This Paranormal Life - #399 The BEST of 2024

Episode Date: December 31, 2024

Hello Commune!! To celebrate the new year, we're going to to look back at some of the weirdest and WILDEST moments from 2024. Did your favourite moment make the cut? There's only one way to find out... sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the highlights of the podcast from the last yearSupport us on Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife to get access to weekly bonus episodes!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTubeJoin our Secret Society Facebook CommunityBuy Official TPL Merch! - thisparanormallife.com/storeIntro music by www.purple-planet.comEdited by Philip Shacklady Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello everyone, Rory and Kit here from This Paranormal Life and today we are hosting a very special episode of the podcast because once a year we like to do a best of TPL episode where we look back at all of the investigations that we've done throughout the year and pick some of our favorite moments from the show. It's a fun cool way to like look back at some of the, let's face it, funniest moments. Not the like dramatic high points of like, oh my god the double yes, just the shit that made us laugh the most really. Yeah this isn't a montage of the best evidence that we collected. That would be an eight minute long episode guys. This is one of my favorite things that we do throughout the

year. It's a great excuse for us to go back and look at all the ridiculous stories and fun moments that we've had. Hopefully you guys really enjoy it too. But I'm excited to say that after this episode, the fun does not stop. Because little do people know, the next episode of this podcast is episode 400. What? Insane! We are on our 400th episode of this Paranormal Life. That is right, for episode 400 we have a huge investigation planned for you, but not only that,

we are going to celebrate 400 with a livestream! We haven't done one in ages! We're going to go live on YouTube, on our YouTube, on Tuesday, the 7th of January, at 6pm UK? 6pm UK, GMT. Exactly. So join us. We're going to have drinks. We're going to look back at the past, tell some stories from making the podcast over all these years and just celebrate 400 episodes of This Paranormal Life.

It's going to be great. So youtube.com forward slash this paranormal life. Yeah. Link will be in the description or just search YouTube for this paranormal life. Subscribe. Be there for the live stream. Can't miss it. It's going to be awesome. This paranormal life. Yeah link will be in the description or just search YouTube for this paranormal life subscribe Be there for the live stream. Can't miss it. It's gonna be awesome. So I hope you enjoy that I hope you enjoy episode 400 and of course I hope you enjoy this a little look back at some of our favorite moments from 2024 You know, I was at the zoo the other day and they had an exhibit where you could see through the eyes of a

snake. I hate these f***ing things man. I've seen Instagram carousels that claim to be like yours rat vision, mouse vision, dog vision, f***ing bread vision and I'm like you guys are making these up. Rat vision is me when I sneak out of my bed at night to eat shredded cheese from the refrigerator. That's my rat vision. You know, it's always just like, yeah, it's either black and white

or everything's red or like... Right. Yeah. Where did you see rat vision? Bro, I'm gonna look up rat vision right now. Well, the reason I saw snake vision in this exhibit was because I believe they were trying to explain how snakes, I don't know if this is true,

this is just what they said at the zoo, their vision is based purely or mostly on thermal, it's heat. Oh. So they were saying, you know, there was a big camera and you could like put your hand in front of the camera and they were like, that's what you look like to a snake. Okay. It's predator mode.

Yeah. Luckily, the movie predator. Luckily the caption wasn't, this is what you look like to a snake and it just transforms you into like a chicken wing. They're going to tear you apart. I walk in talking chicken, a walking happy meal to these motherfuckers. Why did you have to make this an exhibit?

I know they're dangerous. That's why they're behind the glass. It's like, why is there stink lines coming out of me? That's that's what they think. That's what they think of you. Like, this is what you look like to a snake. I step in front of it. On the screen, it just says, bitch. I'm like, why would he think that about me?

That's so mean. They can tell where the human is bitch made. It's just a fun little sense there. It's like, are you a scientist? Show me your credentials. It's just a guy charges you 10 bucks for snake vision. You know, I just don't want killing wildlife to sound like a crime because if you're an animal it's not a crime.

That's a really good point. You don't see an anteater on trial for eating bugs. Yeah. You know? Because that would be a quick trial. Look at his name. He's the anteater It's hard to get the allegations about schnauz. There's no way

He's getting he's getting to perp walk take it away and coughs off The lawyer has completely got him day one He's like so your defense is claiming that you've never eaten an ant in your life, that ants are your friends. Uh, sir, could you please state your name for the record? Oh, this is so f***ing tough. Objection overruled. State your name. State your name, sir.

I'm an anteater. The jury? Guilty. He flips. They don't have souls! They don't have souls! It doesn't matter! And everyone's like, oh my god. He flips. They don't have souls! They don't have souls! It doesn't matter!

Everyone's like, oh my god. There's a family of ants crying in the booth. Hard cut to a press conference outside the court, an ant standing at a podium. It's a day for justice. Our family cannot move on from this incident. As I said, the captain, who was pagan, didn't like the look of St. Patrick and refused to let him board, which might have been a blessing in disguise because in the actual writing of St. Patrick himself, he said the captain would only let him board if he quote, sucked his breasts.

Whoa. Really? Take the next ship. Oh my god. I know the angel said to take this one, but let it go and we'll catch the next one. And then Patrick said, so Patrick instantly said no and a voice in his head said, slow down there, Patrick. I know it might not sound pleasant, but honestly, I've checked and there's no other route. So.

Yeah, the voice knew the whole time this was going to happen. Limber up that tongue buckle and suck on those teats. Just one titty, St. Patrick. Jesus, man. Man, if that's the price of faith, they call me a f***ing pagan brother because I hate sucking on the salty sea captain's teeth. That is too high a price to pay for salvation.

Apparently this is a ritual gesture, symbolizing acceptance of the captain's authority. No it isn't. No it isn't. I think apparently it was. You're making this up. I've never heard that before. That was the captain, I think, made that one up. St. Patrick refused, obviously. And and luckily the captain still took him on board

Chancellor complete chance sir Yeah, we'll let you on board if you suck on my nip nips. He's like I'm not gonna do that. All right come on anyway I would be like I don't think I want to I don't think I want to. I don't think I want to die. Go on anyway. No. Oh, come on, please. We need someone to do the big sale. Because I feel like you think you're going to crack me. Or I'm going to fall asleep and wake up with a nipple in my mouth. This is not where I thought the story was going.

That part's not paranormal. It's just pretty f***ed up. So I wanted to include it. I'm glad you did. We are in the southwest of Ireland in Killarney, national park filled with valleys and lakes, specifically, Macross Lake. Sorry, one more time.

