This Paranormal Life - The Best Of 2025

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

As we gear up for another year of paranormal investigations, we wanted to take time to look back at some of our favourite moments from 2025! Did your favourite episode make the cut? There's only one way to find out... sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the highlights of the podcast from the last year! Follow us on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Twitter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join our Secret Society Facebook Community⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Support us on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon.com/ThisParanormalLife⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to get access to weekly bonus episodes! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Buy Official TPL Merch!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thisparanormallife.com/store⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Intro music by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.purple-planet.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Edited by Philip Shacklady Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everyone, it's Rory here from This Paranormal Life. And as we gear up for another year of groundbreaking paranormal investigations, we wanted to take time to look back at some of our favorite moments from the last year. So, before we kick off 2026, the Year of Energy, please enjoy some of our favorite clips from 2025. Maybe they've still left the pizza oven there. Maybe we could, at least we could make some money off of our investment if we were to create TPL, This Pizza Life.

This paranormal slice? Whoa. How about that? This paranormal slice. Do people want a paranormal slice, though? Every pizza has ghost peppers on it. Okay. How about that?

No, I don't know if people can really handle spice. The crust. I was really worried you're going to say every pizza has ectoplasm on it. No, that would be gross and weird. But we do that fun thing where they call it, you know, like every product is called something different. So we say like, oh, you want. two bucks for a side of ectoplasm? That's what we call ranch

dressing. That's the dip that I like that actually. Ioli, garlic mayo. Yeah. Do you, would you like the little pepperoni on that? And the pepperoni is called like filth. What?

It's called like, I don't know, I could think of any. Night. It's called like dirt. Dirt man. Why are you talking like that? It's just because I, it's called the pepperoni.

It's called Dirt Man. It's just like weird shit because it's like, It's all paranormal themed. So it's like, um, uh, so, you know, if you want like extra cheat, can I get like the four cheese pizza? Yeah. The, every, every type of cheese will be one of the names of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Yeah.

Because it's like all four, do you want all four cheeses? Pestulence, plague, famine, night, dirt man. Stop talking like that. I get some. is you pitching to the bank manager for a loan so pestilence is what we call Gorgonzola Plague is

Matarella of course he's left the room you're just talking to a wall Pestolence Obviously pestilence would be Pesto by the way You're going to have Basel Pesto Pesto Lens Yeah I like that

I like that actually is pretty good No one's going to buy that This barrenomal slice But it's delicious pizza That's the point is that it's got weird names But it is a good pizza Yeah Sorry the ranch

Diff would be called Skinwalker Ranch Ranch Skinwalker Ranch Yeah that would be really good Okay And the corned beef would be like dirt Is there evidence Is there evidence for this case

Night dirt Dirt man We'd call it No you can If pepperoni is dirt man You can It was night dirt It's

It's a special kind of soil that you only see at night. It's too close. It's so dark. It's completely different. It's totally different. Can I get a slice of the pestil and pie with night dirt? Out of the side of Skinwalker wrench? Dirt man?

And we're going to have some fun gimmick where it's like, it's like the pizzas are all delivered cold. You know? Why? Like a f*** corpse. Because it's like, you know how people say like, oh, if it's delivered, it's delivered, oh, hot, fresh? Coffin pizza boxes. And the pizza, because you know that like Prince Street pizza, it's like square.

Oh shit. So it's a coffin box. That's such a good idea. Okay. And like so, and instead of being delivered like hot and fresh, ours is delivered old and cold. It's full of mold. Yeah, I love it. Old cold and full of mold with a.

Side of Skinwalker Ranch and extra night dirt. How about that? This front almost slice. Get your pizza today. My dirt man just gets... Dirt man. Oh. Well, Jeff is now stuck out in the field looking at this thing.

Jesus Christ, what is that thing? How'd a stranger? Who are you? What are you doing out there? The figure began to move slowly in strange jerky movements that didn't resemble any human Jeff had ever seen. Jeff wanted to see just how reflective the metal material really was, so we decided to turn on the patrol car's blue lights. But as soon as they came on, the metal man started running.

His body almost immediately exceeding superhuman speeds. Oh, whoa. Jeff said the metal man moves so quickly, it was. almost as if he was bouncing on springs. Interesting. That could have been the end of the story, but Jeff wasn't about to let this thing get away. He jumped into his cop car and immediately gave chase,

quickly reaching 35 miles per hour in hot pursuit of the metal man. Not that fast. All units, this is Greenhaw in pursuit of a metal man. Need backup ASAP. Later in an interview, Jeff said, I decided to chase it down, and if I had a head, to run it over. No, bad police work.

This is before presumably a lot of reforms in the police world. Right. Run it over. Run the suspect over. It's a metal man. They don't have feelings. We don't know that.

The first thing he said was it looked like it was a man in aluminium foil. So a man. And also even if it were a metal man, the key word in that phrase is man. Right. There's still an ounce of human there.

Yeah. Can you imagine if Jeff just absolutely hammered into this thing at 90 miles per hour and he was like, it's okay everyone, it doesn't have feelings and the metal man is under the car like, ow, ow, ow, how was I programmed to feel? Tell my wife and children, what happened to me? Losing battery. Wow, 35 miles per hour.

My name is Peace Bot 3,000. I was here to learn about humans not to feel their wrath. Hard drive. Failing, memories fading. Cure to cancer, gone forever. Pain receptors working 1,000% They program me to feel

extra so I could relate to humans. Why do dubs cry? Why do... Is that a song? Is that lyrics? Shut up. What? Shut up. I'm dying.

