This Paranormal Life - Kelpies - The Dark Truth Behind the Scottish Shapeshifter

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

While Scotland is extremely famous for being the home of the Loch Ness Monster there is a much more terrifying cryptid native to its waterways — the Kelpie. Kelpies are an extremely ancient cryptid, a shape-shifting horse that drags its victims into the water to their death. Though some write the Kelpie off as a myth, there are modern stories that raise questions… it turns out the story of the Kelpie may be hiding a darker story about life in Scotland hundred of years ago… and we’re not talking about a time before Greggs bakery. Time for paranormal investigators Kit Grier Mulvenna and Rory Powers to find out more. Get your tickets to our London Live Show! Become a commune member to get access to bonus episodes: ⁠https://thisparanormallife.com⁠ Follow us on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Secret Society Facebook Community⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Buy Official TPL Merch!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Edited by Philip Shacklady Researched by ⁠Ewen Friers Thumbnail image: https://mythicalcreaturesandbeasts.com/kelpie/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For centuries, the dark locks and rivers of the Scottish highlands have been associated with a terrifying aquatic creature. Get too close to the edge and you could be dragged into the watery depths, never to be seen again. And that's if you're lucky. This isn't the Loch Ness monster. It's something much more frightening and ancient. It doesn't live in one lake. It's in dam near every waterway in Scotland. Hell, if you're Scottish, it might be time to check your plumbing. What is this thing look like. How has it avoided capture for hundreds of years? And if we do capture, is it possible to batter it like pizza and Mars bars? Answers to these questions and more on this episode of This Paranormal Life. Hello and welcome back to This Paranormal Life, the weekly

comedy podcast where every Tuesday me, Kit, and this guy Rory investigate a different tale, deciding whether we think it's really paranormal or not. How you doing today, Rory? I understand firsthand the dangers of getting too close to bodies of water. Recently, I accidentally dropped my AirPods in the toilet. So that's just one example of how a body of water could pose a threat to your valuables. And they're gone, guys. From that point, they're gone.

Unless you want to put poo in your ears. At least your AirPods are used to do-do with your music taste. All right. All right. Putting me on blast this early in the podcast. To me fair, that's the type of shit. do, and I don't think that has yet happened to me. Did you drug your, did you drop your face in the toilet?

Because you're, you're a poo head. So, don't come for the king if you don't want the king to fuck you up afterwards. Isn't that what they say? I have a four-year-old. Do you know how many times I get called a poo head daily? This is water off a duck's back. This is poo water off a poo duck's back. I thought you're going to say, do you know how many times I get shit all over me?

I have a child. I'm sorry to hear that. And, you know, your story has only, strengthened my resolve to never buy secondhand earbuds. I go into the CEX store and I see them selling secondhand AirPods and it doesn't sit right with me. I don't feel like that is appropriate. And hearing this story, they're all, they've all been in doo-do water. Yeah. It's like, yeah, we've got some half-price air poods right here. It's, um, AirPods. AirPods I meant to say. You're like, why did you say poons? Why didn't you say that? And why are they all?

Only $30. I'm nervous now. Well, look, we're physically journeying to the heart of Scotland today on the podcast. Thanks to an email we received back in April. The email goes, Hi, my name's Henry C. I'm 10 years old. And I've been listening with my mom for a while now.

Beeps some of the words I said earlier. And I especially enjoy listening to episodes where Rory swears. No. episodes about paranormal beasts. Ah. I really enjoy learning about Mothman, the Harbinger of Doom. But I noticed that you don't have an episode about the infamous Kelpie. I would appreciate it if you could make this episode

so I could learn a bit about its folklore. Wow, that's so sweet. Thanks, Henry. Rory, the Kelpie. Have you heard about this before? I haven't heard about the Kelpie. And hopefully it's not too scary because I think what we should do today

is try and do an episode of the podcast that is suitable for children, that is PG. Well, it's always suitable for children. That's absolutely not true. If you plan on raising little badass kids, then it's always suitable. Evil children, sure. So I'll try my, we'll try our best to keep a PG today. Be on our best behavior. I'm always on my best behavior.

You can, you know, you changed your potty mouth for once. You've already been talking about the potty already today. And listen, I'm maybe a little bit sentimental. because my sister actually does have a son called Henry. Yeah, so true. But he doesn't listen to the podcast. He doesn't listen to the podcast. This isn't him.

He's actually gone. I lost him in the woods two years ago. So I think there's a soft spot in my heart. Then maybe I think this is the Henry that I lost. So I'm going to keep it clean. That's really dark. Okay. All right.

Well, thanks for your email, Henry. We're on it. We're on the case. And also thanks to Amy Hughes. and someone whose email handle is Walker's Crisps for also suggesting this episode. We're going to get stuck into today's investigation after a reminder to smash that follow button, smash that subscribe button on YouTube, wherever you are listening or watching to this paranormal life. And remember to consider becoming a member today of the commune.

Don't say smash, by the way. That's a little aggressive for a child's ears. Come on. Remember, we're trying to keep it clean, trying to keep a PG. Sorry. I should, gently press. I need to say it in the way that kids understand

because they wouldn't understand smash the subscribe button. That's so old. They would say smash the subscribe button. That's usually, yeah. Subscribe. Yeah.

Smash subscribe. Like and subscribe, guys. Over on YouTube. And consider becoming a member at this paranormal life. com. Yes. The links in the description.

You head over there and there are hundreds of exclusive episodes available right now for our members. And Henry, you don't need to be an adult to sign up. You just need to get Mummy's credit card, which is probably in her purse, the little thing she keeps around her arm when you go out to dinner. So make sure you go in there.