Macross Lake. Macross. Like if an Irish person lost their crucifix, and they'd say, ha! Macross! All right, that's a kind of... That's incredibly insensitive to it. I'm just trying to get like... this is how I mentally kind of remember things. We have Irish listeners. Yeah, sure, not many. I don't know why.

They just shun us for some general reason. Always have, always will. Not even in the top ten listener destinations, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, but there's some. Which is wild because we are both Irish as well. Yes. Yeah, they kind of, they seem to have disowned us. But we don't want to piss them off any further, all right? Because we didn't win big at the Irish Podcast Awards last year. We were nominated for quite a few awards. Yeah, but I think we can win big if we really nail this one. Okay.

I'm not saying that's the only reason I'm looking into this absolute pile of horse shit is today's case, but These things Please you're just gonna have to grin and bear this episode brother because we need some more Irish stories and then the podcast, okay I'm here for it. All right Welcome back. Oh, we're in muckross. Hey, my favourite lake! Oh yeah! I love this one! Muckross!

I remember it because I respect it. Not through wordplay. It's 2009 and John Downs has travelled from his home in England to Killarney to investigate the lakes. Get that f***er out of here, am I right? Labs? Alright, alright, wait, we got a lot of English listeners brother You sent a pander to the Irish ones!

Not that, not in a violent way Listen, I know they do We have to appease everyone I can see the live numbers and they are ticking up because Irish people love that but we have way more English listeners Oh shit! And brother, the British podcast awards are also coming up

which we didn't even get nominated for last year, I think. Me! So we are between a rock and a goddamn hard place. Okay, all right. So just... Okay, all right, I'll try and not piss anyone off. I'm like, the story goes on where he's like,

foreigners out, am I right? Britain and Ireland is the place to be. Now one individual working on the base that night was Robert Salas, a 26-year-old US Air Force lieutenant and soon-to-be witness to one of the strangest, unexplained, paranormal events in military history. Robert was working the night shift, nestled securely in his office 20 meters below the ground.

Now this was a shift that's usually uneventful, but tonight his phone began to ring. It was a call from the surface. Robert recognized the voice immediately. It was the security guard tasked with guarding the front gate. Salus here. What's the problem? Lieutenant, there's something out here by the front gate. If they have clearance, you can open the gate. No, no sir, it's in the sky.

Salus dropped the phone. Something in the sky? This was a highly secure Air Force base. If there was something in the sky, Salus should have easily known about it. Before he could figure out what the hell is going on, the phone rings again. It's the same security guard. Sorry, the signal cut off.

I don't really know. I'm on 3G. Did I say about the thing in the sky? Because it's closer now. Sorry, I'll call you on FaceTime audio. I think the cellular reception is not good. I sent you a link to a Zoom call. If you could just accept the code is, oh shit, sir. They are no longer in the sky

They're in the zoom lobby. They are they are requesting access to the zoom call sir Sir, I just sent you a calendar link to a Google meet with the aliens They're actually dialing in over here the signals a little bad. I'm tethering from the craft Sir, can you enable screen sharing? Can you enable screen sharing? He got a gun to his head, a laser gun to his head. Sir, I'd really appreciate it if you enabled screen sharing on the US infrastructure computers. In the 12th century, a story incredibly similar Clon MacNeish happened, but in London

Including a sky anchor and someone who came down to earth via the anchor We're seeing a pattern here! So it is an anchor! That's what they thought! That's what they thought! Take it down! You can't keep telling me! We don't know if it was an anchor! That was 600 years later.

Alright, I'm just struggling to deal with because you can't have it both ways. You need to watch some sci-fi or something or try and open up your brain about, look, I know, I want it to be a tractor beam. We all want it to be a tractor beam. I hosted the case where we looked back at medieval art and I argued that the beams of light from heaven were tractor beams. I've done that. But they're saying they use anchors and maybe they do. So it is an anchor. Sure. Okay, right, because before you told me it wasn't an anchor. I'm just saying, that's not even,

that wouldn't even be that crazy of a possibility. It's more crazy that there's a ship in the sky with dudes on it. We're literally one paragraph away from you saying 1983 an anchor came down and killed a woman I mean, it's either aliens or sky pirates. So whichever you want it to be. Oh the sky roots They're real. I believe in the sky roots. In fact stories about sky people were so common That by the 16th century Sentence alone should lead us to...

You deal with this! You live with this piece of information! The sky people! These are not my words. You take this piece of information and you explain to me... The sky people! You explain to me what this is. Is that how this case is spelled? You explain to me what this is. The sky people!

Explain this! By the 16th century... The sky people! Sky people? Explain this. By the 16th century... Sky people? We are 40 minutes in, it's the first time you've ever said the word sky people. In the 16th century, reports were so frequent that the Swiss theologian Paracelsus actually created a new word for the sky people, calling them sylphs. I just heard the old word! This is the first time I've heard Sky People!

Silfs. They had to make up not milfs, Silfs. Sky People I'd love to f***. No, spell S-Y-L. S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S-Y-L-S- Sir, do you know what a self is? Good lord. And the sky people became a recurring theme of literature at the time. And art. Okay. So explain that. What do you mean?

Explain that to me. Now I know what you're thinking. If this guy is really causing all of this mischief, how is it so hard to catch him? Half of the shit you don't even have to be asleep for. Yeah. Well it turns out the Alp might be hard to spot because the legends say that this creature also has the ability to shape shift.

Okay, okay. That's right, using a small hat known as the cap of concealment, this Alp is able to transform itself into other animals such as cats, pigs, snakes, and even mice. Alright, Harry Potter. Okay, he's got the Hat of Concealment. Right. Very good. Now, you'd think this would make him impossible to detect, but no matter what form the Alp takes, he's always wearing the tiny hat. Which completely ruins the point of transforming in the first place.

Yeah, not that concealing. Not that concealing. Yeah. Better to just start meowing. He looks close enough to a cat that he could just meow and people are like, that's an ugly cat. It'd be funny if you kind of saw him, spotted him one day and then poof, he disappears and you just hear the echo you kind of saw him, spotted him one day, and then poof, he disappears,

and you just hear the echoey voice of just like, I have transformed, found, found, you'll never know, know which one I am, am. It's like, are you the bumblebee with the hat? He's like, oh shit. Bloo, bloo, bloo, shit.

He tries to get away. Because I see three bees in the kitchen right now, and only one of them has a little hat on. Looks can be besee? Looks can be dee-see? Beesee-ving? Looks can be bee-see-ving! You're a bee. You're a f***ing bee. So you are a bee? I meant to say deesee-ving. I meant to say deceiving.