Respect metalman's final words. cured against her wiping I used to write music growing up and I do worry sometimes that maybe that even I subconsciously was burying messages in my songs yeah you know it's been a while since I've gone back

and listened to any of them so I thought I could play one of those songs on the podcast now and we could listen to it and see if there's you know anything in there sure sure yeah okay no I just sorry I just thought this might go badly but no new you're right okay it's a good idea all right here we go we were only 15

running through the city head like an airplane and my heart is going 60 lying by the hilltops running from the shadow man i'm afraid he's gonna catch me i'm afraid he's gonna catch me gonna take my skin where did he come from I see him when I close my eyes all he talks about his skin I think he wants to kill me I'll start a podcast move to a new city bury all these thoughts inside forget about the shadow man this is not a metaphor Shadow Man is very real the only way to kill him is to send him back to where he came I don't know where he's from that will make him hard to kill if I say his name backwards, maybe he will disappear.

Nam Wadas. It's just... I haven't listened to that one in a while. I've never heard that one, actually. Is that on streaming? Is that on Spotify? It's on Bank Camp. Oh.

Yeah, it was more of like an indie thing. Yeah, wow. I haven't... What happened at the end there? It was almost like the track just broke down altogether, like the recording stopped. Yeah. No, I...

Like, I haven't listened to this song in a long time. So, like, this brings back so many memories. I'm sure it does. Really, yeah, because it's like, it's great, man. What does it say? Running on the Hilltops. You can't think that's the most consequential lyric. And there was, like, some stuff in there.

So what were you saying? Like, you thought there might have been some subliminal, like, metaphor in it? Yeah, just when you listen back to these songs, it's like, was there actually something else I was singing about? There was an entire episode of this paranormal life in that first verse. Yeah. Actually. It's like now that I hear the song back, like I do remember that I wanted this to be this song about like being young and energetic and stuff.

But at this time in my life, it got derailed though. There was a shadow man that was sort of like pursuing me at every waking moment. Because at one point you also said this isn't a metaphor. He's real. He wants your skin or something. We're all kind of like running from. the shadow, shadows in our life.

Well, that's what I thought. But then I think they became absolutely clear that was, it was much more literal than that. Right. When I said his name backwards and banished him. I said,

I thought you summoned, it sounded like, you wanted to banish him. It sounded like he was summoned at the end, to be honest. He summoned to be, no, that was him.

I do, I remember this part very vividly. Okay, so get to that bit. Figuring out how to defeat him. And then I said his name backwards and he exploded. So there,

like, there could be something there. I'm worried about how many times we're saying his name. Shadow Man, Shadow Man, Shadow Man. Well, you know, Justin's... Don't keep doing it. It just feels like one of those things where it's like, I don't want to bring him back up again.

Because I got rid of him once. I got rid of him once. And I wrote a whole song about it, apparently, that I don't remember. So I think maybe we bury these back down. I didn't bring it up. Don't act like I'm the one, like you're talking me off the ledge of bringing back the Shadow Man. Look, don't say bringing back the Shadow Man.

Like, it's a genie's wish. Because even that is enough to make him home. I'm like, make America healthy again. Don't say it like that. I'm already checking my corners and shit because that's where he lives, always in the corners. He's like, turn on the lights. Turn, crank the lights.

But not too high because higher lights make darker shadows. And he loves shadows. That's verse two. That's verse two. Higher lights make darker shadows. He really likes dark shadows. And you think you're safe outside, but uh-oh, the sun's pretty high. Yeah.

I don't know what you're doing. Actually. You're waiting for that sun to go down. For what? Eternal shadow? More dark? Can we get back to the story? He loves the dark.

Only a little bit less than he loves skins. Well, he is the dark. Okay. So, let's stop talking about him. We don't need to dedicate any more time to him. He clearly had enough of my time. Yeah. Okay.

What did I say? How did I banish him? What are the magic words? He said his name backwards. Namwodat. There we go Just had to play that one more time Did you just have an audio clip of that?

I sang it in the song That's Roy's alarm in the morning That's how he banishes the night And welcomes the light of the day That's my tick that I have I just have to say it once an hour You have to make sure the room is clear Of Shadow Men before you wake up

Okay, okay That was a bad idea We opened up a box of memories That should have stayed sealed You opened up your memories in an unwelcome way for the rest of us. Yeah, in one ancient text, it tells stories of Pizzouz, walking up to other demons and breaking their wings to stop them from flying around and hurting anyone. Which is great.

That's pretty good. You know, Bing, score one for the good guys. Another text describes him as the agony of mankind. And I think he does some really nasty things. So I don't really know where we should stand on him. I think overall he's regarded is pretty bad. Yeah, interesting. But whatever his goals are, I think we can all agree

he's not as bad as his father, Hanby, who's known as the Perverted One. I know. Oh, come on. That's a bad name. Even for a demon, that's a bad name. Even in a group of demons, you don't want to be known as the perverted one.

Of demons? You got to assume they're all a little perverted. I thought they were gods. Are these gods are demons? To be known in your demon circle as the perverted one means you're a nasty little f***er. That's bad. That is bad. That's like when you go to prison and they have to keep you in solitary for your own safety.

It's like, no, bro, he's, he's, he's beyond. That's like if your prison name was the criminal. Yeah. Like, they're all criminals in theory, but you're such a criminal that that is what you're known as in the sea of criminals. Yeah. That's bad. You imagine of when they were assembling the fellowship of the ring? It's like, you shall go forth.

Gandalf, the grey, Aragorn, the brave, Steve, the perverted one. Whoa. Whoa. He's already like putting his finger in and out of the ring. It's just like, Jesus. And my axe. And my stack of old playboys. Everyone's looking at him.