You're going to look for the colorful cards that she keeps in her little wallet. With all the numbies on it. We need the numbies. We need the numbies. We need the numbies. And I know that sometimes... He doesn't sound like that, by the way. Sometimes it's a little confusing, Patreon, the internet, all of that.

So just send us pictures of the cards front and back. Right. And we'll take care of the rest. Social Security number, if there's a bill, household payers bill or on. What's her maiden name? I don't think you even need a credit card for this because Patreon does have a free tier. But if you do have a credit card, you could sign up to the seven-day free trial, in which case you get access to everything. That's not just on the free tier.

You get access to those hundreds of episodes. You also get this cool thing called the warm glow of joy in your heart, knowing you're supporting a couple of independent paranormal investigators. That also, yeah. So that's a pretty cool reward too. This paranormal life.com. Join today. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters.

On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation walk. Challenge yourself, friends and family to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world for. free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcf walk.ca. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors spent theirs? What work helped them build a life?

How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With ancestry, you can search Select Historical Occupational Records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors. Search free until August 31st.

Visit Ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Wayfair's Labor Day clearance is on now. Right now at Wayfair, you can get up to 70% off everything home. Shop Wayfair's Labor Day clearance now through September 7th at Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. Rory, in 1883, a Scottish writer called Walter Greger, published a book cataloguing all the mysterious creatures

said to inhabit the waterways of Northern Scotland. This book was important because this caught the attention for the first time of the Victorian public, teaching them about a beast that the natives of the Highlands had known about for a long time. The Kelpie. Gregor documented the numerous drownings and disappearances over the years attributed to this dangerous water monster. But whilst it was new to some, the Kelpie was well well well.

well known in clan mythology. So to get a traditional description of this thing, let's look at the Kelpie folklore. This thing is famous as a mythical beast, but as we'll see later on, I think there are simply too many stories and records over the centuries for this to just be folklore. Okay, all right.

The Kelpie was believed to be a fairy creature in the Scottish and Irish sense of the word fairy. Fairies are powerful, non-mortal creatures from the spirit world that come in many different shapes and sizes. Now the kelpie naturally appears as a horse, usually black or white, but occasionally gold. Oh.

But it always has a dripping wet mane. Dead giveaway that. And often wearing a bridle. They tend to be the same size as a standard horse, but much stronger. Now, one subtle way to differentiate kelpie from normal horses is at their hooves point the opposite direction.

Oh, that's not good. which is kind of a little bit like depictions of the devil we've seen, isn't it? Yeah. I really cannot stress how different my understanding of a kelpie in my mind. Yes, speak more on that, brother man, because I kind of had a back of the mind thing too, and it's not this. I think because I hear river spirit and I hear kelp like seaweed, I assumed that this creature took the form similar to old Greg, like a kind of seaweed-y-y man. that lived in the ocean and the rivers that would drag people under. You tell me as a horse,

it's oftentimes seen as a horse. Yeah. So the hooves, a subtle way of differentiating things, and not so subtle way, is that a kelpie can have a, quote, man of serpents. So not even seaweed,

but more snakes. Yeah, look for that first. So if that horse gets you, that's fully on you. That was very obvious. But as I say, they are able to shape, shift, and their human form is occasionally that of an old man, but often as a beautiful woman, similar to the kind of tempterous or siren archetype.

God damn. Maybe they do the old man thing when they just can't be bothered that day. They're like, oh, I just want to sit here. No one talk to me. Right, I'm not going to be a horse. Yeah. And then when they're hungry for apples, they're like, horse mode. Trotting around being like, come on.

and when they want someone to buy them drinks they're thirsty beautiful woman mode I go to bars sit there looking thirsty I am yeah horse mode and when they want to play chess

they turn into an old man again old man mode I suppose imagine how quickly they'd have to move the chess pieces to hide that they have hooves it's like huh oh look over there yeah yeah I made my move he's turned into an old man playing chess in the park and his opponent is like, and checkmate.

He's like, hmm, okay. No, you almost got me, but you forgot about my horse. Hooves out. Poves him across the park. Yeah! Although it would be a knight, wouldn't it, no, a horse? Sometimes people call it a horse. Some people call it the horse, don't they?

Phil's shaking his head. I'm shaking my head, too. No one calls it the horse, bro. It's a little freaking horse. I'm not going to swear. even though I'm angry. I think even Henry knows it's a night. Henry, cover your ears for a second.

Nobody call him that. Henry, cover your ears or get your mommy or daddy to push plus 30 seconds. No one says horse to D4. Many players, especially beginners or children. A horsey. Oh, you're right. A bunch of people call it a horsey, roaring. Many beginners.

under the age of six. Many beginners or individuals suffering from donkey brain occasionally referred to the piece as horsey because they're thick as f***les. Don't swear though. I told him to skip. He skipped. Welcome back, Henry.

I think that's 30 seconds. Welcome back. Fuck you. Not you. Come on. Sorry. Absolutely violated by Google just that. In my defense,

the chess kit that I had growing up as a child was created by Marvel. So I think I had Spider-Man and Dr. Octopus moving across the board. But as is often the case with these kind of ancient cryptids, interestingly, there are similar water-dwelling shape-shifting horses appearing in folklore across Europe, from Ireland to the Isle of Man to Sweden, Germany and beyond.

Some versions tend to be fairly benign, like the much gentler nuggle from the Shetland Islands although that kind of makes sense because Shetland ponies are famously cute and adorable. What's a nuggle? Well, yeah, this is blowing my mind because maybe if you've got Shetland ponies

which are really small, maybe this is like a Shetland kelpie which is like a little small, cute one. Okay. You've seen a Shetland polling, right? Yeah, a little horse. Hilariously small, really. Tiny little horse.