Shit. He transforms again. He's like, okay, now you'll never know, but I know you want to figure out. Yes, wouldn't that be mice? He's like, you're a mouse? Yeah, shit! I need to stop making puns for the animal I am. You'll never know who I might be. He transforms again. Oink. So you are a pig. Because the pig is enormous and it has the biggest hat I've ever seen. It's a 10 gallon hat. It's a 10 gallon

hat. At least transform into something fast because I'm going to catch you. It looks like Pharrell at the Met Gala. The size of his hat in relation to his head. Okay, here is the parenting quiz. Are you ready to have a child? First question. The baby is crying late at night. Do you go and check on it or do you let it sleep? Okay. How long has it been crying for? Seemingly eternity. Okay. Okay, okay I guess. Is that relevant?

Yeah, well you know, I was kind of wondering, you might say a couple of minutes, because you know, one little cry-law... That could just be about a dream. But if you're saying, see I thought you were going to say ten minutes or something, but eternity... It's really a long time. It kind of stretches back to beyond your wildest memories. Yeah, it's actually less of a cry and more of a kind of a Mongolian throat singing. Whoa! I'm gonna have to check on the thing, I think. That was the wrong answer.

What? Do not check on this baby ever. It will cry, it will scream. It'll even sometimes imitate the voice of your loved ones to try and get you to come in there. So it'll be like speaking as your wife, like, okay, can you come in here for a minute? But you're looking at your wife.

So don't go check on the baby. What? Okay. All right, question two, I guess. Yeah, that's right. So that's one wrong. All right, f*** me, I guess. Jesus.

Is Cora all right? Like, should we, is she okay with you? She's just fine. You just got one right. That was the easiest one on the quiz. No, I didn't get it right, I got it wrong. Yikes. Jesus. Is Cora all right? Like, should we... Is she okay with you? She's just fine. You just got one right. That was the easiest one on the quiz. No, I didn't get it right. I got it wrong.

Yikes. Yeah, sorry. That was test number two. See if you could remember what your score was for the first question. Okay, question number two. While teething, the baby playfully bites your arm. The bite was strong enough that it drew blood. Oh, whoa.

The baby looks happy that it has tasted milk of the flesh. Do you A. Throw the baby out the window. B. Feed it more blood to win its favor. Or C. Take it to church. I think take it to church. I think that seems very straightforward. I think I need a second opinion on what has just happened. Right. And as I said, these people have, in many cases, seen this stuff before. Take It to Church was correct.

Okay. I would have also gone for kind of a AC combination where you throw the baby out the window into a church. Yeah. Kind of like, Kobe! Like... Right, to try and like kind of pacify it a little bit. Throw it in the back of a convertible

and just zoom off straight towards the church. So hey, there you go. You got that one right, at least. Question number three. The baby just said its first word, crime. Said its first word, war. Hatred. Do you, A, Take it to church or B. Throw the baby out the window?

It's really the same question again. Last time you said you also would have accepted either answer. That's true. Take it to church. I mean, but if it didn't, but if we're going in sequential order here and I already did to get to church over the blood thing, it clearly didn't work to some extent. Or it's another flare-up.

It's another flare-up. It's another flare-up, so I guess take it to church again? I mean, at this point, I better get it to the f***ing altar and stole it to my house. Take it to church is correct. Once again, I would have accepted a sort of A-B combo. Yeah, alright. So really, either one of those would have been correct.

So that is another correct answer. Okay. Okay. It was a weird quiz. Did you write milk of the flesh? That seems like... I did. Yeah.

Is that weird you still hung up on that one? Yeah. Cause I think babies drink milk and what is blood, but milk of the flesh. Not milk of the flesh. Cause actually flesh produces milk. Women produce milk from breasts. Our final question. It's all on the line. Okay, let's go.

I can, I can ace it. I'm actually doing pretty well. So let's go. This question decides whether or not I take custody of Cora, Kit's child. Because frankly- Social services are listening? If he gets this wrong, I really don't think

that he is qualified to have a baby. Okay. Yeah. Well, they're not going to let a guy with that many buttons undone in his shirt, take custody of a baby. Okay. Yeah, well, they're not gonna let a guy with that many buttons undone in his shirt take custody of a baby. Unless you're going skin to skin with that thing. They're gonna turn up and I'll be like, I'll take it from here guys. I got plenty of milk at the flashback at my place. They're like, give us the child.

Give us the child and button your shirt, please. All right, the final question on today's quiz. Okay. It all hangs on this. The baby's refusing to sleep and says it will only release the hostages. If you... Alright, wait. If you... I forgot I wrote that. Uh...

It's a pretty complex scenario, I would say, for a toddler. The baby's refusing to sleep and says it will only release the hostages if you read it a bedtime story. Do you read it? A. Dante's Inferno, the 14th century poem depicting a man's descent into the nine circles of hell. B. The Necronomicon, commonly known as the Book of the Dead. Or C. Mary Had a Little Lamb. While it's distracted, throw the baby out the window and straight to a church.

So I'm probably gonna go C. Mary Had a Little Lamb? Is that the right answer? Well, there's a bit of a run on, there was a bit of a run on option. Mary Had a Little Lamb and throw it out a window into church. Well, I read the Demon Baby, Mary Had a Little Lamb or the Book of the Dead.

Oh, I think I'll pick Mary Had a little lamb. You think that's the right answer? Yeah, I do because it also ended in taking it to church I get which has to date been the only thing that is the right answer to anything See is the correct answer between you and me though You could skip the bedtime story and just go straight to church. It didn't seem like it was that relevant Yeah, honestly, I would have also accepted throw the baby out the window and take it to church. So congratulations. You did get the first one wrong, but you took it back

in the second half. You managed to get enough questions right that proved to me, I don't just think you're qualified as a father of a regular baby. I think you could handle a demon baby. You know what is the worrying bit? Cora's never been to church. Whoa. Never been christened. could handle a demon baby. You know what is the worrying bit? Korra's never been to church. Whoa Never been christened. That is a little worrying because all of these babies we talked about today

They started pretty normal and it took something to kind of set them off So I might go downstairs after this and just kind of sing a couple hymns in her vicinity Right. Maybe just recite some passages. You don't know any hymns. I know some. Oh, I know some hymns, brother. Uh, take me to church. I'll worship like a dog. What? Take me to church. It's not a hymn. It's a pop song. He's going to a religious institute. Like Jesus.

