This Paranormal Life - #360 The Declassified UFO ATTACK - Malmstrom Air Force UFO

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

On March 16, 1967, a strange object was seen hovering above an Air Force Base in Montana. 60 seconds later, an entire fleet of nuclear missiles were knocked offline. What happened next was rollercoaster of secret investigations, government shutdowns and classified reports. But this incident wouldn't stay secret for long... after all, this wasn't the first time an object had appeared at Malmstrom Air Force Base...Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunitySupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Buy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeIntro music by www.purple-planet.comEdited by Philip Shacklady Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are aliens coming to Earth to steal our nuclear weapons? Why can't I have whiskey with my cereal in the morning? Technically that's not a crime. All of these questions you can find the answer to on This Paranormal Life! Hello everyone and welcome to This Paranormal Life, the comedy paranormal podcast where every week myself, Rory Powers, and my associate Kit Grier-Malvena investigate a brand new paranormal case and come to a conclusion at the end as to whether or not it truly is paranormal. We are the real-life X-Files investigators, diving into the dark, twisted history of this planet and figuring out which cases are credible.

And it is a twisted planet. I've long dreamt of leaving it altogether and going to some kind of nice planet. But unfortunately we live in the twisted one and we've ruined it and all kinds of bad stuff has happened here and we just have to make lemonade out of lemons really and make a podcast out of all the mental stuff that's happened. Yeah the best that we can do now is investigate the paranormal on this planet and tell you the shit that you guys should really be worried about. Yeah. And let me tell you, oh boy do I have a case today.

Oooh really? I was saying Kit recently that we've had a bit of a dry spell on this podcast, you know? We usually try and hunt to see if we can find cases that we've had a bit of a dry spell on this podcast, you know? We usually try and hunt to see if we can find cases that come down in a double yes that are truly paranormal. And I believe for the last two, maybe three months, we haven't had a single yes at the end. It has been a honker of a dry spell.

Just another twisted thing about this cursed planet is that me and Rory have been unable to allow me to be crass, get it up. Okay, no, no. Get a couple yeses up on the board. Our penises work fine. Completely fine. You know, I can't say- Sometimes a little too fine.

All right. You know they say, if a paranormal case lasts longer than four hours, consult your doctor. Rory, I didn't do much to help things last week. As exciting as that investigation was, we didn't come home with that elusive double yes. So I'm hoping you might be able to turn things around today. I'm happy to say I think I can too, kid. Because usually when we're researching this podcast and looking for cases, yeah, we check our inboxes, we go on Reddit, we search a little bit on the internet, whatever it is.

But I went into the deepest, darkest, most classified cabinets of the US military and government. I found the dark secrets that no one's seen before. I've been up for days researching this case, getting evidence, printouts, maps, locations. And let me tell you, I've stumbled onto something big here. You're all right, bud. Because I got here and there's kind of- Sorry, let me just finish my coffee real quick.

If you're watching this on YouTube, you can kind of see that there's whiskey littering the desk. We have documents that say classified here on the desk. You're going to want to swig at this too, brother. It is 1030 AM. That's the good stuff. I'm starting to understand our intro question about putting whiskey on your cereal. Rory seems to be, I don't know, needing to cope with the information he's come across. I don't want everyone to get too excited too early on.

I want to big the case up too much. Just before we begin, ask the question, Kit, are you prepared to never see your wife or child again? No. They're expecting me back tomorrow afternoon actually. Audience listening at home, are you ready to be put on a government list that means you're not able to fly

to another country again in your life? I don't think that this is light entertainment really, if anything. Are you ready for wherever you go for the rest of your days on this planet to have a red dot sight pointed at the back of your skull? This doesn't sound fun.

It's not fun. It's not fun! It's not fun! This is like finding out the tooth fairy isn't real. Painful! Arduous! Cried for days! This is a huge case, possibly one of the biggest,

and I believe most convincing we've ever covered on this podcast before. We're going to dive into today's story right after a quick word from today's sponsors. remember you can get every episode of this podcast ad free on patreon.com forward slash this paranormal life. The story you're going to hear today may sound like a work of fiction, but it is in fact one of the best documented UFO stories in history. Documented by who? You may ask Kit.

Is it a reliable source? How about the US military? I mean, that's still pretty open to interpretation, I would say, but you're saying that this is, yeah, not a slack-jawed yokel, but an entire institution wrote this down on paper. Exactly, and it's well documented. Our story today begins on March 24th, 1967,

at Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana. Can I bring up a thing? Can I derail us for a second? Pretty early to derail an important story, but sure. I just need to talk about... Roy, I can say this in terms of where are you looking? I'm just wired in. It's locked in. Uh, I was just, I just, just to up the stakes of the podcast, I mean, it's

popping into my head because you talked about a red dot site being on the back of our foot on the heads after researching this case. Um, I don't know if you read the news. Someone just got red dotted. Oh, I did see this. Yeah. Because basically, the Boeing aircraft company are in hot water. Boeing, the biggest airplane manufacturer in the world, giant contracts with every government probably around the world for providing aircrafts and so on. They're in hot water because there's major game breaking safety issues with their planes after a number of crashes. People said, regulators said enough is enough,

what is going on here and there's now criminal proceedings going on to figure out what's going on. Basically a former engineer from Boeing, a whistleblower from the inside, was testifying at hearings in America over the last week, providing, I don't want to say it Roy, but documents that look a lot like yours and a tie that looks a little bit like yours. He was going into court and saying, hey, I was on the inside. This is what was going on. That guy was found dead in a car park the following morning. Yeah. And it's very interesting that you do bring this up because I want you to

remember this kit while we talk about some of the things that unfold in today's story. Well as I said our story today begins on March 24th 1967 at Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana. The day started like any other. Military personnel went about their duties, monitoring the skies and of course, guarding the base's most prized possession. The Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles. These are missiles capable of launching a massive nuclear attack on foreign soil. Now, when I worked at PC World, I was in charge of guarding the laptop accessories. And yes, even though in the short time I worked there,

we had a record number of store thefts, I still took that responsibility very seriously. Yeah, Rory put his life on the line for those Lenovo chargers. Yeah, an old lady came in one day and asked for an SD card and I grabbed her by the throat and said, who do you work for? Now one individual working on the base that night was Robert Salas, a 26-year-old US Air

Force Lieutenant and soon-to-be witness to one of the strangest, unexplained paranormal events in military history. Robert was working the night shift, nestled securely in his office 20 meters below the ground. Now this was a shift that's usually uneventful, but tonight his phone began to ring. It was a call from the surface. Robert recognized the voice immediately. It was the security guard tasked

with guarding the front gate. Salus here, what's the problem? Lieutenant, there's something out with guarding the front gate. Salus here, what's the problem? Lieutenant, there's something out here by the front gate! If they have clearance, you can open the gate. No, no sir! It's in the sky! Salus dropped the phone. Something in the sky? This was a highly secure Air Force base.