But the kelpie is anything but benign. According to the legends. The kelpie is often found on the riverbank, appearing as a calm and approachable horse at first. Typically, travellers hoping to cross the river safely and dry would be tempted to mount this apparently friendly horse to cross. But on touching the kelpie, the rider would become fused or attached to the hide of the beast like glue. Good Lord! Then the kelpie would bolt. Diving into the deepest part of the stream or...

Lake. According to the lore, it's here that the kelpie devours its victims, discarding their entrails on the riverbank. That's such an elaborate way to kill someone as a cryptid, is that when they touch you, their body is fused to your body and you drag them into the water and rip them to shreds. Buddy, your hair's made of snakes. You could probably, a regular horse could kill a man. Yeah. By just kicking them with those hooves. Yeah.

You know? So, yeah, the fusing together is really wild. Well, it's paranormal. Yeah, it's spooky stuff. Which is kind of cool, because sometimes we have cryptids that are really just undiscovered animals, unknown to science and God. But this definitely has paranormal abilities of some description. According to Scotlandstories.com, quote,

sometimes the only thing left would be a kidney or a liver washing up on the banks of the river. Oh. Phil, let's get an artist's interpretation of this beast, please. Oh yeah. This would go so hard if I was 14 years old. This, I mean, it is, it's actually a lot more like a normal horse than I thought. It kind of does look like a normal horse just kind of walking out of the water. Well, that's how it tricks you.

Are his legs backwards in that? No, it's not his legs. It says, well, they did mention the hooves could be backwards, although those hooves do look forwards. Yeah. So it's, you know, it's trying to lure you in. It's trying to... That's the idea. It's doing a terrible job because that's the scariest horse I've ever seen in my life.

Yeah, it's pretty terrifying. I'm not, at no point what I decide that trying to hop on the back of that horse is a better idea than just crossing a river by myself. Back in the day, a lot less to do. You get bored. Let me try out a ride on the nightmare horse. Yeah, let me give it a go. The boys back at the village would be super impressed if I tame this wild beast.

You know, we can't tap into the logic of ancient times quite the same way. True. But look, we will find out more about this thing by getting into some stories, some tales that will illustrate the beast. In one popular tale from Sutherland in the highlands, eight children were playing in the shallows of a lock on their way to church one day. when a stallion padded up behind them. The stallion crouched down, almost as if beckoning them. To climb up on his back.

The kids are dead. The kids are gone. One by one, the children hopped aboard. And before long, there were seven on the horse's back. And its back seemed to get longer each time to accommodate more children. Oh, hell no. Uh-oh. They're riding a centipede into the ocean?

Just one boy named Dougal remained on the shore. He had been warned about kelpies and water spirits by his mother, and he was more cautious. Clever boy. Should have warned the others, Dougal, really? If you knew this was a thing? That being said, there really was something strangely inviting about the beast, and curiosity finally got the better of him.

Dougal reached out a single finger to touch the horse's coat, and his finger was immediately stuck to the creature's back, and he, quote, felt something surge through. his body. The account goes on. With the last of his willpower, Henry, stop listening for a little second. Dougal pulled out a knife and chopped off his own finger. What?

The kelpie roared in rage, reared up with the other children on his back and galloped into the water. Soon it had disappeared below the surface along with Dougal's finger and all of his friends. So all the kids died? Yes. Just because I want to be clear Is this like a legend or a story Or did seven child bodies wash up on a ledge somewhere?

Well, legends start from stories Okay, right, I just want to make sure Who gave Dougal a knife? Well, that's Maybe we need to start arming the youth Because it came in tremendous handy, didn't it? Yeah, that is true How many more lives could be saved

If we gave more knives to children And no one No one wonders that Because Because I think it's an overlooked area. Because look, you start giving... I think 13 and up the teenage years, that's when it gets dicey, pun not intended.

Yeah, there is a window. That's the danger zone. And we certainly do not... We do not advocate giving those children knives. That being said, 12 and under, the children are still pure of heart. Yeah. And they don't think of misdeeds in miscreant ways.

They only would use it to save their bacon. I was given a knife. probably a too young in age I would say somewhere around nine or ten so true I got a Swiss Army knife yeah and I basically got this knife and I was like I am now

Link from the Legend of Zelda and this is my little sword and I like went around with it and had a great time then I think I got bored of it stopped bringing the knife everywhere but that was around probably 14 to 17 the danger years Yeah, at a time where it probably wouldn't have been a good idea for me to have a knife on me at all times.

Because I got it out of my system. Yeah. Because Rory one day, he said in the playground one day he got really mad and he said he was going to stab me. And then he checked his pockets and he had nothing. I'm like, that's crazy. What if he had had his knife? Like, would I even be here today? Yeah.

I did. There is a very funny, classified story of me. Oh, I don't know. This never ends well. in a nightclub. And we're not going to tell that story on the podcast. Maybe on the after party. And it's not.

And I'm not in the story. You're barely in the story. You actually are in the story. Well, I am holding the knife. And there's someone else. Great. Cut that actually. Sorry.

Got that from the podcast. But yeah. Yeah. This is obviously reflective of a different time whenever this took place. And what's important for people to know is that you were joking. That's the main thing about the knife. Yes. And that might not have been clear.

Anyway, we've got to move on. Henry, for the love of God. Stop listening. Okay. Right. Image number two, artist interpretation of the children

getting taken away by the horse. Oh. You know, and that's how it felt in their minds was like, this is like Gandalf's horse.