If anything, I don't think that song is by what you think it is. Let me say that much. All right, how about this one then? He's got a smile that it seems to me reminds me of childhood memories. What do you think a hymn is? That's Guns N' Roses, Sweet Child of Mine. Sweet Child of Mine, they're talking about sweet little baby Jesus, aren't they? No, they're not. You also know Jesus, aren't they? They're not.

You also know what you're doing because you changed the lyrics to, He's got a smile from she's got a smile. They're talking about Jesus. They're not. Now again when I see his face, It doesn't work. It takes me to that stable in Bethlehem. The worrying thing is there definitely is like a fun youth pastor version of that,

which is exactly what you're trying to do. Oh, sweet child of mine, of thine. Sweet child divine. Yeah. Yeah. My daughter would try to strangle you if she heard this, but not because she's a devil baby. My daughter would try to strangle you if she heard this, but not because she's a devil baby. I've been exploring the corners and crevices of our beautiful home on the back of a steel horse. Woo! Woo! That's right. If you want to know why Rory's so amped up today, so on edge, so badass,

is because he just got his very first motorbike. Crazy. And he's been going out at sunset. They call him the Dark Rider. He's been going out at sunset because there's less cars on the road at sunset. Well, I'm a little scared of traffic because I- Because you haven't learned properly yet. I stall every time I try and start, so it's kind of embarrassing if there were other cars.

But also because they call me the Dark Rider. They call me Knight Rider. Not only because I have a kit. He's my podcast buddy. Yeah, the audience are too young to get that reference, I think. I hope not. They call me Knight Rider. Hell yeah. And not only because I have a kit. He's my podcast buddy. Yeah, the audience are too young to get that reference, I think. I hope not. Even we are too young to get that reference.

I think my dad watched that show. But I've been going out, been going out, revving the bike, living the dream of a future cowboy. It's pretty fun. That is pretty fun. And I'm really happy for you. You've got a new bike. You've got a new lifestyle ahead of you.

I'm wearing a lot of leather jackets now. Boots started just going to bars and grabbing pool cues and snapping them over the back of strangers' heads just to try and like get in a little fight, you know? Getting a little tuffle. I don't think you're there yet. Can you still have L plates on your bike? Yeah, sure.

And there aren't actually a lot of like biker bars around here, so. None, really. I went to my mom's Presbyterian Church coffee evening and picked up a Bible and hit an old man over the head just to kind of start a fight. He didn't get up. I did. I think he might've died. I took off so fast on the bike, I was so scared. I mean stalling four times before getting out of the car park.

Stalling L plates, but he's still seeing blue flashing lights in his rear view mirror. I did actually play a gig locally at a biker meet years ago. Really? You did tell me this, yeah, cause I think your genre of music maybe wasn't agreeable with the bikers. It wasn't a million miles away, but we were kind of like math rock, math metal, which is like not a thousand million miles away, but these guys-

The f*** is math metal? It's like- Is it like two plus two equals four, four plus four equals eight? Alright, haha! That's how it sounds like. Alright, haha. You's what it sounds like! You've had your fun.

So I'm not going to explain it now because you've ruined the moment. I don't know what it is! That's what it sounds like! It wasn't a joke! You sound like my f***ing dad. I don't know what math metal is. Do you play a song on a calculator? Alright, I'm going to beat you with a cool cue.

What is it? Tell me what it is! Do you play a song on a calculator? So in today's case, alright, I'm gonna beat you with a cool cue. What is it? Tell me what it is! I'm gonna stick it where the sun don't shine. Just explain it really quick or I'll make fun of it. What's math rock? It's when the time signatures are weird. Okay. And it's like, instead of being like... It's like...

It keeps you on your toes. Not in a dancing way either, more in a confusing way. It's actually impossible to dance to because of how frequently the time signature changes. We have a bunch of nerds listening to this show. They're pretty aware of what math rock is. So yeah, the bikers did shout, get off the stage at least twice. Okay, okay.

But I'm just saying there was at one point a biker bar and I played it. That's pretty, that's cool, I will say. Kind of, I kind of hate bikers because they have not treated me well over the years. That's the F word. Big can. In fact, they write it on the side over the years. That's the F word. Big can. They write it on the side of the can.

So I know that's the F word. Okay. Now, do you know what a milf is? You know your boy was sweating when she asked that question. You know he was sweating. Sir, do you know what a milf is? You know your boy was sweating when she asked that question! You know he was sweating! Sir, do you know what a milf is? I mean... I need you to say it first!

Are we doing this? Spoken clearly as a mother as well is a dangerous question. It's like, do you know what a milf is? I do now, sweetheart! I do now! How about you put those cans down, let's go get coffee. That's the best question you could be asked

by a middle-aged woman. It's also like the range of accusations is so large. It's like, it literally says 666, this is the product of the devil. Also, this just says the F word. Okay, is that bad? Is that so bad? I mean, we've paused it right now.

Where could she possibly be going with that? What? Well, she just pointed to it. It's apparently says MILFs love it on a box of Monster Energy drink. I gotta be honest. I know this is a running joke, but I really wasn't a fan of Monster until this video. Wow. That's incredible. I really, you know, as a really wasn't a fan of monster until this video. Wow, that's incredible

I really you know as a guy who drinks a lot of Monster Energy drink I do really need a shirt now that has just the monster logo on the front and MILF's love it on the back I will agree, in her hands, that is a big f***ing can. Yeah, that really is. It's a giant can. Bottoms up, and the devil laughs. Bottoms up and the devil laughs. So the implication here is the cross is the right way on the can, which is a problem, because when you chug it, it goes upside down.

Oh, shit. Bottom's up, the devil laughs. That's crazy. But it's the right way on the can. To be clear. Something to think about. Something to think about. People like that love finishing a crazy rant with something to think about. I love it.

Something to think about. You know what a MILF is? Something to think about. It's not just something to think about. You've got to stand at a conference with multiple props, pieces of paraphernalia, literature on the topic. It's not just something to think about, lady, that you've made this your life.

Borden Mills would regularly take expeditions out into the swamp. Sure, yes, for some nature photography and a little bit of hunting, but also to try and catch another glimpse of this mysterious creature known as the Honey Island Swamp Monster. Just to revisit the shooting with a camera versus shooting with a gun actually makes complete sense because really this is a kind of capture dead or alive type situation. You know, you're going into a deadly situation, you're going to a dangerous situation. You want to get the photo because maybe, you know, because you need to get evidence of

the beast. But then what if it turns on you, you need the gun. So you know, because you need to get evidence of the beast, but then what if it turns on you, you need the gun, so, you know, I understand. And then you have a nice thing where you're like, you go to the pub later, and you're like, hey everyone, I did it. I got a picture of the thing, you know, hey, check it out. And you show them the picture and they're like, oh yeah, real convincing. Oh, your buddy's out there in the woods in a gorilla suit. You really thought that was going to prove to us it's real?

