yeah, because not everyone will know what a froub which is of course yogurt in a tube. I'm glad yeah because not everyone will know what a froub is. So if I could direct your attention right here to the time kit I think you'll find it's actually pretty close to the paranormal hour. I already said that. Yeah but we're gonna cut that shit so I say it and I sound like I know what I'm saying.

This was night number two. Your voice has completely changed. This is night number two. Your voice has completely changed. This is night number two, motherfucker. Watch up. And get ready actually. Get ready to get ready to. Wife does smile off your face. Okay. Cause when I saw this, I was shitting

goo for days. Yeah, that was the abduction. That was the abduction. I was so scared. I was shitting goo for days, man. You're not going to believe this. But the paranormal is purer than all of those things. It's pure. The paranormal needs to be defended.

Its honor needs to be defended. I didn't get 800 milliliters of nuclear goo injected into my butthole for someone to make money off. So you said before that it was a rod that shot goo, but it's actually just... It was like an injection. It was just the goo.

The goo was inside the rod, and then when the button was pushed... How do you know it's 800 milliliters? Trust me, brother. I know when 800 milliliters of a liquid is going inside me. I won't tell you how, and I won't tell you why, but if you've been investigating the paranormal for long enough, you actually get a little sixth sense for that sort of shit.

Above 150 mil, you feel every extra mil, brother. I know it was 800 milliliters because that was the eighth time they brought me up there. Every time they're taking me one step further and I'm about to break. And I know a milliliter sounds small, but it doesn't feel small. Kit, I've got a little list here

of some of the dolls on display. I thought you could take a look at. Do I get to see the doll? Annabelle? Yes. No. Why? I didn't include any pictures. I'll get you a picture.? Annabelle? Yes. No. Why? I didn't include any pictures.

I'll get you a picture. I'll get you a picture. Do you understand the kind of grilling? Roy's pulled out his phone. He's ditched the iPad, which is where all the evidence is. And he's pulled out his phone. He's like, oh, I guess if you want to see this thing. Is it really that interesting?

I mean, come on. Rory would be roasting my ass over an open fire if we'd got to the end of an episode and i didn't show him any evidence okay here you go here's the doll jesus christ it's huge you've never seen it what imagine i'm like oh shit this thing's crazy we should have looked at this earlier uh damn look at that thing you really hadn't seen it before i've never seen for f**k's sake what are we doing here i'd seen i'd seen pictures of the of raggedy ann dolls i didn't realize i didn't realize that that it was so large you're like who's the old broad next to her that's lorraine warren that's that's a very respected paranormal researcher his interest in uf. That's a very respected paranormal researcher.

His interest in UFOs, it's a bit of a red flag. It is. Some people think that his fascination with UFOs actually got him killed, that that might have even been his intentions of his final flight. Some say the only reason he became a pilot was to search for alien crafts. There you go. That's what I was getting alluding to at the start of this podcast. It's a bit of a weird situation to be in if this guy, while preparing for his first ever flight, is, you know, talking to the guy at headquarters and they're like,

Hey, so this is the plane you're going to be taking out today. Pretty standard engine. Nothing crazy. You're going to be flying around 30,000 feet. And the pilot's like, interesting, interesting. And tell me, officer, does the exoskeleton of the craft, is it able to withstand the piercing heat of a laser at approximately firing at the sun's temperature?

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'd have to check the instruction manual for the aircraft. I haven't actually checked that detail. But if I allure your attention, it's got a pretty interesting feature down here at the wheel for for the aircraft. I haven't actually checked that detail. But if I allure your attention, it's got a pretty interesting feature down here. Interesting. At the wheel for the landing gear.

And the engine, flooding it full of power. Would that create enough force to be able to escape some sort of traction beam from a greater aircraft? Interesting. What's interesting? Just the thought of it. The sheer thought of it. Sure.

Interesting. I guess it is. I haven't actually come across an aircraft with, what did you say, a tractor beam? Some sort of. Is that a steel beam that you would put on a tractor? Sure. On a farm tractor? I don't really.

I'm just probably going to go ahead and ignore some of these questions and, again, alert your attention to it because you're going to need to pay attention to this next bit. Because the altitude gauge, it is right next to the ejector seat. Interesting. I'm going to have to take your attention here because if you miss this by a millimeter, you could actually be in a fatal situation. So you're going to want to pay attention to it. Interesting. Sorry, what's interesting? And the altitude gauge?

Yeah, I'm showing you where the altitude gauge is. It's right here but next to the ejector seat. What if one were to reach an altitude beyond the gauge? Are you actually interested in writing? I see here the gauge maxes out at 100,000 feet. What if one were to escape the bonds of Earth? Interesting. Is it not? You would, I guess, technically die from a lack of oxygen.

Are you a trained pilot, sir? I'm going to need another craft then. He's learning about airplanes for the first time. Interesting, interesting. On my oxygen supply and food supply

for the Mars mission, where will it go? Yeah, it only goes up for two hours at a time. My food supply. It's like, you're going to be up there

for 25 minutes. If you need food, eat now. You could, I guess, take a peanut butter sandwich in the cockpit. Where are the hibernation pods located for the intergalactic voyage? Well, I feel nauseous doing the cryogenic freezing. Question about the cryogenic pods. There is no cryogenic pod.

Are they able to keep soda cool for lesser flights? Are they able to keep soda cool for lesser flights? The sheer thought of being captured and making love to a creature from another world. Interesting, is it not? The guy has just left the room at this point. He's got his eyes closed. So interesting. The guy left to go to the bathroom. The thought of making love for the first time in any form.