If there was something in the sky, Salas should have easily known about it. Before he could figure out what the hell is going on, the phone rings again. It's the same security guard. Sorry, the signal cut off. I don't really know. I'm on 3G. Did I say about the thing in the sky?

Because it's closer now. Sorry, I'll call you on FaceTime audio. I think the cellular reception is not good I sent you a link to a zoom call if you can just accept the code is oh shit, sir They are no longer in the sky. They're in the zoom lobby They are they're requesting access to the zoom call sir Sir, I just sent you a calendar link to a Google meet with the aliens They're actually dialing in over here.

The signal's a little bad. I'm tethering from the craft. Sir, sir, could you enable screen sharing? Can you enable screen sharing? You got a gun to his head, a laser gun to his head. Sir, I'd really appreciate it if you enabled screen sharing on the US infrastructure computers. As I said, before he could figure out what was going on, the phone rang again. Lieutenant! This thing is glowing red! It's got pulsed lights and it's kind of old shape. It's just hovering there not making sound. I-

Hello? Hello? Salus immediately put out a broadcast to the entire security team. Secure the facility at all costs! Yes, sir! Without hesitation, the rest of the security guards left to their posts, quickly arriving to guard the other launch sites in the complex. And when they arrived, the phone started ringing again. There were reports all over the base of the same strange glowing orb in the sky. According to Salus, this object was, quote, flying very fast, coming to a dead stop, reversing

course and making 90 degree turns. Oh dear. This was something like no aircraft he'd ever seen before. And this dude works on an airbase. With military contracts. He's probably seen shit back then that we haven't even seen now. Right, he's got the PS9. He's in that bunker playing GTA 9.

Right. They've got shit from the future. Yeah. For real. Already, as well, the description we're seeing is very similar to descriptions we see in a lot of credible UFO cases. An object that doesn't move like it's obeying the laws of Earth's physics. And I think you'll see that a lot of people who witnessed this craft, even now to this day, say there's nothing that exists currently.

Yeah. That could even replicate the movements of this object in the 60s. Even now, to this day, say there's nothing that exists currently Yeah That could even replicate the movements of this object in the 60s Yeah, I mean this is as you say in line with other released footage from the Pentagon And others of craft moving in ways that are not particularly possible Yeah, yeah, yeah Sorry, I need another drink here, brother Because some of the stuff that we're getting into is pretty top secret.

Not only was security now seeing multiple objects in the sky, communications went down, meaning they were struggling to keep contact. Now remember, while all this is happening on the surface, Lieutenant Salas is buried 20 meters underground, monitoring the security of the nuclear missiles. Well, he's not buried. His office is 20 meters underground, monitoring the security of the nuclear missiles. Well, he's not buried. His office is 20 meters underground. Yeah, he's not. He hasn't been kind of mummified and placed in a tube.

That's where he lives. Quick to the cryogenic chamber! They're taking over! So he's just listening to all the chaos ensuing upstairs. Oh yeah, and it sounds like f***ing blood gulch on Halo 2 team deathmatch. Yeah, laser beams, you can hear people get drift in half. In the heart of all of this chaos, the unthinkable happens. Alarms begin to blare and lights flash, indicating there's something wrong with the missiles. This is essentially the worst case scenario. The missiles

guidance and control systems were disabled, meaning the entire set of ICBM nuclear warheads were completely offline, kid. Oh no. Sorry, can I just have a little whiskey break for a second here? You had one two seconds ago. Things are getting crazy! I don't know if I could continue as a sober man. You're not sober, you had whiskey for breakfast. Do we have any cigarettes in the office? I've never smoked a goddamn cigarette in my life. None of us smoke.

And I feel like... Sorry. I feel like I'm being strangled by this tie. Why'd you wear it? You've never worn a tie in your life up to this point. As I was saying, the ICBM missiles are now offline at the base. Is that bad? I mean... Is that bad?! What were they gonna use them for? It ain't good, brother! Right, but what if they just...

What if it's like turning your family computer on and off again? Uh, you know, will they just come back on? This is like being someone who owns a gun, and you keep it in your house, and one day you go check on it, and the gun ain't there. Sure. That's not good. Right. Right? Right, right, but they're not gone, they're just offline. That's like... It's more like you're gun jamming when you're trying to shoot a

raccoon. That's like having a pet tiger you keep in your back garden and one day you come home and the tiger isn't there. Yeah, but it's not gone. You keep... And using analogies where the item is gone. Okay, well how about... We can stick to the original premise. Alright, well, the missiles being offline is the equivalent of coming home and the tiger's off the leash. The tiger's off the leash. And you haven't been treating him well.

You don't have the facilities to take care of a tiger. You should have. You should have. You can't feed a tiger... But the missiles aren't sentient. Tigers can't live on peperami alone. And that's all you've been feeding this guy. I just need more context about the missiles themselves.

Not tigers, not guns. Okay. Do they explode if they go offline? Because you seem very stressed that they're offline. They don't explode. You've just lost control. Yeah, but, right! But they're missiles! They're Inanimate if you lose control surely they just sit there they do they do they just sit there But the fact that they are offline means you are no longer in control of the missiles

Something has happened sure to block you out So the fact that you don't know what the status of the missiles are, means that they could be... Well, they're offline, apparently. They're offline. Yeah, but that means that you don't know what's going on with the missiles. They could be being put into some guy's backpack right now, and you wouldn't know. But they're very large! They're not in a backpack, are they?

They're in, like, a container container or like a launcher or some shit. Imagine having a button that could blow up the world. Stop saying imagine. Imagine you had a tiger that could blow up the world. Imagine you're Tescos and they're out of hula hoops. That's crazy, bro. That's what's happening here. I was just like, oh, so this is a military base that has 10 intercontinental nuclear missiles capable

You didn't say they were nuclear I did say nuclear You said I said multiple times nuclear Just imagine a tiger for one second if you could Imagine a tiger that could be shot at 400 miles an hour and could take down a whole city And then imagine, that tiger's escaped It's... okay Imagine that tiger in escaped. It's, okay.

Imagine that tiger in the wrong hands. Whatever you say. Okay. Whatever you say. I'm gonna, hey, f*** me, right? For asking questions. Sorry, I should have just let the genius cook. Yeah, sorry.