And you're like, oh yeah, I guess. Oh, checkmate. Oh, you got me guys. Oh, I get it. Here's his head. Here's you throw it down on the table. Because I shot him in the brains. And they're like, that's now we can see it clearly. It is, it's a baby bear. You're like, oh, well, you know, it's a beast.

It's like that's, that looks like it's wearing a wildlife protection tag, a reservation tag. Uh, I can tell by the size of the paws, it's no older than three weeks. And you're like, okay. They're like, you, you killed an endangered creature. They're actually having a really hard winter too.

They had a really hard winter. There's a lot of conditions that are making it difficult for them. Can I, can I just, uh, look at the fur of the creature? Yeah. So this is the infamous, uh, hugging bear. No known for, known for how kind and gentle they are. It doesn't maul people to death.

No, no, they actually have to be protected because they're so welcoming to humans. They don't know any better. They're so helpless and defensive. Yeah. Uh, their blood also, when they're're alive their blood makes children live forever So I think there's one there was one left and it was in this guy in the bar Is a scientist you should open the picture first and you're like, what do you think about that? It's like my god, you found the missing link. Yeah

Searching my entire life for the Appalachian White Snow Bear! He grabs his coat, he must take me there! He must take me there right now! Oh! So, okay, no, so that's right. That's not a mythical beast. My goodness, the geographical society will be, you'll win the Nobel Prize, man! You'll win the Nobel Prize! Ooh! There's like blood seeping from your backpack. See, there was some complications. He fell.

He fell and I tried to save him. I did pose the question in a previous episode as an intro question. I said how far would you get into the Pentagon with a nice black suit and a clipboard? Yeah. Turns out pretty far. I was in meetings. Everyone just kind of assumed that everyone else knew who I was. Apparently I looked a lot like a guy called Jenkins who had kind of called in sick that week. They were like Jenkins, we weren't expecting you. Please take a seat. How's the wife? Uh, bad. Oh, same as usual. Sorry to hear it. And how are the kids?

Dead? Of course, still. I don't know why I asked that, really. But all checks out, Jenkins. You're still the same old Jenkins we've come to know and love. Here's the key code to the nukes. Cup of coffee, Jenkins? No.

Trick question, Jenkins. I know you hate coffee. Don't know why I'm testing you today Jenkins. Just like to keep you on your toes. I'm excited to investigate a new paranormal tale. Well Roy, I've known you a long time and if there's one thing I know about you that other people might not. Don't say it Huh, is it the weird dick thing?

No, it wasn't that all right. I thought you were gonna say the one thing that you know about me What is that? No, what was your thing like a tiny dick or something? No, no, no, not a tiny dick It's just the angles one interesting said we Okay, so you have a Crooked dick. That's fine. The medical term is the boomerwang. That's not the medical term.

Because it's bad. There's no way that's the medical term. The boomerwang. If a doctor told you that, fire that doctor. Get a different doctor or report them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, no, what was, you were saying, you've known me for such a long time.

Does he really say that to you? That's busted. He does, yeah. It's a serious condition. You can get rid of it temporarily, but it always comes back. That's the boomerang. A boomerang is because you said the angles weird. So I was like, just kind of a normal healthy kind of unhealthy about this. As Megan the stallion said, I like it with a little bit of curve. Call that guy Captain Hook. Oh, God. Just a gentle curve, but you're saying a boomerang is almost a 90 degree angle. I can pee around a corner. Yeah. Yeah. I think we should move on. So the one thing I know about you is that you're a dog guy.

Right. Right. That's the thing you know about me. Big, small, friendly, or legally insane. Rory loves dogs of all kinds. One time I saw Rory scroll an Instagram over his shoulder. He only follows dogs on Instagram. That's his entire feed basically.

It's mostly dogs. In fact, at one point a few months ago, one of the dogs I follow on Instagram passed away. That's how f***ing long you've been following dogs. God damn it, you followed him since he was a pup. I was genuinely devastated. I had people asking me that week like are you okay? Is everything alright? You seem off and I was like no. Bruce died today. Yeah. They're like who's Bruce? Is that like a childhood friend? I was like in a way. Yeah. You know I got into on another podcast once I got into, on another podcast once, I got into a heated debate because I, I assume

this was a universal thing, but I quickly realized it was more of an opinion thing. I thought it was fact, but turns out it was just me. I thought there just were cool and uncool numbers. And everyone kind of knew which ones were cool and which ones weren't. And I think it must have been with my buddies, Dan and Gav, and they were like, what the f*** are you talking about? I would love it if you were just so uneducated

you didn't know, but like weirdly, you were like a mathematical genius because when we asked you what it was, it turned out you were describing prime numbers. Right, yes. It just were describing prime numbers. Right. It just feels cool to me. It's like, that's insane. It's like you're up in like six digit prime numbers.

Yeah. It's like every number he said was cool gave the coordinates to the White House. Something really weird is happening right now. We need to keep him in a lab. I just feel like 11,705. Is that, Does that track? Like the first big number he said was cool. We struck oil. So we need to examine his brain in a laboratory. Look, let's go one to 10. One cool.. Two, not cool. Three's cool. Four, not cool.

Is it just alternating numbers? Five and six, neither of those are cool. Seven's cool. Eight and nine, not cool, but ten is cool. I didn't even- I didn't even f***ing stutter. I know- I didn't even have to think about it. I know which are cool I thought but do you not as did I say anything wrong no one knows what the fuck you're talking about let's just get that completely clear like don't don't be like so you do not do not follow did not feel right though did it not feel right what I said say Say any number between 1 and 100, and I'll tell you whether it's cool or not. 42. Cool. What I'm trying to say is,

if we don't think that our military industrial complexes are spinning some of us the same yarns... Oh yeah. ... from time to time, and I'm not talking about... If you are in the military, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the puppet masters who pull the strings. Yeah, the people at top. You think they don't lie to you?

They have lied to you. We've seen it on this podcast before. They done been lying to you. You think we live in the land of the free? Try going to a Burger King with no pants on. Then we'll see how free you are, brother. You're gonna end up in jail mighty quick. That is just a lull though, isn't it?