This is a beautiful, gorgeous horse. Yeah, this horse doesn't really a kill beat at all. Yeah, we're having such a great time. Ha,

he ha. Dead. All of them. Their bloodlines ended that day. All right, that's all I want to say. Anyway,

Anyway, just a PSA. In another tale, a group of men were working in a field near the river Conan when they heard a mysterious voice echo around them. The hour has come but not the man. They turned around and saw a black stallion standing in the shadows of the river. Hell no. When the creature suddenly plunged into the brackish depths of the Conan and did not resurface, they knew they'd just been in the presence of a kelpie.

or a very sad horse. An agreement was reached between them to avoid the river, at least for an hour. Yes, one hour should do it for some reason. When a stranger came along to cross, the workers grabbed him, dragged him to a nearby church, and ignoring his shouts of rage, locked him inside the church for his own safety. When the party returned an hour later, Henry stopped listening,

they found the traveller dead in the church. What? Face down in a small pool of water, Somehow the kelpie had claimed another life. How? Through the water? Yes, it's paranormal. I don't know.

Damn, that's crazy. Okay, I mean, that's very cool. If that's part of his lore, that it's just any body of water he can whisper to you from and suck you in and drown you in a puddle. Yeah. What's that like? I guess a little bit like magneto or something.

Right, there's just an element or something. Anything that's metal. Yeah. Yeah, that's, yeah. water things crazy. Because imagine you were safe and then you're like, who, glad I avoided all that. And then you get home that night, you're enjoying a bowl of soup. And it's just like, hello. Looking up through chicken noodles. Oh, and just pulls you down into the bowl. Is it any liquid? I don't know how this, this son of a bitch works. Paranormal bowl of super noodles. Yeah.

Brough. I'm glad I finished my coffee. Oh, I'm going to get my kombucha away from me. I'm now just realizing I've read that story before and I did didn't really think much about the quote at the beginning. The hour has come, but not the man. Yeah, I don't know what that means. So it seems to mean that the hour that the Kelpie wanted to claim a soul was upon them, but the man had not arrived yet. Ah.

Who whomst it was going to kill dark shit. It's a very beautiful way of wording. Such a horrible thing. Beep that. Didn't mean to swear just now. It's scary stuff. Listen, we always think that man. is the apex predator of the jungle.

The kelpie seems to be the top dog in Scotland. Look, you guys know that here at this paranormal life, we don't just want to give you a little history lesson, a little campfire story time, and send you back into the lock to play. No, we want to provide our listeners, especially our younger listeners, practical paranormal skills they can use in the real world

because everyone's going to be asking the question, is there any way to protect yourself from a kelpie? Sure. And there are, in fact, a couple of measures to subdue the kelpie. This is Paranormal Self-Defense 101. Rory, please step into the dojo. One great way to defend yourself against the kelpie

is the power of Christ. I'm gonna chop you in the neck. You're like, no, I'm trying to help you. You said step into the dojo. You told me to step into the dojo. I thought we were gonna fight. Falcon Punch. I take a Swiss army knife out of my pocket.

So you have the knife. I always have the knife. Yeah! It's such a good red herring to throw in there. Yeah, I think I lost the knife when I was like 13. It's in your pocket right now. One great way to defend yourself against the kelpie is the power of Christ. Apparently, using crosses and saying Christ's name have been cited methods for defending against kelpies.

If you have a crucifix around your neck, you can rip it off. the chain and put it in his eyes. Oh, right. That's called fighting with the Lord. Not no. I didn't know that going in, but actually, one of our listeners who emailed us about the Kelpie said that the kelpies are associated with the devil, which would make sense for why they don't eff with holy water or the Bible and maybe why their hooves weren't backwards.

Well, the horse came out of a puddle in a church, so they eff a little bit with holy water. Hmm. I mean, maybe not literally blessed Holy Water, but sure. It's good to know that with a cryptid like this, with a beast, with something that resembles kind of an animal, you wouldn't think that it would fear the Lord. But I guess that's it. If it's linked with the devil, then, yeah, good to know you can whip that out.

I'm not going to lie. Apparently, the next way to defend yourself is you have to shoot it with a gun. The Kelpie can allegedly be killed, quote, if you shoot it with a silver bullet similar to werewolves which would turn it into a strange jellyfish looking pile of squishy mass Hmm

Interesting That one sounds like it was written by a guy who clearly shot a regular horse Well would it have turned into a jellyfish Were it a regular horse Over time All right Most living things do

Brother you're going to be a jellyfish At some point in the future Yuck Um Okay but that's good to know Silver bullets specifically is well It is good to know because, you know, it's like zombies.

It's like, hey, are we working with a, you know, Day of the Dead zombie or a 28 days later zombie? Do the zombies run? Do they not? Can they open doors? These are things we need to know. And can this horse be killed with a gun? But very interestingly, you might not need to kill the beast at all, Rory. I'll draw your attention again to the Kelpie's bridle.

It's said that if you can take control of or remove this bridle, you will tame the kelpie. This gives you power over the creature. And according to some legends, kelpies, because of their great strength, were actually used on farms. According to Timberbush Turs, a couple of experts in Highland lore,

they say in several tales, removing the bridle from the kelpie allowed the one who took it to have control over it and other kelpies. Clan McGregor even claimed to have one that they passed down through generations. Other stories suggested that removing the bridle

would allow control over it, but it would die within a day if you didn't return the harness. Oh. I always like when there's kind of like mechanics to the paranormal lore. I forgot about the horse mask. Yeah. Because the pictures we saw, none of them were wearing horse masks. Yeah.

Because I'm still under the impression. Although it's not quite, I know the mask you're thinking of this is just, you know, like the little strap around there. Yeah. Got it. Nice. I don't know horse terms. But if I jump on the beast and try and tame it, don't I even. Essentially, I immediately turn into a centaur.