What? The journey is long and hard. A fellow pilot, Peter Waitstrik, blanked the Baron and witnessed the whole dramatic event. Barron, are you seeing this? We might have to put that chocolate milk on ice. We shall check this thing out. Waiterick described how he looked on with fear at the object

as it was unlike anything they had seen before. He kept his distance, flying nearby in observation. but you don't earn a badass nickname like the Red Baron by sitting on the sidelines. The Baron lived up to his reputation and engaged. Oh yeah. Barron! Barron! I love that the Baron spots this thing and he's just like,

you might see something crazy, but I see a target right in my crosshair, launches the rockets, and as they're like jetting through the sky, he just hears on the radio. Barron, I forgot to. to tell you, you might be able to spot our new floating hospital blimp. See, he's like watching the missiles.

Your mission today is to protect the blimp at all costs. The missiles are still going? It's like there's nothing I can do. Although it is experimental, we loaded it with 105 orphans. Can you see it, Baron? Baron? Hello, Baron. Baron, we were actually flying them to Disneyland.

It would be a really nice little day out for the kids, you know. Fly an experimental aircraft, you know, go see the mouse, the house of mouse, as I call it. But no, that isn't what happened. It was not an flying orphanage, flying hospital for children. The fearless ace immediately accelerated towards the strange craft and a full-scale dog fight ensued.

ensue. Hell yeah. My friend actually recently hit up the group chat, I think just yesterday, saying that he's been going to music lessons for a few years now. And the teacher finally drummed up the courage to just while he was practicing, while my friend was practicing during the lesson, the teacher was like, I've been watching a lot of stuff on 9-11 recently. Oh, no.

And he was like, great, I need a new teacher. I need a new. And he was like, because the thing is, they don't want to. you to know who did it. But I think we all know who did it. He's like, yeah, I don't want to stick around long enough to see what racial minority group he's going to blame 9-11 on. And you're like, I don't know, I think they know who did. No, fingers there for it. It's a G. It's a G. Yeah, you're just, you're doing it there. Yeah, I just want to gently push back on what you just said. And now move to A. Now move to A. Yeah, sorry, of course. Is that, that's with the three fingers.

Yeah, it's with the three fingers. Okay, awesome. It's just I think there was a pretty deep investigation. Yeah, no, just when you're talking about fingers, it's interesting because the fingers also pull the strings of the shadow government that make us believe. Now, is that a treble clef or a... It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter because we're all dancing to their tune. I'm paying you to teach me music, so we're all dancing to their tune.

It doesn't matter. All right, well, let's just stop then. Let's just stop then. It doesn't matter. I've actually been writing some of my own music recently. Yeah. Sounds nice so far. It's pretty good, yeah.

We're pretty relaxed. We don't know what happens in this crazy world of ours. You hear. This world can be kind and it can be cruel. Can we go back to teaching me? But there's one thing that I know. And boy, I know it. in my soul, is that you can't melt steel with jet fuel.

All right. I think we are... Okay. So is that an original? Is that our cover? It is an original, and I'm teaching it to you today. Okay. Is that you can't melt steel beams with jet fuel?

Woo! Yeah, you've left. Alien communications always seems to be kind of a one-way road. They're like, warning, you're heading down a very dangerous path. We know. No, we know. Like, and if you guys just give us one second, we can tell you how you guys can help us fit. Bye, bye. And you're, like, beamed back into the middle of a cornfield naked covered in goo.

And you're like, what the fuck guys? Like, do you want to solve the problem or not? Because you have guaranteed no one's going to believe me now. If you're telling me I need to do something about it. Yeah. Like, my name's Chuck. I'm from Ohio. I live in a shack in the way.

woods. Yeah. You just abducted me and told me to save humanity. Can I at least get a piece of evidence that I can show the people? Like, hmm, sure, here's a business card. We have those. We have business cards. No one's good.

Just because it says gargon on it. Right. Yeah, that's my name. And my contact details. Yeah, but no one's going to believe that aliens are business cards. Yeah. You're like, fine then. I'll take the card.

Okay. You should know our business cards are more of a feeling. All right. All right. I do love the idea. I'm beaming the card to you now. That won't work, Gargon. I need a physical thing.

Yeah, I'm getting it. The phone number ending, 987. Yeah, 987. Yeah, I got it. It's like, oh, you want them to believe you? Just simply show them this. He beams a thousand years of nightmares into your head.

You're like, how will I show them this? I do like the idea that the aliens have come with like an ecological message, but it's just a really kind of like outdated, basic one that we already kind of know. They're like, you don't understand. There are beings on your world that are in peril. Oh, shit, really? Yes, they're called bees. And if the bees die, then yeah, I know the planet will collapse. Oh, you know about the bees? Yeah, we've known about the bees for forever. But why aren't you doing anything? Because I don't know. We're evil inside or something. Like, we're pretty, just somehow incapable of actually affecting change, even though we know what we're doing

to ourselves. But they're so cute. They make honey? Yeah, I know. Have you tried honey? It's delicious. We don't have honey on our planet. That's why we keep coming here.

Winnie the Pooh ass. Aliens. You know? Oh, bother. You guys have to protect the planet. You only have one. I hate that you realized in the last year you have a really good Winnie the Pooh impression. This is my co-pilot, Piglet.

Say hello, Piglet. No, you can't do Piglet. You've gone too far. You flew too close to the sun, brother. New Piglet. What's up, guys? It's me, Piglet. A Cowabunga.