I was under the impression I could do whatever I want with no consequences. I thought that was freedom. Try going to a Burger King and ordering a Big Mac and then see how free this country really is. Because they say, have it your way. What if my way is Big Mac sauce on a whopper? They will put you in handcuffs, brother. They will.

Try ordering a 12 inch meatball marinara out of fucking Greggs. They will take you out back and shoot you in the head. What if my way? You know, because when we think about America, we're taught to think America number one. Big cars, hot dogs, baseball, freedom, all of that jazz. But really, America is number one in only a select few things. For example, all of that jazz. But really America is number one in only a select few things.

For example, potato-based stew. Ireland's got that on lock. Right. Right here. I've had some of the best potato-based stew here at home. Guinness, Ireland again, number one. Right. So all I'm saying is when a government project is this secretive, we don't know which country

is leading in the field. Grain? Ireland? Yeah, I think depression too, for sure. Depression? Suicide? Ireland is coming out top in a lot of fields, it turns out. It is funny that...

Crack? Both the drug and the fun, and possibly a classified psychic government program. We don't know. It could be Ireland that's leading the way. It's not Ireland. Just like the USA developing a space program to land on the moon, if America was investigating the paranormal, it turns out that Russia and China weren't about to let them have all the fun.

And you bet your buttons there are a few other contenders in the race. Not a saying, not a saying. You bet your buttons. I assume Ireland was also involved in the mind race. You bet your buttons. It sounded like a saying. Rory, we've only talked about Russia so far. We haven't even touched...

The Emerald Isle! That's right, right here in Ireland we probably had our own little psycho experiments going on. Not really. I assume. We were actually kind of neutral in the second world war, pretty small military. We'd kind of come out of a civil war about 20 years earlier. Neutral with our bodies, but not with our minds, Chappy. You bet your buttons that we were doing shit with our bodies but not with our minds, Chappy. You bet your buttons that we were doing shit with our minds. Because normally you would need like a large military program to have the budget to work on this kind of stuff. We were kind of busy just like, I think, kind of stop being a poor

nation, build infrastructure, things that we didn't really care so much about like trying to spy on other countries, again, being neutral. Yes, well we were angry about religion too. That took up a lot of our time. If we were going to start using psychic abilities, it was to hear the thoughts of sinners. That was it. Priests would have been getting together and being like, problem is the real bastards aren't coming to confession. So if we can read the minds of the f**kers and we can hear their crimes before they confess them. I've said it many times on the podcast before, sadly, due to a sheer language barrier, there are so many paranormal tales we'll never know about.

We need to recruit my brother who is learning Chinese so he would be able to help us out a little bit. Yeah, although between kind of running a couple charities, being a kind of one of the Fortune 500 company executives, you know, and running, what did he do? Like five or six marathons this year. He's a busy guy, I don't think he's gonna have time for that. You know, it's kind of below his pay grid.

Yeah, yeah, well that's why, you know, he learns all these languages, because he has teams in Shanghai, international companies, it's like a big deal Wasn't he like building houses in Malawi this weekend or something? I don't know. I'm not his keeper. It's pretty yeah What do you want from me? I'm nothing. He's just awesome. That's all I do cool stuff, too Sometimes I wish he was on the podcast. Well, I do cool stuff all the time, too I build houses last weekend on the sims sure, but you should have seen the size of this

thing. It's not charity though, is it? It's a video game. My Sims lived for four days as well, a new record. So I think I'm actually pretty responsible in growing up as well. It sounds like the houses killed them if they died within four days of you building them a house. It wasn't the house, it was the oven.

It exploded. Cooked them alive because I didn't build doors. I always forget the doors. Never become a landlord. It was one big room with an oven in it. And I put all nine of my Sims in there. When I say I built them a house, I built them an oven. The door is the oven door, and it locks. I right-clicked on oven and said, go inside, and the game uninstalled itself.

It reported you to the authority. Her sister threw open the car door and ran outside. Christina! Oh my god! Come here, quick! Christina had no clue what she was shouting about, but decided for some reason to follow her sister's lead. She opened the door, turned to see what all the commotion was about and then... The next thing she remembers, she was lying down on a blanket in the middle of a park

nearby, as if waking up from a nap. She blinked, and the next thing she knows, she's back in the car. This time her mom driving like crazy blasting down the highway. Jesus, if this happens to me, I'm going to need Morpheus to at least be in the in my field of vision in at least one of these settings. If I'm going to be blinking and then I'm in a completely different place, I'm going to need him to be standing there saying, so now you see the reality is an illusion. Christina, do you know how many times in my life I've ignored Morpheus turning up? There's so many times in my life weird shit happens and I see him kind of standing there waiting

for me to realize what's going on and I just kind of put my hand up pretend like I don't see him. I'm like don't you dare unplug me Morpheus. I am staying in this fake little world and I'm going to eat my fake little food have a fun little time." And he's like, but the world isn't real. We eat goo. He's like, no I don't want to eat goo. I like it here. I don't want to learn karate. I don't want to use guns. I'm having a fine time here. In the fake world? Yes the fake world, Morpheus. The goo is pretty good, you know. No, it can't be. It can't be, otherwise you wouldn't be calling it goo. And he low-key shows up in like kind of rude times too.

Like he'll kind of like let you do your own thing. And kind of, whenever you're going through a bad time, he never shows up to remind you like, hey, you don't need to feel too bad about this because none of it's real. But on my wedding day, on my wedding day, I'm like, as my wife Danielle is walking down the aisle Morpheus is just standing at the front door to the church. Just like you know, it's not just

Morpheus I'm just saying is none of it's real. I'm just saying the feeling of love is actually a program We downloaded we invented that 20 years ago. It's a computer program. It was created by the robots There is no love on the Nebuchadnezzar. It's like then then I don't want to go to the Nebuchadnezzar, Morpheus. The priest at the ceremony is like, and if anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace, Morpheus stands up, sit down, sit down, you son of a bitch. At the birth of my child, at the birth of my child, the birth of my child Cora I was like what a beautiful baby. This is the most beautiful moment of my entire life I think we'll call her Cora more whose like Morpheus pops out. Mm-hmm Cora dot exe or

Dot app because she's a program. You know that right your daughter is a program Yeah, the nurses take the baby away to be checked by the doctor make sure all the vitals are fine And then after about 30 minutes, you're like, hey doctor So just want to double check everything's okay and that the doctor turns around Morpheus has your baby She's like I might as well be holding a line of code Give me the baby Morpheus You're kind of freaking me out here. Right, I like the line of code though.