I guess this is the skill. Can you just, can you just get just the bridle off of it? You know? Or, yeah, you know what I'm saying? That's hard. I don't want to get that close. Yeah. Just keep your Glock 9mm pointed out his head while you try to get it.

As soon as you get stuck. Put the barrel in the horse's mouth. Put a carrot in the barrel of the gun. Good horsey. Paid the barrel. I love you're getting orange. Here, girl. Hmm, tastes a little different, doesn't it?

I'll be taking that bridle now. Get on the farm. We have to harvest. Two and five Canadians will hear the words, you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret. at Cancer Foundation Walk. Challenge yourself, friends, and family

to walk 21 kilometers in support of life-saving research. Together, we can carry the fire and help create a world free from the fear of cancer. Register today at pmcfwalk.ca.ca. Your playlist might get you through the workday, but have you ever wondered how your ancestors

spent theirs? What work helped them build a life? How did they adapt as the world around them changed? With ancestry, You can search Select Historical Occupational Records for free for a limited time and discover the stories behind the jobs in your family tree. You've got questions. We've got ancestors.

Search free until August 31st. Visit Ancestry.ca for details. Terms apply. Hey, y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair.

With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. Okay, Rory, look, I appreciate you stepping into the dojo. You did try to come at me there, which is a bit weird to come at your sensei like that. But I think, do you feel like you understand a couple of things

about taking down a kelpie? Sure. I'm just happy to know that there is ways that you can't take them down. I think I would start with the Lord, and if that fell apart, I'll have a silver bullet in my back pocket. Yeah. And if the horse is. scary enough that's silver bullets for me.

That's a great thing about guns. There's always a last resort. Anyway, you can make the bad guy go away. You can make everything go away. Those are your options. So, Henry, I am so sorry. I'm beg. Skip that, please.

Don't let him listen to this. It's as if we like psychologically know there's one chat listening. So we're just like making things worse and worse. Right, I just kind of help myself. I'm so sorry. Start from here. So the fact that you now know how to take down a kelpie, it got me thinking. Once you know taekwondo, once you know jujitsu, the next level of wisdom is to have the wisdom to not use it unduditionally.

So I don't know if that's a word. So what we need right now is to make sure that you have the wisdom and the foresight to know when you're looking at a kelpie and when you're not looking at a kelpie. so you know whether to keep the Glock 9mm on your hip or to take it out and point it. Right. Okay. Okay. That makes sense.

That's why I have prepared a test for Royal Little Pop Quiz. And anyone who is watching the video of this on YouTube, on Spotify, on Patreon, can also play along. You're going to be seeing the images right now. It's a little bit of a test. We're going to play a game of Kelpie or horse. This is actually going to be really helpful because I shot two horses on the way here this morning. And I probably wouldn't have done that, probably, if I had been able to differentiate between the two. Yes. And that's crazy because you said at the start of this episode, you didn't know what a kelpie was.

So the fact that you just killed them in cold blood. Yes. You're probably wondering why I did it. I shot the first horse because he was looking to me funny. Sure. And the second horse was standing behind the first horse. So, oh, so it was like a hollow point. It just like. That was an accident. I feel bad about the second one. So. sorry Hey Would I do it again? He said sorry

Would I do it again? Nay So That's kind of distasteful All right All right Phil Please pull up our first round

Of Kelpie or horse That's a kelpie That's a kelpie Kid is showing me a picture Hold on don't just come out Of the creature From the Black Lagoon

Emerging from Not even a lock It's interesting that you're coming out so quickly out of the gate. Clearly, you've learned a lot. But what speaks to you about this that screams Kelpie? The fact that the creature is emerging from a magic the gathering swamp land card. That's not a real place it's even coming from. It's also, yeah, like a painting or something, isn't it?

It's got glowing red eyes. This looks like the most evil son of a bitch I've ever seen in my life. That is a Kelpie. And you're saying you might not get on that horse? I'm saying pop, pop, pop. That's what I'm saying. Done. PAP!

Three in the head. Whap, wap! With my carrot 9mm. Okay, Rory said, bra! Here on the podcast, and I can say, Ding! You are right, first one is a kelpie. Let's move on to round two.

You guys, hopefully are playing along at home. Ooh, now, tricky one here. Round two, what are we saying? That's a horse. That's a horse. Not only is it a horse, it's just a photograph. Well, looks can be deceiving. Which, if you had a photograph of...

of a kelpie, the podcast would be over right now because it would be a yes. And that would be no fun, would it, if the podcast ended right now. So, you know, this is a photo of a, it's a regular, it's actually a beautiful looking horse. Let me tell you. But is it hiding in its eyes and in its mane? Is there a hint of moisture in the main, which would indicate that this was indeed a kelpie? It does look to be very much in the countryside, not near any bodies of water whatsoever. Legs bent the right direction. No snakes for hair. It's actually got a kind of Patrick

Swayze kind of flow to it. It's a sexy looking horse. And Roy is right again. Number two. Wow, he is knocking it out of the park with this. Okay, we'll move on to round three. Hopefully the audience are two for two as well. That would mean you guys are icing the quiz. All right, round three. What are we thinking with this one? With this photograph. This, this is, this is. isn't even any of the things you've told me about so far. Well, it's an under the water shot to start with, which, a bit of a giveaway. But yeah, well, look. This is like a third thing.

This is a merr horse. No, well. Or a horse made. Yes. Well, if you think about it, we've only heard about the Kelpies above water up to this point. So, you know, they're coming out and they're just, have you ever seen the movie Disney's Luca? No. Disney Pixar's Luca.