So let's let Rory get back to his. I'm taking away the whiskey. I'm taking away at least one of the bottles of whiskey. I'm keeping this one. Okay. I'm keeping this one. But yes, just to clarify to Kit and the audience, losing control of 10 devastating nuclear weapons, that's a big deal.

That's a bad thing. That doesn't happen every Sunday. When speaking about the event, Salas, who is now in his 80s, said, We sent individual signals to each missile and within seconds we had no power. This had never happened before and we have nothing that could do that even now. He's essentially saying that whatever caused this was unseen technology. Not only did it not exist at the time, it doesn't exist in the current day. Right.

Okay, but he's framing this as like something. There's some kind of block or some kind of matrix style EMP blast that knocked them offline. Couldn't it just be a fault? Couldn't it just be an accident? I think you'll find that this has been investigated thoroughly, they have run through multiple situations, whether it was electric.

I don't trust your ass, it better be someone important. I love that, I'm like, I have an argument that can defeat any question you have. You ask one question, I just show you a picture of a tiger. Imagine this. No! Loose in a Tesco's. What? Kit, do I have to spell it out for you, brother? Whatever this thing is floating about in the night sky, it had the technology to remotely shut down missiles buried 20 meters underground. Okay, yep, pretty cool.

Now while this entire ordeal sounds like it was some kind of intergalactic war taking place over years, the sighting, the shutdown, and recovery lasted just around one minute. But one minute is a long time for some guys, people, events, things. The object took off in complete silence at a blinding speed and the missiles came back online. Interesting. So the UFO came down and wanted to try some of its self-defense class. It's been learning how to disarm muggers. It just came down and wanted to try some of its self-defense class. It's been learning how to disarm muggers.

Yeah. It just came down. It did that shit where it slaps the hand out of the way, grabs the gun, and then kind of handed them the gun back and drove off. Yeah. Comfortable in the knowledge. They could do it if they wanted.

Yeah, yeah. Which is just, you know, sometimes you want to trial that shit out. I remember when I spent two years trying to achieve my white belt in karate. When I finally got that sucker, I just camped out behind an ice cream truck for a full day waiting for a child to approach. When it did, when it reached out to try and get that ice cream, I karate chopped him in the neck.

That is not a fair fight. It doesn't have to be fair. I just have to know that the chop works. It didn't. I missed completely and he ice-creamed me in the eyes I couldn't see for a few weeks after that. Is the white belt the first belt? They give it to you Usually. You took a year to just achieve the- you just didn't have any belt your trousers were by your ankles It took me a year to gather up the balls to even enter the dojo

I spent a year in the car park going, come on man, you gotta f***ing get in there man. Morian fashioned karate clothes out of a bed sheet because he wasn't allowed to use the real shit. I spent 12 months training using an extension cord as a belt. I was like, I am currently extension cord to Dan and one day I will make white. Lieutenant Salas was left shell shocked and confused, but he didn't have much time to

recover before he was abruptly dragged into a meeting with his squadron commander and a special investigations officer. What in the sweet hell was that, Lieutenant? You better have some answers! I-I don't know, sir. Maybe whatever Air Force exercise was taking place interfered with the missiles? Don't you get it, you thick f**k! Oh, shit! There was no Air Force exercise! Maybe we could ask the other stations and-

We're not asking anyone anything. As of right now, this whole incident is classified. And that's basically how things played out. Non-disclosure agreements signed and Salas was told never to speak publicly about that night as the entire incident was now classified. Well, it's not that classified because we're talking about it. But I guess we are 50 years on, potentially in the window of the freedom of information. Things have changed. People have become a lot more open about it. But I guess we are 50 years on, potentially in the window of the freedom of information. Things have changed. People have become a lot more open to it. We have the Freedom of

Information Act. There are now avenues in which whistleblowers can come forward and offer protection. It's a beautiful new dawn, and that is why this case has bloomed in recent years and there is so much overwhelming evidence to prove that this thing really did happen. Yeah, there's, you know, new avenues for whistleblowers to come forward. Hey, whistleblowers, why don't you come forward? And if you just want to stand right there, right over the X. Yeah, right over the X.

Trap door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, come on, we have a support group for whistleblowers. And they're like, yeah, that's cool. We've seen a lot of our friends go into that building and no one like come on. Oh, we have a support group for whistleblowers. They're like, yeah, that's cool We've seen a lot of our friends go into that building and no one's come out So I don't know if we're gonna go into the support group for whistleblowers Yeah, they get everyone round in a circle and they're like, alright, does anyone want to um, you know Be the first one to speak today and someone like stands up and it's like hello My name is Tim Jefferson and the guy hosting just goes big mistake

Gotcha Now while Salas didn't go public about his experience for years it didn't stop him from gossiping about it with his fellow servicemen I mean he wasn't the only person there that night This event had been witnessed by dozens of people at the base, and one of those people was Colonel Fried Maywald. Despite strict orders not to talk about what happened, Salas and Maywald couldn't help it. Can you believe it, Colonel Maywald?

Ten different ICBMs all offline. Doesn't make a damn bit of sense. Who would have guessed it would happen again? Again? For the first time, I mean, at all. Who would have guessed it would happen again? Again? For the first time, I mean, at all. Who would have guessed it would have happened at all? Anyway, I have to go now. Goodbye.

We just got here. He boards an ICBM, just takes off. This was a bombshell. According to Colonel Maywald, this wasn't the first time strange objects had shown up and shot down the missiles. It had happened before at Malmstrom, and it had happened one year prior in September of 1966.

10 missiles had been disabled at an air base in North Dakota, all while UFOs were observed directly over the launch sites. Take a breath, take a breath. You know when you investigate a case that you realize, oh shit, the second I unearth this thing, it's changed the trajectory of my life? I wish someone would shut this missile down,

because I'm on a dangerous path, brother, and I don't know who's going down with me. It's just a, it's just a, oh shit! Oh shit, brother! I'm on a dangerous path! Like a preacher! Why am I a southern preacher all of a sudden? It's so un-inched.

Hey, Roar, look. I know you're feeling it right now. I know you're feeling it right now. I know you're feeling it. Why do you fall out of your seat? I'm looking at all the cameras, every single one of them. I want people to see what's happening at home. I think you see you haven't slept in days.

You're hallucinating, you're unhinged. I'm incredibly jet lagged. Yeah, clearly. I saw your Instagram post over the last week. You're like smiling under coconut trees and shit. Yeah. This is not the Rory I'm seeing today. Yeah, I had a little nice vacation, went to a few places, went to Singapore, went to Japan.