It's very precious to me. It took nine months to get here. You know, one thing about being a paranormal investigator that will radicalize you is, you know, like, it's not an unpopular or rare belief to think that the United States

military budget is kind of bloated, right? That's not like a controversial take because the United States military budget is, I think, don't they say, it's basically every other country on earth's military budget put together is like the size of the US one. It's kind of absurd.

You know, I used to think that was a bad idea, but the more you start looking into the crafts that are in the airspace of the United States, I'm starting to understand the budget. I'm starting to understand why we might need a couple F-22s on deck on ice. Because once, you know, one of these laser beams, it burns a hole through a lake, you know,

you know, you start to get a little nervous because you're like, okay, what if a couple more of these eggs come down? What if a giant egg comes down and poaches the United States? The colonels are like, yeah, we need ten more F-22s cuz the last time one of those things showed up We ran out of F-21s They wiped us clean. What happened to F-1 through 21? How did we get to 22?

Egg is what happened. Your honor, Mr. President. I love the idea of like a liberal president, you know, a kind of Biden being like, you know, listen, the American people aren't buying it anymore. Talk to all the generals. We need to rein this in. We need to, hey guys, even just for optics, we need to shrink this budget. And then one of the generals just snaps. It's like they Thanos snapped a warship.

They Thanos snapped a warship out of exit. He, they came on FaceTime. We don't know how you know they do that in the movies. We don't know how they did it. They appeared on FaceTime inside the, our command headquarters and they just did this. And then a airship, and they just did this. And then a airship, a warship just disappeared. And Biden's like, all right, let him cook.

Let him cook. Right, yeah. I'll write a blank check. Yeah, they're like, Mr. President, we wanna let you know why we have to spend this money every year. If you just check out a slide here. So here's a picture of a spaceship

we intercepted last year. It's roughly the size of New York City. Roughly the size of New York City. It can travel at the speed of light. And it doesn't obey the laws of physics. Our intel can tell us that this is the research drone sent by the mothership. Are you getting it through your thick skull, Mr. President? He grabs him by the throat.

He's like, how is this allowed? They start being real passive aggressive but they're like, but yeah, you know what, I guess you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, I guess you're right. I guess we do need more milk cartons for the kids at school. I guess, yeah, I guess the kids, yeah, I guess you're right. Parents come buy their own kids milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess whenever that airship comes down, we can throw milk at it. Because when the aliens come down and enslave us all, they're going to want the kids to have strong bones.

Because I think some of them actually eat children's bones. So, no, that'll be great for the aliens. Yeah. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Healthy children's bones. Good job, Mr. President. Oh, yeah. Four more years. Four more years. By the way, a year to these f**kers is a millisecond. So your life is dust to them, Mr. President. Biden's like, I wouldn't have run if I had known the gravity of the situation.

I wouldn't have run. I'm too old for this. You know, when kids come to my apartment, trick or treating, I say, hey kids, you want to know something really scary? And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, okay, gather round. And I pull down a whiteboard and I say, in 1947, the government was involved in a secret operation

to assassinate leaders of other countries. They did so using alien technology discovered in the Nevada desert that can pop people's minds. The kids start crying. They're going to get over this quick, little Timmy. You know what's really scary? Pulls on a chart of the average global temperature of the seas.

The planet is dying. The planet is dying, little Timmy. Parents are taking their kids away. They need to know the truth! What'll it be, kids? Trick or treat know the truth! Wallaby kids trick or treat. Treat. The trick is there is no treat. Welcome to the real world! You can't say treat and then he says the trick is.

You can't do that. They train dogs to like smell cancer. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah, absolutely twisted. It sounds crazy even when I'm saying that but I've heard that Yeah, which doesn't bode well for me because my sister's dog always smells my nutsack whenever I go around to their house Okay, that'll be a mood killer wouldn't it? It's like oh, I'm sorry. He's being friendly I'm like, oh no, you know, he just smells you know, he smells probably my neighbor's cat the dog goes You've got rot cancer rot rancher Room goes completely silent.

I'm gonna...what was that? What weirder? Did he talk or the words that came out? You should see a general physician! Alright. I'm probably not gonna stay for dinner. I'm probably gonna go call my doctor. I'm gonna leave now. Rotrancer. That's an all-time TPL, though. That's gotta be. Scooby-Doo telling you you've got cancer?

Ruh-oh! The scans don't look good! Someone's breaking down into it. Ruh, give you a moment alone with your loved ones. With your loved ones. That's so dark. I feel like we're, the thing is they're like nice, normal, respectable people that doing something wild and insane

is the forfeit. Right. Anything that we say we'll do, you just have to do a backflip. Would you just shut up and do a backflip for once in your life? I'll, what, really? You've been real quiet about the backflip in 2024.

Look, because I'm working on the front flip. Yeah, right. You know? I don't know what I was thinking going straight for the back flip. You never do anything backwards first, do you? No one says, hey, I wanna learn to drive a car. All right, we'll stick it in reverse and we'll go. No, you learn to drive it forward

and then you learn to drive it backwards. So I'm working on flips Working on flips. That's what I'm doing So you sure learned to lie before you learn to tell the truth Is there enough specifically about doing a backflip? I think it's enough time for me to learn a backflip by the awards So when they announce it on stage and I wish I hadn't brought this camera cold first place best of the table I guess they burn on my life. And I just flip on stage in front of everyone. And maybe Idris Elba is like, damn son, you be Knuckles.

And then maybe he gives me the role, cause he plays, he's the voice of Knuckles. He doesn't have the authority to decide that. Or maybe he can. The movie studio would decide that. He's like, hey, you know that new Bond you're looking for? Well, listen to this. And then he kind of puts the phone to me, and I say, hello, Money Penny. No.

No, no, no, no, no. Hello, Money Penny. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. And he kind of, he kind of, you know... Hello, my name's James Bond. My name's James Bond. Watch me flip.

And I try and backflip on stage. Ah! Crack your neck. I blow my bloody back out. I'm James Bond. We do have one such witness from the internet who testified on Reddit just last year on the r-high-strangeness subreddit. The post is titled, I saw bat-squatch.

They write, I've never shared this before, but when I was five, I saw three bat-squatches. My family lived in Montana, and I was playing outside looking at things with my binoculars. Five years old? I started- They've already seen three? I've started looking at the clouds. That's one per 1.5 year, every one and a half year. And notice- are you done?