I haven't actually. And it's a very sweet heartwarming story, which is kind of, the whole metaphor of the movie is about being gay. And they do that through mermaids. And it's very beautiful. But the point is when the little boys are under the sea, they're mer boys. And as soon as they come above water, they're humans. And I think a similar transformation is taking place. As soon as the water hits them, they turn into whatever the flip this is.

and then as soon as they get dry, it's the kelpies we've been hearing about, you know? Because anyone who's seen this did not live. Sorry, is it a horse? That's not a horse. Okay. That's not a kelpie, arguably, either. It is a kelpie? Well, it has no...

I'm sorry, is there a different cryptid that's a mer horse that you know about? Or do you think it's actually pretty likely that kelpies, which are aquatic horses, sometimes look like this? It's kind of giving... You remember that old Australian TV show? H-2O? Nope. Where it was a gang of teenage girls in Australia that were secretly mermaids.

But if at any point they were touched by any form of water, they couldn't stop it. They would just transform on the spot into mermaids. Very much like Disney Pixar's Luca. Oh, is it really? Seemingly so. Oh, okay. Well, there you go.

Well, this sounds like a horse that's struggling with the same thing. It obviously got splashed on and it was like, shit, I need to get into the water. I'm going mermaid mode. Got it. Yeah. Final answer? If it's one of the two, Kelpy.

That's right. Oh, Rory is three for three. We're going to have to push through these next ones. We're running out of time. But please, on to our next one. Now, what about this one? It is, this is a photograph of an old man doing a thumbs up. Which, as we know, could be a kelpie.

This is it? Is there any clues about his demeanor and vibe, you know? You know, he looks like a friendly guy. He kind of looks like the, the dude that's sipping on a Guinness at the end of the pub. I don't see any indication that this is actually a horse. So I'm going to go, Guy. Oh, well, yeah.

Is that an option? I don't know what we're doing anymore. Or Selke, sir. Answer the question. And the clue is in the quiz, Roy. So it is, in fact, a Selky. If you tried to pull up and enjoy a pint next to this man, you would simply brush up against him.

You would fuse to this old man. instantly and he would take you probably around a few more pubs before the end of the night, to be honest, and then eventually to the lagoon. Did you say a Selky? Sorry, Kelpy. Let's keep going. Remember the name of the thing. Let's keep going.

We go one more. There's one more, I believe. All right. Now, what do you think of this last one? That's actually a Selky, you idiot. You mean kelpie? Yeah. No, dude.

No, what do you think here? Yeti or horse? No, no, kelpie or horse? spaghetti. That's can't be the only two options because it's a photograph of is that Charlize Theron? Is that who that is? That's right. Known to Hollywood as award-winning actor-actress

Charlize Theron, South African royalty. Well, because we heard that sometimes they can turn into a woman. You're saying it's a Kelpie, okay. You're saying it's a Shelby. You're saying it's a Shelby. I'm saying, would you say put your hands in the air, Charlie. Okay, we've broken Rory. That one was a secret third thing,

which is a human, because, yeah, as you say, clever, you recognized her. Shit, that's an award-winning actor. And there's no evidence that I'm aware of to say... You told me that wasn't an option. She is not. You said it was one or the other.

A Selky. I mean, Kelpie. You said it was either a horse or a Shelfie, which, Shelby wasn't even the name of the thing. Let's... I want to leave the dojo, Sensor. Permission to leave the dojo.

Classes ended. Go in peace. All right. Children's karate has it booked for 4.30. We need to leave. But look, as we mentioned earlier, many or most of these stories of this beast track like ancient folklore. Tales without specific dates, names, or details,

wearing wildly from each retelling. Almost like a regular Rory episode of this paranormal life. Thin ice. You son of a bitch. Anything more substantive or something more modern? You know that I'm on my best behavior because Henry's listening. Otherwise, I'd be, I'd be, I'd be,

you're a s' out on this podcast. Yeah. Well, I insist we bleep all of that. I insist that that. You'd be, p-hitting my ass. Chewing, chewing your ass out. It's the same thing. Look, do we have something more modern?

The answer is, no, we don't. At least not in Scotland. There is, however, something more concrete, more concrete for you and English speakers in Ireland. As we said... What was the first one? What's concrete? It's French, thanks very much.

I think. As we said, Ireland has much in the way of shared culture with... I'm sorry, it's something funny. It's something funny? Why is sitting there laughing? This is quite serious.

Ireland has a lot of shared culture. Do we also share cryptids? In 1944, a farmer called Patrick Canning was walking the shoreline of Lockech-Shankeever in County Galway. I'm crying over here. Here, girl.

Here, girl! By Christ, where could she be? Canning was looking for his prized mayor who'd been out grazing the meadows and wandered off. The horse was pregnant and Canning was concerned about her well-being. As he rounded the lake, he spotted her. Ah, there you are, you beauty.

Oh, but what's this? Just then, a foal stepped out from behind his horse. Canning was confused. The foal had come unusually early. As he approached the pair, the foal burst into life, turned around and jumped headfirst into the dark waters of the lock. Uh, quote, abid Jesus, me lovely horse, end quote. He ran to the water's edge, but it was too late.

The foal was long gone. As the water settled, he turned round to his mare and saw she was still pregnant. She gave birth to her real foal several days later. Now, Canning recounted this experience to journalist and cryptozoologist Frederick William Holiday in 1973 and maintained that that first foal had been an imposter. A kelpie. Which you said at one point that kelpies were kind of similar to fairies, is that right? Mm-hmm.