I will say, anecdotal, not a ton of evidence behind one of my word to say next. I now fly quite a bit for, you know, this year I've taken a lot of flights between one reason or another. I did, I believe it was Stansted Airport in London, I did see a pilot splashing water on his face in the toilet one day. That's not good. Not in the toilet, in the bathroom, in the sinks. Splashing water on his face. Doesn't sound that crazy when you say it or loud, but that is the universal symbol for I'm drunk and I'm trying to sober up. You imagine seeing that as you walk into the bathroom and you're like, okay, and you kind of go into the cubicles and while you're sitting there, you just hear like, get it to fucking gather.

Yeah, you could get it together. You could do this. You're a, you're a mess. You're a piece of shit. You're a fucking waste of space. Or you know it. Claire knows it or a fucking dad knows it. You're a worm.

Oh, you want me out of the house? Well, I'm not ever coming back. I'm gone. Ding dong. Calling Captain Worm. Your flight's ready. Yeah, you're a piece of dirt. You're a piece of dirt.

This world would be better off without you or the 250 passengers. You hear that you're like, please don't be on my flight. Please don't be on my flight. And then you hear the tonneux, it's like, flight B-H-I-722 to Belfast City International. And he's like, oh, shit, better go. I'm like, oh, no. Better go, that's the flight I'm piloting. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. In the cubicle, I better go, that's my flight. Just got to take my medication first. Dang, all out. Oh, well, all aboard. Choo-choo! Okay, I ain't flying. Oh, shit.

Getting a call. Oh, it's my bitch-ex wife. Hello? Oh, yeah. I can't see the kids anymore. Yeah, that tracks. All right. There goes my last reason for staying alive on this earth.

Well, that's good because no one's seeing me again anyway. I'm my face white as a ghost. Let's address the elephant in the room here. Are they testing new military aircraft? Sure. How new is there that aircraft? You know? That's what I want to know.

Is it from the year 4,000? Did it arrive here through a portal and you shot the little green man in the head who was piloting it? That's what I think it is. Well, Roy, this is what we're going to get into because... I'm just going to watch my back.

Sorry, we are close. And they do listen to everything in this valley. So, yeah, sweating a little bit here. Yeah, we actually don't even need to be... If you can see this, we're holding microphones to record this podcast. We arguably don't even... even need to do that. We could just ask Area 51 for the files. We'll be like, we just, we just

spoke a really good podcast at the perimeter of Area 51. They'd be like, yeah, here you go, but I put it on SoundCloud for you. Yeah, they're like, we've got video too. They send it over. And it's like, why is there a crosshair in your video? Ignore that. Ignore that. It's just a close up of my forehead. It's like, I can hear you guys, by the way, talking in the background of the video. Got to lock on to the fat one on the right, ready to take the shot. Fatty in the crosshair, I repeat, fatty in the crosshair. So mean. So mean.

Will I hit the one the left? Nah, he's weak. He won't get far. Out here in the desert. Looks like he's going to kill himself soon anyway. It's just talking over us. We're like, welcome to this part of my life. They're like, God, they're pathetic. Yeah.

God, they're sad. Google these guys real quick. Is this really how many downloads they have? They came out here? What? This is embarrassing. This is by far the worst podcast Has ever been recorded

We can hear you Or yelling up to the mountain We can hear you by the way Put the guns down Police almost Suspiciously keen to wrap up this story And disperse the crowds I would say

Totally plausible and kind of Open-minded Hey you're telling me that a diver Showed up out of nowhere With Scoobagir And was like oh yeah I can go down He was probably on the boat and they were like, okay, he's going to dive now. Here's the lantern.

Go down with the lantern and come up and see. Hey, buddy, what do you say your name was again? My name. My Christian name, your full name. It's my name is, my name is Mr. Fitter's first name. Kiyomach. Kibat. Sorry, what was that?

Just give him a normal name, please. Yon. No one actually. He's really hot inside this suit. Cubas. Cubits. Keep on. Police Chief is like,

no one here even knows what your real name is. Just use that. Cupid's, fitters, the third, is my name. And now I shall dive down

with the railroad light. No, don't say you have the light. Sorry. I'll try. You're like a British lord or something. That's right. I am a lord. You're digging such a big hole for you.

yourself. My father and grandfather passed away in a scuba accident. Now I scuba in their memory, diving forever to try and retrieve their bones. It's like this is so much backstory. We really didn't need this. What was your father's name? Scoobadubadoo. Oh, scuba do badoo. Where are you? They just push him in the water. Get the f*** down there. Humans are funny and sad that way, they because we love bananas. We are part monkey. Yeah. I think that's how science works.

They're part monkey. We also love war and hurting each other. Sure, like monkeys. Not as well, they're not to the same extent that we love it. We love like drones and shit. That's, well, that's just because we have a brain. If you gave a monkey a gun, he would shoot every other monkey in the zoo, for sure. I'm not a scientist.

I don't know when anyone's tried that. I thought a zoologist, but, hey, have we ever tried giving a monkey a gun before? And hear me out here. Just to see what happens. Hear me out here. Just give them a potato gun. Like we don't need to. There doesn't need to be dire physical consequences here.

Oh yeah, you know what we should do? We do the diehard thing where we give the monkey the gun but it's got no bullets in it. Yeah. So when the monkey is like, oh yeah, is this a gun? That's really interesting. He holds it to my f***ing head. And like, and I'm like, oh, no bullets, bozo. He pops the cartridge out, checks it.

He can dismantle. He's like, no shit. I'm like, no bullets, what are you going to do? He grabs my head and pops it like a water balloon. It's like, oh, forgot you're really strong. You guys actually don't need bullets. Humans are kind of weak and chubby. That's why we needed weapons and stuff.

This was 1932, 3? No, 19. What did I say? 1941. 1941. I don't know. Was this a time where maybe we didn't know all the animals? Yeah, I mean, that's definitely true. Probably.