Did a couple days at Malstrom Air Force Base. Different continent. Swung by North Dakota. Just to, you know, see what's going on there, pick up a few souvenirs. If you catch my drift. What? Papers. Papers. You know, see what's going on there, pick up a few souvenirs. If you catch my drift. What? Papers.

Papers. Evidence. I did, I did pose the question in a previous episode as an intro question. I said, how far would you get into the Pentagon with a nice black suit and a clipboard? Yeah. Turns out pretty far. Yeah. I was in meetings. Everyone just kind of assumed that

everyone else knew who I was. Apparently I looked a lot like a guy called Jenkins, who had kind of called in sick that week. They were like Jenkins, we weren't expecting you. Please take a seat. How's the wife? Uh, bad. Oh, same as usual. Sorry to hear it. And how are the kids? Dead? Of course, still. I don't know why I asked that, really. But all checks out, Jenkins. You're still the same old Jenkins we've come to know and love. Yeah. Here's the key code to the nukes. Cup of coffee, Jenkins? No.

Trick question, Jenkins. I know you hate coffee. Don't know why I'm testing you today Jenkins. Just like to keep you on your toes. Look, this case actually has been a blast to investigate. As you know Kit, I've recently been binge watching the X-Files and that was the first time I realized that the job of a paranormal investigator, it can be cool, it can be fun, you know we can romanticize this lifestyle of staying up all night retrieving hundreds of pages of declassified military documents unraveling the secrets and mysteries of the universe. I do want to point out half of this is an instruction manual for a

toaster it looks like. Oh shit yeah got an Ikea delivery as well, so Yeah, this is mostly about building a table Yeah, Malstrom is actually a shelving unit as well in the Ikea universe And as we said this event that took place might not only be the one time this has happened We're gonna hear all about those other events and see the bombshell evidence that could push this case into the realms of a double yes. Right after a quick word from today's sponsors. During his two remaining years on missile duty at Malmström, Salas said he never once

heard the incidents mentioned and he even went as far as to shut down other witnesses from going public out of fear of breaching an order. But luckily, as we know, in recent years the US Department of Defense created the All Domain Anomaly Research Office, which is sort of a safe space for whistleblowers to come forward and talk openly about their experiences without being shot in the back of the head afterwards. Yeah, before that, you could do it if you want. The consequences might be severe. Through this program, so many servicemen

have been able to come forward about paranormal events that they'd witnessed, including several different officers who attested to the events that took place at both of these Air Force bases. Their claims were taken so seriously that they developed into an entire special UFO briefings council. One of those individuals was Patrick McDonough, an Airman First Class serving at the Malmstrom launch site in September 1966.

In his own words, he described seeing a brilliantly lit craft, 20 meters in diameter, that hovered about 100 meters above them. In his testimony, he said, It seemed to have pulsating lights going around it and a white light from the center looking down into the missile silo. There was no wind, no noise, and from a dead stop it shoots off to the east. Now you see it, now you don't. Wow, I mean that's a UFO. That is textbook UFO activity. And if all of this wasn't convincing enough, the testimonies, the special UFO briefings, we have even more evidence kit. Years later, through the Freedom of Information Act, the once classified documents regarding

the March 16th incident were released to the public, and I have all 88 pages right here. I've never seen Rory so animated about a story before. This is his. This is not for the cameras. I read every single one of these 88 pages last night and let me tell you, there's a lot. Get you want to talk about, could this have been caused by something else?

Could it have been an electrical fault? Some piece of technology that went wrong? The computers, a malfunction? They tested all of it and came to the conclusion that they have no idea what the f*** happened that night. Okay, so I mean, as usual in these kinds of cases, we are faced with the age old question, the kind of Occam's Ray, this is the shit that would

get Occam himself hard, is, you know, when something mental happens, we're now at the stage where we all agree that something mental did happen. Right. And usually this is where we get in great UFO cases where then there's a fork in the road, a kind of impossible choice about was this unknown technology, unknown mechanisms that originate from Earth somewhere else other than Malmstrom or was it unknown technology, unknown mechanisms from outside Earth? Yeah, you know a lot of the times something like this happens and then

The people who witnessed it at the military come forward and say it was a weather balloon It was an experimental craft. It was any one of these number of things It's very cool to be able to read all of these reports and these are the reports of The government trying to figure it out So if you read through it it documents them hiring people to come to the site and try and figure out what happened and then the result is they did they couldn't explain it. They hire electricians to come out. They couldn't explain it. It's all documented there. So it's kind of like it's proof that at this point when it took place the people there were trying to figure out what the hell had happened because they had no clue and at the end their conclusion is they still don't have any idea. None of the experts could figure out what happened.

In fact, I can't show you it exactly on the documents but I do have screenshots of some of the most damning sections from the report. It does confirm all 10 missiles in echo flight at Malmstrom lost strategic alert within 10 seconds of each other. It goes on to say, the fact that no apparent reason for the loss of 10 missiles can be readily identified is cause for grave concern at this headquarters. Well sure, that bit's of grave concern, but we care about the f***ing 20 meter disc hovering above the site.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I think it's a tough one because obviously the official reports are Mostly just focusing on missiles. They want to know what happened with the missiles how it went wrong How they can fix it they're like we don't know what that was. We can't fix that Let's just get our own shit fixed sure. We're worrying. Okay, but you need to help me out because Rory I know about the AARO because we've talked about them in some recent cases and talked shit about them too. I think namely because, correct me where I'm wrong, I believe they have basically testified to Congress, etc. saying, hey, we're the people in the government who have been tasked for years now with investigating internally UFO sightings inside the US government and its agencies.

We have no proof of UFOs. Right. Do they mean that though, from the sense of we don't have a picture? I think they've come out, and we can look up the quote, but it was like, we don't have evidence to suggest that we've been visited, basically. From all our internal investigations, there's no proof to say that any of what's been alleged actually happened. And that's always been the gulf between, you've got David Grush and the whistleblowers on

one side saying, we've seen this, we've seen that, this crazy shit. And then you've got this official organization saying, nah, we've kind of looked into it and it's not right. So that seems to be the point here though, right? Is because AARO are writing these reports and saying like, yeah, this is crazy. The nukes were knocked offline. No mention of the, of the craft. I mean, that's the bit we care about, right?