Which fairies, changelings, part of their love. lore is that they imitate. It's really dark stuff. They will, I think, like, kill babies and then imitate babies so that mothers will look after them and raise them. Yeah. I don't know. It's something like surprisingly dark because it all comes from like, you know, old folklore

and fantasy. So we're kind of seeing a similar thing where it looks like in this case a Kelpie pretended to be the baby of a larger horse for presumably some delicious horse milk. I don't know. Yeah. Which at that point, the fault really lies on the big horse

to not know it's still pregnant. But I don't know, maybe a horse's head doesn't bend like that. Yeah. Maybe you can't see if you're still pregnant if you're a horse. So true. But hey, I love this little glimpse into,

you know, we're always looking for a war, at least one thing that bridges the world of folklore and myth into, we need at least one guy in a field to say he's seen it. Sure, sure, sure. And look, I don't want to say that there are no more modern settings than that. It's thin on the ground, but I did find one very recent mention on Reddit from user Lulu Bear 1269, who wrote, Hey, has anyone heard of water horses or kelpies?

I've recently been having some weird stuff happen around my property. A family friend has mentioned seeing an elemental creature lurking around. After doing some digging, I found that these waterhorse things are exactly what I've seen. What it could have came about or how to protect yourself. I assume because they're so panicked, their grammar's a bit weird. But isn't that crazy? Someone asking, what the hell do I do about this? Do they say an elemental beast? A family friend has mentioned seeing an elemental creature lurking around. Just drop that very casually. Yes. That's a tough one for you to, you know, normally when you go around to your uncle's house, you're just like, oh, I love what you've done with the place. Imagine having

to take them aside and just be like, listen, thanks for inviting us to the barbecue. There's an elemental beast that I've seen lurking around the kids paddling pool. Can we do something about that? Do you have like a fire extinguisher we can scare it off with or something? Yeah, because also that implies the existence of beasts of other elements. Right, water, wind, air, fire. Yeah. It's like, grass and air and wind. I don't want to alarm you, but there's an electric goose in the garden. We need to evacuate the property now.

Honks. Like, what does that look and sound like? Yeah, genuinely terrifying. Maybe a water horse is not the scariest one out there. Jeez. Right. I didn't even put that together. Elemental beast.

It sounds like the family member that said this is very familiar with elemental beasts. Yeah. If he's saying this very casually. Yeah. The family member here is, Jackie Chan's uncle from the Jackie Chan Adventures cartoon. Yeah, super chill.

You must collect the talismans of the elemental beasts. And there are a bunch of responses on that Reddit thread with a variety of suggestions or possibilities, but there are a lot of upvotes on just one user's reply, quote, respect is the way to go. Sounds like it absolutely isn't. Hey, we're in the dojo, Rory. You know more than me about the dojo. We're back? Yeah! I get him again.

You hear you're in the dojo You start swinging But you know That you signed it earlier Respect goes a long way in the dojo Maybe the Kelpie respects It sounds like the horse It sounds like the horse has no respect for

For anything You just told me a story earlier Where it tricked children Into riding its back into the water And the way to defeat it Was banishing it with the word of God Or shooting it in the head With a bullet

Yeah so maybe it is a little bit kind of wishful thinking to think that respect would kind of win the day. I guess you would survive the situation because respect in that encounter would be just keeping your distance. That's maybe a way that respect would work. It's just like, I'm not coming over there. And you know what? You don't come over here and mess with me.

Yeah. So sure, we get out that to the list of solutions. Yes. If you don't have a gun. You know, it's like Burning Man or something. Leave no trace. You know, they were here on this earth first probably because they're elemental

beings, literally. Yeah. So, you know, oh, you think it's your backyard? Maybe it's the Kelpie's feeding ground. So just think about that when you're letting your kids go play. Look, realistically, some believe that Kelpie was created as a way to keep children

away from waterways, which are notoriously dangerous for children. And indeed, other people's horses. Yet, many folklorists do maintain a deep belief in the creature. And with Kelpie lore connected to place names and waterways all across Scotland, it's clear that the Kelpie is important to Scottish culture.

I think, Phil, we do have an image of a pretty wild kelpie sculpture. I mean, look at that. Come on that. That is Andy Scott's The Kelpies. Damn, this thing is huge. We are talking about, what would you call that four, five story high? statues of horse heads bursting out of a body of water. Yeah.

It's really beautiful, isn't it? That's really awesome. And it makes sense because like horses are so, I don't know, they're so interlinked with human civilization. Humans have always loved horses. And so the idea of a cryptid, which is a horse, something we've almost bordered I've never seen on the show. It goes to show how people would have a kind of,

a love-fate relationship with the beast. Yeah. Yeah, that is interesting. I don't remember if we've ever specifically covered a horse cryptid on the podcast before. I feel like we've talked about headless horseman. True. Where, obviously, by association, the horse is also part of the legend, a dead horse that is eternally running with his master. But yeah, that is a rare one.

Yeah, I think, I think horses are so beloved. It's unusual to think of them in this context. They're always seen as man's best friend, maybe after. dogs, depending on what point in history you're at. So the idea of them tricking and killing and eating humans is disturbing, to say the least. Researcher Ewan, when working on this one, was very excited to point out that Kelpie means one thing and one thing only to him, personally, which is the 1979 song by Jethro Tull. So he says, check that out for a crazy course and jazz flute solo, which again just goes to show the reach of these mythical.

beasts. Yeah. At the end of every episode of this paranormal life, we do have to decide whether we think the given case in question is paranormal. Rory, we've taken you through a little bit of the ancient history of it. In a couple of different countries, it sounds like. And then, like, you know, a little bit thin on the ground, the modern sightings of the thing and the physical evidence.