That's definitely true. But I actually... Back then, They would sing Old McDonald had a farm and it just had one verse. It was moo cow moo. And then that was it. They were like, we don't know what else is out there. Someone says they saw Wolfman on Old McDonald's farm.

We don't know what noise he makes. Quack, quack wasn't out until 1997. That seems hard to believe, but it wasn't. And they thought it was the sheep. They had that all backwards. They thought the sheep said quack. And the ducks said bah. We really had very limited knowledge of the animal world.

It's like when you see medieval drawing. of elephants and they look like Tamagotchi. It's like they were just making shit up. Making it up. It looks like a Digimon. I love that the original witness in all of these cryptid cases was Old MacDonald. He's like, I need to tell you something.

Out on my farm, I saw a large mammal creature with udders. It went a moo-moo here. It went a moo-moo there. Everywhere, a moo-moo-moo-mo-moo. It's like, okay, the tape recorder is rolling. My name is Old MacDonald and I had a farm. EIA.

I did. It's like a tick he has now? Oh, yeah, EIIO. I did. Please tell us, behind like a two-way glass wall. Please tell us what you saw that night, Mr. McDonald. Well, E. I, EIO. I think I saw there was some sort of bird.

EIO, EIO. There's a clock, clock here, a clock there. here a cluck everywhere a cluck So we need you to slow down. How many clucks were there? Everywhere. A cluck, cluck. Sorry, can we take a break?

I need smoke break. Old McDonald's in the interrogation room is like, I need a break. It's like, can we take five? Maybe I can get a drink. And the voice is like, Of course. We have 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

99 bottles of beer. McDonald's like, I'll take one down, pass it around. Now there's 98 bottles of beer on the wall. That's fine. I didn't need to know that. It's like the way that for me or you, we use landmarks like,

like if me and you were meeting in town, we'd be like, let's meet by Lester Square tube station. Right. In the ocean, fish are like, let's meet by the pointy rock. And the UFOs, they're a little more like the fish, honestly, because I think the UFOs can sense

the paranormal energy, supernatural energy, coming off the laylines, and they'll be like, oh, let's obviously meet at Stonehenge. Got it. It's like a beacon. Yeah. It serves as like a beacon in the dark. Shouldn't say the fish bit. Yeah, the fish pit was weird.

But they have their own landmarks. They really do. I don't know if that's true. Bees dance to give directions. You need to stop. You know that, right? You need to stop talking. They do the wiggle dance.

They do the apple dance. Whenever they find an apple, they're like, ha ha ha ha ha. I said the apple blossoms sweet to the core. I stole the bee. go over there and eat like never before. You've lost it. You've actually lost your mind.

I don't know if I guess. Bees do the apple dance? Bees dance. Have you heard of? Have you heard this? Bees, everyone knows this. Children know this at school. Bees do what is called a wiggle dance.

To who? From other bees? So this is what they do. They go to the, they find a flower. And then they're like, holy f***. There's like so many flowers over. were there. And then they fly back to the hive and then they literally do a dance. I'm pretty sure you could watch the routine online. I think it's like a TikTok dance now. They do a little dance

to the other bees. And I think scientists have like studied it so much. They've worked out what the dance is. They're like, yeah, there's like the length of the dance describes the distance in like the longer the dances, the further away it is. And it's literally a dance that tells the other bees where it is. And then as soon as the dance is done, he's like, everyone got it. let's go and then all the other bees follow them to the flower depending on where the flower

is located it's either slide to the left slide to the right sometimes criss-cross and then everyone will generally clap their hands two buzzes this time

everybody flap your wings so my joke my joke about the apple blossom dance would have been way funnier If everyone had known what the wiggle dance was already, it's a double no. No this week.

There should be more industries, I think, that reward you with buttons. If you do well. Because it's kind of just Boy Scouts and the Army. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We should do patches at our company. Yeah. It's just like, hey, you uploaded five episodes in a row on time.

You get your timeliness. Of course, I didn't get that to relate this week. But, you know, maybe Phil could have one. Take the button away, yeah. I'm dishonorably discharged from the podcast. Phil, Phil has a jacket editor. Phil has a jacket and it's just 35 toilet cleaning badges. Like, Phil, you're doing such an amazing job cleaning the toilet here in the office.

I'm joking. There must be more badges. We don't make Phil clean the toilet. No, absolutely not. I like this idea. Yeah, like if I go to Chipotle, And if I am ordering a burrito, I want to see that my burrito artist is a high-ranking burrito officer. I need to see at least four purple hearts in the burrito wars.

Yeah, exactly. Otherwise, can they really be trusted with such an important task? I'm not sure. Because we've all been there whenever you put in an order for a burrito and you've kind of loaded that thing. They're starting to look at you sideways when you're like more, more sweet corn, please. And then, you know, you've ever had that where it gets to the point where, where they start trying to roll it and then they have to bring in

their manager. Yeah, they're like, yo, Josh, get over here. We got a 214. I have on at least three occasions ordered a burrito so large is taking three staff members to wrap it. Right, they all grab an end.

Yeah, they grab an end. It's like, it's like trying to pack a tent back into a tent bag. Oh, impossible. Almost impossible. Yeah, I guess the only bad thing with badges is like if you get them just based off of what you're doing. So it's like, I don't want to get the liar badge,

the con man badge, the thief badge. I'm like, stop putting these on me. Like, I know I do it, but you don't have to tell people. Where is a sergeant in gaslighting? I leave work to go on holiday and come back with a premature ejaculation badge. I don't look at that. I, uh, I, I, you on the back, I'm like, lucky for some, it's the erectile dysfunction badge. He's like, brother, I wish, I wish I had one of those badges. I would kill for a dishonorable discharge. Dishonorable discharge is crazy. That goes hard.