I mean, they do at one point do mention sightings of a UFO in the report. I think it's no more than a paragraph really, because the entire thing is basically just figuring out what the hell happened to the missiles. But yeah, if these people, the ARRO or whatever it is, are just talking to people who witnessed these events, the people don't even have evidence themselves. So the committee or whoever it is aren't going to have any evidence as well, I suppose. Okay, damn. I'm actually reading about this online. I just wanted to Google to get the quote exactly right. But the timing couldn't be more perfect, Roy, because at the time of recording, there is a new headline,

a new piece of news hitting the headlines from the AARO in the last five days. On Friday, March 8th, 2024, this year, the AARO released its long-awaited report on the historical record of US government involvement with unidentified anomalous phenomena, Volume 1. The quote in question is, AARO found no evidence that any US government investigation, academic sponsored research or official review panel has confirmed that any sighting of a UAP represented extraterrestrial technology. The report notes that UAP reports may remain unsolved or unidentified. They believe it's mainly due to lack of data and that if more quality information were available

these sightings would be identified as ordinary objects or phenomena and I mean you can read about it more if you care, but I mean it looks interesting looks an interesting report they go into Actually even listing the specific technologies. They think people might have conflated UFOs with. So they literally tell you the type of weather balloon that they believe happened at Roswell, the type of spy plane that happened in each different one. They're not doing it for all sightings. Yeah, because I'd love to know what kind of weather balloon can disable 10 nuclear ballistic

missiles. That would be really interesting. Sure. But it is... I mean... No, that does sound like an interesting report. Yeah. And these guys, these arrow guys, they work closely with the government? They are the government.

They are the government. Oh, they are the government! Yeah. Oh, that's funny, isn't it? Oh, that's kind of... that's interesting. Yeah. I'm not saying... That's like getting a hamburger recommendation from Ronald f***ing McDonald.

Oh, what do you recommend, Ronald? McDonald's? Oh, that's pretty good. Do you work closely with McDonald's? Oh, you're the f***ing spokesman. Oh, that's cool. Oh, Ronald's denying there is a burger tastier than the Big Mac? Oh, I trust Ronald, I guess.

You gotta have it both ways. You gotta have it both ways and say that when they don't agree with you, they're wrong and they're the government. And when they do agree with you with these papers, you're like, this is crazy. They're saying it all happened. I don't need to listen to this unless you agree with me and think it's real. In that case, I do.

You actually do have to listen. I will. I'm not saying. Can I interest you to whiskey? Can I interest you to whiskey? I think it might help you a little bit. I have an entire bottle, believe it I will. I'm not saying. Can I interest you in a whiskey? Can I interest you in a whiskey? I think it might help you a little bit. No. I have an entire bottle, believe it or not.

It's helped me. I took it off you. I'm not trying to derail the podcast, but I'm just trying to make clear. This is interesting. This is very interesting that you have this internal organization and on the one hand, they confirm parts of UFO sightings happened. Yeah. And on the other hand, they say, OK, but we

don't think it was actually UFOs. That's just interesting. For example, as I said, there are so many documents in these declassified files, so many pages that they go through. And while they do acknowledge the fact that there was UFO sightings, allegedly, it's never confirmed. because they can confirm it.

They couldn't do it in a report. But I do have one interesting page right here, Kit. Do you want to take a little read of some of the highlighted sections? I'll get my reading glasses on. Between the hours of 2100 and 0400 hours MST, I don't know what that is. I'm gonna say that's Mars Standard Time. Numerous reports were received by Malmstrom AFB agencies of UFO sightings in the Great Falls, Montana area. Reports of a UFO landing near Belt, Montana were received from several sources including deputies of Cascade County Sheriff's Office. So it wasn't just people working on a base,

it was other law enforcement. A very interesting little piece of information there, a UFO sighting around Belt Montana. Kit, if somehow you still aren't convinced that this took place, I have another piece of evidence. The same night that Kraft allegedly appeared at the Air Force base, local police reported over 20 calls regarding a mysterious object in the sky.

So much so that it was even reported in the local newspapers. Rory is enjoying this way too. He's f***ing- I feel like I'm a lawyer on trial. He's a Phoenix Ace attorney. Now Kit, knowing that the events in question took place on March 24th, 1967. Why am I sweating like I'm in the dock?

Would you like to take a look at this here cutout from a newspaper? I've never seen this in my life. Tell the people what you see, Kit. News clipping dated Sunday, what you see, Kit. News clipping dated Sunday, March 26th, 1967. March 26th, only two days after the events that allegedly took place at the air base. I saw this dome-shaped light, Ken Williams, Laurel Truck Driver, explains to Carl LeBec,

the Tribune staff rider. The appearance of an unidentified flying object he saw hovering near the top of Belt Hill on Friday night. It goes on to say that Ken saw an quote, an extremely bright UFO for around 30 seconds. We know the events that took place at the air base were classified and have been until recent years. Right. So this individual and all of the individuals that saw craft that night,

they're not piggybacking off of the events that took place at the air base. No one even knew that the air base event took place. I agree. That's very cool, because, you know, if you were combing the history books, searching through local newspaper websites for mentions like this. You would get excited if you saw Ken's description of seeing a UFO. You're going to get... It's a Vince McMahon meme. You're starting to sit up in your chair.

Oh my God. When then 50 plus years later, it becomes clear that the government investigated themselves and said, yeah, that wasn't us. That wasn't us, chief. We don't know what that was. Do you know how f***ing excited I was late at night at my computer researching this case, trying to figure out if there were any other reports of UFO activity that took place around this event?

And I stumble across sightings two days later from 20 different witnesses in the exact same location 20 20 different witnesses 20 phone calls from locals regarding mysterious object in the sky, okay? It's just a lot you know it's all it's all coming out now great, but you're doing a good job You can chill you can take a breather. Okay. Thank you This is part put a lot of work into this so I want to make sure that it's coming that I'm not coming across like a maniac I decided I was giving it a no about 30 minutes ago, so you could chill for sure Kit even if you were at this point gonna give it a no I've got one more bomb shell to drop

So many bomb references. I've got one more ICBM and it ain't offline brother It's coming right at ya. Get your tinfoil hat ready. Throw it at me. Kit, you mentioned at the beginning of this podcast kind of a recent conspiracy around the Boeing controversies. Well, listen to this. Robert Kaminsky, an engineer from Boeing, was hired.

He was one of the people hired to investigate what could have possibly happened that day at the base. But would you guess that his final report was never released to the public? Hmmmm. Knowing how the missile systems are put together and how they're intertwined and how the redundancy network goes there, it's virtually impossible for having 10 of them go down. You can have one, maybe two. But all 10 and a whole flight of 10 went down,

and it was called the Echo flight up in Malmstrom Air Force Base. Those 10 missiles disturbed the hierarchy of the Air Force. They sent us the project, they're looking to send a team out to find out what was happening and what happened. What I'm denouncing to me at the time is that there was a report that there was a UFO hovering over a launch control facility. And that was the launch control facility that would control those 10 birds.