Interesting, is it not, officer? I've been saving myself for them, for her. My alien wife. For her. He's got such a picture in his mind. Interesting, interesting. Someone who doesn't want there to be another side to a conversation. There could be no one else in that room. Hard cut to him on the alien world talking to a six-eyed bug with human legs. It's like, what, sweetie? Aren't you excited to meet me?

He's like, nothing. It's just, eh. I guess I was just expecting Jessica Alba, but green, I think. Yeah, you got to look at someone who has explicitly said multiple times on the podcast how day one they will sign up for the alien human breeding program. You got to be able to put your money where your mouth is, all right? We're not talking about it looks just like us except it's got an extra eye. Yeah.

It could be a gas. It could be slime. It could be goo. God, I hope it is goo. That sounds pretty cool. Rory's been talking for so long, I actually, I flipped. I think we should put him in a bin with explosive devices. See what happens.

It's just me with a space helmet on in a bin and a roll of condoms going, interesting, interesting. See you soon, my sweetheart. So the condoms indicate you have no intention of breeding anything. It's a pleasure trip only. Not to get into the details or anything so you're bringing family planning contraceptives to the corners of the galaxy it's a noble quest

it really is it must have been funny in olden days if you're just kind of like doing your daily routines taking your kids to school, cooking breakfast, and all of a sudden a volcano erupts, kills like 100,000 people. And you're like, all right, what was everyone doing? What was everyone doing when that thing went off? I was cooking beans.

Is that, should I stop cooking beans now? I think, is that maybe we'd stay away from that? What were you doing? You were kissing, you were kissing a woman. Is she your wife? No, don't do that anymore. Marry them first. That was probably it.

That was the one, yeah. We've got to figure out what pissed it off. And then by process of elimination, you know, someone will just be like, hey, I kissed a girl yesterday. I wasn't married. Nothing happened. It's like, okay, that one's fine. Put it on. Take it off the list.

That's okay. It's like process of elimination. They had to figure it out. list that's okay it's like process of elimination they had to figure it out the only problem is when you get like some dude is just like i had sex with a chicken and nothing happened it's like that's still bad that's saying on the list that's saying for completely different reasons don't touch my chicken i think we should punish you yeah we don't need a god to do that that's our job yeah it's like i'm a little disappointed that god didn't strike you down because we could all decide that's not good we need a new god we need to pick a new god because he should whoever god we're praying to we should be on keeping an eye on yeah he was on a lunch

break or something when you did that because there's no way that's not breaking the rule i do also want to say this is also loosely the plot of my upcoming movie the electric woman which is a man who falls in love with a ghost and the only way they can be intimate together is through giant surges of electricity so he kind of like has to the whole movie is him finding ways to basically enact terrorist levels of destruction upon a town okay to generate enough electricity so that he can just hold the woman he loves, which you may laugh at it, Kit, but I actually think it's pretty goddamn beautiful. And the great thing is

it only takes our protagonist 25 seconds at a time to make love. So this works for him. This relationship works for him. And then the beautiful ending to the movie is realizing all the electricity he ever needed, Kit, was enough to kill himself so that he could become a ghost and they could be together forever. That's your beautiful third act? Is he puts a hairdryer in the bathtub and goes to the other world?

He eats a triple A battery, dies immediately. Not the nine volt battery they have ghost sex that'll do it uh look the plot is still in process we're doing we haven't even done casting yet which i will get onto at the end of the podcast we are casting for the electric woman i of course of course will be playing the lead the man kit i think could play some sort of some sort of villain some sort of like gob of villain some sort of like goblin creature some sort of like

shadow sludge why would there be a goblin in this movie you need an antagonist you basically read out the plot to Ghost starring Patrick Swayze so you clearly see yourself

as Patrick Swayze sure well I didn't say that so where the f*** do goblins come into it just if you want to be a part of the movie why couldn't I just be

I could do just a nice cameo where i'm a pizza delivery guy or something like i could be literally anything i guess like like a pizza delivery guy with like a hunchback all right and like crooked eyes and you know crooked eyes i feel like that would be detrimental to the storyline i feel like that would take people's concentration of you, the lead, crooked eye. You don't appear for the entire movie and then right as the credits are about to appear, you just pop up with a pizza box and say, and that's the end of our story.

But what ramps up the strangeness of this encounter is that another officer who arrived to the scene, they saw an object in the sky themselves and captured it on body cam. What? It's very quick, but you're going to see that the officer is talking to a witness and then in the background,

he captures something streaking across the sky. Blink or you'll miss it type shit. Blink and you'll miss it? You missed it. I just played it and you were staring at me. You said the phrase wrong. You said blink or you'll miss it. Well, you missed it.

Because I blinked. I might have got the phrase wrong, but you didn't get the meaning. You told me to blink or I would miss it. Well, you missed it. Because I blinked. I might have got the phrase wrong, but you didn't get the meaning. You told me to blink or I would miss it. Like a threat. I couldn't believe that I hit stop when the video looked up

and you were staring at me in the eyes. I did miss it. For f***'s sake. That's how dumb both of us are. I say it wrong. You stop watching the video.

I don't look. That was just this paranormal life summed up in five seconds. This entire show summed up in five seconds. Two absolute morons. Yeah. So what did you think of the video? You said it wrong. What?

It's an absolute car crash. What a way to end our best of episode. I really think there's no better clip to sum up this show. Thank you once again for supporting this paranormal life in 2023. We'll see you again next year for a brand new paranormal tale.