Now the gentleman who wants to avail your services tonight is very important indeed, but please, Cairo, just perform the procedure as you would normally. through here I've set up a curtain Cairo entered the room and sat down behind a temporary curtain he switched on a lamp beside him and waited a few moments later he heard the door open and the lady of the house guiding her visitor inside

they were seated on the other side of the curtain and when the lady left a man's hand came through the curtain hmm you see Cairo might be an Irishman with a particular set of skills but he wasn't Liam Neeson and taken He was a palm reader Got it

Lead with that Before we go into the room Lead with that tell me that Because a man with a certain particular set of skills Yeah you can find them online too Whoa whoa we're taking it in a dark way That's a dark way Dark way

A palm reader also known as a palmist Chirologist or hand reader Is someone who practices palmistry Sorry I'm just laughing at the word. Palm reader, palm master, or palm lord is someone who studies palmistry. I know. I get it.

I piece that together. Palmistry is not a word. There's the title of this episode, so it better be. They live in a palm tree and they eat the fruit of the palm tree. Saying you're a master in palmistry is what you would say right before you slap someone across the face. It's also making me quite self-conscious because we've established on this podcast through trial and error over many years, we can't say the word film. Film. Because Irish people say philm. Two syllables. And so I'm really, I'm a bit on edge about that I'm going to start

saying palum. Palum. But no, palm. They'll come for us anyway, no, palme. They'll come for us anyway, no matter what we say. The word refers to a supernatural technique and the topic. of today's investigation. Palm readers like Cairo are said to be able to determine a person's character and even predict their future by studying, yes, their hands. I'm going to stop using the P word. Whilst many believe this to be nothing more than a sham pseudoscience, many others subscribe to the practice. And as we'll see, the story of Cairo is evidence that this deeply permeated the upper echelons of society. You know, we can joke and giggle all we want, but this profession was the original hand job.

It was people making... No. Making a living based off of the art of the hand, reading the hand. No, the original hand job was like, I guess, like, building the pyramids or something, like lifting and laying blocks. Right, they actually achieve something with it. Yeah, that should be fair. Kind of every job was a hand job, if you think about it before, like, the year 1900, probably.

Before we made robots? Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Before we made, because even like using a typewriter. That's a hand job. Yeah, technically when you think about it. Yeah. I guess professional soccer players has a foot job.

Okay. I'm going to start. When you think about it, everything can be broken down. Every job in the world can be broken into hand job, foot job, or oral. Now, what we do is oral because we talk for a little. Yeah, yeah. And then once the oral's complete, you can finish off with,

with your hands. You need to upload it and edit it. Type up descriptions, titles, things like that. Yeah, I like this. I'm going to cut this entire bit from the podcast. But if you think about it, it is kind of true. Yeah. Construction worker.

That's a hand job. Yeah. Lawyer, also a hand job. Yoga teacher, kind of a hand job and a foot job combined. Lawyer is a hand job and oral. Yeah. Yeah. That's right.

And you're fighting for your life orally. Sometimes fighting for someone else's life. This is uncomfortable news for everybody. No one wants to hear that their sandwich artist at Subway has been performing hand jobs all day. But they have. Hand jobs on a six-incher. Ew.

Second episode talking about six-inch cock jokes at Subway. It's such a weird situation. Maybe Asia Roth got home and was like, it was like, all right, we're home. And Loran Sea just immediately goes upstairs and walks. into her old bedroom. Yeah. Things like that.

That it's like, well, that was my old bedroom. Oh shit. It's like she knew. Just like I remember it. The bathtub, the toilet. It's like, you're in the wrong. You're too over. Of course, my old bedroom.

That's our room. My old bedroom. That's the closet. Ah. And my beautiful siblings. Bitch face. Yeah, they did use to call each other that, to be fair. I still remember all my old toys.

That's Daddy's Power Drill. Luransi lived in the house for around five months. Yeah, that's longer than... Longer than you want. Maybe that's how long it takes for a soul to heal. Until May 5th. Where out of nowhere, Mary's voice inside of Luransy said, Oh shit, she's coming back.

Yeah. I need to get back to my original family. Which you know was probably right at. As Asia Roth, the dad was like, you know, if you're going to be living here for five months, you should maybe start doing some chores around the house. Oh, oh, she's coming back. I think it's time. It's like, oh, really?

We were just about to have dessert after dinner. Oh, no, she's gone now. I'm losing her. I'm losing her. What flavor? Oh, we only have vanilla. She's back. She's back, actually.

Oh, that's too bad because we're about to go to Disneyland tomorrow. Oh, where's the p. She go? she's gone without a trace I last her shit I guess we're going to teacups it's a small world

see if I can get her back it'd be great oh the teacups are closed this year she's back she's back she's here I'm gonna I get off on pushing very closer to the edge

I do I demand that comment he's stricken from the record kid is stroking his kangaroo nuts while he said that I get off on edging, Rory, to a paranormal conclusion. To a paranormal conclusion, obviously.

Oh my God, I'm going to conclude. I'm going to conclude. I'm about to conclude. I know we're two minutes in, but I'm about to conclude. Listen, similar to the game show format, I'm going to periodically give you the chance to end. End it. Greer, would you like to end today with your winnings? Or would you like to continue the episode? You gotta do that thing they always do where they draw it out being like, you know.

You know, well, there's a lot on the line here today. And undoubtedly, with a double yes under my belt, I could take my whole family to Disneyland. Yeah, they're from the front row. Hey, sweetie. Hi. Yeah, they're off school. The kids are off school today. You're doing great, baby.