And that was apparently seen by several airmen and it was reported there. Now at the time I got the report I wasn't told about the involvement of UFOs. So we sent a team out and we went to all the sites, checked everything out and there was nothing wrong. All those sites came back up online and we could not find one thing wrong, not one. We looked at the power poles with the transformers leading into the power systems. We looked at the internal power systems, electronics, everything and there was nothing that we could attribute to this kind of malfunction. In the process of doing the investigation we all of a sudden were shut down. We got a call from our representative in that particular air material area and said, Bob,

you're going to get a stop work order. Don't do anything more and do not write a final engineering report. I said, whoa. So then he tells me why and then he adds in the UFO connection. Now at that time it tells me that the Air Force all of a sudden knew something. They were trying to find some answers and they just shut everything down. And we spent government money, we have to account for it and we did that by telling them what our progress was and our engineering analysis.

Well, we were told in this case, no reports. Found that to be very, very strange." Wow, so the actual team tasked with investigating the event by the government themselves down the line was called up and told to stop and not file an official report. There's something quite funny about, the MIBs usually turn up on some stranger's doorstep

and are like, we see what you're looking into, you best to stop before this goes too far. There's something funny about them paying someone to look into their own shit and they're like, hold up, hold up, actually don't. They're shutting themselves down. They're like, you better tell us who you work for. It's like the president, shit, really? He told, he told, stop. Stop now. He doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah.

I mean, and that is possible too, because there is, I mean, if we know anything about the seedy snake pit that is government, that there's, you know, competing agencies, competing hierarchies of who's in charge of who, highly possible that someone lower down the rungs, commission the report, and someone higher up the rungs shut it down. Exactly. That seems like someone was doing the right thing, which is just hiring people to find out what happened. And then, as you said, someone a little higher up was like, we don't want anyone to know what happened. We don't want to figure this out. You know, this is one of this such a difficult thing about this time period is because we are loosely speaking off the back of Roswell happening about 20 years earlier.

We are in, you know, a time period that sometimes makes us nervous because it's the time of, you know, real UFO fever kind of from the 50s onwards. Yeah, 50s and 60s. This is arguably maybe late, I don't know, for the UFO fever. It's also in the depths of the Cold War and stuff like that. So, you know, that is often given, right, as an explanation of the heightened tensions, the heightened fear, the looking out for all this kind of stuff when it may not be there, people worrying about the Cold War, and this sense of new technologies. And the government likes to point to that fact when they discuss these, just like I mentioned that AARO report, it talks about all of this, it talks about how there was a lot of speculation at the time about UFOs and Russia and so on.

But then at the same time, in the other hand, they're also performing really what we can call cover-ups in this case. Documented cover-ups. So it's kind of like, well, which is it? Right? Yeah. It's like, is it all just far-fetched, you know, nonsense and speculation? Or, like, if that's the case, then why cover it up?

I understand there was maybe heightened security at the time because of the Cold War, but that's part of why we feel we're not getting the full picture, is because we don't know if they're being honest. And who knows? It could be because maybe that is it. It's because they, it's as simple as wart wartime that they didn't know what was going on, and they don't want other countries to know that they don't know what's going on. Yeah, a lot of secrets flying about. I think it's a combination of that, and then also, like Roswell, like the Cold War,

there's a lot of UFO sightings that are closely linked to either the use or development of nuclear weapons. Right. And a lot of people believe that that's a big motivator for whatever's out there to come down and investigate is because for the first time humans have a weapon that can destroy planets essentially, including ourselves, our own planet. Yeah, we haven't really covered that, but in the UFO community, that is, you know, I feel, because I often have a problem with this idea of UFOs coming down to Earth,

UFOs specifically coming down to f***ing Washington. New York, yeah. Manhattan, the Big Apple, because I don't really follow that line of logic. I almost prefer when they were, would choose to land in somewhere seemingly random or having some other kind of cultural significance. This I don't mind. This kind of feels to be a logic here that if they were tracking our technology, it seems like a kind of smart

thing to do. That's what we do to animals. Animals that show that they can use tools and exemplify raised intelligence. We look at those animals and study them. Yeah. Makes pretty much perfect sense that aliens, if they were tracking our progress to look at this incredibly new technology, a technology they would almost certainly have understanding of. And at this point, we know just watch Oppenheimer, there was only like a couple countries that had managed this, and maybe at this point the US was ahead of the curve. Yeah, and that also, as you said, makes a lot more sense than them landing on the front garden of the White House

to come down and high-five the president. Yes. They don't know who the president is. They are on a level playing field, they worship the concept of goo. You know, they don't have a leader. You know, to give you an example of how aliens might think about us, I was watching a video recently about how we classify other alien civilizations. Something I don't know if we've ever covered in the podcast, unbelievably, but is is this concept of stage one, two and three civilizations.

Have you come across it? No, I haven't. Now, I assume this is kind of a similar to like a one to 10 hotness grade. So kind of like the hottest aliens are ranked number one, so on and so forth, you know? No, to be very clear, it's nothing to do with, it sounds like you want to bang the aliens. I never said that. Not the threes at least. It's... Those uggos? Hell no!

There's something funny about the scale only going to three, it's like that's the best, that's the hottest alien, is a three. That's the only one with a mouth. That's why it's number one. It's not that. It's about their technological sophistication. You can watch, there's a fun video you can watch. I watched it the other day. It's hosted by Michio Kaku, the famous physicist, American physicist.

And he is describing the different levels to paraphrase very generally. A stage one civilization has, has managed, it's all about energy consumption. Stage one civilization is an alien civilization that has managed to harness the power of their earth. Uh, you know, generally, you know, mining for fuels, harnessing the internal core of that planet for energy. A stage two would be, I'm, I've already lost track, but I think stage two is harnessing the power of their sun,

their local star. Stage three being, this is true interplanetary. They have managed to harness the power of their solar system or galaxy, multiple stars, and they're able to travel in between planets or solar systems. That escalated very quickly. That two to three leap is pretty substantial. The problem I have... Because I can get a solar panel. I can harness the power of the sun.

The problem I have with this, and I've never understood it, and if someone can explain to me why this is a good scale, please let me know. I always thought this was a shit scale because Earth and humans are zero. We don't even rate on the scale, which to me seems f***ing pointless. Isn't the point of trying to find aliens, trying to find something that looks like us? It's like, I think we'd be pretty interested if we found aliens that could do everything we can do, but they're like, nah, doesn't even register, mate. I mean, we got pretty good at harvesting the energy from the Earth and then just didn't go any further.