But not absolutely nothing. Where's your head at with the investigation into the Kelpie? I hadn't pieced it together until you mentioned it at the end that we see some patterns here when we talk about folklore and legend and creatures like this. That a lot of the time in the olden days they serve the purpose of scaring children away from doing something. Yeah. And that actually makes total sense. A horse that will drag you into the waters if you get too close.

That is a perfect example of a creature designed to scare children away from messengers. about in dangerous water. In the same way, whenever we do our Christmas episodes, and we talk about crampus and all of his friends. Please don't pronounce it authentically like that again. It's very disturbing. Crampus? Makes it extra scary. And who's the other guy, Father Whipper, and all these, all his gang of insane maniacs? They always served some purpose, which was to either scare children into not doing something. Yeah. Or scare children into doing something, like going to bed on time.

So, yeah, I can definitely see how this has been created to keep kids away from, as you said, even keep kids away from horses. Yeah. Because horses are, you don't want to be on the business end of a horse. No. And to agitate that thing, you know, that is, that'll knock you out cold, if not kill you dead. Yeah, if you get kicked in the head by a horse, you know, you won't have many options in life other than starting a paranormal podcast. You know, that's kind of what the path we took after, after the

incident. But you said it, unfortunately, a lot of time when you're investigating legends like this, there's just not a lot of modern day sightings. There's not a ton of evidence. You know, I'm really hoping that at some point today we were going to see some kelpie bones. Yeah. Or something like that, or a photograph or something. We'll have to wait until Charlize their own. ties to see the Kelpies, I think. It seems like maybe if Kelpies did exist at one point, they ain't around anymore. Yeah. And now that you're saying about the keeping the kids away from the waterways, there's a cool piece of lore there that it's like, oh, I now wonder if it's also connected to

the fact that Scotland, Ireland, these places are filled with bogs. Oh, yeah. And that's something, lots of places in the world, they don't even know about this. I think I did read that, that it's like Ireland, maybe even Ireland alone has something like half the world's bog land or something. Right. It's kind of insane. But it's kind of... Do other people know about bogs?

We're kind of talking about, you know, marshy, swampy places where Shrek lives. And... Phil, do you know about bogs? Okay, I didn't know how, yeah. Because I think they do have them all over the British Isles, but they just have such a high concentration in very wet climates like Ireland and Scotland. Even that term, I was like, is that localized? But I guess not, it is a thing. Yeah, it's a very weird type of like marshland, which is super dangerous.

If you've hiked a lot in the mountains and through bogs, infamously, there will just be patches that appear like solid ground. And you can easily step into, like, sinkholes. Yeah, it's quite sketchy. And even up until not that long ago in history, people were dying bogs all. the time. Oh, yeah. It'd step into it and wouldn't be able to get out again. Weirdly, that's also where they would find a ton of preserved humans in bogland.

Because whatever the, the pete, the earth preserves bodies really well. Yeah, I think honestly even dinosaurs and stuff. Wild. Yeah. God needs to patch bogs because they've been OPE for 60 million years. Yeah, they've been claiming lives. They trick dinosaurs. Tricked pteridactals, trick humans.

Crazy. I think we're beating around the bush here. I think there is not enough evidence to say that these things are walking the earth today. Although I would love to see evidence to the contrary, send it in to this paranormal life podcast at gmail.com. Until then, I think it's a no from me.

It's a no from me. It's a double no on the story of Kelpies. There goes the streak. Henry, you can come back to listening to the podcast now. Tune in right now. Thank you so much for suggesting that we check this one out because I really enjoyed investigating it. I hope you, Henry, learned a little bit more about Kelpies. Yeah. We probably confused you a little bit. You probably

knew as much as we did or more going into this. But if like Henry, you have a suggestion for us to cover, send it in to this part of my life podcast at gmail.com, like I say, sometimes we get around to things quickly, like in Henry's case, sometimes it takes seven years. But we often get there in the end. Yeah, I always feel bad when people have been waiting a long time to hear their emails because sometimes someone will just send an email. It's top of the box and I'm like, you know what? That actually sounds interesting. I'm going to check that out.

Yeah. So you never know. Send us the suggestion. This paranormal life at gmail.com. No, This Paranormal Life podcast at gmail.com. We're tired. I'm talking about swam horses. Rory's been in the dojo all day.

I'm wrecked. We got a chill after the dojo. but hey thank you so much for tuning into this episode. Remember that you can hear much more about many more cryptids by becoming a member of this paranormal life at this paranormallife.com. You can become a member today and get tons of episodes in return, tons of rewards, hearing first about live shows,

talking to other members of the community, and everything you could possibly want, all the stuff of your wildest dreams. And you know what? Sometimes we have a, extra show called The After Party, where we talk about the behind the scenes of the podcast and making it. And sometimes when we're recording the After Party, we even include evidence that we didn't have time to include in this week's episode of the podcast. So Kit, I'm sure there

is a ton of evidence that we didn't have time for today, but you can show me on the After Party. Evident. Well, evidence is a strong word. Funny videos about the topic. Yes. Well, there you go. That's the next best thing. Let's do that. Yeah, we'll do that on the after party on Friday. But until then, oh, seven-day free trial, guys, check it out. You can sign up for free to This paranormalLife.com. It's in the description of this podcast. Click the link and follow through.

Thank you so much to everyone who supports us on Patreon. We are going to be back on Tuesday with a brand new paranormal tale, and we're going to be back on Friday with that after party. Thank you for tuning in, and we'll see you next week. Bye-bye. Two and five Canadians will hear the words you have cancer. That's why every step and dollar raised matters. On September 19th, join thousands in Toronto for the Princess Margaret Cancer Foundation Walk.

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