Yeah. And you have got some nerve as a guy who's made a career off of talking about seeing a f***ing fake cryptid when you were a child. Not fake. it was real. And I only saw him once. I started looking at... Well you haven't even heard the story yet. I wish I could see him again. I started looking at the clouds and noticed a black circle super high in the sky just hanging there.

It almost looked like three objects circling, but the more I watched it was getting closer and closer. My gut said to run. I grabbed my siblings No, no, no, no, no I grabbed no Five year old has ever had the thought my guts telling me to run When I was five years old my gut was telling me Me likey chocolate Mac and cheese me likey chocolate

I'm not five years old with a cigarette in my louse saying something's wrong. I can feel it in the atmosphere. I know they're not five This is bullshit. I grabbed my let me finish Let me finish I Grabbed my siblings and we ran under the tree in the yard to watch three gorillas with wings fly over us It was freaking scary and surreal They grabbed their siblings so they got their even younger or older sisters. Maybe older maybe could have been a half siblings. They might've been 18 years old for all we know. They might've been half siblings, half human, half bat.

I think at five, you know a gorilla with wings when you see one. I don't think you do. I think that's what you just think an animal you haven't seen yet is. What animal would that be, Rory? It's like when you're a kid and you see a turtle and you're like, oh, rock lizard. Oh yes, in the Pacific Northwest where flying fox bats are just flying around all the time.

Yeah, great. They said, and don't laugh, don't laugh at what I'm about to say, the best I can relate to how they looked was like Goldar from Power Rangers minus the gold armour. There you go. I rest my case. Every time the family opened the closet,

the string was wrapped around the light. This little inconvenience sounds small, but it was merely the spark that would set the fiery wrath of the haunting ablaze The house became home to regular small-scale paranormal activity Objects moving around the home strange noises at night Paranormal activity became so commonplace that Bob openly joked about how they quote shared their home with a spirit It's a bad start, isn't it?

I mean when you start having to address the elephant in the room, because you know for those first couple of days everyone's, everyone's trying to ignore it. Yeah. And then at the dinner table, Bob's like, everyone's like silently eating dinner. And he's like, all right, look, let's address the elephant, the plate's fucking haunted.

All right, nothing I can do about it, nothing you can do about it, everybody eat. Bobby Jr's like but dad eat Bobby Jr Ghost keeps moving around the chicken around the plate sick Bobby eat the chicken yeah the dad's like it's like look there was nothing we could have done about it we didn't know BJ's like I saw a ghost I told you I saw a f***ing ghost in the hallway. Not now, Bobby Jr. The following spring while doing some yard work, Bob discovered a small metal box buried in the front yard of the home. He opened it up to discover a collection of religious items, crosses, rosary beads, etc.

Thinking that this could have belonged to the previous owners, Bob called them and asked about the box. Their reply was simple. The house is fine. Put the box back where you found it. Hmm... Not great. Not a great response if you find a buried box of religious items. So they know about the box? Yeah. They presumably buried the box? It is. It is actually subtly mixed messaging as well.

The house is fine. Okay, so I can throw out the box. Don't throw the box away! If you want to die! So the house isn't fine! Put the box back! The house is fine because the box is buried! Listen, guy, we've done a lot of the hard work around here, so just be normal.

Ignore the string. How do you know about the string ignore the string watch a football game and drink a beer Einstein and sure put about 16 rosary beads on your neck like it's Mardi Gras you're gonna need them dad why are you wearing this Bobby if you don't eat that chicken I am going to flip I will end your life Bobby. I'll be the ghost in your life. You don't do what I say. Wear the beads eat the chicken I'll bury you in the garden Bobby along with the box what box it doesn't matter the house is fine Bobby He's so committed don't understand the interest rate. I secured on this mortgage. I can't sell the house.

Dad, I was just down in the basement and I tried to turn on the bobby. If you say one more word about that string, your old man's going to lose it. They've been in the house 45 minutes. He goes full Jack Nicholson mode. Bobby Jr. sees his dad just out in the garden, smashing the house, smashing the lightness string to bits with an axe. The movers haven't left yet. They're still packing boxes.

Why are time travelers never alive? Why are they never... They're always coming back, warning about horrible shit that's gonna happen in the future. You know, they're never like, hey, guess what guys, in the future, check out this puppy, he's not gonna be born for like 15 years, but look how cute he is. Isn't he adorable? Some of those Marvel movies get good again, I know,

that's cool, that's something to look forward to. And global warming, we actually, we solved it. We found a way to reduce our CO2 emissions. It was really cool. Wouldn't that be sick if time travelers just came back and they were just like, I've come from the future with a message for the people of today.

Everyone's like, oh shit, what is it? Don't worry. Just don't. We figured it all out. What? All our problems? Yeah, every one of them. Name one, climate change. Solved it. It's gonna be solved in like two years. A guy's just gonna, he figured it all out. What? All our problems? Yeah, every one of them. Name one.

Climate change. Solved it. It's gonna be solved in like two years. A guy's just gonna, he just figures it out. And it's like the next day it's solved. Literally don't even worry about it. There's nothing to worry about. War, oh yeah, it's gone.

Gone. Hunger, boom. We invented a type of nut that's really cheap to grow. And now there's no hunger anymore. All right. Here, try one. They're called super nuts. Here, super nuts for everyone.

Yeah, here's some nuts to try. And I guess I gotta go. Alright, but stop worrying. Enjoy your life. There's a crazy party in the future. You guys are all invited. Enjoy it. Honestly, our problem right now is too many of the nuts. Because one nut and you don't have to eat again. And we made like a million of the things.

So here, just take a bunch now. Take them now that guy that guy disappears everyone's like oh my god you have no idea how like put at ease i am by that guy another person teleports it's a giant nut mutated with a human people of today don't make the nut it's ruined i'm! I'm from further in the future! It has ruined humanity! Oh shit! We don't know who to believe! Another portal opens with a giant squirrel inside. Please continue to transform into nuts.

Who is he? Are we supposed to be on his side? Turn the machine off. I think ignorance is bliss. I think no more time travel. Well there you have it. Some of our favourite moments from this paranormal life in 2024. We want to thank you for supporting the show this year and say what an honour and a privilege it's been to be your paranormal investigators for another year.

This show wouldn't be possible without your support, whether it's on Patreon or if you're just tuning in to listen every week. So from everyone here at TPL, thank you. We hope you're having a great holiday season and of course we'll be back next Tuesday with our first paranormal case in 2025. Live fast, investigate, die young, and remember people of today, don't make the nut. Hey, it's Mitch from Side Note Podcast, and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been

my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration.

You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com.