You know. I love you so much. I've always been a kind of guy to roll the dice and risk it all. Take the money. Please. Shut! Shut! I told you that.

Sorry, the camera's still rolling. Where... Can we cut that? Can we cut that? It doesn't pay me in a good light, I feel like... And I feel like... Sorry, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. They're trying to take me off the stand.

No, no, it's still my go. It's still my go. And keep the cameras rolling. Keep the... I turn into the Joker. Gotham City. Keep the cameras rolling. A guy can do a lot of crazy things with a million dollars.

That's not what you're getting today. You're getting a yes or a no. You know, I think, uh, it's always been my dream to play. this game show and I think I want to roll the dice and risk it all today. All right. I'll keep going with today's investigation. The game continues. Thank you.

Here we go. I'll take shit Rory will never believe for $50. I like to go to banks and I'll... Don't like this already. I'll take a pen. You're going to make me frown. I'll take a pen from the bank. You know, sometimes they have the free pens. Sometimes they're on a chain, but sometimes they're up for grabs. So I take the pen and then you can tell you

you can technically say to your friends, I did a bank robbery. Because you stole from a bank. Just like a funny little thing like that. I like the security that I, Hey, it's the pen thief. He's back. Shit, shit, shit.

I have a gun. Put all the pens in the bag. You know what money? Put the f*** pins in the bag. It's the Bick Bandit, they call me. The Big Bandit, no. The Bick Bandit. He only wants Bix.

They put some pens in the bag. Is this a Frippie? Yeah, we have Sharpies too. Is this a game to you? I'm the Bick Bandit. They call me jolly old St. Bick, because I got a sack of pens, and I'm hitting every bank in town in one night.

Okay. I mean, makes you smile for a moment. Makes a lot of other people frown, though. Well, it depends what kind of gun you bring. Because if it can fit in a paper bag, people don't even know the robbery's taking place. If it's a shotgun, You hit the ceiling a few times just because I know people got pens in their pockets too.

So sometimes you can get the pockets from the people as well. In 2025, not that many pens in pockets anymore. Do you want a pen? I cannot stress how many pens I own currently. I actually find myself really in need of a pen yesterday. Didn't have one. Hold up. How do I not have one right now?

This is embarrassing. The Big Bandit. You're going to lose your title. And was in a shop. I was like, oh, no issue. Just pick up a pen. Six quid. Six quid for a pack of pens. I was like, you're having a joke.

If you're buying a solo pen, they know they've got your ass. Yeah. It'll be like a pack of 10 for two pounds or one pen for like 10. Yeah, I think it was four pens for six pounds. I was like, I'm about to go big bandit mode. I'm like, you're Robin and you're Batman. I'm going to become the apprentice. Further back up the road, another car had parked,

and its occupants were stuck. standing at the edge of the field, also staring up at the object. Then, in front of this strange giant orb, Kelly said a tall, thin figure was beamed down towards Earth. It was like nothing she'd ever seen before. It didn't talk, but she said that she could hear its thoughts inside of her head. And it was only thinking three words. Let's kill them.

Oh, no! Kelly! Run! Leave your dude, use him as a human shield or something. Suddenly, more of these strange beings appeared, unleashing an invisible energy force that knocked Kelly to the ground. Kelly screamed at her husband, they've got no souls! They're evil!

They're gonna kill us! And that is where her recollection ends. Is that a quote? No, no, she said that. I think. She said, I remember saying... Do you know, sir? Because you were up in the middle of the night writing this, all right?

So that feels like a Rory original. I do know. Do you know how scary something has to be for you to just see it and immediately know it doesn't have a soul? Like even me looking at a spider. One of those spiders that eats birds in the Amazon, I'd be like, I don't know, it might have a soul. We've kind of been trying to,

it's kind of one of the key questions of philosophy is who has a soul and who doesn't. And we've kind of been wrestling with that for a few thousand years. Kelly figured it out. offer it. Yeah. I was like, nope. There's something so funny about being like, we don't know. Mushrooms, trees, the very wind itself.

Hey, animism could be that even rocks contain souls and consciousness. We just don't know. And then this little guy comes down and be like, that's a monster. That thing is evil. It's going to kill us. It doesn't have a soul. Yeah. She f***ed up by thinking it.

Because she should have realized when it came down and thought, I'm going to kill you. They gave the gig away, sure, but she also gave the gig away by even thinking. Well, she said she screamed at her at her husband. Yeah, but you got to kind of, so if they got to think of something to say it, don't you? Yeah, that's true. So, you know, it was like she, like in war terms, she, she typed that shit in and sent it to the Germans. You know what I'm saying? Right. Yeah, she did it backwards. Yeah, it's like, yeah, what's up? We're going to invade at 6 a.m. And she sent it to them pretty much mentally. Right. She should have thought, happy things.

Yeah. And then like while smiling, looking at the creature, lean into her husband, be like, they don't have souls, by the way. Yeah, yeah. You're still smiling. Somehow I need to say it without thinking it. Andrew, they're fucking weird. I can hear them.

I hear their thoughts, Andrew. So I think like, not that I'm thinking about it, I think, you know, that's really interesting. I think if we had ideally, ideally to fight these beasts, you would require like the cast of like Jersey Shore or real housewives. People who talk without thinking.

Right. You know? I mean, just a professional podcaster really would do. I think we'd do very well. Us after three main episodes on a Wednesday. There's something very funny about the idea of an alien coming down and not knowing we can hear his thoughts. Yeah.