And we kind of drained that sucker dry. See, this is what I thought is that like, yeah, right, fossil fuels. And they're like, no, we mean harnessing the magma at the core of the center of the Earth. When we talk about using the Sun, we don't mean a solar panel. They mean constructing a megastructure around half of the Sun that just absorbs the Sun's energy direct from its core. Alright, so we're negative four. We are not on this scale. Point being, if that's the way we're looking at other civilizations, that it would make perfect sense. They're looking at us and going, wow these guys are at a point five. Oh we're lower, we're for sure lower. They've got nukes. They've

managed nuclear fission on Earth. not yet fusion, but fission. Which is what? Point two? Splitting the atom, you know, everything in the Oppenheimer movie. Right. And I guess if you're that far along, that registers at least a visit, a check-in. Right, yeah. You get a 30 second phone call. It's like a cameo video. Just stop in and say hi. I thought this video and this audio clip was really great as well because, you look, we've investigated a lot of cases on this podcast before.

We've turned up with a lot of documents, declassified documents, newspaper clippings, but there is something to multimedia evidence. Whether that's an audio recording, video recording, it does just add that extra level of believability and remind us that for the most part we're not just telling tall tales here. These are events that really transpired with real people. Really affect people's lives and careers. And this happened in you know the 1960s. A lot of the people who witnessed this are alive today and still back up all of their stories and claims

of the events that took place this night. Kit, at the end of every episode, we have to come down on a conclusion as to whether or not we believe the case that we just investigated is truly paranormal. I'm gonna let you take the lead. As my guest, what are your thoughts on today's investigation? I'm sorry, I you take the lead as my guest. What are your thoughts on today's investigation?

I'm sorry. I got a little wild. I got a little crazy. I have, we actually kind of as the palm has kicked in, we're already took a little 10 minute break halfway through to hyperventilate into a paper bag. Yeah. I had to just get a lot of stuff out of my system there, but I am calm down now because you know who else is pretty calm?

Mulder from the X-Files. He's pretty emotionless, pretty cool. Even as a believer. Yeah. People like him. So I'm trying to get on that level. Serenity. Monster case. Monster case under a belt here. Well done for all this. I can see that that weight heavy on your chest, you look like you've just, you've de-aged about two years since handing over the reins to me here for the conclusion. Yes. It's very nice to know that I have now ruined the lives of so many others and that

weight is now off of me. Absolutely. Great. A lot of listeners just became way less fun at parties because a lot of this story is going to be regurgitated. It's a fascinating case in the wheelhouse of so many others that we've covered, in the wheelhouse of these declassified Pentagon US government documents

But I think you're right. I think you're right. I think there's a lot more to this. There's depth to this case It isn't there with some of the others We've seen fascinating videos come out the Pentagon. We've seen really cool references, but this one has it all we've got a UFO sighting that took place in this area that was seen by civilians. Then we find out so many years later, purely through the movements of bureaucracy,

that the information is forced out into the public that the US government acknowledged this, investigated this. And then crucially, not only that the missiles were knocked offline, but that within the government, we, not only that the missiles were knocked offline, but that within the government, we have now people on the inside and the outside, people from all different walks of life with different interests, having seen this UFO.

You're getting me excited again. I know I was calm for a second there, but... The big problem is... Okay. The big problem is that, like I say, we are stuck with this impassable problem of being faced with futuristic technology. And, you know, Occam's razor is always going to be slicing up our asses in these stories

because Occam's razor will always say that it's more likely, technically, physically, that this technology originated on Earth. Because right, we didn't see the grays through the window of the craft, right? We didn't see, you know, something that definitively, we saw something that's extremely unlikely to have originated from earth in the way of its movements and its futuristic technology, but we didn't see the

goo, we didn't see the creatures, the stuff that truly, truly could not have definitively come from Earth. That is always going to be the hold up. But brother, that hasn't stopped us coming down on a yes before. Which is why, in this case, I think we've got enough for me to give this the yes. That's a double yes this week, everyone! On the Malstrom UFO incident. I am so glad you're here with me on this one.

It's what you said, you know... Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots! Here we go! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, so many witnesses where the US government, the people who are supposed to be on the cutting edge of technology have no idea what it is or how it's set their 10 nuclear missiles offline, warranted an investigation, cancelled the investigation and the thing was seen by 20 witnesses on the exact same night. That is as strong a case as you'll ever get. Sometimes with the UFO ones, I like to think it's like, you know, in this case,

this is a yes to it being a UFO. Yeah. It's I think, you know, because we don't know how aliens operate, how UFOs operate, you know, this could be an alien drone for all we know. You know, I'm not saying that the Gargons from Sector 5 were on board, but it seems to be a UFO for real. Yeah, I'm happy to say that. We are coming down to the conclusion that whatever happened this night was paranormal. We finally did it. We got a double yes, ended the dry spell. It only took probably four to five years off of my life, but we finally did it.

Rory's looking like Obama post office, but all worth it. It is slightly disheartening because this is a level of preparation that is unsustainable. If this is what it takes now after all these years on the podcast to give a case a double yes. For the conclusion of the show, I have to read all the Patreon stuff at the end, because Roy is just like...

Yeah, I'm totally out of breath. Like I've made myself sick. Fun fact for this episode, if you're watching the video version, I did want to get the vibe of the Always Sunny in Philadelphia conspiracy wall. So there is a conspiracy wall behind me. I am in a shirt and tie that's slightly loosened. There's whiskey on the table. And I thought the final funny thing for the episode would just be for me to have cigarettes.

Cigarettes in my mouth at all time. You have no idea how hard it is in this country to buy cigarettes anymore. Okay, right. I went into four different stores this morning and I was like, and I'll get a pack of cigarettes. And it was like Rory dropped a racial slur. They were like, Jesus, man, what year are you from? Are you okay here? Have a puff of my cherry lost Mary vape.

I was like, no, I just want a pack of smokes. I couldn't get one. So unfortunately no cigarettes. But hey, I'm so glad that this case was a success. It heals my cold, dead, paranormal investigator heart to know that there is still belief out there that there is truth in some of these X files. I think it's good to really parse apart what the AARO are saying. We're going to be hearing a lot more from them in future because these headlines keep coming out.

They keep investigating stuff. So interesting for us to draw our line in the sand and say they're liars. Or well, at least they're not liars, but at least they're playing it very safe. And we don't necessarily always agree with them. It's true. As I said, if you want burger recommendations,

don't go to Ronald McDonald. They heard it here first. Also happy that a lot of this evidence and classified information can now be put up on the wall behind us. Right. As we have decided it is a double yes and worthy of commemorating on the conspiracy wall. I can't wait for the day and time when we eventually leave this office, whether we are dead from being killed by the government or if we move to a bigger office. I like the idea that we will just leave it all there for the people who run the building to just come in and see what the f*** we were up to.

Or we should at least put a bunch of weird shit under the floorboards and things. That would be fantastic. Thank you so much everyone for listening to this week's episode of This Paranormal Life. Thank you for sticking with us. I this week's episode of this paranormal life. Thank you for sticking with us. I know that was a heavy one, but sometimes we love the comedy, but it's great to bring you the heavy hitters. We want to question your understanding of the universe. Let us know in the comments. Let us know on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, wherever you connect with this paranormal life, what you thought about today's case. Are you giving it a yes or are you giving it a no? And of course on top of all of that social media,

the best place to connect with this paranormal life and support the show is over on patreon.com. We started Patreon, I think a year or two into the podcast and through the support of people over on Patreon, it's the entire reason why we've been able to thrive and grow and keep making this podcast year after year. So if you do enjoy it, if you do enjoy the show and you want a bunch of cool extras like weekly behind the scenes episodes, monthly bonus episodes, prizes, shout outs, and so much more, head on over to patreon.com

forward slash this paranormal life. Imagine a tiger. Imagine a tiger that needs milk. We're that tiger. Do they drink milk? I don't know. Uh, I don't know. They're part of the cat family. They probably drink everything. Yeah. Uh, the milk is money on Patreon. Yeah, we might have to explain the analogy a little more because that was a little messy. The tiger lives in a cage. So because normally

obviously a tiger would be a prey animal that would eat other animals. It's king of the jungle. Yeah. So it doesn't have access to those things. The tiger, the Patreon is an antelope. The tiger lives in a cage in East London and the cage is expensive and the tiger's worried so much. How f*** is that when you say that out loud? The cage costs money? I mean I'm not saying let's go full anarchist mode, but that doesn't make sense. I'm starting to see why you didn't want me to use the tiger analogy so much in the episode. So head on over if you want to support the show and get a bunch of cool extras, it's all on Patreon. And of course, one of those rewards on Patreon is to get a shout out at the very end of the podcast.

So, without further ado, thank you to Thomas. Thomas has a bomb ass. His ass is the bomb. You could bounce a two pound piece on it. Bling. That's so offensive. Sorry Thomas. Sorry, Thomas just wrote in and he said, I really love the show. You've been a huge beacon of light in a really tough year. Because my ass was hurt in a terrible accident. Yeah, in retrospect then that was insensitive.

I was just trying to say you look good, Thomas. Sorry, no. Is that so bad? I'm seeing the picture right now, goddamn. Oh, my eyes turned to hearts. Rang. Thank you, Thomas, for supporting the podcast. Let me know what workout you're doing

to get a cake that thick, because I need to do that. I'm rocking two cupcakes down in those trousers. Thomas out there looking like ice spice. Thank you also to Joseph. I want a dose of Joseph. Because he's like medicine to you. Yeah, exactly. Whenever you're feeling like down or a little bit bored,

someone say, hey, we need a dose of Joseph. Yeah. And he kind of Joseph. Yeah. And he kind of call him up. He's unpredictable. You don't know what Joseph is going to do. Sometimes he'll just bring a bunch of beers and video games.

Sometimes fireworks. Sometimes fireworks. Sometimes he just has a switchblade, and he gets weirdly close to you while he does tricks with it. It's always an exciting time. It's always different than what you were doing before. So like you wouldn't want him to be around all the time, but like sometimes a little,

good in doses. Joseph's good in doses. You could have too many doses. You can OD on Joseph. You can overdose on Joseph. F. Thank you also to Tristan Morgan. Tristan Tristan is the name they give him in India

because he's such a yogi. He flew to India to simply dip his toes on a gap year into the world of yoga. Then he became the first man to twist his torso 720 degrees. Jesus! He looks like a f***ing cheese string because he's so flexible. This sounds unhealthy. Oh it is. That sounds damaging to the interior.

You kind of have to push all the organs that are north of the hemisphere kind of up into your gut, no, into your chest, and then the other way. And then the ones that are kind of lower, they end up somewhere in your right thigh because the middle is so cinched. Tristan, get help. Stop twisting.

He's a record breaker. No, that's actually pretty cool to be fair. Also thank you to Dan Franks. Let me be frank with you for a second, Dan. You didn't give enough. $2,100? You think that's enough for this tiger's cage? You gave $2,100?

Yeah. That's insane. What? Just this month though. Of course last month was five grand. Jesus Christ, that would cover our... What? Last month was five grand.

That's why I'm saying he's going down! He's single-handedly- No, Dan's going down! Why didn't I- yeah, I get it. What's next month? It's an insane- Just a thousand? That would be- most people give us about five dollars.

Damn, Daniel! Why don't you up your contributions? You don't want to- you don't want to- Don't poke the- this is- this is a great thing. Oh, don't poke! We need to delete this. Don't poke- hey, hey, hey, Dan! what happens when the tiger can't afford his cage anymore? The tiger's out.

The tiger's loose. He's covered our overheads for several months it looks like. Yeah, I think he was one of the first patrons. There were months where it was just only Dan. He was kind of funding the entire show himself. So yeah, thank you I guess, whatever. Yes, thank you very much. And thank you lastly, but not leastly, to Gallan Stewart.

Gallopin Gallan is a champion horse racer. Whoa! Has won many races from country to country. And you know what their secret is? What? They don't use a horse. That's not okay. They use... That's illegal then they use a zebra painted to look like a horse is actually Substantially faster no, there's no way vicious

So it can kind of just when it's in the stables or carriers or anger Snibble some of the other take a chunk out of the other horse Don't eat source injuring them for the upcoming race. So it's not actually Necessarily faster but in relation to the many injured horses, it often wins. So this is a zebra entered into a horse race, and the only way it wins is because it eats the horses before the race begins. Bites them, yeah.

You're a criminal. Gallop a Gallop is a champion horse racer, zebra racer, if we're being quite honest. I mean, it seems like the money that you're winning off these races is how you're able to support us on Patreon, so maybe keep going. Yeah, try a giraffe next time. Thank you so much to everyone who supports us on Patreon, or just tunes in.

You know, if you can support us on Patreon, even just giving us a review, leaving us 5 stars, we really appreciate it. Thank you so much everyone for listening. This week we'll be back next Tuesday with another Paranormal Tale. See you next time. This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon pull apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long.

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