So they like come down in the ship and they're like, we should just kill these guys. And then the aliens like, hey, what's up? How are you guys doing? Hey, we come in peace. I'm going to take the one on the left. He's whispered as well. It's all reverbed out.

Yeah. Hey, you like the ship? Why don't you take a tour? Ready the... Ready the probing room, guys. We like to extend the hand of peace. I'm going to eat his fingers. Okay, we're not coming here.

You guys look friendly. We're new to the area. I bet that guy's got a real nice butthor. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You're going to get a good. Look at that thing. God damn!

Can we rip into that butthole? Hey, why'd you guys go on over here? We got a bunch of cool free space shit we could give you. I'm going to go to town on that butthole. Oh, yeah. God damn. Do they know we can see through the jeans? I'm looking at that butthole right now.

I'm going to prove the shit out of that thing. Hey, I like your jeans. Yeah, I'm going to wear those jeans once I kill you. That's why, if I ever make it to an alien planet, first thing I'm going to do is get one of those little guys in a headlock because that's kind of like a universal move that I don't think all the technology in the world can protect you for. Right, you think that would just kind of universally assert dominance over the pack.

Yeah. Because they might have like, you know, like ray guns. They might have lightsabers. They might have special armor like in doom that can kind of protect you from laser bullets being shot. from a cannon. But if I just grab, I can give him like a noogie as well, you know.

I don't think they have very strong necks. So you grab onto that and big heads too. You can kind of do that. You go to Nugium and his head is just the consistency of mac and cheese. Your fist just goes straight into his brain. You're like, oh, God, I killed him. Oh, fuck.

They're like, what did you do? They're just borderline liquid. You didn't know your own strength. Their gravity is so much weaker than ours. Weird borderline Superman to them. Right. We've got super strength. That's so disturbing.

Back in cheese skin. F***ed out. Workers, Ned Brinkman and Billy Nash were setting up dynamite down in the tunnel, while their colleague Ringo Kelly waited for them to emerge and give them a go-ahead to detonate. Yeah. Those are the names of three men who'll be dead in two minutes. You could just picture those in the local newspaper. Yeah.

Ringo Nash, what were the fuck? Ringo Gellie, Ned Brinkman. Oh, God. Yeah, they're not going to make it past 27. Yeah, dead man Billy Nash sounds like an old-timey pirate. Guys, I'm getting bored out here. You almost done in there? Absolutely not, Ringo.

We're still placing dynamite. Yeah, we'll let you know when we're ready for detonation. All regard were those last words ready for detonation He slammed down on the D-bar igniting the dynamite a thunderous boom ran through the tunnel and rocks and debris collapsed from the ceiling Damn, that was crazy A Ned Billy you guys all right guys drops beside a single boot. When the dust had cleared, Ringo discovered that Ned and Billy hadn't escaped in time.

Oh shit. It really sucks that priests have to deal with this. You know, we've said it before. They are kind of the, weirdly the first line of defense against the paranormal, and especially in historic tales, they didn't get into the clergy to do this, you know? Yeah, I don't know. Is that kind of like part of the responsibilities where they're like, signing you up, they're like, look, it's mostly just going to be like kissing babies and shaking

hands, spreading the good word of the Lord. Sure, occasionally, once in a career, you may have to Dragon Ball Z style battle spiritually with a demon from another realm. It may last days, it may last years. You may take it to the next life. You might not be able to get into heaven because you guys are still fighting at the pearly gates. Well, we don't know. You just got to bear that in mind while you're signing. up, you know? Do you see Father Plunkett over there? He's bent in half like Quasimodo. He's so many demons on his back, literally.

He can't stand up straight. He's 19 years old. But the ravages of the fight have turned his body to dust. Yeah, you think it's going to be all christenings and baptisms. And as soon as you pass priest school, I guess that's what it is. They give you a dirty Harry-style revolver. It's just filled with Holy Water. It's a little water pistol.

You're going to need this. Yeah. Never be seen without it. I guess there's not many jobs like that where it should be calm for your entire time, but there is a 1% chance. It's the scariest job alive. Maybe it's like being the guy who's in charge of sewer maintenance in New York City. And it's like, look, I know that we said the job was mostly going to be just looking after the tunnels,

making sure the sewage system is flowing properly throughout the tunnels of the city. We don't know what happened, but a wrap. has trained four turtles. And they're actually pretty good at martial arts now. And they kind of live down there. And they're mostly doing good stuff, by the way. They're mostly taking care of crime. But the mayor doesn't trust them.

They're unregulated and it slides a gun across the table. We need you to shoot Raphael. What happens in this? He's the leader of the pack. You can spare Michelangelo. He's just a party dude. But Raphael has to go. You're going to want to bait them with this pizza.

All right? And then when their back is turned, shoot Michelangelo in the back of the head. Because they're pretty good at martial arts. But turtles, famously, the head's like made a marshmallow. The shell is hard. Don't shoot the shell. You need to kill the leader with a gun. And I know they can be pretty hard to spot because I know they wear like a little like bandana around their eyes.

So they look human. They look fully human. No mistake in them. But I like the detail of they're pretty good at martial arts. The guy's like, yeah, I did like three years of judo and they had me on my back in like three seconds flat. It's like, aren't they turtles? They're barely turtles anymore. For all intents and purposes, they are men.

They are strong men. The turtle part of their DNA is gone. Did I mention the rat is Japanese? Don't ask me why. We don't know why. We have no idea. What a year. Listening back to all these episodes just gets me even more excited for what's to come in 2026.

By the time you're listening to this, we've already started research into a fresh batch of TPL episodes. So brace yourselves because next Tuesday kicks off another year of investigations with your favorite paranormal pals, Kit and Rory. And editor Phil, of course. See you there.